Two In The Think Tank - BONUS EPISODE - "TELEPORT" with Martin and Jerry

Episode Date: January 22, 2020

APOLOGIES! Due to the plague that has infected the tank, there will be no regular episode this week. Instead, here's something from behind the Patreon wall - Episode 3 of TELEPORT with Martin and Jerry, two engineers who have invented a working teleportation device. Join them as they try to figure out how it works.TICKETS TO TELEPORT at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival are available hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time my computer career.edu

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No, only some of the space. Mm-hmm. The space within the teleportation device. Yes, we haven't been able to get rid of that part of it yet. Yes, of course. You still have to step in. Yes, you still have to get to the teleportation device. Yeah, which is a bit of a...

Well, as soon as that's gonna become a real burden, isn't it? Well, we think... Well, that will be the journey. Mmm, yes. You know, when people say, how is your trip to Paris, you'll say, oh, well, the journey, let me tell you about that. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the living room to the teleportation device. And you'll say something like I picked a bit of salmon out of the inside of my teeth. Yes. And that was not bad.

You know what? It actually, it aged well. Mouth food. Mouth. Maybe. Maybe how to live by eating only things that are already inside your mouth. I think it is possible though. Hamsters do it. We could get to not have

to walk to the transportation device. An internaportation device. Oh well they possibly wearing a hat. Look the solution to so many of life's problems. Yes. Now, wearing a hat. I'm thinking it's a be tried wearing a hat. It's very broad breamed. And I want you to know it has to be so broad breamed. His comedy, Lucky's Hat, was very broad breamed. Sorry, carry on. So broad breamed that it is bigger than the width of your own body.

Mm-hmm. You know what I'm picturing? Yes. A sombrero. Well, that is possible. I want it to be a sombrero, but around the bottom edge of the lower part of the sombrero, the outer rim, outer lower brim. I want there to be a sort of a who-a-who type device.

Is brim sure for big rim? I think so, or bum rim. Yeah, it's okay. That makes perfect sense. Well so does big rim. No, it doesn't. Anyway. So.

I mean, sorry. Okay. Oh, sorry doesn't. Anyway. So. I mean, my, sorry. Okay. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'm not. I'm sorry. Yes. No, everything's going well.

And I just want to say, by the way, I'm Martin Crystalis. I know I am Jerry Roberts. Jerry and William. And we are two. Jerry, I can be on Roberts. And we are two agenias. Yes, and so am I.

Hmm. and we are two agenias. Yes, and so am I. Mm. Mm. Oh. Ah, yes. The difficulties of drinking water. Mm. So, this hula hoop under a wide brimmed sombrero will, whenever you want to transport somewhere, it'll just fall.

Mm-hmm. What we haven't already explained. Fall to the ground like one of those quick-change things they use. Exactly. In a Kylie Manoe concert at the Sydney 2000 Olympics. Yes, very much exactly what I'm talking about. Wait, Kylie had a concert at the Olympics. It was a scheduling mix-up. They had both booked at the Olympics stadium It was a scheduling mix-up. They had both booked the Olympics stadium.

Oh no. And you know, it was supposed to be shot put. I tell you, there was a lot of shot put fans who were very disappointed. Not by the costume tape changes. Obviously that will amaze everyone. Obviously, if it had been the hammer toss, the song, I'm spinning around, get out of my head.

Get out of my head. Get out of my head. I'm spinning around, get out of my head. Is that not how the song goes? No, that's a manic episode. Get out of my way. I think it's a song about a cool night out. But if you're spinning around, how can somebody get out of your way?

Because your way is constantly changing. Surely my way indicates whichever direction my face is facing. Well, and you're not changing the ways that ways work when you're spinning. Of course, there's a drift. Oh, the drift, the manogue drift. Yes. Which way is the manogue drifting? Um, now. Sorry. You were saying. Within the hoop. Yes.

Is a teleportal. Mm. So, when you want a teleport somewhere, you just press the button, the hoop falls to the ground. Yes. You disappear. Frupp.

Right. The hat tumbles to the ground. Ah. And you appear under some other hat somewhere. Okay, perfect. Nice. The only problem will be that you will come out head first. Well, that's okay. You will rise from the ground. Yes. Well, I was picturing you'd come out of another hoop on the ground. Yes. But you're lifting the hat. The hat will afforduring you'd come out of another hoop on the ground. Yes, but you'll be coming. You're lifting the hat. The hat will be where you come out will be to underneath a hat.

The hat will be sitting on the hoop and as you rise up, as you are created out of the hoop. Now, but think about head first, you'll appear, but rising out of the ground. But if you disappear head first into the hoop. Now, but think about head first, you'll appear, but rising out of the ground. But if you disappear head first into the hoop, then you'll be appearing tip of your head first out of the other hoop. Yes. So that means you'll be standing on your head. Well, it depends on which way you make somebody arrive. Well, in order to stay whole, you've got to go in the way that you've got to come out, the way that you can go in. Can't tip flip somebody.

Well no, because their head has gone through already, and so it will already be coming out the other side. Yes, tip first. Tip first. I don't understand your concern. To me, I'm picturing somebody coming out, tip of the head first and standing upright and it works perfectly, conceptually. Okay, I guess I'm picturing it coming out of the bottom of the hoop, but you're picturing it coming out of the top.

Coming out of the top. The top. Of course. It's a two-way hoop top. Well, I was just assuming that you've got to come out the same way that you went into the hoop, and I thought maybe the hoop doesn't, but you know what? Didn't think of it as a double-sided hoop. And that's why I'm here. But then, what happens when you try to pick up the hoop and reattach it to your hat? Do you transport again back to somewhere else? Well, you turn it off.

You turn it off. It's not always on. Well, in my mind, it was. Maybe it takes too much energy to turn it on and off. His comedy, like his teleportation hoop, was always on. And also broad, very broad, like his submarine. Like his brim. Not the fish, not B-R-E-I-M.

Mmm. Not like a Travelli. Look at this shirt. Thank you. Oh, you've on the outside, put polar fleas on the inside, you're tight business. Quite spectacularly tight, bright pink. Business shirt.

Yes, anyway. Yes, well, it's the ultimate camouflage, isn't it? Yes, the polar fleece, I remember when we used to make fun of someone for wearing polar fleece, now it's become who you are. High fashion. Well, we know nobody. That hats, hats are high fashion as far as I'm concerned, unless they're lying on the ground,

atop a sombrero teleportation hoop. That's right. I am I'm very excited about the the potential that teleportation has to revolutionize magic. Oh yes. Because up until the invention of teleportation, if you were to put somebody into a box If you were to put somebody into a box and say, when I open this box, they will have disappeared. They had to go out through a little door or something like that. But now they will be able to teleport out through a little door. That's right. I think it's going to do wonders for that whole industry. I guess really magic will become a more amazing thing to see then, will be open a box and the person is still there.

That's true because now it's so used to people just disappearing. So yes. Exactly. The very idea of somebody walking into a box and not disappearing will seem insane to us. I mean, the idea that the person would even bother to walk across the stage. Yes, indeed. Oh, wow.

Why is he doing that? Why does legs get tired? And what other fantastical, you know, because you'll be able to, as we've established already, I believe, may have talked about it or may have just written it down somewhere that the teleportation has the potential to revolutionise the art of ventriloquism. Of course. Because you'll just be able to poke your lips through a teleportation hole and have them

teleport out onto a dummy, onto anything. That's right. And then talk through that. It'll be like that good camera trick. Yes, very good camera trick. Where you put your lips on top of someone else's face. And it always looks good, natural. Natural and sexy.

Yes. There's something about the face being totally frozen and the lips still moving. I love that. But I was so glad. I think the potential of teleportation in the field of magic is very good. And, you know, they've often said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Yes.

Especially when the magic is just advanced technology. That's right. Yes. What about this? A deck of cards. Yes. But instead of cards, they're all little teleportation devices. Okay, very good, yes.

Okay. Pick a teleportation device, any teleportation device. Ah, okay. Yes, on that end, this one here. Oh, yes. Now look at it. Look at it. Don't show me.

That's great. Good work. All right, now put it back into the pile of teleportation devices. Okay, there you go. All right, now. Yes, yes, I'm waiting for the trick. I'm waiting for how this could in any way amaze me.

Okay, now. Because the thing, the thing about the traditional deck of cards trick is that there's an expectation. There's an expectation that you, that all the cards are in some way different, and it's unlikely that you would be able to pick out of this number the one that I had already seen. So, how does that apply to a pile of teleportation devices? I have, because my expectation, I let the moment there is no, I can't possibly imagine what the outcome of this could possibly be.

And so in order for you to surprise me, I'm gonna, it's gonna have to be something pretty amazing. And then he goes like this, you know, all right now shuffle. Okay. Just shuffle, oh, cut the deck. Yes. Do that thing where you go,

brrrr, like that. Yep. Tuck them back in together. And he goes like this and he picks up. And he goes, now this teleportation device. Err, he stretches it out. Stretches out, beep. Stretches it out, bit big.

He goes, hey, you're an Egypt now. Ha. Didn't expect that. No, I didn't expect that, but I also didn't expect something else. It doesn't matter, but you're gone now. I expected that literally anything could happen. And it did.

So in a way way I was right Well, hang on And then I disappear okay, and then yes, are we both in Egypt? Wait, and then I go Is this your card? No, I got a card. Okay, it isn't I didn't have a card. Oh Well, it's that fakie thing that magicians always do And then he goes is this your card. Yes, okay. Give me a wallet This is all being very good. Yeah, it was absolutely horrible from magic

I'm sort of you know I actually saw some magic recently, and I was genuinely going what? Like that. Really? Tell me more about what it pertained, for example. Playing with cards, and then there's like a cup, and then under the cup, a cup that could barely hold this, there was an apple. Oh yes.

So there hadn't been an apple there before. Oh my god! But then, it takes out the apple, and then he's like showing it, and then underneath, there was another apple. Wait, but he just took the apple out. But there wasn't enough room for two apples. No, but there's must have, you must have made a mistake because they, you know, well, as you say, he's either, there was one, you're already taking the apple out. So there, there mustn't have been an apple under it again.

No, there was another apple. This sounds like an administrative area or something to me. In the teleportation world, that would be easily explained. That would be easily explained. But it means simply rabbit out of the hat, easily explained. But then we'll have to come up with new magical things. True. How about kindness?

Oh, don't know about that. No, all right. Because you show that to your family and things like that sometimes. Hmm. Can I? Well, I think, um, possibly in the, in the world in which teleportation has become the new norm, the new norm teleportation. Yes.

Everyone is constantly teleporting everywhere. Everybody lives in their own little isolated kingdom. Mm-hmm. There would be no reason to, because because, you know how at the moment we live in a bubble online, social media, we all live in bubbles. Yes. And that means that you never have to see or experience

something that challenges your vision of the, your view of the world. Well, but in reality, in the real world, we still have to go outside, we still have to go outside. We still have to walk past the homeless. We still have to see people as we move between different locations. Now, with teleportation, we won't have to do that anymore. No, that's right.

So our bubbles will become more complete. We literally will live in different worlds. We won't have to enter any public space at all. Correct. Indeed. There will be no public space. But then what we can also do is we can just fight to have a new government for just our bubble. I actually think this is quite promising. Everyone will live in their own little worlds connected, only contacting and teleporting to the people they believe in and agree with. And if you vote for whoever governs your bubble,

they're always going to get 100% of the vote because that's your bubble. That's your bubble. And if you don't vote for them, you're out of the bubble. You're out of the bubble. You're your bubble. That's your bubble. And if you don't vote for them, you're out of the bubble. You're out of the bubble. You're going to whatever bubble you agree with. Yeah. It's very exciting actually. Mm.

Multiple streams. And so that way, let's say a country such as Australia. Mm. We'll not be defined by its states, but by its bubbles. Yes. I live in the bubble of Australia. And that means that I'm only people I wear, I don't actually know where I am in physical space,

but that doesn't matter because I'm only in contact with people with whom I agree. And I guess you won't need to know where things are because you can just walk into a teleportation device and then just go there. You don't need maps anymore. No, finally. We're not navigating. No, because there's no space through which to navigate. But in this world in which we never have to show kindness to anybody. Yes, well we can still show kindness. No, no, no. Now demonstrating kindness will become

as unlikely and as fascinating as magic from producing a second apple. Well, yes, that was my point. They're producing a second apple. The wonder of that would be, so now you'll produce an apple. Same trick to produce the apple, but now you're doing it with a teleport, take a lot of time.

But this time it'll be a gift. You won't keep it like the magician did it. Exactly. He keeps, but this man seems to have an unlimited supply of apples, and he's keeping them all for himself. Yeah, or at least two. You will give a bite of that apple to a street merchant who you have teleported in for the purposes

of this demonstration. That's right, that's good. And so he's left his bubble. That's another bit of magic. Yes. So anyway, I think that'll be something quite something to witness. We'll be able to compete bubbles as well. Hmm.

I mean, not, we'll probably won't be able to know whether or not information is correct or anything like that. Unless we're in vestigative journalists who travel into bubble. Well, this will become like traveling through dimensions then, won't it? You'll be able to, because each bubble will be never, never contact any of the other bubbles. It will become like a totally parallel dimension. And perhaps that is exactly what we are currently living in. Maybe we already are in a bubble and we have no idea, you know, somehow teleportation has become diffused to such an extent that we only now exist within this parallel dimension and all the people

who we think we disagree with conservatives on politics. But wait till you see what people, kinds of politics people have in the other bubbles. Mmm. They think all government should be by skateboards or something crazy like that. At least we all agree that government should be by sentient humans. Oh right, you're saying that the skateboards would be the politicians. The politicians. Okay, yeah. And so who is in this bubble? The viewer to come up with that?

Oh, the government backfliped again today. It was sick. Yeah. And then they did an indie nose bone. Really? So backflipping on a skateboard, that's crazy. That is crazy. Yeah, exactly. That is crazy.

Yeah, exactly. That's my point. But, but, wait for it. Well, the bubbles slipping between dimensions and then something else that I was going to say that we'll retire it all together beautifully. What's your favorite part of the oncoming teleportation revolution? Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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Mycomputercareer.edu Well, I did have an interesting idea that now I will be able to have a tiny teleportation device in my, in my tear ducts so that whenever I shed a tear, it instantly teleports into a jar buried deep beneath the surface of the earth. No one will ever see my tears. Well, you could do that with your e-rethra as well. I could, yes. I could have my e-rethra buried deep beneath the earth.

Hmm, and my tears. Every time I cry, my tears flow into my... This would be good. But this is the one, yes. That I have a tiny teleportation device. Why are you trying to put usable water in the core? Listen to me. Well, I tell a tiny teleportation device

within my tear ducts so that every time I cry, the tears teleport directly into my urethra and it leaks out the end of my penis. Nobody ever knows that I have cried. Everybody thinks I've just pissed myself. That's good. A man's way of Cry of of releasing liquid from his body. Yes. Oh, he simply has a weak prostate. Hmm not a An emotional weakness. Great. Is it the prostate that holds urine in?

Believe that after you I think I think there is some connection I think there's a thing when you prostate swells and then you have trouble peeing. But then I think of people who've had prostate surgery. Yes. To remove the prostate, then find it difficult to keep urine in. Wow. I think the prostate has a role. I'm not saying that science has the answers. Yes, yes, yes. No, of course. Of course. All we know is that the prostate is involved. Yes, that's good. The one risk with say putting your...

Pissing out. Pissing into a teleportation device on the interview, Yerithra, into going into the core of the earth. I guess there's two problems. One is getting a teleportation device into going into the core of the earth. I guess there's two problems. One is getting a teleportation device that can continue functioning in the core of the earth

and getting it there. Yes. Okay, the other thing is if it malfunctions and it becomes a two way teleportation device. And lava, super heated, and sleep within, or magma would go up through you once it once it teleports into your rethra it becomes lava. Well, it hasn't contacted a connected to air yet.

I don't think. Well, I don't know what you've got. I would still say I don't know what you've got whistling down your rethra 24 hours a day. But for me, it's, there's a constant breeze. Do you not have this? Exactly. Like one of the seven dwarves. That was my urethra making that sound for the listeners at home. for the listeners at home. Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh- And an acronym, an acronym, misplaced through time. Yes.

An acronym. Oh. An acronym would be something like a caveman using a word laser. Yes. Is that? Yes, that's an an acronym. But can you have an anachronism that goes forward? I don't see why not.

Yes, well there you go. I mean, what could be more anachronistic than an anachronism, an an anachronism that is going, that is at the wrong time and an accurate, an anachronism and an anachronism where someone in the future uses something from the past. A thing belonging or appropriate to a period other than that in which it exists. So we can start using that word a lot more

once I don't know, a teleportation device is not a time machine. It is not a time machine, but I don't know, a teleportation device is not a time machine. It is not a time machine, but it could take us to a place where they have invented time machines. Yes, or we could go to planets, other planets say we shoot a teleportation device into space and we send it keep it going for let's say 30 years or you know at half the speed of life. A lot. A speed of life. Oh yes. That is absolutely.

Oh yeah. I don't know what that was supposed to be. But my autobiography will be called the speed of life. Now the thing is, the thing is, mountain, that good titles are few and far between. And I'm still young. So if I settle on a good title at this point I'm still young. I am a Nash. Yes. Crossbeam. Yes. I am still young Nash and Kurosbeam. That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was,

that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that

was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that true, but if the sink in N-sync still stands for stills young Nash and Crosby. That is huge. That is this could blow everything wide open. Wide open. That guy, then, you know, I was ever in since guys It's all falling into place. I would explain the musical

similarities between those two great. That's right If I knew any in sync songs do you know any bye bye? Yes, okay If I knew any in sync songs do you know any? Bye bye bye. Yes, okay. What in ships on the water? Bye bye bye! Stop that fire. Bye bye bye bye bye! Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Anyway, my point was, if you're still young, I'm still young, and I can, if I find a good title for my autobiography, I can still shape a life that fits to that title and makes

it relevant. So, speed of life, well, at this point, I could absolutely become some sort of land speed racer or something like that. Absolutely, or an astrophysicist. An astrophysicist. The focus is studying on studying the speed of life. An astrophysicist. I thought I heard you all. An astrophysicist who focuses on the speed of...

How about this? A gastrophysicist. It's somebody who studies the speed of food. Food in space. Oh yeah. Anyway, that's mine. Yeah, that is yours. Yeah, you can't use that. That's going to be the title of the second volume of my autobiography. After I take a bit of a turn the second volume of my auto-biography, after I take a bit of a turn, and start reviewing food in space. The gastro-physicist. And how does reviewing food make you a physicist

on reviewing its motion through space? Well, people who review food tend to focus on the taste, but there are so many other properties of food. It's mass, it's orbital velocity. That could be also quantified much more accurately than taste which is subjective. You're right. And reviewing things as far as I understand it

is about quantifying the objective properties thereof. When I read a review of a comedy show, I am interested in its length. Yes, it's it's it's it's hard. It's hard. Depth, but not the card you're thinking of. No. I like a show with depth.

So I'll look, I think we've got some really interesting things today. Got to the bottom of some things and to the top of some things. Isn't it interesting that whenever somebody talks about a mystery, they're all raised interested in getting to the bottom of something. But when you talk about a mountain, you want to get to the top of it. Anyway, food for thought. But of course, when you get to the bottom of something, you're always getting to the top of something else.

No, unless it's the ocean. Yes, you're getting to the top of the earth's crust. No, you're always getting to the top of something else. No, unless it's the ocean. Yeah, you're getting to the top of the earth's crust. No, you're not. Hey, no. No, you're not. Well, the top of the earth's crust is the top of a mountain or something like that. No, but the top of the earth's crust is also

the bottom of the ocean. Do you think everywhere at the top of the earth's crust? Yeah. Your voice almost sounded like somebody else who quite seriously disagreed with me there for a moment. Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. You're under the ground.

Yes. All right. You're like, I can't wait to get to the top of the earth's crust so that I can get out of the ground. Okay. All right. You get out of the ground. And I'm at the bottom of the ocean. I think think thank God

Well, I mean You think well that's that over onto the next level I'm 4,000 kilometers down 4,000 meters God, I'll look like an idiot Now you did not because I was already picturing you on some distant ocean world. Oh! Now you did not, because I, or was already picturing you on some distant ocean world. Oh, God.

Yes. Now, some kind of ocean world that could still, that could be 4,000 meters down, of kilometers down, but still just be a water planet. But still has some earth.

Some earth, yes. Hopefully just a small amount. Just like a baseball. Just a little baseball. You know, and it's not enough pressure to make everything in the middle hot. And inside the core there, a whole lot of elastic bands and feathers.

Oh yes, and cold stuff. Oh, it's something that's why it's not getting. Yeah, it gets colder the further it goes there. Yeah. That makes more sense to me. Mmm. That seems more realistic. Not further away from the sun.

Further away from the sun. So I don't know if they've looked into this. Can you have just a dirt planet doesn't get hot in the middle? A dirt planet. It's all rich. Soil. Humicy, loam, very fertile, all the way there. Earthworm. Maybe it just becomes more fertile.

Do you think we should just release some earthworms on the Mars? Very fertile, all the way there. Earthworm. Maybe it just becomes more fertile. Do you think we should just release some earthworms on the Mars, just see how they go? I think we'd be crazy not to. Yeah, just make a patch, just a patch where we do it. Just get a little bit going there. What about rats? No. See what they do.

They say to do well. They killed all the life in all the birds in New Zealand. So maybe they could kill the inhabability. The uninhabitability. Uninhabitability of Mars. What does Mars have? Uninhabitability in abundance. It's endemic flora is uninhabitability.

Yes, and so if we send rats there, they could kill it. The young, the young or at least, you know, do something dying. At least, at the very least, we'll die and we can get rid of a few rats. That's true. And we will, our rat,

we won't then later have to worry about eradicating them. Anyway. I'd eradicate. Yes. This has been a stone-cold pleasure. Absolutely. For me, it's been a hot, hot pleasure.

Hot steamy pleasure. Oh, that sounds glorious. Yes. So thank you very much. Please make sure that you keep an eye out for the show Teleport at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 2020. I believe you.

The year of our Lord. Tickets will be probably on sale the next week. Probably. Yes. Knowing them. I just got the ticket email just then. Glorious. While we were in this very,

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