Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #039 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Monday, February 15th..... This episode is brought to you by LUCY.co & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.Lucy.co and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter Code: CHURCH or JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Hopefully you need some CBD line today for your neck, you know, you're eating ass. You got that weird position in your neck No life blew today today. I decided to go with my man Felipe and Rodrigo the fucking What's up fool podcast? Just I love them and I miss Felipe and I Figured I put it on I hope your weekend was great the fucking dick went on, you know Friday night My wife went out. I stayed at home with the baby and watched the whatever from Sophie Springs. Oh

and Then last night Saturday night, I didn't do well last night was Valentine's Day And we just got some food from a restaurant. We were gonna get reservations and we just got it brought into the house and We watched 60 minutes nothing changes, you know, I'm a boring fuck Saturday night. I was watching fucking the prelims and I was ready to watch the fucking fight. I wanted to bet one fight on the card Okay, I really liked the deal that DraftKings gave with the one punch

I was definitely gonna get it on that but I liked the Bobby Green fight, but the Bobby Green fight had gotten canceled I don't know somebody got COVID something happened and then It started watching the prelims I watched the Diego Lima one and a buddy of mine called from Colorado. In fact, I'm gonna push He sent me a picture of my own phone number and my own pager From Colorado, I'm gonna put like a little vlog up on Patreon this week, but the week was very quiet. My knees getting better

You know the pain is high, but they don't want to give you thought How can you have an opioid crisis when you can't have none? You can't get none You know, they give you nine pills for eight days and tell you to take three pills a day the math don't fucking add up but between the Elibes and the fucking CBD and the and the fucking lotions I'm making it through I think I got a couple more weeks of physical therapy I'm happy. I did it. It was a fucking nightmare But I'm happy. I did it and it's over with them. That's it and that's that

This week we're gonna talk about something that I've noticed that's been going on a lot lately And I have an explanation for you for why it's going on. I feel bad for a lot of people who are not used to this world That people are going through this, but you know the last six five months Every day I see something on Facebook, you know That's written Facebook or Twitter

Some derogatory comment either about me or one of my friend comics or whatever and listen Some people deserve what they're getting, you know, even myself you want to make a comment. I'm fine with it What do you want me to do? You want me to listen, man? Unless you say it to my face the comment They meant nothing. So that that's fine. I don't I don't trip on it or whatever, you know Until I talked to Lee and I talked about it on the patreon Joey Diaz project on the patreon that You know Lee was just getting so much hate on his Instagram, but he turned off his Comments, you know, he's just a sweet fucking kid Lee Syed He's not cut out for this, you know, let me tell you what what happens when you get into comedy

You get the first four or five or six years You get so much rejection They either you quit or you get used to it And it just doesn't bother you. That's what a lot of people don't understand that we get nothing but rejection for five to six to seven To eight years even now you get rejection. It becomes very easy But when a podcaster goes into podcasting without having that Window of time those six years of people telling you they hate you. They're only gonna pay you 50 dollars

They told you we're gonna pay you 100 after you go through that you you could learn to deal with other things For a person like Lee He could not understand it and he would come to me and I go Lee don't read those fucking things, you know You know, for example when I had Lee with with me on the podcast Every week I had ten people hit me up and say get rid of Lee and now that I don't have Lee I get ten people who hit me up every week and tell me to bring them back So, you know, you can't satisfy everybody, but right now we're living in a world of fucking hate We're living in a world of hate. Why are people hating so much? You have to ask yourself why?

Because they've lost their central nervous that their insides have been broken the same way I believe in Catholicism and then God took my mother and I lost faith in it is the same way people are losing faith in Humanity that governments are letting them down. They're not sending them money They're not allowed to go to work. They're getting locked down They're children allowed to be not to be going to school People have been vanished, you know, people are forced to do things. They didn't want to do for some people I told you that this is gonna change a lot of people's minds

People gonna really take a hard look at themselves and see what the fuck my next step is is in life But some people aren't doing that Most people are sitting there in their house Waiting for an unemployment check, which my heart goes out to you. You know that Their kids on the computer they got to watch over their kids the zoom breaks down or You know, there's a bunch of 18 year old is that this was gonna be that big year They were gonna go perform and go to a major league college division one of division two and here we are with no sports And then you got a bunch of 23 24 year old is that we're gonna be set out into the world

You know in a proper fucking way and they couldn't do it because so every age group whatever, you know, like CBS has 18 to 32 males and you know 34 every group is suffering right now and for some people some people are used to suffering if When you read my book and you read my childhood There's a point you're gonna close the book and go I can't believe this happened to this kid and they kept fucking going That's why he started becoming a burglar and that's why because you only hurt Other people when you're hurt People are hurt right now. They're hurt that boss is shit on them. They got furloughed

You know for years your boss told you were the best employee in the world. Now you're fucking furloughed I mean people have the right to be angry right now What people don't have the right to do is? To attack people Okay, let's talk. What are we talking about here in my world? There's three situations right now that have fucking bothered me in the last two weeks four of them Number one. I'm no Andrew Schultz for years Sweetheart of a guy the guy's been going after it for fucking years with three hands

You know, there's just some comics right now Tim Dillon You know Andrew Schultz I can name five or six some Hazel's trail that they don't give a fuck if it's a pandemic They've strived even harder. They've strived harder than old-timers. They've done better than me They've done better than a lot of guys. Am I jealous fuck? No, my dick gets hard when I see people fucking still striving fucking Poor Matt Schultz was supposed to shoot a special and the pandemic fucking killed it did that stop him No, he came out with a Netflix show fucking great show funny all about Andrew Schultz Boom all of a sudden some girl from eight years ago

Wrote all these websites and wants to take him down because he pissed on a shoe or whatever the fuck Is this right? Even if it did happen, what's it got to do with it today you didn't raise your hand 20 fucking years ago when it happened the rate years ago. I mean, I don't know the facts But the fact is that every time somebody shines Somebody else comes in throws fucking dirt on their fucking shine I've never seen anything like this in my life recently and we can go on and on you've seen it Another gentleman. Look, you've heard me on podcast when I grew up in Jersey

I wasn't a bring Bruce Springsteen fan as I got older and as I got more mature as an adult I listened to his music and I enjoyed some of his music. Don't believe the hype I always like born to run even when I hate it Springsteen. So don't believe me. Don't believe him. Don't believe him Anyway, my point is that I've always loved ten to have no freeze-out It just wasn't my cup of tea. I was into maiden and Sabbath and you know Fucking like Zeppelin and all that stuff. But you know, but I really hated what Bruce stood for for Jersey No way. I like Bon Jovi. That was just me. I like Sinatra. That was just me But at the end of the day, he's a fucking great talented fucking guy

He puts on a fucking great concept Bruce Springsteen and that's it. So Let's back this up. You got a DUI November 14th Nobody did you hear about the DUI November 15th? Did you hear about December 15th? When did we hear about it the day after his Super Bowl ad? Think about that for five seconds. You guys are all intelligent Americans. Happy is I know you're half retarded like me But the other half has a logic to your mind Think about it. Guy comes out with a fucking show. Okay. He's talked about middle American and G But who gives a fuck if you still bind into that political bullshit, you should be shot and fucking home

You should be shot and fucking home. What human beings? What human beings? I'm not on the right. I'm not on the left My balls swing right down the fucking middle. I don't I don't know what I know what I like and I know what I don't like I don't like when you talk about politics. My boner goes away. That's what I don't like. Okay, so You know, whether you like it, you don't like it, whatever. I don't give a fuck My point is He blows up a fucking great commercial and the next day a DUI from November 14th pops up That's fucking creepy. Don't you think? Just like that a DUI fucking pops up

He didn't kill nobody He refused a breathalyzer, which is not bueno, you know, there was a couple things he did that were not bueno Does that mean i'm not a bruce springsteen fan? I mean he talked a lot of shit before the election that he was gonna leave Maybe people are mad at him about that Listen, we all have a wall entitled to our opinions. I'm not talking about all that political shit What i'm talking about. Are you seeing this right now? Are you seeing this another thing that destroyed me last week was a girl? I never met her I think she's beautiful. She's still on tv

She worked on Buffy the vampire slayer. What was Buffy 22 years ago? 20 years ago and this week She decides to come out against josh walton now from what i've heard about josh walton. He's a piece of shit Okay, i'm not gonna lie to you. I just heard it. You know you're a comic you talk to different actors I'm no disrespect josh walton Not that I want to be in one of your movies, but i'm not here to disrespect nobody I'm just telling you what I heard I heard that you're a fucking scumbag on your sets and you're kind of weird whatever has nothing to do with me

I've never worked for you But at the same time, this is why I get mad. I don't know josh walton. I never met him I've heard different things, you know when when I got to LA Buffy was a hot show and angel was a hot show And you were going for auditions for that. I went in for a fat ghoul one time for angel I don't fucking know like a a fat zombo or something like that I'm not here to piss nobody off but what i'm saying is so 22 years later whatever You decide this is the week for you to say that this your man Did even sexually assault you nothing like that. He just abused you on the set

That when you were pregnant he called you fat and and he made you feel inferior. Well, guess what that's a job of every 70% of directors I worked with always started out trying to be fucking johnny fucking mafia Until you pull him aside and go listen How about I put that fucking lens in your eyeballs and you'll fucking be taping a movie from the left of your life From your eyeball, you know, you could say it to them like that Or you could pull them aside and be a gentleman to them inside and appreciate that And then they usually Don't use you again

But who gives a fuck you spoke up for yourself So what you're gonna do is speak up for yourself now 22 years later that josh Did whatever the fuck he did You know, and then you got the man of steel maryland manson and my big fan of his no But I will no I do like some of his music. I think I got one of his fucking albums one of his uh CDs, but I will tell you one thing I heard that motherfucker. I heard shit about in LA Shit that i'm not gonna fucking repeat and it wasn't all good now

If I told you that my brother mikey if I heard all the shit I heard about Marilyn Manson If I told you I heard that about mikey, but mikey and me were cool Mike and me were cool mikey never tried to you know cattle prod me or put a fucking cue ball up my ass if mikey and me are cool 20 year cool and I've never seen this behavior and mike

I know he's out of his mind. I know he takes girls home. I have a different friend. That's into all that shit They put balls in your mouth and fucking whip you, you know, that's That's not a one night stand That's a lifestyle for you people who don't know it. That's every day. You're gonna come home with a candle They're gonna tie you up. They're gonna light it on fire Go eat dinner with their friends and come back and fuck you when the when the fucking lint is When the fucking the lint the the candle wick is an inch from your pussy. That's their world That's their world. That's what they do. Trust me. Remember I told your story that uh, I used to tie up a girl and call her from a

Payphone. What do you think I got the idea from you think I invented that? My friend captain s them told me that fucking idea Oh, yeah, he's got he's got no no dunk and no this is a this is a kid a friend of mine from boulder when I was in fucking uh college that had Thousands of stories. I guess his parents had hope had a One of those type of shops like uh, you know s them shops and some fucking North Dakota. I don't know What do you put me on the spot for so he would tell me about these stories And I couldn't fucking belittle it. There was two times in my life. I went off about sex

95 when I started dating the stripper and she was telling me the things that she would do threesomes and fucking paint guys paint a rent and You know, she has to do his fucking lunch a month. I never heard of shit like that And the fucking other stuff From my buddy who was totally crazy. I never heard The shit like that either, you know smacking feet and fucking just just it's just a crazy fucking world I would see his girlfriend from time to time black eyes Or cast, you know, you need this

Why would yeah, I seen him one time with a cast Like he litter on fire. I don't I don't I don't know and I don't ask But it's a fucking lifestyle. So Now this girl wants to turn around and say Marilyn Manson. So what happened? This fucking agent dumped him the fucking record label dumped him He just recently married, you know, whatever. Maybe he was turning his life around I don't fucking know But this type of shit has to just stop

You are ruining fucking lives You are ruining fucking careers You know last week, I don't know what happened again. I don't I don't know history. Remember I was telling you guys I was trying to get a history fucking course So I could learn about history that I have between the reefer the drugs the fear The fucking my mind. I have forgotten all about history. I don't know nothing I never met her. I've never said two words to her. I think she's pretty and I think she's got the cutest little toes I've ever seen in my life

If I was still on the market, I would suck her toes and bite on that little one and that's Gina Carano She's got those fat little Italian toes Cutest fucking feet you ever seen in your life. I would bite one of her toes Like one of those Spanish chicharrones. You ever see those Spanish fucking? That's what her toes look like. Anyway, I got nothing against Gina Carano She said something about jews getting chased down the street. I don't fucking know they pulled the uta fighter Her agents fired at the movie fired, but I see people coming to her defense I see a lot more people coming to her defense because this has to stop

This has to stop this this anger that we have every time somebody excels And we get mad at them would not or perfect When you see Johnny Depp up in the stand on the theater wall as much as I like Johnny Depp He's not fucking perfect. You know, I watched a movie uh Saturday night I was trying I was starting to tell you guys that I watched the movie Saturday night fucking if you get a chance watch it I was going to go to sleep and when I saw this movie was coming on I stayed on a movie called Midnight Express But I got it goes to turkey and tries to smuggle hash until the united states and gets caught in turkey

I called Lee immediately and I go Lee I don't mean to bother. It must have been about midnight. I go I am watching my biggest fucking horror show right now If I tell you how scared I am of this You would laugh. He goes what what are you watching? Like I'm watching Midnight Express About a white dude that has to do time in a Turkish prison Can you imagine the first time my breakfast gets served and I got to see that hummus with those fucking Ganoli pads and whatever else they eat over there. I would fucking be skinny. I'd be down till I looked like a fucking skeleton

I wouldn't eat that shit Just the stink in that Turkish jail between no deodorant and the old hummus. It would kill me I would just hang myself in a cell. I wouldn't fucking I'd be like Ronny Jeffereen whatever his name is Jeffrey Epstein. I'm fucking I wouldn't tolerate that shit. I don't even know I got on that but anyway What I'm trying to say is that you know, even with the Andrew Schultz thing. I've known Andrew for a long time I don't believe it and from what I'm seeing the reaction is a lot of people ain't buying it And I'm telling you why because this accusation thing now

Is starting to get old It's really starting to get old People are double taking you and going. What are you talking about? So 22 years ago, you want to set with josh welton jumping up and down Buffy's the number one show on the wb We're going to parties every night and you were cashing a big chick And all of a sudden the show ends you move on with your career And now 22 years later, you want to raise your hand and say that you work to the toxic environment

Let me talk to you people about something I Go to my mdb right now. Joey Diaz. I am db I worked i'm not i'm not somebody who's telling this out of place I'm not that guy that holds on to one movie, you know I worked I worked and I was on a lot of sets And I got to tell you something 60 percent of them

was shit sets Shit sets and you know what makes them shitty sets ego That starts from the top from the producers and the directors to Actors You have too many clashes on a set

You have too many chiefs But not enough fucking indians So it makes every set toxic. I'm gonna tell you a set I worked at that had zero toxicity in it The many saints in Newark. Do you know why? Come here. I'll tell you a secret They shot it in New York Nobody gives a fuck They shot it in New York

And david chase made it a coach a closed set Which means, you know that little faggy agent with the white shoes that shows up to all your events and hi Oh my god, this is great. Now we can mingle with other motherfuckers that don't know nothing about nothing There wasn't allowed I remember my first two days on the many saints in Newark. I'm like, this is great And I asked somebody from LA why is shooting in fucking LA different from shooting in new york and they said ah

Oh No industry And I looked around I was like, oh my god. What a fucking difference. I remember shooting an episode of marin With sally struthers. I love John. I love mark. I loved mark forgive me the second episode Mark was great. If you guys have seen any of my episodes of mark marin That motherfucker put a firecracker under my ass and let me do whatever I do That's why no matter what happens in this lifestyle In this life, I'll have mark marin down. I got his back

Because when it came down down to acting he didn't pull rank on me He let joey dears be fucking joey dears and when you watch that fucking episode I went off. Those are the first two tv episodes. I've ever gone fucking awful. I forgot where I was gonna go with this tangent, but You see what happens when you smoke dope early in the morning, but uh, what was I talking about? There was no You know when I got to marin all those fucking marin was great His set was great the people It was open set, you know the the executive producers were great the fucking writers were great the writers were superb

The problem with that set was There was you know the episode I did the one the first episode I did was me bur and uh marin and You got 30 agents there at night and these are the same people That wouldn't talk to me 10 years ago And here I am slinging dick in front of him Like you didn't like me before now they're smiling at me like all right. That was great a fucking mother You know tell me 20 years ago. You told me I had nothing to say on stage

Now you're telling me i'm killing it on here get the fuck out of here, you know Most comics will take those compliments and take them to the end of the fucking You're not gonna believe what he said to me that guy says that to everybody who gives a frenchman's fucked Who cares what he had to say to you that sir that set was not toxic And if it was if you watch my performance I made it very un-toxic because I said some wild fucking shit in there So this is what i'm saying to you, but there was sets That were

And I and guess what I would crack them every fucking time I would crack them every fucking time there was a set I worked on one night I sold I told this story on the church, but I'm willing to tell you again That is one of the highlights of my life When I have to write down the things I'm most proud of It was this Because there's a video online right now of me when I was still doing coke I'm smoking a cigarette. Did you see it? It's fucking

Yeah, it's like my coke. Yeah my roommate the girl that Uh was a sloppy fucking drunk And uh If you look at that person, that's not who I am anymore That's how you know you change me. I've changed eight times Since that fucking video, you know the longest yard Between you and I had a little Talks city on it

Not sexual. I mean you think about it. You got wrestlers. You got pro football plays You got rappers. You got a lot of testosterone on the set That one was toxic, but not in a way that You think it was toxic it was toxic in the way as There were too many guys and There was a couple confrontations a couple days. Thank god no punches were thrown That was a form of a different form of toxicity The toxic that I didn't like was

When I got on the set and a director or a producer Spoke down to you And it was really fucking crazy that I tolerated it unknowingly Until I did cocaine Once I stopped doing cocaine and that fog was released From my eyeballs. It became a different story for me Example

There was two fucking examples that happened with me. The first one was A film That was so fucking bad It was so fucking bad I Did it because there was three examples to be honest with you When I stopped doing blow and I fucking just Couldn't take the bullshit no more. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I

When I was green and I was learning how to act And the addiction the addiction Made me take it like A cocor You know, I was it let's be honest. I was acting like a cocor I would let a producer say whatever the fuck he wanted to me Because I needed that six hundred dollar paycheck to continue my addiction

But after the addiction was gone and that lens That coke film went away from my eyes It really bothered me when I would go on a set And the first set was the set I told you that the movie that made me quit cocaine was a movie called Boilermaker They told me when I went to the interview that they knew I had a coke problem And how was it gonna affect the movie? And they said not to give them an answer until tomorrow Because they want me to think about the answer and I went home

I did what I always did I cried like a pussy that I am and I said I'm not gonna be able to know this I'm not gonna be able to do this movie Because these people know my secrets But you know what at the end I said let me go in there like a man and between us I stayed sober for the first 21 fucking days of my sobriety on that set because of that movie because of what that man said to me, but When you first become sober

You're not too fucking happy You're not too fucking happy I'm a man and There's different types of movies that you guys don't understand I want you to understand this so you don't think that joe is being greedy There is your typical film where you get scale, which is I think 685 Don't quote me 695 If anybody knows tweet it to me 645 plus 10 percent that goes to your agents

They'll pay for your agents fee, but after you get taxed and shit you don't see that so don't worry about it Then you have you have your regular scale and then you have modified scale, which is probably 456 a day And then you have another scale that's 250 a day You have another movie that's 100 a day low budget is 100 a day No wardrobe. You got to bring your own wardrobe And then there's ultra low budget, which is $50 a day for you people who are thinking into going into acting Know that when you start now for sure, especially with covid You will be doing movies for $50 days. Fuck you joey. You don't know what you're talking about

You're a loser. Okay. Don't listen to me. They just tacked on $550,000 budget to every fucking covid production either you do it or you don't They're going to tell you that they're doing it and they're going to pop into $550,000 and take the money from you and the producers are going to keep the money That's exactly what they're going to do This production is they're going to do the covid thing and they have to pay you less But I want them to take less also. We all lose out on this But trust me, I know Hollywood 90% of Hollywood is going to tell you they're doing covid testing

That they're going to have all the proper whatever the fuck you call it procedures But they're not going to have it. They're going to pay you less money and they're going to pocket that $550,000 I know that already going in because I know how that fucking system works But that's got nothing to do with me. You either accept the work or you don't you call me for a movie now I'll read the sides. I'll put them on tape And before they say they want to offer it to you We're going to do a conference call with everybody and I'm going to tell you what you're going to expect Because the first time I don't see this on your set

Bye bye. This is why I don't go on the road right now Because the first time I see a little cold video slip on a comedy club. Bye. Bye There's no there's no waiting around. There's no correction. There's no nothing You're talking about people's lives here So for me, bye-bye Bye-bye 550,000 and it adds a move it adds a million dollars. I think every four weeks to a movie So if you're going to shoot an eight-week movie, you're going to pay 2.5 million dollars in covid costs

Because the teamsters stuff like that Joey, why are you telling us this? We don't give a fuck because I'm letting you under see the other side of the fucking thing That nobody else tells you So the first fucking movie I went off on When I started I always behaved myself on movies. Yeah, I took the roller skates from basketball and shit like that But I was always very respectful I was always very respectful if you disrespected me I tried to

One of the first farts on the joint. I'm back on the garlic pills. We're back bitches. You know what I'm saying? I'm back like Steve That's fucking garlic at its best. You understand me? If you if you smelt that fucking thing From your fucking face mask you'd die I'd love to have like a tube that goes into people's face mask like a hookah Like I'd be like a living hookah and I just fart and the fucking string goes right into your face mask And who could survive?

I fucking love it But I went to the set and I'm having a great time now When you're doing a movie when you're when you're a writer of a movie A producer of a movie you're selling me your dream Joey, this has always been my dream Mike wants to write a script about his band and in the fucking Camden in the good old days. You know what I'm saying? Okay, you want to write this fucking movie. Let's write this movie. You're the You're the whatever so now

He comes to me one day he hires which called the line producer and a line producer comes in And looks at the things in the script that can't be done and could be done That explosive right there. That's gonna cost you 18 million dollars. All right, get rid of that. I thought it would be great Yeah, it would be but that's 18 million dollars less that Car chase is gonna cost you this That fucking chicken come on a face. That's gonna cost you this So you're gonna read do rewrites on the script You're gonna be able to be told what your budget is. They're gonna tell you the hotels

The transportation the food the labor cost they're gonna allow up a percentage for Whatever you call that it might go either way and there you have your budget for a film. Okay Now you go and search You go and search of that budget How you doing mr. Mrs? Uh My name is Joey Diaz. I do films I'm looking for investors

It pays you back 20 points after we get the copyright licensing and ba ba ba You were originally looking to get 8 million But guess what you got 8 million But then the pandemic hit and 6.3 pulled out Because there's no money now. They don't know how they're gonna get it back So now you're stuck with the same movie

But you have to shoot it for one point whatever the difference is 7 million dollars Right if you have 8 million dollars now, you got to shoot it for 1.7 million dollars. Now that means the actors Rates go down and for you to get a big name. You're gonna have to get a big name and give them a producer credit So he makes extra money in the back end if something does happen with those monies on the producer end so I take this hundred dollar a day film I get there the father from the firefighters on there a couple great guys are in this movie. It's called boiler maker I get there the first fucking day, you know again. I'm quitting cocaine

It's my third or fourth day I Walk on the set. I go over to crab service crab service Is where they have apples cheese crackers peanut butter and jelly some cold cuts Maybe a couple pieces of cheese maybe some greek yogurt coffee teas

sodas waters It's a hundred dollar a day movie I'm not looking for much right? I'm not I'm not expecting a fucking guy With a prime rib with a fucking chef sat on, you know But I get to the table and there ain't nothing on thursday There's apples and some waters. Okay I get that friday Nothing and they sent you out for lunch

Which I had worked on 20 movies by then nobody wants to send you out to lunch What happens if you're in your car and you're into an accident? What happens if you're in your car and you're driving and you're fucking, you know There's so many things that could happen that when you're shooting a movie People want you to stay there for lunch. They're gonna bring you everything they can to keep you comfortable Or they're gonna try and and and that's it. They're gonna bring you food for lunch I knew something was off when they were like see you in an hour. Go get your own lunch and i'm like, what the fuck was this? We're paying for our own fucking lunch. Fuck you

Saturday I go in there now. This is a movie that had to be shot 21 days in a row. There was no days off Saturday I go in there same situation. All right now. Guess what sunday I go in there I'ma tell you something. I don't mind working monday through saturday for you. I love it. You gave me the opportunity I'm gonna go in there and best do the best job I can But sunday I want you to know there's two things about working on sundays with me A we're not gonna do no 20 takes per shot It's three takes and let's go and b we're gonna have a nice fucking lunch We're a fucking team. We're a movie. We're a family

You're gonna get some fucking food in here catered and we're gonna sit together for a half hour 45 minutes Just like we would do with our families since we're missing our meals with our family That's the least you could do. Oh, I get that fucking sunday And I go to the table Dick Guess what guys now. I got Joey Diaz has to be Joey Diaz Not the Joey Diaz that I love But the Joey Diaz that I fucking hate

I gotta go up to the dude and go dog. What's going on with the food here? Well, we're going to make a laundry list to figure out. I go since fucking thursday Um Since thursday, you've been going to figure out this this is four days. This is unacceptable This is un fucking acceptable. Now. I had gotten a card from after like two years earlier I did this really bad pilot called rafiello's It's online. There's a big story to that too. We don't have the time today And they did the same thing the first night you thought you had a unicef convention, you know what i'm saying

Black kids with flies on them. There was nothing to eat and then the fucking next night I get there and it's the Taj Mahal They got shakes. They got coffee machines. They got espresso. You know why because the fucking after guy was there That's why and I go. What the fuck is this and he goes? Yeah, it's a good setup. I go This wasn't the way it was last night. He goes. What are you talking about? I go last night It was like skeleton night here last night This was like fucking hiv night at the fucking gay bar everybody was skinny and they were giving out cherries That's it. There wasn't no food. There wasn't dick. What the fuck is going on? He goes you ever go on a set again

And there's nothing to eat you take this fucking card So guys, you know me dog. I ain't no fucking crime stopper. I don't want a crime stop on nobody But I went to them decently. I didn't go up to them like an animal To my mother's fucking grave to mercy. I went up to the Executive producer like a man. I go can I talk to you for five minutes? I swear to god guys I pulled them aside. I go listen That crap service table that thing got hiv that table's light And he's like, well, we're trying to make a list together since fucking Thursday, brother

And he goes well, what do you want from me like you get like they give you fucking attitude That's what burns me up the most when they give you attitude like well if you don't fucking like and I go no I really don't like and I took the card and I go I'm gonna go to my con call this guy And I'm not coming back till you have that fucking food table ready And I turned around and he's chasing me joey. This doesn't have to be ready We could just give you $50 to go eat lunch. That's not the point That's not the point guys The point is that table better be fucking filled up with food by the time I get back. I'm going home

I'm going home this shot like 20 minutes from my house I'm going home. If you want to replace me Replace me for the hundred dollars a day. I'm not gonna lose nothing. You know, what am I losing 100 hours a day At the taxes and the $10 commission. What am I taking home anyway? You still got to give a commission on four kinds of hours a day And those agents will take that $10 fucking bill even if you do three days on that movie So I told them I'll call you call me when you have the food back When I got back up there, it looked like the Taj Mahal and they pulled me aside

And there were like four people that didn't like me throughout the rest of the fucking movie I didn't give a frenchman's fuck They didn't talk to me throughout the movie, but here's the best of it One of the executive producers was like a real dick. He was an older guy And he came up to me. He's like I didn't appreciate what you told the other guy, you know one man This is when I wasn't doing coke no more. I really don't give a fuck What you don't appreciate. I'm just stating the obvious. I'm just stating the fact Are you an actor? He goes, I do it part time. I go, then what the fuck are we talking about here?

I got to tell you to have the fucking tables filled I got to tell you So that wasn't the movie raps. I swear to god the movie raps like on a fucking tuesday And that friday I have an audition for the dark night For batman they're gonna do a six week series On one of these channels to go right into batman dark night So when I get there, who do you think is there?

The fucking producer from Fucking boiler maker the old guy the one that came up to me and said I didn't do the right thing By calling the sag guy fuck you And when I got there When I signed my name, he actually made a remark He made a remark to the casting director that you might not want to get him because he might complain about the aftertable I even gave him that laugh too like Like

See who's booking this fucking job motherfucker I heard him walk in I heard him do his lame ass read I went in there and just blew up the fucking room like you motherfucker's no uncle joey could There's certain times I can go in a room And it's gonna be lights out and on that particular fucking day It was lights out And I walked out of there And I remember seeing him packing this bag and I walked up to him and I go you ain't getting this one

Even if I didn't get it I knew he wasn't gonna get it. He was too much of a fucking stiff That's why he produced movies so he could put himself in his own movies Guess who got the batman role Papa you could probably find that here's the best Since I was a fat fuck remember after the fucking this was 2007 I still had to be I was about probably about 380 at the time They had to take me to rock chester big and fat the fat man store And they had to buy me my own little fucking Calvin Klein suit like a

$1,500 suit like a $300 shirt the whole fucking thing And we we shot whatever we had a shot. It was like a two-hour shot. It was like stealing And as I'm walking out the lady goes hey Do you want to buy this suit from us? We'll sell it to you for 1200 bucks We could take it right out of your check if you'd like I looked at the suit and the shoes and the thing I like I really use them I go nah I don't want them. I can't afford it night

As I came into the car the casting director came out with a bag with the suit the shoes the shirt The cuffling and she goes hey, you did a great job. Merry Christmas And she gave me the fucking clothing. I think I still got the suit upstairs. I wear at the funerals and shit It's a black fucking suit So do you understand me you have to if you ever are going in any fucking position I don't care if you're a fucking plumber a doctor a lawyer You got to speak up the conditions ain't right my favorite fucking story about directing is the one I went on When I got the mafia commercial look up hardies

What's hardies is other company? It's hardy junior. No it calls junior So calls junior and hardies are the same company. So when you do a commercial for hardies They pay you for two payments hardies and and I had to do a fucking commercial For fucking this guy this director that had like a fucking pigeon on his arm like a Like a thing that I just talked about this couple weeks ago. Yeah, you know like a tattoo and he rolled up his sleeve and he wore like a Like a hat and he had a chinese assistant, which is the most racist thing I ever saw in my life

And he would say a little racist thing style like From the time I got there he was being a dick and I could tell that like the people that were working for him Were kind of weird and it was me and this guy named mossy We were the fucking actors. He was an Italian guy. I'll never forget that fucking The car wouldn't stop For some reason it was an escalator and it wouldn't stop And he had been ragging people all fucking night. He had been ragging people and finally

He kept calling me stupid How can you be so fucking stupid? You fucking you know the brakes and I fucking I wasn't on coca shit It was like three thirty in the morning. We were at the long beach dock And I called the time out and I walked up to him and I go I day to fucking call me stupid one more time. What the fuck doesn't matter with you And he's like you are fucking stupid. You cannot stop the fucking car

Sorry about this I gotta check something out here So You can't fucking Stop the car whatever the fuck it was. You're a fucking dumb fuck He just kept saying it over to everybody and I just called the time out and I went up to him. I go, you know what? Fuck you man. You can't talk to us like this And he goes you're fucking fired and he ran into his little faggy fucking trailer The little chinese guy ran behind them. It was hilarious only in l.a. Could you see this type of shit?

Only in l.a. And fucking out of People like you're fired. I'm like, what's he gonna do it for in the morning? What are you gonna call the second choice? Could you imagine being the second choice for a commercial and I'm calling you at four in the morning? Hi How are you our first choice quit? Do you still want the job? Go fuck yourself So I fucking Knocked on his trailer what a man does

And I go maybe I said some things I shouldn't have said but you said a ton of things that you shouldn't have fucking said Listen, we could fucking you could fire me and you could go to call juni tomorrow and complain. What's that gonna get us? We're all here. The commercial is almost done Let's shoot the fucking commercial And sure enough he fucking came out I don't want to talk to you Sure, you don't because you got embarrassed because I told you the truth how to act like a fucking man Sure, you don't want to fucking come out here

So he fucking came out we shot. I went home never heard nothing about it again. You know, I mean This is the fucking problem That people don't want to say shit in hollywood and then 20 years later You want to be that girl and say josh welden had a toxic fucking Whatever like I said before Half of those fucking things are fucking toxic. I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you in one way or another even in the simplest way Because there's always ego That's it when there's always an ego, you know, I was watching Miami vice whatever the fuck

The night and I was thinking about a story I heard The the staff on Miami vice would work all day would wait all day It would take them five or six hours just to get the show started Because who would come out of that trailer first? Is it going to be don johnson or the black guy? So don wanted the black guy to come out so he can make a bigger appearance That's how minute of the bullshit on the set Happens that people like us really don't fucking have a clue while we're watching the fucking show

My point is whole fucking podcast today is that listen, man I know you're angry I'm angry I'm angry I lost 70 percent of my friends. I lost 70 percent of my income I I lost 50 percent of my friends 60 percent of my friends I don't know when my business is gonna come back my main business the thing I live for all my life I mean last week I was talking about fucking retiring and not doing it

I couldn't imagine not doing comedy in my life But what's going on now if another strain is coming You know, I don't know what's coming you think I'm gonna be able to fucking not do comedy for a year And then get back on a fucking horse and be the joey dears. I was I don't want to give you the joey dears I want to give you the joey dears joey dears treatment. I want to go out there make you fucking puke We'll say this is disgusting. I got to go home. I want two reactions from you I either want you fucking laughing your ass off Banging on tables. I want you to say this is the most disgusting stuff ever in my life

I got to go home and put some holy water in my fucking ears. That's the only thing I want to hear from you That's it. That's how much I love and respect you guys I don't want to go up there and do a mediocre set I got two shows fridays and satays and uncle vinny's for my birthday, you know I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. I have an idea. I've been doing a little bit of writing at night, but Wait till I get there. Wait till I put it on stage Wait till I explode wait till I put my energy into it You know, I got seven more shows to decide what I want to do

I think the best thing about me with calm the thing I The thing that I love the most that I give joke credit the rogue and credit for is Writing and putting a bit together and putting it all together And how it all turns out at the end. I love that shit. I love I love the first seven minutes. I'm just looking for the first seven minutes You know, I don't know what's going to happen with the traveling or whatever But I don't want to quit stand up as a whole What I was saying is that I would I'd rather do it more as a hobby

Fall in love with it And then re-attack it but the other thing is I don't want to go out On the road While this country is in the state of hate that we are right now I love you guys. I love having a great time when I go on the road I love going to your local restaurants You know the last two years I got the theaters

I would get to the theater You know, I don't want to sell no merchandise The theater wants you I don't know if you guys know that when you sell merch at a theater They want 30% of your fucking merch So, you know, and then I got to put glasses on and look at the sizes I remember I just want to go out there take a picture. You would hug you The last fucking year the theaters wouldn't let me do that. They're like no because We got a second fucking show

And you got to be out of here by a certain time. So if you go out there, you're going to disrupt everything That kind of takes away from it Even now when I do the shows on Uncle Vinnie, I can't have contact with any of you guys I made a promise. I made a promise to like three or four people You know, they asked me one guy's a politician and they said you got to do me a favor I can't have you putting pictures up anymore with no mask I'd rather you not take pictures and not fucking encourage that You know, the club owner has mentioned it to me

Different club owners have mentioned it to me that we're not allowing Meet and greets, you know, yeah, it's covet and I get it But a meeting greet after a comedy show Is the completion of a fucking circle of our friendship and that's how we move on to the next one You know, I want to thank my man, Bob LaLingus for sending me some albums this week He sent me sticky fingers The original one with the fucking zipper. You could smell Mick Jagger's cock when you smell it And he sent me another album, but that's gonna be on the album of the week out of order

I usually I'm patron. I do the album of the week and the order was presented to me This album is so cool. I'm doing it out of order now How did I become friends with Bob LaLingus and the people on the road? It all started with A tweet A message I'm coming to your show We connect at the show. We take a picture and a headshot He introduced me to his father and the rest is history and you guys know I got a thousand of you guys all over the country from jay bichero to my man in fucking vegas

I got a thousand of you guys. I tell all over the country now. I wish I had 10,000 of you motherfuckers I miss you more than ever now that we're not doing fucking comedy So please bear with me. The other reason why I don't want to go on the road is we're not That's not that much love I'm waiting every morning. I wake up to open up the computer To hear about somebody got thrown with a bottle at a comedy club Or something like that something bad happened at a comedy club. I don't want to read that And I don't want to read about one of my friends. We're not right normally. How can we be?

We're living in a pandemic half of us are inside half the time Half of us don't have money Half of us are not in contact with our people half of our kids aren't in school. You can't fully be happy Me I've managed somewhere another to be as happy as I can Despite losing money despite moving. I found a different happiness. I found the happiness within myself If you see when I do these shows I don't look like I did fucking 22 fucking edibles the night before I don't look like I'm half fucking mummified. I got brought back to life by this fucking move, you know

And I heard I heard just like you guys, but I'm not looking to hurt other people I'm not looking to hurt other people right now. I'm looking to lift people up. I'm not looking to hurt other people When I was a 16 year old Fucking loser asshole, and I was hurt. Yes I was looking to hurt other people and in any way I could if I could step on an ant I would step on an ant Just to make my day and that's what's going on in today's world and you have to lose that There's no reason why you should be mad

Anything that is not in within your circle of life You got to let it go Because it's affecting your life. It's affecting your relationship. It's affecting what you're doing at home with your wife You know, let me tell you something every day I pray That we have not gone into it over this pandemic me and my wife Not at all. There've been a couple disagreements, but we've kept this house In a really loving fucking way I've had to work really hard on it. We've had our moments

Before we left california my little daughter was starting to break I was starting to break. I can't lie to you. My wife was starting to break And what we would do every day is give ourselves a group hug And that would solve it. You know, we're a family. We're going to go through this together The same way we're going to go through this together through this podcast when I do this podcast I I I stop smoking dope on this podcast I stop doing a lot of things because I want you to feel where I'm coming from The old church was the church. This is the joint. This has something different

I want you to learn from a different perspective and right now I want you to get over whatever hurt you have There's people that have lost 10 times more than what you've lost. They've lost lifelong businesses They've lost mothers. They've lost fathers. They had to say goodbye To their family on fucking FaceTime So much has happened since March You know, unless they fucking strike you Or attack you, you know, how many fucking ear beatings

I've since I moved back to north bergen. I've lost three friends Like here or la friends Here North bergen friends I've lost three north bergen friends Just because that's just the way life is Am I angry about it? Am I upset? No

God knows what's going on in their head When this all ends, I'll make a circle back. But right now It's not good Do I hate them? Not at all Not at all. Not at all. We go back to fucking fall We go back to when there was nothing How can I fucking hate them? I love them even more

I think about them. I call their friends and a mutual friends of mine and I check up on them on the side They they just went off their reservation And that's accepted right now Just listen if you feel that I'm not here pushing suicide hotline, you know me I'm not here pushing a therapist to you. I'm just here pushing friendship to you I'm on a fucking computer I can help you so much

If you send me an email You're feeling bad. I could say I can help you so much You need human contact I don't care if you got to join the gym for $10, you know planted fitness has a special for $10 If it cost you $10 to go down there and talk to two fucking little chubby chicks And a fucking indian guy behind the counter that gives you towels So be it But nothing beats this loneliness nothing nothing

This is horrible. So I know exactly where you coming from when you throw hate at me now You don't see me fucking lashing back at you because I could tell you about things that happened a few weeks ago That would make you die that the cops had to be called the FBI got involved in it They know who did it now we decide what we're gonna do with them And I'm saying no don't arrest them. Let them think that they got away with it. We got your address We know where you live. It's just a matter of time You people forget that we have church people all over the fucking country

And they're all people that made mistakes and they feel validated Because I do what I do because I tell you the truth that just because you made a mistake your life isn't over and it's still not over Right now people are fucking walking around thinking Jesus christ. Look what happened to bruce springspeen Jesus christ. Look what happened a genie carano. Jesus christ. Look what happened this guy for saying something for expression They're fucking views, but genie carano is fighting for itself She don't give a fuck and people are fighting for her if you believe in some and you said something that you fully Have your heart behind it go for it. But you know what man? twitter facebook all that stuff right now

They're looking to throw you off. They're looking To throw i'm not mad at them. I'm not mad at them. There's gotta be tons tons of hate that goes through there every fucking day If it makes your life happy and get I have a dear friend that got off facebook Couldn't take it anymore couldn't take the hate On facebook. It was affecting him personally. I know this guy 40 fucking years Get off But if you're in a state of hate right now The only advice I have for you is two things

Think about what you have Think about what you have accomplished And think about what things you're gonna accomplish once this pandemic is over That's it Don't focus on anything else. Don't focus on the boss firing here He gave my friend two more dollars because of me They have this and I don't have that You know, we're getting mad at people got unemployment and then get mad at people. It's just too much anger and hate going around

Do not let it consume you Find the beauty of this pandemic. There's beauty. I found it and i'm the fucking I'm the guy that looks for something bad every fucking day and I found the beauty in this fucking pandemic I don't give a fuck what you need to do To find the beauty whether it's good. I Eat a fucking tranny's asshole. I don't give a fuck what you need to do So That's it and that's that if you're angry or you feel like you're being cheated

It's not just you man The world is doing this to everybody. The world isn't fucking picking on you Life has peaks and valleys brother And when I say peaks and valleys, this is when You're making money, blah, blah, blah When I say valley doesn't mean that you're going through a fucking A gena carano time I'm saying that you you know, we

emotionally when I moved to jersey august 19th emotionally I wasn't a fucking I was deep in that fucking valley of debt I could feel it You know, it doesn't mean that everything's going against you The world has nothing to do with it, man Us ourselves we go up and down when you look at baseball players They go up and down brady went to 10 super bowls. Did he not? But he won seven

We go up and down this peace and valleys the world doesn't have any hate for you. God doesn't hate you It's just the state of the world right now. That's it. That's it. And that's that so It was valentine's day last night. If she didn't lick your balls with the chocolate syrup Today's your second chance cocksuckers Thank you very much for watching uncle joey's joint. Thank you for enjoying it Thank you for always sending me love. Thank you for the patreon. I'll see you guys wednesday The 17th of february It's not going to be a good day for me, but i'm going to make it a good day for you

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