Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #006 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is bought to you by CBD Lion, MVMT Watches & Manscaped!  Go to www.CBDLion.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to www.mvmt.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to www.Manscaped.com/JOEY And don't forget.... The Mind of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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dot com slash joey join the movement the joint is also brought to you by man's cave listen it's not about keeping your balls trimmed and your fucking you know your nutsack and slinging dick you can say a lot about things about me i'm a criminal i'm an immigrant i'm an old man but one thing everybody knows about me my balls are fucking beautiful women wish their faces looked as tight as my fucking ball skin if you want this beautiful women to fall all over themselves for your big fucking beef beanbag you got to get a manscape you understand me now they got the entire system to keep your entire body looking as good as your balls ready for this they got the performance package it comes with a weed wacker nose trimmer which you

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check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint what's happening you bad mother fuckers it's Wednesday the 21st of October we're here for another fun filled episode of uncle joey's joint I hope you guys are doing all right I hope you're staying safe and I hope you're doing all that shit I am feeling tit top magoo thank you for all the compliments you've been sending me that I look a lot better let me tell you something I feel a lot better I had a uh a heart doctor appointment my last appointment with the doctor in LA and we did on the phone and I had to give him like my blood pressure reads for what's going on and because I usually take the blood pressure in the morning

and at night and I have to log it down everything in my life is locked the fuck down guys I gotta write everything the fuck down I've been doing it for years but we had like a little uh you know interview on the web zoom and he was he was laughing because I mentioned him on the rogan podcast he said he never got so many calls in one day to thank you and all this shit but he asked me he goes you know I can't give you any more colonna pen or your other medications I can't prescribe them over state you have to get some new fucking uh a new doctor which I made an appointment yesterday to get my a new primary and do a colonoscopy gotta put that cam up your asshole it's a fucking bad feeling you just go down there they put you to sleep

they put a cam up your ass and they look around but you gotta do that if not you know you're gonna find problems lady I'm way over do I haven't done one in like seven years I'm thinking about redoing my knee in December and since we're gonna be in what's the fucking why am I gonna be out there fistfighting for and whatnot I'm thinking of a lot of things but he asked me he goes how you're doing with the colonna pen and I go I gotta tell you something I haven't ate one in about eight days and he's like what do you mean and I go I just deep you know like ID uh got off those things I had him he would give me prescriptions every three months so I was just behind on him I never really took him unless I was going up on stage or whatnot but once fucking COVID hit I was doing the

prescription which is for a fucking day and then I cut off at six and from six to fucking midnight I would just sit there in a panic attack and then I would have to start eat nettles so he asked me goes can uh you know how you've been doing I go I still got the you know a month supply maybe two months supply and he goes what happened to your anxiety and I go I don't fucking know I guess I wrote it out I fucking you know between the breathing the riding the bike the riding the fucking patreon and just doing what I'm supposed to do you know I just uh got rid of the fear what I basically did was all these people like amen what are you doing next week I'm just doing it day to day I have no fucking idea what I'm doing next week I just go from day to day by the way I added

two more fucking nights at Uncle Vinny's November 18th and November 25th uh so if you're in the area it's only 38 seats don't fucking kill yourself over the material since last fucking Wednesday I've been writing little things down every day but again this week I'm gonna go in there a little bit more open a little bit more loose it's not Carnegie Hall you know it's just 38 people and I'm just fucking working out that's why I kept the tickets low because I'm just working out a lot of people show up you know so that's a good thing last week Gomez Eleanor Kerrigan Jimmy showed up you know this week we're gonna have a nice house down there so they have been fun but I'm not ready to take like I have fears but I don't have fears I'm cooler on my house and stuff but I still look

at my briefcase my suitcase and I'm like I'm not ready to pack that do I look at my I sleep I look at my sleep apnea machine and I'm like I'm not ready to pack that either so for right now I'm very cool going to Vinny's on Wednesdays that it doesn't overstep my fucking boundaries I think if I see a hundred people I have a heart attack anyway so for right now the fear in my everyday life is gone I still have little fears of little things oh they might not be fears I might just to fucking burnt out I think I burnt out a little bit much on the road and I just want to pull it back for a while that's that's what it could be too so besides everything else I have no fear my daughter is now in school four days a week got suckers in California she would have been

looking at a war right now thinking about an episode of the Twilight Zone but thank god we got to the fuck out of there because I listen I don't know much about fucking the space or the moon or fucking politics or the GOP or who's putting in a bill but I know what a little kid looks like when they're fucking depressed I know what she was going through so now she's a fucking brand new kid and as a father of your father you see that as a blessing I mean she's a brick whatever happened in LA those six months in the fucking house and the swings being tied up and people wouldn't talk to her people would go up to her without a mask you know those days are done with here those days are done with and I'm gonna tell you something

the surge is all around the country right now including fucking New Jersey there's hotspots popping back up it's getting colder people starting to get comfortable people starting to let you guard down listen guys don't let your fucking guard down you see what happened with Rogan with Jamie Jamie's got it you know you're out there dicking around and and Rogan's got a portable fucking tester that you could just go in there and test everything so you can have all the testing you want you can have all the stuff you want you never know when you're gonna bump into it so please stay cautious of this shit I don't want I don't want to picture you from fucking FaceTime with vows and your nose telling me Joey this is my last week but it made me a video

I can't have that I can't have that that's why I have not had guests on yet you know I never like fucking zoom I just don't like fucking zoom if we gotta do it we'll do it but I'm not fucking too crazy about it right now I have a couple people have contacted me to maybe zoom in I'll start doing a couple of those pretty soon but right now I'm just finding my voice on here there's the beginning of Uncle Joey's joint I'm just trying to find a fucking voice I'm not trying to fucking knock it out of the park or whatever yes I had a co-host and I still have a fucking co-host you don't want to say nothing that's fine with me you know what I'm saying we're just here we're just existing and we're pushing it through I want to thank you people who have joined the

patreon and have gone through levels and whatnot because I tell you what man half that money I pay taxes on I'm gonna end up paying taxes on but the other half of that money I have I have helped some people having a hard time you know you know we got Mike we got last time my man made me music for free for the podcast and I took it from this time I knew you know everybody's having a hard time I called them up I said what do you want for the music whatever we donate to the Mark Weiss museum every Wednesday I hire one of my nephews or a friend who I think is struggling and I haven't given me a ride to Uncle Benny's and I pay him as a driver so I want you guys to know that you're helping out a lot of fucking people here patreon the same way I helped you guys

for free on youtube I didn't give a fuck I got up at six in the morning that was my duty I'm not Rogan I'm not Bill Burr I gotta work for you fucking love I gotta work for it you know I just didn't you know I'm not Chappelle I'm not that lucky never wanted to be them I wanted to be Joey Diaz so Joey Diaz turned a little different I do I did a little different I had to attack you guys from a different fucking perspective to let you know I'm not just some wackadoom I mean don't get me wrong I'm fucking out of my bird but I ain't no fucking wackadoo here I just I have a heart like everybody else and I'm human and I uh want to say what the fuck is on my mind like I said last week so if you got me on patreon you guys are doing a great job I thank you with all my

fucking heart whether it's a dollar or we raised the three five 10 15 whatever you guys are helping on a lot of people and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart because I know how I fucking feel I know the look on their faces you know when I tell them listen I'll do this for you I I could feel it and it makes me feel good that I'm helping people doing such a fucking horrible time you know and I crack jokes about unemployment and I crack those jokes I'm not insulting anybody I told you guys back in March to stop fucking around the unemployment was gonna be a fucking nightmare the PPE loans people are still waiting for them this governor's holding on to him listen just just just find a different way I'd rather you find a different way and struggle for

a month than struggle for six or seven months waiting for a check that might or might not fucking come correct I'd rather you jump on the path listen I was a fucking mess until I started this podcast going up again until I started getting back on stage because I got back to the movements I was doing you know I didn't know how much of a big change it had been on my psyche that I wasn't able to do fucking stand-up comedy it's you cannot imagine me just cutting your fucking legs off yeah if you're an IT guy you could work from the house but if you're a fucking attorney right now you could do work from the house but your work is on a fucking courtroom my work is on a fucking stage you know yeah I could do a podcast and I could do other things

but let's figure this all out for the last 39 years my work has been on a stage so I cut my I got my legs cut off just like you guys we had to do a ulterior methods you know I wanted to fucking have a bar for a fucking podcast the bar is still there we couldn't get everything in time MacBooks are out COVID won't deliver this chair the wiring the electrician took four fucking weeks you know COVID's putting a toll on everything it's like I got a designer also and then I paid him instead of giving you that same fucking Jesus with the machine gun that my wife made with some fucking thing we got a graphic designer for you we paid him on just to help you guys you guys saw the design I'm patreon for the uh for the Uncle Joey's joint and we got more church things coming

but again it's the fucking COVID that's slowing everything the fuck down my patches were made in Hong Kong I think like two doors down from Hunan from Wuhan so whatever the fuck so if you bought a fucking patch don't don't sniff it because it might have COVID on it God knows it came from China after shit you motherfuckers were getting we're getting from fucking COVID so uh getting from China I'm sorry I don't mean to call China COVID though I'm sounding like fucking Trump I'm just fucking saying that you know half the shit we got was from China and now we're realizing I don't have a generator coming through fucking February and I got a storm lurking outside the fucking pacific whatever so you know everybody's behind on everything so when you hit if you're on patreon

and you hit me for the shirts I don't have an idea I don't have any fucking they're still sending the samples over I'm gonna hopefully get the samples for you guys long sleeve hoodies this week I'm gonna look at the three different materials they give me whether it's gilding whatever the fun I'm gonna get you the best possible shirt I can it's gonna be a long sleeve you get that with you and then if you want to buy hoodies for the mind of or hoodies for the joint all this shit will be available in time right now we're all waiting I think my wife reached out to a fucking thing and they had tons of extra large tons XL two and three and four fat people that had a party that would make curtains for years but they had no mediums and no largest so we're just getting

thrown into that fucking thing so work with me you know I'm a solid motherfucker you will get your fucking t-shirt you will get your fucking merch but just work with me because everything is fucking slow right now the only thing I can promise you I can give you is this something happens we could always give you this we could always put a fucking video on YouTube just to keep you together keep your fucking sound and keep you happy that's what I'm trying to do it's just keep you guys happy and keep you motivated on all we're living is for the day just for the day people hey well what are you doing Saturday I have no fucking idea I know what I'm doing this Saturday I got the double combo from debt I got Khabib Gagey and the honeymoon is Archie Bunker I'm not going nowhere

fucking Saturday night that is the fight of the fucking year who's gonna win I have no idea I have not seen the fucking Wayans you know if I'm not doing nothing Saturday night or I make don't make plans maybe we'll do a little live stream just of Khabib and Gagey right off the phone just to fuck with you motherfuckers I have no fucking idea what I'm doing Saturday I don't know what I'm doing fucking Friday all I know is I gotta get a p.o. box and I gotta get a haircut this fucking week something's gotta fucking give that's all I fucking know I don't know nothing else I don't know nothing people are you are you coming to this restaurant I don't know nothing tonight I go to Vinnie's it's all I fucking know I don't know nothing I got a kid that fucking gets home at 1230

and from there on I got nothing for you so if you're bothering me you're fucking call me I don't fucking know what to tell you I got a kid that comes home at 1230 and then she goes back on the zoom from two to three thank god that's fucking over no more fucking zoom for the kids so now she gets home at three Thursdays she starts going to the little after school program and that gives me a little bit more time but pretty much I'm living day to day these fucking agents calling me and then you want to go to Pittsburgh I don't want to go nowhere I don't want to go fucking nowhere you just keep calling and keep asking and keep getting offers you knock yourself out I'll tell you whatever the fuck you want to hear I'll tell anybody whatever the fuck they want to hear but

in my world right now I always live like this I always live day to day why the fuck are you telling you know what are we gonna do three years from now I don't want to be a day my wife came down oh my god my brother's gonna lose his job in five years in five years he'll figure something to fuck out but right now you got to work with what's in front of you I'm concerned about my daughter I'm concerned about my family I'm worried about you guys I mean you guys have been family with me well for 10 years now we've been fucking going back and forth that's my concerns when you guys send me emails you know I get little fucking emails I read them all you know I read them all and I see what's going on with you and I can't really fucking you know I got too many motherfuckers that I'm

dealing with but one thing for sure my heart goes out to the Becheros I love you to debt my man Jay contacted me yesterday and they found something and he's gonna be fine you know when I first read it I was a little upset I like the Becheros out of fucking Pittsburgh but the problem was I know he's gonna be fine I couldn't let him know how upset I was because there's really nothing to be upset right now if you got cancer I have a friend that's been free basin coke he's been rubbing coke in his eyeballs this kid's been on drugs since we were sophomores together we did coke the first day together he just got cancer and he went for five treatments and they were gone and this guy's in no condition to do anything you understand he's got coke teeth he's got the

whole thing so if he could beat it you guys could beat it I have faith in God and I have faith in the science and medicine today it's like if you get COVID listening it's not the end of the world the flu kills more people I just don't want you to go through that I don't like hospitals I'm not it's not so much I'm scared to call oh it's COVID it's other no that's what the media wants you to do to be fucking petrified to drop everything you got and to instill fear into your life have you seen that fucking video or that thing by Paul Harvey if I was the devil have you guys ever seen that fucking video if I was a devil he fucking made this in like 1950 Paul Harvey is a guy that does a one hour radio show I don't know if he still does it today and I

discovered Paul Harvey in 1983 in a snowman's village Colorado when I was working that was odd carrier and people would listen to Paul Harvey that one hour whatever the fuck Paul Harvey got to say he's got to say and he did this thing maybe 1951 I think you have to look it up and it's like a like a like a podcast 15 minute thing where he says if I was the devil and he starts with this long fucking sentence about what he would do if he would be the devil and half of it is what's going on with this COVID right now I mean if you think about what's going on right now you've all all years have lost a relative during this through this whether the COVID or not the COVID I've lost maybe four people throughout this whole thing two of them since I've been in Jersey

which is two months so I've been losing one person a month that's under fucking 60 so it's just going around guys the world is turned up on its access nobody knows what's going on and we're not here to figure it out we're just here to plow fucking through it I don't want you sitting there fucking being you know I wonder what the fuck has going on no nothing nothing that we know about on this fuck nothing it's a coronavirus it came from here we don't really even know I don't believe dick guys I don't believe dick anymore I wear my mask they tell me if I need to go into a business I need to wear a mask I wear my mask if I see a circle of people I slip my mask up I don't get myself into convoy deal fucking situations you know I love to be able to go

do it show for 250 people but me known me who I am and Joe Diaz and one of those 250 people gets sick because of me I'm not gonna feel too good that's not what I do I'm not gonna feel too good so before we do that 38 people in a room that seats 180 doesn't scare the fuck out of me I think Uncle Vinny's is doing a fucking great job they're sticking to it it's these fucking Galvón greedy motherfuckers they're playing rush you won't let with people's lives I won't tolerate I just won't tolerate it you don't need to fucking see you know what I have a great time every night I sit down I put a different hour a month I smoke a joint whatever the fuck I do and I listen to one album and I'm just as enjoyed as if I go to a fucking concert you see guns and roses trying to

sell tickets you see all the top bands trying to sell tickets they're not because they don't they know they don't need the aggravation the insurance but what they don't need is they're fucking anything on their conscience I don't want to invite anybody on a comedy show and you go back to your grandmother and she punches the ticket and there's no Thanksgiving because some stupid joke Uncle Joe was gonna fucking say it's not worth it to me and it's not worth it to you guys for 38 people I'm fine you know everybody around me is like don't you want to do that down there and they see 80 listen two more weeks you can't do no shows outside you're gonna be a fucking penguin these animals are gonna get hungry are they gonna come out early I'm not doing no shows outside I

love it don't get me wrong if this is still the way it is next year at this time I'm doing an outdoor fucking tour if I'm ready if they allow it I don't you know the numbers gotta be kept small because it's those big fucking super spreader events and I don't want to be a part of those that's it and that's that I miss you guys more than you miss me live you don't think I miss going on stage and tearing it to fuck up I fucking miss it but right now I'm not in the condition the country's not in the condition so for right now we'll just sit back look at each other we'll do the podcast if you want to fuck around you come on patreon you can ask me a message on twitter facebook I'm around but for right now that's all we got tip top magoo we're gonna keep

this going sorry because I want all of you healthy 2021 is gonna be a great year listen 2020 isn't the books already you gotta assume if you're still thinking I have a date December 18th with my band and canypsy but listen get rid of that idea that's not gonna happen you and your fucking band you know get to the garage put mask on and get the fucking rehearsing those fucking songs right now a band is writing right now a band is putting melodies together right now a rap is putting beats together you're in your house what else did you do what else you want to do nothing you could do you want to invite plenty of people for your house and then have a crime stopper across the street call and say you're doing functions at your house

Pasadena Lena I just avoid all that shit I keep it to myself Saturday night there's a fight I like to watch it here but I just move to the area I would also love to go to a bar maybe sit outside maybe watch the fights but I know at eight o'clock I'm gonna freeze the debt I don't want to be inside a place with a fucking mask I'm not being able to drink or eat so I might as well get the fight watch it at home combine it with the honeymooners my regular so I'm gonna have a great fucking Saturday night oh and if you see I'm not talking about food I'm trying to cut my weight down trying to keep it down I'm just talking about entertainment I'm trying to entertain myself what I am doing in other words is I'm trying to live a life so I have

material for you I ran out of material I've already told you all about my fucking life for the last fucking 56 years it's time to do some new adventures I went to museums I've been to record shops I've been laughing I've been giggling I've been keeping it to a fucking you know if I don't have to go but I also believe in my sanity the same way I believe in my daughter's sanity that you have to talk with certain people to keep up you have to rap I believe in that too so every day I meet with somebody a neighbor I got my man Frankie down the corner I got my man Rudy up the corner I got Steve around the corner with his wife they're all cool people I take my bike and I ride and guess what I call for them a 57 year old man ringing your doorbell going hey I'm not here for your kids I

want to see what you're doing and they freak out I do it to all of them I ring in that doorbell they come out we fucking talk shit I haven't unleashed the reef run them because I don't want to scare them you know I'm saying I'm trying to make friends so I don't want to give somebody a 200 milligram edible and they end up in Mount Sinai and then I'm like that fucking Jew that went skiing and New Rochelle and came back and infected the whole fucking neighborhood now people throwing eggs on them and it's not even Halloween you know many eggs they've thrown at that fucking Jew's house up in New Rochelle he's got an egg thrown at his house fucking every day since he fucking spread fucking the COVID to the community I wonder where the fuck that mother fuck is now that if I was him I

would move to fucking Bulgaria that's like making a bad fucking movie and then going out the next day and people like oh we saw your movie uh we got to go and they get in the fucking car it's the same thing if you spread COVID in a way you ain't gonna be like too much it's the same thing with me I gotta start out like when I go out this last party I went to last week it was a little like outside cookout in the daytime they had a big screen TV I'm not gonna lie dear I showed up with a bag of 20 milligram edible at the end of the night I mentioned it and some people said oh let me try you know and I just so right now I can't be killing people yet I lay down you know I can't pull an Ari on bird out here it just it's just would crash who the fuck I'm trying to be out here

I'm trying to be a responsible parent so I haven't I haven't even showed up with the abx or whatever the fuck they are atx abx adibles those little 200 milligrams will fucking bury them I haven't done one in like two weeks either I listen how to give those abx instead just too fucking strong if you're in the mood to really see the fucking devil see now that I don't do it every day I see what I'm sitting here going wow what the fuck was I thinking and eating three of those where the fuck was my head at that day I can't I can't no more I'm on a light schedule now I got these little fucking protabs I gave my man Mike accompanied the other day and hey you got to worry about because I actually think protabs put something in there stuff because you get THC high

but you go like this other high like you're scratching your neck type of heroin high like something ain't fucking right so there's something else in those protabs I can take like two or three of them just to keep the blood going it's only 75 milligrams but once I fuck it over four of those things no bueno no bueno I start fucking speaking low no bueno my wife called me out last week fucking Lee said something to me because you sounded fucked and last Wednesday after I bombed I needed something to bring down the pain you know saying sometimes when you bomb you can take it and sometimes you can't I took it don't get me wrong but at the same time it hurt my fucking feelings a little bit why is it that every time I want to do a podcast the Mexican shows up with

the weed black machine you understand me now shit every time this fucking every time I do a fucking podcast this fucking Mexican shows up on a fucking Tuesday morning why is there was a it's either the the Mexican dude or my daughter's jumping up upstairs I can't win but that's what happens by not having an office but again this is just the beginning guys this is just the beginning of this evolution and if you know anything about me we grow we grow we add we grow we add it's just doing it to find my voice until I find my voice when we started we had different pictures up and add the picture Joe Rogan I saw fucking the evil that men do I'm like what am I thinking where's Charles Bronson I'm like well I gotta let these people know I'm not from the fucking

fabulous four or you know the wrestler I came from fucking killers that's why I came from Clint Eastwood Charles Bronson and fucking the other fucking James Colburn those were my people these new movies oh the rock I'm not impressed I love the rock I got none against the rock I watch all his fucking movies I watched Jumanji with my daughter I love the rock but I came from a different I didn't come from the rock I came from Charles Bronson with wrinkles and a gun you know I'm saying nobody was doing steroids that day they showed up with wrinkles and a fucking gun now that's where I'm from all right so I don't know nothing about the rock or none of these fucking Sabua fair fucking actors today I like them I like them but they're not the guys I grew up with I grew up on

fucking savages Bronson Colburn McQueen you know Clint Eastwood these guys they have you know anything about their personal lives they were smacking people the real punching people fucking Clint Eastwood pissed on a director's grave when the guy died with Steve McQueen Steve McQueen these guys were from a different cut they're from the cut I come from you know you're gonna treat me like a man I'm gonna act like a fucking man and you're gonna act like a man these other people you know these are like Sabua fair type actors you know they care about shit go you can look through YouTube Charles Bronson didn't care about nobody guy never did a fucking PSA in his life he didn't care about missing kids he didn't care about hemophiliacs he didn't give two fine fucks about

nobody these guys do it to make you fucking like them the guys I grew up with did what they did and either you like them or you fucking don't you know the big difference about my daughter here in California is this is the difference and I didn't know this till I observed and this is what I was looking for this is the result I was looking for like you tell people you know what man I really don't think California was made for kids but you'll say like Joey you got Disneyland you got not very far you got all these fucking attractions for kids they're there to entertain kids they don't teach kids how to entertain themselves that's what that's what's been missing in society lately you know I'm gonna talk about this bit in front of you guys it's a bit that I'm

working on but it's also the truth I've been here for two months and I've been watching these kids in the neighborhood great kids great kids Luke Florentine great kid his friends great kids they're fucking savages you know not my block but Jimmy Florentine lives close to me his block is called Little Rascals block because they got kids from five all the way to like 12 they all play together they have a little hill yesterday my daughter went on that hill dog she did that fucking scooter she didn't go back and forth on that scooter 20 times she didn't go back and forth you know those fucking dudes who walk with that one leg but they walk slow with that one fucked up wooden leg if my daughter has a wooden leg that bitch is gonna fucking move with it you should

have seen her and the other little girl those little boys they pushed that scooter with that one leg that one leg's gonna be bigger than the other they don't give a fuck they're going up and down I talked to Florentine last night we're gonna go what's going on over there he goes Luke is passed out like a fuck my daughter's still awake but she told me at dinner times like that I went up and down that hill 20 times I go I saw it and one time I saw her run up kids are taught a year how to entertain themselves and wait till the snow comes out that was a difference between California they were there to entertain you you had to pay 144 dollars to go to Disneyland and walk three hours in the sun and pay seven dollars for a water to get entertained

I didn't want to do that anymore I wanted my daughter to learn how to entertain herself the same way I entertain myself the point I was getting at you know I watch these kids play and they're great and I love them even the kids on my block are fucking great they got bikes my daughter like today my daughter plays on the block today because the other boys do all the shit today so there's only one girl on Jimmy's block but today they get serious to guys they don't want the little girls out so today she stays in this neighborhood here what the fuck was I gonna tell you I know it's gonna tell you something but I fucking forgot you see what happens when you smoke weed over the years

oh it's just a little bit left so who knows in an hour my eyeballs would be fucking purple whatever the fuck I don't even know what I was talking about I was talking about my kids and shit but we drink some water here that remind me when we went out as kids like like I see my daughter and she looks at playing and it's going out to play and I'm really happy I'm really happy that she has these little friends and that we get invited to social distance fucking barbecues and all this shit these people are doing it right but there's a difference between the generation now the youngest generations and I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday just a double check and he's gonna call me back today because he was like you're

not wrong but I don't I don't see it that way I go who else would have done these things when kids go out today to play they go out to play when we went out as kids we went out to die like you hugged your mother really fucking good like we're not gonna make it back mom you know I know you guys saw that documentary on action park you know again I only went up there one time but they went there for you to die like I don't know how many kids broke next there and ankles and it was well fucking hidden they didn't give a fuck and the kids would probably tell you you know what I'm not gonna sue the place because I had a good time while I was doing I went there to die you know all you kids said at 19 I feel suicide yeah it's because we were 15

you didn't play to die when we were not you know we threw snowballs at each other with a rock and they're frozen we dip it in water that's six fucking stitches right off the fucking back you know I didn't know nothing about playing fucking Monopoly you think I play Monopoly guys I'm embarrassed I play Monopoly before the fucking hotels and I'm bored that's it we gotta get out we're sitting in a basement playing fucking Monopoly buying hotels what am I fucking the guy from virgin I don't need this shit flying around I'm a kid I want to go out and fucking throw records and rocks of people and and get chased by people I played the fucking die we threw shit you know heard my stories we had mr martini that guy would kill people

I would throw things at him I would throw things in this fuck I would light piece of paper on fire and throw him in this fucking basement since I'm six I'm playing to fucking die I wasn't playing to fucking have a good time I don't you want to have a good time get yourself a fucking pet your wow and a with a propeller and you know do what you do but I'm not looking for a good time like that I'm looking for a good motherfucking time it's when I get up on stage I don't go up on stage to fucking die and that's what happened last Wednesday my energy just wasn't there I wasn't there like talking to him like I'm talking to you here this ain't no fucking chit chat I gotta be an animal up on stage I don't walk on stage well something funny happened to me today nothing fucking funny

happened we're going at it today let me tell you what fucking happened today and that's what I was missing from my set last week too I didn't have that fucking anger I was too relaxed I was too uh you know I gotta be worked up to go on stage I gotta be angry at some I gotta find something to be angry at when I was in the sixth grade that motherfucker buried borrowed my comb and didn't give it back to me I gotta get pissed about shit like that you ever get pissed about something that ain't got nothing to do with the price of eggs that's me I don't know that's why when I drive to a gig I like peace this week I'm the reason why I have a driver is to help people out like I told on patreon and to just be personal with somebody for a night these are my nephews they

young they've heard things you know they don't really get to know me so uh I call them up I say take me down I give them a surprise at the end of the night though like I didn't really need that but it doesn't matter to me it doesn't matter to me I just want to make somebody's day I don't have that much time anymore that you know because of this fucking COVID you don't get a chance to make people's day no more yeah I can call you know I check in with Dio I check in with Joe I check with the boys but like I always preach to you guys you gotta make somebody's day it's tough when you don't see nobody it makes somebody's day you could call them and giggle you know I've given CBD products to our neighbors around my house like I said I have been the perfect neighbor so far

because this is in California no more the people I had his neighbors in California except for Susie and Ron next to me with total fucking pukes other than a puke neighborhood I had gay Bob up the corner but nobody liked him because he was fucking gay you know you know in California they live for gay people but the real crazy gay guy on my block nobody really liked his he was a little bit too crazy you know what's the EV you like gay people you know I don't care how they come that's why when you LGBT people complain about me a crack a joke you know you're wrong because I love you motherfuckers and the crazier you are the more flamboyant the more I love you if I saw a gay guy walking down the street with his dick out I would take a picture of that motherfucker put it on Twitter and laugh

my ass off I love all that shit the gay people I hate are the uptight gay people that think that they got something over you they think they're special for being gay now I ain't got no time for you the gay friends I have are buck wild if they get a fucking venereal disease they just move on you know I'm saying they don't call nobody they don't send a memo they're out busting assholes and fucking giving out fucking sandwiches they don't give a fuck anybody read that Rob Halford book yet oh my god oh my fucking god I was talking to Jimmy about one of the chapters where Rob Halford I guess goes to Chicago every year and every year when he lands for the tour he guy cuts his hair and the guy kept busting his balls a little bit every year like hey when you know how people

like sexually come on to you like hey so when you're gonna give me a go I guess after like a couple years of hearing this shit Rob Halford said you want me to go home with you I'll go home with you he fucked him so hard he broke his o-ring the guy that's sitting in the hospital for a week with a busted asshole that's what I wanted to read that's what's interesting that's the shit they never put in people magazine you understand me for years all we ever heard was that Richard Geer put a mouse in his ass and went the fucking they've been telling you the same lie for 30 years about Richard Geer my man that poor Buddhist that he put a mouse up his ass and he had to go to the emergency room in San Francisco and take it out that's what I've been living on for 20 years

finally a new gay guy comes out with a whole new story that he busted somebody's fucking asshole and he put him in the hospital for a week that's a fucking story right there not something I like to do not something I like to mimic I'm not in business to bust people's ass holes that's not what I meant to I think I've done anal one time I didn't like it because she was laying there like tapping out like don't do it it's too much drama just stick it in your monkey and let's get this party over with I gotta put Vaseline on my dick or some type of lube and sticking in your ass with a condom and then you're all jiggly you're squirming that's not comfortable that's not sex those porno girls I don't know how they put a dick in their ass the guy's banging them and

they're smiling and then their asshole stays open for a fucking hour I don't know how they do that shit I don't want to be involved that shit that's never been my game I'm a Catholic I don't want to fucking know if he asked you know I'm saying if these fucking priests want to fuck p that's their business I come from a different side of the fucking Catholic spectrum it was weird I had to talk with somebody that day and they recommended a book to me and this is the craziest thing I've ever heard I don't even know who recommended this to me but in these days and times people come up with the weirdest fucking shit somebody was talking to me about that there's either a book or an article or something out about the apostles

that instead of drinking wine they were really drinking like a mushroom juice and that everything that happened with Jesus they just saw in their trip interesting interesting I could see that shit happen because I've been in some medibles I've been in some situations I've seen people do some crazy shit from breathing fire the people's eyes spinning out around their fucking head I've been there but to fucking be through a a mushroom trip or something that experiences seeing a guy get beat up crucified put in a hole and then float away if that exists can you please let me have some because that's just too heavy I can see if you ate a mushroom and saw Jesus get beat up

then I'm in with you but now you're telling me that the reason you saw Jesus turn fucking bread into fish and turn water into wine is because you're on mushrooms is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life unless they were on windowpane acid for a fucking two years I don't know how that could have fucking existed I have no fucking idea but if that's what you want to believe that's what you want to believe like I could say I could see one day going yeah I ate mushrooms and I saw Jesus fly off into the fucking clouds I could live with that one but as far as that whole experience him getting beat up Mary Magdalene wiping his face him being in the cave getting dragged you know getting stabbed getting fucking nails put in his hands that's some fucking serious acid

right there to live through all that those are three days alone I don't know about you guys you eat three days of fucking hallucinogenics just Friday Saturday and Sunday you'll be bleeding shit from Monday to fucking Friday I don't know how they fucking made it to Easter to see how the fuck Jesus came I don't even know why we're talking about this conversation but this is the shit people talk to me about and I want to bring it to the table if anybody else has heard about it please give me a message if they could simplify this for me because I'm fucking confused I had to keep it simple you know I put up two articles last week just to justify my existence I put up the Cuban the Cuban Superman the Superman of Cuba and it broke it down for you people you know I

wasn't fucking eating edible and made it up you know the story I told on the cabin with Bert and the other story is the one I talked about on uh my boy showed a honeydew podcast I talked about that guy uh you know I did time with that always showed me naked pictures of his girlfriend and she was hot and I'm like you're working over your head this is not going to work out for you and then he the pussy was so good guys he escaped from jail he was in a different jail that I was in I went to camp George West they put him in some medium security jail and this knucklehead when his girlfriend left him escaped from jail broke out drove for fucking hours stole a car in Canyon City drove up the boulder he went on to a fucking he went to Lee Hill Road or

I know instead of Lee Hill Road one of the many roads behind fucking boulder he saw four kids shooting practice target and he went up to him with like a fake fucking badge or whatever he said and he said guys this isn't uh land for you to be shooting on you gotta put your guns down on the floor real quick while I inspect you or whatever the kids put the guns down he gathered all the guns up he made the kids turn around then he shot him execution style I put that fucking story out there people like that never happened thank god one fucking guy one fucking guy actually came up with the article and I put it up and people like Joey what the fuck life have you lived I'm trying to tell you I'm not here fucking around I bumped into the best people in the world and I bumped

into the worst people in the fucking world the best and the worst all at once that was a horrible fucking night in boulder my daughter at that time not mercy the one that don't talk to me had to be a year old so it had to be 91 it was warmer it was very nice out we were selling cars and all sudden fucking cops were all over the place and I remember that they sent this home from boulder Toyota that's why I worked at the place I was a salesman at boulder Toyota for a guy named Jim Jim Andy who I still speak to by the way and he was Mike he was the guy that turned me on to golds and doing all that shit we just spoke about two weeks ago my heart goes out to Jim Andy he's a good man and I left him over there and pissed him off beach by himself but I love him

to death I love his kids but I remember with me Jim Andy and the fucking they kind of closed the dealership because the guy was on a loose nobody knew what a fuck he was and then he was spotting a Kmart which was the same Kmart I called the cops from when they were looking for me in boulder do you remember that story when I told you I was in front of Kmart calling the cops and they were going into Albertson's I was in front of that Kmart that Kmart was across the street from where I lived so supposedly after he shot the four kids he went into the Kmart and bought more ammunition and then the cops went over there so there was cops all over my fucking house me I always got a piece and I wasn't scared the guy I knew the guy was crazy over pussy he was

going to shoot me but I went home I got my guns ready and I think that night I actually had a little bit of powder and my wife was upstairs sleeping I wanted a back room even though I was in the halfway house and I did a couple bumps I got no reason to lie to you guys you guys know about my drug crazy path and the next morning they shot him maybe three quarters of a mile down from the Kmart there was a little jazz bar that they knocked down way before I left boulder in 95 I think that's why they knocked it down because they shot the guy in front of that well known jazz bar and they felt like their reputation was ruined or whatever but yeah they shot him in the fucking neck and when they went to surgery that night the guy that shot the four kids that

the cops were looking for the only that's what they didn't tell you in that story the only person that could operate him that was qualified was one of the kid's fathers that he had shot so he shot a kid and one of their fathers was a surgeon that could have saved them and he declined to save them that's what they didn't tell you in that story and that's what came the days afterward that they were thinking of charging the father because he took an oath and all that shit so it's pretty interesting shit so that's why I posted those two articles just so you guys could see that shit the shit about Jesus eating mushrooms you know listen I was really raised Catholic I was really raised to believe and after everything

I've been through in my life I do believe there's something out there you know what I'm saying but I don't believe that the apostles ate a fucking mushroom trip for a fucking month and a half while Jesus was doing all these fucking magic tricks and that they saw that under mushroom conditions I'm not going to accept that as a Catholic that's fucking blasphemy where I come from and that's it and that's that I don't know if you guys noticed that the fucking director of the exorcist retweeted me and Joe Rogan doing a fucking thing on him and I've never been so happy in my life his name is William Freakin he was the director of the exorcist and he was the director of the french connection this guy was a bad motherfucker and about two weeks ago I got a call

from a friend of mine John Salami that he goes you're not gonna believe it fucking William Freakin just retweeted you and Rogan because I was giving Rogan an airbeat about what I think is the exorcist you guys have heard the airbeat before about me telling you the exorcist is one of the greatest stories of all time he fucking retweeted it and I hit him back with a thank you and they hit me back with a thank you so my week is fucking good last week I didn't I forgot to tell you that shit motherfuckers what do you think you're dealing with Joey Banana is this shit you like them little fucking sweater with the international line of don't you looking handsome today this is an old fucking sweater my wife could never shrink it this is when I was like 418 pounds I just wore it

it's starting to get a little nip in the air and I'm gonna look good for you people I don't want to be wearing no fucking t-shirts like I'm 20 years old I'm a 57 year old grown man for fucking Christ's Sakes but I don't know what else to talk to you cocksuckers about all I know is it's been great my two months here I'm happy I made the move I'm happy you fuckers supported me you know I still get questions like last night one of my dear friends called me I know this guy since the sixth fucking grade and this is what he asked me last night about 11 o'clock I'm trying to watch the fucking news or something I don't know what I was watching last night I was like oh I was trying to watch that two nights ago I was watching that horrible Dallas football game oh my god the Dallas

Cowboys gotta get it together I mean listen it's a I know it's a COVID season but that's America's team they looked horribly at night and I just put them on for a minute because one of my friends went to the game in Dallas and he's a big Dallas fan so I was I was going through TV and I saw that it was playing and I'm like what the fuck is this and the middle break before I could get fucking upset a friend of mine called me but I've known since the sixth grade and he's telling me that you know thank you for calling him when I got here and that he's been busy with work blah blah blah but then he dropped something on me that was just fucking insane he asked me he was telling me the truth I've known you a long time why did you really move here and I go what are you talking about

I told you before I even left I called him to tell him I was moving back and I'd see him and he goes did you leave a warrant did you do something did you beat somebody up and I go no why is that what you thought you know Herbie has their own thing why I left that light I left that light just because it was over I don't have to tell you I mean I didn't even I thought so happy when I didn't repeat this is not you know like when you have a guy and he goes through a bad relationship with a girl and after they break up he bad knocks the girl I'm not hit a bad knock California California was very good to me I had a great time in California I wouldn't stand out there for 23 years it became something else and after I came here I caught myself a

couple times talking about California in a negative way and I'm like you know what I'm not going to say that shit no more if somebody brings it up to me I got no problem with it yeah I went to the park to watch the football our basketball game Jimmy's kid was playing basketball and somebody said to me at the park you see what California's governor is doing now and this is what I said to you for the last four years in California I don't know what it is I felt like I've been in a reality show I really had the last year and a half me living in California I think I was in a reality show with what was coming out of people's mouths what people were starting to say what people were thinking it was and this includes everybody I mean a lot

of people are driving me crazy in California I don't know where you know this fucking non participation this participation trophy that should start biting this in the ass in LA like four years ago because people were expecting stuff for free like they've never done nothing but all that shit aside that doesn't bother me what got me going was the political side of things you know July 12th no school for a year listen we gotta say no school until further notice we're trying to take care of the problem not just shut down the school for a year personally I don't know a governor Newsom personally I don't know Mayor Garcetti I don't know anybody I really don't I know a guy that worked for Garcetti is an assistant whatever

but I don't know anybody up there you know I I don't have much knowledge on politics and what and I tell you the little secrets I have but I don't have much I don't know anything I don't know anything about Nancy Pelosi I know that now people are opening up fucking Barbies because ever since Nancy Pelosi got her head done with no mask on people said fuck you I'm doing what I need to do with no fucking mask on so I do know all that shit's going on but the other day Newsom I guess said something I did not read it I did not hear it thank god like I said I'm trying to keep my mind clear and trying to stay a little fucking happy I just want to be happy so somebody came up to me at the parking light did you see what fucking Newsom was doing now fucking Thanksgiving

now I didn't say this I'm not saying this to you guys this is somebody told me and then I asked a friend of mine he's like yeah he made that fucking quote Thanksgiving two families could come over for two hours just two families so it's your family of three or four and another family could come over he wants you to hopefully get tested but for two hours only for Thanksgiving no singing laughing yelling is allowed you know this is the kind of shit that you sit there and go what this is communism two hours two parties you know two families no singing yelling no Halloween that's communism you know listen give everybody a choice give everybody a fucking choice here in New Jersey there's kids that go to Mercy school that their parents aren't allowed to go to school

I respect that decision for me you know I don't have if Mercy had two brothers and sisters I don't know how I feel maybe I feel differently maybe I just home school them get somebody to come in and have them play all fucking day their brother and sister that's what families do but since she doesn't have a brother or a sister and I have no brothers and sisters that have cousins or whatever it's not like I could just leave her at home all day but you know even that shit like I have an option I send her to school or I can keep her at home me I want to I want to continue her social development it's very very crucial to them at this age that their social development you know what it's crucial to them at every age you ever go to a daycare and you go

with your daycare where your kid is five and he's in there with three and the kids of the three are advanced because they're around more kids all the time they're around more kids they're around they see it they learn from fucking watching they imitate but I got a solo child I can't you know I'm 57 there's nothing about me that spells get out except that I get goofy once in a while there's nothing about me I feel bad for her because yeah I don't play with football and all that shit but like she plays board games and stuff I don't know I play no fucking board games she wants to play like UNO I play UNO with her and I play like this game that you have to fucking hit a board and the dice comes up and then you have to move it's sort of like Monopoly you have to get four

pegs but all that other shit I don't know what the fuck is going on so my decision was for her for her to come back here and have a social life I didn't want her to get stuck and it's really interesting she still talks to friends in California by FaceTime and I can tell you something you could hear those kids in their voice like even though I'm fucking deaf I could hear them when she's in the room with the kids sometimes I go to the bathroom I gotta go back to the shirt or something like that and I could hear how out of control these kids are these kids were all great kids but for the last six three or four months there's been no consistency in their lives if my daughter was home right now in California we would be home on a fucking day on the zoom and

on Saturday we might have a fucking play day that's gonna set her back years so that was it that was fucking it and I wanted to be happier I just didn't see myself being that much happier in LA you know I was stuck I was in a rut you know if my comedy was in a everything I thought was in a rut so now I'm out of the rut I'm out of the fucking quicksand and I'm on to the last chapter of my fucking life I mean I'm 57 what I expect to do travel till I'm fucking make jagged I hope knock on wood for all of us that I'm around and I can still sling some fucking dick while I'm 75 but let's see what happens for now we're doing fucking vinnies we got the podcast we got social media you're trying to put the pieces together so am I so we can relate to each other

so let's start with that that's Uncle Joey's joint for the week that's it for Wednesday October 21st I want you to fucking check out our sponsors whether it's Manscape whether it's Movement Watches whether it's CBD Line and that's it and that's that we'll be back next Monday morning ready to rip your fucking hearts out and who knows what we'll add by then but we always got something for you have a great week I love you motherfuckers with all my heart and thank you very much for supporting me on YouTube Patreon Twitter Facebook whatever you do and the merch is coming but you got to give me a breathe all right motherfuckers stay black love you guys now for a word from our sponsors Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Manscape listen balls are kept you got to keep

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have a great fucking weekend stay black and fucking don't go to no covidium situations all right there you go one shot louis i love you cock suckers you you