Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #014 - DEAN DELRAY - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is brought to you by MVMT, DraftKings & CBD Lion..... Go to www.mvmt.com/joey and enter Code: JOEY Go to www.draftkings.com and press in Code: JOEY Go to www.cbdlion.com and enter Code: CHURCH/JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #DeanDelray

Greetings cocksuckers. It's November 18th, Wednesday, a beautiful day to stab a motherfucker. The joint is brought to you by movement. 2020 is not planned by the rules. So if you want to send gifts for the holidays this year, you got to be fucking on it. Our friends over at movement watches have made gifting easy. Their watches really make, they really feel like a $500 watch for a fraction of the price. They're durable, great quality, and have designs that look classy. I love their watches. I love their new sunglass lines. And you guys know I don't wear sunglasses, but I have a pair of my car. Do me a favor. Check out movement's biggest sale of the year with fast free shipping and free returns at mvmt.com slash showy. That's mvmt.com slash showy.

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joey, whatever. Get 20% off your first order delivered to your fucking house. Let's start this party. Give that indian some fucking gin. Sorry, I forgot to light the fucking candles. Candles lit, couch suckers. What's happened, you bad motherfucker? It's Wednesday, the 18th of November. Nip is in the fucking air already in Jersey. It's getting kind of fucking cool. It's raining. It's fucking cold out. But who gives a fuck? You still got to push forward. It's a beautiful day to fucking be alive. You know, November is a weird month for me. It always has been. Number one, November, my mother died. Number two, I quit cocaine after a long fucking... After having a long fucking good time,

what am I kidding? I'm not going to tell you. After a long battle, I also got in trouble for kidnapping Bella. And I also got into Santeria when I was six in November. November is a big month of me. Today just happens to be the anniversary of when I kidnapped Ken Bella. Last night, I gave him a call just to check in with him and say hello to him. I was thinking about him. He didn't answer. I know he's been unemployed lately. I don't know what the fuck he's been, but I speak to him every couple of weeks and check in with him. Last time we spoke was maybe three weeks ago when he was unemployed. And it's just funny that out of all the dates, my mom's date bothers me a little bit. I could lie to you and tell you it's a bad week. It's just a minute of a fucking day. You acknowledge

that she's been gone for 41 years in your life. Where the fuck did your life go? With the cocaine, it's like it was 13 years ago. I'm happy I got that out of my life. For you guys that are still addicted or whatever, to anything, whatever the fuck it could be, your life changes. There is life after fucking addiction. Sometimes you sit there and you go, well, if I don't do this, I don't think my dog life changes. It changed for fucking me. I got married, I had a kid, a career came along. I mean, a thousand things fucking happened. And then you have this valid kidnapping thing, which was kind of weird what happened a couple of months ago and we could all laugh at it now. When I woke up that morning and I saw my face on a video on Yahoo with Joe Rogan and laughing and

the 20 women, it was really sad and funny to me at the same time. It was sad that all this dumb shit I said and did on this show, that's the thing that they went for. And I kept asking myself, what about the kidnapping? If you're going to throw me under the bus for anything to be mad at me, it's for what I did 33 years ago, which doesn't count because like we said a thousand times, we all change as fucking individuals. But the beauty of it was that this date bothers me a little bit. Even though I ended up going to prison and changing my life and turning around, it bothers me. About a month before my wife and I separated. This is how I know we didn't have much left. We were eating dinner at a restaurant. I think her mom was baby

sitting or something. And she said something to me. She said, I don't know if you realize what you did. You took somebody and tried to take their stuff and put them inside of a trunk. I don't know how bad you're looking at it. At the time, to be honest, I was looking at it. It was just another day in my life. It was just another day in my fucking life. That's it. In the fucked up life I had built for myself, this is what it was. Can you imagine that? Can you fucking imagine that? Going to something, getting somebody, trying to rob them and then putting them inside a truck. When I think about it and try to wrap my head around it, it fucking fucks with me to the inner deep of my soul because I can't believe I did it. But guess what? I did it and it's done

and I moved on from it. But it still fucking bothers me. Till this day, it still bothers me a little bit. I wasn't raised to fucking kidnap people. But that was like the mile things. I didn't chat. I had robbed a few drug dealers at gunpoint and that type of shit. And after I got out of that situation, I robbed a couple drug dealers at gunpoint that I'm not happy about. I'm not happy about admitting this to this. But it's the reality of my life, you know what I'm saying? And it's weird because I was telling, I think I was talking to Jim Florentine, we're talking about kids. And I was telling Jim that my daughter deals with anything. Like I can put comedy stuff on. Sometimes they say bad words and she doesn't pick them up and she doesn't repeat them.

She knows they're bad words. I'm really thankful for that. But one thing that I see in her that doesn't mess with me, it messes with me because at that age, I was exposed to it and the fucking 10 times to that is violence. Like Mercy does not like violence. A couple weeks ago, I was watching the evil of men do down here and she just happened to run downstairs and she goes, daddy, what are you doing? And then she came around the corner, Charles Bronson was stabbing the motherfucker in the neck through a knife on his neck and she ran upstairs to pull the little thing that she is. Fucking last week, I was watching above the law. I haven't seen above the law. God knows how fucking long I haven't seen above the law. It started. So I put it the fuck on.

I didn't know she was going to run out to ask me a question about a fucking book. So while I'm watching above the law, she runs down the stairs and she brings a diary with Wimpy Kid with her and she wants to talk to me about it, which I'm more than gladly to do with her every fucking night. And she just happened to look as a church, a bomb was going off of the church and Stephen Segal was carrying the priest out and he's full of blood. And I gotta tell you something, she ran up those fucking stairs and I had to go in there and talk to her and explain it to her that that's just TV, that it's fake blood. But in her little fucking head, she doesn't like it at seven years old. By the time I was seven, I'd seen people get hit with bats. I'd seen

people get hit with two by fours. You know, by the time it was eight, I saw a guy get shot. I mean, I just saw different things by the age of seven that in my world seems so fucking normal. But now that I have a daughter, I see how fucking outlandish it was. And the fact, you know, I talked about this, this is not happening. The fact that I grew up around all that fucking violence, and I'm not a nonviolent person whatsoever, at all, at all, at all. Listen, I have my moments and I've had my fucking moments and they've all been under duress or under, you know, when I'm drugged up or whatever. But once the drugs got out of me, even way before that, when I got out of prison, I realized violence wasn't the fucking key. I'd seen so much violence that I realized one thing,

that there's people you want to hit in the head or whatever, but you just can't. It crosses you the fuck over. You know, a lot of people go to me, why'd you leave LA? Oh, I saw a guy get hit in the head with a two by four. I saw a shit get a lady get punched in the face at CVS. The reason why I freaked out so much about it? Because that's not the life I grew up in. And that wasn't the California I knew. And all of a sudden, in two or three months, I see three or four different instances of violence. And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? Listen, that thing with the guy hitting people in the two by four, the four by four chase him down the street on Lancashire by the train station. In my world, it was kind of comical. In my world, it was fucking kind of comical. I'm not

going to lie to you, but I know it's not my world. It's a real fucking world. So I had to chase the guy and try to hit him with the fucking car or try to do something that, you know, you just can't hit people with fucking two by fours, because you're having a fucking bad day. Again, it's not a two by four. It was a four by four, which made it worse. They heard even fucking more. So, you know, I don't want you to say, well, Joey's a pussy. He saw a guy get hit with a two by four. He picked up his bag. No, I walked him that shit. I went and trumped it. I went and got guns. I'm not going to fucking sit there and let somebody come into my house with a four by four and hit me in the fucking head. I'll shoot that motherfucker in the toe, the leg. You know, I'm

not looking to kill him. I'm just looking at the disabled woman, throw him in jail and get him the help that he fucking needs. Who goes around hitting people in the head with a fucking four by four? You know, that's not what shunned me. But what really bothered me was the violence in my life growing up. And now, you know, I hate when people say that shit. Well, if you grew up in a house of violence, you're going to be fucking my mom threw a thousand beatings on me. I wouldn't dare lift a hand to mercy, not because I'm a fucking tag or because I'm a weak as a man. I just don't believe in hitting. I don't believe in hitting people. And listen, don't get me wrong. There's plenty of people I like to punch in the fucking head, but it's not going to get you

nowhere. It's a temporary fucking bad night. You know, when I hit my ex's boyfriend in front of that safeway and I got away with it, I got away with assault through the lucky fucking stars, because God knew what I was going through. I got away with it. But when I turned around, I looked at my young daughter in the car at that time in 1995 and she was crying. That fucking traumatized her. Like I said, when I saw that picture her crying in the car, I was a little fucking upset when I looked back that night. I was upset with what I've done. Yeah, I won my own personal battle against the guy, but I lost a war. I lost it by lifting my hand. You know, a couple of weeks ago, I retweeted a clip of John Burntall on the church talking about,

you know, him hitting somebody and he got sued for $800,000. I'm not even worried about getting sued. I'm worried more about just that break of personal or whatever. I got nothing against somebody attacking you and you fucking hitting them with something. Nothing against that. Somebody gets out of a car and tries to break into your personal fucking area. I got nothing against you, hitting them with a hanger, a magazine. I don't give a fuck what you carry in your fucking car. But for you just to inflict violence, like what I did that day on November 18th, 19th fucking 87 was just, it wasn't really who I am. You know, and I love when people give me excuses about marijuana. I love couple of weeks ago, I was talking to George and he's like, oh,

I put the wrong shirt in the fucking, he was framing a picture and he put the wrong jersey in the shirt. It was a joke. I guess his brother and I said to him, George, you're smoking a lot of pot. And I'm always like, people always blame fucking pot for everything. Like, and I'm one of them. Like I am, but I'm not really, you know, I lost that fucking half ounce of pot. I even asked Mike for three nugs. I could not find that half ounce of pot. What did it take for me to get super fucking high? Just how I was when I hit the pot for myself. And I found the fucking pot. I don't know how we got on this fucking subject. I'm just fucking saying that, you know, don't blame everything on drugs. But I got to be honest with you, man. For the first time in 30 years, I am

blaming something on drugs, my fucking behavior that day. Because where they smoke, there's fire. You seem to listen. When I go to my client's house and we're watching the game. And for some reason, I'm having a good time and I have a fucking drink. And then I'm having a better time and I have another fucking drink. And then I'm having a better time and I have another fucking drink. Even at 290, I know when I get in the car and I get pulled over, I'm going to get a DUI. It's going to be like numbers. My insurance is going to go up. I got to take some fucking drunk class. I'm going to scream and fucking yell. I'm not a fucking drunk, which I'm really not a fucking drunk. And I'll probably never get a DUI again. That's a lesson learned. That's a person

who made a mistake. That's a person who will never fucking drink again will go, what the fuck did I do over three beers that almost cost me my license, my job, my ability to drive, and all this shit. It was a one time deal. And after three or four years, I think an insurance company lets it go. That's what I think. I'm not sure. Don't quote me on this. It could be five years. It could be seven years on your driving record. I don't know what it is. But that's it. So if you come to me and go, hey, in 1991, you had a DUI. Bitch, that was 1991. Like I had a friend a couple of weeks ago that dropped his water in his car and he went to reach for the water and the cop pulled the mobile. Okay, the cop pulled the mobile because he says he

swerved off the line. He gave my buddy a fucking test and my buddy passed the test. You know what he said to him? He goes, you got a DUI on your record. I got to take you down there from like eight years ago in another state. So he goes, I still got to take you down there and give you a blood test to make sure you weren't on fucking drugs. That's not necessary. That in my world is not fucking necessary. It really isn't. But you got that DUI and now people assume you follow me so you brought it upon yourself. I don't agree with the cops actions, but that's just the way it is. But one of my point is that if you got a DUI in 1991, that's 29 years ago. If you've never got a DUI since then, it was a fucking mistake. It was a bad day. It was you not counting your beers.

It was a cop having a bad day. You know, whatever your numbers were low. You know, once you got a DUI, it's tough to go to an AA meeting and tell people you're not an alcoholic. They just went to Mike Klein's house and had three fucking beers, but they don't give a fuck. They're going to say you're a fucking alcoholic. I don't agree with that. You know, now if I had a DUI in 91, 96, 2002 and 2010, there's a fucking problem because where there's smoke, there's fucking fire. After I got arrested for the kidnapping, I got arrested for one other violent crime and I didn't get arrested. It was the assault on John. I never raised my hands again. I never did. And the arrests I had after that were always singular

also. There was a couple of multiple theft arrests, but I've never not said I was a fucking thief. I'll steal anything. I was talking to my agent last night and we were talking about the soprano project and they go, I was perfect on that. And I'll tell you what, I didn't even steal nothing. And we both sort of laughed our asses off because I always steal momentum from everything. I take something, a lighter, a fucking canopy. You know what I mean? I don't give a fuck. If I got room in the car, I'm taking it with me. I got to take something to go. I didn't do anything wrong. And I'm really proud of that. You know why? Because I'm 50 fucking seven years old. I shouldn't be taking fucking shit from a thing. But that's fine with me. The point I'm trying to prove here,

the point I'm trying to stick to is that where there's smoke, there's fucking fire. So you can't, you know, come at me. So when you came at me for the fucking, some girl that fucking sucked my dick 20 times, and I even said it wrong. It wasn't even the belly room. She was just a comic that before the situation, nobody gave a fuck about this girl. Nobody gave a fuck about this girl till this day. Nobody has said what's her name. Nobody. They just tried to pin a situation on me from me cracking a fucking joke in the heat of the fucking moment. But nobody ever mentioned the kidnappings. Nobody ever mentioned the fucking burglaries. Nobody ever mentioned none of that dumb shit I did. We should have been

mentioned. That just lets you know where your fucking head is at. That just lets you know where America's head is at. That they were pissed at a situation that we were having a conversation and laughing. And you could tell that, yeah, maybe she sucked my dick. Maybe she put in the oldest fucking six months. Not one person has said, what's the girl's name? You've never given a fuck about the fucking girl. Not one fucking person. I reached out to her. I'm not gonna tell you what her name is. You don't need to fucking know. It's none of your business because you never asked. You dumb fucks. You never said nothing. And nothing else ever came from it. Nobody else raised their hand. One girl, oh, he hit on me at a party at 98 when I invited him over

my house. That's great. That's great. I tried to hit on her. Nothing happened. She drove me home. I was friends with her for 20 years after that, did her shows, the whole thing. What did I do fucking wrong? Nothing. Nothing. So if you're gonna come at somebody, come at them for the wrong thing, not one person gave a Frenchman's fuck about Ken Della and how he felt fucking handcuffed in the back of a fucking trunk, staring at a dog trunk. Now one person, that's just to let you know how fucked we are. Like how fucked up we are as human beings. Now one person said, not only did he get his dick sucked 20 times by a girl with dirty fingernails, but he fucking kidnapped. Now one person cared about fucking Ken Della. Me, I care about him.

I still call him. I apologize to him fucking constantly. I always throw a joke in there. I always throw a joke in there about Bella. Don't worry. I'm not gonna tie you up and put fucking duct tape on your eyes and shit. I mean, listen, it's a dark situation that I hadn't liked over the years, but don't mistake the situation for what it was. It was a fucking, it wasn't brutal. Nobody beat him. Nobody did nothing. All we did was put a gun to him, turn him around, handcuffed him, put him in a room for a little while. I'm sure I would never want to be in the position he was for those four hours, thinking about whether he was gonna die or not. He was in no danger at dying. All we cared about was about the drugs. That's it. And that's that.

It's just so funny how nobody has mentioned this poor guy throughout the whole fucking thing. That just goes to show you. But me, I deeply apologize to him. I apologize to myself, disrespecting myself that day and being a fucking pig that I was because I wasn't thinking with my head. I was thinking with my addiction and I forgave myself. I forgave myself that day I apologized to him. I forgave myself every time I talked to him. I forgave myself every time he came to a show, which has come to two shows now. I forgave myself. I came to terms with it, man. It was just a fucking bad day. Now, if I would have had three kidnappings and I'm here sitting in this fucking chair,

now we got a fucking problem. Now we got a problem because you didn't even learn your lesson after the fucking first time. I learned my lesson after the first time. The lesson I learned was not to kidnap people. Fuck. If I know somebody who's got a million dollars today with how bad things are, we might do something. You know what I'm saying? Things are bad out there. I know you got some church family that's having a hard time, some joint family that's having a hard time, some minded Joey Diaz family that's having a hard time. Maybe I'll put you on to them, but I wouldn't because it's just not right and it's not. And I looked back at what I did. It changed my fucking life going to prison. It made me take a step back the same way you guys

are taking a step back during this COVID. The same way you guys are stepping back and seeing about how life works and where your life has been and what you want your life to be. That's the same break I took when I went to prison. It let me step back for a minute, let me know maybe what I was doing was wrong. What things I was doing that were right. You know, right now you're looking at purchases you made, situations you put yourself into in your life because it's fucking boring and your mind goes to the worst places in the world. Listen, man, I was looking at a notebook the other day. These notebooks usually last me two and a half months. They're lasting me a month now because I'm right in my way out of this situation. That's the only thing I got.

I can't go on stage every fucking night, even though I'll be on stage tonight at Uncle Vinnie's motherfuckers throwing some heat. Well, at least I'm gonna tell myself that I ain't gonna be throwing no heat. I got nothing to throw at you. You know, I've been writing a couple of jokes, whatever, a couple of different situations, but the creativity level fucking sucks. I've been trying to write like little paragraphs every time I look at them. I want to stab myself and I know I'm very self-critical of myself, but you have to be. You have to be when you're in my position. You just can't walk around your life not checking yourself. Checking yourself is fucking tremendous. You know what checks me? Let me give you a little secret of what checks me, marijuana, because when you get high

sometimes you step outside yourself and you get a chance to look in yourself and see, holy fuck. This time as I wake up in the middle of the night going, I can't believe I said that in the eighth grade. I hope nobody still remembers about that stupidity I was talking about, because it does. It gives you a chance to step outside yourself and look in and listen, you don't need marijuana to do it. Right now a lot of you is just stepping outside yourself and looking in and seeing what you like and what you don't like and what changes you're gonna make when this world comes back to normal again. And who knows when the fuck that's gonna be, but at least you're gonna be well fucking prepared for the next fucking 20, 30, 40 years of your fucking life. That's the good thing about

this, that even in Jersey I've had time to fucking think. I've had time to think of what I want, what I don't like, what I want to do and what I want to do. Right now, right now today, I don't care what you offer me. I'm not in the mood to get on a plane and do stand-up comedy. I'm not weekend ready yet. There's no way I'm ready to fucking give you a weekend. I won't do it. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to fucking give you 45 minutes of heat so I'm not gonna lie to you and make you get a babysitter and make you come out of your house. I got two more dates in Vinny's in November. I got three more in fucking December and hopefully by then by January we'll see where the country takes them. Knock on wood. I hope they don't close it down, but you got to remember

anyway from the second week of December to fucking mid-January. Nothing fucking happens either. I just don't want to see the kids home from fucking school or whatnot. We, as adults, we can make it happen. What's another six weeks of lockdown? We've already been through fucking half a year of lockdown. Our favorite restaurants are closed. Now they're closed at 10. You can't get nothing to eat after fucking 10. I feel like I'm living in LA again now. LA, you got nothing after eight. You got Denny's and some shitty fucking diner. So now I don't know what they're rolling back. I want all these to make it through this financially whatever. Speaking of, let me talk to you guys about a little story here. I love the city of Pittsburgh. I always have.

If you know anything about me, I love a lot of fucking cities. I love a lot of cities and I love little things from each city. We don't have enough time to sit here and tell you about my love for different things from cities. But when it comes to Pittsburgh, it comes down to the sports team and their attitudes, the attitudes they had when I was growing up in the 70s, their attitudes were fucking phenomenal. I love Pittsburgh. Yesterday or the day before I posted something about a great friend of mine up in Pittsburgh, his name is Jay Bish. He's a teacher. He got shut down on March 16th like the regular fucking teachers around the world that we know and love. For me, I've always had a special thing for teachers because like I said before,

when I was growing up, you were in school from 8.30 to 3. That's six and a half hours you're around these people. You get home from school at 3.30, you do homework and your parents usually get home from work from five and you go to bed at 10. That means they got you for five hours a day plus night time. That means that your teachers are around you that much. They know more about you than anything. Early on, as bad a student as I was at Sacred Heart and I got thrown out by the nuns, I was never really a bad student at all. I always loved learning. I still love fucking learning. When I went to McKinley, teachers turned my life around. Mr. LaVito, Mr. Barone, when I got to high school, I had great teachers, Teranova, Mr. McGrath. These weren't just teachers.

They were friends. Mr. Lee, Mr. Astelis, they weren't just teachers. They had become friends, guidance counselors, people that you could fucking talk to. Whenever I met a teacher, before I had mercy, I've always had the utmost respect for teachers. They got tough decisions to make. They got to tell parents that their kids are fucking an idiot. When your parents don't know that you're an idiot, they got to tell your parents a lot of little things and it takes a lot of courage to do that and to do it with love. I've always loved teachers. Jay Bishop is a teacher. Now, a lot of people always say to me, hey, man, fucking pop up my GoFundMe. I got sued over at GoFundMe about eight years ago because people were running a scam on GoFundMe. I made a habit.

If you want me to do a GoFundMe for you, have your attorney send me paperwork and I'll give you a number. You can send it to my attorney to make sure everything is fucking clean and there's no problem and nobody on Twitter and nobody from my family is getting scammed because some guy wants to go to fucking Jamaica and have a good time and doesn't want to fucking work for it. I got nothing against scamming somebody, but you know what? Don't do that on the internet. Get a fucking gun, okay? Get a gun. Don't do that on the internet like a half a fucking fag or whatever the fuck you're trying to prove. You know, he reached out. His family reached out. His wife reached out. And you know, Patreon, thank you very much. We got to make a donation to his family to help him out with expenses.

I tweeted and put it on Facebook. If any of you guys can give $2, he's been out of work since, you know, March. His family struggling $2, $3. It'll help. Trust me, there's a lot of people out there fucking, they're trying to scam money from people on phony basis is because they don't want to work. The scams are rampant. I know you guys got them in your emails. You didn't pay your Netflix. You guys get that one. You didn't pay your Netflix and to your information. Paypal has a scam. Some guys and I mean, scams are going out. If you guys are still falling for the fucking African guy, listen, just hang yourself. Now, the African guy that the fucking taxes and the fucking phone call, if you don't pay 4,000 taxes, listen, don't, don't fall for scams. Don't

do none of that shit. Don't give nobody nothing. But I'm asking you from the bottom of my heart, if you got a dollar, just donate to Jay Bish and put the link up on Facebook. I put the link up on Twitter and that's it, man. What else you want from me? But today's always been that weird type of day. You know, I couldn't control what God did on the 8th of November. I controlled what I did by, uh, I controlled what I did by my fucking life clean from below. But this November 18 shit has always been a hard pill for me to swallow because I loved to blame it on fucking addiction. I would love to blame it on the cocaine made me do it. That would be the easiest way for me to get out of this, but no, I wouldn't. I knew exactly what I was doing on that day. Was it what Joey

Diaz would do on a regular day? No. Was it what Joey Diaz did on November 18th, 1987? Yeah, that's the Joey Diaz I was and I'm not proud of him. I, you know, that's how I got to be who I am today from learning from that fucking experience, you know, and did I come out and stop doing coke? Fuck no. I love to tell you that, you know, prison changed me. I got the Bible and that's all bullshit. When somebody goes to fucking prison and they come out with the Bible, they're not even out the door. Five fucking steps in the Bible goes up in the air. That's just bullshit. That's just a way to lie to yourself and to join. I didn't get into Christ. I didn't get into the Bible more. I didn't get into anything. The only thing I went over those fucking nine months, 10 months

I was locked up was what made me do what I had done. Embarrassed myself, embarrassed my family. Between you and I, I always know I was going to end up in prison. At the rate I was going, I was going down. When, when, when was the fucking question that I was going to go down? But I'm happy it's over with. I'm happy I faced like a man. I'm happy I didn't run away like a pussy. I had an opportunity to go to Honduras and run an earth rental car. I'm very happy the situation worked out how it did. And maybe the man I am today, the comic, it made me take a dark situation because for the last 10 years that I've been podcasting with you, I've been taking a dark situation and making it fucking funny, but it really wasn't funny. It was darker than shit.

I'm not proud of it, but today it's funny. Today it's funny. We put in a machine gun just to let you know the knucklehead that I was for you guys at the 24, 26, 28. And you think you're fucking struggling because you don't have any desire? Well, I don't want to play music no more. I don't listen. I got a fucking gun and put it to somebody and put them in a trunk of a car. You have no problems. You just have to find out what you love and attack it. I hope it's not putting guns to people's heads and put them in a trunk of cars. And with that, that's what we'll leave you with today. A couple of days ago, I did a little zoom with my buddy Dean Delray. We did about 20 minutes zoom. We opened up the AC DC box. He sent me,

we talked about the AC DC box, the new box set with the fucking, it's great, by the way, really. Listen, if you want me to tell you the album is fucking life changing, the album is good. The album is good. You know what makes it great? I'll tell you what makes it great. The point that they're 70 years old and they're still rocking inspires the fuck out of a 57 year old old man like me that thinks that this COVID has killed our lives. That's what this AC DC album has showed me. A lot of people bitching. It's a little pricey. Hey, the record label has to make that money this year. Everybody took a dick to the ass. You're not supporting that band because how great the fucking album is. Oh, it's the best I heard since let that be rock. You need to swallow

some fucking rat poison or something. It's a great album and I'm happy Columbia sent it to me. It's a great album. It's a great movement. It's great that they fucking went in there, but the way they package it, the way they released everything, the way they did everything in the middle of the pandemic for their fucking fans. I love it. I love what AC DC did props to them for fucking in the middle of pandemic dropping a fucking album. Again, the songs are fucking great. Is it a classic, classic, classic album? No, it's not. It's not let that be rock, but it's a good solid album. But what inspires you the most is that all the fucking bands, I love it when bands are dropping stuff right now. I give them kudos and listen. I know you're struggling. Support them.

Support them. Go to fucking iTunes and buy two of their fucking albums for $9.99 or whatever the fuck they are. If you don't listen to them today, you don't have to listen to them today. You're supporting the arts, man. The arts are on their last leg. I know you're on your last leg too. Everybody's on their last leg, but you got to support the arts a little bit. I don't care if you buy a $4.99 EP demo. I don't care if you buy one song from them. Let's keep this fucking economy flowing within ourselves as artists, as comedians, just us, just us. Keep that little thing going. I don't expect you to pay $35 for an album or $50 for an album or anything like that. I just expect you to support a little bit. I love that I'm doing a Patreon. And yeah,

I love the people that want the merch and all that stuff, but it's $3. It's $3 for a simple package. And you know what? We get to help out guys like Jay Bish and a bunch of other guys that are out of work and need a couple dollars from time to time. And this is what this time is about right now. It's just helping out somebody. Listen, you're not going to give somebody $100,000 because you ain't fucking got it. But a couple dollars, maybe a dinner, maybe a joint just to put a smile on their face. You can't go wrong. Right now, during this fucking whatever the fuck is going on, people are not 100%. I know I'm not 100%. I love to sit here and tell you I'm 100%. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I can't. I can't. I have my own little personal struggles, but

every day I try to do something on fucking Patreon. You know why? Because it makes me feel better whether it's answering a message. Every day I do every other couple of days, I do a little thing on Twitter. I do a little pilot to Bombardier. Just so you hear my voice, just so you know, we're both going through the same fucking thing. You know, I'm on Facebook, but every day my goal is to wake up in the morning and just make somebody smile a little bit, a little bit. Maybe if you listen to an old podcast and that makes you laugh, maybe one of the fucking I'm doing another secular fucking Patreon podcast. So we got that coming. We got a lot of stuff coming. And don't forget Ozzy's Boneyard channel 38, grab a pen November 25th,

lunchtime, Eastern time. That's 9am California time. That means I'm gonna light you on fucking fire in California at 9am without a fucking podcast on a Wednesday. Who's better than fucking you guys? We finally got Ozzy Boneyard. My, you know, I've always loved Black Sabbath. I've always loved Ozzy. So this is a big fucking thing for me. It's not about this. It's not about that. It's just about staying busy during these times as much as I can. I'm failing as a fucking writer. I'm doing great as a dad. I'm midway as a fucking podcast. I'm surprised the fucking ceiling hasn't come down. Every time we do a podcast is something different. Last time the cat got stuck in here. Last week, the fucking lawnmower man decided to come. Every week it's been fucking something.

But listen, we're going to keep fucking plugging because that's the school of fucking thought I come from. You keep fucking pushing and we're going to get this right in time. We'll get an office in time. We'll have new guests for you in time. I'll keep fucking zooming people in there and you'll get sick of looking at my face. But guess what? I'm going to be every Monday and fucking Wednesday until the wheels fucking fall off, whether you like it or not, motherfuckers. So get ready for me. Mike, you're planning on doing the same, right? Mike, don't give a fuck. As long as he can stop at Wawa and get a pretzel and soda, Mike is happy. It's two fucking pigs in shit. Now, without further ado, I had a short conversation with my man, Dean Delway.

We'll continue it next week and we'll put on part two for you and hopefully this will be a little longer. Like I said, no, that's the only date. I got no fucking comedy dates. I released the dates for you for Vinnie's. Go on Uncle Vinnie's comedy club in Point Pleasant. See if there's anything left. It only seats 38 people. It's socially distant. So if you don't get tickets, don't get bad. Don't be mad. Trust me. You're not missing no Chappelle fucking monologue. I say I'm not alive. You're not missing nothing. You just missing Uncle Joey trying to do fucking 45 minutes. And without further ado, thank you very much for always helping out our sponsors. And without further ado, I love you guys. I will see you next Monday morning ready to go.

I hope you enjoy this little Dean Day, Dean Delray interview. As you guys know, I love Dean with all my heart. He's one of the few things I miss L.A. even though I do miss L.A. in a lot of ways. It wasn't all bad. I had some great times there and I made some great friends. And this is one of the guys that really inspired me towards the end because we're both fucking old men and when I try to do anything else, but just do comedy. I love you guys. Thank you for being a part of Uncle Joey's joint. I want to thank Michael Klein for coming up. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Enjoy the rest of the podcast with Dean, the ads, and I'll see you next Wednesday, Monday morning. Tip Top Magoo to 23rd. I think it is ready to go. My anniversary is only

25th, 11 years of being married. What have you done lately? You got to work hard every fucking day. I love you guys. Enjoy. I can't call it's almost been three fucking months without you. What's happened? Double J. Jersey Joey. I'm telling you, man, fucking three months on Thursday. It seemed like yesterday. I can't believe it's been three months. Actually, it really feels like like a year to me, you know, because I see it every day and then I'll see it all. It feels like a year. It has been a while. How are you holding up? Oh, man, you know, ups and downs. I was good for a while, but then this weekend, I was just feeling shitty, you know. It goes to the territory. I think we're all going through something right now.

Every comic is going through something, you know? Yeah, it's just kind of like you're like, okay, it looks like we might be going back to work and then boom, second lockdown, massive non-stop news of the virus going up. And I just thank God we got podcasts, you know? Just remember one thing. We're not going back to the stage for a while, as we know it. It's not going to be for a while as we know it. It's not going to be vaccine, open the doors, and we're back to 300 people jumping up and down. It's going to take a while. It's going to take a process for the country to open back up. And I'm willing to wait it out, you know, until it's fine. That's it. And we'll decide. There's nothing you could do.

You can't bang your head on the fucking wall. Nothing's going to change. No, no. You know what we got? We're alive and we have our friends, you know, friendship, which is gold right now. Gold, brother. Gold. Gold. Gold. It's the only thing that makes it through with us. It makes it a lot easier talking to your friends on the phone, rapping to your friends in person. I've said it since day one. You just can't have 20 people. Yeah. That's it. Three people, me, you, and Ian. We have a conversation socially distanced. You know, you wear a mask. You don't wear a mask. It's all your fucking preference. Yeah, you know, I never wanted 20 people around anyway.

Well, unless you're doing comedy, like we're doing comedy. So yeah, we need people, you know, like it's great. I go to Uncle Vinny's on Wednesdays. I do 38 people and I live with it, Dean. You know, I'm just trying to fucking push forward. Yeah. Yeah. I did a show with Ian and I went down to San Diego and there's 50 people each show. We did four and oh man, it felt like heaven, you know. And 50 and how many, how many does it see 200 usually? Well, he's got a club inside. So he's just doing this in the outdoor patio area. So the club definitely seats like 150. So we were outside in the patio area with about 50 a show and

you know, 50 is really a smoking show actually. Were they socially distanced? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Each people had their own table and you couldn't sit with any strangers or anything. So if you wanted a table and you were solo, you had to buy a whole table. That's a good way to do it, man. Totally. It's just a great way to do it. So there's no misunderstandings. You know, usually in comedy club, they pack them up like sardines, people you don't know sitting at your table. That's uncomfortable as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. You really can't go fucking off because I got some people sitting at my fucking table, you know. So this is good. It keeps people fucking honest, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations on the fucking great podcast you're doing.

You're fucking, you know, you're scoring, man. AC DC fucking Rob Halford. You got the fucking drummer. You got everybody, you know. Can you believe it? Dean, man. I believe anything nowadays. You know, as long as you put hard work into it, anything is fucking possible, you know. And the word gets out and even guys like us, we get a break from time to time, you know. Old guys, you know, old dogs, even old dogs get a warm on the sidewalk in time to time, you know. So it's great to see you from afar doing great things. I know how much of a fan you are. I mean, if you could interview Bond from the grave, you would, you know, you'd put a cigarette in his mouth and just let it fly. So yeah, it was, it was wild

because, you know, I knew I was going to interview them seven months ago. And I got to hear the record seven months ago secretly. I had to sign an NDA. So I had to keep that secret for seven months. And there was a point about a month ago where I was like, that record's not going to come out. I'm just going to do a solo episode about how I heard the record. And then I said, ah, I better not do that. You know, Columbia Records trusted me. I'm not going to do that. And sure enough, two days later, I get an email. Okay, well, the record's going to come out and you're going to interview them next week. And I was like, oh, thank God, I didn't say anything, you know. It was, it was unbelievable. And then I had to interview them at 2 30 in the morning because

they were in Australia and London, two separate places, Bond or sorry, Brian and Angus. So I was up all night waiting to interview them. And then once it was done, I couldn't sleep all night. I was just laying there like, wow, that just went down. You know, Dean, you're the last man standing, you know, it's you, Burr, Marin, Whitney Cummings. I mean, there's just a couple of you left, Eric Griffin, they're just holding on. You know, how do you see it? You know, I, I, you know, people keep hitting me. Are you going to move? Are you going to move? Are you going to move? And there's two things that are a problem with that. One is I'm born and raised in California. I, you know, I lived in New York for three years, loved it. And I would be there.

I would have been there all summer. I love doing East Coast, West Coast. I love that more than anything. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere and trying something out, say, you know, I love Palm Springs, Joshua Tree, you know, get out there in the desert and do your podcast out there. But I just, I don't know. There's nothing holding me on here now. A lot of people are gone. It's just mostly I want to make the right decision because it's a big decision. You get somewhere and they're like, Oh my God, I don't like this. And you start to have a, I live alone. You start to have a meltdown. So I don't really know, but I do know that to afford this LA living is, it's not going to last very much longer, you know. Are you feeling a little now? Are you

has the road taken a lot away from you financially? I mean, are you dipping into your savings? What's going on? Yeah, there's, well, of course, we got zero money for eight months. And thank God for CBD lion and you, I mean, you hooked that up. And without CBD lion, I would probably be, you know, living on a couch at somebody's place, which I've done before. I'm not afraid to do that. I just don't want to be somebody's burden. I'm a grown man, 54. And I don't want to be somebody's couch surfer at this age of my life, especially now with the COVID and whatnot. Right. Right. Right. I don't want to be a baby sack on your couch with this COVID. Anybody who lets you sleep on that couch,

that COVID's got fucking that couch got COVID. So it's a COVID couch anyway. So what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is, it is a weird time. And I always know that when I got into comedy, nothing was guaranteed. There's nothing guaranteed in the arts and you just keep on pushing. But there's not a job I can get right now. You know, what I do, I was selling motorcycles before this and playing music before that. Those two are out. I did construction 40 years ago. I don't even remember how to do that. And I worked at foster freeze. So there's my four jobs. So I don't know. I just, I, I doubled down. I started another podcast and I bust my ass. And now I've got two podcasts. I've got the grail, which is out on Wednesdays. And then I'm doing this and I've got

the Patreon and the Patreon is really, really helping me, man. The Patreon people are, our goal, that and CBD line are keeping the lights on. I got to tell you, Patreon, the people are gold. I'm having, you know, I don't even know what's stopping me from getting off of regular social media and just doing everything. I just, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have friends, you know, like it just wouldn't be fair. But Patreon for me is so much fun. It's not even about just, if it wasn't for Patreon, I would be in an insane asylum right now. Patreon kept me whole in July, August, September, just answering the emails and rapping with people, you know, to see what they were going through, you know, whenever I would get anxiety, I would hit the

emails in July and August and September. And that really helped a lot with communicating with people, you know? Yeah, you know, I don't bullshit people. I look at it as like, I've got about 400 true fans. They say if you have a thousand true fans, you can survive doing art the rest of your life. I've got about 400. I'm not one of those guys like, oh, I sold out three nights and the fourth one was almost, that's all bullshit, man. It's papered rooms. I'm out there slugging away, one fan at a time trying to get it. And I've got about 400 solid ones on Patreon. And man, I love it. I talk to them on zoom fest every weekend. We get on, I zoom with all these guys. We talk records, movies, comedy, everything. And they're gold, man, because they are the people,

they're into the same stuff I'm into, the music, the films, comedy. And so we have great conversations and that helps me on the weekend when I'm not doing comedy. I'm home shooting the shit with these guys or talking to you on the phone or hanging with Ian or Marin or, you know, that kind of stuff really helps. And Patreon, wow, man, it is gold. And these people did not drop off. I thought, oh, this is going to, they're going to be out of here, but they're double down. They double down. They're good people. Yeah, they double down. I was always scared of doing a Patreon, because I didn't want to involve my podcast. Right. I didn't want the podcast to cross over with Patreon. And now I'm doing two podcasts. I actually do two 20 minute podcasts on Patreon, which I love doing. You

know, I love doing them because I do them with music and every episode sets a different tone. This has been a real, you know, moving, watching my daughter, you know, right now, my, my paid day is not being on stage. Right now it's watching my daughter get on the bus every morning at 830. She's the first one that runs on the bus every morning. That's how much she likes school. So for me, it wasn't a decision about comedy. It was more decision based on my family. Absolutely. So for me, I knew I could do comedy and fucking Mars. I don't give a fuck where I do it. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure she would go to school. You know, we'll get everybody's getting ready for another shutdown, but I can't imagine having my child in LA right now going to Thanksgiving

and knowing we're not going to go back to school for another 10 months. Yeah. That just didn't make sense. You know, so the decisions I made were great for me. You know, I feel better. I had to make a change. Yeah. For me, it was time. I'd been 23 years in LA. And I felt the last three years I was just spinning my circles and spending my wheels. Yeah. A part of me feels that I know I wasn't spending my wheels. I know I was making progress to stand up. I was getting better being down at the store and I was going on the road. But in my mind, I was spending my wheels as a human being. Like comedy was great. Everything else is great. But my human interaction life, like we didn't have anything beside comedy for a guy like me.

I had just started venturing out the concerts. Thanks to you and guys like Rudy, who put it in my mind. But beside that, I was engulfed with comedy. You know, if I wasn't at a gym, who had a boxing class or something, my whole life was comedy. And now comedy is on the back burner. Podcasting is up there. My Patreon's up there. And just being a family man is where I'm at right now, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it reminds me a lot of when I trailed off of music towards the end, you know, after 25 years of music, the last five years, I felt like I was kind of spinning my wheels. I'd been in it so long. I was doing the same gigs every year. And I was like, it wasn't going up and the money was going down because of the illegal

downloading and all that. And I felt like, you know, I, I understand what you're talking about, because I felt like I need a new challenge in life. And, and so I got out and people are like, how did you quit? And I was just like, Hey, man, if you've ever done anything this long, you'll know, you know, you need to, as a human, you need to venture out and try other shit. Don't be afraid to fail, get out there, try shit and go, well, I tried that. It didn't work. But I tried something new. So I understand what you're talking about. And I think the only thing which is really weird to me, the only thing that keeps me in this town is the comedy store. I don't even know why it's not even open. I mean, it's open for patio drinks, but it's the, oh, it's the,

it's like the only family member I've got here, besides my close friends, of course, I love those guys. But it's the only thing that I really care about in this town other than Ian and Burr and, and, you know, Marin and those, you're, you're gone and, and, you know, so that's it. That's it. And we'll see what happens there. If that, if that place was gone, I would be long gone. You know, it's not just comics, the living day to day. It's a lot of regular people that are going like, Hey, what are you doing October 20th, November 29th? I have no idea. There might be a shutdown, you know, it's November, whatever the fuck it is, 18th. And it's going to be interesting if the comedy store is still shut down in February. It's going to be interesting

if the New York comedy clubs is still shut down. It's going to be very, which it looks like they're going to be, it looks like they even would have vaccine. They're not going to get everything in time by February. I mean, I think by February of March, we'll see a lot more comics migrating to different areas. They've had enough, you know, it's going to be a year in March that we've been playing the shutdown game. And there's half a life game. It wasn't until I got to New Jersey that I started living a little bit more. I'm still not getting involved in cavodial situations. Don't get me wrong. But I'm seeing people. I'm talking to people. I'm going to dinners. I'm going to restaurants. I sit outside when I can,

you know? I'm just trying to protect myself and the people around me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's basically it. Yeah. I'm glad I got Ian because he's single, no family and stuff also. So we talk quite a bit like you and I daily. And, you know, we go get a coffee and we both know we keep it safe, you know, and just, just keep our minds. But I, I know, you know, I just shot a thing for Gibson TV at the troubadour. I feel horrible for these people, these small venues, these rock venues, these comedy clubs across America. Look,

we're comedians and we're lucky we have these podcasts, but these guys, that was their jobs. They live on tips. They live on that nightly gig and they haven't worked. And then the owners of the clubs that have sunk their lives into these places. What are they going to do? It's, it is, it is not just about the, the comedians. It's about the whole community. It's the whole community. Yep. You know, I'm thinking about theater. Even when that comes back, I mean, who goes to see theater? Older people. That means that theater goes out of business, you know? I mean, theaters are going to, the New York Phil is open till fucking next September.

Yeah. You know, I mean, and they, they work on endowments and whatnot, but still it's not that. It's, you know, it's the human contact. People need other people. We've dropped off. If, if, you know, this kids don't go to school, like in New Jersey, their parents won't go to let them go to school. There's people that have not been out of their house since, since March because of the fear, you know, and I, I appreciate the fear, but you got to live your life. Yep. You do. I appreciate the fear. I'm fucking scared too.

Yep. But I got to live my life. I still got to go to the gym. I still got to ride my bike. I still got to walk with my daughter. I still got to go to the supermarket. I still got to do a podcast. We just try to be careful. You know, Mike is around his family all the time. He's not fucking around. I'm not fucking around. You know, you have to really think about the people who are in your life. You know, Thanksgiving is going to be a fucking a shit storm. It doesn't take a genius to know that, you know, people come over on Thanksgiving. That's what we fucking do. That's what we fucking do. Now you're telling us, I can't come over.

And if I can't come over, I can't sing songs. First of all, show me a family who's singing songs on Thanksgiving. Let me come over. I'll fucking stab them in the heart. We're fucking eating, cop sucker. We ain't singing. Who the fuck is singing songs on Thanksgiving? What fucking gay family is singing fucking songs? I can see Christmas, you're must out of tune or two, but you can't talk. You can't be old for two hours in California. I mean, listen, if I do Thanksgiving over here, I'll have the windows open, people have jackets on. I do not give a fuck. I'd be there in a minute. Thanksgiving. I don't want nobody getting fucking sick in my house. I don't want, you know,

I don't give a Frenchman's fuck. I got invited to a few plays for Thanksgiving. I wear a mask in that fucking house. I don't give a Frenchman's fuck. Yeah, you got to open the windows. Uncle Joey's around point blank range. That's it. Open those windows. You want to conserve heat? Get a fucking tent. I'm not into it. I want fucking air wind. I need windows. I need windows before the fucking pandemic or I lose my goddamn mind. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm not afraid of it anymore. You know, I know you got to live your fucking life. I got to live my life, man. I just go out. I wash my hands. I wear a mask and I fucking roll. I go to the store. I go to the coffee shop. I walk all over

the place. I don't want you making out with a fucking hooker. I don't ride the bus. That's for sure. Yeah. Sitting on the homeless guy on the fucking bus. You're going to get something. Yeah. A crab, a fucking hemorrhoid, something. But uh, now you sent me this ACBC box and I cannot figure it out. I was going to open it up the other day, but you told me there's like a juke box in there or something. Yeah. So I was going to open it with you right now because let's do it. Let's do it. I got a pair of sneakers. Yeah. The size 10 and a half. That don't figure. No, that don't fit me. So I'm going to probably give those to Mike. Yeah. Then I got the CD. Yeah. There it is. There it is. That thing opens up and it's electric and it plays. No shit. Yeah. Open that thing up.

Yeah. Now let's thank Jay ever at Columbia records. This man is a huge fan of you and I and Mary and and everybody and he, he sent these boxes out and him and Kim set this ACDC interview up and these guys are just gold. So that's why the record's going to be number one. Oh my God. So this is why there's like a plug in here and shit. Right. So this is his own little juke box. Yeah. It plays shot in the dark the single and it lights up. No way. Yeah. And I got my little fucking CD there. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. I couldn't bust it busted out during the album of the week because it's the album of the week. I don't have a vinyl and I guess this is the charger right here. Right. Let's see. Note that. You know what that is. That's a phone or a

if you want to put some sets on. It's a hard drive. A portable hard drive has ACDC logo on it. It's rad. Look at that. Fucking tremendous. So you can bring that to places like if you wanted to tape your set or anything. No shit. Yeah. And then I know I got some wiring. Is that the charge. Yeah. That's a charge. Yeah. And it lights up because the logo lights up. Fucking tremendous. I love that. You got that. Tell my man at Columbia House. Where is he. If it was Columbia House those motherfuckers don't want to talk to my Cuban ass. I got a home at least a half a mill. Yeah. So there's still ways for me to buy the fucking fleet with Mac rumors out for twenty one ninety nine. They could suck my dick Columbia fucking house.

Remember that. Ten records for a penny and your neighbor and then you just sweep them up. Oh my God. I sent them under 20,000 aliases. I would send them to people's houses under their name and rob them. And that's how I got caught. One time it got through to somebody and they were like we never ordered Columbia House. They came to my house and I had nothing but had everything Columbia House. It was in poor hot Indiana. T E R R E H A U T E. That's I know never to go to tear a hot Indiana dog. I'm wanted there. Columbia House. Columbia House wants Uncle Joey. Fuck them. If they go out to meet they got to go up to everybody on my block and I won't rat them out. So they're fucking done. I would love to see a documentary on Columbia House actually to see

how many people actually paid. It had to have worked out for them because they wouldn't have. They did that for years. All right. I'm happy you enjoyed the joint today. I want to thank Dean Delray for the short fucking zoom. We were interrupted. It fucking happens. But we'll be back for part two of that interview down the fucking road. But listen, before we leave from the heart of motherfucking New Jersey, the joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Listen, DraftKings Sportsbook is giving all new users the chance to earn a sign up bonus up to $1,000. When you sign up now, you use code Joey. DraftKings Sportsbook has endless ways for you to bet from live betting to betting on your favorite players. They do it all this weekend. This Saturday, you got UFC 255,

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