Unashamed with the Robertson Family - Ep 629 | How Miss Kay Got Through Phil’s Wild Years & Missy Agrees That Jase 'Could Be Wrong'

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Miss Kay, Missy, Lisa, and Jill come on to spill some juicy details about their marriages! The couples reveal some hardships they’ve faced over the years and why many of their parents didn’t want them getting married in the first place. Phil and Miss Kay get real about how their relationship started and what their modest wedding ceremony was like. The wives interpret the meaning of Bible verses about submission and how it affects their behavior toward their husbands. The guys explore all the ways that husbands are called to treat their wives and families.  In this episode: 1 Peter 3, verses 1-12; Ephesians 5, verses 21-33 -- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am unashamed. What about you? All right, we got big, big, uh, big, uh, we were right at history's door, I was so excited. We were so close. I thought that we were going to have eight people here. We were going to make history. We had planned on eight. I didn't know if eight people had attempted a podcast. Not an unashamed nation. I don't even know that we've attempted seven, but we're testing it today. I was thinking bigger out of the history of the world. But, uh, Zach, I'm sure.

one of them. Send a representative, a much better representative. Well, when you have, when you have an option between Zach and Jill Dasher and you get Jill, we call that an upgrade. Jill, welcome. That's right. Welcome to Unashame. We don't have Zach.

Where is Zach? Tell us where Zach is. Zach is currently on an airplane. Hopefully he'll make it safely too. We pray for that. I think he's going to L.A. For a few days, you know, yeah, living the highlight. He's a movie mogul now.

He's doing documentaries. He's making movies. He's promoting marketing. That's what he does now, right? But he started with us, didn't he? He did. If he were here, he would say, go to, what's his push? I don't even know.

Do you know, Jill? Go to the blind something. I should know this. I should know this. Yeah, theblindmovie.com. Is that what it is? It's something like that. I shouldn't have brought it up.

You Google Blind movie. You'll get there. get there. Yeah. I mean, they've been working on this for seven years now. No. It feels like it.

It feels like it. I know it feels like it. Do you, Jill? I think it's more like 50. Well, Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad have to make a movie.

Mom and Dad have been working on her for 50 years. But it is. More like 64. So, Mom, we've seen two clips and what have you done at both clips? I cried like a baby. So, So we think it's going to be a tear joker, right? Well, everybody had tears if they didn't lie.

They did. It's going to be good. So we, so Missy, Lisa, Mom, welcome, Jill. All the wives are here today. That was the. I came prepared. I could be wrong. I wore a T-shirt that back in my day.

I could be wrong. So I did. This is my prep. The complete totality of my prep was putting this Dad, this is the homage to the Fox Show outnumbered because today the men are outnumbered on unashamed. We have four women, three men. What is your take?

It's a fallen victim to the culture. In our culture, females rule. There you go. Oh, yeah, I'm so tough. So we actually, the reason we did this today is because of where we are in. First Peter that we're going to be talking about. So I wanted to get a women's perspective. But before that, Missy, so you got to tell us because we've been talking about you on

recent podcast. Oh, boy. I wouldn't know since I don't listen. I know. Oh, babe. Thanks for that. Rousing endorsement. She used to listen, but then she got so tired of correcting Jason's stories that she had to

quit listening. Well, he's coined me the story police. The story police. You know what? I just won't listen anymore. So now I want to. We will now be using a little slogan at the bottom of the podcast for you viewers that every time I talk and tell a story, they're going to put based on a true story. That would be better.

Push that through. They're all scrambling around. I mean how to make that happen. Or you can just open your shirt after the end of every story that you tell. That's why I wore the shirt, babe. He does reference that quite often. Well, I wish I'd have had one of those when he was growing up. The Lord has softened me, Kay.

Oh, I know. I've seen it. If he was going to get a tattoo, Mom, that could be the tattoo. I don't know, but if I said this, he said that. And if I said this, he said that. No, you did. If you see me getting a tattoo, I'm dead. I don't mind if y'all want to do that after I die.

just for I'm going to do it then if you die first he was wrong I'll just do that forget about I could be right he was wrong

right there on the arm so so Missy you were you went to Spain because we talked about on the podcast we did some of your jelly on the pocket

I wasn't in town but I watched from afar we tried some of your jelly which it was excellent I ate it too I thought this one

I didn't go looking for souvenirs But once I tasted that, I thought I'm going to take a risk and buy that jar for fill because to me it tasted so good. And it was tart. And I know he likes that because of the mayhaws. You like the mayhaws and the slow and all that. Said, I'm fixing to take a big risk here and buy that for a feel. And who knows if he'll like it or not, but I'm sure I'll hear about it either way.

We had a nice discussion about it. He gave it a neutral rating, which in the overall grand scheme, that's a win. I thought it was delicious. I ate some yesterday. Yeah, I thought it was. They opened up some dialogue about our Scottish roots, which I thought was really interesting and good. So you were in Spain and your daughter-in-law had your grandson. Yes.

Tell us a little bit about that story. So, well, Jace's best friend Barrett, who I know he's talked about many times on the podcast, his wife and I went to Spain. And because just worked out, we had a lot of points on our credit card and just some really good. great circumstances worked out where we went and we got to stay in this little apartment in a neighborhood so off the beaten path not in the touristy part and we really got to experience some of the Spanish Catalonia culture and it was amazing but some of the stuff that we did to her you know I learned a lot about who um we say when we say ooh that's gaudy like in terms of design there is a man you know called his name was gowdy that's where we get that and his design is kind of out there

but he was a very spiritual man. And a lot of that over there is Catholicism, and they hold Mary to a certain regard. And he was all about Jesus. And some of the stuff he wrote, like on his cathedrals and things were amazing, but he would build them so high. There was one that was just crazy-looking. But he said that man should never outdo what God has done.

So he did not build anything above whatever mountain was in the area. I thought was really amazing. So there was some really amazing Christian history and culture that we were able to learn and experience. Apparently, the Almighty is giving you a thumbs. Is that thunder? Whoa. What is that? I don't know.

Maybe God is speaking right now. But anyway, so we went there. We just feel like duck season for our husbands is very intense. What's getting hot in here? It can be tents in our homes but come January. So we were on a little tour one day and we were with some other Americans

and they were like, so how do y'all know each other? And we told them and they said, so do y'all do this every year? And I looked at Shannon and I said, yep, starting now. We're doing this every year. We're going to do some kind of a trip to get away

because I do think it's important to be fresh and positive for our husbands when they are very stressed and tired because of duck season and all that. And you threw in a production of a TV show. Well, yeah, that too. On top. By the way. And my grandbaby was born while I was there.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, there was a lot of things going on. Of course, he came early. That was not the plan. Right, right. But little David Silas Robertson was born a couple of days before our trip ended. And he was, he's perfect and beautiful and helpful. and healthy and all as well.

So that was exciting. If you're keeping score, Saib, when he named me, when he was out on the river catching fish, I named Reed, or we named Reed after me, and then now we're continuing the legacy, which is kind of scary when you...

I like it. When you look at the original person behind that, it's a little scary, but I think we're leaving a legacy. Yeah. I think, well, we were talking about it in our compound chain, tax chain, and I said it'll be a fourth generation of, I'm trying to think of the term I use.

I was trying to think of the BS, I think. Storytelling. Storyteller, there you got. I'm trying to think of a sanitized version that I used. Jill, tell us, give us an upgrade on what your life is like, because Mia and Leah are. Lila. Lila.

Me and Leah are roommates. Tell us about what's life in the Black Mountain Fast Lane. Yes. So, Laila moved to Nashville, and she's going to Lipscomb, and her and Mia are roommates. And I told Missy, I said, they need a podcast because their stories are hilarious. Every day. The other day, I laughed so hard because Laila's been sick, and so she's snoring at night, and she's just been so congested.

And she said, Mia finally got up in the middle of night and was like, Layla, stop! And of course, Mia just like, and so the Layla telling the story, I just love it. I think it's such a blessing that family can, you know, be close like that. They were born just a couple of weeks apart. They had birthdays together growing up. So it's just really cool. And then the rest of the gang is in, we're in Black Mountain and we're just holding the fort down, you know, taking care of babies.

We have another foster child right now, so we've got an addition. Shrunker. And he's absolutely precious. But it's crazy. It's crazy. Jill's the old woman who lived in the shoe. How's our baby Ruth? I think that would have impacted me more if they had an audio on it, if I could have heard her.

Sometimes when you're not heard, I've learned the old lesson. Just let it ride. Dad does that a lot, doesn't he, Mom? Yeah, he does. He just sits over there and nods you quite often. All the time, but he nods his head like he does. He nods like he's listening. The say what's, the say what's get more rare the older you get,

where they never have to say, say what, what, no. It's not worth it. You just say, oh, well. Yeah. Dad finds himself not clarifying anymore. It's just like, yeah, that's fine. I don't need clarity. I mean, maybe we just need the order you get, like, mandatory lip reading classes.

Because it is. Yeah, it is a problem. You've been around people where they pick every little thing, unless it's their way, they're just mouthing about it all the time, whatever, whatever may be. I tend to drown that out. There you go. I told you, I learned that skill where I can. sleep with my eyes open.

So if it's too nonsensical, I'll just take a nap. We're learning a lot about relationships here. I'm glad none of y'all's wives are like that, though. Feels that I cackle like a chicken. Are you a cackler, mom? Yeah, I am. I just carry on. And he acts like he hears me anyway.

And that's all you need, isn't it? That's right. acknowledged by some way nod and he ain't heard of word but he's nodding yep kind of with the meaning like I'm ready for you to be quiet now it's kind of like when you talk with mom on the phone as long as you just give an occasional hmm hmm I'm not sure she requires that well she just wants to make sure the call hadn't dropped that's how she all she needs last time I talked to you I said Al don't are you there are you still there mm-hmm just just an occasional mm-hmm

I feel like we should go around and tell how long we've all been married. We should. Let's take a break first. All right. You want to start, Dave? We're going on 33 here. Wow. Good job, babe.

That seems, Jay, just from me. I remember when you dated, you're now, why? That seemed like that quick. 33 years? That's where we're headed. I wouldn't have recommended we go around until. The her parents didn't. She'd been married if I hadn't thought about that way.

Her parents did not recommend you as her husband. Not not at first. You were of low recommendation. You don't know. Wait, hold on just a second. Did they take a stand that just, it's not going to happen or was it kind of like, ah? It's because of my age. We were young.

It's not that they rejected him. They did not like the time frame because I was the ripe old age of 17 when we were engaged. That's the problem. That was their problem. Yeah, I never thought about it. All I heard was no. Which one I think about. But the parents were saying no, but Missy was saying, give it some time.

It'll work out. But is that the kind of way. She was more like, maybe. No. She was like, yes, but like. Well, if you think about this, like Layla and Mia are both 19. They're two years older than what I was when we were engaged. What if Mia came home now and said, I'm about to be.

proposed to. It would depend on the fella. If it was someone like me, I would say, okay. What about two years ago? What about two years ago? Babe, let's not do that. So how old were y'all when y'all got married, Missy? I was 19.

And he was... I was 20. I was six days from being 21. Yep. We were young. We were young. What about Jill? How long have y'all been married?

We will... This June will be 23 years of marriage. 23 or 22? Shoot, I can't remember one of the two. I know we made it to 20. And I always thought if you make it to 20 years, because, man, there were a lot of years where I just was crossing my fingers. But we got married young.

I was 20. I just turned 20 and Zach was 23. Yeah, we all are old. I mean, in Louisiana years, yeah, we were ancient getting married. But what's funny is I lived in North Carolina at the time, and none of my friends were even talking about marriage. So I was, everyone thought I was crazy getting married at 20. But it's funny how different states have different cultures.

And so, yeah. Mom. Oh, well, here's the way I have to tell it. Insert. Get your shirt ready, same. Based on a true story, ready. Well, here's the way I put mine. We've been together dating and married for 64 years.

Yeah. 64. That's a lot. And we feel it. It is worth interjecting. Just to help me answer the question. One of the things that came up is I was a senior in high school, and she was a junior. in high school.

She was in the 11th grade, and I was in the 12th grade. So I'm fixing to graduate from high school, take off to some university on a football scholarship. I got scholarships offered forever, you know, most with the universities. So when it finally came down, I'm going to losing into tech, I told her that. I said, I'm in the tech, you're a junior in high school,

you know, stuck it up. I said, you know, well, she said, well, wait a minute here. Oh, you think I'm not going with you? I said, well, love me, you better, if your mama has a problem with you, you might ought to run it by her because I'm going to leave. If you want to go with me, let's go. So she said, yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do. So, you know, that, in some family structure, that would be a problem.

You think? You're right. I can't imagine that. not working out for most people. It's just normal, right? We need some counseling. So what were the, did your mama ever give an answer when you said, oh, here's supposed to speak about it?

How'd that go down, Mom? Well, see, my mama was dating at the same time as me because I lost my daddy when I was 14 years old to heart attack. And she was young. And so it just so happened that we're dating at the same time. And I just, I think she was happy. because she could go on with her, you know, dating. Yes.

And so she wasn't afraid. My grandmother's the one that helped me through everything, though. I mean, she had taught me so much growing up to always be one man and one woman for one life. And I said, but some people get divorced, and she said, you'll never use that word. You won't need to. You're just never. She said, that's why you have to fight. for your marriage.

And I said, why would I have to fight for my marriage? And she said, because Satan wants to destroy all marriages. And he'll come after you. Plus, it's worth mentioning, I guess. You know, you know, the truth. The truth sets you free that during that time, we were a little bit slow on actually going and getting their marriage license. Took a while.

Signed the dotted line. For how long, a couple of years? Well, it was four Jason was born. I know that. It was, yeah. That was the most important. It was about four years after that. So it wasn't quite the clean line of most couples.

You know, in fact, this is just, I'm throwing this out here as a suggestion, but y'all's lives were so unique and different. You might could make a movie about how unique and different it was. I've been saying that for years. You can call it the blind. Yeah, I was, you know, like the gentleman. Justice of the Peace where you go, where they just say, you know, okay, you had to go through the formality sign right here. We walked in there, you know, Ms. Kay was out $10 on the blood.

They gave you, say to Oklahoma, that's where we went. Out of Bell, Oklahoma. They take your blood test, you know, see if you got any, you know, diseases, I guess. But then they send you right down the road, and the guy said, you know, you want her? I said, yeah. He said, sign right here. Yeah, he said a little. I mean, it was a short wedding ceremony.

I signed a thing. And he said, that would be $15, and I was like, 15. Miss Kay, you got any. I always had the money. You didn't have any money. She went through a little bill for all and came up with a $15, you know, and it was a short wedding, less than a minute. We found out it was actually in April of 68, I think, was the official time.

So, 55 years. The main thing was before Jason was born. That's what I wanted to. It was before Jason was born, which we were. class. Oh, I appreciate that. It was slow. Listening to y'all share your story. I'm thinking about the movie because it's been our life for the last couple

years and just y'all talking and sharing that little part, I'm just imagining the scenes in the movie that are defecting some of that. And I would just cry all over again. It's just, it's so touching. I cannot wait. I just can't wait. I just can't wait for everybody to get to see that. Well, bring your tissue. Oh, yeah, for sure. So Lisa and I are, this will be 39 for us this year.

39. 39 years. Yep. We're approaching 40 for us as well. And, you know, it's been some rocky roads, but God has seen us through as well. So we've had the privilege of working with a lot of marriages that have had difficulties because God has seen us through some stuff as well. And I think that's the beauty of where we are on this text, because we're in 1st Peter 3, which is where we're going to be studying, which is why I want to have the wives.

I want to hear their voices. One is because, you know, obviously you get to hear us pontificate on scriptures because we've taught, you know, the text and the Bible for many, many years. But our wives have as well. You don't have a, you don't do what we've done in terms of shepherding people. and disciplining people and teaching people without your wives being a part of that process. And every group we've had, every, you know, all the things we've done through the years, we've done that together as couples. And from the beginning, every one of us have.

And so that process has been something is a shared thing we've done together. So let's take a break. And on the other side of that break, I'll kind of set up what we've been talking about and then we'll get into this text. So this whole thing has been about submission. ever since we got to chapter 2, because if you look back, and it's funny,

you talked about when you're on your trip to Spain the idea about the buildings with the gaudy, which was interesting because he uses, Peter uses a metaphor about us being built into this spiritual building. And we talked about the idea of comparing that to a temple before, because that's what he uses as that example, except now, of course, we are the temple, and we are the one that offer the sacrifices because that's our lives.

That's who we are. But he's talked about submission to God, submission to the government and the governing authorities who are there. He talked about submission to even those who they were in this indentured servitude to, in slavery, was the word they used, but it was a lot different than slavery in the modern era. and even submission to Christ example as he submitted himself into death. And so we've talked about all that up to now. And so we get to chapter three.

And it's interesting because he's going to shift it into a family setting. But he says in the same way. So the concept is the same as everything he's been talking about up to now. And that is the same way you submit to God is how we now submit and read. relationship. So I just want to set that context going forward as we're going to talk about this. I want to read the text and then I want to just kind of dive into a discussion. And Jill, I did want to mention Jill, which I'm so glad you're in this discussion because you actually wrote a book called Shallow, which deals a lot with what this text is dealing

with about women and how they look and how they're viewed and how that affects how people, how they, you know, project themselves and how people look at them. So I want to talk about all that as well as we talk about this. So let me just read this text and then we'll start breaking it down. This is first period three. Wives in the same way, and again, that's back to what we've been talking about in chapter two, be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their words.

wives. Verse two, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham,

and called him her master. You are her daughters, if you do what is right, and do not give way to fear. Verse seven, husbands in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and is heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing where hinder your prayers. And I want to read this next little section because I think it kind of ties in as he expands a little bit further. He says, finally all of you,

that is the expansion, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble, do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing. Because do this,

to this you were called, so that you may inherit a blessing. For whoever would love life and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good. He must seek peace and pursue it, for the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his eyes are attentive to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. So long text, but starts out with this idea of first wives, then husbands.

but it's interesting because the idea is still about having an impact to win people, which I thought was interesting. And he's talked about that throughout this whole idea. Somehow the response of your life is to win over someone else who doesn't know Jesus. And even he talks about that in a marriage context. So give me just your initial take on this text, on the idea of this. Because people look at this, and obviously, you know, our culture looks. is something like this and obviously they're like what are you talking about this is insane yeah this

sets women back this is a reason why you know i would never be a believer whatever you know so give me your hot take well that's one thing and there a lot of religions have contributed to that being appalled by the world because they've in my opinion had some terrible teachings come out of this even in the church and so uh maybe that's why we all got together there are. It's a difficult passage to talk about, but it's really, you know, when you look at Jesus as the example, even because I know we're going to go to Ephesians 5, I mean, we're both called to be like Jesus. That's what's so beautiful about marriage. But, you know, even the headship of Jesus was about service, being a servant. And so when you get all the way down to how this

applies in marriage, this having this submissive spirit, which is the reason I think he brought it up here, is going to go both ways. We just have different roles. And not unlike the Trinity, I think marriage is a very good way to show how you can be equal and have different ways to, you know, work in that. I mean, it's hard to explain, but I think that's really what it is. I I think there's a reason Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding and it was a sign. And it seems insignificant because it's just over something, you know, something being to save from public embarrassment, I guess. But I really think it was a vision and a prequel to what that marriage represents. You know, we're all the bride room of Christ, but we're also all sons of God.

And so it's like he's using that analogy, and I think that's where you get the closest to understanding who Jesus is in marriage, because you both have an opportunity to live like Jesus. That's my take. I think, too, what I was thinking about when I read this is I think it's one of those scriptures, you know, we tend to handle with, like, ease or we think, ooh, we're talking about the submission scripture, you know. And I honestly think if we understood submission the way it was meant to be understood through a biblical perspective, it wouldn't be this like, oh, submission.

I think our culture has taken the word submission and we've deemed it to have this negative view. Like it's a submission. Like it's a bad word. And when I think about Christ and his kingdom, everything is upside down. And so in the upside down kingdom of Christ, submission, is a beautiful word. Like when it's in the context of the way God designed it, it's actually beautiful from both parts. And so I think why we have this tension is because we just believe we're drawn to what

the culture is telling us. Submission is bad. Services, you know, you're less than. And Christ is the opposite. To serve is where the joy is at. It's where you're actually more fulfilled. And so I think I'm constantly as a woman that is living in my flesh and continually battling against my flesh, I'm reminding myself, Jill, you serve an upside down kingdom.

Like whatever the world is telling you, pretty sure God's word is the opposite. So just keep that in mind. That's what I thought about, just in light of that word submission. Well, I think about the analogy sometimes that Jay sees is when we come. to Christ, we have to submit ourselves to Christ. And he says, this is the only time where when you raise the white flag and surrender, you're winning. You win. And again, that's the upside down Christ, right? That's the upside down kingdom, because none of that makes any sense to anybody outside of Christ. And if we're, if anyone thinks that that the policy that we're trying to set on the

podcast today is submit to your husband because it's the right thing to do, it's submitting to Christ. And so when you do that, that's what's called, what you're called to do then is submit to your husband. It makes it so much easier. If you try to submit to your husband first before you submit to Christ, that will never work. Because then you're just going to be losing, feeling like you're losing a battle all of the time. You're going to feel like the loser. But if you submit to Christ, then you're winning every time.

And I think, too, let's remember the context, too, of what Peter's talking about. about is an unbelieving husband. So except for Kay in the early years, we haven't had that. I haven't had an unbelieving husband. This context is very different for our lives than it is for someone else's life. It's much more difficult if your husband has not fallen at the knees to Jesus. If you still rebellious toward Jesus, you're going to be some flack there. That's tough. That's going to be which I think is really the underlying point because all the other illustrations he uses are submission in a setting that are not conducive to submitting. In other words, you're under an oppressive government, right? I mean, everything they were under in this scattered situation under Rome and all this was bad, right? You're under a situation where you're master, and I put that in quotations, but whoever is over you is treating you badly.

Remember he said, you're going to take a beating, take one for, do the right thing. So every setting is a bad situation. Here in your situation, you're married to an unbeliever, and he's asking you to still treat them in a good way in spite of them not being good to you. So it's like every situation he's bringing up, it's like, look, you're suffering, but still you're God's daughter, you know, in this situation. So that seems to be what this point is, is even in a bad situation, you're really submitting to Christ, which is your point, more than you're submitting to this person, but you're trying to win them.

And also, Peter, you know, again, I know Jayce talks about The Chosen, but I mean, I watch it multiple times. And I think it's so good to understand the portrayal that Dallas Jenkins and they have about Peter himself and who Peter is. And watching kind of his and his wives on the show their relationship and how they work together. But in, you know, the first season when Jesus first calls Peter, and that's taken from John, where Peter, you know, just falls on his face in submission like Jesus says, follow me. And he, you know, just pulled in all the fish that was not there. I mean, it came out of nowhere. And he realizes who this man is.

He's the Messiah. And he submits to Christ. But yet, over the next three years of their relationship, and then even later when he's right, all of this, it's still hard. It's still like a daily, you have to daily remind yourself to keep submitting to Christ because of all of the circumstances around in your life. They're hard. Life is hard. And you forget sometimes to keep putting Christ first. And so you have to daily remind yourself. Because if you just go from your, that one day when you came to Christ and everything was perfect and your heart was clean and pure, if you could have that forever,

then life wouldn't be hard. But it's a daily reminder. And so I think that's also where Peter comes in and reminds us all, you've still got to keep working at it. It's still a struggle. Well, I think you've got to remember, too, that we're both supposed to, as husband and wives, we're both submitting to God first. And then wives submit to their husbands.

One, I think, out of reverence to God, we submit to our husbands out of reverence to our Lord. Two, we do it out of respect for our husbands. Three, we do it to lead other people to Christ. I mean, we got to think about what other people are looking at. Our children, for one, people who are in the world. Also, other people that we associate with, people at church, people were trying to help in their own marriage.

I mean, there are so many reasons why we do what we do. Now, submission looks different for everybody, I think. And just the things we do every day, we submit. I mean, you know, you take dirty underwear and wash them. You're submitting because, I mean, you just got to think about what you're doing every day. You wash clothes, you clean the house, you cook the food. I mean, all of this is submission. But then, you know, your husband comes in and says, you know, don't spend, you know, more than $25.

We only have, you know, $30 in the account. And you need to spend, you know, $27. Okay, well, then what am I supposed to do? You know, well, then you can only spend $25. So that makes it harder, you know. So then you got to think about all, then you got to go, okay, this is that submission thing again. This goes back to, okay, Lord, how am I supposed to do this? What Jay said to is like, we're partners, you know, so we're past, thank goodness, after being married for 32 plus years.

We're past the game playing. We're past the, your role is that and I'm, you know, you have to do that and I have to do this. Those were hard years, you know, and I would not want to relive those again. We're past that. But now it's like we are partners in it where we see like he does his like he does a lot of his own laundry. Yeah. And that was one of those boxes that as a man, he was told not to do that. That was the woman's job.

I don't know where that verse is, but it must be in there somewhere because that's what we were told. I think it's in second opinions. Yeah. So, well, you know. Al is not allowed in the laundry room. I've been bad. So we all have different, different, you know, perspectives. but, I mean, having the role that the Lord placed on us during Duck Dynasty, it limited my ability

to pull off everything that I was supposed to pull off as the woman's role. So Jason one time walked in and said, well, I guess if anybody's going to wash clothes around here, it's going to be me. I said, I guess so. Because there was a lot of dirty clothes and I didn't have time to do it, you know. And so he started washing his own clothes. However. Was he wearing an I could be wrong, T-shirt?

Not yet. I like washing clothes. Yeah. So now, but, you know, what I'm trying to get to is that was not something like we had to have. I wasn't not submitting. Right, right. He said, I got to help out around here. We had gotten to the point in our marriage where he's like, I got to help out around here to get it done.

Now, folding them and putting them away, he still does not do. But. Wait a minute here. But, no, wait, no. Hang on, this is this a perfect time for a break? Okay. I did watch the clothes, but I did not like the custom of getting everything. I'm like, I just, it's my clothes I'm going to wear them.

I'm going to put them in a pile somewhere. I remember that. No, I still do that. It still does that. It's my clothes. I put them in a pile. I don't want them folded neatly. To me, that's a waste of time.

I want to be able to look at it in a pile and pick something out. They're clean. He's against folding. I'm against folding. And putting it up. But he's not against me. trying to find them. So he's trying, you know, they're wrinkled.

He's trying, I want that one shirt, which they're all this color, it seems like, these days. Yeah. So he's trying to find the one he wants. So, so my point is. Well, you put this on the top of the t-shirt. You folded, yeah, it was on the top. Well, that was not purposefully.

Oh, okay. I thought, I guess you wants me to wear this today. Let me finish my point. All right, babe, yeah. My point is I walk in from being gone or whatever, and all his clothes are all over the sofa in our living room. And I thought, I want to help my husband. So I'm going to organize it.

I'm going to fold it. I'm going to put it away. So then when he walks in the closet, he can pull the shirt off the top of the pile and it's not wrinkling clean. And I think that is part of submission. When I feel like there's a need in his life and I can fulfill it. Right. You're really good at that, babe.

I will admit. You're really good at that. You do things like that. What I was going to say. is I didn't have that transformation. I mean, one, just being married, you bring a certain amount of baggage to the relationship in the way you were raised in just your culture or wherever you're, what part of the country you're from.

But the more I read the Bible, really, that's what the light bulb went on about. You know, when I read my role in Ephesians 5, it's, you're just not going to get something, some kind of authority abuse or dominance or, you know, a poor attitude towards your wife. When you read, you know, the husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church. Like, well, wait a minute here. I'm more all familiar with it. He died. He literally gave his life.

You know, all the verses about, I didn't come here to be served. I came to serve to make her holy by washing her with water through the Word. of this beautiful, you know, this beautiful parallel of, in metaphor, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but wholly in blame. I mean, it's a spiritual thing. You're trying to present, do everything you can to present your wife in this way. And you ought to love your wife as your own body. He who loves his wife, loves himself.

So when you really look at this. that's why I said you both have opportunity to really share the gospel in your marriage. And that's why when people see that. People are impressed by good, strong marriages. They're impressed. They say, how do you do that? When you see a woman with a submissive spirit and a husband who's serving and they're both doing it for a greater good, it's just something about that that's impressive.

And it's God's idea. And I do think it mirrors the image of. of what the kingdom represents of us all being married to Christ, which is really what Galatians 3 is all about, you know? So, I mean, I think it's a beautiful thing. It was God's idea. And once you kind of understand that this is bigger than phone clothes, and, I mean, that's where we all go to.

But really, those are just little things that are opportunities to serve. And, you know, the greater thing is you're providing something that's great for the public, just the dynamic in the culture of having functional marriages like this because it's better for your kids, it's better for society. I mean, you look at all the stats. You know, people who are married and enjoy it, I mean, they make more money. They have more stable families. They're a kid, you know, with two.

I mean, you just look at the, go look at the stats. It's out there. It's a, if you can pull it off, it's a. it's a better way to live. So, I mean, that just proves to me that God knows what he's doing. Well, and even if you're in a public setting, not even a church setting, but you're in a public setting and someone says, hey, somebody's about here's been married, you know, 47 years,

and they have them stand up. Everybody cheers. Like, everybody acknowledges that it's a good thing when people are married at a long time. They don't even know whether they've had a good marriage, bad marriage, but hey, they've been married. Probably pretty good if it lasted 47 years. That's exactly right. People acknowledge that it's probably a good thing when people have stayed together for a long time.

And so even people that don't even understand that. So, but you bring up a good point, Jason. And miss you did earlier when you said the you have to learn because we've got a lot of young couples that are listening to a podcast. A lot of people just entering marriage. So you learn these things over time. I mean, and you do have to go through the early years, right, Joe? I mean, you have to go through the early years. mentioned that some of the early years, I mean, you're just, it's a struggle to figure some of these

things out, right? Speak to that a little bit, Jill. I loved what Missy said when she was first starting her analogy and she was talking about how, you know, she had this list. This was what Jason was supposed to do. This is what I was supposed to do. And I think that we, our nature is to just divide all of the, okay, this is your job. This is your job. This is your job. And as I was listening to you guys talk, the overarching theme is basically, We started coming together. We quit trying to separate everything out. Okay, this behavior modification.

I forget what that book was. I'm not going to name it, but it was all husbands do this and your wife will be happy. Wives do this. Your husband will be happy, happy. And I just think that's a flawed way to view. I just think God is always about coming together, coming together, and you guys figuring that out over the years. And one of the things I was out is because I was thinking,

I bet there are a lot of, you know, newly married people watching this or young married or people that have been married for a long time and have husbands that aren't believers. And I did want to back up just a little bit to that scripture that's, you know, that they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives. And I thought, well, how do he win them over if you don't talk to them? And so I just wanted to speak a little bit into that scripture. I don't think he's saying, well, if you don't. talk to your husband. I think it's more of a message of wives. Your husband is going to see Christ

in you more through what you do than what you say. It's similar to how we raise our kids. I mean, I can tell my kids all day long, be like this or do this or don't do this, but they're watching what I do. They're watching me. That's how they're formulating their, you know, it's way less about what I say. And I think that scripture, you know, if you are watching this and you have an unbelieving husband, I think just the nagging and the, oh, you need to, or you've got to believe or you've got to read your Bible more or pray. All of that just, I think kind of goes in one ear and out the other. But you just loving them in a way that Christ has loved you and grace being something that flows openly throughout your marriage, that's going to have lasting impact on your spouse,

whether than just, you know, that kind of thing. Well, put. That's good. I do think, you know, if you're single and you're like, well, you know, I'm out on this discussion. I mean, ultimately, we're all the bridegroom of Christ. And I go back to that John, too. I mean, there's a reason, you know, that that was.

that was put in there that way. The kingdom is really the feast of the Lord. It's being a part of that party, if you will, you know, for eternity. And guess what? We're still married to Jesus, and Jesus is still single. And he's still in his body.

So, because, you know, I've had people, young men come to me and they're like, you know, I just, I mean, this is just too hard. I mean, why would God create me this way? You know, because they're single. And they're not married. I have all these impulse. I'm like,

Well, Jesus has been single for about 2,000 and whatever some year. So he's still that way. And so there's no sense, you know, blaming God, why did he make me this way? And we have plenty of passages in here, you know, where it says it's better, which I use that on your father-in-law when he said, no. I said, well, it's better to marry than to burn with passion. I don't recommend saying that. Terrible thing to say.

In the moment, but I was angry. I was mad. But guess what? I think having this servant-like attitude is really key because what you're going to find is just like cooking, I think. If nobody ever criticizes the cooking, you could possibly eat terrible food the rest of your life. And marriage is all about, you know. Word would be more, more instead of badmounted is to critique it. Well, yeah.

You critique. When famous chefs get together, 10 of them cook the same type roast. Yeah. And then they vote on it and they say, yours is the best. Yeah. They come together as a group saying, he makes the best roast. How did you do that? He gives them the recipe until next month.

We'll meet them to do it and do another one. But my point was, unless you have this humble attitude and servant spirit, which is really the two ways we can share Jesus with our roles that God designed, you can't take criticism, nor can you give it. Only in there can you, you know, receive that and which, look, holding each other accountable and having these difficult conversations. That is what makes us better. But ultimately, it gives you a foundation for forgiveness, which we haven't talked about, but we all mess up. We're humans. We're, we have to live together, seeing each other at our best and our work.

worst, which we will talk about more. We'll talk about some of that in the overtime. I want to make some comparisons to the Ephesians text, to the Peter text, because they are quite different, even though some of the themes are the same. So we'll do some of that in our overtime as well as we're going to hold the ladies over for our next podcast as well, because we didn't even get into some of the other things in the text that I think Jill can help us with about some of the adornment issues and some of those as well.

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