Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #030 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about forgiveness. This episode is brought to you DraftKings, Blue Chew & Stamps.com...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.bluechew.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.stamps.com and enter Code: JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from podcastville. It's Thursday, the 14th of January. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Listen, the party starts tonight. It starts tonight. You got a TNT double header, plus I got two games that the Lions don't even look good on them. Take a look at the Lions of the Indy, Portland, NBA game, and the Miami Philly NBA game. The Lions don't look right. Right there, I go to DraftKings. That's where the action starts. Sports are in full swing. There's no shortage of fucking action. You got a UFC card this weekend, I think. UFC Fight Island 7. I mean, come on. And this is the best place to get it on it. DraftKings, America's top rated sports book. If you haven't tried them yet, what the fuck are you waiting for? To celebrate the NFL playoffs, DraftKings is giving all new players a great offer. This weekend, bet on any football game at 100 to 1 odds. Joey, what are you saying? Bet any of the four football games at 100 to 1 odds. That's right. All you got to do is bet a dollar on any football game this weekend for a chance to win 100 bucks. Plus, basketball season is fucking on fire. They don't have their fucking lines right, and you're sitting there talking about fucking, you know.

Are the Eagles going on tour this summer? Who gives a fuck? I'm looking to make money tonight, cock sucker. You got Indy Portland, Miami Philly. Go to DraftKings. Download the top rated sports book app right now. It's safe, secure, reliable, and it's your fucking money. Deposit and withdraw at your convenience right now, today, before anything. Let's get the action started tonight, Thursday night. Download the top rated DraftKings sports book app now. Use promo code Joey, J-O-E-Y, when you sign up to get 100 to 1 odds on any football game this weekend. That's code Joey for new players to get a shot at any, at 100 dollars on any football action this weekend. For a limited time only at DraftKings sports book. But the party starts tonight. Like I said, you got some weak lines on Indy Portland, Miami Philly.

Go make some money. There's a parlay in there for you. I can't give it to you. Go to a friend who knows NBA. So right now, here's the part the lawyers make me fucking say. Right, Indiana, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Tennessee, Colorado, restrictions apply. See DraftKings.com slash sports book for details. Now, if you got a gambling problem, I don't want to kiss a debt around. There's help for you. Call 1-800-GAMBLER and if you're in Indiana, call 1-800-9 with it. But if you're solid, you're grounded, you ready to make some fucking Geetus? Download the DraftKings sports book app. Use code Joey and cash in on this deal.

The joint is also brought to you by Blue Choo. It's the second week of January and you're still single. Scratching your head. Where do I go? Do I go to Tendo? No matter if you show up, whatever site you show up, you better have a big dick on a nice attitude and I'm going to help you. I can't help you with the attitude, but I can help you with the hard dick. Blue Choo. It's the first chewable dick pill. Same FDA approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. This is the shit you buy from some fucking bum at a fucking liquor store and next thing you know, your hand goes numb while you're trying to whack off.

Blue Choo is prescribed online by licensed physicians, so you don't have to go to the doctor's office or wait in line at a pharmacy. Right now they got a special offer for the joint family. You ready? Grab a pen. Visit bluechoo.com. That's blue, B-L-U-E, chew.com. And your first shipment is free when you're pressing code Joey. Just pay the five hours for shipping. And again, that's blue. Like the color of that vein in your dick when you show up at a house and play the bundles on a fucking head. Bluechoo.com. Use code Joey and I want to thank them for continuing to sponsor the joint. The joint is also brought to you by stamps.com.

Listen, I've been with stamps.com for close to 10 years now. The thing you learned in 2020 is that the internet is even more often than when we thought. You could do everything on there. Groceries, movies, doctor visits. And of course, going to the post office online with stamps.com. They save your time, money, energy, you know. Stamp.com is a lot of businesses of all sizes to do all their mailing and shipping right from their computer. No need to leave their home or office. That's it. They pick them right up here. They save small businesses, thousands of hours and tons of money.

And now they could do the same for you. My wife uses them to send out sweatshirts and whatnot. Tremendous. You put them right out and the mailman picks them up. It's that easy. Guys, stamps.com is a no brain, especially now. Because I'm saving you time, money, and fucking. I'm keeping you healthy. Make 2021 the year that you stop wasting time going to the post office. Go to stamps.com instead. There's no risk. With my code Joey, you're going to get a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. It's easy.

Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and press in Joey, J-O-E-Y. Go to stamps.com, press in Joey, and never go to a post office again. I want to thank stamps.com. I want to thank Grapkings. I want to thank Bluechew. Now let's get this motherfucking party started. Who's better than you? Nobody. Hey, look who it is. What's happening? Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Thursday, the 14th of January.

You're always fucking almost mid-month already. I'm looking good. I'm feeling good. Thank you for all the well wishes. The surgery went great. Physical therapy, that's a different story. My buttocks are sore. You understand me? You're looking at me like Joey. What are you talking about? Your buttocks are sore. Well, let's say you get raped by five dudes. Your asshole is sore, right? My buttocks are sore. I have nothing wrong with my asshole. It's my buttocks. My buttocks. I am 58 years old and my buttocks have never been fucking sore before in their life. You understand me? So there's a problem right now.

I know I must sound a little gay to you guys right now by even saying that. You've never hit you guys. Nobody has ever came up to you and said, you know what? My buttocks hurt today. Well, my buttocks fucking hurt today, cocksuckers. I'll tell you that much. But everything's going great. I took my first post-surgical shit. I almost fainted in the bathroom when the fudge was coming out of my ass. And then once it stopped, it wouldn't stop. I've been trying to shit for three fucking days. Once they start shooting you with the ladders and vicarins and liquid milkshakes and voodoo mixes, that fucks your stomach up. Yeah, the pain goes away.

But in a couple of days, you're going to have to pay for that fucking pain. I paid for it today. Because it took me four days to shit. It was like I was a snitch. You had to smack me 10 times. You had to smack me twice to talk and 20 times to shut the fuck up. I couldn't stop shit. And I must have took four uncontrollable fucking tremendous shits. But that means the surgery was a success. You understand me? I got all that fucking toxin on me, all that mumbo jumbo. And it happened after, you know why it happened? Because when the physical therapist came, we were just walking in here and I go, let's take a walk outside. And I made a walk on.

And she's like, where are we going? She's Filipino sweetheart of a lady. She goes, where do we go? I go, we're going up. The sun is out. Let's get some vitamin D. Everybody needs some vitamin D. And I had my little old man stroller just going jack stone to the gills, getting a little vitamin D doing my thing. And it was great. So now I got physical therapy tomorrow and physical therapy on Sunday. I get the stitches taken out on motherfucking Monday. And with all of, then I switch physical therapies.

I drive to a physical therapist. One of the kids I grew up with is tremendous down here. And then hopefully by then I'll be lifting some weights lightly. And then hopefully by then we're on stage training for the fucking summer. That's the plan, Stan. Did a little writing in the book today. Did a little writing in the book yesterday. I already ran into my first snag, even though I outlined it. Even though I outlined it, I wrote two paragraphs too much. It took my chin down for a couple hours.

And then I said, fuck it, race and write it again. That's what I did. And I'm better now. That's what happened. But I want to talk to you about a few things and I'll get you out of here. I know it's Thursday. You're like, Joey, who drops a podcast on Thursday? My mind is on different things. Fuck it. It's Thursday. I want to slow you down a little bit. Bill Burdrop says, Monday morning podcast on Thursday or whatever, Thursday morning podcast on Thursday. So fuck it. We're not really off the grid. We're just a little late, you know what I'm saying?

But I want to talk to you about something just to get it out there and get it out in the air and the whole fucking deal. Because I don't know if you people understand the feeling. I don't know if you understand feelings. I don't know if you've ever thought about somebody else's feelings when something's going on. I got locked up in 88. I got out in 89. No big deal. It didn't kill me. I didn't get raped. I had a good time in prison. I found out who and what I was made of and what I didn't want to do anymore was go back to prison. All that's great. But something happens when you come out of prison, okay?

Your mental takes over you a certain way and it starts with your mind playing tricks on you. I told you guys, I like that semi-hard attack on the 21st of August, but I didn't go to the doctor. My chest cave hurt for a few days. Yeah, it was a fucking mild heart attack. I don't know what it's got to do with this shit, but for a few days after that I had residual pain and whatever. I didn't know what was going on. Once the pain went away, I was fine. This is what's going on now. I realize after the stress test and echocardium, I'm fine. It was all in my mind. Your mind has a weird way of playing with you.

When I went to get the evaluation on my right knee, the doctor goes, the weird thing is your left knee is in worse shape. As soon as I walked out of the doctor, I went to the car. The left knee started hurting. That's what your mind does to you. Your mind plays tricks on you. How many of you used to check your temperature eight times a day during COVID because you feel something? Your mind plays tricks on you. One of the things your mind plays tricks on you is that it makes you think. Me, Joe Diaz, that everybody in this room knows I just got out of prison. When you walk into a supermarket, it makes me think that everybody in that supermarket found out I went to prison.

It's just this weird little thing that you have for a few months and it feels terrible. Now, you're talking to a guy who didn't really give a fuck what people got to say about me. If you don't have the balls to say it to my face, then what good is it? Right or wrong? It didn't really bother me as much as it would bother me, but I would say, wow, it doesn't bother me as much. But there's people that had just been to prison the first time. I wonder how it bothers them. It's not your mind after a while. Then you start to feel it. For me, it was more during county jail when I got arrested for the actual robbery and I sat a month in jail. Two newspaper articles came out about the incident. One came out Wednesday after the Tuesday, but it didn't have my name on it.

And then one came out maybe a week later with that, the third party. I've been arrested. His name was Joey Diaz. He got charged with everything. He got charged with... In my mind, that bolder paper was the New York Times. So do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? It just fucked me to pieces. Nobody would hide me. The Bill Crow Subaru wouldn't hide me. Nobody would hide me. But there's one guy named Bob Wheeler hiding me. He was from Detroit, Michigan, from Dearborn, tough white dude. He just liked the way I sell. He basically trained me at Bill Crow Subaru, how to be a fucking killer. So he had gone to a store in Longmont, Colorado, and since nobody else would hide me in the bolder area, he hired me.

He got me a demo to get there every day. He did everything I could. Everything I could. I will never forget him, even though he's lost gone. His children still messaged me on Facebook from time to time. Great kids. I knew he was going to raise great kids because he was a great guy himself. But let me tell you some circumstances that happened. You know, while I was working for him, there were white dudes in the Ford store, whatever they sold at that time. We sold a Longmont Subaru Nissan and something else. There were guys in a Nissan store that wouldn't come over to the Subaru store because I was working there. Nah, I hadn't done anything that bad. These are the same people that were snorting coke, buying coke from the same dealers and everything.

But they wouldn't come over here because they were offended that I had gotten a job there. I don't know if you guys ever knew about this, but let's go through it. And it's got a great payday to the end of this. So he just got a lot of heat every day, you know, and he would tell them to go fuck himself. That's my dog Joey. And I ended up working there for 30 days. And I'll tell you what, my mind was so confused with the court case and everything else that was going on. I wasn't the salesman that I was. It was like what happened to me after the move here. I wasn't the same comic. I wasn't the same podcaster.

I wasn't, I wasn't the same. A lot of things. And after 30 days, you pulled me aside. I was like, look at the owners. They're getting a lot of grief. I'm going to give you a month's salary. You know, take some time to yourself. Go figure something else out. You know, and he took really good care of me financially and he sold my girlfriend a car at cost. And that was the only car I sold. I called to my girlfriend. I got a gimmie. It was a lot of deal. And, you know, he called me every day to check on me. How was I doing? What was going on? And then he decided to get married. And he invited me to the wedding. And after a few weeks or something, I just heard rumblings that a lot of people had told them

that I was going to the wedding. They weren't going to the wedding. And do you know what his answer was? Then go fuck yourself. Don't even give me a fucking gift, you know? And by this time I'd gotten out and he was still getting heat about me. And I'll never forget that I went to him like a man and I go, Jim, I'm pissing off like six or seven people over a wedding. I don't want to do that, you know? Let me just give you an envelope. We're best friends. You and I both know that I love you and I love your wife. I love your son, the bump. He already had the bump. And he goes, no, that's not all right.

He goes, you did a crime. You reported to the judge and you did your time. You did what you had to do for society to come clean. And in my book, and this guy was a white dude. He had never been to jail. This guy wasn't a criminal. He was a regular normal guy just like you guys. Nice people who go to work month to month. He told me that. He goes, you paid you to do the society. Now it's your job to become a contributing member of the society. So don't be ashamed about them. They're the ones that have a problem. You don't have a problem. You did what you were supposed to do.

So what? You fucked up what they never fucked up. He goes, now they fucked up with me because they can never talk to me again. He goes, don't ever be ashamed about what you did. You did it. You did your time and you moved the fuck on. Now, why are we talking about this joy? Why are we going through this fucking beat? I'm going to tell you why, because till this day, from time to time, I still remember how I felt those couple of months when people didn't understand that what I'd done was a mistake. I mean, I had people turn their back on me that I went to the houses to eat.

I played with their children. They knew what I was about. I could understand, listen, when we started the church, I came right out and told you about the kidnapping because I didn't want you to find out about it three years in. I wanted you to find out from the beginning so you knew who the fuck I was, so to be no misunderstandings. I'm not here to bullshit nobody. I don't give a fuck about what your opinion is. I don't know what your life is and you don't know what my life is, so who the fuck are we to criticize one another?

I just said it to get it out of the way. And I talked about all my other crimes. To get them out of the way is a matter of fact some of them are horrific crimes and we made them funny, you know, we made them a little funny or whatever. Am I supposed to still feel guilty? No. No. I did it. I moved on and here we are today in 2021. Now, I'll never forget how I felt those few months though, that these were people that broke bread with me. These are people that I'd see at barbecues.

These are people that I'd see around Boulder and talk to. And it was really, because after that I started calculating, okay, how many other people are not going to talk to me and who is going to talk to me. And it was very interesting who stayed my best friend and who went away and it was, I was completely wrong on who was going to stay and who was going to leave. So how's that for you? I had no fucking idea who my friends were. It didn't matter to me, everything worked out, I got them to stand up, blah blah blah blah blah, and boom, we moved the fuck on. But I never forgot. I never forgot about this.

This last March, let's just say January, some girl decides to get up one day and contact a newspaper and say that some guy was sending her text messages and she was underage or whatever. And it sparked articles and newspapers and it sparked art rage amongst the comedy community and that's fine. It was the initial hit, you know. Yesterday my man, Siren Z, he does, what's his name? Sirens, cool motherfucker, love him to death, makes me laugh. Even though sometimes he talks shit about me, I still laugh because what he's saying is with a smile on his face.

He has no hatred in his heart. He's just reporting what he said. But yesterday he put up a video that I would have knocked down Chris Delia, which it was put up by a producer to get hits. I did not call out Delia, I did not say anything wrong about Delia. What I said was who I was keeping in touch with and who I'm still friends with, Bert, Tom. Today I talked to Eddie Bravo, he was the funniest. He goes, Joey, I saw the pictures of your stitches in the paper and into that he goes, how long was the surgery? I go, four hours. He goes, that's a lot of fucking stitches.

He goes, were you up for it? I go, oh yeah, yeah, they gave me a gram of coke and I fucking talked it out with the doctor. I told him what to cut, what not to cut. I go, yeah Eddie, they put me to fucking live. When did they leave me awake like that for fucking 100 stitches? Yeah, just to give my grandma coke, we'll work out the rest. I'm just sitting there, move that toe. The fuck is wrong with people. I told everybody, I talked to Eddie, I talked to Lee, and I checked him with Delia from time to time. And the reason why I checked with Delia from time to time is now I'm going to tell you my story and you could decide on what the fuck you want to do with it.

I went back to the store in 2013. I had never met Chris Delia before that. I'd seen him a couple of times at the Life Factory with Dane Cook and the improv. Fucking very funny, very energetic, always had two broads with him. Alright, not one, but two, loved it. Good looking girls. You know, they looked of age. I don't know what age looks like, but these girls looked of age. They were drinking, whatever. Over the years we became tighter at the store. I'd see him at the store. I'd have to follow him. It was like following a fucking hurricane. But I did it. I didn't give a fuck. Sometimes I ate a bag of shit, but I always talked to him.

I always gave him love. I always winked at him before I went on stage. I never did a lunch with him. I never had a dinner with him. But while we were at the county store together, we did talk. We had some interesting conversations about touring and whatnot. And once he got his girlfriend, he stopped bringing girls around. So I would see him and I'd go, come here for a second. What are we, fucking, switching governments? What did you become gay all of a sudden? Where's the broads? Every night, that was part of me going down there to see the two broads Delia was going to show up with.

It was fucking great. Once he got the girlfriend, he fell in love, he got serious. And there wasn't two broads anymore. So I didn't see nothing for three or four years, two, three years. And all of a sudden, I'm seeing this friend, who I call a friend of mine, getting bombarded with all this shit. But I also saw the next day, when he got the other end of the emails to protect themselves and whatnot, that people didn't want to see him. He had already been convicted, judged, and executed by a bunch of people that had the power, not even to do that. You don't have the power to do that. Now, let's take, like I said before on this podcast a thousand times, let's take our boy, Ron Jeremy. I know Ron Jeremy is a porno guy. Do I watch pornos? No, I work to command the video and captain video in Aspen in 83 and 84.

And people, I had two rows with porno section and women and guys always come in and say, if I had any, Ron Jeremy tapes. And one day I finally threw him in and I'm like, who's this fucking greasy bastard? And that's all I knew around Jeremy. And one day I moved to Outland, I saw him at Bank of America. Can I run up to him and say hello? No, I don't give a fuck. He's probably got fucking sticky hands from sperm and fucking dirty pussy and shit. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't say hello to the guy. Then I start seeing him at the fucking store. Okay. And he says, hello, goodbye. How you doing? Whatever. I don't see him again. Then one day I do a podcast with the pimp from Vegas and he shows up with him. And he plays the harmonica and I got a kick out of him. I got a kick out of Ron Jeremy. I didn't know what his life was about.

And it's not like I took a picture. I need to take a picture and post it. No, I just knew Ron Jeremy. He was a nice guy. That's it. And one day I'm reading about all these allegations against Brian, against Chris, everybody and their mother. And Ron Jeremy gets arrested for rape and they got him. And I didn't know anything about Ron. But again, from going to Jiu Jitsu, I have two dear Jiu Jitsu friends that are involved in the point of business. So I asked them arrived Ron Jeremy and boy, did they have a mouthful to tell me. And you know what? After about a week, I made a constant decision. I didn't want any problems, no company, no sponsor told me I did it. Because I'm not comfortable with rape. I took the podcast that he was on down. It wasn't Lee. It wasn't Drap Kings. It wasn't CBD lion. I did it. I did it. Because it's rape. Okay. It's a complete different fucking thing.

Now I got Callan was on my podcast a few times. Did he get convicted of rape? No. If you guys are hating them already as a rapist, I don't see the conviction. I don't see the paperwork. I don't see fucking anything. But from my side, I got to see something. I don't know what's going on there. I haven't heard from Brian in three weeks. I spoke to Sam and he keeps me going with what's going on in LA right now. I do check in with Chris. We spoke Christmas week. We spoke New Year's and New Year's I unleashed. I said, brother, that's it. It's enough of fucking wait. You know, it's enough of we aren't you sick and just standing there and having people point their fingers at you. You're my brother. I hate to see you fucking hurt. Start this podcast. Tell your story. That's what I said. I said, tell your story and start this podcast. And the quicker you tell the story and the quicker you start this podcast, it's going to take you six months to a year.

It took Louis C.K. a couple of years to get his footing back. You know, I'm not mad at Louis C.K. He took his dick out and showed it to a couple of fucking broads. What do you want from me? I wasn't in the room and neither were you. You know, when did you read any of these Brian Callan? Were you there when Brian raped anybody? Or supposedly forced himself on these women? Were you? Me neither. You know, as far as Brian Callan is concerned, Chris Delia is concerned. I have a kid. I have a wife and, what, 60% of my best friends are women? From Felicia, to Kate Quigley, to Lisa Tizio, to Lisa Gallo. All over the place I have girls out of my friends here that were best friends. I wouldn't be happy with somebody texting them when they were under age.

But there is a thing called a mistake. And I know Chris Delia. I know Chris. I know where his heart is, you know. And I can tell you that this doesn't sound like the Chris I know. So because of that reason, was why I was applauding him and why I was trying to give him a lift. And let's pretend, let's pretend for the sake of argument that Chris did send a fucking tweet to a fucking girl. Guys, there's a lot of crazy people on the internet. There's a lot of crazy women on the internet that have a lot of shit to say. I'm 58 and I look at it and go, whoa, that's a little too real for me. But I've seen some shit on the internet from some young girls that are just crazy. We all have. We don't know what a 16-year-old girl looks like with a 17-year-old girl or 18-fucking-year-old girl. I know for a fact that one of the fucking happiest days of my life was when I read that Ray Don Chong admitted that she fucked Mick Jagger.

When she was 15 or 16 and was not mad at him, you know, Felicia used to have a friend that forget what her name was, real pretty girl. And she used to tell me stories about her growing up in the valley and walking down Laurel Canyon to the clubs and being 15 and 16 and hooking up with fucking musicians. And nobody was throwing nobody under the bus. Again, that's not my daughter. That's not what I'm raising to be. This was something that was, you know, it's a 16-year-old girl, a guy smiles at her, she gets attention, whatever. I don't think it's right. I don't agree with it. But again, I don't think Chris Dali is one of these guys. And that's just me talking out of here. And I may be a criminal and I may be a lot of things, but you guys got to remember something. I spent time in jail. I spent time around murderous. I spent time around bank robbers. I spent time around rapists. I spent time around child molesters. I did not hang with them. I got to look at them and I got to study them like an animal in a fucking circus.

You know, you go to a zoo and you sit down and you stop and you look at the whole fucking giraffe exhibit and you see that maybe the one giraffe might have a teddy bear or whatever. You know, I got to look at all these guys every day. And there's a couple things I can tell you from that fucking thing. Chris Dali didn't do anything wrong and Ralphie May is not a rapist. When somebody accused Ralphie May, I went off the fucking deep end because I know a rapist. A rapist has a different beat than a crackhead, has a different beat than what I was, a fucking robber. I was a plain day robber, a burglar, a fucking, you know, so they all have a different beat. So I know the beat of a rapist. I know the beat of a guy that really indulges in little fucking girls. You know, you don't know what goes out there in Hollywood. You don't know the girls that just go out there and don't know.

You know, I watched, I saw fucking Paris Hilton on fucking Letterman telling stories. She used to sneak out of her window when she was 15 in New York to go out and see fucking men. Those motherfuckers should be shot now. They knew she was 15, but that's not what I'm here to do. I'm just trying to explain to you what I see so happened to a friend that this didn't deserve to happen. You want to kick him off the fucking movie, kick him off the fucking movie. You wanted to kick him off a TV show, whatever, kick him off the TV show. But this was not warranted by this guy. This guy came back. This guy came back, Chris Delia, and tried to show you other tweets that he had received, but nobody wanted to see them.

You guys didn't give him a chance to protect themselves. How would you like it if that was you? Would you like that if I didn't give you your chance to open up your mouth and say, hey, this is what really fucking happened? Soon as they fucking came at me with some bullshit about 20 years ago, I opened up my fucking mouth because you ain't taken it away from me. Don't work too hard for this, you fucking dummies. You're worried about a girl who sucked my dick, but you don't give a fuck about a guy that was in the trunk of a car. Go fuck yourself. Your priorities are all fucking wrong. If you hit me up tomorrow and say I'm not listening to you because you kidnapped a guy in 88, I'd accept that.

But don't say to me that, oh, Joe Rogan laughed at your joke so he's guilty, really. There was just a bunch of stupidity at that time that we look back on now and you could address and go, what the fuck were these people talking about? What were they talking about? Yeah. So how the fuck are you going to fucking sit there and be mad at whatever the fuck? Listen, Chris Dalia, if you're watching this, brother, I love you. I got your back. It's time for you to fucking start your little podcast, tell your story, let them throw eggs at you. Let them throw eggs at you and let them do whatever the fuck they want. And you're going to go through it and then you're going to win because you're going to hold your fucking ground.

In this business now, you got to hold your ground. They're going to come after you every week for something you did 82 years ago and I'm not going to go for it in either of you. You wouldn't like it if it happened to you. If somebody came after you over in action, you did 20, 30 fucking years ago. So when Cyan said that the other day, a lot of people in the comments said, I don't know what you're thinking. Joey's giving them light, you know, and we laughed, we giggled. I didn't leave a comment, but that's the truth, brother. I was just trying to give him fucking light. I don't like what's been done to him.

And you know what? The LA Times is one thing, you know, I understand Hollywood movies. I understand sponsors on a podcast, but when your own are turning you into the fucking wolves. That's what pisses me to fuck off. That's when I that this and every time I see somebody make a remark towards Chris or something, I send them a message. Hey, man, how you holding up? How you keeping the channel? Don't fucking listen to those fucking guys. They're all going to have a day. Hey, this is part of being a friend. This is what friendship entails. You got to pick a side sometimes.

You got to pick a fucking side. If he was to stab four people and kill a grandmother, do you think I'd be checking up on him? No. But this is a story of he said, she said, nobody real. There's one world who said he took his dick out and Cleveland, whatever. Crystal Lee is a good dude. You know what I'm saying? He's a very handsome dude. There's a lot of things he doesn't need to do to attract fucking women. I'm not calling them liars. I'm not saying nothing. I'm just telling you from all the facts I've gathered as a human being, as a criminal, and as a comic.

Crystal Lee is OK by my eyes. So you guys want to keep fucking throwing fucking sand on him and burying him? Fuck you. What do you want me to tell him to go and hide? Fuck you. You don't hide from fucking nobody. If we did it, we did it. We stand up and we tell our explanation and why we did it. And that's it. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself. If you can live with it, you live with it. Listen, let me tell you a very fucking story, a very special story, OK?

I love animals. I don't know. When I was about four, I became enamored with animals. And then when I was about six, I saw Juan throw a beat on a guy. For an animal, I got the whole underculture of the Cuban dogs. Why you don't have dogs in Cuba? Because they're protected by St. Lazaro and all this shit. That's all great and dandy. But I still want to abuse dog ones.

I saw some kids when I was a kid, like fucking a dog that was burnt. And I remember how my stomach felt. And I remember that between you and I, I was too much of a pussy to go back and hit him when I had with a fucking brick. But thinking about it today in the third grade, this happened in 1973 in New York City, like on Riverside Drive. If I would have had the balls I had today, I should have hit those kids with a brick in their head and fucking smashed their heads for lighting this dog's tail on fire or some shit. I was so pissed at myself that night. So I've never been happy on dog, cat abuse, animal abuse.

Listen, I get it. I get it that you buy a dog and also your wife gets pregnant and she's scared of that breed of dog. You've got to get rid of them. I get all that. And you take them down to a shelter. I don't get you leaving them on a post and leaving them outside. I don't get you fucking tying them to some fucking street or moving and leaving them in the backyard. That's not cool in my world and that's animal abuse. And in my neighborhood, that's a fucking, those charges to get beat up. Like people in my neighborhood beat you up or that.

Not me. I just mind my business. But what I'm trying to say to you is when I was a kid, I saw all these guys burn that dog and I heard him cry. And until this day, you know, I'm a fucking piece of shit for not going back and hitting one of those kids in the head with a fucking brick. But that's not the story. The story was 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 15 years ago, Michael Vick gets in trouble for the fucking dogs. Right away, I go fucking ass silent about Michael Vick. It's dogs. There's no excuse. I read a few of the articles. There's no fucking excuse.

But I wanted to see. I wanted to see the hand he was going to play, you know, and he took his lumps. He took his salary loss. He paid his fines. He did his time. And he talks to people now about dog fighting and the dangers of and he inspires and whatnot. Now, what am I supposed to do? What is a guy like me supposed to do? Do I get on Facebook and Twitter and say, fuck Michael Vick. Don't let him get into the Hall of Fame because 10 years ago, I read what he did.

He electrocuted the dogs. I read, drowned them. I read all that stuff. But now, what does this put me? So I really, really, really had to think about this. Like, where does this put me as a human being? Am I going to be a hypocrite and sign this petition and not let him make the Hall of Fame? Let me just think about this. Let me just think about this.

I prayed on it and I thought about it, believe it or not. And it's like, how can I not? Because a crime is a crime. Rape, kidnapping, dog abuse, child abuse. A crime is a crime. The extent of a crime is, you know, however you consider it. But in my world, a crime is a fucking crime, okay? Killing dogs, you know, this is America.

White people with sandals, love dead dogs, you're going under the prison for a while. I was mad at Michael Vick, you know, as a personal person, you know, not that I would state it or whatever. But he did his time. He paid his fines. You know, I haven't heard any more involvement with fucking dogs or Michael Vick, you know. So in my heart, because I was forgiven by people after I did what I did. What I did was no, you know, we goof around in here. It's a joke. But what I did was also a crime.

So how can I not forgive Michael Vick on a personal level if people forgave me? And most importantly, I forgave myself. What I did was I started watching whatever Michael Vick, you know, does like the NFL network or something for somebody once in a while. And I just started watching him. I started looking at his eyes and watching him. And you know what, man? He was a young kid with an all the way down. They threw a ton of money at him.

You know, it's like taking a 25-year-old kid in Hollywood and throwing a bunch of money off to him. And let's see where this goes. You know, for some people, it's drugs. For some people, it's, you know, Charlie Sheen fucking 20 hookers and porno girls. For fucking Michael Vick, it was dogfighting. And that was his mistake. You know, I hope he's not doing it anymore. But I was forced to forgive Michael Vick.

Why? Because I was forgiven. How can I forgive everybody else? I was on Mike Tyson's podcast. Another guy that got convicted of rape. Convicted of rape. You ever see Mike Tyson on a fucking plane? It's like a party.

You ever see Mike Tyson walk through an airport? Everybody loves him because everybody felt it was a sham of a fucking call, this rape. You know, I've heard different stories about the rape and whatnot. They don't sound, they don't sound that damaging to me. It's not going to make me hate Mike Tyson or dislike Mike Tyson. I became friends with Mike Tyson maybe three, four years ago, talking little by little. I watched all his footage of you're going to fucking suck my dick. I'm going to eat you.

When he was yelling at the white announcer, what do you think of the things I say? You know, he's from Brooklyn. I'm from New York City, Jersey. I'm the same fucking type of madman. I say some crazy shit too. I have anger issues in my heart. You know, I was talking a few weeks ago, I'm 58. And that kid saved me because by now I would have shot like 20 of you fucking LA cops up.

But I can't do that. I can't do that. I got responsibilities to my daughter. I got responsibilities to myself and to you guys. So for me to walk the walk, I got to fuck. For me to talk the talk, I got to walk the walk. So I forgave Michael Vick. And now I feel a lot better about it.

I don't even know Michael Vick. I've never even met Michael Vick. That doesn't matter. I had to use it as how am I living my life? Who the fuck am I? Whatever. If you don't like Michael Vick, switch him. When Michael Vick comes on your channel, switch him.

If not, then don't fucking switch him. Then shut the fuck up. If you're still mad at Michael Vick, you never committed a crime. Everybody talks about being a Christian and forgiveness. Where's your forgiveness? Where's your forgiveness? I don't expect you to forgive Harvey Weinstein. I ain't forgiven that motherfucker.

And I ain't forgiven fucking the yoga guy, the hot yoga guy, whatever, Kishner, with his stinky fucking hummus balls, making stupid white girls suck his dick to learn fucking downward dog. How retarded are you? I'm not mad at these fucking guys. They have nothing to do with me. They have nothing to do with my world. But I also have to look at that felonious side.

And I was a felon at one time. And how much, how many breaks did people give me? I still remember all the people that didn't give me breaks as I was a felony. Shame on them. Shame on them. Didn't really get to know me. You know, like I said, if I came on here and go, welcome to the pilot, Uncle Joey's joint,

I just got a prison for doing kidnapping. I'm giving you the opportunity right there to either turn me on or keep me the fuck on. What do you want to do? You don't want to like me? You like me? Keep me on or turn me the fuck off. If from there you like me, then we're all the way in.

Don't come back at me three years from now and go, yeah, but you can't knock the guy. You knew that in the fucking beginning, stupid. That's why I couldn't believe that they came up with that thing. It's like that kid a couple of weeks ago that was robbing me on YouTube. So you're making copies. You're going to producers. You're calling people.

You're my biggest fan. I tell you, you can't rob me no more. Now you got secret videos of us doing coke in the studio in 2016. Oh. La fossa del destino. Anyway, I don't know what that means. It's the force of destiny. That's what that means.

Who the fuck am I kidding? I used to always know, I used to also know how to say that in German, but it's been a while since I watched that episode of fucking the odd couple. The same before. Yeah. I still talk to Delia and I'll still talk to Callan if he calls me until you come up with that fucking guilty plea on any of my fucking friends or you come up and you press charges, you have fucking charges.

Then I'll start looking into the case until then. I'm not believing you. I know these people. I don't know you. I don't know you. You could have came out anywhere and opened your mouth and tried to say this guy. This guy raped you 20 fucking years ago, 20 years ago. So in my world, listen, I always have to give people a second chance because I was given

a second chance and how would that, what type of person would it make me be if I didn't learn to give people a second chance or to even come to you people to give somebody a second chance of throwing a towel on them because I'm telling you this was not done correctly. And I asked questions, you know, let's be honest with each other three, four weeks after it all went down, I knew how he was feeling. Why? Because I had been there.

I reached out to him and I said, come by the office. Let's sit outside. I didn't call him to get a podcast out of him. I didn't call him to get the scoop review because I just wanted to talk to him, man. I wanted to talk to him because where I come from, here it is plain and simple. If you kill somebody, come to me. Tell me a story. Tell me the truth.

Don't miss a detail. Don't miss a detail. And I got you back 150%. You know what Chris Delia did? He came over. He spoke to me and he didn't miss a detail. I shook his hand. I gave him a hug.

I think I seen him once again after that. Never asked him about a podcast. Never said nothing. I just wanted to rap with him. Just wanted to rap with him just to see where he was at. I could tell from there and I could tell where the kid was at. He was brokenhearted and he's not worried about money. He didn't care about money.

He was brokenhearted because three quarters of the shit they were saying were bullshit. And the other quarter of the heart that he was brokenhearted about was how his friends turned on him. You know? A lot of people turned on me when I fucking got in trouble with Bella. A lot of people have turned on me in their lives. And you know what? At the end of the day sometimes I'm happy they did. I'm happy.

And that's what I told them. Be happy. You didn't want them around anyway. I'm happy they turned on them. Every other day I turn on the computer to somebody else fucking busting his balls about something. And I'm happy. I'm happy that you guys get to see what Hollywood is about and what people are about. And now you get to see what I'm about.

I'm an old school dog. Unless I see the blue paperwork with the charges, I don't give a fuck what you got to say. Or what you're going to tell me about 1983 or 1985. We were in acting class in 1993 and you didn't decide to call the cops then. And then you took his movie after they gave you a movie. You know what I'm saying? It's like my boy. They went that broke into the fucking White House.

They looked like the younger bunga man. And his mother. He's not eating. Yeah. He's not eating because they have no organic food. Hello. Once you broke the law you got no rights. You got to eat dog shit.

Fuck. If they give you a dog shit, poor boy, that's what you're eating. You know why I don't want to go back to jail? Because I ain't going to see that sleep apnea for three weeks. That sleep apnea machine, they don't give a fuck about. So if you walk into prison like, hi, here's my sleep apnea machine. They're going to go throw that in the fucking garbage. We don't give a fuck about your sleep apnea machine.

You should have thought about your sleep apnea machine before you walked up those fucking White House capital steps. Or before you put that dude in the trunk of a car. Or before you sold coke. Or before you fucking stabbed your wife. Or before you did any of those things. You should have thought about your organic diet behind jail. So he's not eating for five days because there's an organic diet. I don't even think there's vegan motherfucking diets in jail yet.

I know it's some of the nicer ones. You know, they'll give you a banana or a carrot or something like that. But I don't think they're even playing with the vegans. Once you go to prison, you lose all that shit. There's some prisons you don't even get a pillow at. You don't even get a pillow at. You just got a sheet of paper. It's a cold fucking bed.

And all night you're on your fucking arm. And every 20 minutes you got to switch fucking arms because your shoulders get fucking tight. And this guy's worried about organic food. If you were such a tough guy, you wouldn't be eating fucking organic food. Anyway, fuck nut. Breaking into the fucking White House. Then your mom is calling three weeks later. He's not eating. Who gives a fuck?

He should have thought about that before. They don't serve fucking smoothies in prison, bitch. Just sperm smoothies. Trust me, you'll love those. If you like a fucking, uh, the Brazilian bowls, wait till you take fucking fruit flavored sperm in prison. The brothers give that out. The nice white kids.

Tremendous fucking organic food in prison. Are you fucking retarded? This is the shit that, so you wanted to commit a crime, and now you're mad because they don't have organic. What do you think they got for breakfast, croissants in prison? You got a butted roll with an ant going through it. That's it. And you eat it and you bite the ant because you don't know when you're going to eat again.

You bite that ant because that ant is protein. You understand what I'm trying to say to you, motherfucker? But you can believe the times we're in. He's not eating because he needs an organic diet. I'm like, what the fuck are people thinking anymore? It's getting ugly out there, guys. But with this and that, we said what we came to fucking say today on a fucking Thursday morning. I'm not here to take up your whole morning.

I just wanted to talk to you about my situation with the surgery. Listen, guys, I did the surgery for my daughter so I could walk better in the years to come. We could live as a fucking family. I thought we would take this week off. I didn't want to say anything. It was going to be day to day with Mike. But you know what, man? Fuck that.

I knew that you guys needed me. I knew that you guys depend on me. If you're on Patreon, I gave you an extra Joey Diaz project this week just out of respect for covering for the fucking New Year's thing. Somebody sent me the tape. We found the link from New Year's instead. But it's all fucked up, so I don't know. I tried to send it to you. We could do something.

I was going to do some Chinese fucking video on there for you. Or me just letting you know. But it was two weeks ago. I give you another surprise this weekend, you never know. But yeah, I'm on Patreon. I gave you Uncle Joey's project today. Just a little thank you for understanding. And for everybody else, I'll take care of you my way also.

I don't want you to fucking think I'm beating you here for nothing. I'm pumping out content every day. And I'm here for you. Like I said on my Joey Diaz project, the emails have gotten so much better. So I know that your lives have gotten better. My life has gotten better. My stress levels have gotten down. My eyes have opened a little more.

I know where I'm going to be. The emails have gotten a lot better, guys. I'm so happy you're doing well. October, November, I was getting nothing but fucking bad emails. And I was answering them all, trying to take the steps of here. But we're here. And I gotta tell you, it's the second week of January. And I've been getting emails lately that are clean.

I mean, I'm getting like one out of eight emails. It was eight out of eight. We're all bad. And now I'm getting one out of eight. I'm feeling better. My dad's getting healthy. My mom's COVID went away. So thank you guys.

Thank you for paying attention. Thank you for writing the journals. Thank you for, you know, making your goals for 2021. These are all going to come in to help you. Okay. Like I said, no disrespect to my man, Zion Z. I love you to death. I love to smoke adjourn with you someday.

I think you're a blast. I love your giggle under when you, when you say shit about people, you have that little giggle and shit. And I fucking love it. Let me know in the comments. Yeah. Let me know below in the comments. That lets me know that you have no malice in your heart.

You're doing a great job and you got a hundred percent support from me. He lives off tips on that. So give him a tip on that. Give him a 10, give him a 20. He's got some interesting stuff to say, but that's it. And that's that. Like I said, I'm sorry about the surgical week. I'm a lot better than what I thought I would be to be honest with you.

And thank you for all the love and support. I want to thank draft kings this week. I want to thank stamps.com. I want to thank CBD lion. I want to thank zip recruiter. I want to thank blue chew. I want to thank on and all my sponsors. And I want to thank you guys for always having our backs.

Thank you very much. See you Monday. Nice and early. Tip top. Magoo ready to go. I love you guys. Thank you. All right.

Thank you again for listening on a Thursday. I'm sorry about this weekend. I had to fuck in the surgery and it was a whole week off. But you know, every day I'm getting stronger and better. Thank you for all the well wishes and you guys brought me back on your own with the love. But before we leave, I want to talk to you a little bit about stamps.com. Tremendous. My wife has been with them for 20 years, 10 years, whatever the fuck, 10 years.

Listen for t-shirts, cups. They're solid. You call the mailman. You leave the packages outside right by the mailbox and the mailman picks it up for you. It's that easy. One thing we learned in 2020 is that the internet is fucking awesome. It's more awesome than what we ever thought. You can order everything on that.

And of course you can go to the post office online with stamps.com. Stamps.com allows businesses of all sizes to do all their mailing and shipping right from their computer. No need to leave the house or office or home office. They've saved small businesses thousands of hours and tons of gear. And now you can save them to listen. My wife and I are the only things around. We got the kid. We don't have time to be going to post office back and forth standing on lines.

She prints all the labels right there. The shipping. It's tremendous. If you're not working with stamps.com, you're wasting a ton of time. Because, like I said, they bring the post office to you. Skip the line. You print the postage 24-7. Any letter, any size package going anywhere in the world right from your couch.

And the best part? Here it is. The mailman will come and pick it up like I told you. You also get great discounts. You get five cents off every first class stamp and up to 40% off priority mail. Plus, save up to 62% on UPS rates. Guys, stamps.com is an old brand. I'm telling you from the heart, especially now.

I don't care what size business you're in. You're going to save time and money. So make 2021 the year you stop wasting time going to the post office. And go to stamps.com instead. There's no risk with My Code Joey and get a special offer that includes a five-week trial plus free postage and digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. It's very easy. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and press Joey and boom!

Stamps.com is yours. You'll never go to a fucking post office again. Stamps.com is the way to go Code Joey. The joint is also brought to you by today, Thursday, DraftKings. I got a TNT double headed tonight. I got two other games that got soft lines and you're sitting there worried about the numbers are doubling in Delaware. Who gives the Frenchman's fuck? The numbers are doubling in your fucking pocket.

Why? Because you're with DraftKings, motherfuckers. Sports are in full swings. There's no shortage of action. Like I said, we're going to get you started tonight on Thursday night. You're going to make more money this fucking weekend with a parlay on Thursday, one college game Friday, and then you got the pros. Let me tell you what happens on Saturday with the pros. DraftKings has got you covered.

Bet any football game, there's four football games this weekend. Pick any of them and you got 100 to one odds. That's right. All you got to do is bet a dollar on any football game this weekend for a chance to win 100 bucks. Plus, the basketball season is tipped off and the lines are still soft. So head to the Sportsbook app right now. DraftKings app right now to check out their daily odds boost. And if you haven't signed up yet, what the fuck are you waiting for?

Now is the time. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app today. It's safe, secure, reliable, and guess what? It's your motherfucking money. Deposit and withdraw at your convenience. Download the top rated DraftKings Sportsbook app now. Use promo code JOY when you're signed up to get 100 to one odds on any football game this weekend. That's code JOY for new players to get a shot at 100 to one odds on any football action this weekend.

And guess what? By fucking after tomorrow night's parlay and Friday night's action, your bankroll is going to be on fire. You're going to have some check over Saturday night, sucking your dick COVID style. You ever got a COVID blowjob yet tremendous? They don't breathe out of their nose. They either fucking breathe out of their mouth or they die. It's a beautiful weekend. It's DraftKings type weekend.

And this is going on for a limited time only 100 to one. So here's the part the lawyers make me say. You got to be 21 or older. New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Colorado, restrictions apply. See DraftKings.com slash Sportsbook for details. Now, do we have a gambling problem? There's help. 1-800-GAMBLER.

And if you're in Indiana, 1-809 with it. But if you're not the kiss of debt, download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Use code JOY and cash in on this deal this weekend. I'm saving your money already. DraftSport. Fucking Stamps.com and DraftKings. There you go. Now you can, when you win from DraftKings, you can mail your rent with Stamps.com.

Who's better than Joey? Got it. Got it. It's the second week of January. You still got a limp dick and goals to get pussy. It's over. You know why? Because Uncle Joey showed up with Blue Chew.

It's all about a big dick and attitude. And after this fucking podcast, you're going to have both those things covered. You're like, Joey, what's Blue Chew? It's the first chewable dick pill. Same FDA approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. This is some fucking funny pill you buy off fucking Pablo at the liquor store. And too much fucking lady, your left eye won't stop twitching. It's not that type of party.

Blue Chew is a prescribed online by licensed physicians. So you don't have to go to a doctor's office and wait in line at the pharmacy like a putz and make eye contact with the girl. And now she knows you got limp dick. You don't need this activation. And it ships right to your daughter's discrete package. Nobody knows nothing. They think you're getting a fucking envelope from some grandma or something.

Blue Chew is even cheaper than the pharmacy. And you can take them any time, day or night, even on a full stomach. So right now, I got a special offer for the joint. Visit bluechew.com. That's bluechew.com and get your first shipment free. You're like, Joey, it's the beginning of the year. Free. Free.

That's how we start. You're single. You ain't slinging dick. Your wife walks around covering her face like she just walked out of Armistad. You need that. Go get bluechew.com right now. It's blue. Again, that's blue chew.

B-L-U-E. Like the color of your dick once you hit you, before you hit you. Listen, I don't care if you're gay. Let me tell you something. If you're gay, you're going to be busted assholes. This is blue chew. So this is for you too. Why should I say women?

You might hit some guy named Little Pete in the head with your dick. That's not what I meant to, but I don't care what you're into. Blue Chew just wants you to be happy. So go to Blue Chew right now. Use code Joey, all right? And thank you for continuing to sponsor my show. I want to thank Blue Chew. I want to thank Stamps.com.

And I want to thank the Kings, Draft Kings, for putting some money in your motherfucking pocket this weekend. I love you guys. Sorry about this week. We'll be back Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo, ready to light a homeless motherfucking on fire. Stay black. Be great.

And that's it. I love you, cops suck this. Thank you.