Unashamed with the Robertson Family - Ep 630 | Jase & Missy’s Wedding Night Didn’t Go So Well & Phil & Miss Kay’s Romantic Bedtime Habit

Episode Date: February 12, 2023

The guys and their wives dish out all the goods on their weddings, their first nights together, and some romantic habits they’ve developed since then. From lusty grooms and broken-down cars to lost wedding bands and flying candles, all the things that went wrong at these Robertson weddings are revealed! The wives discuss unfair beauty standards and where real beauty comes from. The guys encourage spouses to have a heart for serving each other. Plus, Phil gives advice to single folks! In this episode: 1 Peter 3, verses 1-12 -- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am unashamed. What about you? We're back on Unashamed. We've got the ladies of Unashamed here with us for a second going around. We're excited about that. It's always a blessing to have you. Welcome. Jill's still here. Sands Zach. He's still on a plane somewhere over the fruited plains, I guess. That's right. You know, for us, we just go into the next podcast, but for the audience, it's been a couple of days. So that's why we have to. It's a long plane ride.

Yeah, we've all been sitting here for two days. Two days. We've been waiting to do this again. So I had one thing I'm going to ask, but Josh, you said you had something you wanted to. Oh, well, somebody was saying in between our podcast here, no, Jill said that about Lisa's a really good gift giver. And I'm not sure who, one of you all last night, sent us by way of being. BK. How was BK now? 12? 15.

Good. She's lived down the street for how many years? BK.K. is 15 and Carly is 17. I was doing so good on my stories until right there at that moment. See, babe, look. You asked. I did not say Lisa is the one who grew up. She does look like she's 12. Not me.

Based on a true story. Yeah. She's 12 to 15. And that dad, by the way, she was five for five the other day in the duct line, Jay told me. Five for five. Five for five, yeah. I think they were, they were all groundswise. Yeah, they were.

But still. She shot five ducks, which is good. Impressive. So she brought some homemade, I don't even know what, cream cheese pies that. I made some pies. I made a pie for dad. Dad, you get? But it's one thing to make the pie.

It's another thing to send one down the street. That was really nice. Well, when she walked in, it was a, I don't know, it was a coffee box or something. She just walked in the front door, you know, I was like, what, what she got? thought something was delivered to the wrong address or something. Nothing exciting. She popped that open. I was like, oh, whoa.

This is awesome. And I said, your mama just brought us a king cake. It was right morning after standing in 29-degree weather, you know, to get the best king cakes. And she just brought one and dropped it off. You know, Anna, she comes in and never says a word. She just lays it on the counter. She's laughing.

And walks out. I'm like, we're just down here receiving gifts. We're just, we're receiving. That's our job for the weekend. Better to give their receiving. See, but we're... More blessed to give them, you see. Oh, boy, this place is.

This is an awesome place to live. If those have come down from Lisa, the gift giver, good job, Lisa. I would like to know. Would you agree? I'd like to move to the mark where they'll hear this one. Thank you, that. You see all these, you see all of these ads. I mean, nauseam just a lot of about getting food to your house.

and various dishes and the best kind of dishes. But in the midst of all, speaking of marriages, cooking or whatever, you're not going to cook, but you're going to get it shipped in there. But it's a big factor in all this, in my humble opinion. I mean, just it's work. Well, it's acts of service, you know. Yeah, but when you have gifts,

when it brings you a pie that took the time to make the pie, I mean, these pies are really good, Al. Yeah, that's what I was saying. It wasn't like you bought the pie, which was nice. But, I mean, it's actually. They're labor intensive. Yeah. We're trying to fatten Dad up a little bit.

He's had coming off some back issues. And so I was thinking about your health, Dad. Most time you make a pie. Like, I'm in like. It's not for your health. Lisa and I are in like no pie mode. We're in the no pie zone. But we're trying to fatten Dad up a little bit.

So you made it and did not partake? I did not partake. Wow. Now, that's, you know. Most people want to lose weight, you know, when they get my age. I help me run around it. I started losing weight, but I brought it on down to somebody said, you need to get.

We're trying to bring dad back a little bit. Yeah, you need to get heavier. I'm like, do what? Jason, Missy, with the only cup I knew that could stand to eat some pie. So I was like, we'll send in some pie. I keep waiting for that moment to when it catches up to me. I guess when it happens, I'll, you know, curtail. Yeah, but at this, my metabolism is...

I think you were named correctly after sigh. Sighless. My pains are no longer sharp and knife-like, you know, in your back. It's not severe pain. I'm down now just a dull ache, but I don't sit a lot. I can tell you feel better. And the podcast audience is glad to have you back. And so we...

That was a rough one. So, yeah, Lisa, the gift givers. So I got a question. So before we get back into our... text and I want to go around because last time we went around talked about how long have they been married and I wanted us to tell some kind of story a humorous story would be appreciated of something funny that happened either at your wedding or your honeymoon something that you could share with our audience now what do we have a rating for this it's a podcast so you can make it what everyone

I'm scared. Can I leave the room? I know what Jason should be. I have a feeling I know what he's going to share. Jim, do you have one to start us? Why, because Jason is there contemplating that? I know what Jill should be. Because I can tell one for everybody, but you have one, Jill?

Yeah, in fact, mine involves you, Al. Al, was actually one of the ministers at our wedding. We actually had two ministers, Mary Zach and I, because we just, you know, we needed to. You're so gregarious. You need double barrel. Yes, we need two. And we get to the part that, you know, every woman, you know, you dream about your wedding, you have plans, you know, it's going to be this perfect day. And, you know, my wedding was that way. I had watched Father the Bride my whole life and I wanted my wedding. to be like that, just updated a little bit in years. And so you get to that moment when they ask for the ring. You know, this is like, this is going to make it official. And Zach, you know,

minister turns to Zach, you have the ring. And he realizes that he doesn't have the ring, that he forgot the ring in the room where all the men get ready. So he just shakes his head. And I'm like, is he saying, no, he doesn't have the ring or no, he's, he's, he's not going to profess his love to me in this moment. He's changed his mind. And it wasn't a big headshank. It was like a little, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, oh, God. Like a Jan. Yeah, it was like, mm, mm.

He was trying to let anybody see, but with the inner circle of the little wedding party. So if that wasn't enough, we realize he's forgotten the ring. So upon that realization, my dad, who was sitting on the front row, just like, are you kidding me? Like, he forgot the ring. So he just leans his head back, like, laughing and then half like, are you kidding me? And we have these candelopras on the end of each of the owl. And he hits one of them. And here goes this candle flying back. Well, my eight-month pregnant cousin, who was sitting on the second row, catches the candle mid-fly and just sort of brings it back up. I mean, our whole wedding was like something out of like comedy zone.

I mean, it was, it was crazy. The fire was fly. It was like something out of a movie. It was very funny. And then everybody just laughed and then we faked it. We just acted like they were putting a ring on. I mean, I don't know if we're really married to this day. I don't think so.

I think by now it's common law, so you're good. So what about, what about y'all? Have you decided on which? Babe? I'm not going first in this I don't remember much about our wedding I think I was so stressed all day long I think that's what what were you stressed out about my

I mean first of all if your dad was even going to show up he didn't even come to Alan and Lisa's wedding so I wanted him to be at our wedding shop for and he came was Phil there or he was there he came yeah he came he actually had a nice shirt I'm glad to hear that I thought I'd fix to get thrown over the bus No. We had the pictures to prove it.

Yeah, he was there. Yeah, no, but you say, that's fine. No. It's in all of our books, I'm sure. Well, you know, we did it the old-fashioned way as far as, you know, we were virgins when we got married. So in my mind, I was, I'm not going to lie, I spent most of the ceremony looking down the top part of your dress. what what what where is it well I was just like

it was not showing I can promise you but I had a very unique angle at uh when I was standing and I was like he felt like now he could look so it's like I mean you were hours away right well I'd already signed the paper and they already had them and so I'm like this is a formality

I can look at this now without any guilt and so one of the things you He basically spent the whole ceremony looking down the dress. One of the things you told me later, you know, he said, well, Dad, it was kind of like the first hour was a study of the human anatomy. Well, it was. We'll get to that.

You know, where is everything? I just don't make this lawn and drawn out. Okay. So in my mind, so I've done the stare. Yeah, I was listening to him. I'm like, what? And now we're getting in the car and we were, you know, we're heading out. And so I'm like, okay.

I mean, I had already, this is what's on my mind. And I was like, okay, now what? And Mrs. was like, I'm really hungry. You want to stop at Wendy's? And I was like, do what? Well, weddings aren't like they are now where you feed everybody, you know, five-course meal. You have cake and punch.

And basically we had one bite of each cake. And then we were on our way. We're starving. Yeah, so we went to... He was viewing a stop at a quick stop as a waste of time. Yeah, I was thinking that's at least 20-minute delay in what I was thinking, where this was headed. I thought I didn't know this.

I would have been scared to death, even more than I already was. You fulfilled the text in the Bible that says, you know, marriage, make it official before God. I mean, by fulfilling that, I mean, a lot of people, people out there are listening to you say this. They said, you know what? He's saying my best course of action is to wait. Yeah. Well, now, I will tell you, having said that, Phil brought it up. The first night was not this, you know, TV version, romance. I mean, it was more of just like, okay. Where did I start? Here we go. We didn't even accomplish the objective, as I remember. It was a slow, it was a slow, it was a slow,

moving train. Like a glacier. It was like, where does that go? Yeah. Go, God, let's move on to somebody else. No, I think this is amazing, y'all. This should be the highlight of that podcast.

I will say this. And they're not believing what you're saying. They're not believing that. Well, there's some people deletion. Well, we're not going to relive it. Yeah. No, but look, I will say this. I will own a positive to get off.

all that. I mean, because I didn't feel any shame or any guilt or embarrassment, even though, I mean, look, the practical application is if you're both virgins, it's just not, it, I think it was, I think we did pretty much what we were supposed to do. It was more of an investigation. Yeah. But it started, you know, it started, it started, it started, it started the train leaving the station, you know, because obviously we figured it out. We got a bunch of kids. and all that. So, but I do think, I remember thinking I'm surprised that I'm not, because I was nervous about it until it was there.

I was not embarrassed. I was not. Jason and I had had a long conversation about, you know, older brother, married brother. Yeah, we went frog hunting for my bachelor party. And nothing happened that we talked about that I thought was going to happen. So, but it's okay. But I was saying, is in a family, that's the way it should be happening. You talk about that's the normal, biblical, those are good things, not bad things.

Very much so. Yes, the way it should be instead of the way it's unfortunately done most times. I mean, we'll say this, and I think the reason we had a good foundation is because we both love Jesus. And our relationship was not based on the physical. I mean, it really never was while we dated. And so I think that was a positive thing, looking back, It's a positive thing. It really was.

No doubt. I just think it's so cool that you're sharing the story. I know you don't want this to be, but I think it's so important because so many of our young kids are fed the lie that, well, two things, that sex is the most important of everything in a marriage. So it's like it's all about the sex. Or they're also fed this idea if you wait until you're married, then your sex is going to be this just off the charts, movie, rock star experience.

And it's just, it's a lie. Because just like anything, it's work, it's commitment, it's being vulnerable with one another. It's, I don't know, I just, I love that y'all shared that. I wish, I think more kids need to hear the truth and be like, oh, okay, you mean, you know, sex isn't the be all end all and it's going to take some work. Like, when's the last time some young kids have heard that message as opposed to, oh, just put on something. and sexy and like do it, you know? Yeah. Like, it's beautiful.

Well, at the end of the day. Here comes your kids, you know, because you figured it out. So here come your children, which opens up another door of raising children. That's a big one in the midst of you're being married for whatever, a year, two, three. Here comes the children. You're like, oh, ooh, you don't realize the work has started. It's work. It's work.

Yeah. no doubt and it's it's more than one component let's take a break we talk a lot about that and in fact lisa and i are teaching uh in our marriage refresh this weekend uh about sex and the idea that the physical component is only one of three i mean emotional and spiritual are also all part of that component and how god made us and if you know two out of three are unhealthy the whole thing's going to be unhealthy and so that's part of that that we have to teach you know our young people going through the process. So it's all part of it.

I love that whenever Jace talked about that there was no shame because they didn't have anything to compare the other to. Yeah, it kind of hit me in that moment. Exactly. Because whenever you have been with somebody else or your partner has been with somebody else, then you think about, well, I wonder if I measure up to somebody else. And neither one of y'all had that. Yeah, which is a blessing. I mean, that's the way, I really believe that's why God made it that way, or one of the reasons why is because there is no comparison.

You have nothing, no one to measure up to. Yeah, there's an innocence there that we kind of laughed about. And, I mean, I remember it was just kind of comical. Yeah. But, yeah, it was it. That happened. So I've told the story before, but I'll tell it quickly so we can get in our text. but Lisa and I, we got married from one week to the next because I didn't believe in long engagements,

which is one of the reasons why dad wasn't our wedding. You already had a duck call trip plan. But we, so in the, since we got married from one week to the next, from Friday, our short engagement, Lisa's family were not coming to the wedding. In fact, she had moved in with my grandparents for that week prior. So she was driving my grandparents' car, and she ran out of gas. And so she and my grandpa thought they were putting gas in it, and they put kerosene in the carousine in the car. I bet that created a little smoke.

It didn't work too well. Made it about halfway up Leandon about a mile and died on us on the way to the wedding. And so it was an old Ford LTD. I was already there. Lisa was already there. Her family relented at the last minute decided they would support the wedding. And so, Jace, I got a no. as well.

I think we all had that incoming, me, you, and Willie. Yeah, I all had the nose. I think Jep was the only one that got a yes. But all the three, yeah, I think that's the only time Willie ever came to my house without a pre-arrangement. Memory, they showed up and was like, I mean, her parents said no. Yeah. And I was like, we know. Oh, we know.

They said it loudly at our house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had it out at our house. But anyway, so my grandpa happened to come by in his Ford Fiesta, which was basically a tin can that hold about three people. And so eight of us piled in that thing and went to my wedding. In that Ford Fiesta, you remember, Mom? I was there.

Yeah, Jace was there. We were hanging outside that thing, and we went to my wedding, got married. It was kind of an old-timey, you know, old-timey picture. It was about 30 of us in the preacher's living. living room. I had the cake and punch, as you described, Miss. And then we ate at Popeyes was there instead of Wendy's. So it's quite the happening. And we've already heard about y'all's wedding. $15. Do you? Well, we can go watch the movie or what? Yeah. We'll watch. What's your donor? The blindmovie.com. The blindmovie.com. Thank you, Jill.

Just so everyone will know if that movie is a hit, just remember it did its job on T-total embarrassment on my part to watch it. I mean, I was like, you're not a living. Well, it just shows you how God works. That's right. It's all been forgiven, Phil. Yeah. Just shows you how God works. It still shows misery comes from a lot of places.

Because he had a lot of issues even after he became a Christian. and straightened up because of the, he couldn't trust me. He was at the worst weakness. Because you don't learn to trust somebody else until you trust yourself. It took him a lot of years to trust them. When I could trust me, as far as I could see me, that's when I began to trust others. And the problem is that trickles down to the kids because failures tell me, never trust a woman. You know, so it took me about five or six years in marriage for I finally realized, you know, I need to quit doing that.

I mean, I need to quit believing that, but that's kind of what happens. Well, you mentioned it, Jason, the last podcast, that everybody comes into marriage with baggage, everybody. And so you're going to bring things in from the way you were raised, good and bad. And so Lisa and I have done many, many hours of premarital counseling with couples. And we spend most of our time, to be honest, not necessarily talking about, you know, future stuff. We talk about past stuff because that's what you bring in. And so you've got to decide what you want to leave at the door when you go into the relationship. And you've got to decide what you want to build on to make better.

And so, you know, we're all going to build on better things from our family, but then we're going to leave some things back that we don't want to repeat. So that's just all part of marriage. So we hope that these texts are going to be a blessing for you guys that are out there. And Jason mentioned the last podcast, look, there's a lot of single people out here. You may never get married. You may be like Paul said, you know, and have that gift. gift of not, you know, celibacy, but for most, a lot of you're going to get married. And we got one of

our crew members here. It's about to get married. So it's all this is good advice for going into relationships. I want to speak to that. Because I know Paul said that, you know, it's better if you don't marry. I don't know, you know, from what personal experience that he's actually talking about. He was saying that 2,000 years ago in his context. But like for me, real, I mean, even though marriage has been difficult and hard in a lot of ups and downs, I wouldn't want it. I don't want to be single. I want my life with Chase. It's been full.

We have beautiful children from that. Now grandchildren, we have, I think, a beautiful life and full life. And we share a lot of spiritual goodness in our marriage. And so if I had to do it again, I'd do it again. Because I think that he's helped me spiritually and that when I look at my children, they saw that we were flawed, but that we loved Christ. And they all love Christ. and Reading Brightner doing amazing in their marriage.

So I don't know. I mean, I'm not going to disagree with a biblical writer, but if it was me, I don't want to stay single. And so, but I will say I'm not, I think my bar was high, even though I was young, my bar was high because of the way that I was raised in the word and in the church. And so I want that same bar to be high for my children to pick a spiritual mate and pray that every single day of their lives.

done well so far one out of four yeah so we got three left but you know i mean reed picked a beautiful a beautifully spiritual woman and they're raising their children in the lord as young as they are they already know children's songs about the lord and the stories and all of that because they're being very intentional you bring up a great point because you know to an audience that obviously we're a spiritually minded biblical podcast. And to those that are out there listening, a lot of young people, you're better off doing as much as you can ahead of a marriage than once you get married. Even though this context is once you're married, you're trying to win somebody, you have a lot more leverage going in. I mean, I'd like to be directing that and saying, if you're engaged right now to an unbeliever,

break it off. Break it off or try to get Jesus in them. Don't think that, Once I get married, I'm going to be able to change him or her. Don't do it. Just don't do it. What do you think about that? Good advice. I agree. You know, I always tell my kids, you know, when you're, I said the second, the biggest,

the most important decision will ever make is to surrender your life to Christ. And the second is who you choose to marry because, you know, it's, you are marrying their whole person. And so I tell them, you know, whatever it is that if you, you know, annoys you about them or if they have any little ticks or if they're not a believer, like times that by 10 or 100 in your marriage. And that's what, you know, because like I'll always say to my kids, if they say anything about their significant other, I'll say, okay, times it by 10, times it by 100.

You go with that, you go with that. And it's just thinking to like, you know, of course none of us are going to be perfect. And we're all going to enter into marriage with these annoyances and backgrounds. but to Missy's point, like, if you are grounded in faith, if you have a commonality in Christ, you can overcome anything truly if you have that common bond in Christ. If Zach and I did not have Christ at the center of our marriage, I can pretty much rest assured we would not be married today. I don't know how we would have navigated it without him.

And so I cannot stress enough. to my kids or to anyone that's watching, don't settle on, you know, don't have that mindset. Well, we'll focus on that when. It doesn't work that way. And, you know, that, y'all having the common bond in Christ is your foundation. And it's so important. And so don't set that aside. Don't minimize it.

don't think, like Missy said, I'll change them when. It's just... What's the divorce right now? 50, 60s? It depends. I mean... It's over 50. It's over 50 overall.

But if you factor in the idea of Christianity and spiritual, a lot of other things, it's much higher not. I hear people say, oh, it's the same, but that's not true. It's much higher. And then it's much higher for second, third, and fourth. marriages. The numbers are astronomically higher. And we know why, because you take all your bad habits with you into a relationship. When you keep running from one relationship to another, you're just taking yourself with you in every one of those. Let's take another break.

I was going to say, too, even with Carly, because I try to take an active role with Carly and talking to her about who she dates. She's our 17-year-old granddaughter. Yeah. She, and she's dating. a really great young guy right now. But I told her, I said, Carly, you don't even want to date someone who is not a believer. Because if the evil one believes

that this is somebody that can pull you off the rails, that's exactly who you're going to fall in love with. I mean, he will set that up to pull you down. So don't even date someone. Don't even get involved with someone who is not a believer. And then that way, you don't even, you don't, you're not, you won't even marry someone who's not a believer. So you start there. That should be your first thing.

Whenever you, you know, kind of like what you say, Phil, whenever you're looking for someone to date. And you always say, do they carry a Bible, you know? Are they a believer? Yeah. Yeah. That's number two with Carly. All right, Carly, do they carry a Bible and do they have a job? They graduated high school.

But yeah, I mean, I believe the number one thing that you should be talking to your kids, grandkids, whoever you're mentoring should be, are they believers? Well, and I think that's being fair to this text, because Peter is saying it's going to be really difficult. If you're, and then Paul says the same thing in 1st, Corinthians 7. He says, I want you to remain in your marriage, but it's going to be hard. And he acknowledges that. It's, there's difficulty to remain in this situation.

I want to speak. Faith, family, and marriage, that, that, that's pretty well. Because you all held true to that. You got Willie, Corey, their children. You got Jeff, his crew, you say, they're all, they all have the, family and church pattern that's at play right now. Would you agree? Yes. And we have been super blessed for all of us to remain together. And that's, again, that's, that we definitely have swam upstream in our culture. But we've also relied on each other a lot in our marriages as a family

in to Philling Kay as well just for, I mean, I remember showing up at y'all's house, young, stressed and griping about, you know, Jace and y'all talking me down and talking us through it. So, and then. News to me. You never knew that. I'm just saying, I think that it's been a blessing to have a large family surrounding us and supporting us. I want to say one thing.

When my grandmother, because I stayed more with her than I did, my mama, they ran their store. And I remember the little bit of memories I have a papa that was my nanny. husband and them as they carried on, which I remember what was, they had two double beds with a night stand in between, but every night, they're so old, but they reached across and they held hands. And, you know, just little things like that, it was so touching. And then I remember well the two rocking chairs in front of her heater, and she would read

the Bible. to Papa, she would read it. And, I mean, the best she could, she wasn't that good because, you know, they didn't have education, everything like that. But there were so many things that I observed in that, you know, that it was just like, wow. I mean, you could know they loved each other.

You could know it wasn't perfect. And, you know, all kind of things. Every night when Kay goes to sleep, there's a hand that comes through the covers and it just sits there, that hand. And I'm like, I grab that hand. She squeezes my, and then pulls the hand back. Then we're going to sleep.

That's good. You got a romantic side. I never knew that. Just to make sure everybody's still there. I'm just telling you, when the grandma was talking about, you know, that position, you know, every night that hand comes out of the cover. Just make sure. Yep.

Taking for a point. I'm going to put that in the movie. Well, you know, I think it's just a, all right. I hope Miss. Sleep on it, you know what it was that? Missy's hand a lot because she's cold nature. That's true. It warms me out.

So I always, even yesterday, because I thought she's probably cold in here because it was a little grafting. And I grabbed her hand, and sure enough, it felt like two ice cubes. I mean, it's just a little way. It's a little thing. Yeah. If you think of it, it's a little hand. things. Yeah.

Like that. But if somebody walked by. I still left out not having Zach here to say something nice about me. Yeah. My point is if you never see the hand come out from the covers and there's a little squeeze, something's not right there. That's a, I mean, that's kind of solidifies what we're doing here. Here's my hand.

And never did I know he took that and noticed it or anything. So if you're working the night shift, there is no hope for you. there you go I think he just made at some point you got to acknowledge you know in a sweet way what you have Yep

Jill your man could never do what he does without having you at home to No doubt Swip the home front Wrangling all those kids Thank you Thank you So let's take another break

So Jill I want to speak to Before we ran out of time on the podcast Because especially us having all the men on this podcast, we couldn't speak much to verses three and four of First Peter three. But a lot of men have tried through the years. And Jay's mentioned this in the last podcast that there have been a lot of things that

have come out of this text that have probably created as much controversy in church settings as anything about rules made for women. Well, especially this tech. Because you have, you see religious groups who go from one extreme to the, you know, they'll take this verse and say, well, don't wear makeup or, you know, don't wear pants or, and they're basing it on here. But they're still bright and hair. Which, in my opinion, I'm like, yeah.

If that was the tone of it, wouldn't you walk around naked? Because it said your beauty shouldn't come from fine clothes. Well, let's just not wear them. They're like, whoa, wait a minute now. We have clear modesty. So what I mean. Well, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. So maybe we're also about, I'm just kidding.

Well, you're saying what I'm saying. It's like people try to interject their kind of a law here. So it was not the intention. So, yeah, first of all, let's talk about that. Why does he bring that up in this context? Because it's a little bit strange to me that he brings it up here. I mean, he is said in the context because he's going to bring up Sarah in her spirit, at the back end of this.

And he's talking about this spirit of a woman in a situation where she's got an unbelieving husband. So why does he bring this up and what do you think he means by it? How do you apply that into a general thing without making it a rule that women can't wear jewelry, makeup, or fix their hair? I think we need a lot more than one segment of a podcast for this. All right. You got four minutes. Go.

I think you need to bring us all on for a full segment. on just that verse. Fix it in post. Yeah, I think that this, you know, we tend to look at our culture now and think, oh, we're so obsessed with the external and we are and it's, you know, it's everywhere. But that's not new. There's nothing new under the sun. Scripture says that.

I think women struggled with this back in these days, just like they do. It's like, okay, if I want his attention, then maybe I just make myself sexier or I make myself more beautiful or I make myself more appealing. You know, we've always struggled with settling for that cheap fruit of affirmation through our sex appeal. I've struggled with that. I mean, I wrote a book about how shallow I was and still am in some regard. God is working on me. But I think, you know, God's point throughout scripture and using Peter to write these words is always just this, he wants us to invest in things that are eternal. He wants us to invest in things that will last.

And I don't know about you ladies, but do what? Through wholesome things. I'm not physically the woman I was at 20. Are y'all physically the woman you were at 20? I'm twice the woman I was at 20. Almost. I mean, this woman is sitting next to me. her children now are approaching 60 years old.

Well, they're your children too. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You look up one day and you say, good night. Talk about my children are 60s in their 60s. You say, whoa. It goes by really fast. And so my point in saying this is that if we are investing as women,

and I say this to my daughter, to girls or listen, if you are spending so much money investing on your physical, and I'm not saying don't take care of yourself. You can take that to its extent. That's not what I'm saying. But if that is your central focus, then you are going to wear yourself out and to no avail. Like it's not going to work. Eventually, you will not physically be the woman that you once were. but if you are investing in beautifying your soul through the power of the Holy Spirit,

and this is true, like you get more beautiful with age. Like age is actually a beautiful thing. Does that make sense? I think it's a throwback to the first chapter where he started when he said, you know, he's given us, the father's given us through Jesus new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade kept in heaven for you. I mean, these are the things that don't fade that does not get old.

So, I mean, I think he's saying that. What you invest in with your life, because if you're setting yourself up, we talked about, you know, in an earlier podcast about putting your hopes and dreams and broken cisterns, which is, you know, a cistern with a whole water. If it's got a crack in it, you look up there's no water and point being anything other than the triune god and his role in your life is eventually going to be a broken sister because you're going to look up and wonder why

you're old or why at some point there's not enough plastic surgery in the world they're just like you know what you're just going to go with you keep trying but well exactly so uh well we pass that on to jill you mentioned your daughters like with mea having a child born with a facial problem, a facial defect, a cleft lip and palate, kind of brings that home to you as a mom and a teacher more than anything else. So what am I teaching my daughter the standards that she has to live up to? I have to be very careful about that because she started believing, and we've been able to cover this in this one of the episodes that's coming up on Duck Family Treasure, where we had Mia Mu Funday. And

Mia runs that now. She takes over. She, you know, plans at all. And she was able to speak to that in an interview setting with the crew. And what we saw from that, because we didn't watch it live, we saw kind of a rough cut afterwards, I just bawled like a baby. Because now at 19 years old, she was able to articulate the lies that she started to believe that she wasn't pretty. That was the word she used. She wasn't pretty. So as a mom, that, you know, I saw it happening, but I couldn't do anything about it. And now she realizes that her prettiness doesn't come from her flaws. Her prettiness comes from being created by someone who loves her more than anything else in the entire world and that she was not a mistake. And so to parent someone like that is a responsibility, but not just for her. It's

for all young girls because they are under a visual pressure now more than any time in history with Instagram. They're taking hundreds of pictures to get the perfect exact one to put there to show how authentic they are, authentically beautiful. It's ridiculously backwards. And spending an hour editing them. Right. And then so Mia and all her friends are looking at that and she's like, I'll never be able to measure up to that, no matter what filters I use. I'm not going to be able to measure up to that. And so when when Peter talks about, you know, being and having some, being and having something that does not spoil or fade, we are going to fade and we did, those of us sitting here weren't born with a facial deformity defect. So those of people out

there who have that already, that physical abnormality, they feel so set back already. None of that matters. And they were not a mistake. So as women, I think we have even more of a responsibility. He talks about that with the beauty. The more emphasis that we put on that, the more people see the emphasis that we put on that. They either shake their head like, bless your heart, you know, you shouldn't have to do all of that. Or why is she? You know, like, is that what I'm supposed to be doing? Is that that important? You know, I mean, I have a friend who's just a few years younger than me who was raised by a mom she could never measure up to. And she has had so many procedures and, you know, liposuction and filler and

boob jobs and everything else on the planet that you can have because her mom never thought she was good enough. And voices that out loud to her. And I thought, I'm, I never want to be a mom like that, especially to a daughter who's already struggling. So encouragement, you, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are lovely. You know, does this outfit, fit look cute on me? Absolutely. As long as it's modest, whatever you want to wear is awesome. Because I felt like when Mia would ask me, do you like my outfit? Is she really looking for me to say yes or no? No. She is wanting me to say absolutely 100%. Because that's, I think, the role of us as mom, two girls, for sure. And this is just me outside of the biblical narrative. But I only know from Hollywood, I guess, and everything else you see in culture.

But I'm one of those kind of people. When I see people on television or whatever, if people, women I'm talking about, grow old naturally, just actresses, people you see, they don't have work done. I think they look better just growing old naturally. Like I'm always disappointed when I see an actor. Somebody I always enjoyed, I thought they were pretty. And then they have work done. And I see a movie and I'm like, oh. Oh, me too.

I do the same thing. Because it was like, they were, they just ruined it. Right now they can't smile because their face is frozen in time. I remember we watched a movie. I'm not going to bring it up. Yes, being for flaws. But I was like, it ruined a movie. I said, I don't want to watch this.

I did the same one recently. She was like, what? What should she actually do instead of the role she was playing? Like, why did she have to do that? But I mean, that's just me as a person, like, who cares what I think? But I'm saying, so I think it just doesn't, it seems unnatural to me. And so I guess to this text, what would the way the Almighty made us. Because women will say, ah, men say that.

Nobody says anything about them because, you know, they can grow old and, and everybody thinks it looks great. It was because they're dashing and their gray hair and all that. But, I mean, I've always felt like it works both ways. Like, it looks more natural as better. I do think it comes back to this submission and this servitude heart, though. It's like, because we all want to know why, you know, something's happening or why I have to do that. You know, that's the bit.

When you get to these types. a text, you know, and we've all had our share, especially with women, saying, well, just why do I have, I mean, and they're wanting to know. But when you think about it, if you're asking God why, that means you don't, you're not wanting to trust, because then it's no longer surrendering if you knew why, because then you would feel like, okay, well, I'm, I'm back in control. It's really a control thing. Once you know why, there's no longer a trust. So, I mean, that's why I think you have to figure out the beauty of it in comparison to Jesus. Because this is what kind of helped me get my head around this. If someone said, all right, I'm going to give you full control of your life

to make all decisions and, you know, you're going to have the ability to do whatever you want to. Well, then your first question would be, well, at what age would I pick to make those decisions? 15? Well, everybody would say, well, of course not. You're an idiot at 15, you know, and you're not now? I mean, it's all relative. And I think that's why the submission gets back to the place that you've got to realize we're terrible at controlling our own life.

And we mess up. That's why we need God. why we ultimately surrender based on what what Jesus did. So all I'm saying is I just think it's a lie that if you're smart enough and beautiful enough and, you know, you're only people like you. Yeah. Yeah. That somehow it's going to guarantee success when it's not going to work unless you do it from the inside out. Well, I mean, I think we could all say, and I'll say it for sure that is Lisa's a great example of that. Like for the first 15 years of our marriage, she struggled with how she looked, how she felt like other people saw her. Certainly, our marriage suffered as a result of that. And when she finally submitted to

Christ at the 15-year mark of our marriage, it was amazing because an inner beauty began to flow out, and she's only looked better with age. And everybody's recognized. No, it's true. I mean, people have recognized it. Lisa, you've done well, girl. I've seen the same thing in show you know we do a TV show and you have people and we have a plan and different things but we're my biggest thing is I want it to be authentic because to me that's what people want to see it's just like this this podcast I mean we may not get everything you know doctrinally exactly right you know but we're authentic this is what we believe and we're sincere and I think you got to have that in marriage it's like you know I'm proud that my wife she's real she's

You know, she's not trying to fake anything. And so at the end of the day, you know, reality is what it is. And the things that matter come from above. That's just the bottom line. I mean, if you put all your hopes and dreams, even on a positive thing, if she elevated me above Christ, well, what happens when I'm no longer here? Well, then she crashes. It has to be bigger than what's happening on this planet. And it's more than rules.

It's just, it's a way of life. It's more than the rules and these examples that Peter listed here. Because I think we can all agree that we're talking about extreme and putting that before our spiritual life. I mean, I'm looking around, all of us in here color our hair. You know, if we didn't, you know, we all do. I even have tape in extensions because, you know, the medical condition I had years ago. Chase too.

Yeah, I said my husband is not going to have more hair than me. That was just one of the rules. I don't color my hair. But my beard, I'm just trying to, I don't want to look like people, when they start calling me sigh and feel, I think, I have a problem. I thought you were saying that Jace had taping extensions. I was about to be like, wait. Well, that's why I interrupted me. My hair is real and it's spectacular.

I did say it. I was joking. Yeah. But no, I think that's good, babe. I mean, it's like, I mean, there's nothing wrong. Just like, Lisa said she's going to color her hair until the day she dies. Well, when people make this. When she dies, that casket stays closed.

Yeah, we're not having an open casket. No open caskets. I got the message. My point is when we talked about. A picture on top of it. Picture on top. Can I finish? You in your 20s.

Can I finish? When we talked about freedom, freedom is finding out the liberal. restrictions, I really believe that. When you have any commitment in any relationship, restrictions come with that. We obviously are loyal to each other, and that's one of the great qualities we share. You may be proud of your own hair

and that it's still relatively dark, and you're 76 years old. But the bottom line is it's a non-issue. You know, I got shooting pain in my back. trade that out of black hair, I get. Well, that's what I was going to say. Ultimately, we're falling apart. At some point, there's no pill in the world that's going to keep you sexually active.

It's just happening. It's a truth. But what I'm saying is when you... Makes us long for heaven. But when you first get married, it's been in the world. The hand going through the blanket, the little hand squeeze. Yeah. Party over.

I'm trying to get this out. Time to go to sleep. But my point is, in the world, people say, oh, I want to have someone who doesn't change me, who is just a rock star in bed. And, you know, when you start listening to these things, well, those people aren't out there. You know. Or at least they're not out there for long. Because eventually they won't be able to be that. And then they're like compatible and, oh, yeah, and I want them to be a Christian.

Well, good luck. You know, it's just, it's a wrong view of marriage. your expectations are way too high going in. Look, this entire discussion, if we just had one, if we just had one word we could put in there that motivates us because of what Jesus, who he is and what he did, you say faith in him, you say, what's the bottom line on it? Jesus number one, immortality is writing on marriage, how it operates.

You say, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, is riding on it. So it spurs me to say love and good works and get along. Because the immortality's riding on something. I don't want to blow it now. I know we're going into overtime, but Jill started this whole discussion off right on the first podcast. It's everything you think it's the opposite. You want to be great, you're going to have to humble yourself. If you want to, Leo, if you're going to die, it's all those principles that Jesus laid out and they're all perfect for marriage. So whatever you think it is, think the opposite. That ought to be where you are to start.

So I see Mom's Hand through the blanket, which means we're out of time for the podcast. So it's time to go to overtime. If you want to follow us over, it's blazTV.com slash unashamed. And here will be my tease for the overtime. I'm going to ask the wives, and we're going to find out. I don't know the answers. Is it easy or difficult to submit to the men on this podcast? Is it easy or difficult to live this passage?

We're going to find out an over time. I would also like to know the best advice they've ever gotten. I have a list. Outside. As soon as you get ready for the... That's got a list. Hold that, a cliffhanger. Hold on that. There's a cliffhanger.

We'll see you in overdone. Thanks for listening to the Unashamed podcast. Help us out by rating us on iTunes. And don't miss an episode by subscribing on YouTube. And be sure to click that little bell to get notified about new episodes. And for even more content that you won't get anywhere else, subscribe to BlazeTV at blazTV.com slash unashamed.