Two In The Think Tank - 88 - "EVIL DARK ORB"

Episode Date: July 18, 2017

Present at Your Own Birth, Self Driving, Rags to Rags, Beauty and the Bad Choice of Life Partner, True Villain, Evil FactoryTwo in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereProduction by George Matthews.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to Poo and the Thing Tank to show where we... ...trying to come up with five sketch ideas. Yes, I do. And I'm not lost to George William, Tr Tromblay, Bertual, and this is Andy Matthews. Welcome, Andy Matthews. It's so great to have you here and listeners. It is so good to have you here. And obviously I call you listeners,

even though I know that that is only part of what you really are. You're also tasers, you're also smellers, you are also seers. And you are also people who experience balance touches the passage of time. The passage of time. Have a sense of that. Have a sense of humor. Possibly. Maybe a sense of vagueness occasionally. After you've been hidden the head.

Disorientation, I believe, is a sense. Absolutely. People don't refer to the six senses, and the six senses being the sense of disorientation. Hmm. The awareness that somewhere in the world, your aunt is composing a message to you on Facebook. That's sort of a sense.

Absolutely, that is a sense. Are you talking directly into the way? Yeah, you're Salah Steer. Great. Thank you for asking. No problem. It's always nice to know that you're thinking about me and what I'm talking into.

You know what? It's because I'm a listener. I'm a good listener and I can hear when you're not. And a good taste. And a good taste. But also I have a good sense of disorientation. Which, you know, I think the people talk about dementia like it's an awful thing. And you know what? They're right

when they think that yes, yes. And we're not going to question that in any way, but that being said that being said though, you know, if you were to also see it because obviously it's such a negative thing. If you were to also see it as a growth in your sense of disorientation, you know, I guess if we kind of feel like you're still moving forward to a sort of a more paranoid, sort of confused and generally sort of a really, I mean, you know, the opportunity to remete all your children again as adults is quite exciting every single day or possibly every sort of time they turn around. I think if you had a chance to feel the excitement that would make it more exciting. You know and people often say that

it would be it'd be so great to be able to go to your own funeral and hear all the great things that people say about you. Well in a way dementia is like going to your own birth and sort of hearing all the things that people say about you. Well, in a way, dementia is like going to your own birth and sort of hearing all the things that people say about you when they don't really expect you to be listening, it's in a medical environment. They don't regard you really as a properly formed human. Yeah. Well, I guess it's not exactly like being at your own birth, but I think getting to be at your own birth is a sketch idea that maybe people talk about wanting to be at their own birth, but I think getting to be at your own birth is a sketch idea that maybe, people talk about wanting to be at their own funeral. I think maybe somebody wanting to be at their own birth and then getting to actually be there. Could that be those or a sketch in that maybe? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. Could you stage your own birth?

People have birthing, re-birthing ceremonies for themselves as a sort of a part of a sort of a coming to terms with trauma or something like that. But I imagine that for me personally, attending somebody's re-birthing ceremony would be a form of trauma. Yeah, it would be sort of, I guess, your own part of you would die, and so there would be a funeral for a part of you. A little death in there. Yeah, but, okay, so because in order to stage your own funeral, you just have to trick everybody into thinking that you did. You've died. Yes. So that has kind of got a simple a simple structure to that. There's a simple yeah. There's, you know, there's sort of things in place

for doing that, like time is kind of going forwards. Yeah. That helps. And that. We're aware that people, you know, over time, die, sometimes young. Yeah, absolutely. But in order to trick everybody into thinking that they're going to your birth, it's so much more complicated because first of all, you kind of have to make almost everybody in the world think that time has gone backwards. And people, well, you know, we're aware of this because people often say, you know, he died so young, but people never really say he was born so old. That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah, unless. And that's an indicator just of the barriers that

you've been set up. That have come up. Yeah. So I guess in this sketch, it could be either somebody talking about how difficult this is. This guy's come to sort of like a wolf type character, not a wolf like the animal, but wolf like pulp fiction, the wolf who solves problems. Any comes to him about, I want to be at my own. And then I guess, this know, this is, just discussing how difficult it is. I guess also having to convince everybody that, that they have somehow changed in size, so that when you come out of what I presume is a giant sculpted,

like, the vagina, maybe made out of silicon or whatever, to make it realistic, that when you come out, the size of a fully grown adult, they don't think hang on, that's not right. Babies are supposed to be smaller than that. How great would the prosthetics be though, to make your adult body look like a baby body? Like a newborn baby body?

Newborn baby body. Oh, a newborn baby is like baby body, is a great Halloween costume that you never see. Nobody does that. I mean, you see a few people in nappies, but that is a long way away from being a newborn baby body. Although there are a lot of similarities between the 40-year-old man's body and a toddler's body, sort of the big belly and the kind of... You can go a long way towards it, but...

But newborn. Yeah. You know? Like that disproportionately huge head. Yeah, and that hair slick. The sort of like, you know, it's sort of a, it's a very thin kind of hair, but it's a, but it's a delicate, it's a delicate strand.

You can tell that the individual hairs are a lot thinner. So, you know, this wolf guy character has a lot on his plate here, but he didn't get into this business to just solve simple problems. I mean, this is in many ways his Mona Lisa, you know, his magnum opus. Yeah. Up until this point, he's mostly just been scraping bits of brain off the inside of

talent. Or just telling people how to clean the car. Like, the wolf does who's just like, you're going to do this, you're going to do that. It really is a detailer. Yeah, absolutely. He oversees problem solving. And he points in the right direction, but he can't open the door, he can only show you where it is. He's kind of a morpheus of a more realistic world. Even though Morpheus himself claims that he's showing you the real world. Okay. Okay.

Okay, so look, yeah, somebody wants to be president, their own president, not president, president at their own birth, right? And they contact this guy who's no one for being able to solve problems. When they contact him, he's just finished cleaning up an accidental murder. And they say, I want to be present at my own birth and he says, I'll be around in five minutes, okay? And he makes it happen. He stage manages this entire thing. He wants to see, this person wants to see how people react when they're born.

Yeah. He can make that happen. Absolutely. This is kind of like, okay, so I'm thinking, if you, if let's say you were putting in a kind of full length movie scenario, it's like a Sinecticky New York. Yes. But instead of the project wanting to be creating a play

that is so true to life that you have to create almost recreate life within the play. It's just that, but he, you know, he hires a big kind of airport hanger. Yep. And then he stages his own part. He wheels in. It's the part where you have to convince people. Also this is the one of the biggest obstacles is having to convince people

that they're going to a birth, but somehow they already know the person whose birth they're going to. Like, that's a huge obstacle. Well, I mean, you know, I guess that they are that whatever trend, whatever, once you've convinced them that time travel exists, right? Whatever form of time travel that they're taking, it preserves their consciousness, obviously, which is what you want of time travel that they're taking, it preserves their consciousness, obviously, which is what you want from time travel. So you know the person, right? And then you also, but I think that they have also, because of something to do with the process, they'll change in size, right? So they'll become smaller, which is why when the person coming

out is a full grown man size instead of a baby size. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So do you think that that means that they're going to be baby size? Do you have to convince them that they're all babies? Yes. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they are all dressed up as babies as well. But then, but then for you being present at your own birth coming out to a room full of babies. Yeah. It's probably not like a realistic, you know, experience of what that would have been like. I mean, you know, if we're going to go to all of this effort. Yeah.

What if all those people who are now babies, you lay them down in a kind of like, one of those big kind of nursery rooms where all the babies are laying in their own individual beds, and they're watching it on a screen in the corner I imagine they have TVs off for the babies and those things TV's showing the birthing room of other people's births I mean look you know obviously that these people are gonna have to suspend some disbelief But also because they're babies. They don't know what the world is like And so they're gonna have to. Really, a baby is an entirely,

in a state of completely suspended disbelief. Yeah. And their belief is slowly lowered to the ground over the course of their childhood. Absolutely. And then eventually, it smashes on the ground. And then they have nothing. Yeah.

But cynicism. Look, I think that's your classic Monty Python sketch right there. It's a classic sketch. It's in many ways it didn't even need to be said, Alistair, because when people think sketch, this is very often the first thing they think. I feel it's very much a level one sketch.

I feel embarrassed that I came up with it. Although, how can I even I came up with it, you know, although how how can I even say came up with it since in a way it is permeated through culture and through us in everything that we eat and the hot dogs that we consume and and in the media that we watch. It's very much like the Aristocrats joke. This will just be our version of the yeah the baby birth sketch being present. The person being present at your own birth. Yeah. Wait, when you said birth,

did you mean BIRTH or BERTH? Cause I was thinking birth is in where you put ships. Oh my God. Also wait, so then being present at your own birth where somebody sort of tying you to a dock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that would be much more achievable.

And I guess the wolf man would probably just get that. Let's forget all that other stuff. Yeah, president your own sort of, yeah, just you float up near a, near a pier and somebody sort of hooks a bit of rope over your foot and then just ties it to the, and then you sort of just bang up against the poles.

So there, but luckily you've got a tire hanging off your side. It stops you getting any kind of damage on there, except for maybe tire burn. Oh, whenever you see a boat with tires tied to the side, do you think, I'll come on, mate, you're not fooling anyone. We don't think you're a car. I constantly,

It's like fancy dress for them, you know, who's come, oh, he's come dressed as a car. I constantly. It's like fancy dress for them you know who's count always come dressed as a car. Yeah it's to his own birth. Yeah well you're the same thing when you see them with a with a flag on there. You don't go all the way. You're not Parliament House. You're not the governor's mansion. Yeah. Sorry I could have let you finish you all. No, no, that was better than what I thought I was gonna say a flag pole You know a flag call I still might jump on you and try and cause a mutiny. Oh, you know, yeah You know, it's just I don't think I want leadership that bad that I would just try and steal it from somebody ship that bad that I would just try and steal it from somebody. Can we put mutiny in a different context? Oh, absolutely.

Like, where would you staging a mutiny? Like within a car, say, you know, like say, you're on a family road trip somewhere to, you know, if there was some unrest amongst the passengers. Yeah, so like, is this a mom and dad kind of situation? I don't want to be too hair-header-enormative here. Look, it could be any number of moms or dads. Could be a polyamorous three parent relationship.

A trouble, non-gendered people. Non-gendered people with two kids or a kid in a pet. Yeah. two kids or a kid in a pet. Yeah. 18 dogs in the back. 18 dogs. So there are 18 Dalmatians. Yeah.

There's a sort of another 81, 83 Dalmatians somewhere else. When we talk about relationship types that are not heteronormative in the way that we just did very flippantly. Are we making a joke that is on the wrong side of history or are we just making a joke about our own complete inadequacy to discuss these things in any meaningful way? Because I'd love if it was the second one,

but I'm not convinced. Well, no, I am making fun of us, but I'm also... There's a flippancy that is on the wrong side of history in that I am... We're almost willfully being on the wrong side of history, right? Like, a little bit, but it's not in a fensive way, is that in, I think that in the concept stage here, I think to acknowledge it is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's a nice gesture that means nothing. So, in a way, we are making fun of the idea of nice gestures, of meaningless symbolism.

And people who are better known to diversity here. Right? By doing it. I feel like this makes it worse, even analyzing it definitely makes it worse. That's totally fine, as long as we're making it worse in some way. Good, yeah. But at the same time, it is also just to say,

we are thinking about it, it's just, I'm really sorry that my default always goes to something. But then, yeah. But then it just goes to whatever's closest to my life. Yes. Yeah, no, and comedy comes from truth, Elisabeth. And the truth is we have no idea what we're talking of it. And I would, yeah, and I would be not offended in any way. But, you know, I would be weirded out if anybody

who is different from me, their default, was to make a couple that looked like me and my girlfriend. As would I. Yeah. You see? So that would be, but if, if, you know, there's another sketch idea podcast somewhere and they're coming up with sketch ideas and they go, and then the couple in the car is a Alistair Tom Blay virtual and his girlfriend. Like that, just, you know, as their default, every time they're talking about, sorry, I was just picturing Alistair Tom Blay virtual and his girlfriend. Yeah. So yeah. That would be concerning. So anyway, so to answer your question, I think we're absolutely on the wrong side of history.

Yes. With a slight good intention, but then also a mocking of our own intentions. Great. Yeah, I think that's very fair. Now, on the help, back to our mutiny sketch. Yeah. Right.

I think the, I think the, okay, so when you, when you mute me on a ship, right, very often it's over over conditions, right? It's over, you know, who, um, you know, rations, the amount of food that's available, the amount of drink that's available. Sure. Sure. It could be something to do with your time spent in port and whether or not, you know, if you, if you, you know, Mutiny on the bounty, for example, they went to Tahiti and they had a wonderful time with the locals and many of them formed relationships with the locals and then they had to go away and they were unhappy. They wanted to go back to Tahiti. So, yeah, right. There's two ways we can do this. One, we can do it in a ship, right? Where we are, oh, sorry,

one, we can do it in a car where we're talking about the kids in the back seat, try to organize a mutiny because they wanted to go back to McDonald's or whatever. Or we could do it in a ship at sea, right? Where we treat the sailors like they are kids in the back seat of a car. And I think maybe that would be more fun. You know, like, oh, we should have gone to,

you know, we've just been to Tahiti, we're not going back to Tahiti, okay? If you wanted to form a relationship, you should have done it while we're in Tahiti. Well, see, that's good. Although I just thought of a way that, because you don't really see that many kid mutiny films, and in terms of like a kid's film that would be possible.

But also, I think for it to kind of happen accidentally, here's a thing that I think is doable now, is with like Tesla self-driving cars, you could kind of have a kid who gets in the front while the parents are in the diner or something, like they're getting something. You know, they love playing with things, and it just kind of backs out and then just drives off.

Right. And so then, or maybe the kids fall asleep and some of this happens accidentally or something like that. But the dad somehow has his phone hooked up to his car, but he didn't lock his phone when he put it into his pocket. So then it kind of programs that, it's like hooked up with his like Google maps or something like that. And it kind of just goes, boop, boop, boop.

Is the dad in the car? No, the dad's in the diner with the mom and the guy. Oh, right. I'm sorry. I thought this car was enormous like a ship and had a dining compartment. No, no, no, in the diner. Yeah. You know, they've pulled over in a diner.

Yeah, yeah, in some food. Yeah, I'm setting this movie in a mirror there. In the diner. And, you know, so it's somehow linked in with his Google maps, which seems like it doesn't seem that undoable. LSD, it's an amazingly prophetic vision of the near, not too distant. Then not too distant future.

And then he just hasn't locked his phone, which is a thing that even at this stage can still happen if you don't have a... What are lock function? Well, no, I have auto lock on mine, but I hate having the code on, so but then even when I put it in my pocket, my pocket,

my pocket can still unlock my phone. There you go. Right. And then it just programs the card text off. And in many ways, your pocket is a hacker. But then your pocket is Jaden Kai. I don't get that reference, but I've seen people talking about it.

It's very typical. Although then I've just realized that also by doing that, he could probably also probably just get the car to come back through his phone. He's about to do it and then he drops it into a picture of cola. That is the best. Pisher of cola, we're in the diner.

That's exactly the kind of things that we have there. He was buying cola for his kids. Yes, a picture. A picture of a car. Well, you know, maybe. He's doing plastic fridge-aligned. They've taken a jug with them. They were asleep in the car. Well, maybe. Just giving me a, it's doing plastic fridge alive. They've taken a jug with them. They were asleep in the car.

They thought, let's not wake them yet. I'll will order. And then, okay. So then, these kids are out there. It's not so far. There's no mutiny here. Yes. Right.

It's just kids in an automated car. Yeah. Which I actually think, like a self driving car, kids in a self driving car, they wind up a long way away from their parents. I think that is absolutely great. That is a movie that will be made very soon. Yeah, absolutely. It's like home alone, but in a car.

In a car, and then it's them interacting with the other cars on the road. It could be, then eventually they just get to their destination. And then they may be Portland. I don't know anything about that town. I shouldn't have named that and then And then some but for some reason some robbers. Let's just make it home alone Yeah wanting to get something out of the boot of the car. Yeah. Yeah, maybe they were they were there There was another there was some criminals who had a similar car. You see a neighbor chasing the wrong car

Good and then And I kill them all. Do you think they kill them? Well, it's a sort of gritty, it's a gritty re, no, no, the kids kill the robes. There's a gritty reimagining of home alone, wherein you actually see the damage that would be done on the robbers. Oh, yeah. If the kids actually treated them with the same disrespect for human life. It's kind of like somewhere between a herbie and an old boy. An old boy and home alone. Yeah.

So have the kids been trapped in a basement for a long time? Yes. Okay, I don't know if I quite got a set. But no, but I think kids in a self-driving car, as a movie idea, is really good. Right? Yeah, it could, I mean, maybe it's even an experimental self-driving car. Maybe the parents, the mum, the dad work for this self-driving car company in those early days. This does run our chances of kind of getting

Tesla on as a funding body kind of thing for the thing. Well, if it's a new one, it's like a self-driving SUV or RV or something. Of course, that's great. Thank you very much, Andy, for saving that. No, no, it's okay, I'll stick. Do they have self-driving helicopters yet? If not, I mean, what are we waiting for? Exactly.

I mean, how are we going to be enslaved by these machines if they can't watch us from above? Absolutely. Thank you very much for that. Chases down as we flee. Is there a chance of a mutiny for like last place? Like let's say it's somebody desperately wants to be last in something.

But like I don't know why there's a mutiny and a race. Well, I mean, you know, there is the sort of the flip of the traditional mutiny where, like say on the Titanic, right, if they, the captain came down and saw all the fun that the people were having in third class with their fiddle music and so on and so forth in steerage, and he did a mutiny where all the captain and everyone and all his first mate and so on come down, they want to be playing the fiddle. Right, and they force all the poor people to captain the ship.

It would certainly explain why they crashed into that iceberg. If they were not really equipped for that role. Absolutely, that would make a lot more sense. And so, did they just suddenly learn to play the fiddle, or they just... Oh, they're not very good at it. I think we say, sort of, the flaws in this kind of redistributive model. Absolutely. Neither are, even though they both probably desire to have the other person's position, neither

of them are great at playing the fiddle. The dancing doesn't come naturally to them. They don't have that kind of sense of rhythm that comes with sort of being poor and just needing to make your own fun. Obviously the poor people, they're great, they're just happy to have jobs. They've just found a way to make this trip that was already pretty cheap for them. But now, look at it. Look at it, you know, that's pretty good.

But then the problem with that was that they forgot to look where they were going. Yeah, or know anything about what they were doing. Yeah. And in the end, it's a lesson to people to just basically stay in their place. You know, don't try and change society. If you're poor, there's a reason you're poor, just enjoy stay in their place. Don't try and change society. If you're poor, there's a reason you're poor,

just enjoy your fiddle music and shut up. Yeah, absolutely. And it reinforces the status quo in a way that I think is probably going to be quite. The message that we need to hear, that everything is fine. Yeah, like poor people should drown. Yeah, should drown.

And not the crew. No. The crew, even though they should drown. Yeah. Should drown. And not the crew. No. The crew, even though they should drown too, but they should be the last to drown. Yes. They should have to, by being the crew. I mean, in a way, it's almost more cruel to the poor people. Because, you know, at first with it, we were just trapping them in those bottom dots. Yes.

Yeah. But now they're having to go down with the ship. Go down with the ship and witness everybody else drown first. And that's the punishment for dreaming above your station. Is that... Yeah. I think a re-workings of classic films to remind people not to get any ideas and to stay in their place could be like a field of comedy.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? You aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who saved by switching saved nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now.

Quote today at Progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. I mean, who would be the sort of the people who would present these movies? I guess it's kind of, it's a bit of a right wing.

It's like a Anne Randian. The Anne Rand Foundation presents a very imagining of such and such film. Yeah. Spartacus or... I guess a similar thing could kind of have with Beauty and the Beast or it's like, well, no, you don't marry somebody who's richer than you. Or a monster that you met in the beast or it's like, well, no, you don't marry somebody who's richer than you or a monster that you met in the forest. Well, you know, yeah, there's that.

But I mean, in the end, she's trying to get out of poverty by marrying this guy. Yeah. Because I mean, I was thinking about this recently, if you were to sort of like restage beauty in the beast, but instead of a guy who's got a huge mansion, he is, he has just got a cabin in the woods, right? And he's captured your dad. And then, you know, and so it's just a guy with, you know, maybe he's addicted to math. Yeah. He's captured your dad. And then you go and give yourself up to save your dad. Yeah. You know, yeah. In this case, you're a woman called Bell. And he gets off the math.

And he gets off the math. And he skin clears up and he's okay. All he needs is your love to get off the meth. Yep. Right. Do you now fall for him in the end? And would people support that decision? Would you expect your father to decide that that's actually a good idea in the end

for you to marry him? And is it still a happy ending in the end when you found love with this person and he's got off the meth, you know, his scabs of heeled up and everything like that. Obviously he's looking better, you know. He's sort of his cleanest teeth and everything like that,

or maybe he's sort of managed to get put on a bit of weight, put on a bit of weight and things like that. Is that still a happy story then? Or, you know, and I guess maybe this is the way that they would kind of keep you. put on a bit of weight and things like that. Is that still a happy story then? I guess maybe this is the way that they would kind of be- Or is it just Stockholm Syndrome? Well, yeah, there's the chance that it's Stockholm Syndrome.

But maybe what we're forgetting about Stockholm Syndrome is that maybe there's something about kidnappers that they're actually quite- It's actually charming. Yeah, there's actually something really charming. Deep down, they're probably quite good people. There's something that brings people to kidnapping that is actually like a symptom. Kidnapping is actually a symptom of being a great person. This really mariable good boyfriend material.

Yeah, I think this, if we don't look into it at all, Alistair could be a theory that really stacks up. Yeah. I think, well, first of all, just making a film without necessarily saying that it is a beauty in the beast. Yeah. I totally agree. As a separate sketch to the reworking of films to remind people to stay in their place.

I think possibly, whether, and you know, whether or not they're reworking a film thing, totally works out. It sounds like we've left a big, well, we talked a lot about Titanic and maybe that's the, maybe that is an example of that. It's a right winged thing,

tank trying to find ways of teaching people because the Pixar's of the world are constantly trying to give us these messages. Also messages of accepting everybody and diversity and accepting who you are and becoming a strong woman or man. Or blob. Or a robot, a sort of a non-thinking robot, believe in yourself, learn to believe then believe in yourself.

But obviously there's gonna be some right wing think tanks who are angry about that. And they're gonna be like, well, much like the liberal party here in Australia has tried to create their own right wing version of get up, which is a kind of an activisty sort of right left wing sort of trying to push for equality and all that kind of stuff. They've tried to create their own version. Well, in the same way these right wing think tanks would try to create their own version of

Pixar. I think I think that specifically is really good. I think a right wing version of Pixar is great because then we've got a real, like, you know, there's that set of rules that govern the Pixar universe and the Pixar stories. We've got a really specific thing to counter with this. Yeah, but I think that they could definitely, like, you know, the way that they come up with film ideas is you could totally just think of film ideas that exist. Why come up with completely original ideas when you could just rework ideas that already exist in the world

to make them teach the lessons that people should be learning rather than the ones that these left wing assholes are. Yeah, I mean, like the, you know, the story of Pixar should be one that really it's important that Andy throws away his toys quite regularly so that he's able to, more toys are able to be bought and to stimulate the economy.

Absolutely. To not get too connected. Not too attached. Not too. Not too much. Not too much. These are disposable things. By buying these things, sure the money doesn't go directly to manufacturers in this country,

but by a free market economics, we're able to then buy other things at a cheaper price and maybe we can export raw materials that one day will come back to you as toys. Absolutely. Then you will then throw away again. Of course, when you get attached to toys and objects and things like that, it sort of takes away from the focus of attaching to other people, which sort of slows down the chance that you will become get married and have children, which weakens the family unit. Yeah, and the defense of our great nation.

Yeah. Yeah, leaves us vulnerable to attack from the north. The north. So beauty and the beast, but with. But with the, yes, you know, without wishing to be too, too self critical I must say is making it a methodic addict in the forest? Is that, I mean, that's punching down, isn't it? Yeah, well look, I don't, I don't see people, I don't see people who are addicted to methods beneath me. Yeah, okay.

It's an amazing defense now. It's a powerful one and you might be right. But also, you know, there is a statement within that that, you know, especially because I was saying that that is not as good as a person who, I think, I think I'm saying that society doesn't see a person in a cabin who's addicted to math as desirable as a person who is a sort of man beast who lives in a castle. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, if you were to put those two things, if you go out family, huge stone and ask

people to put those things on a scale of desirability. What would be more desirable? We don't know, we haven't done that research. Yeah, and so, and to claim that I do know would be presumptuous of me. But I, it could just be a person, if you wanted to go to a more sensitive kind of position, you could be a person who is a, you know, what's one of those people who keeps all their things,

a hoarder, a hoarder in a cat in the cabin, but then hoarding could be a symptom of some court of mental illness or child. Of course, but like you know, look, you know, it's somebody who has really ugly toenails. Okay. And then, okay, great. And that is a thing that they have done themselves through neglect, right? They would give an every opportunity to care for their toenails. Okay. And then, okay, great. And that is a thing that they have done themselves through neglect, right? They would give an every opportunity to care for their toenails and they were taught a lot of, you know, there were a lot of clear messages in there.

It's like having been so clear that this person is completely responsible for their own flight. For their flight. You know what, if anything, if anything, their parents were both manicures. Dermatologists. Yeah, one was a dermatologist and the other one was a professional manicurist. Yet they let everything go. And even though they had these jobs, they still spent a lot of time with their kids, so there was no neglect going on. No neglect. And it was both caring and loving time together and teaching about the importance

of taking care of your skin and nails. And they let their life fall apart for absolutely no reason. No. No reason except for a willful disregard which emerged in them almost spontaneously. Like in the Big Bang. We don't know where it originated.

There was no reason for it. Well, well in the big bang. Like we don't know where at origin, you know, there was no reason for it. Well, well, the only reason was conscious decision. Conscious decision, which they formed based on, well, then what, I guess a rational choice, at least suggesting that they rationally chose this based on, maybe they were misinformed in some way. No, no, it was a completely rational choice. And well informed.

Yeah, based on a logic, because their uncle was a logician. Yes, and so he taught them clear logic. And they looked at the decisions and they just made the bad decision. They could see that taking care of their nails and skin was the absolute right thing to do. And they said, no, I don't want that. I want to not do that like that.

I would rather go and put germs and dirt under my nails and then never take care of it. I'm not convinced that the audience is going to believe that they made that decision of their own volition without some sort of something bad happening to them to make them confuse what is a good decision with what is a bad decision. But I think that's one of the messages of this story. Okay, that's interesting. Okay, that's interesting. Is that people think that whilst being perfect rational beings, humans are also going to make the right decision. And the decision that isn't their best interest. Sometimes, you can be rational, you can see the logic perfectly.

And despite that, you can still choose to make the decision that is not the best for your outcome. So they are flawed and they have a problem in them, but that problem is really only the problem that is in all of us that was put there by God. So it's really God's fault. No, no, no, no. The person is perfect. They are perfect. They are perfect. They've been raised as well as anybody can be raised. They're educated genetically speaking as well. They were they have absolutely they've genetically engineered to beat the perfect human. Yeah, yes. It's a gyro type situation. They live in the country obviously like they haven't moved he hasn't he hadn't at this point yet moved out into the solo cabin in the woods. Yeah.

But he's been raised. He's not introvert, is he? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Very well socialized. Very well socialized is great with people, loves people. He knows the best people. And he just, when he's brought up to this, only this decision. This is the only decision where he sees the better option.

The decision by the way as an adult. As an adult, yes, absolutely. And he just sees the better option, which is to take care of his nails or not. And he just decides, I don't want to do that. Okay. And out of complete, just like that's just what he wants. Bloody mindedness. Bloody mindedness, yes. Now I think this conversation that we've had is a very funny thing to see play out.

You know, in the brainstorming session of like when they're trying to come up with the villain in a Disney movie, right? Yeah. Because like, you know, once upon a time you could have someone like Scar, right? Yeah. Who was just evil. He's got a scar. We don't really care why you got the scar.

We're not interested in learning about what happened to cause him to get that scar and whether or not. The injury of the scar is somehow representative of a deeper, deeper personal trauma that could be associated with his parents. In fact, he had this brother, Mufasa, who was clearly the favorite child. Right. And scar, who they've called scar, named after. Clearly he's been bullied. He's the formative.

He has been bullied. Right. So, when trying to come up with a villain who, I mean, the fact that the best we could do for a villain is a man who's willfully let his toenails go bad. And then they've got to ask the question, ah, is this going to be genuinely scary? And is this the kind of thing that our protagonist can really rail against? Well, really, I mean, in this case, the villain is prejudice itself. The fact that the protagonist thought that there was anything wrong with a man who'd willfully let his toenails go bad is in the end revealed to be the monster. So, yeah, I think that's great.

So look, I've written down a discussion for creating a villain whose evilness is entirely their fault. Yes. Yeah, and so that will kind of encapsulate some of what we were just discussing. And then obviously there's still the beauty and the beast type situation in which, you know, there actually is just a person who is somewhat evil. Now, if somebody was created in a vat by a scientist to be pure evil, right, with evil genes and then raised in an evil environment, and then a bit of vat, which is kind of one of the more evil

of the production of the forms of Tupperware. of the forms of Tupperware. Yeah. What, like, when that person emerges and then proceeds to act in an evil way, how are we supposed to treat them? Should we try and punish them or love them? What should we do? Yeah, well, first of all, I guess we can't, we can't, unless they do something wrong, even though we know that there's currently an evil person factory down the road.

People who come out of them, I think we still have to treat them with the same rules that we would apply to a regular human. With the presumption of not evil. With the presumption of not evil. That's right. Until they do something evil. But I think these days with the terror laws as they are, there are certain people that kind of automatically go on watch lists through being...

Do you think the people who came out of the evil factory down the road would go on to a watch list of some kind? It's hard to know. Is there something about having a watch list for like evil magicians or something like that? Like, can we do that in a way that isn't saying something that we don't want it to say um, I think that's possible. I think even lay at like somewhere between the the evil person factory and because it's it's a question of

And the thing is that it's like they're not, they're not necessarily evil, but they're seen as being evil, even though these people are made in an evil factory or they are, they are magicians that have only been taught the dark arts. Yeah. That it will, I mean, really, they're your Draco mouth voice, aren't they?

Exactly. Yeah, which I don't know how that last book ends. So there's a chance that he turns out to be a great guy. I don't want to spoil it for you, LSD. Please, don't. Cause he wasn't going down a great path. Despite the fact that like the man who willfully let his toenails go bad,

you have willfully failed to learn how the Harry Potter story ends. But I don't want to blame you for that. Well, at the time, it wasn't certain that that was going to be the end. I think there's still a few more books in her. Yeah, you're right. That universe, I don't think it's been explored enough to be honest. You know what, look, I don't want to presume, but she does seem to have a bit of a,

a Niche trigger finger. And she can't help herself. And she keeps, she keeps just making little additions here and there and there. She's got a form of incontinence, where little bits of information about the Harry Potter universe keep leaking out of her when she gets excited. Exactly.

And so, which is, you know, happens to a lot of women as they get older. Exactly, especially writers. Yes. I don't know why I said that. Anyway, so it's these people who are waiting in evil factory, but the thing is, it doesn't mean, it like, I guess it's about how there might be something that is potentially evil within you, but unless you do something evil, you're not responsible for it. You've seen some evil messages, some evil text, some evil WhatsApp, what's apps, indicating

that you might be, you know. So in this story, the, so what's app has somehow allowed governments to crack crack their there. That's right. Yes. That's the real story here. Well, is it thanks to the G20 summit, we reached an agreement on cybersecurity and now all these carrier services have to provide a backdoor for government. Okay. And so then why has has no app service from a country that is not within the G20 created a product that is just an alternative and that completely solves that problem. Anyway. Well, that's a bay port that we can explore.

Okay, but is some of those angry messages that are being sent through the WhatsApp? Are they potentially, are they, as a result of people being mean to these devil evil magicians? And that's, you know, that's that kind of thing there. But look, I still think that there's something interesting in an evil factory. Absolutely. Evil people factory slash. I think, I think, you know, that, in the fifth element,

where there's that sort of black orb that's just traveling through space. Yeah. And seems to be sort of an entity of pure evil. You know, I mean, maybe these are, this is what was coming out of the factory as they sort of evil orbs. Yeah, and, but, you know, but that's the same time they are entitled.

Oh my god, I can see how, like how there is a connection there that we're making. Like we're not making it technically, but it's in the way that it can be perceived to be happening. Yeah. It can be perceived to be happening. But let's say the orbs, we're in a kind of future-omotyped situation where there's dark orbs that also just live amongst us. I mean, yeah, this needs a lot of unpacking. We don't have the time. Although, just the idea that also dark orbs live amongst us is a pretty fun situation.

It is a fun situation. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just worried that they're going to activate their, you know, they're like, it's like there's something like, they're like part being of sort of pure energy, part, black hole and the pure energy kind of like masks their black hole properties but they can sort of they can let them out sort of like a cycle ups his eyes can let out you know yeah if they take off their sunglasses they

always sunglasses they always which is why we've kind of accepted them within our society they've they've clearly assimilated yeah yeah yeah simulated. Yeah, yeah. They know what's cool. Yeah. I think there's there's that that the choice for the evil character in the fifth element of a sort of an intergalactic black evil orb is it's quite a wise choice, especially, you know, you know, it's quite progressive in a way. Yeah, absolutely. I guess these... They've obviously gone through this discussion of the game. This discussion, the fight.

Yeah, and I mean, the question of how it became evil itself the orb. I mean, it's an interesting one, but at the same time, I guess it's not so important because people don't really feel that that could happen to them. Absolutely, and they don't feel that much empathy towards orbs. But then that makes me feel like, is that the problem? Is the fact that we fail to empathize with orbs? Yeah. The reason that this orb became what it is. So, the problem again is prejudice.

It's prejudice. Once again, the real villain here. It's universal prejudice. It's prejudice. It's once again the real villain here. It's universal prejudice. Yeah. But the problem with these giant orbs is the fact that from such a distance they can make your head bleed. You know?

I mean, and that's a problem that it's so hard to not get the right wing newspapers writing about that constantly. Sure. Sure. They can make your head bleed from a great distance. But I mean, what research have we done in trying to stop this problem? Okay, like how, how, what, what, what, what are our medical institutions doing? Because I mean, you know,

how do we know that this isn't in somebody hurting the orb? No, absolutely. And, and could a sort of magneto style helmet, you know, help us and protect us from that, to help the orbs protect themselves from us. And then allow the orb to integrate into society once it's got this helmet on. And obviously, people say, well, well, I shouldn't have to wear a magneto style helmet. Things like that. You'd think that that plastic thing, the bad guy in the fifth helmet was there, would have been the kind of thing that would protect you from head bleeding from a dark distant orb, but no, that is clearly, if anything, that might be the reason

why his head was bleeding. Now, say we come up with a solution, right, and the orb now no longer has this effect. Will people allow the orb to come and live in their community? Or will they say, look, just because the orb no longer has this effect, I still don't want it around. Look, it'll be hard. I think the way that you can get through to people on the grassroots levels is do the orbs make a great local cuisine. I think that would be it. If the orb... If the orb, if this evil orb has a regional specialty, just like a dark flavor, some nugget that they whip up maybe they will it into existence from pure energy. But I liked that they still do it in the kitchen type setting.

Yeah. They probably put in an apron as well as their sunglasses. They still shout a lot at the intern they've got working there. Or just a lot of loud deep vibrating. Again, this is definitely saying things that we don't want it to say. And the more we talk about it, the more things that we don't want it to say. And the more we talk about it, the more things that we don't want it to say, it's winds up saying, I feel like. But in that way, the real villain is prejudice.

But there is an avenue to integration that we can only know of these avenues through the way that these things have happened. And so, you know, it's just, it's society's fault for not having had more avenues to inform us of, you know, look, and I'm sorry if there is anything in this dark orb thing that is saying things. I mean, God damn, subtext is a bitch. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, Charlietext is a bitch. Yeah, you know. Oh man, totally. None of our scripts have subtext.

Just let's just make that clear. Just for you know, this is all surface level. This is just one level. Surface level of an orb. If we're talking about an orb, it's specifically just orbs. Yeah, it's a hollow orb. Yeah. All right, well, I think we've come to the end

because we have at least six ideas written down. Okay. So, from the top, we got Guy who wants to be present at his own birth. And then there's a wolf type character guy who helps him solve this problem. And it does, and this could be a full, a full length thing, much like Sinectokine New York,

the Charlie Kaufman film, but I'd prefer if it wasn't. Obviously, Andy wouldn't like that. In the future, if I become a billionaire, these are the kinds of things that I am going to be getting in the reality. You're right, I'm going to be getting a reality. I'll have a team of people around me. Andy obviously will be absent because this will be dead. I'll be dead.

Obviously, that's how I became a billionaire somehow through murdering andy Then there's kids in self-driving car. It's getting away to kind of it's a family comedy type situation somewhere between home alone and Old boy Yes, and herbie the love and maybe snowpiercer snowpiercer Yeah, it's that movie with the train that goes around the world I'm seeing either but there's a mutiny in it. Well, there's a mutiny in it. Okay, well great That's that's really good and yeah, I like look. I think there's there's definitely something in that yeah

Well, I'm yet to see exactly where the comedy comes in but I think in the way that we present it I think well it's it's somewhere also between, you know, home alone, sorry, home alone, and that episode of The Simpsons were all the kids are in the car. Yes. You know, because I think, I think the, the in the car comedy hasn't been explored as far as it could go,

possibly because it's just so difficult to get camera angles. But now we've got GoPro's, you can put them in there, it'll be easy. Yeah, I think once you get the cinematic GoPro, you know, that'll be the, that'll be the bloody situation comedy. Then we got the reworking of films to remind people to stay in their place by a right wing think tank, which is, I'd written that down before I'd written down that it was, it's sort of,'s a right-wing Pixar yeah trying to fix the messages of movies or to create their own movies with messages that that you know fit that are

more in line with their ideaologies I think is it is it a bug's life I think a bug's life might be a good one for this oh absolutely yeah and and or B movie B movie with instead of him kind of going off, have you seen B movie? Yes, and set him going off and kind of like, you know, living this other life, he is absolutely like he is tracked down and absolutely forced to be what he has to be and possibly killed for trying to. Well, I think I think it's a more powerful lesson if Well, I think it's a more powerful lesson if he tries to do something and fails. Absolutely. And then it winds up going back to his life and settling for the status quo.

And the reason that society is the way that it is is over the centuries. The best people have risen to the top. Yeah, and also, and the format in which society takes is because this has been found to be the best form. And so you are there because that is the best place for you and don't question it. Yeah. Then we have Beauty and the Beast, but with Kevin in the woods and a sort of a drug addict guy, possibly. I've written addict as in the top room. You've written drug addict guy, possibly. I've written addict as if like, as in the top room. You've written drug addict. Yeah, drug addict guy, possibly because he lives

in the attic of the cabin. I guess because if you're sort of on drugs and living in a cabin in the woods, there's a chance that you would get quite paranoid at night time, or the woods is quite a scary place. Very, you're pretty deep into your addictions. Noises are scary. So you've decided to just move into the attic up there so that when people do come into your

house, they think that it's empty and then you can probably attack them from above. Yes. Or just hide. Yeah, or hide. Or, you know, have some guns up there. Yeah. Yeah. And then shoot down from the attic to the thing which is like a man shooting a rat

in the room, from the living room. Like my dad did one time. So, story for another time. I think we'll need to listen to that. We've got a discussion for creating a villain whose evilness is entirely their fault. Yes, they've got agency. They've got agency.

And then we have an evil factory, a slash dark magician school that lives where these people live amongst us, possibly also dark orbs. Could be orbs orbs. And we look at the way that these people are treated by society. And also why is what they're doing seen as evil, possibly because they're taught to kill and do horrible things and things like that? Yeah, I think that's it. Now, before we move on, what do these sketches do you think that ants would like? Well, obviously, the one about ants, the one about staying in your place in society.

Oh, yeah. I think ants would quite like that. Yeah. And you know, that that evil orb cuisine, whether or not it creates any crumbs, I'm not sure. Yeah. But I do something that ants could thrive on. Absolutely. Food is is classically something that is wasted and thrown in the bin the bin is a place to dance if they don't go there Clearly they should go there because that is a is is Basically, I we keep our bin outside because to make it available to answer that they don't come into our house Is that really what you do? Yeah, that would like the whole reason we put our bin outside was because that first We had an ant problem and we put our bin outside and we never first we had an ant problem, then we put our bent outside and we didn't have an ant problem. I don't have an ant problem. Now you've got an ant solution.

Now you have the bends. Yeah, so anyway, ants. Just like the guy in the woods when he scabs fall off, maybe the ants can eat them. Oh, absolutely. There you go. So that's good. So I believe that's... Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. We do appreciate it. You can find us on Twitter at Two in Tank.

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