Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 02/18/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #56

Episode Date: February 19, 2013

Omar, Joey's book editor and Joey's friend Steve call into the show. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a dicount at checkout. Streamed live on 02/18/2013

oh shit oh shit it's Monday February 18th Dick Syat's birthday you fucking getting me or what get up cock suckers it's a beautiful day to be alive what Lee Syat's in the house hey guys oh shit the flying motherfucking Jew giving orders cock sucker Monday get up write your goals do some jumping jacks whack off do something with your life you miserable cock suckers it's a beautiful day to be alive that's Dick Syat who the fuck are you kidding when you get to be older you appreciate these days gonna rain out you have to go nowhere it's present this day today either the Harlem Globetrotters are in town or they're not

what pop music talk hit it Lee wiggle Funko Charlie talk about give me a little wiggle it's Monday all right let's do this oh shit Monday February 18th the day they took the devil to see tomorrow's when they bury him at the sea a lot of people don't know that I hope you're getting up starting your fucking exercise routines are you drinking coffee you're making your daily notes or you're writing your goals you're doing something cock sucker Lisa what a fuck you've been here man you know right I don't hear from you no more your big shot you got the girl staying with you you don't call you forget about me what's

that you do this weekend hung out with my dad we went to this it's called the end of the seventh ray it's like a kind of a cool hippie place in Topanga Canyon I had a nice brunch we once our movie and had some sushi last night which is great would you go for sushi it's called a Roja it's in a studio city it's this like a really small place but we sat at the sushi bar and it's a lot of fun he had some sake I don't like sake you know I mean either I know it's warm he likes the one I had cold too and I'm not really I don't like I got you know I don't like sake what the hangover I got fucked up one night drinking sake

blow I got up the next day with a fucking Japanese headache you know it's like fucking in the side countless that's what I don't like about alcohol is the payoff the next day yeah that's why it's never agreed with me you know it's not that I don't have something against alcohol every night I go out and I want to say wow I wish I could have a fucking margarita last night was a was I watching late last night something and I was going through the channels and I watched VH1 and Jenny McCarthy has a show now she does I God bless her and some girls dancing she had Eve on there you know that black actress Eve with the

blonde hair yeah fucking lover I seen her in person once she's fucking tall is she the one with the tattoos right here yeah she got blonde hair she was in barbershop yeah bitches bang oh my god I would eat that black-ass what'd you do that black-ass little dicks I had would you stick your fucking tongue in there mix that little coconut milkshake around with you not so what oh pinkie everything you could punch it you do whatever that's a black person you can punch that motherfucker but she had a margarita glass okay but like a margarita whatever the fuck you put in there I tell you I wanted to go right to a

Mexican place and have a margarita oh they're good all that good I used to go to a place in Boulder I forget the name of it that you can only drink three margaritas and they cut you off because they cut it with grain alcohol I would get fucked up and then you went in there for lunch and they had the mini Rio grand that was the name of Rio Grande in Boulder Colorado after three margaritas you had to leave Jesus they wouldn't they would tell you you're only gonna do three bro it don't even think about it you might do four but you're gonna fucking die how do you do like I'm frozen or with ice I like them what ice

nice nice with what I like a nice margarita little tequila yeah little quontro quontro that's teeth fucking Lisa yeah don't go to bargaining school did you really how long it was a week class but no one I mean I don't know how was back then but now no one's gonna hire you without experience friends for any job they don't know I went to bartender school yeah what made you go after college or before it was it was like a April break during college and a buddy and I went and we went and it was a it was fun it was just it was cool and it was a I thought I wanted to be bartender it would be it's always upsetting when

you're a server because even when the restaurant's dead a bar is always busy so it's it's a it was fun I mean I like I like making drinks but I I never went naturally did it it's funny because I went and did it but I would rob the joint I swear I wish I was lying to you I went to what happened was I got a job it's funny because I'm writing about this right now this part of my life that I went back to New York and I had nothing and my buddy goes I have a job for your bartending it was 1252 an hour was the most money I'd ever made you got paid to do it oh shit yeah I was union oh shit this is 84 but he goes I'll get you the

job but you gotta go to bartender school and he goes get the job well that's go to backwards they pay 17 10 an hour this is 1984 at the Sheridan Center on 52nd and 7th it's still fucking there it's beautiful yeah and I was a kid I didn't know I was like what and he goes yeah you got a job over here but you got to go to bartending school so they send you to the American bartending school for two weeks it was or something yeah and then they place you but I already had a job okay so all we had to do was and basically the reason why they sent me is because I had the front bar so I had to make rusty nails and all those kind of

Glen Levitt's what all those kind of like it wasn't a vodka fucking orange juice bar no it was basically Cosmopolitan's this is 30 fucking years ago this is 84 so I went for the two weeks I took this job at the Sheridan Center and I was just dick yeah I wasn't ready for this just sometimes when you're 20 you just not ready for this job because everybody was stealing you know everybody had the keys to the liquor bar so you would call me go I'm on my way to the city I'm where you going dick I'm gonna go to studio I'm just saying I'm gonna go to the militant bar on 80th Street I go you know what meet me in the parking lot

we'll have some drinks outside I'm gonna get a bottle of corvacea or steal a bottle of Don everybody was robbing this fucking place there's no way to tell if you do it so but Lee I never worked in a place where everybody was robbing the first thing they told me was you gotta rob because if you don't rob then they're gonna know because it's gonna be extra money in the register we know these guys didn't leave nothing in the register it was a couple Puerto Ricans and the Jewish kid these guys were the biggest thieves in the world they had the rooms they had everything so when they did get caught guess who got caught you I went

down because I wouldn't you know they would say don't buy booze on the street just go upstairs and take out a liquor closet dick it was you couldn't even imagine and everybody had a fucking key the maids everybody had a fucking key this liquor thing so I got suspended okay I got suspended and then I had no job they were like you suspended for six weeks or two months so I would go and get jobs through the American bartender system I call them go hey I need a fucking job they call me back in two hours all right go see Louie down on 18th Street I go to Louie and work a shift and I'd rob the fucking place they call

me like an hour late did you rob the fucking place no I didn't rob the fucking place so what do you got for me was I want to be around it's Monday it's a beautiful day get out there oh shit a little Tony Bennett I was funny I was watching analyze this yeah it was on the end of it and at the end he's this one this is what De Niro gives what's his name the the psychiatrist he gives him a night with Tony Bennett his backyard oh really so he's like Tony one more song he's like all right let's hit it guys and he plays the fucking song what's up Lee Syat song somebody oh shit we're bringing your back dick Syat

this is what you this is what you dance like the freshman prom didn't you dick Syat's in the room with us today Lee Syat's cool as shit dad I gave him a pot cookie one time before a flight and he almost crashed a fucking plane what happens he fucking I gave it to you he ate the whole thing this is when NOCC had the best cookies those cookies are now at divine but they're $10 those cookies used to be $3 because nobody knew that they were the strongest in town nobody knew people crashing and it's a big cookie it's like yeah it's a big fuck it's like two or three normal cookies and you when we drove up to your house and you

can probably sit here dad if you want to yeah we drove up to your house and he said all right just have a little bit and see what you like and I remember we went to Starbucks before his flight and and and he took it and then I thought he was gonna go and go and have a little bit but I opened it up before the flight and I didn't want to go through security with a pot cookie because it reeked it did smell yeah they smell right and when I got there they were armed security guards you know with uniforms on this is at LAX and it was it was intense for me to get through security you know with your belt off and his shoes

so I sat down on the sidewalk and I ate the entire cookie in 10 minutes and I remember asking you how high will I get you said well all depends on how much you eat but I nonetheless I ate the entire thing I got through security and I looked at the first available chair and I and I fell into the chair I had five hours I had a five hour delay so I'm getting so high that every time I tried to get up I would fall back into the chair I couldn't I couldn't even stand up and some people would come by me and I go and pointed my boarding pass until one person said I think you missed your flight I was sitting in the

chair for five hours and I and and I was so high I missed the flight and they said I think you missed your flight come with me and they took me to the airplane and they were just taking the jet way up you know the thing you walk into the airplane with they were just taking it back and they opened it up just for me to get in and they plopped me in a seat and then I took an ambient a sleeping pill I took an ambient on along with the pot cooking and I don't remember anything it was a six-hour flight to Boston the next thing I knew there was there was shaking me saying sir sir you have to get up sir you have

to get up and I was the only person left on the plane and so then they had someone walk me to my car because I wrote on my ticket where my car was so I didn't know anything I didn't even realize I was walking with anyone and he had my luggage and I was just hanging on like this he brought me to my car and I slept for two hours I just found this out I thought he I thought he drove immediately but no I slept in my car for two hours and then I drove and I got stopped by a policeman a Boynton Beach policeman and as he was walking up I got myself together and I and I said good morning sir can you tell me what I'm

doing or not doing that you know had you stopped me and he said you're going 14 miles an hour in between two lanes on 95 on a major highway right I was going 14 miles an hour on in two lanes and I so I luckily I had my suitcase right by me on the front seat and and he looked at my suitcase and he said where have you been I said oh I just came back from LA visiting my son I had a red-eye flight and I guess I'm a little disoriented so he said are you going right home I said yeah and he let me go no ticket but can you imagine I mean I should have been arrested or detained five times in that one night somebody should have said to

me that you know are you did you take medication are you okay do we need to call nobody said not number nobody doesn't fuck nobody knows nothing no no no all night I came in contact with five people completely and totally wasted so that I didn't even know where I was do I could see no backdrop but was just white paint wherever I looked and but nobody stopped me including the cop fucked up today you know we started the morning off with a little bite from my bang this is the chocolate bar game yes this right this is it condensed oh god we're getting fucked up we're taking a mental ride today and we might

go to Sanita Park I got to cancel my 11 o'clock so you go over there fucking it's a trip going on the track today oh yeah be a big day yeah it's a big day at the track to give it away free fucking umbrellas they know it's gonna rain today too it's cloudy out already Joey call me in like last weekend said I'm here we're coming on Monday they're giving away umbrellas yeah you gotta catch the track when they're giving away umbrellas let me tell you I took the family I took the wife and the baby to the track the other day and we had a fucking blast my wife had a blast the baby slept through the whole goddamn thing

right you know people think I'm crazy like that you took the baby like I went to a restaurant the other day ladies like how's the baby doing did you oh she's no she's in the fucking car she's on her way in with her mother the girl's like are you serious you're not supposed to take the baby out the immune system has to listen that baby's been on since the second day I've had that baby out every fucking day wherever I go you know you're not busy if I'm busy I can't take the baby to an audition why would I do that but if I'm not busy let's go I take him to the park I take it to the fucking track the idea my wife was like are you

serious let's stop at Red Lobster we got appetizers because you can't eat that shit we just got like the crab cakes which they fucking discontinued and the lobster bis soup and I had a salad I went right to you know because I'm not eating at the track that's not really that good they're fucking hot dogs and fingernails and your hamburger that shit but no I had a great time so hopefully today you got to catch those days when they give away shit my best memories of all as a kid is when you went to a stadium and got some oh yeah when you're kid like that I I'm a fucking kid for a while I had I went to the Red Sox game

yeah the first 10 years of my life I like asked my dad we'd go to things that I'd be I'd get snacks and then I'd be gone for the first inning was over but when I was like 10 I was like when I was 10 I could finally sit but we got I got a little mini bat signed by the third base coach sure nobody but I had that thing until I was 18 because it was not an autograph and it was a free bat yeah that's the whole thing they give you a bat day they always gave me the Yankees had bat day when the Red Sox came to town that's what you want to do to have batsmen fucking people around that you want to go to war with I wasn't a big

Yankee stadium guy I was more of a shea stadium type of guy because my mother was a meth fan but you know they always gave you shit I like it when the track in the middle as they used to give you windbreakers and you know they weren't bad windbreakers that were lying there was just a piece of fucking plastic yeah but at least you get something when you go I don't stay all day at the track I go for fucking three four races and I lose my mind this place is fun because it's not total degenerate it's not a degenerate kingdom like if you go down to Hollywood Park on Friday nights they have a dollar beer dollar admission and

dollar hot dog you'll never make it back to the car with your winnings it's the it's by the forum have you ever gone to Englewood to yeah I've seen it I've never done the forum you go to a fucking concert the forum when you walk to your car you're scared that's big out there but Hollywood Park Santa Anita this Filipinos which they're always gonna be Asians at any fucking institution around here because those Asians gamble those motherfuckers gamble they play you know you go to a commerce casino it's full of them it's full of them and they bring food to the great fucking food Ari does it all the time you know Ari's a poker

player our friend Ari yeah so he'll go there he goes no I eat lunch there they bring it right to your table he goes it's tremendous Szechuan beef and yeah great Chinese food Rudy our friend used to run the commerce casino comedy room and after they paid me I go over and get Chinese food not bad not great egg rolls and I'm at the food you know it's not bad it's a real Chinese and they throw down and and like I said not the general gamma nothing the reason why I like the track if I tell you dick it's the Sun the sunshine you can't beat it I grew up in aqueduct my mother was an aqueduct guy I would go to aqueduct and play two

and touch football in the grass they had like a grass area and your mama and the way we'll go see you later come in if you want money for soda because there was kids out there throwing a football so I go I go and I wait till they bring the horses out and I watch the horses I look at all the horses how they're looking and then we got a way it's a lot of walking though but you get some exercise we do some exercise today so it's good what's the one in upstate New York it's a nice one there's a bunch of them up there but I'm a I went to like the middle and that's what was my favorite when I walked home from the

middle and a couple times broke aqueduct how far is that how far as the middle ends to north bergen ten miles if that if that you've seen it if that if that not really not really three four miles I'm lying to you guys okay and I went to down the shore my myth is very nice I've been to fucking Roosevelt Raceway and Yonkers you got to bring weapons in there and then there was a place O.T.B. off track betting right on 178th Street Port Authority the best fistfights I ever seen in my life best action I would go there just to giggle because I used to have I used to have to when I bartended I had to be there at

five you know me I get up at fucking six in the morning I'd walk around till five in the afternoon so I go into the city get a nickel bag go to see a movie and then I go to O.T.B. for entertainment that was my entertainment I go to court you know I'm a big court guy I don't go out here but when I look at Manhattan I go to court every fucking night I got a sandwich no I go to court and get a sandwich and sit in the back and fucking that's entertainment right there late night court ten o'clock later oh they must have them the city okay they have the 24-hour courts and Manhattan you see people come in stabbing their

wife like the cat on fire you got to give an explanation to the fucking judge that's the best any of you could go to daytime court go to nighttime court get bring a sandwich coffee a few donuts you have some fucking great time lily motherfucking lily lily I don't know if you know this I'm gonna be 50 years old tomorrow I never expected this Lisa at and Dick's I had in the world it's so funny one of my friends is calling in today and I and I thought about a motor weekend because I went to eat bagels with my wife the other day went to this place and I was sitting there going I can't buy I'm gonna be 50 and I was

thinking of all my birthdays and I'll tell you what guys you know what I haven't had a good birthday you know we remember shit I have a great memory I can't remember any birth the last good birthday I remember was we had a party wrapped in my mother died my mother died November and that February we had a party at that house there was an old-school high school party no girls allowed just guys I don't know how many fucking drugs I did I don't know how many joints we smoked the music it was great it was just a bunch of guys I'm gonna have one of the guys calling for my 16th birthday now I'm 50 right and I was

thinking that was the last really the birthday before that my mother was alive and I hit the number for five grand on my birthday it was a big snowstorm in New York so I was looking at the baby the other day I was looking at my wife I'm like this is the first time I found warps you know like my birthday tomorrow I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do people keep calling me what are you gonna do what are you gonna do nothing I'll probably end up doing nothing I'm definitely gonna kickboxing tomorrow I want to say I worked on my 50th birthday yeah you know I don't know what I want to do it just I'm just happy in the

place that I'm at that's what your birthdays you know sometimes you have a birthday you have all this pomp and people come over you like what the fuck did I do this shit for you know when I was a kid my mother had all those type of parties where I had to wear two suits and people came over she had a pinata then she had like a morning pinata an afternoon pinata the morning pinatas and candies and I'm the night pinata a couple grams of blow in there for the adults so she would always go go on the floor and get mommy a nice little before they'd stuff them with fucking fucking cat Cubans crazy

motherfucking Lee what the fuck is going on this morning you're not talking to me your dad's here no smoking don't you really smoke some more we already smoked but you want to smoke more sure that was before we got to set this edible off it's one day I'm gonna give some shout outs real quick what time you got late it's a beautiful day six twenty five oh shit we got our buddy called my man almost called the editor of my book nice and we're gonna talk about writing for people want to write up whatever the fuck they wanted you know I'm trying to give people the best of that than what they got him I want to give some shout

outs I got some good ones today my man William Heimkamp his stepdad is a fucking big fan of the show oh shit oh shit that's what Australia I'm watching you cock suckers Danny Rockwell Amanda Nunes and her family Anita I love you dirty bitch Chris the in rig student engineering student I love you guys as usual my man Leon de la Vega and fucking Bill killer all the cock suckers that watch this show my girl Jill Himitsu and the MB Leaf I hope you're feeling better up there Christy Olsen your sexy motherfuckers my main man look at him up awake from Chicago PJ Strachio you bad motherfucker Billy killers

here all the faces here to help you have a great day today JR Gomez you cock sucker I hope you have a great day today and do what you need to do always let me tell you something as I was coming in I told you guys that I'm in shape this morning was the best thing I've ever tasted in all my fucking life you know I lay off the proteins and I go back I you know I switch like one week I just eat something in the next week because I don't want my body get used to all the proteins and shit I had that on it protein part of the chocolate the hemp hemp force yeah guys that chocolate tastes that's one thing the chocolate

tastes fucking good you gotta put some ice cubes in there to take it up but I gotta taste them it's the best tasting chocolate you've ever tasted in your life it's like a black hookers fucking pussy you know I'm saying that it's like the mom's wife's pussy that's what it would taste like little chalky little monkey to eat that thing that those little curly black hands Lee that's good for the teeth you know I'm saying it cleans it that's what I've been told go to on it get the fucking on it calm is the place you want to be if you want to start getting a little healthy to your life that go to

on it get the hemp force protein shake mix it up with the three pack get yourself a little mule and the testosterone just came out and the T1 the plus T1 I'm trying to get a packet sent over so I can take and I can let people know how the fuck it is I'm changing lives one fucking physique at a time I gotta go for a blood test tomorrow oh geez I don't give a fuck I'm used to nine did somebody blood test the last year and needles last week so I went to the acupuncture she must have put the last two weeks because I can't hear out of my left ear and she's trying to clean that with tea the fucking tea she gave

me the herbs tastes like if a hooker was dead and they cut up pussy I left it under the sun for a year oh no oh this tea tastes so fucking bad but those Chinese in their herbs man that shit works I'm starting to hear a little better but the point being she must have stuck 15 fucking needles all around my ear and to open up this side she stuck them in my shoulder in my head in my knee and in my ankle you have no fucking idea I'm used to needles now you know at this point not the ones they were talking about the other day some friends of mine was fucking they put needles in their knee to drain fluid I can't deal with

those things and but I'm used to acupuncture needles and blood tests they don't bother me no more by the way I was telling Lee yesterday they got to meet Adam Richmond for man versus food yesterday yeah and I was blown the fuck away yes it is a good guy good guy but not only that knowledgeable as a motherfucker about food you know you meet these people out here their hosts of these TV shows they know nothing you're like how the fuck did this guy get this job he knows nothing about movies half of these motherfuckers don't know dick this fucking kid knew and he's Jewish from Brooklyn he knew everything he knew

where the best Chinese Cuban food wasn't man that's fucking tough to find he pointed to restaurant he told me where to go he said where not to eat whitefish from in Columbus at those Jews are struggling out there I mean he told me some shit he knows the country and I've always stressed that out everybody always wants to be cool and show you if they traveled internationally you ever get those people like I went to California to see my son oh I went to Denmark and we seen the pyramids and you're like what the fuck is a fuck you know who gives a fuck I'm not against Denmark I did a book report about you

but I'm just saying that you know there's so many great places here in this country I like when people said me man I went to fucking Minneapolis I got a great cheeseburger that makes my dick hard it's America cocksucker you know everybody's talking about the bad economy and this and this but meanwhile you're in fucking Europe walking around with a bunch of people with fucking long armpit hair that smell like onions and you know you want to go fucking booby economy go to Kansas for a week see how they live over there not wrong with fucking Kansas no not wrong with Lawrence Kansas nose place I love what

I was fucking oh while I'm on the thing I'm gonna be in New Orleans Lee hooked it up rightly yeah it's I did you do the link yet or no I didn't even see the link I afforded it y'all we'll put it up today but there's a you're doing a show at the Linuit comedy theater in New Orleans oh shit like March 8th and 10 March 8th and March 10th the 8th is a Friday night the show is at 10 o'clock and Sunday it's at 8 o'clock if we sell out both shows only 80 seats we'll add a third one I just want to go light I know it's things are you know you guys had the soup ball and a bunch of shit down there it's a small place Lana Othita one of

the best comedy place 2011 so I'll put it on the web page and let people know we'll get this fucking party started oh and then about on it and actually now Amazon on your web page there are links on okay on your web page and for the on it one it just this is get on it has your face on it right and then for no furters on it and Amazon okay so if you click on that you don't have to put in church it'll do it for you and if you go to Emma if you go to Joey Coco Diaz net and click through Amazon and get a I just got a whole bunch of stuff from my place and it's just a it gives us a little bit back I know people are asking

for it so we got yeah I don't want to ask for donations up but this is great if you go to Amazon you're gonna order something click through our link and we get a couple pennies and it's good yeah it's a couple fucking milkshakes there be fucking oh this is what I just got in the I just got a juicer I was telling you what you think what do you think we're gonna do it for the first time today but I'm doing yet no I'm fucking I'm going on a juice fast now this is the last week I'm gonna have to eat food so we got the juice stuff we're gonna do it for lunch today you've been talking about fasting for I thought it was Jesus by

night but what the fuck we're gonna stake tonight but that's state tonight we're throwing a fucking blender with a cucumber I don't I have that we're gonna have that for lunch and but I'm starting one after lunch the juice we went last night we got like the kale and all that shit carrots apparently Jordan did it Jordan Lee to get skinny yeah I say that Jordan lost a lot of fucking weight here's an 80 pounds in September he looks like looks like John move for the Magoo yeah so I'm excited and I'm actually gonna do if you follow me on Twitter I'm actually gonna start doing I don't know how often I'll do it but I'm

gonna do a YouTube thing following it just sort of to keep me so I won't slack off and you want to lose some weight Lee you ready yeah I mean really sling some dick like a fucking flying Jew that you are you know and that's your father dick's eye at the helicopter oh did he see you do you see the little logo I have now the fly on the shirt that was very funny you like that huh yeah jr. made it and don't they think I know Joey takes care you cock sucker huh you thought I was just making shirts I told him it's a commemorative shirt for the show a long-sleeve shirt show yeah beautiful flying juice has his own

fucking insignia he was dead the helicopter you know it's me the flying Jew in the helicopter I like science bitches and then when he is it this weekend or next weekend for Brea next week in February this Saturday this Friday I'm with Joe and this is the week with a Rhonda Rousey and Carmuch and Ben Henderson Dan Henderson's fighting Leodo Mochito and there's a good fucking LeVar Burton fighting that fucking Tarzan from Brendan Schwab from Denver those two hard-headed motherfuckers so I might go down I might not I might just watch at the house where the fights and I'm okay that's something down

there so he asked me last night was are you gonna go on I said see if you could give away the tickets if you won't give them away then I'll take some but if they don't sell out he gets a bunch of them so I'll try to get you if he doesn't sell out but I think you'll sell out just because around the Rousey they're good in LA the fights aren't bad in LA yeah they're like Vegas is the same fucking people do you see that ad they're running she's real she's hot like I know she was hot but they put her in like a really sexy dress like a red dress yeah what would you do with that little monkey after she worked out for an hour

why did you always have to work out for now because that's when the monkeys nice and soft and somebody kicks that monkey and terrorize tenderizes that thing would you eat it and tell me the truth look at her arms she's really built she's she's tall so what let's say she gets you in a headlock and takes your head puts it in her fucking muffler what would you do when you tap out or you just take the ride you just submit yourself you loved it'd be fun show be fun yeah fucking fun that chick punches in the face I love it unless we smell a little feet and shit suck a little toes and then suck her ass after

she works only think Dicks I had some party when we come from these fucking youngsters don't know no no be invited you can pick with them in the head you have you seen the little girl who's here with him no I know she's back cute little ass leaves over a sweat and shit his face is yarmulke Ari's your fear was up to your day yeah so I go Ari you want to go eat it was Saturday so I took him to the neighborhood with all the Hasidic Jews we had a fucking pester we there was one walking at us and we just beat when he looked at us and go what's happening con sucker being Ari died Ari frozen to his

chair like he's like I'm sorry we were just beeping because if you drive on Chandler they're all over that's where they are we saw a girl a Jewish girl that was a fucking 12 me my wife Ari and the baby were in the car she walked right in front of us with one of those black dresses she was cool yeah this bitch was banging with little glasses on my god she was beautiful Dicks I had basically want to go to Israel you know saying fucking with my buddy a villa was in a call-up and not only talk about the birthday party they've been telling me I was gonna talk about that roots I'm for some reason Lee I've been

into AC DC again don't know why I go through all I love my music I love I've been listening to a Marilyn Manson again and you know I go through cycles of shit excuse me and I've been listening to AC DC Powerage and let that be rock because I was not listening to the radio they're gonna make a documentary about the singer his name is Bond Scott okay the guy wasn't a good-looking guy he wasn't a dancer he wasn't even Rod Stewart there was just something about Bond Scott that made you want to jump out a window if you listen to all those albums you know like we got play a little bad boy boogie for this is Angus

Young and Bond Scott Angus had to be 18 19 when he made Powerage maybe a little young I know he was 19 when he did let the I with a how a 21 when they did highway how he was a kid we did all these albums listen to this little fucking bad boy I love this shit hit it oh shit oh shit it's Monday February 18 get out there you bad motherfuckers little AC DC for you here oh shit Lee that little brownie kicking in yet it will be a little bit yeah takes about an hour for me oh yeah I'm gonna switch to your call oh yeah we'll listen to a CD

send the way back Omar Jerry Omar says you're okay you know I'm saying what's going on beautiful it's a beautiful Monday morning I'm sitting here with the flying Jew how about you my friend let me hey nice me Omar you too you too let these motherfuckers know who I'm on the phone with Omar so my name is Omar Lopez and I'm Joey's editor or putting a book together and I'll tell you some other day and I said you know what we got to get on the podcast we got to talk about this thing this thing is coming now later this year and it's been an incredible journey if the people have to hear about this I don't know what the

fuck I'm doing thank God I got you around because I have no idea I just go on these little writing things but it's been we've been talking for about a year and a half now you know I don't know how many pages I've written this shit that don't matter and shit that matters but it's amazing when you write a book what you go through because you know it's like you're writing a book about Abe Winken or Dick Syad or Lee Syad you're writing about yourself and there's chapters that I get to that I gotta take a couple days off because my head's gonna fucking explode like what I'm writing about right now was what I should have

been writing about Omar a year ago with you you know I was sending you the wrong things I felt about my life that I really wanted to get out that was you know I didn't want to write about things that people already knew I wanted to write about the things that what nobody knew you know yeah exactly I mean as Joey Coco Diaz fan starting from the Joe Rogan podcast Beauty and the Beast this podcast festival testimony you have so many different avenues where you've told your stories and you've told different elements of your past and this is an opportunity when as you're writing for you to show a little bit of

a different side of yourself then you tell some parts that you've been holding back from it that's a really personal I think the things that really explain who Joey Coco Diaz is how he came to be and you know it's been a really crazy journey because all the things that you've experienced anybody that's been following Joey for a while knows that there's no lack of material when it comes to Joey and the difficulty is not in trying to find things to talk about but in working all these things together into a cohesive narrative something that makes sense because there's so many good elements in there you got to just

piece them together now and it's that's what I'm trying to do now as I'm writing it I'm seeing that I can't take somebody on a lot like right now I'm up to this part in my life which I never discussed it was from I discussed it briefly with you when I could hear your jaw drop it goes from February 84 to like January 85 which I never really discussed when anybody was just a horrible part of my life I was sleeping in alleys you know I disappointed everybody who I shouldn't have disappointed you know it was one of those parts of your life where you just going to fucking that where you disappoint your uncles your moms your

dads and everybody's done it everybody's been for three months tell you know Tom Seguri yes they told story of him waking up in the hospital he drank a GMDH whatever that shit is and he OD'd and that they gave him a piece of paper and he wrote on the thing to his parents are you mad at me and they wrote no but disappointed and disappointment and somebody being mad at two different fucking things and I've always worked to they're dead to people I disappointed fucking long gone so it doesn't really matter I have to wipe that disappointment from my slate you know and that's what this chapter is doing but

I'm bro I've learned so much from you you know we've set so many different things he's had me read different things and look at it it's been an unbelievable journey and it's really what I always wanted to do I don't think anybody can really appreciate it unless they've gone through it to try to put your life your thoughts on paper and particularly for somebody like you that does not have a background in writing you know you can speak for yourself or from working with you the most difficult part has been developing that writing practice because there was a while where you were writing and you were

trying to say everything that you wanted to say in the pages that you were writing and that's great until it stops you from being able to write if you feel overwhelmed about how much you should do about the quality that it should be because you know ira glass he's in the coast of this American life on NPR and yes it's a really famous quote that I'm gonna send a paraphrase about how when you're a beginner you have appreciation for what's good and your appreciation is deep enough that you recognize that what you're producing isn't at the quality that you know that it could be and that can stop you you

just have to get past that and that's what it's all about so we got into this practice of tiny habits of setting really really small goals really manageable goals and in that way if if your goal is just to write a paragraph or a sentence then and you do that anything about that is great but you don't feel like if you've written a page or two that you're too overwhelmed to continue and that thing that's been really successful for us no that's been that's really worked out when I get back now send you a last week's work and I was looking at it last night making little corrections and it's just amazing that I've been

sitting down there's a few days where I actually sit down and write a sentence that's it and get up and the whole day it's killing you it fucking kills you the whole day like I gotta get back and write the paragraph but no I'm gonna write the sentence so it makes I've been even trying that and it's worked you're a fucking genius and like I said you know I contacted Omar last week and I said Omar I want to get this out by mid November so now I gotta really double up and now you know I'm trying to write comedy I'm trying to put a special together with Lee I'm trying to write a testicle testament on the 27th which

this is what the testicle testament is gonna cover this particular part of my life which is the worst part of my life ever and then but I felt that that's where I could work from instead of what everybody knew about my mom dying that wasn't what drove me crazy was the years after working so uh Omar you're a fucking savage man I can't believe thank you thank you Joe I mean it's incredible to me the journey that we've been together and it all started and this is to give everybody out there for Twitter let me tell you how this happened I was on Twitter and I saw that Joey put out a blog post and it was I

never forget that it was Halloween and it was called uh it was about the huckle they used to do during Halloween you remember this yeah writing this yeah and uh and I read it and I was like whoa I mean the content was really really good but the writing itself needed to be cleaned up so I just took it and edited it and then emailed it to you and that's how we got together and then it was just an opportunity I know how you always talk about it if you can't see your way make a way making your own opportunities finding the huckle and you know it's incredible to be able to do that with you to really make a way to

connect with you in this way as a biggest fan as I am to be able to help you with the project it's been unbelievable I know that we met in New York City we smoked dope on the rocks in Central Park and we hung out we talked about ideas and uh I could see how hungry and how uh very good you were at your job I could see that he was there's nothing I love more in the world than hustle nothing makes my dick hard and hustle because I did it I did it when you contact people you know last week we were talking about jobs all while you said hit it on the head and I was telling Lee that the youth that America goes on the web page today and

they're fighting everybody else for the same job that everybody else is looking at you're all chasing the same fucking nickel that's dead that's dead you you send resumes to those people just to cover yourselves but that's dead you have to walk up to construction sites you have to go to where people aren't going and I admire that today some chicks sent me like I love when salesmen send me postcards you know I deal with so many salesmen and to get one postcard at the end of the week you deal with 15 salesmen the percentage is a terrible so when somebody does send me a postcard I feel obliged to buy from them because they're really working their crap in 2013 the other 14 people I talked about

they're they're the ones that you see at the bar you know things are bad you know I can't sell nothing no you could this is prime season but uh Omar's a hustler same way like Lee I appreciate that hustle when people contact you and you know uh money talks and bullshit walks you know and sometimes you gotta do something and say look at this is what and when I see what he had done I got it when he made the corrections and most people have too much of an ego no I read it and I'm like wow I get it this is what I should be writing like and now I do comedy and I do we do the videos and everything but my real thing you know when I first read old man in the sea I fucking died you like that book fuck yeah oh I I had to read it for school oh no I that's how I

read it also but that was what I wanted to become I'm an only child all you need is a fucking corner like right now I'm still stuck on I'm writing you know I'm reading it for the third time yeah by Stephen King just what he says in there connects with me about you know you find this little fucking corner that the sun hits perfectly with the energy and you sit in that corner make little fucking notes it could be you ever see a writer's room where he writes it's disgusting it's disgusting that's where you're at home in your own disgust it could be a little because you're usually surrounded by books and scripts and papers and concert tickets and all you have this is a little corner and that's what I wanted you know and I'm happy Omar gives me the opportunity

every Monday to send him something and you know he doesn't call me that's right we're gonna put it together so everybody that follows Joey look out for that book coming out in the fall and it's gonna be great what else are you working on now all month because you've done a lot of things on your own yeah yeah yeah so my day job is actually an education an education advocacy you know I don't have to tell you Joey about the condition of some of the schools in New York and around the country that are not where they need to be and my work really centers on that changing those for the better because if there's one part of our society that we need to get right education so that's where I really center a lot of my focus and in my life it's been an example

because you know my parents they didn't have much of an education they came from the Dominican Republic and they moved to New York and just like you I'm an only child you know and they put all the eggs on this basket and that ain't make it that was it and I was able to make something myself with the help of a lot of people around me and so I'm really really grateful and I think the best way to show that gratitude is people to give back and to help and make the world a better place just like you are but making it all love people you know oh my it's amazing my daughter's six weeks old tomorrow and that fucks with me right like when by the time she gets to school they're going to be 45 kids in the classroom you know one teacher teaching 45 kids do you know a society

got to the point where you have to put your child in a private school to guarantee them an education a decent education like the ones we got you know uh you know these are all questions that baffle you you know even the daycare situation now I finally got a woman to come in but I heard that there's these places that you go and your kid it's like a meat factory they got one teacher for three kids and and I know I have one kid and they take all my attention you know uh it baffles me like what the future is for education with the budget cuts and this and this how are these kids going to do it there's no after-school programs left in this country you know you do know that correct Omar that's right yeah you know and every week I mean what are you gonna do with these

I'm thinking of putting something together you know I love kids and I'm like you Omar I think that uh I think about my life and I know where my parents went wrong and why I weren't wrong and I feel those voids I'm like fucking living spackle you know and I know that people don't have jobs now so you know I had an idea to move into a community to have different dads do something with kids every day so Monday Dixayats got him Tuesday Lee's got him Wednesday I got him and we play stickball you know we throw darts but half hour that you read a book or talk about a movie or something and this isn't something that you're doing to get paid this is your community it starts with your fucking community you know when I was getting raised it was about uh it takes a community to

raise a child what's that it takes a village yeah it's a village to raise a fucking child and it petrifies the shit out of me oh mother I drive everywhere I don't see kids on a street playing no more it was the last time you stomped your car because there was eight kids playing two-hand touch football and one of them told you to go fuck yourself wait till we do this play I can't wait them up into that bunch of kids again that don't never happen in this country again that don't never happen people don't let their kids out no more it's right so I really appreciate I've even taken a home school like I was like maybe I should open up my own fucking home school and start with my daughter and have other kids coming for three hours take a break off you know I'm taking I'm

taking all different options for my daughter you know because and it's only for my daughter I know people that have you know in this economy two parents have to work we want to put this kid in something when I was being raised you went to the PAL am I lying Omar how many motherfuckers went to the PAL and shot pool with the cops and played bad those programs are all gone they're all gone in this country or they're really expensive when I was in high school like eight years ago to do any sport was like 200 bucks per season per kid can you believe this in this day and age there's a football car high schools that don't have a football program because the state can't afford it the fucking kids gotta pay for their own to play football in this day and age

in this fucking country so I don't know what direction is going I thought that was all on the fucking arm from the city when you played wreck but what is it Warner pop Warner football and what about Warner yet what happened to all that well pop Warner's still alive and kicking so I appreciate what you're doing Omar you know we got to start like an after-school writing program and shit let's get it together the school of what's happening now the school of what's happening now the church of what's happening now oh my what do you think is the most important thing like when you read a when you read a book what do you want from that author yeah so a lot of what we're working on yes and me when I when I read from myself it's finding stories and characters

that I can relate to people with vulnerabilities that it's something that's interesting you know I saw three movies recently all very very different uh jago and change our goal and linked it all very very different movies um but what ties them all together was that although there were all sorts of different characters and thieves and whatever it was about somebody trying to overcome the eyes to do something that's different it eventually changes them to the people around them and the books that most impact me are the ones that are able to translate that that's not that's why this story has so much power because nobody is able to translate how much strife and and stuff that they've gone through to become who they are today as you can and you know in a way that is

entertaining and as funny as you can so outrageous so uncensored I mean we all live our lives with these constraints because we don't want to offend and in a lot of ways it's a very complex thing it allows us to have our society the way you know when I heard in each other's feelings I'm able to live positively but you also need outliers and people that are able to step outside of what's acceptable and just stay able to aim it on their mind and in their heart and that have our character like you a real life character Joe can always call you a real life cartoon that's exactly true that has somebody like you in the world needs to be immortalized on a page and being able to write a story that that's all that I think is a tremendous opportunity well

I'm happy you're in my corner cocksucker that's why I love you because you can catch me actually you inspired me I put in a long time ago uh you know calling people savage I made it writing savage all right that's why I love you mr writing savage well I'm happy you called I will get home and email you your weekly stuff and uh we'll do this every like 60 days just to see where we're at with the book and uh Omar thank you very much for calling and for being there for me you got it take your joy take care of me nice to me Omar have a good day papa I'll call you later all right yeah it's fucking tough I was gonna ask you and he brought up a little bit uh the blogs is that like before you did that do you ever think you'd write a book no like it seems because

that's the way to do it you start with a blog then you go to booker you start with uh web webisodes and then you work on movies or tv so it's uh you know I started on myspace and what I did was the same thing I'm doing with you fucking guys on twitter every monday no matter what I did the first thing I did on monday I sat for two hours and wrote a blog the first three months it took me five hours to write two paragraphs you know just to sit there spelling was wrong punctuation was wrong I had been out of college 30 fucking years who still remembers that shit you know and I kept doing it doing doing the problem I got now I probably have a book on myspace I just can't get on myspace I forgot everything I forgot my codes I forgot everything so I'm fucked so I

want to start over again on Mondays and start doing a Monday morning blog how the story affected me you know uh the the the this testicle testament is going to be really good on the 27th because it's shit that nobody ever heard before like I mentioned stories on Rogan's podcast or Duncan's and people get half the story or something uh you know like I was telling on one that I was writing what I thought people wanted you know my mother diamond which is all bullshit I was fucking crazy way before that shit and I was crazy and bad shit years after that and uh I talked about that period where I just went fucking AWOL where I was thinking about how I did an ounce of coke one afternoon from one in the afternoon to six in the morning at a basket I went to a net Philadelphia basketball

game uh six a game and I got fucked up with the bartender who does this I took a date and I got up to go get a drink to go do a line of coke in the bathroom and I ended up staying at the bar staff to when I got to the bar like I was going to go to the bathroom I seen this bartender with a bow tie all alone by himself I go I go up to the guy and I go let me get a vodka Tommy and he gives me in those days they were they already had the machines that the computer eyes and I go what the fuck is that he goes dawg what can I do you know I go I get my 30 bucks I go fill those fucking glasses up with vodka he's looking at me like I have the secret I go you want to do a blast now this guy his hair is done right his bow tie is tight he's got a white shirt it's fucking high and

I go in my pocket I remember I had like a big baggie with these rocks and I just gave it to like that's how crazy I was I gave it to my go go do a bump come back and fucking fix this computer this guy did came back he was sweating his bow tie was loose he fucked him this connected the whole thing so he could free pour the vodka this guy definitely got fired but he was as crazy as we started doing coke in the first quarter by the fourth quarter he wasn't even taking care of other people people were there with money in their hand he's like I'm busy I'm closed he was sweating the bow tie was off the shirt was open he had armpit circles we were both coked up and I remember going back the girls like where the fuck have you been like this is just one of them I remember

driving home and I'm going don't you ever call me again like I've never been so humiliated it was like I was crazy I was just fucking crazy but that that's when the guy got shot in the foot the story I told was doing coke with the guy with the underwear and the gun fell out and shot himself in the fucking foot I mean dick this was six months of this this just wasn't this was like every fucking week something was getting shot it was just amazing like I remember going I had to scan but we got on a plane people's express I would get on the plane on people's express and you had to pay on the plane in those days you've never heard of that before never never been done you didn't make reservations did you know that look how fucked up he is awesome this guy's having problem to

take him to rehab he's no good dick in those days people's express you didn't have reservations you call people's express to find out what time the flight was you had to be there it was first come first serve yeah she does Newark to Miami right yeah Newark to Miami Newark to LA Newark to England $69 but first come first serve so sometimes you pull up to the airport you're like fuck this let's get out of here was that you don't have to park around you know where you stood because it said whatever there was a line what the fuck are we talking about you're talking about the that I would get on this plane Lee because I had seriously I would get on the plane and when it came to me I get to be here and again they have an open tab

then at the end of the flight they come and you have a sign your credit card and they wouldn't even have they wouldn't even know if it was stolen you just signed it there was times I wouldn't even I would get on the plane with no credit card that's how much of an animal I was and I'd say it's in my luggage they go right when you get your luggage go see the fuck you go see some fucking lady I don't even have a credit card you didn't even need a license in those days to fly remember that dick you didn't even need a license you go to the fucking window go I'm fucking uh Jesus fucking Hitler boom you're on the plane Jesus Hitler plane 2a nobody asked you questions like that's how I used to fly it was just I think of these things dick

do you ever think about this dick thing she did in your youth and you go I should have been dead somebody should have shot me I mean I should have got hit by a car like what the fuck life is weird like that you feel guilty I mean what do you go through dick sometimes how old are you today by the way 60 god bless you look like you're 40 fucking nine look at you I said to Lee I'm old I feel sorry now I feel old you don't want bald up top and the hair's gray and the sagging a little bit in the chin it's what's in your heart your heart's 30 years old when you see it bro your dick still gets hard yeah that's all that fucking matters look at look at the other one here they shut the fuck up that's your dad that's what you're gonna

at 60 you're still gonna be slinging dick you gotta look at him and go wow I gotta get my shit together I'm gonna be 60 someday like my dad I'm gonna be slinging dick he still looks good he's healthy yeah it's got the glasses that's doing great yeah got the glass nozzle tall fuck yeah thank you but anyway fuck yeah it's a fun time and I'm really glad to be here with Lee and we're gonna go to the top steak house in LA tonight which one's tonight animal animal now where is this at in Hollywood like West Hollywood I think I yeah it's on sunset I believe so this is better than any other steak I did a search online for best steak house in Los Angeles really and a list of 10 came out and what were the other nine do you know a lot was like lorry Ruth Chris Lowry uh

grill really yeah anybody up here I don't think I mean hey let's see what's the best thing look at the shape of Lisa yeah this is what I deal with dick he comes in he gets high this is what I do I know but to put him in a Jewish rehab down at the boat I'm Beverly what's the name of the Jewish rehab down there you know that they have Jewish rehab yeah what's the thing they do every September yeah I'm sure I'm sure Shalba they do something like a telephone oh yeah yeah they have a rehab that's where they get the telephone they say it's a Jewish rehab on uh not joking it's hilarious because my friend went my friend went but they're fucking they're cynical don't fuck don't fuck you up there's no pistols don't throw rocks at you shit don't fuck I'm not kidding

they don't fuck around they threw him out they threw him out he did something like he he got there like five minutes late because they let you out for a while they threw his ass out they don't fuck around Shalba what is it the bar something with a bar I have no idea what the fuck gonna juice of my next thing you're gonna say you're mad at me you're mad at math you know what I'm talking about uh anyway who the fuck knows who the fuck knows so you're 60 I'm gonna be 50 I can't believe it I can't believe I look at my wallet yeah and sometimes I find like my union card and it says members is 97 I can't believe it like I think this is a fucking dream even right now when I'm living you know and it's weird because I this is how I took care of my mind after somebody

dies in your life or you have like a mishap it feels like a dream for a few days like somebody close to you passes or something it always feels like you're involved in a dream and then you always say to yourself I can't wait for this dream to fucking for me to wake up and never you never wake up from this dream you know when I tell you something dick I'm going through the same thing right now with the baby like I look at this little girl I'm like this is a fucking dream I'm waiting for somebody to wake me up right now yeah and it's not that I love her it's it's I'm uh for you you know like I was telling Leon I'm sure that my wife went to parties with kids with wives and they were all talking about their kids and my wife felt like she had cancer half the time because

she was 42 and stuff and you know I can't imagine being a woman and not having a child and being in a circle of those fucking heathens and they're all talking about their kids because women are fucking brutal compared to guys you know what you must feel like and I was thinking about how my wife doesn't have to go through that anymore like now she's got a kid and she's happy and I'm happier for my wife than anything I've ever been for like I felt like I finally came true for her and I made her happy you know I never thought I'd made her happy I used to look at my wife and I don't know what the fuck she's doing here what she's doing here looking at Mad Flavor World with a bunch of fucking cats I mean you know but now I look at my wife and I feel like I did my end so it's uh

it's a really good feeling well what do I got left you know hopefully I can live till 74 that's the average age of a male in 74 that's if you've lived a good life you've taken care of yourself you know so between the coke and a couple hookers pussies and shit like that you know I might live till 65 I never really ate hookers pussy you like no Jesus Christ don't lie to me because your dad's here last week you were telling me you ate some chick out now you don't want to know nothing no that's a hooker no hook you know whatever you still in a manual room mate yeah no you didn't rub that little fucking helmet on her cheek when she's sleeping thank god she's hot she's hot every time you come in she just you just like big noises that hurt and stuff but no no I mean

she's just a friend she's fucking cute though I mean yeah no I'm not yeah she sleeps with her little ass up got a little roasted shit Lee makes believe like you don't sit there and just stare at her while she's sleeping Jesus Christ you just stare at her they believe like how can I start this fucking process maybe I'll tickle her feet or something like that you got to wake her up with that Lee with the helmet rubbing on her face a little bit I'll come I'll call you for bail no I'm bail she's gonna go Lee what's gotten over you nothing you're just here you're here I was here watching Lord order you were right there with your little ass popping up I could hear you gurgling at least I add on Dick's birthday and shit I don't know what I'm doing for

my birthday I got nothing to fucking do I got nothing to do know where to go nobody to do with I'm just gonna hang with the wife and the kid tomorrow sorry about that I got a pubic hair stuck in my fucking throat no I got nothing Lee no pussy for Uncle Joey what else we got today Lee on tap we gave the shout out we did the fucking music we talked about the book we talked about birthdays what else you got Lee you got nothing else for me that's it that's all I can look at the shape you Lee why do you do that shit to yourself I can't even imagine why do you smoke this dope Lee look at you I can't have no more reefer for you no more fucking reefer for you look at the shame now what are you gonna do the rest of the day and I'm gonna have to roll another fucking joint

that's what I gotta do what do you think Dick yet I'm gone so we should we're all gone for a while my body is here but my mind now it's time to roll another fucking number that's wrong this is the last of the uh what is this called I don't even know white fire oh shit this is what they gave to Abe Lincoln before they shot up in the head Lee what got some music for Uncle Joey do you want to do uh finish some ACDC ACDC finish it while I roll this fucking number here what are you tormenting me Dick say hey you ready to smoke some reef and get this party started fucking Lee's buying breakfast for all of us did you get the money in the mail did you get the last yeah yeah yes thank you don't fuck around me hit it Lee blast this motherfucker don't want to tell you no story tell you don't lie

hit it Lee are you fucking kidding me or what February 18th Dick Syat's birthday the fuck the present Tony I want Mrs. Obama that's what I want every time I see you on tv I fucking go crazy I can't find the glue with this the fuck you laughing about late you're supposed to be helping me in my body I'm trying is that one of my bitches calling me not yet all right here we go hopefully this is it I can't find the fucking dude amazing radio huh nothing amazing radio that's right sometimes you know what do you want to do you want me to give a shot out the who or whatever put some fucking commercial we got no commercials the only commercial here is read for cocksucker

that's it it's monday february 18th what the fuck you offering me conversation one conversation put the fucking view on you understand me we're giving you energy you can't get from those tv shows who else rolls a joint in front of you while it's the atc dc who who who i witness news fuck no fucking cocksuckers dick syat they're no good look at this weed this weed is stickier than a motherfucker coming at you on monday you understand me you know why because i got time for this shit today that's why i'm going to go home i got to write some jokes for fucking all more i'm going to take my wife to breakfast we're going to breakfast what we doing people you guys you're mummified look at the both of us you look like three fucking monkeys without the little bandages on your

and now we're going to smoke this fucking sub marina debt this is what john lennon smoke put on uh some beetles first that's what we need this morning right little beetles how about be a prudence that's a good little jam good that's a good little jam i figured if i asked you did you ever see the beetles me yeah yeah i saw him i don't know in england 68 i was fucking four what are you fucking nuts or what will you say i didn't didn't they go into the 70s nah they broke up like in 71 i was by that time i was still playing with my gi jose grab your balls i remember why god put you on those fucking these ain't cigarettes with joint leaders a fake fucking cigarette with uh with steam in it coxucker this is like my favorite song it's tremendous yeah don't make this like this here we go coxuckers

hillily won't you come out and play hey hey lily won't you come out to play i'm gonna go bring this number over to the prudence over there who thank you we got radio shows bitches this is

i think we forgot we i think we forgot we were on air for a little bit over here smoking dope and it's president's day coxucker get up salute the flag you nasty motherfuckers get up get up it's a whole beautiful world out there you coxuckers where's dear prudence what happened john lennon tapped out somebody shot in the middle of the zone oh oh shit monday lee syat is fucked up little bites by bang their fucking rude motherfuckers big bangs but the big bite will do it to you early morning we're already fucked up here on the president's day you think we give a fuck this is how you gotta live with no safety net right mr syat absolutely

if you can do it all over again no fucking safety net all these fucking i gotta keep a job till i can paint get out there quit that fucking job get out there and paint believe in yourself if you can't gamble on you the fuck are you gonna gamble on five black guys in boston throne balls go fuck your mother yes your dirty bastards fucking douchebags that they are where's my main man steve a villa from the past masters calling up a good friend of mine i grew up with yeah this has been rough this week i can't i'm happy i'm with you guys because i didn't know how this podcast would go look at the shape you look like fucking ganglifini when they let himself go with the beard your all high and shit look at you i love it i love this little jew fuck he's the best i know

he's like your brother oh he's the best he's gonna be a fucking star in 10 years gonna be like rock or a beast he's gonna fucking be working let me tell you something we got a lot of good feedback on rock oh really i rock will call me a day some some kid offered to pay him to sit with him rock was like i don't want to get paid by these kids i just want to talk to them and help them with their careers that's how good of a guy he is yeah hopefully he'll help us shoot our special yeah i hope so give us that george calling magic that we're looking for lisa and the fucking richard prime lee i gotta have for joint you're four feet away what's the problem here look at dick son i know what happens when you get up oh you're gonna be sitting there till

fucking four o'clock today this afternoon right and don't worry they know where to go it's claudia right or wrong you're right claudia it's gonna be one of those days today they might even be a lord on america just because it's president's day and that's how we do it it's a monday fucking morning get out there write your goals do some jumping jacks do some sit-ups i'm gonna go to ten o'clock kickboxing maybe today i think well you can do early okay quick and get over and i gotta wait till eight i'm doing triply show tonight oh nice at eight thirty so i'm gonna even bring dick they got some porno chicks sucking dick and licking balls we got about we might get you a little a little jew finger up your ass on your 60th birthday who's better than us i'm like what's the cover on that

there's no cover it's dick sciat it's free you walk in you take your dick out it's all over you know i'm saying it's like it's like me at kids are us with a baby you ever got a that's how you get your dick suck you bring your baby to kids are us and you just take your dick out one of them always those women fall for it they love it every woman in the world talk to me about babies are us my wise i had to go in there and do something i went i go let me hold the baby while she was testing the swings out of some shit i swear to god 50 women came over and talked to me and oh shit oh shit oh shit hey it's my little brother steve of illo what's happening baby what's happening man you know me dog over here trying to put together the church of what's happening now

stone to the gills of my man lee sciat his father's in studio today dick sciat is his birthday say hello steve of illo happy birthday hey what's up steve of illo how you doing pardon me i'm doing good where did the band play this weekend everybody's got an animal right you know everybody are you off today my friend oh yeah uh did the band play this weekend yeah we played yesterday we're at we played yesterday over in uh pardon me over in queens how was that so it was a great show man great great show i gotta tell you i watched that uh you know i've known you since the beginning and i've been a fan of what you do since the beginning but the other day somebody posted one of your reels up the pastor masters reels up with and you guys are singing a few songs

and oh my god that fucking uh you too song was amazing was amazing calypso what i can feel and that fucking jewy sax she adds uh such a different dynamic to your band so if you guys get a chance go see the past masters go look them up you have a web page steve yeah www.pastmasters.com or you can find us on facebook at uh you know http facebook.www.facebook.com forward slash past masters you're fucking beautiful bro i can't believe that you stuck with it all this time and you become uh and you're a great singer steve you're a fucking great singer man you get to hold a few notes and uh oh no no no i know what's talking a little rusty on uh walk this way was it walk this way maybe yeah you guys

got to hit some high notes there i like that you're a fucking sad the reason why i wanted the reason why i wanted you to call it a tough act no that's a tough fucking act to follow uh you know uh the reason why i wanted to talk to you steve is you and i went to we had a had gone to 20 concerts together oh easy but one of the concerts we went to that i still sit there and shake my head about is acdc warming up for ten newton at the garden august 1st august 4th 1979 which that's what that's got to be 30 fucking years ago oh god more than that 30 34 34 35 i was listening to ozzy's bone yard you ever listen to ozzy's bone yard on serious exams i listened to it every day every fucking day and they were and they had on uh they had on some acdc song but they also were listed talking

about that they're going to do a bond scott documentary oh cool and you and i were talking together on the phone and you said that you still remember bond scott running past you with angus young on his shoulders yep and if it's one thing from that concert i remember first of all we were talking about the other day about a reality thing that i was telling somebody that uh in those days when somebody played mass in square garden there'd be 60 kids from north bergen there minimum correctly minimum because you had the field you had 51st street you had 46th street you had 88th street so everybody sent representatives from all those fucking different parks and you know and you go to one of these concerts you see 60 kids from your high school and you're like this is the fucking

garden this isn't like uh you know the orange county fair where you know high school kids go hang out for sure this is the fucking garden you had to ask your mother to take a bus into new york city so these kids you got to see lisa had to give him some uh some chocolate fudge some 180 milligram he's fucked up a villa he looks like we did when we were 15 in the back of the shed anyway and uh it's just an amazing thing that i love like i lately you and i always talk about music when we talk and we always go through our phases like sometimes for a month we'll listen to pink floyd the wall or you know uh sergeant peppers for a month or abbey roads for a month and this last month it's been let there be rock and power rage and i've been listening to them basically because

of bond scott and what he brings to those fucking arms what do you think about those um bond scott was the man you know i'd not taken anything away from brian johnson brian johnson you know you thought when bond scott was gone you know who could replace this guy acpc is done you know so you know that you can't take anything away from him but but bond scott to me that was the epitome of the lineup right there so those albums are phenomenal he was an old man too compared to the wrestler man he was a fucking old man you know he was 40 and the wrestler were 20 or something like that something they lie it says that he's 31 he was a fucking 31 there's a video on youtube that he's got no shirt on and he's just dancing and singing i'm like look at this fucking lunatic and

they loved him they loved what he brought to the band he was really a leader but nobody ever gives him credit you know like you'll never hear bond scott's name any conversation nothing now well maybe after this documentary there'll be a little more you know i mean to me you know that's that's the acdc stuff that i love the most no i love that and again nothing to take away from from that first album you know out through um highway to hell you know um let that be rock what was it if you want blood you got it that the live one uh you got power rage which is a fuck power range has one of the best lines i ever heard in my life everybody was flying across the sky superman was out of town i fucking love that superman was out of town what the fuck is superman out of town

you know what superman's always in fucking town but uh you know when bond scott died right aville's yeah bond scott died on my birthday the year that you guys drew that party for me in my attic where we got fucked up with louis the nigger louis and andes yeah okay that's and i was telling and i was telling these guys in the studio that was my 16th birthday and i you know my mother had died three months earlier and i was feeling terrible and for some reason we had no school that monday like today and i got the door and we went over there we brought beers and we smoked dope and i think me and lubes did acid and uh and i was telling my wife thursday went to get bagels and we were sitting there and i had the baby with us on the table and i'm looking at my

daughter and she says to me my wife goes what do you want to do for your 50th birthday and i go i really don't know you know i don't know what i want to do and for some reason i went to this uh fog and i said you know the last good birthday i really had was when those guys drew that birthday party for me in the attic because i was i was still didn't know what was going on like uh i was still fresh to the death and the whole thing so this week it's going to be my 50th tomorrow so i figured i'd have you on the show as a commemorative and also to celebrate bond scott's uh because he died that tuesday that same day when we were in the attic getting fucked up bond scott was overdosing on his own uh alcohol or whatever the fucking happened so he dragged me so he fell asleep in the back of his

car and froze his stomach so weird when he died i still remember going to school the next day and them saying bond scott died and uh i wasn't cracked or nothing i mean who the fuck gave a fucking those days then a couple months later our boy died out john got shot and that one i remember because we were hanging out it was a monday night football game and i did acid and went home and i was living with the benders and while i'm sitting there with jimmy benton fucking Howard Cosell is saying that uh he just got shot and shit when you're on acid you just giggle even if your mom gets shot in the head you're like what the fuck happened that they shoot the wig off i love you stevenville i'm happy you called in today you uh made my week thank you thank you for being there

17 years ago and thank you for being here today my friend happy 50th and many more all right my man we'll talk this week yep absolutely tell these motherfuckers give me a pick for the week and where you guys at next week uh we're actually off until the second of march um but we're at the mason jar in mowa beautiful if you're in jersey and you got electricity and all that shit go go see my man steven villa the past master the mason jar i'll give you a call in this week i love you buddy thanks for calling hey my pleasure take care you got it that's how we do it cocksucker oh that's it it's birthday next time i talk to you guys i'll be fucking 50 on wednesday and wednesday we're not doing it in the morning we're doing it in the afternoon podcast three o'clock okay so three

o'clock california time six o'clock east coast time you can watch it dick sciat's gotta get taken to the airport wednesday morning so why start late let's give them a different flavor i'm trying to get this girl to call in that's it buddy did you have a nice podcast i had a great podcast are you fucked up enough uh yeah yeah i got i got sentimental when i talked to that kid i did we got fucked up and after that i never went back into the house like i found my mother at this house this is the house i had grown up in and i would go to it every once every three days just take a shirt out yeah like i never took all my clothes when i moved out i left closing in i would go and then against my my dad's like i don't want you in there hanging out my stepdad and i had a fucking party with 16

gorillas and we got fucked up dick sciat you should have seen this attic it was filled with smoke but i'll never forget we had a friend louis anand as it was dominican great kid great baseball player great athlete still a great friend he's a psychiatrist today he was the only black kid in the neighborhood so he used to call him louis the nigger and i tell people he ain't black and i'd say i go he's dominican nigger we don't give a fuck he's dark skin all right call him louis the nigger but i'll never forget that party he was pissing he was puking he had his head nothing i'll never forget i went like oh louis what the fuck are you doing he's like when i'm sick i pulled his head out pissed he was like on the floor and i picked him back up and put him in

the pissing the next day he's like what happened how was your party i go dog you were in the fucking toilet half the time we were drinking like guerrilla juice and thc crystal and acid it was uh i was living with this family then and they knew i was crazy you know but they didn't know exactly the amount of craziness i was like i would always come home late fucked up but i walked into that house at seven o'clock i'll never forget they were around the dinner table eating like spaghetti and meatballs and i walked in pale you should have seen their faces i regret that for the rest of my fucking life because it took them a month to get over that and how fucked up i was but life goes on and here we are and i'm still a fucking loser but i got fucking two good jews

of mike will at the end of the week that's all that matters you gotta have a fucking good jew in your corner you know what i'm saying we try if jesus would have had a good jew he wouldn't have had these problems right now the pope would have still been slinging dick fucking pope has quit what type of fucking organization first one in 600 years i don't know what's going on over there you know i like the catholic religion in my local sense of my world i'm very loyal but all that shit i just tune out you know yeah it's a weird concept i mean for to be something non-stop it's like being the president almost on a smaller scale but being in you're never off like if you're the even just a priest

you're pretty much a priest full time so to do that for your entire life must be what's your fucking stress i thought about being a priest for about a fucking week no you didn't yes i did when i went to catholic school here we go i didn't want to be less kids i didn't know look at those days i didn't know fucking priests did that shit when i went to catholic school you never heard of that you know but you also never heard i never liked the cub scouts i do gotta tell you that why the cub scout the boy scout experience that i had was not kosher but i never repeated it they didn't go for it they didn't go for the fucking dick but they were kind of weird and the kids that were hanging out

were kind of retarded so i didn't dig it too much you were a boy scout uh-huh yeah how long i did all the way through cub and i did like i like cub i i did all the way to we blow but that wasn't right like i like the kids i played basketball with one of these kids they were a little creeped up and the scout thing he was socks a little too tight he was too into it for a man you know i'm saying too into it you know when you're fucking 10 i can see you want to go out and burn trees and kill bugs and shit like that with a costume on but when you're 50 it's tough to want to see a guy there's got to be more to this fucking story yeah that guy was rich you know the gas station something wasn't right yeah you don't leave me here all alone to smoke this

fucking joint that's the type of in your house what kind of host are you can you imagine this dick syat this day and age i can't believe they're fucking host doesn't even smoke i'm over here solo like you know like musolini anyway what else we got on top this week that's about it that's all you got from me i'm happy this kid called i was a little sad about it you know how how how do you want me to fucking feel i thought i was gonna be dead at 50 here i am doing a podcast with the syat brothers you know i'm saying bigger than happened here and that's it that's all we got for you we gave you a shout out you know you know i feel like when i do this podcast with these kids a lot of people understand i feel like carol bennett remember when we were kids carol bennett would come

on at the end she'd sing that song and she'd tug her ear and shit and you look to carol bennett she always had a little fucking tear in her eye remember at the end and you're like what the fuck is she crying yeah she got harvey corvin and she got the other fucking dude who went to true comics those motherfuckers are true comics and i could just imagine how she felt that's in her heart she had an hour to share with these fucking douchebags with you crazy motherfuckers who get up twice a week to watch this thank you very much for letting me and lee come into your fucking world and bust your balls and talk about on it and thank you for ordering chocolate and for taking it because some guy tweeted me he said he took one of those chocolates and put it in his girlfriend's pussy

like i said i swear to god no he didn't yes he didn't he sent me the strawberry and you can see where the hair was all worn out by the chocolate we had shoved it into the chick's pussy and i wrote the name down but i'm not going to say it because but i love you guys because this is what i'm getting we're fucking creating something we're being us we're ordering strawberries we're getting stoned we're having a good time if you want tour dates go to joeydears.net no joeydears.net yeah it's joeydears try it joeydears.net why are you confusing me joeydears.net go over there and go on the merchandise and that's where the hoodies are everybody keeps hitting me i'm going where's the hoodies where's the hoodies looking fuckingly giving out bad

information my main man used to be joey cougar yeah but we changed it we changed it we can't if you don't tell me joeydears.net what the fuck this is what i'm talking about dick sciat you see i'm talking about yeah he's slipping i might have to have you stay up here on the couch well that's that girl on the couch and fucking live here with us what do we got on tap we got brea improv yeah next thursday the 28th through february 2nd but wednesday we're going to do a testicle testament at the ice house 830-626-577-1894 dick sciat will be no dick will be back in florida trying to figure out what he went wrong and how he's going to move back to la with his son so he can be this chalked at all the fucking time so you're working now brother yeah i'm doing

some free i'm doing podcasts as a matter of fact okay what's your podcast you want to push it on here you want to promote it no it's actually you can only listen if you're an employee of this company what are you a fucking Scientologist only Scientologists do podcasts listen to it by themselves it's the world's biggest accounting firm Accenture okay i don't know if you've heard of it yes i have anyway it's a big business consulting firm so i interview some of their top executives and they play them on podcasts so the employees like 190 000 people around the world can listen to it for you know to get a flavor of what's happening in the company you're a fucking savage see the apple don't fall far from the tree no look at your bothy is a stone till you're gonna

do it you're both gonna lay down and hug each other now till about four o'clock what the fuck you're gonna do with your life look at you you're high i'm ashamed of deeply embarrassed you understand me embarrassing me in front of your dad getting this high i can't imagine what i would do that for you know take on the breakfast now uh we got muffins yesterday because i don't think we're going to work yeah muffins we have muffins and cookies the guy fucking oh we got 10 minutes that's right we got cookies 10 minutes from uh burt christ's daughter i went over and picked up 10 fucking boxes yesterday so i brought over a box with my man burt's got two good daughters so you got to support the girl scott's you know he never

read of a fucking girl scott molesting another fucking girl scott no so that might fuck around with i'll pay whatever they got i go to their baseball games whatever so support a girl scott fuck those little commie cocksucking boy scott's little douche bags next wednesday testicle testaments Thursday through friday saturday the mother fucking brayer improv march 8th march 10th new alley's get your shit together lot new art theater uh we're gonna post it up on uh what is it brown paper tickets brown paper link is up so if the link is up so we'll give it to me later we'll post and we'll get this party started to search joey Diaz and brown paper tickets dot com okay we'll put this together 20 bucks and 20 dollar tickets half of it goes to 9.9 taxes

for Katrina or some shit and uh uh it's a small venue so please come on out let's laugh a little bit let's eat some fucking poor boys and smoke some rifa all right that's me you got some how about a little ac dc oh you changed up what did you have you said i had linen skinner what do you want to do it that's good that's even fucking better little linen skinning for the end dicks i had happy birthday from the bottom of my heart i love you and i'm happy you're here today brother thank you i'm happy i'm happy he takes care of your story he's a good boy yes he is bubba that's my fucking little buddy that shit hit it wait cock suck it you didn't dance to either he said i did i wiggled right at the end did he wiggle this morning did he wiggle this morning no he's a wiggler he's a wiggler

oh shit what do you think was it good today yeah did you like it you