Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 02/04/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #52

Episode Date: February 5, 2013

Joey's Muy Thai coach calls in to talk about an upcoming event and Joey's wife Terrie calls in to talk about their first month with their daughter Mercy. This Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Also go to Berries.com, click on the microphone and type HAPPENING to get a discount. Streamed live on 2/4/13.

The world is a vampire Oh shit, it's that motherfucking day pack that leave back that's a smashing Fuck it Monday February 4th 2013 guess what it's your lucky motherfucking day. Why are you lowering that leave? Don't make me punch in the stomach real hard I Fucking tremendous. It's a beautiful that glee it's a beautiful day to be alive. You understand man. You're alive That's all that matters a lot of people talking shit over the weekend. You don't think me and Lee know Joey's dead Fucking stick them went down. They know how about a minute of silence to stick them?

Fuck them. We got to do what we got to do. You know I'm saying just a slight bump in the motherfucking road We're with you stream now. What are you gonna do? Everybody's with you stream? I guess I'm with them there with us and where would you we're here on a Monday morning the church of what's happening now? Joey Coco Diaz the old ways beautiful with the Fidel Castro fucking did my little brother mr. Lee Boom boom. So yeah, how was the weekend Lee? It was great. It was a start working out Sucks, but it's it's going good Lee. Listen the more you go the easier it gets Yeah, so the first 30 days the more you go the easier it gets I look at everything like a when you go when you get out of a rehab the first and they say these fit to really work

You got to go to 90 meetings in 90 days Nobody wants you to go to Jim every fucking day your joints are gonna hurt, but they give you the strong bone yet No, no, yeah, okay, your joints are gonna hurt and whatnot. You know, do they have a pool? I don't know. I don't know. I have to tell you what the pools are important when you're a little overweight Pools are really important because I don't want you to go in there fucking swim You're not Mark Spitz. You're not some Cuban fucking eluding the revolution. What you do is you're running them? Okay, and just that pull 30 minutes, bro, and you pay you like Joey 30 minutes. I could do that backwards in a pool bitch Bitch that shit is fucking cold in there. That's that water like fucking butter. It gets tough

But you know what man, I wish you luck and whatever you do. I'm happy that you're doing this Lee. Listen, man You know, I worked out all the way up to like I was 26 to 27 And then I got into fucking comedy and I got to coke heavier and I even in bold I would still work out and still swimming through still throw up weights But those last 10 years in LA when I went up to 415 that was it took me two years To get fucking into shape just to go to the gym on four five day a week Like right now I'm going four to five days a week And I'll tell you what happened this weekend because I'm the first one to bitch about anything

I ran into a salesman this weekend. What do you mean? And I can't fucking believe I ran into a salesman and I'm so happy Okay, as as Americans we always are looking for a sale or you know 55% off But we eliminate the one thing that's the most important of why you have a business is customer service You know listen on Sundays. I answer emails from joeycocodeas.net. That's what I fucking do on sunday You could say to me Joey, you don't need to answer me answer selective one No, if you take the time to email me I email you back back why because that's my fucking a belief in customer service If you have something for ten dollars and I have something for ten dollars

What's going to be that you running into my store and me giving it to you or me taking the time to talk to you and taking your email Down and sending you other important information or even taking two minutes out of my busy day to answer a fucking question That's customer service. I'm very big on that. This country has forgotten customer service This week you might want to get vitamins or something you might walk into some vitamin store And there's three teenagers behind the counter now one of them will come over and say good morning sir You just need help let me know they're not even trying to be pushy. It didn't happen with the furniture spot Okay, you're in there with money in your fucking pocket dying to burn a hole in their fucking pocket And they don't come up to you as a salesman go up to these people say look i'm not here to bother you

My name is lee and i'm just here to answer any questions you might have about the fucking blowtorch You want to buy or the chicks fucking velvet, you know underwear you want to buy so I land in columbus by the way great fucking city. I've always loved columbus big ups to red band I love I love columbus. I like ohio. I've always been a big ohio fan because I noticed the people a fucking big time Uh, they're real and they're gamblers. That's a big gambling state ohio in mississippi when I work for the sports betting service They're fucking huge those motherfuckers gamble And I mean there's nothing to do. I mean akron. That's what suicide was invented. You know what i'm saying? That's what I invented suicide and fucking akron. So and I'm not nothing bad youngstown

That's always fucking cloudy in youngstown forget. It's always sunny in philadelphia. It's always fucking cloudy in youngstown jack. So Uh, anyway, I get to columbus. I got four shows at the funny bone great club me me I love the staff everybody was great the audiences saturday early They were a little fucking christiany, but it happens they white people and I love you It's not your fault. You waspy little bastards. Anyway, uh I get to columbus and i'm like, you know what? I really want to start running again that dolce running program That run he has a little running program that you might like. Okay. It's the two minutes on 30 seconds of running Dog at first it sounds torturous, but it's really easy and after you do it like four or five times

You know your knees are gonna hurt you get go get yourself. So this is what I was thinking to myself I have a pair not new balances. I have a pair like mickey running sneakers. Okay, but I bought them in like 2000 They're all crooked and flat, you know, I use them to to walk and I use them sometimes to go to like karate or something I've been using the and uh So I get to columbus and there's a new balance store. Mm-hmm and I go perfect I go to a new balance store get some sneakers. They have a treadmill at the hotel I'll give me a couple days to break them in and I'm gonna start the dolce running thing again Uh

Thursday I get there friday I wake up and I go over and I run into some guy from yonkers. His name is rock Right great guy. He sits me down. He does this the foot test Right, I do the fucking foot test with the piece of paper I'm both feet. He tells me on my foot is running heavy. He explains all the different sneakers to me He brought out four fucking pair of sneakers to show me what worked for my fucking sneakers What would work for my feet? What would help me with my weight? He did the times table I mean lee a pair of sneakers this guy spent 45 minutes with me Okay, he didn't sell me

The cushions this is for all the salesmen out there. He didn't sell me the cushions He took them out of the thing and he put them in there Okay, and he put my shoe my foot in the shoe with the cushion Then he took the cushion out and he goes walk like that guy spent time with me The whole time the jew and me wanted to ask him how much But he was doing such a good job. This is what I complained about. He could have taken me for whatever the fuck I had I got up to the counter He runs the the souls. He runs the sneakers 202

I give him the credit card like he asked me for 2000 Because he was a salesman and for once it made me proud that this guy Took the fucking time you get ready for this ready motherfuckers all years how I talk shit Saturday morning, what do I wake up to in my room a fucking thank you card gentlemen No, he didn't yes, he did with his fucking cell phone number if I have any problem with my feet running I invited him to the show. I gave him two tickets to the show So it's not like he was a fan of the podcast or he was a fan of the rogan pod guy He didn't know me from shitting Shangola

He related to me because I was from jersey and he was from yankers and that's the worst fucking track in the country How did he know you were at the whole you told him you're at the hotel. I was at the hotel I just went there's a mall. This is the eastern mall. Okay, okay, and and they have different, you know, uh, Fogo to child brazil they have the cheese cake factory. They have all these different Things so I just happened to happen to be a new balance store and I walked in there This guy didn't know me this guy don't listen to the podcast He didn't come over and ask me for anything He looked at me like I was some regular fucking schmo

There it is a thank you card with his fucking cell phone So if you're in the eastern area anywhere in the columbus area and you want a real salesman Some of you gives a fuck about you go see my man rob because this is what it This is what it all comes down to you know how much I've complained about that 202 Not a damn he was worth every fucking penny and that's what happens when you sell if you give somebody quality all the way around You're not gonna have any any problems. You know all week long. I fuck around with people on twitter I fuck around with people on facebook You know, I don't want I don't want to try nothing. They support us because of what we do

So this is this is customer service bound. You know, I don't even leave what the fuck what happened with the soup bowl Yes, they cocksucker. Oh, I fucking I I'm actually slept to the first part, but it was it was a good game I had trouble rooting for it just because both teams had beat us but It's part of me the reason why I think it might be rigged because It's usually the person with the story that wins and I'm not saying that it's rigged this year I think maybe when the patriots won it could have been rigged, but we're getting points with a page with the ravens Let me look that we're giving for or getting for but no, it was it was a great game The lights went out and shit, but you know, I didn't watch that I fell asleep too. I fucking went I woke up for the last uh

Ah the third quarter and all of the fourth quarter I watched and it was a great game and I'm happy for Ray Lewis I'm happy for Joe flock. I was in the stage in Baltimore and I said a bunch of people hit me up on Twitter That's like I told him Baltimore was gonna win because I had watched to give the week before I had gone to Baltimore, which is like I told her something. I had watched them play the week before and I'm like, they're fucking good Yeah, they're really good Baltimore was getting four and a half So if you had Baltimore in the over you're getting your dick sucked right now. You know what I'm saying? Stop it. Lee a little. I want to be around. It's Monday Tremendous people Monday morning get up get up the government ain't gonna give you a dick

But cheese and a fucking finger get up cocksuckers you motherfuckers want to do but hit it Cheese in a finger Why are you interrupting Tony? And Some emotional it's Monday morning cocksuckers wash your pussy wash your dick get out there Somebody's got an ass wide open waiting for you to stick that cock in it Wide open somebody's bent over right now with Vaseline K. Y jelly and fuck it now. What else they put their ass on these people Who knows? I don't fucking what else tin foil tin foil?

Oh Shit, this is my mother used to play every fucking day at the bar get up motherfuckers You only get one shot at this you only get one shot at this fucking life Why fuck around get up wash that muffler get out there. It's true Somebody right now is waiting with their ass whole wide open to stick your dick in there Are you laying on your couch playing fucking nintendo or mario brothers or game of death or whatever the fuck you people play get up Get up and get out there go fuck somebody in the ass go take him for 20 dollars something do something with yourselves Go shoot so I don't give a fuck what you do but get up

There's a lot better things than sitting there whining badmouthing your fucking country you cocksuckers Don't get me off. So you like the soup ball Did you did you make little pizzas and shit like that? I didn't did you order that pop of john's and shit blood for two fucking days? No, it's all you american shit blood You fucking picked the tall who gives a fuck heads of tails wait till you eat that sugar They give you good products They gave you radioactive shit from japan that mozzarella cheese They put on them fucking pop of john pizzas were made in japan these motherfuckers don't know

I don't I don't I order from there's a local place nearby that I like I don't that's one thing pizza I don't I don't do uh the chains that much if I can I don't I don't like it either It's a it's a the corporations have taken over fucking pizza. You know what it costs to make a pizza brother five bucks Not even not even it's a ball of dough Fucking tomato which you could steal off a port of rican's tree and fucking cheese An oregano and that's it and salt and whatever else Papua your juice whatever they put in there Of course like a fucking dollar to make a pizza not even like 75 cents if you ever watch 29th Street with daniel yellow

No, and joe mine not joe montaglia a great movie I was gonna preview 29th street today out here, but there's no good clips on it from youtube It's a it's a movie with daniel yellow and anthony lempoglia Who I did a movie with I did analyze that with and I got shot in the beginning But it's shot for 12 hours just that little scene We were sitting together for 12 hours and I asked them everything backwards to frontwards about about 29th street It's one of my all-time favorite movies. It's got viny curto in it. Remember he did the podcast. It's got uh Anthony lempoglia. It's got paulie from the sopranos. It's got a thousand fucking faces, but it's just a

Really really a movie about daniel yellow and his sons and I know the guy who wrote it the guy who wrote it sold it So it's pretty nice fucking movies if you get a chance. What's up speaking of that? I saw a silver lining playbook over the over What'd you think? Yeah It's one of those ones There's always a movie every year like one of those independent ones that people love and it ends up being shit But I went and saw it and it was It was probably one of the better movies I've seen this year

Fucking Jennifer Lawrence is great something about it even the dance stuff that people like always gay joey the dancing thing Let me tell you something man. It took my mind away for a little while. I went to see uh What's the movie with johnny depp this year? You know the one of dark shadows Fucking great first hour and all these movies go in the fucking dungeon. That's what I think all of them You sit there and at the last hour they just ruin them even even what's the game with Jennifer? What was the movie Jennifer Lawrence before the hunger games hunger games was great The first it was the last 20 minutes that killed me a hunger game and this and this ending wasn't I mean, I would have expected them to be together

But that little twist at the end which I don't want to ruin for people It was good It wasn't one of the ones that you could always guess and it made me happy I'm younger but it must have made you happy seeing Robert De Niro back in a decent movie. Jesus christ guys. Jesus fucking christ You know just uh Listen man You don't know how strong cinema is to you from somewhere else You don't know the power and the strength of cinema to you from somewhere else

You don't know, you know for some people in sports, you know, I sit here before and I and I hear you say Uh, we lost or whatever. What fucking week when was the last time you were the fucking football field? What we but I understand I understand what it means because for me it was movies league For me it was walking to the union city fucking cinema On a friday when I got back from that catholic school right through the nun out the fucking window You know, I would get back fridays at one and I couldn't wait for them I would walk through the movies and sit in there and watch these movies And it was like my fucking getaway from my family from the bar and you know

It's somebody gonna shoot my mother at the fucking bar tomorrow Is my stepfather gonna stab some guy in the neighborhood? I mean every day in my fucking house at that age It was like I was scared to go home because there was always drama in my house So the movies took me away for a little while, you know, the first time I saw fucking mean streets Yesterday, I don't know if anybody caught history channel. They broke down the godfather. No, they didn't oh my god When I got home yesterday from columbus I was sitting there with the baby and my wife and we're talking shit

And they did this three hours of the godfather legacy and what each movie meant and the underlying thing and how when godfather 3 Was his redemption. He was trying to buy a soul back and I don't godfather 2 One of the greatest movies ever fucking made by the way god one of the only sequels It's better than the first one, you know the cuba thing the whole He shoots his brother He shoots his brother. I know you and your brother aren't fucking, you know Aren't the best of friends, you know I'm saying but I couldn't shoot him But you couldn't shoot him. He gave an order to shoot his brother

That's a strong, uh, you know, and they were saying that he became everything his father Wanted him not to become he became too ruthless, blah, blah, blah What we talking about? Oh movies So, you know what man when I fucking first saw I mean I saw deniro act his ass off and some things I do not like what society out here turns acting into they turn it into something bigger than brain surgery Yeah, but you give more, uh, you give more, uh Prestige to daniel day lewis then what you do the doctor that would save a little kid with brain cancer or whatever I don't know the brain terminologies. I'm no no fucking doctor. Yeah, I understand where I'm going with this

That's the part I don't like I think that a lot of you know, it's like, oh my god. He did such a great job acting Well, you don't know You don't fucking know this guy. So you don't fucking know what he's like in real life Everybody has one movie that was written for them Everybody has a movie that the character they really could go in there and just beat themselves Yeah, I don't think robertino did much acting in this. He I mean he might have been a little bit more intense Maybe with the sports, but the person who I didn't recognize but I thought was great was the mother Was she a big actor? No, but I I always thought she was sally struthers

I know or somebody corrected me. It wasn't sally struthers it's somebody I forget what her name is, uh It was great movie all around and it gives guys like me hope that's the type of movies I like guys I don't want to see no 3d shit unless you're blowing somebody's fucking head off their shoulders You know what? There's a lot of movies that I watch the commercial for and I might that looks interesting But I know it's I know how the film is put together I know how movies put together. I know how commercial films put together It's get two names. Let's throw it against the wall somebody or some fucking idiot will buy into it

How many movies do you see come on? You see right through the movie? You know, it's a disaster the best two scenes of the movie are in the trailer It don't take a genius to know that and on monday you go take a look at that may 40 million dollars This is sucka like I said There's somebody with their Bent over right now with their asshole wide open with grease on it. There's an ass for every fucking seat You know I'm saying that's a beautiful thing about being in this country that you know, you have the The choices to make them not everybody has to like

Uh, I told somebody how much I enjoyed it somebody dear to me And they were telling me how no I could they couldn't believe I liked it and I was like But then I seen where it was coming from the wife or whatever didn't like it So sure they're not gonna fucking like it. What do you think about Chris Tucker? Because he hasn't been in anything in a while. He was really good. Uh Yeah, it's um in the Super Bowl I don't know if you saw this but they're remaking Fast and the Furious again, and it's someone was talking about it and the thing is

I mean, I'm never gonna go see it, but a hundred million dollars where the people are gonna go see it. So He's got a living in a society that believes That that fucking Hawaiian football player is telling the truth We live in a society right now that people actually feel sorry for that guy Like a guy like me doesn't even need to know the story I just heard a couple of the key words and I knew that this is a bullshit story. You think that's a fake because I've been here I I've been there. I'm a bullshit before anything. I'm a fucking bullshit artist

So I see I smell it fucking coming at you So if you're an american right now and you're going I feel so bad for that boy You're a fucking mind you're one of those people bent over that might as well grease your fucking asshole Because you then you'll buy anything you'll go see Fast and the Furious 5 for the 80th fucking time You know every year the record labels put a compilation album out of some Dead dead performer that they find these tapes. Let me tell you something right now If we edit the podcast correct, which we don't we put the podcast up fresh But if we edit the podcast and you put it in that computer in 20 years from now some kid

Found the edit the pieces. He's going to release that December. Let's pretend we get big He's going to release this somebody and somebody's going to put it on charge money for them people going to go What the fuck god awful shit is this? That's why they're put away in a fucking vault you fucking morons Not because somebody wants you to hear it So for you people who buy all that shit that was in a vault and we found it go fuck yourself You're a fucking moron. This is what i'm talking about people You got to think before you buy this shit all these laws beetle tapes. They were two geniuses

Do you think they wanted to release shit and you people at home? Oh, this is great You just spent 80 fucking dollars on a two album disc of some bad music the Beatles put together while they were on heroin one Fucking morning get it together you dummies Fucking asses super and then the guy went on dr. Phil do the voice Let me tell you something if I called you with a woman's voice Would you believe me Lee right then and there that's the end of this story? But you fucking morons in america now believe this shit, which just

It just these are the same people go see Fast and the Furious 18 Lee, what the fuck would he get me on fire up for in the morning? Let's give some shout outs to some bad motherfuckers Brian Gibson my man fucking the church of death squad kinetic Black ninja. How about nick sible? David pratt justin from columbus black. Justin. We got high after the fucking bad show good fucking young kid 22 Wash his cars and enterprise and he's got a record label So for all you motherfuckers that think that you can't do this shit

There's people out to the starting record labels on albums and he ain't making any money yet But he's got a dream and that's what the church or what's happening now is about you filthy motherfuckers about having a dream Get up with your bad self who else I got ours from Detroit I got rob from by rob from brooklyn. You bad motherfucker david Zalaya and peter but not that's how we run for it. Let me tell you something Remind me and I'll run some stuff over till you later. Okay I have maybe two strong bones left. They just sent me some more immune Shroom tag. Okay, I'll hit you up with some new moon and with you some protein powder

And this week just goes on there and try to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes a daily Don't fucking kill yourself But I guarantee if you take the strong bone with it, you won't hurt as much Yeah, I haven't even just died coke got more fucking and I did a protein I did a protein shake this morning. So farts are on their way. You know what I'm saying? It's like it's like FedEx. I got one coming for you one of those way farts mixed with the hemp fart Oh, what's coming at you're gonna be tearing you're gonna be like that dude that they shot his fucking house last week in la with tear gas

And he popped this out the window and he was breathing they showed him fucking fan in his face That's you today. You'd be popping your head out that fucking window you Cocksucker, you know, it's always on the way with you. It's just you just like the express delivery when you have the protein I can't believe how much my ear hurts. I think I got an ear infection. How did you get that? I got that cold last week and it went into my ear. I think and then the flight Uh friday on stage. I would pressure you shit. So my timing is off on stage. I can't hear You know, if you want to do come you got to hear the audience I got to hear deep in the patois

Of the audience. You follow me. What else we got on tap here today This next double kid is starting a new podcast called sharp tank Sports podcast is a good fucking kid. Look out for it. But do me a favor today lightly if you're gonna start Doing a workout program. How come my glasses on Lee? You don't tell me this shit. I look like some fucking nerd in heat I look like a fucking I look like a soprano reading the fucking book. Anyway Go to honet.com read read about the different products. I could just tell you about them I don't know what the fuck's in them. I don't make this stuff. I'm no pharmacologist There's like people always say to me. What's in the banana bread? I don't know. I just eat the shit

You're right. Don't ask questions mind your business. Just shut your mouth and fucking take it, right Lee How many do you there's a banana bread ever give you fucking diarrhea as the other guy in your sick? No, that's that's it It's just gonna get your stone. You're gonna be fucked up. You might drool a little bit but uh Go to honet read the information on the products on point yet Whether it's strong bone the hemp protein whether you're starting a An exercise program or not give I'm gonna try even that hemp protein. You know what man? There's nothing like starting a Program and there's a bump in the road

Like you you bought protein powder to taste shitty and you spent 40 or whatever on it one thing about the hemp chocolate That it's the best tasting chocolate you ever taste you'll run home. You know how many of those protein things I went through I'm just again like fucking six pounds Drinking those because I was drinking them in between eating meals So it's just protein could but the chocolate's delicious. Please go to honet.com read the problems They have package programs Which you could get like the the strong bone with the hemp protein and the fucking immune trust me I know what I'm talking about here. Go get the sports stuff. Give you a little bit more endurance during your workout

You know instead of shitting out after 35 minutes. Maybe let you go 45 minutes. Yeah, I'm proud of you. Lee I'm proud of you a good man and I talked to somebody and I wanted to know if you've ever done it Somebody who just did it. They did a and it's kind of like a pressure did I don't his plan was like $800 But they did a like a cleanse like a juice cleanse and they said it's really good and it helps with the cravings and stuff Have you done one of those? No, because you know what when I travel in the world, who's going to make me the fucking juice cleanses? Okay, that's true This I want to do something that I could do every fucking day anywhere that you go

You know these people that go on these protein things for 30 days. I got to bring a blender with them. Good luck Good luck. I'm gonna fucking shake up a blender when everybody else is having a chicken salad sandwich with potato chips Get your shit together. Just control yourself. Learn how to push yourself away from the table I like the cleanses stuff and they're fucking tremendous. I just didn't have The patois for it. I could drink a ton of water me and my wife man We get those gallons of water now I'm putting away two people putting away one a week because we freeze the water and we drink it cold with little ice labs in it There's nothing better than that shit. Yeah, listen. There's nothing better than water at the end of the day

I like to drink a lot of juices and make juices at the house, but I'm one of those nerds. I like those machines I like all those type of nerdy Machines to to make juices and stuff, but they're all 300 bucks and they take up fucking all this space I'm not gonna do it every day. You know, yeah, I do it every day. I love to tell you I am I love to lie to you and tell you I'm gonna drink kale and shit. I'm not gonna do it I don't even like that stuff. I like juices. I like fresh juices But you always got to add some sugar or something somewhere along the line. So fucking yeah, there's a great documentary called It's a fat second nearly dead and it's about a guy and he he was driving cross country with a blender

Right. No one would ever do but he lost a ton of weight. So I was thinking about trying to do it And if anyone's done it, let me know Yeah, email me with the info and what's up to put in there because like I said, I just don't have the patience for I just want to learn how to eat correctly instead of eating two sandwiches You learn how to eat a half a sandwich with a bowl of salad and drink water instead of a fucking diet coke or a coke Yeah, that's that's what I wanted to do. So and then I know uh I just wanted to tell you and we can skip over this later But on saturday when you were still in columbus, I went and saw your wife or something and I'm mercy is the cutest little girl

there was a It really really blew my mind because I'm it's getting to the point where I have a bunch of friends who have kids and just seeing her and and hearing stories about her and in you it was a It was crazy to see because I know you were worried about it and now it now it looks great Listen man, you know, I'm like everybody else. I'm a little fucking pussy. I worry about everything You know, I just don't show it And I don't let it take over me because I know what worrying does to people especially men It kills us. It kills us and and there's a lot of men out there a lot of guys and girls

Daughters we've seen our fathers. We've seen our uncles who worry about a mortgage or whatever. It just eats away at you So I worry about things but I don't let them affect me You know because I've when I was 21 I had an ulcer It was the best thing that happened because it taught me how not to worry like that anymore When I was a young kid, I was worried about my life and my future and what I was going to do and I was always reading the fucking paper for For a job to see what I wanted to do when I went to college and I ended up shitting fucking blood And the doctor said he goes you got none to worry about your man

It scares you the worst thing a man could do is think it always fucks you up This is the worst thing ever Lee It feels like the water's in my ear and it wants to come out with this I hope my wife calls today. She's supposed to call the podcast And tell because the baby's gonna be a month now the baby's gonna be a month on friday You believe that? Yeah, it's uh, it's crazy. And the thing is is uh, I mean when you when you told me about it We were driving I was driving to record the CD. I think or something like that. No, we're doing the CD It was like in april. Oh, no. Yeah, it wasn't so yeah, but um, it was to somewhere but

You said it and you were you were nervous because you're You're you're a guy who you have a system which you talk about all the time You have a system of things you like to do And you weren't planning for this and it scared you but just the Even without seeing you with her there like like there's no possible way like you could have Like she just so small and so cute and just It's uh, like the cat it was funny though the cats were I could tell that they weren't pissed off But like they were they were they were

Needing they needed attention a little bit Like they were they were just like what's what's going on this this new person's here I'm not the the king anymore like fidel was was yelling a little bit more than normal. Well fidel is morning finny Oh, you think so? Oh, I know so fidel and finny were the originals You know finny fidel was the first cat ever to come in And he was a kitten so finny used to grab him by the neck and drag him around And till today till finny died finny fidel would let finny fuck him up. You you saw it You saw me throw a shoe at him one day. He choked him in the fucking neck. He would choke him and shit fidel is

20 pounds he had 20 pounds on finny and would let him do these things to him So I noticed that he's been a little lost lately. Okay. I didn't even bring it up when I went over already No, no, no, no in fact, I got an email you a picture I found in my phone of my wife pregnant three four months pregnant with finny on it So we got to figure out how to Download it get the picture frame it and give it to her for Valentine's day. Oh, of course. Yeah She's really been mourning that cat. I showed her the picture yesterday. She died You know, my wife is still not gotten over that cat. I feel so bad for but I could just it was her fucking baby

You know and the cat's uh, I think the only cat to notice that finny's been gone Is fidel and sissy because they were the original three the others are like fuck There's one last motherfucking duty tuna or a ham or Uh, but it was really interesting. Where's the music? You said you had some music for me today. All right. Let's fire these motherfuckers up here Oh shit a little vh I gotta get your motherfuckers out there ready prepare get your helmet on You're going to war today. It's monday february 4th the groundhog to suck your dick whether he comes out He's still gotta go to work

He's still gotta go to school and take your classes and salute the flag like a fucking soldier Whether you're Armenian black and white salute that motherfucker hit it lee Lee the sound what's going on here? I don't know. It's a fucking that's the album version. You gotta figure out this fucking thing Oh shit Oh shit Lee you stoned enough? I'm stoned enough. No, you're not. I can tell you're not your eyes aren't all be easy. Oh shit. Look at you Lee when's the next jewish holiday? No, but it's like what's next president's day next monday. When's the next jew fucking?

Maybe past over in april past over. I gotta wait two fucking months to hang with jews There might be a smaller one in there, but that's a big one You guys gotta get it together Passover's the worst jews jews are really good at cooking, but you can't really fuck with with Passover There's never never really gonna be a good meal. What what what do you guys need for Passover? not like chicken month's of all soup and

It's just just like the restrictions because you eat kosher It's I don't know. I am that's one of the the one holiday where they don't eat good food This reef is tremendous a little fucking divine wellness coming through for me with church That's what we're smoking for that. That's the name of the church. Oh gee It's a top fucking weed. They got over the second indica We're a little bit of sativa coming at you like a left hook. Would you watch the ufc? I didn't I I didn't watch the ufc This is what I'm talking about. Lee you're slipping. You're supposed to be watching. I'm a jew. I'm not gonna pay 60 bucks for it

It's not 60. All right. You got more money than god cocksucker You're making good money. You got a chicken on the couch. I know you're charging a rent because you're dirty But I don't tell me she's your friend. I seen you looking at underwears. You've been sniffing on these lately your filthy pink No, I wouldn't don't sniff anyone's underwear. You ever sniff a brass. Tell me that you No, you sniff people's underwear. Oh That's a part Never sniff a chick's underwear in between the asshole and the fucking monkey and bang went on then you come on the underwear You rub it in like this so they think it's that

That's the guy do the young freaks. We're gonna have to take a break because my brain just exploded Ha Lee what do you mean you're pretty you never sniffed we got a call coming in. Oh shit. Thank god Good morning Good morning, mr. D. F. What's happening coach? How are you? You know me over here waiting on you like patience on monument. How are you today? Uh, I mean my pajama still looking sexy. Ah, that's our coach coach. Dave Huey on the phone here one of the uh principal trainers Over at muay thai america on magnolia. What's going on today coach? What's happening?

Well, it's a beautiful day for the exciting uh week and month for muay thai We got a show coming up five days away called the ifs the international fight showdown That's kind of like the uh the punta of um fighting sports. They do have been called the pro one First round boxing second round muay thai third round mma's an exciting show come up in five days at the industry hills expo center And this is where? city ministry, it's uh city ministry. It's only about uh About 20 minutes away from downtown la and it's on a sunday, and it's uh, so you worry 10th at 2 p.m And it's and it's an exciting is the outboard outboard event at um an equestrian center

And they do have both high fights, too. We have the mma fights, too This pro one is an one concept and they're really kind of proves Who is the ultimate fighter and start out boxing you could only box the first round you fight with um eight ounce mma gloves Round two they add the kicks elbows and knees And then the third and final round you can get taken to the ground So the exciting thing that that on the first round you can see some exciting boxing And maybe uh behind the red corners winning and then when kicks and knees come in the game then the blue's winning

And then uh when it goes to the ground everything changes something very very exciting sport Coach uh, you have some fighters just fighting this weekend also, correct? Yeah, Eddie alvarado. He'll be fighting five rounds for the iss welterweight title at that 147 And uh, that'd be a very very exciting fight and I haven't grown in court me and I and should be from the female weight high flight three round fight And um, they've been training very very hard You know coach ever since I moved to the valley three years ago

I heard about you. I heard about the school and what you guys were doing over there and I went over last december And uh, you were very nice to me and I was telling you how to have knee surgery And I always remember how nice you were and I had the knee surgery and I started studying over there with you and crusanti And I got to tell you I've done a lot of different martial art things in my life This is one of the best programs I've ever enrolled in sir Uh, what I'm really excited to exciting sport. Yeah, is it national sport of thailand? um, the sport of kings, you know in thailand um

There are no casinos. You know, there's no today. I guess there's no, you know Uh places you can gamble the only thing you can gamble on is muay thai fights and um because of that everybody Fights muay thai and a lot of a lot of kids, you know From the countryside that they're poor they they fight their way out of poverty And they fight from the countryside all the way to bang cocky. You can fight in bang cock consistently That means you're a top notch fighter because there are odds against you

And there are odds for you there's odd makers, you know making fights, you know, how much is the fight going to pay What the what the payout ratio is and so you have to be a bankable fighter So it's almost like being the top fighter. I mean, you know fighting your way to Madison's garden Or is being the top race horse and the cocky derby people are putting money on you if you put a lot of Would you say coach People on on on the fighting sport thailand and they they bet a lot of money So you have to be a bankable fighter to to be fighting in uh, bank cock thailand, you know, that's that that's that national sport Is gambling to be honest with you

Try the national sport The national sport the sport of kings. They call it. Wow and how long have you been involved in a coach? I've been involved in muay thai for about 12 years now and uh, I trained with the outlet that increased Auntie back at the muay thai academy and after 10 years Cruz auntie and I decided to open up our own gym. So I was located in north hollywood and a couple blocks west of koanga on magnolia and we have a nice gym. We have a A great team of fighters and and and you know people ask me about, you know

How to build champions in muay thai and I always come up and tell them, you know I I'm not really building champions. I'm building character I'm taking people and pushing them to places. They've never been before. I've been I you know I challenge them and I put them in In a way where they grow personally and then the champion comes out of them So and because of that, you know, a lot of people have come in. They quit smoking. There's lost weight. They you know, they Become better at school. They've become better people I mean my most popular class show is at 6 p.m. That's because everybody gets off of work

And I get a lot of people come off of work Very stressed and very angry because their job and after an hour hour and half of training. They leave a very peaceful man I know one thing that I was uh, like I said, I was involved in different things from Goju karate the fuja paikung fu And I'll tell you I walked into your class. I quit smoking You know, I was smoking cigarettes at night when I went to do stand-up and after the first class with you I was like, that's it. I know it's not gonna work out for me And I I keep going back. My goal is to go see you three times a week

You know, I'm 50 my wife asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday next Tuesday I'm gonna be 50 on the 19th And I said, I definitely want to go to the eight o'clock class. That's that's my main thing It's just like, are you serious? I go. Yeah, because I want to prove to myself that I'm 50 and I could still do this And that's one thing that uh, at first I was scared to walk into your gym coach, but You could be any age and go in there and get a great workout and I've almost died in there a couple times You know that you've seen the last breath coming out of me But you've been there you look at my eyes and everything's great and uh, I just really enjoy, you know, you go to most classes

Uh, let's say you go to a taekwondo school. You stretch for 15 minutes Then you do a form and you throw these little air punches for 30 minutes And then you light spar with no contact and no anything Which at the end of the week you learn a few things, but you're really not learning what it's about Everybody's scared at your place from the minute you walk in there that hour and a half is filled with you doing something Yeah, not a form for a half hour. Who the hell wants to do a fucking forum for half hour? I'm 50 fucking years old. I'm gonna get swords and bows What's that gonna do for you on a stick and at four in the morning in north hollywood, you know

At least with what you teach me, I know that I could kick somebody three times and get in my car Before the cops get there. That's the most important thing plus I'm getting healthy, sir. So I I love what you guys do over there Yeah You know, we kind is based on contact and resistance. So Unlike You know karate or taekwondo or anything like that. We're always hitting something We're hitting the bags. We're hitting the shields We're hitting the focus mitts

We're hitting the tie pads or sometimes we're hitting each other But because we're always striking at something there's an emotional release that's behind that And and and that contact and resistance, you know your power You know how much force you have behind something So it's also a confidence level that you built too and also inspiring too. There's always, you know, the fight sport is so interactive and so If I was to spar something like you do a big guy like you, you know I would have to use a different strategy as if I was sparring somebody a lot smaller or a lot taller

And because it's so interactive you have to engage your mind And because you engage your mind are at the moment when you train And so your house could be burning. But you know what? I got to finish my class before I deal with the fire department So we try it that that is that type of sport No, it's and I love how you teach it over there. You know, it's great About where you're located and everything is that you have a couple classes a day for different people So i'm in there 10 in the morning sometimes they might be a fighter in there and not that i'm sparring with them But i'm watching him and i'm learning different techniques or like you said the six o'clock class

On tuesdays and thursdays and saturdays, you have a two o'clock class which you teach personally I like how you and crew have different styles You do the more technical stuff where crew wants you to walk out of there bleeding and puking You know from your lungs. I mean and you know, you know, we've we've spoken about elbows and knees and how you break it down So I really take my hat off to you coach And I you know, you think i'm kissing your ass, but seriously you guys are doing a great job And I see the difference already in the three months that i've been there Great, great. Well, we really enjoyed we really we really have a good time

Because we love this sport and that's the most important thing when crew sent me. I had opened this gym We decided that we would always put Mui Kai over business and so And it's our duty to really you know if there's if the class ends Is there any questions or something you don't understand? It's our job to not let you leave with with questions or doubts or anything like that. So we really get the heart that We love this sport. We love what it does. It's changed our lives even as instructors and trainers and so we want to give back and uh, you know, we're so excited about it

My best part of the class is sparring at the end when you put that song on It sounds like snakes are going to come all over the place with the thing. It's tremendous. I love it It's my favorite jam. I wish somebody in vegas would take and play at a club people would lose their fucking minds coach That's the real jam at the end But coach, I appreciate you took the time and called us and spoke about the fights Tell these guys about the fights again and what time and where to get tickets Okay, well, uh, the fight that I affected happening this sunday at the city City's industry cut the industry those Expo center 20 minutes from downtown LA. They can buy tickets at ispro

ifspro.com And uh ticks are only 20 bucks if you buy them ahead of time Kits under 12 are free And uh, it's just a great event, you know super goals over you have a sunday You can come and watch the fight school class and uh, with great time and so it's coming up I just have to say real quick. It's uh, mark second Muay Thai world standoff. That's going to be an exciting show That's going to feature the best with that. That's the one the way at the Pomona Fairfax

And uh, you can find out that one at who's kicked promotions.com that one's featuring some rock who is Probably the most decorated fighter in Muay Thai history. This guy is so bad ass. I mean he There was no more time in the Olympics. So he became Uh, a boxer in the Olympics won the gold medal in 1996 and he's a Muay Thai champion Um, you know 40 years old that he he just did a fight and I think there was a 180 thousand dollars fight bet on him And uh, he won that fight. He's coming to america to fight Chike Lindsay They're bringing the four Thai champions from you know all over the world That's happening mark second at the Pomona Fairfax again. That's push kick promotions.com

That'll be an exciting show and I hope to get on yourself to talk about that one later on Okay, no, we'll definitely do it coach. You were great. You were really great at I like for you to call back and talk about more history. Whatever you want to talk about you. You're You're a great dude and I like seeing you. So hopefully I'll see you tonight for eight o'clock coach All right, brother. All right. Thank you for calling coach. Stay black. Well, I think that's right wake up There you go any age any fucking age you and I guys I was petrified. I didn't tell you to leave that I never told you I was going to Muay Thai No, no I didn't talk about boxing or something. Yeah, I don't even say nothing because I was petrified at first

That was gonna get beat up and I've been going in there. I go in there three times a week You know how fucking hard it is on my feet and throwing side kicks to Jesus the knees I'm getting beat up by women and beat up by fucking young kids But you know what I've gained weight Because I since I go there and when I leave there my shirts drenched Excuse me this fucking diet coat between that and the protein powder instead of farting on burping plates It's either comes out of the bottom or the fucking top I leave the top. I got I got a burp. I got a little fart coming for you. The day ain't over yet

Don't start celebrate yet. Lee cock second. So uh, listen guys You're sitting there at home. You think I always get emails. Thank you. Joe Rogan talked me into jujitsu. You guys Inspired me to do this. Listen, man It cost you $90 a month even if you just got a part-time job somewhere to cover that At least you get out of the house and throw some kicks with Jesus And you're not doing fucking drugs all the time and blow and eating fucking pills. I met some people this week in columbus is one guy that Uh, thank me. He said that listened to the podcast really helped him get off the pills that he realized And if you're on pills and shit like to get the fuck off

I'd rather you smoke a pound of fucking weed at home To meet those pills. Let me tell you something the coke was a pain. He asked for me to get off But those pills were a nightmare lately. I told you that's why I have valiums at the house and vikings from the dentist and shit I don't I can't eat that shit. I ate one Vicodin with Duncan and we did a podcast I thought I was in Mars It was the worst feeling ever and like I said being around Duncan. I wanted Duncan to call today You know my thoughts and prayers go to Duncan. We're doing a show March 12th And every Tuesday once a month at the laugh factory starting March 12 February 12th

Uh, we don't know what to call it yet. It's supposed to be Desperado comedy podcast comedy is some shit or the five balls of comedy I want to call it because it's me harry and uh, Duncan. I spoke to Duncan yesterday. He's out of chemo. He's done Oh, good. No, I know a lot of people listen to cross listen to podcasts. This is really uh I learned a lot from Duncan going through this You know, sometimes you have to look at the people that uh going through different situations and you learn from them And what you get from them is courage, you know, I have two friends right now That are uh, they have a problem. We can't have Duncan who had it and just finish his chemo And how he did it how he attacked it, you know, he didn't cry one time, you know

And I have this friend jimmy that the guy who took me out to colorado who actually called the podcast Uh, I spoke to him the other day. He's like, listen, this is the last set of Pills or treatment after this if this don't work Uches moochers. I got like six fucking weeks left to die. No when he said that to me in the phone So I'm trying to get a date down to jerseyshore somewhere Hopefully in the next two months to go see him and say goodbye, but this has taught me a lot about living that, you know I was real pissed about carlos not calling last week because I want them to talk about You know, like I said the pain we had from those two kids dying when we were younger

and it's weird because uh I think about those two kids every day and I have pictures of them up close by where I could see them So I could do the things they didn't have a chance to do, you know And uh, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm so fucking high. You have any idea Uh, like your friends are going through cancer the ones that are going through cancer So it's really weird when you have a friend that's going through cancer Whenever you think you have a bad day you think about them for a second You're like, what the fuck am I bitching about? Yeah, you know, what the fuck am I bitching about?

I thought I think I'm having this guy's gotta go to chemo. You know, he's already on expiration date You know, I can't imagine life with knowing I have an expiration date that I'm gonna go I mean, we all have an expiration date that we have no knowledge of and we don't know when it's gonna come I might leave here right now and get hit by a fucking missile and we don't Right man, we don't know that but somebody telling you you're gonna die in six months Must be a horrible way to live your life every day every time you close your eyes at night You don't know if you're gonna wake up So it teaches me a lot of carriage if you know somebody who's going through something like that call them up to that

Tom, you love them. Tom, there's an asshole out there waiting to get fucked. You know what I'm saying? Get out there cock sucker. Get out there you fucks. It's monday february 4th Like I said before the groundhog day could suck my dick. You don't know nothing about nothing What is the groundhog? When have you seen the groundhog at the supermarket buying groceries? Fuck that punk as bitch Lee? Lee, let's smoke some pot. Let's eat some edibles. Let's do it all Let's do it all Lee. What have we been doing up until now? I don't know. I don't fucking know my ear is on fire Lee This thing better drain today My wife put breast milk in there

She put breast milk and olive oil in my fucking ear. That's supposed to help a ear infection Well, the the breast milk helps anything. I don't know if you know about breast milk I think you have like an hiv patch on your helmet from fucking crackers and you put some And you put some fucking breast milk down It did really gross like an extra piece of skin on Supposedly breast milk is tremendous. I tasted it. I fucking want that. Oh, it's tremendous I did jumping jacks. I fucking went to kickboxing. I played the drums for an hour. I did it all. I was like a savage But she's like no somebody else had an ear infection and this will maybe kill it

She put fucking breast milk in there and olive oil My ears must be fucking fermenting right now. You know when I was a kid Lee My mother had my mother bought me this game. It's called. Please don't spill the beans. Yo, yeah I tell you about this. No, I know the game. You know, like, how do you know the fucking game? You eat the beans? No, I mean, it's a game. It's a board game. Right. It's it's still around. Yeah, or at least it was when I was a kid Yeah, well, uh, you what you did is it went back and forth and you put these wooden fucking beans in there I was about five and I had just gotten it for Christmas. I was still living in 205 west 88 street I had the godmother on 148th. I was driving her crazy. So I was in between both of them

So I I got the game for Christmas. I'm in my living room watching tv having a good time by myself I'm an only child and I'm playing the game by myself I got it in this the board in the middle and I'm putting it with left hand It's going back and forth and the other thing and you know when you put it with one bean the bean would spill And then the left hand would lose or the right hand would lose So I start putting the bean in my nose Right. I put the bean in my nose and I pop it out. I put the bean in my nose. I pop that tell you the story Come on. I think I think you might have put or something maybe put something else up your nose

It's a point now. I put the well I only think I put up my nose is blow cock sucker. This is the only thing that I ever put that wasn't cocaine It was a wooden black bean So I started putting in my nose and taking out finally I put in my ear Right and I start popping it out and one time this is Christmas. I put it in my ear and fuck it It don't come out. So I don't say nothing Right. I don't say shit to nobody. I'm like omertha. I'm like a fucking mobster with a bean is here So like my march it starts hurting you left until march

I didn't say I forgot I was busy. I was a busy kid. You know when I was five and six I was out there in 205 worst 88 street. I was part of the police club. I was shooting pool with them I was playing on the streets. I was getting chased by mr. martini suck my weenie I was throwing fucking exit to the scenic jews when I lived in new york city and I was five and six I was rocking jack. It wasn't like these young kids today. You see him with a fucking skateboard When I was five and six the new york city would put dirt would plant trees in those days And they would fill them with these dirt balls that didn't hurt you but they'd explode when you hit them We've had these dirt ball wars lead that which remember you went home

You had dirt everywhere and you felt good about it because it wasn't like dirty dirt It was like clean dirt if you understand what I'm saying to you. Okay, so uh What was I talking about all the bean in my ear, right? So So I put the bean in my ear and I don't say by march my fucking ear was hurting And my mother would get home from the bar about 3 30 and then she would have to take care of me all night I'd be up the whole night. Hi Hi, me oleja. It hurts, which means oleja in spanish, right? And I would stay by my godmother's house and torment them

This went on for about a fucking month this year, right? I went to the doctor. They gave me Drops and when you went to the doctor you let them put drops on the thing. Oh, maybe it's clogged up There was a piece of wood that was stuck in my ear. Oh, no, so I fucking finally uh I uh I they take me to see the sign out like a hundred and sixty fifth and Broadway I don't even know it's one of those Jew hospitals the main ones like see the sign And I went up there and they fucking stuck a Like a vacuum tube in my uh with this long roach clip

That had a curve to it And they took it out and from my mother pouring hot oil on it the bean was cooked This fucking wooden beam when they took it out it was steaming. I'll never forget that my mom's like, what the fuck is that? And the guy's like, I don't know and it was she's like, you know what that is. I'm like a bean Right there. My mother goes, can you please leave the room to the doctor? She must have hit me with like three punches to the stomach And a bit slapped to the face because my mom would hit me anywhere I'm fucking just on a drop of a dime. This bitch would start swinging. That's a true story. Lee

I had a bean in my ear for four fucking months Jesus christ, what are you gonna do? Lee? I tell you my fucking story Lee if I don't tell you my stories I can't live Lee who else is gonna listen to this? There must have been something some like lacquer on those wooden bean that seems to be your brain or something Oh my god, I was such a fucking nightmare. I used to ship my pants at all the time Not ship my pants. I take shits and not wipe my ass and just put underwear over Why? Because I don't like wiping my ass when I was a kid. I don't know why I didn't like wiping my ass or taking showers

I don't know. I don't fuck and you think I'm kidding you and my mother would say if you don't stop wiping your ass I'm gonna take the underwear and hang them up on the wall. So when your friends come over they see you don't wipe your ass That's what made me wipe my ass. I had problems I wouldn't wipe my ass and those underwears would be shitty like now I get like a line every once in a while You know what I'm saying when you get old you got like a skin mark or a little like acid burn or something When I was a kid it was like that hole when you don't wipe so that whole rock just develops on your underwear I don't know Lee. I'm stoned. Oh my god. What do you bother me? And this first of all, I'm not I didn't ask you this question

But this first of all when you're running around in New York and you're sweating and oh, I can't even imagine I must have smelled shitty, but nobody said nothing and you wore those white shorts I can't imagine not white about it. I may be colored. I don't fucking know Lee But I'm trying to tell you my innermost secrets and you're looking at me like a jew that I own money to what the fuck kind of party is this What kind of fucking party is this because you had me smoking for an hour you tell me to Sniff people's underwears. Imagine if a girl started sniffing those underwear. We didn't what you didn't wipe I can't believe you never sniffed a woman's underwear. Lee. You never really fucking live Lee I don't know if a girl's there

Why are you sniffing her underwear because maybe she's passed out and you want to bang one out why she's passed out Do you ever think of that Lee? Do you ever think of that? Maybe a chick is passed out You just want to sniff their underwear to see what it's all about. You never had those desires. No, this is what I don't understand Where you grew up Lee? What the fuck? They talk about sniffing underwears. You never came in the chicks bra Let her put the fucking thing over her nipple and take it to go

I've heard about it in japan where like the people sell Paintings and stuff because some people like Duncan had a chick on that sells her socks She wears socks now that I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't pay the sniffer chicks underwear But if if I just finish eating the chick and she goes to the shower to wash that fucking skunk I'm gonna sniff her underwear just to see what she's walking around with just because I'm you know Just because I'm curious You never sniffed the chicks underwears and banged them out No, like you after you take a chick home you keep her underwear you hide them

And then she leaves then for a week you get those underwear you can bang one out and work off the fantasy. You never did that Lee What am I gonna do? Maybe if I grow up without a whole internet full of porn, but I'm not gonna sniff a girl's underwear that's been there and Fucking girls fart too, man. I don't want to sniff that. No sniff the fucking back part the filter It's all right there No, you sniff the front But listen the pull the monkey overpowers anything speaking of monkeys leave get it together, right? I don't know people know this beside omnit this year. We're helping out somebody else We're gonna help them and they're gonna help us. What are you laughing about?

What a transition speaking of monkeys. Yeah speaking of fucking monkeys, right? This year. We're gonna be doing something special for you people. Listen I get hit up by 20,000 people a week That they want to do this that joey want to do that and you help us and I can't I don't have the fucking time But this I like these people call me they sent me a box of this I was stoned one night watching sons of anarchy. In fact, they sent me two boxes Which you want to fucking talk to me send me something if you want to talk to me you want to do business Let's live it. Let's take this fucking sneaker guy. He didn't fucking tell me about the insoles

He put them in the shoe and he made me walk with them. Then he took them out. That's how you sell something. Okay This cherry's fucking berries. They've been doing commercials on tv They send you the chocolate covered strawberries. Let me tell you something There is nothing like sitting at home and fucking being stoned to the girls and saying what am I gonna eat and the mailman Knocks on your door and it's a box from cherry's berries or one of your friends Selling you a box of chocolate covered strawberries. They got the white chocolate. They got the milk chocolate They got the dark chocolate. They got like 19 different fucking things you could put on there You're going joey. Why the fuck are you selling us this shit? Why because I care about you cocksucker

You know, you got these women in your life. They do everything for you. They fucking cook. They clean They give you inspiration. They lick your nuts. They help you out to yourself a favor like last night I was sitting on a plane going who could I send this to I'm gonna send it to people I know that women I like that it may be married that do shit for me. Every Bravo's wife is a fucking sweetheart I can't send the flower for valentine's day, but I'm gonna send her these the sister. Candice that fucking chick She she does anything. I asked her to she works at live nation I'm gonna send her these chocolate covered strawberries. My wife fucked that shit She ain't getting dick the the receptionist a super artist who's a sweetheart teacher

I'm gonna send it and what is it gonna cost you $19.99 to send Are you fucking serious? You know what roses fucking cost roses like $80 and you gotta tip the guy And that's nine out of ten. You don't get pussy a fucking piece of chocolate You get the best fucking piece of pussy ever because that's what they think about they're eating that chocolate covered strawberry Anyway, do me a favor. Here's what you do. You go to 866 fruit zero dash two 866 fruit zero dash two or even better you visit berries.com Spell it out for you. You ready cocksuckers because somebody is a little stupid

B E R R I E S berries.com Go to the fucking thing order it and go to the the microphone in the corner and type in happening for the church of what's happening now Okay, so again for you fucking momos in the cheap seats. I ain't fucking around these cherries are tremendous I think i'm gonna get a boxy on wednesday. I'm gonna eat them in front of you and you go joey That's not bad for 20 fucking bucks. I don't even know what the shipping is, but who gives a fuck 20 fucking dollars a lot better than 80 for roses And you don't even get that pussy this you send them chocolates and they think you're a fucking hero

Who's better than me lea? Who's better than me? I wish we shared them I ain't giving you shit cocksucker I share we use banana bread then you cry you sit there looking like abe lincoln before you got shot You're fucking moutage. They got white milk. They got dark chocolate goodness They got chocolate chips. They got decorated sizzle or nuts whatever you're fucking into and you get 40% off So right now go over to berries.com again for you momos out there b-e-r-i b-e-r-r-i-e-s

Dot com and go to the microphone the right hand corner and press and happily get one of those things Send them to a lucky lady. It's just somebody who bails you the fuck out You know how nice it is You know how we say to make somebody's day make somebody's day valentine's day Maybe a chick hasn't gotten cocks. It's jesus ly chicago and you send her a box of chocolates Well, you know what i'm saying? You got a teacher that's giving you an f She hasn't had a finger up her ass in fucking years send us some chocolates and this is how it goes down berries Dot com. All right, press and happen. What are you laughing about liam? Tell them to people

Listen, I can sit here with some fucking ad and tell you about concern. What the fuck? I'm talking to you people from the heart here. I'll give you the respect you give me and from there This go play some music for me. Lee. Just don't fucking sit there like a moutage No, we're gonna be out of songs, but we're never out of songs We'll let zeppelin trampled on the foot. Oh shit I can't tell you heart alone mama and hit it league talking about love cherries berries cherries berries Cherries berries dot com give some cherries If you bought today you'll get up on like four or five days that defeats the purpose because you'll eat them all

But if you order today tell me you want the summer valentine's day, which is who the fuck knows the 14th? Yeah What day's wrong? Isn't it thursday? It's a thursday. Look look at lee. He's gonna send some cherries berries to rose Get her back rose. I love you rose Rose he loves you this cock sucky won't start talking about it. He says that little pussy tastes like a sweet cherry's berry Look at his off I love doing this podcast with you crazy fuckers, you know that it's a beautiful Let me tell you something guys. We're thinking

We've been thinking about moving the podcast to the afternoons just because At this point, but let me tell you why I don't want to do it in the afternoon. I'm gonna tell you why lee you ready All right, because by the afternoon you motherfuckers are contaminated when I come on here in the morning You know what me doing this makes this makes my fucking day And I'll tell you why because when you guys get up on your own and you turn the radio on Or you turn the news on the morning you're drinking coffee like this one I woke up to a crush a bus crash a tourist bus crash and they kept bringing it over and over You know what the second story is probably going to be about a soccer coach that molested a fucking kid

You know what the third story is going to be about about a fucking Super Bowl party I won a ryan three mexicans shot the fucking neighbor's dog or some shit like that So the first 20 minutes of your morning open up with all this shit that you don't need to hear You don't want to hear and it's got nothing to fucking do with you. I have What's that emotion that you have you feel bad for the people? What the fuck are you going to do? Why am I listeners? Why do I need this? I get out here in the morning to church of what's happened now Starting your day off in a beautiful fucking place. Whatever the fuck is going on in your mind There's nothing you could do. Hey stick them one out of business. What do you want me to do?

It's a bump in the road and it's how you look at that bump if you look at it like a big bump And it's going to be a big bump if you look at it like a fucking small bump It's going to be a small bump you're going to have shit in your life every fucking day that you cannot control It's how you react to it. So that's why always live your life Avoiding the other shit because shit's gonna happen. Shit's gonna fucking happen. There was there was nothing I could do to stop my mother from dying The shit that happened after that me rob. That's the shit. I could have controlled my people looking for me and cops and all that Stupidity, you know, yeah last week was my 30th anniversary getting arrested for the first time. Yeah, it's a fucking joke

We laugh about it, but it's kind of sad. It's kind of sad that that should have even went there But it happened I accepted and that's it. It's a bump in the road and it's what you want to make about it I come on earliest because I want to get on there. I want to play music for you guys I want to let you know. It's not that fucking bad out there. Don't get scared. Don't let the media scare you If you go out there, don't worry about what the fuck they're saying. Just worry about your fucking world This is your world. Put your hands out motherfuckers. You see this right here This is your world if it doesn't affect this fun. This is what campo karate's about if they get in this circle They get a fucking ass kicking. This is your world. This is all you can fucking control

So it's monday. I try to get on there early to put you in a good mood. We crack some jokes somewhere out there There's somebody bent over on all fours holding their ankles with a fucking funnel in their asshole Waiting for you to do what the fuck you need to do with your life. Get out there. That's all I that's why I do this in the morning Lee Yeah, I mean I if I had my choice Yeah, I would prefer not to be up at five in the morning But to be honest, I have a better day when I do it So and it builds character and it helps fucking people like you get up. Listen, nobody needs to see this face in the morning

It's a disaster right there. We ain't no fucking model from uh from uh mad magazine world either But we're out here the story would kick in his glory We're telling you the truth and we're trying to put you in a good mood and make you laugh Even if it's just a fucking little bit just to start your day on the right foot so you can leave going fucking joey You know what I'm saying? He cracked a joke or he made the black chick show up and fart on Lee's face and that's coming That's coming that might be coming at the end of the month at the ice house I have not decided whether we're going to do a testicle testament a live podcast But if it's a live podcast Lee

It's going down. You might as well break out those goggles. We haven't even discussed it. I've given you life I've I have not even mentioned it, but it's timely. I think I think I'm not I think I have a trip to israel coming up Now you're too naive It's time for us to just blow one little fart in your face Can we start out slow? Can like I sniff her underwear first and then oh you can have your stick on the way before you break my fucking heart Well, that's a point like I want to start off slow. What I have to start out with getting shit in my face Huh, I'm gonna start with you. It's not gonna shit in your face. No, you told me she wanted to have the asshole

Like a little bit some gunpowder could come out. No, it's not gunpowder. It's uh, it's not after birth or it's not gunpowder It's uh It's scrapplin. Yeah scrapply. Listen why you know when you eat pussy Don't you get some of that pussy gel around your face? That's different than shit Don't you get some of that yum-yum juice around your face like illegal juice? Yeah, you wash your face after you eat that monkey. No, I walk around for for days Come on, let's say finger the girl when you're 14, you don't wash your hands like a month You walk around like you don't fucking see as I like one of those things dogs put around their neck

You put it around your wrist. You won't wash it. Remember that when you were 14 Oh, yeah, bang somebody the first time But if you stuck a pinky in your ass or you watch that pinky quicker than shit Because when you're 14, you don't understand anything behind the fucking patois I still don't understand that. Well, it's time. You're 24. What are you gonna be 25 July? Oh, we're gonna have a big party for you. Oh shit. Yeah, let's see that A church of what's happening now party thoughts in the face You know, it's like a bachelor party. It's like a it's like a jewish cuban bar mitzvah

See when you're a jew you bar mitzvah at what 13 13 when you're the church of what's happening now you bar mitzvah 25 I need a refresher. Let's go for it. Let's go for it Did they cut your little helmet off when you were 20 for what they do to your bar mitzvah? Do you have a nice bar mitzvah? I had a great bar mitzvah. No, yeah, but they circumcise you when you're born, but uh It was great. I uh mine My dad who listens is uh, he worked at night clubs for years So we had it at a at like a convention center there like a center and it was a huge party and it was a it was great It was it was a one of the better nights of my life. Yeah, it was awesome, but uh

Yeah, it's it's weird especially on the east coast. I don't know what it's like out here or something But that party kids parents were starting so jealous like christian parents. They started having third parties for kids when they turn 13 because Especially in the town I grew up and the bar mitzvahs they would go all out. It's like it was it was an intense party planners and I mean, it's It's a big deal But especially with the people I grew up with it was it was you did it so you could have the party and but it was it was a blast I wrote a blog one time about robbing a bar mitzvah as a bartender

And it was one of the most embarrassing days of my fucking life like when I think back about and it's not like I wanted They're blazing with guns Robbing the bar mitzvah. It was more about uh, I was a bartender. Yeah, and I was a they I went to american bartender school in 1984 And I they would place you And every place they replaced me I would rob the fucking joint it was just terrible And then I would call and they go did you rob the play? No, what the fuck is wrong with you? Well, the police just called me so I went to american bartenders took this the sharing the center. I think we got that call coming in

All right What's happening? What's up, baby? What's going on? What's going on over there? It's my beautiful wife calling. How you doing honey? I'm okay. What's the matter? It's been a month since you had this baby. How you feeling? It's been almost a month. Yes, it has been Friday. So she's gonna be a month old, huh? Yes, well tomorrow should be four weeks. So In pregnancy terms, that's a month. All right. Fuck it. I ain't managed here. What else is going on in your world?

What do we got planned for today? You're gonna go meet in an audition or what? Maybe really how you feel about you to cut this moth of a hairdo. I got a much All right, let's get you a haircut today. I gotta go to the doctor. My ear is infected I can't even finger bang my fucking ear with the pinky Because it swole up it swole. I was telling him I put breast milk in there. You put the breast milk in there for me Yeah, but we got to do it like three times a day. You can't just do it once it's not a miracle drug Yes, it is. That's the word on the street. It's curing my chin already Oh, so I gotta put another dose of fucking. Let me tell you something. At first it seemed disgusting

I didn't even smell it. Well, I can't smell it But uh, I don't know terry. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my ear. It's killing me today You gotta go to the doctor and get some antibiotics. That's what's in the breast milk is the antibodies. Oh So that's where my head is right. I got tit milk in my fucking brain right now What else is going on baby? What do you think about the baby we got? Oh, she's asleep right now at her swing. All right She's so sweet. It's really changed our lives a little bit, huh? It has but you know what I was telling my mom this morning

It changed us, but it didn't change us like it would have changed us 10 years ago 10 years ago. This would have been Uh scattering You know because our lifestyle was wholly different than it is Or has been in the last few years, you know, we've become more comfortable as a family Before we had her

So she's just an addition to that whereas I think 10 years ago. She would have just rocked us completely to the core I wouldn't even know what to do. I wouldn't even know what to do We wouldn't know what to do. We would have been a mess and she would have been a mess and But now, you know We're very good As a family together, you know

She's she's not a nervous baby She's very calm. We're very calm with her But um You uh You put up with a lot more stuff than uh, you would have liked uh Before her I would have never been able to get up every hour On the hour and see her and Then still function the next day, you know

Yeah, no, I find a lot you're doing a great job man And I was stressed out because I was worried about you know, I did what Most idiots do I went on the internet and read and they told me about women being 43 and the dangers and uh It really fucking put a dent in who the fuck I was for a couple months and I couldn't sleep some nights and uh I'll tell you as your husband and your best friend. I was so happy to relieve that everything came I mean, I'm walking around the clouds right now because It could have been worse, you know, and uh, it was a two-day deal It's good and it's bad. It's like if you've got a question

Get on the internet see if you can find the answer and then get off because if you sit there and fold that internet You will find So much mess that you don't want to know about something and the the worst possible scenarios are the things that they put out there You know most of the time so is They just scare people to death About everything possible like oh my god, what could that be and it's like a hangnail, but it could be cancer

You know you guys you can't do that. You can't stay on that internet and look up stuff For very long because you'll go crazy And I think that's what happened to you. I think you just went on there And found out everything that could possibly go wrong with a 42 year old pregnancy And it just scared you to pieces. There was one thing I read that said if you're over 42 and pregnant Uh really consider an abortion. I read that and my fucking heart stopped Because all you hear about this country, you know, that's why I said to you remember

I always get mad when I watch presidential shit. I remember I was saying to you Why is it that that's such a fucking important? I didn't want to tell you the rest of the story that day That's why I went into my own little personal rage about why is it so important if a woman fucking uh You know what the president thinks about abortion when I just read last night that if you're 42 or 41 You should really consider aborting the baby because of the damage it could do to your body That was the article that fucking killed me right there Well, you know a lot of unfortunately in this country a lot of women who are

over 30 even stop taking care of their bodies And Well, yeah, if you have if you haven't taken care of yourself and then suddenly you get pregnant then yeah, your body's in for a rude awakening But you know what it could happen to anybody it could happen to teenagers it could happen to 20 something year olds it could happen to anybody having a baby because having a baby is traumatic on your body Doesn't matter how old you are

Oh, I've seen it that fucking day When I see that little blood vein sticking from your monkey I couldn't believe I thought somebody shot you. I was looking for the fucking culprit there Honey, you're gonna make me some of those my special eggs this morning You're Bacon scramble. Yeah, I'll be home in about 20 minutes. Can you make that for me because I don't feel too good today again, and I'm gonna call the doctor on the wing You're gonna play that card till it's

No, no, no, there ain't no fucking card here cocksucker. You know when I'm sick. I'm sick. I got too much to do My ear my knee. I can't do the laundry my knee hurts. Oh stop. I've been doing the laundry now for fucking three years Yeah, but you stop wearing different clothes Oh, please same pants for a year because you have to be the one to take the laundry down Oh my god when we lived in hollywood, it was three floors. I had to carry the fucking thing This is easy You would but you would wear like a different pair of pants every five minutes Because you weren't doing the laundry, right? Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, yeah

Yeah, we were kids, you know and your mother does the laundry you wear like 18 different pair of pants every minute You put a t-shirt on you don't like you throw it in the hamper Once you got to start doing your own laundry, you're like fucking I'm wearing those pants till Friday And I fucking do all that means is you're an asshole Meant it. Oh, wow. I'm doing the laundry now. I'm such a good guy No, it just seems to cure such a prick before to your wife That's all that you even prove But I've been doing my laundry for the last three years again

Ever since I was ever since I moved up to north hollywood. It's a lot easier. So I've been doing the laundry up there Uh-huh. I do I do don't fucking lie cocksucker. I bleach the socks. I bleach my white t-shirts. Don't lie. Don't make me look bad But you still wear your pants and holes in them. Oh, yeah, you got it. What am I gonna listen if I'm gonna hang out out here all day I'm gonna put on a brand new pair of jeans If I got a pair of jeans just because my nutsack sticks out. Who gives a fuck I'm gonna worm tomorrow too He went to a meeting the other day And his ass was literally hanging out the back pocket of my pants ripped. I didn't fucking know

And I had underwear. I didn't have no underwear on I went to this meeting commander I get to the car my cheek is frozen because it was raining that day. My ass was on fucking fire and stuff I was like, I think it's time we throw those jeans out honey And I threw them out and it was against you know I I'm a hoarder when it comes to that clothes because when you're a fat fuck you always look at your clothes and go I'm gonna lose weight and fit in that someday. You ain't gonna lose shit throw it away You ain't gonna lose shit lately and every time I gotta throw something out. I feel bad, but What are you gonna do? All right, honey? I love you cocksucker. Give the baby a kiss

I'll be home. I will tell people where to find you on terry clock. Whatever ds facebook I I'm not on anything People leave me alone Get it together cocksucker. I see you in a little while. I love you, baby I love you too. Bye There you have it What do you got the rest of the day buddy I got uh, I got nothing the only thing and it's not even promoting but uh, I know you I don't know if you know

It's today, but today arish if here's special comes out and I saw it right before the holidays Thank you for a month on chill.com. But is it on chill.com and it's it's called What do you call it? I forget the name of the special, but if you go to chill.com and search arie it comes out today I've already you if you uh, if you were a good you it was four bucks before today today It's five bucks and I saw I saw the material Had a flappers right before the holidays and it was great and it comes out today. So never want you to go look at it That's right. Go support the fucking other jew. I love these jews in my life. They're uh They're the best. I love you guys. Don't forget this thursday. I'm at the san jose improv

What else is going on next month next uh tuesday march the 12th We're at the laugh factory myself arisha fear and duncan trussell and under 27 testicle testament Makes a comeback to the ice house. I'll keep you guys loaded Joey coco dears dot net sent me an email. You got a problem. You want to talk about something sent it to me? I think the shirts go up this week the new church of what's happening now shirt with the flying jew insignia A little support for the podcast up to turk horse fucking lee every time I see him He gives me a fucking bill this cocksucker. You want me to buy stuff? Yeah, look at he got a new computer. He lives like a doctor. He's over

I guarantee if I dna that boy. There's fucking jews burn my eye For anything else? I know you banging there and I know the little keyboards are all sticky. Listen It's monday if you uh, if you fucked up in january, you got off your diet, whatever the fuck you did You get another shot. It's february. It's black history month motherfucker Put on a black cock and go out there and sling some big dick from myself and my little brother the flying jew Don't fucking make me punch in the stomach a little ledger for these people. Click it. Have a great day. Stay black And it that calm always cherries berries get some berries Do it all