U Talkin’ U2 To Me? - U Talkin' U2 To Me? - Slowing It Down

Episode Date: April 23, 2014

Adam Scott Aukerman slow things down by taking a break from discussing U2's discography and instead welcome the dapper Paul F. Tompkins to talk about his thoughts and opinions on U2. They also talk about U2 performing "Ordinary Love" at the 2014 Oscars, Adam meeting Bono and his daughters, and some of the many iTunes reviews of the podcast.  This episode is sponsored by: Stamps.com . Click here for a special $110 Bonus Offer! Naturebox: Go to naturebox.com/u2 to save 50% on your first box of delicious snacks. TrunkClub: Go to trunkclub.com/u2 to save on better fitting Men's Clothes.

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Boy to boots! Getting them on, that is. This is You Talking U2 to Me? The comprehensive and encyclopedic compendium of all things you too welcome to the show uh i'm your host you know me from the comedy bang bang tv show and podcast comedy bang bang bing bang god i cannot say that correctly. Comedy Bing Bang Season 3 is coming up very soon. In about a week or so, March, or sorry, May 8th, 1030, after an all-new Marin.

Season 3. Why do you say it like that every time? The idea of an all-new Marin delights me, because I'm sick of the old one. The idea of an all-new Marin delights me because I'm sick of the old one. No. Check us out May 8th. If you like this show, it's nothing like it. Season 3 out on May 8th. I am Scott Aukerman, and across the table from me is my partner in crime.

We're not really committing crimes, by the way, If you're worried about that, if you're like, hey, I don't want to listen to a show hosted by a couple of hoodlums, don't worry. It's just an expression. Yeah, not actual crimes, but turn off your iPod right now if you don't want to hear any crimes of the heart being committed. If you don't want us to steal your hearts, turn off your iPod or however you're listening to this.

A lot of people would be listening to it on a computer. Sure. I don't know. There's so many ways to get it these days, modern society. It's endless. I mean, we're talking streaming. We're talking downloading MP3, MP4, whatever you want to call it.

320. 792. Hey, 420. That's what I like to it. 320. 792. Hey, 420. That's what I like to talk about here. Marijuana. That's true. And here we are. By the way, Adam Scott is with me from Parks and Recreation.

By the way, when is your season finale coming up? Do you want to talk about that? I believe it's in late April. Oh, we've passed it then? about that i believe it's in uh late april oh we already we've passed it then because this is episode nine which means we are at four five six eight nine oh we may this is maybe episode nine or ten maybe it's coming up uh tomorrow on thursday we don't know great really great ending to the season do not miss the end and if it's out, catch up with it on your TiVo. Absolutely. You're proud of that show?

Parks and Recreation? Yeah. You just said that as if I'm being interrogated. And as if I should not be proud of that show. I don't know. I don't know what you're proud of. You're proud of that show? You're a weird guy. How am I supposed to know what you're proud

of or what you're not proud of? Yes, Scott. I'm very proud of that show you're a weird guy how am i supposed to know what you're proud of or what you're not proud of yes scott i'm very proud of that show have we talked about this on the show you're a weirdo you're a strange guy i am very weird like i know you like you too which is a very popular group one of the biggest group groups in the world but so that's not that weird no you but that that's where your interests kind of coincide with the mainstream. Right. But everything else, like you're a bit of a loon. Very fringe. Very fringe. And I love the fringe festival. Yeah. And your favorite TV show was fringe. Fringe. As well. Fringe. By the way, I'm mispronouncing friends. Your favorite TV show is friends fringe yeah exactly um welcome to the show we're here to talk about all things youtube and we've been doing this like i said we're we're at

episode i think this is nine yeah um who knew we would last this long what a long strange trip it's been it it really has been just to quote uh the old boys from London, Grateful Dead. What a long, strange trip it's been. Oh, some of our best London ears, the Grateful Dead. Yeah, and we've gone up to pop at this point. But we still have three albums before we're up to their their 14th and hopefully soon to be released album do you hope this is the last one that they ever put out so we can stop doing this show i feel like we have to keep recording this on a weekly basis yes until they

break up so please guys please break up please do it soon i think people would like to hear from us every week even after the record comes out i think we should go back and start again i i agree i think we should re-examine each of their albums now having the knowledge of examining them the first time because we examine them from every angle when we do these shows so there's not a lot of ground yet to cover but i bet we could find some new ways in. We should get out our old music microscopes and re-examine them. The Hubble. I don't know what I'm saying.

By the way, I want to talk about what we're going to talk about on this episode. We need to put on the brakes. You know what I mean? We've got to slow down. We've got to slow down. We've got to slow down. We've been going too fast. We've been just ripping through these episodes, examining these albums too fast. Too fast.

So what we thought we would do, since you two apparently are taking a little more time than we'd like with this new record. I'll say. It's like, hey, guys, I don't have all day. I will say, even though they're saying there's this big delay, so on and so forth, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda. I think at any

moment, that album could just pop up on iTunes. It could. Beyonce style. It has not at this point, at least when we're recording this. Well, I don't know. I haven't checked my phone in 10 minutes. That's rare for you. That's a record for this. Well, I don't know. I haven't checked my phone in ten minutes. That's rare for you. That's a record for you. And for you, dickhead.

This is a new episode. I know we ended the last one on a bit of a sour note, but come on. I'll check right now. I'll check iTunes right now. No new album. You said that like I was saying there was a new album. You're the one who keeps saying it could be Eddie's second album. You just said that like i was saying there was a new album you're the one who

keeps saying it could be eddie second you just said that it will probably appear in the next seven minutes okay all right look we need to we need to slow it down guys we are not going to be talking about a record this time we have all that you can't leave behind i can't leave behind can't leave behind we don't even know um that'll be coming up next week, I think. We're going to do that record. We're going to do How to Dismantle. We're going to do a special Spider-Man episode. Don't you think?

Yeah, absolutely. We got to talk about Spider-Man. We talked about Batman. Oh, God. You just said that, and I had no idea what you were talking about. I had forgotten about the Broadway show Spider-Man. Yeah, they wrote, which they wrote, which by the way, as a U2 fan, I'd always kind of not listen to that record,

but when you brought it up saying we got to talk about Spider-Man, that's like a whole new U2 record in a way. We'll talk about that in a special episode and we'll talk about Spider-Man, Batman, where do their allegiances lie? I went to see it on Broadway. Did you see it?

On Broadway. Did you see it? On Broadway. On Broadway. They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway. But I can play this here guitar. You're listening to you talking U2 to me. A lot of people, you know what, we're also, in this episode, we're going to talk about reviews of the show. Because I've been checking out iTunes. A lot of people reviewing our little podcast here.

What are they saying? Some not good stuff. Some not good stuff. So we'll talk about that. But a little later in the show, we're going to have a very special guest talking to us about why he or she does or does not like you two. So that'll be fun. Okay. Now, are you saying he or she because you're not sure which gender this person is? Yes.

I have no idea looking at this person. There are no clues. No twos clues at all. Well, maybe when he gets here, we can crack open an episode of the podcast Twos Clues. Sure, we can probably do that. And then we'll ask him 20 questions and try to figure out what gender he is.

Sounds good to me. Or she. Right. So we'll do that a little later in the show, but I do want to start off this episode. This is not going to be a complete waste of your time, by the way, if you're listening, wondering, hey, is this going to be the comprehensive and encyclopedic compendium of all things YouTube? Yes, we're going to get to it.

Yes, it will. Come on, guys. Trust us a little. Like, we've done pretty good so far. Give us a little leeway. Give us a little, cut us a little slack, people. Sure, we did an entire episode where we said we were going to talk about Octoon Baby and then never got to it and had to do it in the succeeding episode. But listen, this time, at least we're telling you up front, we're not going to do shit.

We're just going to literally dick around. We're not going to dick around. We have stuff to talk about. We do. In this first segment, we are going to talk about the gold. The old golden boy. He holds a sword. He's naked.

He's gold. His name is Oscar. We know who we're talking about. Yeah, I think I might know who you're talking about, Scott. We don't need any twos clues when it comes to that. No, put that magnifying glass away. Sherlock. I'll do just fine without it.

We're talking about the Academy Awards. That's right, because our boys in the band, you two, that is, they were nominated for Hollywood's highest honor. Absolutely. They were nominated for an Academy Award, the same one that such music luminaries as Eminem, Trent Reznor,

and of course, those rappers from Atlanta. Who am I talking about? The something boys. The Baja Men? Who won that one for It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp? Ghetto Boys? Three Six Mafia.

Which, you know what? two 360 tour three six mafia a lot of parallels there a lot of patterns so um but look they they're you two we all know they love the academy awards they've been shooting for one they sit there they watch it every year they have and they've talked about this in interviews they have a a big Oscar party. Allison, Bono's wife, throws it. All the food has to do with the movies that are out there. Right. Do they have an Oscar poll they pass around? Oh, sure, yeah.

For everyone to fill out. And you know who always wins? Larry Mullen Jr. Larry Mullen Jr. Oh, yeah, every time. The spiritual heart of the band. He knows. You say that about every member.

But he's good with his trivia. He knows. Yeah, he's good with I Love Films. But they love the Oscars, and they wanted one this year. I think they wanted it more than any other year they've ever been nominated. They've been nominated before? One time before for Gangs of New York, right? That's right.

That horrible Gangs of New York song. Is it a horrible song? Isn't it really terrible? I haven't heard it in a long... We didn't talk about it on the... Well, we haven't reached that. It hasn't come out yet.

We haven't reached that. Excuse me. But okay, they've been nominated once before. They've also put out a lot of stuff like on Million Dollar Hotel and soundtracks

trying to get an Academy Award. This year year it was their year we thought because they won that other golden lady that we all know the gg the gg the the golden glue uh-huh they won that they put hands that built built america on just to see what that sounds like i can do that yeah do that. Yeah, we're talking about movies. We're talking about that kind of stuff. I can look it up. Now, Ordinary Love this year, you liked Ordinary Love, right? You thought it was pretty good?

I like it. Yeah. I don't love it. We actually, we were going to talk about, here we go, this is the Hands That Built America, their previous Academy Award nominated song. This is the same award that Tom Hanks won two years in a row. One for Philadelphia, one for a little movie called

Forrest Gump. Is this up, Cody, do you know? We need to turn that up. Yeah, that would be the first thing we need to do. Everything else comes second to turning this shit up so we can rock out to Academy Award winning music like this. Nominated. Oh my love so we can rock out to Academy Award winning music like this. Nominated. I wonder what won this year. The year this was done.

Everything else? I can look that up. Gangs of New York. Can you talk while I'm looking this up, please? I kind of, I remember this song. It was over the end credits, I believe. It wasn't in the movie, right? No, I think Daniel Day-Lewis at one point lip-synced to it.

Sings the song. As Butcher Bill or whatever. Spoilers. Yeah, sorry. No spoilers. Gangs of New York. I'm looking up... These are the hands.

Who cares about your hands? This isn't their best song. What would you say their best song is? And is this second only to that? This is their second best song is and is this second only to that this is their second best song i'm looking up what one i can't find what one anyway that's oscar that's a different podcast that's oscar trivia that's that's more for i love films right you know and we're not in the middle of i love films so this year they were nominated and performed at the oscars they did and

they they uh also they're in the middle of a media blitz. Yeah. They had the Super Bowl commercial. Then they played on the very first Tonight Show starring our old friend Jimmy Fallone. Jimmy Fallone. And they were great on Fallon, I thought. They played on a rooftop. It was prerecorded and it was the second take, I believe.

Yes. So that's kind of cheating. Is it? In my opinion, it is. Why? Because those shows are like, it's about whatever happened right then. It's called The Tonight Show, not Last Night Take Two Show. That night, actually, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it was called Last Night Take Two Show.

It was? Yeah. Starring Jimmy Fallon. I stand corrected. Okay, it was called that. Then, hey, you you know that's fine um yeah and what did you think of their performance on the oscars i thought it was good because they kind of stripped it down a little like what they did on fallon and they did kind of almost an acoustic version of it um it seemed like most of the people

who were singing songs on the oscars wereripped down, almost like we can't try too hard, except for, of course, Adele Kazim. What is her name? Adele Bazim or something? Adele Bazumba. Wow, what a Twitter phenomenon that turned out to be. Oh, my gosh. I wish I was in on the ground floor of that. I wish I'd invested in Adele Kazim, man.

We would have made Buco Dolores. So, let's play a little Ordinary Love, by the way. Let me see if I can... Let me see if I can find it. Do you have their performance from the Oscars on that old iPod of yours? Why would I have their performance from the Oscars? Hey, who knows? That's copyrighted. You have all kinds of shit on there.

I don't know where it is. I bet we could find their performance from the oscars hey who knows that's copyrighted you have all kinds of shit on there i don't know where it is i bet we could find their performance from the oscars on old u2 youtube i bet we could um so anyway they were on they were on the awards where were you uh no i'll talk about where i was i was over at casey wilson's house watching the awards and watching the academy awards with someone like casey wilson is great if you never want to hear the awards because watching the Academy Awards with someone like Casey Wilson is great. If you never want to hear the awards, cause she's making jokes, except for because they know her and none of her friends care about them. If you don't want to hear any of the award ceremony and want to be told to

shut up when they're singing songs from frozen, right? It's a great place to watch the awards. And if you want her TV to go out at intermittent times, why, what was going on with her TV to go out at intermittent times. Why? What was going on with her TV? She'll just press the wrong button and it'll turn off. Oh, no.

For some reason, this is the second year in a row I've been duped into going to... And by the way, Casey, we love you. You're getting married soon in Mazel Tov. That said, not everyone has to host an Academy Awards party. Is she not the one to host Academy Awards parties? You know what? She likes being around her friends, and I count myself among them. And hey, I don't have to come. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I can go watch it by myself, but I like the company of strangers and friends. And people that are not strangers? Sure. It runs the gamut with me. But did you feel like a, like, it sounds like you were kind of a grouchy old man at this party. I'm a grumpy old man, but I think that that is in line with the cinema, which is what

we're celebrating on the Academy Awards. On this night, were you a grumpier old man? I believe I might've been grumpier than the year previous. But so I was watching over there and when um, when you two came on, I immediately tweeted, um, Hey, by the way,

give me the fucking thing. Adam silently motioned. Hey, give me the cord, plug in his thing. And I did the exact same thing he did to me last episode, which is, which is just simply taking the cord and not giving it to you.

And it was so profoundly funny. Okay, so anyway, I'm watching. And the minute you two comes on, I said, by the way, Adam, Scott, and I, that reminds me, we have a show. You talking you two to me. And we'll cover it, and hey, we're making good on our promise. You said that, you tweeted that? I tweeted, yeah, by the way, this reminds you that we have this show. So here we are talking about it, the Academy Awards. And by the time people listen to this episode, it'll be like three months since the Academy

Awards. Super satisfying for the audience. But let's talk about the Academy Awards, because I happened to watch it with friends at Casey Wilson's house, but you saw it at a very interesting place. Where was this? I went to a viewing party that was a dinner, where you eat dinner and watch the Oscars.

In a way, mine was a viewing party because we were watching the awards, and it was a party. And they had dinner. So I don't see why you think you're better than me. Why do you think I think I'm better than you? Well, you said it like I went to a viewing party. I didn't emphasize I. Oh, wait. Should we... Okay, here. What do you got? I got the Oscars

performance. You're on YouTube? Yeah. Alright, here we go. The Oscars! She wants to kiss the golden shore. Golden? See, he's putting in subliminal messages like, I want to win the golden award. All the beauty that's been lost before. So it's kind of the pre-party to the Vanity Fair Oscar party where there's a dinner and you sit down and everyone's all dressed up. People normally sit down

at dinner. That's not something to brag about. Well, at this one, you sit on the floor. Like, you really sit down. Really? Now I'm intrigued. They call it sit down down. You sit way down. So what happens is people sit in chairs. When they say sit down, people sit in chairs.

They go, ah, ah, ah, sit down down. Down down. And then they take the chairs and they break them over your head. What a strange party. Why would anyone go to this? It's incredibly fancy. But, okay, here's where it gets crazy, Scott. Okay, here's where it gets interesting, listeners. Because I sit at a table and you're kind of, you have name plates on your they tell you a table number and then you

please get your thoughts together and there's name plates and you go and you sit down paul is this called for i'm sorry who there's no name paul here there's just a man or a woman and so and so i you'll find out soon um i sit down at a table and i'm sitting with me and uh paul rudd went to the party together so we're at the same two bros but we're two bros but we're not sitting together why i don't know it's where our name plates were wait a minute so you bought tickets together as a couple yeah and they sat you a different place what if yeah well we didn't buy tickets you're it's sat you at different places? What if you... Well, we didn't buy tickets. It's something you're invited to. But what if you had gone there

with your wife? Would you and your wife been sitting in different places? Scott, I don't know. I didn't go with my wife. My wife. I don't know what you're saying right now.

So I sit down, then slowly everybody comes in and... How slow? Everyone's coming in at, I'd say... Walking pace, like four miles an hour? 15, 20 miles an hour. Everyone's coming in.

What? Are they on scooters or something? No, everyone's... That's how fast everyone's walking in this place. Why'd you say slowly? 15 miles an hour? Well, for a car, that's really slow. Oh, okay.

So wait. I thought you meant that people are walking... Oh, okay. So wait, I thought you meant that people are walking. Oh, okay. So people are walking 15 miles an hour, but if it were a car, it would be slow. And that's why you said slowly? Yes. Because they're walking really fast. For walking, it's fast, but for driving, it's very slow.

Okay, I'm on board now. I understand all this perfectly. So we're watching the Oscars with a table full of very friendly, lovely people. Okay. How many? It's probably eight people at the table. Sure. Standard table party size.

Standard table. We're sitting in chairs. Great. It's the way to sit. So I'm watching the Oscar show, and about halfway through U2's performance, the Oscar show and about halfway through U2's performance the two girls that are sitting next to me

both probably in their 20s. Really lovely funny smart. By the way we never got those college girls in here. We talked about it on that previous episode. We said the next episode we were going to get college girls in here. Well maybe we do. We don't know yet. Oh that's true. Who this guest is.

For all we know it's a college girl. I love college know yet. Oh, that's true. Who this guest is. Okay. For all we know, it's a college girl. I love college girls. And that's what's happening. So all of a sudden, these two girls in their 20s. Had you spoken to them at all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're great. They're really cool.

Had you said, hi, I'm Adam. I'm Parks and Recreation. That's right. That's how I introduce myself to everybody. I play Ben. Yeah, we chat. Everyone at the table's talking and everything it's great there's a reason vanity fair there's a reason i'm here it's because i'm an

actor right um and i explain that to everyone as i as i go around the room you know glad handing now why am i not invited to this party do you any any i think the reason is obvious, Scott. Why is that? I'm on a TV show. You know, I mean, I was not invited to a single. What? Yeah, but are you? Oh, Adam. Are you? Come on, just because you're on the most popular show in NBC history.

Is that true? No. It's my little dig at you. Okay. So all of a sudden these girls. About halfway through U2's performance. 50% of the way through. I realize that the two girls I'm sitting next to are Bono's daughters. Wait a minute.

How do you realize that? What? Because the way they're watching the performance. They're going, Daddy, Daddy sing. Exactly. Daddy sing louder. And then I kind of glanced at their name plates, and their last name's Hewson,

so I just kind of put two and two together. And it added up to U2. Yeah, exactly. Put U and two together. Two plus two equals U2. Yeah, exactly. Put U and 2 together. 2 plus 2 equals U2. U2. And U2. Or 4.

That's true. That's also true. And I believe I texted you, holy shit, I'm sitting next to. So then the rest of the dinner, all I could think about was how embarrassing it would be if. think about was those t-shirts how embarrassing it would be if because i i don't think they they knew parks and rec or anything but how embarrassing it would be if they found out that i have a youtube podcast about their dad dad i'm such a fan of your dad god and and you somehow finagled your way right there to sit next to them. Right. It all just seemed really creepy. What if they knew Parks and Recreation and they were like, that's Adam Scott, and they entered you in a Google search and the first thing that came up was this podcast?

I know. All the scenarios went through my head. So I didn't say anything about our podcast our podcast of course but they were really cool and really really chill super super chill great super chill uh-huh um but then later at the party we were all um hanging out and i we i ran into, and then they introduced me to their dad. Their stepdad, I'm assuming you mean. You can't be saying what I think you're saying. No, I am saying what I'm saying.

What are you saying right now? I am saying that, yeah, they introduced me to their stepdad, this guy, Phillip. He's super cool, super casual guy. Was he chill? Super guy, Philip. He's super cool. Super casual guy. Was he chill? Super chill, bro. Okay. Now, are you saying that they introduced you to Bonneau?

They introduced me to Bonneau. And what did he have to say for himself? Well, I was standing talking to somebody, and you two walked in, and Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton walked by, and then the Edge walked by and then miles an hour. Yeah. They were going super slow.

They were like 20, 25 miles an hour. And then I ran into, um, the girls. And then they introduced me to, to Bono because he was very nice. And they said,

Oh, this is some guy that we've been sitting at a table with. They said, Dad, this is table seven. And because me and Rudd and someone else were kind of standing around and introduced us, they were all very, very friendly. What does Bono say to you? Had he heard about the t-shirts?

Did you ask about the t-shirts? Fans of the show want to know! I saved the t-shirts for next time. Hmm. Hey, Cody, do you mind not crowding Adam? You know that I don't like people in my space, bro. Cody stood up so close to Adam,

and Adam gave me a look of fear. Because you don't know Engineer Cody. Sure, this is our ninth episode. You don't know him all that well know i'm not ready for his groin to be that close to my face um no when i when i when they introduced me to him all again all i could think of was how creepy it could you got to stop thinking like that no but you gotta start turning your swords his daughters were introducing a guy who has a podcast about his band even just a guy with a podcast finagled my way bad enough finagle yes exactly i've finagled my way into like his daughter's lives somehow and then so it was all bet so they were all very very friendly okay so you kept it cool too cool in my opinion

because i think you should have been like hey bon bro how about some fucking t-shirts yeah bro oh that's my dream but we'll get them next time we're gonna get them on this show i swear to god yeah yeah we got we have to we'll keep doing the show until we get Bono on it or you two break up. Yep. Do you join me in the solemn vow? Absolutely. Absolutely. Great.

I'm with you. All right. We need to take a break. Is that all we have to say about the Oscars? What if I met him and I said, it's so nice to meet you. Listen, I have a podcast. Devoted to you and your work what would you

what do you think about maybe coming on and talking about your band with me and my friend me and my weird friend we're on Sunset Boulevard don't give out the address by the way that's good enough, Sunset Boulevard on the fifth floor

alright we have to take a break Before we give out the entire address We have to take a break Cody all of a sudden is shaking a little Dew off that melon He's back ready to do it Yeah no he has a deformed penis Oh my god

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You talking, you two to me, and this is our bridge episode where we're slowing it down. Just taking it easy. We're going about 25 miles an hour. Yeah. Walking at this point. We're going about 25 miles an hour walking at this point. We're just slow.

And by the way, if you were listening to the show before this break, which I don't know why you would come in in the middle, but maybe you walked into a room, someone else is playing it. Engineer Cody, in his infinite wisdom, he went out to that bathroom, left the key in it. Really? Yeah. Left the key to that bathroom, left the key in it. Really? Yeah. Left the key in that bathroom.

So when I went out during the break to go into it. Did you have to do shit in the hallway? No, I went into the women's, which, hey, look, we're recording this very late at night. I figured there's not going to be any women going in there. But I got to see the women's restroom for the first time. And you know what it is? It's two stalls. Meanwhile, in the men's, we got a stall and a urinal. Just put two stalls in the men's and you know what it is it's two stalls meanwhile in the men's we got a stall in a urinal just put two stalls in the men's you know what i mean yeah just

like i can see why you're so upset you got two urinals and a stall in the men's just put two stalls in there we'll do fine did you let it mellow in the women's are you kidding that's the last thing a woman wants to see in the morning in this office building is a man's pee and you can tell oh yeah just with how hardy the color is so much sperm in it that is something i didn't want to mention um i don't know women women listeners i don't know if you know this but when men pee there's just sperm swimming around in it oh yeah in the toilet bowl. You're listening to you talking U2 to me, and we're talking about U2.

We talked about the Oscars. Oh, by the way, end of that story, they lost. They did not win. How were their spirits at that party? Spirit! Christmas Carol. I think they felt like they were expecting Frozen to win. I think they...

I thought you were about to say they were expecting Frozen yogurt. That too. Frozen yogurt was the dessert that night. Okay. Everyone was expecting Frozen yogurt. Was Frozen nominated for the GG? How did they win the GG if... I don't know.

Huh. Interesting. Well, anyway, so they kind of were at peace with, you know what? We're not going to win, but hey, there's always eight years from now. They were definitely rooting for them, you know, as we all were. Themselves, meaning? At the table. For U2 to win.

Are you talking about? I'm not talking about the daughters. I'm talking about U2 spirits. Oh, they seemed fine. They're going to be okay. I think they'll be all right. I mean, I think they'll be alright. I think they'll pull through.

That's a big crushing loss. Oh yeah. Oh man. Can you imagine? Did they talk about when Bono walked in and met him and she said, this is table seven. And he said, hello, I'm Bono. What a crushing blow tonight. Yeah, he did mention how crushed they all were.

Well, that's too bad. Anyway, they lost mention how crushed they all were. Well, that's too bad. Anyway, they lost, but you get them next time, you two. Just start putting out songs every year. You got one for Batman, you got one for Nelson Mandela. Interchangeable, in my mind. They could do a song for Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and get nominated for that. Why not? Look, there's a guy starring

in that who's one of their biggest fans who has a podcast about them. Yep. do a little research bono come on what movie should we write a song for what would their song from hot tub time machine 2 sound like it would probably be like a lot of drums before we get to the meat. Wait, is that it? Could you hear what song that was? Yeah, yeah. What song was it?

The Ranger. William Tell Overture? Yeah. Wow. Speaking of... I mean, that's just a suggestion. It doesn't have to be that. All right.

Well, speaking of William, our next guest's name could be William for all we know because we don't know the gender of this person. Or it could be Wilhelmina. That's true. Guests, take down your draws. Okay. Show us that dick or that coochie. Is this one of the 20 questions you're going to use?

Oh, that's right. Using two schools? Oh, yeah. 20 questions. 20 questions. My God, what are the questions we should ask? You must determine my gender in 20 questions. By the way, this is part of Two's Clues.

Let's hear a little of the Two's Clues theme. Very good. Very good. Very nice. Welcome to Two's Clues. Welcome to Two's Clues. I'm Scott. This is the show where we ask our guests 20 questions, and in those 20 questions, we hope we get a few Two's Clues to determine if they

got a penis or if they got a vagina. If they got a peen or they pee through a vagina. Jesus. That's not good. I said, oh, Jesus, as if mine was at all acceptable. Oh, my God. Okay.

Scott, what question do you want to lead with? Okay. Guest number one yes when you get dressed in the morning do you put on these are all yes or no questions uh god we never talked about that they could they could be or they could not be i guess do you put on panties or a diaper good question both oh damn it okay sorry damn it oh gosh okay scott it's your turn. Okay. Guess number one. What is your ideal dream date? Yes.

It is a dream. Ideally. Ideally. All right. Oh, God. I feel like we're no closer to learning. This guest likes to go on dates in the dream world? I guess so.

With Morpheus? Yes. I'm answering your question because you made a question sort of lilt at the end. I guess that counts as one of our 20 questions. I got one. I got one. Okay, go ahead. 17 questions to go.

I'm surprised I didn't think of this first. What gender are you? I'm a man. Oh! I guess we don't need the rest of those questions. No, okay. But still ask them. Okay.

To determine my gender. Here we go. At this point, I think you're a man, but... I think you're a man because you just said you're a man. Wait, I got one. Were you lying when you said you were a man? No. Oh, man, I'm thinking this guy's a man. 13 more questions. Do you have any way of proving you're a man?

Yes, several. Will you prove you're a man by showing us that peen? Absolutely I will. Okay, will you do it right now? Yes, I will. Okay, let's see it. That was not a question.

Can we see it? Certainly. Are you going to show it to us or keep us in suspense on this? Yes, I am. And no, I'm not. Will you fucking show us your penis? Yes, I will. Will you, I'm not. Will you fucking show us your penis? Yes, I will. Will you do it right now?

Yes. I'm sorry, you're out of questions. Damn it! We never got to see his penis. We didn't get to see the penis. Hey, guest number one, introduce yourself. My name is Paul F. Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins.

Can you believe it? From podcasting? Yep, and very little else you found a podcast you have not been on i stunted high and low poor paul all all he did was email us and compliment us on the show said that he enjoyed listening and here we are 40 hours later he's trapped in a room listening to his bullshit for my, at this point, an hour and a half before he's introduced. He has been here for an hour and a half. Counting last week's show as well.

Sorry about that, Paul. Hi. Look, it's a pleasure for me because I'm a fan of the show. You two are weirdos. You two are weirdos. Yeah, they are. Oh, I'm sorry. Especially in the 90s. The two of two are weirdos. You two are weirdos. Yeah, they are. We've been talking about that. Oh, I'm sorry.

Especially in the 90s. The two of you are weirdos. Oh, well, that makes more sense. Oh, okay. Yes. I would agree with that as well. I was going to say, you two are not weirdos at all. I was just agreeing with you.

By the way, this has been Two's Clues. Oh, let's close it up. Good episode, Scott. Yeah, it was great. That was really good. Congrats on Two's Clues. That's been a good addition to our lineup. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Paul, welcome. Scott, thank you for having me. Scott, thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. Now, you two as a band, do we need to start over? No, I'm caught up. Should we start from the beginning? No, no, no.

You two as a band, they're from Ireland. Ireland. You know over? No, I'm caught up. Should we start from the beginning? No, no, no. YouTube's a band. They're from Ireland. Ireland. You know what? Yes, actually, because I'm realizing some people might have just walked into a room where this is playing. Maybe a girl's boyfriend is playing this stupid show that he likes that she can't stand. He's wondering what's going on. Okay, so YouTube is a band.

Smash cut to now. Yep. You have feelings about them, and you have an opinion on them and I remember seeing you talk about them on stage a few times and I thought, you know what? Did I talk about them a few times? I remember once at the very least. You mentioned Largo. I remember seeing you at Pedro's talking about

them as well. I bet I was saying the same stuff. Probably. Well, hey, here's a little glimpse behind the curtain. Sometimes comedians say the same stuff. They're not just making it up on stage. We pretend as if it's the agreed upon lie that this is all just happening

for the very first time. They call it predetermined material. Predetermined material. As they say in the comedian biz. Do you have any predetermined material? Every night before you go on, you're like, I would like to go on stage and say some predetermined material tonight. That's correct.

Please. So you had talked about U2, and so I thought, you know what? Let's get Paul to talk about U2 because we are unabashed fans. Yes. Adam listens to every U2 record and tries to convince himself he likes them equally. And I have a different opinion sometimes with some of the records where I like some of them better than others. But maybe it's time for a dissenting opinion. The last time we had one on, Harris Whittles, he left convinced that U2 was his...

That was an amazing turnaround. It really was. A very fast turnaround. Almost as if he had an appointment to get to and wanted to get out of the room. Almost as if he had an appointment to get to. Yeah. Wanted to get out of the room. Almost as if he had to get back to work. I don't know. Well, almost as if he had taken off work to do a podcast and they didn't know about it. I can't imagine that's true.

It really seemed to me like you guys clearly made your case. Oh, thank you very much. Yes. That's so sweet. Wow, man. Now. Uh-huh. Thank you very much.

Yes. That's so sweet. Now, my experience with you two is it's not so much that I dislike them. It's that I was never captivated by them in the way that, say, you and you are. Yeah. Okay. Scott and Scott. Yeah.

Please tell us who you're talking about when you say you and you. Well, I'm talking about Scott, and then I'm also including Scott in this. Thank you. Great. Fantastic. And the time I was making fun of them was around the time of Pop,

which we talked about in depth in our house. Endlessly. And left no stone unturned when it came to Pop. Truly. Actually, I don't think that's true I think he left a lot of stones Right where they were So if someone had a stone collection

And they came home They would not even have known you guys were in there What, are we going to pick up every stone in the world? Come on That would be impossible, that would take too long Does that expression apply to every stone in the world? Like when you say we left no stone unturned Is the implication We've traveled the entire globe?

There was one guy who did it. They made an expression out of it. I think they're talking about just a group of stones pertaining to the particular subject they're talking about. In this case, the pop stones. Right. So there was... Hey, you popping my stones over here? You popping my stones?

Oh, my road. Is it time for you popping my stones? Yeah, let's hear a little episode of you popping my stones over here? You popping my stones? Is it time for you popping my stones? Yeah, let's hear a little episode of you popping my stones. Hey, welcome to you popping my stones. I'm Scott. I'm Scott. I am Scott. What are you, popping my stones?

You popping my stones? Wait. Hey, you two popping my stones? Who's popping stones around here? Is it you? Oh. This has been you popping my stones. Good app. Great app the great app fantastic by the way i agree with some listener that said they didn't think i got enough credit a couple of episodes ago for

saying for coming up with the podcast you talking tattoo you to me what tattoo you oh right you talking tattoo you to me right the rolling stones record you? Oh, right, right. You talking tattoo you to me? Right, the Rolling Stones record. Yeah. Did we talk about that in one of our last apps? I threw it out there as a potential podcast title, and you and Harris just kind of rode right over it like I didn't even say it. That's Harris.

So you agree with this listener that you didn't get enough credit for that? Yes. Are you in this for the credit, man? Are you in this to talk about you too? To me. I'm in it for the boys from Liverpool. That's what I'm in it for. All right.

Bono. The age. Veg. Veg. Veg. Veej? Veej. Veej.

Yeah. I've never said it out loud. I've only seen it written down. Veej. Adam. Clay. Ton. Adam, Clay, 2,eej. Adam. Clay. Ton. Adam, Clay, 2,000 pounds.

Adam, Clay, and Ton. Clay a ton. Metric. Metric. Yes. Earthquake. Yes. Richter scale.

Got it. And Frangela? Frangela. Yeah, Frangela is one of the members. Frangela. Yeah, Frangela. The two comedians, Francis. Yeah, Frangela. The two comedians, Francis and Angela, yeah.

Yes. Put together. They comprise the drumming. They comprise and comport. The drumming person of U2. Yes. So now, can we talk about, because criticism has been leveled at this show that we're just talking about an old band no one cares about, but we're old men. Have people said that?

Sort of. You know know it's hey you can say that about literally anything any discussion that people have that's also true any discussion that anyone's having about anything that hey that's old you can say who cares yeah that's true but we care yes now here's the what's very funny to me is from listening to you guys, because I'm a loyal fan. Thank you so much. Thank you. And you guys, I think you're revealing that you two are maybe not good at their jobs. Why do you say that? They start off really strong, right?

Yeah. Start off really, really strong. Then they have this big, gigantic Watershed hit album. Yeah. Then the discussion was big gigantic Watershed hit album. Then the discussion was, they were not ready for this. They could not handle it. And then they have not seemed to have gotten a hold of it. Now they

come in and you guys are talking about this pop album where it's like, it didn't work. They didn't really have a point. They tried to put a point on top of it later. And it's going to happen again in another 10 years. I disagree with that, but I will say that the 10 years between the first time it imploded and the second time,

it was all great. So between Joshua Tree and Pop? No, between Rattle and Hum and Pop. Between Rattle and Hum and Pop. The end of Rattle and Hum. Rattle and Hum was the first implosion. Yes. Then they built it back up.

What are the albums in between? You have Ak-Tung. How is this pronounced? Ak-Tung. Baby. Ak-Tung, baby. Is it? Ak-Tung.

Baby. Oh, I think that was it. That's it. That's the correct pronunciation. That is it. Which, by the way, we talked about last episode. We want to change the title of that to Rock Tune Baby because it's rock and roll music. Right.

So, but how, can I ask your age? How old of a man are you? Oh, Scott, I don't know if I want this out there. I understand. It's Hollywood after all. I am 46. I will be 46. Okay.

Wait, am I? I fucking can't remember. If I am 46 now, I was born September 12th, 1968. 68. So I am 45 now and I will be 46? I don't know. You don't know your age? No, you're 45 now going to be 46.

Yeah. 45 going on 46. Yeah. When is your birthday? I'm 45 and a half. When's September 18th. September 12th. Did you already say that? Yeah, he did.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I agree with the listener who will say that you should pay more attention to the stuff I say, Scott. You really should. I feel like you're talking so slow that it's almost like you can't pay attention to what anyone else is. You're talking like 15 miles an hour. I know exactly everything Paul's saying I'm paying attention to.

He is 49 years old. Wait a minute. Come on. This will not stand. His birthday is on 9-11. No, but the reason I ask about this, Paul, is because a lot of younger listeners go, look, I don't like you two. When I started to like music, when I was, I don't know, I was a small boy who wanted to be a big boy.

A little boy. Just a little boy. Just a little boy, but I wanted to be a big boy. But I started to like music. By that point, U2 had already gone so off the rails that maybe they were in the Vertigo era even at this point when they were young kids. So a lot of people don't understand U2 at all. But a person of your age and our age, because I would say that we're all roughly the same age, roughly went through the same U2 experience.

Right. But you did not, you say. You were never captivated. No. What was the first time you ever heard about them? Oh, my God. From years ago living in Philadelphia when they were still playing small places in Philly. Now, here's what I have to say about you two in Philadelphia,

and we talked about this in the Rattlin' Home episode. Here we go. Were you upset that they didn't have enough guitars and they didn't play Philadelphia in the Joshua Tree tour? Was that why you don't like them? Maybe I... I mean, that's not helping. It was a big problem problem it was a snafu situation normal all fouled up yeah it's normal for this kind of situation i hope a listener

doesn't snitch you out to kulop i hope not but they they didn't bring enough guitars famously and the hooters had to play instead now i might not be privy to this information yet. That's what we talked about. We're giving you the information now. This episode hasn't dropped. They forgot to bring the appropriate amount of guitars? Yeah, one. So the Hooters

had to play instead. So you two didn't play at all or they played with the Hooters' guitars? They played on the second leg of the tour when they got enough guitars. But they basically were like, you know what? We don't have enough guitars for this show. Put the Hooters on instead. And no one notices.

And that's why the Hooters got so huge is because they got U2's slot in Philadelphia. So were you upset about that? Is that what happened? Well, we all were at the time. And a lot of us still are. There's a lot of bad blood. I got tricked into seeing the Hooters. So in Philadelphia, what would you say around 1983 is when you became aware of them?

Probably 86, I think. When I started doing stand-up in 86 and I moved downtown. So wait, the Pride in the Name of Love, the Unforgettable Fire record, you're unaware of? Pretty much. Wow. So this is Philadelphia. This is sort of, this is back east. Because the people that I was hanging with up to that point, because I, like in high school,

in high school I didn't know anybody who listened to YouTube. Right. And then I started stand-up right after high school. school i didn't know anybody who listened to youtube right and then i started stand-up right after high school and then i heard about them but the stuff that i heard it didn't make any impact on me and what were you listening to at the time uh i was i was into new wave and stuff like that okay so in 1986 we're talking what do you got you got duran duran we're talking there was some duran duran there was the police uh-huh the police oh i useduran. There was the police. Uh-huh. The police. Oh, I used to like listen to the police.

No, I heard of Cyrene once. But they were broken up by then, weren't they? The police? That was towards the end for sure. Yeah. I think 1985 was their last record, Synchronicity probably. Synchronicity. In 1986, he got the Dream of the Blue Turtles,

but they hadn't broken up, if you remember, at that point. The Dream of the Blue Turtles was so successful that the police broke up. Oh, because it was Sting's first solo outing. And then, of course... And how about the song Russians? It became appropriate again, right? Do they love their children? Do the Russians love their children, too?

I wonder. I wonder if they do. A lot of the Dream of the Blue Turtles songs were... Hey, get by a mic! A lot of the Dream of the Blue Turtles songs were actually songs he wrote for the police. Wait a minute. Is this an episode of Blue Turtling? I believe it is. Yes.

Let's open it up. Hey, welcome to an episode of Blue Turtling. We're just Blue Turtling it. I'm your host, Scott. Oh, man. What do you say, Paul? i don't know i'm just now i'm just blue turtle in here but okay i think that that's when sting got really into jazz musics and he started uh hanging out with future jay leno band leader branford marsalis guys i'm just

gonna blue turtle here for just a second that's why we're all here. I feel like Bring on the Night, the movie, the album, and again, I am just blue turtling here, is one of the great moments in jazz rock. Out of a wide swath of great moments. A crowded field of nominees. Jazz rock. Anybody here in the mood for some blue turtling? I'd love to blue turtling. I think it's the finest moment in jazz rock. nominees. Jazz rock. Anybody here in the mood for some blue turtling? I'd love to blue turtling. I think it's the finest moment in jazz rock.

Wow. Thank you. And I will even say the finest moment of the finest moment of jazz rock. Yeah. The finest moment being Bring on the Night, the movie. Not the album. Not the album. The movie.

When Sting sings the theme song to the Flintstones. Oh, my God. I love that part. So funny. So funny. He's a fun guy who likes to have fun. They're a Stone Age family. A modern Stone Age family, Scott.

No, I know they are. I'm just saying they're a Stone Age family. I'm not quoting lyrics. Does Hanna-Barbera have a case against ABC show Modern Family? I wonder about that almost endlessly. What, you take out the word Stone Age and then you have a new show? I'm making quotes with my fingers? Yeah.

Thank you for saying that. Well, I've never heard Dream of Blue Turtles. I don't know what you guys are talking about. I'm a bad person to host this show. Anyway, this has been an episode of Blue Turtling. Good ep. That was a great ep. Can I ask, why did U2 get so much shit for Rattle and Hum

and Sting did not get any shit for Bring on the Night? I think because he started out pretentious. Yeah. And because that was his second solo thing. Yeah. U2 was massive at that point. Oh, I also have the same thing with Bruce Springsteen, That was his second solo thing. U2 was massive at that point. Oh, I also have the same thing with Bruce Springsteen, which is very weird for me to be from Philadelphia and not really be into Bruce Springsteen. You're not into Bruce Springsteen?

No. You never have been and never will be? I never will be. I was taken to a concert by my two best friends in the world who are massive Bruce Springsteen fans. And I thought, well, this will be my conversion. Yeah. And it just didn't happen. concert by my two best friends in the world who are massive bruce springsteen fans yeah and uh i thought well this will be my conversion yeah and it just didn't happen and then i was just there at a three-hour concert it's a long one not really enjoying that much but it's interesting because people get into bruce springsteen at interesting times like you were saying you've got into him

late i know i got into him late i'm super late via david bowie because david bowie covered a couple of his songs and I was like, I like those songs. Hard to be a saint in the city and grown up. And I was like, I like those songs a lot

because I was a big David Bowie freak. What's grown up? I know, I know. Growing up. From the first record. Oh, I never heard Bowie cover that.

Yeah, they're great. And I liked those so much that I was like, let me hear the Springsteen versions. I listened to them and they're completely indistinguishable

from the Bowie versions, other than Bowie's doing it in a weird cocky accent. Growing up! But I do, that got me into Springsteen. But then I saw Springsteen, I had a similar experience, though. There were so many people booing at Bruce Springsteen, I was kind of like, this is really rude,

and it just ruined the concert for me. I was like, you guys are all meanies. Scott, no. They weren't. Booze. Like you thought they were expressing their booze in plurals. Booze is what you would say, so you only have to shout it once. If only you'd known they all had speech impediments,

and they were trying to say, love you bruce okay i have a pretty funny uh showbiz story to go along with this oh boy oh i saw a little rockumentary uh about bruce springsteen i don't know that i'm sorry rocking mockumentary oh no no no no it's a sorry paul it's a documentary about rock and roll and just to save time we call it a rockumentary oh sure rather than say every time a documentary about rock and roll that I saw yeah or a rock and roll documentary even it

takes up too much time that's going to shave a year off your life if you just shorten it to rockumentary fuck meaning you'll get an extra year not you'll be dead add a year off not shave a year off shave a year off of the years that God is ticking down of when he's going to kill you. Does that make sense?

No, it does. Thank you. And also that's why in so many zombie movies you see the zombies and the first thing they do is say, rockumentary, rockumentary, because of all the time they wasted in their actual lives. Sure, they're trying to get it out now. Is that the worst part of being a zombie,

is realizing how much time you wasted in your life doing things like saying rock and roll documentary? Yeah. The cognizance, the cognizambience, also infotainment. Zombies are always bitching about how much time they wasted saying informational. Informational entertainment.

Or entertaining information. Yeah. So what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, you got some great stuff. how much time they wasted saying informational entertainment or entertaining information yeah so what what were we talking oh so so oh yeah you got some great there's this great documentary i saw i can't remember where but there's this wonderful rock and roll showbiz tidbit in there where tom petty was talking about opening for bruce springs not opening but playing before him at a giant festival sort of a co-headliner kind of thing yeah and he walks out that's an important distinction to you he's about he's a he's about he's about to walk out on stage and and somebody grabs him right before he walks out uh-huh and in the butt no just sorry he had to fall like grabs his butt that's an interesting assumption

that you just made why would it be that i? I don't know. If someone grabs me before on stage, I go on stage, it's usually the butt. Who's doing this to you? It's usually my opener. This is inappropriate. By opener, do you mean you open up your butthole for them? Or do you co-headline your butthole?

I had it wrong. He had to follow Bruce Springsteen. Another one of these fucking stories you have that goes nowhere and you get every detail wrong. You guys are fraying at the edges. Yes, we are. So he's about to walk out and someone grabs him by the butt. You were right, Scott. I'm sorry.

And they say, hey, when you go out there, if it sounds like they're booing you, they're not. They're just saying Bruce, so don't worry. And Tom Petty's reply, what's the difference? Oh, because they should be going, Tom. Yeah, they should. Yeah, it's not any better that they're not booing, but they're just asking for Bruce to come back. Yeah, but they're asking for Bruce to come back. They're wishing that you were a different person.

Would you guys say you're a bigger Tom Petty fan or Bruce Springsteen fan? I will tell you the answer to that on next week's show. Jesus. No, I'll say Bruce, definitely. I just saw Tom Petty live for the first time at Bonnaroo last year. He was great. Yeah.

But I still, I respond more to the music of Bruce Springsteen. I think I respond more to, I'm not like a huge Tom Petty fan either, but there's a handful of songs that I really, really enjoy that I think affect me more than the handful of Springsteen songs that I really enjoy. So let's get back to this though. Let's get back to this. You like New Wave at the time it's 1986 you're a new romantic i'm a big tom petty fan all right and uh i got a little pompadour you got a pompadour and um it's 1986 you hear about you two for the first time what do you hear about uh i hear that they are this amazing band

and people are bragging like I saw them at Grendel's Lair and there's only seven people in the audience things like that fantastic that's all the time we have thank you so much for coming by I am glad to be of service please tell my wife I love her I'm going to kill myself

look we have to take a break is what I'm going to kill myself. Look, we have to take a break is what I'm trying to say. We got to take another break. When we come back, we'll have more from Paul F. Tompkins. We'll have more from Scott and Scott. We'll be right back. It's getting very late in the eve for us. We'll be right back with more You Talking U2 to Me.

Another episode of You Talking U2 to Me and another great sponsorship from our friends at NatureBox. We gotta thank these guys. Engineer Sam, how do we thank these guys? You know what? I want to send a NatureBox to them

because that is the greatest gift I can think. Let's write that down. Send a nature box to our friends at nature box. They'll love it because it's the best gift you can give. What is it? Well, nature box is a brilliant company with a revolutionary and delicious idea. That's what it is. It's as simple as that. What they do is they deliver tasty snacks directly to people without them, and they do it every single month. Yeah, every month. So, you know, if you're like me, you're avoiding high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, artificial flavors, artificial colors. Well, guess what?

So is NatureBox. Each snack faces strict quality standards, so you know it's going to be quality, but they're also approved by painfully strict nutritionists. But these guys want to have fun. Do they? I've never found that out. One day I'm going to visit the factory.

I'm going to find out if they have fun because they have a fun streak. They want to have fun, but do they? We'll never know. Pick your favorites. Apple pie oat clusters. Oh, that sounds so good. Black and white granola. Oh, I want it now.

Or, hey, guess what? You can go wild with a rotating surprise box each month. They have a huge collection of tasty treats from Fuji apples to masa crisps. Oh, I'm in heaven. So snack better, snack smarter, and snack plentifully. Go to naturebox.com slash you too to get 50% off your first box. Whoa, that's a deal. I'm going to do it. I'm going to send NatureBox one. I suggest you send one to yourself. That's naturebox.com slash U2. Go visit today. All right, welcome back.

We're here, the fellas, and we were just getting- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just dudes, you know? It's just turtle. I love hanging out with men. From blue turtle in it to talking about turtle. Oh, should we break open an episode of Talking About Turtle from Entourage?

Let's do it. Here we go. Talking About Turtle. Hey, guys. Welcome to Talking About Turtle. I'm your host, Scott. This is Scott. And I'm Paul. Glad to be here on. I'm your host, Scott. This is Scott. And I'm Paul.

Glad to be here on TAT. Open up the phones! Okay, let's take some calls. Hey guys, listen. I'm a huge fan. Oh, hey man, it's always nice to hear from a fan. Yeah, great. Are you a first-time caller?

I don't recognize that voice. Long time, first time. I love Turtle from Entourage. Hey, so do we. Enough said. That's why we hosted this podcast, bro. I love you guys. Can't wait for the movie.

It's going to be great. Hey, you know what? I think it's going to be really good. I have high hopes for it. May 16th, 2015, guys. Hey, man. I'm there with my balls on. Oh, shit.

How much do you think the movie is going to be Turtle and how much is it going to be the other guys? I'm hoping 100%. I hope it's one unbroken shot all on Turtle's face. Well, listen. We all want that to happen, but it's impossible. They're the other guys. We got Vince.

We got E. We got Ari. I mean, come on. Oh, I forgot about E. I mean, I like Turtle so much that, you know, I want his friends. I'm glad that he has friends and everything, but I kind of hate when they take away from Turtle time. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Me too. Yeah. Me too. Oh, well, we can all dream. Hey, do you think Turtle will be able to see us through the screen? We all hope that. Yeah, definitely. I think so.

Hey, you know what I did hear? That's probably not realistic, but I did hear that at certain screens in the arc light here in Hollywood, he drilled two holes, he cut out two eye holes in the screen, and he's going to be behind it. So anytime he's on screen, he's going to be looking back at us. For real. Hey, Scott? Yeah, Scott?

What about when Turtle moves around on the screen? How are those cut-out eye holes going to follow him? I have a question about that, too, yeah. What's your question? Same thing same thing what how did you both this is a coincidence how'd you both come up with the same question it's the most logical question that would go along with your statement this is crazy let's not answer this question because this is nuts you guys are like have psychic powers or something hey let's change subject oh yeah yeah do you think that a turtle used to be a real turtle in real life? Look, we all hope the turtle used to be a real turtle.

Maybe he got a spell put on him? I mean, that's the most... I think it was just a nickname from back in Boston where all the guys grew up. I think that he used to be a turtle probably in medieval times and that an evil witch put a spell on him. Because he used to be a turtle probably in medieval times and that an evil witch put a spell on him. Because he used to work at medieval times. Yeah, that forces him to hang out with these other people who are clearly not as great as he is. And, you know, it's kind of an unlucky lot he has in life. So it's settled.

Turtle is great. This has been Talking About Turtle. Thanks, guys. Good ep. Great ep of Talking About Turtle. You know what? about turtle thanks guys good app great talking about turtle you know what people thought that we couldn't not talk about a specific album of you twos on this show and keep it great and here we

are proving them wrong this is proof the proof is in the pudding you guys I would complain about this podcast I'll tell you we'll go through some reviews let's do it what do you just turn it off and Who would complain about this podcast? I don't know. I'll tell you. We'll go through some reviews. Let's do it. Wouldn't you just turn it off and never mention it to anyone? I know. Why would you be like, these guys, they're missing an opportunity.

Sit through two hours and 20 minutes of it and then complain. Let's tell you what. I want to get back to Paul at a certain point about what he thinks or does not think about YouTube. But let's talk about some reviews. I can't wait to tell you what I don't think about them. A lot. Let's talk about some reviews. Let me read some reviews

of the show. We've gotten a lot of one-star reviews, and I think that's because you have to rate it one star. You're not allowed to give zero. I love that as a feature of the reviews, too, where people say, I wish I could give the zero star. We get it. We get the system that it has to be one is the lowest you can go.

So this is iTunes, and you have to give one through five stars. One through five stars. One star. This podcast is crap. Not about you two. I have no idea why it's so popular, save the you two reference, but it's not about you two. If you were expecting to hear about U2, don't waste your time. If you are

huge fans of these two guys and want to hear insipid stories about their lives, you're in the right place. I have to say, I cannot disagree with him. It's pretty accurate. If you do want to hear insipid stories about our lives, you are in the right place. This is the place. Look, I'm a fan of both of you.

I love your insipid stories. The detail of the warehouse place. This is the place. Look, I'm a fan of both of you. I love your insipid stories. The detail of the warehouse and the walk to and from. Where? The warehouse. Here we go. One star. Horrible.

These guys should go back to their small town in the Midwest. Not funny. What? We clearly talked about being from Southern California and Sam and Jose.

But also, where do they think you traveled to to do a podcast? Yeah. And obviously, they know we're in LA. And is this being from a small town in the Midwest the deepest insult you can come up with? This guy's very... By the way, this is Mr. Flashlight.

He's very confused. I'm sorry. Scott, did you say Mr. Flashlight? That's true. I have to go. Please edit out every word I've uttered on this podcast. Wait, here we go, two stars. This guy's a little more diverse.

I wish I could give this one star, but I don't know how the stars work. I learned more about Huey Lewis and the news than I did about you two. Hey, guys, it's Neato. Your mommy got you into the Us Festival. But you didn't even know Bono climbed a tower there to wave the white flag, nor did you know that they lost their music for October in a studio fire days before the album was due. That's U2 101.

This is like listening to two stoners talk about a band they barely know. My question is, why did he give us two stars? It sounds like he hated it more than anyone else. I didn't mention the Us Festival. For the U2 reference alone. Wait, maybe I was reading that too sarcastically. Sorry. It's neato your mommy got you into the Us Festival.

That's true. That's why he gave you extra stars. It's hard to communicate tone in text. I will agree, though, that I did learn more about Huey Lewis in the news listening to this. Well, that's a great show that we're concurrently doing. We've been doing that every episode. Horrible, horrible, horrible. After 15 minutes of bad 13-year-old boy humor.

Does he mean bad like as good as the song Bad by U2? Right. Or does he mean like what's good 13-year-old boy humor? What's erudite 13- old humor uh so so self-centered these unfunny dudes are self-centered believe it or not this is the only u2 related thing that i've ever judged to be horrible hey guy wow this is not u2 related that would be so funny if somehow people thought that you two had something to do with this podcast. This is our official podcast. We want this out to the world.

Let's, oh, this is a great one. One star. Funny. Not. That's right. That is the ultimate insult. I got fucking whiplash from that turnaround. He says, he or she says, that's right. I is the ultimate insult. I got fucking whiplash from that turnaround. He or she says, that's right, I said not.

Oh, just in case you were mistaken. Like listening to 10-year-olds. That's another one-star review. He's downgraded us from 13. Shaved off three years. Don't waste your valuable time. Hey, guys, why is your time so valuable? You can listen to any podcast and you

can literally listen to 30 seconds of it and then turn it off yeah joke is on us one star um but here's a good review they are right about that the joke is on that it is here's a good review five stars from jde123 he or she says i've been trying to find information about the obscure band you two for a long time. Super glad this podcast is available. Provides all the information you need, like band member names. They get it. That's great. They get it.

Who is that? That is JDE123. Thank you for my favorite review. That's awesome. That's a great one. Psychopediatric. Another good one. Chana B.C. Smith.

These guys cover everything U2 from sports to Huey Lewis to other stuff. It's all here and it's all U2. It's all here. Guys, thank you. I appreciate you listening to the show. We just wanted to pause for one moment to read those. Those are great. Let back to paul though so you're in philly you're a uh you're a 16 year old boy you're a small boy you want to be a big boy i'm just a little boy i want to be a big boy sure but there's a certain time in people's lives when they become a big boy do you did you

view yourself as a big boy yet it it took me a long time to see myself as a big boy yeah sure i felt like a little boy for a really long time do you see myself as a big boy. Yeah, sure. I felt like a little boy for a really long time. Do you see yourself as a big boy now? I feel like now I'm finally a big boy. Do you think, and this is a serious question, I see a lot of people in positions of authority who are way younger than me, 13, 15 years younger than me, and I assume they're older.

I thought you were going to say 13 or 15. Me too. 13 or 15 years old in a position of authority. Or 15. 15 year old policeman who pulled me over. It's getting very late here. It's very late. Let's keep going, by the way. We're at 10.30pm.

Let's do another half hour. Let's do until 11. Let's all go pee in the ladies room together. But okay, so you're 16 year old i'm 16 year old do you hear about you too we're going off the rails in this episode about you too i would say i was probably i was probably 17 18 doing stand-up hearing about you too from my new cool adult friends. Hearing about them, but not hearing the music. Yeah, but I guess hearing the music.

Was it like Pride was a hit and you heard that on the radio? Probably. Yeah. But it didn't make an impact on me. Okay. Like it didn't stick. It's not like that movie Deep Impact then. No, that impacted me right away and deeply.

Was it more like Armageddon yeah yeah yeah yeah armageddon that album by you too if you do is deep if you do is is you two armageddon or deep impact in this scenario i have no idea and if they are one, what band is the other? I would say U2 is Armageddon. And like... The Hooters? Adam's really trying to come up with it. He's taking it very seriously. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

The Virgin Prunes? God damn it. adam okay wait now you're getting serious yeah you clasped your hands together like you were mr miyagi um so i i feel like it's fun we can't you can't say okay clap your hands and then go, uh. I feel like with Paul, we have gotten, we've gone over the same span of time from when he started. Yes, he's heard of you too. That's right. He's heard of them. From his new adult friends.

Yes, that's right. Let's get to some further detail. You're the one who keeps resetting it. But look, I don't know how to rephrase the same thing in another way anymore. Look at this point, you've heard of them though. Yes! Jesus Christ. Okay.

But you have not heard their music? This must be what it's like listening to this show we're trapped in the show okay so when did you first wait what is the next step in this story the next step in the story honestly is uh please be candid with us is can i be totally honest with you guys? Completely. That would be great. The next step is sort of pretending like I know about them and am familiar with them around people who are clearly, and it was the same thing with like Springsteen, people who were clearly, it meant a lot to them.

And it made me feel dumb that I didn't quite get it. Were they not played on the radio stations that you listened to, or were you not listening to the radio? No, they were. I was hearing the music, but it wasn't doing it for me, man. Okay. Wasn't getting it done. So you were hearing it at this point.

Wasn't getting it done. At what point does the Joshua Tree... Joshua Tree! At what point does that come out, and what impact did it have if any i am doctor in my country this is your new robin williams he's actually here when the joshua tree came out i remember enjoying the um uh i don't i remember enjoying the hits that were on the radio uh And they were plentiful. Yes, they were.

They were. With or without you. Undeniably great songs. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I loved Trip Through Your Wires. Yeah, that's a great one. That's a great one. I liked that album.

But it was still- I don't like the concept of tripping. You like wires, though. Tripping isn't really a concept as much as it is just a reality. Do you like taking trips? I do. I vacate sometimes. More like a staycation. If you remember that the word trip has many meanings. Linda Tripp. Yes, my favorite person. Exactly. Great. Exactly.

I do like the movie Wired, too. It's probably my favorite film. Is it time for I Love Films? Yeah. Here we go. Let's open it up. Hey everyone. Welcome to I Love Films. Hi, this is Scott. This is Scott. I'm Paul. And we're talking about the movie Wired. Maybe the best movie ever made. Who was in that movie? JT Walsh. Michael Chiklis. The Commish. The Commish! The Commish himself! My favorite part of the movie is when Bob Woodward is in the room with John Belushi as he's overdosing.

Yeah. Great moment. And Belushi says, breathe for me, Woodward. Does he really? Yes. Great stuff. Good stuff. Really?

I don't remember that. What was the thing that happened? I saw it in drive through movie theater wow did you ever see the movie because when you first started talking about the movie wired i forgot that it was about john belushi and i was thinking it was about well i was thinking it was a movie like um uh what was the fucking rush with jason badger no yeah although there's a scene in rush with jason patrick where he is uh asking uh he is he's a cop and he's in the home of this lady and he's asking her some questions about somebody who died or is missing or whatever

i don't remember a lot about it but i remember this been blazing in my brain forever he is holding a teacup very daintily. She's made him some tea. And he asks a question, and then he does this sort of, it's almost like a Dennis Miller sort of waggle of his head, and looks at her, and the camera holds on him for

just a fraction of a second too long. And it's this really weird moment. Does he look into the camera? He's not looking at the camera. It's just like, who's this completely different character who has shown up in this movie. And if someone out there, this is my challenge to the listeners,

screen cap it, put it on Twitter, social networking, media platform this week, do that. And Paul will give you a precious RT. I'll retweet every person who does it. Every single, every single one.

Yep. Even people who are retweeting the original one You'll retweet that? No Okay That's where you draw the line You gotta get your own Make your own screen cap That's great

This is prime I Love Films material So I think we've all agreed We're all in total agreeance That Wired is the greatest movie ever made Greatest film ever made Great, that's been I Love Films. Good ep. That was great.

That was some good stuff. That was a really good ep. And again, great movie, Wired. Great movie. It bears repeating. Well, then let's open up I Love Films. All right. Hey, welcome to I Love Films. Alright. Hey, welcome to I Love Films. This is your host

Scott. This is Scott. I'm Paul. And we're here talking about Wired, maybe one of the greatest films ever made. One of the greatest films. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Do you know what I wanted to say in the last episode of I Love Films is when you first started talking about it, I was thinking it was a movie like that movie that Ralph Fiennes was in

that was about virtual reality. End of Days? Real Days? Strange Days. Strange Days. Catherine Bigelow directed that. I thought it was like an early movie about the internet. What is it?

Because you're thinking of Wired Magazine. Yeah, I was. Yeah. I was. What was the Denzel Washington one? He did one too, a virtual reality movie. With Russell Crowe, right? Yes.

Glory? Virtuosity. Virtuosity. I know. That's a good word. Isn't it? It sounds like it's from a Sting album. This has been Isle of Films.

Okay, guys. album this has been I love films okay guys Paul we have to get to it at least advance a year in my I mean we've gone maybe two weeks what you you you can't be saying that you just have don't have any opinion on U2. We got to get to a time where you have an opinion. I feel so ambivalent. Here's the time when I have the opinion, is when they were doing that pop presentation, whatever that was.

The concert, do you mean? Well, it seemed like it was this whole thing. The whole aesthetic. Yes. And the big lemon on the stage and you know he's wearing like a cowboy hat talk about the lemon on the stage barely in the last time we we talked did i mean we what was it supposed to mean what was the point of the lemon i think it was i think and what they've said in retrospect is don't get defensive man they

they went on this big giant tour with this album and weren't quite sure what it was they were saying they were were they not saying that it would be really funny to have a lemon a giant lemon on stage that's what that's what it seemed like the whole thing was about was it wouldn't it be funny if we did this well i think with zoo tv it was clear what they were doing and what they were talking about and the things they were sort of reflecting back to society is what they were trying to do. With Pop Mart, it was

not quite so clear. It was clear that it was a big joke. Sort of. But then sometimes not. But what was the joke? That's what I didn't understand. Because it seemed, like, I remember seeing clips of those performances and and it it seemed like we're saying something yeah oh boy oh boy we are making

a point here yeah and i didn't get what it was supposed to be but they seemed like bono seemed very pleased about it yeah you know in performance and i And I was like, I'm not dumb here. What are you doing? So you just have a... At this point, by the way, you had moved out to L.A. when Pop was out here. Yes. This is 1997. You'd been here for nigh on two years or so?

I moved here in 1994. 94. Three years at this point. Were you working on Mr. Show, Yes or No in 97? I believe you were. 97, yes. So you're in sketch comedy, and you're in a profession where you like to tear down the powerful. Here's what I do. I speak truth to power.

I'm like the court jester who can say the king is a dumbass. And it's illegal to execute. And look at his fat belly. Right? The king is a piece of shit. The king is a piece. Hey, whoa. The jester can say that

oh oh off with my head i guess you get a head chopping um but no what i guess my point is is that you're you're in comedy yeah and it's irreverent irreverent and it's it's when you see something as popular as you two it's customary for a comedian to try to poke holes in it and and because they are the big guy yeah exactly and you were suspicious of them because they were so popular and they were doing something that was maybe not really specifying to you what it was all about yeah it's it seemed like they were trying to make some sort of uhirical point about something. But you're in the comedy business, and you can't figure it out. And if you can't figure it out, then who's going to figure it out?

A man who traffics in comedy and is working on one of the most esteemed comedy sketch shows of 1997. Yes. Certainly one of the sketch shows that was on in 1997. Absolutely. One of, I would say, four. About four, except 57, and. Show in a couple hours. Mad TV?

Yeah. Saturday Night Live, Saturday. I don't even want to get into that. When Mr. Show came out, it did put all other sketch comedy shows to shame. Would you guys? It shamed them. It went nonny nonny shame on you. Would you guys be in agreeance

with that I would I would be in partial agreeance I would say that it was

it was a new iteration of sketch which I think happens every few years and I think that

not well it's someone takes the art form further every few years

it was Mr. Show in the 90s it's comedy bang bang here right nows it's comedy bang bang here right now so it's just a different oh okay what man okay oh i mean it's your show you have a look of disbelief on on your it's not just i totally believe that you said it i'm just pointing out that it's your show okay you're applying to say if you were to say that every every few years on nbc

there there comes a show that's on at 9 p.m seinfeld parks and recreation like i would back you up i don't think parks and recreation has ever been on at 9 p.m is that the one yes that is the one time would you say though that it's the most popular show in NBC history? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. We get, what, 40 million viewers a week? Does that sound right? No, you do not. Does that sound right?

It does not sound right at all. Does that sound right? I don't know if it sounds right. Chop it in half and then chop it in half about 40 more times. Oh, my God. Wow. Wait, how many is that down to? Now you're down to probably one person.

Oh, that's not enough to sustain a show. It's not. So, Paul, what? Huh? So, Pop comes out and you're not into it. And then I remember you. Oh, my God. By the way, something clicked in my brain about five minutes ago where i have no patience for this show anymore

can can i just say people are doing can i just do to people can i just say it's very clear yeah i don't know that needed to be announced something happened i enjoy doing this show so much i remember the last few shows that we did, I left on such a high. Can I be honest with you? This is the fourth show I've recorded today. Fourth podcast I've done today. Something in me is turning off and I want to hear about this story. So Paul, what do you got?

Well, it's only my second podcast of the day. What's your first one that you did? I did Never Not Funny earlier today. Congratulations. That'll be on before this one comes out. I know it will. It went great. I talked a Not Funny earlier today. Oh, you did? Another Earwolf show. That'll be on before this one comes out. I know it will. So how'd it go? It went great.

It went great. Yeah. I talked a lot of smack about this show. What? About this one? Yeah. Why?

Just to mix things up. I'm very satisfied with the smack talking. A lot of cameras over at Never Not Funny. A lot of cameras. I like to look at all of them.

Yeah. Oh, is any of them at a flattering angle? Is any of them at a flattering angle? Is any of them? Hey, y'all, like to look at all of them. Yeah. Oh, is any of them at a flattering angle? Is any of them at a flattering angle? Is any of them? Hey, y'all see all them cameras? So that's my... So I still have yet to really connect to U2.

So when you were doing... Because Scott mentioned you would bring U2 lyrics from Pop on stage and read them. Which I don't remember bringing the lyrics. I was just wondering which lyrics. I actually looked up the lyrics to Pop and none of them rang a bell even a little bit. I believe I remember you talking about the Playboy Mansion. You also had a thing against Bono constantly talking about Elvis. That seems to be his default.

He still seems to do it a little bit. Because it seems so hacky. Just Elvis. Elvis. Yeah seems to be his default. He still seems to do it a little bit. Because it seems so hacky. Just Elvis. Elvis. You know what? We know who Elvis is. Ever since 1955, the birth of rock and roll. We know about Elvis. You don't have to

constantly remind us about Elvis. White man took rock and roll from its previous stewards. From its ancestors. And said, we will make this better. Don't worry about it. You're welcome. So I remember you talking about that,

and I remember just, you know, the whole irony thing seemed played out at that point. Yeah. You know, irony's great. Sometimes we use it on this show. Not often. I just started to realize that this podcast is almost like we're doing pop every week. I know.

How did you guys feel when pop came out? I know you discussed it in the previous episode. You wanted to like it. Yeah, in the previous episode In the previous episode, we referred to it as the Phantom Menace Syndrome, which is you keep listening to it, telling yourself it's great, as a diehard U2 fan. But Scott really liked it. I still like it. If the songs were better, I would like it more.

What I didn't like was everything around the album. I didn't like all the irony. I didn't like... Have you ever... Shut up. Have you ever had the experience of liking someone someone liking an artist for a really long time and then having that moment where it's like oh this doesn't speak to me at all this isn't doing anything for me anymore I'm almost at that with Elvis Costello I have to say I hit that with Elvis Costello a few albums ago

yeah me too yeah and I hung with that and but that guy put out so many albums that were great great great i remember it was like all of a sudden i like there were two in a row that i was like oh this is which ones do you remember ah god damn adam you put me on the fucking spot man hey that's him that's adam he's a spot putter i remember remember listening to when Elvis' Burt Bacharach album came out, which I still think is a great record, but I remember talking about it with Bob Odenkirk at a Mr. Show color correction thing that we were at for some reason, and him going,

why are you listening to that? I said, well, it's a really good record. He's like, but, I mean, why don't you just listen to all of his old records instead of this shitty one that he just put out? was like no i actually like this one so bob was not in agreeance with you he was not in agreeance um but i i just recently like he's put he puts out a ton of records yes does he still put out records yes he puts them well like at least one a year and they're like you just put out with one with the yeah. And each time I kind of fall for it and I go, oh, this one might be good.

I mean, this one's with the roots who we all know from The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. And it's just nothing is grabbing me anymore. I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a while. By the way, we got to do Stained Glass.

Oh, yeah, we got to do Stained Glass. That's our new Stained podcast with Todd Glass, where we talk about the movie of Stained, or the music of Stained. Oh, we got to make a movie of Stained. Oh, I'd be on board for that. That's almost like Oliver Stone's The Doors. What if Oliver Stone's Stained? Would it be a rock and roll documentary, or would it be a morocum?

What are you wasting your time and all of our time? Just say rockumentary. Okay. You know we're going to be dead one day, and we're going to be thinking about all the time we fucking wasted. I apologize. Let me rephrase it. Would it be a documentary? Wait. Oh, my God.

Would it be? Time is ticking by. Would it be a rockumentary, or would it be a mock-up of a rockumentary? A rocking mock-up of a mentory? Yeah. It would be a fictionalized portrayal of Stained as, but they would not be in a band. No, but it would still star Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer.

Who we talked about last episode, the best Batman of all time. Yes. Val Kilmer plays Aaron Johnson. Isn't that the name of the guy in Stained? Why not? Sure, it sounds likely. He plays Aaron Johnson. It's as good a name as any.

And we'll just kind of go from there and figure it out. Sure, we'll figure it out. Who are the other members of Stained? Oh, boy. Russell Henderson? Grady Smidgers. You have Alan Huggenkiss. Blaine.

You know his sister, Amanda. Sure. Sure, I do. Brazy Fortune. Oh, Brazy. He's great. He's the one legit member of Stain. What instrument did he play? He played the zither. Yep. Oh, Brazy. He's great. He's the one legit member of Stained. What instrument did he play?

He played the zither. Yep. Zither. Yeah. Kreen Cho. He was great. One of the only Asian rock stars. And he was the other zither player.

That's right. Yeah. They had 29 zither players. Sometimes you double up on the auto harp. Mm-hmm. Of course. Great band, great movie, we can all agree. Great name.

Yes. Love to say it. Stained. Stained. Stained. It's almost like they're daring you not to say the D at the end. Would it be worse if it was just stain? Would that be worse or better?

It's almost like a cum stain. I think it would be equal. Now I don't like it. Mission accomplished. So, Paul, after... Would stain be as popular as they were if their name was cum stain? I think they'd be more popular. Okay.

I think they would still be popular, which they aren't. A lot of different opinions on stained. We should save this for stained glass. After pop and your sort of aversion to them. Ambivalence. Ambivalence to them. Although you were mighty mad about them on stage when I saw you talk about them. I was playing it up for laughs.

That's true. Goofs and grins. That was 17 years ago. That's insane to me. That's crazy, right? We just figured that out tonight using math. U plus 2 equals U2. After... Shut up.

You shut up. You shut up! Everybody shut up. After... Except for Adam? No! Everybody shut up! In the 17 years since, have you had any other opinions about U2? No. And you guys mentioned when they were on SNL.

Yeah. And Amy started crying. I remember seeing everybody on that stage, looking over at that teeny tiny little stage where here's the most gigantic rock band in recent history. And the cast members of the show are losing their minds that they're this close to a to you what they could only see in a stadium and i had that same feeling of like i wish that i could be into this i wish that i could feel the way that they're feeling

what do you feel what but i don't know scotch up i don't know if i feel that way about anybody that's why i was gonna ask what, I saved you the fucking time. Procumentary. Thank you for saving all of our time. Do you like anything? Scott, shut up. Why can I not ask questions? Do you like anything?

What do you like? Obviously, you love your wife, but do you like anything? I like... You like some movies. We talked about W like do you like some movies we talked about wired movies oh i have a question we all know you're one of the premier stand-up comedians in america oh what do you what did you think of their song stand-up comedy from no line on the horizon yeah did it really accurately describe the experience of being a stand-up comedian? I feel like you just said gibberish

to me. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm going to look up the lyrics. Is it as if I was just speaking Chinese? They really have a song called Stand-Up Comedy? Yes. And what's No Line on the Horizon? That's an album? Their last album. Their most recent album. From five years ago. Is that the last time they put out an album?

It is. Five years, yeah. A million years ago. Track number seven on the album No Line on the Horizon. Here are the lyrics. Let's see if this accurately describes your life as a stand-up comic. Sure. By the way, I think this is a good song and an underrated song from

Unfortunately Titled. You have to admit. Yes. Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. I got to stand up and take a step. You and I have been asleep for hours. I got to stand up. The wire. Hey, we were talking about wired earlier.

Right. The wire is stretched in between our two towers. What? Two towers? Can I tell you something? I'm already off board. Stand up in this dizzy world where a lovesick eye can steal the view.

I'm going to fall down if I can't stand up for your love. Love, love, love, love, love. Stand up. This is comedy. The DNA lottery may have left you smart, but can you stand up to beauty, dictator of the heart? Am I the dictator of the heart? He's saying can you stand up comedy?

Or is beauty the dictator of the heart? What's he talking about? These lyrics are tough without music. In the context of the music, it sounds better than when Scott reads it. Well, I will say i reading the pop lyrics soul rocking people moving on is that that's a lyric from this song stand-up comedy soul rocking people moving on soul rocking people on and on fuck you Look, Coke is a mystery.

Michael Jackson's history. Wait, is that... Oh, that's from... Playboy Mansion? Ah. Now that makes sense that I would read those lyrics out loud, like Steve Allen. Some moldy old bit from the fucking 50s.

That must be... But I'm some asshole. Is that the song he read out loud? Yeah, it is. Ah, good stuff. Who did I think that I was that I could get up there and make fun of these guys? I'm doing like a thing Steve Allen did. Hey, you know.

She loves you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ah, boy. Well, you know what? I think we got an accurate glimpse inside the mind of Paul F. Tompkins.

Yeah. As it pertains to you two. Sure. I mean, hey, we haven't figured him out totally yet. You may have, actually. I think that's all there is to say. I think that this serves as a great template for my psychological makeup. If you're trying to get to know what Paul F. Tompkins is all about, what makes him tick?

Just listen to this. What his comedy is like. Yeah. This is it. What are my weaknesses and my strengths. Where he sees himself in five years. Yep. Can we just take it back for a second to right after high school

when you started stand-up comedy. We're going all the way back to. Let's take another trip back there. And you two is... Tell us again. They're a band that you haven't really heard much, but your new friends seem to like. Yes. I had not really listened to them much,

but I'm now in a scene where I'm going to rock shows with people and seeing live music at bars and stuff like that. And so there's a lot of music talk. Everybody's into music. We're all talking about stuff that we like. And there's a lot of people that are fans of U2 and Springsteen, but wait,

not me. You had new friends though, who had heard of them. Yeah. You'd heard of them. I had heard of them. I hadn't heard heard of them? I had heard of them. I hadn't heard a lot of their music, but now I was hearing more of their music.

This is the kind of detail we like on this show. Yeah. This is why we're getting all the good reviews. I think we could have Paul in and do more episodes. Oh, can you imagine if Paul and we're here? Oh, that would be fantastic. Oh, honey, I don't play football. Did Paul Lynn just walk in?

That was Paul Lind when asked the questions, on the average, how often does a ram make love? From the classic Hollywood Squares. Yes. Well, I think we did it. Wow, did we? I think we've got to wrap this up because we have taken it all the way to 11 p.m and we all need to sleep at some point at some point i have a very long day ahead of me me too and it's monday night yeah this is saint patrick's day this is how we chose to spend saint patrick's

day i hope we're getting out in time to be on the road with a bunch of oh jesus amazingly drunk people by the way if we're all dead after this, I'm happy with this as my last thing that I ever did. Fuck yes. Absolutely. Yeah. I just hope I'm not locked out of my bathroom at home. Is that how you enter your home?

Through the bathroom? Locked out of your bathroom? Oh, I get it because we're locked out of our bathroom here because of Cody. Oh. I thought it was because your wife would be in there puking her guts up because she got shit-faced drunk on St. Patrick's Day. Well, that's probably true, too.

I mean, who are we kidding? One kid in the oven, one kid in the microwave. Wait, you're saying she's pregnant and she's got a bun in the oven and what? I don't know what the microwave means in this analogy. No, you don't, do you? I don't. Babies in microwaves? Wait, I don't know.

You ever saw Dragnet? Wow. other what the microwave means in this analogy you don't do you i don't babies and microwaves wait i don't know it's on dragnet wow um no but i by the way if we do die on the way home if we're all if we're all separately killed by three drunk different drunk drivers release the episode don't be precious about it yeah yeah put it out there we want people immediately yeah yeah put it right right away right this one takes precedence play it at our funerals. Yes, the entire thing. The entire thing. I want three separate funerals, by the way. I don't want to share funerals, if that's okay. No, that's fine.

But I want to play at each one. I want us each to have a separate funeral and then a triple funeral. Yes. Where we play it three times. Yes. Look, I'm being serious. I want it played. I want it released because I want people to know we were happy.

We were happy. Yeah. We were happy tonight. Do you know what, though? I think it's important to get this last thing out if this should happen, if this hideous fate should befall us. Should. I said should.

Not sure. But go ahead. Wouldn't it be great if draped upon our caskets? Yeah. They're all lined up there together for the final triple funeral. Yes. T-shirts. T-shirts.

Oh, T-shirts. Come on, Bono, come through. Get the fucking T-shirts. Get the fucking T-shirts, Bono. What's a T-shirt? I would really like a T-shirt at this point. Did you know this episode started with us talking about the Oscars?

Doesn't that seem like a month ago? It does. But look, this is all people have of you talking U2 to me for a week. So they want us to keep talking as long as we can. We have taken it to 11. The clock just struck 11. We got to wrap it up.

Paul, I want to thank you so much for being our esteemed guest. We had to convince you to be here. You didn't want to break up the chemistry between he and I. I was really scared. And you know what? I guess some people will let you know on some message boards if my fears came true. We'll see how many stars we get.

Hey, go head on over there to the iTunes review board and let us know what you think of the show. Because obviously we're reading them. Oh, yeah. We're enjoying them. And if you would like some negative attention, why don't you

write something horrible and get it read on the air and you'll hear your screen name, Mr. Flashlight. Mr. Flashlight. Mr. Flashlight. My favorite. Well, this,

for another week, has been you two talking to me My name is Scott Over across from me is Scott And for Paul, Scott, and myself I have to say We hope that you've found

What you're Looking for Looking for See you next week Bye If coke Is a mystery Michael Jackson

History If beauty Is truth And surgery is truth and surgery Earwolf This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com

Earwolf Radio Boom! Dot com EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. Hey, Queeros. It's me, Cami Esposito, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Queery. You can sit in on hour-long conversations between me, Cameron Esposito, and some of the brightest luminaries in the LGBTQ family. Query explores individual stories of identity, personality, and the shifting cultural matrix

around gender, sexuality, and civil rights. Plus, it is fun. We have had some incredible guests. Emmy winner Lena Waithe? Yes, definitely. Congressman Mark Takano? You bet. L Word creator Eileen Shakin?

Yes. President and CEO of GLAAD, Sarah Kate Ellis, we definitely have. We've got celebs, people like Trixie Mattel, Evan Rachel Wood, Tegan and Sarah, the band, and the people, separately, on two different episodes. We also have activists and changemakers in our community. I think it's a one-of-a-kind show full of chats you have never heard before. It's identity, it's community, it's query.

You can find Query every Monday on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.