Two In The Think Tank - Bonus Ep - Two in the Side Tank - Episode 2

Episode Date: July 9, 2019

We're having a week off for the first time in three years! To celebrate here's an episode from behind the Patreon paywall - we come up with a number of ideas for sex toys as requested by a supporter. It's utterly disgraceful.Hey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereCritically re-evaluated thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Hello and welcome to Two In The Side Tank, the show where we come up with a number of an idea. Yep.

And I'm Alistar George William, Trumbly, virtual. And I am, and Andy. Andy's brain is just shut down as we're trying to do one of the extra podcasts. I've put so much into the regular podcast, Alistair. I don't even have. You don't have anything left. Yeah.

That's cool. Well, I mean, this is going to be a podcast. You know, it's just going to be me going through the motions. That's okay. Well, I mean, this is going to be a podcast, you know, it's just going to be me going through the motions. That's okay. And because today in this Patreon exclusive episode, we have the most specific suggestion for what number of ideas that we have for what it's going to be. So this is for people who give us eight dollars can submit what the ideas are that we've got to come up with. And one of them, Daniel K. Daniel K has suggested, look he's not the first person to suggest something, but he is the most person to have suggested

something and he suggested it so specifically that we felt like this was jumping the cue and because we're like, well, is this too intense for an early episode of Two in the Side Tank or is this what's gonna jolt to in the Side Tank into discovering what it is? Yeah, I think, you know, part of the hero's journey, everyone needs a challenge.

It's right. You know, it's something hero's journey, everything everyone needs a challenge. That's right. You know, some of the force you to engage with the world around you. Okay. Here we are. So, this is for his two in the side tank show idea is, I want you to brainstorm five sex toy designs. You can do one or two wishy, washy, fulfills your emotional needs instead of your physical needs, like a butt plug that makes you breakfast and bed sex toy design ideas

But don't shy away from ideas that are just like oh a big thing shaped like this that you're sticking in in and out of yourself Well, I mean I feel almost insulted by how well he summarized what we are how well he summarized what we are. Look, he's a man who knows what he wants, but he also knows what he's dealing with. He knows that we would have just come up with a bunch of ideas. Was she washy emotional? Yeah, exactly. You know, oh, what about if it satisfies all your satisfaction for a deeper meaning. Yeah. Yeah. And look, actually on that, I mean, if while we're burning wishy-washy ideas,

I think absolutely a sex toy that goes deep into. It's definitely on the cards. So like one that's like shaped like a priest? Shape like a... Or just a crucifix, but one of the sticks. I feel like that almost certainly already exists. Well, yeah, the upside down crucifix used in the exorcist. Yeah. I mean, it's the perfect shape, because it's like a sword with the hilt,

the hilt and the, and the stuff that stops you, you know, the, the, the, the, the sort of the extending parts of the, of the crucifix kind of stop it from going into deep and getting lost. Yeah. Especially if you're sort of, I guess, masturbating your butt.

Maybe that is, maybe that is what you want though. One that goes inside you and gets lost. It becomes a part of you. Well, like those stitches that get absorbed over time, but like a dildo. Yeah, made out of that same stuff. Right. Over time dissolves into your bloodstream. There you go. Put it in and then like, I don't know, month later. Yeah. It's just nowhere to be found and it's just in you. Yeah, that's good. Maybe it could be like, it's not just in you, it's throughout you. Yeah. So maybe it could be, it's like, dissolvable stitches mixed with a multivitamin tablet. Okay.

Yeah, something that's going to be like absorbed into the cells. Yeah. You know, it's biocompatible, dissolved, you know, water soluble and water compatible. Yeah, yeah. Can we get it so that each little molecule that makes up the deal though? Is it self-shaped like a little deal though? I'm sure we can design a molecule that is that shape Designed molecules. Yeah, so we've got you design molecules You look at it me like I'm a fuckhead. No, I know, but you don't you don't you design them for what they do rather than their shape

Not anymore. Yeah, that's true. This is an aesthetic choice. Yeah. Okay. I don't care what it does. No. No, as long as it looks like a dildo. Well, no, the other thing that I want it to do is it has to be able to be transported via reverse osmosis into cells. So it has to actually penetrate cell membranes.

So every individual cell of your body is fucked, but it's the... Okay. Oh fuck, yeah, that's great because there's double meanings of it. Yeah, yeah. In this case, it's probably going to be both meanings because God knows what this is going to do to you. Well, I mean, if it really, if it really fucks you up, like if it's the kind of thing that could kill you, we could then also sell it to Switzerland for one of those sort of like a... Suicide. Yeah, euthanasia kind of thing.

Oh, this is great. What a way to go. You know? I mean, you know, just, I mean, like, I don't know if this is too intense, but sort of, you know, masturbating away the, you know, the thing and then it becomes you and then eventually... The sweetest release of all. As we say, Elisabeth. That's right.

Death. I like, I don't, you know, I don't even know if this is not even a weird thing. Maybe, you know, in Europe, the repositories are kind of more the norm. That might be a myth. What? That might be a myth, but I thought I heard that the repositories were more the norm than just taking things orally.

Is that because they're on the other side of the earth? That's right. Yeah. Like the antipodes, you know, down here, we, in Australia, we take pills through the mouth. Yeah. But over there, it's all just... In the upper over. Yeah, it's all the pills in the butt.

Or, dissolvable dildos in the butt. Mm-hmm. Uh... I don't know what we're talking about. I'll call Philip Nitschke, let him know. Yeah. Exit international, more like entry international. Is that his name?

He was company? Exit international, yeah. Oh my God. That's amazing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, it's like the entry through the exit. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Look, that's the first sex toy idea. I don't know, were we exclusively talking about this going up the butt? Because it could also go anywhere. In the vagina? All the mouth. Yeah, all the mouth. That's true. I mean, it's just that you don't tend to like masturbate with your mouth. No. Like, you don't tend to... I mean, you see in videos sometimes,

women use the dildo in the mouth, but I think that's more for the viewer than it is for them. So it's not like a thing that you do alone. So, well, I mean, they're just getting a satisfaction of a... Of your pleasure. Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, so there's that. But, you know, it's knowing your audience.

You know, it's serving... A higher? A higher, I guess, depending on altitude you're in. It's knowing your audience. You know, it's serving... It's higher. Higher, I guess, depending on what altitude you're at. Yeah, yeah. Altitude. That is very good. And I think that counts as one that is not an wishy-washy emotional one, as well Daniel K. No, but I think in the end we took that to a genuine place of this is a...

Yeah, I mean, like, I've just written it down as a sex toy that becomes you. I, yeah, that's good. Yeah. I, I, what about something? Sorry, and I realized that this is just an extension of this one. But you know how there's, you know,

in DNA people who do have worked with certain fish and different creatures like that, or rats. I think let's say they've worked with mice and they've made them glow in the dark. Yes. Because I was trying to think of something, what's something that you could put in each cell that would actually have a lasting effect on you? What if the dildo did, you know, that eventually becomes you gets into all your cells and you can see that by, it gives you the ability to glow in the dark. I mean, absolutely elicit it. People say that, you know, you can get a bit of a post-sex

glow. Yeah. Well, this, I mean, it's deeply literal. Because then that can also, you know, that can also affect other, that can turn into, you can serve a fetish for somebody else, then maybe somebody's got some kind of like, wanna have sex with an alien or somebody who glows in the dark. I don't know if that's a fetish, but I feel like if you can come up with it, then it can exist.

Yeah, and I think we're always pushing into new territory in that regard. Yeah, and that's how you can show that the dildo has become you as well. Yeah. You know, if you kind of have one of those, like, it's sort of like having an impregnation fetish, which I believe is not uncommon.

Sure. People love the idea. But just, you know, with self-mastervation. Yeah. Yeah, I want to be filled up. Yeah, I want in a light. With an inner light. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a flesh light, yeah, I want to be filled up. Yeah, I want in a light with an inner light. Oh, it's a, it's a, it's a flesh light. Really, isn't it? But it's a, it's a much more, it's, it's a true flesh light. Yeah, because there's light in your flesh. Yeah, your,

your flesh becomes the light. It's a light flesh. Yeah, because really a flesh light, there's actually no light. No, no, no, no, no, no, there's actually no flesh. It's a rubber, it's a rubber tube. It's quite misleading. Yeah. The real flesh light. Now I also think though, maybe how about this? It's a sex toy that doesn't go into your body at all. So this is the flip side of that one. Okay. Right. And this is one that just sort of comes into,

I guess, your personal space or your life in some way. It's just getting your personal space, like, so just close to your face. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if people turned on by that, but it's definitely an experience. And in fact, how about this? Because you know when you're on like a tram or something like that and there's too many people on there and you just feel like

That that presence of just like being jammed in and it's quite unpleasant, right? But then you get out and that's really nice. Yeah, so what if it's like that? What if this is basically the experience of being on a tram and it's just what is a whole lot of basically latex bodies that sort of hang around you like slabs of meat in a cool room, right? And you sort of insert yourself in between them and a jostle, right?

And then you're able to get out. Yeah. And then that's the release. Yeah, okay. I think there needs to be like a feeling of danger, you know, like, like maybe it's closing in on you or more. Keep getting jammed in. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. They just keep adding, but also and then take it in

spectrum. Some latex, pick it in. Take it to start making their way down from the other end. But also what's missing though from the tram being on a tram or a crowd of train or a bus or something like that is By being latex, there's no sweating through it. That's going on I think maybe there needs to be kind of like a like a through sweat. Yeah, so it could be like Could be like a steam room kind of a situation. Yeah, but like what they're made out of right? I think there needs to be some kind of cloth. Yeah, right?

Okay, now on the inside there's there's gonna be a hardened kind of core. Yes, but that's where that will also be a heat source. Yes, right? Right. Yeah. And then on the outside of that there will be a kind of not sponge, but kind of like a thick maybe memory foam thing that is laced with water. Right, a flesh like sort of a thing. Yeah. And then on the outside of that, there's a or a couple of layers of clothing or clothing replacement type things. Can there be one of these that's hanging

a little bit further away from you that keeps saying, move down, move down. That'll be great. That'll be great. That'll be great. Yeah, and I think that one of these things could exist sort of in your house in a panic room. Yeah. Move down! That'll be great. Why are you from the doors? Yes. Move down! Yeah, and I think that one of these things could exist sort of in your house in a panic room. Yeah.

But it's kind of like a reverse-sand in a panic room. Yeah. Which is so funny because on the previous episode of the podcast, that was something I was going to pitch to you. It was the reverse of a panic room. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's right.

And here we are. That's kind of crazy. Yeah, so you just sit on a seat, Maybe you're near these criteria. They slowly but surely You know, it's peak hour. These are slowly but surely kind of getting filled in more and more And Then at some point you just get out and you feel really good. Mm. So it's kind of like you know You're also getting that sauna effect. Mm, can you? Yeah, the sauna. Like that actual relief of getting out of the sauna.

Yeah. And then you almost want to plunge out of it into a total void. Yeah. You know, of nothingness. If you choose, can you have sex with one of the bodies? Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

I suppose that's, I think that's inappropriate. I think, I think, it's not that kind of. So you just kind of get out and then you master, babe? I guess. Yeah. I mean, I think this is a higher form of satisfaction than sex. Then sex.

So it's not a sex toy then. Well, because you are the entire, you are the ejaculate. Yeah, right. In this situation, you're a whole body. Mm. You know, it is. Yeah, because you are the entire, you are the ejaculate. Yeah, right. In this situation. You're a whole body. Mm. You know, it's being squirted.

I mean, if it turns out that what you're actually recreating is actually just the sperm and the balls. Mm. And then you, you come out of it. Oh, they would be so jostled and moist. Oh, moist and jostled. And then at some point, as they're going up the tube, they're getting joined by the prosthetic fluid.

Yeah. And then they're really getting shot out. The rush. I would love to see how the mechanics of the projectile of ajaculate works. Would you? Well, I mean, just like, is it kind of like a nerf gun, like an air pressured?

Like what is the actual propellant? It's got to be a muscular contraction of like the prostate or the area around the prostate that forces the, you know, but it also must contract the tube so that it's smaller so that you can get sort of more, I think it's already pretty true. Like more pressure. Like why does it need to contract that you... More. Well, like it's contracted by the blood that is in the phallus, the member.

But I think if I've experienced this correctly, I think at the... Let me tell you right now, you're doing it wrong now. At the moment of ejaculation, everything gets denser and tighter and things like that. Because I think if there's a smaller tube, then the pressure is higher, which means that you can get sort of more velocity. I believe that's Bernoulli's theorem of ejaculation. Yeah, of jacking it. Of jacking it.

Bernoulli, I mean, there's a chance that, you know, they wouldn't mention it, but there's a chance that Bernoulli's came up with theories through Jack in it. I dare say. I mean, how many mathematical theories were ejaculate inspired? Let's see. There's a binomial theory. Fibonacci sequences. Five-faggot theory.

Three-four. Three-four. It's three-five. Uh, uh, 5, 2, 3, 4. 3, 4. It's 3, 5. 3, 5, Andy. Come on. I mean, maybe that one was inspired by a jacket. Yeah.

Yeah. It was confused by a jacket. That's for sure. Yeah. Okay, wait. So, I do have a little bit of problems with, you know, you're saying that it's a thing that it's above sex, because then it tends to not be a sex. You know, we can't, I mean.

Anything can be sex. Anything can be sex, well then and then what? Okay. And then one next thing is a post-it note to spin, sir. But then again, you're only building, you're only building the toy. It's like, you're not dictating how people use it. Not at all.

Because I think it can also be used to satisfy those urges some people have for masturbating on public transport. Sure. Some people that are just, you know, maybe in the crowd there's just a set of eyes that you can set up in there and so that you can meet a set of eyes and then just masturbate to them. Hey. We tell you how to get on.

We're not telling you how to get off. That's right. No, that's the slogan. Welcome to the tram based. Tram based public transport panic group. Six toy. It's the number 69. In case you're wondering which tram it is. Number 13 is tram.

Base. Yeah. It gets you where you're going, hell. Okay. Okay, right? Well, that satisfies my idea about the personal space thing, something that just gets in your personal space. I think that you just, I mean, this is simple.

I don't know if this already exists as a sex toy, but just a simple run of the mill, dry, humping, so what you need, all you need here is sort of like a sex doll, but it probably can just be pants and just be like the bottom half, right? But of course it's nice to have something up top to kind of hold on to. So maybe make a full doll, but really it's not about looking realistic, because I think it's very much this one, because all the clothes are on, everything is,

it's very pre-sex. This is something you're trying to recreate of the ages of 15 or 16. Yeah, right? Okay. Right, so it's like a blue light disco kind of like... Kind of synod or like... Yeah, or like a, you know, it like kind of sonar or war like yeah or like a you know

It's your first or second or third party. It's these early parties where you've had a chance to break away Go into a bedroom. You're both aware that you're not ready for sex, but You're this is you experimenting yeah, right? And what you've got is your jeans Yes, press it up against their jeans and you're discovering that this rubbing feels good. Okay, great. So, well, I think then a lot of this is about context, right? Because we want people of any age to be able to experience this feeling again. Okay.

So, we need to create a vibe. There needs to be the music coming through the wall of the bedroom. I mean, it's not improper to suggest that this could be some kind of escape room. Yeah. And how are these ideas going to be rooms? But you know, like it's the people who offer the escape room service.

Yes. They can have a room where you have to get out of it without having impregnated somebody. And without having learned too big a lesson about sex. You're just, what you're trying to discover is the initial points of what sex is about. I think that's, I think that's what it takes to unlock. Yeah. You're wearing probably one of those brain suction cup scanner things, right?

And it's looking for a specific thought. It's the ones we've got this technology that can That can either you know, you know those ones that can like oh, you're thinking of the little part. Yeah Like that robotic arm, but you know, there's these newer ones where like you know You can picture a key and it's like oh, I can see the key right? So it's once we've got to a point where they can look for a specific thought Yeah, which is, I'm discovering what sex is about, but from first principles. Well, I see what you're doing there. So you have to put yourself in, you have to take yourself back, get into character and forget everything you know. But I think that that's putting

a lot of pressure on the individual mind to be able to experience this in exactly the way that the computer thinks that they should be. Like, isn't it an escape room? It's just going through certain motions, right? So it's ticking. But that's what dry-humping is. Certainly, it's ticking certain boxes.

It's, you know, so it's whatever the social interactions that you and the person that you're, you know, you're mutually attracted to, have to go through in order to get to that point where you're making first physical contact. Okay. Right. And this could be metaphorically established as a series of tests Physical challenges in this escape room space, you know, is it Getting some drinks is it? Picking the right song on and no sure and this is this is just an added

Feature that we can have to what is essentially just a rubber doll With with a pair of Levi's and we've got it. We've got a deal with Levi's The whole room is rubber by the way everything's made out of there's no sweating in the room So you know, obviously you can just obviously you can just buy this kind of squishy. It's all in flightable It's entirely, or stress ball, like a rubber stress ball kind of thing with jeans on. And then, because he's got to have a firmness to it. That's what it's all about. Dry-humping is all about pressure. And because the texture of jean rubbing up against skin is not that good.

But the double jean, the double jean against itself, I think the double denim, the double denim, you know, the two people completing a Canadian tuxedo. Is that, is that what the double denim is called? Yeah. Oh, that's quite funny. Yeah. I mean, I, until you made that reference, I had no idea that Canadian people were known for double denim.

I think they do. I think I find it hilarious. I believe there's a few countries that claim it as their Tuxedo. I've definitely heard of this, the Canadian Tuxedo. Canuxedo. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I mean, I mean, that's as good as it's going to get. That is as good as it's going to get.

Let's kill ourselves. Oh, no. Oh, maybe we could use it through a Dildo that becomes us. Yeah. I mean, just the thing is, is that that dildo that becomes us. Yeah. I mean, just the thing is, is that that dildo is a delivery method for any number of drugs or, you know, something that you can wear away, you wear away at the layers of it, like

a lollipop using sort of the inner anal walls, sort of like a bar or soap that you just slowly lather on the inside, but it's a slow delivery method that at first you kind of really get it lathering like that. Yeah, but at the end, what are your lifetimes? Just like some little sliver of, at some point, it just slips out of your hand and it just goes up there. Never ever to be seen again, like a wrench, like a wrench out of the hand of an international space station Like astronaut worker

just What off it goes it belongs to the abyss now What a beautiful image. Thank you. The abyss is obviously your butthole. And oh, what was I going to say? This doesn't Alistair, this episode doesn't need a language warning because I think we've been quite respectful in terms of language, but it needs a concept warning.

Look, because it's always... Do you think 20 minutes in is a good time to do a warning? A concept warning? Yeah. Retroactive concept warning. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Um, well, I mean, it's, it's a, it's probably a point of no return warning, right? Because if this is where we've got to so far, you're already chucking a wrench into the best Alistair.

There's no coming back from that. Yeah, yeah. I think the dry-humping too is good because you don't have to come. It's just about the joys you probably will later on. I mean, you might. But I mean, sometimes I think I've heard some of these BDSM kind of sex parties and things like that are they're not about the coming part Actually, once you get to Cummings and that's when the fun ends. Yeah, interesting. So that makes sense. But that is kind of still the end point. It's still kind of the... Yeah

It's what you want but it's not what you want. Gosh, I'm so confused, I'm learning so much. Well, you know, I mean, look, Andy, we probably could have got people in who know a bit more about sex so that they could, but you know what, we're building sex toys for the every man. Yeah. It's not for the connoisseur. Not for these experts. Yeah.

Not for the elite. Exactly. This is not for those, you know, for those sex perts in there. Yeah. And their ivory towers. Those ivory towers being shoved up. Different, I don't know. Or a five. Or a five. Lether towers. Lether. But what about, you know, like obviously, the dry-humping thing can be good for anyone, right? I guess these dildos can be good for anybody.

I guess also the tram thing. Where, as currently, we've made genderless sex toys. Yeah, which is nice. Well, I think we have, yeah. Mm. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess anybody could use any of these for. Now, what about a sex toy made for the woman designed by a man? Oh, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think because we know what they want. Well, I mean, like, the idea of promoting a sex toy that is what guys think. This is what the guys think you want. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting.

And then it kind of recreates, I mean, if you want the experience of having sex with a guy who doesn't 100% know what he's doing. Because I think you mean a guy. Yeah, a guy. Because I mean, then currently that's not being offered to you. I don't know, right? No, it's certainly not being marketed to you.

It might be being offered to you. I dare say there are such things. People are offering. Yeah, that men have designed sex toys for women and they don't know what they're doing. It's almost certainly the case, but they're not using it as a selling point. Yeah, but also, they're not selling it as a sex toy that recreates the experience of having sex with a person who doesn't know what they're doing. They're not selling it, is that? No, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, those people are currently selling it. Yeah, exactly what I was saying. No, no, no. The difference between what we're saying is that you're saying that it's designed by a man who doesn't know what he's doing. Yes. Right? designed by a man who doesn't know what he's doing. Yes. Right. But then the women use it potentially doing their best to make it to be a good experience. Right.

So when a woman gets the sex to her. Currently that's the situation. Yeah. But what I'm saying is that when a woman buys this one, Yes. Right. This sex toy that I'm proposing, no matter how hard she tries, she can't make this experience good.

Alistair, that's exactly what I'm, I'm in bored with this. This is, I agree. But it recreates the experience of having a, a, a, a, a sex with a guy who doesn't know what he's doing. Right. Well, I mean, but maybe there is, there may be Alistairair, within this, there is the possibility of enjoying yourself, right? Like, I think...

And a naive kind of way. Well, I think maybe that the woman has to be given, there has to be hope. Yeah. There has to be the hope that maybe this could be okay. Yeah. I mean, like... I'll give it a try. You're up, this is so far. No, but look, okay.

I like to think that maybe, what's that thing where you look back and you enjoy things from the past? In retrospect. No, the other one. The other one. The nostalgia. The nostalgia.

Yeah. I'd like to think that, you know, a woman might, let's say, a woman in her late 50s. Yes. You know, might want to go, what's, I would love to go back. You know, I've had sex with my husband for 30 years or whatever, and now I'm with, you know,

I'm dating again after he dies. Yeah. Or, anyway, it would just be great to be like, what it's like having sex with a 21 year old again. Can I, can I, can I just do a twist on that? Sure. Which is that this is a sex toy that you will not enjoy using, but 20 or 30 years down the track, you will look back on using this sex toy with some fondness as emblematic of

an early time when you and the sex toy were just trying things out. Sure. Right? It's something to be only enjoyed through the mists of time. In retrospect. In retrospect. And that's what they call the lubricant that comes with it. Yes.

It's called the mists of time. Yes. So what, so it's just one, okay, so you sell it. I mean, look, this is different. Yeah. Well, this is, you know, this is a, one okay, so you sell it. I mean look this is this is different Yeah, well, this is you know, this is a this is this is an investment Okay, because you are you're not gonna you're not gonna have the best time now But it is something you'll be able to look back on laugh, but it's something that like look back in laugh Yeah, it's something that lady friends by each other on their like 19th birthday

Yeah, it's something that lady friends buy each other on their like 19th birthday Yes, and you go this is just something you use now you muck around with you muck around with you have you you try to make it work Yeah, don't worry when you fail you'll realize you were always supposed to yes, right and then in 30 years you'll get back together with those lady friends and you'll laugh about the experiences that you had back then. Right, but this thing is made- There's a lot of fumbling. It's built to fumble. It just fumbles. Yeah, it's just fumbles. It's all knuckles.

Yeah, there's no ideal place to hold onto. Yeah. Right, the thing that anchors it to the ground as well might have a thing. That's awkward. You have to be really quiet. Yeah, you gotta be quiet. Because it's mum's next door. Yeah, and you gotta be quiet. Like, unless you are particularly careful, it's a very loud toy.

Yeah. It's got like somebody's built in like a creaky floor board into it. All right. So then, but this is precision German engineering. Oh, yeah. It's a piece of machinery that will last for 120 years. Right. That's why after you've fumbled with it, when you're 19,

whatever you do with it, right, it might not even have an insertion point. Yeah. It's like somebody, it's like a guy has invented a like a scissors ring, a scissors ring thing. Yeah. I don't know, exactly. Right? And then you put it away, bottom of the drawer,

every drawer, every time you move, it comes with you. Right, it's just in the bottom of one of your clothing drawers. It's just hidden there 50 years later. Yes. That's when you bring it out and you can relive that experience. You dials it and it hasn't learned anything. It hasn't learned anything. It's got no better. Right. You haven't learned how to use it any better, but you've changed. And what your life has changed.

Do you think then, are you suggesting that now with your experience, you will find a way to enjoy sex with this thing that was designed not to be enjoyed? I think so. That hope is still there. I think life experience having a family, going through, having people in your life die, experience having a family going through, you know, having people in your life die, you know. Having people in your life die is crucial to enjoy sex with this device. Yes, it's it's it's for a more complex type of feeling where you've start enjoying things that are not necessarily enjoyable. Absolutely. Right. Like having kids, right? You're spending a lot of time, it's boring, it's actually really draining, but it's some of the best living you'll ever do. Well, that's what this sex toy provides, your ability. But one thing that it also brings up is

that things like, you know, raising kids and people dying is that this one you get to relive. Yeah. You know? It's like nothing else in your life, in that it is always there and it's always the same. Yeah, the biological clock on this isn't ticking. You can go back. Yeah, you can go back.

And there is a clock on it that does tick. Yeah. There's not a biological one. It's a beautiful precise Swiss made yeah, the clock is Swiss and the rest of the mechanism is German. Yeah, I'm like you got to get your Swiss clocks. Yeah Right, do we have to go into what it looks like or is that what we we allow it? It's mostly sort of knees and elbows and knuckles. I think if there's a place for where you put your knees. Yeah. Is it a bit like a pull like a pull? No, but it has knees as well.

It has knees as well. Yeah, and they're always sort of poking into you and stuff like that. But you can also grab it behind the knees and you can sort of pull it towards you a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, if you want, you probably don't want to. Not as a young woman, you wouldn't. No, but maybe later on. Yeah, later on,, you probably don't. Well, not as a young woman, you wouldn't. No, but maybe later on. Yeah, later on, you'll figure it out. It's a toy that you only learn how to use through... That can only be learned how to use through the suffering that comes of a regular.

The suffering and joy that comes from a, or just your average life. Yes. I'm sorry, I was just distracted in thought wondering, what are we gonna call this episode that people aren't gonna be embarrassed to listen to it? Because as we all know, the worst listen to episode of two in the think tank is poo in the shorts. Nobody downloads that. I think everyone's just ashamed

to have something called that on their iPhone. What about... ...divis... ...sex toy ideas. No, you can't call it sex toy ideas. Why? Because people will read that and be like, I don't want to listen to... I think people would want to listen to that. Poo in the short, Andy. If you are linking P poo in the shorts to sex toy ideas in them. I think it's an embarrassment. I think it is an embarrassment about having those words on your phone that people will look over your shoulder and see what you're listening to. I think poo in the shorts and sex toy ideas are unified in that people are not entirely comfortable with people knowing

that that's what they're consuming. Fornication toy ideas. Fornication is a long... You're not going to process that word if you glance over something. Formication toy ideas. Formication is a long. You're not gonna process that word if you glance over something. Exactly, it looks like it says fortress, or fortification. Personal enjoyment devices. There you go. If you let me.

Personal fornication enjoyment devices. P-Fed's. Yeah. Classic Peds. Yeah. Classic Peafeds. Now, I mean, we've covered off a few areas of six. Look, what other ways are there to enjoy yourself rather than just rubbing your genitals on something or having something shoved up one of your orifices?

Or in retrospect. Or in retrospect. Yeah. The follies of my youth are in glorious retrospect. Are in retrospect glorious. The sex toy that is most enjoyed in retrospect for the lady. And then eventually, that's the great thing about that, is that eventually the guys will find out

that these 55-year-old women are loving these and men are going to want one for themselves. Right. But, you know, like a device made for them. Oh, okay. Sure. Is that our next idea or do we want to? Well, no, no, no.

I think we're looking for something else. Yeah. Because I mean, a lot of the principles will be the same. I mean, is this too wishy one? No, I can't do that. I thought we've sort of already covered that area. I was thinking about my thing about the most satisfying thing is when you have plans with someone and they cancel.

I think that's also your thing. Yeah, I kind of did have like a better than sex kind of thing. You take somebody out on a date for something that's better than sex, and you kind of go and work a nine hour shift in a factory and then you go both sit down. Yeah. I mean, that's, yeah, you're just not on your feet anymore, just taking the weight off your feet.

Yeah. It's pretty good. And you've held in a piss that whole time. Then you sit down and piss. And piss. Both together. You don't sit down to pee, but you sit down and pee.

And that's the real joy. You're sitting down to get off your feet. But then you pee. Yeah. Yeah, but then you pee. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Um, any nipple stuff?

Do you think we need like, the nipple clamp seems aggressive. I think as a man, though, it is hard to feel in too much enjoyment through your nipples. No, no. When I was young, I was really into that. Really? Yeah. It's like just they were sensitive and it felt good. Not sensitive. Like I just liked it them pinched. Really? Yeah. In a sexy way. Yeah. It kind of would it would just be good. And then it would enhance. Oh great.

Yeah. Now I was thinking about something that or or bitten kind of like not a bitten but like you know a lot of mouth pressuring. Yeah. Oh, okay, awesome. I'm so sorry about that. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry that I sort of denied your sexuality or tried to erase your, you know, that part of your being. My sexuality was actually quite hurt by that. Yeah. I appreciate your apology. What about something though, but for guys like me who don't really feel anything from their nipples?

What if it's sort of a device that sort of attaches to your nipples? But then has a series of pipes or wires down to your penis. So that pressure applied to the nipples is referred down to the penis as like the the pleasure sort of epicenter, but it's almost like a cochlear implant, right? That allows people to hear sounds but not using their ear drum. Yeah. By going, I think like putting electrical impulses directly into the like oral nerve, perhaps. I don't actually know how the cochlear implant works.

Oh my God, that's embarrassing. Yeah, it is. But this is a cock nipple implant, not a cock clear implant plant. Well, it's quite a nipple. I mean, if you'd like, I can expand your idea. Please. To just say, like, it's just a whole sexual redirection device that takes all the aspects of sex that are not

the maximum, you know, that are not really built for maximum enjoyment, but we do. Yes. Pulling of hair, scratching of back, squeezing of nipples. Well, you can now have any grasping of buttock. Because there's exactly that you can now have any fetish you want, basically, right? Because as it stands, only people who have like a foot fetish really enjoy foot stuff. But what if you don't have a foot fetish, but you have a foot fetish fetish? Like you would love to be able to get off with your feet.

Yeah. And now there's this thing, which is a kind of like a sensitive membrane film, which you sort of put over your foot and shape it around your toes or whatever. And then it has a series of wires, cables and pipes, which then go up to your penis, or your vagina, or whatever thing you get the most pleasure out of.

And it redirects it to that. Absolutely, I think, you know, especially if you've got a partner who does have his foot fetish, and then you're just, you're just a set of feet, right? Yeah. And then, but they're, they're sucking on your toes, right? And you're like, I wish, I know, I was getting something for me. I was getting something out of this. They're sucking on your toes, and it redirects that feeling or, you know, interpretation of that feeling straight to your penis, right? But then, you know, interpretation of that feeling straight to your penis. Yeah, right?

But then, you know, they're scratching your back and it takes that feeling and it puts it onto your penis. You know, vagina. Yeah, or vagina, you know, absolutely. Actually, I think we need to correct it. I don't think it's even a vagina. It's a vulva, right?

Everybody, we always say the vagina, but I'm pretty sure that's just the big hole. Right. Not that that's the part that, know like that's what we want to talk. No, I'm really sorry. I feel like that's fucking dumb thing. No, but it's but no, but we all we all say that and that is absolutely the default. Right. Right. But we're all pretty much wrong. The vulva I think is the whole package. Yeah, right? Okay. From what I'm gathering. Yes. I'm probably saying something incorrect. What are you gathering? A gathering of all of us.

Laves and... And the vaginas, the biggest of the holes, I think the urethra is probably one of the smaller holes. If you were to rank them. Yeah. You know, top three holes in a vagina. Then, you know, then there's the clitoris, which is not a hole. I think it's just a stem, sort of like a nervy stem.

Yeah, anyway. Not a deal. So, yeah, obviously you can also have it on your vulva. And I don't know how, you know, if it's sort of like you were saying, we were saying something about like, what's that condition you have where you see colors and use. I didn't say that, but it's synesthesia. Yeah, like it's sort of like a synesthesia for the rest of your body,

interpret everything that happens to your body into dick or vulva feeling. We call it synesthesia, that's the name of the device, but we write it, sin-s-i-n, right? Yes, great. Like the sexy kind, right? Yeah. And yeah, it just... Sin-s, big-s. Sin-s-s-s-s. Ass. And then the THG. And then the THG. And then SEA.

Like the SEGA. Or like a SEAL. Great. SEAL. SEAL. SEAL. SEAL. SEAL.

And there's a SEAL and he's giving a thumbs up. And he's somehow has some kind of sinful ass. Maybe it's ass is also giving a thumbs up and it's got like fun glasses on. Is this a kind of a like a sinbed bad, the sailor kind of reference to sin ass, the seal? Yeah, yeah. That's where it goes. Yeah, yeah. That's where it goes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where it goes.

That's what this is. Yeah, it's got a big, it's got a big scabbard. Yeah. Scabbard? Scabbard. He's got a big scabbard. Oh, is that, do we go through the sketches on these episodes, on the episodes of two in the side tank.

You know what we can. We absolutely can. I don't think we did last time. Well, this time we are. Okay. Sex toy that becomes you. Yeah, right? So like you're into you.

And it could deliver, it can deliver sort of like a multivitamin or essential nutrients. Essential nutrients or it can divide, like give you sort of glow in the dark, you know, particles that enter all your cells. Right, but these are like your different flavors of condom. These are all just different options.

Or a euthanasia drug. All right, then we have the tram-based reverse panic room, which is a place where you can recreate that feeling of being on a sweaty, crowded, tram or train or bus during peak hour. And then you get out. And then you get out. Or you can masturbate on there. You use it how you want. But it's just, you know, it's like an orgy without all the, without the group sex.

Yeah, it's like an orgy, but the bit where you get to leave. Like, like being on a crowded public transport is the closest thing to an orgy that you'll ever be in, a big sort of like 50 person orgy, but without the sex. Yeah. Then there's the dry hump doll plus escape room experience. Uh-huh. You know, it doesn't have to be a doll,

it could be an action figure. I think if you want to sell it to men, you would make it a dry, humping action figure. I don't know why suddenly men, when they reach their adulthood, they're like, they're fine with buying dolls. Traction figure? Traction figure. Oh, that's good. I'll write's true. Just trying to get a bit of traction. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's the sex toy that is most enjoyed in retrospect for the lady. And it's a tough one, you fumble with it, but then eventually life experiences teaches you,

teaches you how to both enjoy it, but then enjoy the good old days of your of your sort of your naivete. You know, that's what you're coming of age. You're coming of age and it shows this is a device that shows you how far you've come. Yeah. It also makes you sort of ejaculate quite long days. Well, that's it. That's it, that's an extra toy, right? It's something that is just like a booster for your ejaculation. Right? Say like if there's a fire or something like that.

Or just if you just want to come along this distance. Yeah, that's true. It's called how far we've come. How far? And it goes on the end of your penis. And as the... Or vulva. Or vulva. Or vulva.

And as the ejaculate of any kind goes past it, it just gives it a, kicks it into gear, maybe a little bit of gas or something like that. And it's really... It's essentially the sex toy version of those, those sort of yellow arrows that you get in Mario Kart, that you roll over them and they just speed you up.

Exactly. It could be just like a, like a double-sided conveyor belt. Yeah. You know, like that, you know, see that device that launches those salmon through the pipe? No. There's a device that launches salmon. Yeah, it's basically like two conveyor belts on either side and then when the salmon swims into it, it goes ffunk and it gets them into it. Well, that's exactly what this is.

But with sperm instead of salmon. Yeah. And what are sperm, if not, is just essentially the ocean. The larva of salmon. What are salmon, if not the ocean's sperm? Yeah, that's right. Then there's the sexual redirection device. Get all that four play and other bodily stuff that isn't really

the best thing, which is, you know, getting touched on your penis or vagina or vulva. I know what this thing could do. It could really turn any physical action into a sexual thing, right? That's right. Then you're cleaning the dishes, right? Instead of a scrubbing brush, you've got the pad, you've got the redirection pad that feeds the sensation down into your genitals. It just has your hands, that's what the rubber gloves are.

The coveted sensors, you dip in your hands and warm water. It's like you're dipping your genitals in a warm sink of dish one. You're running your head around the bowls. Around the bowls. Yeah. Yeah. That's perfect. Oh, that's right.

That allows to... You're scouring the pan. You're scouring. That rusted onions really on the pan. Yeah. You're twirling around a wine glass, breaking it. Oh, no. Cutting open your hand.

But no, that's happening to your penis. Yeah. And then there's the how far we've come device that helps speed up your ejaculate. Yeah. And let it be free on the trajectory it should have been. So like the pig and the... Simpsons. Simpsons.

Goes a really long way. And gets stuck in that dam. Yeah. Like a pig stuck in a dam pipe. And you guys know all about, if you're listening to this, you know where we are. We don't need to tell you anything. You found us already.

Yeah, so thanks for coming. And, and sorry. And thank you Daniel Kay. I hope these ideas were to your satisfaction. Yeah. And met your criteria. Your exacting criteria. Your exacting criteria.

Daniel Kay. And we love like this. Love this. Ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Love this. We do this one with animal noises instead of songs. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus. And financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu.