Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #034 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Wednesday, January 27th.... Today, we talked about Karma..... This episode is brought to you by Manscaped and Bluechew...... Go to https://www.manscaped.com/JOEY Go to https://www.bluechew.com and enter Code: JOEY Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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What's happening? Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happenin', you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, January, whatever the fuck it is. I don't even know anymore. I'm so sick of the fuckin' date. I just tell, say a date to remind myself what fuckin' day it is.

What's happenin', you bad motherfuckers? Everything's good. The stitches are out. So with three quarters there, I got a little fuckin' stitch story for you. So I fuckin', you know, I'm fine. All weekend I'm fine. I do my exercise.

I go to PT. Monday morning I gotta go to PT and I gotta get my stitches taken out. It was the other way around though on Monday morning. I had to go get my stitches taken out and then go to PT. I'll tell you, when I woke up Monday morning I knew it. Like, sometimes you wake up and you're like,

I haven't one of those days. Now, I've been sleepin' fuckin' phenomenal lately. The best sleep I've been gettin' the last two years has been since I've gotten to sleep. I've been gettin' the last two years has been since I've gotten this surgery downstairs. I've had a couple rough nights, like the beginning was a couple rough nights.

I didn't know how to time the medication, the pain, shit like that. But the last week I've been gettin' some fuckin' good sleep, a couple fuckin' power naps, you know, shit like that. But I get up Monday morning and I'm just not feeling it. I can't call the doctor and tell him I can't go down there and take the stitches.

I'm just beside myself with fear. I don't know why. You know me. It comes out of nowhere. Anxiety with me comes out of nowhere. I'm feelin' fuckin' crazy, a little who-bots. I take a shower, I eat breakfast. I put my daughter in the car, you know,

the whole fuckin' thing. She goes to school and then me and my wife had dad. I get in the car. I go, hold on one second to my wife. She goes, why go? This anxiety or whatever the fuckin' goin' through is making me wanna go to the bathroom. She goes, what do you wanna do?

Do you wanna go to the bathroom and be a couple minutes late? I go, you know what? It's right there on the tip. I think I can hold it in. I'll be fine. I go, I'm gonna be fine. So I get down to the doctor's office. You know, for some reason, guys, I get myself all worked up.

We all do, but I get myself super worked up when it comes to fuckin' needles. I go upstairs, I check in, you know, you have to fuckin' text and then they fuckin' tell you when to come upstairs and then she calls me instead. She goes, come upstairs. I come upstairs.

As soon as I walk in, I'm just not feeling it. I'm fuckin' hot. You know, I got a hooded sweatshirt on and a sweatshirt that's cold out and it's layers. So I got a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, and a hooded sweatshirt on top of that. I fuckin', I talk to the guy, one of the guy listens to the podcast.

I talk to him. I say hello. I say hello to the girls. I sit down. He goes, the doctor will be with you in a couple minutes. I go, listen, how much of these staples are gonna hurt to get taken out? Now I ain't got like 10 staples.

I got like a fuckin' row of fuckin' staples. So whatever it's gonna be, I'm already gettin' anxiety just telling you motherfuckers this story. Whatever it's gonna be, it's gonna be a couple fuckin' minutes. So I ask the guy and the guy goes, it won't hurt, especially since you had him

for two weeks, it'll be a little easier to take him out. He goes, the doctor's gonna come in and talk to you for a few minutes, and then we'll pull him out. I go, fine. I'm just sitting in the regular chair. They take my blood pressure. It's okay, everything's fine. My oxygen levels are fine.

My pulse is on the money. Ooh, tremendous. All of a sudden I'm sitting there. I'm just working myself up. Working myself up. And finally a doctor comes in, I look at him, I go, what's going on, doc? And he's like, let me look at the stitches.

He goes, oh, the swelling went down, you look good. Let me see you moving around. And he looks up at me, he goes, what's the matter with you? And I go, doc, I'm just not feeling it. I think I'm gonna pass out. He goes, your skin color is as white as the mask. My skin color just went white. And I started fuckin' sweatin', right?

So I go, can you give me some water? He goes, ah, I knew you had a hard time with the surgery in the beginning when you did fine. I go, I'll be fine. Let me just drink the water. And I start drinkin' the fuckin' water. And ah, oh my God, this is terrible. I just get this feeling that I'm gonna pass out

and everything's spinning in tact. When he got up, there was two of them. Like, when he came in, there was one of them, but when he got up, there was two of them. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna fuckin' faint. So I gotta do what I usually do. I just gotta take the bull by the horns. He goes, the water's gonna come in

and then get on the big table. We'll pop it up for you, lay back, and he'll take the fuckin' stitches that, right? So I put my little Santana on. That's my music for the needles and shit. And I lay back. And he's taking the fuckin' thing. He starts taking them out, guys.

And it's just like little needles, but everyone is just impacting me. Like everyone. It's like little acupuncture needles. They ain't shit. Guys, between us, it doesn't hurt at all. Like a normal person with good joy. What is wrong with you?

But because it's me, I'm like, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. And I got the fuckin' Santana on and I'm ay, ay, ay, ay into myself. And I look at the guy, the guy looks at me and he goes, how we doin'? And he goes, you're sweatin'. And I go, I know I'm sweatin'. I'm fuckin' dyin' here.

He goes, if it makes you feel better, I can't go over bridges. He goes, I can't go into Staten Island. I can't go into New York. Or I can't go into Jersey. I'm stuck. Because I have a fear of bridges. So I'm like, holy fuck.

But when somebody tells you their card, it makes you feel a lot better. You know what I'm sayin'? So it calmed me down a little bit. It didn't calm me down all the way. It just calmed me down a little bit. And I'm like, oof. Oof.

And he's pullin' them out and he's hittin' the tin with them. Because they're goin' to the tin and I'm like, ding, ding, ding. And to myself, I'm like, one of these fuckin' dinks gonna stop. One of these dinks gonna end. I didn't look at my leg one time.

I just kept lookin' away and shit. And fuckin' I had my earphones on and I'm like, and I'm still hearin' the dinks. And I'm like, one of these dinks gonna fuckin' stop. And finally, I felt them by my knee. And he goes, you done, Mr. Diaz. And he goes, how you feelin'?

And he goes, you don't look good. I go, I don't look good. I don't feel good. Let me just finish my water. And I'm drinkin' my fuckin' water. And he goes, this is what we're gonna do. I want you to sit here for about ten minutes. You're not gonna go anywhere.

I don't want you to get up. You have nowhere to go. I'll call physical therapy, Tom. You're gonna be late. Just sit here for about ten minutes and wait for this to come down and then we'll let you leave. Is that okay with him?

I go, yeah, I'll be okay in ten minutes. He's not out of the room one minute. And I feel a missile from here. Just come like an adrenaline missile. Just come down. And it's just a little explosion for it. Like a boop. But dawg, it was right there.

That shit I had to take when I got in the car with my wife was in my asshole, ready to get served. I could hear it percolating. It was percolating in my ass. But I'm dying, right? I'm half fucking dying. Like, I'm like, oh.

But it was between fainting even harder or shitting. Dog, I said, I'm not gonna faint and shit my pants. That's definitely not gonna happen. Out of somewhere, I just got the strength. I just opened my eyes. I picked my leg over.

I threw it over the fucking table. And they looked at me and I thought, what are you doing up? I go dog, I gotta go to the bathroom. And I think out of the three of them, the doctor, the nurse, and the male nurse, I think the male nurse was like, hurry up.

Because he knew. He knew it was an adrenaline, it was a pure adrenaline shit. I fucking flew in that bathroom and 22 chunks of shit just came flying out. Like I was bombing a country with shit. Da, da, da, da, da. I had a flush like three times.

It smelled so bad in that fucking bathroom. I had to open the door. Thank God there was nobody in the waiting room. So I go back. And they're like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay now. They thought like I'm probably vomiting or something. They didn't know it was the quickest shit of my life.

It just flew out. I think it was one wipe and I was done. So when I went back to sit down, I went to put my sneakers on. The guy goes like, na, na, na, na. You're still pale. I'm trying to get the fuck out of there before the shit comes out of that bathroom and it starts leaking all over that fucking office.

I left like a little open. I left the fart fan. But it was out where the patients were sitting. So there was only like two patients back then. They were both against the wall. So I tried to put my sneakers on or try to get ready. I put my sweatshirt on and my hooded sweatshirt back on. And then also I'm talking to the doctor.

He's telling me, but he's got to give me another prescription for therapy and another prescription for some fucking pills for anti-inflammatory and dog. I'm standing in the hallway and all of a sudden I can actually smell my shit from 10 minutes early and it's fucking thick. It's fucking thicker than death. I fucking took those prescriptions. And before any of those women in that front office could smell it, I tore our ass out of that fucking office.

And I ran to the fucking, I told my wife, let's get out of here before they figure out I destroyed that fucking bathroom. It was embarrassing as fuck, but somebody's got to do it. That's the Wednesday morning shit story. I got a lot of the lay on you. You know, we always lay some type of shit story on you. There was one last week because they give me these pills at 7.30. They got to take them.

I think I got four left. They're like two to break, you know, because all the drugs you're eating make your stomach get all full and shit like that. So this, you know, I don't know what it's called. Constipation. Yeah. What's it called? Constipation.

Constipation from the pills. This missile shoots right through the constipation. Who gives a fuck? I figured we'd open up with a little cha-cha just to break the ice. You know what I'm saying? It's Wednesday. We got to go, who's going to be uptight? Did you get your vaccine yet?

No. Who gives a fuck? You're still going to die. Who gives a fuck? Anyway. Eventually. Everybody now with the fucking vaccine, it's not enough. The school teachers ain't getting them.

It never fucking ends. It never fucking ends. At least we got ourselves. We got our lives, our minds, and our own hearts and stories. I got an email on Patreon the other day. That was pretty interesting and we'll discuss it. It was, how do you know, did you ever feel karma being served? He goes, because right now I'm going through a bad streak and I ran wild for years like

you did. I want to know if you ever felt karma while it was being served. The question took me back for a second. I'm like, fuck, yeah. You know, I was on a, I went on a roll, you know, jerk off wise from the time my mother died to the time I got arrested. When I got arrested, that was karma being served and then some. And I knew it.

I knew it when I was thinking that jail cell, that this is, for all the sins I did, blah, blah, blah. When I ended up going to prison and I got sentenced to prison, I made a constant effort while I was in there that this was, I had a new start, I had a new beginning, you know, which is always great to know that you have a fucking, I'm sorry about my eye. I got one eye that's up here and one that's like, yeah, I'm like a junior cyclops. I don't know if I put too much vizine in one growing up. I don't know what the fuck's going on in my eye.

But I noticed that the other day in one of the videos, when in between me going out on bail and me getting sentenced from December of 87 to August of 88, I did feel the karma being served. Everything, a lot of bad shit happened to me. My house got robbed. I got arrested. I got arrested for shoplifting. I fucking ripped my arm open.

I needed a bunch of stitches in my arm. I never got the stitches because I'm a pussy, but I ripped my arm open. The story is endless. I was just, it was just karma being fucking served, you know. And there's things I think about today and I go, one of them I got to pay for that thing that I did back then, you know, I mean, at least I'm on, this is why a couple weeks ago I did a podcast and after I did the podcast, I was mad because, you know, so what? Some kids steal some fucking videos from me.

You know, I'm going to be mad and do a podcast and yell on a podcast. That's fucking hypocrisy, Joe. For years you stole videos like a mother, I didn't steal videos, but you know, by the time I was stealing videos, we're nothing to steal. I didn't steal no videos, but you understand my point that I'm a hypocrite because I got pissed because some kid was stealing videos. For years I stole everything that wasn't super glued down and all of a sudden I'm mad, you know.

So I felt that those nine months karma was being served. I did pay for a lot of my sins, a lot of shit, a lot of skeletons that I had in the closet came out, you know, like little personal issues that nobody really knows about, that we all know about ourselves, that we can't control came out, you know. I felt it being served, you know, but it's so weird also when you serve up karma. It just feels great when somebody has fucked with you or somebody has wronged you or somebody has done something to you in the past and you take the high road, you take the high road, but still karma is still going, even if you take the, listen, when it comes to somebody

messing with you or somebody doing something wrong to you, like the things I did to people, all that, all those years, there's no, there's no high road, you know, there's no, you could even take the low road and keep being a fucking jerk off or be a high road and apologize. What I'm trying to explain that, there's no fucking, you know, when you're waiting for karma to get served, there's no high road, expect the worst. You expect the fucking worst, you know. Last week I told you about when the girl fell off the bike and shit like that, I still think about what if, what if my daughter falls off the bike?

Is that going to be karma served for that? So do you understand me? I have a lot coming to me. I've done a lot of good things and I've helped a lot of people that I wasn't supposed to help. I've helped them out of the kindness of my heart to kind of even out the game a little bit, to even out my karma, but I'm definitely a big time believer in karma. And even when you don't want to serve it, there's times you serve it, like this time

you might have a misunderstanding with somebody and you didn't take it that wrong, but the people around you took it wrong. And years later, you get the opportunity to fucking stab the dude or whatever. I was thinking about this, this story that I was telling you about a guy a couple weeks ago called Jim Wheeler, that when I got out of, out of bail, he got married and there were people at his, that were going to his wedding that didn't want me at his wedding. So they didn't come and he sent them the gift back. Jim Wheeler was my dog.

Jim Wheeler knew I was a wild man. Jim Wheeler and Joe Rogan are basically a lot of the same person, the way they treated me. With Jim Wheeler, he knew I was a wild man and he knew that I would be crazy, but he respected my car sales ability. He respected what I did, my hard work. He respected me when I worked. When I went to sell cars, I fucking worked.

I went out there and a lot. I wrote letters, I made phone calls, I followed through. My day was a lot different than a lot of other guys, even though I was a fucking junkie. And when it came to comedy, listen, I'm a fucking criminal. Joe Rogan's never even gotten arrested. Joe Rogan's never been inside of a prison. Joe Rogan's never, inside of a county jail, inside of a cell. Joe Rogan's never done cocaine.

Joe Rogan's never done a drug. You asked yourself, why does a guy like Joe, well, why would somebody like Jim Wheeler hang out with me? Because they have respect for how I held myself up in comedy. With Joe's comedy, me and Joe have the same mentality towards comedy. It's all a fucking nothing. You got to commit. You got to write.

You got to get out there every night. There's no fucking excuses. And that's it. And that's how you get my respect when it comes to comics. With Jim Wheeler, he liked me because he, whatever. When you're in a car business, you move around a lot. Stores go hot, stores go cold, pay plans. New general manager comes into a store and he changes things around.

The life of his car dealers, they move around like every six, nine months. Every once in a while, they catch a break for three or four years on a nice dealership. But they move around. My man, Big Joe, over in St. Louis, Joey Felato, he moves around every two years. Sometimes he's doing F and I, which is finance. Sometimes he's just a closer. It just depends what type of deal they're closing. It's not that they're bad people that they're moving around, they got to support a family.

Jimmy Wheeler's case, you know, he had two kids, they had to support a family. So he got me that job to start this story off. We got to talk about Jim Wheeler. He's the one that gave me the job in the Subaru place after I got out of prison. I didn't sell a car the whole month of December and he had to let me go. But throughout that, he always had a job for me. Okay. Jim Wheeler always had a job for me.

So forget about Jim Wheeler. Forget about Joe Rogan. I'm going to take you to October of 83. I was living in Snowmass Village and my roommate is Jimmy Burkle, God rest his soul. And at night, three, four nights a week, the only, I was 20 at the time. So I didn't turn 21 until 84. So I really couldn't go to bars in Colorado when I first got there. Yeah, I looked older and I had fake IDs and stuff when I snuck into bars, but I didn't

want to go to bars. I didn't want to go all the way up to Aspen. And there was a couple of bars in Snowmass that you go to, but during the week, we kept it light. We went to this hotel called the Crestwood. The Crestwood had the coolest fucking staff at the time, plus they had a section for employee housing where all the employees lived and it was just a fucking party. Couples, couple girls, couple guys, always a great time.

The leader of that whole fucking click up there was a guy by the name of Vince Hall. He's dead now. Rest in peace. Great guy from North Carolina. He must have been about 40. To me, I was 20. He was just an old fucking man, but I respected him. I liked him.

He was into fishing, a lot of fishing. So he'd go fishing five, six days a week, and he cooked fish on the grill for us. And it was me, and in 83, I didn't work there. In 83, I worked around Snowmass, and I would go to the Crestwood at night. The employee housing was on the corner of, it was at the end, all the way at the end of all the condos. They had like their own, maybe two floors, and they had a jacuzzi outside of that condo. And we had like a little gated area, and then we had a yard back there.

I mean, it was all wilderness back there. It was a ski resort back there. What am I saying? So we hung out out there a couple nights a week. We'd meet by the jacuzzi at seven. We'd just jacuzzi, bring up a couple joints, bring up a few beers, and just bullshit. We were all in our 20s, 21. There was a couple clicks.

There were a couple of us. There was 10 dudes from like Monroe, Louisiana. One dude worked there, so his friends all hung out with him. And there was some other dudes from Mankato, Minneapolis. They were badass motherfuckers. They lived 17 to an apartment. There were 17 of them in the two bedroom apartment in my building, in the deep, in Creekside Apartments, in the D building.

They lived on the third floor. They all had jobs, and they all just lived in the apartment. Just to ski, because they were never there. They all had two jobs. They all worked on the slope in the morning, and then the night they'd work at a restaurant or a retail. Everything was about skiing. Everything was about skiing with those guys, and jumping off cliffs, and mountain diving,

and fucking going. You know, when you raft in the summer, these guys were fucking cool. The dudes from Mankato, one of their guys worked for a rafting company. So if you were bored, you'd go rafting on Saturdays, on the fucking arm. And the other guys, they fucking, I mean, they were just great guys. They also worked for all the other ski resorts, so we all had passes from different mountains. It was just great being 20 up there. But during the week, it was us, me, Carl, this guy, Kip.

He had a friend from Chico, California, you know, there was no girls that hung out with us. There was no player. There was bitches. There was no bitches. It was just like six or seven guys. There was maybe some of the girls that worked at the hotel, Vince, me, Carl. And these guys, and we would go there and talk shit, and we would go home by 9.30, and

we'd get cold, and we'd go home. Then there was another group of guys that were like 25s to 26s. And that guy's name was Doug, and they hung out with a guy, Mikey, and they had another guy, I forget what his name was, he was like a Viking looking motherfucking shit like that. And they were okay with us. And then there was another crew that worked at the hotel, and they were between 28 and 32. I remember one of them, I forget what his name was, like Steve, but I still remember

being in a closed room with him. And he was like an adult, I'm fucking 25, I'm 21. He's a fucking adult. We're all 21 year olds, and he's like, I wonder what Van Halen is going to sound like, which Sammy Hagar, I'm so excited about that, I'm like, you're 29 years old, what are you excited about? You're a fucking old man. Can you imagine?

I'm like telling him I'm an old man, now I'm 58, I'm fucking twice his fucking age. And I'm telling him, you're a fucking old man, you should be out doing shit worrying about Sammy Hagar. What the fuck is wrong with him? Well, he was a good guy. He was one of the dudes that I went to Denver with when we rented the plane. It was me, Cato, Carl, and this guy that used to always say, set the urban free, that's all the dude would say, he was a white dude.

And every time you'd see him, he'd say, let's set the urban free. So he hung out on that crew, too. And they were all nice guys, we were all very nice, I swear to you, there was never a problem in the four months I lived up there. I would go up, I didn't even drink, and I would chip in for beers, never a problem. Everybody liked each other, I liked the Louisiana guys, I liked the guys from Mankato, I loved Will, whatever, the fucking whole brothers, Kip and his buddy from Chino, we were all tight. One Saturday night, I remember this like it was yesterday, but I remember the story the

other day because I was just thinking about karma being served and how our lives work out. One Saturday afternoon, we're sitting there, I don't know what we all did, and we all met up there about six o'clock and we're just hanging out, having a good time talking shit, basketball, football, whatever, whatever 20 to 20 year olds do. And a car pulled up and it was this guy Doug and another white dude. But at that time it was employee housing, some must have been 15 people in the house and like eight of us, nine of us outside, and Doug and his fucking friend, whatever

his name was, I still remember what the guy looked like, get out of the car, you know they were too cool for school, they walked past us and went into the fucking house. So we had like a tub, like those metal tubs, and every night whatever you showed up with they just put in the tub and then the car will get ice from the fucking ice machines and we just covered up, whatever was in there, wine, coolers, beers, whatever the fuck they had in there. Some nights there was 50 beers, some nights there was 80 beers, some nights there were six beers.

On this particular night there's like fucking 50 beers, it's like six of us hanging out, talking shit, doing bong heads, you know my feet are in the fucking jacuzzi maybe, and Doug and his buddy come out and they're like hey guys, how you guys doing? And they used to hang out at a bar called the Woody Creek Tavern, they were like two dirt merchants, you know like we didn't hang out at those, I used to go to Woody Creek just to get weed with my buddy Cato, I forget what his last name is, Cato, that's what we used to call him. I forget what his real name was but his street name was Cato.

So these two guys come over and it starts off fine, we're talking, they drink their beers, they say can we take another one, Carl's goes hey man help yourself, they take another one and then I don't know where they go, alright we're going to leave and the guy, like the guy that was with Doug kind of like said we're going to leave now anyway and he spit like I don't know, it didn't come off right and then he took two beers, gave them to Doug and he took two beers and as they were walking away Carl goes oh where you going with those fucking beers man, you didn't even ask for them and the guy turned around and he goes hey fucking redneck man, I don't have to ask for fucking beers, you know, I'm just taking

them, I thought they were there, he goes nah but I'm telling you to put them down. And the guy goes well since you said it like that I'm not going to put them down. Now I knew, I didn't know what everybody's ability was in there. I knew I was a little nuts, I knew the one guy from New Orleans had broken some guys arm like a month earlier and asked when he was like a judo guy and he just broke the guy's fucking elbow and threw him up. So I knew the judo guy was a badass motherfucker, I knew nothing about Carl. Carl was six foot one, lanky, big hands, big knuckles, but Carl was nuts.

You didn't want to say something? No, he's the one, he's the one that said hey bring back the fucking beers, what the fuck you guys think you're going and the guy was like very disrespectful, he's like what the fuck is your problem redneck boy or some shit. He goes I'm taking the fucking beers and Carl looks back and he goes I'm telling you put them down, put them down and the guy goes I ain't putting the shit down, he goes I'm only going to put them down to knock you to fuck out or something like that and Carl goes you want to fucking prom motherfucker so half of us get out of the tub, Vince his brother

comes out and goes what's going on I go you know so we all go over, the guy's got the two bottles in his hand and he's like what you really want a prom and Carl goes I'm going to tell you to put the bottles down again the guy goes I'm telling you I'm taking these with me, he didn't even say with me and called through a punch that I had only heard once before that it was that loud dog he hit him so hard that when the guy's face turned whatever he had here hit the floor like three feet away he busted his fucking head with his hands guys I mean there was just an explosion of fucking blood the guy went down like Tom Segura remember how Tom Segura landed on his arm and shit the guy the punches

went pow and the guy just went boom and he fucking just dropped hit his head and then Carl took the beers out of his hand he goes I told you you want to put the beers down and he took the two beers out of his hand and he goes Doug put the fucking beers down and Doug goes I'm going to put these beers down but what you did you weren't right what you did he goes what did I do he goes the guy threatened me and I stuck up to myself and that's when his brother goes yeah Doug I think he got the wrong fucking bunch of guys here tonight you know I saw the whole thing go down he threatened my brother and he called him a fucking redneck and all this shit put the fucking beers down and Doug goes

we'll see how tough you motherfuckers are I'll get you back so we don't we laugh at it the fucking they got bro they had one of the fucking tourists had to come down and put a turban around the guys had the guy was bleeding profusely they had to pick him up into the fucking car and we all went in the tub like we don't know nothing cops came like a half hour but later and they asked what happened we're like we have no idea the guy must have been drunk when he fell from skiing nobody do nothing now it was a Saturday Sundays was our big day Sundays we used to fucking meet at the snowmass there was a snowmass club there was it was like a big fucking gym that I was a part of when I was a volunteer fireman I think I told you

about that story on the church we won't go into it but you could they had a big huge property you know I was a volunteer fireman let's not get into that one so every Sunday we would meet at like oh 10 maybe 9 30 me and the New Orleans boys and Mankato boys Carl Kitt it was a bunch of us and we play two hand touch football two hand touch that's it real gentleman everybody had a good time and then we go by the New Orleans boys and they would make like a gumbo or they would fucking fry catfish up this is this was just a dream I was just a kid out of Jersey I had never been to Colorado I'd never had friends like this before but every fucking weekend we

did the same shit once Friday came Friday night we all went to the same and there was no cocaine involved you didn't hear me say nothing about coke I wasn't doing these I was doing coke but these guys didn't know I was a thief and that I snored a coke by myself these were just great guys and we were all young and we're all just having a good time so on Sundays we play fucking two hand touch football and we got so good at it that we became a team and then we would play like the guys from the conical gas station from old snowmass we would play some guys from basalt we would play some guys from fucking haspen you know from restaurants would be like snowmass so this went all the way up we started doing this like in August and we went all the way up to

I think in November got too cold and started snowing but every Sunday we do this and then sometimes after we play football we would just go into the back with trucks and go shooting everybody had guns you know the the mankato boys were hunters they would hunt deer and the new all-eens got they were they weren't from new all-eens they were from Monroe Louisiana I'll never forget these motherfuckers and they were into shooting so sometimes we would play football take our guns afterward and go in the behind snowmass like there was just acres and acres that you could drive in deserted roads and we just set up targets and all of us would shoot shotguns and he would let me shoot his shotgun I would shoot his double barrel he would let me

shoot like whatever so it was pretty interesting it was just a bunch of young guys and we were having a fucking blast nobody was fighting there was no sex nobody was fucking nobody else's girlfriends it was just kids having a good time and then this fucking Saturday night this happens with this fucking jerk off all right so we forget all about it we get up the next day and we play football and we go shooting so we got our guns with us but instead of going back to Louisiana that day we were getting fish and we were gonna grill them on the on the grill up by the Crestwood by the employee housing and we're all gonna hang out over there we didn't even you know I think it was mentioned one time about what happened the night before that fucking car had knocked our

Doug's friend nobody really got into it so all said by the jacuzzi we got guns in our bags you know my guns don't like the car like I was I was with somebody else who had a car I'd like to say it was my road bug but I'm not sure and all of a sudden four cars pull up and it's Doug the dude with the fucking turbine that that car had knocked out the reason why I said he went down like Tom Segura's because he had a broken arm through the level on his elbow or something mapping but he had a broken arm and he came they got out of the car he didn't have nothing the guy but Doug and all his friends had sticks and shit fucking sticks and shit and fucking they're like we're gonna fuck you's all up blah blah blah blah blah blah and then Vince came out and we had like

10 people in the house all the New Orleans kids were there and half of the Mankatoans were there so we all just rose and we go you want to fucking fight motherfucker we'll fucking fight and Vince goes I don't know what this is about all I know is that last night I witnessed you try to bully my brother and then my brother knocked you to fuck out fucked you up and now you got the balls to come back here and start more fucking problems well look what we have here do you really want to fucking do this or do you just want to bang it out well the one guy goes why I'm his brother and I just want to crack at you a fucking brother and Carl goes fuck it let's do it I don't give a fuck if you're his older his younger brother I don't give a fuck

I'm knock out I'm knock you out the same way I knocked out your fucking brother I'm sitting there going holy shit and we got guns too they don't know we got guns but the New Orleans boys they weren't scared of fucking pulling that pistol so I'm like this is gonna get fucking ugly the guy comes out Carl gets out of the fucking jacuzzi they wrestle for a little while Carl gets on top of him pounds him like 10 times we pick him up it's all over but the shot right so when all this was going down I was kind of yelling like I'm like this ain't gonna happen I go what should happen here Doug Doug Doug was out of line I was never too crazy about Doug let's get this out of the way I like Doug and you know like Doug was one of those guys that you just he was in acquaintance

but when everything was going down they were gonna beat Carl up you're not gonna hit Carl in front of me and I got vocal with Doug I go Doug you got some fucking pair of balls coming up here with these fucking guys that's disrespectful this is our fucking thing here you came up here last night started trouble and now you're gonna come back today and start more fucking trouble Doug and he's like you know what man maybe we should put our fucking gloves on I never liked the Yankees too much anyway and I'm like let's fucking do it bitch you know and before we got down they broke us up and the fucking no we're gonna be cool Carl had already beat the kid up so Vince kept saying to him you already got beat up what's next we beat up your grandfather you know like like

you already got beat up you know so take him in the fucking car and get the fuck out of here a little argument it was like 20 minutes argument and we all went our separate ways but Doug kept saying yo New York I'm gonna be looking for you and I kept saying whenever you want the bitch right you know and I was a little scared he had me by five years you know whatever I'd never been in that position I'm a little scared I go home I don't think about it December comes January comes I go to New York I fucking end up homeless I'm here 18 months I go to fucking Boulder I'm in Boulder in 85 I'm I head up in San Francisco and now finally November of 86 this is three years from the time with the fucking karma I go back up to Snowmass Village I hook up with Vince and Carl

I'm hooking up with the boys and we're doing our thing and one day out of the blue I go hey guys what the fuck have happened to Doug and they're like Doug you mean shotgun Doug and I don't know Doug the guy that came up that day and Carl smacked his friend around they're like you have no idea what happened with this fucking idiot he's getting high with a girl one night they're doing coke at a hotel in Snowmass and he was I never got high with him but supposedly he was one of those creepy guys when you got high with him I never got high with him at all like I said at that time I was doing coke I just wasn't doing coke with them nobody really in my circle knew I did coke I kept the secret so I could rob

everybody so they would never think it was me so I go yeah shotgun Doug I guess that's what they called him shotgun Doug the one that fucking Carl knocked his friend down he goes oh that motherfucker was doing coke with a girl one night and for you fact checkers that you find everything please find this find this and post it when I did the uh the Ryan Sickle podcast I told the story about the guy that shot the four kids and somebody found the article for me and Boulder and the Michael Bell article please find this article about shotgun Doug Snowmass Village 85 so he's getting high with a girl all right the girl gets up goes to the bathroom well he got up and went to the bathroom when he came back he said there was more coke there than

what there was it was like five in the morning and he's like all coked up and he's like man there was more coke here before I went to the bathroom she's like I don't know what you're talking about you know we've been just to a coke and he's like there was more fucking coke there you better fucking get the coke out or I'm gonna fucking kill you and the girl's like what are you talking about I didn't take your coke the guy goes in the back room comes out with a shotgun puts it to the fucking girl's head and he's like give me the fucking coke back you fucking bitch I'm gonna fucking shoot you well somebody was walking by and seeing all this going on they don't mind one one and squats around at this fucking house and he had the girl at gunpoint

like give me more coke well I'll shoot the fucking girl like that's what he was asking for this is no joke people this is a true story he heard he held the girl captive until they brought him more coke this is fucking insane he kept yelling that the girl took his coke and finally they fucking made him put his shotgun down they arrested him and nobody knew what happened to him including me I don't know what happened to him so what year is this guys that I'm telling you about 80 fucking five okay right there 86 right there I forget all about shotgun duck all right but I always knew I wanted to smack him in the face I didn't like that Yankee remark and I'd never heard that before I'd never heard somebody call me a fucking Yankee so I was like

that motherfucker called me a Yankee I gotta get him back so I asked people what happened like he's probably in jail he's probably dead and buried by now but there's a thing called karma and karma never fucking forgets that's why I love you motherfuckers that think you get away with shit you don't get away with nothing I'm 58 and I've seen shit unwind like I've seen people like might come up to me and say Joey we gotta go beat up this fucking dude he did this to me and I'll go don't give it a month or two watch what this guy gets himself into on his own and sure enough he gets fucking stabbed and you're like how did you know because you knew the direction he was going and I've seen it a thousand times I've seen it a thousand times you don't have to fucking

you don't have to call out everybody who crosses you because eventually they're gonna fuck themselves up and then you can laugh in their face and then you could fucking send them that tweet and go go fuck your mother now cocksucker whatever you know that's why you gotta be careful when you rub shit in people's faces you gotta be real so I'm not thinking nothing about Doug nothing my life is going on we're gonna take you back to 1994 I did time I uh got into comedy and I went back to Jersey 93 and I tried to get my life together after the divorce and I tried to do some comedy I got a job limo running you guys have heard this story now I'm back and I go back October of 93 November 93 I go back to Boulder Colorado I want to be a dad

I want to be a fucking father I moved to Nevada first I got a job of like Douglas Toyota but I wanted to move to Boulder I'm not a Denver guy I'm a Boulder guy at the time I don't know what Boulder's like now this is at the time so I finally got a fucking apartment in Boulder and I'm hustling I'm trying to make ends meet and December comes along and boom I got a fucking somebody's telling me that Jim Wheeler's looking for me so I go really I call Jim Wheeler back this guy always had a job for me he calls me when he goes Joey I got a fucking perfect job for you no suits no ties we're gonna work at a car lot named sprinkler sprinkler car lot and long month Colorado he goes I told the guy all about you I told him that you could speak Spanish

he's going to give you a $5,000 advance a $5,000 bonus and he's going to give you a demo to come work here and your hours are going to be 10 to six six days a week I go this is the perfect fucking comedy job it's not even in Boulder it's in long month between you and I guys at that time I wasn't very proud of going to prison so I kept it under the hat I felt very out of place I'd been out of prison for years and I still hadn't told unless you knew me I wasn't very open about that conversation I kept that I was very embarrassed at the time about it and I had every right to be I'm still embarrassed about it but I did some with my life so it's not as embarrassing as it was back then when you first come out of

prison I know for me I was very embarrassed about it and I wasn't as open as I am today about talking about anything I didn't say shit to anybody about it when Jim Wheeler called me I go Jim is he going to check for felonies and he goes no don't worry about nothing I get your license you don't be fine because you need a license to sell cars only you know not only a driver's license but you also need a sales license and sometimes you can't get it if you have a felony so he goes don't worry about the license I got you so boom I got the fucking sprinkler finally you know I'm gonna get some fucking financial help you know I mean I was making ends meet but this car this job would put me in the you know four to six seven thousand a month range and I could really do comedy

and really you know like this will really help me I still got my nights to myself this job meant the world to me I fucking went there elbows and assholes brother you know me dog I just don't talk to talk I walk the walk I sold four cars in four days I made like two thousand fucking bucks first week I think I made twenty hundred bucks second week I think I made like 2400 bucks on cars I mean this was a great job it was easy it was for people that kind of had bad credit so they paid a little extra financing and you made money on the financing it was gonna be a perfect job it was already like December 15th and I had made 5000 bucks and I was gonna go off and this is it there's gonna be my sales job I got myself a sales job I got my comedy career going everything's

going on track finally sprinkler decides to have a Christmas party December 18th December 17th one of those days we're gonna have a Christmas party we're gonna sell cars till three and then from three to seven he's gonna have to spread out food the whole fucking thing I get there everybody got t-shirts on I think I saw a car and all of a sudden we closed down and we're about to have a party and it's still cool out it's still you know 60 degrees out it's Colorado it's 60 degrees in fact it's so cool out we're playing basketball we're playing basketball all of a sudden you know more people kept coming you know like the sprinklers party more people kept coming it's 1993 who's at the fucking party who looks at me and goes you remember me man I go

yeah shotgun duck and he looks at me he goes hey man don't call me fucking shotgun and I go all right I won't say nothing so now we're playing basketball and we're covering each other right I'm covering him he's covering me I'm pretty fucking good in basketball even though by this time I'm 30 something I'm not fat I still got a few moves and shit I'm taking him to the hoop I'm all rebounding him he's making little comments he's saying oh you got good playing learning how to play ball in prison bro my blood pressure went up 2000 over 2000 so I started calling him shotgun duck shotgun duck shotgun what's the story and he's like don't call me shotgun I go well then check your fucking words too and he looks at me he goes I can say whatever the fuck I want I go remember

ten years ago when you said that the car hall and your buddy's head almost flew off his fucking shoulders and he's like that was done but this is now and all this shit we're playing basketball and I'm like I can't lose this fucking job I can't say nothing to this kid because I can't lose the job but now the guy that owned the fucking place whatever his name is is outside also and he's watching we're playing three on three and he's watching this playing this fucking game and finally the guy goes yeah Joey got really good in prison and dog I was never so fucking embarrassed in my life I waited and also everybody goes yeah the game is over all right let's go inside and eat and we all got dressed and shit and you know it's just your regular car lot with like a trailer

you ever see like they all have a trailer like a a metal trailer and fucking you know wheel is my boss Jim's there you know and I love Jim to death and we're all talking we're eating I don't know pizza whatever Mexican food and I'm so fucking pissed his shotgun dug because he ratted me out he told everybody I'd been to prison I was so fucking embarrassed plus I still owe them a smack to the face from fucking 83 and the fucking crestwood that day so I look at him I go Doug you want to smoke a joint and he goes he looks at me kind of weird but he's a stupid fuck me not knowing me knowing I went to prison and whatever knowing what we had just gone through I wouldn't have smoked a joint with me but he agreed he goes yeah I go let's go around the back so old man sprinkler don't

see us I get him around the back I go you ever say anything to anybody about me going to prison again he goes fuck you I grab him by his ears like I grabbed a dude in inland prison who had the long hand dirty hair I grabbed him by the fucking back of his and I pounded his head against that that fucking trailer like 20 times until fucking sprinkler came running out with Jim Wheeler Jim Wheeler grabbed me off him sprinkler grabbed me off him shotgun Doug was crying he was fucking crying I go yeah now don't call you know you were fucking telling people I went to prison I was you know I told you not to tell people how's it feel now motherfucker and he's like well fuck you you were calling me shotgun I'm like but I didn't mean it like that I just thought that's what they

called you I didn't mean it like that but you know what man is I was walking away like I looked at him and I'm like you know what fuck this punk comma just got served I got fired the fucking guy came up and he's like you can't raise your hand there on my lot I'm gonna have to fire you he's like good friends with me and I told him I said bro it was just a misunderstanding there was no customers we you know he didn't know who he was talking to it took me fucking 10 years because I was still mad at him from that night when he called me a fucking Yankee I had never heard that expression before I'm like what the fuck is a Yankee I never heard that before like we don't like you fucking Yankees so it took me

10 fucking years almost to the date it was like 10 years and too much from the time he called me fucking Yankee by the time I banged this head off the trail I lost my job they paid me I didn't go to jail why was he how did he get invited he was in the car business he had when he got out of prison he got to listen to car business when you when you when you when you go to prison and you got out of jail and you you really are a human being like you really need to work the car business is nine out of ten the only place that'll take you you can make a hundred grand cooks yeah he was make he was working for a wholesaler since we sold cars retail he was working for a wholesaler and that's how he ended up in this fucking party but it's a small fucking world brother

that's why you never know that's why don't get pissed be patient and you never know yeah now they call them whatever Doug fucking poor Doug I banged his head like 20 times off that fucking wall that's when I was fucking buck wild too anyway that's my story about comma and that's Uncle Joey's joint Tuesday January 27th listen we've made another fucking month man that's all I'm happy about January's done January's behind us next time I'll see you guys is February fucking first I love you motherfuckers have a great weekend and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors stay black all right thank you for listening and taking the time off to hang out with me and shit

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