Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #019 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about “The Switch”..... This episode is brought to you by Lucy Nicotine Gum & Onnit...... Go to https://www.lucy.co and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter Code: CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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you what's happening you bad motherfuckers welcome the Uncle Joey's joint it's Monday December 12th we made another fucking weekend and we're fucking here I give a lot of I'm sorry to the residents my former neighbors in LA they shut you down started yesterday right back to where we were in fucking March no playgrounds no fucking restaurants no fucking nothing in my heart goes out to you know lockdown is imminent here also but for right now we'll have everything open the schools so we're running with gas but my heart goes out

to you guys like I said I wasn't I'm a GED motherfucker I got sick and tired of being the smartest fucking guy in the room something was in the air and some told me to get the fuck out of there I can't imagine what my family would be like right now if we were still there but I'm giving thanks to being the fuck out of there and I'm just letting you guys know in California I did not forget about you I love you motherfuckers at all my heart it was just time to go when it's time to go it's time to go you got no time to be fucking around or giving the hugs and saying goodbye you know I don't know what the what's going on with

numbers I don't know nothing about transmission rates I just know I might fucking business and that's it that's that but anyway enough with that talk you guys get enough of that talk all fucking day everywhere you go that's all that's on people's minds I'm here to take your mind off that for an hour 45 minutes whatever the fuck I talked until I got a fucking headache and I'm sick of goddamn talking but you know the base of this podcast is the youth you know sometimes I forget I think when I start this when we started doing Uncle Joey's joint I forgot that the youth concept was so very fucking

important of this the people that watch this are a 50 year old they're out there fucking doing that thing it's young kids it's kids that are lost kids that got their shit together but want more it's so weird I I read emails on all the genres you know I get emails on Twitter I get emails on Facebook I get emails on Patreon and it's the same group it's the same age group that really is struggling the most right now and it's the kids in their fucking 20s and listen man it's just tough being in your fucking 20s let's start with that it's got nothing to do with you God didn't hand pick you society isn't picking on

you being in your 20s sucks whether you're in college whether you're not in college and you're trying to figure it out whether you took a year off the fucking go to India and get bitten the fucking neck by a snake whatever the fuck you decide to do you decide to do now a lot of years are like Joey we don't know what the next step is the next step usually when you're in your 20s is hitting rock bottom in a way like you're not gonna end up a bomb with dirt on your face and people throwing dirt on you you hit rock bottom somewhere emotionally and for me that was the fucking case like I just you know

for me if I have to narrow it down again the other day I was over here spitting out dates about December and I said something about December 12th maybe Ozzy's birthday and then you guys correct me with the third blah blah blah and I got my dates confused you know it's it's amazing how life comes back to bite you in the fucking ass with certain dates the reason why I said December 12 was that's the day I became homeless in 1984 you know and what I when Mike laughed and the podcast was done and I had to do some other shit around here I I don't want to get gas and I thought about why I said December 12th and I was like fuck

that wasn't Ozzy's birthday that's not a fucking whatever that's the day I got I became officially homeless until New Year's Eve I was homeless till about New Year's Eve week and then I got myself a hotel room for a few nights some fucking you know you're scratching from the crabs type of hotel and then my ex teacher took me into my life change in 85 it was it was the breather that changed me but I still remember walking into that park every night you know and this week it got colder here in New Jersey the weather dropped that night and I would go outside to take a walk to smoke a joint because my daughter's around and for some reason

December 12th came back to me that oh well that was going through in my fucking life how frustrated I was I was basically homeless because I was a fucking junkie I put the junk before myself which is what happens it's funny I was watching the from your recommendation a lot of guys told me to watch the heck the macho macho documentary on showtime and Saturday night it just happened the fucking beyond I'm sorry about the sirens it's not the cops are looking for me as that Santa Claus is coming to town so a bunch of kids around chasing fire trucks right now looking for Santa but it's funny how he said a line at the end they

called him a champion he goes I'm not really a champion I'm a junkie first and then I'm a champion that fucking line resonated with me because I for years I considered myself a junkie once you come to terms with what the fuck you are we live in denial you live in denial you're like you know it's okay if I do fucking eight grams a coke a week that's accepted you know that's how I was living which is fucking denial you know and just being in that rocket ship you know I would have to walk into a park walk past the swings walk past the seesaw there was little fucking animals that you get on you ever see those

things at the coral on the bottom I had a walk around them and then I had a go to the rocket ship and what like a pint of booze in my jacket and my scarf in my hood I will climb up the little fucking ladder all the way to the third floor and I would just shiver and drink the vodka and cry because that's what pussies do they cry when they blame the world and I would blame why is that this going on with me the world hates me God put a curse on me and then at the end of the vodka I try to jerk off outside and I fucking pass out in the fucking third floor and I'd wake up in the morning and it was like three weeks of that for

three weeks I lived that fucking life of just telling my friends I'm gonna stay at my other buddy's house who a guy I'm 88 to I became friends with and they would drop me off and I would go into this rocket ship when I was sitting in that rocket ship I knew this had a change I knew that was my rock bottom I knew that there was only one other thing under this that would like it go and I was dying I was just gonna die outside I thought I was gonna die outside but I got that Hudson County water and made that fucking you know Hudson River water in me kept me fucking alive and I would fall asleep outside and the fucking

went down and wake up with my hand oh his fingers are frozen you're gonna get hypothermia no there was no hypothermia there was nothing I woke up I walked around I did what I had to do but being in that rocket ship flipped something it switched something it was for me like going you know we were talking about getting called out by your friends here that's a life call out you know that's when life fucking calls you out there was no place to go I mean here I am in this fucking rocket ship I couldn't go to anybody I had worn out all my welcomes all over North Bergen I was done I you know that's it I had put

myself in this fucking position but I fucking snapped like something just fucking snapped and the same way I built the blueprint to come back here and do the levels of things I got to do this first I got to get the podcast the whole first I got I took my life the same fucking way and it worked you know one day I was hanging out outside in front of a bar two in the afternoon who's at a bar two in the afternoon homeless people alcoholics that's who goes to a bar two in the afternoon and I met this bar watching soap operas with a bunch of fucking losers and I go outside to just like smoke pot or something and I

saw one of my fucking teachers and one of my teachers that was cool and I went up to him he's like you know I'll get you in a rehab blah blah blah and I called him and there was no room at the rehab and all this shit I end up staying with him I ended up staying with him from January 1st of 85 to towards maybe the end of February and it gave me two months to really think I was clean I was just smoking pot I wasn't drinking I wasn't doing any pills no cocaine I was actually clean and that was the first time in my life in 1985 at the age of 23 that I was officially on my own I was off life's fucking

ambigacal cord you know there was no mom there was no dad there was no friends I was living in Crestkill 20 miles away from where I'm from and I was just putting my life together on my own he had an attic he put me up and he had two other kids warm dear friends with today Nicholas and Christopher that big time is today they both work for you know fucking Nicholas works for like CBS or Mike that constantly contacts me and at that time I was a good kid I just was confused like a lot of you guys what the fuck is my next step you know I had already done a couple but was and I had already done a couple credits of college

at Colorado Mountain College you know I had all this shit going on and I lost it all for drugs for fucking to do cope to that I had this thing in my mind I was like fucking I don't even know I have no idea where to start and what end with what the fuck was going through my mind but living with Mr. T and his family and the kids and seeing it let me know what I wanted what I didn't want to do you know I didn't stop being a criminal my criminal eyes were still fucking there but one day he came to me like a man that he is and he goes hey man you've been here for two months and you haven't overstayed your welcome your family but

I feel it's time for you to get an apartment and take the steps to make it fucking happen and he goes you got like another week to stay here I'm not throwing you out but it's time it's time Peter bought there and going to the real world and it hurt a little bit it hurt a little bit but I understood what he was doing and I you know I got my I moved into like a men's home in fucking 10th line of Jersey and then I was there for like two weeks and they found fucking I was smoking pot in front of the building and the lady got mad and then I ended up in another house that a lady owned and three guys lived upstairs you know how

family was gone our kids had gone to college and she didn't want to live alone I just basically lived in flop houses you know 75 dollars a week you get a bedroom and you got to share a bathroom with people that's what I was doing that 20 fucking three you know I was just living in flop houses and then one day I fucking lady had a son and I saw him in the daytime and he got high and I went and smoke pot together and he had this jewelry and he goes you know if you can help me sell it and ended up getting arrested that's not the point of the story but just you know letting you know that I was I still was not Dorothy was

not a fucking woods Dorothy was not a wood and then the day I got arrested I bumped into our friend George who I had him on the church towards the end when I had my friends on and I talk about him dearly all the time because George saved my life I just happened to bump into him I got arrested that night and when I called him to bail me out he took the extra step and said not only am I bailing you out but you're moving with me and my family and that really helped me out a lot it helped me out on the emotional side because I thought that guy had given up I thought that the world had given up on me but that wasn't

the case just one guy still cared about me and I didn't smack them in the face I slept on this floor and I fucking got a construction job and he'll tell you he'll tell you I was not snorting coke I was not going out at night I was really trying to keep my fucking life together and then I got a call that I had a settlement over his shoulder they gave me 18 grand was waiting for me and I I decided to go to Colorado and when I left the Colorado in June of 85 I was still clean off the cocaine I wasn't drinking I was just smoking pot was I doing criminal activities yes stupid shit that's when I was robbing the gas

stations I was doing under the limit shit so I didn't couldn't get caught you know I would rob fucking businesses I would walk into a building and rob businesses I was doing a bunch of stupid shit there was basically credit card theft I was a one-man fucking wrecking crew I mean you know Mondays as travelers checks Tuesdays as credit cards Wednesday was a gas station Thursday was ripping off a building you know am I proud of these things no but they happened and I can't change who the fuck I am I can't change it now it's too fucking late in fact it's a part of who I am today I mean if I sit here

obviously and go wow if I could do my fucking life over what can I do over you know nothing nothing that nothing I could do over because I wouldn't be in this position there to talk like you to you like this about life or any other fucking situation I didn't go to you know I would have loved to get an MBA from Harvard I would have loved they had a law degree from fucking Stanford or something like that but that's not what was in the cards for me you know I might what people don't understand about me was my dream wasn't to become a fucking comic my dream was to become a man a productive person of society somebody

who you know helps little old ladies across the street don't rob them and you know helps people shovel snow and that was my thing from the beginning this this that this dream did not start out for me to be a grandiose so comic and be at the comedy store it didn't it didn't at all this dream was about me being a fucking just a good guy a human being you know being able to earn people's respect not having people looking at me like I did go to prison you know all the time like that guy can't be trusted you know women would see me and they would move their purses you know shit like that I didn't want to live that life anymore

I didn't want to be that person I just want to be a fucking human being and you know I say to you guys you know when people call you out on different things for me it was Mr. T for me it was you know Mr. Blue at the fucking halfway house for me it was you know Matt Woods the comic who turned my comedy career around you know when I was from from 15 to 23 I was just like you guys let's face it I answered an email the other day some guys like you know thank you for doing all the music stuff I try to influence my son with it but he won't refuse to comprehend that he doesn't really and I'm like listen people got to

come around on their own you're not gonna lead a horse to drink fucking water they're gonna do everything on their own that flip that switch has to flip within your own you know when you guys hit me up on email no matter what it is no matter what it could be you know on any subject on a broad on going to school on you know doing drugs or whatever I see a lot of me and you guys at that age which is just confusion we just don't know we just don't know who the fuck to ask you know the person that loves you the most which is probably in your case your fucking parents you know your grandfather maybe you have an uncle I

don't know what the fuck yeah how situation is but when they sit you down when you're a young man and they give you advice listen I didn't take it either I didn't take it either and that's why I ended up homeless do you see what I'm saying so when you don't take advice from people and you know more than them which listen how is that guy I'm not here faulting you I know plenty of people still today that they don't give a fuck what you tell them even though they come and seek the advice from you they still won't listen they're gonna do a their way anyway and you don't yell at them you don't get mad then you just go

God bless them they thought it was a better way let's see what has the better way when they fail or whatever you don't rub it in their face you pull them aside and you go you know this is why I talked to you and said that you should have done it this way this is the same thing that happened to me you know there's just little fucking things when you go on patreon and you want to write a blog if you write a blog and you go to post a video about the blog how much of a nightmare is it Mike it ain't gonna happen you got to post a blog you got to post the video up first so the fucking thing could go off I don't know why I

don't even know I broke patreon up and anything like that but it's the same thing with life you got to do one thing before it does the other if you want to do you want to try your way I'm not mad at you go for it but you're gonna end up in the same situation I was on the third floor of a fucking rocket ship looking out you know I get people who complain to me about their parents all the time my parents get mad at me why you're under their roof you got to do what the fuck they say you don't like what they say you want to smoke weed in your room with your feet up get your own fucking place but you're mad at them

because they're telling you you can't do something get your own fucking place it's time to cut the fucking ambitical cord and see what life is all about get the fuck off that computer get the fuck off that computer listen I know you're probably doing work right now you're typing you're on your thing and you put the podcast on just to listen to be entertained while you're doing something but I don't mind you fucking being on the computer but to be on the computer 12 15 fucking hours a day I know at the end of my week I have a thing on my computer that comes up that tells me how many hours up on the computer if your

time went up on the computer if your time has been low on the computer guess what my time is getting lower and lower on the fucking computer I don't have the desire I used to going through all the fucking social networks no more because it's all the same fucking shit anymore you're not getting from Facebook where you were getting I see things on Facebook I saw a post I think Saturday a chick compared Louis C. K. to somebody else and then and I looked at the thread and I tried to read it and I'm like an awesome network politics and I forget who she compared to Louis C. K. and then Louis C. K. was all right but the guy

who it's just it's just nonsense if you're finding relief on fucking Facebook if that's what you want to do and it had 25,000 fucking people on there arguing about Louis C. K. and some fucking guy that jerked off on the phone you know when the fuck does it end when the fuck does it end you know you learn a lot on the computer you learn how to do this you know Mike works on a computer he does flyers he does this but Mike also has two fucking kids he's racing so it's not like he's on the fucking computer all fucking day you know during this fucking pandemic whatever the fuck is going on every time you sit in front of

the computer the TV you know some outlet some guy listening you know this is why I don't want to bring up all the negative shit that's going on around this right now because as a matter of fact all this negative shit could be going on around you as long as you stay positive it's like a snowstorm right when the snowstorm fucking is coming down what do you do sit there with your mouth open and wait for the snowflakes to walk in your fucking mouth no you keep fucking walking it's a horrible snowstorm there's winds going you fucking ears are flapping you're walking sideways you ever been that fucking windy when you're

walking fucking sideways yeah and what do you do that you don't just stand there and let the shit keep fucking fall on you until you become fucking frosty snowman you keep fucking walking and that's what's going on right now yes is a thousand things going on yes you're waiting for I've been on the phone all day when unemployment yeah but you could have been chopping somebody's fucking wood made a hundred fucking dollars meanwhile you're on the phone I'm employment listen you're gonna call until St. Gennaro's day there's a window for fucking unemployment like two hours from six to eight and then you're

fucking on the lane you go try to hustle something the winters coming I know they got eight inches of Boston trust me Lee was fucking mad because he had a shovel like eight inches that was part of his fucking patreon a little workout with shelling eight inches you know you need money go shovel fucking snow but it's a lot better than sitting there waiting for unemployment to send you that fucking check that by the time you get who I had a buddy every time I talked to him I'm over here waiting for unemployment I'm over here waiting for unemployment dog I got here in August he just got the check two fucking weeks

ago he could have done 20 fucking things in those two months he was waiting for unemployment I told him come down here paint the wall fucking the cut of grass nothing he didn't want to do nothing so he had to wait in this fucking apartment for two months for an unemployment check you can't be lazy the blue bird of happiness has COVID I don't know if you know that even the blue bird of happiness tested for fucking COVID all those people the fucking people that used to bring the check to your door remember hi you want a million dollars they quit they got COVID too they ain't dropping off any

gear to some nobody's house nobody's doing dick for you if you ain't doing it yourself now it's gonna be and I love these people 2021 it's gonna be a better year we think you know wake up January 1st and a fucking bird's gonna come up to you and bring you like a note COVID is over no no this is gonna go on to fuck in September be prepared get your fucking stock ready work on yourself this is the time this is what this is for this is what this is for ever since I watched that fucking showtime documentary on the county store I've been trying to figure out what fucking happened the last 20 years that's what I've

been trying ever since I watched that documentary and messed with my head in a way I can't describe because it I had asked myself where have I been the last 20 fucking years and it was it was great it was a great part of my life it was like being in the NBA you know it was more than I ever anticipated but guess what it's over now it lives in my fucking head and I put it in the back the same way when I went to prison the same way from when I was married the same way from when I was doing coke it just goes in the fucking history books for me it's never gonna happen again I wish the comedy store stays open I wish the

last factory stays open I wish all the improv stay open I wish all the comedy clubs Denver comedy works Kansas City my man over in Columbus I hope they stay open but the sad fact is a lot of comedy clubs we're gonna hear we're gonna be hearing about a lot of comedy closings a lot of venues that you grew up on that you went to concerts at small mama pop theaters you you're gonna be hearing that in 10 10 20 days you know 10 20 days all these businesses are gonna be closing especially out in California you just cut out our tourist season you know yesterday or the day before Friday a memory popped up of me pushing mercy

on a swing on Facebook I was 2015 every year I would come every other year me and my wife would come to New York this time of the year from the third to second to the sixth to seventh because it's the cheapest it's gonna be it's the cheapest the hotels around the city still empty give it a fucking week people go over there to see that fucking tree people flying from all over the world to see that fucking tree who guess what that's not happening this year that's just not fucking happening that's 80% of your fucking income is what you make in December from tourism LA the Rose Bowl and if you notice they're gonna open up

on the 21st which you'll help because that means those Rose Bowlers come to town when those guys come to town in the 25th they start rolling on the 26th of December fucking LA is packed universal cities packed the comedy stores packed both teams in the Rose Bowl come to the improv one night so one night it's been the state the other night it's the other team you know this is big with everything closed what are they gonna do what's the tourism how many of these businesses are gonna handle just that fucking law from the yummy businesses depend on December do you have any fucking idea and you're there in your

house complaining about oh I gotta sit on the computer you know was a day in work really that's you're complaining about you better be fucking lucky you better get up every morning and go on your hands and knees like I do and give thanks I have a way to earn a little bit of fucking money you know I'm not on the road and done the road what are you thinking it's just gonna clean open in January and people gonna be running down there it's not gonna happen but I've made the adjustment I'm happy I'm happier if you look at me you're like Joey you look happier you lost a little weight no I haven't I'm about the same

but I'm cleaning up I'm going to the gym fucking four days a week I'm eating better I'm fucking definitely sleeping I'm definitely fucking sleeping a lot I don't have that bullshit around me anymore that bullshit is dead you know my wife on Saturday rented out a little play zone they have close by and my daughter and some of her little girlfriends you know the parents that have welcomed us my wife wanted you know give back so my wife rented the little room at the play zone and got like I don't know how much money and little fucking passes and we had like fucking 12 little kids over there yeah

yesterday you know from her class like kids that go to her class two of the girls from up the corner and it was I think 10 girls and two little boys and the two little boys only showed up because they were brothers to the girls you should have seen their faces when they take the picture by the Christmas tree at the end they were like really we're gonna take a picture with 10 little seven-year-old eight-year-old girls but my wife said you know she you were sitting there for a second and you weren't playing any games towards the NY because I'm like Marlon Brando I was just sitting there taking it all in

looking at these parents and the difference between the parents that I was running with in Los Angeles and the parents that I'm running with here the parents that I'm running with them I was running with them Los Angeles they were nice people I have nothing against them I miss them dearly but their parenting skills and their yearning to be a parent was not the fucking parents I deal with here the parents I deal with here first of all they were very appreciative you know it was a Saturday it was raining out most shit wasn't going on and here my wife put this little thing together they made gingerbread

houses you think I made a gingerbread house a fucking kid what up they made gingerbread houses then they went they played they had fucking what's when you put the shields on and you think you're a fucking alien and shit Metro reality without a fucking virtual reality Metro reality they had all that shit they played fucking space invaders they shot basketballs they played what's that a human shuffleboard shit where they all had it was tremendous a little girl got kicked in the head with a ball listen it didn't matter I was looking at them wow look at the difference of parenting the parents were involved they were

like talking to me about how they call their school every fucking day and torment the principal they got his cell phone number they got his emails they fucking blast him you know these are you know I lived in California parents when they close this call and do these motherfuckers a fuck you open up the fucking school you fucking savage you fucking animal so it's just you know I was just taking in what what the fuck did I come from I can't you know I told my wife I go I feel bad because I didn't lie to you that is the craziest thing everything I told you New Jersey was it is I never lied to you but I mean about

this stuff whether it was the fucking food I mean yesterday the place brought in like pizza like part of the deal comes in with pizza and I remember I was like I'm not gonna wait wait watch your points ate on some fucking pizza and the neighbor my man Frank from across the street from Staten Island he's got two kids he's mr. fucking the pizza sucks around here he came out he goes this pizza is not bad I go Frank how many times are gonna fucking tell you bad pizza in Jersey is better than good pizza in California I go it's not bad let me get a fucking slice I tasted it was fucking delicious delicious and the

crust was burnt a little weird like it was higher than regular pizza like they actually burnt it and it was crispy and it had a weird taste to it fucking tremendous I go you know on the way home my wife goes to me that even the fucking pizza was good in fact we heated up and either ate it for dinner last night that's how good it was that's not my point the point is that all these things I felt in my head before I left California were real New Jersey does have so much more to offer food wise people wise parent wise the behavior in kids I saw an LA and the behavior here listen my wife saw a fucking at the park maybe

two weeks ago like we were in LA we'd see bad kids doing shit and the parents would just go like ha ha ha you know he's so you know he's creative he doesn't know how to process his energy your kids a punk little faggot and he's gonna end up sucking dicks if you don't step in the middle of this right now look at look at him he's a half a fucking fruitcake already with ballerina shoes on and you're talking about you don't know how to fucking how he should push his energy well let me tell you something here my wife saw a fucking lady smack a little boy in the face at the park my wife's like the parenting here they don't

fuck around I guess the little boy went and smacked the mother at the park she goes the mother didn't even hesitate as the kids hand was going down she was already up giving him a cross smack to the face and then told him to pack up his toys he was fucking going home and to never touch him again and my wife even came home was like holy shit it's a different fucking animal here it's a different fucking animal compared to what I was but the whole point of the story was that you know we made a decision we moved on nothing a lot of people who write me think that some weird event in their life is gonna happen

and everything is gonna be better and listen I'm not here to blow your bubble I'm here from experience because I had the same thing in my head when I was 23 you know I was just bullshitting myself but most people today these young guys these young kids it's not your fault at all you just think something's gonna happen you're waiting for somebody to hook you up but listen to me you have to assume and I'm not trying to be negative with you that nobody's gonna hook you up you have to assume that nobody's gonna come in and save you because at the end of this fucking thing the only thing that's on the cross the bridge for you is

you helping yourself and that's what I realized up in that rocket ship that all this thing I was imposing on life that you know it's it's not the universe takes care life won't take care it's a big difference the universe always takes care life won't take care you gotta take care of life but the universe they take notes they take notes I don't know why and it's every Thursday Jimmy Florentine comes over here for dinner he has this boy from Sunday to Wednesday and he's involved and on Thursday nights I make it a habit to call him up no matter what my wife is cooking and I invite him over dinner I do that for a reason so he's

not alone on Thursday nights and I do that for another reason I'll tell you why and I told Jimmy the other night he's been over maybe six or seven nights on Thursday night for dinner and I finally told him why I go in 1983 I was living in a snowmass village Colorado and I was working as an electrician and every you know you work with people are you doing hey Mike what's going on nothing and one day one thing led to another Mike said I'm going to Philly and I'm like you know Mike I live close to Philly I take a bus and Mike's like why do you take a bus just hop with me in the morning and then you know just

hop with me at night and in the mornings meeting at this place I'll pick you up and we'll split the gas for the week and I was like fine with that and that's how it started with me and this guy and then one day I he dropped me off and he goes I can't do this today because I gotta pick my wife up and he goes I'll forget it I'll just pick you up and he will have my wife in the car and me and his wife hit it off I was an 18 year old kid and me and his wife hit it off and then me and him hit it off and then one night it was like hey instead of going home do you want to go get some nachos at the Woody Creek Diver and I'm like

yeah let's go down to Woody Creek Diver and get some nachos and then then I went to that you know that was one night and another night they said listen my wife is making a meatloaf on Saturday do you want to come over and I think there was like October of 83 I gotta be honest for you from October of 83 to January 31st of 84 these people had me over dinner three nights a week now my roommate they had me over dinner they were in their 40s they didn't have any kids maybe they were lonely but they took care of me the universe took care of me and then let's fast forward to 95 94 93 when I was having the roughest points in

my fucking life for that why I was trying to get into comedy you know I was at war with my wife I was broke I was living in a room smaller than this podcast fucking room and this includes a shower and a kitchen and a front door I mean it was the bed was I had a bed it was a one bedroom studio but all that was in the studio was a fucking bed that's all I had in the studio I lived in that apartment for 18 months and I didn't turn the stove on one fucking time not once all I had in the fucking refrigerator was fat fucking tired and water and sodas that's all I had in this refrigerator my income was zero I had

committed to comedy I was selling cars I was doing odd jobs I was fucking there was one job I did the guy who called me like twice a week and I would have to what's that shit when you fucking go over tile when you have to grow out oh my god I think that's the beginning of my fucking knee pain from grouting fucking but I did I'd work for him two days a week I fucking sold fucking neon you know I didn't I did whatever the fuck I could from 93 to 95 and I got a job in the sports bank service and that made me a little bit of money that really I'm not gonna lie to you that caught me up that caught me up with attorneys that caught

me up with child support that caught me up with a lot of who's selling sports information on the phone which I'm fucking good at you know I'm not gonna lie to you about that and there was a couple there his name his name was Sammy he had been ace Freely's assistant for like three years and can I get moved to Boulder with a woman she was a Chinese woman I called the white powder mom she was cool as shit family old Chinese restaurants in Boston and I friended them you know and they knew I was in a low spot in my life I I was single I was a junkie you know I was at war with my wife I was kind of broken

hearted I was frustrated that's all I really wanted to do was comedy that's all I wanted to do and I wasn't at that level yet but I was out there every night and they found out about this and they would drive me to gigs Sammy had Porsches he was a Porsche collector and we worked together and he would drive me to all these every time I had you know I had so many fucking aces but this guy would drive me to gigs drive me to gigs drive me to gigs and then forget about that three nights a week like the other couple they would have me over dinner like he would tell me at work he would come over me and go hey wipe out of my

said to bring you a game tonight she made you some type of Chinese fucking beef or Chinese shrimp or whatever boom I would go over the house they take care of me here's what gets better I got sick one time and they told me to come over and stay in that bedroom and they take care of me and they did his even better there were nights that they were going out and he would come up to me at work and say wipe out of my cooked blah blah blah for you we need to go to a function go to the house you know where the key is eat and stay there and watch TV till we get back and play with the dog this one on three four nights a week

I remember days when they would say to me if you're not doing anything today we're gonna be in Denver all day come over the house and at that time my favorite movie was the movie with Bruce Willis and David Wayans with Eddie Griffin as the fucking DJ and the chick that was in John Wick 3 the black chick what's the name no no no she was a John Wick 3 or 2 she she always divorces her boyfriends and shit she's the light-skinned sister anyway doesn't really fucking matter I'll be buried I'll be buried was I talking about I don't even fucking know but they took care of me they took care of me every night you

know not every night three four nights a week I was over there if they cooked they never they never used it against me you know what that's like that they would come into their house and I'd be on that couch with a blanket out drinking their soda with a phone in front of me making calls and shit you know many things that you know many times they said something to me zero you know many times those people from Minnesota said something to me I lived in Snowmass Village zero they took care of me they just took care of me when other than Bessau Colorado I joined Fred Brooks every Friday night Joe would pick me up

take me to a house she would cook and Fred and me would watch movies till fucking two in the morning we'd smoke pot he didn't smoke pot I'd smoke pot he'd smoke his cigars and then a fucking eight in the morning we wake up and he take me to shoot fucking guns we go to the fucking hardware store and buy all types of fucking guns and we shoot him you know so people have always taken care of me so when I see Jimmy Jimmy's got a family Jimmy's got a great family littered all around this area where we live but pretty much he's alone in this house so on Thursdays I do what life did for me I make them come over and I let them see

what a family is I did the same thing with Steve Simone and I like because people get lost and they forget what the family concept is and I did the same thing for Lee I invite them to our home if we had Christmas birthdays whatever you know that's what I'm trying to become here and that's why I have I contact those single guys all the time because I knew what it was this week I talked to Theo had a great conversation with him I talked to Lee every day I checked it on the Leah to make sure his health is okay his mind is okay regardless of what happened at one time we were all at the store together having a fucking great

time and now the LA comics are turning on one another like fucking you know I'm really happy not to be involved in that scene no more my heart does go out to Tom Segura he took a bad fall plane basketball broken kneecap arm my heart goes out to many of those I love Tom Segura it was funny because I called Birkbeck and he had Tom in the fucking van take him to the hospital so I was really concerned that I called him back but my heart goes out to the Segura family do yourself a favor with Tom's giving you tons of content send him a message on Twitter Facebook and just let him know you were thinking about Tom is

a good fucking man I don't miss time it's funny because last night I was I called Dean Delray Saturday night and he was opening up for Bill in Austin and it was so weird he was saying in a great week that Friday night he had saw Ron White and Rogan and Red Band and I gotta be honest with you for 10 seconds I got a little little little bit jealous like I'm like fuck maybe I was like whoa what am I jealous about I don't want to be down I don't want to be part of that anymore like it's so weird like right now I'm not ready to be a part of that I'm still best friends with Brian I spoke to him two days ago and Joe Rogan is still

my brother and I still love Bill Burr and Dean Delray forget about I'll shoot him motherfucker for Dean but it was so funny for a minute that was like man I'm good I'm good I don't need to be going out chasing it I'm very good this Wednesday I'll be at Vinnie's thank God the next three Wednesdays I'll be at Vinnie's and then I also want to drop another bomb on you November 18th I'm having a total motherfucking knee replacement so I'll talk to Mike and see if we're gonna have podcasts this week if you know anything about me me and Mike are the whip we have podcasts every fucking week for you when I let

you down especially over the holidays I don't want you to be alone and I think about shit before I get out of here I want to talk to you about something though in that rocket ship I learned a lot and I I flipped I flipped my game I really realized that I had to be I had to be a man it was time to be a man I wasn't a kid anymore it takes and guys that's the biggest problem you'll ever have in your 20s is that you're waiting for the switch to flip you don't know that that switch even exists but I'm telling you would stare it's really close to your heart they call it a vow whatever these fucking doctors and the health

profession calls it a valve I call it a switch there's a switch in your heart that's just like an electric electric panel board that it switches you know and that's when you decide your life that's when you decide that this has to disappear for you to go this way you know the more you keep moving and the more you keep bettering yourself more shit's gonna ask to disappear out of your life trust me I'm telling you whether it's friends or whether it's a bad girlfriend whether it's a bad situation that you've been going to something you're involved with the higher you get these things will just fade

off you they'll just disappear you'll go what the fuck happened you know it's like I don't eat peanut butter no more one of my biggest addictions of peanut butter when you see me at 400 pounds and 350 the last couple years is because every night I need a fucking thing of peanut butter I got peanut butter upstairs I don't even look at it no more things just disappear from your life after a while you don't have to yeah you have to check them and then they're just just a fucking pain bad habits disappear they'll just go away the more good things you do the more bad habits disappear you look at me now and you're

like Joey you look different you know I look at those old churches my eyelids are closed I looked ten years fucking older you know I had no pressure living in LA I love to tell you the pressure of living under was no pressure the only pressure I had on was the pressure I put on myself to be a good comic and a good person but that switch I'm talking about that switch went off in that fucking thing and that switch led me to that switch kept me alive believe or not for close to 18 months for close to 18 months I live by what that switch had done somewhere in June of July of 86 I got weak and I started smoking cocaine

again and that led to my arrest and 88 87 whatever but that's a complete different thing I'm talking about that switch that switch has to happen when your back is against the wall that's not gonna happen and again I'm not talking about putting you against the wall and having 19 Arabs get up with rifles and ask you what your last cigarette and you smoke a cigarette but a blindfold on you shoot it no I'm not talking about that what I'm talking about is you you just switch like something makes you go okay this is what I need I can't keep living off these excuses my excuse at the time was that through some heavenly fucking

glory I was like and guys I wish I was lying to you you know 1984 was a different you know it's like people say to you you know $10 now is different than $10 in 1984 and 1984 for some reason I had this fucking weird idea that I was gonna walk around somebody was just gonna give me half a million dollars can you believe that can you believe how fucking stupid and retarded I was and I it was a war that had gone into my stepdad and I kept telling him for you to get yourself out of this war it's gonna cost you this he had no reason to pay me this money and he didn't but what I did was as a human being I go you know

what I feel I have this money coming to me he doesn't want to give it to me I feel society's gonna give it to me and if they don't give it to me I'm gonna rob it and that's where I got that mentality but no I didn't I said if I had that money coming that that money would come to me in some form at some type in my life at some time my life it might not be right now when I needed a 23 because you know I want to live to Miami advice lifestyle I want to be on a boat with a bunch of blondes telling lies that's what I wanted it for at that time but guess what man I waited out that much and the money did end up

coming up over the years through comedy you know my first Taco Bell commercial made me some great money shit like that so I made a commitment to the universe that I was gonna try and the universe did come through with that fucking money for me you know the switch turns if you're struggling right now I have my fucking I'll give you my word as a man that the switch does turn eventually one day it just turns and you know this is what needs to be done I'm seeing it right now with one of my closest friends and some of you guys know Lee Syat Lee Syat started a patreon last week and I've been friends of Lee

for a fucking years and I have never heard him the way he is this week you know why cuz it backs against the wall he's at home and snowed he's living with mom like I tell him he's in the basement next to the fucking water he the concept where he swings his kettle bells he's like I'm not really in the basement I got my own bedroom I don't give a fuck you're gonna get your fucking little cock and go to the basement and make yourself pay those dues you know and but right now that switch is going off man and for you people who spoke shit and came up with your own assumptions about Lee I always loved

Lee and I was more than willing to bring Lee down here until I found out that number one there was nothing to do down here there ain't shit to do Mike what do you do down here unless you want to look at trees and shit if you fucking if you're fucking 30 and you're single there ain't nothing for you down there there's no singles bars that there's nothing everything is probably there's Buffalo Wild Wings you know up the corner there was nothing for me I wanted Lee's switch to turn on this is why I did this I couldn't say this to you publicly because you wouldn't understand why I was coming from I was never

getting rid of Lee I was never getting rid of Lee as a friend anything like that it was time for Lee's switch to go on the same will happen with Mike's and Mike's switch has gone on since we've met your switch has gone on like three fucking times because why you had kids you got kids your switch has to go on you can't keep telling those same stories when you have fucking kids the kids need to eat well guess what mom is gonna pack up those kids and take them back to her mom's house and then you can hang out with your loser buddies and do all that dumb shit but if anybody I give an applaud to because bro we all

think that that Anthony Robbins or that Jesus or the holy smoke is gonna touch you and you're gonna change no you're not a switch has to go off and once that switch goes off bro it's fucking scary it's fucking scary I told you last week that most of you people are stuck because you don't want to know who you're gonna become but once that switch goes off and you want to know who you want to become it's fucking on it's real I don't know people what do you get your motivation from that fucking switch that switch is never turned off once that switch is turned on you'll never look for motivation you'll tell Joe Diaz to go

fuck himself fuck you with your Monday morning bullshit your fat fuck I don't need you I got my own fucking shit going on that's when you start waking up going you know what I'm waking up today on a Monday morning December 7th and somebody has to pay for me to wake the fuck up that's the attitude you start going if I'm gonna wake up today somebody's gonna fucking pay me to fucking wake up and once you have that fucking attitude that's when you're fucking ready so I know that this has slowed you down I know that you know watching the computer for learning and slowed you down a little bit but hey you

gotta find ways to pick yourself up I'm happy you're on patreon I'm happy you listen to the podcast to break up your fucking week but if the answer for you is down this fucking computer it's out there living your life it's out there doing projects it's finding who the fuck you are I had a kid send me an email two or three months ago I don't know what to decide I'm being and he had eight things a mechanic a plumber a janitor an artist and I'm like just pick one just pick one you're not gonna be able to do two or three of them just pick one let the switch go off and fucking attack it that's it nobody's gonna turn the switch

on for you I'm telling you right now your mom can't turn it on I'm having a baby the babies of the turn the switch off we know it wasn't the babies are be there and after you fuck up two or five times and your wife drops an ultimatum on you the switcher go on by itself in my line Mike the switch turns on you don't want you listen you want the switch to turn on but if you're not ready for again I want you to turn it on you have to be ready to turn the switch on if I were to turn that switch on 83 I wouldn't be here right now I would have died of a cocaine overdose thank God I turned on 85 and I turned it on and it

was on the positive side because like I said to you my dream was never to be fucking George calling my dream was just to be a good man a functioning man and you know somebody who's part of the community somebody who is on top of his fucking life that's all I want to be that's it and that's that it's fucking Monday December 7th you got your fill you got your little uncle Joey we got to see each other what are we fucking 18 days away from fucking Christmas this is great it's a great guys listen this is what it is it is what it is so what you can't go to the bar so what you can't get together whatever the fuck you want to

do you do you wear your mask you don't wear your mask the number one thing I expect from you right now is fucking happiness and getting through this plowing through this the holidays is tough enough but don't fucking lie to yourself either 2021 ain't gonna be no fucking ain't gonna be no fucking parade on the streets 2021 is gonna be a more of a struggle than this it's December and we're struggling what do you think January is gonna change March is gonna change April oh well fires is coming out that's all great there's still gonna be a mental residue leftover I don't want you motherfuckers to be caught up with that

mental residue get rid of it right now we got to start fucking rocking it right now that's why we're starting with the Lucy gum that's why we're starting with the fucking with the on it with the fucking alpha brain I want you to start on it right now you're not gonna wait till December 31st to make your new fucking thing you're starting today that's fucking it and that's it and that's that I love you motherfuckers thank you for watching Wednesday that Uncle Vinnie's I have not heard anything from Ozzie's bone yard but for you patreon people the shirts are coming as you can see there's your little fucking

mind the joey Diaz lighter and whatnot everything is coming I love you motherfuckers have a great Monday have a great fucking day don't let nobody fucking stop you get your notebook start journaling I don't know if you've noticed on Facebook lately they're advertising all these fucking journals the how to fucking journal and how to be whatever don't say I haven't been talking to you about journaling they're all a bunch of copycat motherfuckers don't pay for their journals all you need is a notebook to pull your own creativity out I love you motherfuckers I want to thank on it and I want to

thank fucking Lucy co again and I want to thank you guys for being part of Uncle Joey's joint that's it and that's that have a great day and we'll see you motherfuckers Wednesday I want to thank you motherfuckers for listening to my earbeat today I'm sorry I just got to get it out it's the beginning of the month we're coming on a new fucking year and I want you guys to understand what the fuck is really crackle I can before I get out of here listen Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Lucy nicotine gum I know how tough it is to quit smoking especially when you smoke brief for me I like smoking the cigarette

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sure to use promo code Joey also the joint is brought to you by audit listen when it comes to supplements on it is number fucking uno in my book why because they have a product called alpha brain they're fucking space fucking shift product and if you don't like it it don't work for you they'll give you your money back 100% guarantee and they don't want the product back you go to fucking a Mexican joint and the food sucks you go back they tell you to go fuck yourself not on it they give you your money back that's a company I can rely on that's company I could trust they have other great supplements room

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going on right now you understand me with three quarters out the door ready but you need that extra push just in case over the holidays you get sentimental and they also make great gifts go to honor calm right now pressing church and get 10% off delivered to your house no fucking drama I want to thank Lucy dot-co and the church and on it for sponsoring us but I want to thank you motherfuckers for taking an hour out of your day to listen to us all right it's that easy have a great fucking weekend we'll be back Wednesday stay black there you go cuck suckers

you