Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #029 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talked about the surgery and Jeff Scott.... RIP. This episode is brought to you DraftKings, Zip Recruiter & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/CHURCH Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter Code: JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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crib who does that for you nobody that's how we're starting off the year all right that's it nice that let's get this fucking party started candles lit you little dirty cocksuckers beautiful you welcome to enjoy What's happened you bad motherfuckers? It's Tuesday the 12th. First off, I'm very sorry we had to move the podcast from Monday to Tuesday yesterday. It was just too heavy of a day at physical therapy. I had a bunch of shit, you know, so we got to do it at night.

I'm happy I'm here. Thank you for all the tweets and the Facebook messages and the Patreon messages. You guys hit it out of the park when I got out of surgery. I looked on my computer and I'm like, these motherfuckers, they're relentless. I was in so much fucking pain, but hey, it was a great weekend. I got it over with. If you guys know anything about me, fucking, I hate doctors and hospitals more than I hate broccoli. You know what I'm saying? Like broccoli and cauliflower. You ever show up with broccoli around me? I walk right out of the fucking room. I hate how it fucking smells, but I fucking hate the whole experience. But once I'm in the car, I had to do this. I had to do this just to

get healthier, you know? And it was so funny what came to me in the hospital. So Thursday night, you know, I didn't know my surgery time. I had no idea what my surgery time was. They said they'd call after four on Thursday and tell me, which is like, what the fuck, you know, I'm in suspense all fucking day. Mercy comes home from school by 430. My wife, they come downstairs, they come to the garage, we're talking downstairs. Mercy's sitting on the steps, Terry's sitting in the step under and they called and they were like, you got to be in at nine o'clock, your surgery schedule for 10. We're not recommending it, we don't, we understand if you want to go home, but we're recommending that you stay

the night so we could watch you, we have better eyes on you, blah, blah, blah. I got off the phone with them and I told my wife and Mercy, you know, I go, yeah, they don't want me to stay. And all of a sudden my daughter's face just went pale. And she started crying, you know, I was going to miss her birthday. I mean, it was fucking terrible. I got upset. And then, you know, I climbed it down, I talked to her a little bit. She was scared, she was scared for her dad, you know, broke my fucking heart. So what we did was we got a birthday cake Thursday night, and we celebrated her birthday, a little carbell cake. We each had a little peace and we hung out all night. I let her stay up late with me and, you know, I was really concerned about it.

She just doesn't like that shit at all. She doesn't even like when I changed the setting, and she saw the stitches last night, she ran out, she don't like none of that shit at all. She wouldn't even pick me up at the hospital. She's like, I don't want to see dad like that. So I can't tell you how I felt all weekend. The surgery, you know, I mean, they tried to stick the needle in my hand first, intravenous, and it didn't work. I almost fainted, and went into my arm nice and fucking, whatever, the little nurse's assistant, great guy. He's like, I've been doing this for nine years. I've never seen a man sweat so much. I mean, I was sweating fucking profusely that I put the bed upside down so the blood could

go to my head. But after that, I got a fiance, he was great. Then they hit you with a couple by the ways. They're like, the anesthesiology is going to come, a nice guy comes in, sweetheart of a guy. Everybody was a sweetheart. So that at least soothed my fucking nerves. You guys know I'm a nervous fucking dude. The anesthesiologist guy came in and he goes, listen, I'm going to put you out and shit. But before you go out, we got to do an epidural shot in your fucking spine. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Now a week early in New Year's Eve, I was in a house and one of the chicks is a nurse, like a doctor's assistant, a little higher than a nurse, and she goes, you know they're going to give you an epidural block, right? And I'm like, I fucking hope not. I saw my

wife get one and I saw my ex-wife. I listened to this when I had my first kid in 1990. My wife was one of those fucking hippie chicks. And she's like, I'm going to have the baby natural, you know, all that shit. After one hour at the natural place, she cracked. When they put that up, and I walked into the room and I saw the blood coming out of her back from the needle and I went down. That's what I, that's what I associate an epidural block with. And then about two years ago, my wife's back was hurt there and she did the Rogan treatment and they had to do an epidural block there. And I went with her, that's what husbands do. And I was holding on to a hand, I could feel the pain. So when they taught me epidural block dog, I started looking at my sneakers,

you know what I'm saying? Like, fuck this shit. I ain't getting no needle, but he goes, I give you my word, you're going to be so fucking numb at that point. You're not even going to feel it. So when they got me all prepped up, put everything guys, I gotta tell you the most embarrassing thing. I'm old. My dick is shrunk over the years. But Friday, my dick was the smallest it's ever been in 50 fucking seven and a half years. It went all the way in. I don't know if it was the fear, the fucking drugs they put into me. So I'm on the operating table. And I tell the guy right before they shoot me with the epidural block, the dude was Cuban. The guy that rolled me in, he goes, listen, I go, I got a pee. And he goes, I don't worry about that. If you have to pee during

the procedure, we'll stick a tube in your dick. And we'll take it out of your dick that way. And I go, listen, I'm doing enough today. Ain't nobody sticking no tubes in my fucking dick. Let's just do this right now. So I got up and they gave a girl a bottle. And I had to hold my inch dick. It was this fucking big, the turtleneck just a wrapping around my dick. It was a nightmare pulling the skin back and trying to pee into the fucking bottle. I peed on my gown. I mean, it was a fucking nightmare guys. I remember them sticking a little prick in my back and I fucking gave a little thing. And that's it. I wish I remember what happened after that. I blacked out. I don't know if I called them cocksuckers. I told them make America great again. I don't know what I fucking happened

after that. All I know is that they turned the lights off at 1030. And they were wheeling me out. And when I got into the recovery room, it was fucking four o'clock. And guys, I had a pain because the epidural block wore off after two hours. The surgery lasted four. So I woke up to fucking a pain that you couldn't even imagine. They even had to shut off a nerve in my leg. They shut off a nerve in your leg and then they turned it back on or something to eliminate the pain. The dude's like, I'll leave it off. He goes, yeah, I know what you're going through. So they started shooting me with a bunch of shit. Bah, bah, bah, demoral. Once I got the demoral, it was all right. And you know me, I'm like, give me, because you want me to tell you

what the sad thing about this is guys, guys, I don't eat this shit, but my tolerance is high. My street tolerance is high. So they shot me. They shot me with God do whatever the fuck it is. Damned me with two narcos and two fucking Percocets. And I still had pain. I was on fire, though. I was on fucking fire. I was fucked up as a can of worms. I sat in recovery for like fucking an hour. Just look and there was nobody in there. It was just me and recovery and some mother pulled basil on the other side. They fixed his foot. His foot was all fucked up. I'm looking at him. He's looking at me. That's all we can do the whole time and fucking recovery. And then now they're like, you ready to go up to your room? And they put me up in my fucking room.

I was starving at that point. They hit me with the motherfucking pasta. It wasn't bad. A couple of shrimp in it, but they gave me broccoli. So that pissed me off. A bread stick, non-sugarless applesauce, and fucking apple juice. Tremendous dinner. I ate it now. I had 300 milligrams. I had three. That's what they called to tell me to bring my sleep apnea machine also. So I had to bring my road sleep apnea machine. I have two of the same machines. I had one for the house and one I would use for the road. So I went into the bag the night ago. I haven't used that bag since February 28th. I haven't looked in that bag. Oh my Lord. I looked in that bag the night, 20 to life, no parole was in that bag. They would throw me under the fucking jail.

I found shit in that bag. I found two hits of acid, paper acid, because I always put that bag together. So if I got stuck at an airport, I wouldn't be bored and upset. So there was edibles in there. There was fucking anxiety medication in there. Fucking edibles. I mean, there was everything in there. There was a vapor pen in there. I hadn't even seen. When was the last time you never saw me smoke a fucking vapor pen? There was a vapor pen. Who the fuck? No, because I just used it. I just used it February 28th. This is a compartment I had in there for emergency stuff, hearing aid batteries, in case you get stuck one night in a hotel, blood pressure medication, all my medication, all my vitamins, everything is in there. When I found those two hits of little

paper acid, I go, that's where you've been. I lost you a year ago, you cuckucker. So I cleaned out the bag, but I also found three to 200 milligram. I found edibles in there. I found old edibles in there. Are they good stuff? I threw the cookie away. I wouldn't give the cookie the lead. You know what I'm saying? I gave lead molded stars before we found those molded stars. We ate those fucking things. You know us. We build out immune system. We don't give a fuck. So I went up to my room, man. They fed me dinner. And I got to be honest with you. I thought I was really going to be unhappy the whole night and be miserable. I mean, I missed my daughter. I missed my wife. I gave my nurse a fucking nickname, blood pressure, because that's all that bitch would do is raise my blood pressure.

Every time she came in, it was to bust my balls. One night, the first night actually, you know, I couldn't sleep. I was in the hospital and I was prepared for it. I was like, I'm not going to sleep. So I'm going to watch fucking catch up on some videos, watch some old concerts, you know, maybe I'll pop an edible, but I told the emergency, the recovery room, check. I go, I got some edibles. And she goes, I was stronger than I go 200. She goes, please don't do them in here. She goes, please. So I asked when they gave me the dinner, I asked them for the turkey sandwich. They always give you a thousand. Every hospital gives you a fucking turkey sandwich. So they gave me a turkey sandwich and I left that there to go with applesauce,

just in case I did eat the edible at night. I had something to munch on in the middle of the night. I brought some protein powders with me. You know, I was prepared some protein things with me from on it, on it as these peanut butter protein bites are the fucking tremendous. I brought like 10 of those with me. And you know what, man, I probably slept three hours that night. She came in, I finally at one point, like four, I put the sleep apnea mask on just to force myself to sleep. You know, this bitch came in and she goes, Mr. Diaz, we're going to come back and give you blood pressure medication. I go, all right, hurry up. I'm trying to go to sleep here. Fucking hour later, she showed up. I go, I'm just fucking falling asleep and you got to

come in and break my balls and I have blood pressure. She loved it. I kept calling the blood pressure. I had a little gay guy that was her assistant, the sweetest guy you ever met. Again, I had a pee, so they wanted me to get up. They're like, it's time for you to get up. You know, you can get up, you know. And I go, fuck you, let's do this shit. And I got up and the chick is behind me and little gay guys in front of me. He's there like five minutes. I got my little inch dick in the container. I'm trying to pee and this guy's looking straight at me and I'm like, listen, I've done a lot of crazy things. I can't pee in front of this gay guy. I just can't take my dick out and pee in front of this gay guy. I've showed my dick to a thousand

gay guys just to torture him over the years. I'm 58. I cannot. Oh yeah, I would show gay guys my dick all the time. Take a look at this fucking yoke of love, cuck second. But I told him right to his face. I go, dog, I can't pee in front of you. You got to abandon shit. My fucking, you got me all fucked up here. So he fucking went out and they told me in the morning they would give me physical therapy and let me go. They came. They got me. They fucking nice little breakfast, scrambled eggs, nice bacon, a corn muffin, like a doctor. I got up. I fucking, you know, I can't watch TV in the daytime, but whatever was on was on. I was watching something about the American mafia was on or something on CNN. I was watching that and they came in. Like

they said, you know, the doctor told me, he goes, listen, if you want to stay, you stay. He goes, if I was you, I'd let us watch you over the night. My heart was slow. You know, I've always said this that on August 21st, when we got here in the 19th, I had a mild heart attack because the cavity in my chest hurt for three or four days. I said, if it hurts past that, I'll go to the fucking doctor. It didn't hurt past that. So I never went to the doctor, but I'm still to this day, convinced that I had a mild heart attack. I just didn't, if I would have gone to the hospital and they would have drawn blood, they would have told me I would have had a mild heart attack. So ever since that night, my heart's been beaten kind of fucking slow. So they were like, listen,

we're a little concerned. They were so concerned that a cardiovascular doctor came in at night and kind of talked to me a little bit, but I could tell there was something he wanted to tell me. But since he's not my heart doctor, he couldn't tell me, but he gave me a card which proved to me he wanted to tell me something. So I left him a message today to see if he'd call me back personally. And after this whole thing's over, I'm switching heart doctors because I'm sure I need a stent or maybe for them to give me one of those fucking jolts when they put those electrical things in your heart to get your beat back going. So listen, man, I got a daughter, you know, 20 years ago, I wouldn't have given a fuck about this thing. I wouldn't have given a fuck about the

surgery. I wouldn't have given a fuck about anything. But you know what, man, I want to walk around great adventure with her. I want to be able to walk around in parks with her and take hikes. You know, I'm a walker. I'm from North Bergen, New Jersey. I think I got up the hill with a fucking scooter. No, you had a fucking walk. So I'm a walker. So for me, just to be able to walk eight minutes now, that breaks my fucking heart. It's embarrassing. Even two years ago, when I'm ticking the Disneyland, at one point, I was like, I'm done, Terry. My knees are on fucking fire, both of them. So I'm going to use a little CBD line while we're here talking. I fucking, if you want, later on, I might take a picture and we can post it for you.

I don't want to show you the stitches. I made a little video for you guys yesterday, but I made it in the wrong place. I was going to place up just to show you the leg, but you guys seen enough horror with Tom Segura, you know what I'm saying? You guys haven't done enough with Uncle Tom. So I just wanted, so what I'm doing now is just putting the CBD around the area because one place I have a lot of pain is in the thigh. So I just put the little fucking thing on it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And here we go, you bad motherfuckers. That's how this works. This is what I'm trying to say to you. And I mean, the gummies to replace the, I don't want to get listened at 58. If you think I want to be one of those guys right now

that gets caught up on pain pills, I can't do it. I already did my 27 year term with cocaine. I can't be chasing pills right now. So I'll play the pain game a little bit. Listen, man, it was so funny how in the hospital I'm sitting and I'm like, I can't believe that in every aspect of life, no matter what, again, I'm using plumbers, dentists, doctors, you know, laborers. When you have pain, it gets you to the next level. It's amazing how sometimes we have to go through pain to get to that next level. Like, yeah, this is going to be great in six weeks. But it's going to be that fucking physical therapy that I hurt so bad. I had to take a nap after work for two hours. I mean, walk back and I'm

doing a little extra there. Like I'm doing a little extra, you know, like I've been walking, you know, she tells me to get up every hour on the hour. You guys know for years. I've been, when I write, I do 115 and I got to write this weekend because I was at peace. I was at the hospital. So I got half the chapter written. So my deal is coming through. My deal I made to you guys. I don't care about anything else. Is she I just want to write that book. I can care less about stand up comedy. I care about the podcast. I care about communicating with you guys. But stand up comedy right now to travels. I just I'm not I'm knowing I have no interest. I don't know why, especially what happened after Washington last week, you know, like I just told Jim

Florentine who was here with his son to bring dinner when I said to him, you know, with comics, what if you get on the plane and you're going to Kansas City and when you land you go on Twitter or whatever and all of a sudden there's a fucking war going on two blocks from the comedy club or from your hotel. You know, I got a wife. I got a kid. I'm not missing meals. There's no reason for me to go out there right now. It's too crazy. It's not that I'm scared. I just don't want to do something I don't have to. There's no why walk on landmines where you don't have to, you know. But it was just so weird how in every fucking, I remember when I started comedy from 91 to 98, I was in pain because I was so bad as a comic. You've been pain like I was so bad as a

comic and I wanted to be good that I was in pain, you know, but after I got a little better and I started getting, you know, like in Seattle's where I thought myself becoming a comic, but you have to overcome pain to get to the next level. And like I said, even with this, there was a point today after that PT lady left, my whole leg was on a fucking fire. The podcast I put up in Patreon because I didn't give you this on Monday, but I didn't want to leave my Patreon people on a fucking lurch. So I left them a little 22 minute joey Diaz project just to let them know those 22 minutes just from sitting here yesterday and the chair going up against my thigh made my legs well up. So, you know, right now I'm comfortable. If I feel anything, I'll get the fuck out of here.

You know, you guys got to see me. I look good. I look healthy. You know, I'm happy. I'm so happy I got this over with. If you guys knew the pussy I am when it comes to this shit, half the anxiety I had left is gone because if I was going to have anxiety, it was going to be last week between the two shows, the fucking needles, the echocardiogram, the stress test, the stress test was motherfucking two. I ain't gonna lie to you, but I passed with flying colors. It just was a great week. You know why? Because I did something. I went out of my comfort zone. I love going out of my comfort zone. In the last eight months, I haven't gotten out of my comfort zone. It's been, you know, I haven't done dick. That's how I could call Bill Burr and follow him. You know what I'm

saying? Like, Bill, do 10 minutes. Let me go up behind you and be out of my comfort zone. I got nobody's doing dick. So I really haven't pushed my comfort zone. So the surgery meant a lot more and a lot different levels. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it just wasn't a new knee. It was a new step for me. Even at 58, you know, you still got to grow. So when I do this 20 years ago, if it wasn't for that chick upstairs, I wouldn't have done none of this. I would have been dead from sleep apnea already. She's the one that had to beg me to go to the doctor when the sleep apnea fucking was dooming on me. So I wouldn't even have fucking done shit if it wasn't for her. And this is the real reason. I tell you guys, this from my heart, because this is Uncle Joey's

joint, I always want to be honest with you. Her dad had this option when he was 50 and he didn't want to do his knees over. Then he had a heart attack and now they couldn't do the knees. So now he has a hard time walking. I love my father-in-law. I love my in-laws. But my wife, like, pulled me aside and she's like, I don't want what happened to my dad to happen to you or something happens to your heart. Then your heart isn't strong enough to withdraw to, you know, the surgery. But I'll tell you one thing that the doctor told me afterward. And the PT guy told me when they, my first bend was 68, which I think the first deal they measure were like a fucking Puerto Rican protractor. I remember the protractor, you stab them and you made a circle. Did you have

a protractor, Mike? When you were a kid, they make you go through. I thought they stopped teaching them because they were no good. When was the last time you used a protractor to make a circle? Using the fourth grade, they didn't use them again. Who gives a fuck about a protractor? But, uh, yeah, the first day was 63 or something and today was 70. And one thing that the one lady said to me, she goes, did you work out before this? And I go, I really did. And I stretched every day and I did Puerto Rican yoga every day, you know, downward dogs. I did everything I could. I went to the gym three times a week. I got ready for this physically. You know, last Monday at the gym, I worked so hard I had a fucking anxiety attack. From picking up 45 pound plates and just fucking

going up and down like a fucking baboon. But I wanted to be ready. I wanted my heart to be ready. You know, I just over 50 lifting weights is the fountain of youth. You know, it just, it takes care of so many things, quarters or diabetes, you know, bone strength, you know, fucking muscles. I mean, it just does wonders for you. So I'm happy I did the work. I'm happy you guys supported me on it. And that's it, man. Sometimes we got to do what we don't got to do. This is going to have a positive result. I'm going to have an easier time on stage. You know, I was, I was never having a hard time on stage. Just after I went back to after the two shows, after two hours of standing, I'd go back to my room and I'd have to put my leg up with fucking

ice. I didn't tell people that as I was going on. But you know, this will be a lot better for me. So I'll be a lot better comic. I'll be healthier. This will let me move more, maybe start running again. You guys know I love to run. I haven't run since I got out of prison. I used to love to run. I used to do the three Ks and shit and boulder. You know, I'm all about that shit. But now in a lighter note, something happened last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to a very, very, very disturbing fucking message. I had watched The King of Staten Island, you know, and I loved it. You know, I'm a big Pete Davidson fan. Pete's a great kid. And I watched Bill Burr and fucking Bill Burr was great in that movie. I mean,

I watched Bill grow over the years. It was just great to watch that movie. Every scene he was in, you know, and what's her name, the chick that plays the mother. I forget the name now. She made a comeback with the wrestler. She played Pete Davidson's mother in the movie. That lady won a fucking Oscar for fucking Mike Cousin Vinny, didn't she? The Marissa Tomei. The Marissa Tomei. I think she won an Oscar for it. So here's a comic. A comedy store comic. Let's throw that in. Going up against Marissa Tomei and you couldn't tell the fucking difference. He's great in The Mandalorian.

Oh, he's great. I haven't watched The Mandalorian. You know, I don't like nothing out of space shit. But this shit was, he fucking rocked my world so hard that I text him and I put the phone down and I fell asleep. And I woke up like a fucking 2.30 in the morning and I got a text back from him. Like he was happy to hear from me, which I was in shock. And I had a phone call missed, had a message from Red Band telling me that Jeff Scott had died. For you people who don't know who Jeff Scott is, I know you've seen a thousand things on Facebook and Twitter today. Jeff Scott was a piano player at the fucking comedy store. Great guy. I guess he died of a heart attack at 58 December 18th or December, no, I gotta be December 18th. His birthday, he turned 58 December

18th or something like that. This is my tribute to Jeff. And I'm going to be honest with you guys about a lot of things in this conversation. Because whenever there's death, you got to have a little humor to it. Jeff was a great guy. Jeff caught HIV in the 80s. And I get to the comedy store, you know, when you get to the comedy store, you want to be friends with people, people ask you if you want to get high. Yeah, you know. And one day he came up to me, he goes, Joe, you want to get high? And I love Jeff. I'm like, yeah, Jeff, let's go, let's get high. I didn't care. I didn't be a gay or whatever. I had nothing to do with me. And we smoked a joint after the joint. He looked at me, he goes, you know, I got HIV, right? And I'm like,

well, it was like really a spit out of my mouth, but it didn't really, you know, I know I didn't get HIV from smoking a joint with Jeff, but it was just weird that after we smoked a joint, you just happened to drop that bomb on me. But it made me love him more. This happened in 97. And it made me love him more. Jeff worked at the store, I think six nights a week. He watched every comic in that room. And he had been there for I don't know how many years, 25 years plus. He had seen everybody, you know, he pulled me aside. When I came back to the comedy store in 2014. And after he saw my first setback, he pulled me aside. This is my secret to you guys. This is my Jeff Scott story to you guys. He pulled me aside. And he said that I had become

a different comic than when I was there in 2007 2006. He goes, I want to do something different with you from now on. He goes, you're that bad ass of a comic. I want you to stick out this much. I want you to come out the music. I'm like, really? He goes, yeah. But I want you to come out. He goes, I know you could dance. He goes, I've seen you dance. You could dance you fuck. He goes, come out to the BT Express. Come on and do it. Do it. Do it to your satisfied. Right. So I'm like, are you serious? So whenever I would go up, that song would start. I don't know if you've ever heard that song. It's tremendous. I'm going to open up Tuesday morning with it today. I'm going to open up with you. I'm going to you're going to hear this song this morning. If you listen to my intro on Patreon,

it's one of our respect for Jeff. And I really use it a couple of weeks ago, but I don't give a fuck. This is out of respect for Jeff. So that was our song. That was our song. And the song starts off like dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. So somebody would go, come up to the stage, Joey Diaz, and you would hear dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. And I would go up on stage and dance. And I would go, oh shit, some Harvey Weinstein music and fucking, they would go bananas. Jeff would laugh. I would laugh. And we'd have a great time. But it was Jeff who pulled me aside and he goes, you got to come out the music and fucking come out, fucking rocking and dancing. I was like, Jeff, if you're telling me that because Jeff knew the room. Jeff and I had been together

since 97 in that room. And he'll talk to you after every set. He wasn't a comic. He was a P. Reherman impersonator. And he was fantastic as a P. Reherman impersonator. You've been a fan of something. Have you ever been a fan? Like, I'm really ashamed of my life that I'm not a fan of anything. Like, when you go to the Florentine's house, they're a fan of the Miami Dolphins. They don't miss a game. When the team loses, they all fucking hurt, you know, it's like, fuck, they throw things. They're a true fan. They're a true fan of the Miami Dolphins. They love the Miami Dolphins, okay? There's a button. I don't, I don't give a fuck who you're a fan of. That has nothing to do with me and our friendship. But Jeff Scott was a real fan of the comedy store.

I don't know if I could explain that to you. He really enjoyed his job. He really enjoyed the comedians. And he really loved us. And every time I saw him gay and nut, I gave him a big fucking hug and I squeezed his ass sometime. You know, man, I'm fucking crazy with gay guys. I would squeeze his ass and say, Jeff, your ass is getting too skinny. How are you going to get dick if you got that skinny little bony ass? And he would die a laugh or whatever. But Jeff was just a good guy. And every Tuesday, I would go there a little early. And in between the 15 minutes, because all his job to do was when I went up on stage, when I finished and I go coming to the stage, this guy's been on Comedy Central, Mike Klein, he would play the music like any like piano

music, you know, like Liberace and then you would go on stage, you know? So he would, in between that he would get up and come outside and smoke pot and talk to the comics. And then he'd be on the time he come tell me there's two more before you or three more before you or two more before you or what's his name canceled. But that's what I remember from Jeff, man, that he was a sweet guy. And I went online today and I saw so many fucking people mention him. And I mean, he meant a lot to a lot of people. I've never met anybody that had a rude word about Jeff, or the guy that works in the main room. I forget his name that I've been with him there for 20 years. The sound guy in the main room has always been a sweetheart. I mean, I look at the comedy store now, and I'm like,

every day between you and I lost hope. I don't think it'll ever open again. And I'm happy with it. We went out on top. We went out on top. There's no two ways about it. When we got out of that store February 3rd, whenever they closed in March 15th, have no mistakes. We were the hottest club in the fucking country and I was part of it. And Jeff completed that family. Just because he played the piano, nobody looked down on him. If you ever said anything to Jeff, I think you'd have eight guys on top of you punching the fuck out of you. And I know me and Rogan will be two of those fucking guys, because that's how much we love Jeff. Jeff was that special. I can't even imagine doing comedy now with another different piano player, because he was there. He was my comfort. You know, when

these idiots get on a plane with a fucking Chihuahua with one eye that's big and like a tooth missing, he's my comfort animal. Comfort? That's the ugliest fucking animal I've ever seen in your life. He can only bring comfort to a witch, that fucking thing. He brought comfort to us. Yeah, he brought comfort to us as a comic. So now I look at the store and I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ, this is really not going to happen because he was the fucking heart and soul of that place. I mean, I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you. Bill Burr was a big part of it. Ali Wong was a big part of it. Rogan, thank God, you know, Deli and his heyday, a lot of people came to see him, you know, but Jeff Scott made it all fit. I don't know how if I could explain that to you. When I

go to other comedy clubs in the country, that's just a DJ. And that's what the kid does. And none of the 10, no disrespect any of you guys. You're as dumb as fuck. If Joey Diaz is a white audience, why are you playing Earth, Wind and Fire? You know what I'm saying? Because they're so used to many African American actors. I'm not ashamed of a pistol or fat or anything. But they would not, they don't even have common sense. You know, you see a bunch of white people coming in for fucking John Mulaney, and they got like the worst rap music on the back, like, give me your tits, give me your tits. Yeah, sometimes they come to me and they're like, and I would tell them after the first night, knock it off, all sabotaged, they're getting sat down. As they're sitting down,

it's Sabbath, that real Smith, let it skin it. None of that fucking why you should know fucking rigatone. Don't get me in a bad fucking mood that rigatone shit drives me. Well, that shit drives me fucking crazy. It drives me fucking crazy. But no, I don't, this, this debt really fucked a lot of people up today. I've gotten over 20 calls on it today. People that have been gone from the store for 10 years and over call today, one guy called crime, a dear friend of mine, he moved back to Boston 10, 12 years ago. He was like, Jeff used to give me piano lessons. I used to go to his house and he'd give me piano lessons for $20 an hour and shit like that. Jeff helped so many of us that it was fucking, it was mind boggling, man. So, you know, I love Peter Schur, you know, I love

the store, I love everything about it, but this is just one more step of me telling me this, the store will never come back because he was such an integral part of that fucking place. I don't know if he could anybody else could ever take over those shoes. They had another piano guy who was a cool guy. He was kind of a pain in the ass. This guy, I tell you what he did one time, hysterical, you know, you could tell the guy was in need of pussy, right? So what did he do? He went for the pussy 101 manual. He went and adopted a dog because you know when you adopt a dog, women will talk to you. Oh, it's so kind of you. You saved the dog. He saved the ugliest dog you ever seen in your fucking life. I remember pulling them all one night and going, let me talk to you about something.

You haven't gotten pussy in two years. You got a chance to save a good dog. You saved the ugliest fucking dog in the world and now no chicks want to talk to you, you dumb fuck. He only worked on Sunday nights. So I only had to put him on Sundays or Mondays. I forget he worked on an off night. Jeff worked all the other nights. What I'm trying to say is rest in peace, Jeff. Thank you. Thank you for all those late nights of being there till 2, 2, 3 in the morning. Thank you for fucking recommending that music to me. I mean, and I looked at him and I go, why BT Express? I mean, I love this song. I fucking grew up on that jam when I come on and do it, do it, do it to your satisfied, whatever it is. That's a fucking jam. I go, what makes you think of this song? He goes,

I don't know. I heard it the other day and I just thought about you. I thought that you would come on and kill to it. So rest in peace, Jeff Scott. All your years and all your service were appreciated, especially by me. There was a lot of nights I walked in there. I had my anxiety. I had all my other problems going on and just seeing your kind smile and give me a hug and me grabbing your ass would be worth the trip. If any fellow comics watch this, you guys know exactly what I'm talking about, what Jeff meant to us. So thank you, Jeff Scott. Rest in peace and say a little mitzy for me. And I'm sure with this shitty heart, I'll see you in a couple years and shit if I fucking don't keep lifting weights. And that's it. And that's that, brothers and sisters.

My leg's starting to hurt. So thank you very much for being patient with me. You know, I'm waiting on Ozzy's Boneyard date still. Thank you for supporting me, you guys. They played the show 10 times because of you motherfuckers. They were supposed to play five times. That's how much support you motherfuckers gave me. So I don't know what to tell you, motherfuckers. You know, I'm sorry about last week. I'm sorry about, you know, the pain we're in. It's like a country in a way. What happened last week and the whole thing, I ain't mad at nobody. I'm not gonna criticize anybody. When you see a thousand people walking into the White House, that means anybody could do it at any time. You know, so all I gotta do is come up with 200

yahoos and I could go through the fucking White House. I would have made a call and I would have had snipers out there. I would have made a point, Jack. Start picking these motherfuckers off. So nobody ever thinks of fucking doing this again. Nobody ever thinks of doing this shit again. And I'm not political, but that's the fucking White House. There has to be some respect. That's the capital of our fucking country. There has to be some respect at some fucking angle here. All those animals walking up the stairs. They were trying to rape Nancy Pelosi. She got nice titties and shit, but Nancy Pelosi isn't fucking rapeable. She got nice titties. You ever see those things? Those things are banging. That bitch makes 25 million dollars a year.

Her feet ain't crooked or anything. I saw her feet once. Her toenails are done. She's still slinging closely to Nancy Pelosi. The hair's done. She don't give a fuck, Nancy Pelosi. She's on 60 minutes Sunday night. I'm like, look at those titties on Nancy Pelosi. She ain't fucking around. She's 82. Those things are harder than that. There's 22-year-old chicks that wish they had Nancy Pelosi's titties. I love you guys. Thank you very much for supporting me. Thank you. I'm sorry about being late with the podcast. We'll be back on Wednesday. Weddy Rock, Tip Top, Magoo. Thank you for all the support. And I'll see you on Patreon, Facebook. I'm all over the place. I'm like dog shit. I'm everywhere. So thank you very much. If you're on Patreon, enjoy the album

of the week. You know, we're making it happen over there. Three, five, and ten dollars. What the fuck? Even Netflix is 17. And what are you going to do? Watch fucking. They got 80 shows about Pablo Escobar. That's what I want to pay for. 80 shows about Pablo Escobar. Don't fuck yourself. I love you guys. Have a great day. Thank you for waiting on me. This is because of you. I look good. I'm healthy. I sound good. It's because of the chance you guys gave me. You know, I wasn't going to let it down. I've been taking care of myself. So we're going to have a great fucking year together. Uncle Vinny dates are going to go up for February and March. I'll let my Patreon people know first. And I'll put the dates on Twitter. And that's it. And that's that. I love you guys. Have a great day.

Thank you for everything. And rest in peace, Jeff Scott. You'll be missed. You were loved. And you were appreciated. Trust me when I'm telling you. Thank you. Enjoy the ads, cocksuckers. All right. I want to thank you guys. I'm sorry about having the podcast on Tuesday. The surgery slowed me down. I wanted to come in here, tip top my goo and not give you a fucking bullshit. But before I get out of here, let's talk a little bit. This weekend is the playoffs. All right. You got two or three games on Saturday, two or three on Sunday. I don't know. I think it's two, but it doesn't fucking matter. What you have on Saturday and Sunday is fucking action. What do you got tonight? Action, college basketball, pro basketball. This is the season to be jolly. And

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