Unashamed with the Robertson Family - Ep 799 | Mia Robertson Makes It Through Major Trauma — Thanks to a Former Hard-core Drug Addict

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Guest Trent Langhofer, clinical director of counseling at Colorado Christian University, relates his own amazing story going from living on the streets as a hard-core drug user to being one of the foremost Christian counselors in the field. Jase reveals how Trent helped Mia through a traumatic time in her life and helped her develop the drive to start her own charity as a teenager. Phil explains how he’s able to live a life of peace after so much trauma earlier in his life.  https://philmerch.com — Get your “Unashamed” mugs, shirts, hats & hoodies! Own "The Blind: The True Story of the Robertson Family" on digital, DVD & Blu-ray today: https://theblindmovie.com/watch — Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am unashamed. What about you? Welcome back to Unashamed. We've got Trent Langhofer part two. Trent still in the house. Yes. We've super enjoyed our conversation so far with his trip. And we told in the last podcast that Trent was with us for 10 years and is a gifted teacher and preacher. So like that part of your ministry for us was such a blessing for WFR. But then, of course, we got to be your church family while your kids were being born, you know. And then so the relationships that you have continue on with you.

And that's why when God opened this door for you to go to Colorado, as much as we all miss you, of course. And it was sad. I mean, we cried. You cried. We cried. Oh, man. But at the same time, we know that the kingdom is a big. place.

It's in so. I figured it out when, so here recently, I guess about a month ago, I came and visited Trent in Colorado. And so he lined up me speaking at his church men's group. And I, on the last podcast, I made some references about sometimes I'll try to be funny and nobody laughs. Well, when I spoke at Trent's church men's group, the cricket button, I should have brought this.

That was funny. Because it was, and I realized there's a cultural chasm in between Colorado and Louisiana. And my jokes were not, the chasm was so great that you couldn't go from one to the other, Luke 16. And I realized, though, in that moment that, you know, the Lord uses us in different places and in different cultures. and most of the words that you use in your vocabulary. I'm pretty sure they understand what it is.

They get it. Most of the ones in my simple vocabulary didn't get it. I was undereducated. It was so great having you. The church really loved you. Trace Church is awesome. Well, the second speech, I made an adjustment and just thought, you know what, let's just stick with Jesus.

Yeah. And so I mean, look, it's the... Well, part of the... part of the struggle for Trent here, from my perspective, as being one of his mentors as well as one of your shepherds, is that Trent had, was super gifted in two different areas. I mean, he went to school to be educated to be a counselor and do counseling centers and exercise those gifts, but he was also a gifted speaker.

And so therefore, and loves to preach and teach. So how do you do both those effectively? Those are both big jobs. Yeah. And so you walk that razor's edge here with us, and it was difficult because both of those are so time-consuming. By the way, you're also raising a young family. Right.

You know, and so that's the difficulty, you know, when you have a lot of different gifts. So to get to now do what you're doing, I knew it wouldn't be long before you'd be teaching somewhere. And you're a teacher. Well, have you ever seen a culture right now that needs counseling with, whether it's mental illness or gender identity? Because you've done a lot of stuff on all that, which is. I heard, Trent did a seminar before he left, not a seminar, but a class series before he left here.

The best stuff I've ever heard about same-sex attraction, gender is so good. You did like an eight-week. Remember, I came to and said, we need to write a book together. And we never figured out how to do that because I was, you know, I'm a little bit. I'm like, well, just trust in Jesus. There's still time. But it was so good because I thought that this is where we're at. I mean, I always go back to the same identity thing about what God gives you that we take for granted is when you know where you came from.

I mean, if you really, in the overtime, you talked about actualization, but that you actually are a created being from the creator, well, that makes you just automatically feel a lot better about yourself and while you're here. And, you know, Acts 17 says he determined the time set for us and the exact places where we should live and he did this. so we'd seek him and reach out and find him. I mean, it kind of, you're like, oh, I'm not an accident. I'm not junk. There's a purpose here. And then when you acknowledge what you're doing here,

that I can use, no matter what's happened, to point to Jesus and represent him, or therefore God's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. And then when you realize where you're going, we're talking about eternal life. I mean, how much has Luke been about the true reward of eternal life in Jesus?

Well, all of a sudden, you're just feeling a lot better no matter what's happened to you. You're exactly right, Chase. It's an identity that's wrapped around answering life's biggest three questions. How did you get here? What are you doing here? And how are you leaving? That's it. Well, and selfishly, it's not really selfish.

I mean, my vision, Trent, for you, whenever I first met you and then we got the opportunity to work together, was that our celebrate recovery, which at that time had been a, around for about 10 years was really making a huge impact in our community. And we were starting to have these homes that people were moving to from all around the country. Absolutely. But the hardest thing was how do we get out of the mindset of just a 12-step program that helps get you to a better place to really being locked into Jesus Christ,

who's the ultimate savior, right? And so I felt like your story and your experiences as well. well as your expertise would be the perfect guy to transitions. And you were. I mean, to me, looking back on all the great things of you and your family being here, that the bridges that were built from that, that by the way, are still amazing. Now, we can't even in the little room, where they have to move over to the big room. That's awesome. You know, and then, so you helped us figure out how these folks can go with some counseling, with some understanding of the trauma as you were talking about because almost everybody that's in there has something similar to that,

which is why they turned to drugs, alcohol, or whatever. That's why Trent, that's why I pursued a relationship because, you know, most of the time when I start hearing psycho babble, you know, my eyes roll back in the back of the way. And I'm like, what do you say? But you, because of your story and what happened through Christ, you know, you kind of taught me that it's not about the program necessarily if you don't understand the programmer. And I'm going back to Jesus, and all these little witty sayings. It's not trusting the process.

There's a processor. It's not necessarily the plan. It's the man. In all of that, you always have had a way to point people to Jesus through all this. Because ultimately, that is our refuge. Which is what we talked about in the overtime. That's exactly right. Exactly.

And I think that's what separates you from being a counselor from being a counselor who's using the ultimate counselor. Absolutely. To really heal people. And it is interesting. You mentioned that from John 14 through 16, is that that is a word that Jesus used to describe the Holy Spirit. That's absolutely. Isn't that incredible?

That's why I'm like, what about all this counselor? I'm like, well, I'm believing at least one. That's right. That we all desperately need. And I love it. In the overtime, you used an illustration from Matthew 2732 about the man. who carried the cross. Oh, no, that was good.

I think we should relive that just for... I think we should just get, since not everybody has overtime. I know you're going to tell your story. We left off, look, when you were 10 years old, which is horrifying, that you're using drugs for the first time at 10 years old, which is where we left off in the last podcast. But you did say something that I'd never thought about before is here's Jesus who did all these miracles, and then he gets to the cross. And he's carrying it.

He could have performed a miracle. to himself by carrying his cross. Why would he allow someone else to carry his cross? And you made your point of, and I'll let you make it because you did it better than me. Yeah, I think Jesus could have healed himself and carried the cross. He raised Lazarus from the dead after Lazarus had been dead four days. He gave sight to people who were born blind. So I don't think it's that Jesus could not carry his cross. I think Jesus allows him. to be so brutally beaten and fatigued to need help carrying his cross, again, not to show us that he couldn't carry his, but to demonstrate for us that there will be times we can't carry

our own burdens in life by ourselves. And it is totally okay to reach out for help. If Jesus can get help carrying the cross, we can seek help carrying our own burdens. That's so important. It's a great point. And ultimately, he did all that for us. I mean, he... That's right. he led the life and ended in death that we should have received for, no matter what's happened to us, for our own selfish moments and our, you know, separation from God. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I think that that whole connection point is really why God has used you the way he has, you know, which I think is a great blessing for us. So I want to pick up on the story where we left off because we didn't do that in the overtime, But obviously that you were introduced to drugs, you're young. We understood why it's the trauma that led to this point. So where did that take you in those young years? Yeah, it was tough. And your family had separated.

Oh, you didn't mention that. Right, right. That was part of the trauma, right? Correct. Yep, yep. So early life trauma used drugs for the first time at age 10, started using drugs full time shortly thereafter. And, um,

I mean, were you doing this at school? Before school, after school, leaving school, sneaking out at night. You know, any time I could get a hold of a psychoactive substance, I was trying to get a hold of one. Were you like stealing money to do that? Stealing money, lying to people, deceiving people. And it got to the point where my substance abuse was so severe I dropped out of school as a junior in high school. And so basically was using drugs all day. every day. You were probably 16. 16 at the time. And you guys, I was just miserable. Yeah,

I was broken and hurting. And again, like we discussed in the last podcast, my brain learned that drugs eased some of my emotional pain. And so my brain just kept going back to that place over and over and over and over again. My parents eventually heard about a treatment center in Arkansas that was supposed to be good. It was Christ-centered. and so one night they found me and said, hey, we want to take you to get something to eat. And I passed out in their vehicle.

And I woke up the next day, having driven across state lines and find myself at this treatment center. And so it's a long story, but over the next two and a half years, I'm in treatment eight different times. And... So you're in, you're out, you're in, you're out.

Were you like breaking out or were they giving you? So that's a funny. story. It's sad, probably more than it is funny, but it does provoke laughter. I guess it's that pity laughter that we talked about earlier. So I'm in a sexual abuse trauma treatment center outside of New Orleans, Louisiana. And I was 17 at the time, so I'm too old to stay in the pediatric unit, but I was really too young to be with the adults, but they put me with the adults anyway. And I was in a really low spot in life and was suicidal and was a suicide risk and had been harming myself. And so they had me sleeping in the center of this ward where I was under, you know, constant surveillance, essentially.

And one morning I woke up and there was a girl who looked to be about my age that was sketching a picture of me, which is kind of, you know, creepy in retrospect. but given the setting, it didn't seem that unusual. And so I befriended her, and her story was similar. She was too old to be in the pediatric unit with the kids, but really probably too young to be with the adults. And she shared her story with me. And, you know, these details are kind of graphic, but they're worth sharing just so your audience can understand

the transformational power of Jesus Christ. So she told me that her family was prostituting. her out to fund their drug habit. And that's why she was in treatment. And they said that she would be released into the custody of those same family members when she finished, which was really sad. I'm kind of like in this place and life at that moment where I couldn't take any more bad news or tragic circumstances.

You're hanging by a thread. Barely by a thread, Alan. Yeah. So when she told me that it just occurs to me. me like, we got to break out of here. I don't want her to go back to this family. I don't like being here. She doesn't like being here. And so true story, one night during shift change, we jimmied open a door to this psychiatric unit and escaped from the mental hospital. So there was a time in my life where I was an escaped mental patient, which that is kind of the tetular line that's funny.

So that was on the house I used to love using that line When he became our preacher It's true You know Roberts's preacher Usually you don't find that too much On the high end resume

Let's take a break Welcome back Zach is back with us Zach hello We're so glad you could join us It's good to be back guys I got the tail end of What you guys are just talking about

Super powerful Trent Trent good to see you Dash so good to see you my friend Yeah we're a long ways away So just to let the audience know when Trent was was preaching for us at WFR, Zach and his family were here then. They've been in North Carolina, about the same amount of time, maybe a little bit more. And working with our college age kids at that time and obviously working in ministry with us.

And so you guys worked a lot together as much as anybody. We were super close. One of the best experiences of my teaching career, Zach and I got to teach through the Book of Romans together. Oh, wow. It was during a time our church was really going through like some deep satirological. Oh, I see why you and Zach went. See what I did there? See what I did that, man.

Seterial, satirial logical. What was that? What were we going through? Yeah, just people kind of talking through how a person comes to be saved. Well, let's just say that. Zach, I think we like satirological. Zach, in your absolute. Jason decided that any word that won't fit on a scrabble bore, which is seven letters,

is a man for the dictionary. Whatever you do, do not say eschatological, eschatological. Excuse me to say that. That's what I'm saying. It just, it's. I was blind, Jack, but your man here, he was more than that. That's right. He was. That's exactly right. All right. So your escape, a mental patient.

Because I've heard your story, so I know where this ends. Obviously, it ends well because he's here. That's right. So I want to hear how you got from there to a better place, because that's... It's just an interesting thing that you go through all the elements of life when you're living, no matter where you are. I don't care where you are, who you are. but when you talk about it now I'm not hurting for once being blind

I'm not hurting because of that I just feel better well you've been healed by the really from a spiritual perspective because some people would be listening here and I mean a lot of people who can be listening to this they may wonder

why do they seem to be cheerful in talking about these horrific times. There's one thing to be sinful and get tangled up in that and all just like the girl yourself. But the other thing is, can you ever get to a point with God and Jesus, the power of the Holy Spirit, and you say, they can laugh about it now. It's not that we're not taking it seriously. It just, it doesn't have a, well, one of the fruits.

We had to have a lock on us to where we never do get over it. Well, one of the fruits of the... I mean, you had to get past it, right? Of the Holy Spirit, which is the ultimate counselor, is peace and joy. And so I think that makes you realize how powerful it is. And thankfully, that there is a Holy Spirit. Exactly. But look, I know why.

It's because Trent takes, just like you, dad, or me, take no glory in it. the glory belongs to God. We're basically making him give this story. It's exactly right. He spent the first 10 minutes talking about Jesus. Because it really is God's story that changes us. But you mentioned the book of Romans. This is the same line to use on dad.

Paul didn't start in Romans 4. That's right. I mean, it would have been so much more pleasant had he done that. But he started with Romans 1, 2, and 3, which is a tough read. Yeah. I mean, it's the read we're talking about here. It's the living, the life. It's the shameful things.

So you don't really understand what God has done unless you understand where people have been. So I think that's the power of it. And it helps other people. You mentioned this in overtime. We become light when we understand the life. Absolutely. I mean, Air Joy, now, I don't want it to be mistaken for there really, really wasn't that bad out there. It's pretty bad.

It was horrific. We got it. So you're out on the run. So, yeah, was out on the run with this gal, homeless, you know, in the French quarter of New Orleans, which is terrible. Whatever you're saying next, I know it, you know. Yeah, and I, you know, I'll survive. I'll spare your audience from the. By the way, I hit my bottom in the same place.

That is ironic. It is that right. And so was experiencing everything you can imagine that a homeless person might experience in New Orleans and a lot you probably couldn't. imagine. And eventually this gal's family found us. I had a conversation with them. Felt like I had probably not received the most accurate information from this young lady. And, you know, they took me back to treatment. And so a long story short, I ended up back in my hometown and started using drugs again after being in treatment for almost two and a half years, eight different times, and used drugs really hardcore. I was an IV drug user.

for the next almost four years. And at my rock bottom, I weigh about 250 pounds right now. But I would like to say my body mass index is a lot different than Zach Dasher. We're close to the same weight. Same way. You did wait until you get to allow it to leave here before you deliver that line. Let me, let me. Let me translate that.

Same weight, different shape. No, I'm not 250, guys. Come on. You're looking good, Dash. You're looking good. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Yeah, so I weigh about 250 pounds right now, and I weighed about 120, you know, when I was at my rock bottom, and I was using with people that had HIV and was sharing needles. And it was just really as bad as it could have been, and you live through it, you know. And so the- You were facing death. No question. At this point, it's certain days.

Certain death. My best friend, Odeed and passed away. So the guys of the people I was closest to, there's only one person that's also alive. And it's really sad. You know, just young kids who are hurting and broken. And we live in a world where those kinds of kids are vulnerable. And there are more than enough people willing to take advantage of them to just lead to the most unimaginable misery possible. So, I hadn't seen my family in many, many months. I'm at my rock bottom, weigh 120 pounds, was so dehydrated. I couldn't salivate even to eat food. And I get a phone call. I'm almost to year 19, December 2nd of this year. So this will have just passed by the time this podcast is released. is my 19th year in recovery.

And I got a call from my mom's sister. I love my aunt and my mom's family. It's just awesome. And she called me. And I don't exactly remember the conversation. But after we had just a real brief conversation, I hung up the phone and I blacked out in an overdose. And I come to in the driver's seat of my car.

and I'm about a half mile from my mom's mom and dad, my mom's mom and dad's house, which is where my aunt was staying. And I black out again. And I wake up, I'm on their front lawn. And in active overdose, they nourished me back to health. I survive. And a couple days later, I is Sunday, and they asked me to come to church, you know, with them. And so I went to church. Um, it's the church of my wife's grandfather's church. He was the lead pastor there at the time. And my wife's grandfather's brother, my wife's great uncle was preaching this day. And he was preaching a lesson, um, from the book of Jude, called being a contender for Christ. And he was using this illustration of Mike Tyson. And he's like, you know, you look at who Mike Tyson is in the ring and he looks like he's a contender. But you look at his life outside the ring and you realize he's a pretender. You know,

he's hurting and broken and what he does in the ring is kind of like a cover up for that and um i thought to myself oh my word that's me you know i have always felt like this just scumbag junkie loser who's trying to pretend like he's anything but that and i'm desperate to be a contender you know i don't want to be a pretender anymore and about the time that thought occurs to me, the preacher looks at me dead in the eyes. Like, if you're a pretender and you want to be a contender, I want to pray over you today. I want everybody to bow their heads and close their eyes. And so there's probably 200 people in this auditorium, three maybe. And everybody bows their head and closes their eyes. And you got to remember, I had just come through an

overdose. I got, you know, black fingernail polish on. I looked really bad. And, He says, if you need prayer, I want you to raise your hand. And it was like suddenly, miraculously, a hundred balloons had just been tied to my wrist. It just started coming up. And seriously, you're probably fighting to push and push it down. It's true. It's not funny. No, it's not.

But it surprises me. And I like look at my hand, you know, as it's raising. And I was surprised. And so I looked at my hand and then I looked at the guy who was preaching and he's locked in on me again. And my hand's coming up and he's like, if you are raising your hand for prayer, I would like for you to come forward so that I can pray for you. As God is my witness. It's like something supernatural compelled me to get up out of my pew that day. You were convicted.

I was, man. And I, you know, the Holy Spirit is real. The convicting power of the gospel is real. and to get to the front, I had to stand up, make a right-hand turn, go to the very back of the auditoria, make a second right, and then a third right and come down the aisle of shane, the center aisle. It couldn't make it easy.

You had to do the full route. That's exactly. Hang on, let's take it. Let's take a second for you. You had to do the roundabout. I've seen that forward to get down there, yeah. So then what happened? So make a few right-hand turns, and I come down the center aisle,

And when I passed the threshold of where my parents were sitting, I looked at them. And they looked at me in the second our eyes met, I just broke down balling. And later on, they would say they thought I was getting up to leave the service. And when they saw me walking down the center aisle, they thought it was a miracle. My mom actually started saying, this is a miracle. Oh, my God, this is a miracle. And the preacher comes down, prays for me. I surrendered my life to Christ that day.

And an interesting part of the story, my cousin, a really great guy, was actually moved by the spirit to go forward in his church a handful of miles away that same morning and pray for me. Wow. So there was a lot going on in the spiritual realm. And I relapsed on a drug December 2nd of 2004. That was in 2004, about five days. later. And at that moment, I just thought, I'm never going back to this ever again. Yeah. And so I've been in recovery since December 2nd of 2004. My life has looked so different,

you know, since then. My bride, so we met in May of 2005. We were engaged December 17th of 2005, six months after we had met. And then we were married. So this is a year after you've stopped. Yeah, that's exactly right. So met her six months after I got so. was engaged a year after I got sober, married her a year and a half, May 20th, 2006 after I got sober. And she's beautiful. Kirsten is just, her outer beauty is really incredible, but she is the most loyal, kind-hearted, innocent, supportive, nurturing woman on the planet. And it's just so crazy to think a broken, messed up loser like me can end up with a gal like that.

And I really do think that that's God's favor. Oh, no, yeah. No doubt. And she's incredible. I got three awesome kids. We were just hunting with Jace this morning. It's like, I- Your son killed his first wood duck today.

Yeah, I'm interested to prove it. But, you know, I really don't deserve a second chance. I don't deserve the opportunities God's given me. And I do think it's important just for your audience to hear stories like this. Because like we said last time, there really always is hope. You know, Joel, too, the Israelites are in captivity. And God tells the Israelites through the prophet, Joel, that he will repay them for the years the locusts have eaten. And that's been my story, guys.

For over a decade, I was just living the most miserable sin-filled, agonizing life. And I really do feel like God has repaid me for the years. The locusts have eaten. All I have done, the only thing that I've had to do to get to live the life that I'm living, which really is my dream come true, is surrender to Jesus Christ. every single day. Well, just two words. Welcome aboard.

Glad to be here. One day it may be in a movie, right? That's right. So when you went to Hardy, you went to Hardy, you went to Hardy. Yep, went to Hardy. And was your plan going in that you would be a counselor or did that come as, I've never asked you that. That's a great question.

So when I got sober, I thought I know how to do two things really well. I know how to use drugs and to be a counseling client. That's it. That's where my only skills. Because she was in all those years. That's all I had done in my entire life. Eight programs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, well, I don't want to be a junkie anymore. I wonder if I could try my hand, you know, at counseling. Yeah. And the counseling that made a difference in my life was Christian counseling. Yeah. And so I went to Harding University in Arkansas because they have a Christian-based marriage and family counseling program that I loved. and I had an awesome cohort of students. And I learned, you know, how to help heal the hurt that stands between people and Jesus

so that they can get closer to him. And sometimes when I'm talking about the counseling profession, you know, it's kind of weird because the scriptures teach that our heart is deceitful above all things, you know. And so as a counselor, I'm kind of trying to get people in touch with their heart and their inner world, which means I'm trying to help them kind of see where they're deceived and how their natural tendency is towards things that are just going to cause more destruction. But I think so often our culture tries to sell to us the idea that the answers lie within. And what I've learned over the years is that the answers don't lie within us. They lie in the word of God.

and that when we go on kind of a search inward, so to speak, we really do find the deception that's there. We find the brokenness that's there. It's not the answers that are there. It's all the pain and misery. But there really is a benefit to seeing what's there and to replacing lies with truth and talking through pain and allowing God to kind of heal some of that pain so that he can purify our hearts.

Well, that's, you know, my experience, let's take another break. My experience in counseling with Lisa and I, and primarily we went for both of those, but it was a lot for her. But we went in the first two times we went, she wasn't at that place yet. She hasn't submitted yet. So like even going to a Christian counselor, ultimately there was no satisfaction with where we were because we weren't ready yet. And so I always say that from my experience, counseling is,

a fantastic guide, but only if you're willing to be guided. You bet. And so once you've made, so when we came in broken and ready, because now we're ready for life change, our counselor was amazing because we were finally ready to go someplace and the counselor helped help get us. Thank God for that. Yeah. And so that, for my experience, and we've routed so many people to Christian counseling

because we know what it did for us. It gave us a basis to start new from. And it changed our lives, you know, in a big way. And I love the idea about your illustration of carrying the cross, too, because you still need people in your life beyond that. You bet. When you face the temptation, when you face the difficulty, when you face some of the old, you know, things that used to attack. There's a, you know, in terms of human attachment, this is another reason why I think counseling can be helpful. And why the relationship we have with other Christians is so important.

So in 1915, there was a pediatrician. His name was Henry Chapin. And, you know, so we're talking 100 years ago. And so there were, there were a lot of people migrating to the United States. And he worked in the northeast part of the U.S. And he had lots of babies that were not surviving their infancy. And so the mortality rate at the hospital he worked was incredibly high. And he did a deep dive into the data. And he was trying to figure out, why are these babies not surviving? They had adequate food. adequate shelter and adequate hygiene, but the fetal demise rate, it was something he could not improve. And so he's calling other hospitals, talking other providers. And one day he just kind of decides, I'm going to hire a lot more nurses to help me and see if we could get to the bottom of this fetal demise rate. So he adds a bunch of nurses to his staff and almost overnight babies start to survive. And he hadn't changed anything. He just hired more staff.

And so he starts to look at this phenomenon and he develops a hypothesis. I wonder if it has something to do with improving the caregiver to infant ratio. So he looks at other hospitals that have equally high fetal demise rates with an unexplainable cause. It's not obviously like, you know, some bacterial infection circulating through the hospital. And so he repeats the process. And he hires more nurses. And in a couple of different times, immediately the fetal demise rate's improved. And so he studies this phenomenon.

And what he eventually discovers is that as critical to life as adequate food, adequate shelter, and adequate hygiene is adequate human connection. That was the difference that made the difference. By improving the caregiver to infant ratio, he gave infants the chance to more deeply attention. attach to their caregivers. And he called the diagnosis that he developed from this research failure to thrive. And this is a diagnosis we still use today in the medical field. What we used to think is that over time, a human beings need to connect diminished, you know, as they become more independent and more autonomous. What we now know because of the work of a guy named John Bolby is that your need to attach doesn't diminish over time.

the symptoms that arise as a result of being detached or what changes. But it's still a life-threatening phenomenon. Adults who are chronically detached. Vivek Murphy, who was the Surgeon General of the United States, published some research on this. You can Google it. But he said that chronic detachment in adulthood is as detrimental to your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Wow.

Yeah. So first chapter of the Bible is not good for. man to be alone. Jason, it's biblical truth. Yeah, how do you get that right? That's exactly right. So science is catching up. Which explains a lot of the results of COVID, lockdown, all that, which this came out

even more when that was being discussed. You know, for me, Trent, we realized that same theory must have come about because in the mid-80s when we had Anna, she was born nine and a half weeks early. So normally that's time she's still in her mother's womb, you know, having that bond. And all of a sudden, we're watching all these, we're in a unit with premature infants. Yeah. One of the things the nurses kept telling us was it was so important to have a physical presence. We couldn't hold her because she had these wires and tubes, but just to rub her body and just to talk to her.

That's it. So we were there at every, like we had four visiting hours a day, including one was one o'clock in the morning. They had these weird, but we were there for everyone. I mean, like, because, and then there was always a nurse there. So the idea was. Less than two pounds, right? Yeah, one pound and 15 ounces. But their thing was her survival rate was going to be much higher the more time we were there to spend with her and have that attachment.

So it came probably from that same research, but they understood that. And there was a nurse typically for every child that was in there. We did notice that some of the kids that didn't make it, and there were several. Usually we didn't see anybody there with that child. And the nurses were trying their best. But then we'd come in three days later and the bed's empty. And there's just kind of a, you know, just a Paul that goes over you because you realize that that may not have been just the reason.

It could have been physical. But we know that that mattered. Alan, I think so for years when Jesus has asked what the greatest commandment is, and he says, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. I've been a Christian for almost 19 years, but for probably 16, maybe 15.

I've read those verses through the lens of devotion. And my interpretation has always been, Jesus is saying, give your entire life and devotion to God and give him everything you have and give everything you can to others. But about two or three years ago, I began understanding those verses

through the lens of connection. And what we now know is that connection has the ability to improve, mental health and overall health in life, then all other domains of life combined. And so Christians, I think, really have connection cornered because the core feature of connection is love. And love is the central theme of the scriptures. Love is God's core attribute, First John 4-8. loves the most distinguishable feature of a disciple, John 13, 34, 34, or above the body is leaving

sacrifices, holy. Absolutely. Which is your spiritual act of worship? Phil, it's exactly right. I also think, what is it that covers a multitude of sins? It's love, 1, Peter, 4, 8. One point I wanted to say, just to prove your point. Hang on, Jess, let's take our last point.

To prove your point is right, you know, one of the great benefits I get from being friends with Trent is I get free counseling. And, you know, my daughter, when she had gone through so much with all the surgeries and on, and so when she got to be, and she handled it way better. Yeah. Than all of us. But when she got to be a teenager, all of a sudden, you know, we were having trouble. And I couldn't, she was just disassociated.

She seemed depressed. And, you know, we all go through puberty. And, you know, so I just kept thinking it's that, but I was trying everything under the sun to connect with her. Nothing was working. So I called Trent. And Trent, in the moment, I thought, this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard, but I didn't say that. But he's like, we ever thought about. He says that for most of the things I tell him.

Well, it just seems so. He's like, we ever thought about her having a counselor or talking to somebody about, and you gave an illustration. It's a lot like what she's gone through, so much isolation, so much recovery because of so many surgeries. Yeah. that all those times of loneliness and all is very difficult on them. And it's almost like a soldier having a post-traumatic war syndrome. That's right. Because of the trauma that she's been through. And even though I thought that's not it, I followed his, because I was willing to try anything.

So we had a weekend session. And I'll have to say, you know, I don't know exactly what was said during there, but, but it did. work through all that pain and suffering that she didn't go through in isolation. Yeah. That the lost connection where you have to take six months off of school while all your friends at school, you're sitting there by yourself. And even though the illusion was given to us that she's handling it well. Of course.

That's very difficult for a kid year in and you're out to be beaten, butchered, and suffer and to be alone. And so just the connection that came from that conversation gave her. her heart a place to welcome Jesus in that moment and find her comfort in him. And look, she's literally flourished ever since after one weekend. And so thanks for the advice. And you were right, but I think you have to sometimes realize that looking back to the old self, because that classifies as that, helped her realize, okay, that was tough, you know.

And I should have been a little more vocal about, you know, all of that going. on and whatever the conversation was it was just like that's it i'm moving on i'm going to do this for the lord and it wasn't too long after that where she started using what happened to her because she saw a need wow for other kids to say i need this needs to be my ministry you know and that's when she took over her own charity and now you know runs that helping other people so i mean it's it's it really the spirit of the lord did it but it was helpful to have that connect in that counseling moment for all of us to be on the same page. And I think to keep that humility in us that we know we'll always need that.

I mean, Tren has tremendous expertise of what he's learned, but also what God has done in his life. But I remember, and I don't think I've ever shared this, Trim, but you and Kirsten one time were going through something. And you got to an impasse with each other. And so here you are. You a counselor. You probably knew all the right things to say and do, but you wanted both of you to be on the same page. and so you called me and ask if Lisa and I would sit down with you guys. That's exactly right.

And we did. And we talked through where you guys were and we prayed about it. And it was a great, you bet. You know, counseling guide for you. So even a counselor still needs counsel. We're all human beings. And I love that humility about you, too. Because you were our leader, but at the same time, we were helping lead you.

Man, you know, and that's one of the things I love so much about White's Free Road and the elders at White's Free Road, which, as you know, Alan, I still consider the white sphere old elders, my elders and mentors, you know, and shepherds. And it's like, I've kind of lived in two different sort of stratospheres, you know. I've been the just worst of the worst kind of an individual. And, you know, now I'm in a lot of different leadership contexts. But my need for connection with Christ and my need for connection to other people who are Christians has remained the same, you know, through that whole time period. And so Kirsten and I've been in. a lot of counseling over the years. Anybody married to a guy like me has to be in lots of counseling.

You know, she's wonderful. But Alan, you're in Lisa's guidance, the guidance of our other elders, you know, at Whitesbury Road and friendship with guys like Jace, you know, has really been the difference that's made the difference, you know, for me. I'll just go back to what I said earlier. I am not smarter than other people. I'm not a harder worker. I don't have, you know, gifts that are out of the ordinary.

because of the misery in my life, I've really come to terms with the fact that I have got to do life Jesus's way. Yeah. And I've got to have his people surrounding me. And that's really what has given me the life, you know, that I've said this Sunday when I was preaching on Luke 15, when I got to the end of the text, is that I've seen myself in all three of the people in the story. I was the young son that blew it. did. But I've also been the older brother because I've looked judgmentally on others and not been willing to forgive. But also as I've gotten older and maturity in Christ, I've had glimpses where I looked at people like the father looked at both of those sons in the story. And I think

we could all say we've probably shared some time in the three characters. And we want to be more like the dad. Which kind of brings us to what's going to happen. So, you know, the elders that you were bragging on got when that you were coming. And so the next thing, you know, They're like, well, we have a opening for a preacher Sunday. By the way, three years later, I'm still temporarily filling in for you, Trent. That's right. But I left this gaping hole here at our church. I was going to say, so you're going to preach on Luke 16 because I want to, you know,

encourage people to listen. But Al, in our overtime of the last podcast, Trent gave three A's that I had to give redneck interpretations because he, like Zach uses big words. So we had some cricket moments, Zach. But they were attachment, which was the connecting to God and other people, the acknowledgement. There's a time, you know, going from the old self to the new self, these things have to. By the way, in my opinion, it's worth subscribing to Blaze to get that point. It was so good out of Luke 3.

And then we had an actual, what was the last one, actualization, which I had no idea what that meant. But we obviously, what did we settle on, saying what that was. Maybe something living in truth. living in where you realize, I guess, the benefits of you use John 1 as your text that Jesus is the life, in him was life and that life was the light of the world. Yeah, and you're a servant to that. But Al, you had an aha three, I don't know if you remember one at the top of your name. I do.

But I thought when Trent was sharing that, his story, it sounded just like Luke 15. And you got to remember, you're at the table, been telling that story in 50. Bill talking about the blind. You're at that table that Jesus was eating with those tax collectors and sinners. He's eating with you. That caused him to tell those three stories. Because the religious people that day thought, well, why would you be with that bunch of losers? But you had that aha.

So the aha was when he's in the pig pen and it said he came to his senses. This is from Kyle Adam. By the way, that's awareness. Now he's realizing where he's at. Then he says, I've sinned against God and against heaven. That was his humility, because now he realizes who he's actually sinned against. Then it said he got up and he went to his father. That's action.

So that the aha moment is an awareness, a humility, and action. Absolutely. And that was your story. I thought those were similar. So with that, you're ready to do your sermon on Luke 16. I was trying to help here. For sure. So since we're almost out of time,

I guess in overtime, I do want to hear a preview since I will not be here. I have to, but of course, by the time this releases, it will be available for people to go watch, which is WFRchurch.org is where Trent Sermon is going to be. But I'm going to get it in the overtime segment to give us a preview of what he's going to be preaching about because you're actually picking up where I left off in Luke 16, which is a very powerful text. So, Trent, man, what a blessing to have you here with us, to be with us this week, your family, is so well loved here. And you came back last summer

and preached her the first time, and it was great because it was like a homecoming. So it's going to be fun for the folks to get to experience that again. But just thank you for all you do, brother. Love you guys so much. Thank you so much for having me. All right.

So we're going to go to overtime. We'll hear a little bit more with Trent. Glazedtv.com slash unashamed. Thanks for listening to the Unashamed podcast. Help us out by rating us on iTunes. And don't miss an episode by subscribing on YouTube, and be sure to click that little bell to get notified about new episodes. And for even more content that you won't get anywhere else,

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