Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #001 - Welcome to The Check In!

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

We're back! After a few years off Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are back together for The Check In! The Check In will be a weekly podcast where Joey and Lee chat about life, sports, comedy and more. In this... episode we talk about everything from how Joey wanted to be just a junkie and a comedian, what Joey would do if he saw a mouse in house, and our picks for week 1 of the 2023 NFL season. We are so happy to be back, thank you for Checking In!   This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Use code JOEY to get 20% off and free shipping at Manscaped.com DraftKings - New customers bet $5 on any NFL team and score $200 in bonus bets. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use code JOEY

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's Tuesday September the 5th. This show is brought to you by Manscape. Don't lie, you've probably been using Manscape ball shaver on your face. That's okay. I do it too. So now it's time to pick up the Beard Adget. It's a cordless trimmer that gives you 20 different hair cutting lengths. All with one guard, no more messy drawers, full of extra add-ons. Listen, I used the beard head, Adjit. I trimmed my armpits with it. It's fucking tremendous.
Starting point is 00:00:30 This baby has a long lasting battery and a strong motor that will get you the look that you are. If you're a clean shaving kind of guy, the handyman is your ticket to a smooth, stubble-free look. Whether you got a five o'clock shadow or you're working on a wizard being, man'scape has the tools for you. Right now, get 20% off and free shipping with code Joey at man'scape.com. Again, 20% off and free shipping at man'scape.com. Use code Joey, hit the refresh button with man'sate.com use code Joey hit the refresh button with manskate What's up beautiful. What's up buddy. It's good to see you. Thank you for calling.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Absolutely always. We always chat. One night every night we chat for like an hour 20 minutes We talk about comedy the bets that Lee lost shit like that So we're just gonna get together now once a week and do a church zoom and It's gonna be based on just current events and sports since you guys know We're just two fat bombs that don't know about nothing about nothing But we're gonna give you the best picks of the year you understand me and of course you zero. I Love September 5th the summer's over. You can't dress on white no more and Christmas is straight ahead and if you're in debt, I don't know what to tell you. You know what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:02:23 It's a day. It's over Jack. So let's open up the church. When you usually go to church, they give you communion like in the middle. You know, they warm you up. They gotta kiss your neck, not tonight. We're going in with the Tom Saguira capsules, 200 milligram ABX.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Don't be showing up with a 50 that way. You gave it to me. Look at you gave me this crazy jar. And there's you put a little nugget weed in there. Just a tiny little one. These are all these are my favorite. Me too. What's happening brother? I'm thrilled. I'm so happy to be back.
Starting point is 00:03:03 I know you're excited about your comedy career. I want to congratulate you. I don't know the word. I've been doing a lot of people don't know that while you were sitting in that room, conning everybody, you would take in notes from the best from Ralphie May, to Theo Vaughan, to Tom Saguar,
Starting point is 00:03:19 to Rogan. Look at this. You fooled us all, cock-suck. I just absorb it. I always loved stand up. And then I took a, like I basically quit. I thought in my head that like the whatever, like the cool things I got to do with you, like doing, like I know you know, but like the what I've seen of the way headliners
Starting point is 00:03:41 have treated me is something like I hope I can do, but that show that you Steve and I did at the Wilbur, I don't know what it was, 2018, something like that, 2019, whatever it was, I thought, and it still could be, I thought it was the pinnacle of my short comedy career. And when we came back, I was like, you know, fuck it. I did what I'm gonna do. It's fun, I'm never gonna did what I'm gonna do. It's fun.
Starting point is 00:04:05 I'm never gonna be like a working standup. I thought it was a fucking crazy idea. And I didn't do it for like a year and a half. I had a retirement show, which is fucking, it was stupid. And then one day my mom called me and she was like, listen, I think you're a little bit depressed because my mom and my mom doesn't, she would have never thought I'd be doing stand-up
Starting point is 00:04:29 but she was like, listen, you've been a little bit, basically to use your words to bots. Like I've been, I was just a little bit not into it and I started up and then I came to see you with Asena and we went to Comedy Club in Jersey and as you always do, just surprise me that I was going up and I f**king bombed and I freaked out. But I was just, I was back and I've been back,
Starting point is 00:04:52 like really back for a year and a half. And I, I mean, Mike, are you doing a week now? I try to do six to seven. I can double up, I can double up Wednesdays and I can double up Maybe Thursday sometimes I've been really lucky Josh Wolf has been like my savior He's been so cool to me him and Jake. We've gone on the road There's a couple clubs around here. There's one in Chikapee that I've been doing a bunch. It's been great.
Starting point is 00:05:26 There's a club up in Saratoga, New York that has been really cool to me. It's really cool. I don't know if the word community is right, but like people, it's just nice the way comics help each other out. You hear a lot of stuff on podcasts of like comics being shitty to each other. What you don You hear a lot of stuff on podcasts of like comics being shitty to each other. Well, you don't hear a lot of his like comics are actually pretty fucking cool
Starting point is 00:05:49 to each other. Like our buddy Augustino just got me a weekend in Plano, Texas. So I just did that last weekend. I've been doing a lot, man. It's been because I you know, I heard you for years talk about like the steps you take, and when I started, I was just doing open mics, and then I would get a little by little, and the past couple of months, I've been busy, I've been like one or two weekends a month pretty much. And I'm trying.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Most is that you're doing dive bars during the week. Oh yeah. You know, people who are weed up front, you walk in there, like, what the fuck is going on with my life? But then on the weekends, you have a chance to go up in front of real audiences with Josh Wolf.
Starting point is 00:06:35 And that'll, you know, when I was at your level, three, four years, I was still in Denver, and I would just do, you know, Mexican rooms with Jimmy of Beta, and would just do, you know, Mexican rooms with Jimmy Abeda. And I would do, you know, anything I can do to 25 bucks. And then on the weekend, I would get get sets at the clubs. It would be the George McKelvie's comedy club or sometimes that go to comedy works. No, not the comedy works, the place in Colorado Springs, they gave me five minutes.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Right. I would do like in a month. How many club spots would you have back then, do you think? Would it be every weekend? I wasn't a clubber when I was in Denver. I was an open-micro. And then I was doing like, which son wouldn't hire me? Because I started there. I was a door man there. wouldn't hire me? Because I started there.
Starting point is 00:07:26 I was a door man there. They would give me any love. And then you had the comedy club that belonged to George McElvy. He put me up, he gave me guest spots. And the comedy works would have a tremendous headliner in the weekend, so there was nothing. That was Denver, okay. When I moved to Seattle,
Starting point is 00:07:48 my whole game changed. I went up from, you know, yeah, I still did a couple of one-nighters. I did bases, army bases, but three or four nights, I was at the comedy underground, which at the time was an A-minus room, but, you know, there were people going through there, Louis CK, Mark Marin at the time was an A-screen, but there were people going through there, Louis CK, Mark Marin at the time, there was a lot of guys that you see today, the thriving that went through there and that's where I met them. That's crazy. Like it's, do you remember,
Starting point is 00:08:19 because all I think about right now, like it is, it's just, although all the only work I can use to describe it is like want. Like I just have such a desire to be on the road every weekend and I look at these things and it's just like, I don't know how it's like a magnet that I feel like it's pulling me but I'm not anywhere close to it. I don't know how to describe it.
Starting point is 00:08:41 I was dead and it's an addiction. Yeah. It really is. Like you get so, you know, listen, man, to get anywhere in comedy, you have to be married to it. You know, it was pretty funny. I was watching winning time with the Lakers last week and he got offered, Magic got off at 25 million for 25 years and he was talking to the girl cookie that he ended up marrying. And he's like, listen, man, I'm married to the fucking Lakers. And if I'm married to the Lakers, anybody wants to be with me, has to be married to the Lakers. And I got to be honest with you, that's what happens. You are married to... After three or four
Starting point is 00:09:20 years, you get married to it. And I look back at my career now, and I think about, there was a girl who hit me up about a year and a half ago one night, hadn't spoken to her in a long time. She got my number from a friend of mine in Boulder. And she was saying that she was thinking about me that I was always sweet when I was with her, but she could always tell I was a boyfriend material. And she goes, it was a shame, because I really like you.
Starting point is 00:09:46 And we spoke for a little while, you know, like I said, I was married to comedy at that time. I was in such a hole in my personal life that stand up was all I had. And whether it was a bombing or a good set, here's the, it's better than sitting on your couch. Whether I bombed, or had a good set, it was way better to stay in home.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Plus, I got a better chance of getting cocaine if I went out. Ain't no cocaine in your kitchen, you know what I'm saying? It's not gonna fly you under the pot. So. And the thing that like, the way I feel now, it's not that like, I don't wanna spend time with my girlfriends. I like that you didn't want, I like that you I feel now, it's not that like I don't want to spend time with my girlfriends.
Starting point is 00:10:25 I like that you didn't want, I like you hated your girlfriends, but it's just, there's not even for five minutes. Like that's it. And I don't know about you, because like for you, you're like, you're a calm person when you hang out, but like, you know, you're like an extra, extravert in a way, like kind of 50, 50. I'm a full on introvert, but there's something about me when I get on the stage.
Starting point is 00:10:49 I'm not yelling. I don't have like the stage presence wherever that you do, but I don't have the second thoughts or like the doubt that I have in real life. I don't know what it is. I don't, it doesn't, and I'll say, say, there was a girl in Plano who just had her tits out and everything front row. And I would have never even looked at her in real life. But I made a joke about tits.
Starting point is 00:11:12 And I said, not as good as yours. And like, it was good. They loved it. But I would have never said that to her in normal day life. But there's something about that. I feel getting on stage that for some reason reason I can say it. You know, you, it becomes an alter ego. You know, it's crazy how my alter ego was me in real life. But when I went on stage, believe it or not, the alter ego I had on stage wouldn't say the shit that I would say in real life. Wow. You know, so you mean you talked about it.
Starting point is 00:11:49 My alter ego, I wouldn't talk about abortion, and I wouldn't talk about fucking not see you and Jews. That was never gonna be coming out of my mouth. So for people who say they have all this freedom with stand up, I still had personal beliefs that I didn't wanna talk about on state and those were the two of them. And you build around it, you know?
Starting point is 00:12:09 It's so weird that the journey that is standup comedy, whether you're doing improv, whether you're a writer, it's, you need to get beat up a little bit to realize your real value. And it could take a long time, or it could take a short time. It's really up to you what you wanna do with this. And that's anything in life.
Starting point is 00:12:35 That's anything, you know? So, if I wanted to be a junkie and I wanted to do comedy, I didn't want real life, I didn't wanna be responsible. I had a PO boxO. box and a pager. What does that tell you about somebody? I don't want nobody bothering me. I'm going to miss you sitting here. You know, and I was doing triple runs and all these things, but looking back at it now. Yeah, I was married to it. Do you regret it? Yes and no. What parts do you regret it? Yes and no.
Starting point is 00:13:09 What parts do you regret? I regret that I forgot what a life was like. That's why people in shock right now, like you're not doing stand up because after the pandemic, I remembered what life was like. I never had a fucking life, guys. I haven't had a life since 1979. All right, and that's a truth. That's the honest to God truth,
Starting point is 00:13:33 that I haven't had a home, you know, so, it's just really weird how things fucking just work themselves out. I didn't have a home. So for the first time after the pandemic, I came here and I was like, I enjoy watching TV with it. I enjoyed doing all these things this afternoon tonight. We're going to go through the equalizer. Her and I. Oh, it's out already. Oh, yeah. It is. Oh, fuck yeah. I can go see it. So, you know, she's 10, but she likes man on fire and this
Starting point is 00:14:07 Equalizer whatever it's fucking called reunite her and him. Oh She's in it. Yeah, that little girl's in a Yeah, no Mexicans this time just straight up blonde and fucking Then I think Ben Zell is killing Russians in this time, You know, he ain't going after Mexicans, that God. The Mexicans have had it hard enough. Oh, that's so cool. Like, yeah, you, that's what it's been really cool. Like we, we went like, I don't know, maybe a year
Starting point is 00:14:36 without seeing each other and then I come down, I'll come down like every 60 to 90 days. What you and Mercy have is very, very cool. Listen, man, I had a chance at being a dad. I blew it and I didn't wanna blow this one. This meant more to me than anything in the world. So, you know, listen, she's already starting, she's gonna be 11 in January.
Starting point is 00:14:58 She's already got girlfriends coming over and you know, to the head, took a lunch, she had a white skirt on with a green blouse, you know, I thought she was gonna play fucking tennis but she was going to the US open, I'm shit. And the truth of the matter is she's getting old and still hang together,
Starting point is 00:15:16 but in time she's gonna be a part. How forced to do little things? You know, I drive at a MMA, I drive it a few things, you know, tomorrow I gotta go for a clotheshop and would have, you know, I take it a few things. You know, tomorrow I got to go to a closed shop and would have, you know, I take it a couple different stores and my wife takes it to the more personal stuff. I'm enjoying it. Do I miss anything?
Starting point is 00:15:35 Not at all. I do not miss being involved in a strike, which we'll get to. Because I'm sure a lot of people want to see what our views on on the strike, which we'll get to. Because I'm sure a lot of people want to see what our views on on the strike. And to no bail, shit in LA, like, I'm very happy down here. I don't go up North a lot. I don't go up to the city at all, basically, you know. I have a life down here.
Starting point is 00:16:02 My job is a podcast now. I'm going to start rewriting a book. I'm going to start writing a book on comedy on the journey on the psychology of it, you know. When you see a picture, it's a picture, but then you go see Roger Clemmons' pitch live. And it wasn't that his pitching was so good as his psychology of a game. And I think he would fucking terrorize batters with intimidation. His body language, he never smiled on the mound. It was all a psychological attack on the batter. After he would throw the ball,
Starting point is 00:16:45 he would walk towards the batter, to try to fuck with him. And while he walked back, he would keep his eye on the batter. It was mental warfare. Anything that got in their heads? You back your fucking ass, he didn't win the side young award,
Starting point is 00:17:01 because you know, and this, I've watched how people have used a certain, it's not psychology. I've watched how people have stuck, stuck to a code and they flourish that way. IE Led Zeppelin, his manager did something that nobody ever did before. He would get paid up front for the shows. He wouldn't let them be do any TV shows, no fucking midnight special, none of that stuff. He had a code.
Starting point is 00:17:37 He had a certain code. And would stand up, it's not even a code. It's just, it would be good for the open micr to understand these things about standup. You know, and I don't want to get into them right now, you know, but uh, what do you think about this fucking strike? Because people, people hit me up every day and and they ask what the strike is about, blah blah blah, and I'd be honest with you. It's about fucking dope, right? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Somebody don't like, somebody's dough is in somebody else's fucking pocket. I mean, it's going on whatever, four months for the writer's strike and two for the fucking after strike, maybe yeah, two, two months. And I got to be honest with you. And I know I'm going to get a lot of backlash for this and people going to bust my balls. I'm really concerned about the little businesses. We lived in Burbank.
Starting point is 00:18:31 We lived close to Burbank. We were quite a fucking month. And even if I live here, I've still became connected to that area. And especially in Burbank, I think about tacos, 1776, that's when that people were going to eat all day from the studios. I think about that dry cleaner that's open 24 hours. Who takes clothes to a dry cleaner at three in the morning, a coke-fiend and actors, you know, like a studio, you know, for the next day to prepare. I like that place. They'd Oreos were free.
Starting point is 00:19:04 They what? They had Oreos were free. Day what? They had Oreos for free. That store. I used to go in there and just steal an Oreo. Jesus Christ, we who steals a fucking Oreo? You have to have some decent see at some point. But that's who I think about.
Starting point is 00:19:19 You know, listen, again, I'm going to get some backlash for this or somebody will be mad at me for saying this but I've seen some of those writers on Facebook and I know a writer and a lot of them are hurting but a lot of them have trust funds or they're like everybody else in Hollywood they're living off credit cards and they figured out a way to do it. So my concern is that those small businesses, I mean they just recovered from f**king COVID. They just start making a profit from f**king, you know. So that's who I think about, the little people, the above, the below the line people. You know, I'm always very honest on podcast. I saw something that disturbed me in the beginning.
Starting point is 00:20:11 They said the average SAG act that makes 65,000 a year. I lived in that life for 23 years. I've been a member of the union for a little more than that. And I gotta be honest with you guys, I only made over 60,000 three years. Right. The rest of the years, I was at 20,000, 30,000, and I had to book a commercial for that, you know. Just to give the people at home an example, when I got to Hollywood, a guest star was anywhere
Starting point is 00:20:39 from 20 to 25 Gs a week. Now a guest star is seven fucking thousand. You know, so nobody who is and listen, COVID banged out the budget, you know, let me tell you what happened with COVID. They had to have a budget for COVID, but COVID's gone now, and then still singing the COVID budget. So somebody's taken this fucking money, okay? And I've done, you know, I paid my dues. I did a lot of $100 a day movies. And, you know, you have to pay for your own dry cleaning. I mean, one question comes to mind. Like, I want you guys to notice. I had a pay for my own plane to get,
Starting point is 00:21:15 to do a Dinero Stallone movie. Now, at the time I was under the ether and I really wanted to do the role. And I had three points and shit. You know, I got like a free dick out of it. And they put me up in the hotel because I had a Houston address, you know. But think about that. I did a heavy million dollar budget and I had a pay for my own mother fucking plane ticket.
Starting point is 00:21:42 You know, again, I'm not crying, but think about that. Well, I think the $60,000 thing is skewed because of like, we'll Smith make in $20 million a movie. So like, that's how they came back and they spoke about how actors barely make insurance. You know, during the pandemic, the screen actors guild decided to pull away residuals from counting towards your insurance. That kills a guy like me. Right. What percentage?
Starting point is 00:22:11 After like 20 years, what percentage of your income was residuals, do you think? Right now, listen, I shot one movie this year in an episode of Law and Order. I don't want to divulge what I got for the movie, and I don't want to divulge what I got for the movie and I don't put the voyage, but I got for law and order. But I'm not driving them to say these bends. You know what I'm saying? So I'm still being crazy. We were like a motherfucking free old. So, dude, you could win the lottery and still be eating crispy pizza. Yeah, no, but you know what I'm saying. I'm a personal chef, nothing like that. And like this year, I got insurance this year.
Starting point is 00:22:49 I lucked out because I shot a film in June. So I got insurance and now they extended it for three months for the strike. So that means I get insurance now till fucking San Ginero day. I still wait now, residuals from law and order. Hopefully I'll get some residuals from this movie. I don't have to tell you that my longest chart is on every night, guys.
Starting point is 00:23:12 I'll always be telling you because the longest chart is on every night. And my residuals big every once in a while, but guess what, bitches, you'll see it this week on CBS at 8 o'clock. And that's a nice, just a fungal Joey. Okay. Switch to the channel if you know what's on. What's that? You switched to the channel if you know what's on just so like the viewership goes up. How would do that? No, no, no, no, no, I don't. Listen, if I call I saw that movie when it came out and then I didn't watch it again for years. And when it would come on TV, I would put it on for like a second.
Starting point is 00:23:47 And it wasn't until about three years ago that I rewatched it. And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. You know, it's going to be the 25 year anniversary or the 20 year anniversary is in two years. But next year is the 20th year that we shot the movie. That was 20 fucking years ago, and they still play the fucking movie every goddamn fucking night. So I'm really happy about that, and I hope that the strike doesn't break the union. You know, the writers, the WNP, whatever the fuck it is, made a statement that they were gonna break the writers, they were gonna make themselves their homes and shit.
Starting point is 00:24:30 That's a cold blooded fucking statement. Yeah. That's like, the way I look at it and I was never part of a union, but before I met you, I moved to LA to be an editor. I got to work on some pretty cool reality shows, but I also interviewed for a lot of shitty, and I worked for a couple of shitty ones. And they would hit you up, and it's non-union.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Like there's one, fuck them. There's one that you watch poker on ESPN. I won't say the name of the show. It's a big show. You see it all over all the time. They wanted to pay 900 a week, which is not just for a reference. Back, this was 15 years ago, I was already making 1200 a week and for a union, you're making
Starting point is 00:25:12 two grand a week, but they do that because you don't work all the time. You have to take months off. And the thing that bugged me was there's always going to be people who just because they're oh shit. It's that time bitches. I wish I had some but there's always gonna be people who take jobs that are too low-paying and I feel bad for like the restaurant people too but I also I feel bad for the people who are moving to LA and like I'm not that I don't care about like the Will Smiths and Tom Cruise, but they're gonna be fine.
Starting point is 00:25:47 This is for the people who are making 10 grand a year. Like that's what I think it's for. And I think I don't like how the studios and the production companies all they care about. And I get it, they're a business. They got to make whatever they got to make. But they're not honest about it. They make it seem like they don't have it. They have it. It's like, they have the money. It's, they just don't want, they want their profits to be whatever they want. So I definitely, I don't love it.
Starting point is 00:26:20 I'm happy that for like podcasters and for other people that maybe they can grow during this time, but no, I don't. I the way that like corporations are trying to fuck with us, I don't like it all. I've said that a thousand times. We're living in a time that this is unacceptable as Americans. This is unacceptable. One thing, but you know what? Who gives a Frenchman's fuck? Thursday night is the Kansas City Chiefs
Starting point is 00:26:56 against the Detroit Pistons. I'll get the Detroit Lions. Let me tell you, it's a good game. And I know you guys are going to look at me and go, you're such a fucking hypocrite. No, again, when Lee and I used to do the podcast and Lee would tell me, watch football on Sunday that and then he'd go, you know, we might be,
Starting point is 00:27:15 shut the fuck up, Lee. You're not a part of the Miami, you're not part of the fucking New England. Yes, I am, look. Stop it. So, you know, I used to say, you watch, because the dirty fucking years, I didn't watch football.
Starting point is 00:27:30 I would watch a game here, a game there, you know, I wouldn't watch football. I was in the hotel room right in fucking jokes. And I knew if I watched football, I wouldn't write no fucking jokes. I moved here three years ago. Once I moved into the house, Jimmy Florentine invites me to his house on a Sunday football and I was blown the fuck away by the two TVs, the food, the fucking shit that comes out of that
Starting point is 00:27:59 mouth. I didn't think they had guys like that anymore. He's got two guys, the Jewish guy and my other buddy who goes over there, they fucking these guys go off on everything. The announces, the cheerleaders, everybody burns in hell with these fucking savages. And I just started watching football again on Sunday, not 10 hours work. I'll do something on Sunday with the family and then I'll go to Jimmy's that half time in Miami-Dolphin game, watch the Miami-Dolphin
Starting point is 00:28:28 because they're in Miami-Dolphin family, the Florentine crime family. I watch the beginning of another game, then I come home. And then maybe if the seven o'clock game is interesting, I'll put that on it tonight. But it's not like I've been watching 10 hours a day, I don't have the NFL package,
Starting point is 00:28:44 even though I'm thinking of getting it this year. Ah, I love it. I've gotten into baseball again. You know, I love it. That's the one that's hard for me. I like basketball again. I paid attention to basketball. I started playing attention.
Starting point is 00:28:58 So I don't know what the future brings. You know what I'm saying? I'm just knowing I'm having a good time raising a fucking child. And I put my bets in from time to time with the mother fucking best draft kings. So now for a word from our sponsors. Yo football season is back and draft king sports book. The official sports betting partner, the NFL is here with a tremendous new offer. They've done it again. New customers bet $5 on any pro football team and scored 200 and bonus bets instantly. That's right.
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Starting point is 00:30:21 Bonus bets expire seven days after the edge of eligibility and deposit restrictions apply. Download the Draft King Sports Book at Use Code Joey. All right, we're back, you savages, overheard shit chatting about the usual shit. Now we gotta talk about who you like this weekend, Lee. I know you've looked, first of all, Lee calls me this morning, he goes,
Starting point is 00:30:44 so we do a segment, who, who's going to win the Superboy? You're going to have a hard time picking fucking Thursday, right? Why worry about the Superbowl? You know, fucking Henry Houdini. So knock it out. You know, but now I agree with Lee, maybe we should make a Superbowl prediction. Yeah, I imagine magic screen here. There's a lot of... Actually, draftings I look today.
Starting point is 00:31:08 It's on your fucking phone. Okay, you can look at the odds to see at any time. The other thing I would like about draft kings, if you're sucking a baseball football, voila! Hit the fucking casino. Me with this draft king's fucking casino, I love the fucking thing. But anyway, it's so jealous. Oh They need they need to get it in Massachusetts.
Starting point is 00:31:30 They still don't have it in Massachusetts. I have draft Kings, but I can't do the casino. All right. Here you go. Add plus 200. Any teams are to wait. Hold you. to wait. Told you. 2024 Super Bowl. So boom. Come on, give it to me, Cox. Where is it? All right. They got a bunch. You got the Kansas City chiefs. Jesus Christ. They got the chiefs are plus 600. The Eagles are plus 650. They got the bills at plus 900. And they, you know what? I like the bang, like the bangles, and this is where, like I get greedy.
Starting point is 00:32:13 Like this is why I always lose bets is because I love boost like that. Because they have the bangles at plus 1100 right now, and if you put it the bonus, they'll be plus 1300. Like that one. The top 10 teams, Kansas City cheese Buffalo Bill Cincinnati Bengals, the Jets Detroit, Philly, San Francisco, Dallas, Baltimore, and the Miami dolphins. Who do you see taking the soup bowl this year, Tarzan? You think Kansas City could do it again.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Do you think this is the year that savage over at Cincinnati? I'm leaning towards Cincinnati or Philadelphia. What's that brother? I don't think Baltimore, I like Baltimore. Baltimore's always fucked with us, the Patriots, but I like Philly or Cincinnati. I don't like Philly was so close last year. I like Philly a lot.
Starting point is 00:33:07 It pisses me off because they beat the Patriots and the Super Bowl. I like, I really like Joe Borough. I was gonna ask you that. You used to call me when Tom Brady was on the Patriots and be like, that's like, what do you, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,
Starting point is 00:33:20 you love Tom Brady almost as much as I did. But like, now, now, is there a quarterback that you like now? I like the kid from Cincinnati. You know, you know, you got to love the guy from right now. If you bet the Detroit Tigers, mine's only five bucks. You would $575, okay. Yeah. What were you saying, my brother? Look, look, Philadelphia Eagles has a great quarterback, but he's been very busy during the offseason Like he's doing commercials and you know his you know everything went up a little bit and sometimes those guys lose a little bit of focus So I still love Philadelphia don't get me wrong if anybody could fucking steamroll this league It's Philadelphia you understand me
Starting point is 00:34:02 If anybody could fucking steamroll this league, it's Philadelphia. You understand me? Kansas City, they always show up one way or another. Buffalo, I don't know. I love Buffalo, but I think they had a bad break last season. I think they had good momentum. So yeah, you were saying that the Philadelphia, you love Philadelphia.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Love Philadelphia. I love Philadelphia, but you know, he got a lot of publicity this year. I saw him last week during the Philly, whatever preseason game. He had the earrings on, you know, he looks like he's been using man's cape on his face. And I love the guy, but I'm looking at that also there's a lot of things you could look at right now. How do you like what do you think about the Lions because that and it's hard for me to do the Lions and tough the Lions showed a lot that's why I pushed the Lions because if you got a bet 25 hours and win 575 the Lions would be that bad. If you bet Kansas City right now and you bet $25, you get $77 or something.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Hold on, you got $177. What my fucking glass is, goddamn it. Anyway, we're back here. If I bet 25 bucks on Kansas City Chiefs, I go for 175. If I bet, look at this bed here. 25 hours on Miami dolphins. I get 650. The Miami dolphins, if two of stays healthy They've got a tremendous
Starting point is 00:35:48 offensive fucking juggernaut and They could be somewhere, but two is I Like them the kids got fucking heart. He got bounce those face head up two couple times last You know the the fucking protocols and all this shit And the old days they put that motherfucker back in. They give him a little fucking smelling salt. You get like Sally's panties and put on, there was nose. And it comes right out of it. And boom, we're back like fucking herpes.
Starting point is 00:36:16 That shit is strong to Josh Potter brings that on the road with him. He doesn't do like red bulls or stuff. He does smelling salt. That stuff is strong. But I like, I like golf like that. The quarterback for the lions. Like I just like like they like LA through them to the side. I like the coach of the lions. I don't know what it is. And it's hard for me. I can't root for another team. But I don't think the Patriots have a shot and hell. And we never know. Let's talk about the Patriots on that. They're going up against Philadelphia at home
Starting point is 00:36:48 and they retire in fucking Brady shirt. So you look at a game like that and you're like Philadelphia is gonna steam roller. Yeah, I think so. God knows if somebody puts a leprechaun up fucking Tom Brady's ass and goes out there and the England wins 44 to nothing. What's that gonna look like? That's why I'll stay away from that game. Right now the only game I'm thinking about for Sunday
Starting point is 00:37:10 early game is I like the Jaguars. I like the Jaguars. Who are they playing? They're minus five against the Indianapolis coasts. On Thursday night. I've gone with nobody yet. But let me put it to this way. Kansas City's playing at home. It's the season open at Thursday and Thursday night. You know, you're never seen a bookie with a fucking part time job. All right, I mean, it can't be that simple. They're given six and a half. What can you see? I don't know what the over and under is. For which one? For Kansas City Detroit on Thursday night.
Starting point is 00:37:38 This Thursday. 53 and a half right now. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. What can you see? I don't know what the over and under is for which one? For Kansas City Detroit on Thursday night, this Thursday. 53 and a half right now.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Okay, there you have it. So, you know, those games, those specialty games usually go, if on a regular day, I could see fucking, you know, Detroit scores some points. And I don't have to tell you what Kansas City could do. So 53 looks like a fucking fart in a cup, and they know big deal. But at the same time, I don't have to tell you what Kansas City can do. So 53 looks like a fucking fart in a cup, and they know big deal. But at the same time, I don't know who,
Starting point is 00:38:10 what if fucking Detroit comes out and puts on 26 points and they score three, and you got 39 for fucking total. So there's so many crazy things that can happen. I will not look at Thursday, till Thursday, this week, right now going into Sunday, I love fucking the Jaguars with my little blonde dude that can throw the ball. And you'll do the, you'll do the line. Yeah, in these five, five,
Starting point is 00:38:38 yeah, it's five. And then Monday night, you got a great game. Again, this is a sentimental game. You got 911 New York City, Aaron Rodgers starting into giant stadium against the football bills, you know, I mean, who could pick this one? So I see the owner is lower though. It's 46. Yes. That's why I like this for the over on this But right now I like the over let's see what happens over the weekend But that's who I would go with listen It's it I told you motherfuckers fears if you're gonna put some bets in it's like the crucifixion right Thursday and they put one nail in your fucking head Friday what you you think you're gonna win back some money so you back college basketball whatever they put one nail in your fucking head. Friday, you think you're gonna win back some money, so you're back
Starting point is 00:39:26 college basketball, whatever they put another nail in your coffin. So now you're hanging up at one nail and then come Saturday, you're fucking bad again. Now you got two nails in your hand. Then Sunday, you lose the first game. That's a nail in your foot. Afternoon game, that's the other foot. And then you lose the Sunday game. That's just a chisel to your fucking head. And now you better pray for fucking Barabas to get you out of a pinch for Monday night.
Starting point is 00:39:50 So you can win back if not. You got to pay that book on Thursday or in today's fan-dooled graph kings, all these casino things. They take it right out of you, which I appreciate these. Because I don't got to see no guy in a dining room Thursday. Right, my little $25 bett and I know where I stand. Now, I have a few questions.
Starting point is 00:40:13 Hit me. Would you, do you usually bet early season? Cause to me, like anyone who, I can't imagine betting preseason, but even like the first week. Right preseason, you got a monkey on your back. I can see you at one because I bet the fucking horse is something. All right, but first season, listen, Baltimore is given 10 point 12 points to Houston.
Starting point is 00:40:37 That's a lot of fucking good on paper. I could see Houston, you know, Baltimore beaten them by fucking 80 points, but 12 points on open and watch. I'm gonna bite my tongue. I guarantee fucking Baltimore beats them. I wouldn't do it the first week. Right. I wonder if like, unders are more popular, like at the beginning, not popular, but like,
Starting point is 00:40:58 if you see a lot of unders in the season, in the preseason, because like, or in the first couple of weeks. Probably my footballers listen, they're gonna kill you one way or another. It's like Blondie, you know what I'm saying? Blondie's gonna get you one way or another. So football's gonna get you one way or another. It's up to you how long you wanna get in there. You know, everybody talks about a bankroll
Starting point is 00:41:16 this and this, well now it's your ATM card, right? You put your ATM card there and you fucking, they bang you out. So you're not gonna go into big time that unless you steal grandma's ATM card Which I can see a lot of knuckleheads doing that shit, but You know this when I was a kid I didn't I fucked up with gambling so much I didn't do it again and then I went to work for a sports betting service and I sat behind the lines And I saw the mentality of it. And you start
Starting point is 00:41:46 to understand the gambler. And that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to become a gambler. But I don't mind putting 25 bucks in the game to make it more exciting. Like about draft, they have the fucking quick GSPs. The same game parlays. about draft and they have the fucking quick GSPs, the same game parlays. Yeah. All right. Those things are fucking tips because you can bet ten bucks on one of those things like right now. Like the, you know, one of the football ones I saw was check this out. They have, you can bet tonight they have what a fuck is it like the guy from Miami to Lee the Lee and scoring whatever his name is Malik I don't know Tyree Kills to Lee the Lee and receiving yards it's nine it's bett and plus 900 right you throw $10 on that, you throw
Starting point is 00:42:47 a 20 on that, you win 200 bucks. You bet. Crazy. If you throw a $10 bill on it, you win 100 bucks. For 10 bucks to watch it, kicking off with Kelsey. Travis Kelsey to score first touchdown plus 500, right? So like, but do you, how many bets will you put in and a week, like, what do you think is smart? Like, if you're just having fun, that's something different, but I think you're trying to actually win, do you do like one bet, two, what do you normally do? I go with what I like.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Okay, I go with what I like. If I wake up one morning and I'm like, I look at what I like. Okay, I go at what I like. If I wake up one morning and I'm like, I look at, for me, it starts with Yahoo. I click on the Yahoo and I see the matchups. You're the only person that still goes to Yahoo. You know me, I'm an old school motherfucker. I still got to happen. What do we get there here, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:43:41 Oh, God. And then we take it from there. And then if I see something that looks interesting, I'll see what time it's at and I'll see who's, who's pension, who's, who's, you know, and usually in baseball, you got to give a, or run in a half, but you start to know teams. Like this year, my biggest thing I had was Cincinnati. Cincinnati either loses outright or they're going to beat you by one run on a money line. They got to come from behind. They're very exciting to have a great time when they play
Starting point is 00:44:11 baseball. You don't see that much. I mean, they got beat up by fucking, they're on a West Coast trip. Now they got beat up by San Diego. I don't know where they're playing tonight. I have no fucking idea. But like today was a great day to gamble because you had four baseball games and it was beginning a college football. And draft Kings was giving you 50% profit boost for baseball. So you put 20 bucks on somebody you're collecting, you know, 58, at least I'm doubling my money. I'm not going to put $25 to win fucking 42. I'm not taking that sweat. I got to double it. Even if it's $62, I double it. You know, that's how to look at things. I'm not looking to become a millionaire. I'm just looking to have some fun. If I'm bored
Starting point is 00:44:56 one day, I look at the thing boom by beep and you fucking there you are. Like Johnny Bumble. It doesn't matter if I bet five or a hundred baseball gives me so much anxiety. Like if I bet baseball as much as I'm going to bet football, I would die of a heart attack. Because baseball takes so goddamn long that I can't, it gives me anxiety to watch it. I don't know how you bet that. But first of all, you know, I don't, it's not like I do it a lot. I don't have the baseball package.
Starting point is 00:45:30 So I can't really watch the game. So I can't watch the game. I can't really cheer for them, you know what I'm saying? Next year, I'll get, I'll watch the series and you can't listen baseball to kill you because it's every day, every day. So don't even think about it. If you look at something one day and it looks good to you,
Starting point is 00:45:48 for me, it was Baltimore this year, Tampa Bay. I mean, you bet the Yankees. It's like giving away money to charity. So you know, you can't figure the, finally they beat Detroit yesterday with Derek Colg, Derek Colg on the mound or whatever. Yeah, baseball's gonna suck you dry. It's like basketball.
Starting point is 00:46:10 It's every day, fucking, listen, you get me a guy with a turban who reads fucking minds. He's not gonna bust out fucking seven winners a week, okay? That's why when you see a psychic sign going there, fuck, put him, listen, give me that, put him on the track. They're all stumbled. They could tell you about a great nephew
Starting point is 00:46:27 that's looking for you in the spirit world. But you can't tell me the fucking winner, like, can't get a sack. Give me a break. All right, if you're a psychic, you throw it and you had me. Yeah, well, why has no one even, I've never even heard that.
Starting point is 00:46:38 Why is no psychic doing sports? Because it's, listen, Michael Jordan couldn't win and he played the game. Or it's leased to couldn't win and he played the game or it's leased to couldn't win and he played the game you had about five or six athletes that would legitimate fucking gamblers and listen come on who doesn't bet on themselves or teams that you know what they're about so if they can't beat it who the fuck are you to think well I got a system yeah your system is a fucking loan from grandma in about a year
Starting point is 00:47:08 when you're fucking selling drugs. Do you see that? Did you see that like that article? I'm Phil Nicholson bet like a billion dollars. I think he said it was bullshit, but I believe it. Yeah, these guys, listen, when you have that, I am not a degenerate, but I've seen the generic gamblers. And the one with the gender gambler I saw is my mother, the horses and baseball. That's the recipe for fucking depth right there, you know. So I don't like,
Starting point is 00:47:36 it's hard to say because she, like, just the idea of a phone, what a fuck drop. But like, what do you think? Like someone like that? Like being able to bet from your house without having to go anywhere? What would your mom have thought about that? Well, listen, it's not like I could go on the computer and just make the bet and tell them to pay him on Thursday. Right? We have to have them on. Okay, today's world is a little different.
Starting point is 00:48:01 I mean, you have people gambling. Look what New York made the first three months of gambling. It's unreal because people in gambling now that were never gambling before. Never, they started during the pandemic because they were born. Whether it was playing cards with a live dealer, you know, playing cards, whatever.
Starting point is 00:48:20 It's entertainment, guys. It's entertainment. Yeah, if you're a poker guy, you might make it to the finals, you know, I don't know how that works. I don't like cards. I don't know anything about cards. Every once in a while, go on,
Starting point is 00:48:35 Casino, Blackjack Casino, I play like 50 cents Blackjack. I get my ass kicked. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not holding. I'm not calling. I even tried to play the dice. The computer almost fucking blew up. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not holding, I'm not calling. I even tried to play the dice, the computer almost
Starting point is 00:48:45 fucking blew up. You know, I don't know much about it. I didn't grow up playing cards at dice. You know, I love to tell you that you're playing in the alley. That wasn't me. So, but yeah, it's just responsibly. It's like, rank it. It's like doing Coke.
Starting point is 00:49:01 You do Coke one night a week. You're like, you're not sat on fire. You jump up and down. When you do it six nights a week, it's gonna end bad. You know what I'm saying? Anything you do six nights a week is gonna fucking end bad. You can drink vodka every night. Oh, nobody will smell it. Well, but when do you start pissing blood? Then you'll smell it. Blood makes it alcohol. I know a couple of Russians that smell like that. Bloody vodka. You ever smell it? It's like a fucking it smell like a like a fucking bloody Mary, but without the celery stick
Starting point is 00:49:31 Anyway, I'm just imagining a ball seconding little on fire Yeah, that's where you're at this weekend and I listen You wait all year for this. There's people that wait all fucking year for this time of the year. I love football there's people that wait all fucking here for this time of the year. I love football. How this goes up 20% not in my household. It's fucking onion dip. I have that. I love sour cream for it.
Starting point is 00:49:53 Like do you have anything like to like like you said, we're both that fucks like that's I don't do it anymore. But my favorite thing to do when I lived in LA with you on Sundays was to get a pizza and wings and chips and cold soda and I just sit there and like I literally could have like my skin could have grafted to the couch. I love there's nothing I love more than pizza and wing. Like what would you get?
Starting point is 00:50:15 I'll give you if you were going to go to town on football. If I was going to go to town on football, I get some fucking fried rice from what's his name? Peaking with Fetty Freddie Mambetti over at Kings. Get a couple of fucking on-order sparrows. Yeah. But I won't do that. I don't do that because I don't like eating them.
Starting point is 00:50:35 My fucking, I don't like eating downstairs. I'm trying to eat the ice of this motherfucker. I don't want them in here. I'm down the one cat. So I have friends in this area that have little mice in the winter. I see a nice, fucker. I don't want them in here. I'm down the one cat. So I have friends in this area that have little mice in the winter. I see a mice. Oh, this fucking house.
Starting point is 00:50:50 I like this motherfuck out via I see a mouse. So yeah, I don't like mice. No one likes mice, but what do you do? I just told you, I would like the fucking house on fire. I don't like goddamn mice. A scar face didn't like Colombians. I don't like mice. You know what I'm saying? I don't like mice and flies. I was down the out of banks last week and I took some mushrooms like I did tonight And I'm sitting there getting sun listening to music
Starting point is 00:51:16 Madonna, I'm listening to fucking Michael Shackner, but the whole time I'm just killing flies They're landing on my thigh and I I would smack them, take the wing off and put them in between my legs. By the time I finished on the mushrooms, there was like 11 flies buzzing around. So they were still alive. So I put them in the fucking jar with one inch of water, and I put them outside,
Starting point is 00:51:37 the sun beamed on the morning. I came back two days later, they were a complete different color. You know what I'm saying? They had that disease Michael Jackson had. It was that skin got all light. What's in the call the months of Peleon? Little I go.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Little I go. Yeah, it looks like that. But a like oh shit. You know stuff you do to fly is dude is out of you. Why do you put water in there? I don't like fucking. I don't like mice. I don't like mice.
Starting point is 00:52:01 OK. I don't like rats. I'll take a snake. You got a snake. Send them all. Yeah. You got a snake, send them all in. Yeah, you got a raccoon, a baby raccoon. I'll raise that motherfucker. A skunk be sented. I'll put him in the back of my hat and go out with people.
Starting point is 00:52:16 I don't like mice either, but that's what people should get. A fucking skunk to self defense. A lot of people don't know how to handle that. If I'm going to mug you and I see a skunk behind you, I'll shit my pants. I'll stab myself. I don't want to get hit with, I got to go lay the made-o juice. I don't have a dime. What do you think I've robbed you for? Like a guard skunk. Could you train a skunk to do that? Yeah, I had a friend and he was a counselor, a camp counselor, a five-star basketball camp. I'm sorry about this thing. I think I have a walk in the morning.
Starting point is 00:52:48 I'll find out next Wednesday. He had a skunk, Kenny Denard from Duke. Had a skunk. Had a skunk. And he had carried it in his hood on his sweatshirt. And the skunk. And you'd rather do that than have a mouse one time. Yeah, because they decent them. They take the center and they can't spray you. And then you go to fucking a sporting goods
Starting point is 00:53:12 store where they have hunting material and you can buy the center a little jar and you put that outside your mother's door one night and fuck with a little bit. You know what I'm saying. She gets up a little bit on the way. There's a skunk and a half mad. I swear, there's a skunk. Yeah, you got to be done. That seems like a trick you would do. You just walk around with the scent and leave it at people's houses?
Starting point is 00:53:34 No, I went to a sporting good with time. Levis in West New York, New Jersey. And the guy had it then. I bought a little thing and I'm not gonna tell you the whole story because it's not good. Like whipped it at somebody. They must have taken, yeah, I didn't know the person. You know, it was during the transaction.
Starting point is 00:53:52 One of those, you know, I got a gun. You know, if the CVS the transaction. Yeah, it was like a little transaction. You give me a little CVS card. By the way, by no way, it's just a promotion CVS card. By the way, by no way, as it's a promotion, I love CVS the fucking you sign up for that package they have. You love this package? Yes, like $12 a year. And you get like coupons for everything that you need. Like
Starting point is 00:54:18 when I get coupons, it's like fungi toenail powder. Fucking toenail powder, fucking, mickereg gum, you know, fucking sunglasses, you know, shit like that. And I was like, what were you mad? You told me like, listen, I wanna send you two five dollars. They've been doing, like, I can't imagine you liking the deal at CVS. I do, I take the deal, it's a tremendous,
Starting point is 00:54:40 I'm an old man, guy. I'm not 28, no more, I'm not 38, I'm not 48. I'm not 58. I'm an attend the golden age of 60 years old. As a matter of fact, I got a $2 discount on my movie ticket. You understand me? Shit, that's how I'm pimping it now. And I resigned up with T-Mobile
Starting point is 00:54:59 because I haven't been to Sprint like 10 years. So I went back, I have T-Mobile now. T-Mobile became Sprint. I was gonna say, I have T-Mobile now, you know, T-Mobile became sprint. I was gonna say, I think you have, I think you have sprint. They cut my bill in half, bitch, because I'm over 55. Wow. Come on, I had it another line, I got another number nine, I could maneuver with, you know, I'm saying like being 16 now. Do I like being 60? What are my options? You cannot like it. What do you want me to do? fucking Put on nice shoes and go out and hang out at a bar with young people and make believe I'm fucking Why after a while, you know, that's my biggest fear is smelling like an old man. You ever smell an old man when you work
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yeah, you're like god damn. That's why I don't want to smell like an old man I take showers. I wash my feet, I fucking buff them out now, cause I don't want to smell like an old man. So I don't want to get the stuff put in the weed in the same jar with the foot stuff. Oh no, I'm doing the same container. When I got back from North Carolina, I buffed up my toenail. That little sand in there is ready for you. I got that fucking that toenail, that's the next one.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Forget about it. It's like smoking. And that's right. Tell me my toenails are like a mushroom. Like if you take something, like if I put some of that toenail dust in your water, you're seeing fucking Chinese people now. You're hearing fucking skinred and flying fucking stars. You see, you say these things like it's a positive. Like why would a positive? It's not a positive. I don't wanna see Chinese people. Listen, it's always good to have Chinese people around. They show up with spare ribs.
Starting point is 00:56:37 No, I like it when they're just around like normally. I don't wanna see like fly. I can go for some Freddie makes the best pork fried rice with extra egg and sprouts. You've ever had your fucking life a bowl of one-time soup and I'm ready for fucking war. You understand me? I don't know. I'm ready for amtraze. No. Crown palace for my amtraze, the shrimp and lobster sauce will put hair on your nut sack. Even if you got sarco opinion down there, whatever the fuck.
Starting point is 00:57:06 The middle eye, there's no acid. I don even if you got sarco opinion down there, whatever. Fuck the mystery. There's no acid. I don't think you got one letter right. Is there a good enough? Oh my God. But like you changed my life at Freddy's because I love one ton soup. And I love hot mustard. I've never put it in the soup before. That is what you know no one ever said that.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Come on, that's Jewish type stuff. That's why I like about study phrase. It's surrounded by Jews. You know what time it is, bro? They got that. The word surrounded is an interesting choice. What's that? The word surrounded sounds like it's dangerous.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Nah, it's surrounded by Jews. Listen, if you're surrounded by ISIS, that's dangerous. Being surrounded by Jews, you're in fucking heaven. One's a dentist, one's a lawyer, one guy has a speaker shop, you can't fucking lose here. Surrounded by Jews. That fucking edible kind of hit me. But the mushrooms hit me a little more. I'm ready for fucking war. I like these. This is the laughing gas. I don't know what a rainbow ruts. It's strawberries with skittles in it.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Is that the white one? No, that's the pink one, the strawberry one. Why would it be? No, okay, it's pink. That's white, purple. And then the one is really good. It's like caramel, like a chocolate, fucking tremendous. And then the other one is like a It's like caramel, like a chocolate, fucking tremendous.
Starting point is 00:58:25 And then the other one is like a crispy chocolate. And I like that too. I like Cillie's brand too. I had some Cillie's when I was down in North Carolina. I ate the fucking strawberry and cream. I went to, I was the referee of a kid's flag football thing. Right? Because I couldn't look, because I need in the dirt.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Yeah. I was in a school. Yeah. Oh, was that at a school like it was like an event or was just your family? We could down that. Okay. I was like, I was eating, I just ended up at the referee. Steven Nuno were the quarterbacks. And I was the referee. I did one of the kids had to find them 15 yards for unnecessary roughness. I had a whistle. You know what I'm saying? I was fucking, but I took mushrooms before I went. I usually think mushrooms would stay on my fucking business. I don't want to bump into nobody in mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Yeah. I fucking went over to the field. And next thing I was watching a grass movement, I'm like, this is no bueno. And what do you burn around as a ref? Like you were running around on mushrooms? No, I can't run around because I have that fucking cough. And I think I got, you know, the fucking...
Starting point is 00:59:32 But you were rapping on mushrooms? You were rapping on that silly bar? Yeah, what do you think you did on the joy of bananas? I just told you that. Didn't I cut suckers? But that's crazy. I can't imagine like what like I freak out. I would freak out being around the kids at that age.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Did you throw flag at mercy? No, mercy caught one of the balls. You know, she did OK. She was not, you know, she was the kids just the one kid picked them up and threw them down. It was, you know, momentum, you know what I'm saying? So OK, let it slide. What about the call game, cock let it slide what do you think
Starting point is 01:00:09 okay let me pull it up I like um bam I want to say the patrons but I don't think I can I like you know what I like Detroit. And I'm trying to like see, I go for, like I try to go for like kind of not upsets. Like I don't like winning like you said, like five bucks. I think, I think the Jets might win. The Jets are a slight underdog right now over Buffalo. I think they want, I think they want them to win. I think Buffalo is a better team,
Starting point is 01:00:48 but then I don't know what's going on. I heard wherever their star wide receiver is, he wants to leave Diggs. Now he wants to leave. Whatever I say, you can just bet against me, because I'm going to lose. I don't want you to be organized. I want you to look at Thursday's game first.
Starting point is 01:01:06 You can like Thursday's game, then you touch it. If you don't like it, you stay the fuck away from it, you watch it at half time for the end of the game. And then you look at Saturday, but there's also college football on Saturday this week. So this college on Friday, there was college on, well, last week I'm talking about, so this week you have college football.
Starting point is 01:01:24 If you think there's something college football you like, then you go. If not you wait for fucking Sunday. And then I don't shit about college football game. Let's start with the first game on Sunday, the one o'clock game. And then you see how you do and you see how the day is going. If there's a bunch of upsets and shit like that, now you know. So now you're going to the four o'clock with different thoughts. That's why I don't like giving out a bunch of picks.
Starting point is 01:01:51 I like giving out the game I like for Sunday. The main game is the Jaguars. And then, you know, I don't know what the Sunday night game is yet. And I have no fucking, I know Monday's September 11th and they're playing a giant stadium and it's the home opener of Aaron Rodgers which people got them winning the soup bowl for a certain uh whatever I got no opinion on it you know let's see I think he's a little older and I think he's gonna get chased around there but but Tom Brady fucking matters to do it. So
Starting point is 01:02:27 Look at that game one o'clock, then go to the four, then go to the seven. And there's nothing there, but you're waiting for Monday night and you bet you bet Monday night a little heavier. If you were gonna bet 25 on Thursday and 25 on Sunday and you didn't touch it now you got 75 for fucking Monday night. So you could bet yourself a little parlay with three legs, you know, how many quad touchdowns is that a rod is going to have? Bet the jets or the side and an over. And you got a three-way fucking parlay. How's that for you? A three-leg parlay, that's, you know, and whatever site you're on, they'll take a, I prefer draft games. I've been working for them. I've been with them for five years. One is a consumer or four years. One is a consumer. And then I reached out to them
Starting point is 01:03:14 because I like what they do. So that's Uncle Joey, you know what I'm saying? I love it. I love it. But I don't, I guess I'll pick one game in the week. And I'm going to pick the, I think I'll pick one game in the week and I'm gonna pick the, I think I like that one, the bills and the jets. And I think, I don't know if it's fucking rigged, I don't want to say that and that's Monday, I guess. I don't know if it's rigged, but I think the storylines, I think they want Aaron Rodgers to win that game.
Starting point is 01:03:42 And it's not, it's just, it's the same thing with the strike. Those stars win. That's I just, I. You got a date. You got a date coming up this weekend. This weekend, they don't have any dates. My next big one, I have a show in Worcester on the 16th at Pepe's talk area, or Pepe's Dolce Bar, that's the big one.
Starting point is 01:04:06 And then the fun one at the end of the month, September 28th through the 30th. I'm at the Omaha funny bone with Josh Wolf. That's a good proper club because I have a really excited about that one. And I get to do a longer set because unfortunately Jake's not coming this week that week, but it's going to be, it's going to be Josh and myself. And I'm really so excited. I will talk about September 28th. Then even September 5th with 23 days away. I want you to give me what's coming up next this weekend. You're a fucking god.
Starting point is 01:04:37 And look, if the day comes, I started doing book signings. And I really enjoyed myself talking to the people. It was a labor of love, you know, some of the agents were like, you have to charge for the for the book signing and then charge them for the book. And I'm like, no, I want to talk to them by myself. And I didn't get the fucking idea that these people wanted stand up. But they did talk about the church a lot. And that's why we're fucking here. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:05:08 So, thank you, Lee, for agreeing to do this. We're just going to do it once a week. We have no pressure here, right? We have no pressure anymore. We don't give a fuck. We just want to talk to the people that love us. We'll talk to them and we're good to fucking go. Yeah, I love talking to you.
Starting point is 01:05:24 You can say it's right. We'll post on them and we're good to fucking go Yeah, I love talking to you guys, right? We'll post on Tuesday Every Tuesday and for right now. We're just gonna start with one a week and see how it goes You know leaves got a different schedule. I got a different fucking schedule. So we'll take it from there And without further ado uncle Joey loves you tell him leave you love him I love you guys so excited to be back and we will see you next Tuesday tip top mother fucking McGoo and now for a word from my sponsor stay black It's Tuesday September the 5th. This show is brought to you by Manscape. Don't lie, you've probably been using Manscape ball shaver on your face. That's okay. I do it too.
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