U Talkin’ U2 To Me? - U Talkin' U2 To Me? - LIVE from SF Sketchfest

Episode Date: February 12, 2015

Adam Scott Aukerman made their way to SF Sketchfest for a special U Talkin' U2 To Me? episode recorded LIVE from Cobb’s Comedy Club! Scott & Scott talk U2 to Sally, the very first college girl on the show before going through their Top 10 U2 Songs of All Time. Plus, the Scotts chat about the ‘Dance as they open up I Love Films as well as answer some burning questions from the fans out in the audience.

L.A. 3Lz 5.90 3Lo 4.90 3Lo 4.90 3Lo 4.90 Thank you. I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live I don't know how I'm gonna live Storbritannia I want to hang I want to take

On this night I want to turn Just like me When the sun's out I want to feel Where the seas are blackened And the waters are blue I feel the waves of life on my face I see the dust-covered disappear Without a trace

I want to settle Where there's no rain at all From boy to boots Getting them on that is This is You talking U2 to me Yes I'm so out of breath The comprehensive And encyclopedia compendium

Of all things U2 This Is good Rock and roll Music This is good rock and roll music. Get up here, you weirdo. That was a lot of exercise. How do those guys in YouTube do that?

I don't know. They're like running full sprint when they do it. Wow. Well, I'm glad that's such a nice long song, because we needed to fill as much time as possible. Yeah. I got a text from Adam this morning. What in the fuck are we doing tonight?

And Scott said, I don't know. But we worked it out. We have a great show for you tonight. Adam, is there anyone you want to say hi to? Yeah. I would like to say hello to my friends. I would like to say hello to my family.

I would like to say hello to my fans. First people to applaud. That's really nice. Apparently your family is not out there. No friends, no family. I would like to say

hello to the wonderful employees here at Cobb's Comedy Club. Yes, we've met about two of them at this point.

I would like to meet all of them. If you work here at Cobb's, please just come up here to the stage. We would love to meet you. And we would love to meet all of them. If you work here at Cobbs, please just come up here to the stage. We would love to meet you. And we would love to hear what you think about you two.

Speaking of you two... Hold on, hold on, hold on. I would like to say hello to everyone here at SF Sketch Fest. And everyone here at SF Sketch Fest. And I would like to send out a special hello to you. Thank you, Scott.

You're welcome, Scott. By the way, I am Scott. You may know me from Comedy Bang Bang. And over, thank you. And over here is Scott, who is the star of the upcoming, finally released February 20th Hot Tub Time Machine 2. The day is almost upon us, Scott. What are you going to be doing Feb 20?

Oh boy, you know, I'll just, I'll be out there just hitting the ropes. The ropes? Which ropes are these? I don't know. Some sort of obstacle course that you go through? It's coming out on a Friday. Every time I'm in a movie that comes out, I like to hit survivor-style obstacle courses. What do you do when you're in a movie that doesn't come out?

I just dig a giant hole in that same beach. Fantastic. And what do people... What do people have in store for them when they go see Hot Tub Time Machine 2? This time, the tub... What? This time, the tub means business.

Last movie was all pleasure. No, this time it's all business. It's all business, really? Just a lot of early morning meetings? Then the next one's gonna be business and pleasure. Okay. A little of both. You're gonna go hit up any movie theaters like the Arclight or something and wave at the

nice folks? Oh, yeah. I love doing that. That's you to a T. You're Mr. Showbiz. Mr. Showbusiness. Get out there and wave to people. That's what showbusiness is all about.

It's 99% waving. Yep. They don't tell you that. No. If they did, no one would get into it. You don't know. You have to make sure you have an arm that's in shape Because there's a lot of fucking waving First off, just having an arm

If you don't have arms, forget about show business Forget it By the way, I want to say I haven't said hello to anyone Oh yeah, come on, Scott I only want to say hello to a few people. All right. It's the people sitting front row center here.

Oh, they have the t-shirts. They have the t-shirts. You guys were in line for four hours, we heard? You were here for four hours. To make sure you got front row center, which, in my opinion, why are the rest of you here? I mean, everybody in the front row, were you all here in line for a while?

For a while. Wow. For a while. For a while. For a while. Wow. I, I, I, this is crazy that this many people have heard our show. It'd be crazy if these people showed up like five minutes before.

I know. I just got my own copy of that shirt. I still haven't gotten my copy. Are you serious? I can't get fucking t-shirts from Bono. I can't get them from my own company. God damn it. Where did you get them?

I got it in the mail. Apparently, I don't have a P.O. box. Well, I don't either. I said that like a joke, and it was not a joke, by the way. Had the cadence of a joke. Who does? Who in the audience has a P.O. box? Let's see a show of hands.

One, two, three, four, five, six. That. box. Let's see a show of hands. One, two, three, four, five, six. That's it. Case closed. What fucking case? The case of the missing P.O. box. We all know it. And it is closed. How about up there in the

balcony? Anybody with a P.O. box? Okay, this early in the show, we're going to the balcony asking if people have p.o boxes you know what i'm gonna go up there and and see if anyone you're gonna lead me on stage by myself no there's i'll come up there but it's got to be for a better reason than finding out if anyone has it there's too many ladies up there who want to pinch your little butt. I'll see about that. By the way, speaking of butts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did want to bring this up. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We met about a half hour before the show in your hotel room. We sure did. And first off, you gave me the number of the hotel room, and I said, a.k.a. Jackoff Central. That's right. Which led to a hotel room and I said, aka Jackoff Central. That's right. Which led to a funny discussion,

I thought of. It was a really funny back and forth. But in my opinion, there is probably not a hotel room in the world that someone is not jacked off in. Yeah, probably. And yet,

there are rooms in houses that no one has ever jacked off in. And I obviously haven't been to my house. But, we were talking about this, and I was talking about Adam, you know, his room being jack-off central. You started

to... Jack-off? In my face. No, you started to Jack off In my face No, you started to prepare for the show You were typing something Yeah, on a typewriter Yes, on an old Crown Royal Is that a typewriter? No, that is a drink What am I thinking of?

Crown Royal is the Beastie Boys record label, isn't it? I think it can be two things. Shut up. So Adam started tippy-tapping on his little phone, that little device that he never strays far from. Sounds like this. Your mic technique is extraordinary, by the way. I feel like my mic is lower than yours.

Did you do that on purpose? Lower in volume? I am holding it closer to my mouth. Is that what you're doing? Yes. Hold it right next to your mouth. Wait, is there some sort of magnetic force field? Yeah.

What kind of fillings do you have in there? They're magnets. What kind of fillings do you have in there? They're magnets. But Adam started typing, and I was sitting across the room. Please. I was sitting across the room from him on the chaise lounge. By the way, Adam has a room that has a chaise lounge in it.

I do not. Not to brag. My room is in the same hotel. I do not have Not to brag. My room is in the same hotel. I do not have a chaise lounge. But there couldn't possibly be a room smaller than the one I have. There is. Trust me. I'm so pleased to know that. Are you so rich that you just think no one has smaller accommodations than you, possibly?

I mean, my room does have six separate rooms in it, but I figured no one would stay in a room smaller than this, would they? So I'm sitting across from Adam and it's very quiet and suddenly I hear

ahhh ahhh ahhh and I say, Adam, did you hear that? And he he ignores me which is par for the course I think I just said like no the time that you didn't ignore me you said that okay so it goes on for another five minutes and I hear it again I just hear oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I think Adam has left, his iPad is on the bed next to me. I'm assuming Adam left

porn on. Some pornography. And, you know, I'll know it when I see it. Yep. Pornography. Yep. So, I go, Adam, at a certain point, I'm wrestling with this in my head of, do I let Adam have it of he turned on some porno before I got there?

So wait, did you really think that that's what was happening, maybe? I really did, yes. And I sort of wrestled with, do I let him, like, do I ignore it and, you know, let him come back to the room and go, oh, I left that porno on. Scott probably didn't hear it. But after about five minutes of it I just was like I can't I yeah this is too much at a certain point you're gonna hear it and start laughing so I said Adam what is that moaning and I said I

don't hear anything right and then you came over to my side of the room yes and to where the chaise lounge is of course do you get the geography of this room yet you know what let me just draw a quick sketch. So he comes over to my side, which by the way, I'm right next to the door to the room next door. The one that's always locked unless you... Adjoining rooms. This story

is like so fucking long. You're complaining? We have nothing to talk about. All right. So you come over. So the chaise lounge is right up against, right behind him. Like the chaise lounge is essentially pressed up against the door to the adjoining room. Who cares?

I'm explaining the geography of your shitty story. I'm explaining the geography of your shitty story. So, he comes over to the door, presses his ear against it, and sure enough, this dirty devil is right next door getting a pounding. There were some people getting it on. Some true poundage. In the room next door to us. Loudly. Yeah. And we burst out laughing In the room next door to us. Loudly. Yeah. And we burst out like aggressive. It was just

like, I'm trying to keep it quiet, but oh! Yeah. We were like, whoa! And within, once we discovered that was actually happening. Everything was put aside. Scott was like, maybe, is it someone just watching porno

and I was like maybe and then I listened and I was like it's real I immediately got a glass put it up to the wall both of us are just up against the door and the more we listen to it and God bless them it went on for a while

when we left it was still happening by the time they finish And God bless them, it went on for a while. When we left, it was still happening. It was still happening. By the time they finish, I'll be cashing my Social Security checks. Go ahead, do your chump. Go ahead. Go ahead, do your material.

Seriously, though, speaking of Social Security, did you ever fly on an airplane? Nope, have not. Try again. Thank you very much. Good night. Speaking of Social Security, did you ever fly on an airplane? Nope. Have not. Try again. Thank you very much. Good night. The all-premise comedian.

Yeah. Oh, premises and then I'm out. But we start, then Adam says to me, do you think they're comedians? Because everyone in the hotel is a comedian. And then Scott goes, ugh. But we have to figure out who this chick is, man. We gotta get a look at this. She's hot to trot.

Well, we have to figure out, because there was another person in there, too. We have to see who these two people are. We gotta see them. I mean, for all we know, it could have been two women scissoring, too. That would be even better. He could've, I mean, for all we know, it could've been two women scissoring, too. That would be even better. I think I heard, like, a guttural male voice.

Okay. Way to bring it down. Sorry. But what do you think is our best bet? What am I just gonna lie to you so you can have some male-dominated female-on-female fantasy? Yes, Adam. Give me that.

But what do you think is our best bet to get a look at this girl, do you think? You think we could, like, knock on... Well, again, there was also a dude. I don't care. Okay, all right. We gotta see, because who knows? If she's in the room doing whatever with this guy,

maybe she'd share the wealth over in your room. I'm not asking for that. Look, and I know Kulop is over there. Yeah, your wife is here. So what, man? This is too important. Listen, okay, I could figure out a way, if you really need to see this person. What do you think we could do? Could we maybe knock on the door when we go back to the hotel room?

I mean, I guess that would be the most direct way of doing this. Or we could find some maid outfits and disguise ourselves. This is what I'm saying. And say it's special midnight turndown service. Right. And just get a look at these two. And then we turn down the covers and go, oh, what do we have here? Yeah.

And then whatever happens, happens. Why? I don't get it. What do you mean? What would be under the covers? They're naked bodies, bro. Oh, okay. But that was exciting.

Yeah. So we talked about it. I got to ask you, buddy. How was your trip to the dance? That's right. I went up to the dance last week. It was fine. It was very cold.

But it was fine. It was nice. I saw some really good movies. Oh, by the way, is this an episode of I Love Films? I think it is. All right. Hey, welcome to I Love Films. This is Scott. And this is Scott.

And we love films. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but we're not just talking about movies. No, of course. Everyone loves movies. We love films. Films, of course. Films like Hitchcock's Vertigo. Probably the scariest movie ever made. Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver.

Have you ever heard of that one? Great film. Yeah. Films like The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard of Oz is a classic film. One of the best films that starts off black and white, excuse me, sepia tone, and then goes into magnificent color. At the time, that was incredibly innovative, Scott. Incredibly.

Now it may seem a little quaint, and, you know, I grant you it is it is but at the time you just have to put yourself in 1934 when it came out and you have to think about 33 sitting there in the movie theater and just seeing this world of color explode all over the movie theater man I wish that I lived back then. Me too. But tell me, you went up to the dance. What films did you see at Sundance? There were so many films, and so many films to talk about up there. I saw some terrific films,

but I will say that while I was up there on my iPad device, I watched all three Godfather films. I know that we've talked about... We've talked about the Godfather on this iPad device, I watched all three Godfather films. I know that we've talked about... We've talked about The Godfather on this program before many times. They are great films, and I think, as usual... In my opinion, three of Coppola's best. Oh, yeah, absolutely. As far as I'm concerned, it legitimized the gangster film

as something that could be artistic you know the interesting interesting thing about the godfather films is yes it's about gangsters it's about essentially murderers homicidal maniacs if you're looking at it from a different perspective but what capola did was he went from the inside out he He portrayed them as just a loving family. They just happened to be gangsters. More about the human emotions behind gangsters. Yes, and I think the first two films were made in the 1970s, which, as we know...

72 and 74, of course. ...is the greatest period of American film. The greatest decade of American film. And we're talking about films. Oh. Why? What were you talking about earlier? In case you were thinking about just movies. No. I mean, look. You know, everyone goes to movies every once

in a while. Look, you know, I'm not really into movies that have a great big robot out there. You know, like popcorn movies. Right. Just like some cars. I like a good car chase now and then. Now and then if it's getting to something with emotional drama. Absolutely. And yeah, I like popcorn.

I love popcorn. I could eat popcorn three meals a day. Well, I don't know if I could eat that much popcorn. Well, I'm really into, wait, is this an episode of I Love Popcorn? I think it is. Hey, welcome to I Love Popcorn. This is Scott. And this is Scott.

We're talking about popcorn. We, listen, popcorn, popcorn is delicious. It's easy to make. Nutritious. It's nutritious as long as you don't put too much butter on it. Okay, listen, it's delicious. It's delicious, I know. Believe me, I know. But you know what?

Why don't you have some popcorn with that butter next time? Oh my God. Oh my God. Sometimes it feels that way at the movie theater. It's like, yeah, I'll have a little bit of butter, and they just pump that stuff on. Oh my god. Sometimes it feels that way at the movie theater. It's like, yeah, I'll have a little bit of butter and they just pump that stuff on. And it's like, oh, easy on the butter. Yeah, easy on the butter, but you know what? I'm secretly glad they're putting that on the butter. And then I'm just like, oh, a little bit of that. And then, oh, one more wouldn't hurt. And then it's like, oh, hey, free.

And then I got the greasiest fingers this side of the Mississippi. Who has the greasiest on the other side? I don't know. I've never been on that side of the Mississippi? Who has the greasiest on the other side? I don't know. I've never been on that side of the Mississippi. Wait, you've never gone to the other side of the Mississippi? Wait, is this an episode of the other side of the Mississippi? Walking Mississippi. Hey, welcome to the other side of the Mississippi.

This is Scott. And this is Scott. We're talking about the other side of the Mississippi. This is Scott. And this is Scott. We're talking about the other side of the Mississippi. So, Scott, when was the last time you were on the other side of the Mississippi? Oh, the mighty Mississippi. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. The Ole Miss. I've never been.

You've what? I've never been. Is this an episode of I've never been? Hey, welcome to I've never been. This is Kevin, and I'm Bean. And welcome to KROQ. KROQ. So you're not confused.

I know it's not spelled traditionally. Every time we come back from commercial break, I feel like I have to explain this. It's K-R-O-Q if you look at it. It's sort of pronounced K-RO-Q. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think people by now know that it's... I don't know.

People get confused. I feel apologetic every time people listen to the station. Is this an episode of People Get Confused? Hey, welcome to People Get Confused. This is Scott. And this is Scott. You know what? People are strange according to the doors, but they get confused. This is Scott. And this is Scott. You know what? People are strange according to the doors, but they get confused.

Man, every day I see people get confused, Scott. You sure do. And that's been our episode of People Get Confused. Thank you very much. Hey, welcome back to the mighty K-Rock. Hey, guys, welcome. We're on stage here at K-Rock's Almost Acoustic Christmas. Coldplay is coming to the stage.

And then after them, Papa Roach. Two great complimentary bands. Terrific bands, both of them. Equal in our eyes. And equally as lasting in the history of rock music. The annals, if you will. The annals. Take away an N, and I'm

interested. I don't get it. Alright, well, that's been an episode of... I've never been. What is it? I've never been. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, welcome back to the other side of the Mississippi. Oh, man. So, Scott, you were saying you've never been to the other side of the Mississippi. Oh, man. So, Scott, you were saying you've never been to the other side of the Mississippi. What's over there? Like a castle made of clouds? No.

Dragons? It's a lot like this side of the Mississippi. Mm-hmm. Except there's one major difference. But one major difference that not everyone can detect. I'd love to hear it, but we're out of time. Okay. Alright.

Welcome back to... Oh! What is it? Popcorn? I love popcorn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about popcorn. Caramel corn. Sea salt. Cheddar.

You know what I like? I like taking a bag of corn, throwing it in the microwave, popping it up hot and fresh. I was confused because I know you live on the ocean in Malibu. Right. So I imagined you...

When I said wave, you thought I was just... Throwing it in the ocean. In an actual wave. Yeah, of course. No, I have a microwave that I have on a surfboard, and I'm able to cook popcorn as I'm riding a wave. And it's plugged into an extension cord in your house? Yeah, all the way onto shore.

Okay, great. Is it insulated in any way, or? No, no, no, it's very dangerous. Okay. And it only works one time, because it gets wet inevitably. Inevitably, you mean in the first 10 seconds? Yes.

Yes, okay, great. Did you know you can pop any vegetable, not just corn? Wait a second, what? Popping broccoli. Did you know you can pop any vegetable, not just corn? Wait a second, what? Poppin' broccoli! Did you know that? Is this an episode of Poppin' Broccoli? She choppin' broccoli! Choppin' broccoli!

Choppin' broccoli! She choppin' broccoli! She choppin' broccoli! Hey, welcome to Poppin' Broccoli. This is Scott. This is Scott. We're talking about Poppin' Broccoli. Oh, man, it's a classic sketch.

I loved it when Dana Carvey would come out there. He'd hunch over the piano. He would not know what he's about to say. Right. And then he would just sing Poppin' Broccoli. It was very funny. Right. And then he would just sing, poppin' broccoli. It was very funny. Scott! Yes, sir. Not to bring it down for a minute, but I'm gonna bring

it down for a minute. Hey, 60 seconds? Not a bad ratio. When you look at the entire history of recorded time. When was the last time you actually had or popped broccoli? Well, geez, Scott, I must have done it just last night, right? Or, no, no, it wasn't last night.

It must have been the night before. No, actually, I remember what I was doing the night before. I wasn't popping broccoli, certainly. So you haven't popped or eaten broccoli in at least three nights? Well, certainly it had to have been four nights. I mean, wait, no. I wasn't popping broccoli four nights ago either. So five nights ago?

It has to be five. No. Five nights ago, I remember distinctly I was not popping broccoli. We're almost out of time. I gave you one minute. I don't think I've ever popped broccoli.

That's my point. That's been our show. No, all of it. That's been the entirety of the show. She chopping broccoli. Chopping broccoli. Chopping broccoli. She chopping broccoli. She chopping broccoli.

Welcome back to I Love Popcorn. Yeah, and that's been our show of I Love Popcorn. Okay. Welcome back to I Love Movie, I Love Films. Oh my God! Careful, careful.

Oh boy. You're going to corrupt our entire podcast about films. I wouldn't do that because I love I Love Films. Wait, it's time for an episode of I Love I Love Films. I think Films. Wait, it's time for an episode of I Love I Love Films. I think it is. Hey, welcome to I Love I Love Films. This is Scott. And this is Scott. And I love I Love Films.

I love I Love Films. Those guys are incredible hosts. You know what? They know what they're talking about. I've said it so many times. I've said it again and again. I'm getting tired of you talking about it. I spit on the people in the front row.

Front row center, that's what you get. You get spit on constantly. I'm very sorry. But yeah, I love film. Those guys know it. They know film. Yes. That's what I'm saying.

They know film. They're not talking about the blockbusters. They're talking about film. They're not talking about the blockbusters. They're talking about film. They're not talking about the movies that are even shown at Blockbuster. No. They have never once talked about Blockbuster video. Well, this has been I Love I Love Films. Yeah.

Hey, welcome back to I Love Films. Just about running out of time. I hope so. We only have about 15 more minutes in this episode. Yep. So let's talk about films. Let's talk about Sundance, the dance. Should we maybe talk to somebody in the audience?

I mean, I know that we probably have some film fans here. Some FFs? Film fanatics? Yeah, go out there. Does anybody have just anything they want to say about how much they love films? Please, somebody. No one do it. No one give him anything. I have someone here in the front row. Nope, nope, somebody. No one do it. No one give him anything.

I have someone here in the front row. Nope, nope, nope. What's your name? Shut it down. Nope. Fedge. Oh, this is Fedge. We have Fedge here in the front row.

Fedge? Wait, she's wearing her beanie. He's wearing his beanie. Yes, he's here. It's Fedge. Oh, my gosh. How much do you love films? I really, really

love films. Case closed. Scott, I will say it again and again. People love films. I gotta say, Scott, you are clear on a lot of cases today. We're putting a lot

of black up there on the board. I can put it right back into the file cabinet. Is this an episode of Great Bits? I think it might be. Hey, welcome to Great Bits. This is Scott. And this is Scott. And you just heard it.

What a great bit. That was a great bit. That's our show. Good night. Welcome back to I Love Films. Boy. So the dance treated you well? Yeah. And you literally did see all three Godfather films.

I did, actually. Why? They were on Netflix or one of those apps. Yeah, everything is on Netflix. Right, right. You don't have to watch all three Godfather films while you're at Sundance. The place where all new movies are. Everything is on Netflix. Right, right. You don't have to watch all three Godfather films while you're at Sundance. The place where all new movies are.

I had a lot of time in the hotel room. It's just like I would watch 20 minutes here and there, and I ended up clearing all three movies. Okay, that's interesting because I like to see films in a theater. And you know what? I don't like to stop them 20 minutes in. I know, I was breaking one of the basic tenets of film loving, but I couldn't help myself because

I love films so much. You love films so much that even if you only have 20 minutes, you gotta see some of those frames. I need that hit of 35 millimeter. That premium rush of just. Yeah.

Or just the movie Premium Rush. Talking about films. Yeah, boy. That's a great one. That's a great, that is. Have we talked about that movie? I feel like we talked about that once. I don't know.

We couldn't remember the name of it on one app. I remember that. That's right. All right. Well, this has been Iowa Fil I remember that. That's right. All right. Well, this has been Iowa Films. Yeah, I think it's time. All right. Ooh, welcome back to You Talking U2 to Me.

Wow. We, by the way, we're taking fake breaks. We have to take a break. What'd you say, you too? You're taking a fake break, or are you just shouting out you too, that you love you too? If you're taking a fake break as well,

more power to you. But we have to take a break. We'll be right back with more you too talk on you talking you too to hey everyone this episode of you talking you to me is brought to you by audible look audible is the place to get audiobooks and there's a reason for that they have over 150 000 titles to choose from that's bigger than any bookstore ever in the world. Are you curious to see how The Hobbit book compares to the films? I wouldn't be. But if you are, that's at audible.com. Audible is not just for catching up on your reading list, though. It's

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Or maybe you could check out As You Wish, a book about the making of the great movie Princess Bride. It features narrators Cary Ills. How do you say his name? Elwes, probably? Who knows? Who cares? He's on his way out. He's reading books now for a living. So what are you waiting for? Go to audiblepodcast.com slash U2. That's audiblepodcast.com slash U2, get your free trial and get a free audio book. If you don't like the book you chose, Audible's great listen guarantee, they got you covered. You can exchange any book you're not happy with for another title anytime. So that's audiblepodcast.com slash U2 to get started.

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welcome back san francisco cops comedy club Welcome back. San Francisco Cops Comedy Club. Sold out packed crowd, by the way. I didn't bring that up. We sold this shit out. And a great audience. Great audience of fantastic people. Just terrific.

And by the way, Scott and I over here, when we were texting each other this morning, guess where both of us were at? Let me give you a hint. That's right. Well, we were both about to leave for the GYM. Gymnasium, buddy. Yeah.

We're fucking getting ripped. Oh, man. You have no idea. Those of you listening, you think you know? You have no idea. No idea whatsoever. We are fucking yoked. Yeah.

Didn't we say that this morning in our text? That's why I said it. We're going to be yok it, because it was funny. Speaking of the Wizard of Oz, no need to glimpse behind the man behind the what? All right. By the way, Adam and I, during the show, are going to be going through our top ten U2 songs of all time.

But before we do, I do want to bring up a couple of things. We do tend to talk about listener mail on the show, so I wanted to say hello to some listeners. We have a wonderful listener who sent a Boston Terrier card. Oh my God! And her business card. I do not know to what end. As I, there is nothing I will throw away faster than a business card. But she says, she sends a nice letter. I won't read the whole thing, but she tells the tale of when she was asleep and the spirit of Bonobos came

to her. And then she writes all of his dialogue in black and says that the black ink to be red with an accent. But she, her name is Grace Tomczak, I believe is how you would pronounce it. And she made us these wonderful buttons that say, ask me about you Too, and I Love T-Shirts and College Girls. And there's enough for both of us. Oh, wow. So thank you so much, Grace.

That's so very nice. That's very sweet. Some dude named Dale, a.k.a. At Monty Bodkin on Twitter, sent us a book, but I think I threw away the book, so I don't know what it is. Thank you. What book was it? I literally have no idea.

I just said I don't know what it is, and I wish you would fucking listen to me. What? And then our good friends Matthew Sturgis and Dave Justice, two comic book writers, they sent us autographed copies of their new series, Fables, The Wolf Among Us, in which one of the characters, as he's, I believe he's shot in the face maybe, and is dying, his last words are, you talking you two to me. Are you serious? Yes. Yeah, you're talking you two to me.

Oh, and then the other one, when he gets an axe in the head, says, what's your fuck style? What? Yes. So check out that. If you guys don't know Fables, it's a really great comic series, and they're writing this spinoff of it. That is so crazy.

Yeah. They're cool guys. That's amazing. And it's a good series. So thanks to everyone who keeps... Thanks to everyone who keeps sending us stuff.

And then I also wanted to talk about this. This is... It's on newsstands now. What are you doing with that? Putting it back in your shitty bag. It's on newsstands now.

I'm holding up the Rolling Stone. The Rolling Stones magazine. The magazine devoted to the Rolling Stones. Yeah, so this is like a fan magazine about the Rolling Stones? Exactly. It's about Mick, Keef, Jim, Talbot. All of the Rolling Stones. Brady.

Brady Brady Bennett Bennett number two They're always getting confused for each other Bobby Mickey Ricky Mike If I like the girl

Who cares who you like? Larry Curly Like the three stooges Like that, anyway But they have, as they put it on the cover It says Grammy time They're super excited

About Grammy time Well it is, I mean, I think everybody can feel it It's Grammy fever It's pulsing through all of us Boy, I got, oh let me check Oh Grammy fever Oh no, should we go us. Boy, I got, oh, let me check. Oh, Grammy fever. Oh, no. Should we go to the doctor?

I'm just kidding. Thank you. I'm glad you are, because I would have taken you up on that. But they have their predictions of who's going to win the Grammys. And in the Rock and Roll Best Rock Album, we have, of course, U2 is nominated against Beck, Ryan Adams, the Black Keys, and Tom Petty. And they say Black Keys will win. Who should win?

U2. U2. What do you think of that? I think they're trying to justify their choice as the U2 record being their number one record of the year. Oh, really? You don't think this is sincere? I think it's sincere.

But you know, it's sincere like Brian Williams. People fucking love Brian Williams here. Who knew? It's like he's sincerely lying. That's something no one cares about. So wait, they think that U2 stands out as a band that most deserves...

So you're just catching up to what I just said? Okay, yeah, go ahead. Take some time. Yeah, I guess, I don't know. I would agree with it, though. I really want that bug to fly right in your mouth, by the way. Your slack-jawed gaze. I didn't even know Ryan Adams had an album.

Well, that's how stupid you are. You're right. That's a sign of stupidity. I don't know. I don't give a shit. Okay, great. Let's move on. Why don't you tell us what you think about it?

I did already. And I hoped that you would add on to the conversation and all you said was I don't give a shit what you're asking me is do I think that Rolling Stone really thinks you two should get the Grammy award I don't care anymore or do I think they wrote that

because they're trying to justify I don't know Adam maybe add something to a conversation instead of sit there trying to figure... I don't know, Adam. Maybe add something to a conversation instead of sit there trying to figure out what the other person is saying in your incredible drug-induced haze. All right, let me read it again. Oh, my God.

We are going to be counting down our top ten U2 songs. We made our lists independently of each other, but Lorde and Taylor Swift took a walk. This is news. It's in their random notes section. They're out walking. They're out walking together.

Before we get into our top ten, I wanted to ask the crowd a question. Are there any college girls here? There are college girls? You're a college girl and you're sitting front row, not center. Are you both college girls? You're not. You're honest.

I like that. What college? Tell you not. You're honest. I like that. What college... Tell you what, come up here. Come up. Bro. It's fucking happening. Oh, my God. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is there a fucking college girl coming up on stage right now? There's a fucking college girl coming up here on stage right now. Holy shit. She's right there. She's right there, bro. She's right there.

What do I do? What do I do? What do we do? What do we do? What do we do? Play cool. Play cool. Should we offer her like a beer?

Yeah. Well, there's only one left. And that one's for you? Well, no, I just... I don't know, what do you think my drugs will disappear in a little easier? The beer? Probably the beer, because it's... Maybe we should just say, like, Hey, you want to wear these sunglasses?

You're just looking at things that are on the table right now. But is that like a cool thing to say? I don't know, it's been so long since I've been in college! Me too! But there is a college girl right here. But is that like a cool thing to say? I don't know. It's been so long since I've been in college. Me too. But there is a college girl right here. There's a fucking college girl. Bro, she's right behind you.

Oh, shit. Bro, I get it. All right, let's call her over. Let's call her. Okay, okay, okay. Hi, come on over here. Come on over. Take a seat.

Here, here, here, here, here. Come on over here. Come on over. Take a seat. Here, here, here, here, here. Bro, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, hold on one sec. Sorry.

Why'd you motion for her to sit next to you? It was the closest seat to where she already was, and that's polite, bro. What if she sat next to me, or what if you switched places with her? Hold on one sec. Is that the seat you want to sit in or because there's another one over there. If you want, there's another seat.

Honestly, I'm fine here. I'd rather Look. Look, look, look, look, look. It's okay. I get it. I gave her a choice, bro. So what I'm getting from this is that if people had to choose between handsome TV actor Adam Scott

and ugly cable actor Scott, they would choose... Bro, it's not like that. It's not like that. It's not like that. It's not like that. It's not like that. It's not like that. Because it really seems like it is. Scott, hold on just for one second.

Hey, what's your name? Sally. Sally. I'm Adam. Listen, would you mind just like out of a pity switch? could you just tell Scott that you wanted to sit at this one because it was closer and you've had a long day

you were tired Scott? what's that? this is Sally this is Scott hey Sally you know when I said that earlier it's not like that.

I just, you know, I've been standing outside for a while. Boots aren't comfortable. I just, it was close, and I wanted to sit, so just don't take it personally. Don't take it personally? Yeah. Well, it's really hard to fucking not take it personally.

Sally! I'm sorry, Sally. Listen, I feel like we've done all we can do. And if he's not feeling better right now, then he's never gonna feel better. I don't think I can get through to him. You know, why don't I drink this beer myself?

I think I saw Adam put something into it, though, so I don't know. Wouldn't be the last time. First time? How's that joke go? Wouldn't be the last time. First time? How's that joke go? Wouldn't be the last time. Hey, either way, it's a solid bit of comedy. Great bits.

Great bits. Sally, thanks for coming up. I know I forget why we brought you up. Because she's a college girl, bro. College girl, bro. Where do you go to college? Do you go to SFSU Where do you go to college? Do you go to SFSU or do you go to UC?

No, SFSU. SFSU. What do you study? I'm a media studies major. So you're like what? Watching Parks and Rec and flicking your bean? My God. Jesus.

Hey, do you know Michael Oberst? No. That's my nephew. Oh, really? You go there? Yeah. Your fucking nephew? Why should she know your nephew? They go to college together, maybe. It's a really small school.

So, you, media studies, and how old are you? 19. 19, the heart castle. And do you, are you a U2 fan?

Kind of. Before you listened to the podcast, YouTube fan? Kind of. Before you listened to the podcast, were you a YouTube fan at all? Like, kind of? Yeah. Oh, cool. So there are 19-year-olds that like that. Yeah, definitely.

Can I ask you one question? When was the first time you heard of YouTube? Yeah. When was the first time you heard of U2? Yeah, it was not that long ago. Not that long ago. So how old were you? I was, well, my dad, it was my dad. My dad mostly listened to U2. Your dad is Bono?

My dad is in U2. No, my dad played it for me when I was younger. Do you remember what song it was sunday bloody sunday actually really did he detail the trials and tribulations of the ira and in ireland for you no that was just the first one i ever heard i just remember that do you remember if it was the studio version or like a live version? This is what I have to deal with on this show every fucking week. I mean, they're different, so.

Yeah, no. It was the studio version. Okay. It's a good ver- I mean, it's a good version. But not the version you would play your weird daughter. No, wait. Sally's not weird. I'm saying your daughter is weird. No, wait. Sally's not weird.

I'm saying your daughter is weird. No, she's not. You are literally actually getting defensive right now. I can see it in your eyes. Well, it's my daughter. So you heard Sunday Bloody Sunday. And you...

Can I ask, was it around the age of 13 and were you first getting your menses? That's how he explained it to me. Look, this song is going to tell you all about it. Do-ga-do-ga-do, do-ga-do-ga-do. I got it right after that. I understood it completely. More needed to be said.

So Sally, I have a question. You got any college friends? A few. Yeah? I got a few. Yeah? Tell us about what's going on out there in the SFSU. Who's your friend, by the way, in the audience here?

It's my sister. Your sister? She just graduated last year. Your sister? Oh just graduated last year Oh so you were a college girl up until I don't care Yeah but if there's like graduate school or something like that Then you're technically still a college girl

Are you in graduate school? Yeah I didn't think so She's not a college girl Sorry we're just not interested Unless you're a college girl. You've aged out of it. I'm sorry.

Sally, how much, it seems to me like you have about like three more years of college yet to go? Two more. Two more? It's not a two more. It's like a weird tick. And what do you hope to do when you graduate college? Kill yourself? Or are you going to try and join U2?

That would be amazing. If they came out in a press release and said, well, this, by the way, is an accurate accent. Well, we thought about it. Oh, we just thought why not add a member? After 35 years, we have decided to add a member. After 35 years, we have decided to add a member. And it is

Sally from SFSU. We never asked her if she played an instrument. Hope she does. Fingers crossed. Do you play an instrument, Sally? No, I don't. Anyone can play the play an instrument, Sally? No, I don't. Anyone can play the triangle

though, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you have to do is not hold onto it. You gotta hold onto the string. Otherwise the sound won't come out. Yeah. You sure you don't play like a xylophone, like you grab some skeleton bones and just like

ba-doop-ba-doop-ba-doop-ba-doop- some skeleton bones just like I'm sure okay hey look I was taking a shot in the dark sometimes it works out well thank you Sally it was great getting you it was great having and you're the first college girl on the show yes thank you Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Sally. I know, yeah, of course, you don't want to shake my hand. Sorry.

You know what? I don't even feel like it. Nope. Nope. Scott. Hey. Scott. Bitch, kick rocks! Dude, a college girl wanted to touch your skin Oh shit, what am I doing, man? My pride got the best of me She's already back to her seat, it's too late Oh well, what are you going to do?

Alright, we have to take one more fake break When we come back, I swear to God We will talk about you too You know, it's kind of a teaser when we come back, we are, I swear to God, we will talk about you too. Well, you know, it's kind of a teaser. When we come back from the break,

maybe we'll go through the band member names. Oh man. How amazing would that be? We'll be right back with more. You talking you too to me. Hey everyone. thanks for listening. This episode is brought to you by Loot Crate. I have been hearing so much about Loot Crate lately on some of the nerdy websites I frequent.

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Yeah, it's great. This is a great album. Good rock and roll music. Hey, welcome back to You Talking U2 to Me. And we promised we would do it. And we promised we would do it. We're going to go through our top ten U2 songs of all time. Adam, are you ready?

Yeah. Before we go through our top ten U2 songs, though, I feel like just so we're all on the same page, maybe we should go through the names of the members of the band. Just super quick. All right right who do you got um well i know for a fact that the the drummer's name is uh larry mullen senior's son do you want to take the next one I can't find it that quick on my... Okay, I think I'm remembering a little sponsor of our show named Bonobos. Yeah.

He's the singer. He sings and he used to play guitar. No longer. Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll see. An eternal optimist. Uh, I will say the guitar player, his name is Fedge. And of course the one where we all forget. That's right. Clay, 2000 pounds.

Yeah. Adam clay, 2000 pounds. Okay. Scott, what is your... Are we going to go in descending order? What else? Of course we're... Maybe you want to start with number six. Maybe you want to start with number two. Maybe you want to start with number ten. Maybe you want to start with number eight. Yeah, that's the one I want to start with, number ten.

Maybe you want to start with number four. Maybe you want to... I mean, there's ten choices. We'll do it the way you want to do it. How do you want to do it? Let's start with number four. Maybe you want to... I'll tell you what, there's ten choices. We'll do it the way you want to do it. How do you want to do it? Let's start with number ten. Okay, great. All right.

This is my tenth favorite U2 song, and we're talking all time now. All... All time. We're talking from the minute that man crawled out of the primordial sea up until now, these are your ten favorite U2 songs. Exactly.

Here we go. Number ten. Yeah, some applause. Yeah, that's right. That's great. Sounds good, doesn't it? I am surprised. This fucking is great.

I am surprised. I mean, this is a great song. I'm surprised you're putting a song from their latest album on your top 10 list. I gotta tell you, I made this. This is Raised by Wolves from Songs of Innocence, the new record. I made the ones that I made this. This is Raised by Wolves from Songs of Innocence, the new record. I made the ones that I love right now.

If I were to talk about the songs I would most like to hear from you two right now, it would be this one, 10th. I am impressed. You know what? Thank you. And you're gutsy. That's gutsy. Yeah. Raised by Wolves. you're gutsy. That's gutsy. Yeah. Raised by wolves. Yep. Gutsy. Here you go.

What do you got? All right. My number 10. You son of a bitch. God damn it. Never gets old. Okay. Number 10.

Yep. From Scott's top 10 list. Here we go. Make sure the volume... Oh, how does this thing work? Here we go, number 10. Adam, right? Right?

You can't argue with a giant hit. You can't argue with a giant hit like this. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. You mean like just privately? Yeah, privately. Sure. You're a giant asshole.

Why? This... Vertigo? It's a great song Thank you Even Even Bonobos is saying Is that you Bonobos?

You don't like your own song? Well what are you doing here? Yeah what are you doing here? Get the fuck out Please don't. We need all the fans we can get. Yeah, please stay. Please stay.

Please stay and laugh. Please love us. Please love us. All right. Yeah, I think that is an undeniably catchy... I mean, it was an enormous hit. Like Peter, I am denying it. Peter was the guy, right?

Peter was the guy. Ha? Peter was the guy. Ha ha! Got it. First track. All right, number nine. Here we go. That's right, their first single. This is Out of Control by U2.

Okay, I'll take that one. That's a good one. That's a great choice. Okay, thank you. That's a solid, solid choice. Thank you very much. What does everybody else think? Solid choice from Scott?

People seem to like it. I think so. I mean, you can't deny that song, can you? What do you got? Number nine from Scott. Here we go. Number nine. Number nine from Scott. Here we go. Number nine. Number nine.

Anybody? I like this song. I think everyone's just realizing that they're sitting in a room watching two guys play songs on their phones. And everybody is, at the same time, just realizing. Really bummed out. What the fuck are we doing here?

Yeah. The listener at home is interested in this, I'll tell you that much. That's a good, what song. What's the song title? Ha ha, fuck you. That song is called Kite. What's it called again? Kite.

Kite. So, so far, what do you guys think of our choices? Who's winning? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

I appreciate that. All right, this is my number eight. Where are you going? Solid choice. Angel of Harlem. Solid choice. Solid song. Solid song. Solid song.

Should we have made this maybe a top five? You know what we should do is we should compete on who has the better number. Okay, so for number 10, I picked Raised by Wolves and he picked Vertigo. Who has the better? Let's dispense with the Scots and the Scots. Who has it better, Scott or Adam? Scott. Okay, one point for me. For number number eight does everybody know that song though the song that scott played they've listened to this

show we've rhapsodized over it all right for number nine we have kite or we have... Out of Control. Out of Control. Who wins? Adam. Adam for Kite. Okay. Now, I've played Angel of Harlem for eight, and Adam is playing... Sounds really weird. Plug it in. Let's plug that.

Okay, In God's Country, everybody. That's an undeniably great song. Is it better than Angel of Harlem? Yes. All right. You did get me. All right. So who wins that one, Adam or Scott?

Adam. I say Adam has two points. I have one point. All right. All right. He's been sitting a long time. Number seven. You've been shitting a long time.

What? No, I haven't. I don't know. What's this called? A sort of homecoming? From the Unforgettable Fire record. I would have picked the live version of that. You and your fucking live versions.

Who has the time to sit around listening to live versions? It's all about the live performance. Stroking their fucking pud. Me, I do. Ooh, it sounds so much better. That's all I do. It sounds so much better. That's all I do. Thank you for giving me such an enormous penis.

Okay. Sort of homecoming. We're only on seven. I'm so sorry, everybody. Okay, my choice for number seven, six. This is number seven. Seven!

Yes, you're right, seven. Here we go. Right? It's fun, right? No one cares. No one cares. No one cares. All right. Walk on.

There we go. All right, let's take a little poll. We're on seven right now. Who wants us just to cut to number one? Or should we just say the titles of the songs and not play them? Is everybody enjoying this? Okay. I can't tell. All right, here we go.

Hey, it's your funeral. Literally, we're murdering everyone here. Yeah, no one is leaving here tonight. Okay, number six. Number Scott. Here we go. Ready? Oh, yeah.

Who has a better seven? Kind of split. Kind of split. Sounds like a pretty even split leaning towards me. It's kind of split. Kind of split. Sounds like a pretty even split leaning towards me. I think it's split. All right. You're split right up your butt.

Hey, if the good Lord did it, I'm not going to let any doors hit it. All right, this is... This is number six. Not if I shit in it. All right, this is, this is number six. Not if I shit in it. That's our entrance song. That's how you hear this song now? Yeah, yeah.

That's my entrance music. This show has changed you. I have changed tonight. Where the streets have no name. Okay, great. All right. Okay. All right.

All right, okay. Okay, here we go. All right. Okay, all right. All right, okay. Number six for me is... Boo. Is that a boo?

Gotta skip ahead to where it relates to. that's my impression of you at a concert all right all right all right who wins that one yeah of course because you picked the giant hit, which all of mine are really obscure. Oh, deep cuts to prove how big of a fan you are. You're a fucking idiot. All right, this is number five. One, two, three, four. I will follow, of course, from Boy. What do you got?

This is going to be a tough one. Okay. It's a tough one Great song, right? What are you gonna do? This is Bad from the Unforgettable Fire You're picking the live version It's so much better

Who wins? Adam Adam you won that one Here we go Thank you This is number four You loved it when Adam picked it. This is bad.

My number four. What do you got? I don't know. It just tickles me. I'm finding the microphone with the plug difficult. Okay, here we go. Number four, this is, no one knows this. No, you don't.

This is more of your smelling baby's heads bullshit. No, you don't. This is more of your smelling baby's heads bullshit. No, this is original of the species. This is your number four top YouTube song of all time. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. God, I feel so sorry for Naomi. She doesn't listen to anything that I listen to.

Okay. But does anyone know that song? Who wins? All right. Okay, fine. Listen, listen, listen. All right, number three. Sally.

Pandering. You're pandering. You're pandering. You're pandering. You're pandering. Say no more! No more! So embarrassing. What do you have? Uh... Okay.

I've never been called that before. My entire life. A motherfucker? Yeah. Okay, number... I just figured out. It's kind of rude. Is this number three? This is number three.

I mean, right? I don't know. I think mine was better. I know. I think that's a tough call between those two songs, don't you think? Who wins? It's a pretty even split. I think it was for you.

It was for you. All right, this is number two. The heart of the band. Of course, the wonderful With or Without You. Of course. What stupid song did you pick? Here we go.

Number two. Not a number two, but I get it. This is not a number two. That's what he said. All right, we're down to Who wins that one, by the way? Yeah, we're pretty evenly split, aren't we?

I haven't been paying attention. I think he's very even leaning towards me. What is your number one U2 song? Scott. Here we go. Are we ready? I know what it is. You already know what it is.

I did not think this is what it was going to be. What do you think it was? I've said many times on the program, this is my favorite U2 song. I wasn't listening to you. Such a fucking asshole. No! You insulted me. I had that on my top ten list,

but guess what? I had the live version on my top ten list. But then I... Then it got bumped? It got bumped, but I'm not sure that that was... A lot like you, next time you do Letterman. I'm not sure that was a wise move.

Okay. Here's my number one. I mean, if you're a pussy, I get it. Yeah. It is kind of an easy choice, and I am kind of a pussy for choosing this song, but I think it's undeniable.

Okay, I almost put it on my top ten. But you didn't. We have to vote. Instead, you put Raised wolves instead of one instead of one yeah okay all right just song to song hold on first of all we have pride in the name of love San Francisco a city that has benefited from his teachings more than any other

I would say or on the other hand you have one which is about all of us every single one of us you know what though

I think the people of San Francisco don't care about people from cities like Los Angeles. But I know for a fact that the people of San Francisco care more about their fellow man than anyone else in the world. Unless they're from places like Green Bay. Well, of course, Green Bay is excluded. Or Seattle, exactly.

Oh, boo. So guys, we're going to have to vote who wins in the head-to-head battle the ultimate showdown. Scott or Adam? That sounds like you won that one. I did.

Okay. All right. I think I may have won the battle, but you won the war. What would you say your number 11 song was? What would you say your number 11 song was? If you had to add one more song. I went back and forth on Stuck in a Moment. Yeah.

That you can't get out of. Yeah. I, you know, I thought about it. Twilight? Twilight? Okay. Is this an episode of I Love Films? I thought about it. Twilight? Twilight? Okay. Are you just, is this an episode of I Love Films? I think This Is Where You Can Reach Me Now

is my number 11, which is on the new record. This is, what was that sentence you just said? This Is Where You Can Reach Me Now. That song, this is, who cares?

All right. So, wait. Do we, this is, who cares? All right. So, wait. How much time do we have left? Whatever we want to do. Can I ask you, we just talked about you two for a good 15 minutes, and that seemed like

the most boring part of the show. Yeah. Like, I feel guilty for doing this to you. Does no one want to hear us talk about you two? Harry Potter! Harry Potter!

Harry Potter! I mean, I haven't gotten a Harry Potter update from you in a long time. I am in the... toward, I guess, about three quarters of the way through the fourth Harry Potter book. Weren't you on the third one months ago when we first started talking about this? We read like 20 minutes a night.

It's not like I'm sitting down and reading a novel. If you read 20 minutes a night, you could be through in like five days. I'm reading it out loud. To whom? To my son. I'm not reading Harry Potter by myself. Because I was going to say, Adam.

I'm not one of those. I was going to say, you would be a real weirdo if you were doing that. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. Let me just spoil everything for you. In the last book, they have a big showdown with Voldemort, and they win, and it cuts to Harry Potter as an adult. And, yeah, he's married to Cho. They have babies.

They go on the Hogwarts Express up to La La Land. It's real fun. Don't forget the what? The GQ spread. What does that mean? Settle down, sir. He shrugged down. Settle down.

I said, what does that mean? And he went... If you... Let me just give you a tip. If you're going to shout, don't forget about the GQ spread. No, what you're talking about at anyone. Expect the other people to not know where you're talking about. Have a follow up.

Okay. Yeah. You, what do you want to do here? To run out the clock. How much time do we have? Whatever we want. Are you guys having fun? Do you want more? Okay, how about we take...

Do you guys... This is what I'm talking about, by the way. They asked us to nail down a time. The club. They're like... I said, I don't know what we're going to do. We're making it all up. And they sat there waiting, and I said, I don't know.

And then they asked us and asked us and asked us until finally we said, I don't know, an hour and a half. And now we're getting like hurry up signals when it hasn't even been an hour and 20. Are you serious? Yes. Well, then we'll take our time. Sweet ass time? Yeah. Okay. then we'll take our sweet ass time. Yeah. Okay. How about do you guys have any questions? Should we take questions from the audience? As far as

I'm concerned, the guy right here, front row center. I would take a question from him. Yeah. He's going to have to. You're going to have to take the mic down too. Why do you take the mic down? Because you're the one who started asking if we want to ask questions. Why do you think you two added a Fitz show in L.A. when the first two shows in L.A. still haven't sold out?

And there's supposed to be like a two-night concert event where it's like two separate nights, but they only added one extra show. Dude, I got to... What? I beg you. I beg you right now. Dude, I got to... What? I beg you. I beg you right now. I don't know.

Are you guys together? Are you just friends? You are not doing yourself any favors right now. It's an honest question. I know it's an honest question, and that's why I really feel for you. No, no, it's okay. It's a valid question.

Look, Adam Scott is here, so there are ladies here in this audience. But wait, so you're wondering... You're the one who's actually interested in this. Why they added a fifth show if the first two shows didn't sell out. Because, bro. What's your name name by the way Ryan what Ryan Sunday haas he's available ladies and gentlemen and very curious about the concert promotion business and look at it dip his toe in ticket sales patterns.

Charting those ticket sales. It is home office. Anybody else? Anybody else? Who else? Come on up to the front here, sir. Don't expect me to come down to you. What are you wearing here? Are you wearing you're wearing a T-shirt? Very good. Now there's two different colors of T-shirts. I'm not. I don't know why there There's literally no explanation. What is your name? I'm Nick.

Awesome. Well, hey, just wanted to make sure it's doing it in the right order. I think you talked about it, but we all have been dying to know, what is your fuck style? I'm straight-up 1800s Indian chief. I'm prone to jump right into a lazy Susan. Yep. That's how we do it.

Ladies. That's our fuck style. That's how we do it. That's how we do it. Who else has a question? You have a question? Come on up here, sir. Both of you, come on.

You look exactly alike. Why not alternate every other word? Oh my God, they look exactly the same. Put your glasses back on. Are you guys switching glasses to see if you have the same prescription? Seriously, are you twins and you're meeting tonight? Adam, is this our demographic?

I think it is. The world's biggest nerds? What are we doing with our lives? No, these guys aren't nerds. They're not fooling me. All right, come on. All right. Wait, are you guys friends?

You don't know each other? This is crazy. This is insane. Are you guys going to be friends after this? You guys should be friends. All right, come on. Do you guys mind scooting over here? I know you're territorial about your spot, but all right.

What's your name? Casey. Don't grab the mic. All right. No reason for you to do that. All right, Casey, is that initials like Sunshine Band, or is that just, no? Just the C. Well, you know, you said C.

That is one of the initials of KC. So I'm still confused. Okay, very good. What is your question? I just want an explanation on the GQ cover. Look, this seems like a question for the guy over there. You can talk to him after the show. All right, you.

What is your name? Are you CK? My name's Ian. Okay. You seem unsure about it. All right. Your name's Ian. All right all right very good what is your question and my question is will you guys please continue to create episodes after this

ian wants us to create content well we are in the process of getting... See, we can only create content when there's U2 activity. And there hasn't been U2 activity in a while, right? Bullshit? Maybe that is bullshit. Who dares say bullshit to us? The likes of us. And this is a PG family show, sir. That's right.

That's something you didn't think about when you walked in here. Sure, maybe it's PG-13. You know, sometimes. You can say bullshit twice. Yeah. You can say fuck, but not like fucking something. You can just say it as in like. Like fuck style.

That's fine. That's fine. But to say bullshit to us? I just, for you, sir, who said bullshit, I have one thing to say to you, and I will keep it appropriate for the families in the audience. Go ahead, Adam. Go ahead. Go ahead. Fuck you. If there are any families out there listening,

fuck him and fuck you. And also, to all the other families out there listening, fuck him and fuck you. And also, to all the other families that are listening, besides the one that Scott just addressed, fuck him, fuck you, and fuck the horse you rode in on. I always forget about the horse they rode in on.

Always do. Thank you. Oh, God. What? Leave the horse alone. All Always do. Oh, God. What? All right. Not worth it. I will fuck that horse. You got to choose your moments.

You have to choose your moments. Okay. Any other questions? That was it? Yeah. Come on up. Hi. I have one question. Or no, two-part question. Oh, come on up. Hi, I have one question. Or no, two-part question.

Oh, come on. No. Sit down. Sit down. I'm sorry. What is your name? Hi, my name is Karen. And what is your question?

If you could be anyone in U2, who would you be? And second part, if you could make out with anyone in U2, who would you make out with? I don't know. Great question. Great two-parter. I'm going to answer it in four parts. If I could be anyone in U2, it would probably be Paul McGinnis.

The fifth member of the band. Sorry, the unofficial fifth member of the band. Because you know what? He gets 10% of U2's money, which is a lot of money. It's a lot of money. Because for every dollar, he gets 10% of it. He gets 10 cents. cents he gets a dime every single dollar that's crossing math on that but okay well but he gets to walk down the street and no one bothers him right you know right everyone just looks at him and goes who's that fat fuck yeah speaking of fat fucks he's the one i would make

out with hey you, you know. No, Paul McGinnis was a great manager. I mean, look what he did. Look what he did. Sorry. Who would I be in U2? I think I'd be, what's the drummer's name?

Larry Mullen Sr.'s son. Yeah, I'd be him. See, he looks like he gets a lot of runoff pee from Bono. By the way, Bono, if you're listening, we want you on the show. All we need is three hours of your time that we can edit down to two. Cut out all the, you know, the dross.

I think anyone who's anyone would choose to be Larry Mullen Sr.'s son in the draws. I think anyone who's anyone would choose to be Larry Mullen Sr.'s son in the band. I think that's the answer. That's the answer. You get one quarter of the U2 profits. You don't have to be Bono with everyone, like... That's right. Like going around talking to, like...

You get to South Africa all the time. And you get to slap the skins all night, if you know what I mean. Play the drums. I do know what you mean. Well, guys, that's, you know, been our show. Okay. Just 12 more questions. 12 more questions, and then we've got to get out of here.

Guy in the back. No. I think we've tested and broken through everyone's patience. We are so happy you all came here. I can't believe you all came here. It's so lovely of you all. You know,

we haven't figured out an ending to the show, but there is one thing I wanted to say before the show ended, so I may as well just say it here. I just wanted to say San Francisco is the greatest city in the world. I thought I'd slip that in right here. I also think I agree with you, Scott, and I also think I grew up right near here, by the way. That's right. You grew up right near here by the way that's

right you were you grew up in Jason Patrick's butthole that's right and it's closer than you think guys yeah I just want to say not only is greatest city in the world did you when you were in Jason Patrick's butthole yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah would you like scrape stuff off were in Jason Patrick's butthole growing up as a little boy, would you scrape stuff off of the walls of his butthole for sustenance? How did you stay alive? That's how I fell in love with acting.

Even the shit on the walls of his butthole Oh, it's not shit. It's not shit. Wow. And to find out what it was, you'll need to tune in to the next episode of you talking U2 to me.

Definitely. This has been the greatest audience inside of the greatest city in the world. You guys were so terrific. Thank you so much for making this sold out. Thank you very much. Thank you. We will be back.

We are... Can I say? We're going to go to the tour and record a couple of episodes. That's right. We're hoping we can talk to Bono backstage. We're just going to go away and dream it all up again.

That's a reference. That's it. Do you have anything you want to say to the fans? Do you want to plug any personal appearances? I'm going to be appearing at Sears on the corner of 26th and 8th. Listen, I just going to be appearing at Sears on the corner of 26 and 8. Listen, I just wanted to say goodbye

to my friends. I wanted to say goodbye to my family. I wanted to say goodbye to my fans. They love you. And I wanted to give an extra special goodbye to you, Scott. Well, thank you, Scott. It's been my pleasure

to sit across the table from you. Oh, it's been my pleasure. This has been, you know, the greatest joy of my life to do this show with you. I cannot say that it's been the greatest joy of my life,

but it's been very fun. But I'm not going to, you know, bullshit you and say it's been the greatest joy. What are the joys of your life? Well, the flight up here. Okay, that's number one. And masturbating in my hotel room right before you got there.

I thought so. I fucking knew it. And then setting up the two androids in the room next door to sound like they were fucking and watching your reaction. What would you grade this episode if you had to grade it? I thought it was as good as we've ever done,

as good as a podcast has ever been, C+. Definitely, definitely. Definitely a C-plus ep. And you guys have been a C-plus audience. Thank you so much. Thank you very, very much, everybody. Thanks for coming

out and we truly hope that you have found what you're looking for bye Again, we would like to thank our sponsor, Loot Crate. For less than $20 a month, Loot Crate gives the geek in you a special treat every month. You get a box of six to eight items of gamer and pop culture licensed gear, apparel, collectibles, unique one-of-a-kind items, and more. apparel, collectibles, unique one-of-a-kind items, and more. Go to LootCrate.com slash Bono, enter the code Bono, and you're going to save $3 on your new subscription today. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman.

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Hey, Queeros. It's me, Cami Esposito, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Queery. You can sit in on hour-long conversations between me, Cameron Esposito, and some of the brightest luminaries in the LGBTQ family. Queery explores individual stories of identity, personality, and the shifting cultural matrix around gender, sexuality, and civil rights. Plus, it is fun. We have had some incredible guests. Emmy winner Lena Waithe? Yes, definitely.

Congressman Mark Takano? You bet. L Word creator Eileen Shakin? Yes. President and CEO of GLAAD, Sarah Kate Ellis? We definitely have. We've got celebs. People like Trixie Mattel, Evan Rachel Wood, Tegan and Sarah.

The band and the people separately on two different episodes. We also have activists and changemakers in our community. I think it's a one-of-a-kind show full of chats you have never heard before. It's identity, it's community, it's query. You can find Query every Monday on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.