Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #024 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about the Holiday’s..... This episode is brought to you by Manscaped & Onnit...... Go to https://www.manscaped.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter Code: CHURCH or JOINT And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from podcastville you bad motherfuckers, Uncle Joey here. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Manscaped. Listen you've been a little naughty this year but your ass still deserves the best of mans grooming. Let my friends at Manscaped treat you with the package gift that's gonna fucking blow you away. I mean the holidays are what? Two days away and this is the number one most wanted present at Manscaped. You understand me? The performance package. You've got the weed worker. You've got this thing's fucking got 9,000 RPMs. You've got the loam mower. You've got the crop preserver and it also has the crop revival which I use to keep my balls tip top magoo and wrinkle free. And they're throwing in a travel bag with boxer shorts if you order

today Wednesday the 23rd. You understand me? Make sure this is the year your dick is ready to get sucked on Christmas Day. So and New Year's forget about it. They gotta eat your ass because you're gonna get the little nose trimmer sticking up your ass and then trim around them with the fucking loam mower. Who's gonna be better than you? You're gonna open up your legs like the fucking founder youth for some freak. You know what I'm saying? Anyway get 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com use promo code Joey. That's 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com use code Joey. Happy holidays from my nuts and my dick stick to yours and your family. I love you guys. Manscaped.com slash Joey. The joint is also brought to you by

and oh my fucking god. I'm back. Why? Because of the fucking alpha brain. Because of the memory and the focus. You got the shroom tech. You got the new mood. You got the fucking whatever the fuck that makes you energy. I can't think of it right now. That morning joint killed me. But you got these. You're like Joey what the fuck is this instant alpha brain in a package comes in tremendous flavors. My favorite is the red ruby. You put it right. Red ruby grapefruit. You put it right in your fucking little thing with water. You shake it up and bang bang mogul. Who's feeling better than you? You got focus. Your memory will come back. Guys look at episode one of this. I mean that's some dick. Episode 23 ain't gonna be any better.

But at least I'm a little sharper and I'm a little tighter and my game feels like it's flowing a lot better. Listen alpha brain is so good. If you don't like the product they give you the money back and you can keep the fucking product. Who else does that in this business? Nobody. So do me a favor. Go to audit.com right now and press in church or joint and get 10% off your order delivered right to your house. That's audit.com. Listen the shroom tech immune the alpha brain the alpha brain instant the fuck I mean listen it doesn't stop the new mood tremendous at night to bring it down and help you calm down before you go to sleep start the year off with a fucking bang you're making your resolutions they start today not the fucking run I'm not gonna do coke after

the first go fuck yourself go fuck yourself you're gonna do coke on Christmas Eve at grandma's fucking but forget all that shit resolution start today go to audit.com right now and press in joint or joey or church it's church really it's church and get 10% off your order delivered to your house and don't forget manscape.com let's get this fucking party started it's Christmas Eve and you motherfuckers got things to do and people to see I love you motherfuckers Hey look who it is what's happening what's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle joey here for another fun filled whatever fuck type episode of uncle joey's joint you never know where you're gonna start and you never know

where the fuck you're gonna end all I know is it's a beautiful day to be alive it's the 23rd we got Christmas Eve tomorrow with your families and I just want to touch base with you see what's going on between these fucking doctors they got me going crazy for this fucking surgery on the 8th every fucking day I gotta fucking go to a different doctor yesterday I went to my family doctor it was a real fucking nightmare I'll tell you what man I picked him because he was Italian I thought I was gonna go in there and he was gonna be a nice little goomba type guy this guy's turned out to be a real fucking pain in the ass now I gotta go to another appointment next week after fucking Christmas today I gotta go fucking this afternoon and do a stress test so if you're

looking at me now I'm looking good but in an hour I'll be green from stress once they stick the intravenous in my fucking hand and then to make it even worse I gotta go to uncle Vinny's tonight and perform which I love going down and performing but I'm gonna be a fucking mess like I ain't got enough fucking problems in my life just trying to be me and trying to put this shit together like I said a couple weeks ago I don't give a fuck because this is just with just the work in progress but still it gets to guys like me because fuck I always want to give you the best I could give you and be the funniest that I can you know I'm saying you can't be funny every day but fuck it after 29 years you got no motherfucking choice and you got no goddamn excuses you know

I'm saying Christmas is gonna be simple here this year I'm going to the Florentines Christmas Eve keeping it light and then Christmas day we're gonna do a Diaz family fucking Christmas just us pajamas and we're gonna order Chinese food like Jews do that's it no fucking struggle and no fucking driving around I'm not in the mood you know they're convoy deal situations I gotta avoid these fucking things every time you wake up now you ever do something and you're like ah maybe I should have done that and then the next morning you wake up everybody's waking up ready for a sore throat you wake up in the morning you swallow you feel like a fucking hooker the first thing you do is fucking swallow as you're pissing I gotta make sure I don't have a fucking sore throat

I gotta make sure I don't have a fucking headache I don't even know what the symptoms are I just I just do everything through my fucking throat every time I see people I'm around a bunch of people I go there goes my fucking throat you know I told you Saturdays I went up to North Bergen and I went to a deli I keep my fucking mask on and when I go out I keep my mask on thank god nobody's asking for fucking pictures it's no picture taking season right now you want to take a picture go take a picture of a fucking tree but there's no pictures there's no hugs there's nothing I hug people I mean listen you can't take away the fucking hug if a hug's gonna give me COVID I'll run with the fucking hug I don't mind giving a dear friend the hug if I see him just look the other way it's like

you know Harvey it's like hugging the Harvey Weinstein you don't want to want to make out with him right you don't want to kiss him right in the fucking neck and then give him a chance to knock on your door and stick it in your ass late at night hours and you got to take him to trial eight years later I'm telling you he fucked me well next time when you're kissing don't kiss him on the cheek why be international look the other way when they kiss you in the fucking face you're fucking dummy you know I'm sick and tired of this shit already people you hug somebody I you know you think I'm gonna give you an elbow look I look like a fucking chicken I see these people giving elbows and I'm like listen that's never gonna happen what the fuck is an elbow what is this

Muay Thaiville and your elbow and me and the elbow and we still gotta get down together and get close to one another so what the fuck give me a fucking breather if you're not gonna give me a hug just give me a fucking no I don't mind knuckling nobody listen I don't think COVID grows on fucking knuckles unless you're two sticking fingers up fucking they're homeless people's assholes then you gotta worry about COVID on your fucking knuckles you know what I'm saying but besides that I think you're gonna be fine I think everybody's gonna be fucking fine you know but I don't want you to think a lot of people walking around this what makes me laugh about life but a lot of people walking around and think they're gonna wake up January 1st and this is gonna be gone some people

think they're gonna wake up January 21st after President Biden takes over and this is gonna be gone guys they're not gonna stop with this they're not gonna stop they just found the strain in Great Britain some fucking English guy chip chip Charlie Ho he's got a sore throat so now I gotta worry about it it gives you fucking dirty feet now now it's another strain you know enough enough enough just give us the shot that works all right now I gotta take a shot in 90 days I gotta do another two shots and if you do the fucking antibody the antibodies last from six to nine months so you might as well just get the COVID just go fucking get it do the hydrocrime or resin whatever the fucking is they cost you a dollar that's what I don't want to give it to you know that right

it costs you a dollar so nobody makes no fucking money so that's what I want to give it to you and it fucking works I listen I'm not a political guy you see a ten four hat on my fucking head not a million years I'm just telling you what I'm here I'm just here to report the fucking facts maybe if you want to fact check me fact check me I don't give a fuck it's a fucking podcast what do I give a fuck do I look like bill butel to you do I look like some jerk off on seeing I don't I don't get paid to report the news I just get paid to goof on it goof on you smoke a joint get the fuck out of here do the best I can with my life I'm gonna fucking sit here every week and watch the news and report the numbers wear your mask wash your hands and don't eat no fucking asshole that

don't you don't know where the fuck it's been that's it it's that fucking simple you know I'm saying you're gonna smoke a joint with somebody that puts you in higher percentages what's lower percentages like what I do with Uncle Vinny's I don't mind doing a show for 38 people but you're out listen I don't want to see a hundred people not even by mistake I see a hundred people I start shooting at them now that's it disperse immigration it's like immigration watch I'm scatter I don't have time for this shit no more people I'm sick and tired or all this shit just like you guys are just you guys think that like you know you're the only ones that have problems you're the only ones that had a bad year you're the only ones that lost a salary you're the only ones that lost a job

listen what this has taught you is to adapt you gotta fucking adapt I know I know you don't want to do that you gotta go out of your fucking comfort zone COVID is not here to stop I spoke to a 25 year old kid the other days uh she's a daughter a friend of mine sweet kid but she goes you know COVID I can't get a job because of COVID listen if you're gonna blame everything on COVID you're gonna have a hard life because COVID is here the next two or three years you better regroup get that notebook out write some fucking goals and see what direction you're taking this book you know Tuesday night last night I fell asleep on a couch like at nine o'clock I was just wiped you know every time I got to go to a doctor my anxiety level is high and after my anxiety level goes low I just get

tied I must have fallen asleep on a couch for like an hour I got up my wife was gone the kid was sleeping I go and my wife is halfway awake still she's watching some fucking show that don't make sense and I lay down I try to lay down next one also my mind sparked you know at fucking 11 o'clock at night my fucking mind sparked of things that I had to do so I said you know let me get up make a cup of tea and let me go downstairs and make some fucking notes about and what am I doing I'm not making notes for today ain't nothing gonna happen today ain't nothing gonna happen fucking last Monday and ain't nothing gonna happen the rest of the fucking two weeks till New Year's Eve I'm getting ready for 2021 you know I'm starting off with a fucking surgery I got two shows at

Vinny's the fifth and the sixth the seventh I'm just gonna relax lift some weights strengthen up the fucking muscle and on the 8th I'm gonna shoot that at fucking hospital hopefully I'm home by 2 3 in the afternoon it's my daughter's birthday so you know I gotta fucking do all my weight watch and weightlifting so I can fucking have some points have some carvel cake to celebrate her eighth birthday I'm looking forward to that she's gonna be fucking eight years old how fucking time the fucking flies I just still remember her holding her and then you know dancing with her and going to fucking on a swing and pushing her and now we have normal conversations it's it's it's truly been quite amazing uh sitting there with her on Saturday night you know like I said watching

the honeymoon isn't thinking that I lost my other daughter when she was five from the divorce but I'm living the life with mercy that I want to live with my other daughter so we're all I'm not a void you know all debts are paid that's it we got I'm doing what I was supposed to do I got a second chance at it we're gonna have a great Christmas my my wife got a great tree you know and uh listen I'm like you guys if you think I jumping down up and down around Christmas I don't I lost a mother at fucking 15 16 and Christmas has never been the same but you know what I come around especially for them I've been coming around the last year and every year I get better trust me I don't like Santa I tell you how much I hate Santa my daughter hates

Santa I got a picture of my daughter when she was a year and a half taking a picture with Santa and we had to keep her away from Santa it was Santa my wife me and Mercy on the other side she hates pedophiles she's sponsored all those little Santas at the fucking malls they are looking if they could finger bang one little kid it's a success for them they get dirty a day you know I don't trust those Santas at a mall they're the creepiest motherfuckers in the they keep a white beard all year long we didn't they keep that white beard for because this is their season pedophilia season is their season I may be wrong you know me I talk a lot of shit I just don't trust those fucking Santas at malls and shit something suspicious I want to see the background check for my daughter

sits on your leg duck something right here you got a little spot by your dick there he's fucking these fucking Santas take a byagon they'll let your kids sit on them it's like a lap dance for them they're sitting it's fucking horrible but it's true I've seen it I've fucking seen these Santas I don't even like my daughter fuck one with some of my daughters at the machine didn't like Santa I was kind of fucking happy I don't like him too much either I didn't tell her that but I've never been too crazy about fucking Santa you know he gives you something nice so you don't even give it to you somebody else gives it to you but they gotta bullshit your kid if I'm a kid when I got older like 15 I thought my man what you lie to me those years what the fuck is

right did you think I was that fucking stupid now you raise me to fucking think there's a Santa I don't think she believes in Santa no more I think like it's another in the rules she figured it out I haven't read it Santa my wife hasn't said nothing about Santa but for some reason I think that she already knows she figured it out my wife took her to buy a gift the other day who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares I'm just telling you get prepared for 2021 that's it but I don't want you to think January 1st you're gonna wake up and it's like hey we're back on the bar breathing on people fuck you it's gonna be a while it's gonna be phases and you're just gonna have to adapt and I know you didn't want to do construction but it looks like you're gonna do construction now

and I know that you didn't want to deliver fucking food but you're gonna have to deliver food now you're gonna do whatever you're gonna have to do this is gonna change us forever this is gonna change the way we look at fucking things forever you know I'm looking at my comedy career between you and me guys I don't see it I don't see a comedy career I mean I know that here in April it's gonna be fucking beautiful and we're gonna be able to do comedy outside you know fucking parking lots and trust me I'm excited for that because April and May are beautiful yet I got no problems with working it out you know I know that by September October the crowds will be coming back a little bit once everybody gets their vaccine and everybody gets comfortable you know people took

a beating psychological beatings on this people have taken psychological beatings if you started this and you had a little listen a little bit of mental health issues this fucking blew it up for you my heart goes out to you get help talk to somebody call one of your worthless fucking friends and talk to them for a fucking hour you don't have psychiatry buddy I don't give a fuck you know guys I consider myself well grounded I consider myself a lot of good things trust me I'm a lot of bad things too I have a lot of weaknesses but man when this pandemic started took me by surprise March and fucking April it took me for a fucking mental world it took me to a mental fucking psychological state till about August or September I started lightening up by

doing little coffees with Rich Voss and little things with Jim and little things with friends from Newt Bergen and in time it took time but listen you can't let your guard down right now I can't have you in a hospital over the fucking holidays you know you can't really tell people how to live their life you know I go on Facebook I see you out at fucking clubs four nights a week I don't want to hang out with you jump it up and down with no fucking face mask you know Jim Plarring team brought up a great fact the other day because I did a show the other night and I realized why they closed at 10 because at 10 o'clock is when we get fucking stupid that's when we start getting drunk and that's when we start fucking hugging people hey man I love you hey man

I want to do this hey man I want to listen I want to do a lot of things with you guys I believe in the power of this podcast trust me I'm telling you what I believe in the most is that it it it creates a bond between us it really fucking does create a bond between us in the weirdest fucking way I've never met half of you guys and you never met me but then again I know half you guys from fucking Jay Bish to Deborah Hubster to fucking Bob Blilingus you know I know a lot of you guys and I just know what you guys went through this year Jay just went through a horrible surgery his recovering you know Deborah Hubster is going to war with the fucking postal department every other fucking day you know Bob Blilingus has a job he worked everybody's struggling at some

point or another maybe not maybe you got a great job maybe you're doing great financially but maybe you're sitting there all day behind a computer screen for eight fucking hours at the end of the day you can't even fucking blink you're blinking like somebody poked you in the fucking eye this is affected all of us so don't take another shit personally and don't think it's just fucking you and that the world is picking on you I get like that sometimes like I've gotten like this maybe four days when they reclose Mercy school and shit like this this is just something we got to go through guys that's it and that's that and we'll get through this you know but I understand the COVID thing like I said I was going to do a new year's thing with Jimmy and uh and uh Rich Voss at

one of the clubs and listen the clubs don't even want to open they don't want to risk it for 25 30 people it's not even worth like a fucking new year's but I still want to do something for you on New Year's maybe just come online for 20 30 minutes smoke a joint with you you know so we considered all these options we did away with a fucking new year you know I don't want to drive back a fucking 12 I don't know what's gonna be out there I don't know a fucking you just don't know so everybody here is going day to day the most important thing I need for you to do is to relieve your stress there's no debt is prison you haven't paid rent tell the landlord to suck your dick don't suck your dick right through his face what's he gonna do I think the moratorium ends

in a week or two so I don't know like the building on fire I don't know I don't know what the fucking tell you but everybody's struggling to the fucking shit is now 21 21 is about hope it's about hope it's about personal hope you know but guess what this whole 21 21 should have been following what you've been doing already is working on your strengths whatever strengths you have whatever weakness that you you have worked on that you know I worked on little things myself little things that I had going on you guys know I wasn't a bad place when I left LA I mean look at the last 10 episodes of the church and look at me now there's been a gigantic change and look at the episodes from April and March there's been a night a tremendous change a huge weight has been

looking off my shoulder the best thing I ever did in my life listen I've done a lot of bad things but I've done maybe three good things this is one of them is to get my family out of there and how do I see it by what the fuck is going on in LA right now it's it's it's not good I miss it I miss my friends I wish them well I spoke to Dean this morning I speak to Ryan Sickler you know me I spoke to Steve Simone down in Florida he's the down there getting ready to buy a house listen we all had to adapt to different situations don't feel like this is all about you and you gotta be careful man you know a lot of people don't see that yeah you may get it and bring it home and get somebody and yes the percentage rate is low the whatever rate of transmission is low you

know here it is you know I know that LA has become the epicenter I know that Boston the second and I know that fucking Tennessee Memphis the hospitals are the ICU rooms at 95% so it's spreading take and carry yourselves you know I hate to talk about this but you have to from time to time because it was out in the news and I wanted to talk about the other day you know people are getting in trouble for people calling out people there comes an age where you don't do things that just listen if you go out and drink right now and get in the car and you get drunk and get a DUI it affects you a little bit when you're young a couple weeks you're on a bus your friends pick you up they drive you when you get to 32 33 34 and you got a wife and a kid you get drunk you get a fucking DUI

a lot of people get affected now your grandmother has to come your father your mother-in-law has to come and take your kid to karate you know you just so life is about how much your decisions affect how many people when I went to prison yeah I went to prison it affected fucking me it's not till I was in prison but I realized when people come to visit me to look on their faces to look on their faces was fucking heartbreaking because they hated seeing me sitting there with an orange fucking suit on hey I get it so when I went to prison I affected 10 people I disappointed 10 people so every decision that you do in your life as you get older as you start having more responsibility it fucking you know it affects more people and you don't even know it you don't

even know it I know that the podcast affects people in positive ways sometimes and I know that I get emails that it affects people in negative ways sometimes nothing you could do you know when you have uh 250 300 000 people watching you per episode you're gonna have people that are not gonna like it and you're gonna have people that it really hit home with that that's the main thing not everybody is always going to be happy with your decision but you know last week I was reading this thing I know you all read about it with Tom Cruise going off on the set of fucking Mission Impossible fucking 19 or whatever people all pissed off Tom Cruise shit in the spoken like that you know five of the fags quit on the fucking set you know what are you gonna do now go work at Spotify you know what I'm saying

like you know nothing bothers me more than the LA mentality I did not do well in LA especially when I stopped doing blow you know why because I told you what was on my mind I didn't give a fuck there was no there was never a filter but once I stopped doing the coke that little fear of not being able to do coke that addiction then there was no filter and then I would tell you exactly what I thought how I felt about it whether you liked it or not oh and then once I got married my trainer thought changed again in 2009 and then I had mercy in 2013 and boy the people started hating what I had to say because I'm going to tell you what the fucking is because that my decision not only affects me now and my wife but it affects my fucking seven-year-old fucking daughter Tom Cruise is trying to make a

movie the fucking franchise believes in him this franchise this studio whatever the fuck it is I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I don't know what the studio is but this studio could have said no we're gonna push this movie back to all this COVID is over so somebody has to go in there and say that I'm listening this is what I want to do and I will give you my word that I will make this fucking work okay now let me tell you guys a little something that you guys don't know that you don't read behind the the background when COVID started it shut everything down but once production got back on SAG decided you ready for this my union screen actors guilt has been great great insurance all this thing they did something that like I said some people's decisions you like

and some people's decisions you don't care the like and I get it that's why there's vanilla and chocolate that's why there's assholes and dicks you know I'm saying you don't want to suck a dick you could always take it in the ass so you got fucking options okay so SAG went a look and looked I don't quote me on this this is what I just heard and then I saw it and I didn't know for sure when this went down when COVID went down everything shut down for a few weeks but then SAG sent out an email the people don't make a lot of money in SAG I don't know what the number was you know eight thousand nine thousand a year doing screen actors guild work and they sent an email I want to I want to know how you would feel guys they sent an email because I know you're

out you're all hardworking people a lot of years of ITs a lot of years of bartenders but a lot of years also a blue collar okay and I want to know how you would feel about this so what they did was they called a bunch of actors that weren't making you know anywhere near to a fucking living which you know 30 percent of the actors in LA make what a living is the other fucking 70 star of the debt so they contacted you know just actors that weren't making much money and they said hey hi how would you like to be and work closely with producers and directors okay now let's talk from the heart here there's some actors you have to be very very very intelligent to act at some levels when you see the the the guy that played backman the fucking English guy you know when

you see people like Alfred Molina when you see people like John Berthold there those are people who fucking studied they wanted to access the time they were fucking sex that's just the way life works out but in LA you got these people that watch sign that live they got money they go out there and all they know I want to be an actor I want to be an actor you didn't even write out why you wanted to be an actor and how you were going to become an actor they just go I want to be an actor I want to be an actor I want to be an actor they sign they pay all the dough for acting class and guess what nothing never happens why do you think well I'll tell you as nicely as I can because they're fucking morons they never watch the tv show that they you know they just think

I don't want to be an actor I want to be an actor and they end up fucking wait to sing then they end up fucking being away then then it's always a bad ending when you want something you have to go after like I did I didn't want to be a fucking actor do look at my face do I look like I wanted to be a fucking actor but when I got there I had to make money so I fucking got up every Wednesday and I got the LA fucking weekly and I sent them submissions and I acted but I didn't want to be a fucking actor it was just something that I didn't mind doing and I thought it was cool to do from time to time and I realized I had to do it to keep my fucking insurance so what they fucking did was they sent out emails I would you like to meet directors and producers and work with

the best actors in the business and all these people raised their hands and they said yay because god forbid you know there's no fucking desperation yay and these guys said okay you're gonna become COVID agents and they're like what but I'm an actress don't worry about it what you do is you take some type of fucking course online 72 hour like it's like a maybe a three hour read do not quote me on this I don't know exactly what this is and you get certified and now you get 400 a day to work on a set how much do you know about fucking COVID it's like when you go I never went there but I just heard from friends who did when you go to Dodger Stadium to get a fucking COVID test or any of those mass

places do you think those people are really nurses are you retarded you can't be that stupid that people are high to give you a fucking swab to put it in your nose and put it back you know there's a chance for human error human error is like what eight percent seven percent something to do with that and then the people that are giving me that test not for nothing they might be a fucking moron too they might put your test into the seconds ours is fucking name and now you're walking around thinking you got COVID with no symptoms and you're asymptomatic so this whole thing is confusing for me when listen when I when I go to buy weed I want to buy weed from the grow I want to tell me everything whatever I do I want to go to the

fucking source okay I want what I'm trying to say is I want to work with the best people that I'm available to work with okay now again I pay commissions on my acting work plus I pay union dues every fucking year and listen guys I'm telling you right now those union dues are not fucking light they bang you out every fucking three months and if you don't pay those fucking union dues you're not allowed to shoot I forget what it's called you just get a call and say hey you're uh they call it something your f66 to some shit and you're not allowed to fucking work until you pay your fucking dues trust me I'm telling you they won't let you step on that fucking thing if your fucking dues are paid not one fucking time so even though I don't work I still fucking

pay my dues even my wife's like why the fuck are you paying your dues they sent a bill out I mean a lot of actors were pissed they went on social media and like how day you send the bill out when you didn't fucking pay us but anyway let's get back to the fucking COVID story here so what you're telling me is what you're telling me is you're getting four out of work actors to be fucking COVID uh whatever the fuck you call them and they have no experience at COVID have you at well we hire why don't we go halfway why don't we hire a nurse's practitioner and three assistants I can live with that three women who'll tell you listen you can't stand so close mask on mask off if you're not working you have to go back to your trailer I did it with

the sopranos with the many saints of Newark and it worked perfectly everybody there they just hired a company but see people are going to be cheap during this fucking pandemic you know producers are going to try to save money with kinky fucking companies and shit and everybody's going to end up getting fucking sick my man the african-american brother and Tyler whatever his name is Tyler Barry you haven't heard a complaint from his fucking camp because he did he did the MBA before the MBA did it he did the acting bubble before the MBA did it you don't know complaints from running and Tyler Perry's fucking shows I would work for Tyler Perry in a heartbeat if he called me because it's a thing of fucking trust so getting back to Tom Cruise he has his movie

already got shut down one time okay so I don't know how many fucking days because the crew member had fucking COVID so he just throws a tantrum not even a bad tantrum it wasn't like the fucking Irish guy what's the English guy that played Batman when he went off on everybody and called them all a bunch of fucking names it wasn't even as bad as that it wasn't even a third as bad as Johnny Depp's fucking little fit downtown it wasn't even a fit he was just explaining that listen this is what this movie don't much fucking do not much a day it cost to produce those mission impossible movies close to 200,000 to 3,400,000 a fucking day to do those fucking movies so if you blow three or four fucking days that's 1.2 million dollars now I'm not a financier I don't

give a fuck about financing I don't have financing for movies but I do know one thing I love human beings and if you're gonna get involved in a movie I want you to listen I've done a thousand $200 a day movies $100 a day movies those are the movies and they couldn't get the exact amount of financing but that person wants their dream to be out there but for their dream to get out there they're gonna cut all the fucking corners they can and now I gotta come work for you what you want we've got to cut more corners I don't like working with people who got corners I never fucking have there's always gonna be an especially during a pandemic I got an offer to work in Wilmington North Carolina I don't know these people you know two days on some fucking what I

read was fucking ass wipe shit so I'm not gonna go to North Carolina to work with a bunch of people to stay at some fucking Motel 6 where I'm in danger bringing back fucking COVID getting it from somebody or giving it to somebody you know I get a lot of bullshit for the fucking podcast right now we're in no position to bring guests into this fucking house in front of the money can I come over and be a fly on the wall how about you be a fly on my nuts nobody's coming over I don't want nobody over here at all now for Christmas I don't want nobody over here Mike is my brother Mike wears a mask Mike goes home Mike ain't out jumping up and down with a bunch of jerk orbs you know free the Yugoslavians who gives a fuck now is not the time to be out there jumping

up and down to free whoever the fuck of this mind your goddamn business so when I hear Tom Cruise's rant about eight guys what the fuck you do it again you're fucking God this is enough we already shut this fucking movie down the quicker we fucking shoot this the quicker we get this fucking over with you understand this is where I looked at it hey when I shot the fucking soprano movie than many saints in Newark it was a great experience I'm not on a lie to you wearing the mask taking it off the people were a little heavy duty but guess what I lived to tell another fucking day they even sent somebody down here after the movie was finished to give me a covid test to make sure that their system is fucking working

like I said stand up comedy you could suck my dick because I know half your fucking clubs half of you motherfuckers are filthy by nature instead of naughty by nature you're filthy by fucking nature okay and now you're clipping your clubs open they're in this fucking pandemic when there's more fucking shit to be afraid of and more shit to be weary of and you're still clipping your clubs open closing down steam them I want us to make sure you for me to step into any fucking club they better have an ultraviolet night and I lie that night that stays on while the gym is closed so it kills all that stuff they better have the best in ampurifiers that's the only way you're gonna get me in your fucking comedy club right now that's it and a small fucking

amount of people I don't give a frenchman's fuck I'm just trying to fucking work on my art and keep sharp I don't know I don't know my stand up is fucking weak I don't even know what I'm gonna say tonight at Vinnie's I've been working on things but I don't know it's not too fucking good at least I'm honest with you at least I'm not sitting here going I'm killing every fucking day fuck those ass hoes thank god I'm away from that shit but anyway you can't get mad at a guy like Tom Cruz for fucking being mad you know after whatever he's protecting his interest he was saying what needs to be said and I listened to it twice and I giggled about it I'm like go Tom Cruz Johnny Scientologist I'm good in two days later I read George Clooney stuck up from he just said he would

have done it a little differently which I also appreciate also somebody pulls you aside and says hey man but you know what that's the problem with that light you can't say nothing to anybody because once you say something to somebody you become what they call abusive God forbid you say something to somebody on a sat in LA right away oh my god he said things I've never heard before and that's what those people were saying now just to back up something right now and if you don't believe me I'll give you names I got a dear friend Ricky Cruz out of Miami opened up to me in the Bogota a couple years ago great kid known him for 20 years he was Ricky Cruz he was uh Tom Cruz's body double and rock of ages I know Tom Cruz does 20,000 movies Ricky

Cruz's is in the worst one he's ever done the one that they tortured him for the most so Ricky doubled him I talked to Ricky about Tom Cruz didn't say a negative thing about him said the guy was great he bring me smoothies every day on the set as a matter of fact I know 10 other people just just a short number that have worked with Tom Cruz zip problems they found them to be pleasant they found them to be great I know a girl that told me the best two people she ever worked with was Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruz Cameron Diaz took her to fucking DC for the weekend the South Beach for the weekend these actors are good people when they work with you and they know that they're making a lot more money than you are and when they see that you're fucking hustling they

take care of you on the set not that they give you an envelope but they ask you for thing they bring in sushi whatever they try to make your life more pleasant I've always heard great things about Tom Cruz always always but let's forget about Scientology and sucking Travolta's dick I don't know nothing that's got nothing to do with me I don't know about Travolta I do know about Tom Cruz and what I've heard hey man let me tell you something if I had a movie franchise and I'm getting you know $50 million per movie and I'm in charge of 300 people on a fucking set guess what motherfuckers I'm gonna say some shit from time to time because you are responsible it's the same reason why I haven't been on a plane to fucking all these states that are wide open

yeah that's great they're wide open I know you're gonna socially distance I know nobody nobody's got nobody's got COVID everybody got a test yesterday I know nobody's got nothing you know what before we go through all that bullshit let's just shake hands and part friends let's just assume that everybody in this motherfucking got COVID and I'll see you motherfuckers next year okay when happy has got the vaccine you got the penguin shot into your arm whatever the fuck you want to do you can do it's got nothing to fucking do with me but for right now when you call me to fucking make an offer you but I have an ultraviolet light air filters I want to hear the whole fucking plan on paper so I could sign it and you could sign it and if there's a misunderstanding

we'll see each other in court because you're putting people's lives in fucking danger you know it's not 11 people office a movie usually has 200 people on a fucking set that's a fucking super spreader and they just had a cancer the movie somewhere and moved it to another fucking location so what do you want poor Tom Cruise to say what do you want to say hi guys can you know what the fuck are we talking about here you fucking dubbies let's separate and happy is like Joey you're on Tom Cruise his fucking dick no I'm not I don't want to be in a Tom Cruise movie I don't give a fuck about movies anything no more I'm just telling you the reports that come out of LA and how people act when you call out you know when you just say something to him hey just separate oh my god he

he did this entire explosion speech and a lot of people like well he had a bad day he didn't have a bad day he was protecting his fucking investments you got to look after your friends if not why fucking have him you got to look after the people you work with if not what happened you're looking up to that guy what if he has fucking grandmother he goes home and his grandmother fucking dies it was all because of your nonsense and your stupid movie because I had to do something for your fucking dream go fuck yourself I woke up on you you know it's like some guy one night I was at Uncle Vinny's you know Eddie Trunk was in the room I did something that I would never do another certain circumstances some kid knocked on the door with three cocktails in him looked at me and

Trunk and Jimmy Florentine and he goes I want to talk to you you and you when I got a minute I go do me a favor get the fuck out of here lock the door and they just slam the door on his face I'm a Catholic I don't slam my doors in nobody's face unless they're Jehovah Witness I don't do that type of shit but it's COVID what are you knocking on the fucking door for you know exactly what I'm gonna fucking say to you I'm gonna say something that's not gonna be very fucking nice it's COVID we did a show we entertained you we got to see each other you know what if I take a picture with you I gotta take a picture with your other 38 people I might have a chance of fucking getting something or might not get something so better yet let's just shake hands

and part friends but that's it before you're gonna fucking attack poor Tom Cruise go fuck yourself he's just this is how people need to act $1,500 fine if you get caught without a face mask in Cuba ain't nobody in Cuba got $1,500 so guess what everybody wore a mask have you seen the numbers for Cuba lately Google yeah but Joey there are times in this country what the fuck are we becoming what the fuck are we becoming I could smell those fidel fatigues in the air you can't smell them close the 10 no school you know close the beauty shops you can't sing a thanksgiving fidel you're starting to smell fidel a lot more than what the fuck you are so what are you talking about what what what two-thirds there they they they want us to fuck them go Tommy or whatever

the fuck they want us it's our job to say go fuck yourself but that's not the fucking situation at hand the thing I'm talking about is protecting the people around you and that's what Tom Cruise did I got nothing but love for that motherfucker I love him in collateral I love him in the one where he played the fucking drug dealer fucking plane I love him and I love the guy I don't care about the science I love them in vanilla sky with Cameron Diaz say whatever the fuck you want you got to protect your own especially during this times of COVID if you're not gonna do that close your fucking business up and quit I don't give a fuck you're gonna starve anyway to fucking get you gotta look after the people in your lives you know Christmassy you know look around do you

really want to be at a place for 19 fucking people you haven't taken a test you don't know for sure yeah I'll go someplace there's 20 people but I'm gonna take a test so I know I'm not the one as a matter of fact I'll probably take two tests I'll probably take two tests I know I'm taking a test tomorrow again I'm gonna take a test before Christmas Eve just what the fuck my insurance pays for what do I give a fuck get tested don't go stand on a line with 300 other people that are breathing even if you leave you're gonna test positive they're gonna send you an email saying you test positive at those sites random the huge sites don't go to those fucking places go to an urgent care pay the 35 hours whatever the

fuck it is and you'll be well off and that's it and that's that it's fucking Christmas man it's Christmas right it is free right it is free again you get what you pay for if you go to right aid you don't know what the fuck you're gonna get it's free they might fucking you know again you get what you're paying for I don't know what your plans are and I don't know what you're thinking I don't know what situation or your mental stability is but I do want to wish you guys and all your families a happy fucking merry Christmas I want this Christmas to be fucking extra special this Christmas should be extra extra special and you're sitting there going joy why is it extra special I got no money I got no this I got no job this is why it's extra special

because it teaches you that the people in your life are worth more than what you put value on them for they're just not some fucking schnooks you're gonna go to their house on Thursday night or Friday and you're gonna see what real love is without you know it's a fucking pandemic people are down so I want you to do me a favor this week man guys you know this is the time of the year when you see people going around you know moving from here to here doing this doing that you know but you don't want man they're a little fucking nicer when they're doing it you know there's people they smile at you it's the fucking hour days man again the next couple days try to make somebody's day smile keep a door open for them you know tell them you'll have to carry that whatever the fuck it is

this all goes to the universe the universe is watching 2021 you don't need the universe more than ever you're gonna have to call in on so many karmic favors that you did over the years whether it's not kick a dog whatever the fuck it is you know the fucking call on all the karmic favors you did the best thing you could do is forget about what you're going through forget about what's in your pocket forget about what you're not getting and think about what you do have and how lucky we have that we're still alive we still have each other I'm sure a lot of years lost loved ones this year and I'm very fucking sorry about that you can't bring them back it's what we could do to move forward from the joint from Uncle Joey's joint from my man Mike and one by one

podcast we want to wish you a merry fucking christmas uh you know a great weekend we'll worry about new year we'll bring that bridge when we get to who gives a fuck about new years christmas is special and new years is amateur night for a bunch of people to go out and get raped uh maybe maybe they'll let harvey out on new years with Giselle Maxwell whatever her fucking name is those two fucking pedophile concept is but no pedophiles no nothing straight love from my family to yours from Mike's family to yours from one by one podcast from yours and from the Uncle Joey's joint to yours we wish you a merry merry fucking christmas patreon i'm happy you got the fucking shirts oh shit i made them come true for you you guys uh have no idea what you did for me in

july and august by answering your fucking you know emails by making me produce content you guys kept me there i love doing my patreon three five ten dollars i don't know what i'm gonna do with the shirt here i want to keep the prices low especially now fucking netflix want the seventeen fucking dollars you know now you gotta pay for this that so i'm trying to keep your prices low for next year if you want to buy a shirt you can buy a fucking shirt if not you know do what you need to do i appreciate you being around it gives me a chance to express myself with the reefer show the album of the week my morning motivations i do two joey deus projects on there which i love doing those podcasts because i'm able to play around with some music and explain

to you a little bit more about my knowledge for my love and my passion for music i want to thank you guys i want to thank you for making this possibly one of the best christmases i ever have because of all the bad shit that's going on we're gonna make this christmas fucking good merry christmas thank you guys i love you and thank you for watching uncle joey's joint stay black talk stuff is all right your bad mother fuckers are two days away from christmas obviously you got one shop left on the day left but what are you gonna do about that i can't help you out with that but i want to thank you i want to thank you for uh having our back throughout the year having my back welcome and mic you know just uh understanding what's going on like i said

this podcast is a work in progress but before we get the fuck out of here i want to talk to you about something that's very important to me hygiene men's hygiene is very important beside my fun guy toe i don't have a lot of problems you understand me you know why because i shave my balls i clean my helmet i put i use uh fucking lotion you know so my skin don't get dry i work i do everything i can but the most important gift you can give yourself this year is manscaped why because if your dick looks like a fucking hurricane went through it with hairs all over the place women ain't gonna want to suck that i mean you're having problems already at least show up with a fucking great dick listen you want a 10 000 piece of ass you can't show up with a $10 looking dick

that looks like it went through some fucking uh you know hurricane fucking looks like Puerto Rico after the hurricane you don't need that shit so right now today you're gonna go to manscaped.com and you're gonna pick up the performance package you're like joey what's the performance package the performance package starts off number one with this right here you're like joey what's that this is the lawnmower 3.0 the best trimmer known to man fucking kind you fucking wipe around your little dipstick and your nut sack with this and if you want to have your wife scrape your ball sack or if you're gay do the same i don't know somebody somebody'll help you out shaving your asshole this is tremendous manscape number two the performance package also gives you the weed

i love this fucking thing i love this i trim my asshole with it and then i put it in my nose and sniff my nose heads as they chop away it's a two foot one up right there 9 000 fucking rpm motor and a blade that moves at 360 degrees to clean out the fucking nose pubes the COVID dust and god knows what else you got your filthy nose you're disgusting hepatitis C looking motherfucker you also get the crop preserver which is fucking tremendous and you get the crop revival the preserver is a ball deodorant i don't need ball deodorant i want that natural patois on my nut sack but the reviver that's like the fucking let's say putting a wrinkle cream on for women you put that on your nut sack it's it's it's it's either this or preparation that you have a preparation

nation your ball sack it looks like a baby's fucking head you know i'm saying it's tremendous this is a lot better the reviver plus you get a gift bag and a pair of travel shorts this year end the year by taking care of you manscape like the uncle joey get 20 off and free shipping at manscape.com use promo code joey that's 20 off of ad free shipping at manscape.com use promo code joey happy holidays from my nut sack to yours you cock suckers and you know what i bet manscape would do a fucking pleasure for a women's little monkey your shaver on that fucking clip right there right above the clip you leave it open you leave some hair like a little patch you don't want the motherfucker it's like a toupee for the pussy you know what i'm saying the church

after the church the joint is also brought to you by hot it one of my all-time personal favorites been with them since day mother fucking one alpha brain the flagship of the operation why do i say that because if you buy alpha brain you don't think it helps you don't give me your money back and they keep and they keep and you keep the product nobody else does that you ever go to session one place a chinese joint they don't fuck if you don't like the food they give it back to your fuck no they tell you to go fuck yourself honor doesn't do that when the company does that that tells me you have belief on it also comes on it alpha brain also comes in an instant in case you don't like pills and capsules tremendous flavors ruby red grapefruit and we also have

shumtec immune shumtec sport new mood listen on it is the future that's why it's called on it go to on it dot com right now look at the great line of products they have and get back to me cuck suck it all right this is the way you're gonna start off here healthy fucking i don't know if you're gonna be wealthy healthy which is the most important thing you can't get the wealth unless you have your health so it all starts with your fucking mind and your insides i love you guys very much i want to thank honor again i want to thank manscape for having a back end to watch the video i fucking trim my ballsack and i throw hairs of people that's what you do you trim your ballsack and you keep putting the hair in there there wasn't a lot of hair in the fucking baggie this

year because i stay on my shit i trim my nutsack every two weeks you know what i'm saying so take care of yourself give yourself a little manscape for christmas get yourself a little alpha brain for christmas and you start the new year right i love you guys merry christmas enjoy your families and i'll see you cuck suckers monday morning tip top my goo ready to fucking go stay black i said no covid here cuck suckers you you