Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #009 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey’s Joint.... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion & Do Fasting..... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.dofasting.com/joey And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/JoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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podcast tip top my goo on a Monday fucking morning welcome to Uncle Joey's joint me coolness what's up what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday November 2nd a whole new fucking month with a whole new set of rules I'm fucking happy about the new month I'm here two and a half months Halloween was fucking great but before we get started I want to fucking congratulate the world champion Dodgers I'm there for 23 fucking years you can't do dick I leave you win a fucking

championship you cock feathers but no I was just happy I was happy for I know a lot of Dodger fans and a lot of people having a hard time in LA that just needed to slow pick me up even though they fucking burnt buses and did whatever the fuck they did afterward what are you gonna do people just you know people in the house but I really I'm happy that they fucking won the last time like I gotta tell you guys something the last time the Dodgers won the fucking World Series I was doing time it was 88 think about it so I'm sitting there the other night I'm like flop the Dodgers having won in 32 years ago

that's weird wait a second I was in jail when the Dodgers won I think they beat the fucking the the Mets in the playoffs and whatever fucking had a great World Series so that's I was like Jesus Christ the fucking Dodgers gonna put me back into a whammy I'm gonna be back in prison but I was way in prison before the Dodgers that one so I'm all right after that the whammy on me now the Dodgers when I'm gonna get the kids a death back on me but no all seriously congratulations to the fucking Dodgers in LA for putting the team together I was happy I thought it was a great series I watched every fucking game I thought

Tampa Bay was gonna come back and smoke them I thought you know I don't trust fucking ratty people like that that Tampa Bay is like me they just didn't really have it together at the time but they'll have it together eventually someday and they'll be there but my congratulations to both teams Halloween was fucking great I didn't do dick I was supposed to go to a Halloween party but at the last minute their plans got changed things happened I had to take the my family out there was a little gathering at like 7 30 a couple kids were gonna get together we trick-and-treat in the daytime my daughter was

Carmen San Diego when she first busted out the outfit she went from looking like a seven-year-old to a 15-year-old I almost had a fucking heart attack but that's what life is all about and there's nothing you can fucking do about it she's getting bigger every day and she's happy no school this week because it's fucking New Jersey whatever teaches convention week so it used to be Monday on Wednesday at school now you got dick because of COVID they just said fucking why have school at all the whole week so we had two full weeks of school two full weeks of fucking the play school program after school program now we're left

with fucking dick so now we're back to LA so I got a hard week ahead of me it's gonna be a fucking fucked up week anyway election week you know you know me I don't vote I just carry a fucking gun I don't give a fuck who you're voting for it makes no difference to me I don't talk politics on the fucking show but I will tell you what I will talk about okay just so you motherfuckers know it's gonna be a good week just to lay low write some jokes mind your business I am not at Vinnie's this Wednesday or next Wednesday I don't know what's gonna happen or what's not gonna happen but I do tell you what did happen this week

that was a little fucking disturbing okay for me to tell this story correctly I gotta tell part of my story okay in 1990 I was thrown into a fucking halfway house but I was in the halfway house and you know me guys I tell you whatever the fuck you want to know there's no reason for me to blow smoke up your ass when I was in the halfway house my first got there I started selling blow I needed to catch up I was out of the loop fucking a year I had a little bit of money put away but I didn't have all the money in the world I was working but I just need a little boost I just needed to be able to sleep at night but if you know

anything about me I just wanted to snuck coke for free so why lie to you people it's it's been too long why why blow smoke up your ass no it's a disease yeah you're I was a fucking fiend knock it off alright so it's the truth you know so I just I kept snorting fucking coke and I was selling coke and I got busted but I was getting such a good deal but I couldn't fucking stop selling coke I had all these fucking fiends around me in the halfway house and you know like they said misery loves company so I kept selling fucking coke guess what happened the karma police catched up with me and I gave up a

positive and I couldn't figure out why and then one of my friends said to me when you're weighing those fucking coke bricks do you use gloves and I'm like gloves I only use clothes like you people no you gotta use gloves when you wake coke so the gunpowder don't go on your fucking so the cocaine doesn't sink into your skin I swear to God when I gave that your analysis that time for cocaine I had nuts time I had not touched coke in like three weeks so when it came up positive it was just part of my world you know sometimes should happen you're like it's just part of what the fuck is going on it really doesn't matter

I'm going down for this anyway I swore up and down I didn't snort coke but I really didn't snort coke I'm telling you people now that it was from picking up this guy was giving me fucking half kilos in three pieces so I would pick them up and then decide what how much weight there was and I had a break in I was like one of those fucking dudes you know that make fucking chisels like I mean the sky was giving me fucking bricks of coke and then breathing it when you break that coke in you breathe it in so it goes into your respiratory system so some way or another it was finding its way and I came

up positive instead of pulling me in jail I had to go back in the pocket and talk my attorney into fucking working it working it working it and he got them to cut a deal with me he said that he's allowed to stay in the halfway house as long as he goes to this fucking rehab this rehab was maybe three blocks from the halfway house and BCTC I forget what the fuck it was called it was like two thousand bucks for eight weeks and basically it was just a den of sexual harassment and that I mean everybody was getting that dick sucked who wasn't fucking the counselor it was just a nightmare it was a bunch of happy

people whatever the fuck I don't even know I'm telling you this fucking story but I might as well tell you anyway before I went into the rehab like they had to do an interview with me or whatever they interviewed me and they made me do some fucking paperwork like some diagnostic type creepy questions and they said that for them to work with me you had to fill out this thing as honestly as I could so I filled it out as honestly as I could who the fuck knows what was on my mind in nineteen fucking ninety you know so I do the fucking paperwork and when I get into the fucking rehab they come to me it's like I

said it was from six to nine at night it was a fucking joke it wasn't really a rehab it was just my attorney was fucking brilliant and it was six to nine you got there you did like two hours of fucking therapy group and then you went and did one-on-one therapy and I can't tell you how much lady got on my fucking last nerve because she was pointing shit at the wrong you know like she was saying that the causes of my things with all the things that will that weren't anyway it pissed me off but what really pissed me off but the program was when I got out of there they gave me a some paperwork and the paperwork said that I

had no what's the word I'm looking for when you fucking when you have no genuine care for people it really they said I was non empathetic and it fucking ate me alive guys like I went home there was no internet I had a double check with empathy meant on the dictionary I had to get like a fucking dictionary and read it over three times I'm like this is why I hate taking these tests because sometimes you don't express what you really feel like maybe you don't know maybe at that age of fucking up 20 fucking nine I didn't know what the fuck I was doing or whatever but just to make that statement about me that I was on

the empathetic bothered the fuck out of me and at that time I was still going through my I want to do comedy but I didn't have the balls face like I was just getting up to it so something was eating away at me so after I got out of that fucking rehab that shit ran with me for years about the non empathy you know no empathy no empathy how can you say I had no empathy for years I cared for my friends I write fucking cared about people around me I took an animals I did whatever I could but they were right my lifestyle the way I was living was not empathetic I didn't really give a fuck about people you know one hand I'm

telling you I give a fuck about people but in the other hand I'm telling you I'm over there shoplifting a fucking Kmart you know a fucking stealing receipts and shit like that so I was starting to understand where they were going with it so as life as the years went on I'd really really tried to work on my empathetic skills you know I tried to work and then by 93 94 I was trying to find out who I was comedically and I was trying to find out what I was as a human being what I was as a fucking man so I said this empathy shit you know he it just ate away at me so it made me go over the top on empathy do

you understand what I'm trying to say to you I went over the top I started caring too much like I'm like how can I not care about this this is simple shit you got to care about the people around you listen and through time I started working it out and listen while I stole I didn't care so it didn't matter how much I cared for a cat or how much I cared for Mike's dog or how much you know I helped somebody out with something as long as I was still stealing stupid shit there was no empathy that that's a reality that's a fucking reality and on the road in 94 I got myself in trouble twice and I don't one time for fucking

getting into a fight and one time the fact on the $200 now you know what that done the $200 is that's making my shit that's dumb shit okay and I'm man enough to tell you that's dumb shit now I didn't realize it was dumb shit what I was doing was listen when I was on the road working for David Tribble who was a great guy and he did a great service to a bunch of comics by putting us on the road in different fucking situations in different venues I was getting 85 hours a night the headliner was getting 25 hours and I was getting 35 hours a night no I was either getting $50 check a night and they would send you 35 in the

mail or I was getting 35 and they sent you 50 either way I wasn't making ends me there was no mommy and daddy to call there was nothing upon so that's cam I was running in Boulder in 94 95 with the fucking going in and picking up a carpet and saying that I got for Christmas and I want the money back it had to work on the road and it's so weird it worked in Boulder worked in New York it worked everywhere I went whether they get caught doing it fucking Idaho just to show you just the kiss of death I had put on me I got busted and fucking Idaho for it so you know again I didn't give a fuck but why do I tell you the

fucking journal because when you journal you get to read and when you say something and you read something it's too different it hits you two different fucking ways the energy hits you two ways you know I've learned over the years how to take my criminal stories which are horrible and make them seem funny because I look back at it now and the whole situation is absurd it's like watching Miami Vice now and you look at you go how fucking coked out was I but I thought this is actually a great show and how coked out were they that they were acting this way but that's what cocaine had done to society had made

us go over the top whatever you look at any of those shows today from the 80s you'll go all that guy was definitely I'm fucking coke when he wrote this shit but when I got arrested for the theft of under 200 I go that's the shit I gotta stop doing to be empathetic and all that stuff with the comedy listen my time in the rope Institute in Boulder you know my little taste of Buddhism really spun into control when I did comedy because I knew that comedy was a karma based business comedy is talent-driven and it's fucking you have to work hard but 40% of comedy is karma business because you're in the business of spreading

happiness so if you're doing something on the side of that and not spread happiness it's not gonna work out with you with comedy that's why who sits there and makes fun of fucking other comedians unreal failed comics because when you're a comic you cannot do that you cannot watch a fuck you have to be empathetic that's why when comics send me tapes and say look at my fucking tape I go no because who the fuck am I to judge you I was you at one time and I wouldn't send my fucking tapes out because I knew what they were gonna tell me you understand me so I wasn't that fucking dumb but part of being a comic

and part of being a human being is having that empathy and when you're a comic you better have that empathy and you better know that your business is 40% karma based look at all the fucking great comics Rogan Gabriel Chappelle Bill Burr they're very generous with their fucking friends with people who work with them they know who's bullshitting them and they know who's not they've been doing it long enough we all know as comedians and as human beings that karma plays a huge part into this when you're up there and you're fucking on a TV show and you're making money you have to spread that around to

your friends if not the shit ends nothing comes back to you how do you expect how do you expect things to come back to you if you don't put them out there into the fucking universe when you wake up in the morning the first thing you should be doing whether you hate Facebook or not whether you hate Facebook or not is getting on Facebook and see whose birthday it is just wish two people a happy birthday every morning just to not the ones that you know to that you don't even fucking know and that starts your karma cycle for the fucking day you understand me so all day long you're thinking in the positive

don't read Facebook don't go on there one thing I to say don't get into an argument or whatever you know because you're not gonna fucking win and from time but from time to time if you're bored you might as well put some up there to get the natives fucking restless okay so because of comedy I have it has made me empathetic it has made me think karmically because you have to you really have to think on the karma when you're in any type of artist when you're a musician when you draw nude pictures of penguins whatever the fuck you're doing whatever the fuck you're doing you better have some type

of karmic energy to you you better be feeding some type of machine you know it's not all about fucking dollars and cents it's about sitting people down and maybe leaving something in the right direction this is all part of your karmic fucking journey it's not comedy it's a karmic fucking journey and it's hilarious you know I've done a lot of bad things but I tell you what guys I'm done a lot of good things and I'll let you know more about the bad things I did because it's funnier nobody wants to hear you do good things right like I fucking saved the blind guy nobody gives a fuck Joey you know I'm saying because most

people tell you because they they want you to think that they're a good person they want you to think that they're a good person they're not good about me you and I both know that I'm out of my fucking mind I just make people laugh I got a good heart and I try to fucking work with people as much as I fucking can you know I don't like what's been going on during this whole corporate day you know I read something somewhere and this really fucking bothered me and if you guys got a problem with this you could call him yourself directly or hit his mum I am not a fucking like I don't hate anybody like and as a race wise I

crack fucking stupid jokes about hummus or fucking Hindu sandals and shit like that or Jew sneakers but I got no hate I talked to everybody and if he was ever been around me knows that you know Jewish people for example Lee I love Lee with all my fucking heart Lee will tell you that I've got the best hour about Jewish people in the world Lee bugs me once a month what are you gonna do especially my Jewish people and it's not as special about tearing down Jewish people it's special about building up Jewish people about what they've done and how Jews have to act merely and fucking died for hours on that subject I just

don't have the balls to do the special line because people go what the fucking telling you that act well you know listen nothing bothers me when I do the Volkswagen it drives me crazy drag me fucking crazy when I see a Jew in a BMW I want to stab him in the neck because they're sitting back race relation in 2000 years but that's me that's the way I think you're Jewish you act how you want I'm not fucking Jewish but if I was Jewish you wouldn't see me in a fucking German fucking car that's just me okay because I hope grudges whatever it's not good for you it's not healthy but anybody who knows like Lee

or anything knows that you know I read something in college I think I read some psychology paper that I didn't have no idea about this and then there was a movie called inside man that they mentioned it about during the Holocaust there was Jewish people that sold out their own Jewish people and did business with the Nazis to save their fucking neck I'm ever reading that you know my whole love with the Jewish people is because when my father came from Cuba young age Jewish people took them in the Lower East Side and then helped them become a man you know like I heard the stories from my mother I saw pictures of

my dad with a fucking gold little fucking star David the whole thing you know he was just enamored by the Jewish people in New York City then and they took a month there's fucking wing I still remember being a kid and my mom taking me for fucking who do you think for bagels and locks fucking one of my Jewish friends fuck you know my mom took me down there to the village and you know I learned to what a temple was and she still had a relationship with a Jewish woman that was a dear friend of my father's you know I don't remember it that clear but I wasn't raised to add nothing against you I fucking love them

so when I read that I made a mental note I had never even heard that like I'm not even good with history I don't know World War two I don't know not about nothing but I do remember reading that article and how much it fucking bothered me it was a turnpaper something at the University of Colorado it had to be like 90 91 I fucking read some about a certain Jews that just did business with the Nazis to save their ass and I'm like they did the most horrible fucking things and you're walking around like you you're fucking something special like that bothered me to know and you know you know with Cuba you got communist and

you got the fucking but they didn't know they were even becoming communist they didn't know they were becoming communist is when Fidel took over the island he didn't go in there as a fucking comment he went in there as a savior for the fucking people then he flipped it around for whatever happened happened but I always made a mental note about the Jews who turned down the other ones for the sake of their lives and for profit and I tell you I can't I can't tell you how much that fucking bothered me like I made a mental note never fucking turn you know listen guys I didn't rat I did time I could have read it I could have read

it on a thousand fucking situations I could have gave him I could have fucking read it enough to get a paycheck from the fucking government and I didn't fucking rat okay that's not how I was raised that's not my fucking style so the other day you know just like you fucking guys I'm reading the fucking paper reading the fucking Internet and I see this article now before we even get into this article let me tell you about my fucking position okay before you fucking even raise your fucking mouth to me and say a fucking people I don't know if you people know this when I look at my income 70% of my income is not

from podcasting it's not from YouTube being it's not from talking to you fucking people it's from putting asses in seats I don't know if you know that I don't know if you fucking are aware that that's 70% of my income is from putting asses in fucking seats well and on March 16th all that fucking changed all that fucking changed okay and we all had the same or every comedian had the same fucking dilemma of what the fuck we're gonna do okay you know there was ship comics they stopped all the ships those poor bastards have no work and then they were regular comic you know all of us and let's just not even say comics

entertainers people jump up and down circus diesel a all of us were left with a fucking dilemma you know all of us some of us every you know 60% of people I know were left with a dilemma that's why I told people in the beginning if you want your job go to fucking a supermarket chain right now start loading shelves at night just to just to keep you moving everybody's looking for fucking loaders at night go to shelves at night when this dilemma that everything was canceled yes as a natural human being when you get your car your leg taken out from under you you fucking panic you have whatever fuck happens I did not own a

house in Los Angeles I knew that Los Angeles was not wasn't my permanent home you know I just didn't buy a home I didn't buy a Tester Rosa I didn't buy a Lamborghini I kept my Subaru and I understood that the money I was making on the road didn't belong to me it belonged to my daughter and my wife I'm trying to support a fucking family here if I'm supporting a family the right way my wife can't really go to fucking work one thing that pisses me off is that you know in today's America both parents have to fucking work and the parents left for the fucking dilemma and in my America when I was growing up every mom

was at fucking home everybody went home to a mom and or a one or two moms that took care of the whole fucking neighborhood you know when we had the baby I told my wife you know you're 40 some years old this is never gonna happen again my wife was all gung-ho about working but I said listen this is never gonna happen again you work downtown I'm on a fucking state something happens at school you're not gonna get to it for one hour let's figure out our way so my wife became a business manager she helped a couple other people she helped me out and like I said I didn't buy a Tester Rosa I didn't buy a big

fucking house I didn't go to Hawaii 18 times a year I always knew this day was gonna come so when people go into panic mode I just went into fucking the other way because if I would have gone into I was already scared enough of the virus and I was already scared enough of my health I'm not gonna be fucking scared for calm I can't I got no time to worry about that so what a lot of people don't know about me was that when I moved from you're not gonna believe this but when I moved from here to from Los Angeles to New Jersey you ready for this guys by buying a house I fucking saved three thousand dollars a month did you know

that I save right now compared to the office when I was paying for my office when I was paying for rent and for the service charges right now today we are eliminated thirty one hundred dollars a month from moving out of LA just just just in rent alone never mind insurance just just in rent alone we fucking gave up 30 to $1 so my wife and I sat down we put together a plan we put together a budget what we could afford what we couldn't afford and this is how I've been living since then I made a decision since the paper said I'm not empathetic all those fucking geniuses said I'm not empathetic I proved them the

fuck wrong now you know as soon as the fucking pandemic hit we got calls saying that they were gonna push our dates back and that was fine I said just get rid of them from day one I can go to back to those podcasts in March I told you get rid of them I'm not gonna be dicking around with this I'm not gonna be dicking around with this I didn't know what it was I'm not a scientist and I'm not dr. Fauci I'm not Fauci's assistant I do know that when there's a lot of people around from what I've seen people getting trouble whether it's a church gathering you know I got nothing I got listen I got nothing against people want

to go to church but I know that there's a hundred to two hundred people in there and there's no proper ventilation somebody's gonna get this fucking day you know so I thought about myself I'm 57 I'm not the fucking healthiest guy in the world I've always had respiratory problems I smoke 25 joints a fucking day you know I have controlled hyperextension it's not worth it it's just not worth it plus I can't live I could I couldn't forgive myself if you told me that you came to my show had a good time and then you went back to your mother's house and your grandmother died I have enough of my fucking plate I've done a

lot of bad things directly to want to be involved with something indirectly the last thing I want any of my pages that you came to a show and that you got sick from my fucking show and I mean this in a most sincere way I knew I was sitting out the fucking year I knew I was sitting out to you I've said it a thousand fucking times I'm sitting out the fucking year because everything just didn't see and then you're coming into these months these are the battleground months this is cold weather this is COVID this is flu season there's fucking there's fucking an election and and we have social whatever the fuck we're just

not settled we're turning on one another we are turning on one another over what I don't fucking know but this country is turning on one another you know social media is turning on one another that's the last thing I want to do I didn't want any problems throughout this whole fucking deal so I said fucking I am not gonna go on the fucking road I do not want to be anywhere where there's more than 70 80 people I do not want I don't want anything to fucking do with it it's not for me I am not gonna support it I am not gonna fucking whatever I'm it's just not for me I'm sorry you know I love you people I love doing fucking

stand-up I love going out I love getting high before I go on stage I love fucking with you motherfuckers but I know that there's a fucking side to this and that somebody's gonna get sick and at the end of the day I know people are recovering in three days but guess what it's coming back fucking stronger than ever and I don't know I don't know what to bring are you a doctor I'm not a fucking doctor you a scientist I'm not a fucking scientist so why fuck around so I've been done I I I behaved as as they've asked me to behave now back to going to be an empathetic let me explain my search for you about being

empathetic but fucking I was telling somebody a story a couple weeks ago that I lived in this building where Ralphie lived a bunch of us lived and there was a beautiful born girl lived around the corner she was off we were all friends we were all dear friends we fucking partied together went to bars together they came to the comedy store they used to go to laugh after and watch Ralphie she was like a promoter on one of the TV shows I did beautiful girl on one day she decides to go get fake tits okay none of my business I'm not a boyfriend I don't date the girl she comes back she's got humongous fucking tits great did we

hit on a note we were all friends with her now she decides to get married like after three months of having the fake tits she decides to get married I'm like I'm beside myself you got fake tits and you got married in three months what happened nobody thought you didn't give a chance to somebody to come on you didn't do nothing you paid thirty thirty thousand whatever you paid for those fake tits and you tap out you get married in three months what type of fucking fun are you but that's not what pissed me off what pissed me off is that she had the balls to send us all wedding invitations for fucking Mexico now that wasn't the

first time I got an invitation to fucking Mexico like leading up to that I had gotten a couple fucking like weird invites to fucking weddings like one was on an island off the coast of San Francisco and everybody had a dress white I'm not doing that then I got another one to fucking get married in like fucking Colorado somewhere like these are people that I just basically know but they send me an invite you know you put on to an envelope you know you not gonna fucking go but I read the details to their fucking weddings I'm like so wait a second it's gonna cost me just three G's just to show up to never

mind the wedding the fucking reefer the fucking hanging out the gifts all this shit who are these people what happened to just getting married at the VAW you were sucking dick behind a burger king 10 years ago now you want to get married at a fucking place and have 400 fucking guests cuz you're that special we've all seen all the celebrity weddings right when you they get married all the chicks from the view they got married white pigeons Oprah came and within six months the dude is fucking the Mexican maid Arnold all of them so how much love is there you know why have all these weddings and pigeons and people dressed

them white if you're gonna fuck the Mexican nanny what why are you fucking doing this to me why are you making me do this so I just said fucking I'm not going that first of all why are you sending me an invite to your fucking wedding I work on Fridays and Saturdays I'm not gonna give up a fucking weekend I don't care if it's in hell for your fucking wedding in some fucking dump I don't want to do it I stopped doing it so I just put yardsticks and then send them off whatever I can't go to your wedding I'm in Louisville Kentucky that week I'm in whatever I'm fucking Mars I'm killing myself I'm not going to your

fucking wedding so not gonna fuck off so this chick sends me an invite to a wedding you got to be there January 26th the wedding is January 1st and you got to stay till January 5th ain't nobody sucking duck here for free what are you talking about December 26th that's the day when I'm my most brokeest how broke are you on fucking December 26th you're sitting there eating leftovers because you're fucking tap you're ready one for Christmas the fucking kids my wife's birthdays at 29th then you got fucking new years after rent on New Year's Day you're fucking tap and these people wanted you to

fucking go to and I made a big stink about it people like oh why you should have done that go fuck yourself it's the truth nobody wanted to raise their hand who the fuck are you that you think you're so fucking special to have a fucking wedding 300 people well this is not even that in Mexico not even that so right then and there when I got married I said fucking when I get married I'm not gonna put any pressure on nobody number one I don't want no gift I don't want to give just you showing up is a fucking gift number two I got married on a Wednesday who gets married on a Wednesday Joe Diaz does every other

jerk off gets married on a Saturday I didn't want to get married on a Saturday I didn't want to ruin comics I wanted comics to get together so I got married on Wednesday before Thanksgiving no presents no dress up me and my wife got married the fucking make-believe-shot-chapel on Wulsham Boulevard and we had the party at the Hollywood Bowl we got pastrami from Languages we got fucking pork chunks from El Corchanito and we got fried chicken from fucking routes and that was our fucking reception red band went Joe Rogan went no suits no ties no bullshit no fake kisses no banging on glasses no fucking

daddy's little girl Ralph he made it show I was not angry with him he was doing a week somewhere I didn't send him an angry email you didn't come to my wedding it's not about that it wasn't about that it was about me and my wife having a good time and the friends that could be there fucking Jerry Rocha my little brother gave me an envelope for 35 fucking dollars a feature act that kid sweet fucking heart of a kid that has the podcast support Jerry Rocha as much as you fucking can these are the people came to my wedding red band took pictures graduate red band I'm getting the house and Austin Eddie Bravo I mean we had such

a good time at my wedding because it was organic there was no fucking fakeness there was no fucking pigeons there was no tap the glass and wrap arms around like a fucking yoga pose and take a drink I hate all that shit but that's what empathy is about it's not putting people in bad fucking position so I didn't want to put nobody in a bad position so the other day I'm looking at fucking YouTube so now if I've eliminated my income like dog I don't want to do it and it's not that I'm scared of COVID it's not the election it's just that look up they fucking through my man Jay off a fucking stage

in Pennsylvania you know big jail because he didn't need that when the guy was drunk but not not Jay the guy who pushed him off Jay didn't need that you know there's COVID out there they're overseeing people at some of these fucking clubs you know people reach out to me all the time hey man we're doing company not really because a comedy club doesn't know how to handle what's going on right now how you don't know what the fuck you're doing you just a regular bar that's looking to make a fucking profit that's looking to have people in that I just say no to him I do not want I do uncle Vinnie's I trust

that man with all my fucking heart he is socially fucking distance he'll tell you himself he's not making any money but it's better than fucking sitting at home I do 38 people for a fucking reason and I keep it at 38 people for a fucking reason and I keep it at no meet and greet for a fucking reason not because I don't like you but because I might get something God knows what the fuck I have fat fuck God knows what I have but again God knows what the fuck you have and there's people out there that don't think about other people when they make a fucking move so I read somewhere the other day and I posted on

Facebook that some guy had a fucking party and 50 people got infected and a bunch of people in the fucking hospital and people gave me a bunch of grief about it which I didn't really give a fuck I knew people gonna get hot when I put it up anyway because I see what gets under your people's skins and sometimes you gotta have a good time with you fucking morons on Facebook so I put it up that fucking whatever that the people got infested oh my god people had a fucking heart attack some guy hit me on patreon fuck you you're a celebrity listen to me I'm not a celebrity I'm not anything I care about people and I'm not fucking

retarded I know I wouldn't have listen I don't want to have more than fucking 50 people around right now I don't even want to have more than 20 people we've done the show fucking four times I want to do it four times and I step back for two weeks to see what the result was there was a reason why I did this you fucking jerk off there was a reason I wanted to see after four weeks if we can move forward or we can move back I didn't seem to get it I kept my mask on I stay out of fucking bad situations and that's me but this is why I did all these things I don't make any money at 38 people near does uncle Vinnie I'm doing

a pure fucking love and to stay sharp so next year when we're time to fucking go I'm ready to fucking go at least I have an idea of where the fuck I am and what the fuck I'm doing so yeah I posted that up on Facebook and not because I am against it I am totally fucking against it if you're outside you know what you're not thinking about I'm not thinking about me I'm thinking about the guy across the street I'm thinking about my clients fucking kids I would you how would you like I'm thinking about my client and his fucking kids I'm thinking about everybody who's got a grandma I don't have a grandmother what are you gonna

fuck about I don't have a grandmother a mother or a fucking father in my world I don't give a fuck about anybody but I do because I know what it's like to live without a mother and a fucking father I heard horror stories about people having to say goodbye to their parents on fucking FaceTime did you I heard horror stories I have friends that their parents died in Florida and had to sit here and watch their parents die I don't know about you I didn't see my mother died I found it dead big fucking difference but if I could fucking help that if I could save that I don't know if it's our oaks I don't fucking know I know at the

hospitals are fucking empty right now and mama and shit like that I don't know anything else about what's going on do I believe I don't know what to believe anymore but you know what for me being me I'd rather be safe than be fucking sorry I won't put myself in a corvoid your situation so I'm not gonna put you in a corvoid your situation and that's it playing the fucking simple so when I put those type of posts up that's why if you don't want to fuck don't fucking I don't give a fuck I don't just talk to talk I walk to walk and that's what you guys have made me do by doing this podcast the last ten years I just don't

I don't have the freedom to just talk anymore now I gotta walk to walk when I'm telling you I'm working out I'm losing weight I'm telling you I'm working out I'm losing weight when I'm telling you I'm not fucking the dog by the way oh my god so I didn't do edibles all week I figured Friday night is Devil's night right what the fuck it's time to see the devil I had to do a pre-warmup oh fucking Thursday night listen I didn't even know you know I'm honest with you guys I didn't even make it to the FBX tablets I didn't even make it to the 200 milligram tablets I ate 325 just to get me warmed up and I was out of my

fucking mind I think my edible days I've come to a fucking end I think they really have Michael Klein I think they've come to the better fucking end I think that my tolerance has been gone down I think that whatever bullshit I had stormed around my life in LA whatever nonsense I had going around me was making me eat those edibles whatever pain I had whatever whatever was pissing me to fuck off was making me eat those edibles because guys whoof my edible days have gone down I mean you could see it in my face you can hear it in my voice there's other there's other factors too that we'll get to later on

but whoof those days are over with now Papa's an old man Uncle Joey Young was getting old guys I'm telling you I fucking take I used to be able to eat three of those ABX 200s and tell you to suck my dick like nothing happened you understand 600 milligrams 700 milligrams I was doing them all day long living like a doctor boy do I gotta tell you things have done chains bitches whoof I was telling Mike fucked in Friday night I may be two or three of those little tabs in the afternoon just to get started I didn't make it late Friday night last night was Saturday night was Halloween night Halloween

fucking day we all got together me the Florentine crime family and we went up and down this neighborhood and walked our kids we ended about four fucking 30 I had to do a little patreon work I was gonna go to a party I popped two edibles I popped three fucking edibles last night a Saturday night and I decided to take the girls on Halloween night to the scariest place on there you ready white castle we finally busted our jersey nut and we went the fucking white castle I had some points left on weight watches I went up the fucking white castle with my wife there about we went about six o'clock there was

a little line I didn't want to bring the burgers back to the fucking house and the whole house things like dead fucking bodies so I said fuck it we went we ordered three burgers a piece we got fries and we sat outside a white castle and we fucking ate them like doctors that was our Halloween treat we giggled on the way back I stopped we stopped at a bakery because he had candy and all this shit some guy a friend of mine had a bakery talked to stop by so you've my daughter a camp package he left in the door for us we got the fucking cookie we came home guys you know I tell you how it is I don't remember what the

episode was on Archie Bunker the first episode of the honeymoon is was the train I think I watched the beginning of the news and as I went I didn't make the tea Saturday or Friday night I didn't get to make nothing those edibles put me down both nights I know I had a hard time sleeping not our time I have an easy time falling asleep but I think like Tuesday or Wednesday and Thursday I only slept like five hours a night I went to bed earlier than usual but I ended up waking up at five five thirty in the morning both days I'm like fuck that I can't have this no more when I pop those three fucking hash tabs or

whatever the fuck I popped woo gone so guys I'll do a couple ABX's with you maybe I'll do one tonight I'm in the mood to maybe do one sides it's election day tomorrow that's gonna be happening so people stab each other and I'm not watching news and I'm not voting so I don't give a fuck so I'm not involved maybe I'll eat an ABX just by itself tonight to do the last stand the last time I ate a fucking ABM because I did a video two weeks ago and that night I had like four those fucking tabs and I had the fucking spray and I was off my fucking rocker so I don't think my body can handle 20 milligrams no more it's a

fucking shame but at least I'm telling you the truth you know when Lee was telling me he got fucked up like did you put 200 and I didn't put 200 I didn't sing it I had the 200s myself I kept the 200s myself I gave Lee jars of the hundreds for some reason in his mind he thought I put 200 milligrams and one I didn't I kept because they come in 100 milligrams and 200 milligrams the ABX that you can't find them in two only a few people have them a few stores have them I don't know which ones I don't know nothing but the fucking 100 milligrams everywhere they're not really a hundred and 98 milligrams so you're

not fucking pushing against the law see you'll learn something new by watching Uncle Joey all the fucking time they're really 98 milligrams I could eat those but I'm out of those I'm out of 100 milligrams I gave those all to Lee I kept the 200 ones but when Lee told me last week that he fucking ate two of them and he was hired for two days I'm like Lee I'm sorry I'd love to tell you I fucking those shit you know me I love dosing people but I didn't dose them those were hundreds so for him to tell me that they were affecting him like that I knew they were fucking with me too so I posted that picture on devil's night

I'm Twitter I never quite made it to devil's night devil's night was a little disappointing for Uncle Joey I disappointed you motherfuckers so I'm very fucking sorry and I want to talk to you about something else on Patreon we're trying to do that fucking crowdsource but with 14,000 fucking people I can't satisfy all you motherfuckers at once that's why I did the YouTube last week because at least the YouTube I don't give a fuck what you paid it was just a way to reach out to you you know I'm saying so we're gonna we're trying to fix this crowdsource on how we're gonna do it but don't give up

on me yet you know you get plenty of content you know I take good care of you motherfuckers we have a good time over there on Patreon now the tea is three five ten dollars fifteen is the merch tier we got the fucking designs I should be getting the t-shirts this week just to look at them not with the design on them I'm deciding about what type of material to send you guys and we'll have everything sent out here we'll get this fucking store rolling hopefully fucking we'll get sweatshirts from a different outlet and we don't have to depend on the Chinese and the fucking patches we're out of patches I

mean this has just been a nightmare for everybody so I'm sorry but why the merch up and running as soon as fucking possible tip top my goo so if anybody had a problem with my posting last week on Facebook go fuck yourself that's what I was talking about that you got to think about other people you just can't consider your fucking self and Christmas you don't say listen before this whole thing fucking start I was getting back into live music Mike I love live music I wanted to go back into live music you know what they canceled everything my am I gonna get pissed off it no it's just the way it is we're trying to be safe

and healthy if it's a hoax then they took me up the ass and I got fucked in the ass like everybody else but if not I don't know what the fuck to tell you so I'm gonna keep wearing my little mask when I go to stores I'm gonna keep respecting other people and I hope that they keep respecting me and that's it and that's that now one final thing I want to talk about and I want to get this off my chest I had a problem I had a big fucking problem since the time I shot that Netflix special I was fucking angry you know there was this big you know I think Netflix was what fucking started putting the fucking problem in

the coming I know I love Netflix I love that programming you know I love narcos I'm not talking about Netflix Netflix as an organization I'm talking about what the special meant and did to people you know people every one of the Netflix special about when I got offered the special it was offered to me in a short distance I didn't put it together I didn't like my performance I didn't like how I trained up to the point up to it I didn't like how I worked out for it I didn't like anything about that thing not on the Netflix side on my end once I got to Vegas and I was like why the fuck are we taping in a fucking pool when

there's 90,000 fucking venues to tape in Vegas and all these other things started happening so I started getting a little sour I got sour I got sour at myself to let myself get taken I got sour my reps for letting me you know for letting this fall on me or whatever yes I wanted a Netflix fucking special but I didn't want it under those fucking conditions you know I'm saying thank God it all worked out I had a great time with you know Christina Pizinski and Big J and Dominica we had a great time I have no regrets about that but I didn't like how it made me feel I didn't like how I was feeling about it I felt like I

fucking sell out like a fucking whore but I just didn't fucking feel right about it that was it and I carried a grudge towards it for some reason I carried a little grudge and it was eating away at me and you know a lot of people looking at me go enjoy you look better your voice sounds better you lose them way than it it's nothing above it was that I got the vicious vicious cycle I was an LA thank don't thank this on me drinking water don't thank this on me stopping eating bacon you know I didn't change any you know I'm still on my shroom tech I'm still on my alpha brain cycle I still fuck around with the new mood and it

also has the the melatonin that you put on your tongue you know yeah the alpha brain helped me once I got here my mind was straight you know I haven't taken any colonopins it's got to be two weeks now I mean I'm done with the colonopin fucking thing I taper off once in a while because it's not healthy I'm scared I'm gonna get a stroke but that's why I smoke weed so I don't get a fuck I don't fucking know I'd rather feel the way I do than be on a drug that's supposedly lying to me whatever the fuck so I'm a lot better but two things happened this last week that I'm very sorry they happened but they had to

fucking happen you know I went off on a dear friend of mine this weekend I love him dearly he's helped me become who I am but he never really listened to me and and throughout this whole experience throughout this whole thing from July to now I've had a plan and he's a dear friend of mine and he's been trying to take me off my plan by me going on the fucking road and I don't want to go on the fucking road and I told him this repeatedly and I'm the type of guy that when you tell me something I'll tell you let me think about it and that means when we put in the backburn let me really think about it or it's another

way of telling you it's not a good idea for me right now and it might not work for the last three months I've been telling this guy to knock at the fuck off I do not want to go on the road I do not want to want to plane I don't want people getting gathered around me you know what I could live with the 25 minute ride once a week don't go Vinny's and that's all I could do for right now for my own personal and for my the people around me that's all I could do right now trust what I'm gonna tell you I got it together but I also have a daughter she's off from school this week she goes to school in a limited time you

know I got to be here for my wife and the road just isn't necessary right now you know Dave Chappelle is not in the road Joe Rogan's not in the road Gabriel's not on the road there's a lot of people who declined I told Joe and you could ask him if you liked it I'll call him up tonight and talk about on this podcast I told Joe in the beginning that I was not going on the road and when he came back from Houston he called me and he goes he's not going back out there either it's not because Joe's a bad guy it's not because Joe's being selfish not because Joe got a hundred million dollars it's because Joe sees what's out

there it's not good I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you I don't give a fuck who gets mad at me I really don't give a fuck I'm thinking about you motherfuckers when you put a lot of people especially after this fucking election after tomorrow straight up people gonna be angry about something then I did listen people gonna go out this weekend this week and they're gonna it doesn't matter who wins people are not gonna be happy you know that and I know that if you don't know that you better find that out quickly that people they don't really give a fuck who wins or loses they just want to do bad shit

that's it that's all people want to do in my world I didn't want to go nowhere I didn't want to go anywhere until they figure out whether they have a fucking vaccine whatever the fuck they need to figure out do I want to take the vaccine am I gonna run down there fucking no I don't even take a flu fucking vaccine I take my chances I'm waiting now to take my shingles fucking shot I'm petrified because my friend took it they said his arm hurt for fucking three weeks so I'm not too crazy about any fucking vaccines all right I don't know what's gonna happen but I have a movie coming out in March and I'd like to tour

for the movie in March it's gonna be a great movie I'm excited about it but still that doesn't mean I'm gonna go on the fucking road and when I tell you something as a man when I look at you and I tell you I'm not doing something don't fuck with me don't fuck with me I'm not gonna fucking do it I'm not gonna do it and he kept calling me and I kept telling him yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah don't worry about it we'll put it together and Wednesday night he called me an hour before fucking my show and he fucking mentioned the name on there I didn't like and then he went on to tell me what the things he was working on and I

fucking blew up on him and I'm really sorry I did but I'm not because this is just to prove to people to stop fucking with me when I want to do something I'll fucking be the first one to do it and when I don't want to do it I'm not gonna fucking do it I'm not going on the fucking road right now I don't give a fuck I don't want to do this I did one outdoor show and I thought I was going to get dragged in the wood by fucking bears there were bears out there it's too cold to be putting people in bad positions I don't give a fuck if you got a heater I don't give a fuck what you got I'm not going out there I'm

sitting tight I'm ready for to see if they're gonna close us up or not I hope not I hope my kids still in school but listen I'm not doing no fucking shows over fucking 38 people for a fucking while I'm gonna be you want to come see me you come to Uncle Vinnie's fucking 1118 and 1125 if I got they doubt I doubt they got tickets I don't know what's gonna happen in December do you see a fortune ball over here do you see a fucking me with a fucking thing like no I don't know what's gonna happen so we play this fucking day-to-day the same I'm not gonna tell you I'm gonna be in Kentucky February 21st who the fuck

those are gonna happen February 21st I'm not worried about February 21st I'm worried about November 1 I'm worried about November 2 and how we're gonna make it through on a Monday November 2 I'm worried about November fucking third how we're gonna make it through the third I'm worried about what's in front of me I don't give a fuck about you know when you get these people calling you we you have to get your schedule ready for next March and April I don't give a fuck there's nobody knows what their schedule is so why the fuck are you bothering me for why the fuck are you bothering me making me do things I don't want to do

no fucking time I'm like fucking Rob Halford and then green man Alishen resting and breathing on my neck making me do things I don't want to do I want to do nothing so I'm sorry if I went off on anybody I don't want to do shit I'm gonna stay right here I'm gonna be a dad comedy has been put on fucking hold till next year when I don't fucking know don't ask me cuz I don't fucking know if I knew that I wouldn't be here I'd be at a fuck I'd be on fucking draft Kings bet the horse tracks all over the fucking world I don't have the answers for you but I know for me I know what fucking works and I'm sitting tight I'm gonna do

some writing and I'm gonna be the best comic I can in six months that's my fucking gold six months April May that's when we'll know what the fuck and we'll burn that bridge when we get to it but I'm not going anywhere why because I don't fucking believe in it I don't fucking believe in it right now I'd rather fucking starve I'd rather come back on shit and you know not fucking go to Hawaii yeah I don't need to go to fucking Hawaii or to live up with the fucking Joneses I just don't need to get sick I don't want to be responsible for getting somebody else sick and that's it and that's that this is a big

week in my life right now this week you know I hate this fucking week this week has been this week for me I hate this week but I love this week I love this week because it lets me show that I made it 41 years after my mother died but I hate this week because it's a reminder of my mother's death so it's like a bit of sweet fucking week for me you know the reason why I know all about this week is because this is Jersey Teacher Conference week you only used to have school on Monday and Wednesday and then you had Thursday Friday and Tuesday off my mother fucking decided to die on a fucking Tuesday night I went to school

on Wednesday and thank God I had Thursday and Friday off Saturday Sunday and Monday we fucking buried it so this Saturday is my mother's I think the eight I don't know if it's whatever the fuck that is Saturday or Sunday is 40 first death the fucking anniversary so this week I'll definitely be going up to the fucking cemetery laying some flowers I don't think I'm gonna take my daughter from my wife's running that shit I'm just gonna go up there make my peace alone and make my peace with her and let her know that I'm still here after 41 years slinging dick giving our bubblegum having a good time but most

importantly doing what the fuck I want to fucking do not what anybody else wants me to do well not what anybody else expects out of me I really don't give a fuck I do what the fuck I want to do on my terms I am part of the Florentine crime family from now on I want to send my regards to the Gambino's I was with you's all the way to the end for the last 30 years but I got a switch fucking alliances right now I'm living in Jersey I switched over to the Florentine crime family they have nothing to do with crime the reason why I call them a crime family is because they live like fucking doctors you understand

me the brothers are going to Texas games they're in Disneyland they live their fucking lives they don't give a fuck about nothing they just live their fucking lives and I respect that I respect another Italian family has taken me and his family I'm sorry to the older brother I didn't go to his Halloween party last night but it was I was too caught up with the fucking girls and I can't see at night when I drive another secret I didn't want to tell you guys I can't see at night can you believe it I used to be the fucking king of night time when I was doing cocaine I could see a fucking owl up on a tree now I

can't see fucking shit especially down here with no lights this night so I'm supposed to stay on a certain path and the waves gives me a different path I can't even take that fucking path because I fucking can't see at night so I have a hard time so the good thing is I have a doctor's appointment this week so I'm gonna get all my shit done I'm gonna get the colonoscopy that's the camera from your ass I'm gonna get my fucking knee surgery I'm gonna get a recommendation to get my knee surgery and I'm going back to the eye doctor to get new fucking glasses so I could read at night I could look at night and I

could drive at night how's that for you motherfuckers uncle Joey is getting fucking old so with that in mind that's it and that's that that's what's going on this week and uncle fucking Joey's joint I hope you fucking could accept it and I hope you understood what I was talking about today as far as my empathetic things I had to have that fucking empathy that fucking report was wrong so don't let a fucking rehab tell you what's in your mind sometimes you just don't express ourselves the right way from our heart to our paper or to my mind that's why I say keep doing it and then like that if you write in your

journal you read your fucking words and it hits you and impacts you a different way I want to apologize for whatever I went off on this week you had it come and cock sucker I begged you fucking months ago to knock at the fuck off at the road work and you kept bringing it at me so I had a fucking blow up not to mention I've been holding this in since fucking Netflix I didn't want to do I didn't like what happened I don't like how it was fucking treated I didn't like none of that shit the reason why it looks so good and why I'm sounding different and why I'm happier is because I'm away from my desperation of LA I

don't ever want to be in that position again and you know what if you're a young fucking comic and you watch this you'll feel it never fucking feel desperate do your fucking work write your goals write get on stage go after it so you never have to feel that fucking desperation that they give you in LA that desperation is a horrible fucking feeling and it's a horrible way to live your life and thank God it never fucking got into me but it's stuck on to me that that desperation that people have I would love to show you my fucking phone logs from when I lived in LA to now nobody calls no more you know why

because you don't have nothing for them they never cared about you in the fucking first place all they cared about they really thought that getting on a podcast was gonna change their fucking life how fucking wrong was that it's hard work it's going after it and it's doing the same shit every day they thought by going on a podcast oh my god I'm gonna be a fucking star whether it's the church whether it was Theo Vaughn's where with his fighter and the kids or whether it was Rogan's podcast there was this fucking group of people walking around like it was gonna change your fucking life and once I got I took that

away from them their friendship ended different like that not even a fucking checking call not in fucking nothing to me I look at it and I laugh I'm not mad at them I'm not mad at them at all that's what LA does to you and that's the change that you've seen in me I have wiped that fucking desperation off me that that that fucking you know look at me fucking mentality look at you for what for what all fucking day look at you for what just do your fucking job I didn't get into this so you people could look at me or analyze me through a fucking thing I did this just to make people laugh and it was the only day I

could fucking do I can't do what you do I can't I don't have time to be a doctor or why I'm too fucking stupid I know how to make people laugh I know how to say stupid things and half the time I'm working against myself anyway but I have a good time doing it I don't give a fuck so I hope you enjoyed this episode of Uncle fucking Joey's joint and hope you got something out of it we ain't fucking around no more it's a whole new fucking set of rules and that fucking LA desperation that bullshit is off my fucking shoulder never a fucking again when I killed those chickens before I left LA that was the end of that fucking

lifestyle so now when you come to me you come fucking correct and you fucking California cocksuckers you come correct on me on the phone you come correct in me in your life I don't need this desperation from you people no more I figured it the fuck out I don't want to be on a I don't want to huh who's gonna be at your party is he gonna be there oh my god you know that's all they cared about who's gonna be at your party people here just go to a party and have fun they forgot how to have fucking fun in California it was all about who's gonna be there oh my god do they have a Twitter following oh my god he's got a

million Instagram friends who gives a fuck who gives a fuck that part of my life is done thanks to you motherfuckers but most importantly thank to me because I saw it and I fucking hated and I despised it I love you motherfuckers with all my fucking heart I'm sorry we got a tackle tackle some tough subjects from time to time and I got to say some shit but hey this is my fucking platform there's the only way I'm gonna get out of my heart I want to thank Michael Klein for being here but most importantly I want to thank you guys for following me and always having my back and my support like that guy said to me

why don't you sprinkle the water more in the microphone why don't I fucking coming him up mind your fucking business this is the fucking Uncle Joey's joint I do what the fuck I want if you don't like it don't fucking watch and if you do thank you for being here thank you for subscribing to the fucking Uncle Joey's webpage which is probably the church I don't know what the fuck it is anymore and I don't give a fuck and when I do have a show I'll let you know right now we're still on November 18th and the 25th Uncle Vinny's fucking 38 people don't forget this weekend coming up I think it's the 7th and 8th Friday and Saturday

my brother Jimmy Florentino be down there both shows 38 people I might come to one of them I think I got one of the nights off so hopefully I'll see you down in this weekend be careful tomorrow watch your back don't let nobody fucking intimidate you you got the right to fucking carry a piece don't let nobody tell you otherwise protect yourself and watch your back Uncle Joey loves you thank you for supporting Patreon and thank you for supporting me I love you cock suckers I'll see you in two days and now for a word from our sponsors all right I want to thank you cock suckers for watching Uncle Joey's joint

and for listening thank you very much but before we go not only do I thank you I got to thank our sponsors the joint is also brought to you by do fasting that's do do fasting F A S T I N G it's intermittent intermittent fasting is one of the most effective ways to lose weight but the trick is knowing when and how long you should fast for so it actually works if you know anything about me thought this is what I've this has been my journey for the last seven years for the last since the sleep apnea for the last 15 fucking years it's been trying to get healthy you probably heard of people trying this and the

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