Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #037 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Monday, February 8th.... Today, we talked about Patience..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Zip Recruiter & Blue Chew..... Go to https://www.DraftKings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY Go to https://www.BlueChew.com and enter Code: JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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With that, let's get this fucking party started. There's a little packet of blue chew right there. You put it in your pocket You take it out When you're ready to get a little piece Baboom, you eat that and within minutes you're fucking staring at a pole. Let's get this party started Hey, look who it is. What's happening? What's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday The 8th of mother fucking february. It's a beautiful day to be alive Welcome to uncle joey's joint again. I'm here on a monday with my light little blue sweatshirt on

Listen, I like blue on a monday morning a little light blue. It starts the week off, right? Let you know i'm non-threatening. You know i'm saying it's just a A cute little color. You know i'm saying just to start the week off on the right fucking leg here If not, you know, it's funny. I told you guys that when I used to go to for commercials If I would wear a black shirt to a mobster commercial I wouldn't get it But if I'd wear a white shirt To a mobster commercial I'd get it

If I did it for a movie it was vice versa So if I went for a mobster role in a movie I would use a black shirt if I go for a mobster movie In a commercial I would wear a white shirt. So just it's like a joke. It's not what you say It's how you say it. So sometimes for me colors It just I don't know. I just wanted to fucking talk about the color blue. I had a great weekend this weekend the Super Bowl was great Fucking saturday one of my friends called me up and he

Asked me if I wanted to go to another friend of mine's house That just had surgery. He's having fucking surgery. It's my age. It's funny because When I got there There was four of us. It was my friend his wife and the guy who drove me We've been hanging out together since we were Maybe 13 years old I remember her going to take me To get my driver's license paperwork before

I had a connection and my buddy didn't even need to get me a driver's license He just called the driving school But she was the one that took me when I was 16 and a half to get my permit That's how back I go with these people, you know So I guess he broke his toe. So he's got like a boot on like my wife So we just went down there yesterday and ate a few brownies and talked shit You know, and this is what I got home. My wife was like, how was it? And I was like, you know I had forgotten about this

I had forgotten what it was to sit with friends and just talk Everything for the last 20 years, especially my life in LA has been business and this is What this move was about people For me, this move wasn't about a career move If I wanted a career, I was gonna stay in LA You know, I I don't know Right now as of March, what is it February 8th?

Right now, I don't know what's gonna happen with stand-up. I know that I have That weekend on my birthday at Vinnie's I got the 24th I got the whole month of March. I'm doing a uh, you know, a residency there But after that, I really don't know I've been doing commie now This month right now was when I started At Whitsend 30 years ago, you know, this is 30 years. I've been doing this So I don't want you going to spread in rumors that I'm quitting. I'm not quitting I'm not quitting to stand up. I just don't know how or how I want to do it, you know

I might just do it as a hobby I might just stay in New Jersey. I might just stay on the east coast Who knows maybe in September my mind will change remember when the movie comes out My mind will change completely But as of right now, I don't even see me getting on a plane, man It's the weirdest fucking thing like I just I talked to Theo, you know, I had a nice talk with Theo and Theo's like Dog, I'm not even looking at anything till 2022. I was like Jesus Christ I thought I was fucking bad, you know, it's just

You know, and he said he goes I'm tired. We've been burnt out, you know, I go back with Theo I didn't know Theo at the time But I remember playing Beaumont, Texas Which is on the Louisiana border pretty close. You know Fact check me maybe an hour. I think I don't know And I remember playing Beaumont and hearing about Theo And Beaumont was slayed rude slayed Ham's rooms shot out the slayed ham down in Houston He had the room out in Beaumont

And I would hear about Theo Theo was kicking ass down in New Orleans as a young kid So the other night when I was talking to Theo Theo was like dog. I'm fucking tired. I was like goddamn I thought I was the only one he's He said he was looking to buy a house in Nashville. He likes it and uh That yeah, he's not looking to do anything, you know, and we're all the same. I mean, we're all doing spots He goes to the Monday night Zainis right at Nashville and They give him a Wednesday a month and you know, we're still in it like that but To be back in the impact of that of how big that was

At the time, I don't think I could do it anymore. It's not that I don't want to do it You know, I love you motherfuckers. You know, I love performing. I just I don't even see myself doing a 1030 show Like that's how far away my mind is like I was like What if I got to do two shows and one night I got to work on my comedy cardio again Yeah, it's been a February 29th was my last road gig February 29th. Remember last year was a fucking leap year. So don't say joey There's no February 29th. There was a fucking leap year. I was in vegas. That was my schedule last year consisted of Atlanta one night two shows

valentine's day and fucking Tempe and then vegas. I did three weekends on the road last year And you know, I always worked out. I don't feel confident when I go on stage now guys I'm doing that birthday weekend And the tickets are 25 bucks because they have to but I feel kind of weird I'm not up to fucking par. I will be by that night. You know, once I touch the stage Shit happens. I start talking. I get a joint in me. You know, we start fucking around but No, I'm not I'm not a third of the comic. I was if you want me to be on

At least I feel that if you guys feel something different than you know, I appreciate it But I don't feel I'm a third of the comic. I was I'm still clunky Even in my writing I write every fucking day and especially the last three weeks. I have written more I have thought of more fucking stories By the way, I called my buddy mike robuck. We had a great talk in colorado And we were talking about all those times and I met mike in 85 And we're gonna do a zoom in a couple of weeks He's just trying to get his kid back in school and stuff in colorado because his wife is a teacher

We got on the phony and i mike robuck was one of those kids I told you about that was my friends and aspen with carl and vince hall when Carl punched a guy in the head and a piece of meat flew out of his head and all this shit Me and mike were on the phone the other day telling stories I had a fire almost bent over. I almost had to take a painful. I was laughing so fucking hard Just about things that we were doing up in colorado as kids and shit like that But to get back to the original conversation. I don't even know how I got on mike robuck to get back on the original conversation

That's been the first time I've been with four friends I mean joe rayo. I've known joe rayo. His father turned me on to marble bread bobby bender I fucking his parents took me in when my mother died Didi cardinelli. I knew her and her sister the mother fey Listen to this the mother fey was the first milf That I ever hit on that was the first that was my first me to attack back in 1979 She's like mercy's grandmother now mercy loves fey

loves fey Every time I go over that I feel so bad because I tried to make a move on fey when I was 15 When I was 16, I tried to make a move on fey and she still remembers and we still talk about it We still giggle about but now she's an old woman. It's crazy how I go over there with my daughter And my daughter disappears with fey. They just sit on the couch They watch cartoons. My daughter explains the cartoons to fey Fey fucking loves it. It's it's it's just a different world guys So my wife asked me, what'd you you know, what'd you guys talk about? What'd you do?

I said, you know, we just drank water. We smoked a half a number, you know, shit like that But I go Terry it was just the point of being With three people that I grew up with You guys know I could have moved to austin. I could have just called joe in one minute And I miss joe. I miss joe with all my heart. I miss red band, you know how much I love those guys But I wanted to be home. It was I had done my time I had done my I had done everything I had to do in LA

And right now, I mean if if there's nights I sit here going yeah, I'm gonna do comedy I don't know what extent I'm gonna do it to or whatever. I was telling them yesterday at the table And I said it I said I'd rather walk out on my feet Than crawling on my knees What does that mean that After a year or two or not doing stand-up. I start going on stage and booking these Fucking rooms and these agents are pushing you gotta charge 55 hours And you're like guys i'm not worth 55 fucking dollars

You know, I don't want to have to go on stage and have to room walk out because I just don't have it anymore And that's what I feel sometimes I feel like My comedy window came and went I swear to god. I feel this I swear to fucking god. It's just it's like anything Anderson silver was a fucking great fighter One day he broke his leg and he can't stop fucking losing You know and some people stay around too long And then you got to crawl out. I don't want a dog. I'm not known for fucking crawling out on my knees

So i'm not gonna gonna do it now. I like walking out of things I like walking away from things on my fucking terms Like the church like joey karate. I do shit like that all the time. I've been doing that since i'm a kid Like cocaine once it's over It's fucking over. That's it. There's no going back. There's no revisiting There's no let's try it one more time for old times sake. It's over. It's over. That's it Because if not, you'll be fucking haunted for the rest of your fucking life, you know So it's just nice just to go down there

I got to sit in the front seat finally. I can sit in the front seat. I don't have to sit in the back with my leg propped up People fucking looking at me like i'm driving miss daisy My wife is driving me around in superwood. I'm sitting in the back seat With my leg up. It feels like my groin's gonna pull. I'm good. We made it. It's been a month It's today's a month since the fucking Uh Surgery, how do I look people? Do I look like the pills got to me? Was there a big fucking kahoot? No

CBD line came through ice came through And the pain pills were the last things I thought about and I did this out of respect for you guys Just to show you i'm sick and tired of hearing fucking excuses in life. Well, I had surgery and I got hooked You have an option You have an option. You know what last night was the first night I slept in the bed last night When I woke up this morning. I had a pain in my fucking shin That because I didn't know I didn't know what was going on because I had knee surgery

And then tom sagura called me one night While he was doing physical therapy With his physical therapist and we were talking and she was asking me about what I thought and I go my fucking leg is killing me But it's not really my knee. It's my shin and she goes Do you know why you shouldn't because they had to cut it and pound a new knee into it and told me all this shit Just her telling me this shit gave me nausea. I'm like, I can't I can't even hear it no more But even this morning I woke up because I slept on the bed My shin was on fire. I came down. I drank my little yoga probiotic. I drank my fucking coffee

I had breakfast. I put ice on my leg. I popped two fucking high-level Tylenol and I got tons of pain pills I'm just playing the hand I can't wait to go back into his office next Monday and go. Here's your pain pills back He's like, oh, you didn't take him I You know, I got pissed off at him because they tell you to take two every four hours, but they give you eight Oh So what is that you it's two every four hours So

There's 24 hours in a fucking day, right? So there's two every two every four fucking hours. So what's that like fucking eight a day or something Yeah, you know, whatever he but they give you like 13 of them. That's what I got every time I went there 13 11 17 you can't even start a party with this Like I was gonna do like an oxy edible party. I can't even have throw a party You know, I thought that the pain what first of all, I thought it was gonna be like any other surgery It's painful for two days after that. You get rid of the fucking pills. You don't need them. I really that's

But there's only one surgery That I fucking ate every pill from and I fucking suffered for that for a long time my shoulder surgery I ate every fucking Viking than that motherfucker and I'll tell you what guys a week later For the first time in my life. I was thinking some creepy fucking things When you read a whole prescription of viking and you start stinking some creepy fucking things And don't think that like the second or third day of these pain pills I did have creepy things going into my mind because I fucking did and that's why I worked that cbd line

Like a motherfucker you could take these and now if I need to take them I'll take them for Physical therapy this last week. I've only taken physical therapy That's it after physical therapy And I take one little one and that's it. I don't take two. I'm trying to get the fuck off these I'm trying to sweat this shit out of my system. I've been doing club bats lately dog. You know me dog I don't fuck around guys. I try my hardest. I don't just I just listen I don't want to just talk to talk for you guys. I want to walk to walk So you guys could learn I could learn something we could all learn something together

I don't do this. I do this podcast. We could all learn something together I learned from you and you learned from me and we learned from each other and we take care of each other I make you laugh you guys make me giggle with messages from time to time so it all works out, you know Sorry I had a little cotton mouth there for a second. I had a fucking Drenched uh Whatever but the topic I wanted to talk about this week Was something that I didn't have that I wasn't good at God either gives you this

What doesn't give you this this is a I think it's a talent I think what I'm about to talk about is a talent That you're gonna end up getting You're gonna end up really Being good at it if you want to get anywhere in life But if you don't have it you're gonna have a tough fucking time in life and that's patience And I'm not talking about the song from guns and roses. I'm talking about life's patient There was nobody more impatient than me in this life

I was the most impatient person And what I've been reading lately in the emails from people on patreon You know on facebook, you know people send me emails from time to time joey I'm getting into stand-up joey. I'm getting into this The thing I read the most the the emotion that I get the most from 65 percent of the emails That I read and this this is a lot It's not a desperation emotion

You know what emotion I get Impatient Everybody wants something quick We all do dog. That's why they invented the lottery That's why they invented the lottery, but you know what the we know what the chances that you hit in the lottery are They're fucking hard But there's people who are very impatient I was and it's weird because I had to think about this

I thought back to my youth how patient I was when I used to build models I used to build models when I didn't know the language too good I used to build models. That's what my thing was building models every day in the summer I built a new model. I was good at it plane ships walls Hokes, you know spider-man's the whole fucking thing. I did it with glue You know the fucking paint glue whatever the fucking snorting glue I did that shit and then somewhere along the line. I don't know what happened Somewhere along the line. We all you know, I was I was

I was patient to play with gi joes and shit like that But I never had the patience to play poker Never had the patience to play monopoly Never had the patience to for any of that shit, you know So I I didn't look at it as a problem I didn't look at it anything as at all. I just thought that I just didn't like something, you know when uh you know, you

Buy a car or whatever you buy a car you buy a car and you you broke you got to do the work on it yourself You don't know what the fuck you're doing, you know, you have no idea what you're doing And you and then all of a sudden you call Mike and I go Mike. I got to change the oh and Mike's like well My brother could do for you, but you have to wait till tomorrow and I'm like, I can't wait till tomorrow I'm gonna have to do it and then you end up doing it and you go to fucking loosen the thing underneath And you use the wrong wrench but the The the ratchet

What whatever the fuck you use the ratchet set and the fucking thing gets stuck or you strip the fucking nut And now it's a complete different stuff That's because you were impatient if you were patient you would have waited for Mike's brother I'm just using this as an example But patience is the reason why half of us don't have careers Think about that Think about that Half of the people that listen to this podcast half of the people that are walking around

Don't have a career that they want to Because of patience Think about it Me my first choice Was to be a guitar player But what do you got to do? You got to learn how to play the guitar You got to practice you got to put a band together You got to make an album

You got to get signed You got to put the album out then people got to listen to the album. That's a lot of steps. I ain't got that type of patience You know what I'm saying? That's a lot of shit right there. That's you know what I'll let somebody else do that So then your mind starts wondering what else can I do? Oh, well, I want to be an attorney. Oh, okay Here we go again. You got to go to school every day. You got to get a's and b's Then you got to get into a decent school And get a's and b's and then you got to go to a law school, which is another fucking three years I'm not doing that

Think about think about how many fucking think about Look look I'm 58 years old. I could have been fucking retired 20 years already Have you ever thought about that? I could have been retired already Getting a pension Full fucking medical benefits. I mean if I get a fucking hang nail

I'm the first in line And I made the biggest mistake in my life Not joining the service. How can you not join the service? Are you fucking stupid? It's 20 years. It's tough for two years It's really tough for like a year. You got to do jumping jacks the basic training And they spit on you and call you a piece of shit. You've seen all the movies But once you get stationed and stuff

You know if you're single If you play it right and you keep your mind right and you're single And you do the first 10 years and eventually you meet a woman and you settle down and you buy a house You can live on base You could save fucking millions and then you come out of the service If you join the service when you're 38 if you join when you're 18, what's 20 years? 30 fucking eight Now you come out 38 with a pension

And you could do whatever the fuck you want So you your pension's got to be huge especially if you retire as an officer Think about it Think about all the shit we passed on Because of patience getting in the fucking way Because I did it for years with a book now Look it took a while It took a while, but now i'm cooking with fucking gas

Now i'm cooking with gas. I've written two chapters. I just don't know where to put them But I've written two chapters. You understand me? I just don't know where to put them and I haven't sent them to the agent yet because I want to Write one more to make it complete, but I'm right and that's all that fucking matters But we don't have the patience For to do anything like I didn't you know when I went to be a fucking electrician Yeah, you're an electrician you could work but you're an apprentice. What does that mean? Apprentice means you're not gonna make no money You know, it's it be right there. That's another thing any time you go to get a job. It's always

Well for the first five years you make you barely eat And then we start paying you $80,000 a year and you're like, so I gotta wait five fucking years. Fuck that patience If you really wanted to do that you go, you know what? I'm moving with my mother I'll rent a car. I'll do this You do everything you do to figure it out to do that But half the things I haven't done in my life. It's not because I was lazy or it's not because I was stupid It's because I just didn't have the fucking patience

And that's just bullshit and I'll tell you I read your patreon guys I read your facebook's I read your tweets You know, I read your messages. You guys know I answer messages back Even on patreon, they said if you don't pay the five dollars, you don't get your messages answered I answer your messages, you know, if you ask me, I'll answer your your questions back Especially the legit fucking question or legit problem. And that's the number one thing I run into Is people think that they you know, some kid wrote me the uh, I swear to god. I've done three open my sets. What's next? What's next? You know what next is?

Do number four and then do 500 Do a set every day for five years Then call me Then call me That's the best thing I could do for you People of that impact and I didn't see Because I'll tell you what guys I'm gonna be as honest I can which I always am on this fucking show

especially with my comedy When I got to LA I was impatient for about 90 days That's the square business I was impatient for about 90 days. I had already gotten into the store So that took a lot of that That calmed me down a little bit

But It was my mentor at the time a great man resting pieces name is rick dukeman He was in groundhog day. He played. He's the chubby guy in groundhog day He did a bunch of bruce willis movies. Just a great guy And I remember we were talking about something We're talking about something and he said to me listen to me and listen to me straight These things you're doing because I would call them up getting all excited like when I got to LA I booked the pilot and then I think it was

After I shot the pilot I called them up And I must have been tuned the fucked up or something And he told me he's like listen man Because I was in a rush, you know like I I was there and I was making things happen You know Listen mitzi did And didn't do me any favors by making me a regular right away

Okay, looking at it in hindsight Uh She did it was great. I I belong to be a regular all that stuff But by her making me a regular It also made me want other things That I wasn't prepared to get That and that's what happens to a lot of us. That's what every comic goes through that That just didn't happen to me. You know, I still remember the first time

I was in the room in Denver, Colorado I had come back from Jersey. It was 93 You know when I was doing I was starting to rock and roll. What's rock and roll? I could do 20 minutes and have a good time, you know I'm starting to rock and roll and fucking One night I'm up on stage And usually when it's you know In a comics world before I go on stage, Mike is the host. He'll come up to me

And he'll go you're doing 15 minutes When do you want to light and I'll go give me a light of 10 And if he gives me a light of 10 in my head, I could measure five minutes You know I'm saying like I know More or less with five minutes is on this particular night I didn't see a fucking light. I didn't see a fucking sign You know people will laugh and people will have my good time

Then I started to slow down a little bit, you know I didn't know what was happening and then finally I see the kid and he weighs me And I get off the stage and people clap. I did okay, you know And he came back to me and I don't know if it was I did 34 minutes or if I did 43 minutes Again, I don't know. I don't remember it was a long time ago, but I did a lot more Than what I fucking thought. Oh my god. You should have seen me on the way home. Oh my god I was saying shit to my who I was making a list of my head of the people I was gonna call the next day I'm calling this studio. I'm calling one of brothers

I mean I had done like 34 or 43. It was one of those two Jimmy Abeta was the host. I just talked to jimmy two days ago, too He's from 20 years. I still talked to the guy that helped me With comedy and Denver the most jimmy abeta. He called me the other night to tell me He was with some girl and the girl knew I don't fucking know But jimmy abeta gets off jimmy abeta comes up like oh jimmy, where the fuck you been? He goes out went on to the car to have sex with some girl. I'm sorry. I go. I'm up here 34 40 try I didn't know he goes. You know, he told me you did fucking 34 minutes or 43 minutes. Listen when you've been doing

10 minute spots for fucking four years and all of a sudden somebody comes and says to you you did 34 Jesus christ as your ego get big for the first time in my life I thought I was fucking don Rickles. I went home. I couldn't fucking sleep I had a because I I told you you got to get a book called stand-up comedy by judy brown Jude isn't judy brown. Yeah, judy judy something judy Carter It's stand-up comedy by judy. Do you have it? Well, the back the back 10 pages has everything you'll need it has every number of every comedy club

every number of bookers Big the big agencies the people who book ships I think she used to have it in the old edition and I guys I still remember waking up the next morning and like calling like I don't know who it was. I wish I could tell you I don't know who it was and like going i'm joe dears I did 43 minutes last night and they hung up on me, you know, they were like, what the fuck

but that you know You're so fucking impatient We can't wait to get to where we're going And we don't and that's I gotta tell you something. That's what happened the last fucking 10 years to me You know, I wasn't it wasn't that I was impatient the last 10 years It was that things were moving so fast. I wasn't having time to enjoy them Has that ever happened to you where things are going so fast? That you don't even have a time to fucking enjoy them

Like I sold out two shows at the new york fucking theater I didn't even have a chance to celebrate it Like things are moving so fast. I couldn't even understand like I sold out this theater Usually you take like a month off and you celebrate you have a great time and but life was moving so fast that I wasn't even appreciating the things I was doing you know and This is why I hate Like if you're gonna get into comedy if you're gonna get into any career and you want it to work for you

Patience has to be the number one priority on it. We talk a lot about goals We talk a lot about journaling. We talk a lot about getting our fucking hands dirty and you know Rolling up your sleeves the one thing we don't talk about enough is patience Because without patience you won't hang in the fucking game You will not hang in the fucking game and it's sad and if it was nobody else who had a heart nobody had it harder than me when it came to patience Because I just wanted it so bad the way we all we all want something so bad We but we see ourselves there

We don't this is why when I tell you to do your goals I want you to write them So you're not there. I want you to see All the dots that you have to connect to get to that place The impatience is that we just see that That's all we see we see Comedy school Blowjobs a fucking testarosa

Fucking that's all you see. I'm gonna have a big bank account. I'm gonna have a maid. I'm gonna have a butler That's all you see, you know, I'm gonna have a big electrical company I'm gonna have the biggest fishing company in the world. I'm gonna have the best restaurant in the world But you never get to that because you didn't have the patience You didn't have the patience to stick it out You gotta have the patience to stick it out. That's why I love those fucking stories About the bus boy who bought the restaurant You know, I love those stories about the kid who

Went there to change tires and now he owns the fucking gas station I love all those type of stories. I love my story. I love my story I loved it. I love it that I was down and out I love it that I was down and out and then I was even more down and out and then guess what and then On top of being down and out. I went to fucking prison I fucking loved it and then I got a fucking prison and I got married And I got beat up by that too because I couldn't cover the spread because I was a fucking loser And then without even fucking knowing, you know, I tried everything

I was smart enough to fucking do anything I wanted to do. I really was I was a fucking roofing estimator I turned myself into a roofing estimator. Who the fuck It becomes a roofing estimator with a fucking g ed I did I didn't even know what the fuck I was doing. How the fuck do you even end up a roofing estimator? I love my fucking story. And then I said fuck all this shit. This is bullshit. This work shit I'm gonna try my hand at something that is fucking the hardest thing in the world Because I don't give a fuck about me. I got no wife. I got no kid. I got nothing I I had a wife and a kid, but they didn't fucking like me. So what's the fucking difference, you know, everything I touched was shit

What are my chances? Of being a stand-up and being successful fucking zilch. So let's fucking go for it Let's prove myself to fuck wrong and man. Let me tell you something. It was the first time my life that I showed patience because I don't even know. I don't even know where the patience came from. I don't know if it was homegrown I just knew myself For me to succeed in this fucking business. I got to slow it down a notch

You know, I always have myself. I have my daily goals My weekly goals and I have my six month goal, you know in LA. I was I was always in LA Leaving in six months. I still remember shooting basketball and fucking Torturing them Like when am I gonna shoot like I didn't know the movie business. I had no idea what the movie business was I didn't know was hurry up and wait You know, that's what the movie business is. Hurry up and wait The first movie you shoot you're either gonna like it or you're not gonna like it because

You might sit there for 13 hours And they might come get you on the 13th hour and say come and say your line You know what you feel like after 13 hours You feel like you've been raped 13 13 fucking times Now you want me to go same my fucking line I've been sitting in a fucking room watching nature shows because you only got three fucking channels on your fucking cable system In the fucking trailer And now you want me to come and tell the fucking line your fuck

Are you fucking crazy? But that's what it is And if you don't have that fucking patience, you know, how many great fucking comics I bumped into over the years That if they would have had the patience They would have been bigger than chappelle What do you think? I don't know I met tons of funny people out there I met a guy one time in connecticut that I could not even look at he had me fucking rolling so hard His fucking jokes and I would call him from time to time to check up on him, but he had no patience

He didn't want to do what I was doing. He didn't want to go through the system He didn't want he wanted to be a fucking headliner And anybody who got in his way was a fucking asshole or he's an asshole. He's an asshole. He's everybody was a fucking asshole Except for him. Don't be that person Don't be that person everything has its own time progression You know, you start off as a fucking truck loader and you become a fucking truck driver. I don't know I don't even know if it works that way I'm just saying to you that

If it wasn't for patience, I wouldn't be here and I was the most impatient Motherfucker the ever was And I want to thank god that he gave me patience And i'm taking this time to tell you guys on this podcast that if you want to have a career in something Your patience has to be top fucking notch Because if not, it's like you know how many people I talk to Guys, I'm embarrassed to say this to you motherfuckers Do you know how many people I've talked to?

That I've said to them, hey, man, you don't do your podcast no more and they're like it didn't get me anything I didn't I didn't become a star Do you think I did the podcast to become a star? I did the podcast just to get it was just another form of art It was just another art form If I could do this for an hour, I could talk on stage for an hour It's all it's all mixing in together That's you know when you move to LA people come up to you and like oh if you do movies and commercials

You're not a real comic. You're a fucking moron You're a fucking moron for even saying that I know that bill hicks Was pissed at Jay Leno for fucking You know doing the Doritos commercials and all that shit, but let me tell you something It all goes hand in hand and I in you. I'm gonna tell you what the worst thing is guys. I'm good at all of them Would you see me on big city greens? That's a voice right I do voiceovers I act I do stand up. I write you see me on tv

You see me in commercials. I do them all because they all go hand in fucking hand They all go hand in hand And it's like my friend rick duke him and said to me that You know Okay for example Mike goes on stage tonight And he gets a standing ovation

Let's say he goes to philadelphia to the parks casino And he gets a standing ovation tonight boat shows And Wednesday he goes for a movie Right And this happens and he doesn't get the movie And he's calling me on the way back in his car. I'm his best friend. So he's venting to me He said can you fucking believe

I just got two standing ovations at parks and I didn't get this shitty park in a fight this shitty part In a fucking movie, you know, like That's what happens Everything you do that's a positive Even though you don't think it's making a difference It's making a difference It's spinning Okay, I did analyze

That the second one Nobody saw the movie the movie ate a bag of dog shit It happens. What do you want me to do jump off a building? You win some you lose some Yeah I did uh, you know analyze that I did a bunch of these little movies taxi. I got one line in Spider-man 2 I got one line in

Rodney danger field back by midnight I got a couple days on that You know, they weren't making any sense to me So I called up rick duke and I go rick The pilot this I'm killing at the store, you know all this shit and nothing is happening for me And he says that this all comes together in cultures This all grows in cultures

He goes one day. This is all gonna weave together You're gonna do something that's gonna weave this together And then it becomes something and I'm like, what the fuck is this guy talking about, you know I'm not a smart guy. What the fuck are you talking about? Sure enough. I got the longest yard You know law and order sbu Fucking uh

My name is her and then the writer strike came 2007 I quit coke. I did my last episode for my name is Earl December 2007. The writer strike came 2008 They picked it up after a while. I don't think I booked anything on 2008. I have to check 2009 I got married I was doing some stand-up. I was I wasn't back at the store I was doing stand-up with joe just joe and I was doing some weekends of my own I bumped into billy gardell

before he got The first show on cbs And I remember that he was having a hard time With the funny bones something The funny bones made him an offer and now I was going through the same thing I'll never forget that they called me one day and they said we have a bunch of rooms for you But you have to do sunday to thursday And I was like, okay, you know, I don't want to do them or whatever

so What a lot of people really don't know is that I got out of count like I was like I'm done with comedy. I'm quitting. I'm gonna wait until You know, I'm gonna wait until joe takes me on the road And then with movies and tv I'm just gonna Wait till my friends call me and offer me roles or

You know, I had a lot of casting people that knew me that would just call me up and go joy You want to read for this? I think you'd do a good job on this. I was really lucky in that form. So I said, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna quit comedy. I was gonna get a job You know selling cars or whatever just stay at home with my wife. I I didn't see My career growing, you know, I had already been in it 20 years I was coming up on 20 years and But I remember one day being in the main room and paul rejigas up on stage

Layed it out just destroying it Just destroying the fucking room And I walked in from the back and I It was like a dead night. I didn't think and mitzi had her own booth And as I walked past it I hear Fat baby And I go fuck and then she was you know mitzi was tiny So if she was if she was in the booth with people you could see she was in the booth

But if she was in the booth by herself, you couldn't really see she was tiny So I just heard fat baby and I went over and sat next to her And I'm sitting there watching her paul rejigas kill And I remember looking at her and she looked at me and she goes Wait till you get to 20 years And I was like 20 years Fuck I don't think I'll do comedy 20 years. You know, I don't think at that time. I was probably doing comedy

Maybe 10 years maybe 12 years 11 years around there And she goes once you hit the 20 year mark Things are really gonna change for you and all this shit. Well I started a podcast and What rick dukeman told me And what all the mentors I had told me was right At the 20 year mark at the what just at a certain point left not even say the 20 year mark

Why did I even say that? I'm sorry at a certain point So once the podcast came And Not when I was doing the podcast with felicia but at one point with the church and through joe rogan That whole thing That whole blanket got put together Now people were hitting me up going

We didn't know that was you in spider-man 2 We didn't know that was you in the longest yard We didn't know that was you when the meatball king We you know, we didn't know that was you, you know, it's so weird That now people watch that and they'll hit me up immediately. We didn't know that you were mafia 3 We didn't know that you it becomes A big fucking now I got this resume and everybody knows what the resume is you just look at it and it's right there

But if I would have told you that I was gonna have this resume 15 years ago Because I didn't have the fucking patience patience Patience is just as fucking important as the effort you're putting in Because if you're not patient, you're gonna lose your mind and guess what? I saw more fucking good comics leave LA Because they were impatient Didn't stay

I'm lucky that somewhere along the line. I found the patience and I saw the light If not, I would have been one of those statistics Don't let patience Ruin your dream whatever dream you have Don't let patience ruin your dream. You know how I Let patience come into my life By knowing I was doing my job You won't have pay when do you have patience when you're not doing your job

When you're just Playing three chords every day and telling your friends I can't wait to have my band You know, that's when you're impatient when you're not doing your job But when you're doing everything you can To be that person Your impatience will go away. You'll get patience because you know, you're moving in the right direction But joey, how do I know I'm moving in the right direction? You'll know it when you're doing it Do you think I knew what I was doing when I walked into the store and when I met joe?

And no, I had a job to do my job was to write comedy Perform comedy and get on stage as much as I could That's my job point blank range Not fucking getting in people's business Not being an advocate not being a political comic and none of that shit my job. What's that thing? What's that movie she made eat pray love go fuck yourself Get on stage write your jokes and fucking Rehearsal whatever the fuck I said earlier get on stage

Write and do as many fucking senses you can and know that you're gonna fucking Is it you only get impatient if you're not doing the job? You'll get patience If you're doing everything you can to attain that goal so Sometimes we don't we work too much on the goals Sometimes we work too much on the writing Let's start working on the patience from now on Patience is the big fucking motivator

Because without patience you're never gonna get to that fucking dream And that's the monday morning podcast on february 8th a beautiful podcast on fucking patience It's a beautiful day to be alive So I figured I'd say this today because we've been talking a lot about karma And all that shit all this snow has making me thinking making me think a lot about colorado Which is good because it's helping me writing In the book but when I was looking at the book the other day I was like Jesus christ I can't believe that a month ago when I started talking about this on the podcast with these guys

I swear to god guys. I must have had 100 pages in the computer and I erased them all Erased them all Erased them Erased them. I didn't want them around no more. I didn't want to read that shit no more I didn't want to look at it no more. I was starting from fucking scratch. I erased the fucking the The fucking x Outline I had I did it all I got rid of everything and I started from scratch

So thanks to you guys for giving me this opportunity But today I said I just want to talk about patience because I don't think we talk about it enough And I don't think people have enough and I think people Don't give themselves enough patience To get to where they need to be and they quit and they forget about everything. I'm just really happy That somewhere along the line patience came into my life And I held it out and now I got the option to either Keep doing what I'm doing at 30 years

Or move on to the next thing Like I said, I don't know how I feel right now. I feel like Comedy just might be a hobby for the rest of my life. Just Pick a club do a couple nights a month but you never know something might fucking Spike me up the ass and I'm back on the road doing weeks. It's not going to be anytime soon But it'll be in time and I'll let time figure it out. We still got the summer

But uh, all I know for now is february 19th and 20th Uncle Vinnie's comedy club. Thank you very much for listening to the podcast today It's a fucking snowy fucking week here in jersey. We got about six inches yesterday So, uh, me and mike had a work hard last night to put this together For a monday morning. I love you motherfuckers. Thank you very much for always, uh watching this. Oh, I want to thank Sure for sending us a beautiful new microphone I told you motherfuckers I didn't want to start the podcast in a way

And i'm told because I wasn't ready But I had no choice. I had to be ready I forced myself to do this every week even though it wasn't going to be the same podcast Even though a lot of yous wasn't going to be happy That's not my problem My problem is that I had to be happy and I had to keep pushing forward The only situation we had was because of the pandemic We couldn't get a lot of the things that we wanted. So a lot of people got pissed off. Well, you said you were gonna use a bar

I'm getting rid of that bar. I told you that right? Yeah, we're getting rid of that bar. That's yeah We're getting rid of that bar because we don't drink We don't really drink it's I was gonna do a podcast at the bar I'm gonna stock a bar and then after living down here for three weeks with the fucked up leg. I realized that It's a fucking clunk I could take that out of there and put like a microwave and a counter And you know Make him what's going to be a fucking family room anyway, you know, like I said, he is in the beginning

This was all temporary and We also got a picture of the legendary chance Dragon mother fucking in So you can't talk shit now no more. We got everything covered. We got chance We got ac dc. We got sister heist We got Charles Bronson. We got Sydney Monkreef But who gives a fuck so I want to thank sure for sending us the microphone

Mike was also getting us some new cameras They finally fucking came so we could finally add some dimension to this Like I said to your people patience Patience fucking people wrote me letters hate mail complains to me You know about this the iphone Guys, it wasn't all gonna happen over fucking night. I thought I could make it happen But once I got here, I mean dog

It took six months to get the compressor the compressors not coming until february 19th I mean everything fucking takes time so Thank you for if you stuck around To the bobble of linguses all you patreon motherfuckers. Thank you for the support and the love You know you guys expected something that I couldn't deliver But I also told you to stick it out with me That every week we would get stronger and we would get fucking better and we would keep adding things And before you know a couple more weeks once this shit is over. We'll get a new fucking studio somewhere

You know, we're gonna move on with an onward So this was just the beginning this just to show you that we don't just fucking Talk to talk we walk the walk It's all about patience. Have a great fucking week cocksuckers. I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. Stay black All right, I want to thank you guys for listening on a monday. I know you're busy You got your own lives. You got shit to do and people to see but before we leave I want to talk to you about a few companies here that I love and I do business with them. They're tremendous I mean the joint is brought to you by today

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