Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #008 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is bought to you by DraftKings & Onnit!  Go to www.stamps.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to www.cbdlion.com and enter CODE: JOEY And don't forget.... The Mind of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from podcastville. The joint is brought to you by Stamps.com listen This holiday season since you can't go see grandma in person You're gonna be mailin a lot of shit instead. The post office isn't just going to be busy It's gonna set new records. You don't need to hassle with stamps.com You can mail anything from the convenience of your own home plus it saves you deep discounts You can't get at the post office Stamps.com is tremendous. How long have I been doing the podcast? How long have I been selling stuff?

I've my wife has been on stamps.com You pack it up You put it by your mailbox the mailman picks it up. No drama. No nothing your house becomes the mail The mail the post office whatever the fuck anyway, do me a favor stamps.com Brings the post office into the comfort of your home Don't spend the middle of your holiday season at the post office this year sign up for stamps.com instead It's easy. It's simple. There's no risk and with my co Joey You get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale

No long-term commitments or contracts. It's easy. Go to stamps.com Click the microphone at the top of the home page and pressing Joey. That's it. That's stamps.com Pressing Joey and never ever ever go to the post office again. That's it The church is also brought to you by family CBD lion pride and performance From the gummy bears to the CBD infused. Can you ask a little tape to the the back balls to the tincture? Listen, I live on CBD line. I'm an old man. I got pains and rattles

I put a piece of tape on before I go to the gym on my knees and my shoulders and I'm tip top Motherfucking Magoo. Who else does this in the CBD world? Information everybody tells you this challenge CBD, but nobody gives you the information Go to CBD lion calm right now and look at the third-party lab results for yourself We're not messing around. So do me a favor go to CBD lion and press in Joey and Get 20% off delivered right to your fucking house every week the percentage has changed I don't even know what they are no more. They just take good fucking care of you when you press in Joey Go to CBD lion calm and go to stamps.com to get the party started now

It's time for uncle Joey's joint talk suckers candles lit I Look who it is. What's happening? What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday the 28th of October the month is almost fucking gone. We did it We made it nobody's fucking dying The numbers are up but people are living who gives a fuck Uncle Joey's joint is here and in color. I hope you guys are watching the comedy store documentary

I hope you're watching some type of I hope you got Showtime or you got an app or whatever the fuck you got Because you're missing some great stuff. I think Mike binder Did a great job the last four episodes? I've been getting a lot of positive feedback and it's not that he put me in or anything It would have still been interesting even not to see myself on there, but I don't know if you were watching it There was one picture. They showed after the Joe Rogan telling the story about You know getting banned and whatever

They said that it really slowed down and Jimmy Schubert goes, you know Diaz left Joe left and they show An SUV a Cadillac Pull up and it's me and Rogan and the Cadillac and I have my red North Bergen fucking Jacket on which was given to me by the great legendary coach Vinny Ascleese up in North Bergen. I'll tell you I got more calls from wearing that fucking jacket on that Documentary that I've gotten from doing anything like my friends all called me and said we're so fucking proud that you represented North Bergen

North Bergen was represented Saturday night the UFC my man Kevin Hawks, whatever. I don't know I didn't know he was from North Bergen. I didn't know he was fighting I didn't even know there was a fucking MMA gym in North Bergen I know any kind of jiu-jitsu is up there. Oh, your Rodriguez is school, but I didn't know anything else is up there So now I have to start looking when I go back up there I don't go up there that much But a bunch of buddies of mine called me and they were like, hey man Thank you for repping North Bergen and we didn't know that Rogan and you had that much hair

I was like you guys didn't know Rogan had hair like they're like, we didn't know he had that much hair What happened? Well, we get old Times fucking move on. This is what happened. But that's how long I've known him. I did the mat. That was New Year's 2001 Fear factor was a full effect Every year from like 2000 to 2006 We did even later than that. We did New Year's every fucking year

But they've got to the point. We would just do the improv and On Melrose, we would do the eight o'clock the ten o'clock Bringing the fucking new year at that Melrose improv and then we'd shoot over to the fucking comedy store And we close out the fucking night there. Have a great time. You know, this is when it was it I think the last big New Year's show we did was with honey, honey and Doug Stanhope and Duncan and Ari, we did one at the Woltern Theater. That was it But every year that was our thing was me Ari Duncan Joe Red band we do fucking New Year's and then we take it over to the fucking store and go bananas up there

Hochman would be up who thank God they gave light in this documentary Brian Hochman You know over the years there've been a lot of fucking things and I'll break them down for you right now I think one of the funniest stand-ups working is Bill Burr. I think Joe's up there too. I think Dave Chappelle is up there I think there's a lot of great comics working, but nobody I think I think Bill Burr really has it to the full extent as Far as a wild man on stage. I mean I have those qualities and I'm a storyteller and whatnot but there's another guy that

Just listen man in in anything and any any fucking aspect of life whether it's roofing Baseball sports UFC, you know, I saw it I first started learning about it when I worked for a sports betting service You know most sports betting service if you belong to one what they do is that they have a hundred clients Let's say Pittsburgh is playing the Dallas Cowboys What they usually do is they give out 50 people Pittsburgh and 50 people at Dallas Cowboys I

Worked for a sports betting service that did not do that. They gave everybody the same picks, but what They would do is you know, they would cater it to your Whatever you wanted to play let's say you were you're a parlay guy You want to bet two teams and go for bigger money a five-time parlay is $30 to lose $70 to win. That's when it was when I was gambling when I was back a kid 10-time parlay is $60 to lose 140 to win. Sometimes you have parlay people who want to make two picks There was this guy that I had that was it there's this guy in the world and every night we go

three in one three in one Three in one and I always gave him the one. I don't know what it was Every night this guy was like a fucking coach somewhere in Missouri. I really liked him I didn't want to have what everybody else had But I was giving them the wrong judgment. We would give out four games a night, you know a college basketball game Maybe three NBA games something like that, you know on an average But I would always give you know

You would have like a chart and it would have the four teams and who you were giving those teams to If you go back at those charts, I always gave him the one that lost He was a hell of a nice guy. He left me as a client. I would have left me too. I was giving them number losers, but Pete's felt through the cracks we were winning we were actually fucking winning I think the last year I worked there. I had a guy that was paying me out the ass We were winning we were doing really well We went on a hot streak when you go on a hot streak Everybody hears about it and gambling and they jump on the bandwagon with you, but this poor guy this poor coach

Listen, he doesn't even matter. It's been Fucking you know, 25 years since I worked on the sports betting service that guy has moved on I've moved on but I still think about that guy. I applied him to life that sometimes people just fall through the cracks There's nothing you could do to control it and Brian Holtzman who they put on that portrait on this spec I'm the documentary this week, but that guy made this laugh for fucking years. That guy Brian Holtzman is one of the true Funniest motherfuckers working. He just didn't have the the fucking you know He's a nut like me. He didn't have the fucking time to play the game or the patients play the game Sweetheart of a guy

Kill her up on stage. My favorite Brian Holtzman story is we put a fart machine in the fucking room While he was on stage one night and the kid who had the fart machine Kept putting it off and Brian Holtzman was trying to do his jokes This is from the count, you know, if you're watching the documentary They're telling you shit that you know you guys you cannot believe I mean I was at the comedy store in 97 When there was eight people on a fucking Wednesday night, you know You think about all the gold and glitter and all the shit that was going on down in the last seven years Dog before that it was a rough fucking place

I know tons of comics like I mentioned names that walked in there looked at me and said I don't know how the fuck you do this and walk the fuck out of there It was tough. It was tough The only a certain type of comic went down there not a lot of comics went down there And the comics that did go down there were rough and tumble type guys That was a rough fucking place But Brian Holtzman at night would make that fucking place So much better because after all the bumps after everybody got bumped after every be left mad

Brian Holtzman was a trooper in fact It was Brian Holtzman who told me something one night somebody bumped us because they talked a lot about bumping on the Documentary bumping is when you're about to go up at 11 o'clock and a star walks in and goes on stage And now you got to sit there like a fucking mootalua Want me to tell you something? I never got mad at that I can look you guys straight into the face and tell you I never got mad at bumping because I Always knew that was part of the game

It's like when Christopher Maltesani complained to Tony Soprano I'm about always having to pick up dinner because he was a low man on the totem pole and he's like What are you worried about some day some kids gonna be buying you dinner? It's the same fucking concept You know when you when you're at the comedy store, and you're fucking green bitch You're gonna go through a lot of suffering and a lot of mental fucking anguish whether or not, you know You're even good whether you're getting bumped. It was always a surprise You didn't know if Eddie Griffin was gonna bump you dice was gonna bump you Paul Mooney was gonna bump you Gary Shannon was gonna bump you you didn't know it was the night of bumps

There was some nights those stars just came in and bumped themselves like there were nights where who went up last night Fuck it Eddie Griffin went up dice went up and Mooney closed it up though two in the morning Nobody went up, but that was all part of the fucking game a lot of you guys are there sitting at me going I wouldn't say that yes, you would because you had nowhere else to go You had to sit there pinned in case this guy got off fucking stage. You know many nights I sat there and waited just and couldn't do coke Don't tell me all it's because you were doing coke couldn't do coke. I was going up on stage How the fucking I do coke I could just walk around and talk to people and shit like that

But that's how I built my friendships at Ari and Joe and fucking Duncan and red band Which is sitting around waiting. You know many comments and say fuck you I'm leaving But it was Brian Holtzman Who one night back there in 97. I'm like, I can't believe I'm waiting around for a 145 spot and he's like You don't want it Go put it out go get a truck board and put out on the street. Joey doesn't want his 145 spot Who wants to do it? See how many people will sign up for that fucking spot? So Brian Holtzman set me straight

Right fucking then and there. I mean Brian Holtzman sent me fucking straight like listen You just got to wait that's part of a fucking game. That's part of becoming a comic and you know what by waiting After a while, you don't even want to talk to people no more You just want to watch that comic and learn and to me it was lucky because in my world It was poor Mooney why to follow and TK whatever his name was and Dom Marrera and Andrew So by following those guys it made me the comic who I am today, you know Joe Rogan always says That it killed me because a lot of people give Joe shit and a lot of people give me shit I still get shit about it. People say that's the funniest man walking around and people go. No, it's not it Joe

But Bill Burr, that's not how Joe meant it Joe meant it in the sense of Listen, let me tell you something. Look what just happened in front of your eyes Comedy Central went out of business and Quibi went out of business You haven't mentioned that I haven't mentioned that about Quibi going out of business Quibi was a Jeff Katzenberg or whatever fucking project where it was 10 minute shows And it would shoot 10 10 minute shows Well, those motherfuckers went out of business and it's like Tim Dylan said the other day

God bless Tim Dylan because he says it right Quibi went out of business and all of us didn't have a job You know comedy central went out of business because America finally woke the fuck up How the fuck were all these comics hiding and you were promoting all these other comics? You know, they were hiding the Ari they were hiding me They were hiding tons of people that were exposing the Joe Rogan podcast So where did comedy where was comedy central's fucking credibility? I mean, I'm not putting comedy central down. Listen, if it wasn't for comedy central

What Ari should fear this is not happening. I wouldn't be where I am that show was fucking that show made me where I am today It let me showcase my storytelling and I went deep on there and I didn't do it for comedy central I went deep on there for my brother Ari because I wasn't letting him the fuck down You know, I didn't have a beef with comedy central But they never thought about me for anything. So fuck them. I did that show and put my fucking soul on the line Put you as a fucking Ari But even after those things people were like, who are all these comics that you don't show us So what happened to comedy central was they kind of lost credibility and quib instead of fucking looking at comedy central

I'm going we don't want to become them and hire all these fucking Bumps to fucking because quibby had just a bunch of broiler shows I'm not here insulting anybody or putting anybody down But they didn't go to any of us They didn't go to Duncan. They didn't go to fucking Tim Dillon They didn't go to Burke Christia. They didn't go to nobody So what the fuck right? Yeah, what the fuck? Who's fault is that because we're bad boys or whatever the fuck because we're comics

But you want with that, you know, how many actors do you see on tv shows? That the tv shows keep getting canceled and they keep bringing them back on another format I don't know how many fucking shows they're gonna give these people But at the same time Tim Dillon sitting at home, Andrew Schultz is sitting at home Makes you gotta fucking wonder like what the fuck are these people doing at quibby? How can Andrew Schultz be at home? How wasn't Andrew Schultz the fucking lead show on quibby? I'm not even talking about Joey Diaz yet. I'm old. I'm out of it. You know, whatever. I got white hair I do drug whatever the fuck you want to say. Forget me

What about fucking? Annie Liederman Where was her quibby fucking show? Where was Andrew Schultz quibby fucking show? Where was Tim Dillon's quibby fucking show? Why would they go with people who are doing things? Let's pick up the same fucking stiffs that have been on tv for 20 years boring you the fucking deck Like that then you complain about netflix, you know, this is what happens You don't go with the people who are going to take you to the fucking promise land

You went with the same people who are breaking tv's for the last 20 years 20 years they've been breaking tv's That's who quibby decided to get into business with 20 years of fucking bad television Let's get back on the boat with these fucking idiots and show you bad tv for 10 minutes That's what I need 10 different tv 10 minute fucking shows that are bad For love of fucking Pete I'm sorry. I'm going off today, but it's true. You know, I'm Sydney. I'm out of game. I'm out of the game I'm on the fucking sidelines. I'm on one of these guys la's where the game is at all this shit. I'm done

I'm just letting you guys know that I hope you're seeing this I hope you're paying attention to these things quibby went out of business There was no rogan on there. There was no red band on there. There was no tony hinchcliffe on there There was fucking nobody on there. So what are you doing? You're telling people you want them to start a network But you don't go with the fucking people that are doing things It just fucking drives me crazy But as uncle joey, I don't have to worry about those things no more I'm very happy with my fucking little life now in new jersey. I'm a full-time dad

I'm a part-time entertainer. I'm not surrounded with that shit no more It just makes you fucking sit back and laugh and go. What the fuck didn't you learn your lesson? I was in shock. Listen. I wasn't putting the meluca on quibi by no means. I have friends that were on quibi, you know, but Jesus fucking christ. They're already out of business. That's it 10 minute shows already. That's it fuck Anyway, back to the situation at hand I've been getting a lot of fucking emails lately a lot of little fucking tidbits

That joey you you look better You look happier Whatever I didn't know what was going on with me the last two or three weeks Because I went from a state of fucking panic a state of confusion and then I mean thank god for Mike, you know, we got the podcast going October 5th

and this is the eighth podcast we've done and uh You know things have slowed up for me. I had to slow them down Nobody slowed them down for me. I had to put a fucking Put my foot down and do what I thought was best For me and my family I took care of my family. I focused on my family getting them out of LA Getting the house in jersey, you know getting them in school. She's in school four days a week She's at the after-school program. She plays with fucking kids on the street. She's fucking happy

My wife is fucking very happy. You know, she's got friends. She's got a life Friday night we went out to uh We went out with friends and on the way home I go where's your other friend give her a call and she goes, you know, I might as well And my wife ended up going out for a drink with her, you know the some outdoor thing Just from to like 10 or 11 o'clock. I feel very happy for my daughter and my wife But I didn't know what I was feeling. I know I I didn't need to call up in the daytime no more I know that I'm not confused anymore

But then I started feeling this other fucking thing coming on like the last three weeks Wasn't confusion It wasn't uh anxious It wasn't anger I had nothing to do with that. It was just like something Just wasn't right, you know something just wasn't right I was having a good time with mike. I'm having a good time going on uncle venise on wednesday nights

You know, it's like I tell people it's the most I could do for right now I had to do this step by step and you know, just I can't keep looking at this how beautiful is this? Oh my god, look at this. Can you imagine sticking this up your ass with type of party you left? You put the use that as a suppository. See how high you are. Forget the fucking levels. I did on friday night I was fucked up friday night. Thank you for watching that tape I was fucked up because fridays. I got shit nothing to do. I got nothing to do on friday. I'm done for the week I'm sitting here waiting for my daughter to come home

Usually sometimes I go up north, but it was rainy something was going down So friday had nothing to do my friend was coming down. Anyway, we were going out to dinner So when I met them, I gave them an edible. They were like, what's that edible? You were talking about so We're not even talking about the hundred milligrams I'm not even eating the abx no more. I still got a ton of abx I'm saving those for my my tolerance has gone down. So these pro tabs are just 25 milligrams The last time I ate an abx I fell asleep at jimmy florentine's house during sunday football So and I still love you guys. I still got a ton of abx

I love the fucking product. It's still great. I'm just fucking too old for an abx right now. It'll kill me So I've been just dealing with these little pro tabs just to take them, you know, and Be able to just be social, you know so I ate like two or like four in the afternoon Just to get the blood going and then I fucking met my friends for dinner with my wife and my daughter And they asked me before we left what happened to that thing So when I put fucking a couple in their hands, I popped two more

Now i'm running at 100 milligrams, which is usually nothing for uncle joey Then I come home and I popped two more like eight. I was bored. I was upstairs with my wife I had to answer all this stuff. We're watching some fucking movie or something And then I started doing my sleep aids and that's completely different. That's a complete different territory Because my sleep aids are all like two milligrams shit So let's say I take five pills Yeah, it's two milligrams, but it still adds up to 10. You know what I'm saying? Let's say I put two kikimos under my fucking tongue the subliminal

It's two fucking things, but it's still four milligrams. And then when I make the tea, you know how many nights I've fallen asleep with the tea on my lap You have no idea Getting back to what Joe Rogan says that I'm the funniest guy in the world It's not on stage It's the shit that I do all stays The little remarks I make and the shit that happens to me that I don't remember to tell you guys You know how many nights? All right. So one night I spilled the tea

One night I actually fell asleep with the fucking tea once I drink the tea. That's the nightcap right there So you like last night I didn't take no item It was Monday. I will take some edible on a Monday. What type of animal? I used to eat them on Mondays and I lived back in LA But since I've been here, I don't need to take them on a Monday. I got too much on my plate on Mondays Tuesdays Wednesdays and Thursdays I got too much on my plate last night. I didn't take any edibles last night I put fucking maybe Three things under my tongue and I ate maybe three of the fucking pills

And I drank the tea at like Maybe 10 to 10 I was done with my night last night And guys I remember walking upstairs at 10 like last night was one of the rare nights. I didn't fall asleep on a couch I mean, I usually do for like 10 minutes and then I catch myself but Usually I fall asleep fucking watching tv at night like and I fall asleep as soon as I finish that tea Some nights I just sip one thing of the tea And I fucking go to the other night I woke up in the middle of the night

The tea was next to me. I had taken two sips. It was freezing now. I'm waking I got up. I'm like, what the fuck is this? But the tea puts me to fuck up. But sometimes all those edibles add up and fucking Friday night I got Fucked up. I hadn't been that fucked up in the my couple weeks jack. I made a fucking tape on youtube I don't know what the fuck I was talking about. I tried to watch the tape the other day. I passed out that night And I woke up and I had to warm up a fucking meal. That's how fucking That's how fucking hungry I was at about three o'clock I had a whole chinese festival going up in my living room because my wife had gotten chinese food early that day

She goes, we'll save it tomorrow for lunch. Fuck you I thought it wasn't a lot. I tore into three little wontons in a soup. I make out They had good wonton soup in my neighborhood good wonton soup And I had a white rice a little bit of white rice and she had szechuan beef So I had a bunch of the spicy shredded beef at two in the morning three in the morning I fucking woke up the next day. It was a piece of rice in my sleep apnea mask Just one Single piece of rice. I looked at that. I'm like, what the fuck

Where the fuck is my life going? This is the shit you people need to see What what I'm gonna start making a video for you guys. What's it uncle joey sleep apnea mask this morning? When I go off on munchies, I remember when dad woke up and there was pieces of fucking popcorn everywhere I must have been eating that fucking my daughter's cheese popcorn or some shit I don't even know how to shit like for a while there during the pandemic in march and april Oh lordy I was going deep with those abx's When the fucking pandemic first hit I gained 16 fucking pounds

The first month because I was getting so fucking high My anxiety was so high off the charts. I was eating close to 600 milligrams a night and I ain't fucking kidding When I ain't fucking kidding you you could get lee on the fucking phone We were popping those things. I know I was he would laugh at me. I don't know how you do it I got to do it. My insides were on fucking fire So I was waking up in the middle every fucking night I would munch out and that's why that's the only negative to the edibles because I could smoke dope all day And not eat one fucking thing. I've only had oatmeal today

I smoked two joints this morning early Early And I had oatmeal no toast no nothing For lunch, I have a protein shake maybe something a little later than for dinner whatever So yeah, I don't reefer doesn't affect my fucking appetite edibles make me go fucking bananas I mean to the point where it's not good. It's scary Like the cheese is gone. The ham is gone Chips are gone. You know, I don't drink soda. Thank god. I don't eat cake or cookies or nothing like that

I just eat fucking food Thank fucking god, man But last night was a very weird night because I went to bed early You know like 10 30 quarter to 11. I had to be when I went to fucking bed And I woke up like a 4 30 I didn't have to pee or anything. I just woke up

I played there for about seven eight minutes And I was like man, maybe I'll just get up Go downstairs write a little bit maybe take two more droplets of the CBD maybe two more droplets of the The kikimo tincture

And I'll go back to bed, but I go fuck. I gotta do the podcast early. I gotta get up. I don't want to be fucking Sleepy for Mike or fucked up for Mike, you know, I want to be as Good as I could be on these things so I said fucking I just uh Try to fall back to sleep on my own and I got comfortable or whatever I laid down and It wasn't happening and my mind started thinking about stuff, you know, like that's the natural I didn't want to get up

and something hit me Something hit me that hadn't been me in a long time That feeling I had that little feeling I've been having the last maybe two weeks because I tell you this goes on In like two week increments, you know, like the last eight weeks. I felt different the last two weeks, you know So when from august 19th To september 1st, I moved into my house. I had a weird feeling and then from september 1st to maybe the 15th It took me that long to get rid of that full-time anxiety And then from the 15th of september

To october 1st, maybe the feed Decimated a little bit. I got the fear out You know, I started accepting that, you know, the church wasn't happening. I started missing lee I started accepting a lot of things by beginning of october and then, you know, thank god for mike He called me because i'm ready to go and we started doing this And I progressed fantastically this month But something else happened The last two weeks, you know, I mean listen, my buddy died. My sister-in-law died

My wife is walking with a fucking a thing on her foot She broke her during the fucking pandemic. My wife was playing Whatever the fuck not tennis, but the other shit with mercy And she stepped wrong and she thought there was something wrong with her foot And she just came, I guess they were the doctor with a fucking thing on her foot She's limping around. She's got to wear it for like a month so

Yeah, listen, it's life Bad things are gonna happen and you're gonna react to them. You know, I miss my my buddy I miss my sister-in-law, you know, I see what my brother's going through I see what a lot of people are going through. I mean, I'm gonna tell you something guys that I'm gonna be strictly honest with you I'm gonna tell you how hard it is on people right now financially This is the first time in my life

And I'm not talking about it being hard on me. I'm talking about me trying, you know, helping people and whatever This is the first time in my life. And if you want, I'll show mike just to prove it to you that I got a hundred dollars on my paypal This is the first time in since I've had paypal that I've had like 52 dollars in that because People are going through a hard time I usually have, you know, 600 500 400 people buy CDs You know, whatever shit like that. This is the first time I got under a hundred bucks Because people are fucking hurt. People need money. People don't know what they're, you know, people move it in

I mean, maybe you're not going through it or whatever, but you have to be You know, drive up and down your streets, you know, businesses are going out People aren't working the full amount, you know, and and the holidays are going to be rough on some people. This is rough You know, when I'm playing fucking games here, you know, people needed to help them whatnot But this morning when I was laying there in bed I didn't want to get up. I didn't have to pay But I thought about what this latest feeling was that I had that was in me And the feeling was happiness

The last two weeks I ever since Mercy's been going to school for days Listen, I was happy when she was going to school two days a week Because we were still covering the spread around the house. There's still tons of stuff to do our neighbors are great people Our neighbors around the corner are great people the florentines are a great family. I still had a great support system but uh This morning, I I finally came to a conclusion like I remember even smiling but Like I just smiling going

I can't remember the last time I was this complete Like this complete Regardless of what's going on outside people have my empathy and I sympathize with everybody But for me my insides, I haven't been this happy I don't remember the long fucking time Maybe since I got into the comedy store, but even then I was dealing with the pain of my daughter I mean right now I am This is the best Joey Dears I've ever been and I didn't even know it. I didn't even know

What happiness felt like like total total happiness like You know and then watching the documentary My friends are happy with the fucking North Bergen shit My door everybody's happy around me. You know, I mean people struggling people are dying You know, this is life people getting flat tires, you know Uh, you know, my wife Whatever with the fucking foot now. I gotta hear like

She's dragging the other foot But besides all that stuff I could really look to you guys in the eye And tell you I'm happy as fuck Lee's up in Milwaukee. He's taking care of he's going home on Friday I'm happy. He's finally going home to his mom You know, he's gonna be home for all the holidays The Jewish high days, you know, all that stuff So I'm happy for him. He's taking care of you know, nothing bad's going on with him Steve Simone is doing his thing. I miss him, you know, Dean Del Rey. I miss my brother

I miss that motherfucker with all my heart. I please support Dean Del Rey. He had fucking Rob Halford on and a when I talked to him after he taped AC DC It was like talking to a five-year-old kid That just robbed the candy store like he was so fucking happy So if you get a chance to port fucking Dean Del Rey You know, hit him up telling Dean we're proud of you because he really is doing a good job That's one guy that Never brought me down. He really understood LA. He wasn't desperate. He wasn't needy

He didn't have there all the different marks that people at that level of stand-up have I don't know if it was his age. I don't know if it was because he was that wise of a dude But Dean Del Rey, I miss you the death. He gets all the love from my heart. I mean He kept plugging. What did I tell you? This is about guys There's gonna be a pandemic and you're gonna have to wear a mask and you're gonna have to do this And you have to do that But if you lay down then life's gonna take you down But if you keep going head on

Listen, I had to take that little period off just to acclimate Just to see what the fuck was gonna happen here. And I tell you something Even though I wasn't moving forward Now I could tell you I was moving forward because I was taking care of my mental health Somebody even suggested that to me the other day. They were like, we can see your mental health is a lot better guys I was surrounded by desperation Fucking, you know, when you're in that business, you're desperate and I'm not mad at you I'm sure I was desperate the first year. I was there also

But when you see people in these desperate positions Really shocked me what What I've stepped away from was desperation and greed I've stepped away from all that The desperation and greed I saw the last six or seven years in LA Was fucking disgusting and it went It manifested up on top and it ran down So the agents were greedy the fucking the fucking client was greedy and they all got one that lost their fucking minds

And I'll tell you you know Happiness you can't buy happiness What I have in my stomach right now beside fat and a fucked up liver and a kidney and god knows what else You know pubic hairs are settling down there. Who the fuck knows but what else I have in my stomach Is I can look you guys straight in the face and tell you I haven't been this happy in a long time I didn't even know how happiness manifested itself I didn't even know I had no idea because I hadn't felt it in so long for years

Nothing was right For years I felt like I could never reach this point where nothing was right This isn't about money or tv shows Or back end or that this is just about life right now Me being in this house me Just living like I'm not doing much. I'm doing stand-up once a week and that's all you're probably gonna get out of me for a while I'm not I'm not looking to do a lot of fucking things right now. I'm looking to get healthy

I've been writing some stand-up. I have been writing in the book. I'm trying, you know So that tells me also of my fucking progress because I couldn't write any fucking jokes, man I'm writing jokes again. They're not fucking the birth type fucking jokes Well, Dave Chappelle type jokes, but I'm writing and little steps become big steps the more I keep fucking doing it But happiness is something that I haven't fucking You know, you get temporary happiness Somebody licks your balls fucking you get a tv show You know, you fucking have a great weekend at a comedy club

You know, somebody tells you you had a funny joke. Those are just like temporary moments of happiness In what's been going on in your reality But to look you straight in the face and tell you that I'm happy all the way down to my balls I'm happy with the decision I made I'm happy that I stuck to my plan. I'm happy that I stuck to my word I'm happy that the people around me didn't get fucking, you know, listen, this could have been a lot worse off I lost two people. I could have a lot. How many people died from this fucking covid thing? A lot. I could have lost a lot of friends. I lost two and both deaths were not the covid one was

And the other one was just a heart attack. So You know, this could have all been different, but for the first time in a long time I'm fucking happy and you people witnessed it. You people could see it on my face You could hear it in my voice and you could feel it in my heart. I don't have those things around me They were making me unhappy And I can't describe the feeling to you I can't even fucking tell you and I didn't even know we don't even know what true happiness is You know, little things don't bother me no more

The things that used to bother me don't bother me anymore I have a tremendous relationship with my daughter. Listen. Yeah, I fucked up. I lost the daughter before I ruined the wedding who hasn't who hasn't ruined the marriage with their behavior and drugs or whatever If you haven't fucking ruined the marriage, then good for you, you know, Bon Jovi got it right the first time A lot of us have to get married after. Yeah, he's the only guy that got it right the first time He's been married since fucking slippery warm weather or whatever But I'm talking about us as he you know I haven't fucking been happy, you know, I mean all of us fucking make mistakes

I got the right wife I'm having Just a great time with my daughter guys You know the bus picks her up at 8 30 We all I get up at like seven You know, we all do our own little things in the morning But then we all huddle up before she goes to school And we talk and she tells me about her day and what her plans are going to be and who she's going to see

Today she was talking to me and she goes oh, hold on one second and she ran and she came back and put a little dodger hat on She's getting ready for the dodgers tonight and shit. So, you know, things are good, man And it's not about fucking being in movies. It's not about being on the fucking road It's not about driving a Mercedes Benz If you're not generally happy This shit ain't gonna work Listen for the most part In LA I was about 60 percent there

You know, I had to do shit to get me there, but I was about 60 percent there here I gotta tell you guys, I'm 100 happy and all aspects My relationships, my friends, what's going on with Mike You know, just all this shit the road it'll be there forever. I'm not worried about the road Philly I'm gonna miss you. I missed you last week But I'll be down there next year and we'll put it together at the park casino And all the places where we schedule whatever the fuck that'll I don't want to put anybody in danger

I don't want to make anybody feel like how I feel when I go to a fucking restaurant Even if I'm sitting outside and somebody coughs They're on my next pop-up and they should you know, whatever I can't imagine being inside a theater Or being inside a comedy club. I do uh vinnies on wednesday, but it's what? 38 fucking people nobody's gonna get hurt. You know, they got the doors open and we got some ventilation in there Dino, Vinny is doing everything he can To make it safe in there and I wouldn't go down there if he wasn't if I went down and there was 100 people

I wouldn't fucking go up. I just wouldn't go up. You know, burt was the one that told me he don't like doing inside stuff Because he did it inside gig and the guy packed it up So no, I'm not packing it up inside. We'll do low numbers. I don't want to fucking do comedy outside What am I a fucking magic act? It's 38 degrees is friday night comedy outside is over with You know, the heater is temporarily The heater is great until that wind comes off the fucking Hudson and knocks you off your fucking chair in november or december So my comedy is done for november and this i'm just doing if you don't see me at uncle vinny's I'm not going anywhere and every wednesday i'm at do uncle vinny's december is not in the cards yet

We don't know what's gonna happen in december, but i'm doing tonight And then i'm taking the first two weeks of november off and then i'm going back on the wednesday nights I hope that he has december open if things open up I'm gonna have to finish a movie who knows what the fuck i'm gonna have to do But that's all i want to tell you motherfuckers today that For the first time it wasn't cocaine For the first time it wasn't robbing somebody For the first time it wasn't

Doing a show or opening for anybody or a particular movie You know, it's like I told you last week that in la it's programmed To disneyland to entertain your kids Here, you know we're programmed for the kids to entertain each other For years i've been using Not using But doing things that I thought would make me happy

To be genuinely happy inside is a fucking gift that It only happens a couple times in your fucking life I mean, I don't remember being this happy at my wedding. I don't remember being this happy when I graduated eighth grade I don't remember being this happy because I got laid. I don't remember being this happy at all This has just been a genuine happiness and I want to thank you guys. I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you who helped me a lot in this What process helped me a lot because remember the podcast on the number 15 Patreon I love you motherfuckers with all my heart

Thank you. You asked the right questions. I answered the right fucking answers You know, I looked at a video of a patron and me in august I was looking rough. I was beat up. I was fucking scared I was confused, you know, I was a lot of fucking things today Oh, I shed all that shit. I still got my fucking rash, you know, you can't get rid of a rash I still got that ball rash. I still got the fucking uh, fungi toenail You know, I got nails now. Can you fucking believe this? Look at this cocksuckers. I haven't bit my fucking nails

How is that even possible? My daughter stopped using ketchup And I stopped biting my fucking nails Can you believe this? I stopped biting my nails What the fuck possesses a person that's been biting his nail for 50 fucking years So stop biting his fucking nails This has just been a tremendous fucking thing for me So I thank you and I want you to know that I made the right move

And I want you to know that I I felt the support you gave me When I was moving and the kind emails and the kind messages and for watching my videos I'm also fucking proud of you motherfuckers. It's a joey. Go the fuck away. You're too old. You're this you're that I just want honesty out of you people. I keep I keep looking at this thing going. Jesus christ This looks like a living tiramisu. Look at this Only tiramisu could bring you this much fucking happiness. I don't even know what type of weed this is. This is I don't even know. I don't want to say because I might be the wrong weed, but Oh, I can't wait till I put the podcast, you know what I'm saying? And that's it. And that's that

You know, we used to we we go through all these fucking feelings And when we get the right ones, we don't even recognize That they're there like when we get the right feelings, we don't even I I don't even know what that feeling is. I must be having anxiety. No, and that's why a couple weeks When I just fuck with the anxiety medication fuck all this shit. I'm gonna bring myself to life on my own I can't keep depending on this anxiety medication My sister was like when you feel it in the afternoon Just take a half and no fuck that shit. See I got caught up in that fucking that bullshit

People have been dealing with anxieties at the beginning of fucking life breathing through their fucking nose Riding your bike lifting weights. I'm gonna do it the same way and look. This is the fucking result I'm so an ugly motherfucker. I'm still getting older. But you know what, man There's nothing like fucking bringing up your own energy Haven't gotten a acupuncture in a while I haven't even found an acupuncturist here in LA and uh, new jersey My friend says he's got a chinese one for me. I'm ready to go speaking to chinese people I want to give a shout out to a chinese dude who works at the mail

He's a mailman with my little brother guide to basketball and c-quark this new jersey Guide to basketball always tells me about this little mailman. He works with a chinese dude That's a fan of the podcast and while I remember here. I just want to let you know I love guide with all my heart But I want to give a shout out to the chinese mailman because he's always telling guys shit about what I say on the podcast And what now I'm sure I'll get a call from guide tonight saying what the fuck Diaz You got me in trouble with the chinese mailman. Nah, he said you was your buddy They listens to the show

Somebody's gonna give him a fucking shout out. Who gives a fuck here? It's wednesday motherfuckers. It's september 28 We're coming up on halloween. Guess what else i'm doing I'm going to a halloween fucking party. I'm dressing up I don't know you got to dress up by the fucking first initial of your name So that means joker. I'm gonna go as a jerk off. I think i'm gonna paint myself as a dick with like fucking sperm on my neck I don't fucking know what else begins with j jerk off joker Jamoke, maybe I could just be a fucking jamoke. I don't fucking know

Maybe I just go as jose. That's what I think I was only going to put Put like a little mustache in and get like a little hat with some motherfucking maracas and shit and walk in there and just Talk Spanish to people. I was thinking about that. You know, listen, it's halloween When was the last time I dressed up for halloween? Hold on joey. You want a halloween mask? Put cellophane on your face. You ever see the samba in the sun when Onesta comes home with the cellophane She goes on that's I even got something for you and he gave a little ball of saran wrap. She opened it up She's like friend. What's this? He goes, that's your halloween mask. Put it on

We still got it cock fuckers. It's wednesday the 28th halloween's coming That's it. And that's that I just want to check in with you motherfuckers on a wednesday morning Let you know i'm doing fine Let you know it fucking worked And let you know i'm grateful for you motherfuckers for giving me a chance And for sticking it out with me today. We broke the third wall. We introduced mike You know mike's laughing on here and shit and little by little We're gonna start zooming guesting

And uh, we're gonna get this up and running how you want it. I'm fucking glad I didn't start it in that bar Because we found out something about the body at night the other night we had company and we came downstairs and we were just talking shit And I had my computer on you know what with the computer system stairs The tv was on and my wife put the heater on And the power went out How about that? That's the first siren you've heard in eight episodes. Remember in la you heard fucking sirens every fucking day That's the first siren

That we've heard in the fucking month here. I haven't heard a helicopter. I'm getting ptsd from not hearing fucking helicopters in la That's how good it's been here but uh I don't even know what the fuck I was saying. I got it's time to smoke this week. This fucking reefer has broken my fucking Focus today. Thank god. I took fucking alpha brain this morning. I gotta thank them too Because I gotta be honest with you guys Let me tell you what my logic was My head and my heart was so fucked up before I left la

I thought that doing the alpha brain would fucking work against me and make me get all fucked up So thank god, I stayed off the alpha brain Until I moved into the house like I gave it 10 days So I started my cycle alpha brain like September 10th around there I think it was a Monday and here we are today not even a month later And I'm thinking clearer I'm sharper You know what I'm saying?

This ain't no fucking make-believe shit my new mood at night that helps me lay down relax a little bit more You see my you know, you could tell I'm a little more relaxed. I'm not agitated. I'm not giving Honest on it a fucking push here. I'm just telling you the things I did To get to where I am today It was just a couple things, but I knew getting out of LA. It was one of them Maybe right now you're feeling a little weird about your situation and stuff And you don't see things happening. I would have left LA Five years ago

But I knew the hall across the country was I didn't want to think about doing it But once I did it and once we got out of the way the cats are fine My family's fine. I'm fine Some stuff got broken some stuff got lost Who gives a fuck? Everybody's happiness is back And that was the main purpose of this fucking trip. We just weren't happy no more You have to accept it sometimes man that sometimes you're just not happy

Whether it's in a marriage It could be a fucking job that you have It could be something that you do it doesn't make you happy, you know It doesn't make you happy. Don't keep doing Don't add little substitutes, you know I thought by adding a tv show whatever was going to make me happy. No What was going to make me happy was me getting out of there and starting from scratch again Yeah, I missed my friends

I missed what I was doing, but it was time for a new fucking life And I'm happy you guys got to witness me doing it From A to Z and didn't have to hear about it. You're witnessing it. You're seeing it You're seeing all the videos. You look at it. I'm a different fucking person. I mean we change every seven years anyway But as far as our insights our insights stay the fucking same Unless we lessen or add more aggravation or whatever I'm not even gonna agitate that the shit I used to no more Doesn't matter to me no more

These things I have no abuse of nobody I have no regrets with nobody I'm just trying to live my life being a better dad than being a better person And still trying to be funny, you know what I'm saying? We're gonna be funny Why have our day again the fucking son? But it won't be till this fucking shit's over with and then we'll go out there and do it fucking right But in the meantime, you guys got me here twice a week. You got patreon. We fuck around on twitter We do whatever we can, you know from time to time we'll release the fucking video to you motherfuckers

I'm here for you guys But most importantly, I'm happy that you've been here for me because I couldn't have made this fucking run without you guys After should I do Is to back up my fucking talk on these podcasts after should I do? You know, I haven't gotten to white castle yet. I know I know I deserve a smack in the face from you people I know I should deserve I haven't gotten to white castle yet I've been to fucking carvel twice, you know, I was telling my wife. I can't believe I haven't eaten entomians yet I know that I could just move here and die

I could I could die. I could last one month in jersey. All I gotta do is open the valve I got levotis close to me. I got shot right close to me I got everybody close to me and they got all the good shit. They got chicken cutlets. They got everything I need to get fucking huge I've been fucking towing the line From my health and so you guys could see it that I'm not fucking bullshitting you guys I work hard. I work hard that all fucking ends, you know, I could just sit upstairs all day I'm dying for one of those hostess apple pies Jesus christ, I used to eat eight of those a day and nothing would happen

If I eat an apple pie right now, my central nervous system would just sizzle and the fat would just spurt from everywhere I can't I don't even drink a fucking coke. I mean nothing nothing I've been drinking water if I do drink iced tea it's snapper fucking iced tea The fucking whenever I go get a slice because listen, I don't care what diet you're on You still gotta eat a piece of pizza every day. There's a cheese slice around my That's one thing about new jersey, baby. I got my slice back la didn't understand the mentality of the slice la you walk into a play let me get a slice they put on a piece of paper They got to give it to the mexican

The mexican gives it back to you that they call your name. That's not a slice Here is where you get a fucking slice you walk in let me get that one right there The guy throws it at you You give the two dollars you get your snap when you're good to go Let me tell you something a piece of fucking pizza here in jersey is like a vitamin It's like taking a vitamin if you don't eat your pizza in jersey You didn't take your fucking vitamins today And I haven't gone overboard. I haven't had no shrimp parmesan no chicken parmesan just the slice

Remember a slice is like going to a fucking therapist Just one slice I grew up on a slice every day all the same you put me out there with these fucking granola eaters And they don't know how to sell a slice of fucking pizza Here I just go around the corner walk in how you doing what's going on a boat for me Give me a slice fucking the other day. I went to vintage records whatever vinyl vintage over in my Woodbridge that's part of a fucking journey. You got a place next door some little mexicans I think I wanted tally and hidden in the back tied up. He just gave him the recipe

He just goes in and takes a nap the mexicans are spitting our fucking Slices that were fucking tremendous. So if you ever go To vintage vinyl and woodbridge like three doors down. They got a pizza parlor nice not the best I'm not so oh, bro. I can't find the fucking slice of pizza It's just a slice of pizza. It's very nice Very cheesy the tomato sauce got some wang through it And it's tremendous whether you like it or not. We all got different tastes But if you're not in New Jersey anywhere, you can suck my dick. We're eating some fucking real pizza here

That's it. That's that Uncle Joey's Diaz's joint Is fucking done with I'm happy you guys watch today I'm happy you guys made it till wednesday and I'll see you motherfuckers tonight at uncle vitties Again, thank you for everything you've done for me And I'll keep doing my thing here too, but this just goes to show you man You could have 20 girlfriends you can happy

18 porches You can have money in the bank and not be happy It's the simple things that sometimes make you happy That we overlook don't overlook the simple things in your life little things Just squeezing my daughter telling my wife. I love her You know Going to get a piece of cheese pizza with jimmy florentine and his son You know, it's the little things that I missed when I was living out there

And I put these back into my life and here we are today a lot happier a lot better and guess what if I'm happy I'm gonna be fucking funnier. So pay attention. You know, I'm gonna be doing some podcasts in the next couple weeks I'm gonna be doing history hyenas with my boys. I'm gonna be doing fucking Ryan sicklers again. I got a couple podcasts Tap so I'll be around motherfuckers. I love you Thank you very much for watching And thank you very much for being a part of Uncle joey's joint. All right. Thank god. We didn't move out to the bar

With all that drama. We're right here. We got some nice lighting. We got bruce We got sit in the squid. We got my man, joe rogan We got charlie b and we got acdc covering the fucking nut and that's it and that's that I love you guys Have a great week and now For a message from our sponsors That was a blast today. Thank you for watching Uncle joey's joint but Before we fucking end this I got to talk to you about something. Listen

Stamps.com brings the post office into the comfort of your home. This is why I love this company The holiday season is coming after saturday. That's it guys. It's Thanksgiving and you'll be sending shit and this year They're gonna be double as busy. We've been on that fucking. We've been ordering stuff all year The post office isn't just gonna be busy this year It's gonna set new records between the covid and the whole thing and people sending stuff But you don't need to hassle with stamps.com. You can mail anything from the convenience of your own home Plus it saves you money with deep discounts. You can't get out the post office Stamps.com brings the post office into the comfort of your home. Skip the line

print postage 24 7 any letter any size package going anywhere in the world Right from your fucking couch. Are you kidding me or what and the best part is the mailman comes and picks it up No contact required. It's that simple. You also get great discounts. You get five cents off every First-class stamp. Did you hear me five cents off every first-class stamp and up to 40% off priority mail You can't beat that plus you save up to 62% on ups rates Guys stamps.com is a no-brainer Especially now saving you time money and keeping you healthy and safe Don't spend a minute of your holiday season at the post office this year sign up for stamps.com instead

There's no risk Use my code joey joey y and you get a special offer that includes a four-week trial Plus free postage on a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts It's easy go to stamps.com Click the microphone at the top of the homepage and press joey that stamps.com Pressing joey never go to the post office again The joint is also brought to you by CBD lion like I told you at the beginning. I'm an old man

I live on this stuff when I go to the gym. I put tapes on at night before I go to sleep I pop two gummies After the shower I rub the cream lotion on my knees and on my calves as a moisturizer I put it on my face the tincture to go to sleep at night They have high levels of CBD CBD lion has it all for you You can't come at me with a fucking story when it comes to CBD lion because they pride in performance Go to cbd lion.com right now read

Read learn about cbd cbn How it works with your body your body type cbd lion has all this information for you This is not some fucking high school fucking drop out on the corner at the liquor store This is fucking science go to cbd lion.com right now Go to the web page try the gummies the tropical ones the raspberry ones try a back wall You will not be sorry press in Code joey and get 20% off delivered right to your fucking house. Okay You can't fucking lose cbd lion the winter's coming

Bones are gonna be cracking you're gonna need this more than ever go to cbd lion.com right now Pressing joey And get 10% off your order. I don't even know what it is. We're just switching as we go along I want to thank cbd lion.com one more time and I want to thank stamp stamp.com Plus, I want to thank you guys for fucking being here and watching the show on mondays or mondays. Have a great weekend We'll see you next week Who's better than you? You