Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #016 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

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Let's do this shit. Candles are motherfucking lit, Jack, even though I got to get a long fucking week or longer on. There you go, motherfucker. Welcome Uncle Joey's joint. Hey, look who it is. What's up? What's happened, you bad motherfucker? Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. It's Wednesday, the 25th of November, my 11th wedding anniversary. How's that for you, cocksuckers? I remember the same woman for 20 years, 11 married, took me nine just to make sure she was the right one. Why make a mistake? You know what I'm saying? You motherfuckers, date a girl for 60 days, you fall in love, then you wonder why you're divorced a year later because you didn't get the

fucking see what the true meaning of love was or whatever the fuck it is. I'm happy to be here a day before Thanksgiving. There's a lot of going on and we'll get to it. I still got to go get my fucking wife a card. I'll fucking return it in mine. So right after this, I got to run somewhere and get a card, maybe a bottle of fucking Moe. We can't even do anything tonight because I got Uncle Vinny's tonight, so there's our wedding anniversary. But that's all the party growing up, man. You got to do your job. When you get into comedy, you look at all these fucking dates you got and whatnot. I got to do this. Once I got into comedy, that eliminated my social life. Now it's time to go get my social life back. And that's what I'm trying to fucking do.

I have to do it. Can you imagine for 29 years, your only social circle is really comedians? I mean, in 23 of LA, I was just surrounded by either comedians or actors. Everybody you talk about is about the same shit. Here, we don't even talk about fucking movies, the TVs or anything. We just live. We just exist. I'm in a good mood. Everything's great. I'm doing great. The only problem was they closed my daughter's school because of precautionary fucking measures, you know what I'm saying? A million people flew last week, so everybody's fucking panicking. Listen, there was nothing going on at the school. The school was doing great. There was no problems. There wasn't even a fucking hiccup. But you know what, man, I get it. I get it that they were

going to lock it down no matter what the fuck we did, and they're going to keep continuing to lock it down. So you know what? They can lock down the store. They can lock down your fucking beauty parlor, but they can't lock down Uncle Joey. You know what I'm saying? Those charges got dismissed, motherfuckers. It's over. So if we're not knocked the fuck down, locked the fuck down, I'll just make more content for you, motherfuckers, and we'll laugh at this shit again in a year. We'll be laughing at this regardless of what's going to happen. I'm not concerned with the vaccines. I don't give a fuck. Every day is a new fucking story. What I'm concerned about more is your mental health, that you're not isolated, that you're not fucking sitting there on a computer

all day. Yesterday, last night, I went to talk to a friend of mine, and he runs like a workout place. It's not why a workout. It's a different place. He's just a little father, and he didn't do daytime stuff. He didn't have as much daytime stuff available, but it was weird. He said that his daytime class is disintegrated to fucking nothing. And I'm like, I really don't understand that because if I had to work from home, like I have a friend, I went to dinner with Friday night. She's my friend's wife. She works nine to five on the fucking computer. Nine to five. Let me tell you something, guys. I like to write. I like to go on the internet like you guys. I like to do whatever I want, but it's one hour at a fucking time, if that. You got to get up. You got to get

some sunlight. You got to go for a walk. I know if I had a day job and I had to work from nine to 12, I'd call my boss and say, look, at 11.45, I'm logging off, and I'll be back at 1.15, and I'll fucking stay two or five there in the computer. I have whatever work you need done because at 11.45, I get the fuck out of the house. You got to go out. I go to a class, a kickboxing class, jiu-jitsu, Pilates, whatever the fuck, like my mother's got a Pilates, you know, whatever the fuck you got, you go over there, you work out some stress, you exercise, you talk to people, you have some type of human fucking contact. Because if you're not going to have human contact, that's when you start going deeper into your mind. Listen,

you could only watch so much fucking TV, and you could only watch so much Netflix, and you could only listen to so many and watch so many fucking podcasts. I'm with you. There's nights, I'm sitting here going, what the fuck is going on with my life? Thank God I got the Patreon, I answer your messages back, and we go back and forth. That's an hour of my night. I have an hour of my night of just planning what's going on the next couple weeks. We haven't been able to make plans because of this fucking pandemic. It's like I could call you up and go, next Friday I'll meet you at Nona's for breakfast. You never know, it might not be open. I mean, they rode back, I think today they rode back in LA, my heart goes out to you guys

during the holiday season, no outdoor dining, no nothing. I mean, when does this fucking end? But I'm not here to be political, I'm not here to fucking question whatever. No, you know what? I do have some fucking questions, because I'm not a fucking communist. If I wanted to be a communist, I would stay the fuck home. No singing in your house, no more than too hot. Listen, you do what you need to do to manage tomorrow. That's it. Whatever makes you pleasure. If you want to go to a house that has 90 people, God bless you. Do whatever the fuck you need to do. If you want to go to a house with four people, the only thing I don't want you to do is to stay alone, to stay alone and sit there and feel bad for yourself. There's nothing to feel bad about.

You know, Mike, we were talking about bust the market, you know, and if I got to talk about one of my, and again, it wasn't a bad Thanksgiving. The worst two Thanksgiving on paper is for me but probably the one after my mother's death that was a tough Thanksgiving. My first Thanksgiving in prison, that's always a tough Thanksgiving, but I had a better time inside than I would have outside. And I think it was 1997. I was living in Seattle and I was living at a trailer park inside like a trailer, whatever the fuck you call it, the girl I dated had a trailer and she went home for the holidays. So basically, I was alone all fucking week. I'm not complaining. I'm not crying. You know what I'm saying? I had plenty to do as

a comic, but Thanksgiving, I spent it alone. I went to Boston Market. I got myself the family meal for eight, you know what I'm saying? Fuck it's so low and you start eating at 12 and you just pick, eat some of the other stuff and it ain't that good. But the turkey ain't going to kill you from Boston Market. And the mashed potatoes ain't going to kill you. They're not probably, you know, they're not prison mashed potatoes. I got a friend that made worse mashed potatoes than fucking Boston Market. Boston Market's not bad, you know. Thanksgiving is about fucking being thankful for what you got. I don't want you to sit here today and tomorrow and think about, you know, well, this year was a bust. It was a bust. What are we going to do? It's behind this.

That's it. There's nothing you could do. There's nothing we could do to get it back. They're going to shut it down again. Whatever the fuck they're going to do, you need to make yourself stronger, stronger in a positive way, stronger. Whatever takes you to be stronger. I started reading again. Let's start with the read. Before I could write, I said to myself, listen, why am I going to fucking, why am I beating myself up about writing? When I haven't read a fucking book since March, I've not read a book since I've been on a fucking plane. So now I just got Rob Hofford's book from Jimmy Florentine. He finished reading it. I can't wait to read this book about him dating people and busting O-rings and getting his dick sucked by

guitar players and shit like that. You know, this is great. I can't wait to read this book. You know me, I'm part of the LGBTQ fucking straight community. I support you whatever you want. I get a good laugh out of you motherfuckers because you don't give a fuck. Not like these uptight fucking gentiles walking around. Gay people just don't give a fuck. And that's why I love you more than ever. But anyway, I'm looking forward to reading this Rob Hofford book because before you could write, I'm not going to write if I don't fucking read every red shit. I read little articles on fucking, you know, on Yahoo about fucking health or a vaccine or something. Fauci said, I don't give a fuck. I just read it just for the sense of reading it.

I'm finally going to sit down and fucking read and try to focus. And you know, when I was a kid in the seventh grade, you know, we all fucking was scammers growing up. So a teacher gives you a book report. I turned to Mike and go, Mike, did you have Miss Hill last year? Yeah. Give me the book report you did for Miss Hill. I still got him. I got an A plus on him. So I would take it, type the same shit that you type and handed it to Miss Hill or whatever the fucking name is. Whoa. That was great for the second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth grade. I had this teacher, Mr. Kingwell, Earl Kingwell at McKinley. God bless his soul. He was a good dude. He was a little loose with his hands. But trust me, he got beat up a couple of times himself. So a couple of fathers

came in and threw a beat on him. To this day, I remember Earl Kingwell. And I do something with him. I do something with my daughter that he did with us. Because when you had a book report in those days, you had to read a book and then write what you took from it, you know, write about a specific character or whatever the fuck it was. This motherfucker, when we walked into the seventh grade, first day of school, he goes, guess what? You guys got homework. You got a book to read. Pick any book. And I don't do paper book reports. I do oral book reports. You have no idea what life is when you're a kid and you want to go out and play and you got to read a book. Thank God I was used to reading already. I always liked reading books. I didn't read kid books either. I read books in

those days that a movie would like if a movie came out and they had a book, I would read the fucking book after I saw the movie or vice versa. I was one of those little fucking retards. Love my favorite book, the book that I read that summer, not my favorite book, what the fuck am I saying? The book I read that summer was Jonathan Livingston Segal. I don't even know why I picked it. They had like a book club and I just picked it. I don't know who Jonathan Livingston Segal is. I just took the fucking book and I read it like in June. I read it right after fucking. He gave me the book and then September 1 came and he gave me this oral book report and I fucking failed. Like I didn't know dick about nothing because I forgot about what I had read since June. I should

have picked it up and re-read it. The moral of the story is you got to get your comprehension going. For me right now, guys, there's days I don't remember what the fuck I ate for breakfast, but I am getting better. The alpha brain cycle is almost over. I'm starting to get the nightmares again and shit. You don't get nightmares on an alpha brain. Towards the end of your cycle, your dreams become more vivid. So like last night I dreamt about a cat. I don't know why a black fucking beautiful cat that I kept walking past and I thought it was something else and then I realized it was a cat. But then I woke up to pee and I was worried about what happened to that fucking cat. You ever had one of those dreams that you're in the middle of a good fucking dream?

She's just about to put a coke rock into your pee hole and suck your cock. And all of a sudden you got a pee and you get up and while you're peeing, you're like, I want this fucking pee to hurry up. So I go back and get my dick sucked in my dream. But then you go back and you dream about church or something. The blowjob dream went away. You know, I don't even know how we got to this point. But I'm just trying to say to you that towards the end of an alpha brain cycle, your dreams become vivid. I'm bullshitting you. Your dreams get vivid in the beginning too. But it comes and goes. Like I had a dream last week. I climbed Mount Kalahari. Have I ever spoken to you people about climbing anything? I fucking, I see ladders and I get a fucking stress. Like when I see stairs,

when I come to your house and you're like, yeah, let's go upstairs. I'm like upstairs. My fucking knee is on fire. I'm not, I'm not thinking of fucking walking nowhere. But I tell you what, I had a dream that I was hiking with like eight dudes I never knew before with backpacks. I had the whole thing to fucking hat with the light. Like I was like, what the fucking kind of dream is this? You can just wake up and go, you know what? I'm not going to deal with that dream. I'm just not going to deal with that dream. It had nothing to do with me. I wasn't even watching like any movies or anything. I can see if I was watching that movie with Stallone where he's climbing mountains and his friend falls off or something like that. But I wasn't even

watching that fucking movie. I was watching something completely fucking different. So this is what I'm talking about. If you're on an alpha brain cycle, you're going to get some vivid fucking dreams and they ain't that bad. Just let them go in the morning. You don't want to know about nothing. You guys are looking at me going, Joey, why the fuck do you have a light blue shirt on again? Because these are the shirts I'm going to use for the mind of Joey Diaz. There's going to be a logo right here and a logo in the back for you, motherfuckers. I made it light blue because it screams happiness without being fucking, you know, without wanting a dick in your mouth. You know what I'm saying? Look at this shirt. It yells happiness. When you see this shirt come in the

room, you're like, that motherfuckers is on a positive fucking note this morning. This is why I've been wearing them. So the company sent me a couple samples. So I've been wearing the sweatshirts and the t-shirts just to see which shirt was the best for you. This ain't one of the ones because I need something that doesn't shrink. A couple of nights ago, I went out and got on Patreon. I swear to God, maybe like fucking last Tuesday night or something. I opened up one of the messages. The guy was like, hey, do you know if this shirt's going to be 50-50 or a poly cotton blend? I'm like, how many fucking joints have you smoked? It's 11 o'clock at night. And this is the question that you want to ask me at 11 o'clock at night. I don't know what type of shirts they're going to be.

Wait till I get them. And then I'll fucking talk about it on the podcast or on Patreon or whatever. I got a bunch of shirts. The company's a great shirt. The company I'm doing business with is tremendous. They do business with all the rock bands. So you're going to get great fucking material. The only thing I'm doing different is I'm not putting out black shirts. I don't like black shirts. You're telling me you didn't want to pay the extra 50 fucking cents to be a cheap squirt. Just get a different colored shirt to show who the fuck you are. You know what I'm saying? I wanted to go with a dark blue, but we ain't going to court. A light blue screams it all. You know what I'm saying? A light blue tells it all. It's happy. It goes with your jeans. It goes with

black pants and white shoes. You're always mixed coordinated. You know what I'm saying? I want you to look good. I want you to feel good about this shirt. I'm not going to give you some fucking Susquehanna's shirt. Susquehanna is not in my fucking world. And I just want to let you know I'm trying to get you guys the shirts. We put the order in last Friday. So we're trying to get the shirts for you guys. And even if you didn't go up to that tier, never fee, Uncle Joey's here, we're still going to put shirts up for you for sale and whatnot. Another thing I want to talk to you motherfuckers about is I've been having a good time lately here. Part of my happiness isn't I was talking to Greg for seven years today. We were both talking about the same thing.

We were burnt out. A lot of these comics have been burnt out. You know, if you're young and you're energetic and you're just starting to get into it, I could see how you bummed tonight and listen. I sympathize with you. You know, I know being an open micro and having a job. Try being an open micro and having a job five nights and you're dying to get on stage and you can't because every night you got to work. You know, it's not the same thing, but it is the same thing. They're holding us back from what we could do right now. I missed doing comedy. I missed the completion of the circle. You know, I got an email and the guy was like, you know what? It was great to see you, but I really missed the completion of the

circle. I missed the completion of the circle also. But you know what? We're going to have plenty of fucking circles. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not going anywhere unless God has a different fucking plan. You guys know I take my little baby aspirins. You know, I drink water. You know, I fucking work out. You know, I try to walk. I finally went to a doctor. Oh, I want to strangle this fucking guy. I tried to go to the Italian guy. I'm in Jersey. I thought he was going to come and look like big pussy. The guy came in looking like fucking. I don't even know what he looked like. He looked like a fucking Amadegun. The guy had a fucking stick up his ass. Everything I asked a fucking guy, he was negative as fuck. He goes, what are you here to do? I go, listen, I want to

colonoscopy. I want to camera up my ass. I want to see what's happening. I don't want to have prostate cancer. He goes, when was your last fucking whatever? It was six years ago. This guy goes, well, we'd like for you to do it every 10 years. I go, you know what, man? I work really fucking hard and I got to put up with a ton of shit to get my fucking insurance. I want this fucking colonoscopy. And he looked at me and he goes, well, it's going to cost. Who gives the fuck what it's going to cost me if it's going to save your fucking life? You got to do these colonoscopies. Listen, I don't want, I don't even like fucking, I don't like cameras. Can you imagine spreading your fucking cheeks and having somebody put a camera up your ass? You do that's fucking

enjoyable. Just the thought of fucking Doc Ock's hand going through your intestines makes me fucking want to shoot myself. But you got to do it guys. And they're saying like they were saying 55, you got to start doing it at 45 now. And you got to start doing it every five years for just to take 40. Even Mike said 40. This fucking guy's telling me that he starts arguing with me. Like, listen, guys, I don't know the names of shit. That's not my day. My wife, I told the guy, listen, I told my wife, I asked my wife, can you write out a list for me of the medications I'm on, you know, everything. The skin cream for my fucking rash, fucking the whatever. So I don't know what the name of the fucking thing he gives me for anxiety is. I said to him that, you know,

I had some left and everything was fine. And he's like, what do you want for anxiety? Again, I don't know the names of these bills. I told him Clonapine, right? I don't fucking know. And the guy's like, well, I would never prescribe that. I would prescribe you those fucking snow. The other ones, the suicide ones, the fucking, the ones that give you an urge to get like, you ever see those commercials like, you know, this pill is great. You'll learn to live a normal life, except you'll get a sudden urge to commit suicide and gamble and do all this shit, smoke cigarettes. What the fuck is wrong? What kind of medication is this? So it's going to make me healthy, but I'm going to get a sudden urge to go to the track. That's not going to do that for me.

You know what I'm saying? It's my wife fucking get a sudden urge to go to the track. So all these medications, I just said, I want to do nothing. I'll deal with my fucking reefer and it gets me where I need to be. I've been, as you could tell from my eyes and my face, I've been very clean from a lot of fucking malukia, no more addables every day. I've been good, man. This is, I'm smoking weed like a motherfucker. I'm smoking weed like three hands. I found my ounce and then some, you know what I'm saying? But what I was trying to get these people about is that it's really true for the first, like the last 20 years I've been surrounded with fucking comics. It's not until I come home and I see people when I travel on the road, I see people welled for a

living or, you know, somebody who fucking is a librarian or, you know, but besides that, my conversations for the last 20 years have been, I've been surrounded by comedians. So now the problem I had, my anxiety, you ready for this? This is what you get from writing every day. You learn about who the fuck you are. That's why I tell you, motherfucker, journal in the morning and if you could journal at night, that journal at night is all so good because you compare the writing of what you felt like in the morning and what you felt like at night. But what does journal helps you fucking read? You just keep reading and I don't want you to fucking think you got to be Hemingway because if you think I'm fucking Hemingway, I'm misspelling

words. I'm not even stopping for periods. There ain't no fucking commas. This is just writing out what's on your mind, that garbage that you wake up with. What's in your mind? You know, like I asked Mike about his kids every time I see him. How's it going? Oh, well, the little one didn't pee on me last night. You know, that's what I want you to write down. All that stuff. Write it down. Write down all that shit in the morning and always end it when it's going to be a good fucking day, no matter what. And then when you pick it up at night, once you start reading through these things, the anxiety that I was having was me re-introducing myself to a regular fucking society. That was what my fear was. I finally tapped into it. My fear was that I was adjusting to a different

fucking society. I'm not on the phone with producers and fucking actors and desperate fucking people every day. I'm surrounded by nice, regular people. So my mind was learning to deal with this again. My mind, everything about me was learning to fucking, it's like learning how to walk again. I'm just learning a new life. And guess what? I'm not the only one that's going through this. You guys are too. You're learning how to live in this new fucking COVID life. For me, it was moving, but I'm also learning how to live in this fucking COVID life. You know, what are we able to do? What can't we do? How are events going to change next year if you're a theater performer? How are you going to fucking perform? All these things are changing. We're going into a new life.

But for me, I was going into two new lives. I was adjusting as a human being, how you guys are with the pandemic. And I was also adjusting as Joey Diaz is a comic. I don't have this shit around me no more, which I didn't want anyway. I wasn't looking to have that. I was looking to have a Frank, the neighbor, a Rudy, the neighbor, a Robin, the neighbor. These are the people around me that I talked to. They don't know what I do. They don't know what I, they don't give a fuck about nothing. One guy said to me the other day, he goes, Hey man, I thought I saw you on an episode of the cabin. Was that you? And I go, No, I guess it didn't look like you from the side, like a fucking, I don't know, like a commercial. I don't know what the fucking saw. You know, that's not

what this is about. This is about just being human again for a guy like me. I'm going to continue doing a podcast. I don't give a fuck. You know what, man, we're going to keep this relationship going. And hey, I have my ups and my downs with the podcast, but you know what? It's the motherfuckers who quit that have not something to talk about. I'm not quitting. I'm going to keep coming to you. Me and Mikey are coming up with new ideas every week. This week we changed the picture. We changed the lighting around. We're going to figure we just got an extended so I could do my zooms from here. You know, I don't really like the zooms, but from now till St. Geron, those day, I don't know if they're going to have fucking guests. In fact, I was going to have a special guest in

today, but guess what happened? They fucking shut the schools down. So his kid, he had to watch his kid today. So everything changes. Every day you adapt and every day you got a different story. Something I want to talk to you about was something that's been going on lately. I don't know if I told you this. You know, every Sunday, Jimmy Florentine has a thing. He gets wings. He gets pizzas out of his own pocket. He gets shrimp. You know, he set up a big screen TV downstairs. It's got air coming in and out of there. So our friends come over. His friends come over. Mainly the kids he grew up with. Kids that you can't bring around your family because they say the wildest shit in the fucking world. Every fucking nationality gets insulted. You know,

shit coming, shit set in there. That's fantastic on Sundays. And I've been having a great time going. And I know a lot of years are going to go, fuck you, Joey. Fuck that five years ago, you were giving Lee shit for watching football. It was a different world for me back then. I didn't have time to fucking watch football. I had time. All I had time was to do was write comedy, go on the road, podcast, and be prepared for you fucking guys who had the fucking luxury, who had the leisure to sit on the couch for four fucking hours and watch football all day. I don't, but I'd say what I do have, I do have the fucking time to go over there about three o'clock on a Saturday or a Sunday, catch the tail end of the game, the one o'clock game.

And then I watched the four o'clock game with them for about half time or the third quarter. And then I come home and eat dinner with my wife and my daughter. And I watched my 60 minutes. That's my fucking Sundays. There's no fucking brain in here. But I've been going over there lately. And I've been placing little bets and shit. Now, guys, listen, there's two ways to fucking gamble. When I was a kid, I gambled. I placed numbers, which were two, three, five dollars. That's not going to set you back. That's not going to make your family not eat. That's not going to make you run from a bookie. In the early 80s and the mid like 81, 82, was when I started placing bets because all my friends are doing it. I was interested and you can make money. And if you

didn't have the money, you could tell the guy to go fuck himself. And hopefully he didn't break your fucking legs. You know what I'm saying? So when I started gambling the first time, I was gambling because we all wanted to be Joey bananas. Who doesn't want to walk into a bar and go, oh, yeah, I had the fucking next 100 times. That's 600 to lose 500 to win a time is five dollars. So if you win, if I say five time, I bet a five timer, that's $25 to win 30 to lose. It might have changed now. I don't know what's going on the street. You know, lately, I just been going through DraftKings, whatever, when I go to Jimmy Florentine's house. But I found something about DraftKings. You know, when I when I gambled early on, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I

was gambling to make a living, you know, an 18 year old 19 20. I'm fucking stupid. I'm thinking, yeah, I got this figured out. How can, you know, people not do this shit? I can make a ton of money. I didn't make no money. Every other week, I was fucking robbing something to pay a bookie or hiding out for a week because I couldn't pay a bookie. Then in September 25th of 82, was when I fucking hit, you know, I lost a big amount to a bookie, me and some friends of mine, and I had to rob a jewelry store. And then through that, another body of mine, my roommate at the time, got hooked on book on gambling in a way that you couldn't get fucking hooked on at that age at 1920. This guy was putting in 20 grand, 10 grand, five grand a game. And this guy was making

fucking 10 bucks an hour is a short order cook. You know, he ended up losing 80 grand. He lost his mind. He paid it all off. But I learned a valuable lesson from them. And since then, since 83, it was that that dolphin fucking Redskins championship. I always watched my gambling. I didn't really game because I saw how quick you could fall into a fucking hole. So I didn't gamble at all. I didn't have anything against it. You know, I grew up in a fucking bookie house numbers. I heard all about sports all my life. And I always continue liking sports. I just didn't have the time. You know, it's bit when you're a burglar, it's tough to fucking be into sports when you're a criminal and a junkie. It's tough to fucking be

into sports. I always liked them. I always respected them over the years. I got my life together. I started watching a little football, you know, towards the World Series. I watched baseball. You know, I like basketball. If I like a certain player, you know, my man, Sidney Monkree. You know, I'm a fan. I'm a fan of all this shit. But I never really gambled again. Then I fucking went to a UFC. I went to McGregor Diaz, the first one. I took Diaz just because I know how hard it is to work in jujitsu. I thought about, you know, we work hard for our money, guys. You know, I would love to be able to put 10,000 on a college game on a Saturday, but it's not what I really want to do. But I tell you, do what I do want to do. I do want to watch that fucking

game and have a dog in the fight, at least a little dog in the fight, right? So what I do is, I don't bet I'm not gambling above my head or anything. I mean, last Saturday, last Sunday, I lost $22. Big fucking deal. That's a tank of gas. You know what I'm saying? It's not like my family's not going to eat. It's not like my fucking, I got to come home with a story to my wife. No, I lost $22. I think the week before that, I won $38. So, you know what I'm saying? I'm just gambling to have fun. So if you want to have a little fun, nobody's got nothing to get, you know, going on DraftKings to have those booster bets and whatnot. I don't know if you know that shit. And that kind of fun. Like fucking Jimmy quarantine had the Jets getting like 20 last week.

And I think they still, he's still fucking lost. I don't know. They do those teasers. That's teaser bets. They have all those things on there. But the bottom of this is, I'm in gambling again. That's it. I've been having a good little time putting in my bets during the Sunday mornings. I look at the sheet on fucking Saturday and I go over them bet tomorrow you got a few games. Tomorrow I'll be going to different, I'm going to see my brother who lost his wife first. I'm going down by him, not all the way to Delaware. We're going to meet at his mother's house. He's not eating there. He's eating at his sister's house. So we're just going to hook up. I'm going to give him a hug, talk to him for an hour and then I'm going to my other brother's house

in about half hour from there in New Jersey. It's going to be like eight people, very small, two household Thanksgiving. I'm not breaking the fucking law for you people. A crime stop is, you know, oh my God, you know, I'm just, it's just eight people and it's going to rain here tomorrow. So hopefully there's doors will be open and then maybe on the way home, stop at the Florentines for a little fucking dessert, a little fucking double espresso. So when you go home, you take the shit of life. You know what I'm saying? All that turkey doesn't have you backed up and all the other shit you're going to fucking eat. And that's it. That's my day. I'll put in a few bets tomorrow. Let me show you the weed I got for tomorrow. I know that I'm Patreon.

I'm supposed to do like a review every week of some weed or whatever this week. It's on me, even for you guys on iTunes. You can't see this, but you guys on YouTube are going to be able to see this. I told you motherfuckers, I lost some weed that I had to get just as high and I found the fucking weed. Did I not tell you that last week? But then the shipment came in. And when I tell you the shipment came in, the shipment came in. I'm covered here. I don't give a fuck if you quarantine me. I don't give a fuck if you close the streets. I'm still good. I'm going to show you just a bud of this fucking weed. Now, remember the movie Young Frankenstein? The people who made Young Frankenstein, that's who made this fucking weed. This weed makes you even look like Young

Frankenstein. I've only smoked it maybe once or twice since I've gotten it. And I've gotten pretty fucking high. I tested out my man, Mike. I gave him, somebody came back and was like, wow. So take a look at this fucking weed. I got to see you guys. We're not going to be able to zoom it in for you. But I want you to look at this fucking bud right here. If this don't look like the bud of life, I don't know what does. Look how beautiful that is. And guess what? I'm going to smoke the whole fucking thing on Thanksgiving. That's my goal tomorrow. I'm going to smoke. I'm going to eat as much turkey as I can because it's zero points for Weight Watchers. And I might have a piece of pumpkin pie just because that's how I wrote. But look at that bud. That's just a preview.

I'm going to show up in my brother's house and I gave Mike a piece of this. He's all jazzed up, ready to go. I gave him a fucking couple of fucking protabs just to keep him legit. You know what I'm saying around his family tomorrow? Nobody knows nothing. You walk on a couple protabs. Everybody's fucking happy. And that's it. And that's that. You know what I'm saying? It's just fucking Thanksgiving. And listen, yeah, it was a bad year. We lost some loved ones. We all lost loved ones. We had to make personal adjustments. We had to make personal sacrifices. But it's not about what you don't have this year. It's not about that. It's not about what you lost this year. It's not about the job you lost or it's about what we do have and how we get strong,

going to move on from here. That's all it's about this year, Thanksgiving. So tomorrow, when you're sitting there and you're looking around and you have your doubts, eliminate your doubts, just live for today. From here on in for the next few months, I hope you guys are listening to me and paying attention that we're living for the day. We're living for the day. We don't know what they're going to close down. We don't know what they're going to open up. We don't know if we're going to get hit with a second wave. We don't know how the flu is going to accept it. But how I do know is that we're going to keep fucking pushing forward, man. We're going to keep doing what we're doing, even if it's little by little. There is no reason why you should be stopped in your life

right now because there's some form of variation. We could be doing what we're doing. I was reading an article by somebody that day. Oh, somebody wrote a great, a regular stand-up comic, wrote a great little thing on Facebook saying that he was struggling, he was having a hard time, he was suffering, what was going on with all this. And then he realized that comedy, thank God that the people see this the way I look at it, that comedy is just a form of sales. So he said he got himself a customer service job and he's practicing this comedy on the customer service people and he's having a great time, that he's doing Zoom shows, that he's writing, that he's doing Zoom writings with people like he gets on, I don't do nothing this shit, you know, I'm gonna

sack of shit. But I'm just telling you that there's people out there that are doing creative things and they're working with what they got. Right now, listen, we wanted to have the bar ready for you. I wanted to have microphones and neon signs. That was a great little mind fuck I had myself. This is what we have. We have two bulbs, we have a couple iPhones, we have a board, we have speakers, Mike is here and I'm here and we're making it work. You know why? Because I'm getting through to you. That's it, I'm getting through to you. I'm still allowed to talk to you guys and you know what I mean? I'll find the fucking way. If they take down YouTube, we'll periscope. If they take down periscope, we'll get a telescope and look at each other. If they will figure it out, we'll figure

one way or another, how will you keep this going? I don't give a fuck. I'm not planning on stopping. We're planning on making this better and better every time we fucking come out. You got a lot. You got a lot going on in your life. You don't even fucking know it. And you don't have time to realize it because you're focusing on what you don't have. I woke up this morning to a message from a friend that, wow, it was very deep. I've spoken to him a couple of times with great friends. But for him to send me this message, it was just buck wild. And I'm going to call him later. It's isolation issues. He's isolated. He's doing everything that I'm telling you not to do. He's looking at what he

doesn't have. You know, he's got a job. This guy's got a job. He's just single. He works. He has money coming in. But just going home at night is really taking a toll on him. You know, a couple of days ago, we were going back and forth on Facebook, and he brought something up that happened. Jesus Christ, 42 years ago, and it was the most minute thing in the world, and he still had a fucking beef with it. So when I see those type of messages, this is what makes me talk to you people like this, because I have to assume we all have a friend that's going through some mental health issue right now. And I'm not going to shun him or call him out or fucking embarrass him.

What he needs is attention. He just needs me to give him attention. You know, he's a grown man. But right now, this pandemic has made, has regressed us. I mean, I have friends that their kids were honest students, and all of a sudden, they're struggling in school, you know. Thank God, thank God, thank God. And I don't mean this in a braggadocio way, or in a bad way. Thank God, my wife spends time with mercy. Thank God that I sit with mercy and I make her read me those God-awful books, the fucking Diary of a Wimpy Kid. She reads all of them. She goes to a library. I mean, she'll put one away every two days or one every day. We got to go to the library every fucking three days. But thank God that I've had the patience to sit with her and read and make

her read. You know, sometimes I go to the bank and I have like singles and not the, you know, you live your life. And all of a sudden, one day you look at your wallet and you have like two twenties or 10, 18 singles and a five. I give her little assignments. I go, if you count this right and stack it up right, I'll give you five dollars right off the fucking top. So I just want to keep her thinking and get her involved, you know. But there's people that are not doing that. There's people that are actually sitting down in front of a TV. And then when they get bored, they let their mind go the other way. And it taps into all the bad things that they've gone through their life with negative experiences. And then it adds on, this is going to be good.

This is what people are scared of. Did you guys watch 60 Minutes on fucking Sunday? Seven thousand kids went missing from the school system in Tampa, Florida. People just stopped checking in. People are dropping out. Kids are dropping out, you know. But they had these social workers going and looking for these fucking kids, just going, and then down, they went from seven thousand to seven hundred. You know, they traced these kids back, people who didn't even have money for computers, people whose parents had to move because of their financial situations. Hey, I'm aware what's going on out there. I'm not one of these fucking guys living in LA in a fucking badge and saying everything's

all right. I know exactly what's going on out there. And that's why I do these things. To let you know I'm with you. I have your back. I support you in any way you can. And I know things are fucking rough. And that's why I come into your living room twice a week and try to be funny and try to talk to you. And in time, these will get funnier. And in time, we will have fucking guests. And in time, but for right now, this is all I can give you. I give you two hours of me every week and give it to you from straight from the heart and let you know what the fuck I'm thinking and how I'm doing it. If this is what you can do, this is what you can do. If you need more help with mental or you need more entertainment, more content to have the Patreon, it's three, five,

$10. I don't expect anything from you guys. Right now, things are tough. You know, I go on my Twitter, you know, I fuck with you on Facebook, you know, you want to ask me something, ask me something, I don't give a fuck. I'm here with you guys. What my primary thing about this podcast was today was to let you know two things. A, we're going to be fine. And B, it's going to be a great fucking Thanksgiving. Whether you got fucking turkey from Boston market, you know, that fucking South American turkeys. I don't even know if they're really turkeys or your mother's going to make a turkey or you're going to a friend's house. I want you to have the best day you could be. Forget about what's going on. Forget about pandemics. Forget about pandemoniums. Forget about the news. Don't

turn the news on. Forget about the COVID counts. Forget about the low death rates. Just enjoy yourself. Just be you tomorrow and Friday and Saturday. I don't know if they're still doing Black fucking Fridays with people lining up. Tell me people lining up in the middle of the night. No, mostly in stores, mostly online stuff. Okay. So it's online. So it's cyber Monday. So no savages are going to show up to fucking tomorrow night at midnight and be outside lined up with fucking head gear on and riot patrol gear on to go save a hundred hours on the TV. We're not doing that this year. Correctly. I fucking hope not. No corvoidial situations. You don't need to pitch a tent to get your favorite fucking sneakers. $10 off. Everything's

going to be online. I think it's having a sale online. CBD lines got a Black Friday online. Everybody's gonna have to do dick online. Friday, we got no football. We got college basketball. So that's not bad. At least you got some entertainment there. Friday, I'm probably going to go to the gym. I'm going to put my daughter's kickbox in school. It's having like a boot camp from 10 to three. So I'm going to take her over there so she can get her fucking yas yas out. I'm going to sit with her for the first hour. And then we're just going to be business as usual. And we'll be right back here on Monday. The album of the week comes out on Patreon on Thursdays. You get another wrap up audio, little 20 minute musical podcast on

Patreon on Fridays. I'm with you. Weekends, we take the weekends off. You're on your own. You guys are big boys. You can take care of yourself. You don't need me fucking blowing smoke up your fucking ass on a fucking on a Saturday and Sunday morning. Give it a breather, Joey. Everybody, you don't need that much fucking attention. You know what I'm saying? I don't. I do this basically the bullshit with you guys. Get me out of my fucking dilemmas and move forward. And if you're looking at me, you could tell Joey's doing a lot better little by little. I'm going to find the perfect fucking mix and eventually I'm going to blow your doors off with this fucking podcast. Me and Mike are working on a couple of underground little secret things.

And we're going to put it together for you. You know what I'm saying? But for right now, I just wanted to check in with you motherfuckers. Let you know. I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for putting up with the move. Thank you for still being here. If you're still here, if you're not here, motherfucker, you'll be back. Why? Because I'm my sweet dick Willy. I'll put it back together and this will be here at some point or another. Like I said to you, we covered Thanksgiving. We covered your health. We covered clothes in the school. And again, I want to tell you, I'm excited about tonight. I don't know what's going to happen in December. If I think I got December 3rd, ninth, I don't know. I got three more dates on Uncle Vinny's

in December. 38 people. I'm very happy to do it. I go down there. I give you 100% of what I got. Like I said to your creativity is a little on the zero side. But you know me, I don't fucking quit. I'm going to keep pushing until we get this right. And hopefully my next fucking year, I'll be tipped off. My good Uncle Joey ready to go coming at you like a bad motherfucker, like the big black kahuna that I am, you bad motherfuckers. So thank you very, very much for being part of Uncle Joey's joint. No zoom today. No nothing. I just wanted to come at you directly on Thanksgiving because I know what a lie. Listen, I've been alone on Thanksgiving. And when I say I've been alone, I've had no family on Thanksgiving.

So I've experienced all these things and I've had no family for years on Christmas. Now I have a wife and I have a child. I have Mike. I got Lee. We have an extended family. Too bad we all can't see each other. Mike was kind enough to invite me down to his house with Thanksgiving. If I wasn't doing anything, we already had plans with family or whatnot. Uh, we wanted to keep the movement low and I suggest you do the same this year. You know, listen, man, we do this just to entertain each other and to let you know, I got your back and I know you motherfuckers got my back. You know what I'm saying? Those motherfuckers have disappeared. No more have you heard from them. Why? Because you motherfuckers

went off on them and said, take that back, Jack. You guys got no fucking saying here. He's a kidnapper. I'm a fucking kidnap. I'll always be a fucking kidnap. Not anymore. I'm in my business. Now I just try to come across to you on the fucking screen and trust me, I have an idea of what I said today or what the fuck I'm talking about. But in time, we'll have to control back and we'll be rocking and rolling. I want to thank you guys. I want to thank our sponsors. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for all the love that you give me and for still being here today, 10 years fucking later, even though you heard happy stories, a thousand fucking times. All right. I love you guys. Have a great week and now for a word

from our fucking sponsors. Stay black. See you Monday. All right. I want to thank you guys for listening today. I want to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I want to thank you for working with me and I want to thank you for being a part of my life because without you motherfuckers, I would have nothing. Before I go, let's make you some little fucking money from the heart of Jersey. I bring you draft kings, motherfuckers. This is the season. It starts tomorrow. Tomorrow, when you are at your fucking friend's house or your families, wherever you're going to go, they're going to start hitting you with Christmas commercials. And you know what Christmas means? Money. And this is a tough fucking year. But you know what? I got a way for you to make a little

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fuck you want. Driver running circles, get your dicks up in the back of a parking lot. I don't give a fuck, but it all starts with the draft Kings Sportsbook app. And here's the part the lawyers make me say must be 21 old New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania only. But I know Colorado, Tennessee, a couple of states have made gambling legal. So check and see. I spoke to them yesterday and I'm almost sure they said yes. Check it out. But draft Kings dot com sports book for details. And if you got a gambling problem, there's help. Call 1-800-GAMBLER. And if you're in Indiana, call 1-800-9 with it. But if you ain't got no motherfucking problems and you're ready to make some money, I advise you to go to the draft Kings Sportsbook app, use code Joey and let's make

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Whether it's draft kings, whether it's CBD lion or whether it's on it, you're going to get something good out of it. So thank you for supporting them and thank you for coming on here and watching and listening to an old man fucking ramble once or twice a week. I love you motherfuckers with all my heart. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families. Have a great week and we'll be back Monday, tip top motherfucking Mugu. There you go.