Unashamed with the Robertson Family - Ep 1413 | Nashville Couldn’t Free Me From Addiction, but Jesus Did: Ben Fuller’s Story

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Christian artist Ben Fuller opens up about the secret addiction that followed him all the way to Nashville, even as he began building the music career he thought would finally make him happy. Ben recounts the devastating loss that forced him to confront where his life was headed and the unexpected church invitation that changed everything. Jase, Al, and Zach connect Ben’s story to their own experiences with Phil, fatherhood, and growing up in a generation where men rarely expressed affection. Ben also reveals the recent breakthrough with his dad that finally gave him the words he wanted to hear for most of his life. In this episode: Genesis 9; Psalm 91; Romans 10:9; James 4:7-8; John 6:68; Psalm 139; 1 Corinthians; Revelation 12:11 Want to watch the Lost Episodes of Unashamed, only on EKKL? Get 20% off with code UNASHAMED, and watch faith- and family-friendly movies, podcasts, and more: https://ekkl.com/ “Unashamed” Episode 1413 is sponsored by: https://trees.com/ - Get an additional 20% OFF with code UNASHAMED at checkout https://myphdweightloss.com - Find out how Al lost 80+ pounds. Visit the website or call 864-644-1900 and mention "Al Robertson" to get 2 weeks free in the program! https://preborn.com/unashamed - Visit the PreBorn! website or dial #250 and use keyword BABY to donate today. https://homechef.com/unashamed - Get 50% off and free shipping on your first box plus free dessert for life! http://unashamedforhillsdale.com/ - Sign up now for free, and join the Unashamed hosts every Friday for Unashamed Academy Powered by Hillsdale College Check out At Home with Phil Robertson, nearly 800 episodes of Phil's unfiltered wisdom, humor, and biblical truth, available for free for the first time! Get it on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, and anywhere you listen to podcasts! https://open.spotify.com/show/3LY8eJ4ZBZHmsImGoDNK2l Listen to Not Yet Now with Zach Dasher on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or anywhere you get podcasts. Chapters 00:00 Ben Fuller’s Surprise Flight to Louisiana 04:25 Jase & Ben’s Unlikely First Meeting 09:25 Willie’s San Quentin Baptism Mishap 14:15 Uncle Si Takes Over San Quentin 19:30 Ben Fuller’s Hidden Struggle 26:25 Addiction Follows Ben to Nashville 30:20 Ben Lands a Gig at Tootsie’s 34:10 One Church Invitation Changes Everything 38:20 Ben Encounters Jesus for the First Time 47:35 Ben’s Dad Finally Says “I Love You” 53:17 Breaking the Cycle Before Marriage - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am unashamed. What about you? Welcome back to the Unashamed podcast. So Jace last night, I'm flying in from New Jersey. And you know how you go and you get to Atlanta and you kind of look around because you're in the, you're getting ready for the Monroe flight. So there's usually somebody usually you'll know or, you know, I kind of look around. The last leg. I call it the last leg. The last leg is usually late at night. I look around. I don't see anybody I know, which is very unusual. usual. So I'm there, me and Lisa, Jersey Joe, and Christine, we're traveling together. We go to get on the plane and Alice Lindsay's there and I had missed her somehow, but she was the first one in line and she was also the first one seat on the plane. So I hug her and I said, hey, how are you doing?

She said, great. I just met Ben Fuller. And I said, the singer? And she said, yeah. And I was like, well, he's coming on our podcast tomorrow. She was like, really? Well, I bought tickets to the next one. he's coming back here. And so then I knew Ben was on the plane, but I had never seen, I had no idea what Ben looked like. So everybody's walking by, I'm saying, is that him, is that him? And finally, I guess I missed, I blinked or something when you walk by, Ben, because I thought, well, I don't think he's on this plane.

Oh, yeah, I think, Ben, I think you were a victim of facial profile. He did not equate you. He didn't know. When I walk on planes, I do this. I just don't want. And I just thought you hadn't washed your hands, right? Yeah, that's like. I'm sorry, I forgot to wash my hands this morning.

So, Benful, welcome to the podcast. And then look, then here comes, here comes Lil Will and the other crew from the Sadie singers. Yeah. Hello worship. Yeah, the hello worship. They've been out in California. And then this woman sitting in front of me is at. She said, oh, I heard your brother preach.

I mean, your cousin preached this morning in Black Mountain. I was like, really? And it was then I knew everybody on the place. Maybe you were in a fog. I probably was because I was very tired at the end of the trip. You weren't paying attention. But I met Ben, this is the only podcast you'll ever be on where we literally kill things the whole time. Welcome to Louisiana.

I love how Jason slapping mosquitoes already, but what I noticed was the paper clip here. I was like, well, that might come in handy. I'm going to put that in my Bible too along with everything else. He's got a feather there for your book. Psalm 91, Al. Well, Genesis is nine. The things that fly, there'll be food for you. But I'm not.

I mean, I got bit earlier by a mosquito, and I love all God's creatures. But they have a place that they belong. Yeah. And it's not here. And he's given us that authority to rule over all the creatures. Well, in our last studio we had, which is out on the river, there's a running loop over in our tour behind us that goes. I just thought the other day when I went through there was some people of me getting stung by a purple-tank. Al Wasp while we were doing the podcast.

Kidding me. Did he scream? Oh, I didn't scream. He did have a high-pitched. He was ripping his shirt off. Dad starts laughing. Dad's sitting over here. Dad starts laughing.

He said, Al, I've never seen you move that fast in your life. Because I was just like, you know, trying to kill that stupid thing. It was a little embarrassing. Thought the Holy Ghost just come on. I looked like I had gotten slain in the moment. We left it. We broke the fourth wall and we left it in the podcast. It was funny.

And now it's on a loop, Zach, in the tour. It was a viral moment. That was the moment. So, Zach, you have met. You're the only one that's, well, Jase, you met him to. Tell where you met him. Did we not meet? We did.

What church was that, Jase? Where was that? I don't remember. I remember everything that happened. Here's what's crazy, though. Conway. Conway. Thank you, Maddie.

What state? Arkansas. Arkansas. Yeah. We were in Conway, Arkansas? That doesn't seem right. It doesn't sound right. Maddie would know.

Is sure it wasn't South Carolina? Is there a Conway's saying? Oh, sorry. I was fixed to say. So, I mean... Your memory's like an elephant. Praise God. It's really not.

But the only reason I remember this is because... But he can't kill him. They assembled a human trilogy there. as presenters, it was me, Ben Fuller, who I'd never met up until that time, and Daryl Strawberry. That's right. Wow. Oh, yeah. Just imagine this.

And what a story he has to do. Only in the kingdom of God. Yeah. Could those three be together? And he actually signed a baseball for me. Yeah, me too. Did he? Yeah, he did.

I asked him. Yeah. I've got a rookie card of one of those three. I've got the rookie card. The Ben Fuller rookie card. Yeah. I've got that one, too. I've got that one, too.

But I do got the Darrell Strawberry rookie card. in my collection. When Ben came back to the Lord, they did rookie cars. I was going to say now we've got to go back to, we got to see Daryl again and ask for a rookie car. That's right. He actually was on my flight after we left, and we just hung out for like an hour.

I've never met him, but I've heard he and his wife have a tremendous testimony. Jim Daly, at folks on the family, he's like, you have to meet, with Minal Lisa stories that you have to meet Daryl Strawberry and his wife because they have a tremendous story. He's incredible.

Isn't it crazy? He was like a villain in baseball, because he obviously's been open about, you know, he didn't have his priorities, right? And so now, only the kingdom of God. And you, I was looking at your bio, because I met you. And like dad. I was reading his bow on the plane last night, trying to figure out what he was. While he was on the plane. Because God still didn't recognize me.

It didn't matter. Had my picture right up in his, I'm just kidding. Well, like if it had been my dad, because we were talking about. my dad earlier before we started airing because he would he would always say things about people but he was in front of you you know he'd be like fuller i don't know whether to read you or meet you yeah that's exactly what he would have said that's what he would have said or he's got to oh fuller over he's got to look about it yeah but if he had been on the plane he probably would have said oh he's a he's a singer sing of something what

While we're on the plane, he would have done it. He would have pressed you to do that. But I did notice that you're from Vermont. Yeah. It's a state I've never been. You're kidding. No. And I have a goal.

It's just a personal thing. I would like to do an event in all 50 states. And I think I'm at 44. Yeah. So I have six left. I had 50 last year, James. Maine is my last one. So you've actually been to Vermont?

I've been to Vermont. Didn't do an event there. We just happened to have some friends that live there. So I spent a weekend there. I mean, it counts. I was there. Well, I meant doing an event. I'm not saying I have to do an event. I visited all 50 states was my thing.

Yeah, I don't want to just visit. I want to get up and share Jesus. You got a chance to one up him next time. You just got to do an event there. I did do a free event. Oh, now all of a sudden he's done an event. A free event. You hear that exactly?

What happened was. Jay wouldn't understand about free events, but the guy I know is the principal of school, and I did go and speak to the student body. For free. So that technically... Praise God. Well, it was for the kids. It was awful.

We'll give it to you. So I wanted to hear about... I mean, how would you sum up Vermont? I mean... Green Mountains and maple syrup. I mean, it's just... It's a destination state. I mean, you've got to...

I mean, you don't pass through it. I mean, you can in about three hours, I think. So it's small. I loved all the... It's small. It's small. Those, uh, the covered things over the... The bridges.

Covered bridges. Covered bridges. We've got a lot of wooden... They were beautiful. They're awesome. A lot of wooden, handmade, handmade. covered bridges up there that still support and hold cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's amazing. Yeah, it's a really beautiful. But there's lots of fishing, trout fishing streams and Brooks and, and, and, uh, it is, did you grow up doing that? Did you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and hunt. And it's a, it's a very, um, I would just say this, it's very independent. And so it's like the saying was, I'm from Vermont, I do what I want, you know,

kind of thing. And it's like, nobody can tell me what to do. Yeah. And, um, it, it's just, I don't know how many people. in the state now, but it was like, the last number I remember is like 700,000. Wow. And it's like, it's just very spread out. It's very, you know.

I was thinking 7,000. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Well, that's what it feels like because everybody's got, you know, 10 acres, 12 acres, 20 acres, 40 acres. You know, everyone's got their piece of land. You're right. 644,000. And there's not even like, like, major.

Well, I left and some people died, I guess. Yeah. And whatever. Yeah. I don't know. And they don't have. me big cities, right? Even like the capital are not really huge.

Yeah, Montpelier. I think, you know, Grace Potter? She's saying you and tequila with Kenny Chesney. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's from there. Oh, really? Yeah, and so we did an event up there in Burlington before I was a believer. But, you know, that state is what, is 4, 5, 6,

7% Christian, whatever it is. It's very small number. Yeah, you know, Jesus is a swear word up there. Yeah. That's just a whole northeast, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So is that for, because Ben's going, I want him to tell us his story because I watched a testimony last night on the plane that was amazing. But before that, I wanted to talk about you met him, where you met him, and what was going

on there. And I want Ben to tell that story. Well, yeah, I met Ben in prison. Literally, we were in San Quentin prison. It was God. That's going to be one of Ben's New South. Well, this is like we just planned a mission trip. And now we're right in a country.

music song. Yes, sir. Does anybody got a pen? Yeah, we do. Thank you. That's right. Go for it, Zach. And I do want to remind everybody about our new platform.

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Trees.com code Unashamed. Now is the perfect time to plan. Let's grow together. Use Unashamed to save the day. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. Yeah, it sounded like a David Allen Coastal. Yeah, we met.

I was actually threw my back out. And I get there. Of course, Willie was there with Corey. And I think, did. Willie speak? Yeah, he did. Or sigh spoke. I was there.

Both did. You let worship. There was a rapper there. I can't remember his name. Holy Gabana. Yep. Was that name? Holy Gabana is his name.

It's a crazy transformation. He's a really sweet guy. But just he was a gangster. He was just really, really on far, far. He was gone. Drugs and guns and everything. And Holy Ghost got a hold of him and changed his life. Oh, wow.

And his testimony is very powerful. But he was, him and I were baptizing while Willie and Levi Lusco, I think, were side by side beside they were they were baptized anyway and Willie so Willie comes out that he'd been making fun of me the whole time about my back being hurt and like oh look at you yeah out of shape and I mean like it was all day you know Willie gets on something he doesn't let it go and so then when the baptism started it I mean it was a lot of guys that got baptized that day and it was like feeding troughs full water but it was we were out in the yards it's all dirt well this gets really muddy and then this guy walks up to get

baptized and he's probably six eight I'm not kidding this massive 380 pounds I mean, and Willie goes to baptize him. And, I mean, his leg slips, and he does the splits. Yeah. Oh, wow. And he finished the baptism, but he paid the price for it. And I just was like, the Lord's so good. You know, he's so good in so many ways.

I enjoy watching the guy get baptized, and I enjoy watching it, Willie injure himself. So then the tables turned to me. You were turned into Job's friends. You were hell of Faz because you rejoiced at his calamity. Yeah, I loved it. I still love it. I mean, I'm not probably sinful, but. You know what was crazy about that, Zach, was like, I remember there was a comment made about the amount of guys, and it was probably close to 100, little over 100 men that were baptized that day. There was probably 1,200 out on the yard. Remember when they'd blow the whistle and everyone would hit their knees? Every knee will bow. Remember how powerful that was. Yeah. But I was so taken away, taken back from watching that happen. But it was noted that the water never ran out of the troughs.

Never did. The water never ran out. And it was, and men that size were getting baptized. And there was, and there was. you're making mud, there's water sloshing, but yeah. But it was like, it was like God just had a spring inside those cattle. It was wild. Wasn't that crazy? It never, we never had to refill them. It was the widow's oil, you know, it just kept refilling. It gives me chills.

And tell the story you were telling before we came on about what they told you to do with Sy. Yeah, Uncle Sy, Sy, well, I didn't realize. We had, I think I had already sung up there, and I got to lead worship and sing black sheep, and it was really powerful. Anyway, they said, hey, don't go far. because Uncle Si's up and he's going to go up. Of course, he's on oxygen, you know.

So they wheeled him up there and they said, hey, would you mind, I don't know if it was Corey or Willie or whatever it was. He says, hey, we've talked. And Uncle Si might run out of oxygen. And so would you sit on stage with him? And if he just stops talking, just starts singing. And I'm like, all right. And so I didn't know what to do.

But anyway, there's probably four or five hundred men, tattoos and testimonies and beards and just staring at us, you know, these just these hungry eyes just looking at us on the state. So they set this little beach chair up and I sit next to Uncle Sy. And I'm just going, Lord, Father God, you know, just don't let him run out of eyes. I said, Lord, give him the, but you are the breath in his lungs. Well, you're going to say, it's your breath. In our lungs, we pour out our praise. Let him pour out his praise. It's your breath, right? And so all of a sudden, he just starts to preaching. It was like the Lord just hooked up. a heavenly oxygen tank unto his lungs.

And next thing you know, I'm talking, he just got fire. Let me tell you about the man. The man. And I'm just like, I'm wrecked over there at a side. And next thing, you know, I blinked. And it was like everyone was just applauding and people were cheering and holy wars. And we just got off the stage. I said, I don't even know what just happened.

San Quentin. with Uncle Si. He sounded just like it. You really did. Boy. I told you that he took me back. I've been in that position many times because Si has, if he gets off, then you need an interpreter.

Yeah. And we've done it. It turns out to be funny because he'll say something that makes absolutely no sense. And then I'll have to interpret it. And then it's funny. Everybody laughs. Yeah. And we've done that a few times.

That's incredible. It's just pretty funny. Oh, I'm praising God for you. I mean, that's the, to have an interpreter is everything. I mean, you otherwise, he wouldn't understand, right? He starts speaking in tongues. Yeah, it's an unknown tongue. And I've tried to apply it somehow to First Corinthians because the unknown tongue is.

It is sanction one time. Because, boy, I view his mind as the last frontier. I mean, it really is. Well, every time he's on the podcast, man, he's like, he's slapping the table, but there's no mosquito. He just he just he just he slaps the cable the whole time and every once why he may get lucky and hit one Yeah, there's no mosquito. He's just like hey son hey ha, hey He's just hitting that toe I'll tell you what he gets your attention and he had every single eye of every one of those men He did he had their full attention

Well there's an authenticity to sigh I tell people that because he's crazy one moment but he's he's got a tender heart and the end of the of the day, he's real. Well, last time I was on his podcast, I was on his podcast, and he said, I said, I said, I said, sigh, you got new teeth? And then he had the LASIC surgery. He said, I didn't have the glasses anymore. He said, I'm in my prime, boys. I'm like old Benjamin Button.

He said, I'm going backwards. He said, I'm going to live to be a hundred. God is. Yeah, God is using that man. He is. Well, I tell you, Ben, something that really impressed me about. about you and has continued to impress me. When I met you, we had a conversation back in the green room.

I went on the green room. It was a trailer that was kind of on behind the set where they had little snacks and waters and stuff. And, you know, you get in these green rooms. One thing I think you learn is that there's a very few pieces. I'm not very few. There's few people that when they're getting, they're just as excited about Jesus in the green room as they are on the stage. And that was you, man. I mean, I still remember that conversation to the point where I've told my kids,

because they're doing music, which they were commenting on you at the Kela Fan Awards. Layla performed as well there. She said, man, I said, well, how was? He said, when Ben got up there, she said, you could have heard a pin drop. And I went back and watched it. And one thing that I love about not just your story, but who you are, is you are the real deal. Like, you're filled with the spirit. And it's like, you can't fake that.

You know what I mean? I've seen that from you, but I want to tell you, you've really encouraged me ever I've kept up what you're doing. You've been one of those guys that encouraged me and someone that I've told about my own kids. Hey, I didn't know watch what he's doing. Thanks, saying. That they don't, he's not faking it.

And you can tell. Thanks, brother. Well, tell us your story, Ben. Some people, they may not be familiar. Well, why don't you start by reading it? So I'll get to. If you'd like to get on an eye, if you're listening, he's rolling up the sleeve.

Ben's covered tattoos. If you're listening, I'm rolling my seat. No, I mean, short short story. It's amazing how I often think I need to really explain things to the fullest and get people to really understand what happened. But God just, it's amazing what he can do in such a little time. Yeah. And with such a little amount of time.

And I just feel like that's just my whole life. And boiled down anyway, he just, Jesus was a swear word, and now he's my savior. Yeah. And to go from Saul to Paul, you know, to go from killing to loving. You know, it's such a drastic change. And it's like there's only one name. There's only one name. And his name is Jesus.

Nobody else did that for me. We were talking about that in the car right over here. It's like, there's no one else. There's nothing else. There's no one else that helped me like he did, like he has. but I grew up on a dairy farm, so I know about hard work, you know, and so it's like I throwing 20,000 hay bales during the summertime, double sessions football, you know, was captain, had all the things together,

and it just, I really felt like I was very good at hiding in plain sight, you know, and like keeping everything together. I mean, I'm a man. I don't want you to see my weakness, and that's the way that I was taught. and I think coming from a dad who had a dad that was like that, hey, get it together. I don't want to see you crying. Wipe those tears up and get back out there and get to work.

Hold it together. Yeah. What are you? You know, are you going weak on me? Are you getting? And it's like, that was just the mentality that I had. And so we had chores to do. We had 150 cows to milk.

They don't take a vacation. And so it's just go, go. And I was the only son, you know. And so my mom and my sister kind of watched. this happened from afar, and dad and I just had a really hard relationship. Never heard I love you, and it just was one of those things that was like, man, it, it broke me, you know, because I just wanted to know that I was, I just wanted to be appreciated. We all just want to be appreciated.

We all just want to be loved. We all want to be recognized for the stuff that we're doing. Even if it's small. We want to, hey, man, good job. I saw what you did back there. It was an awesome thing. So I remember it well, Jays. It was right along the mid-40s.

For me, that's been about 15 years ago. Up until that point, I never had to worry much about weight. Just kind of ate what I wanted to. Stayed active. And then all of a sudden, I hit a wall. I was holding on to fat. And the problem was I wasn't getting to the issue, which was metabolism. Right now, the GOP one shots are very popular.

And they do help curb people's appetite. But you still got to get to the problem. Because even if you get rid of some weight, you have to have a lifestyle change to have your metabolism working with you. You want your body working with you, not against you. A PhD weight loss taught me this. And they also provided food to get the weight off. And now I'm in maintenance.

Here's a picture of me at the beginning of the process, quite portly. Here I am later, 80 pounds off, but staying off, which is the key. And so look, I'm much healthier, obviously, much more active, off my meds, off my CPAP machine, enjoy my grandkids even more when I can do things with them. So right now, we want you to call. mention Al Robertson, you get two free weeks and they'll pay for the cost of your food. That's a $1,500. Call $864-644-1900 or go to my Ph.D. Weight Loss.com.

Because the goal isn't to lose weight once, it's to never having to start over again. 864-644-1900 or go to my Ph.D. Weight Loss.com. And so I turned, I got invited to a party. This was like high school, whatever. senior year in there. I was terrified of my father. So I was like, man, I didn't want to get caught. I had buddies drinking and all that stuff. I was like, no, I was terrified. My dad, I knew, you know, what did he do if I got caught? And I was just like, I don't want to. And ended up trying cocaine. And man, oh, man, I just, I fell in love with cocaine. And then I realized I could drink

and I could drink more and I could party more. But I also was, I was in control and I wasn't an addict because I could hold it all together, right? I was functioning. So I would get high on the weekends and I would hold it together and then I would go to work and all the things. I went to college for landscape design and I got a job right out of college. And again, I'd go to work 10-hour days.

I would break stone and I would plant trees. And I was really good at shoveling dirt and I could work. And then I'd get home and I was really good at opening up a six-pack. And the next thing you know, that turned to a 12-pack. And the next thing you know, a case wasn't a number. enough. And I'm drinking every single night. And I'm waking up and I'm going to work, hungover, and I'm wiping sweat off my brow, and I'm drinking water. And then I'm coming home and I'm drinking beer. And it was just this hamster wheel cycle of just a slop, you know,

this Ferris wheel. And it just, and my daddy always told me, he was like, Budweiser's always going to keep making more beer, son. Like, and, and boy, isn't that true? Yeah. They're not going to run out. They're just going to keep making more beer. And so they did. And so I just kept going, kept drinking. And anyway, 14 and a half years of that. And it was just a lot of, I was in control. I would go through these spells of drinking real heavy and then not, and then drinking real heavy and then not,

then using real heavy and then not. December 16th, 2017, I lost my best friend, Ryan, Goodrich, two heroin. It was fentanyl. It was all fentanyl in his sister. Yeah, we lost our cousin to that. Man. And so you know the pain.

And it was like, what? I'm going to stop because I don't want to die. I'm scared of death. So I stopped on my own power. And I'm like, I'm not going to do this anymore. And so I slow, my drinking slowed down. My drug usage slowed down. And I was like, I don't, I don't, you know, I want to live.

You know, life is short. But of course, I stopped on my own power. So how did that work? Right. All of a sudden, I started drinking again. I started doing all these things again. And in the fall of 2018, I sold my house. And it sold, this is crazy.

I put my house up beside. I realized that I was going to do music. I had started songwriting. I had started playing bars and restaurants out in Vermont, New Hampshire. I started making a name for myself. And I started hearing Ben Fuller, you ought to go to Nashville. You should go to Nashville, Tennessee. You could be a big star.

And I was like, man, you know what? Yeah, this pounding stone and planting trees is getting old. Yeah. I'm going to go down and be a big country star. That's a song right there. I put my service right after Remember San Quentin. Exactly. So all of a sudden, I put my house up for sale, and it sold in one day.

And the woman that bought it was from Nashville, Tennessee. Oh, wow. I can't even make his stuff up. And I'm like, well, that's a coincidence. You know, that's crazy. You know, we'll just switch places. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, it was that kind of thing.

It was like, what is going to? Right, my mind was blown. I was like, what is going on. And so I packed what I could. and I sold the rest, and I drove down in Nashville, Tennessee. I got an extended stay hotel, and, praise God. It was another plot. It really was.

Praise God. Did you see it? I mean, it was there. I saw it. You got it. You got it. My side. Yeah, I still got it at the side.

The man! No, I did. So I stayed in Extended Stay Hotel. I was so terrified. I mean, I locked myself in. I remember drinking. And the crazy thing, thing about, this is the crazy thing about addiction is it'll follow you 1,250 miles.

It followed me all the way from Vermont, all the way down to Nashville, right? And I found out that again, Budweiser had beer down there and cold, cold, refrigerated doors, and nothing changed. And I'm drinking again, because that's my comfort. That's my go-to. And so I started drinking. And anyway, I had a friend reach out on Instagram, and she said, hey, I play at this place called Tootsies. And she said, you might want to try down there at 2 o'clock on Saturday afternoons. They have a tryout. And you can go sign up.

And I said, well, I guess I got the nerve together. I mean, there's sirens going on. I'm coming from a state of 600,000 people. There are sirens and people and colors and languages. And I'm like, what is this place? I'm freaked out. I'm coming from a 280-acre dairy farm, you know? Like, this is nuts.

I've never seen anything like it. So I go down to Tootsie's right. And two o'clock in the afternoon, of course, I sign up. I'm terrified. I'm shaking. I'd never played full band before. There's a house band in the back. And they're so good.

They can play anything on the drop of a dime. I said, all right, son. This guy up in the booth, and he says, John Taylor's his name. He says, well, we've got a guy named Ben Fowler up here. and band fall of what you're going to sing for a sign? And I said, well, I'm going to sing the ride by David Allen Cole. All right, well, get to go on then.

Y'all make some noise for old band fowler. And everyone in the back starts clapping and all the stuff, right? And the band, you know, bamp, bano, bap, bano, bap, bount, bap, bap, and I turn around, I'm going, I guess we're going now. And so I start singing the song And all of a sudden I just was like, man, I was like a big star I was in I was just, I felt like a big star And all of a sudden the song was over And everybody just applauded

Mr. Can you make folks cry When you play insane right? Can you play that one? Can you play do? No, no, no, no, whatever. Can you moan the blues? Yeah, can you moan the blue? And so all of a sudden I'm like, wow,

and everyone's applauding again. And I'm like, man, I just blacked out. and that felt awesome. And everyone's going, and old John Taylor did, well, what's everybody think, old Ben Fuller? Should he come back here tomorrow? Should we hire him? And everyone's like, yeah.

And that started my job at Tootsie's. Wow. And so I started there at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. And that became my church. And I was going to Tootsie's in the back room, and I was drinking beer, and I was playing everybody's favorite country songs. and they would put dollars and 20s and hundreds and whatever in a little pickle jar

and we'd sit on a stage. I was terrified of full band stuff. And so I would do acoustic mostly. And I'd be joined by two or three other people on stage. And we'd all just take turns like a human jukebox, right? Yeah. Hey, can you play me Miranda Lambert? I want to hear House that built me.

And it's like, well, can you play it? Can you play it? Yeah, I can play it. Okay. And we'd all sit and we'd watch her play it. And then everyone would put tips and we'd all split those. at the end of the day. Well, that went on for nearly a year for me. And I

had just realized that the drinking, the swearing, the junk that I was in, the sleeping around, all the stuff that I was doing was still there. And it was old. And I was tired. And I said, you know what? I need to change. Like, something's got to give. There's more to this life

than this. What else is there? Because I've made it. My daddy has finally said, I'm proud of you. because you're playing the most famous honky tonk in all of Nashville, Tennessee. My son is playing the most famous honky ton in all of Nashville. Isn't that awesome guys? He was telling all of our neighbors, all of our friends back home.

And it was like I had finally got my dad's, my earthly dad's approval. And it felt good. It was like, wow, my dad does love me. He does want me to do good and recognizes that I'm doing good. Well, fast forward again, this is coming into the fall of 2019, one year later. This family from Vermont, the Davenport family, they had moved down to Nashville a year before I got there. They went down in 2017, I guess. Got a house, jobs, got the kids in school, family of six or seven, I guess.

And they got my number. And I had met them, I'd landscaped with their son for a short season in Vermont. And so they got my number and they said, hey, Ben Fuller, it's a Davenport family. They said, you remember us? I said, yeah, of course I do. And they said, hey, we're down here in Franklin, Tennessee. Do you want to come over for dinner? I said, man, I'd love that.

I'm tired of ramen noodles and split the chips up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Look at the holes of my boots. You know what I mean? I'm like, of course I'm talking. So I said, I'm going to go eat. And so I went ate and they fed me the most incredible meal.

and at the end of that meal we had dessert and everything and I mean it was like Thanksgiving and at the end of that meal they said Ben Fuller will you come to church with us in the morning? It was a Saturday night and I remember I brought beers you know I had beers because I couldn't be myself without alcohol you know and I was like I got to have

a couple of drinks to get loosened up so I remember I brought beers with me and they weren't weird about it or nothing they were just like hey will you come to church with us in the morning I said all right I'll go abortion and life is still such a huge ongoing battle, you know, and there's so many different ways we plug into the fight, adoption, fostering. You guys have been a part of that. Zach's been a part of that as well.

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Oh, wow. Franklin, Tennessee. Yeah. I've been there many times. And so we walked in there, parked the car, walked in. Everybody's beautiful, right? Everybody's shiny. I look like the Grinch who stole Christmas walking in there like, I must stop

this church. Were you nervous about it? Oh, man. I just, I was feeling everything. I'm like, I don't know why I'm coming here. Why am I going here? Because you didn't really do church young, right? No.

So this was something new. You had been before. Yeah. This was a new adventure. Couple grandma things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my Zingrich. You know, and it's like, I don't, I didn't really know.

I didn't really feel anything. I had never heard. the gospel. It was old people in old pews that I thought were getting ready to die. Yeah. Yeah. And they were just, they were just getting right with God before they went. Yeah. That's why I just, I didn't understand what was happening. So all of a sudden I step in and I hear and that bass and that music. And it was like the auditorium doors are open and I was like, oh man. They really have good worship. I felt it. I felt it. And this guy is very, Speaking of good worship.

John Reddick was his name. Oh, yeah. And he's up on stage singing about a God who can turn it around. Come on. And I'm going, oh, man. And I stood, and I'm like, turn it around. And I'm like, God. And so he's up to something.

The bridge goes, you know. He's up to something. He's saving someone. He's healing someone. It's like, if you haven't heard that song, go listen to it. But anyway, just unbelievable. And so there I am standing and I see all these people. That was before they did.

the expansion before the balcony, the big balcony project, all the stuff was up. Right? There's still 2,000 people in there. Anyway, all their hands were up, and I'm going, everybody's hands were up. I said, what's going on in this place? And I'm standing there underneath the exit sign, you know, and I'm like one foot in, I'm like one foot out. I'm not really sure what's happening right now. I don't really know what's going on. And I just, I'm just staring up there at the stage, and I just, I feel it. It's like a warm blanket from heaven. just wrap around my shoulders and I'm like

I've never felt this kind of high before I've never felt this kind of love before like what's happening to me it was like a it's like a Jim Carrey and liar liar you know what I mean where I'm like the pen is blue I'm trying to write I got this

and I'm writing on my face I can't even lie anymore I'm like standing there like I'm melting I'm melting in plain sight I'm like what is happening And it's like at the same time, my cowboy boots are coming off the ground. And I just, Romans 10, 9 says, believe in your heart and confess at your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and that God raised his son from the dead. And if you believe that, you'll be saved. And there was a tiny piece of me that said, I believe that.

I need help. Will you help me? And in that moment, I feel like the Holy Spirit, I come to find out afterwards. had wrapped, had wrapped his arms around me, that holy towel, that holy warm blanket from heaven that came down around me. And I felt so loved, I felt so seen, I felt so remembered, I felt so peaceful. And I let, and so, so I, this is before I even find my seat. And I knew in that moment, this was all in 30 seconds. Yeah. And I knew. And I knew. in that moment, I'm going to sing about Jesus for the rest of my life.

I don't even know who he is. But I'm going to find out. So it's hard, right? James 4.7 says, therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts. You double-minded.

And I'm thinking to myself, I am ready for all that. I'm cleansing my hands. I give it all to you. I'm going to draw near to you. And boy, did he draw near to me. And as hard as I went on cocaine and alcohol, I went on this.

And I started reading the word. I started diving in. And I hate reading. I hate it with a passion. I'm not a reader. I hate it. And so he knows that. I'll read a paragraph.

I'll read a few sentences. I'll read a chapter. I'll read a little bit. And he always meets me there. He always gets into me there. and it's it's it's it's it's Paul talks about this mystery of God but it's like I tried to explain to people anyway so the Davenports bring me home right so we're this church ends we're getting we're getting to walk into the car and you know beach a slate the Charlie's wife was like so

what's what you feel are you feeling anything different is it are you noticing anything is something happening are you how how was it you know and I'm like I'm fine yeah yeah right did tapes I'm like yeah yeah, it was really good. You know, it was like, yeah, yeah. I still had this, like, you know what I mean? I don't want to show you that I'm, like, ready to just ball. Yeah. So I held all it in, well, that first night, so I come home at Sunday night,

I get this, man, all these dreams start coming in. And it was amazing. Started dreaming about redemption and love and light and forgiveness. And all these words started coming. And I started writing them down. Well, that was the start of all these new songs. and I started writing new songs. He put a new song in my heart.

And so there was this worship night that was, I guess, the week after, or maybe even the week after that, it was a Wednesday night worship night at Church of the City. And I went, and that night we did a prayer circle. I went with the Davenports again, and we let this couple in, Andy Levine and his wife. And I was like, I don't want anybody else to join us

in this prayer circle. I feel comfortable with the Davenports. Like, get away from me. anyway, and in that moment, they're like, of course, you know, they're like, they break the chain of handholding, and in comes this couple. I'm like, this is weird. This is strange. This is, I don't want to hold your hand. I don't even know who you are. Well, that happened. And long story short, Holy Spirit just met us in that circle. And Andy ended up with his hands on my chest and just praying life and love and just praying over me, just praying for me.

I lost it. And the man that I didn't want to let in the circle. I couldn't stop holding. And that's where I gave my life. You just broke, right? Yeah, everything. Everything broke. And I just lost it all. And the Davenport and I are still really close

and have relived that moment several times. But I think the crazy thing is, is he said to me, he said, even he said, it's been so hard to move to Nashville. But if God had sent us here just for you, if God sent us here, just to invite you to church. That's right. That's like, oh.

Yeah. God and pick up a whole family and move them. $1.50 miles. Yeah. To meet me down there in all my brokenness. That's right. And all my junk. Yeah.

To save my life. Yeah. And they said, we had no idea that what was going to happen with you. And that he was going to exponentially just provide all. He's going to buy you a tour bus. He's going to put you on tour with casting crowns. He's going to put you on toward Big Daddy Weave and Zach Williams.

And the list goes on and on and on. Yeah. And play Red Rocks and a grand old. Opry and all the Carrie Underwood and all the things. Everything has happened. More than I could ask, think, or imagine is what this word tells me. And so therefore, going back to the beginning, I know without a doubt, I told you that it was Jesus who saved my life.

And I've had all these other things. That's why I got tattooed on my chest, John 6, 6, 8, my Lord, to whom else shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life. I tried everything else. Budweiser is still making more beer, and that still didn't do it. And so I'm just thankful that by the blood of the lamb and a word of my testimony, he allows me to get on these. I don't deserve it.

But by his love and his grace, he's drawing more men unto himself. And he might use me for that. It's such an honor and such a privilege to run around this country and to tell people that his name is Jesus. And are you tired and are you sick? And would you ask him? Would you maybe ask him? and see what he can do for you.

Yeah. It's powerful. Yeah, what I love about that, what I love about that is when you, that 30 seconds you described, it took you 10 minutes to describe 30 seconds, which is kind of cool, right? Because there was so much back then.

30 seconds. It's like, you know, that the, I keep going back to this, the Johnny Cash hurt music video. Oh, yeah. If you haven't seen that, go watch it, but just all the flashes of memories and his mind.

and everything, and it's all just fast and trains and hurt and crying and thorns and love and Christ and everything. It's all these flashes. It's all in, boom, like that. It's 10 seconds, it's 30 seconds, but eternity's packed in the 30 seconds. And I love it because it answers a question. That's good, Zach. How much faith do you got to have about the size of a mustard seed? The way you describe, like, you're coming in with like literally, you know nothing about.

about the man Jesus. The man, aside, you walk in and in 30 seconds, there's an encounter with the living God, and all you have is just, I mean, you're just scraping the edge of a garment. I mean, you're not even, I mean, you're just like

on the peritial, but it's just, I mean, you just, just a posture turn. You know what I mean? And it's like God shows up. Sometimes when people are out of town, like your wife, Jace, you're getting to bind on the cooking game, but thanks to our friends at Home Chef. They've got you covered now. You've actually indulged in the process and you enjoyed.

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HomeShift.com slash Unashamed. You must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Was that where Black Sheep? Does that come from this, what you just shared? Or was that some other place? Because I totally connected. I was a black sheep in our family for a period of time. When we talked about being able to hide really well, in my teenage years I gave to the evil one and had a coming back and a coming home. We talked about the five home.

And, you know, my parents loved me and gave me grace and didn't give me what I deserved, you know, which was somehow being made to do the right thing for a period of time. I didn't do any of that. They just said, Dad, so we got no calls to bill, thumbs up. And to experience that, kind of like you were talking about your dad, meant so much to me, because then we were finally in the same sphere spiritually, but that I carried guilt for a long time because I was a black sheep.

And it was hard for me to embrace that love. And I loved the song. And I told you your voice in it just is penetrating and so powerful and spoke to me. And I just wondered if that kind of came out of your own experience of being a black sheep. And then what it means to accept Christ's love. How's it going out there acting like you ain't, scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's that hard of stone. Ain't so hard when you're alone. And it's like, man, all the things that I felt when I stood there underneath that exit sign, like, well,

I'm either in or I'm out. It's so prophetic the things and the moments that he's allowed me to witness and be a part of and also just meet me in and just be there waiting for me, right? His word says he goes before us. Like, he's already there. He already knows that. And so I just, I really felt like, Okay, God, I don't want to just, I don't, I want this music to have a purpose, and I want to show people what you've done for me in the depths, right? It's at Psalm 139, if I go to the heavens you're there, if I go to She-Ole, if I go to the depths, you're there. It doesn't matter where I go, you're already there.

I want to show them where you've met me and where the places that, where people think, no way is their God there. No way can you get out of that. no way this addiction all this stuff no way and there is a way and his name is jesus and so i just i'm i'm i've been praying for the words and this next season and songwriting and all the things and so songs like black sheep have been since jesus another one and and if i got jesus i got it all you know the opening line if i've had a dollar to my name i'm literally back down to broadway yeah i've got holes in my shoes and my cowboy boots i'm like ready to quit and give up i'm paying

$30 to park my truck and I've made, you know, 31. Yeah. And I get my truck out of the parking lot and I go, well, how am I going to do now? You know, and so it's like, I've just trying to say the truth. That's all. I've just, I lied my whole life. Yeah.

Yeah. I lived a lie. And I just so tired of lying. And you know what? My parents found out about my drug addiction through a podcast. Wow. After I got saved. They didn't even know.

No. Because how are you, how are you about now? 32 years. man dad you know it was funny we had a conversation my dad's uh he's been watching this whole thing it's just been so special and um he likes uh i think he likes a dave fry and sidewalk profits more than he does his own son but uh now which is funny he says that day fry man his voice just i said thanks dad yeah it is dad it's amazing dad that that zach williams boy i just love zach will you tell Zach, I just really appreciate his music. I said, have you seen Zach lately? I said,

Dad, no, I haven't, but when I will, I'll tell him. So anyway, maybe Zach's listen, but, but it's just so funny how my dad had said to me, it was a couple weeks ago on the phone. He said, Ben, he said, I'm sorry. He said, I'm sorry that I never said, I love you. Wow. I didn't, I didn't even know. I didn't even know how bad it was hurting you. I had no idea. I'm sorry. And he said, I love you. He says, he's, he's told me that numerous times now. Oh, that's so good.

And in fact, we'll get to the point where we'll talk on the phone now. It was always, well, dad, I guess I got to get going. And he said, yeah, yeah, all right, yeah, probably ought to go, yeah, you got stuff to do. I said, yeah, all right, dad. I said, I love you. He said, yep, click. Yeah. That sounds for me.

That sounds for me. I said, so next phone call, whatever. Well, Dad, I said, I love you, Dad, so much. He said, yep, all right, click. So that went on and on and on and on and on. Anyway, so one day I pick up the phone and all the things and we're talking. I said, Dad, I said, I got to go. I got to get out of here.

I got some things going on this afternoon. And he says, wait. I said, what? He said, I love you. Click. Just left you holding the phone. Yeah. I said, what do he say?

And I had this moment where I just was like, he said. He said it before I. And I was the one who was hanging up. I was the one who wasn't going to say it. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that amazing? And then that's the time. I was in a hurry.

And then he goes, I love you. It's so weird because I know Al's thinking what I'm thinking. Maybe it was just that whirl then. Because our dad was in the same way. Maybe the night he told us the first time we were playing Domino's. And he had already told Mom that he was going to tell it. He said, I don't tell the boys how much I appreciate it. I love him. I'm going to do it tonight.

But she thought that meant he would just like tell us individually. So he just like, we're playing dominoes. Kids are running around. He just shut everybody. He shuts everybody down. Everybody's like, weird thing he's fixing to tell us he has cancer or something, you know? And he shuts everything. He said, you know, I just want to, I don't tell you all enough, but, you know, I'm proud of y'all.

And I love you. And it was just like this. It was like, we all looked at each other. Like it's so shocked us. Yeah. You know? And then it kind of just like. somebody started the record back up and people started to run around.

No, I think, actually, our grandpa, somebody said, I actually slammed the Domino and said, well, give me 10. It just. The carnival begins again. It's getting awkward. It's getting awkward. Give me 10. So, Mom told us later, she said, Dad, so, you know, I told him I love him, but nobody said anything, you know, made him feel awkward. And she said, well, Phil, the way you did it.

You just kind of dropped him. the love bomb him. He did a few years later, actually, you know, in his last years, made a point to do that. He would tell me, too. But I, you know, I don't know why that was so weird. I mean, we had similar stories in that his saying when we were kids, well, who's a man? I mean, zero compassion, zero, never show weakness, you know. And it screws you all up.

I mean, I don't know about you days, but it's made me, and you're getting married in a few months. It's made me with my kids and now my grandkids even more. I tell them I love them every time I see them. And I hug them. You know what I'm saying? Because I came from that other, but I realized that

lacking in me. So I've gone the other way. I mean, I hug my daughters. I hug my grandkids every time. I want to hear I love you. I want to hug your neck. I want to kiss you on the cheek. Because I want that to go forward. That is a blessing for you now because I know you're engaged.

Yeah. Yeah. 77 days. 76. We all had to bring that baggage, you know, when we all got married, he hadn't had that breakthrough. You know, he had changed his life and it was very influential on us, but he hadn't changed his mannerisms toward that.

Yeah. And so it was a different situation. But still, I could have used that because my first five years of marriage, I kind of brought some of those tendencies, you know, with me in the relationship. You don't really, you're not aware. of it. Yeah. And so.

Yeah, I was going to say because we're almost out of time. But last night when we were talking a little bit about the airport, it is such a blessing now that you get to go into marriage and your wife as a believer, as a son of God, who understands the bride and the bridegroom and how God loves us. And Christ is the one that's now there. And we have that sort of relationship with him. We understand submission, sacrifice. all the blessings of the word and the spirit,

you get to now bring into a covenant relationship, you know, and do that going forward. And so in some ways, even with your past and everything, what a blessing that God's giving you this now, and you the man you are today. And Peyton and I both, and I appreciate you saying that, and Peyton and I both have come from a lot of hardship, you know, and she's come from a really hard, tough growing up as well,

and she's able to, and I think it's like we've talked about it. It's like, man, I just, I want to hear. hear it. I want to say it. I want to feel it. I want to show it. And she's coming from the same. She's like, I just want to love. I want to serve. I want to give. I want to do the things that I missed out on. And so it's just I'm really excited for what God has for us in the future as we put him first and just watch what he can do because it's just, it's just been so sweet and so amazing thus far. And just, and it's been seven years. Two weeks, I guess two weeks from now will be my seven years. seven years,

sobriety, but also seven years of following Jesus. And man, it's just like, I mean, when he came, he came, and it was like, okay, I surrender. And when he meets you there, you know, you'll know it. It's good.

Yeah. But we praise God with you for that. Thank for coming on the podcast. Thank you for making the track to West Winona, killing some bugs. Praise God. I can't wait. I've got to come back and kill some ducks is what I've got to do.

That's right. We can make that happen. And we also pray blessings on your upcoming marriage and your bride and your life. We can't wait to keep watching where God does with you. Ben Fuller, folks, follow him, follow his music, go see him. I know one who's going to be with your next concert here. She was on the playing last night. So we're excited about that.

I love you guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thanks for loving the Lord. That's great. Absolutely. That's awesome.

Yeah. We'll see you next time on the Unashame. Thanks for listening to the Unashamed podcast. Help us out by leaving a real. rating and review on Apple Podcasts. And don't miss an episode by subscribing on YouTube and be sure to click the little bell and choose all notifications to watch every episode.