Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #020 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today we talk about the transfer of addiction & desperation..... This episode is brought to you by Draftkings & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter Code: CHURCH or JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from podcastville uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Draft Kings. We're here in dirty Jersey, but it don't matter It's a season for fucking given but for you. It's for the taken you understand me like I told you the other day You you ain't waking up unless somebody's paying you and here it is Draft King is coming in with jingle bells and dropping fucking gifts They've got odd boost promotions and the best lines and the NFL NCAA basketball football and UFC every single day this week

Plus endless ways to get it on the action bet live or on your favorite fucking player And if you sign up now today Wednesday, you get a chance to triple you heard it right here one time triple triple your winnings when you make any bet on the UFC fight this Saturday night Figure a dodo whatever his fucking name is against Moreno. You think I'm fucking smoking too much dope. No And get three times any bet Any bet the UFC 256 and listen, don't worry about Saturday because the party starts tonight if you sign up today

You get a grand bonus with code Joey, that's all you need You're gonna get a grand today. You understand me. Look at tonight. You got some great games You got Michigan State versus Virginia. You got Wisconsin versus Louisville the party starts tonight motherfucker Tomorrow, I think you got NFL football Friday You got college basketball and then Saturday. Listen, you got Tony Ferguson Against fucking Charles Olivera. You got Mackenzie dirt in that bad ass of us. You got Jaquie Ray You got Junior dos Santos plus you got the headline figure Rolado against fucking Moreno So do yourself a favor right now

Download the top rated Draft King sports book out use promo code Joey when you sign up and get up to a thousand dollars You heard it right now a thousand fucking dollars That's code Joey for limited time only at Draft King sports book and here's the part the lawyers make me say, all right You got to be 21 or older. Don't fuck around New Jersey And it's got to be New Jersey, Indiana Pennsylvania, but now we've added some states like Tennessee's got gambling Colorado's got gambling so you're in cocksuckers the deposit bonus requires a 25 times play through Restrictions do apply see draft Kings calm

Slash sports book for details, but if you got a gambling problem, if you're a fucking degenerate There's help call 1-800 gambler or if you're an Indiana call 1-800 9 With it if you don't have a gambling problem like pink said it's time to get the party started bitch Download the Draft King sports app use code Joey and the party starts tonight with Michigan State, Virginia and Wisconsin I think they're playing Louisville. You got a check and shit like that. I don't know. I don't have a computer back here The joint is also brought to you by motherfucking CBD lion with a chocolate full spectrum dark chocolate, which is good for you, too

People say you should eat dark chocolate once a week not eat a fucking pie your fat fuck anyway CBD lion's got it all Kenny's theology tape vape pen a Roll-on a fucking cream Gummy bears tinctures. Listen if you want if you really want the benefits of CBD CBD lion got him for you Okay, it's us by going to CBD lion calm read about CBD Read about CBD get knowledgeable about CBD. You may have something that's bothering you. You may have anxiety Maybe your shoulders are stiff CBD might be able to help you might be the answer you're looking for

But it all starts with you by going to CBD lion calm and reading the third-party lab results Go to CBD lion. They got a sale going on. They're fucking tremendous at the end. You check out your press Joey you press church. Ah press whatever the fuck you want to press in there And they're gonna give you 20% off delivered right to your fucking house. Who takes care here like Uncle Joey? Nobody cock suckers Alright CBD lion calm. Let's get this fucking party started. Look at this week. It's all the way down. I need like fucking skinny fucking fingers to get it but look From all my years of being a pickpocket. Let's get this party started

Oh What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here Wednesday the 9th of December. Well what fucking 16 days away from Christmas. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I made it. I'm alive.

I fucking stressed out all weekend about getting that fucking pre-op and it's so funny. Whenever I have to go to a fucking hospital or a doctor's office the whole fucking night before I'm shit in the fucking pickles. I mean I'm fucking shit in the pickles. My body breaks down. It's the weirdest thing. I had to go to this pre-op thing, right, Monday, Tuesday, yesterday, whatever the fuck, and Tuesday.

Yeah, today's Wednesday, Tuesday. With this fucking thing you forget what day it is sometimes. I'm sorry. And I had to go to this pre-op thing. Let me tell you something. I was supposed to go like on Saturday and I never fucking went. Like Saturday I just wasn't prepared. Jimmy Florentine even offered to drive me down there.

It was like a 20 minute ride and you can't eat anything. You gotta drive on an empty stomach and when I drive on an empty stomach for a long time I usually get fucking dizzy. My blood sugar drops and I puke so I'm like fuck I gotta contend with this shit now and then they're gonna take blood out and it's a first person like listen if I got any blood like when I was living in LA I went to Bob Hope Medical Center, right? Bob Hope Dope, Bob Hope Medical Center. I would go down there and there was this nice little black woman that would take my blood

out. Great. She'd been the same woman for fucking 10 years. I got used to it. She'd call me baby, the whole fucking thing. I'd lay on the fucking thing. Remember I don't give blood if there's no windows in the room. So you gotta give fucking, they gotta be a window or if not I start to fucking panic.

I started thinking about all that shit that I had to give blood to a new person. You know I don't know if they're gonna have a window in the room and I'm gonna have to have a fucking face mask on. Listen, I don't know about you guys. As soon as I get out of my car and I put a face mask on to go into a building I swear to God. Even today, even in month nine, my anxiety goes up a little bit. I swear to God.

Those first 10 steps when your air isn't going into you or whatever, I swear to God I get a little bit of fucking anxiety still. So I'm like I gotta give blood with a fucking mask on. So fucking Tuesday my daughter dropped her off earlier. My wife dropped my daughter off earlier and we shot down to the hospital. And here's the thing. You ready for this one? This is how bad I was.

Monday I did the podcast with Mike. Mike left. I read a couple fucking evidence. Mike you were here with me. Did I do any edibles on Monday? No. And I even have the spray, right? So and I got pills, I got the fucking pro tabs and I got the ABXs, right?

So Monday I didn't have nothing Monday night, what am I gonna do with Monday night football? Maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll go to my buddy Joe Rails, whatever the fuck. I'm sitting there and I have to tell you at four o'clock on the fucking computer I was trying to write material and must remember the other day I told you I had a friend that when I made you write jokes the notebook would boom, maybe my material was so bad that the fucking notebook hypnotized me and put me to sleep. I swear to fucking God I'm trying to write these fucking jokes on you know Nexium and all this shit and all of a sudden guys I can't keep it together.

I mean guys I cannot keep it fucking together I'm getting dizzy and shit I'm like why am I so fucking tired I gotta stop eating these fucking edibles right so I go upstairs I tell my wife this I don't know I just got a little bad like I'm tired so she goes relax watch some TV for a while and then go back to do what you were doing. I sat down at 4.30 I slept straight till 6.30 then I got up I ate dinner I went back on the chair and went kaputz again I went kaputz till 9.30 at night I woke up I ran I gave mercy a kiss and I just crawled into bed no fucking tea no sleep no nothing and I slept solid till three in the fucking morning and then I woke up and I was fucking starving

but you can't eat because you gotta give a fucking blood test you can't fucking eat you can't drink nothing I couldn't even drink fucking coffee so I stayed up from three in the morning till about six and that I probably quarter to six I said let me close my eyes I fell asleep till about seven and then she woke me up I watched my pussy I was sitting here while you know I'm smelling bacon upstairs of sausage for mercy and I'm dying and I can't get high you can't get stoned either so I went down there and when I got there I was the first online and perfect the fucking lady was talking to me I didn't know what the fuck she was saying because I can't hear with the with the mask on I couldn't hear her she couldn't

hear me and the next thing you know I'm sitting I turn around and there's fucking 80 people behind me I go holy fuck I'm happy I came when I did and when you do a pre-op you gotta do a fucking you know the thing for your checks the IBM whatever the fuck I don't know I see the 8kkg whatever the fuck it is you gotta do a fucking urine test you gotta do a blood test and they gotta do a fucking x-rays on your lungs some lady goes you gotta do all these things so two of them are gonna be done over there and the other two are gonna be done over there the EKG and the fucking the fucking x-rays are gonna be done over there and the blood work and the piss are gonna be done over there go over there first am I dumb dumb dumb fuck so I walk over

to give blood I look in there guys and it's packed and you know if you read the art of war the war of art the war of art it's a thing called resistance you know I took a chair I go up to the lady I'm here she goes alright you know sign in you're gonna do a blood test she gave me a jaw she goes go take the piss test if you want now and then wait to get called so I go back there immediately my fucking blood pressure goes up you know I gotta piss with a mask on I gotta pull my sweatshirt up I got jeans on I gotta pull my dick out make sure I hit the fucking thing and the pee don't splash on your pants you know you don't want to fucking smell like pee so I take my dick out even longer you shrug it out and put it in the fucking cup and make sure I pee and then you

don't know how much pee's in there so you gotta keep looking at it looking at it and then you just then you look at it it's just fucking three inches of brown shit I didn't smell it I didn't want to smell it I could smell it in the fucking ass I put the cap back on I put in the baggy boom I give it to her and I'm sitting there there had to be 15 fucking minutes guys and every fucking minute that went by hey listen I'm normal just like you guys I believe when I get cut and I put my pants on one leg at a time every fucking minute I sat there I gave myself another reason not to have the surgery have you ever done that just giving yourself reasons not to do something that's called resistance I was sitting there going what am I doing this November 18th it's kind of ruined my

Christmas you know what Christmas one of my one of Santa's helpers what am I on the fucking sleigh am I gonna help him with the fucking sleigh rides I mean this is the shit that goes in your head you know I won't be able to give people hugs I won't be able to do this I won't be able to do that I gotta lay down for three days you know I gotta do a show on the 23rd remember I'm doing surgery on the 18th but I'm doing a show on the 23rd because that's how we roll I'm gonna sit on a fucking stool you know do I really need to do that fucking let's do it next year I'll have the other insurance and sang I gave myself every reason and I swear to God guys this always happens to me I said to myself you know what if they don't call my name next I'm gonna just get up and get

the fuck out of here and I'll deal with my wife I'll deal with the doctors you know and I'll feel like shit because I'm a pussy and I don't want to take a blood test and I didn't even get that process I didn't even get that thought process and as usual a guy came in maybe 10 years younger than me with the fucking you know the fucking stroller and he was breathing heavy his hair was all fucked up and when he got to the counter he basically turned the fucking thing around and he sat on the chair and he just sat there and the lady's like can I help you and he's like I just got to get my breath for a second he walked from the fucking from the hospital door to there I could do that that walk was 20 feet even me with my fucked up legs could do it but I saw the

look on his face I saw how he sat down I saw how he was breathing he had sweats on he didn't have a wedding band on I looked at him and I didn't judge I just broke him down for who he was he had a fucking giant shirt on you know that was two sizes too small for him he had one roll after the other one I'm trying to say is this guy didn't take care of himself and now he's walking with this fucking thing you know he never exercised he never fucking ate right you never did nothing and I saw that when he walked in and I'm like that's what I don't want you know the reason I'm doing this knee surgery the real reason I mean I'm not doing it to be a fucking fighter with the run marathons I'm doing it because I'm embarrassed I'm embarrassed that

one I went to Disneyland last year I'm embarrassed I went I went to great adventure this year I can't walk around my daughter I can't do that whole fucking eight mile fucking joint around the park my fucking legs feel like that you know so I called my sister I'm like what do you think I should do because she's like my doctor my sisters are a high-level nurse and I call her for all my advice she's like my underboss for my like my conciliative I called her up and I go listen there's what's going on I'm on it's the heat of COVID season nobody wants to be in the hospital you get put on the wrong floor or whatever but at the same time I want to have a normal summer next year like I want to be able to walk on the boardwalk who knows when this is coming back

but I still gotta walk I mean it's not like I'm getting a dunk because I gotta go fucking load trucks or something but you know I'm going out I'm gonna be 58 in fucking February we ain't getting no younger here my uncle recommended it when I talked to my sister I go you know I don't know she goes why are you doing it how bad is the pain I go the pain is pretty fucking bad in my knee you know like if I flip it when I'm driving because that's the speed pedal when I flip it if I flip it I gotta like fucking close my eyes and pull my leg and that's how much pain there is in my right knee right now even though my left knee outright this wise is worse than my right knee so that's the real reason why I'm doing the surgery you know I go to the gym I can't walk on the

tread I can walk eight minutes on the treadmill I gotta tap seven minutes I gotta tap but I still do all my squats I still do deadlifts I still do you know whatever I gotta do you gotta bend your fucking knee so I'm able to do it I can live with that but what I just really needed for what good is all that training if I can't fucking walk five miles and then make my what my daughter happy and walk in an amusement park with her or go on a hike with her you know that's what I can't do and I can't be one of those fucking dads it just sits there you know they think I'm sitting there because I'm a fat fuck no I'm sitting there because my fucking knees hurt so the surgery is next fucking Friday that's it and that's that I'm gonna sit tight I'm gonna see how the fucking

therapy goes the physical therapy I already talked to the guys at the gym they're ready for me their psychology is listen you're missing one limb you still got three other ones we'll work those and we'll catch the other one up when it's time so I'm gonna go for it and then let's see what happens in February and fucking they haven't made a decision yet or whatever the fuck's going on I go back for another knee replacement and we balance it out we fix that fucking hamstring and this is what it's all about right now it's time for taking care of yourself you're paying fucking 18,000 months 18,000 dollars a month for insurance you might as well fucking use it right now do that colonoscopy get that eye exam you know what I'm saying you might as well do all this

shit I got all the I've got a hard doctor I can't see at night when I drive I'm getting the glasses for fucking driving at night this is what you do now there's nothing else to do you might as well take advantage of it right or wrong who the fuck am I that's it we're here we're fucking queer I was thinking about something the other day that you know I've just been thinking about a lot of shit lately you know just the other day I mentioned the dopey podcast I have a lot of friends who are sober who are very sober who listen to the dopey pot just just because I smoke pot and I'm fucking crazy and I'm out of my mind doesn't mean I don't support sober people I really do and that there's one guy talked to all the fucking time in fact him and I do like a fucking mini AA meeting

on the phone I've not been friends with this guy maybe 30 years he's been clean for about uh if I haven't done coke for 13 years he's probably been clean about 20 years when I was thinking about getting clean I didn't talk to nobody else but him on a confidential type thing I would just call him up and explain to him this is what I wanted to do and he would suggest different things that I would do you know and uh you know he was the one I suggested I should go to a little rehab so I tried to sign up for a fucking rehab then somebody pointed me out and they go you were comedian at the comedy store so I couldn't go back it was like a little uh outpatient uh rehab by hollywood dad they paid for it I think the state paid for it or whatever you had to pay a

couple dollars a month I think it was gonna cost me like 40 bucks a month I quit after one month but I learned something in that one month or the one week or the two weeks that I was there I learned a crucial word and it helped me make my progression into sobriety I know a lot of people right now are drinking I know a lot of people right now are doing fucking drugs I know a lot of people right now you know anxiety is big we're going over the top with the bills you know I was guilty of that early on in March and April uh I didn't enjoy it I didn't like that I liked the fucking you know the whatever collapse I had to relax me at work but I didn't like the effect I think it promoted it it was like when I put my hearing aids in if I wear my hearing aids too

much and I take them off I'm fucking dead why because something else is working for you it's like doing steroids when you're old you know you stop making fucking ball juice so while you're doing the fucking steroids all those months your nut sack ain't making ball juice then when you get off the steroids now your body has to reteach itself how to do all this stuff but use that word transfer of addiction and he also told me that when people quit getting high they're addicted that's why so many people OD you know because well there's two reasons why I shouldn't say that there's the reason that they get clean and they think that they could still shoot what they were shooting before they got high and the other reason why people die is because it's they take a they

take time off yeah it's the same thing they fucking do the amount they thought they could do six months earlier but they don't know that their addiction grows your addiction grows so sometimes you shoot that amount and it isn't that the second dose gets you so either way your addiction keeps growing that's why when people quit drinking for 20 years and they go back up to 20 years they end up dead because they just drink everything in sight I had a friend who just passed like that he was still for 20 years got back on the bottle and fucking it's over but the shot rest is in peace but here's what I wanted to get to you for me when I heard that transfer addiction it made a lot of sense because I looked at my own life and I looked at the addictions I

have gone through and then necessarily have to be drugs okay we're all addicted to something along the way at least I was having addictive personality once you come to terms that you're having addictive fucking personality you go I gotta do something about it I realized I had addictive personality when I was 44 years old it was a bit too late you know what I'm saying that's when I broke it down backwards once I was 44 and I got an addictive fucking personality this is what the fucking thing is you know once you you try to get clean the first couple days of you getting clean are so important for you to journal those fucking days you should just be journaling all day you know maybe journaling about how you started getting hot just to relieve the

pain of you you know coming off the fucking shit you know for me the journaling when I first got sold but that that first month that's all I did I remember shooting a movie and I even brought a notebook and a pad with me to bring on the fucking set because I would get cravings and I would try to give myself excuses now no one way or another it's stuck and I just stayed sober but I still remember thinking about the AA model sorry about that the water went down the wrong tube it went down the pubic head tube you know what I'm saying you have you have that little pubic head fucking catch on your neck that's been a long time I don't even need that catch no more I'm not an animal like I used to be but when I thought about my sobriety I remember thinking that

fuck I'm not gonna be funny if I don't get high no more because there were a couple comics that fucking stopped getting high and then they weren't funny because they took it too seriously they took the whole sobriety thing a little bit too seriously which you have to take you have to take seriously if you want to live people know when they're gonna when they're gone it's me I knew I was a goner either day when you do a line of coke and you get an electronic twitching your fucking neck when your neck starts twitching you know it's just a matter of time before your brain blows up you have an aneurysm when you have a stroke or whatever the fuck happens when you do coke so for me between the 400 pounds the four packs of cigarettes the eating like an animal

and the electrical twitch is going on the firework display I had going off in my spine I figured it was time to fucking quit but I knew that if I didn't do something else I knew that word transfer of addiction I knew if I didn't do anything else that I would end up snorting coke again and I still remember like three or four days like I stopped snorting coke like on an off day like a Tuesday or Wednesday but the true test was going to be that first week and I'm not getting high and I remember that I was sticking to the AA prototype which is no reefer either you could smoke cigarettes and drink all the coffee you want to your fucking tongue turns fucking blue but there's no fucking reefer so I remember the first three days or four days I was working on

this movie and I was so caught up that there was really no reefer in my life at all you know I would come home and in those days I got a friend of mine to give me some sleeping pill he had he was a neighbor three doors down I didn't care about the sleep apnea or anything the fucking the whatever you know the coming off the coke at eight o'clock would give me huge panic attacks because by eight o'clock I wanted in my pocket I didn't want to do it I wanted in my pocket by eight o'clock so by a quarter of fucking eight at night my anxiety would start fucking percolating so those days I would just come home I think a neighbor had valium so a little black dude in my building had valium and I traded them something for valium and you know by that time I well I

wasn't eating valium so I knew a half a valium would knock me the fuck out I'm not gonna lie to you the first two weeks I'm becoming home from that movie at night I would basically eat dinner take a shower I would say the minimal amount of words to my wife because I didn't want the craving thoughts again to my head I would pop a fucking valium and drink an amaretto and milk how much of a pussy have a drink is that but amaretto fucks me up because I don't drink and I would just fucking soothe out and go to bed so I'm thinking to myself Jesus Christ Joey you're trying to get fucking sober and you're still using alcohol and you know a sleeping pill which is illegal to get fucking sober something didn't sound right there but I started thinking about it

what put me in prison cocaine what made me become a fucking thief like listen I'm a thief it's in your fucking DNA but thievery who made me go all out and be a scumbag thief cocaine who made me change the way I thought changed my you know there was a time period when I didn't think I could have a good time at night unless I I did coke can you imagine that when I was 19 I was already dead in my mind if I didn't have coke I didn't think I would have a good time people would say to me do you want to go to this party you're gonna have coke no I'm not going to that party it's not gonna be fun so when you're trying to thought of that is that way you're never gonna get out of that I mean that was my since day one that was my whole thing you know I didn't use the coke to

get on stage I used to coke for after I got off stage to fucking get high and have a good at least I had that control I had that much fucking control but I'd never forget that first weekend that I was sober Ralphie picked me up I'm in the fucking car and you know I didn't want to tell Ralphie I quit doing coke when I do things like that I usually don't tell people about them in case I fail so I don't want to look like a fucking idiot you know it's like when I first joined jujitsu I didn't tell anybody I was joining because I felt like a fucking if you quit then you're a failure so when I first started not doing coke I didn't say anything to anybody I just kept it to myself like the first maybe 30 days I think sometime in December I remember that that's when I fucking realized I

was sober for 30 days I'm as well not do it again it's been the first time I was sober for 30 days off cocaine and fucking years I mean the only time I was ever sober from cocaine was August of 88 to February of 88 six months from fucking October of 79 to November of 88 I said of 2007 that's a lot of fucking years of getting high you know people say that they lose their sense of smell when they get COVID I'm surprised I still have a fucking sense of smell I'm not numbing all the fucking things that make it smell stuff in your nose I'm really surprised but I mean I smoked a pot with Ralphie that Saturday I felt like a little bit of a hypocrite but I didn't Sunday I smoked pot Monday I smoked pot and I think when I was a weak

sober off cocaine that's when I decided I said this is gonna be called a transfer of addiction I'm gonna take this and I'm never gonna do coke again but I'm still gonna smoke dope why because it keeps my fucking power to try I don't want to be an itchy guy you know listen Jehovah witnesses bother me and way salesmen bother me and fucking people fucking a two sober bother me you ever have somebody who's too sober that comes to you and tries to give you a fucking ear beating those fucking people bother me you know they try to like impose it on you I'm not imposing being sobriety on you I'm not at all I want you to be happy live your life how you live it and do what you do what I'm talking to you about is if after this pandemic or what right now

listen around this time of the year I get I start thinking about December 31st I start thinking about the how much how how are we gonna be better on December 31st for the for the next upcoming year this month is done this year is done listen I don't want to hear how it was a bad year it was a bad year for everybody not just for you nobody had it out for you nobody's gonna fucking you know what this is it's just a bad year and we gotta pick ourselves up and dust ourselves to fuck off look in the mirror and go am I gonna fucking sit here wounded or am I gonna fucking move forward we're gonna move the fuck forward so you know part of moving forward is these bad habits we've picked up over the last nine months and trust me I picked them the fuck up too but

look at me now look at me now look at my eyeballs they're clear I'm not that this fucking thing down in green no more over this I'm not saying that was from doing drugs but doing fucking 800 milligrams edibles every day doesn't help you either especially when you're taking anxiety medication and God knows what the fuck else I was taking so now I feel a lot better that I put work into this so Brian no I just went back to what I was doing from day one with smoking pot that said you know what like I told somebody the other day they're like do you smoke a lot and I go I'm gonna be as honest I can't with you during this pandemic there was times the first march in April the only way I got through this was by doing strong edibles now I'm using the edibles to

sleep I'm not even using the edibles to get an eye no more what the fuck for I mean I'm satisfied with the weed I moved from California I'm gonna change some stuff around this is what I wanted to change around and we did it we're here with queer that's it so if you're thinking about getting sober and you don't want the pressure but like I've said it a thousand times I don't give a fuck and I prove it to you motherfuckers you know those pills you're taking those abx pills that I fucking squeeze in my tea at night those abx whether they're 50 milligrams or 100 milligrams you know me give it a try don't take it from me tell your best friend that smokes weed to make you a platter of brownies give them whatever you pay for a fucking oxy cotton or whatever you pay for those pills

start eating those fucking edibles it's a complete different feeling I'll tell you what you eat one of my fucking abx edibles you look at those trust me one time I had an oxy cotton a fucking 16th a little tiny tiny tiny it was small in a baby's tooth it was tiny little piece and I felt like shit and I know when you eat these edibles listen and so what if people go to you yeah but you're not sober but I'm not gonna fucking die either I'm not gonna die either that's my mentality you know reefer never got me in fucking jail one time I got arrested for reefer and I got spanked in the hand reefer in the words of chris rock doesn't make you go to the atm and four in the fucking morning reefer doesn't sorry reefer doesn't make you reefer I gave you guys a finger

about my mistake what the fuck is going on junk reefer didn't make me rob houses reefer doesn't give you those stories reefer never made me kidnap somebody I never kidnapped somebody for a fucking pound of reefer so in my world it was the safest place I could be what's this so what's the worst that could happen to you when you eat an edible you might eat a bag of donuts or you might pass the fuck out that's the worst that could happen to you right it's just you get really fucking high I don't drive nowhere you can't get a dwi I mean I know if I want 20 white castles I go to white castles and I bring them home then I'll get high then I'll fucking reheat the white castles and eat them I'm not saying I'm eating white castles I'm just giving you a fucking example

that you know reefer don't get in no trouble I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you oh it makes you lazy really come over to my house see what I do before I smoke a joint and see what I do after I smoke a joint you'll be fucking amazed you're like you do all this shit I smoke that shit and I'm passed off for fucking 20 fucking years get it together it's called transfer of addiction this all started with me in the pacifier it went from the pacifier to sodas it went from fucking sodas to cocaine and then when I was on cocaine the addiction spread to everything else I was addicted to food I was addicted to fucking peanut butter again you transfer that addiction now when I want a snack and I want an asalami sandwich with cheese I eat one of those fucking

protein bars that tastes like dead dead dicks and they get stuck in your teeth you ever have those protein bars it's like you're eating the fucking cork you got to drink water so you don't choke the deck because the fucking thing will fucking blows up in your throat I rather eat a protein bar that's a chance I got to think that's the same thing with the addictions it's real easy for me to go upstairs right now smoke a joint put a spoon in the fucking jar of peanut butter and eat fucking the whole jar of peanut butter that's my fucking world people oh and you get how about when you get the you know I do the you ever get Oreos and put them in fucking peanut butter and shit like that you know I've done all that shit I didn't get to be a fat fuck because I was eating fucking tofu

burgers and shit I got to be a fat fuck because I know how to throw down but I also looked at it and acknowledged it and said I can't keep living like that no more the other day I wanted to fucking wah wah they got fucking New York superfudge chunk I almost lost my fucking mind there's nothing better in this world than Tom and Jerry's New York superfudge chunk with a big fucking thing it's a Coca-Cola you got a superfudge chunk you eat put a half of it put in a big fucking glass pour Coca-Cola on it and stir that motherfucker and then you're drinking at the end you get all the peanuts and the almonds and the fucking white chocolates in there I love all that shit if I do that now end up in a diabetic fucking dead zone and who's getting hit the worst from this COVID thing

the diabetic people are fucking going fast so if you got diabetes you can't be eating that fucking sugar and so I learned from my brother Dean Delray switch to a fucking protein bar it's the same thing every addiction has an answer at the end you know I'm saying if you're addicted on fucking 12 pizzas you got to find something else that'll fucking calm that whatever down you know way watch it says eat a fucking apple you know if you're not hungry enough for an apple you're not hungry if you're not hungry enough to eat an apple you're not really hungry so you know that the addiction could always be turned down turned down to what's not going to kill you that's what I did listen the coke was going to kill me the coke was going to put me in jail the coke was going to

make me miss fucking dates how many dates do I miss when I get stoned not many how can you forget to get on a fucking plane you know I'm saying when I was too coped up there were nights I get coped up and I couldn't get on a fucking plane so I picked the easiest out of all of them some with the reef so if you get mad at that type of sobriety go fuck yourself it works for Uncle Joey it keeps my powder dry and it puts a smile on my face and at the end of the week in the words of Cheryl Crowe if it makes you happy it can't be that bad you know I'm saying what the fuck do you think you're dealing with cop suckers it's Wednesday the night I'm in a Christmas fucking spirit we ain't fucking around today I feel good you feel good you look good I can see you through

the fucking screen cop sucker you sitting there at your desk with your hair all fucked up fuck that shit go put some mop that dude cop suckers you might get a check on the computer today it's your lucky week motherfuckers what else I've been thinking about lately isn't there else I was on my mind you know I'm unwinding from my fucking LA bullshit that's why I think I feel as good as I do and the other night I was writing and a name just popped up in the journal you know just I was writing about something and about LA and what things I miss about I think I talked to Theo that night and a name popped up you know a name popped up the other day just off the blue when I was writing in the journal because it really fucking bothered me and it really opened my eyes

to what I was living through and if I tell you this I can explain a lot more things to you by explaining this to you two words Jesse Smollett have you ever thought about Jesse Smollett and with that poor kid because that's what I call I'm not mad at Jesse Smollett at all Jesse Smollett is a young kid that made the same mistake I made he tried to set up he he just made a mistake and most of us make mistakes you know he made a mistake by trying to set up a fake racial attack in Chicago to make more money to get a raise or something he was scared of getting fired so he figured if he got beat up they would feel bad for him and keep him and I think he was making seventy five thousand a week you know this is in the middle of

or at the end of all the Weinstein stuff so I was thinking about the Weinstein stuff and you know him being accused of rape him doing time but all the women that you know sucked his dick for a movie role and all that shit you know and I was thinking about what happened you know for you people that that are still saying the show we got in trouble doing in trouble some fucking jerk off fucking made a a thing that fucking Rogan laughed in a video and I said 20 chicks and at the end it was just taken out of content nobody got in trouble if we got in trouble I would have been under a fucking jail right now nobody got in trouble just a couple assholes got upset and we had to set them straight and let them know that we're from the Lenny

Drew School of Comedy and dick sucking is allowed you understand me I don't want to hear nothing but when you hear the Jesse Smollett the argument that I have about Jesse Smollett you'll understand the dick sucking this and the whole thing like that what would make I mean the Jesse Smollett situation is an embarrassing day for men women gay people whatever the fuck you want to call it you know some people were saying he did it because it was gay you're a fucking asshole he did it because of the same reason would turn me off about LA and that was it that was the first time I actually thought about where I was living and what would make a good looking young man with a great fucking future do something as fucking stupid because when you look at the

whole fucking thing it was stupid it was Joey Diaz kidnapping stupid it was that stupid when I look at that point in my life it was just a stupid fucking day was it fun it was kind of fun I had a good time you know fucking ripping out of gun and ripping the ceiling down it was fun to an extent but when you look at the whole frame of things and you look at what I did now I did it it was fucking stupid fucking stupid with Jesse Mollett did Smollett whatever his fucking name was was fucking stupid you look at the kid you know he's was brought up right he's educated you know he was brought up in a good house he's not like you know some fucking uh I don't know I don't know what to say anything I'll say I'll get in trouble which I really don't give a fuck at this point again

he's not some fucking ghetto fucking uh brother he he's an educated you know nice trimmed up brother you know I'm saying what would make him set up an attack say that two black guys attacked them and yell trump or some shit you know as they beat them up they're like fuck you trump sent us whatever the fuck I don't know what they said to him but you know no joke what would make somebody make up a story like that put themselves in a situation it's not to greed it was the desperation the same desperation those women had when they walked up the fucking stands with harvey you know and then you got a 50 50 chance you know a lot of people didn't suck harvey's dick but a lot of women did suck harvey's dick and someday that memoir is gonna come out and not

that it matters you know you gotta do whatever you gotta do to take you the way you need to be I'm not here to judge you whatever but don't play like you didn't know what was gonna happen why you were going up that elevator or why you were walking up those steps that's what fucking bothers me but that's not the subject I'm talking about here I'm talking about Jesse Smollett and the fucking move he did and you're sitting there going show yeah but that that happened almost a year ago that's why it's good to bring it up now because back then you weren't thinking when you first got hit with it it's like the people who first got hit with you know when the guy got beat up and they're like defund the police now those are just three

fucking words guess what now people are defunding police departments and people are seeing what comes with that with 29 29 minute 911 call responses or whatever but I'm not getting into the political terms that I should right now what I'm getting into is how desperate you have to be to do something like that that was the desperation I was living around and that was the desperation that I had to get away from I mean you think about that that just I had 20 Jesse Smollett's around me on a daily basis not men not particular women not particular men I'm not putting anybody down I'm just saying that you know when somebody comes up to you like you're not gonna believe this I've got a pilot I might go away or it's just that it's like this fucking desperation but the Jesse Smollett thing

I think was what pushed me over and let me know it was time for me to leave because it was so mind-boggling of a thing that you set up then they found the two Africans going to buy the rope and the fucking man I mean they these two guys weren't geniuses either you know you have to go across town you wouldn't go with the other guy you'd have to wear a fucking disguise so they couldn't catch it you know you don't pay with a credit card or pay with a check I mean he even paid the guys with a fucking check everything he did and that move was stupid is he a stupid kid no not by no means he just made a mistake I'm not here putting them down I'm telling you about the situation and what made that kid do that that day and it's called being desperate as fuck

and I'm saying that's when you look at me and you go oh yeah Joey's probably not getting high as much Joey's lifting Joey's no that feeling around me was crushing me as a fucking man that weight was crushing me that I had people around me that were ready to do that at any time the girl that sucked my dick at the comedy store you think that was the first girl that went down to the comedy store to suck dick to get spots or for a comic to take around the road you're gonna hear a thousand fucking stories listen the comedy story did a documentary of it and there was one thing I was proud of that they threw in there just so the people at home knew part of that background yeah Missy fuck some of the comics for stage time was it stage time no

it was that she was a sexual fucking woman she was a sexual beast if you looked at it when she was younger I mean she was a piece of ass no disrespect to paulia peter I'm just telling you what I saw from you know the pictures or whatnot like that I heard little stories I heard little rumors I didn't have to eat a pussy to fucking get spots but if she came to me and ultimately made him eat my pussy to get spots it's not like you're sucking somebody's dick I'm gonna take that pussy to the grave jack I'm gonna suck all the genuine use out of that fucking thing I'm gonna take half the clit off as a souvenir and bite I'm gonna get spots to the end of the day maybe I would have done it I don't know I don't fucking know but I just want to tell you about the desperation

that I lived around and one of the things that made me double take of where I was living because that was the common thread that was the little air is that desperation you know there were little things happening that I would say why the fuck is this happening I did that show on showtime that was based off the comedy store whatever whatever the fuck it was loosely was Jim Carrey's show he wasn't in it he was the executive producer I recurred on I did like like three episodes it didn't matter I don't even know what I was gonna say to you motherfuckers it didn't matter about you know the three episodes or whatever the fuck I did uh I forgot what I was gonna say who the fuck gives a fuck it's towards the end anyway you know

what I'm saying I proved my point we covered fucking uh we covered a lot of things today how's that for you we covered fuck we covered mitzi's muffler we covered jessie stollett we covered fucking addiction we covered it all but no what I'm trying to say to you people was that was I did that show for uh each uh showtime and I forget they had a little rap party and I remember going to a rap party guys and it was a monday night and I told my wife you know what let's do a date night let's get the baby so I'll take you with me I haven't gone to one of these things these people were nice enough to put me in that fucking show like the least I could do is just go down there and fucking uh be a gentleman and you know let me tell you something I walked in there

as I was leaving I saw Jim Carrey I mean I didn't go to see Jim Carrey or whatever in my life I saw Jim Carrey like two or three times I never had a conversation with him or anything it was so funny I was standing there and I'm meeting these fucking hors d'oeuvres or whatever the fuck that they had and I'm talking to my wife I'm looking at my wife I'm going look at all the people that I hear this is a rap party and the people that were in the show like I did my scenes with Melissa Leo who the fuck you think you're dealing with you know Uncle Joey can work opposite anybody mother fuck this so I did my scenes with Melissa Leo you know when I did my scene with her I didn't

really I talked to her a lot when we were in the room we talked about different movies she had been in but I didn't get a chance to thank her so I wanted to thank her I went down and just basically to thank the producers to put me in the show and to thank Melissa Leo for giving me a fucking acting lesson that day in that room and I didn't see Melissa Leo you know I didn't see her at all but what I did see was 150 fucking people that had nothing to do with the show that were just there like hi how are you and I'm like what are you doing here were you in the show and I wasn't trying to be mean to them but I'm I would just say to them I didn't know you were on the show and they would go no we just got invited we crashed apart and I'm like what what is the point of you crashing

this I'm dying up here the stand I'm dying up here the stars are all here Santino's here Eric Griffin's here fucking the little kid from almost famous is here the black dude is here then the stars of the show the girl the cute little blonde what the fuck are you doing here like there were so many people that didn't fucking belong there I'm like this is what I'm talking about why are you here what is the fucking point here so that was it part of that the fucking Jesse Smollett thing you know and again you're like Joey Jesse Smollett a year later I want you about what that fucking dude did that's part of what lives in LA that's part of it you know and he don't have a home look at half of it is being desperate and the other half is looking to fill

the hole that's why big rom yoga that's why nexium and that's why Scientology a fucking filthy rich because half of them are desperate and the other half you gotta fucking fill that fucking hole that whatever the fuck happened to them and their childhood or they gotta be friends or people or jump up and up and down with white people and wait for Martians I don't fucking get it I'm just happy to be the fuck out of there I miss my friends I miss California I miss the weather I miss the beaches I miss everything about it but it was time to move on and we're here I missed the church I miss Lee but it's Uncle Joey's joint now and now we move forward and we're going into 2021 and I'm just here to tell you one thing guys I love you motherfuckers whether you're on Patreon

or not whether you just support the podcast whether you listen to it on Apple whether you're watching on fucking iTunes or YouTube whatever the fuck I'm saying thank you very much for supporting me I'm here for you guys we crack a few jokes we talk about a few fucking subjects and we move the fuck on I'm not here to waste your time I'm just here to keep you above water during these difficult fucking times if you get a giggle if you can learn one thing fuck it if not tell me Uncle Joey go fuck yourself and move on to a different podcast but if you watch this today I'm fucking happy I'm gonna keep doing this podcast even with the knee surgery I'm gonna be here Christmas week when you need me the most because that's when people really get down

and there's nothing to be down about guys you're alive you're kicking you're not in a fucking hospital and even if you are you're not fucking dead you got everything you need there's people out there that are missing limbs there's people out there that aren't eating there's people out there that really having a hard time if you're there sitting there feeling sorry for yourself fuck that Uncle Joey's here never fear you got the world by the balls and the world don't owe you nothing it's time for you to get up and get out 2021 is here 2020 was a wash for everybody not just you everybody went down the fucking toilet so stop feeling sorry for yourself grab that fucking joint go grab your wife eat her asshole and have a fucking great week all right

I'm happy you tuned in today the Uncle Joey's joint it is what it is in time when says guests and all this shit we'll pick it up even the fucking it's even different getting difficult to zoom with a bitch these days COVID is coming through the fucking zoom so we're here every Monday and Wednesday if you want more Uncle Joey go to patreon three five ten dollars if you want merchants 15 hopefully we get the shirts out to you by Christmas I'm working really hard and beside that that's it and that's that I show up on Monday and Wednesday with nothing but loving my heart and fucking nut juice in my nutsack ready to give it to all three if you want it you know saying and if you don't want it just go fucking switch the channel I want to thank you guys I want

to thank you all the guys that are on patreon I want to thank you guys that watch I want to thank the guys that buy tickets I'm sorry if we couldn't come to your town this year all these tours got canceled I'm fucking sorry but guess what I'm getting my knees motherfucking and I'm gonna be fucking strong and better than I ever was and I'm gonna tour till I have a fat little fucking heart attack on stage I don't give a fuck so sit down relax this will soon pass Uncle Joey's got you try to make the best of what you got I love you motherfuckers and I'll see you on Monday morning tip top my gooh oh I'll see you on patreon now for a word from our sponsors all right I want to thank all you motherfuckers for listening for supporting for the love for everything you give

for me you know I love you guys with all my motherfucking heart whether you're here whether you're on patreon it don't matter to me I know things are rough but before we go I want to talk to you people about something listen right now it's the season for some people forgiven some people out there buying things fuck that shit if you listen to the joint we're here for the fucking taken all right we're looking to make some fucking geeters and draft kings is coming in with the fucking big envelope they got odds boost they got promotions they got the best lines and the NFL NCAA and UFC every single day this fucking week this is the week to make the money right here starts tonight you got wisconsin you got bat you got college basketball tonight

rolled into NFL rolled into cotton and a little bit every night you don't got to be a fucking animal okay you just try to build your bankroll 200 let's say you get five plays by the end by sunday and you get three net winners right you go three and fucking uh two you still got one net winning you still made money for the weekend that's the bottom line is making money and that's a draft kings does for you right now if you sign up tonight you gotta get a chance to triple your winnings when you make any bet on the UFC fight this Saturday figure it a dough versus moreno all right get three times any bet this week on UFC 256 that's a fucking real deal right there plus all new players get a chance to earn a sign up bonus of a thousand dollars a thousand dollars

you get it with cold joey joey y and if you haven't signed up yet bang your head against the wall ten times because now is the time to make some fucking money so your kids can fucking eat and you get your dick sucked this year like a who don't want the dick sucking on christmas day by some chick with a fucking santa hat on raise your hand right now yeah you're a half a fucking fag everybody wants that dick suck and you're not gonna get your dick sucked if you're not fucking making any genius and i'm giving you a part-time job right here what are you gonna uber on a bicycle go fuck yourself draft kings motherfuckers download the top rated draft king sportsbook ad now use promo code joey when you sign up you get a thousand dollars a thousand dollars

to start with are you fucking nuts or what that's called joey to get a deposit bonus for limited time only at draft king sportsbook you gotta be 21 or older this is what the lawyers make me say so i gotta tell you motherfuckers new jersey indiana pennsylvania or all these new states like lou uh tennessee colorado there's all of you motherfuckers deposit bonus of a thousand dollars requires a 25 time playthrough that's the whole month of december that's like stealing and we're gonna make some fucking money you got bold games you got everything restrictions do apply see draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details you got a gambling problem there's help don't be a fucking degenerate cocksucker next thing you know you're at otb giving blowjobs under the counter

you don't want to do that but if you got a problem call 1800 gambler and if you're in indiana call 1809 win it but if you don't got any problems everything is all right and you're gonna fucking bet like i'm telling you to bet like a gentleman you're gonna fucking make some money but first you gotta download the draft king sportsbook app use code joey and cash in on some fucking money this week all right that's how we're starting the party number two cbd line you want to feel good you wake up in the morning you're a little duddy like uh i don't know what i'm gonna do i know what you're gonna do you're gonna take a shower you're gonna wash your balls and you're gonna take yourself three little cbd gummies by cbd line whether you get the raspberry the strawberry the tropical

you fucking don't lose three of those little gummy bears will get you put a little pep in your step and if you got a particular pain they got kinesiology tape they got the roll on for your shoulders or your knees or your elbows or your nutsack i don't know what's hurting but cbd lions here to help we also have a vapor we have a beautiful they just got a beautiful dark chocolate you eat a piece of that in the morning we could all go for dark chocolate in our lives it's like red wine but the party starts when you go to cbdlion.com read up on cbd cbn you trust some fucking guy with a gd behind a counter at a gas station what the fuck are you retarded let's go to cbdlion.com right now and press in cojoey or church and they're gonna give you 20 of the

liberty of the house all right who takes care of you like uncle joey on wednesday two or three weeks before fucking christmas nobody i love you cock sucker stay black have a great weekend and we'll be back monday with a big dick and a neck brace you know what i'm saying let's do this shit i love you cock suckers stay black there you go campbell's done i take a fucking hike you