Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #033 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talked about #UFC 257 and Joey's thoughts on where Conor McGregor goes from here.... Also, Marriage! This episode is brought to you DraftKings, ONNIT & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter Code: CHURCH Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter Code: JOEY or CHURCH Also, Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: www.Instagram.com/b_telford or www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from PodcastVille, it's Monday, January 25th. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by DraftKings. Guess what, cock-suckers? The golden tickets are here. You're ready for the Super Bowl? We got fuckin' whatever happened yesterday, happened yesterday, now we got our fuckin' players. Everybody's ready, the teams are in.

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Go take care of your problem. Go get a skateboard. Go take one of those fuckin' pills that doesn't let you gamble and come back. But if you're ready to rock, fuckin' DraftKings Sportsbook app is ready for you right now. Download it, press code JOY and enter

the $55 million Super Bowl Prediction Challenge. That's DraftKings.com slash JOY. The joint is also brought to you by Onnit, one of my all time favorites. And now they're introducing these protein powder puffs, Korean barbecue, spicy cheddar, 15 grams per fuckin' bag. Where you gonna get that from?

You gotta eat two eggs to get that shit. You understand me? Not to mention melatonin, which is helping people sleep and one of the vitamins that helps against COVID. You still got fuckin' alpha brain and you still got new mood and shroom tech. I mean, what don't they have you covered? What the fuck have they done

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Go to Onnit.com right now and press in church and get 10% off of any of their supplements delivered right to your fuckin' casa. Who's better than me? Nobody, who's better than you? Nobody on a Monday morning. The joint is also brought to you by CBD Lion. Why haven't I got hooked on pain pills?

Why? Because CBD Lion has helped me do this fuckin' surgery with the Roland, the gummy bears, the tinctures, and also just the regular, they have like an ointment that I use also. I've been goin' around this for two weeks with this CBD Lion and now is when I realize how potent and how good their product is.

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Go to CBDLion right now and press in. Joey, church, whatever the fuck you want. And get 20% off delivered right to your fuckin' crib. Let's get this fuckin' party started. Enough with the chitter-chatter, Joey. It's Monday morning. We got shit to talk about, people to see and things to do. Enjoy.

Hey, how you doin'? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the back. Hey, look who it is. What's happening? Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers?

Uncle Joey here, Monday morning. January 25th, a beautiful fuckin' day to be alive. We're doing this podcast and I got a couple things to do. Today I got the stitches taken out and I got physical therapy. The leg has been feeling great. Thank you for all the well wishes. It's been two weeks and it's fuckin' great.

Thanks to CBD Lion. I'm not fucked up on the pain pills. I must have called my buddy Timmy, who knows all about them 10 times, to ask him not to get hooked and it all worked itself out. I got more than plenty in there. I've been alternating with the aspirin and the ice

and the TENS machine. The only time you really don't want pain is at night when I go to sleep. I don't want to be like I got woken up by pain two or three times at night. It wasn't good. So that's the only time I want to be covered. You really can't take it.

My sleep gets fucked up when you eat those pain pills, too. So I had to work around. So now I take them at nine and I drink my fuckin' tea at like 11 so I go down at fuckin' midnight, 12, 30. But what do you guys give a fuck? I'm just here telling you about my weekend. For starters, let's talk about

what we witnessed on Saturday night. What happened, the decline, and the pain pills, and the decline and my take on it. Let's start from the beginning. Number one, I've always loved Conor McGregor. I thought Conor McGregor was a great fighter. I thought his fuckin' footwork was phenomenal.

I thought his range is masterful. The guy before that who, his range worked a range. Similar to that was Anderson Sova. I made a comment one time. The only disagreement I had with Conor McGregor was I did not like the Denis Sova fight. I thought they should have given him a better opponent because I knew it would have come back to bite him in the ass.

And number two, I didn't like how he was treated because I've been there. I've been there as a comic where, you know, you're in a room with six comics and one comic gets like a fuckin' mansion and you and the other six guys got a split a fuckin' floor. So my whole thing was I didn't like the treatment of him or whatever, but he does generate a lot of cash.

So I get it from that perspective. But from being there, I didn't like it. But I've always thought he was great. I always thought he was a superb fighter. He did things that nobody else did in the sport. You know, he was a two-time fuckin' champion. Now you gotta ask yourself what happened. Me, I love to be an observer.

I've always been an observer. You look at things, you shut your fuckin' mouth and you see what happens and what goes down and that. I can tell you one thing for sure about me. When I started watching MMA and I was friends with Rogan way before, like I didn't get into MMA until maybe after I was friends with those guys for 10 years.

I didn't want to see two guys wrestle with fuckin' bikinis on. You know, I came from the Bruce Lee School. I turned on the UFC 1D and I saw Butterbean. You know, guys got a body like mine. He's in the ring fightin'. I thought this was just like a fuckin' joke. And then I actually saw Anderson Silva

in his first fight against Chris Levin. And I was blown the fuck away. I became a fan. I also watched The Ultimate Fighter finale. And I had become a fan. There's nothing to do with Rogan. Rogan and those guys were in there. They would be sitting in the car

talking about Jiu-Jitsu all the time. Like I was lookin' out a window like Rain Man, stoned to the gills, thinkin' to myself, what are these fuckin' assholes talkin' about? Sweeps and fuckin' armbars and shit. But once I watched the UFC, I really started comparing MMA to stand-up. I started lookin' at my career

and what my strengths and weaknesses were. In the MMA, you have Jiu-Jitsu, you have wrestling, you have boxing, and you have kickboxing. And you have to combine them and you have to see how they come at you from all angles. Well, in stand-up, you have storytelling, you have improv,

and you have the straight, traditional stand-up setup. So, I was always very, very good at improv. I started improv-ing. Not in an improv troupe. I started on stage improv-ing by myself because in Boulder every week I had the same fuckin' mutts eatin' the same fuckin' steak special

and you had to give them new jokes every week. I wasn't that good in the beginning, so I had to just improv-ise. So, I got really good at improv-ising. And today I'm still very good at improv-ising. There's only one problem with improv-ising that it's either everything or nothing. You either go 100%,

I either look like a fuckin' god that's floatin' up there, or I either bag a shit. The third week at Uncle Vinnie's, when I came back, I ate a bag of shit because I relied on my improv-ising. I gave up on my fuckin' storytelling and I gave up on my traditional setup punchline routine. So, comedy and MMA are very much connected

because they're in art. There's 100 ways to do an armbar. If you walk into three different jiu-jitsu schools, you'll notice that each one will give you a different detail that one didn't give you because this is an art. There's 30 ways to fuckin' do a comorra. There's 30 ways to do an armbar.

There's 30 ways to make somebody laugh. So, I'm a fan of MMA because it made me a stronger stand-up comedian. When I saw Conor McGregor, I thought he had all the tools. He was great. They hyped him up. The Dennis Paseva fight

pissed me off and I became vocal about it and people took it the wrong way. Like, if I was a... I didn't like Conor McGregor and that wasn't the case. You guys know I'm not a hater. I give props even when I don't like certain people. I may not be a big fan of somebody musically,

but I give them props. You know, I saw Jerry Cantrell once at the Rosalind Hotel. I said, hello. The guy looked at me like I was fuckin'... like I had AIDS and COVID. I could tell he wasn't that nice of a person. I asked around, people were like, you got to stay away from him.

He doesn't even do certain radio interviews. You understand me? It's not now. Do I not listen to fuckin' jar of flies, dirt, you know, the other one with the dog on the cover? Do I not listen to them? Yeah, and I can fuck rotten apple and nut shell. There's no better guitar playing.

But I just... Jerry Cantrell, I'm not a fan of because of his personality. But whatever, that doesn't... Whatever, that doesn't... It doesn't fuckin' affect me in no way. I'm still a fan of his fuckin' music. I was never, never a fan of McGregor. I just wasn't a fan of the treatment.

And that Denisiva fight should have really been a Frankie Edgar fight. And Frankie Edgar was a different Frankie Edgar than it would have came back. Let's say he would have lost, right? He was still 25 years old. He was still making money and he still could have, in his prime, which is 29, 30, 31,

he would have been a phenomenal fighter. If McGregor would have took two losses down the line early, he would have been a phenomenal fighter. So he fights Denisiva. I forget who he fights after that. And then they give him all that boxing shit. When he fought, you know, Mayweather. And that takes away from focus.

That takes away from what you're doing. Now, this made all these UFC fighters jaded. You saw, every time somebody fought, if a fuckin' janitor fought, he called autonomous McGregor. Because it made you jaded towards him as a human being, not because of his actions. Listen, what...

The thing about Khabib and all that shit, he threw a thing through the glass, that's all part of the game. There's everything's fair and love and war. You gotta write all fair and love and war. So what are you guys talking about? It starts with a psychological. When you're fighting somebody,

McGregor used to use the psychological. He'd start with the psychological attack on you. And then he'd break you down with the psychological. When you got into the ring again, with the lights and everything else, you immediately changed. You couldn't think. It was a statue in front of you

that you could not fuckin' beat. You know, when he beat Eddie Alvarez in the garden, I was very much in shock. The fashion now, he beat him now. Today, I mean, Eddie Alvarez isn't the fighter he was then. But when it came to Dustin Poirier, Dustin Poirier, what did Dustin Poirier do after Conor McGregor beat him up?

He got stronger. He went into the gym and he fought twice as hard. And he kept fighting people, one by one by one. Okay, he lost to Khabib too. Khabib is super fuckin' human. But the difference between Conor and Dustin was exactly what Conor said. Inactivity.

The inactivity. Right now I'm a stand-up comic. For seven months, I didn't get on stage. When I go to get back on stage, I can't tell you guys to pay me all this fuckin' money to give me 50 fuckin' bucks. I'm not worth 50 fuckin' bucks. Why? Because it's inactivity.

Now, there's a pandemic going on. I can't get on stage. Nobody else could get on stage. So we're all going through the same thing. Yeah, people do certain shows here and there, but you're not getting on stage on the amount and the frequency you were getting on stage before this pandemic.

So we all suffered. If there was no pandemic going on, I'm out there because as a stand-up, as a basketball player, as a comedian, as a fighter, this is how you're always thinking. You're always saying, fuck. Right now, my opponent is doing something. When I played basketball and I was a kid,

when I was in the seventh grade, I'd be out there at 7 o'clock, 10 o'clock at night playing because I knew that the guys I was going to play against weren't doing that. That's my thinking. When you're a stand-up comic, when you're a basketball player, I remember talking to Don Maira and having this conversation as a kid,

that from basketball, I took one thing that I have to assume that that other guy is practicing right now. That school we're playing against, they're all together right now, playing in the backyard. They're probably not, they're probably relying on their fucking talent, but a guy like me had to work hard when it came to stand-up.

So I had to get on stage multiple times at night, two, three times, working out a joke. Boom, take it to the next place, try that joke again. Oh, it didn't work because I didn't set it up right. It takes work and it takes activity, it takes a lot of activity. While McGregor was sitting there saying no and yes and thinking about this and thinking about that, somebody was training.

And that person was Dustin Poirier. That person was Charles Oliveira. That person was old Kukui. That person was Justin Gagey. So right now, what is McGregor's next step? And I love Connor McGregor and he's got all the talent to pull it off. Remember, you don't know what you did wrong till you're on the canvas.

When I did that fucking special, socially unacceptable, we did two fucking shoots of it. The first time I went up there and shot, I ate a bag of dog shit. Because who was I trying to be? Again, John Mulaney. I couldn't be John Mulaney if I fucking wanted to. You understand me? John Mulaney is John Mulaney and Joey Diaz is Joey Diaz.

I tried to be John Mulaney. I switched it all around. I went up there and I told the story but a guy with a big dick, I loosened him up a little bit, I became Joe Diaz. I sucked him in and then I attacked. I learned that from experience and getting knocked down the first time. What did I do not to get the laughs I deserved? Okay, fine.

I went over that and then after that I got a lot better. I knew what it was to become Joe Diaz. You're going to go to an audition one day and you're going to come to me and go, Joey, what do I do here? You're going to hear these words constantly. Be yourself. When you're sitting there going, but Joey, I am myself. Be yourself.

Be yourself. Be yourself. What does that mean? They're looking for you. They're looking for what you bring to the fucking table. So every time I go up on stage and I bomb, I don't know if you guys watched a clip this week of Josh Wolf and Bill Burke talking about when Brody and Joey Diaz bombed, they bombed.

When I bombed, I'm here to tell you, I bombed. But I bombed with grace because I never told the audience, oh, you fucking suck. What's wrong with you people tonight? What is this? Take the stick out of your ass? No. Some comics bomb and they blame it on the audience.

Some comics bomb and they blame it on the acoustics of the fucking room. Some comics bomb and they blame it on the drunk lady in row 52. No. Whenever you bomb, you blame it on your fucking self. I know I do. Whenever I bomb, I walk off that stage. There's a little grin on my face. Part of me is breaking.

I'm walking like fucking St. Lazarus. Part of me is breaking. But the other part, I'm trying to keep my composure on the way home. I know. I know the answer why I bombed. I came out too cocky. I did this. I didn't use this joke.

I set this joke up. I insulted this guy wrong. These are the things you learn by doing. But in activity, it's like a fucking stand up. It's like when somebody comes up to me and says, I'm going to do fucking stand up. I'm just waiting for right five minutes. When I walk away, I'm like, good luck. I'm not trying to be a scumbag or negative.

I know that you're approaching it the wrong way. I don't want you to write five minutes. I just want you to get on stage and get it over with. The quicker you get on stage, the quicker you get this disaster over with. It's like people, I'm going to lose weight and join Jiu-Jitsu. Hello? What are you fucking joining Jiu-Jitsu for? To lose weight.

You're never going to lose that 30 pounds to join Jiu-Jitsu. Just go to fucking Jiu-Jitsu and do it. Inactivity is fucking horrible. The last 10 months, the first six months of this fucking thing, I couldn't write. It wasn't that it was an activity. I would go to write my journal in the morning. I would finish it. But when I'd read it back and be talking about sushi and the Mars and the Kennedy assassination,

my mind was all over the place. I wasn't zoomed in. I wasn't fucking focused. Now I'm focused. When I first started going to Uncle Vinnie's, I was dying of slow death. I would have to come back here at night and fucking stay up and write a little bit and adjust this joke and listen to this one. That joke is fucking horrible. You have to be very honest with yourself.

So when Connor hit the fucking mat against Nate Diaz, when Connor got choked out against Nate Diaz, my life would have changed if I was Connor. I'm already making a million fucking dollars. What's the biggest investment I can make? The investment that you're making yourself. I would have hired Vinnie Magalise off the radar to sign a contract that nobody would know that Vinnie Magalise would be training me with my fucking Jiu-Jitsu. He's one of the best in the fucking world. I would have the best boxing trainer available to me.

You know, I would pull what GSP did. GSP wasn't the champion because he sat at home and fanned his balls. You know, when I saw GSP on the fucking gymnastic rings looking like fucking Jesus and Nazareth getting hung upside down, I'm like, this guy's a fighter, but he's doing gymnastics. This guy is exploring his body in ways that nobody else has. He's taking the money he's making and he's investing in the number one investment you could ever do yourself. So, you know, when Connor lost against Nate Diaz, when he got choked, right there, my game would have changed. We all rely on that one fucking thing.

Yeah, listen, if I'm bombing, all I got to do is slow it down a little bit and go into a story that you've already fucking heard. I could change it around, I could add it. That's what I usually, that was my go-to. You know, if you're bombing, you could always go to a story. I didn't want to be that guy. I wanted to be able to switch it up. If I'm bombing, get my composure back, put my opponent in my guard. It's putting your opponent back in your guard and go back to the basics.

Grab the sleeve, pushing towards you with your knees. It's the same thing over and over and over. Nothing happens. So, if my fucking storytelling isn't working, I pull you back into my guard and we start from scratch. That's why I told you how MMA, how jujitsu and stand-up are the fucking same. When you start going off the beaten path, you pull the motherfucker back into your guard, you hold onto his sleeves and you push him towards you. That's what, and you pull him towards you and you try to fucking dissect him from there. Go for an arm bar, sweep him, whatever the fuck you want to do. It's the same thing with fucking comedy.

Connor's always dependent on his left hand. You can't just depend on your left hand. You know why? Because everybody's got strength in the UFC. If you watch the fight against Khabib, watch the fourth round. Watch when, how quickly Khabib slips in for the take-down. It is the most brilliant thing in the world. Connor never even saw it. I'm not putting Connor down.

I'm just telling you that Khabib was so good at that move that he engaged Connor with his hand. And after that, Connor didn't get back up. He tapped. That's the second time he got choked out with a rear naked choke. I wouldn't have mind if he got a Kamora. I wouldn't have mind if Khabib would have got him with a triangle or an arm bar or something. But to get taken down the same way Nate Diaz took you down tells me that you didn't work on that. You didn't work on that fucking move. And again, I'm not here putting down Connor McGregor. I love Connor McGregor.

I'm here thinking to myself, if I'm Connor McGregor, what do I got to do next? First of all, here's the problem that you will. There was two key elements in this fight that I didn't like. Already off the bat against Dustin Poirier. Now, you're looking at me going big mouth. Did you bet it? No, I didn't bet it. I didn't need to bet it. I'm watching. I watched some Michael Chandler fight. I watched a Jessica I fight. I watch. I'm observing. I'm learning. I'm trying to learn this because I want to work closely with DraftKings.

And I want to help you guys make money. Okay? We're trying here all together to do something. So I want you to learn when you look at lines. Lines are everything gambling. I listened to two things. Somebody asked me during the week, who do you like? Like McCona or Dustin? In my heart, I knew that once Dustin fought Connor and he saw what all the hype was about, that the second time his odds were going to get increased because he had already fought to be.

He had nothing to lose. He fought Gagey. He's fought everybody that he could in that fucking division. Okay? So now you're going to fight Connor for the second time. You're not going to be scared. You know, once you do the garden the first time, you're going to be a little fucked up. Once you walk into the second time, you're not going to be fucking scared at all. So I love Dustin off of that one. But I also thought Connor was more committed.

Connor said two things. There was two things that happened during this fight that I didn't like. Number one, he said he was running five businesses. When you're running five businesses, your focus on your main business, which is for me is stand up. For me is stand up. For him, it's fighting. I can't run five businesses right now. Can you imagine me trying to run a consulting business, a podcasting firm,

like I'm not just in charge of Uncle Joey's joint. I got 20 podcasts under me trying to be a dad, trying to be a husband. Somewhere along the line, it's going to fucking slip. Somewhere along the line, it's not going to work out. I understand you're trying to provide for your family or whatnot. But at the end of the day, number one, the first thing you are is a fighter. So you got to focus on fighting every fucking day. You know, I was having a hard time there.

Like when I went to shoot the Soprano movie two years ago, I had to cancel a few dates. Every day my agent would call me, when do you want to reschedule the dates? Guess what I did? I stopped talking to the motherfucker. I stopped talking to him and my manager would not take their calls. I'm focusing on a movie bitch. For me to do the best job I can on this movie, I don't really give a fuck when they reschedule the Texas date or the Utah date or the fucking San Francisco date.

They're not going anywhere. They're going to be there forever. I focus on what's in front of me. And that's what the problem with most people are. They open up a business or something, but they got 90 things going on. Then the business fails and they wonder what the fuck happened. You're trying to cover too much real estate. You're only one person.

There's only so many hours in the fucking day. You know, right now I'm having a great time. I'm almost finished with my first chapter. I know it's taken me a little longer than anticipated. I told you from the beginning I was retarded, but I'm sticking to it because I have time to write the book now because I don't have all these other things in my fucking life now. Mercy's back in school. Fucking, I got a little time there.

So I make myself hour 15 blocks and I sit down. Sometimes the leg lately hasn't let me sit because it goes right into the back of my hamstring and it kind of cuts off circulation sometimes. So I got to be a little fucking nuts, but I'm almost done with it. But I have the time to include the book now. When I was doing all the podcasting and the fucking road work and dealing with industry and auditions, I didn't have the time now. I got nothing but time.

They ain't gonna shoot dick till fucking next year. So do you follow what I'm saying to you? I didn't like that point that he had five businesses. And number two, that they're already talking about Khabib. He didn't even be poor yet. And they're already talking about an upcoming fight with Khabib. Well, we're in talks with Khabib. For what?

For what? Let the kid fight. This is why I tell people to work with what's in front of you. I don't give... Do you think I give a fuck about September right now? Do you think I give a Frenchman fuck about August? I give a fuck about one thing. Monday, January 25th.

My stitches are coming out. I got physical therapy. And tonight I get to eat dinner with my family, my wife, and I get to write my book. That's all I give a fuck about. February 19th and 20th, I had a date with Uncle Vinny. February 19th, my birthday, to me, is like fucking the year 2025. Like, I don't even think about it.

It's got nothing to do with me. I worry about today. That's the first move. Then I worry about the week. That's the second move. Then I worry about the month. I try to time everything out. But I don't try to worry about, well, I'm going to do this.

And then I'm going to do this movie. And then I'm going to reoccur in there. I don't worry about that shit. That's how you get fucked up by thinking. I worry about what's in front of me. So right away, he hadn't even fought Dustin Poirier. And they're already talking to Khabib. Why?

Khabib already told you. Khabib told you. Khabib is a man's man. Khabib, I get a lot from Khabib because it's like, when I tell you, when it's over, it's over. I'm not snorting coke no more. I'm not snorting coke no more. I'm not fucking doing Joy Karate videos no more.

I stop. When I stop, I stop. There ain't no coming back. You guys thought that the church was going to end and somewhat no. It's over. We moved on. This is what life is about. Looking back and enjoying it something and going fuck it.

That was fun to do. But it's time to move the fuck on. I don't want somebody to ask me to leave. I want to leave on my own fucking terms. So right now, if I'm fucking, you know, last night, you saw Connor on his back and you saw he was hurt. And what do you think was on his mind? It doesn't matter.

I made 10 million. Yes, that's on his mind. That's on my mind too. He's laughing all the way to the fucking bank, but not really because he's got the heart of a fucking lion and he's a fucking tiger. He's on his back thinking to himself, what the fuck happened? I got this fucking Dana already talking to me. Dana, go away.

Go away. You're the kiss of death. When was the last time I saw you fight? Not never. So please go away. I'll call you when I want to fight Kabeem. Let me just focus on Dustin fucking Poirier. But they already, you know, fight Dustin, then you're going to get Kabeem.

You're going to make the highest sales of your life and what happened? Now you got nothing. What are you in talks with Kabeem for? Kabeem told you three months ago he's not fighting anymore. Why are you bothering fucking Kabeem? Why? You gave him a million dollars twice or three million dollars. You don't much fucking three million dollars get you in fucking Afghanistan, wherever the

fuck he's from. Do you have any fucking idea? What does he need? He don't do drugs. He buys a t-shirt from time to time. He eats a gyro. What the fuck do you give a fuck? We're going to get Kabeem on the phone and let him know.

Kabeem don't give a fuck. Kabeem already choked him out and beat up half his fucking family and his friends. He don't want no part of that no more. Why are you doing this to the kid? So the kid can't focus on what's in front of him. So right now I'm kind of McGregor. I'm thinking one thing. That's it.

That's it. Don't do this. I'm 27 years old. I still got the world by the balls. I've got a couple losses, but this ends. I put a picture of Justin Gagey up in my room. I put a picture of Al Kukui up in my room. I put a picture of fucking Charles Laverre up in my room.

And I put a picture of fucking Dustin Poirier up in my room. And that's my list. Nate Diaz, that's over with already. Nate don't want to fight. He don't want to fight. He's got to fight what's in front of him. And that's what's in front of him. So jumping up and down.

When he beat up a poor fucking busted cowboy. I love Cowboy Sarone. Big fan of Cowboy Sarone. Great friends with him. Got his number. Called me a couple months ago for a movie. Listen, Cowboy Sarone has over-served his purpose. He fought every 90 days.

And he got old quick. Once he had the kid. Again, another guy that was living fucking 100%. You saw the transformation happen very quickly. So they gave him an old Sarone. Who I fucking love. I love him as a human being. I love him as a man.

I love him as a fighter. But Donald Sarone in his day. With a clobbered fucking economy, Gregor. That fight was given to him because they knew he was where he was at. They gave fucking Sarone $250,000 for that fucking fight. And kind of made the rest. But now there's no more of that. There's no more Nate Diaz.

There's no more of that. You got four fucking people in front of you. You got El Kukui. El Kukui is just coming off a loss. That's your next fight. You just came off a loss. You got El Kukui. You beat El Kukui.

You go for Justin Gagey. You beat Justin Gagey. You got to fight Olivera. I think Olivera is at 155. And if you fight Olivera. And then we go back to Dustin Poirier. Forget about Max Holloway. Forget about all those tribe belts and all that shit.

Just worry about what's in the front of your economy, Gregor. I think you're a great fucking fighter. I think you hit hard in a fucking freight train. And I just think that over time you lost focus of what was in front of you. So many people are coming at you. And bro, listen, I'm a shithead, shithead ill comic. And I know what it's like to fucking having a conversation with Mike about the podcast and getting a call from somebody because somebody always wants something.

Oh, they want you to do this. And you're in the middle of something completely different. I'm in the middle of writing a book and also somebody calls me. Oh, they're thinking about you for cologne. And you're like cologne. You know, they're thinking about you for advertising a fucking whiskey. You're like, my mind is somewhere else. My mind is in an octagon.

I can't stop what I'm fucking doing. What do you think he, you know, it was like one time he fucking didn't come over to do press and people attacked them. Guys, I'm in the middle of fucking training. You want me to get up and take a 24 hour fucking flight, which depletes three quarters of my fucking energy to go do press, to go hear the same fucking questions over and over and over and over again. And I understand there's a lead up to the fight. You have to promote the fight. The fighter has to focus on what he does.

Fight. The comic has to do what he does best. Get on stage. When you have all this district, you saw a comic. How many times have you seen a comic that's fucking great? A raw, straight up fucking comic. And all of a sudden he gets a TV show. You've been following him since day one.

He gets a TV show. You're excited about it. You watch the TV show. You order shirts. You tell your friends about it. You have viewing parties. And then you go see his stand up and then fuck him a horror show. You're like, what the fuck happened?

You know what happened? Time. Time is what happened. He got smoke blown up his ass. That's what happened. He got so many people coming at him. Publicists, managers, fucking agents, assistants. You got all these people coming at you.

Blowing smoke up your ass. Fake fucking smoke. Oh, that joke about the chicken. We love it. The joke sucks. How do I know who has that happened to? You're looking at him. The joke sucks.

But they'll tell you whatever the fuck they want to hear to build your confidence. I appreciate that. But I'd rather you be honest with me and say, Joey, this ain't working. This ain't working. You got to make it stronger. Okay. Then I have to sit down and write it out every week. Same thing with this podcast.

I was struggling in the beginning. This podcast that I still feel like I'm struggling. But guess what? I'm going to keep pushing. When this podcast opportunity came up and I spoke to Mike, I had two options. I had two fucking options. Okay. The first option was to order cameras, drill holes, and wait.

We would have just gotten the podcast started right now. If we wanted to do this podcast, I wanted to do this. This podcast would have just got off the floor by now. We would have just got all the boards, all the wiring. We would have just set up the bar with electricity and everything would have been up to the, except we wouldn't have had no fucking guess. We would have been in the same fucking boat. So when this opportunity came up, I had two options.

I could sit here, write stupid jokes, go on Twitter, go on Patreon and keep telling you guys that the podcast is coming soon. The podcast is coming soon. The podcast is coming soon. And meanwhile, Charlie's doing a podcast. It may not be the best podcast in the world, but he's in that bush getting stronger. I'm over here getting fucking weaker telling you I'm going to do a podcast. Do you understand what I'm talking to you about?

So I had choices to make even with this podcast. I came here and sucked dick for fucking three fucking months. I came here and ate fucking ass for three fucking months with this podcast. I had no direction where it was going. I didn't know where it was going. I had, I didn't know. Right now, I still don't know where the fucking podcast is going, but I'm sitting down during the week and I'm focusing on what I need to tell you and what the message is to get across.

So at least we have something to work with. It's not a two, three hour podcast no more because I'm not a fucking ego. What am I? Del Castro? I'm in the city for eight hours and bark out fucking orders. How egoistical do you have to be? This gives me enough time just to tell you what I'm thinking about to talk a subject to you. That's, that's common.

We're both having comment about what, what we saw on Saturday night, what we both saw on Saturday night. Michael Chandler was great. And still my heart goes out the corner. I'm still a fucking fan and I want him to do this fucking simple thing for me. And that's to put four pictures up. I think he's the number four rated lightweight in the world. Well, let's take the number three in front of you and you're going to take them down one by one. This would be my plan.

One by fucking one. I get the best jujitsu instructor. I get that guy from Penn State that the world's greatest wrestler, whatever you need to do. And I'd be out there every day on those fucking mats working at it. Your strength are your hands. Your hands are your strength. Yeah. I'd hit the pad from time to time, but I would focus on the stuff that people are going to attack now.

What's the first thing that happened last night? Dustin Poirier took him down in a kind of McGregor style takedown and kept him down and kind of got up. Okay. But now that like kind of know he could take him down. So kind of just got to let people know that he can't be taken down because now everybody that goes up against con is going to do exactly what could be. That is take him the fuck down. And it's that simple and that. But with all that said, I'm still a big kind of fan.

I hope he comes out of this victorious. I don't want it to have one belt. I just want him to get the one belt and prove his point that he is one of the greatest fighters that the sport has ever seen. But to do that, he has to fucking focus and focus is the main thing. And it's what's in front of you now to get off that. We got off that subject. I want to talk to you about something else. Then I'll get you the fuck out of here because you learn shit every week.

I talked to Mikey, you know, I talked to my friend. I talked to my friends. I talked to I talked to a lot of people about a lot of different things every week. And one thing that everybody has, one thing that we all share in common, whether LGBTQ, whether you were fucking, we like to eat pussy, whether we like to eat ass is the gift of the relationship. And when I was a kid, I was raised Catholic. And I don't know if you guys know the seven sacraments. It's like baptism, fucking confirmation with communion, confirmation, fucking amointing of the sick. There's like seven of them, you know.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. But one of them, one of the sacraments is marriage. And as a kid, I was always like, why the fuck is marriage a fucking sacrament? You know, like I never really fucking thought about it. Okay, I'm talking to an audience here that's between 20 and 32. You guys have girlfriends. You guys have living girlfriends. Some of you guys, Leon, you just live your life slinging dick over there in fucking Spain.

I love you to death. You know, Jay Bish has a steady wife, you know, Bob has a steady wife. We all have different, different relationship issues. When I was 20, 21, I didn't know what to expect from marriage. I knew I wanted to be married. I really did want to be married, but I didn't know what to expect from it. So August of 85, I met a girl and four years later we got married under the weirdest fucking conditions in the world. But we got married.

Did it work? No, it didn't work. It didn't work because I had never worked on my marriage. I am not ashamed to say this. I thought marriage was, you marry a girl, you fuck, she does laundry, you cook, you pay the bills. And I thought that's what a marriage was. If you go into a marriage thinking that way, it's going to fail. Or you're going to have, like, not a healthy marriage, you know. I'm not a marriage counselor.

I'm just telling you what I live through, you know. So when I first got married, I got married, like anybody else. I was young, I was stupid. I thought I knew what love was. You know, I was in love in the sixth grade. Obviously it got me left back. And then when I was 19, 20, I fell in love with another girl that I really had deep feelings for. She wasn't wife material and I wasn't husband material.

And we missed our mark. And that really broke my heart, my relationship in 84. So we're dear friends today. Me and her are dear friends. She lives 20 minutes from me in Jersey. We talk once, twice a week. You know, whatever, love. We were in love.

We were better friends than we were lovers of boyfriend and girlfriend. But after my heart got broken in 84, I did what every other man does. Oh, I'm not going to ever get married again. Oh, I'm never going to have another girlfriend again. I'm going to live my life like Charles Bronson. You know, I grew up on Charles Bronson and Clint Eastwood and men like that. They didn't have women. It was like a woman was a pest to them.

They had a woman, but they were sort of like a pest. Like a total, you know. And that's what I looked at women as when I was 21 to 25. I had respect for them. I had respectful women. I mean, it wasn't that I was disrespectful. I just didn't really know the games of marriage and why they call marriage a gift. I know that on October 15, 1991, when that girl came in and told me she wanted to get separated,

I was very happy because I could do comedy now. I wasn't happy because I couldn't raise my daughter. But through time, another unhappiness took over my heart. And it was the unhappiness of failing at marriage. I failed at the most common thing that we do, the gift of communication. I failed. I read guys. I don't know how to tell you this.

I cried myself to sleep more between 1993 and 1996 than I did the years after my mother died. And I was 10 years younger. I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to be a productive member of society. I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to succeed as a comedian. But the tears that came out of my face the hardest was the tears of losing my wife and failing as a husband. Because you got to be fucking retarded to fail as a husband. And I did fail. I failed with a fucking F-plus, okay?

And I'll tell you what, as freelance as I am and as much like the fuck around and eat ass and blow up things, it affected me. That divorce affected me because it wasn't bad enough that I had a GED. It wasn't bad enough that I went to prison. It wasn't bad enough that I didn't have a family. Now it's bad. You failed at a common fucking thing, marriage. You just failed, guy. There's no two ways of fucking looking at it.

You failed at it. So before you go tapping yourself on the back thinking you're a fucking comedian, you failed at fucking marriage. And guys, it bothered me. It bothered me. But I did what we would do. I did what the old Joey Diaz would do. I'll never get married again. I don't have to deal with it again, right?

That's what we do naturally as losers. I'm a loser. So that's what I do. I don't deal with it again. I'll never do that again. It's a smart thing and it's what a loser does. I'm never going to get on a horse again. No, you got to get on that horse again.

No matter what it is. Get on the horse. Whether you want to continue to do it, that's up to you. But you got to figure it out again. So for years from 91 to whatever, my life was a relationship mess. I had girlfriends and I had girls I slept with over drugs. That didn't make me feel a lot better either. You know, that didn't make me feel better.

I could lie to you. When I crack those jokes, they're funny. But just having sex with people and them going home the next day. And then you see them out and you wave and that's it. That, that, that's it. That didn't feel good either. So I knew that it wasn't going to work. But I was a loser.

I couldn't be with a woman because I had nothing to bring to the fucking table. But 2000 comes along and I meet this fucking little cute redneck named Terry and we go for coffee and I looked at the relationship from a different angle. I said, if I want this to work, I have to work at this fucking way. I can't let us go there. I can't let us do this. And she'll tell you, there was times after our first five years that she had problems with me on the behavioral level, not as being mean to her or whatever.

I just stuck to a plan because I wanted it to work. I had ruined enough relationships. Like I said in the beginning of even on the church, you want me to help you ruin a relationship? Call me. If you want to ruin a relationship, hit me up on an email. I'll get her packing the bags for you. I'll even get her to give you an advance to leave. I'm the king of breaking up relationships.

But for once, I wanted one to work. And one thing I was with her for a year, we were living together for a year. Then came five years. Then in 2007, I got clean from cocaine. Then two years later, I thought to myself, what the fuck was I thinking? Why haven't I married this girl? Is it because of my fear from the first marriage? Yeah, it was because I don't think I'm going to have to cover the spread.

Yeah, it was. Well, guess what? Bitch, you're going to have to cover the spread as a man. So whatever the fuck you're feeling or doubting, you better push that to the side. And you better marry this girl because if not, you're going to lose her. And if I lost Terry, I wouldn't be here today. Without Terry, I wouldn't be in this position today. Because I didn't make Terry my wife.

I made Terry my partner. I made Terry my partner. And instead of not taking her opinions because she wasn't a comedian, I started taking her opinions. And I started asking her for questions. And I started asking her different about scenarios. And instead of being a hard head, it's like I was telling somebody on the phone, you could go solo. I was talking to Christy Belich, a dear comic friend of mine. And I was telling her that you could go so far, even in music.

Mike is sitting right across from me. You could go so far in music. But at some point, you're going to need help. It may not be the help you want to need, but you're going to need help. They're going to show up. Help will arrive. In my situation, you know, she did a tape last week and she was talking about all she ever wanted was the comedy store. And I called her up and I go, Christy.

And all the years I know, you couldn't pull me aside and go, Joey, I want a job as a door girl at the store. Can you do something for me? For Christy Belich, I wouldn't have done it in a heart attack because I know she's a hard worker. Look at Christy. Follow Christy Belich on Facebook now. She's out every night doing comedy. COVID and no COVID. Then she's reading horoscopes.

She's fucking, she's a hustler. So when you're a hustler, I got your fucking back. So I called and I go, why don't you tell me that you wanted to be a door girl at the store? I would have got you into the fucking store. You know, it's all these little fucking things that if there comes a point in your life that you're doing great, but you're going to need help and it comes sometimes in the help of a woman. And in my case, that's what I needed. I have to, and I have on it to admit something to you guys.

Without my wife, I don't know, Dick, I don't know how many times a week somebody will call me. And say, Joey, we need the answers to this. And I go, that's great. You don't have to talk to my wife because I don't know. I don't know the answers to that fucking question. I don't have the answers to that question. So I made my wife my partner and my life changed 150%. I have a life.

I have a life because I made her my partner, not my wife, my partner. Whatever she lacks, I'm strong and wherever I lack, she's fucking strong. So we fit like a glove. We fit like fucking OJ's glove, bitch. You know what I'm saying? Damn, I fit in there just like OJ's glove. And I didn't know this. This is how weird life is.

I have been with Terry for 20 years. And it's like I told you guys, I did not know what the gift of marriage was. Until last week. Until 10 days ago, the first time I had to go in a shower with my fucking stroller. And she had to sit there and watch me take a fucking shower. I felt like prison. The first time you take a shower in prison, the guards watch you. They fucking watch you.

You know how fucking humiliating that is? For one second, I looked over and I saw her looking at me. And she was looking at me with eyes of concern that I wouldn't fall over, that I wouldn't slip, that I wouldn't get hurt. And I'll tell you, I looked at her and I go, wow. Wow. As I was fucking shampooing my hair and shaving, I was thinking about, and again, I don't want to sound like that asshole because it could be anybody.

What God has done for us by making marriage a gift. It's not a fucking sentence, man. People think that marriage is a dead sentence. When I see a guy that's been married four times, I go, Jesus Christ, what did you do? Did you not learn? Did you not get it right from the first time? I got married right after the first loss. You know, again, right there in divorce court is where you realize all the things you didn't

do. And it's not the big thing. It's not the trip star why. It's not the diamond rings. It's not the fucking engagements. It's not the birthday parties with 50 of your favorite friends. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, it's not the bottle of wine.

It's the little things, taking out the garbage, rubbing their feet, asking them if you could help them with the dishes. You know, asking them, these are little things that women appreciate more in anything in the world. There's times I come in, I'm not doing anything. I'm like, let's get the fuck out of here. I'm like, where are you taking it? Anywhere.

Just to give you a breather. You know, Friday night I was in pain here. Friday night I was in pain. You know, we went to physical therapy on the way back. I got car sick. I puked. My wife came back. She goes, you know what?

I'm canceling my thing tonight with the guy. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I go, you've been in this fucking house all week taking care of some fat fuck. Smelling his balls when he changes leg. I go, go out and have a fucking great time. I'll order Chinese delivery. Whatever the fuck I ordered.

I didn't end up ordering anything. I just had a salad upstairs. But I realized what the gift of fucking marriage was. It's a sacrament for a reason. You know, when I was in there and I was watching her bathe me, I thought about those words, in sickness or in health. Look at your girlfriend right now. Think about 30 years from now.

If you get sick, is she the type of woman that's going to sit there and take care of you and watch you and wipe your fucking ass? Listen, I don't know about you. The day somebody wipes my ass, please just come over and put a rope around my neck. Just come over and put a rope around my neck. That's how I've always thought about it. The day somebody has to wipe my ass, I'm going to be, because I can never live with something. I have a hard time with somebody bringing me a water.

Never mind wiping, sticking five fingers up my ass and wiping it. But to sickness and in health, those words rang so fucking loud in my heart and my soul 10 days ago that it made me look at my wife completely differently. After 20 years, you know, next time you go home, you know, and I was brought up in shit. I was brought up in shit relationships. My mother didn't have a relationship. That was a fucking, that was a fucking shit show. You know, but I grew up around people who really loved each other.

The benders, the balsanos, you know, I grew up around couples that are still together today. And I looked at them and I wondered what made them stay together. And you know what? As a man, you got to shut your fucking pile. Listen to them. Listen to what they have to say to you. They have a voice too. When I was 20, 25, 30, I didn't think this way at all.

I thought fuck them, you know, cook dinner. Where's my laundry? What a fucking jerk off I was, especially how I was raised. My mom was not that type of woman that was just going to sit there and lay down, sally and do laundry and take your fucking orders from me. That was never going to happen. So next time you look at your girlfriend and you think about life, because trust me, something I didn't do was think about my fifties.

I never thought about my forties. I never thought about my thirties because I was having such a great time with the fucking drugs. I never thought I would make it to that far, but surprise. Hello. God kept me here. And now I'm 58 years old. I can barely fucking walk. I'm getting better and stronger every day.

But I learned the biggest gift of this, one of the biggest gifts of life is the Holy Sacrament of fucking marriage. And if you ever get a chance to do it, go in there with a smile on your face and be proud that you're fucking qualified to be a husband and a father. I never thought I would do this. I failed at this 20 years ago. In 1990, I failed at being a father. In 1991, I failed at being a husband. It fucking stuck with me and it burned a fucking hole in my heart.

Here I am today with a daughter, with a wife who I fucking happily love and I have no qualms with. I want to die with her. I want to die first because I couldn't let it. My wife died. I just have a heart attack at the fucking funeral. I can't live without it. But anyway, enough of that morbid death. I just wanted to talk about Conor McGregor today and the gift of fucking marriage and how important it is.

And if you ever do it, take it fucking 100% seriously and put 100% commitment into it. No fucking nothing. When you get married is because you're ready to get married. Don't get married because my mother thinks I should get married. If you still want to hang out with your friends and snort blow, then don't get fucking married. Don't waste nobody's time. If you still want to go to your buddy's house all day Sunday and watch TV with your friends, yeah, it doesn't bother your girlfriend, but it's going to bother your wife because she wants you to spend some time with her.

There's all these different things. I'm happy. I was man enough to push my pride aside. Some of my man who decided to make this marriage work. I'm very happy because I could not live my life with two divorces. That's an automatic fucking death sentence for me as a human being, as a Catholic, and as a man. And that's it for January the 25th, 2021. I wish I could have made this podcast funnier today, but it is what it is.

Funny comes out when it's supposed to come out. It's not supposed to be forced. I'm happy you're still even watching me. I'm having a great time. Thank you. I'm having a great time on the Patreon. Thank you for the messages. Like I said, I'm leaving here to go do PT and to get the stitches out.

I'm going to get this out of the way first, so I still would have some color in my face because after they take the stitches out, I think I'm going down today. But I'll be back Wednesday. And don't forget tonight for DraftKings. You got NBA action. You got college action. We're going to walk you right through this. I don't want nobody getting into any fucking gambling problems or gambling debts. We're going to do this the right way.

Small amounts every week we get better and better. I want to thank you for watching Uncle Joey's Joint. I want to thank you for watching, for being on Patreon, $3.5 and $10. I'm going to put a merch line out pretty soon for hoodies, short-sleeve t-shirts, and the junky t-shirt, the one I like. I like long-sleeve just in case you're a junkie and you're hiding something. Or you want to put a knife in there or a straw to shoot BB guns, whatever the fuck you're into. That's why I like the long-sleeve shirts. But anyway, it's Monday the 25th of January.

I love you guys. Thank you for watching. We'll be back Wednesday, cock-suckers. And if you want to listen to a short podcast tomorrow, the Joey Dears Project will be on Patreon. Like I told you, $3.5 and $10 if you can't get enough of me. Me? I can't get enough of me either. That's why I'm getting the fuck out of here.

I love you guys. Thank you very much for watching The Joint. See you Wednesday morning. Stay Black. Alright, I want to thank you motherfuckers for listening today. It's Monday morning. I like to get you in and out of there so there's no drama. Let's start with the fucking basics.

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Have a great Monday and I'll see you Wednesday. All right. I'm over here waiting for the fucking snow like an Eskimo. Stay black.