Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 01/30/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #51

Episode Date: February 1, 2013

No guest today, just Joey and Lee, old school. As you heard in the beginning the live video stream is moving to USTREAM. THe link is: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/the-church-of-what-s-happening-now-with-joey-coco-diaz This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo Code CHURCH for a discount at check out.  Streamed live on 01/30/2013

Hi guys, this is Lee don't normally do this But there was an announcement that happened after the podcast yesterday as some of you may have seen Stick cam is no longer with us. So we're still gonna do the live video stream But we're moving to you stream, which is what a lot of you wanted from the beginning So Joey and I will both tweet and Facebook the web address But in case you wanted to go find us first To go like us so you can get a notification when we're going live. I wanted to give you the address So a lot of you probably have been to you stream and it's just you stream dot TV

But our our specific channel is you stream dot TV slash channel ch an n el slash the dash church dash of dash one dash s

dash happening dash now dash with dash Joey Dash Coco dash Diaz Yeah, so that's fucking really I'm not just to say so it's you stream dot TV slash channel slash the church of what's happening now with Joey Coco Diaz and That's just a dash between each word and between the T and the s of what's

Um Yeah, so we will be back live Monday at 6 a.m. We hope to have you with us and we'll be back if you're listening to this later and we're Usually live every Monday and Wednesday and it looks it's a lot of fun and you guys get to interact with each other So we hope you watch and thank you for watching with stick them and hopefully it only gets better with you stream So now enjoy the church of what's happening now from Wednesday January 30th 2013 thanks

Oh shit, oh shit Craig that week. Oh shit. If you turn to what's happening now Kick this motherfucker I want my age I'm blowing up here Oh shit, there's the young John Freshly nice to place my foot away. It's getting more than fucking master reality, but listen to John Motherfucking deep into Mr. Jesus Jesus

How's everything going today, how's everybody out there the church or was that we now get up Stretch stress those toes. Thank God for giving you another fucking day in his hell hole You're gonna go out there somebody's gonna suck your fucking dick today because that's the type of dude You are you know saying and if you're abroad somebody's only law and suck that fucking back today because you're ready motherfuckers You know I'm saying Lisa at what's happening. I'm already feeling like goddamn chocolate. This is how we roll this morning We lost the guests. I brought the chocolate. I gotta walk together. I got crypto night. Oh What are you fucking nuts? So what if that don't wait, you know some people show up with champagne They think they could whatever fuck you is how I show up

What stop it little container crypto night, you know I'm saying this is shit that killed biggie at the hospital What's got with you at least I had talked to me. I'm feeling great. I yeah, yeah, I'm feeling fucking awesome, man Do I like you who loves you more than mainly nobody nobody got a father and a brother and mom They love you they love you, you know, so nothing bad happens to you me. I Make sure the humps and the bumps we got some trouble this morning We don't got bang and we don't got banana break because I gotta save that for big big big big big events But we got this little shit here right there, but I listen what happened last night at a spot at the hot Okay, and you know me I like to work at the high. It's like a speed bag

So I bought a nine I Wrote to about 930 and then I said I looked at my weed supply and I had like a butler I've had enough for today, but I'm coming over the lease. I'm saying I'm like the three wise men I'm not gonna come over with fucking one thing. I'm coming over heavy I'm coming over like Tony Soprano an episode four first season when junior tells him become heavy That's how I came. I'm not gonna insult you. Yeah, you came with two chocolate bars And a fucking grandma this kryptonite, which is deadly I went but he gave me a white piece of chocolate there He goes take this one see what you think so I dropped that at 930 just to see what happened

You know me you got to test the wall is you're not gonna go to the beach and not dip your fucking toe So I inhaled that by 10 30 at the haha. I was on fire. I went on stage. I closed out to about 1115 And I realized how high I was 1115 I went home and usually I go home and I fuck around the couch and I pet them and I Checked I checked on the wife. They were passed out in the kid And I just took my pants off washed my hands brushed my teeth and went right to fucking bed And I woke up to celebration by a sister sledge. Where the fuck it is this morning And I was I felt it so I said, you know what I'm lucky

I got a bar for Lee this morning because you know me I got to bring you a fucking buff I got up before 45. I washed my pussy. I ate a little freaking devil Had a protein shake and now I'm here with you the church of what's happening now Wednesday January 30th you bad motherfuckers go out there make it happen yesterday was the anniversary of my first arrest 30 years ago I got arrested January 29 1983 for what possession of stolen Possession of a like a burglary to I had something like that a stolen checks out a couple possessions of so Where you wasn't 83 how old were you 21? That's the first time you got arrested. Yeah, cuz you had the Carmine thing or like no, I had been detained

Okay, this is an arrest. Okay, I'm before motherfuckers try to pull me over till they realized the power and then This time I got arrested it was in Fort Lee Eclipse. I Park, New Jersey. Okay for I was trying to bounce I was trying to write a check. No, I didn't write a check I got my hands on some checks and gave them out a guy got caught writing and I got Caught with possession I don't know some shit. Mr. Holloway had to bail me out to me. It's Holloway's father I forget what it was. Uh, it was amazing. It really is amazing again. Let me talk to you guys about something I have no guests today and I'll tell you guys what happened because I usually live my life

By the seat of my pants or whatever happens happens. I grew up and given that terrace downtown With the bazanos and the speciales and all these italian families And sometimes I try to get guests from down there. Do you know that every guest I've tried to get from that area has dropped on me Oh, well, yeah, I mean for people who don't know when we went to shoot the documentary There were three or four people who just wouldn't even be on camera. No, it's amazing the whole time I come from But it's amazing that this neighborhood remember when we were and I told Lee I go lead this neighborhood downtown is really fucking sensitive It's by McKinley school in north bergen. It always has been I go be careful with that fucking camera Showing up somebody called this out like right away right on charles court that guy came on and goes put that fucking camera down

I told I looked again. I go leave but the fucking yeah Because I know how these people are they don't play but I wanted uh it's funny because I grew up down there and We it was crazy. I mean at the at the age of 13 We were snorting thc crystal, which you know, it's fucking angel dust no matter how you fucking chop You make believe you know, it's thc crystal, but it's fucking guerrilla tranquilizer And you know, we do it on sundays three of us. It was 10 bucks Three of us would get high and then uh

It felt like that was a great name But there was a lot of pain in the name but with the calm mind thing and his son dying in the eighth grade and then One of our really really good in that circle friend domics michael sicilian kid He drowned and there was a lot of fucking allegations about the drowning and whatnot. I wasn't there. I had nothing to fucking do with it But I could see those kids that were directly in that circle, which I was in that circle sabbatino D norman richie vanishing. We all loved domic. Domic lived two doors down for me Uh, we're never the same You know, he was like every time we seen each other we talked but we would never because it's gotta come up

It's gotta come up. It's a subject that you and I can not hang out and have a beer with Without saying hey man, you think about domic or whatever and it doesn't come up to the point A lot of people that were in that age group that that were hung with us They're fucked up Yeah, and especially at uh, when you were kids like now friends You see you'll see him once a week or twice a week when your kids especially in that area Whether it was the weekend or after school or the summer You guys were probably together all we worked together all the time. Yeah, when we started doing drugs

We started doing drugs in a pack and this kid that was on the clock today call us prez I loved him. He was the Cuban kid that I loved daily. I mean loved Because he was the only other Cuban kid. Yeah, so I understood what he was going through living in this area or whatever, but Uh, he came up at the time when we first got really heavy into drugs as kids 13 14 just before my mother died So we were smoking pot we weren't doing blow harrow or nothing like that. We were just drinking and smoking and uh Doing acid and mescaline and doing a lot of t.a.t crystal Okay on our road to fucking nowhere because we were hanging out that pool Where I got the kway lute to eat lucy snobush's pussy

In fact, we were going to talk about lucy snobush because he said when he heard the story on joe's podcast He nearly fucking died because he also ate lucy snobush too He also broke into a house and ate a little snatch too, but um I I haven't seen carlos like I don't remember the funeral nothing and then carlos prayers disappeared And my life went on I didn't have time to pick up scrubs and I was trying to fucking just after my mother died I was just trying to put the pieces together and make a living And I lost carlos and over the years I asked and people said he said hello

He lives in miami, whatever and when I went to miami in april he showed up And we hugged and we talked and you know the family was there and he's like be careful Don't say this in front of my kids. I don't you know, and we had a great talk and whatnot But we didn't have a talk Do you know what i'm saying? Like we had a talk But we scratched the surface and I him and I knew each other a lot better than not Going deeper than that. Yeah going bro. What's going on and

And it's so funny that uh Well, I was talking to him. I could see it in his face I could see that he had the same pain I had from that neighborhood that neighborhood gave us a lot of pain That was we had a great world going. We were making money. We were young kids. We were crazy We're fucking crazy. It's such a dark neighborhood. I mean the whole hill is a fucking cemetery But those kids got fucking crazy and a lot of people got fucked up in the neighborhood so About a month ago Carlos Perez's wife hit me up on facebook and we spoke on facebook and she goes call the house now

And I call the house and I spoke to Carlos for about 30 minutes and it was very light Then I spoke to him a week later for about 15 minutes. It was very light communicated with him on facebook And yesterday I'm sitting there going who do I want on the podcast? I'm like, let me call Carlos and I called Carlos and we talked for about 30 minutes I went right into it and Carlos before we go any further You know We never talked about the pain and he knew exactly what I was talking about because as he was breaking down on the phone I started breaking that because this is the first time I can tell I'm looking for this kid sabbatino to call

But I grew up with it's a great guy that always calls me and he flaked on me. Frankie balsano flaked So I realized that over the the the six months I've been doing the podcast and all The kids have flaked and it's because man. It was fucking painful It was that painful and and I always thought growing up that I was fucked up because my mother died or my father died or It was way before that It was you think so The Dominic speciale death destroyed me as a sophomore. My mother died november of 79 My best friend one of my best friends who I grew up with we ran together drowned november

august of 80 Not even a year later, you know, my mother used to call him fangulo and he walked by he was part of the family He was in the house. I mean when my mother died. I felt terrible, but when this kid died It was like I was telling life. That's it. I'm done That's it Like you motherfuckers sunk me like his first I had auntie's death in the eighth grade It was my goomba and then I had my mother and then I had this kid and it sunk me It sunk my whole emotional

I had no faith as a human anymore. I had no faith in the world Not only did god take my mother But he took a kid two doors down for me for a lot of fucking price. It was this guy a fucking monster. Yeah, and uh It took me years to get back from that if if trust me today guys I'm happy you wouldn't have called because I wouldn't have been emotionally ready I was trying to get myself ready for this call Because just talking to him on the phone. I could feel the pain I it's amazing. It's amazing as you get older and you think you have all the answers to your life and you identify

What it is it's fucking up your life because Somebody hit me yesterday about drugs or something. What did you do? And I told him to start writing when you want to get off drugs start writing Because you have to see your life You know once you see your life on paper It'll help you understand who the fuck you are A lot of people don't know that part of therapy. That was a part of therapy. I didn't know about

But once I started doing it, I realized that writing about my life in the early part before I got hooked on drugs Made it a lot easier and I tell you man this fucking pain Freaking balsano flake remember Pete called with the pump phone his phone didn't work Pete balsano called and all that that that that was just part of that whole thing This kid flake and somebody else flake from downtown like an hour before or so Because they never want to you know till this day the kid I'm talking about down the speciale his sister contacted me about six years ago

Tom likeis She heard me on tom likeis knew it was me I hadn't lost contact with her and then she contacted me again on tom likeis and we reconnected and we were friends Still she left the issue went to my wedding a mother came out. I mean, this is how close I am with the speciale house Doc McSister who was You know seven years younger had contacted me to get facts on the brother of what had happened that day because there was a lot But his death had nothing to do with drugs or what it did But it didn't the whole thing about it was it was the end of a neighborhood. It was the end

It was the fucking end of an era. It's like when you it's like the daytime brain he retires That's it. It's like the day Ray Lou. It's that's it It's the end like it was it like I never wanted to walk on that street I took you out to shoot the documentary again. That was it My life changed for good that that pushed me over the fucking edge But I never knew it. I never knew until yesterday in the shower and it's really weird that uh I lived all this life and finally identified whether because these kids Dare it still from it. So everyone from north bergen

We've had on was from was from north bergen, but not from that two street not from that area That area is fucking knuckle city down there That was knuckle city down there and I've tried I know other guys that I love to reach out to You know when my mother died I moved in with the benders. I love to reach out as a matter of fact I just Found out what happened why I got thrown out of the benders About a week ago. I just got the story from somebody who ratted me and the buddy out that

There was a cop that I lived that that was family with the bend is my brother right? Yeah And somebody had said that we were involved in drugs and they looked into it I just got the whole story last week. So it's too fucking heavy But I just want to let people know that sometimes when you're trying to get off drugs man or Your your life it's pain pain drives a lot of things And it's funny because those two kids that died downtown. I have a picture of my wall. You've seen it Yeah picture a domic and I have a picture of antly I'll tell you how I feel about it. I

A lot of people always go. Oh, you're so uh, what's the way you're so happy in the mornings or you're so, uh Positive positive or whatever. Let me tell you something why because those kids couldn't Those kids couldn't one of them lost their life in the eighth grade a month before graduation And the other guy died sophomore summer and when I look at those pictures in the morning It reminds me of I have to do the things that they couldn't do Whatever they couldn't do in that fucking hole I I have to do so they're laying What is it horizontal the fucking hole in the daytime? I can't be fucking horizontal. Yeah, I have to be straight up

Because they lost their life those kids lost their life. So a lot of times that's what that's what motivates me now They're uh, I've heard stories about people like people who go to war Uh, and even people in disasters like the survivors have like I think it's called survivor's guilt Do you I mean it sounds like you kind of feel like that? Uh, absolutely. I'm so fucking lonely, bro Uh Anthony was their team when he died and he was a fucking straight up little five foot five guinea You know, you can't replace a fireball like that in your life You know, I remember Joe Rogan talking about reincarnation how they didn't believe it

I go do you ever believe that I could kill you? Did you know no no no do you ever believe that somebody could you're gonna die? Nobody that has any fucking heart is ever gonna believe they're gonna die. So I don't believe it. Yeah, I believe I'm gonna die You're gonna take my physicalness. I'm gonna hit get picked by a car or died But where's your soul and your spirit go? Where the fuck do they go when you see somebody in life that's fucking very alive? I mean you see a lot of people that walk around with sandals and their shoulders are sunk And they're moping around when they die they fucking died

But you see some people who are fired up all the fucking time. You think mark cuban's just gonna fucking die Is that what you think you think that these jews were 80 million? Look at mitzi sure if you see mitzi sure she's like a fucking momo right now God forgive me for saying these words, you know, she doesn't know what room she's in But she got too much money to fucking die. You know what I'm saying when somebody has that much light in their life I don't think they can just die I don't think a person can just die when they have that much life in them I don't give a fuck who you and you see some people that they're waiting to die

There's people walking around. Well, you all see him. You could tell this guy's just waiting for the next fucking bus to come Yeah, but there's people even after they get fucking cut down Run over by a car you cut their heads off you run it over with a fucking bazooka You're not gonna kill them You're not gonna kill who the fuck did their soul and I always believed that the people so when I see this When I wake up in the morning, I put my slippers on and I look straight ahead and I see dominic and antly I think about it for like five minutes Then that's it

But it gives me that much strength because they couldn't do the things I'm doing now I thought about him when I was doing crimes and when I was doing drugs when I was coming down off the coke Because when you're coming down on drugs, it's when you think about all that pain You don't think about it while you're on the way up while you're snorting and shit You're having a good time the chicks are gonna suck your dick. What what it's when you It's when you're coming down and she's passed out and you're all alone And that's when you're thinking about your life and what the fuck went wrong and what you don't want to do and you break Then you see man on flying. Yeah when he's fucking drinking

and he's And at the end he's going through all these Emotions of his life at the end of the night. Did you ever see that? I love that movie. Well, that part that part is very fucking strong You know, he's going through all these emotions. I'm gonna think same things I would go through a night when I was coming down off the block I would go through not suicidal tendencies or suicidal tendencies. I played him last night fucking tremendous Not suicidal tendencies, but I would go through You know where my life went wrong and I would get fucking really emotional

About different parts. All right, enough with that shit. Where's that music you're gonna play? Let's get this party motherfucking started. It's January 30th Wednesday midweek. I like these people always go. It's the hump day I'll go fuck yourself. You fucking pussy. Get the fuck up hump day You think life's got time for fucking humps? Like I said, if you want to be fucking horizontal, go shoot yourself in the fucking head. You're alive. Get up Get up motherfuckers hit it. Where's that the little jam you have here? It's that time Lee Lee Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Let's do this. Lily

It's midway mark. It's january 30th. You guys got you guys got shit to do. You got your goals written So I mean beautiful fucking days. You go out there tell her all the stuff you're dick This is not what I expected you to want me to play I Am sitting with my lily we're smoking up the riva We're gonna eat some fucking chocolate. We're gonna get real fucking stoned and do the church Of what's happening now for all you kind of suckers That's that

Oh, shit, blow that smoke you bad motherfucker. What is my fucking my get out? Watch that pussy. Watch that thing life I had two pieces I Dance No Hi Fuck yourself

I'm going to Columbus tomorrow You're leaving tomorrow. Oh fuck. Yeah, I'm excited too. I like Ohio. Like I said, I got nothing wrong I'm gonna go. I'm gonna eat fucking good. I'm gonna go hang out with red band people I'm gonna do some jumping jacks throw some sidekicks for jesus. I'm not even working out at one of the movie thai school something Something you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I just joined a gym last night. Come on I uh, and then I'm gonna join Weight Watchers this weekend because uh, I've been thinking about it You get 10% off at Weight Watchers. You tell me I do Everybody gets 10% off. Tell them you're friends with the singer the black chick. No, yeah, but I've been I've been thinking about it

I turned 25 in uh, July. Okay, and I was thinking about it and I was like because people People it's nice to hear but people tweet at me like, oh, you're so lucky you do this and It's nice to hear but I was thinking about it and the one part of my life I'm not really happy with that. I have the most control over Is how I look and I've I've people people jokingly. Oh, you're gonna go back get back in shape. I've never been in shape It's just Everyone in my family except for my brother has like the same demons and it's just something and I wanted to ask you because

When you were a little kid, you would seem to be skinny. So When like when when did you start getting big? When I moved to LA really when I really really went from I went from my 230 220 Into the 260s 270s. Yeah, well, I was about 10 or eight or nine I got my mother had the bar so I used to drink all the sodas. Yeah And I got a little on the fucking fat side and I uh, that was it. I shot that I got rid of that and then When I moved to LA the sleep apnea hit me the age even now It's really hard to lose the weight compared to what it was three years ago

Three years difference. It's that much harder And then what got me thinking about it was you talking about getting off of drugs and it's I don't think it's the same But it's not I've lost weight before and it always comes back But what I for me what it is and what you've always said for people who are trying to get off drugs is you have to make that decision for yourself and I think maybe the times I've tried before I've made the decision but You can't make the decision and then have a cheat day or then oh just tonight. I'll go to mcdonald's

And for some reason I was thinking about it and turning 25 and I've been overweight for 25 years I just don't want to do it anymore. So I might my goal to lose 10 pounds a month for for the seven months until July or six now You could do it li it could be done and you're a sweet kid And I could see you're a young guy, you know, and like I said to you the differences at 25 was I was a rail because I was fucking working out doing blow and fucking, you know walking in new york So you stay skinny Here in LA and let me tell you what the the hardest thing of is whether it's a diet

Whether it's being a comedian whether it's being a plumber. It's sticking with it It's doing the same shit every day and what I liked about weight watches when I met you you were on Cyberslim whatever the fuck neutral system. I don't fucking hated it neutral system is great Now there's a place mcbetten called a dear writer friend of mine was telling me yesterday There's a place that you get food from here $27 a day It's delicious $27 a day that's a lot of money. Yeah, it's about whatever the fuck Seven times 30. Yeah, no, it's two times a week. It's eight 40 a fucking month. But that's what you spend at the grocery store

You know, I spend that eating the fucking three weeks and that was my thought process I always I didn't want to join a gym because I was like, oh, it's 40 bucks a month But that's four trips to mcdonald's that I don't need to take And I uh, so yeah, I just made the choice to do it and there's one by my work and there's one by where I live Way watches is not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. Yeah, well watches is the same lifestyle change now When I left new jersey in 85 I stopped eating at night in colorado Was it because I had a lifestyle change when you're 50 at 25? No

Because in colorado, there ain't no motherfucking place to eat after 10 o'clock You got cocos and after you have three cheeseburgers that suck. You're gonna go. What the fuck? I'm not eating no more So that's what happened a diet is a diet a lifestyle change is a lifestyle change You know this morning I got up and I had uh, and I had uh, whatever special k that tastes like dick Is it what I like to eat? No, but I know that at this age right now. That's what I need to eat I need to eat something that pushes out the fucking shit keep everything clean You know three eggs a steak with whole fries or milkshake that ain't gonna help me a box of cereal Yeah, but you understand what we think what we need to eat and what we do is two different things

You know what the weight watches is I call weight watches county jail diet When you go to the county jail, you eat cookies, you eat chips You drink juice You drink water and you lose weight. Why because everything is controlled The portions are controlled six ounces is six ounces Four ounces of a steak is four ounces of steak and guess what you eat it and you live Yeah, you get hungry for 10 seconds after and you go I got no options That's the same. We have to treat your life as you notice

I get up on twitter Every fucking morning and I do the same pathetic shit And after three or four weeks I tweet the same pathetic fucking song And I'm sure you people that see my music like this guy's an old fuck You know playing music from this generation, you know every morning I get up and I say it's a beautiful fucking day Every morning I get up before the podcast and I say namaste And you guys are probably at home going I'm not gonna follow this guy no more What I'm trying to teach you guys is come rain sleet slow

If you want if you're working on your dream you do something every fucking day. Yeah Period. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if your pussy hurts I don't give a fuck if you went out last night when I was doing blow till five o'clock I got up at seven to check the breakdowns to do the same shit every day And this is what people people want to do something for two months Then that's it. Mm-hmm. You know Let's get down to basics here comedians come up to me. They're like, what are you doing? How are you doing what you're doing on iTunes and all this? I'm with you guys

I'm with you guys. I didn't write this book. I know that a couple years ago dane cook had great success His great success came from intermingling with these fucking savages Yeah, it's intermingling with these savages when I was a kid in 82 and I was going through all my fucking problems There was nobody I wanted to talk more in the world to within to Ozzy fucking Osmore You know and it's music and I didn't have a chance to talk to and I'm not saying I'm your guys Ozzy Osmore But I know that we can have a fucking conversation Yeah, there's a guy on here on twitter who sends pictures out every once in a while He left like 200 pounds in a year or something. Oh, he writes a blog. He wrote the blog at the

Rockley listen, man, whether it's 200 pounds whether you want to be a comedian whether you want to be a fucking plumber Whether you want to go to school to be a fucking lawyer, whatever you got to get up in the morning I don't do the same shit every fucking morning because the morning you stray away from that That's one morning that it's two mornings and it's three mornings. Then you're away from your fucking habit One thing I do every day as I get up I drink water like uh, I use two different principles I use the the whatever fucking die. Yeah, uh, our buddy Oh, don't you don't you don't say it says to drink a glass of water as soon as you fucking wake up to get your metabolism Go, that's not part of weight watches. You know how much I want to drink water as the first class of the day with that bad

Brecht fucking water and cobs from the last night that you didn't brush your teeth or whatever I don't want to drink that water, but I understand what he says to me. I don't get cramps anymore There's little things you do and weight watches that make you change So listen, man, you know, do you have any idea? I gotta blow my nose I went to acupuncture yesterday. She stuck a bunch of needles in my forehead to drain me out this flu excuse me Boogie coming out of my nose, what do you what do I'm gonna do? It's something I got a vanity mirror here. Do I look like a guy that does fucking vanity? Look at this fucking mug. It is what it is. There's no reason to put powder on it or oil or grease

This is what you're gonna get. So go fuck yourself. What was I talking about? Which is what you need to do. Oh, shit. We almost forgot the chocolate bar. We already have the chocolate Let's have another one. It's one between two of us. It's loose enough. No, I already had fucking two pieces It's okay. So you have a third. You know, I fucking need to survive the day. What's the fight? You go to sleep. I try to leave Yeah, I have to wake up in six hours to go to fucking my old apartment. Come on. Come on. Here you go Look at this little tiny piece around us. The power of christ compels you Jesus christ That's my friend by you

What's a little piece of that doofy? I bet one serving size of that is the one is the one piece And I've had two of them already So we want me to triple the serving size. Yeah I don't need to see the devil today Listen USDA Well, I'm gonna fuck didn't give servings out for this. It says eat a chocolate bar reefer a day

Keep the doctor away. No, I'll fucking they'll be like red band and take the an ambulance to the hospital So the point of the story is whether you lose a wink Whether you want to write a book Whether listen, I'm trying to write a book. Okay, and I would write chapters here Two pages here and one day or more. God bless him said do me a favor. Just write a sentence a day Right after you do your tweets And all your bullshit stupidity write a sentence a fucking sentence

I got my life down to a sentence. But guess what? I've stuck to it for three weeks. Yeah I want all the diet is or lifestyle changes. I call you're not on a fucking diet It's a lifestyle change You know when I first met terry and I was doing blowing shit. I would get up and she's from the south She would make me three sunny side up eggs We eat the whole package of bacon Half a loaf of white bread with sticks of butter and potatoes

Here's what gets better. I would take a shower. I'd smoke 15 fucking cigarettes a couple more bongats. I'd get in my car And 35 minutes later. I'd be at mcdonald's getting two number ones with our issues All right, and then I'd wait till about 11 30 And I'd go to the green tea Chinese restaurant on Sunset with my favorite a bunch of fucking steps And we'd sit in there and I'd have the lunch special then I'd go home and I eat the leftovers From the night before and I'd take a nap

Then I'd get up and I I'd go terry if you're gonna go to the store get me a catberry bar You know those catberry fruit and nut bars. They get the whole fucking thing Then I'd eat dinner whatever the fuck she made And then about 8 30 I'd get a container of new york superflex chunk With a big thing of coca-cola and I'd eat the whole fucking container with the coca-cola Then I'd go to the store and I'd go do comedy I'd go wherever the fuck I had to go do And guess what I'd do then on the way home. I'd stop and get nine tacos

And I'd go home do a gram of coke and go to fucking sleep Did I did you hear exercise nothing or water or anything? There was nothing there was no fruit in my life then There was nothing how I lost that 115 pounds was by eliminating Six seven of those meals. So what you realize is like when you go to prison What if I said what I said to you last week prison takes care of every fucking phobia Because you realize so you have to put your mind in prison Because you realize there's none of that shit available

So for breakfast instead of eating a half a loaf of bread and I told you I would get an english muffin cut in half one egg Scramble it with a piece of ham cut it in half Put the one piece for tomorrow and save one for today I'd eat that with two apples and a banana And a glass of fucking iced tea with fake cancer sugar And then I would have like a Sand whatever the fuck, you know when we go to a deli, what do you get? We got a big piece of Italian bread with potato chips and

Salad and a fucking big soda and then we got a second soda. Yeah, I'll tell you what you go to that same deli You get a half a sandwich with the diet soda and you'll fucking walk out and live Do you follow me? So it's your mind what you think you could eat and what you want to eat the two different fucking things And what you need to eat are two different fucking things. Lee. I have a lot of confidence a year a young man It's unlike starting exercise at 40 at your joints or so and shit. You could do this and it takes 20 minutes a day of walking You know, I had naquifolia being the beast and he's he's the one that got me on a diet program with the bag Getting in front of a punching bag and just hit it. I don't want you to be Muhammad Ali and throw punches

Just stand in front of it and put your weight into it and hit the middle bam, bam, bam You're gonna have for 20 minutes 30 minutes and you get on the bicycle you walk Lee, you're a young man. Yeah, you're a handsome motherfucker. You got plans. You got you got rosy She's on the boat. She's drowning right now. You got this black chick that's gonna fart in your face the first You know, we've been talking about doing a live telecast and at first I didn't think Lee, you know when Lee sees You know 3000 faces. I thought he would act a little fucking weird But I think Lee's ready now. Lee's not even a comedian. Lee's a sharp fucking kid. You're a sharp guy, Lee You can handle yourself. You had it. You speak well

You you fucking you need to eat your piece of chocolate though. That's what you did Come here the power of grace I can't do any more I can't have any more it's weight watch. It's got no it's not it's chocolate. It's the opposite of weight watchers You gotta smoke more part with uncle Joey. Sure. I'll smoke some more. That's why I love you. You're a fucking Do we got some music for uncle Joey? Sure? Why not? Oh, shit You okay? Yeah, everything's good. All right

Can't do a Wednesday without big A Wednesday without biggie is like a Wednesday without sunshine You guys are all getting a little window into it every time he calls he does it one of these songs Is this girl the fly girl Until I call That's why Connecticut, I see you come Oh Alex

One night, I love I love you too Renegades mailman. I love you. I'm polite designs Victor Carrier and louis ba. I love you Oh, oh shit Remember I

Check myself All right, so February 7th. I'm at the San Jose improv What else leave February 12th me arish a fear and Duncan are at the long beach laugh factory Oh, yeah, and we're doing one of those once a month It's going to be cool. I'm telling you guys for the first time because I love your motherfuckers It's going to be called uh that american desperado's of podcast comedy or some shit like that Me arish a fear the flying jew with Duncan trussel Ari and me are going to do a 10-minute story telling all three of us can do stand-up

And I'm going to close the show for the fucking podcast call a laugh factory Do it once a month the first the second tuesday of the month Lisa that might be the first guest Things are happening people so get your shit together Get your shit together. It's not just about the soup. Why everybody's talking about the fucking soup ball party How many soup ball parties I've been to in my life none maybe two Okay, there's more Four quarters. I got to sit with fucking strangers

You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna sit with people that I run with every day. So we all there's no misunderstandings Everybody's always got to bring a friend or some fucking chick that is a christian. I need this shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and did you see and Do you see that that's a matter of I Yeah, um It's cold is draining. I'm sorry people. I'm sorry. You gotta take care of yourself. I'm trying I didn't let the fever come We talked

We talked like a week or two ago about lance armstrong and now that now they're saying that uh Ray lewis did something with some with some sort of performance enhancing stuff And this always seems to come out like right before the super bowl And if they knew they knew a while ago, so like I don't know if they're lying I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if it was true because he's been he's 40 years old and he's still fucking running around But I think it's all entertainment like I don't think they really care They they really they release this story around the super bowl to raise interest. Listen, please Let me explain some to you. There's news in this world that matters

And there's shit that happens. This doesn't matter. Yeah society looks at 90% of shit That doesn't matter to take your mind in that direction because at the end of the week it doesn't Do they really matter if beyond say lip sync or not? Do they really fucking matter to affect your world when you put your gas in the fucking car? They change the price of your gas or your gasoline. Did your son? What did it matter? What did it matter every news station I had on that night talked about Beyonce not lip syncing or lip syncing google What does it fucking matter? Does joey dears matter does the news matter at the end of the day nothing this shit matters. It's what you let in

Yeah, it's what you let in what stupidity you fucking let in, you know ray lewis. I'll tell you what here's a guy That was on he went out with some guys one night and for you fuckheads that don't know anything about life That's why I always tell you respect your fucking life because your life could change in a drop of a fucking hat You don't know how many white guys I seen in fucking prison young kids That went out, uh, you know, I was talking to mick yesterday and his kid goes to a martial arts school in the valley And the teacher of the school has been in martial arts since he was like 10 and the the his claim the fame was he would Go to parties in the middle of the valleys tough parties and he'd go into the kitchen Excuse me and people would say we don't know this guy

And he put a mouthpiece and he told all these motherfuckers to go fuck himself And his goal was to fight his way out of the house That's all cute dandy, but what if what if What if You throw a punch the kid drops And your knuckle just glazes his temple and this kid goes on the floor starts convulsing and dies, which I've seen fucking happen Yeah, you ever see a person get hit in the fucking head and start bleeding and start shaking on the floor No, I had a fist fight at a white castle or burger kingdom mistake

Somebody gets hit in the head with a pipe, you know how people use that expression I'm gonna hit him with the head with a fucking pipe. Well one night they got three beers in them and they do that And this kid dies and now you're in fucking prison for involuntary manslaughter It doesn't matter what the fuck your father knows or your mother knows how much money you got You're going away You're going away. There's somebody who died in pain that that thing stays at you like herpes I'd rather instead get aids because at least with age you're gonna you're gonna have an end You know when you kill somebody you have that on your fucking chair. Look at this idiot. Yes, ain't that like you hear about this

No, we're having yesterday. That's why I hate all this shit because life never forgets nothing Life never forgets none. In fact life lets you get comfortable There's a guy in LA That sold the house his house burnt down in 2006. Did you hear about this? No, no And he rebuilt the house and he sold the house and this idiot This fucking moron when he sells the house. He tells the people by the way I had a dog that died his bones are in there. I'm gonna come get him in a few years when I get settled The new house owner said no worries. So the who knew house owner was doing a remodeling job on sunday

Hired a landscape company to come in with a fucking whatever with some machine and they discovered bones Human human bones skull bones So they went and they arrested the guy the guy gave himself up He said himself when he sold the house the dumb fuck that he was that there was bones in the yard So dog bones so now This guy was at home with his feet up drinking off watching you pouring or you Young hot chicks getting that dick that pussy suck the same one he killed. It's probably a check That the guy killed everybody in the neighborhood said he was weird

So this guy thought he was gone. He was done with it He probably caused a fire at the house that that was tonight. How would you ever move away from that house? But why didn't he take the bone from him? He waited he fucking he just you know, who knows my point is karma waits for no You never know how you're gonna get how it's gonna come back and smack you in the face You never know how karma so this guy's at home with his feet up watching episode of cold case And he gets a knock on his door. They found fucking human remains at his old house Can you imagine that this guy told he was out of the fucking weeds?

Out of the fucking weeds when I saw them what I'm trying to tell people is your life could change at any fucking minute And I apply everything to fucking prison because when I went to prison I took a lot out of it. There's no nothing There's no fucking there's no nothing you just live your life with the sin and that's it So well, I know life could change so ray lewis This motherfucker went out one night After he won a super ball whatever happened somebody fucking died This ray lewis guy went out in the NFL never again had a fucking problem never again Never again the only problem he ever had was being too fucking tough and having too much heart

So in our country and what america's about that's a success Yeah, is it not they put him in jail for a year didn't give up anybody didn't give up anybody That's why he threw him in jail. His friends didn't give up anybody that guy died I don't know if ray lewis got sued but ever since then he hasn't had no problems So in my eyes and america's eyes is what we reflect on the guy paying his dues to fucking society, you know Yeah, no, he didn't okay. So now he is laying there. Well, he tested whatever, you know, land so i'm strong If you know anything about land so let's get this out in public right now He's a piece of shit and even the people who live in austin will tell you land so i'm strong is a piece of shit

He's been a piece of shit for fucking 20 fucking years If you can look at land so i'm strong and not know he's a sack of shit Then you got a fucking problem. You better reschedule your fucking street smarts If you can't look at half these people know there's sacks of shit You look at me like, you know what joey? He's a criminal Maybe he can be a dick from time to time, but you know what my heart's right there And i'm not here to rob nobody'll be a scumbag to open up again I hate these motherfuckers that try to rob you without a gun

What that means is they're fucking fakes And they set up these foundations and all this shit and at the end of the day, they're fucking bullshit us They're fucking bullshit us. That's all and this happens 60% and all you christian fucks that think because you're dealing with a christian He's more honest you motherfuckers are the biggest fucking thieves in the world when some guy comes up to me with a cross Whether it's any denomination and tries to mix it with business That's what i know you motherfuckers are thieves Don't throw that into the fucking mix with your religious and what you do and what you give to the blind kids

Because you're a sack of shit. You're still fucking your receptionist up the ass and you're telling people you love your fucking wife So stop being a fucking two-faced fuck and that's what lance armstrong is You go to austin go to a restaurant and say who comes in here and who's the dick in the scumbag You said go on a pittsburgh how many people hate bedroffing burger, whatever it's fucking. Yeah, they say the guy's a sack of shit They say the guy's a just a piece of shit Three more dollars than you that these other people bow down to that that pieces of shit anybody who's got three dollars And it holds that over a human being that they think that they're more that they're better than you Those are the biggest pieces of shit. That's why i can't stand bmw's and all that shit

That's the reason why because you're telling me you're better than fucking me That's what you're fucking telling me you sack of shit and meanwhile They won't even let you you ever go to these bmw's in the 405 and put your blinker on and try to get ahead of you And they look straight ahead with that cunt look on their fucking faces So maybe they got three more dollars with you, but they forgot what the fuck it was to be a fucking human being the person That's why i hate these motherfuckers with three dollars. I hate them, especially here. They think they're better than you They cut you off, bitch. I got a 19 fucking whatever Subaru I will put a dent in that fucking beamer and geico will pick it up

I'll take you out of commission for a week motherfucking because I don't give a fuck I'll get myself one of those old catalyzed biarraces that you could put a fucking bazooka to and the car won't fucking blow So I can't stand you motherfuckers with money that think you're better than other fucking people. It just It just dry yesterday, uh, my uh The baby said it came over yesterday. Okay This is gonna be the main one jerry larocas girlfriend's gonna watch the kid on date night and stuff like that for us If we go to a ufc and then the main one that's gonna watch my child five hours six hours a day Came in yesterday and uh, I was embarrassed. Why?

she's uh I don't even know how to describe this first off she used to work for felicia for 14 years so her you know her Her references are impeccable and before that she was in boston for 10 years Okay, and she raised uh two children for a doctor out there, you know took care of them And she was telling me about the hours she works bubble about I never

Listen, but when I got to calmly I got to calmly because it's the only thing I wanted that I loved Okay, that's why I always tell people pick what the fuck you love and go for it, you know And Never I could tell you this never in my life to the life ever think of being rich or having money You're cutting people off of being better than anybody because I know we all put our pants on one leg at a fucking time So I know all this shit. I just wanted to prove a point with my life that I can do something You know like rain Lewis you did shit work all your life now you want to prove a point I never did it to make money or whatever the fuck I don't even know where my point's going

I'm fucking so stoned. Hey, you know I'm saying it's that on it that fucking alpha brain mixed with this chocolate bar It'll take you the way you fucking need to be at some breast milk for that shit. You're on fire like Madonna's asshole uh David's in her post so You know, I've always started doing movies and shit like that, but I never really thought of having a butler or something So she comes over yesterday. She's like so, you know, not only do I take care of your kids I'll cook for you and I'll do your laundry and clean the house and I gotta tell you something If you think I don't like people touching me fucking

Uh, well, I don't mind hugging people. I love people. So that's the way you express your love But what I'm talking about love is like going to massages and people touching you If you think I don't like people touching me like that and hookers and all that dirty shit I can't stand people doing my laundry, Lee Yeah, and your wife I tell Terry must hate it. She she loves doing stuff. She wouldn't love yeah Me and her do our own shit. I do her laundry. I don't even like my wife do my laundry. It's a real man I don't want my wife touching my socks. They're disgusting. I like them bleeds a little extra You know my fucking underwear disgusting like every other fucking man. I know they're disgusting

You know, so I don't people I don't like people touching me though So I felt like I was I feel that sometimes in society people get a Spanish house sitter To boost their thing like oh my god, my housekeeper and they talk about it and probably I don't want that I just want somebody to watch my daughter that I could leave the house and feel a hundred percent confident about That nothing bad is gonna happen. Yeah, something bad does happen. It's handled. I don't have to have 20 phone calls and stop What the fuck I'm doing. I'm not looking for uh made as a as like a merit button that a boy scout fucking has Yeah, you know, so I just felt embarrassed about it that Uh, I'm finally gonna have to have somebody come over part time because it's gonna be part time

I want to raise my kid. I want to be there have you know Part of the other thing of society we just drop my fucking kids off and we complain with them become retarded or They kill somebody or they you know, you gotta if you're gonna have a kid you gotta be there You gotta be there. My wife makes okay money, you know, if I go out on the road and fucking jump up and down I'll make okay money And I could afford this woman and I can also have the child 20 30 hours a week I mean, what do I write two hours a day? I go work out an hour and a half a day. I talk to you cocksucker

I don't do much but but you can't you can't bring your kid to a meeting or something if that happens No, no, no, no, no. Yes, I did you did. Yeah, I had to That's great. I went home. I had a meeting I put cbs raffin I go, you know, I'm gonna get the fucking killer and I grabbed my child I took him what a lesson man. This is my life now. What am I, you know, what? There's these are the things I didn't do the first time The first time when I had a child and I had a wife these are the things I didn't do I didn't pay attention So you only get one shot at this shit. I got two

So I got to do the right fucking things the same thing with you people You know, you only get one shot at doing some you got a second chance do it the best that you fucking can Why fuck around on it, you bad motherfuckers on it on it is the place to fucking be I am finally convinced you smoke some dope. You take a fucking shroom tech Whatever the fuck it is. Let me tell you something a lot of people around me are really really sick I was sick for one night. I was at flappers Friday night and since then I've just been draining Look at the size of my nose. Look at the size of my stomach and my tits. There's a lot of mucus in there So I'm draining fucking heavy and I'm sure it was because of the on it

the Assume that you know, but the shroom tech the immune I'm still taking the sport tech the other night a kickboxing last night. I didn't go to kickboxing It's when I go to acupuncture She tells me I have to do much and I miss the 10 o'clock in the morning kickboxing So she goes don't do much after you come see me. So I'm going to go tonight But monday. I did really well my uh my breathing levels up there again, you know I like that. I'm not smoking cigarettes at night anymore. Even as a sport nothing

I'm trying to do my best. It's hard losing weight. I'm having a hard time lately You know, I'm eating my vegetables, you know, Terry's been making a lot of salads lately You make the arugula salad with the fucking red onions delicious. Oh, so I applaud you on Your new diet. Yeah, I gotta say you're a handsome guy. I got a lot of shit going on You're a bad motherfucker. You want some more chocolate? No, it's weight wash. I can feel it. It's not weight wash But feel you don't feel none. This is I'm already doesn't even read for that chocolate. See I was fucking this or was There's no reefer. I'm fucking you don't eat chocolate with no reefer This is a protein. You barely eat anything without refining problem. This is high protein high fiber

I want to get home and for the you know, I got an I ate an apple last night Okay, I didn't eat an apple before I went to bed. I smoked out of it before you eat it No, what's the matter? Why be a hypocrite I'm gonna smoke you then eat you. What the fuck kind of shit is that? Well, it's not a bad idea. What happened to give me eight hits and two pieces of chocolate? We'll come smoke some more with your uncle Joe. All right, well three joints though I can't I I I don't know how you take it off that little tiny joint

I can't I can never get anything off of it and you suck it down like it's a milkshake I'm gonna get some I can't I don't know how you take it off How about I burn you in the hand with this fucking joint cock so I can come get some for you I'm gonna shout out to my man Lisa. Yeah, do me a favor If you want to do what lee does because once you do this lee, I'm gonna put you the almond products I'm gonna put you on hemp protein So you replace some meal with that

To get started for your protein levels because the more muscle you have the more fat you burn. So we got to get some Muscle burnt in you And then we're gonna put you on some alpha brain We're gonna also get you on some shroom not shroom tech But the strong bones so your joints don't hurt. Okay, because you got a nice neighbor to walk around. You got an iPod, don't you? Yeah, I got an iPod. I want to what do you put jew music on there? Honestly, I have since podcast since podcast and come on. I I I don't have much But there's one thing and I think I might save it for the live one

I kind of want to play like up to date like like even like the dubstep stuff and just see how long Just see how you react to it. What dubstep Uh, okay, this is it's not dubstep, but there's this one is really banned. I listened to that's like electronic It's called infected mushroom and ever since we started this I've been thinking What if I just closed one of their songs and and and watch your head explode? Put it on. Let's hear it. No, you would hate it. I'll put it on This is what you listen to when you're alone in the shower is what you wake up to Oh, shit

That's what your that's what her asshole is gonna sound like at the live Before you put mushroom technically think about with this fucking black chick I'm gonna give her a dudes to fight your face and we would she says that that's what her ass opens up That's the noise it makes. Oh You miserable cocksuckers do your goals today Drink some water walk around go get a blood test go do something healthy. Whatever. I don't fucking know Smoke some dope do something healthy. Are you in here to look at 10 seconds of it? I

Told you I wanted to see how you react. Um, eat some chocolate. Come here. I am Let's listen to this music together Let's eat some chocolate, you know, make me listen to this mushroom music without doing fucking mushrooms This is the youth of today. They want to listen to mushroom music and nobody wants to do a fucking mushroom We know how hard you work your page here too So we help you keep on but no Yet the israel's group is real If you're not gonna do it for yourself at least have the fucking least to see

Israel Yeah, I mean, I don't know I mean fucking but these shows are crazy. Yeah, I showed you the videos They take like warehouses and it's just people from front to back I've been to five Yeah, I love it I'm the only one not on exit get a good one That's Come on. It's fucking Wednesday the 30th of January. This is the live audience the church

That's not too good. Oh, oh. Wow, you lasted longer than I thought you would. There's a lot less of turning than I thought it would be. What would it be? Drop it. That's right, I'm gonna get it. Three keys to the trumpet.

Peciendo, voy perdiendo, perdiendo Voy perdiendo, perdiendo Voy perdiendo Robert Perez, I love the cops. I'm gonna have a birthday. What happened? It tastes like weed. What do you want?

No, I don't have no weed. Stop it. Is it that bad? You're my family. I love you. Let me tell you something. My son listened to that music. I rent a boat.

And I go out to sea and throw him off the fucking boat. You understand me? Why you listen to that shit? I love it. You love it. That's the shit you grew up listening to? No. I mean, I love regular stuff too, but this is...

You dance with me? Put it on again. Let me see you wiggle. I'm gonna dance to it. Put it on again. You just jump up and down. You do jump up and down. Oh, yeah.

You jump up and down. You jump up and down. You have to drop it. You have to drop it. You have to drop it. But this one's cool because the reason why I like it and I like the show is... I don't know if you hear the guitar and stuff.

A lot of techno or electronic bands just sample. These people have a full band out with them. It's fucking awesome. Well, let's go play the fucking song. I want you to jump up and down. I want you to stop my neighbors. Fuck the church. What neighbors?

Come on. Let's go. Come on, man. What the fuck? I can't do this no more. You don't want to commit to this. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. How do you move your hands? You just like jump up and down and jump up and down. I don't know. I don't think you'll see them, but I've been to like five or six shows. You were there like two or more or an L.A., one was in Israel and a few in New York. I would take the bus from Boston in the afternoon to New York,

go over there, show like it's at like three in the morning and take the first bus back. bus back I went the one of the times I went I took a two o'clock bus to New York went saw the thing was waiting in Times Square for my bus back and went to the three o'clock AM show at the Ha in Times Square there's like a Ha or a Ha Ha in Times Square comedy club and in the 3 AM show it was some of the worst and weirdest comedy I've ever seen. Who the fuck do you think goes up at 3 o'clock? I've seen Louis C.K. with his entourage going up at 3. It was like an Asian guy

and I don't know who else. I gotta talk bad about Asians. Leave them alone. They're up at home. Asians are fine but he couldn't speak English and I don't know. You go in me eating three pieces of chocolate I'm surprised I'm talking. I can't believe you get on a bus by yourself to go jump up and down. Yeah I love it. But still put the music on. Let me see you jump up and down one time. Let me see you wiggle fine. I'm going to see how you jump up and down. Jump up and down. This is a really old song there. Jump up and down.

How do you do it with your hands? You put them up and you just, it's fucking, it's like a rave almost. It is a rave. No, the one thing. I'm going over with you the next time we're going to do ecstasy and we're going to fucking put the bloggy out and we're going to fucking tape you jumping up and down the whole thing. By that time you'll be 70 pounds lighter. You'll be slim Jim McGinn. You can shave your chest and just go in there with your little leather hat on like

Rob Halford in 84. They come to the next time they're in California it's like San Francisco in April or something. Alright we're going up there. We're going to do some heroin. We're doing everything. We're doing Jew pellets. Jew pellets. They're from Israel. They speak Hebrew in a lot of their songs. Okay. This is why you like them because they're Jews. I know. I don't know why. When they're on a stage they speak Hebrew. Yeah a couple in a couple of songs. Good for you man.

I love you Lee. When I lived in Israel I went to one of their shows and that's where I got into it. Lee's a closet freak. Lee wants me to... Lee's on the edge. He just needs a little fucking push. One of these shows we're going to get a $10 bag of white heroin. Did you use it for the white heroin? Sure. That's the shit from China. So I know there's black tar. There's white. There's black tar. That comes from down in Mexico. But the best shit I fucking was that white shit.

That little Chinese shit. You're like re-rubbing your nipples. Oh it's so good. One fucking gack of that on top of two lines of blow. Forget about it. Heroin looks fucking from Breaking Bad when they do what they just fucking look dead. Oh yeah. But they shoot the thrill. We're only going to do a little line just to get the party started. We'll do a little puke and then we're back. I kind of want to try mushrooms. You do. We'll do some shrooms too. We'll do everything later.

You know what you should do? You should have that chick fart in your face and do mushrooms so it farts like a blizzard. Aren't you not supposed to have unhappy things happen? Nah. That's a happy thing. A chick fart in your face at any level. Listen. Trust me. There's a bunch of guys out there that'll tell you. A chick fart in your face. It's like if you want a ham sandwich, be in a tuna fish sandwich. It's like a fart in the face. I'll take it. Go to honet.com. Is that your new thing? Fart in the face. I'll take it.

No, you'll take it. Who the fuck are you to judge a woman and tell a woman no, I'm not going to take that. Who's texting you already? Is that Rose? No, it's Enby Leaf Girl. She said don't do heroin. Who's that? She said don't do heroin. Who's Mary Libby? No, Enby Leaf Girl. Oh, that's my girl. She's sending some love. That's my beautiful. She's beautiful. I love it. You know what I like about Enby Leaf Girl? She's a fucking sports nun. Oh yeah. She loves hockey, football, yeah.

Yeah, she loves all that stuff. That's sexy when a woman talks football. Oh, I know. God, I love it. At the same time, you know what I'm saying? Like it's fourth down. Suck that fucking helmet. What do you got? What type of meat? How about a little burning it up by Judas Priest? Okay. Well, burning it up by Judas Priest. Before I let you go, that was my favorite. One of the best things one of my last girlfriends would give me a blow job during football on Sundays. And that was just, that was my favorite day.

He must have been with a box of wings right there close by. You were in fucking heaven, weren't you? With a computer and your little band jumping up and down. Judas Priest, I already forgot what we were playing. Burning up your fuck off the hell-bent-for-leather album here. And I said, I love you guys. This has been a great week. Next week we got great fucking guests. We got a doctor calling about sleep apnea. I got a surprise guest for Monday. I'm not doing Super Bowl Sunday because I'll be flying back from Columbus. I don't even know who's playing. The Ravens against San Francisco. Great game. Watch it.

I'll be in Columbus, Ohio Friday and Saturday. Both shows, eight and ten o'clock. Nobody's coming with me. I'm going solo. I fly rather than Joe being Vegas with Brian Callan and Ari Shafir. I think Duncan's staying home. He's recuperating. I spoke to Duncan. My thoughts go out to him. He's doing great guys. He said to send you love. Lee Syat's here. What else? Columbus, Friday and Saturday, 6-4-1, 4-7-1, 5-6-5-3. Give him a call. What? I said, bam. I don't know. You almost don't. I said, bam.

Can you believe this fucking day? Should we stab him now or later? This is what you got. You're cocksack. I love you, Lee. You're a good man. So we're not doing Super Bowl Sunday. We'll be back Monday, February 4th. It's going to be February, people. We made it through one fucking month. It's my kids' birthday next week. February 8th. You'll be in month. I'll be out of town. I'll be rocking with you motherfuckers in West Palm Beach, but I will beat next Thursday in San Jose.

What else, Lee? Go to Onnet. Get your package together. Get your health package together like Lee's going to be doing. Take the three package. Get an alpha brain. If you don't want to sharpen your brain, just want to start on the immune system. Get the new mood. Get the shroom tag immune. And get yourself the hemp protein. Tell you what. Excuse me. The hemp protein is the best fucking protein you'll ever taste. And I hate all that shit. It's delicious.

You can't wait to get home and make a fucking shake. And it will help you. What's the matter, Lee? Nothing. I'm agreeing with you. We got the shout-outs. We got man and girl. Joe Himmutsu. We got Death Squad Harlem. Death Squad Connecticut. Death Squad Kentucky. Death Squad Iowa. I feel you motherfuckers. Shirts will be out hopefully next week. The new shirts. Go to JoeyCocoDia.net. Leave me a last message.

Let me know what you're thinking. Let me know if you can help. I don't fucking give a fuck. Have a great week. Remember, get up. Write your goals. Take the shit. Wipe your ass. Don't go and leave the house with stinky fucking nuts. You never know when you're going to run into a bus of recovering cocksuckers. You know what I'm saying? You want to be prepared. Any last words, Lee? Look at this shit, Lee. Never again will I give you a piece of chocolate.

You mean three pieces of chocolate in about two and a half joints? Two and a half joints. This is why I love this guy. Listen. Uncle Joey loves you to death. Have a great fucking week. Go out there. Knock him dead. Live out your fucking dream. Your dream is to keep shit alive, motherfuckers. Hit me a little. Everybody's like, oh, Ralph Halford was gay. Why do you listen to that shit? Judas Priest, one of the best live bands ever.

Listen to Unleashed in the East. The 70s in Japan. Hit me with a little fucking Judas Priest, brother. Little Ralph Halford. Whether or not he was gay or whatever. He's got the talent. This talent, you dumb fucks. Lee, what are you doing? I don't know. I picked it up. I can't... It says it's playing. I hate it. It's jamming, Lee.

Keep it up. I tried, but I won't be able to make it up to the finish. It's a burnin' out. Oh shit. Have a great day, people. Stay black.