Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 02/25/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #58

Episode Date: February 26, 2013

Tim Donaghy, the ex NBA ref calls back in to talk about his book and his upcoming website refpicks.com. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Streamed live on 02/25/2013

oh shit oh shit Monday fucking morning February 25th I'm sitting here with the flying Jew my main man and David Bowie and the fucking bat of life look at this fucking thing three different reef is hash dipped in oil stuck up the ass of some fucking terrorist and here we are on a Monday morning smoking this motherfucker like we own this bitch it's a beautiful day to be alive get up cock suckers hit it we come on we like I docked the motherfuckers it's Monday February 25th hope you had a great weekend everybody smile everybody's happy go out there write your goals do a couple jumping jacks watch that pussy watch those balls

get out there with confidence like a fucking soldier you understand me sitting here smoking look at this motherfucker and we got one more and a half of one and I got the vapor pen I got some heroin with a fucking syringe look at Lili Lili what's up baby I'm feeling great man I'm looking good looking at color back to you had us worried there for a couple weeks oh yeah no but uh yeah I feel awesome feels good great we watch the Oscars yeah I did I I have a fucking thing I did for the past couple years I haven't watched it and I gotta tell you it's boring as hell but Seth MacFarlane was funny he was

good at it and I watched the first six minutes like when he was talking in the beginning yeah and he's cracked a dirty joke like not a dirty joke but it was offensive yeah I told you they fucking people you have no idea what it's like and the deeper you get the Beverly Hills to do comedy the worse it gets they all got sticks up there as they think they're bad to the bone they can all suck my dick fucking people sitting there thinking they're fucking cool in the back they had the Hindu in the back from the fucking life of pie did you see the Chinese guy one they had the Hindu back there surrounded by fun that

movie looks so bad I won every fucking award but I was happy for Ang Lee for anybody else but Spielberg I like Spielberg they get too comfortable they think they fucking live in their ego you know I'm saying yeah like fucking Lincoln who gives a fuck about a blink I said it once I said a thousand time he cut an apple tree what two thousand fucking years ago do you want to make a movie now about fucking Lincoln go fuck yourself yeah you know I don't give a fuck about that duty that was happy for our goal though I didn't watch the whole thing I could hear I was telling me I was answering your emails from the

joy tears net so what soon as the Oscars started watching the first six minutes my wife had the baby the baby was sleeping bang my winning I was answering emails and I would pop out to check on them I remember the fucking thing that killed me was Latifah before the fucking Oscars right I was watching like on the red carpet in the living room I'm like most people getting shaped for the fucking Oscars this bitch went to White Castle every day before the fucking Oscars and then they had the balls it's like what are you wearing a curtain did you see what you what the fucking thing she's all I'm wearing

Oscar de larenta oh that was a hard fucking design to make what she ripped down on a fucking wall we gotta get a dress for Latifah what are we doing ripped down a fucking wall and take the curtain cut and fucking put her in it not that I'm no slim Jim Magoo myself but for the love of Christ speaking of slim Jim Magoo my brother fucking Lee is on a juice binge and I'm proud of you Lee thanks man no it's been good it's uh yeah it's my one day sex now thank God because did you see the videos from day one and two I thought somebody was fucking them in the air my name is Lee it's tough I'm on a juicer I really miss

fried food what the fuck is this kid doing he's embarrassing but then by day four you were perky once you find out you lost the 25 pounds and I'm proud of I tell you why I'm proud of you because listen I'd much be happier that you're doing like a weight watchers type diet for learning how to eat again but you're putting your body in the right place and as long as you go in the right direction God bless you this is the church what's happening now is about it's trying shit you're not nothing's gonna happen unless you fucking try so this is a I don't want to say quick fix but it's a it's a I'm like shocking my

body I haven't had these many vegetables and have some more fucking these are vegetables of life mix those with these and what'll come out of your asshole is fucking pure AY you know what I'm saying all right thank you brother believe the sciat smoking venom with sweet think uncle Lee so I haven't had any I haven't had vegetables like this and fucking ever I get most I would have a couple a day or just fucking beef and broccoli which isn't really vegetables so I've had nothing but vegetables and water for six days and it's just uh it's totally cleaning out my system but I do plan on going away watchers

when I start eating again because like I told you yesterday the first thing the first thought that came into my mind when I saw I lost 25 pounds was I deserve a treat and that's fucking that that's horrible that's gonna send me right back down the path so I gotta I gotta because you were we were talking yesterday and you said uh you said like no more fast food and I like it's in I know I can't but I still want it so I just have to I have to learn how to stop want like how to stop and you know we have to talking to you and I've been seeing those videos I've been around you for two years and I know that when we're not together I know you're not at the fucking gym hanging out with

Jack Lane doing jumping jack and like I said I was not allowed to eat fast food when I was a child in the 70s the only fast food I ate was don't cook tonight called chicken going it was delicious it was nutritious fucking chicken they just deep fried it but it was chicken yeah you know when I go to Popeyes now for a piece of chicken it ain't chicken it's chicken with veins in it oh yeah it's like a fucking dead foot that they just spray painted it's chicken from some other fucking land you know uh the youth of today is really has a problem I was breaking the lead down my my uh food uh fast food I've never been a fast food guy yeah I wasn't allowed to eat when I was a kid the kid who called last week Steve Avillo his girlfriend we were 1615

worked at Burger King so on Saturdays we walk up and I eat a chicken sandwich I was always in love with chicken sandwiches not hamburgers then when Wendy's and like 82 83 me and Tommy Russo used to fucking go out to some uh Votek school I wanted to be a plumber that's when I thought I wanted to be a union plumber in 82 and we drive out and the way back I eat two chicken sandwiches from Denny's uh Wendy's yeah and I thought that was fucking fantastic but I never really ate that shit again till I moved to LA and one night my wife went to McDonald's and got me a quarter pounder with cheese and I'd lost my fucking money it was delicious and I was on a quarter pounder tear and I told you I used to eat a breakfast at home and then I stopped McDonald's

and got a night in McMuffin with two apple pies a large coke and nothing will kill you more I heard this from about 10 people nothing will kill you more than having a soda for breakfast oh yeah like a real coke like for fucking breakfast like with a buttered robe nothing kills you more and then you were telling me I seen the video where you spoke about what you got a Jack and when we spoke about what you ate at Taco Bell oh yeah I was like blowing away but then I sat and I looked at it from a different direction I go this is the way Lee looked at me when I smoked cigarettes Lee couldn't figure out I like Joey why is he doing this to his body when you told me that I could not understand the fast food and I thought about it because when he said like you

weren't allowed to eat fast food my mom cooked almost probably six or seven nights of the week yeah when it started getting bad for me was when I got a license and I got my car I fucking went out every day because my school was a school where you could go out when you were like a junior senior you could go out for lunch and there was a pizza place 10 10 minutes away not even said very pizza and I would get we'd go there every day and then after school you'd go somewhere no but I don't mind that you get a slice of pizza at a real pizza place when you told me you went to Little Seasons oh that's new yeah pizza pizza with the wings I almost died I couldn't even imagine a Little Seasons pizza oh no it's I mean it's it's uh it's nothing like a good pizza

but fuck what I after like after we would smoke at your house go in there and get in some pizza and wings oh shit it's not bad when you're stoned listen to me I get high every fucking hour that I'm awake and I would never consider going to Little Seasons and the funny thing is that we spoke and I totally like and I don't want the people to get me wrong on this I love this country I love the United States yeah and I'm really happy that any place I go to my wife I like friccadels you know friccadels no it's hamburger meat with breadcrumbs in an egg it's a meat little fried with our green onions and onions oh shit and you put uh uh uh no bread okay and I just pre-catch upon and eat it okay and last time I went goes every time I make these once a week

I never see that you're so happy I love the United States I love listen when I came to this country there was nothing more that made me feel like an American even after you learn English nothing makes you feel like an American and eat American food yeah a fucking hot dog fries and a fucking hamburger that's it that's as American as it gets then you have the second tier you have meatloaf corn on the cob you know roast beef whatever that's the second tier then you got the third tier you know but nothing made me feel more like an American than you know fucking burger not the ones that my mother made you know what I'm saying like yeah so I love all that I like I learned to eat that shit later on when I got sick before my mother died I had a lung infection yeah at the hospital my

mother swore from now and I went back on the fucking all-american diet which was salads avocado salads and all that shit so I don't understand the whole fast food thing I wish you know you're 24 and I explained to you that you were a young man at 24 I had no body fat I was snorting blow jumping fences robbing houses not sleeping when I when I came from when I left New Jersey in 83 and I went to Colorado this is no disrespect to Colorado I went out a couple times either night and the food was garbage yeah so I knew that it was not going to be like the diners I was used to in Jersey where you go in and get a cheeseburger deluxe motherfucker with fries with mozzarella cheese and gravy on those motherfuckers a few pickles you get the house soup never go to those

you get like a clam chowder then you get to like I used to go to a Berkshire diner they give you two pieces of white toast toasted and they cut a steak on top of it an open stick sandwich medallions with steak fries onions on top of that motherfucker what Lee what what who the fuck do you think you're dealing with here oh that's the way you fucking eat like a savage but to go to Taco Bell and get five tacos that aren't even meat yeah and the nachos this isn't even real fucking food this is and the youth of americas who's funding these motherfuckers yeah you guys are funding these motherfuckers even though but it's I cannot be mad at you whenever I bought a grandma coat when I was 18 I knew was fucking up my body but I didn't give a fuck this Taco Bell all this shit this

fucks you up the same but hey you're the captain Kirk you're fucking at a price you know and yeah I'm happy Lee I'm happy that you're taking a step in the right direction I don't want you to have diabetes you know I avoided all that shit because even though I was fucked up I always walked no yeah yeah you're telling me cuz I'm in north bergen and I was always I'm from the second hilliest but even later on even here in LA I would have walked to the store I'm like I said I'm a fat guy with unusual characteristics you know I could fly through the fucking air I could throw sidekicks for Jesus but it's because I've been doing it for so long yeah that was in kickboxing I was stretching and some guy looked at me he goes how the fuck long have you been doing this look at your stretch

but even when I was 400 pounds because Eddie Bravo I always stretched because I always stretch because of Eddie Eddie always said that when he's at home watching TV he doesn't watch TV he stretches so from now on you don't watch TV on those nice couches you're on the floor stretching calisthenics push-ups sit-ups that's how Eddie watches TV he would work on his core while he watched TV oh that's a good idea and you know you do bridges you just then you get better and fucking better and you know till today I still stretch I try to stretch as much as I can because it breaks the fat you drink water and that's the other thing you said to me tell me tell the fucking people what you told me yesterday oh but dad coke oh yeah I would go I'd probably go weeks

unless the only time I probably would drink water is if I went to like one of the restaurants and then give you a cup of water or a bar like it's again have a glass of water but I'd probably go weeks just die coke oh my god and that that's why I think I lost so much weight so quickly because it's just yeah it's just so it makes you retain your water you know it's funny that I when I was a kid my mother made me drink water they always had frozen water in the refrigerator with sheets of ice and ice cream that's how she would start it she put like 22 things of ice and then water from the sink it wasn't what it was today you couldn't drink the fucking water from the sink and then I laid off it for a while but that was like you if I got out of the restaurant I would drink like I love

Chinese food water oh yeah that's a scratch oh fucking those little brown glasses yeah yeah yeah with a couple ice cubes and a straw and shit give me some last night I was craving seshuang beef like I'm like you dog I'm a fat fucking heart yeah you know I put my pants on just like everybody else in the fucking world everybody that's why I hate these we all put our pants on the same fucking way nobody's better than you but bro last night I was sitting there I had a protein shake last night for dinner because she made the friccadels at like five before the Oscars when I got back from the Y the friccadels were done I had a salad with the friccadels and then last no I was still fucking hungry and I was sitting there like a nine o'clock going god damn I could

go for some seshuang beef with the carrots and some steamed rice and a good east coast fucking egg roll with some hot sauce from Chan's dragon in oh yeah I'm with the Chan's dragon how many of those egg rolls did I eat that in that box I don't fuck around when I go to work I go to work yeah these are the real fucking jersey fucking egg rolls but you know only I settled down what I tell you last night every Sunday I go to the farmers market and I buy a bag of fucking the best apples they got yeah because if you're hungry at night and don't get me wrong dog on Friday nights and I'm coming back from the lab factory or the haha I gotta get a burrito from the burrito man from the tamale man but they're small those burritos are small like six points of peace if I

had the guacamole and the pic of the guy out to it so I love to eat but I know that yeah like if I think I'm gonna get an open steak sandwich at Denny's I'm just gonna get depressed so I just rather go home and eat a fucking apple yeah there was a kid who uh or a guy who commented on one of my uh a bunch of my videos who said he was 18 and 350 pounds and he said he said he said in the comment he thinks he's gonna be dead by 25 and uh the one thing I always hate as a fat person is uh old fat guys who start preaching or or even the skinny guys who who act like they know all the things so I'm not gonna say that well I hate the skinny guys that make you feel bad yeah when they preach to you they make you feel bad uh I'm not in business to make nobody

feel bad yeah my wife said that one day we were walking you and me were carrying some and she goes I could tell Lee was having a hard time with it so like two days later she goes if you've spoken to Lee about going to the gym and stuff and I go it's not my place I love Lee like a brother you know uh I could sit here people do you know how many people talk to me about coke maybe three or four and I wouldn't listen or food or health or whatever we have to go for it ourselves yeah that's the only time we know exactly what to do we always know what to do you know you know when it's time to go on a fucking diet you know when you go up those stairs in a basketball game that you're fucked I gotta do something I gotta start going to the Y yeah at least you might down four

is this fucking smoking like I went yesterday on the treadmill I tried to do I bought those new sneakers and I tried to do doches 20 minutes I fucking did it but god damn I have a hard time running Lee yeah it's tough what we need is big and then damn I got a hard time running how long do you smoke cigarettes for I smoked I never smoke cigarettes I moved to Los Angeles oh okay and then I smoked for like five years and then I stopped for seven years and then for a year I smoked at night again and then I stopped and now I don't smoke again and it's been three months and I could still feel it yeah I mean I'm getting tremendous cardio at kickboxing I could do the whole hour and a half now oh yeah yeah yeah yeah no and I could do the rounds and last week I did a little

jujitsu and that's fucked up when somebody gets on you and wears down on you that's when I have a hard time breathing but in time with the weight and the whole thing listen Lee I'm proud of you you're inspiring me and your videos I'm gonna follow you and support you and you know that's why I looked at you yesterday I said you know listen man I got off blow five fucking years ago and I don't fuck around yeah make a decision in your life you do not fuck around you never go back once you make that decision that's why I don't I tell people don't stop doing it until you're fucking ready if not you're gonna go to 20 rehabs but one day you're gonna wake up and go I'm sick of this shit yeah I'm fucking sick of this shit there's more to me than fucking wasting on cheese

burgers or cigarettes or blow or fucking alcohol or this dirty bitch or this guy who's fucking sticking fingers up my asshole at night I'm done and you stick to your fucking word because you owe it to yourself as a man whatever you know I'm a three fucking ten right now and I'm a fat fuck but I know I go to the gym and I try and I know when I was four fifteen I wasn't trying I know what that's like I know what it's like to fucking feel fat and go fuck it I'm done yeah I'm gonna go to the store and get another container Ben and Jerry's New York super fudge chunk and a gal in the fucking coke and eat the whole fucking thing and then at one of them you know I knew it but you don't want to get out you got out of the cycle and that's what the church of what's happened now

it's all motherfucking about especially on a Monday morning you writing goals down I heard that you said 175 pounds and I'm with you dog whatever you fucking need for me you need for us to run go to the store motherfucking you need to hijack a fucking lettuce truck where he is as long as you know like Queen Latifah and shit like that how good that Mrs. Obama look oh but normally her arms are a little bit too much he was like oh she was pretty I'm gonna rip those fucking bangs off and eat that fucking monkey one of these days I love her I love Mrs. Obama I don't give a fucking the drones come get me yeah do you think that was live I was thinking I I don't know it looked kind of live but I couldn't tell she's bad to the bone I would

eat her ass and everything Mrs. Obama well anyway let's hit it Lee a little Tony Bennett's Monday morning six something the fucking morning nine something the East Coast I love you cock suckers get up wash your dick wash your pussy get out there get on that train let him know who the fucking conductor is motherfucking hit it Lee where's that reefer Lee you're holding on he cocks I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks oh shit lily lily lily lily he's seen the chick that's gonna fart in his face yesterday oh oh yeah he had joked around with me that she was like a 400 pound black girl and she was gonna eat nothing but sour cream from talking about for two weeks but she came up and she was wearing yoga pants come on Lee the music

I'm sorry come smoke some refund go away come get the fucking with Lee that misery like smoke that green lily lily oh shit Monday morning do some jumping jack coming to face do what you need to do to get motivated you only have one fucking Monday but thank god they come every week and your motherfuckers are savages because you're watching this church of what's happening now I'm sure you had a good fucking breakfast because breakfast the most important meal of the day and you took some of your fucking omniproducts you took your little immune sport you took your little strong

bone you made your little hemp protein shake with your one fucking egg with the pono or whatever the fuck you're doing because it's very important go to honet.com and look at that t testosterone thing the t1 I got it at home the other day I haven't started to usually have to go to doctor this week once I go to doctor when I come back from Louisiana I'm gonna go we're gonna do live and make videos like fucking Lee the whole thing we're gonna start a fucking church of what's happening now revolutionary for fat dudes those fat men alert fat men alert fat men alert it's Monday fucking morning your lucky day's coming cock sucker you're gonna get off the fucking thing you gotta do some jumping jacks you're gonna look good nobody's gonna throw sand in your face this

fucking summer Jesus so I was telling Lee what happened I got insulted by some people some people thought I was a piece of shit one thing uh Ari Shafi always says about me that's a Jew compliment he always goes one thing about Joey Diaz a cuckucker pays his bills I take pride when I was a kid I used to beat drug dealers we all beat them for a five or ten we forget about that G-Bo all together but I don't like that thing I always want people to trust me if I come to you and say Lee I need two thousand and you give it to me I go Lee I have a Friday if I don't have a Friday by five I call your 501 I go Lee I have a few Sunday I don't I don't want you to hunt me down I beat some loam sharks we all fucking do what I'm talking people who work for a living people

will give you their trust so I was telling you guys a couple weeks ago that I was in Columbus when I come back they took fucking 3900 on my back now the chicks 23 years old I started getting emails from people joey paying a fucking charge I go you have no idea what this is like when you don't get a real number a couple years ago the number was really high and I somebody robbed my car and they took all my receipts so thank god I always made my money orders on on hollywood boulevard on that one check cash in place so my wife had to go in there and get all the receipts of the money orders so if not I would have fucking owed a hundred thousand dollars that knocked 40 thousand dollars all because my 30th wife wouldn't tell the people she was getting the fucking checks

you have no idea what I went through that's why I was so upset that morning because you stop paying child support at fucking 18 yeah she's 23 Lee and they're still taking money out and they forget and I did they did they took the order down from my checks but every once in a while like once a year they just take fucking you know a check you know like I'm getting a check on the longest yard so no take the whole fucking thing and I gotta call the state and get a refund you know how long you know how slow those motherfuckers work yeah when it's your money they want to ride away or they'll shut the fucking lights but if it's their money all they got to put up in front of the board of ed and get okay to write a check and that takes dirty fucking days and then they

send you to check on horseback you ever get those fucking checks 50 on horseback and shit what the fuck it's my paper send it immediately yeah but uh so finally I called and I guess you put up another order from a credit card I owed from 1991 so I was telling me my wife calls she comes in the room she goes you better sit down she goes they say you owe 41,000 gazines so we called the attorney the attorney wanted five just to pay the 41 Jesus Christ so that's now that's 46 so that's 46 so you know the Cubans you my wife she calls on Monday and they go no no no no pay a payment plan make the first payment for 14 gibos in four easy payment plans I was gonna pay 14 14 and like six and six something ridiculous plus the five to the attorney oh my god never have kids and just as I was going

about to do that Tuesday morning call from Colorado they're like hey California is not allowed to charge you fucking interest you paid your debt to society you're free it's over give us your address we owe you money oh shit so they put the 3,900 back in my fucking account and that's what I was angry about I was not angry about paying child support I know my debt to society it's bad enough I didn't fuck them raise it the least I could do is just make good at this at least I could live my life with a fucking clean conscience you know Zan yeah that's how I roll so when that lady called me back from Colorado that attorney wanted five G's as a retainer and he wouldn't have given back and he wouldn't give it back and called me if he would have been smart he would have called me

and asked for another 2,500 you know what Lee I would have yeah that's what I that's what you're supposed to do you're supposed to call back and get a bump that's what that's called a little fucking bump speaking of bumps anybody see the history of the Eagles this weekend you told me about that I haven't seen it yet you know I once made a statement if you're not on heaven I don't want to listen to you and I'm right I don't watch this shit watch what these motherfuckers are doing on the third I mean I know I've always loved the Eagles I've always loved that guitar type that harmony you know in the eighth and seventh grade I listened to Hotel California every fucking day for two years the album the whole album victim of love first time I ever heard them was in Miami I

heard uh one of these nights holy shit I'm looking for the daughter of the devil himself I've been searching for an angel in white I've been waiting for a woman who's a little of both but I can see him when there's nowhere in sight oh I'm dropping on you motherfuckers on a Monday morning here what time you gotta leave uh six thirty don't play some music with these cops sure why not we want to play with them we've got Piggy Smalls lined up hit it little something for you Monday morning to get your shit together oh shit here you go huh we hit this fucking thing you got me over here like an orphan by myself hitting this I got two going I got a fucking vapor pen it's Monday motherfuckers get up it's a beautiful day it's you paging him see who's

this paging me and why it's my nigga pop up a shop for me he was in the game Lee what's the story here I've had enough come here you had enough you ain't even started what are you done in summer you had enough oh shit my nigga fame up and cross now that my nigga now love wouldn't disrespect love wouldn't disrespect 25 years old when he made this are you fucking are you fucking kidding me love wouldn't disrespect oh shit here's on my paper what about the best part of y'all this was my wife going honey here we have come in here and I ran in and Barbara Streisand was there and that's when all the Jews

were at home jumping up and down yeah she's the baddest motherfucker of all I love when she shows up she always brings brand news that bitch soon as she showed up what's his name new he didn't want to direct it oh Spielberg Spielberg he knew him you always bring a Jew to give you the bad news they never sound like a Gentile to give you a brand they bring one of your own go out there and tell that fucking mutt he's in no danger we're giving it to the fucking China man this year we'll give it to Ang Lee fuck them oh do you see chris and stort oh she's a film is she on heroin or something she came out and she was when she's on cock that's just she's on sperm she fucking shoots it intravenously into her asshole in a fucking dirty filthy fucking snatch oh she's a filthy

fucking hell yeah when she came out last night she looked like guns and roses when they won the fucking Grammys in 87 that they were all fucked up I loved it yeah I loved it white America was not ready for guns and roses and they were fucked up on booze age gorilla biscuits did you see her hair was all fucked oh yeah she was somebody was fucking her she was fucked up on something oh yeah two people her Renee zoe wager oh I didn't see her that bitch is always fucking high on pills or tumor balls or gazooing or something she can't be that fucking retard and I love her I love it don't get me wrong Renee zoe wager is my bitch I love it don't get me fucking wrong at all I love Renee zoe wager and the champ the movie with the fucking Australian guy from when they play the guy from

North Bergen that's that guy's a cop his grandson's a cop okay you know you know the Cinderella man oh oh really oh shit I know that North Bergen knew Joe fucking didn't get dealing with Doug that's part of the whole fucking patois and she was great and jerry mcguide she's very cute and very real and jerry mcguide oh shit oh shit is this my main man Tim Donahue what's happening beautiful what's going on pal you know me man in the middle here trying to put the fucking week together hope you're doing well I was appreciating you with the kids last night look at you hey you gotta do what you gotta do right hey how many girls you got four daughters four daughters god oh my fucking god that's real pressure yeah they keep me busy trust me what are the ages

16 15 oh 13 oh you're the kiss of death Tim you you beat yourself up all the fucking time you didn't give yourself no first I have a seven week old right I look at her every day and I'm thinking of the worst fucking things but what are you gonna do I'm thinking of stabbing people already and some two-year-old hit on I almost kicked the fuck out of them the other you know you know how it is man where are you at today yeah young wife huh no I got a I got a 43 year old wife and I'm 50 and we got cats well yeah we were together for years we've been there 14 years in July and we were like ah we're never gonna have kids I smoked dope and shit so I just thought the sperm was contaminated but look at that you know the sperm she's beautiful yeah I thought the thing

was spoiled what are you saying little rascals don't drink the milk it's spoiled pass it down that's what I thought the sperm was I'm happy you called for two reasons I love I love you to death and I got your book personal file I got it on amazon.com and I've read a couple chapters and I'll tell you what I really really like the book Tim I'm proud of you it inspires me to write a fucking book this is a great book I want to ask you about your buddy Baba there yeah so he was the kiss of death yeah fuckface he was he couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut which ruined this I mean obviously I did some stuff that was stupid and wrong but he had diarrhea the mouth and I got all over the place and the FBI became involved it's amazing you know you mentioned your your your tremendous

resume you know 13 years and no problems and blah blah blah and working hard and Villanova and you know you're fucking Irish and you're beautiful and everything and what I got from though what I read was you kept mentioning the four years of this fucking horror you know and how long ago was this this is you got sentenced when in 2005 2007 I got sentenced okay and then you got 2009 right before that right and and when you look back at those four years what are you is it like black and white in your life I mean it is it's something I'm always going to remember because you know when you look at where I was and what I had and what I fell into you it's hard for people that don't make major

mistakes or fall down hard in their life to realize how I could have done something so stupid so I mean it's always going to be there for me but uh you know it's it's not how you fall tell you get back up so uh I'm getting back up and I'm moving forward and things are getting a lot better it's just taking a little bit of time you know Tim it's it's easy I know that Danny spoke to you a little about me I got convicted of uh you know secondary burglary and kidnapping too and and I too never you know gotten trouble again I mean I smacked some people on trouble in Seattle but I never end up doing anything bad to go back to prison and you're right it's not how you fall but you get up but I think about what led up to me putting the machine gun to this kid and taking them to a

trunk of a car I think of those two years before that and if they ever wrote my story the movie would be in color but when it comes to that part of my life it would be black and white because that's how I felt inside and when I read your book that's how I saw those four years how you felt inside they were giving you two thousand a game here you were caught in a fucking circle that you were uh a spoke on a wheel you know you were a spoke on a fucking wheel that they didn't give a fuck about you they just wanted to keep making money and here you were oh and here you were and the best thing that ever happened to you was that the feds were listening that's the best fucking story I've ever heard in my life that you got nailed because the feds were listening to these assholes

and then the whole transaction they picked you up right uh Tim it's uh and I'm not mad at you at all Tim because I know what happened to me I always tell people how fast you could get caught up in something in your life that how fast it just it's a fucking memory one minute you're in your house watching tv the next minute you're in a car going to fucking shoot somebody with a friend of yours that you don't even know who the fuck you know I'm saying it's situations like that and I know that's what you were a part of I mean hey listen don't get me wrong you're no fucking saint here you were no fucking saint like I wasn't you were enjoying it for a while but then you got caught up in something break down what you were living at that point yeah I mean basically I was uh you

know living a great life and doing things I wanted to do and then when I realized that you know I needed to get out of this that this wasn't right that it could cause me and my family a lot of problems when I wanted to get out of it I couldn't because the information was being passed to the wise guys and they wanted to keep getting that information because they were making millions and millions of dollars off of my picks so the bottom line is they picked me up threw me in a car and and threatened me and and the bottom line was is I knew that I was caught so uh I had really one choice and that was to continue to give them the picture or I was going down um but I didn't realize as I was going to go down anyway but you know I rolled the dice in hopes that I was going to be able

to provide them what they needed and at the end of it everything was going to be let go and forgotten and they would have their money and I would still have my job but we all know uh life doesn't work that way. Now uh how long after they got you in the car did you continue to give picks out? I gave them picks for about three months after I was in that car with them that night and uh probably won about 75 to 80 percent of the games and they were betting uh you know uh hundreds of thousands of dollars on these picks and just raking it in. Now in your book you also spoke about how you were doing these picks and you were picking other games I think not only games you were reffing but you were picking them on how uh

the relationships what people don't see behind the curtain the relationships and the politics between the team owners and the refs and that one uh story you tell about the the refs grandson talking to Alan Iverson uh you made some fucking tremendous points in there. It comes down to relationships just like in anything in life there's positive relationships and negative relationships between referees and players referees and coaches and referees and owners and those relationships uh change the line on those games by five six and seven points sometimes whether it was a good relationship or a bad relationship you're either going to get the calls you're going to get stuck up your ass and it happened it happened on a nightly basis and it

still happens today and that's why working with Danny and doing things that we do we're able to put out an enormous amount of winners on some of these plays that we put out. Now let me ask you to take advantage of it. When I was looking for your book there's also there's a couple of books on this subject on the Tim Donahy thing correct or is this the only book what what other book is there was that one written by you also? No no there was another book I'm not sure who wrote it but you know my book is the only book that was supported by the FBI to where the FBI agent wrote the Ford Ford and said that I told the truth at any time I know there was a couple other things written I'm not sure who wrote them. Okay and those other books were was it a book that Bob I wrote or

somebody in the Gambino's or? I think it was something that he was associated with I don't think that he could write two sentences and string them together so I'm certainly sure he didn't write the book but I'm not sure he did. Now where's Bob I today? Bob I believe is up somewhere in Pennsylvania working at a health club. And what about the other guy your buddy your really good friend? Jack and Cannon is still an insurance agent in you know outside Philadelphia and Martino's a hairdresser in Philadelphia also. You talk to these guys anymore or there's no contact at all? I talked to Martino a little bit not much I haven't talked to Batista or Cannon I just think those relationships are pretty much finished when you know you talk about you know certainly you know making the

choices I did which were bad and dumb but you know those guys kind of really took took everything that I was giving them to a whole another level and kind of put us all in a bad position. It's it really is you know like when I lived in Boulder there was a guy I knew that was bringing in weed to taking it out of Boulder but he was picking it up in Craig Colorado and he went to Craig he went to Boulder to see his wife and he went to a hotel he parked the truck and he went to his hotel room with a suitcase with cash or whatever. There was $40,000 cash in a gun he runs out of ice he goes downstairs and in that minute the fucking maid comes in sees the bag with the gun and calls the fucking cops he comes back to his room he sits there he

orders food he sleeps he's getting ready to fucking get out and they arrest him they take the keys from his pocket they ask him where his vehicle is they find the truck he's got 200 pounds in there oh my god you know you never know in this life how you're gonna get caught up in a circle when I got in trouble when I left the guys that I was kidnapping they had the guy tied up and everything was fine the next morning I wake up to he got caught driving with the guy in the trunk with his headlights off I got nailed because this fucking guy was driving with a guy in his trunk with the headlights off and it proves to me that either god or the higher power has a fucked up sense of humor and for guys like you and me it's a second chance you have to take

advantage of the second chance because this shit doesn't you can't write this shit exactly you can't write that a wire tapped on somebody else saved your life because listen eventually something was gonna happen you would go bad you would stop giving them picks never gonna fucking kill you you know they're gonna do something because they were definitely took it to the point where they were threatening my wife and kids in Florida so they they needed those picks because it was bringing in millions and millions of dollars you know gambling is a billion dollar a year business and they were raking it in and it was uh it was able to keep their operations moving at a high level please and what the fuck with the gambino is doing I mean

this is these guys are doing child prostitution in New York the last bust these guys are down to nothing they're down to nothing they don't move age no more the coke belongs to the ethnics you know the unions got taken from them so all they really had was a blue collar roughing the loans and uh and gambling that's it maybe some stock fraud maybe some long distance cards or whatever the fuck they do so you were a cash cow for these fucking morons oh you a huge cash cow I mean when you talk about looking back now and talking to some of the agents and uh you know listening to how these lines were moving two three and three points after this guy Bob I'll place these bets and how he was betting two three four five hundred thousand dollars a game and telling other people to bet that much it was

it was a million dollar a night operation now how's it been going this year as a tout that you're giving out picks how have you been doing this year yeah Danny B and I have been doing very good uh I'm getting ready to launch a website refticks.com coming up in in association with Danny B I'm still going to be working with him so uh we have a lot of things going you know he's a dynamic guy on the radio off the radio so he's a good guy to be attached to with the hips so uh looking forward to bigger and better things coming and just keep producing winners in the bottom line winning cures everything because he still puts money in people's pockets now do you also do college just as a questionnaire we do do college uh we look at college games we I know a

lot of referees in the college business I know a lot of people in the college atmospheres so we certainly do put out college and we're getting ready for a big run in March Madness also and then you have uh the pro basketball till fucking June correct the second week of June right this has been a weird year for pro basketball I went to a a Laker game and it's funny to go to a Laker game they ain't doing dick this year even the reps can't fucking help them yeah they're gonna help them you're gonna see I'm gonna tell you right now on your show you heard it from me you're gonna see the Laker sneak into the playoffs do you know what the other day I was watching the playoffs I wasn't watching it the pre fucking thing was on and I don't really watch listen I live here I've lived here

for 15 years and after a while as a comedian you go to these shows at night and they're not starting to show to the Laker games over so you learn to hate them at first but then after a while you go what am I gonna do you can't beat them join them I've always been a Kobe Bryant fan you know I'm a basketball fan all together about I've always been a Kobe fan I went to I went to watch him about five years ago before the heat got LeBron and he was tremendous LeBron uh uh Kobe but the guy from Miami was tremendous also Dwayne Wade was just amazing it was a great basketball and I've been a Laker fan now because of Kobe watching him and cheering for him and the other day fucking Shaq this cocksucker on national TV goes but look at the Lakers they ain't even gonna make

the playoffs this year and my heart snapped I'm like that's amazing that the Lakers aren't gonna make the playoffs and now I'm cheering for them just to get the fucking last spot just to prove fucking Shaq wrong you know yeah they'll they'll get it they have to get it they're uh they had a pretty good team they're playing better basketball now they had a couple games left uh you know they're they're they're winning in a much better clip now so if they can continue to do this they had a big win yesterday in Dallas they're gonna be okay and that's showtime people want to watch the late and listen there's a couple teams I watch that you sit there and you're ready to put a gun in your fucking mouth but there's some teams you watch and you're like wow this is great basketball

you know I always like watching the South this because of that fucking lunatic you know telling people's wife tastes like honey nut Cheerios and all that shit you know Miami I can't stand watching because I hate LeBron I can't especially wears fucking glasses it drives me crazy but I don't mind even the next I didn't mind watching last year or Carmelo there's some teams I like watching the Denver Nuggets sometimes I like watching some teams so I know how that appeals to television the television ratings have a lot to do with the playoffs and whatnot so it's really your book was fucking great Tim and when I spoke to Danny last week I was very impressed with what I read from the book I'm gonna have a week now in New Orleans where I'm gonna read it cover to cover and I'll

get your back on again and we'll bust your balls a little bit more now what are you doing baseball season you make no fucking money cock sucker oh no no no I lean right right on Danny B Danny B's the baseball expert yes that's an athlete he will be back in his day in baseball so he follows that he's got a great system and he's he knocks him dead come baseball season so we really don't miss a beat and where can these guys find you now where can we get some NBA picks we're down in a hole right now we need to make some fucking dope we go on Danny B wins dot com and there's an 800 number they can call if they want to speak to us live or they can go on ref picks dot com and they can check us out there that site should be up and running this week so we've got a lot of different

avenues uh and uh you know we'll uh we'll talk to anybody to give us a pause and we'll help them out now I'm sure with your experience and what you've gone through and the eye you have and your intelligence that you could pick one winner a night if there's like six games correct one winner a night yes I could do better than that no shit so if four nights a week if I called you and I bet a hundred a game that means I'd make 1600 a fucking month ladies and gentlemen get this man on the phone right now and make some money this basketball season stop being a fucking loser call the 800 number go on fucking the ref guy here and cut the shit you need cash this guy could get you one winner a night without you being a fucking greedy cocksucker

like those mob guys if you just bet one game a night at a deuce that's 800 that's fucking we have four times that's 800 a week that's for a 3200 a month that's what most people go to college to fucking learn you heard it here I'm the church of what's happening now we don't only talk about health and fitness and jumping jackson reefer and eating ass we also talk about putting little fucking dough ray me in your pocket tell him tim donahue donahue absolutely pick up that phone [phone] give us a buzz and uh go on the website ref pic uh dot com and uh you know we'll do some business I love you buddy have a great week all right and have a great week picking them have a great time in New Orleans and stay black baby I love you all right see you buddy

yeah so for you guys that want to be gangsters and your ogs get this motherfucker on the phone that's how you make money if some guy can make you 200 a fucking night times four let's not get greedy I'm not gonna go seven nights a week eventually I'm gonna go fucking south but if I get four nights a week that's 800 a fucking week you're putting up your bookmaker's ass that's 30 200 a month now so you got march april may half of june that means by the summer you've got 10 g's in your pocket and you're slinging dick like biggie at 95 you're following me lily fucking lilin it's monday you know lily you're looking better thanks man every time I come in he had the bag on the ice like the fucking werewolf your shades a little bit I don't have a fucking FBI

car out there looking at you they take a half a fucking terrorist juke on sucker I'm trying I love you I'm proud of you Lee it's a good fucking week it's gonna be a good week for all you motherfucker what did I give a shout out here you go motherfuckers I got some good shout outs this week fucking filthy animals I got Doug Paquette I love you cock sucker the enlightened chimp chef rob beachwood beach to beck told I'll see you down in New Orleans cock sucker Kyle LSDT mark gilden your back Jordan Lee you cock sucker thank you for inspiring my brother over here and making them juice and stick fingers up his ass or whatnot we got bender st james we got Stefan Lee we got Kyle ship I see that you're trying and we got Anthony mayor I love you cock

sucker and that's it that's all I can tell you motherfuckers and a beautiful monday morning what do you got for these people are you gonna tell you inspire these people today well no I'm just I'm excited to hear about uh about New Orleans after next week because you're doing you're doing two shows down there and you're doing a movie fuck I wish I could go so your shows are uh friday the eighth and sunday the eighth sunday the tenth at latin witt theater in uh lay new at theater in the New Orleans it's on uh brown paper tickets go I got testicle testaments fucking wednesday we got brayer this fucking weekend thursday friday saturday and sunday I think barbara strison it's coming now sunday with boxy yarmulkes and some fucking white fish

what you can't even eat white fish no more see leave but you don't eat fucking jew food jew food would be fucking good for you yeah that's true but you don't eat it you refuse to eat it knock them nobody's ever made like a fast food jew place that's what we make millions late that'd be fucking great listen what we're gonna do we're gonna let this chick fart in your face you go down and we're gonna take the proceeds and open up a jew fast food matzo ball soup okay yeah stormy sandwiches lights you know something on the move yeah that's the name of the place jews on the move jews on the run we lay in the fucking sand blankets and shit people even know we always pop up with a fucking bag in a condition all conditions are great oh my god when I was a

kid my mother had a fucking one life when we first moved from cuba yeah maybe three four years later my mother had a dry clean up in treemont avenue in the fucking Bronx death squad hard one I've been thinking about you motherfucker what are you in jail doing time I haven't even seen him on twitter but death squad Connecticut hold on we'll be talking to you soon uh and on the weekends like during the week I had no school in the summer so I woke up to treemont avenue up there by grand concourse the name of the dry clean was quality clean as upstairs was the num the numbers operation okay the guy my mother's was partners with his name was nelson and he had a wife named the lila and they had a big german shepherd named fucking killer who bit my face when I was three that's where

the little scars are from on my face he bit my face when I was trying to go to fucking hospital and shit that's the only place I was thinking about when was the last time I got mugged it was up there it was up there when I was I didn't get mugged they chased me like fucking two miles I had a run shit like a motherfucker but there was a place on the corner lee you want to talk about good food they had conditions and they toast oh my god with some fucking mustard but they also had sherbet ice cream and they put sprite in there and shake it up oh no what kind of sherbet the the rainbow sherbet you shake that you melt it yeah it gets nice and creamy with a fucking spoon then you pour the sprite on that motherfucker you don't know what your asshole feels like it just starts to

regurgitate like fucking that little uh liz kamucha's asshole when she had round the rousey by the fucking neck all those she was choking around there that little fucking gay tendencies her little monkey was on fire and shit because she was choking her mother fuck out sometimes those chicks they choke they get choked out they get all fucking hot how good they run the rousey look at those fucking shorts i was hoping our boobs would pop out boob yeah you fucking ate what i don't want to ever see a boob again at this age i just want to go direct for the fucking monk what you know what's a boob i can see a boob in a pg fucking 13 movie fuck that that's blaze yeah but when have you seen it on tv who gives a fuck i want to fuck that live memoryx i don't

give a fuck i want to see that monkey from behind i want to go into a triangle on the shorts just go bam and that little fucking pussy flaps hanging on cable that's a fucking site where that little libya is just hanging is that what it's called what the fuck it is you know i didn't win no spelling second lily fucking lilin a monday morning february what is it 25th yeah we're gonna have a good time of testicle testaments we're gonna talk about uh you know for a long time i was getting trouble as a kid but the hardest thing i went through was 84 when i was homeless for 19 fucking days and it was fucking really i think about those times now i want to puke it's the only even prison doesn't make me puke i enjoy it don't do it i enjoy all that shit it was it was uh don't

do it the fucking black guys love me they come in doghouse the food don't do it ah man i'm fucking hungry don't do it don't fucking do it even then i've always been like i could look at food and it's fucking nasty i won't eat it oh yeah there's oh there's some food i will not fucking eat yeah that's what saves me that i'm such a fucking prist when it comes to food when i was a kid one thing my mother's stress was really really really high level action food like we went to get meat at the butcher she always got the best and i always i knew where she was coming from you know and i'm the same way that's why my edible is always strong that's why my weed always kills people that's why when i was a kid people always want to call me for blow because he always strived

to buy the best what the fuck it's caution extra couple fucking dollars what the fuck fuck that break you're not going no more fast food league yeah no more no more places with the drive through nothing no that's it that that was a you know it's i was on a i was a long island i was working governors which i can't wait to go back but they put me in this hotel across from the nassau coliseum which i loved and i'm in long island new york and a kid gets on the fucking thing i told the story with a with a pizza from that company that gives away free pizza on the super bowl public on how good do you think pizza is that they're giving it away the other hand this pizza costs a dollar to make yeah a pizza costs a dollar to fucking make if you ever watch

29th shoot there's a movie 29th with daniela and anthill and poclete one of the greatest pseudo mob movies ever made it's not even a mob movie it's about daniela winning a lottery ticket and i would try to download i wanted to talk about on this show it's about a guy who borrowed money and uh the guy took his fucking company and uh then he gets a lottery ticket okay do you ever see that movie belly hill's cop no you ever see get yeah is it belly hill's cop no midnight run in the beginning of midnight run i don't think i've seen that okay in the beginning of midnight right because you're a fucking moot you'd rather go see the fat chick and the fucking dude you got time to go see that in the movie theater when he told me i want to strangle him but this is pretty good but midnight

run is on fucking netflix you won't watch one of the classics but in the beginning of that the beginning of two movies again in belly hill's cop eddie murphy is selling cigarettes to a guy do you remember that yeah you can see that he's selling that cigarettes on italian guy yeah and the guy looks and he goes what do you think you're dealing with joy bananas the guy he's talking to i forget what his name is he wrote the script 29th street they didn't make him the star they gave the star part to angeline pogler they made him the brother okay so if you watch 29th street the brother in that movie is who wrote the script it's a fucking hilarious movie about an italian family and uh what they're doing is is he wins a lottery ticket and he gives it to the mob but he didn't really

give it to the mob the father has it so he really wins the three million dollars and they're out of debt it's a great little cute story what the fuck was i told him buddy i didn't even know what the fuck was talking about i forgot to your shit until i'm fucking stoned yeah i love it on monday morning well get nice and blasted oh yeah well we were talking about norleans and then we're talking oh oh a guy came on uh the bus with pizza the bus for pizza yeah yeah so you can put that pizza on i'm thinking of myself this fucking mook uh you live in long island but you're fucking getting papa john's this is where pizza was invented when jesus came to the united states this is where he got pizza from was long island and here you are getting papa john's it's to you that's supporting

this fucking movement yeah because i don't know who the fuck's eating this shit these are like britney spears albums i don't know who the fuck is eating this shit it's not easy no i could i could order on this computer i could have a three course meal here in 30 minutes i don't have to call from where anywhere there's websites and all like thousands of restaurants are online oh no i know that that you could call up and there's a guy that'll go pick up breakfast for you why don't you do that instead of going to get fast food no no i'm no i'm saying the fast food places are here some of the better places aren't fuck is wrong with you like i tell you what i used to get a jack in the box yeah this is what i knew that jack in the box was bad for you when i sold cars to bill kraut super

jack in the box in the late 80s used to have a seafood crab salad that shit put weight on you and in my mind i thought it was healthy because i would get the iced tea they had the sweet and iced tea in those days good googly moogly that shit will kill him brother you know zion lealy did you watch all the fights this week and you said you weren't happy with leota machita fight i watched i watched the pay-per-view i didn't watch the prelims and i there's a difference between a good fighting and an entertaining fight so i know leota machita had a good it's a good strategy but if he's getting so close to a title fight i don't as a fan i don't want to a title winner to just hide away i like i like anderson who goes after you and john jones who will fight with you

but danison is also one of those fighters that he doesn't go into a fight to bang with you no he he tested out but he'll he'll he doesn't all like the entire fight leota probably took two steps forward it just it fucking it bothers me and and henderson's really trying and you know how hard fucking henderson hits well yeah you know if you stay in his fucking zone you ever see like when top gun when they show it yeah if you stay in his zone he'll knock your fucking head off like people who are professionals get their head knocked off because you're minding guys like you and me he would knock our heads off well wait till the chick farts in your face your head's gonna be rolling somewhere but uh you don't want to stand in front of him so i knew he wasn't gonna play he was gonna

play the deception type game yeah i'm not gonna get hit you know one of the most interesting conversations i had was with ed suarez who called the podcast last week one night talking about henderson silver that when he leaves his house to fight he wants to come back how he left for his kids he doesn't want he never wants his kids to see his face beat up yeah you'll never see even when chao son and beat him up from the bottom his face wasn't beat he's got that brazilian leather fucking lizard skin those brazilians they don't give a fuck between the ocean the salt and the fucking sun it makes that dark fucking skin even tougher than what you can't stab henderson silver your fucking knife will bend you know like one of those kung fu knives and shit so uh

you know listen when i watch like even this week i watched it if you were to watch the prelims you would have watched levar johnson against brendan schwa now on paper that fight was godziller versus king kong they could have stood face to face and just threw punches at each other yeah anybody knows that levar johnson hits you your fucking skull is going he doesn't even knock your head off when your head flies off your skeleton flies out all he leaves his skin like fucking cocoon i'm in a movie cocoon the old guys take off yeah i didn't see it but i'm sorry no i know you didn't fucking see that either it's a good movie but you go see a fat chick identity theft your fucking mook that's why i love you you saw it in the theater i i fucking stab you in

i'll fucking pee in your fruit juice gosh what was i talking about see you get me high and confused cock sucker i bet levar johnson and levar johnson so what are you gonna do stand in front of him now brendan schwa likes to fucking punch brendan schwa was an NFL player well i seen brendan schwa take him down i knew brendan schwa was thinking now everybody hits hard in the UFC i could stand in front of you and we could throw punches to one of his fucking dies it's not that you got to fight smart you gotta fight a little fucking on the smart side your name you mentioned was carlos conduit who's got a tremendous fight coming up march 16th because they moved his fight he's fighting rory mcdonnell who called him out got hurt so they moved johnny hendrix up oh okay so it's

johnny hendrix johnny hendrix hits like a fucking bulldozer do you really think carlos conduit is gonna stand in front of that right hand no it's gonna go around and redhead move at him he's gonna move around you don't want to let those guys stand so i appreciate that style of fighting i'm not here to get hit i'm here you want to throw punches i'm here to go in and out yeah in and out and get the fuck out of that and went on points that's how he beats people i'm fucking points every once in a while he like he's knocked out rishad evans and shit like that but uh what did you think around the rousy and liz karmush i thought uh i was scared for ronda i thought she was gonna lose with like her face because i've ross let had my face like that that hurts um

um but yeah that was uh i would have been bad for the u of c if ronda lost already so i was uh i don't think it would have been bad for you to see i don't think so no listen man anytime an underdog listen anytime a guy like me comes through it's a feather and all these people's hat that watch twitter yeah every time a guy like me listen man when a guy looks good and he's 23 and he's funny or halfway witty you're supposed to fucking do something with if you're out here but me i was the underdog since day one that's why we got all these people on twitter listen to the fucking podcast because you guys know i'm a fucking killer you guys know i don't fuck around they just fucked up they just fucked up and it happens sometimes but we're here still having a good time and you can't

get mad at nobody for doing that but liz karmush i'm very proud of this car i know she did great but i fucking did great and went out there she didn't give a fucking that's what it's all about like you you're going for this fucking diet why fuck around with one foot in the water yeah put both feet in the fucking water and go for it you think those cubans when they fucking swim over here they put one foot in they go up you don't make it the sharks get you yeah it's either the sharks fidel or fucking america yeah you gotta go for it motherfucker every day don't make me put on the national anthem and start getting people i can't even do the national anthem because i talked about obama's wife last night the feds will definitely show up in the house i definitely love obama's i was i was

happy for uri but uri because he lost the last couple fights right who's that uri faber uri faber one yeah no i'm saying i was proud of yeah i'm happy for him because i heard that he would get cut i know levar johnson's probably gonna get cut and i feel bad for him he's a hard hit him but in the ufc today it's not about hard hitting everybody hits hard yeah it's it's diversity and what you do it you have to go in there and fight smart you know and that's why i take my head off the brennan swab he took him down he held him down you know and uh it's the same thing what we do i did comedy for 10 years like a fucking savage it got nothing for me then we started working smart you came in my life and look we got a podcast we did movies you got to work smartly

yeah we were talking about this earlier with anything that you're doing life you can make your life harder you can make your life easier why walk at the airport carrying your luggage when it's got fucking wheels yeah correct you can make your life easier you can make your life life's gonna have this bad fucking things you're gonna get a ticket on a monday you know what i'm saying the odds are against you things are gonna happen in your life you can only control this fucking area here and that's what we strive to do yeah with the church a motherfucking what's happening now lee lee sciat you bad motherfucker juicing it so your shit's coming out green and you whack off and see how your sperm is coming out i smell like fucking i don't smell it but it's you don't

whack off and smell your little tropical helmet juice no it's not even tropical i've done it before but i don't do it every time you lick it you ever lick your sperm like just taste it no you got to do that today call me tell me how it tastes bag went out on fucking sweet that's over here on that eyeball and just taste and see if it tastes like lettuce or onions i'm not gonna taste it though why not every how come you expect fucking rose and all these other freaks to taste it because i'll go down on them i don't want to taste you go down on me you won't eat the muffler you won't eat the nucleus of the fucking muffler you will you taste your sperm huh you all the time this morning

that's what gets me fucking going i bang one out in the shower you put a little on your tongue on your tongue you're like a fucking soldier some people some people fucking drink their piss why fuck around with the middleman i go right for the root of the fucking sperm like testosterone you put on your tongue just get a little glob and you fucking do 10 setups and you ready to go and shit no you're not i'm telling you it's monday morning mother fuckers get out there write your goals have a great fucking week uh i love what's up lee what are you what are you getting i can't i believe you 20 that's a problem see now that you're eating the fat night now is when you got to do it now you bang one out a good one i don't know if you're a lot of my house anymore

when you're fucking now when you come on the mirror you just take a piece of it on your tongue and you go fucking bananas oh jesus christ that's why you're slipping that's why i don't think i'm slipping it burns fat no it doesn't yes if you taste just a little bit i don't want you to drink in the whole fucking cup or fucking jizz but if you put a little under your tongue you get all fucking yoked up like fucking like so that's the slow i'm sticking to my guns on this one listen you better start tasting any cocksucker i want to thank everybody for listening to the podcast i want to thank our beautiful fucking sponsors and for helping us out lee today on the way to work come get your honor shit especially now since you're doing it well you can't take vitamins right

i can take i can take vitamins okay come get the the strong bone and some vitamins i got over there for you from andy and get it together go to onyc.com order the three-pack type in church in a little box and get 10% off let's go on the mailing list and i'll take care of you motherfuckers you know i love you guys always lee what else what else and then don't forget we got the the church church now you got the church shirts go to joeycocodears.net for tour dates tickets everything is on there now you can't get me with no fucking excuses all right we got testicle testaments is week 10 bucks on wednesday night it always sells our caller ice house right now six two six five seven seven eighteen ninety four come on down leo be there we smoke some dope there my buddy the

armenians are there then thursday through saturday i'm at the brayer improv i don't know what that fucking number is but it don't matter go to the website improv.com type in brayer go to fucking the counter and get your tickets now that'll sell out beside that we got a lot of shit going on the lot new at theater and new all-eens i'll be in new all-eens for a fucking week over at the firehouse with my boys smoking dope fucking barbecue and whatever doing new chucks and i can't wait life is great the baby's good and most importantly you're getting your life in order in three months from now leo be looking like a fucking a real aerodynamic flying juke oh shit you know you've been a flying juke with little humps and bumps you know i'm saying that would be

an aerodynamic fucking flying juke so i'm proud of you that you took the first step because nothing happens unless you take the first step everybody fucking knows that and beside that i said i love you mother fuckers all my heart i appreciate everything you do for me for keeping me fucking alive and for laughing at my stupid fucking jokes stay black mad flavor's world is coming back lee give these cocksuckers a kiss what song you got for me i got uh some nobody's fault from arasmith you know wiggle i guess all right let's do us little fucking joe perry solo on heroin hit it oh

shit look at what lee wiggle fuck with joey what wiggle those fucky look at you don't forget you gotta whack well to taste that little fucking keef sperm whatever the fuck you know