Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 02/20/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #57

Episode Date: February 22, 2013

Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida's Manager Ed Soares calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Streamed live on 02/20/2013

Oh shit, it's that motherfucking time again. The church was at the now, Uncle Joey, when the afternoons today, cause we had to drive the old man, they went to breakfast, but it don't fucking matter. The church is still here in full effect bitches, little black Sabbath, chillin' to the grip. Blast that motherfucker Lee, what? Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, motherfuckers, I love it, Wednesday, February 20th. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive here, a little cold, but who gives a fuck?

You're alive, cocksucker. Myself, Joey Diaz, and my main man, the baddest motherfucking, look at the flying fucking, show him the muscles. Oh shit. Oh shit, what the fuck is going on? Great to have you guys coming into our world, four o'clock, what is it, three o'clock show? Six o'clock on the East Coast, half years are sitting down, the chicken cutlets of mashed potatoes and cream corn, fuck it, I interrupted that shit.

That's my favorite East Coast meal. What is it, mashed potatoes? Chicken cutlets sliced thin like a motherfucker, breaded, double breaded, flour and fucking Italian breadcrumbs, bang that motherfucker out with some mashed potatoes, a little cream corn with some jalapenos in that motherfucker. Cream corn? Cream corn. I like regular corn.

But listen, we're ultra, we're just fucking, if you show up with a good corn, if you show up with regular corn, we think I'm gonna throw you out or stab you in the neck, fuck no, you're still gonna sit down, little cranberry juice with some club salt in it, that's called living like a fucking doctor, Lisa, I fucking think you're dealing with. What's going on, baby? Nothing, it was fun having my dad here and as you know, I got way too high. We fucked them up, thanks you to my people, bang chocolate with your little bite, a hundred daily milligrams, listen, we cut it up three ways and I took like 60 milligrams and I chopped

the other 60, the other, stop, stop, I must have eaten 80, yes, yes, we guys got 30 a piece or something like that. If you got 80 of them, you got 50 a piece. Who got 50 a piece? If it's a hundred eighty and you got 80 of them, then we each got 50. 50, so that's a half of what I got. No, fuck you. What I left here, your dad was trembling.

Yeah. He was trembling when he hugged me, you were just giggling and smiling and then we're gonna go to the track and I had something to do and I couldn't get out of it and I go, let me call Lee, Lee was fucking, hi, and he wouldn't talk to me so I knew something was going on, it was very vague, like what's going on over there, nothing, what are you guys doing sitting here on the TV? Yeah. And then later was when he broke down, he's like, I fucking puked, I got sick.

I didn't puke until after that, so I, the house was spinning and shit. I just made it to the couch and for whatever reason, whenever, when I have do edibles, I can like feel, like I feel like the blood, I feel like, like mucus in my throat or whatever and I sat and I was sitting on my couch and I was thirsty and I took a sip of water and I had eaten at that point, but I didn't eat before we smoked and I don't know, for whatever reason as soon as the water hit my stomach, I was like, this is bad and I started dry heaving a little bit, I was in my nice new couch, I was like, shit, I can't puke on this shit and I did it again and then I was able to stand up and of course, like

my entire body was fucking trembling and I made it into the kitchen, which is linoleum or whatever, finally. You puked on the linoleum? I puked right on the floor and I was like, did you clean it up? What color was the water? Tell these people. The water was green and the only thing that was in it was little black chunks, which is the un...

We don't fuck around here, people. You want to run with mad flavor, these people will tweet, that's my life to hang out with mad flavor. I'm done, y'all fucking bury you with an edible, done. These poor guys were done. When I talked to them at six, I thought you guys died here, like fucking, like the cop Donna, I thought you guys just shot each other, you said, fucking, those things are strong, brother.

I love a good edible, like sometimes I eat an edible and go to kickboxing and the adrenaline kicks into the fucking edible and I go deaf. I mean, I go fucking deaf. I'm going to sidekicks. I can't hear the fucking time music with the snakes and the fucking all that shit. You have to do insidekicks in this day. Oh my God, I get fucked up, but I love it. I love seeing the fucking devil.

You know what I'm saying? I'm a Catholic who loves seeing the devil. Sometimes you got to see the devil just to make sure everything's all right. You follow me? Yeah. Did you see the devil? Fuck. Did he show up with a finger banging little fucking muffler?

Probably when I was puking, but I told my dad because we had dinner, we had plans to go to dinner for his birthday and I told him before I came, I'm like, Joey wants to get you high. Maybe we should go out on Sunday to the little place. He's like, no, I want to go. I'm like, these fucking edibles and like 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave, I was like finally able to like, if I had tried to drive before that, I probably would have.

How old was he the other day? He turned 60. You're a good man. You got him up here. You know, he's down in Florida where fucking suicide was invented. And you got him up here and you had a couple of days from thank you, you're a good fucking son. No, yeah, we had a good time.

You're good. And he had a good time. We got him fucked up. We took some pictures. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. He got it. You got to take care of your parents.

You know, when I talked to my friends and, you know, I was talking to my wife, yes, and I said, if you didn't, the chick I was married to years ago, she had a really nice family. I mean, they were very white, you know what I'm saying? They were very white. They were in the army and the fucking air force and shit, but the family was very nice and the kids always had beef with one another. And if they didn't have beef, like the three boys didn't talk to one another, you know what, I don't want to hang out with a family.

Don't talk to one another. Like my three brothers don't talk to one another. I want to hang out with those muts for it. You know what I'm saying? Three girls, the girls were always at war with each other. Oh, that always happens. Yeah, but they didn't talk. They didn't talk for years at a time over dumb shit with the fam, you know, I can't

deal with that. Like I told my wife, if you weren't as close as you were with your family, I wouldn't have married you. I don't like that shit. Really? Yeah, I don't like that shit. You know, how the fuck are you going to, listen, not everybody's going to like each other.

God ain't going to put two brothers in, definitely, and there's going to be disagreements, but you'll meet those creepy fucking families and people are going to know what I'm talking about. They're like, you're asking me? You talked to your brother? I haven't talked to my brother in six months. How the fuck do you walk around and exist? How the fuck do you walk around and I check up with the people that you grew up under

the same fucking house with? All right, maybe you don't like the guy, maybe whatever, but at least call his fucking wife, call one of his kids. You know, you got a nephew. Hey, how's the old man doing? He's still stubborn. I brought your name up at dinner, but you know what I'm saying, when I lived in Boulder, I hung out with this kid, Danny, that was a great neon guy, and he worked with this

guy. He had a partner, and the one day the partner went up to him and said, you know what, man, can I ask you a personal question? How come Joey comes over here every day to see you? You sell drugs and he's like, no, I'm a fucking... And he goes, that's amazing that you have friends that see you every day and stop. You know, he had a shop and his area was wide open, so I would just pull up, go in, get him, we'd smoke a joint in the car and then he'd go back in and we'd talk about what

he was going to do for dinner. He was like, Goomba, that's what you do with your fucking Goombas. He fucking told the guy, he goes, you know what, me and my brother aren't even that tight how you guys are. And Danny told me that, and he goes, that fucking mutt, you know, I don't want to hang out with that shit. And I appreciate people. I guess that went to the doctor and there was a black chick there and she brought her

mother to the doctor. She said she moved the mother out here from Jersey. You know how fucking hard that is to have your mother moving out? That's like a permanent fucking cock block. There's so many fucking disadvantages of, you know, when you get to be a man and your mother moves in and you know, let's say you have a wife and kids, yeah, they help out with the babysitting shit, but they give you fucking tremendous ear beatings. Just the time you took to have your mother, but I don't have a mother.

I don't have a fucking mother. So I'm talking to you like, if I had a mother, I know that she'd be living with me right now. But I'd be feeding her and putting up with her shit, driving her to bingo and listening to fucking. I have a buddy. You met Lubez. Lubez.

It's not her. Fucking Lubez. It's 49 years old. He still lives at home with his mother. I would die to be able to do that. I tell people all the time, move home, cut this shit out, moving out. You ain't proven nothing. I wish you'd get your dicks up.

If you get your dicks up that much in your new house, like let's say you live by your own and you fucking chicks or chicks or fucking guys eight days a week, they're still gonna suck your pussy in the car in front of your mother's house, moving to your fucking mother. Move in, eat that home, cook, cooking. You live in the back. You get that old, small bed back. Your feet hang off and shit like this. I like seeing my mom's coming in April, but I couldn't.

I don't know. You couldn't live with her now? No, I don't think so. I could live. If they lived on a different floor. See, if they lived on a different floor, they had their own floor. You know, it'd be good if they were right fucking next to you. I could see what mom's gonna, you know, their fucking pain he is.

You could pull it off. These guys, girls are like, that's like starting to be the main thing, girls. Like they don't want people who live at home still. I mean, you could pull it off. You're just like, fuck you, I'll fuck you at home. Listen, man, you got to be happy on your own. Yeah. You know, I have a friend that's dating a guy that lives with his mother and she doesn't.

He's like, he's a grown man. He doesn't even know I exist. I've never met the parents. He thinks that if he has a girl from the parents, it would kill the parents. Get rid of that fucking guy. Or the guy's giving you a great story, like I can't come over because my parents would die if they met you. There's a difference when you're taking care of and when you're being taken care of.

Right. There's a big fucking difference. But you know what? They took care of us. Yeah. So now you got to take care of them. You know what, man? My uncle's a fucking pain he is.

I love my uncle. The first 35 minutes of when I'm with my uncle, my mother's brother, he's great. Yeah. Then after that, he starts talking about Cuba and my mother was a whore. You know, she had a boyfriend when she was 18, so she was a whore. You know, I mean, you don't want to hear that shit, Jesus. So after like, I mean, he doesn't say it all the time. It's always something about the family, the cousins, the nephew.

You know, he always goes off on somebody, you know, and he was telling me one day when they were young that the three girls, you know, he would never allow it. But that my, my grandfather let the three girls have boyfriends and they were 17 and he knew what was going on in the living room. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're gonna bring it up to me now, 80 years later, she's been dead for fucking 40 years. Yeah, that's crazy. So I understand what it's like to have the family on top of you.

Like you do want to fucking stab him after a while, but if you keep him to a distance like Terry, my wife, I tell her all the time, I love to move back to Tennessee with her. But my wife will tell you, she will not move back to that same fucking town as her family. Oh, really? No, two hours away. She wanted some close enough, but not right there where they could just drop in and give you fucking ear beatings about who's running for president and the economy and guns and how the West, you know, you don't need that aggravation.

Yeah. Like, well, I don't feel no fucking different being 50 years old. That's what you're gonna ask. Nothing at all? No. Who gives a fuck? What did you end up doing? Anything?

You just hung up. I'm the dick. First off, let me tell you how I started the day on my 50th fucking birthday. I went to the doctor to draw blood. Yeah. I ran on the drive day. I said, you know what? I've been getting a lot of fucking needles lately.

When the fuck am I going to pass out? So I get to the thing and right away, whenever I go to the doctor's office for a blood test, if they see me real quick, it's no drama. Once I have to sit there for 10 or 15 minutes, I start thinking. So they didn't have my blood audit. So they had to call the doctor and get the blood audit. Then when they came back, I had to sign everything, give them my credit card, the whole fucking thing.

Then I waited for 10 minutes. Then I went in. Now, I got a little bit high. You never go fucking if you don't like needles and shit like that. Don't go to the doctor high. Me, I don't give a fuck. My mom used to it. So I always want to walk on a tightrope.

So I just took a couple of hits off the fucking number and I went to the doctor. Right away, when she put the needle in, I felt it, which I never fucking feel it. I felt it and I fucked with my head and since it was two different blood orders, they wanted to check something for an allergy. It was a longer needle. They had to switch needles and shit. Jesus fucking Christ. I went to get up in that room spun all the time.

I lost all the color in my fucking face. They had to put a bag of ice in my head and one of my neck, like I got beat up by Anderson Sova. It was fucking amazing. I got up. It took me like 30. I left to go get blood at 10 to nine. I got home like 10.35.

Yeah. You called me like a 10.30. Like I just woke up, man. Oh, it was fucking crazy. I fainted for a little while. That's what you get for me throwing up. Oh, cock-suck. And then we were going to do a couple of things.

We were either going to go to like our main thing or we were going to go eat at like a lorry steakhouse in Burbank, the one we always go to and I'm like, you know what, man, just because it's an expensive thing, it don't mean it's going to be good. We were going to go to this Mexican joint that has paella. We got there and they didn't open till 12. I didn't want to, I hate eating them up with the lunchtime crowd. I either want to get there before. So as I'm, they're getting there, I'm getting the fuck out.

I get there at one. Yeah. I don't like eating at 12 when, especially when I eat out, I think you compete with a bunch of fucking mooks online talking about stupid shit and they got to get back or whatever. Yeah. What are you looking at, Lee? What's on the screen that you're fucking looking at? What is it?

Nothing. You're looking at fucking something, cock-suck it. I'm just waiting for the phone call. What are you waiting for? The phone call. Who's calling? And it's worth. Who's calling?

Nothing. Oh, you're waiting for a phone call? Yeah, I'm just waiting for the phone call. I didn't know. I thought you were looking at some porno on there. You had that. I caught you looking at porno. I was doing a little fucking Jewjack under the table, dirty cock-suck.

Oh, God. What are we talking about here? You're talking about your birthday. Oh, so then we're going to go eat. We went for this Mexican joint. Nothing. We were going to go to a place in Hollywood that has nice spaghetti with the sauce and the fucking ricotta cheese, the whole thing.

The rice. We were like, we want to drive all the way to Hollywood when we were spitting yesterday. Oh, yeah. Like I didn't know what the fuck it was going to do, which is the worst thing. And we ended up going to P.F. Chang's in Burbank. I got the ribs, I got the pork fried rice, and we got a soup, and we split everything down the middle. I like it.

And then I went home, and the weirdest fucking thing happened. I had all the fucking people in the world I got to call from Damon's Wicca, my brother's Damon. He goes, what are you doing? I go, nothing. I go, you're not working? He goes, no. He goes, I'm coming over with the baby.

You know, he has a son that's 14 months old, so if you guys don't know Damon's Wicca, he was the camera guy on all the Joey Carrotti's, good friend of mine. He fucking shows up with a Carvel ice cream cake. So me, my wife, his son, the baby, and the cats sat around. We sang Happy Birthday. We had a piece of Carvel cake, and that was it. That was my birthday. Nice.

I went to kickboxing at eight o'clock, and then I went into the spot at the Ha Ha Cafe. That was it. It was a great fucking birthday because I spent it with this little fucking girl and my wife. I never had that before. That was the first time I spent a birthday with a family since 1970, fucking nine. Wow. And you know, all the birthdays, like I said in the documentary when we did it, that when

somebody close to you dies, a parent or a grandparent, you know, you live, you make it through life, but it always tastes like it's like eating food and no salt on it. You know, life isn't the same without somebody like, my mom died when I was 16. Other birthdays were never the same. The other day, I was thinking about it when I went to get the bagels and shit, how this is going to be the first birthday I was going to have with family. So it was very fucking cool. That was what they're cool with.

Congratulations. That's awesome. Listen, man, I got it all on my birthday. I got it fucked. I remember one time on my 17th birthday, I went down to this 22nd street, this bar across the street from the cemetery. It's still in another cemetery, a funeral in Union City. It's the county morgue.

Okay. It's the venerary of my buddy that has a phrenopolisis competition. You can't even mention Liebeschlamma on those motherfuckers, but that same bar that we had a fight in in high school, we used to go there when we were 16, 17, 15, and cop THC Crystal. It was in Union City, New Jersey. And this one birthday, I got a call to go down there, let's go get some THC Crystal. So I got in the car with these dudes. I don't remember who it was, but I went down the 22nd street and I did like, usually you

took a $10 bag of THC Crystal, which kids, it's fucking horse tranquilizer in those days. It was like, whatever the fuck they call that with angel dust, but you snorted it, but you could take a $10 bag and split it three fucking ways. So there's one night I went out and split it two ways, me and some other guy and I went home and the exorcist was on regular television. It was like on an off channel, like in New York, you got ABC, NBC, and CBS, no Fox in those days, but you had WR, which has the Yankees and you have WPIX, whatever, one of them has the Yankees one, WR has the Metz, W&EW has the Yankees, whatever, then Channel

Five had Wonderama and all that shit, but one of those stations had it on and I'm putting in Master Reality, the album we just had Children of the Grave on, which has like fucking Into the Void and all these masterful fucking tracks. And I put the earphones on to listen to Master Reality, but I was watching the exorcist at the same time. And let me tell you something, my friend, I fucking shit my pants, I turned that thing off and never listened to Master Fucking Reality again. And you think I'm kidding you?

That's how scary that album is to listen to on an angel dust. That was my 17th birthday. How fucking sad. That's my 17th birthday. I was doing fucking angel dust like a fucking mook. Can you believe that shit in this day and age? You're gonna fucking sit there or you're gonna put some fucking music on. Hit me with a little on and on.

I'm on the move for heavy metal today. So I was going through my collection. I'm in the move for a little fucking. There was a band called UFO. OK. And before that, Rainbow and this guy, Michael Shankner, was the brother to the fucking guitar player, but he left Rainbow and he went to UFO and they put a couple of good albums out in the fucking 70s.

Then in the 80s, he went solo and in like 79, 81, he had two albums. He had the first one and the second one came out like November of 81. Michael Shankner is a great guitar player. He plays the Canyon Club and I go up there and watch him every once in a while. This is on and on. Hit it fucking leave you and we're smoking doply. It's all over. I don't want to hear about puking.

When I came in, I go, we're eating edible. I can't eat edible, but you're back on Monday. You're only thinking that's a bad. I'm done with that. What? Bam. Oh, shit, Lee. You want to know this?

No, I can't. I don't know how you can get out of that small. What the fuck? You got to get your finger. You got to burn your fingers. Now you condition your fingers to do. You got to stick your finger up a crack hose asshole and it puts the acid from the crack goes on your fingers and you develop a fit.

Hit it, Lee. I got no place to hide. Nowhere to run. Hit it, Lee. What's up, baby? And the vapor's back. We got the Eureka. This is the blackout.

Oh, gee, are you fucking kidding me or what? That's how we do it here at the church. What's happening now? Always mixing it up for you. But you know what's fucking crack a lack on the word. Urbage ocean. I took a I took a little breather off from the vaporizer. Why?

Just to get it back. Just to me because I was smoking a lot. Oh, well, yeah. Now I'm going to start smoking the vaporizer. I'm off the fucking trees for a while. Now I'll switch it up like a doctor. See, you got no fucking worries. You know what I'm saying, Lee?

Who loves you more than me? God, is there any science to this? You're just like, fuck it. I'm done with this for a while. Listen, there's always science to it, you know what I'm saying? But you got to it's all life is what what's fucking life and moderation. Weed for a quarter of the year. Then you smoke the vapor and for a quarter of the year.

You smoke weed for a quarter and you smoke the vapor and cool for quarterly. You got to use your coconut once in a while. I think I think moderation is when you don't have it. And I don't think it's when you switch which one you're getting fucking the stone and the gold moderation when you don't have it. You got to, you know, one, two, three, four, five turns blue. And now you're fucking Gazelle off with this monster of death. Oh, geez.

No, I'm all set. I got to go to work in a second. Oh, shit. I'm going to take one. I'm all set. Yeah. With all the I'll take a roach and I'll put it on your eyeball. With all the blood tests you've been taking, have they taken?

Has someone taken you aside? Like, Joey, we've never seen so much weed in someone's blood. You don't test your fucking THC levels. It's not that you can't test for THC. Yeah, you can. But they don't test for that unless they're told to test them. Unless you're on probation or something. Look at Lee losing weight with a little physique on.

Let me see the smoke. Come on. Oh, shit. Look at Lee blowing fucking bazookas like Snoop Dogg. Jesus Christ. I'm starting to get. Let's give out some shout outs. Lee, you're fucking killing me here.

How about a shout out to my man, Andy Rosebrook, Corey Lee, Jeff Hamburg, Il Nasty, your bad motherfucker. You're on there arguing with people all day. Trevor Demis, Rob D, Death Squad, Connecticut. Another guy arguing with people. I love it. But Patrick McKay, Joe S and what's her name? My girl, Jill Himitsu, the sexy little fucking half Asian with the glasses.

The Gemma of Death Squad. It's got a new web page. Go to it, checks out all the schedules, hashtag shows, dot com. Jill Himitsu, you sexy little fucking savage you. What else is going on, Lee? What do you mean? You got no stories. You got fucking nothing.

I fainted at the doctor's office. It's all over. Yeah, fuck it. That's it. President's Day. What's the next big holiday, Lee? Fucking Easter. Oh, shit.

Yeah, Easter. I don't know anything about that. I didn't give up shit for that. I just won't eat meat on Fridays. Now, I just won't eat meat on Fridays. OK. I'll stick to it. I'll stick to it.

I didn't eat sushi this week either. I just made some face tacos, cereal for lunch, some oatmeal, and tuna for fucking dinner with some wasabi on it, some green onions. Tremendous. What's the reason behind? Is there a reason behind not having meat on Fridays? Listen, what is this? Jeopardy?

Unless you got a yardstick for me. I ain't answering that fucking question. You didn't learn anything. I was a fucking Jew flagged behind you, asking me about why we eat fish on Friday. It symbolizes something. I remember what it was. Now, I'm fucking stoned. You can't ask me that shit.

Now, I don't know what's going on right now. No wonder that nun wanted to beat you up. You weren't paid attention. No, man. It symbolizes something. I just like giving something up just for myself. I don't, you know, nobody's not telling me what to fuck. I give something up.

You know, I just give it up for myself. I have a good time. Yeah. And that's it. And it's 40 days, right? It's a little bit over a month. Something like that. OK.

Something like that. You know, you just got to go and you give it up on Fridays. That's it. I know people who put them something. I'm not going to drink. You're going to tap out. Who gives a fuck about that? You know, you don't give up chocolate.

I knew my friend, Marilyn, used to give up chocolate. You know, Catholic fucking people are crazy right now. There's no pope. He's going to get charged with murders or something. I don't fucking know what's got to do with me. I have a belief in my heart. That's all I have. It's got nothing to do with the pope and all this other shit that goes on.

I said, I make it easy. Have you taken your daughter to church yet? No, no, no. In front of the church, not to church, not yet. She's too fucking young. OK. I'm going to baptize her. OK.

Eventually. When I don't fucking know. I got like nine years to do it. Or really? I don't fucking know. You know, you got to do it like Michael Corleone. They're a kid and you shoot people while she's getting baptized. That's what I want to do.

I'm going to baptize and settle all fucking scores. And I think I am going to still do that, but I haven't decided. Oh, Jesus Christ. You got to have a good time. Yeah. Got to have a fucking good time. I can't believe we're here. I got an acting coach to help me with my movies.

Oh, sure. You know, every time I've done a movie, I go in there, I do the work myself. Whatever work is done, I learn the lines. I try to figure out a character too. But again, like I said, I got to face the near or face to face. I got no fucking theatrical background. There was a theater in New York.

This is just me. This is just flavor and acting. I'm just going to keep this motherfucker real. So I'm going to go see this guy this Friday and the following Friday. Yeah. And I've been writing a lot. So everything's good. I've been working out steady.

I feel good. My bones feel good. Strong bone, the protein shakes. I've been staying out of water, spoke to Brodie Stevens yesterday. He's also doing well. Oh, good. You know, the whole thing about doing this is to stick into something. You know, making a schedule.

You know, having a schedule is so fucking important. And I always knew that and I went away from it. And now if you go to my house and I show you my little yellow notebook, I have the schedule to the minute where my wife can't figure it out. My wife looks and she goes, I don't believe this. I have like a weekly schedule and a daily fucking schedule to the minute. You know, and I just, whatever. And I stick to the schedule as much as I can, you know.

Yeah. You know, sometimes you're oversleep. You know, some nights I get up at four and I write till six. Some nights I get up at 1.30. Yeah. And I'll write till like four. I won't go on Twitter and I'll go, let me lay down for half an hour. They're not going on Twitter.

And I sleep till seven or eight. People get pissed off at me. They think I'm slacking. No. I got up to writing them at all night because I was thinking about shit. You know, I was going to call you this morning when I got home, but you hadn't tweeted yet. So I'm like, shit, maybe we still see.

What time did you get home? 7.30. I was going to call you last night when I got in from the ha ha. Okay. You know, it's funny because I'm trying to write that testicle testaments is in two weeks. And all the four testicle testaments that I basically put up, you know, two of them were after comedy and going to prison and stuff. But the other ones were like pre when I was a kid in high school.

Yeah. This one I'm writing about now is 1984. Like I told the fucking law editor when he called you that and I've been really writing this and it's really, really been tearing up my insights. You know, like when you write something, it's making me remember about all the bad things I did that year has been tearing up my insights, but I've been writing good jokes from it. So sometimes, and that's what I do.

Sometimes they're like Tony Hinckley. He goes, how's the joke writing going? I go, you know what? The joke writing is going good. Thank God I'm writing drama because from the fucking drama, I, you know, the ad, like the shit is so fucking bad, but not bad in the sense that like I killed somebody or I raped somebody or lit somebody on fire. It was crimes against myself, which sometimes are the worst fucking crimes

when you become a whore or when you, when I say a whore, I mean, I was sucking fucking dicks when you just don't give a fuck when I was living for the score every day. And that's a weird way to live. But if you really think about what I do now, it's the same thing. Yeah. You know, I lived to do comedy at night. With this shit, you, I was living to steal or to sell Coke or to make a move every day.

And it's taught me how to adjust to this. That's why when you ask me, what are you doing next week? I don't know. I'm living life a motherfucking day. Once today is over, I'll tell you about tomorrow. Somebody called me to go, hey, we'd like to get you in for a read on this. I go, can we go, can we get in? I go, call me at 7 0 5 and I'll tell you my schedule for tomorrow, you know.

So it's pretty fucking interesting. This shit killed itself. And I want to talk about that. It was very sad this week. Oh, the singer. Mendy McCready, she was a friend of a friend of mine and he had contacted me about three years ago when she had done a celebrity rehab and she told me about how fucked up she was. And they dated, well, he lived in Nashville and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And, you know, people are exploiting Dr., we're getting exploiting the mad at Dr. Drew. You know, and I'll tell you what, when the show first aired, I considered calling them up and tapping out or getting on. Way before Dr. Drew had anything to do with it. Joe Rogan wanted to do a reality show with me where he would get me cleaned up. Okay. Check my blood levels and they would do all this shit. And the production company was ready to go.

I'm the one that backed out on it because reality wasn't around yet. And this was just a little bit too real. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm coming to my house at two in the morning with a camera. I'll fucking kill you, especially when I'm coked up. I don't give a fuck what it says on that camera on that contract, you know. And what I did, it was like the fact show that they had. Celebrity Fat Show, whatever the fuck it was, they give you $90,000 for

whatever it is, eight weeks, and you only see them twice a day. The rest of this, you're supposed to do on your own. Yeah. Now, when a person loses weight, you know, he gets on a scale and he goes, wow, you know, I fucking gained 30 pounds over the holidays. I'm going to go to Weight Watchers. I'm going to try to do something. They do it on their own will.

They go to a doctor, a doctor says you need to lose weight. This is me calling you up because I saw you on the street and going, hey, Lee, I saw you the other day and you looked a little overweight. I'm casting Celebrity Fat Man show. Fat Man Alert, would you consider coming on? And you're like, I don't know, you know, Joey, we're friends. You called me for this. And next thing you know, I'm like, you know, $90,000 for eight weeks.

Yeah. You know what? You're going to do the fucking show and part of it is going to make you do the show for you. But the other part of it, the way I would do it was for the 90 fucking grand. Oh yeah, of course. And I'm going to go in there and lose a pound or two and I'm going to try to be cute and I'm going to get the same results.

I'm getting all my fucking life, which is shit, you know, when you try to be fucking cute. And I just assume that the rest the same went for celebrity drug rehab. It has to be that they page. I know for a fact they paid you like a hundred grand for 15 days. Now, did you ever watch that show? Yeah, I watched the season with her on it. Right. Like after the sixth episode, they all want to leave.

Oh yeah, of course. Why do you think? Do you think it's because the food is bad? No, because you want to go get a high six fucking days. You can't believe it. The only thing that's keeping your soul is that 90 grand to finish the fucking show because they didn't give a fuck whether you got clean or not. It was all about the 90 fucking grand.

So that's what pissed me off about the show. And if he's a real therapist, whatever, listen, man, let's fucking be honest here. I did blow for 30 fucking years. Am I proud of it? No, I'm not fucking proud of it, but it happened. And that's the way fucking life turns out sometimes. It just happens. And half of you people that are watching, you know, I get emails from you guys.

You're telling me you're getting high, you're eating pills, you got over it, whatever. We're on the fucking same boat. We're all addicted to some shit or whatever. You know, you want to go cry. But how did we get fucking healed? How did we get healed? What was the real sense of us getting healed? We went to we came to peace with that situation.

When you first start getting highly, you don't even know how to fuck you. You're getting high and you're doing these things to yourself. When you go on the destructive fucking point of your life, I think of the base player from Alice in Chains, you know, you got thrown out of the band and he lost it. That's just the fucking way life is. You know, somebody was telling me that what really happened with what's the black comedian that's going to crack? Is that one of his wives, one of his girlfriends had a miscarriage.

That's when you mix fucking cocaine and this and avalanches. You know, it's just a bunch of shit takes over. So, you know, the people that have gotten clean, that we've had communication on Gmail or on fucking whatever, we've had communication pills. They'll tell you that I could give them a million dollars. They weren't going to fucking get clean. No, it's a certain situation, something that snaps and it's for free. It's not the 18 fucking rehabs you've been to.

It's not whatever the fuck you've been to. It's it's it's you. You have a self will. You know, George, who calls in the show that you met his grandmother, you know, George got arrested 19 times. I don't know the exact number. I'm just telling you guys. You got arrested in half.

You know, enough times. And one of the times you went in and he goes, hey, forget throwing me in jail. And no, no, he goes, forget rehab. They wanted to put him in a state run rehab. He goes, I've already been to fucking six rehabs, throwing me in jail. And he went to jail. And you know what? So this day he's never done fucking eight again.

But that's what it took. He wanted to get clean. And then he wanted to get clean. If you read that, Kevin, what's the guitar player from the Stones, Keith Richards? Yeah, if you read that fucking book, he talks about kicking, you know, and I used his stuff about kicking when I kicked cigarettes. This is the same thing. It's 48 hours.

When you kick cigarettes and you kick heroin, heroin's a little longer. Let's just give cigarettes. The number one problem right now before it dies is probably cigarettes. Yeah. You know, when you go into plan to quit cigarettes, it's 48 hours of debt. Is that it? Yeah, it's like 48 hours of debt. You're going to have a hard time with it.

Yeah. And it's like, I think they say it's like three days and then it's 72 hours of debt and a week and a half of fucking pain. But if you do it right, if you get one of these things to break the fucking psychology, if you really get the patch and you really stick, now it's funny because the first time I quit smoking, I used the patch and that was it. You know, I still smoked reefer, which made it tough. I tested myself because anybody who smokes cigarettes and reefer knows

it's not the reefer that fucking gets you. It's when you like that cigarette up to chase that motherfucking joint. That's where the parties are. Oh, fuck, you have no idea. Yeah, I would buy a pack of cigarettes. If I got a $20 bag of weed, I got a pack of cigarettes just because I want to come. Nothing like finishing up a joint and by that fucking joint is getting turned off.

You're putting the fucking cigarette to your lips. There's no party better than that one. Anybody who knows knows that that's where the whole patois starts. And when you first suck that nicotine in there, you got the nicotine, the reefer, the fucking alcohol from the beer, whether you're drinking or not, whatever the fuck you do at home on your own time. That's what gets you going. That's the whole patois.

This time here, I didn't use nothing. I woke up a morning and said, it's over today. Yeah. And I tried and I fucked the patch. If you're going to quit, you're going to quit. Yeah. You know, you know, and that's how you do things. When you make your mind up to something. So if you're thinking, you know, and that's what I didn't like about celebrity rehab, that nine out of ten of those actors that went in there

never wanted with the intention of getting cleaned up. Yeah, they got the call. They probably had to go to a physical. They knew the day was going to come the same way. I always know the day is going to come. Hey, March 18th, you're going to need to get a needle. You need to go to surgery. March 18th to me right now.

That's what is it, February 20th. It's a fucking milestone away. It's a year away to a guy like me. Yeah, I'll tell you what the fuck you want to hit on March 18th. I won't start sweating bullets till March 17th at about eight o'clock at night. Yeah. That's when I realized the mistake I've made by committing to this. No, the show is definitely it.

The problem I have with it is it's not people not taking responsibility. So yeah, the show I stick cameras in the faces and they edit it. And it's a show. It's supposed to be entertaining. But a, no one made them be there. And b, 90,000 dollars made them be there. Well, yeah, well, oh, shit. Oh, shit.

This fucking eureka is on fire like Madonna's asshole in 84. But people like blaming Dr. Drew and yeah, he's definitely taking advantage of people. But he's also, you know, they don't talk about the people who didn't die but are better for it. So I think people when stuff like this happens. Yeah, five people died who are on the show. Five people ice themselves.

That's fucking pretty hard. No, and it's it's people who are ready to do it. Don't kill me. Men in McGrady went out and shot the door and people talking about why would you shoot the door? And let me tell you something, man, if I love something as much as I love my fucking cats and somebody's coming to kill us, you know what? They're going to die on my fucking terms.

Yeah, you know, they're my fucking animals. I don't have the heart to shoot any of my cats. No, I would just hold them close to me and we'll fucking pray. We'll fight this motherfucker on our own. I mean, you tell me your cat. Oh, my God, I couldn't imagine shooting one of my fucking animals. It would destroy me. No, I couldn't do that. It would fucking destroy me.

I love my animals too fucking much, man. You know, yeah, but she had a troubled life. And my my heart goes out to listen, man. Again, I get the balls on people. They tweet me and saying, fuck you, you're too happy in the mornings, you know? Because I know. Yeah, fucking no. I know I could have been dead right now. It's one little fucking blast. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's my brother, Ed Suarez. Joey D. What's up, beautiful? What's up, man? Just stepped off time over here at Lioto's house. I just stepped outside to make a phone call to you. All right. Thank you very much for calling in, man. How's Lioto doing? He's doing awesome, man.

Did the open work out today and now he's just sitting inside the house with we got Melvin Manouf here, Manoff, who's, you know, part of the Black House team now has been helping him get ready for this fight. And they're just, you know, watching videos on Dan and just talking about different stuff. So they trained up here for this fight. Lioto. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Lioto lives up here now.

He lives, he literally lives like, I don't know, six blocks away from me. Wow. And the dad came up also to train him? Well, you know, the dad, actually, the dad gets here today. His uncle got here about a week and a half ago. So, and his brother's been here for about a month. So his brother, you know, has been here for a month. His uncle got here about a week, a week and a half ago. And then, and then his dad gets here today.

Wow. So this is this is a great fight this weekend. This is a tremendous card as far as I'm concerned. And I'm excited for Lioto. Yeah, I'm excited for him, too, man. You know, you know, we saw Dan Henderson there today and, you know, then, you know, you know, you know, you're always going to get a fight from Dan. There's no easy fighting. And Dan Henderson has a tough, tough son of a bitch, man.

You know what, man? Lioto had the answer for a lot of tough son of a bitches. He might have the answer back then, you know, he might have. Yeah, I mean, not, you know, he, you know, he's, he's, he's, he's going to, you know, he's going to, he's looking for the, he's looking for the finish. You know, he's, you know, Lioto's definitely with the past few fights, you know, he looks for the finish and that's what he's doing. I mean, I think the last time he went to this, I don't know,

the last time he went to decision, he actually got a bad decision against Quinn Jackson. So that's been quite a few years. So he's, he's always been going for the finishes. Good for you, man. And I was our other boy doing down in Brazil. He's just chilling. Oh, Anderson, yes, he gets here today. He's getting here today.

He's got the grand opening of his training facility on Friday here in Torrance. So he's, he'll be here for that. He arrives today, but he's doing good, man. What's the name of his gym? It's the Muay Thai College. It's his, it's his, his little gym. But it's, you know, as of right now, it's kind of like a private gym because they're just trying to get things all worked out

to be able to be open for the public. But I don't know if this particular location is going to be able to do that, but they're working on it now. Now, is this, is this school that's opening up Friday going to be open to the public on this Friday? No, it won't be open to the public this Friday. It's actually going to be like, it's like an invite kind of thing, inviting like the grand opening, just an invite.

But it won't, it probably won't be open to the public until they get all the proper permits, but they're pretty close to getting those done. And what time is the opening on Friday? It's from six to six to nine, I believe six in the afternoon. Yes, six in the afternoon. You think you'll invite Joey Karate? Come on, man.

I got a show, I got a show with Joe and Anaheim. If you want to come Friday, I know you're busy with your fighters, but I'll go by you first for the grand opening and then shoot the Anaheim. Yeah, you know, because I'm going to be at the Wayans with Lyoto, then I'm rushing over to the grand opening. So the Wayans are at, yeah, so I'll be there, man. You know what, I'll, I'll check to the address and everything. OK, thank you, man.

And what else is going on in your world? What else has been going on with the management team of the clients? The management, you know, that's moving along. It's going good. You know, I'm real excited about the RFA, you know, the organization that I'm the president of, you know, we got a lot of great things working. We got, you know, we got the access to television deal. We got our event, our next event is going to be March 22nd, Denver, Colorado.

And, you know, that's really, I'm really enjoying that that whole side of the promotion from going from being on the management side and the fighter side to moving over to the promoter side. I really enjoy it, man, because, you know, I got into this business, you know, strictly for the love of it. And, you know, thank God it's worked out well and I'm able to make a good living from it, but it's nice to really help the fighters and, you know, being a promoter, it feels good to be able to give so many different fighters

opportunities to go out there and show their skills. And especially when we're able to air it on national television, you know, it just gives the guys out there and all the fighters in the world another opportunity to go out there and show their stuff. And hopefully, you know, we could be a stepping, our organization could be a stepping stone to get them to where they want to be, which, you know, 99.9% of the fighters want to be in the UFC. So it's nice to be able to try to help them get to where they want to go.

And the RFA, the fights will be here in LA? No, all over, man. Well, we do, we haven't done one in LA. The next one's going to be in Denver, Colorado. Really? What day? We've done them in March, March 22nd is going to be in Denver, Colorado. But we do, we do their Friday nights, because that's the television deal. We have with Access TV, you know, they have the Friday night fights.

So we're one of the organizations that they work with. So, you know, we had, we've done shows in Carney, Nebraska. We've done shows in Las Vegas. We've done shows in Kansas City. Now we're doing Denver. Looks like, you know, we're probably going to be going back to the Midwest sometime in June and, you know, maybe go back to Vegas sometime in summer, too. That's amazing.

It's good for you, Ed. Ed, you really, you're really grown with this, you know, everybody's growing. I mean, I got that, you know, I knew something last Monday. I knew that after the fight last weekend, I mean, who fought last weekend? It was Frankie, two weeks ago, who fought? Nog, but Damian Maya beat John Fitch. And when I found out that I didn't watch the fight that night, but when I found out the result, I knew in my heart that John Fitch was gone.

You know, he had had some problems with Dana with the game and then with the fight. And I just knew it was, you know, they're saying that he's a boring fight or whatever. And I think he's, I love John Fitch. I've always loved him. But it's amazing that, uh, mixed martial arts has been around for a while now. You know, we're seeing guys go away. We saw Tito and Randy and all these guys, uh, you know, Chuck and, and now, you know, John Fitch and George, the other guy got, I mean, the UFC let go of a

bunch of people, uh, yes to that. And it's so weird how well they've, they've been let going, they've been letting go of a lot of people. I mean, I'll tell you right now, you know, they just recently let go of one of our fighters that I was completely like, couldn't understand why, but, uh, they let go of Diego Nunes. You know what I mean? Right.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, uh, you know, I don't get it, but you know, it just proof to show you that they're just, there's just too many fighters and just not enough opportunity for these guys. You know, yeah, and that's what I'm thinking now, you know, uh, three years ago, you got cuffed from the UFC, you know, you went home and fucked around

with a gun for a couple of hours and thought about shooting yourself because there was really nothing else unless you went to Brazil or whatever the fuck opened up a school. But now, you know, Bellator is looking great on, on spike and, uh, glory is coming and, and your organization and, you know, so at the end of the day, man, I, you know, the reality is, is hopefully there's more and more organizations out there that are going to be able to provide you, uh, some sort of opportunity for these guys because right now it's only the UFC and, and, you

know, it, it, it sucks. You know what I mean? It's a lot of pressure on everybody's back. It's the pressure on the fighters, you know, because, you know, when the fighters are starting to feel like, oh shit, if I lose, I'm cut, then you're going to not really get the best sort of fights possible because I feel that they're going to, they're going to fight not to lose, not fight to win and put on a performance.

So, you know, I, I think, uh, you know, hopefully that, that, that'll change. And, you know, hopefully guys can go out there and feel like they can go out there and fight and, and not, uh, and not get cut if they lose. But, you know, right now with, you know, the merging of strike force and UFC and all of that, it's just, um, you know, they just got too many fighters. I mean, it just doesn't fit. You know, you got 33 events, you know, and now they just got another 48 fighters that came over from strike force.

When, when you add it up, you think, okay, it's just simple math. You look at the math and you say, okay, if they've got 10 to 11 fights on a card and they do 33 events, that's approximately 360, uh, fights. That's, uh, so, which would be 720 spots. If they've got 300 fighters on contract and each fighter is, you know, they calculate, they base your contract on three fights per year, right there is 900 fights, 900 opportunities. I just, what I just pointed out to you, there's still 200 slots that are

missing, granted guys would get hurt, granted things like that happen, but there's too many guys signed to the UFC. There's just not enough spots. Wow. Well, you know what, you've seen the movie Gladiator, right? Yeah. There was good fights on that, right? They knew they would fucking die if they lose.

So, you know, uh, it raises the stakes now as a fighter. You know, uh, that you have to really, uh, you know, Dana's not fucking around. It's not even Dana. He just has what he has. Yeah. He has what he has. I don't, I don't think, I don't think, uh, you know, I don't think it's Dana. I don't think it's anybody, but he enjoys calling fighters and telling them,

Hey, guess what? You lost your cut, but it's just a matter of what they have to do. There's just, you know, there's only so many spots open in the UFC and, and, um, and that's, that's just the way the ball bounces, you know, and hopefully there'll be other opportunities. I said, yes, Bellator is, is, is coming on strong. And hopefully that, that'll be another great alternative for guys too. But, but at the end of the day, I mean, if you would ask any fighter, you know,

what's your goal, your goal is to become the UFC champion. Yeah. If you're going to be a fighter, you want to be the UFC champion. It's kind of like saying you want to play basketball and you go play in Europe or you say you want to play football and you end up playing in the CSL. There's nothing wrong with that. But at the end of the day, when you want to be a pro football player, you want to play in the NFL, you want to be a pro baseball player,

you want to be in the NBA, you want to be a pro fighter. You want to fight in the UFC. You want to be a comedian. You want to be on HBO. Fuck Tommy Central. These other cocksuckers show time. That's your thing. You want to be on HBO.

That's the, when I was coming up, it was fucking HBO. That was it. HBO trumps everybody. That's it. Yeah. No, it's, it's scary. When I read that today about John Fitcher, it kind of, I knew it was going to happen. You know, I knew it was a matter of time, but it's the switching of the guard.

You know, a lot of, and Diego Nunez also, that fucking blew my mind. You know, that, that was right there. Like that kids. But you know what? Diego is young. He'll go to an organization, win three fights and come back and be strong and ever. That's the other side of the coin too with these guys. So sometimes you need to kick in the fucking stomach to get you going sometime.

So, uh, and you know what, but you ain't got that problem because you got the baddest pound for pound fighter in the fucking world. I mean, you know, the next fight for him has got to be like the 12 apostles and Jesus. That's all that. What the fuck are you going to put up again? I love these guys. Everybody wants to raise their hand against them and it destroys my inside because it's like you've seen what he does against killers.

What are you going to do? Yeah. Cause you beat up two dudes with a fucking right hand. You got to come prepared to fucking, uh, fuck up Anderson Silva. Well, you know, I mean, as of right now, I mean, everyone is pushing for this Chris Weidman fight. I mean, you know, that's, that's, that's the fight. I mean, you know, people don't get all pissed off at me, uh, when I said that.

And, you know, I think it's a tough kid and I think he's got a bright future. But like I said before, I mean, at the end of the day, man, you know, Chris Weidman, uh, Anderson Silva's got more title defenses in the UFC than Chris Weidman has fights. You know, we discussed it on the phone before. I love Chris Weidman. He's out of Long Island, tough motherfucker, like a pit bull, you know, beat up Mark Munoz, you know, he beat up.

He supposedly knocked out this kid that's tearing up, uh, the ultimate fighter, Uriah, years ago in a fight. I love Chris Weidman. He's a, he's a protege of, uh, little guy, Matt Sarah, the whole fucking deal. Yeah. But, you know, he's raising his hand and saying that Anderson's ducking him. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know the, listen, I think anybody that says Anderson's ducking anybody,

I think is, is that not because I mean, at the end of the day, Anderson has fought everybody that, uh, you know, everybody that, uh, they put in front of them, you know what I'm saying? No, I got a lot of respect for Chris, but I think all these people, uh, trying to create, you know, the UFC is like anything else in America the last 20 years. Somebody does two good fucking fights and right away they want to put them on a pedestal. He's the next fucking big thing.

But with Anderson, they're all waiting for him to lose. Everybody's cheering for Anderson to lose, but he's been up there. How many title defenses? Well, he's got right now, he's got 10 title defenses. It should be 11, but, but, but then again, Luthor didn't make way. So to me, whether that was for a title or not, I still consider that a title defense, but officially he's got 10 title defenses with that 16, uh, 16 consecutive wins.

I mean, it's crazy. And you look at that highlight reel, you look at Anderson getting choked out, you look at Vito getting the kick to the face, and then you look at the fucking precision of the knee where he put it in Stefan Bonner's fucking chest. Stefan Bonner still cares. He still can't drink fucking iced tea because of heart murmurs. He still can't drink iced tea with fucking sugar in it. Chris Bonner, whatever his fucking name is.

I mean, and, uh, you know, I know for a fact that I'm a crazy motherfucker. If you gave me like a grandma met or something, I know I would throw a punch at Anderson Silva, but after that, I know what's coming at me. I know that I won't even see those hands. If, if, if, uh, if fucking Dan Henderson didn't see getting choked up, what the fuck am I going to see coming? If Vito, who's been fighting for 30 fucking years, hasn't seen it. He was fighting before Jesus in the cross.

If he didn't see that kick coming to his fucking face, what are my chances? Are you, you know, so it's, uh, I have a lot of respect for Anderson from day one. And, uh, I got a lot of respect for what you do, you little fuck. You know, I love you. I love you too, Joey. I always appreciate that. You know, I had a little baby girl and, uh, whenever I'm holding her, I always think of, you know, I always think of what you told me once, that if it was up to

you, you would just move to Mommeth with your daughter and ski all the fucking time and get her in the Olympics. And I've never forgotten that, brother. So, uh, that's my dream. I told my youngest daughter about two years ago, we were going up a chairlift and I said, you want to know how you can get anything you want from dad. And she said, how? And I said, start ski racing.

And she didn't, she didn't bite though. She didn't bite. She's still playing soccer. Good for her. Well, she's doing something. So that's good. How old is she now? You have two of them, right?

You have two little girls. Yeah. My oldest, my oldest one is 15. She's a sophomore in high school. And then, uh, and then my youngest one is nine years old. She's in fourth grade. Wait till she goes to the prom and Anderson is the fucking limo driver. That kid's all hot and sticky and shit, shows up with flowers and shit.

And also the limo drivers, Anderson and Leona, Machina, Nogara, that's who a fucking, uh, that's who a bodyguards are that night. The kids are gonna, I want to go home. I want to go fucking home. Uh, Ed, I love you, man. I'm happy you called today. And, uh, do you have a webpage for this league you've created that people go on there and it's our, it's our fighting.com.

Okay. Yeah. And, uh, that's our site. And, uh, yeah, like I said, man, you know, you could, you could watch our shows on access TV and like I said, our shows has really been good. We got a lot of up and coming talent. We got guys like, uh, Sergio Pettis, Anthony Pettis, his little brother. We got, uh, Bubba Jenkins that signed there.

We got Steve Mako, who was, you know, competed in the Olympics. I just talked to him, I just talked to him. You know, I fucking grew up with his family. Oh, really? Yeah. He showed up with Tiago Alves and, uh, the rest of America's top team over to, to, uh, West Palm Beach. And I looked at him, I go, Steve Mako and I hugged him and, uh, oh, he's a fucking beast.

Yeah. He's, uh, he's a beast. And we got, you know, we got like, uh, that Chidi Enda Kawani, who's, uh, who's a really exciting fighter. Actually, you'll be by Brandon Batch of another kid. He's going to be the main event, uh, Brandon Batch on our March 22nd show. It's Brandon Batch versus Leandro Silva, who, uh, Leandro's, uh, one of the guys from Brazil, tough kid.

Then we got Chidi Enda, Enda Kawani, who's going to be the co-main event. Um, then he's fighting a guy named Jeremy Kimball from Colorado. And then we got Sergio Pettis that's fighting on the card. It's going to be, it's going to be a good card, man. Well, man, uh, as always, Ed, you've always been one of my favorites since day one. I wish you all luck in the world. I wish you all the luck this weekend. You don't fucking need luck.

You're a bad motherfucker. And I'll be cheering for you guys this week. I always need luck, man. I always need luck. You can never ask too much luck, man. How's the partner doing? Oh, he's great, man. He's, you know, he's the, he's the world's most interesting man.

Joyce Marones. Yes, yes, he is. And the wife is going to be as good. Doseki's knocked him off, bro. He's the real, he's the real, yes, he is. Even, he even talks like that. He, he talks like that from the heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys, and my wife is great, man.

You know, she's, uh, she's a hell of a woman to be able to put up with me. You're lucky. You got it all good. I wish you luck. I love you. Thank you very much for taking the time and calling today for the church of what's happening now. I love you, buddy.

All right, man. I love you too. Text me an address and I'll try to go see you guys Friday. I won't make it to the weigh-in, but I'll definitely go to the opening of the school and see what's cracking over there. All right, well, I'll take a, I'll take a picture of the invitation and send it to you right now. Okay.

You're beautiful, man. Thank you very much for coming on. Take care. All right, bye. There you go. You didn't ask no questions, Lee. What the fuck? No, I, I, uh, I was listening to you talk, but something I thought about

when you guys were talking, cause I, I didn't hear about John Fitch getting, uh, released and it, it, uh, occurred to me that in any major sport, there's always the teams that people beat up on and that are bad. And that's why they have the draft because eventually those teams will get good and I was looking at the list of people who got, uh, released. Right. All of them had amazing records, 15 and six, but like the last two or three fights were down, so they cut them.

So in the hook, every UFC fight, it seems like they're trying to have a great fight. It's not going to be like this one guy in the UFC that, oh, it's an easy fight. So you'll beat up on him and then you'll just go, like they're trying to have it only be really good fights. And that's a, that's something that I hadn't thought about before, but they're just, uh, it's, it's, there's not going to be an easy fight. Well, there, there will be, if they mismatch, but the hope is it won't be an

easy fight. And people know that the UFC ain't fucking around. You know, and, uh, I like what Dana's done. I like what a lot of those guys have done with their, uh, with their, uh, you know, the way they handle shit. I mean, I like how the UFC works, but, uh, I knew, you know, I love John Fitch. I was there when he fought GSB and I cheered for him.

Uh, I liked that style of, uh, he was a captain of Purdue wrestling team. I really was a fan. And, uh, once he lost to GSB, I knew in the back of mine, sometimes you have no way to go in that division, either he drops to 155 or he goes to 185, you know, so it's, it, I'm, I'm so happy I've gotten into MMA because it's helped my comedy really in so many ways, seeing what happens with MMA and using the contrast to what I do and stand up. You know, uh, you ever watch a fight and the guy gets knocked down and he's on

his back and nothing happens. That means he didn't work on his jujitsu for a long, I was telling Terry, uh, yesterday at lunch, how for a long time when I was down on comedy, I would only work with Joe and there was months where I wouldn't get on stage for three weeks. You know me. Yeah. You know, I'm always on stage at this time, three, four years ago, I only get on stage, Joe called me and said, you want to do a show on me Friday.

And on the way, I would write two pseudo jokes and I would go up there and I, it was a 50, 50 toss up. Yeah. What, what I would do. I mean, yeah, I'm naturally, I could think and shit like that, but when you're in front of 800 people, you know, it changes and I would eat shit. And I started, you know, you have to have conditioning. You have to have your jujitsu, your kickboxing.

So I, I took writing and I equivalent to jujitsu, the shit I hate doing the most. You know, that's the shit. Everybody loves kicking. Everybody loves punching. Everybody was getting on top of somebody and punching the shit out of them, but being on the bottom sucks. And, and I remember going to lunch with Eddie and Eddie going in the future, uh, jujitsu had guys really have to learn to work off their back because the wrestlers

that are coming into the league could hold them down and fucking will take a little bit of the fuck they want to them. So they really have to learn how to fight off their fucking back. Yeah. So I attribute that to writing. I attributed improv to like, uh, strength and conditioning and I attributing movie tie to like performance and I put it together that way. And I started getting better and people started paying more attention to me when

I started writing, which was what most people don't want to do off their back. I don't want to do that. I got a bad ass right hand. You know, that's how I was going on stage. I don't need to write. I write on stage. No, you can't do that 50% of the times, but your percentages of doing good are going to go down because yes, sometimes you might be amazing, but because you're

not prepared, you're not going to go nowhere. Yeah. You know, being prepared is the most important thing with fucking anything. You know, when I learned it with here, sometimes I make little notes. So I know where the fucking go. Being prepared makes a complete difference. I used to go on stage and just rely on, you ever watch a certain UFC, whatever you call them, countdown to the UFC and there's certain camps that all they

talk about is how hard the guy hits. The guy hits hard. The guy hits hard. Well, guess what? In the UFC, everybody fucking hits hard. It's not about hitting hard or getting hit. It's about maneuvering around that. And the same thing goes to comedy.

You know, uh, you have to do things that people don't expect from you. And for a long time, people go, let's just go see Joe. He's going to be dirty and he might be funny off the cuff. Now when they come see him, I try to give him a story and I try to rich it up for them. So that's how I do it. And the same thing goes. I know if I have three or four bad sets, I'm done.

Yeah. No clubs in the fucking bring me back. And I always have bad sets because my material is fucking crazy. So I'm always going to have one bad set. The first fucking show I'm going to bust full of Christians. And I'm going to be, if they're talking about pigeoning chicks, sticking your nose up their ass and you know what, I'd flip out too. What the fuck was that?

Oh, shit. But, uh, you know, that, um, Alan Iverson quote, like we're talking about practice, like one of his last years in Philadelphia. Um, there's a reason why people practice and it's so you can be prepared and you, you'll know what to do without thinking about it. And there's, that's the reason why Alan Iverson's out. People like Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett are still in. It's a people who put in the work and it's the same with the same thing with

comedy. You could just work with Joe and work stadiums. You don't have to go to the ha ha cafe on Tuesday nights, but that's the reason you can only for so long, you can only be the young guy who can just do it based off of skill of God giving talent for so long. And the people who stay in it for 20, 30 years or Anderson Silva, who's had 10 defenses, it's cause I've been Anderson Silva's just not showing up to the fight. He's for pants.

He's fighting every day. You know, for fucking years and it shows, listen, I have a great film resume. If you look at my IMDB, I've been acting, you know, since I walked off the fucking plane here, but I like a book. Lee, I know how to audition. I know how to go in there and rip it up. I'm not scared because I know in there how to go on stage for seven minutes and rip it up. So I'm not scared of all this stuff.

But I was noticing, you know, when I was doing films and shit, I mean, I'm not a fucking actor and I'm not into that. I'm not a blink and a day loose. It's coming to me and all that bullshit. But I'm a fucking one trick fucking pony. So, you know, when I was talking to you guys here last week, and I realized how important this movie is to my career. I haven't gone out for auditions this year.

I've been out of two fucking theatrical auditions and one commercial and the rest I just been writing. I'm writing this testicle testament. I'm trying to write the book with Omar. You know, writing has been something that I didn't like fucking doing. The most like people might get on their back and doing fucking jiu-jitsu and people sweating on you and you got your mouth open and some of these eyebrows, sweat balls in your fucking mouth.

And you got to smell that ball, sweat. And I don't like that either. But that's what I decided to do. And for the first time, you know, I got this fucking movie and I'm telling you motherfuckers that are my backbone, that, you know, how lucky I am that all these motherfucking comics that you see with their ego and shit, they ain't doing dick opposite. You follow me? Not only do I do the acting, I do the fucking TV, the films.

I try to do it all the way. We do the fucking videos, we do the podcast, we try to write the blogs because I knew the more I do, the better I get at all this. This is the final fucking result. You know, you think I like sitting there at two in the morning with cups of coffee, smoking a fake cigarette and joints and writing. No, nobody fucking wants to do that. I just want to show up and make people laugh and get in my car.

But that's not what works after the high. I got to go home and I got to write the jokes down. I tried and worked and had a tag to him and this one didn't work. I don't want to do that for years. I didn't do that. But now that I have you guys, I have to do that because you're coming. So this is how you have to prepare yourself. A man without a plan is not a fucking man.

Oh, yeah, Nietzsche. I'm dropping on this fucking purpose because that's how I roll on a fucking Wednesday, February 20th. I'm feeling it. Lee, you cop sucker. Oh, shit. So somehow is that really Nietzsche or did he make that fucking thing you're dealing with? I'll drop Nietzsche on you.

I'll drop Gotti. I'll drop the quarters of all fucking time. I'll drop the guy from the woods. A guy, Levin, the guy, the hot dog fucking dude. Did they just saw hot dogs and dropped me? Don't know what the fucking talking about. I was a kid. I had Ernie. I had Ernie Shaker. He was 500 fucking pounds.

This guy had the best fucking hot dogs owned by Suicide Bridge in North Bergen. Suicide Bridge is my friend Steve Banchini. He killed himself. He went to fucking Carvel. Got a little cup Sunday with like the Yankees. He ate his little cup Sunday and jumped off Suicide Bridge. He was listening to like fucking.

Oh, you know, he was listening to ACDC back in black when they talked about splitting the night and said, Satan and shit. You left a note about Satan and splitting the night. I need this shit in my life. But right over there, they had a hot dog. Dude, his name was Ernie. But Ernie used to make fresh fucking lemonade tremendous, fresh right there. So you get that he had the cups and he'd already squeezed the lemons.

Yeah. So all he had to do is put sugar in, ice cubes and club soda. Club soda. Jesus Christ. And he'd stare that motherfucker up. But if he got real busy, he'd have to cut lemons. So half of his fingers were missing. Like all his little fingers are missing. But the best thing about it that he had like plastic cups like this, right? Yeah. So all he would do is put the club soda in the lemon

and then put out a silver cup, like a bartender. Yeah. And he's fucking shit, but he was 500 fucking pounds. So everything would move his titties, the whole fucking package. You know what I'm saying? I love it. So we go down there when we were kids, shaker, shaker. They go, fuck you, cocksuckers. My name is Ernest.

Jesus. So some people have to be big. Like like that in that Mexican hot dog place you took me to a fuck. I almost didn't trust him because he was skinny. And he is bacon. I can't say skinny fucking chefs, skinny little fucking anorexic motherfuckers. I don't want to hang out with them. If I see a chef, I want to be like 300 pounds with a beard. Yeah. Food in his fucking beard, dirty hands.

That hot dog is good over there. Oh, yeah. Well, my dad got here. We got here midnight. So it was a little bit too late, but I was thinking, oh, maybe I'll take him. Friday and Saturday. On Saturday. No, they're there till 2.30 in the morning. Well, he started to midnight. Oh, give the fuck you take him on.

And he popped that fucking hot dog in his neck. I might move up here. I'm surprised he didn't stay on the couch. Oh, no, you know, he probably would have if he could have. But, uh, yeah, fuck that. That's how MMA has really helped me, because I've contrasted my career to that. Yeah. And I figure these are the things I have to work on. That's why I listen.

I don't want to hire this fucking coach for the 20 hours an hour. But how many times do you have an opportunity to go up against these people and act in that realm? Yeah. You know, when I acted with Adam Sandler, those guys on the long shirt, none of them were real theatrical actors. So, you know, comics look OK. You know, when you're in this league like this with this guy, especially this fucking guy, I want to do good.

Plus, his next movie's about stand-ups. Really? Yeah. De Niro's next movie's about stand-ups. So I want to do good, man. I want to do good for me. I want to do good for you. I want to do good for the podcast. I want to do good.

So these motherfuckers are proud of me. So I can say that's fucking mad flavor. My uncle fucking Joe. What are you going to sit there and play some music for? What do you got for me? Let's see. You got that Motley Crew, Uncle Joe. I do pop that motherfucker right now.

It's Wednesday, people. Get out there. Oh, shit. You want to smoke some more dope, will you? I'm on set. But how the fuck are you all set? I got to go work in an hour. Where?

Where are you going to go work? Huh? It's Wednesday. Where are you going? I'm going to work. You're going to be there at 7? Yes. So I believe it's 6.

It's 4 o'clock now. So if you smoke some dope right now, you'll be ready. Yeah. You'll be in bail when I got arrested. How's the wait? You go to the gym yet? You haven't been all week? Nobody's here.

Today you start your juicer cocks. You're going to be in jail. Today you start your juicer cocksucker. Yeah. So you can't eat solid food? No. I mean, you can. It's for people who haven't seen it,

it's called Fatsick and Nearly Dead on Netflix. And there's always, there's 8 million documentaries and 8 million diets. So I'm not saying this is the best one. But it made sense to me. And the reason they have you juice is you wouldn't be able to eat that many vegetables and the nutrients gets into you quicker.

So I'm going to try it. But vegetables, what's your first invention? Most people do the mean green thing. So I have kale, cucumber, celery, carrots, ginger. And that's the whole package. Package is the ginger. Yeah, and I have some broccoli. I'm just going to do it for as long as I can.

How many ounces of that you got to drink? They didn't say like, I'm just drinking. You're drinking it all day. I don't want cheeseburgers either. Fuck dude. That's it. No more fast food. Fast food's what's killing me.

You and I both know. Yeah. Not the fast food, you'd be a soldier. That's why I'm trying it. But I fucking, I'm going to start running up and down stairs. I want to see if you're 24, dog. You're 24. Yeah.

You can run from here to fucking Chicago and back. I don't want to hear it. Yeah, that's why I'm doing it, but fucking. You're a bad motherfucker. I need you alive. You're my dog. I need you fucking alive. You could be a little on the chubby side,

but I'd be in shape for a few punches. Duck and weave, jump over, you know. No more, I'm going to try it. It's about time. But the thing is, the people who do it, after they go on the juice fast, they go on it. Which one on with Rose? Huh?

She's at home. She's at home. When you drink that juice, you get all nice and slim. You're a dick, so I grow four, five inches. Wait till Rose sees you. She sucks on that fucking horn. It's all over with a shout. Look at you and shit, you sexy motherfucker.

I'm trying. Then you're going to shave the hair. You're going to be bald with a beard. I'm not going to be bald. You're going to like sim bad the fucking sailor. We'll put an earring on you. You go see a little Israeli buddies at the techno thing. When do they come to LA?

I'm going to go with you. We got to do ecstasy if I go with you. You got to do three hits. They don't have any LA dates right now, the closest they are to San Francisco. Oh, no, but they're going to be Coachella too. What is Coachella? April.

You want to go there and do some acid and some ecstasy? You and your uncle Joey? I don't want to. We couldn't even go for one or two, but uh. Why? It sells out in like two sections. Listen, I know motherfuckers that know motherfuckers, all right? Go maybe pull fucking right here.

You want to go to Coachella? We'll go to Coachella. All right, let's go. Ralphie, maybe you got to do ecstasy and heroin and everything. If we go out on a date and you can't do heroin? A little bit. Just a little white powder. Just to get your powder started, get your dick hard.

Forget about it. One last time, you did a nice little white line on heroin. Never. So this is your chance. You go see a fucking show. You can see the little Israeli where Yama is on stage. No. All right.

Do they wear your fucking on stage? Kind of fucking Jewishly. You got to be a proud fucking Julie if you got to be proud, you know what I'm saying? I'm sorry. And that's it. All right, so this week you're going to start juicing now. Can you still do the on-net products of juice?

Yeah. OK, can you use the protein shake? Have you figured out what to use? That's the one thing. I mean, they didn't say you couldn't, but I don't know how much proteins and plant the vegetables, so I'm going to try to do protein shake. It's a 16 grams for a shake.

But I was talking to Einstein today, the guy I called on the show, he loves it too. He loves the on-net shit. Yeah. That fucking protein powder. It's delicious. It really is. That chocolate, if you do it just right,

it's chocolatey. It don't taste like that powder you get from protein powder. It's chocolatey, you know what I'm saying? It's yummy for your fucking tummy. And don't stop there. You know what? My feet don't hurt. I'm going to go kick boxing again today.

So I lifted Monday. Yes, that went to kick boxing on my 50th birthday. Did the whole hour and a half, sparred the whole fucking thing, got kicked on the fat. Some guy kicked me right in the side of the fat here. You don't know what pain is till somebody kicks you in the fat. And the toes snapped my fat, and they kept jiggling and shit. You know what I'm saying?

It's fucked up. You laugh, cocksucker. I don't think it wouldn't hurt. No, it fucking hurts. It's like sometimes when they kick you in the leg, the kick don't hurt, but the sting hurts afterwards. You're like, god, fucking damn. The first week I went, I kicked a dude in the leg

without chin splints, and we both hit chin. God damn, that motherfucker hurt for a week. Oh yeah. It's like going roller skating or something, hitting some fucking dude. Lee, Lee, Lee, are you ready for your amenable? No, fuck, I'm done. I'm done.

Let's see. Edibles are done. So what are you going to do, people? Because I don't ask you motherfuckers for dick. If you're going to start getting healthy, it's February. If you're going to start putting off till March, that's fine. Sometimes you have to fail before you fucking make the stretch. Try it.

Just try the omelette shit. Try it. Go on my fucking joeycocodias.net has the answer to all your fucking problems right now, OK? We got the new web page up for you. We got the commemorative t-shirt. It's long sleeve, 100% cotton. They're $22 fucking bucks.

Long sleeve with a flying juice sticker. And the church of what's happening. So you're supporting the podcast. We got short sleeve ones. We got hoodie sweatshirts. You got to hit the fucking merchandise thing. They got white hoods with the zipper and the hoodie with a fucking picture.

And again, the flying juice sleeve out of respect. Oh shit. I love you, cocksucker. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And we also have the Amazon link on the joeycocodias. No, it's joeydias.net. We also have the Amazon link.

You going to go to Amazon? You going to buy some catnip? You going to buy an arm? You going to buy some sneakers? Boom. Pressing to the Amazon link. This money helps out fucking Lee. His juicer.

And like that, you know, everybody's happy, right? Thank you for buying the fucking cherries last week. A bunch of you's got laid because of fucking Uncle Joey. And if you didn't get laid, at least you got cherries after you get hot. You're sitting there some night. You're smoking dope. You're like, I got nothing to eat.

I got fucking peanut butter. Ooh. I ordered strawberries. I got six of them because Uncle Joey fucking sent me. And that's how we roll. You follow me? Like I said, go to Honit. Start this health program.

Leave me. I'm a fat fuck. I try to get healthy. I'm trying. I'm working on the cardio. I went to the doctor. I'm going to try to get these allergies down. It's overly, you cop sucker.

Oh shit. And use promo code church when you're at Honit. At Honit. That's very important. Church, we have any codes for fucking whatever. The Amazon link. You all you have to do is click. Just click.

That's it. It's a fucking click. You like a t-shirt? You don't? You want to leave me an email? Something going on in your life? Leave me a fucking email. Hundred and something fucking emails last night.

No way. Shit. And people bitching at me. You didn't look at my video. Listen, when you send me a video, I stack them. And when I get high at night, I look at your video. And I remember, if you send me something, I'll look at it. If you take time to send, listen.

My biggest thing in life is if you speak, you have to listen. If I send you a video, that means when you send me a fucking video, I got to watch it. So it just goes both ways. You follow me? And that's it. That's all we got for you. Yeah?

Tickets are going fast for that New Orleans date. March 8th, 10 o'clock show. March 10th, 8 o'clock show. If those 160 seats sell out, then we'll add a third show, which will be Sunday night at 10 o'clock. That's how I roll, bitches. Next Thursday, next Wednesday night, Testicle Testaments at the Ice House.

Tremendous about all this shit we've been talking about. And that Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm at the fucking brain problem. Man, Steve Simone, the flying Jews are gonna come down on Saturday and be shaking hands and giving out autographs and sniffing chicks' assholes. No, I won't. Maybe the chick will show up down there.

She showed up at the Ha Ha the other night. So she gave me a number. You know what? I'm going to have a call into the show. No. Yeah. My friend gave me the idea. He goes, have a call into the show.

So I'm going to have a call and talk about fucking your ass. I don't forget about nothing, Lee. I love you too much. I want you to overcome this fear of this black asshole. It's not a fear, but you're just talking about sour cream from Taco Bell, and that's not even good sour cream when you want it to. I want to have you eat some good stuff, Lee.

You think I'm going to have to eat shitty food to fart in your face? I would never do that to you. I love you too much. I love you too much. Let's go back into the podcast archives. Well, listen to one of them, we talked about it on KFC. Come on.

I'm going to be fucking with you. I'm going to have you eat organic foods, which is an organic fart. All right. When was the last time somebody organically farted in your fucking face? They don't, Lee. You follow me, but Uncle Joey's going to set that up,

because that's how I roll. Another round out of applause to mygirlhashtag.com shows. That's Jill Himutsu, you sexy motherfucker. My girl, M.B. Leaf, looking fine and a motherfucker. She's recovering from the flu, Rose. So if you start juicing your dicks and they get fucking super hard, Rose can't handle that shit.

I guess not. I don't know how to do it. I didn't think you were going to do it. I love you guys. Thank you very much for supporting us and for hanging around and listening to this stupid conversation twice a week and shit, and me torturing this flying joy.

I love what you guys are doing. Thank you for supporting me and all the venues and everything you guys do. I wouldn't fucking be doing dick without you motherfuckers in my corner. You guys are my edge swarries, all right? Where's that Motley crew? You just turned it on.

No, it's right here. You're sure? You ready for it? All right. What do you got? You got any announcements? You want to tell these people anything? Just look for the, I'm going to do YouTube videos

about the juicing. So just follow me, Lee Sy at SYATT. All right, stay black. And I'm going to start doing mad flavor videos again. Oh, sure. I'm trying to put together a show. I'm trying to put together a show where we're going to like events, we have food, and I'll bring a bowl in my jacket

and put caramel corn with THC in it and spike motherfuckers. And then bring a camera and see how they're acting an hour later, pretzels and fucking shit like that. So I'm going to keep you guys posted. It's a great idea. I can't sell it to network, but we can sell it to YouTube. You follow me. That's how I roll.

Have a great week. I'll be back here Monday. We might do one Sunday this week. We're having a month. Because the next week I only do one because I got to leave on Wednesday, month of New Orleans. So I love you guys. I'll see you Monday.

Have a great weekend. Be fucking safe. The UFC round the rousy. Great card this weekend. I'll be on MMA Junkie Friday. Stay black. Have a great week. I'm not making it back.

She got the looks I kill. Thank you, I hope. She got the looks I kill. Thank you, I hope. She got the looks. She got the looks I kill. She got the looks I kill. She got the looks I kill.