Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #026 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about those who’ve helped us the most in life and the new year ahead of us all..... This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew & Onnit...... Go to https://www.bluechew.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter Code: CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from Podcastville, you filthy cocksuckers. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, there's a new year coming, and you want to start the year off fucking stronger than death. Slinging dick and hanging out fucking condoms, you understand me? How? With Blue Chew. Listen, there comes the point in a man's life where the machine's not working like the machine used to. And there's no shame with that.

Your testosterone levels go down, other factors in your life go down. But what are you going to do? Walking around with a gun with three bullets, women are going to talk about you. They're going to say you're a half a mook. Who needs that shit? When you have Blue Chew, it's the first chewable dick pill. The same FDA approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. This ain't the shit that you get from Gus at the liquor store that tells you you get it and then you drink and your head turns red.

Fuck that. This is the real deal. It's prescribed online by licensed physicians, so you don't have to even go to the doctor's office or wait online at a pharmacy. So right now, they got a special for the joint listeners. Listen, you got to end the year off fucking strong with a bang. You won't get this by fucking Thursday, but you'll get this by next week and you'll be slinging dick. And if your dick is working 100%, it could always be working at 150%. You want the fucking woman to leave the house limping.

If she ain't limping, you didn't do your fucking job. All right. That's where Blue Chew comes in. Visit Blue Chew, blue blue chew dot com and get your first shipment free when you press code Joey. You're just going to pay five dollars for shipping. That's it. Again, that's blue. Like the color of your nutsack when you show up at a house filled with love juice and Canoba juice, whatever the fuck is in there.

That fucking dick vein will be popping when you hit that blue chew dog. So blue chew dot com. Use code Joey and I want to thank blue chew for continuing to sponsor the joint Uncle Joey joint. The joint also wants to talk to you about the best on it. Listen, you're starting a new year. You want to start off at the right foot. You've been a little good lately. You know, the pandemic, the president, your asshole, your grandmother's dying.

It's too much to even focus into. That's why I'm here with Alpha Brain. I just finished a cycle and I'm going to restart the cycle again on the fifth before my knee surgery. So I'm fresh. I'm ready to go. I do these for about six weeks and get tip top. You guys have seen the difference. Listen to podcast one and listen to this podcast.

Everything has improved. Even the podcast still sucks, but we're trying to do our best in every single fucking way. But Alpha Brain is the way to go. And if you don't like pills, they come in a powder. I love the ruby grapefruit. You got the nice little lemonade there. Instant. You just pour it into water and stare it.

We still got Alpha Brain and pills, which is the flagship. We still have shroom tech, shroom tech immune, shroom tech sports, the melatonin spray to help you at night. To relax. The new mood audit is the way to go. Go to audit.com right now and press in church and get 10% off your order delivered right to your fucking crib. That's audit. Press in church and that's 10% off delivered to your fucking crib. Happy New Year, cocksuckers.

Let's get this party started. But bam. Hey, look who it is. What's happening? What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday. I don't know what it is. The 30th, who gives a fuck?

All we know is it's the end of the fucking year. That's it. We did it. We started off with the church and now we're here with Uncle Joey's joint and we got from point A to point B. I don't even know how the fuck this happened. I would love to do a year and recap for you and recap the highlights of the year. There were no fucking highlights in this fucking year. I had a great time.

I had my moments, but this was a fucked up year and I gotta tell you something. The only conclusion I could come up with, and this is just a fat fucking old man that's a felon, but I'm Catholic and I have religious beliefs. I have different beliefs, whether it be in levels of Buddhism or whatever the fuck. I believe that the earth went off its axis on January 26th or 25th or whatever. Whatever the day Kobe died, it's been feeling shitty since that day. I'll never forget driving on with Steve Simone and something just wasn't right. The air wasn't right, the way the leaves were blowing, and we landed as his plane was,

his helicopter was fucking crashing. So when we got home, I saw the news and the fucking on the internet and I was like, fuck. But you know, it's been none of this downhill from that right after that. We found out about the pandemic. We closed down. We opened up. We moved as a family. We were forced to move as a family, you know.

Now we're closed up again. Well, not really. With 25%, I took my wife out to a restaurant the other night. There was nobody fucking there, but you know, LA is locked up. I hear that the fucking numbers are spreading like gonorrhea. And LA won out of fucking 20 people. So my heart goes out to you guys out there. You know, I think it's just time to stay in and play it safe.

You know, I don't know what plans you have for new years. I was just telling Mike, I was online. Looking at Kisses doing a buy, a show from Uruguay, whatever the fuck. Dubai, whatever. They want $39.99 up to $1,000 for a fucking ticket for pay-per-view. Hey, man, you got a couple of your friends together. Do a little COVID test on them, whatever the fuck you want to do. And smoke some dope and invite them over because nobody's going to get to do shit on New Year's Eve.

And I'll tell you, even the numbers in Jersey are down. So maybe cutting the bars to 10 o'clock was a good idea or whatever. I don't know. I'm not a scientist. When we're gonna sit here, follow the fucking science. All I can do is mind my business, not breathe on your fucking neck, and do the best I can. Wash my hands before and after you touch your dick.

You know, gotta wash your hands before you touch your dick. Next thing you know, your wife is smoking your pole. She shows up coughing with congested lungs because you wanted your dicks up. Have some fucking, have some class, have some dignity. Anyway, yesterday, yesterday I was at the park with my daughter. Monday I was at the park with my daughter. Fucking beautiful day here in Jersey, 55 degrees, 57 degrees. My kids were playing, you know.

My wife is in physical therapy. She heard her playing chess, catechesis. When we got here playing badminton with my daughter, so she had to wear a cast for a few weeks. So she's still in physical therapy, you know. They're trying to get her stronger and stuff. She joined the gym to start going now. But I was just sitting at the park with my daughter.

We walked around. I helped her get on some of the stuff. She saw some of the kids from the school, you know, whatever. They're playing. It's fucking beautiful out. You know, I go to take a piss. The door is locked. Now I got to hide behind a tree.

I'm getting anxiety because of you pissing the park and they catch you. They label you a sex offender because you had a fucking park. Now I got to register as a sex offender because I'm 58 and I got to pee every hour on the fucking hour. So I'm up there by the park and, you know, towards the end, the sun's starting to go down. It wasn't going to start to go down. It was like 3.34.

You know, it's on the edge. It's strong. And she was on the swing. A little girlfriend had left and I went over and sat on the swing next to her. And that had been the first time we had sat next to each other on the swing since I was a great little moment. I even reminded her of it. And we giggled and we just talked about our year.

You know, I told her, you know, that she was, she did great. She was a big girl. You know, she handled it great. I asked her what she liked and what she didn't like. I talked to my daughter a lot. I try to communicate with her a lot, you know, and what she liked, what she didn't like so far. You know, she gave me kid answers, but she also gave me some pretty intelligent answers.

And I was pretty impressed with her. She was saying that the schools in LA don't have always. What the hell is wrong with that? They have no always. They didn't have a gym and didn't have a cafeteria at school. And that was supposed to be one of the best schools in LA. That's how fucking brainwash you get out there sometimes. That that school didn't have a gym, a cafeteria or hallways.

They just walked out into the fucking, you know, into the fucking street, whatever. So, you know, we were talking about shit like that. And from there, we went to Carvel. We went to a real Carvel and picked up a little tiny, tiny cake from my wife because that's a tradition. And this year, like in LA, we have to buy in a rouse. And they won't even think of putting your fucking happy birthday on anything. And if they do, they spell it wrong. It's some Mexican chick that spells birthday with a V.

So fucking, you know, it's a fucking nightmare. So me and Mercy, when I go, what do you want to do? We want to go to Carvel. And I go, what do you want to do? You want to fucking, because at Carvel, they got Sundays. You could take like six to go or whatever. So we just bought a tiny, tiny cake. And a couple of friends came over at 5.30.

And she was tickled to death. She did not expect to get a cake. And then her and I went to a store. We bought her a card on the way out. My daughter's like, I think mommy would like this bracelet. It was just some cute little kid bracelet. It's like 13 bucks. It's like, let's get it for mom.

If it makes you happy, you know, and we came home and when mom got back, we all had a thing for her at 5.30. And we fucking took her to, you know, I think she had tears in her eyes. It was great. It was just great to make somebody's fucking day, you know. Listen, man, one thing about me is I'm not, a lot of people always go, oh, your mother died.

You had to raise yourself, you know, people don't know about what you went through. No, a lot of people don't know what I went through. But a lot of people don't also know how much help I really got. I don't want you guys to think I'm a fucking, I walk on wood. I got a lot of help from a lot of good people. A lot of help. I could sit here for fucking hours and tell you how much help

I got from great people. Yeah, this was way before the comedy and whatever. And that woman upstairs was one of them. That woman upstairs saved my fucking life. She gave me a chance that I thought nobody would ever give me a gun, you know. She gave me a chance that, to be honest with you, I didn't want. I didn't want the chance of being in a fucking relationship.

I didn't want the chance of having a girlfriend or responsibility. Fuck being married and having a fucking kid. Fuck all that shit. I just wanted somebody I could sleep with, maybe go to a restaurant with once in a while, and maybe go to a movie with no fucking commitment. And boy was I fucking wrong.

She took me from fucking A to Z. And today I look at you guys and tell you I'm happy, you know. She took care of me. Ralphie May took care of me. Josh Wolfe took care of me. Joe Rogan took care of me. Ari took care of me, you know. Duncan took care of me.

You guys have no fucking idea what it takes when you're a comic and you're, when you're an artist in any art form, art understands. One of the things that you have to do as an artist is help people, is help other artists. Maybe open up a door for them. You know, Mike showed up with a light. That's what we do as artists.

We give each other ideas to be better. We make each other better. Why have a friend if they make you the worst person that you could be? You ever think about that? Sometimes we hang out with people, like especially for a guy like me, I did coke for 37 years. I had a ton of friends that didn't do nothing for you,

but bring you, you know, bad situations. You liked them at the time, you know what I'm saying? I mean, hey, you showed up with an ounce of coke. Ain't that bad of a fucking guy. But, you know, when it comes to artistry and all this type of shit, I don't even consider myself that. I'm just saying that there was a lot of fucking help involved. And one of those people that helped me was my fucking wife, man.

She fucking helped me. And in ways that, you know, I mean, one of the strongest things she said to me that really let me know that she was paying attention and that she really cared about me and loved me compared to any other woman I had been with was something that blew my mind one night. She told me when I was high, I was high and I was just getting in. And she didn't know I was high.

She told me not high on reefer either. She told me that she could tell that I was something that didn't have a mother's love. And that fucking destroyed my insides, boy. Finally, somebody had figured me the fuck out. Remember how we talked about calling you out and shit? There's a big difference between getting called out and getting figured out. Somebody fucking figured me the fuck out.

I was blown away that night. I went to fucking sleep and I was like, holy shit. What the fuck did she just do? She just exposed me. Those words from her fucking killed me. But I had the attitude of somebody who was raised without a mother. That is fucking horrific. That is fucking horrific.

And again, if it wasn't for my maturity at the time or whatever, I would have probably lost and called her a cunt and stormed out of here. And this video would probably never be happening right now. Thank God I didn't storm out there like the cunt that I am. I got insulted, you know, for all you people getting insulted easy. I can't believe you say that. Sometimes stay warm off the argument, throw some cold water on it, and think about the words that those people are saying to you.

I'm not talking about some jerk off at a bar who wants to throw a left-handed fucking remark at you. I'm talking about somebody who loves you and who's close to you. And for some reason wants to say something to you to make you better. Don't fucking steam off and call them an asshole and tell them fuck you. And listen, I've been guilty of it, but I also know where those people are coming from. There's a lot of people out there that want to give you advice just to make you fucking feel bad. But there's a lot of people out there that give you advice to build you the fuck up. Those are the ones you want in your life.

The ones that give you advice to build you the fuck up. Not the ones that give you advice to fucking knock you the fuck down. Fuck those motherfuckers. I don't need them around me. It's so weird how, you know, Patreon has been great because it kept me together. It took my, you know, anxiety away. It calmed me down in a lot of ways. It took my mind off what was going on around me when I was moving in the pandemic.

But it's also showed me something. It showed me that there's a lot of people that were stuck like I was, and I'm having an opportunity to help them. And I'm not talking about an outfinancial way. For some reason or another, and it didn't happen on Facebook, and that maybe once or twice on Facebook, and it happened maybe once or twice on Twitter. But here's something. Here's the weirdest thing.

When somebody sends me a tape of that comedy, it breaks my fucking heart. For you to say to me, Joey, can you look at my comedy and tell me what you fucking think? Don't do that to me. You're putting me in a spot. You just tell me to suck your dick. It would make it easier. At least I know where I stand. I don't know where the fuck I stand when I fucking tell, you know,

when you tell me that you want me to look at your stand up. It just isn't fair to me. I would feel as if, I would feel as if, no matter what I said to you, I was putting you down. That's why I could never do like, I had a hard time with Kill Tony. I like the concept of it, but I don't want to chop somebody down. I want to build them up, you know, in a funny way. And listen, some people take some bad jokes and we all goof around. Lord knows I've said bad jokes and people have said stuff to me and I haven't taken it personally.

But these are dreams. And sometimes people go a little too far when they fuck with your dreams. Me, I'd rather not go there, so I don't go there. But I tell you what I do like. Like Mike does it a lot. A lot of people do this. They just send me music. They send music.

And you know, listen, if you do a fucking town hall on Pedophilia, you know, have you seen that town hall that's going around on some lady? Pedophilia will be accepted by the year 2020. Anyway, you know, I can't do my work around that. I would love to tell you guys that I could listen to a podcast and do work. I cannot do it. Cannot even fucking come close to it. But I'll tell you what I can do.

I can listen to music and do work. So for some reason or another, you know, it comes in patches. It comes in patches. You know, for two weeks, everybody will hit you up with emails. They want an autograph. Go fuck yourself. I'm going to have my Joe DiMaggio. And we'll go back and forth and back because it's sent fucking up.

Just wait till you see me at a fucking comedy show. A fucking autograph. For that, we tend. And then they go away. Then the autograph people go away. Then it's like you get another batch of weird people asking for weird requests, you know? This wasn't weird. This was just people going, Hey, man, I'm going to send you some music that I play or the band I'm in.

And I got to tell you something. I think six people have sent me music. And I liked all six of them. A girl, Mary sent me some a couple tracks and she said, I want to be around. Holy fuck. It was fucking good. Another guy tried lucky or whatever, had some bluesy stuff for me or whatever. Fucking great.

I mean, you know, I love all this shit. It's not like I'm listening. I don't want you to think I'm the masked fucking whatever. I'm not a judge off the mask magician panel. I don't want you to think I can get your job with Snoop Dogg. I don't know anybody. So if you're sending me music because you think that I can make a call to Interscope Records or something, guys, I don't know anybody in the music business. I'll tell you how bad I am with the music business.

I can't even get you a booking at the Troubadour. I mean, nobody can right now. But I don't know anybody. But as far as what I'm seeing is, I'm seeing, you want me to tell you what I'm seeing? I'm seeing the same shit where I was at 91. I'm seeing people who have talent. All right. Look, this is fucking crazy.

They have talent. They just don't know what the next move is. There is nothing worse in the world. They're knowing that you have talent, but not knowing what the next fucking move is. It is horrible. You know, you watch TV, you see a guy playing an oboe. You're like, I want to do that. You know what I'm saying?

You're like, that's wrong. The guy's like, I want to play the oboe. You don't even know what the fucking oboe is, but you want to play the oboe or whatever. There's nothing, and then you go and you listen to music. You go on YouTube, how to play the oboe, whatever the fuck. Great oboe soloist of the past, whatever the fuck. I don't fucking know. And then you go to a porn shop because where else can you find an oboe?

An oboe? Who plays an oboe? You haven't talked to anybody who plays an oboe? Have you ever met anybody who plays an oboe? I figure they all killed themselves by this point. You play the oboe for a few years. You walk into a porn shop, you drop it off and you go, I'm done with the oboe. And you walk right to the nearest bridge.

You don't even leave a note. You're so fucking brokenhearted. The oboe left you down. But you're at a point in your career where you don't know what the fuck you want to do. For you guys who have gone through it, how fucking frustrating is it? And it's anything. It's law. It's plumbing.

And I always love using plumbing. I love plumbing. I just didn't like the shitty smell. But I love plumbing. I could have been a great plumber if it wasn't for the smell. And he owed us everything around it. You gotta touch toilets. If it was new construction, I could pick up a toilet.

But if it's a toilet that's used, listen, I wouldn't touch that motherfucker with a hazmat suit on. Those toilets all have COVID from the piss around it to the piss on the side to the piss on the other. There's like 19 levels of degrees of piss on a fucking toilet. But like I was saying that all these people have talent. They just don't know where the fuck to start. But again, it's not 1969 where, well, Mike, you know, I like your band. Your guitar player is good. I like the drummer.

I think we could go into the studio. Now, you could just get two iPhones, four mics, figure it out, and fucking tape, and start sending stuff out to fucking the, you know, the music industry has changed so much, just like so the comedy business, that it's hands on. You don't need fucking, what's his name? Who's the guy that produced mutt lang? You don't need mutt lang no more. You are your own mutt fucking lang.

Think about it. Think about it. That's it. The mutt lang days are long fucking gone. You could create your own videos at home, beats, you know, you could shoot videos. I know a friend of mine in North Jersey, unknown band, not signed by anybody. They put albums out. Music's okay.

You know, it's not my genre of music. They shoot videos that, you know, just because you're not with fucking, you know, Irish to records, RCA records, whoever the fuck is left, doesn't mean you don't have a fucking band. Doesn't mean you don't have a fucking band. This is your year. 2021 is about a lot of fucking things that's coming up. 2021 is a very fucking important year in your life. It's going to be a really important year, more ways than one.

This is a comedy podcast, but I also try to make it a reality fucking podcast, not a reality like, you know, you're going to meet your next husband on this show. There ain't no husbands here and meet a millionaire or whatever. The reality is, I try to tell you how the fuck it is in a comical way without us losing our fucking minds. You know, it's going to be a rough fucking year. I hope you guys don't think that at midnight, COVID is just going to fucking click its heels like the Wizard of Oz and go back to Kansas wherever the fuck it came from. No, we're going to go in a little deeper mid January is going to be a motherfucker.

You know, hopefully the vaccines and I hate talking about this shit. I'm just planning out the year for you motherfuckers. So you've got two or three months of journaling and planning out where it goes from here because once this fucking rocket ship is ready to take off again, you're going to be off and running. You've been on hold for two fucking years. You don't have to. If you're going to sleep, you better do it now. If you're going to rest, you better do it now.

If you want to watch that series, you've always wanted to watch on Netflix. You might as well do it now. Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, Star Trek. Do it now because in five or six months, if you got any heartbeat to you, if you're a man, if you're a woman, if you got any such balls to you, you're sick and tired of sitting around. More businesses are going to be opened. More opportunities are going to be out there. So yeah, you might be a little bit fucking down right now today.

I'm sure you are. I'm a little down too. You know, I didn't make a lot of money last year either. I'm fucking, you know, I didn't have the road either. I missed the road too. I'm heartbroken, but fuck it. You got to suck it up. Suck it up and no better days are coming.

I don't give a fuck if you take the vaccine or not. It's got nothing to do with me. I don't have. I just want you to be happy and healthy. That's it. I don't give a fuck if you want to take the vaccine. I don't give a fuck. It's got nothing to do with me.

It's none of my business, none of my politics. I don't care who you voted for. If you didn't vote, I don't give a fuck about that. All I want you to do is to be fucking happy. But the part to be happy is I'm telling you right now, as friends, whatever you got left to do, painting that wall, you know, taking naps, you better do it now. Because once this comes back, we're going to, what's that?

No sleep to Brooklyn? Remember Beastie Boys? No sleep to Brooklyn. No sleep to your dying now. We're going for it. You've been at home fucking sitting on your ass for two fucking years. It's going to be 18 months by the time this gets going. So I don't know what your fucking expectations are.

So you better start speed reading. You better start preparing. You know, you're going to have to do three years and two. Whatever the fuck you need to do, you better start doing it now. Get all this stuff the shit out of your way. If you're addicted to something, get it out of the way now. Don't wait to the first. I got admire John Mulaney for what he did.

My heart goes out to him. Or you guys know the big fan of John fucking Mulaney's and I love the guy. But listen, during this pandemic fucking we knocked the skeletons came knocking on the door. We had too much free time, too much mental capacity. Everything was up in the air. We thought about things. I got accused of something from a girl that happened 22 fucking years ago. We were doing blow.

We went back to our house and I asked her a question. I touched her thigh. She said no. She drove me home and eight weeks ago she remembers and wants to call me up and say, I didn't like what you did that night. Well, what the fuck? I've done 20 shows with you since that night. Now you remember, I'm not madder.

I'm not madder at all for saying this. This is just what happened when you have all this free time on your hand. All this bad shit. All these bad memories because you think everything's surrounding you. Everything around you is mad. Everything that's drawing out of you. You sit down to watch the news. It's bad.

You talk to your neighbor. I got laid off COVID. You talk to your cousin. I can't get unemployment on the phone. I keep pressing too. They don't even want to talk to Spanish people. You talk to this guy. He broke his leg playing basketball.

Bad luck is around you so it's drawing it out of you. Don't let it draw it to fuck out you. Don't let it draw the negative out of you. At all. At all. Just fucking keep it together because everything around you is so fucking negative. Everything around you. Ever since I stopped watching the news, look at me.

I'm a way better person. I got blood into my lids again. Watching the news drops the fucking blood. Takes it out of your fucking eyelids. That's how much energy it was taking from you. I had to fucking stop. So don't get taken away. I know we had a bad year this year since March.

But 2021 is going to be such a fucking great year. It's going to start off slow. I don't want you to think you're going to wake up Friday morning and it's going to be gone with the wind. You want to blonde. They're going to be out there like grease dancing. No, it's not. It's going to start off a little slow. You might get a little bit more depressed.

But don't let yourself get depressed. January and February will be a little slow. I don't know what's going to be happening out in LA with the shutdown or the type of shutdowns you've got. But isn't it weird that Florida is wide open. LA is closed and they have more cases than Florida. Makes you fucking think about a lot of fucking shit, doesn't it? You know, I don't know what's going to happen in January and February. Like I said, that's why I chose to do the surgery January 8th.

So I don't have anything on my. If you know anything about my neighborhood, it's going to be fucking cold as fuck in this neighborhood. So there's nowhere for me to go. I'm going to chill, write some jokes. I promise you, I promise you, I will start. I've been, I ain't even going to say it. I've been trying to fucking outline the new book. Because I had it shortened yet again, because I found shit that shouldn't even be in there.

I just want to write the one book. Once you write one, it's like killing somebody. Once you kill one person, the rest of them are easy. You just got to kill the first one first. Get over that one. Then the second one's a little hard. The third one, you're off and fucking running. You know what I'm saying?

So that's all I wanted to check on with you. It was a bad year. We had a great time. They couldn't stop me. I kept doing the podcast under whatever conditions. I wrapped up the mummy's head to leave towards the end. We had to wrap up his head when he was coughing. The whole table would rattle and shit.

The poor bastard. But he's up there in Boston doing great. He's got his Patreon going. You know, he's trying to make it happen and I'm happy for him. Lee needed to get out of LA also. Lee needed to just move on with his life and get it going. We weren't going to do it. I miss him.

I miss Lee with all my fucking heart. I call him twice a day. I torment him. I tell him to open up his window. Feed the flies. I open up a new restaurant chain called Liz and Me. I got tons of ideas from him. He's not taking edibles lately.

I think he only took edibles the other night. And he's just trying to take it easy. And I tell him, he wants to do all these things. And I'm like, what are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I go, stay up there. Stay with mom for a few weeks. Put a little office together in the basement.

Get a little business going. Get your Patreon going. Lose 60 pounds. Get healthy. And hopefully, Lee will get healthy. And he'll get back to normal and everything will be... I mean, he is normal. What the fuck am I saying?

He's great. He's great. He still has a great sense of humor. We laugh. We fucking kid, you know. I was liking to do a zoom with him, but these fucking zooms start to suck. I don't want to fucking get zoomed up.

I got a list of zooms next week I'm doing. I think I'm doing the one with Duncan before I fucking go on to surgery to talk about the state of the fucking earth, the world, whatever. That's pretty much it, guys. I just wanted to get on here with you guys and tell you, listen, man,

it's been a fucking hell of a year. And I'm happy and proud that you let me come into your fucking house, into your home, into your heart once a fucking week for two hours a week. I want to also thank you for having my back when these lunatics tried to go after me for saying that somebody sucked my dick 23 years ago.

Who gives a fuck? Nobody gives a fuck about that person. But all of a sudden, they gave a fuck for that one fucking hour. Nobody gives a fuck. It's all bullshit. But I'm happy that you had my back. I'm happy that you had my back on stage this year,

whether you came to see me in Vegas, at the comedy store, in Atlanta. We only had like three gigs together this year. We had Atlanta, Vegas, and Tempe on Valentine's Day. That's the only gigs I got. Everything else was at the comedy store. I want to thank you for supporting me there. I want to thank you for supporting me

on the fucking Ozzy's Boneyard. You guys have just been a... Just fucking hope, man. I didn't know what was going to happen when this podcast switched. I had no idea what was going to happen when I moved. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I mean, right now, I still love doing stand-up comedy,

but I'm not falling all over myself to get out there. I'm not going to get on a fucking plane and do it. None of that shit's happening whatsoever. I'll do it at Uncle Vinny's. I got next Tuesday and Wednesday. Then I got the surgery on the 8th. Then it's going to be around two or three weeks

before I could get back on. But once I get back on, it's going to be straight on to a fucking April. I don't know the situation with the Soprano movie, with the many saints in Newark. I don't know what's going on with it. If it's coming out on HBO Max in March, or if it's coming out in October,

I don't know. The only thing I do know is we're some bad motherfuckers. We weren't from the church to the joint without missing a motherfucking beat. You guys were here with me. We had a couple of difficulties, a couple of weeks.

Who doesn't? You're going to break a few eggs when you make an egg. You're going to break a few shells when you make an egg, right? Shit's going to happen. Everything is not going to be perfect. I never said that was perfect. One thing I did say is that you could do

whatever the fuck you want with your life. Next year is your fucking life. Next year is your world. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you. Yeah, we're going to start off slow. But once this gets going, every desire, every dream you've ever had, you're going to fucking execute.

Because that's it. This can't happen to us ever again. This can never happen to us again. What happened the last nine months, and what's going to happen? Listen, I don't believe in the superstrains. I don't believe in this. I don't believe in that.

I believe in social distancing. I believe in respecting one another. And I believe that this will go away in time. And in time we'll be back. And in time we'll be bad motherfuckers. But you know what? Guess what? We're already bad motherfuckers.

We just got to weather this motherfucking storm out. So I want to thank you guys very much from the bottom of my heart for backing me, for having me at every situation. I'm happy you like the fucking mind of Joey Diaz shirts. I'm happy you like him over doing with the joint. You know, it's not the church.

It's the joint. It's something completely different. It's my heart to yours. I love what we're doing with the Patreon. And that's it, you bad motherfuckers. We're getting high. We're going to be around for new years. Keep your eyes open on Patreon.

I might be doing a little something on New Years on Patreon just to check in with you motherfuckers. Wish you a happy new year. Something. We'll do something. So keep your eyes open on Patreon. YouTube. Fucking.

Twitter. I love all you motherfuckers too. Facebook. But I can't do nothing with you guys. I don't know. What do you want me to do? Send you a post on fucking Twitter. But Patreon.

I might do a little live stream. I might. Play the back page of my. Nucklehead joint fucking countdown or something. And that's it. And that's that I want to thank you. For supporting Uncle Joey's joint. I want to thank you for finishing out the church with us.

Just here. And I want to thank you for being you, and for always having my motherfucking back. No matter what happens, you know, I got you, you got me. the fuck you want to do you know what I'm saying so thank you again and have a great new year's be safe you got to be home by 10 but you can stay up till 6 don't forget blue chew on it get your dick sucked it's gonna be a beautiful

week I'll see you guys Monday January 4th have a great weekend stay safe all right you cocksuckers thank you very much for listening today you know Uncle Joey's got your back that's it it's a fucking new year this is the last podcast of the year you know we went through the church what a fucking year but anyway Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by blue chew listen you get know that your dick ain't working like you used to or your 21 and you're throwing heat with that fucking popsicle stick either way blue chew can help you why because it's the first chewable dick pill same FDA approved active ingredients

is Viagra and see Alice blue chew is prescribed online by licensed motherfucking positions so you don't have to go to the doctor's office and wait online like a fucking dunce and people looking at you and you're making eye contact with some guy with a fucking fucked up leg you don't need that and it shifts right to your fucking door in a discreet package nobody knows nothing not even the fucking male man unless she's a female then you want to know maybe she'll come in and check out the blue chew which anyway that's a fellow defense fucking a male woman anyway blue chew is cheaper than a pharmacy and you could take

them anytime day and night even on a full stomach if you notice I don't have none on the table I had to give mama a stabbing last week for jingle bells and you know me I got I got five guns I got five bullets in my gun I needed one more fucking bullet you want to do the thing so you double up with blue chew listen this is for whether you need it or not some people really fucking need it and blue chew is tremendous alright because there's nothing like slinging dick and giving out fucking condoms especially with blue chew nobody likes limp dick nobody likes coke dick nobody likes your dick to be soft you want

that motherfucker to look like one of Dung Young Hume's missiles over there in Korea in fact that's what they should call you dick the Korean fucking missile crisis because that's it what else do you want to call it we've gone off on a tangent here but it doesn't matter what matters is blue chew is here and it's available to you and if you're walking around with a rectile dysfunction or whatever you shouldn't this is the same FDA approved as Viagra and see Alice why the fuck are you fucking around with that shit that that guy that's a fucking loser at the bodega tells you he don't know nothing he's got nine kids he hasn't

paid child support in 15 fucking years he's hiding in the bodega and you're taking advice from him take it from your uncle Joey go to blue chew comm right now pressing Joey and what they're gonna do is they're gonna send out a free shipment all you're gonna do is pay for shipping all right you're gonna get a free fucking package all you're gonna do is pay for shipping when it comes to your door your ball sack is immediately gonna turn blue just from tucking touching the package why cuz blue chew has magic powers come suckers that's why your dick will be as hot you can you could nail fucking nails into the wall

with your dick that if your dick ain't doing that you need blue chew go to blue chew comm right now pressing Joey and let's get the fucking party started I want to thank blue chew and wish them a happy new year for fuckers showing motherfucking youngsters how to sling some big dick if these bitches ain't walking crooked you ain't doing your job all right blue chew comm slash Joey I also want to thank on it on it has been with me for years I love to death and why because they fucking put their fucking money where that mouth is that's why the other way around I don't know anyway on it is the fucking alpha brain flagship of

the organization why because if you take it and you don't like it they'll send you the money back and I'll let you keep the product who else does that we think they're gonna take the fucking product back and send it out to some poor bastards like Chinese restaurants do you ever send food back to a Chinese restaurant break it in half always I don't care if it's a rib low-main break it in half because if not some poor schmuck comes in and he's eating your low-main with your fucking germs on it on it don't do that shit they tell you keep the product shut up your ass if you don't like it it don't work for you but

if you like it you're gonna be back and if not go with the new mood you got the alpha brain powder which just dissolves in water you got the fucking shroom tech immune and shroom tech sport listen you can't lose it on it go to honor dot com right now I can't give you nothing with kettle bells and the weights and stuff but I give you a 10% with all the supplements the coconut almond protein chews a fucking delicious go to honor dot com right now pressing church and let's get this party started get 10% off sent to your house and start the year off right because this is it it's a new year with a whole new fucking set of

rules even though they want to give you vaccines and whatever that's got nothing to do with me I love you motherfuckers see you Monday the 4th of January tip top Magoo days from my surgery ready to sling dick I would go weekend cocksuckers happy new year you