Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #040 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, February 17th..... Today, we talked about Mourning..... This episode is brought to you by Relief Band and ONNIT...... Go to https://www.ReliefBand.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.ONNIT.com and enter Code: CHURCH or JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

What's happened you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday February 17th the joint is brought to you by relief band Do you know that a third of Americans regularly suffer from nausea? I don't usually have nausea, but when I had the surgery you got to take the oxys yet That's synthetic heroin and you got a puke. I started, you know, it's the truth. It's synthetic heroin So you get sick. I don't usually get nausea, but I get it after the surgery before I got the surgery. I got a box in the mail I thought it was like one of my friends Bob sent me like a box for the surgery. It was relief band the premiere

Clinically proven. I mean, this is tremendous This is why I'm excited about our new partner relief band because relief band is the number one FDA cleared anti-nausea Wrist band that has been clinically proven to relieve and prevent nausea and vomiting How do I know? Because the one day I didn't wear it to PT on the way back. I puked in the car I got car sick. That's how I know this works and I've kept it on every day Since my surgery this kind of thing is only available to hospital patients But now it's available to everybody. That means you this is how it works

Relief band stimulates a nerve in the wrist that travels to the part of the brain that controls nausea Then it blocks the signal your brain is sending to your stomach by telling you that you're sick science Relief band is the only over-the-counter wearable band that has been used in hospitals and Oncology clinics to treat nausea and vomiting like I told you in the beginning man. I Saw a recuperation So I put it on I didn't really suffer from nausea, but When you start taking those pills all those I mean 13 prescriptions, you're gonna get something

You know I'm saying thank God for relief band. So do yourself a favor Ensure nausea is never the reason you miss out on one of life's importance Moments right now relief band has an exclusive offer just for Uncle Joey's joint listeners If you go to relief band calm, that's relief band calm and Use promo code joy you receive 20% off plus free shipping and no questions asked 30-day money back guarantee When a company does that they're telling me that they believe in their product that much So if I was you and I suffer from nausea throw me that box mic if you don't mind

nausea airplane sickness C sickness cost sickness Pregnancy chemotherapy this hangovers anxiety Physician diagnosed migraines relief band is the way to go So if you go to relief band right now use promo code Joey, you receive 20% off plus free shipping So head over to relief band are elief B a n d

calm use promo code Joey and get 20% off and get some relief more no more nausea number two the joint is brought to you by On it my brothers my people my car. I love these. I love this product. You got the protein puffs. You got the Shroom tech you got the alpha brain if you don't like pills alpha brain comes in a powder now You put it in a shake and you shake it up same results new mood shroom tech alpha brain You know immune and I mean that Whatever you need they got you it starts by you just going to on it.com. That's it Go to honor.com and look through the supplements. I can't help you with the kettle bells or anything

But as far as supplements are concerned. I got you Press in church or Joey and get 10% off Delivered right to your house. No drama the protein puffs are delicious. You got the korean barbecue You got the spicy cheddar just tremendous Shroom tech. I mean every product they have The the the melatonin spray now. It's known to they say it helps to against covid the melatonin spray It's flying off the shelves. I use it for sleep. So You know i'm way ahead of the game go to honor.com right now pressing church and get 10%

Off and get a box delivered right to your house on it.com Slash shirts. Let's get this party started. All right. It's wednesday the 17th The candles are lit bitches Hey, look who it is. What's up? What's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle joey here, uncle joey's joint wednesday february 17th How you motherfuckers doing? I hope everybody's doing all right out there Before we get started

My friend didn't make it today the fucking snot. I had hanging out of my nose When I finished the podcast I went in the bathroom and I saw a snot. I saw something hanging out of my nose I fucking pulled that motherfucker out. It was all the way to here. They just went It was this long. I ate that motherfucker I chewed on that motherfucker like a piece of gum for 30 minutes Mike didn't even know he's like, why isn't he sharing that joint with me? That's why Because I was chewing on that fucking booger. I love a good booger like that Is tremendous, but that's the reason why you need to weed whack your nose a shout out the landscape

If you're fucking weed out your nose snots won't get cut there. My buddy called me like 9 30 in the morning He's like dog. You got a snot, you know, it was in the podcast. I'm like, what are you fucking talking about? I look at the podcast. I'm like, look at the size of that thing I go, does it look like a coke rock to you? That was my biggest fear I go, it's a snot It was a snot. It's not a fucking coke rock because if not, I have the the fucking de-air my door today with everybody He's doing coke again. No, I'm not doing no coke. I just had a tremendous it was tremendous Mike It had like it looked like a

Like uh, it looked like an alien It had like a little green head to it and then like a slimy little body to it I took it took me a minute to get that motherfucking position You know when you got to get that snot in position and just fucking like pull it out And I and I was going to throw it away But when I looked at it, it was beautiful. It was nice and gooey It had some white elements to it like vitamin d That'll they'll cure fucking vitamin d is the fucking cure all for covid

I took that snot. I rubbed a little on my forehead just in case and I fucking popped it in my mouth like a mint I chewed on that piece of snot for 30 minutes. Call me a pig. I don't give a fuck put on your relief band You know I'm saying if you're getting nauseated Fuck you motherfuckers. It's a snot. What do you want from me? It would if it was a coke rock Then we got a fucking problem then then then we got to go, you know, you got to talk to joey pull him aside But thank god 13 years no cocaine. You can't get me to do a fucking line of coke. I'm petrified anyway This I can't I can't I'm petrified with these fucking pills. I'm petrified with everything

You know why they don't prescribe a lot of pills to you anymore like 90s because people old d So when they prescribe me myoxys they prescribe them 21 and they want you to take one every eight hours, but they're not considering PT And when you go to PT and they fucking straighten you up. Oh you so you need one after PT. So that's for a day So you always come up short So you have to beg them like call them and beg them and so what I started doing was not taking a daytime one They save it for later. Just save it for later because if not I could live off though. It's the nighttime shin pain. That was really killing me

I could live off, you know, I had pain before the surgery. Why do you think I had fucking surgery? So the leaves and shit, but this pain you need Heavy duty, but that's why and if you take them at night, you can't fucking sleep Yeah, fuck with my sleep. I can't fucking sleep So it's this whole pain drug thing is a fucking nightmare. Here's the funny thing. They talk about this opioid fucking Everybody's on opioids. I gotta tell you something I know a lot of people On sunday. All I needed was one pill

One pill I just needed a pill to take me through sunday after the Take the edge off Yeah, take the edge off and I didn't have it. I did everything ice baths I had my wife freeze cups And fucking rub my my legs with the thing I finally took that bottle of smoky mountain. Remember that that the edible We showed the the friendly farm. I took half the bottle

And I put in a tea And I fucking drank it and that was it night night. I reigned dog Night night. I reigned. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it and rifa helps with the pain CBD line is tremendous with the pain, but there's There's a point of this leg not anymore. I think I've gone over the To humpy I think I got over the hump But today I want to talk about something that nobody ever talks about I definitely did it the wrong way

I definitely did it the wrong way and this this idea sparked in my head about a week and a half ago And today's my dear dear friend Ralphie May's birthday. He would have been uh, I don't know how old it would have been. It doesn't make a difference Uh, it's he's dead four years today. So I don't know how long This podcast is gonna last Just because uh, I've had problems with this for the last couple days I'm gonna get together and talk to you about this And uh, I'm fine now. Anyway, what happened was this

uh You know, we've lost I have I don't know. I don't know how many numbers to covet I can't even start to count or the calculations. I don't know if it's real or not I just I know one thing is real. That is real whether you died of a bullet wound Or you died of covet. They put covet on your thing. It doesn't really matter This is not what this podcast is about today This podcast is about learning

How to deal with a loss with mourning I think right now I think listen I I I can bring you over to my house And show you my emails my my facebook And my patreon and I will I will make this vet I will make this vet with you guys that I will bet $50 That every day The last six months

Except for maybe three days. I have gotten a fucking email from somebody Telling me that either they lost a grandmother a father a mother to cancer Or not cancer. I'm so sorry covet, you know every fucking day since Let's just play it since april I could guarantee you I could bet you I'll bet 10 years $50 That if you go through my patreon You're gonna find the debt Every day except maybe three or four days

If you don't think this takes a toll on a guy like me, you're wrong I know where you're coming from when you send me that email I know exactly where the fuck you're coming from because I was that person I hope you guys never forget that and I was 16 What's the show alone and naked in an island? Yeah, fuck that. I was alone in 16 When I found that that woman on the fucking floor, okay, and Just that alone is a lot enough to traumatize

anybody Anybody it's the reason why I stopped doing blow because I didn't want this great woman that I have as a wife To find my fat fucking ass 400 pound ass on the floor floor. She would have never recovered from it How do I know because I know what it takes to recover from that? Half of you's found your parents Half of you's got a chance to say goodbye My dear dear friend. I talk them off a fucking rope

Once a month Because his mom died in florida and they had to say goodbye on facetime I know I make a lot of jokes and stuff but that's my way of dealing with fucking morning You don't deal with morning by fucking going to somebody's house crying You deal with morning by walking into somebody's house with a face of a man And and your control because if you're controlled then that'll control them eventually you'll break down like I did here But it's morning It takes time and if you don't do it right you will end up like I did in a 27 year

Addiction or a bad relationship because you didn't deal with the death How do I know this? Let's go to what started this whole thing About a week ago, maybe 10 days ago. I was on the phone with my dear friend steve of willow He's been on the podcast before and we were talking And he was you know, I hope he doesn't get mad at me for repeating this online he he said that he was stressed when his wife was pregnant because What if he died and left his wife and kid the way his dad had passed And he said that he never dealt with it and I had a stopping right there. I go

Of else your dad died a month a year before my mom Your dad died in 78 my mom died in 79 I go What did you expect us to do? We did what we knew how to do was going back to being a kid Do you understand me? We went back to being a kid like I buried my wife my my wife got the bid I buried my my mom And went to the playground

Like I went to like a little thing we ate co-cuts whatever and right from there, you know, you resume life You know when you when you're 30 and when you're 40 and somebody dies You feel more of an impact, but when you're young you go back to your activities You're gonna suck Susie's titties at the prom Thursday night You know, I'm going back to sucking on Susie's titties Thursday night, you know And what do we do? So we sweep that

Thing under the carpet and what happens is you deal with people all day long, right? You deal with people all day long and when does that thought creep up on you at night? At night when you're alone and it's just you and your thoughts Oh my god, that's when you remind. I swear to god for me. That's how it was I I dove myself into my friends so much that you know Eight in the morning one of us going to school high school I had a job render lumber After render lumber I was home very lightly a shower

Eat gone again because I didn't want my mind to settle Because if I settled I would think of my mom's death and I'd make me want to kill myself I didn't know how to deal with it the first you want me to tell you when it came back to bite me in the ass And now you understand my story a little better It came back to bite me in the ass five years later in 984 Remember when I told you I ended up homeless Why do you think I ended up homeless? well

That year is where that emotion came out You know all through those years. I was Johnny Rocco. I was with my buddy stinky Fernie Pallie were out every night We're doing this we're doing that you're getting your dick sucked. I'm on colorado with jimmy burkle. I'm having a great time Finally something was wrong with me in 84. It was like I didn't know what it was And you know the pain was dying to come out the pain it was in there But I kept tucking it in tucking it in tucking it in tucking it in The pain was there, but something wasn't right. I went to visit my uncle. He

brought up some memories And guys after that I fucking spun out of control Any drug every pill You know, whatever I needed to take to kill that pain It was and I didn't know what it was. I was 20 fucking years old I didn't know what pain thought I had no idea that pain Once you set that pain loose inside your body What do you think fucking happens? You don't care. So I didn't care

And if then when the fuck when I finally realized that finally I mean, I thought I've told you stories about my mother. I I saw them put her in the ground And I would still go to my house at night just to see if it was a mistake I would still go to my house at night to see if her light was on That's how fucked up I was that's and and right now all he is I'm not saying all he is to listen to the podcast, but most he is No people or maybe have a relative that has passed And you're going through this exact thing right now. You're throwing everything at it

To so you don't realize what's going on that you're in pain. Eventually you're gonna have to pay the piper You could either pay me now or pay me later. Well My payment started in 1984 and it didn't end till 2007 and I threw more pain on top of it I threw the pain of my divorce. I threw the pain of not seeing my kid. You know anytime pain stuck It would it it would lift all those feelings up lift all those emotions up And what what happens when you lift all those emotions up? What's the only thing that they take care of that? Forget that it was boy You know, that's what happens that's what happens you got to keep that pain though. So I did it

completely the wrong way And even today today Between Ralphie and Brody. I won't accept it. I I just won't accept it. I have not I have not Taking Brody's number out of here. Okay Not because I must come back. Just I just have it. I can't you know People kept thinking oh look Ralphie right there Ralphie right there, you know, I just it's not it's not

I'm not ready yet and today and being his birthday. I'm happy that this fell um What's it say there Brody? I'm not lying to you motherfuckers I'm the biggest pussy when it comes to mourning because I don't want to deal with it because It brings up Anthony Mazzano. It brings up denora valdez. It brings up domic speciale It brings up anybody else who's died. You understand me? So that's why I don't like dealing with it But now it he's been dead for four years. It's time for me to sit down and write about Ralphie and what he meant to me and What he wanted from me and I knew that if I know for a fact

If that couch was a fucking hospital bed and I walked in there I I know what Ralphie would say to me and what he'd want me to do with the rest of my life and I did that I did that. I I did that. I used to go train on thursdays. I used to train on mondays and thursdays before I left LA And every thursday was in Burbank monday was in She took me monday to studio city and Thursday was in Burbank You don't know how many times I sat Ralphie down. I go Ralphie. Let's do it this way Let's go on the road thursday and do four shows

And come back sundown open for you. You don't have to pay me anything. I don't give a fuck I just want to help you get in shape Let's work out before you get on the fucking plane and then you know, so every thursday I would work out at 12 I swear to god every time I would make the fuck. I do this as the blinker You know, I'm retarded. I I use my blinkers When I do this to pop the blinker, I'd make it right. I would always go. I would always look and go Ralphie, this is what you should have been doing On a thursday morning

Was going to a workout. We go home now. We eat And we head to the airport. We catch a five o'clock plane out to whatever fucking city we're going to We have a late night dinner And friday morning we go through the two shows at a fucking theater And we're home sunday We could eat dinner with our families and monday tuesday wednesday thursday we could work out and be healthy So I know what I proposed to him and I know if he was in the hospital bed dying what he would tell me and I

Wrote it out and I fucking lived that life, you know You guys have seen that I've lost weight throughout the last couple years Especially after Ralphie's death because I put his name on my on my lifestyle. It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle Everything changes, you know I'm saying so I wanted to talk to you people about morning and what does it mean? It's like when when I came here and I wasn't prepared if you look at the podcast in october And some in november joy wasn't with you. It was some other person. It was because I was mourning I was mourning the death of my life in LA the house my friends

You know dean del rey steve somone lee rogan Red band I was missing them the comedy store. I had to come to terms with all those things So think about all the things I had to mourn the last fucking nine fucking months eight months I've been here six months on friday So all these things but this time I did it right because I wrote about it when my mother died. I did with gods I just you know, this was my fucking, you know That's what I did to to take care of the morning

When somebody dies and you leave that summit like when my sister-in-law died And I drove to Delaware and I went to the wake I Love my sister-in-law and you want me to tell you something my sister-in-law loved me. She fucking backed my comedy career She financed she was one another one of those people that I was in a bind and I contacted her and She sent me money without even blinking an eye You know, it was between this and I'm doing the gig. You're doing that fucking gig Go do your gig. Here's $20 for gas. Whatever you need

a suit listen, you know What I did went when I went I was supposed to do a a guest set that night for tim dillon And I drove up to north brunswick and as I was pulling up My sister called and she goes and we spoke on the mic and I go in the air this afternoon Family reunion and she goes no everything changed. His wife died And I remember I just I said I got to call you back. I tried calling mike you didn't answer I drove back. It's just like a 20 minute ride and I drove back and I told my wife that my sister-in-law died And I didn't cry. I wasn't like, you know, I'm not one of those people it takes time with me

it takes time with me And uh You know, I played with the baby whatever we went to bed and then that night I went in my notebook and I wrote About sherry and then with sherry And I wrote about sherry how I had met her How he came to fall in love, you know, she was my sister-in-law

But I loved her as much as my brother. She had my back When she had her third daughter Alexa, I spent the last Four months of her pregnancy with her every night. I was her personal Butler I was broke. I was a mooch And I was living off her and and every night I would step mike. My brother would go out To shoot darts shitties at none and he goes stay home with my wife and me and her I would smoke pot and blow the smoke in her face Because she didn't she couldn't smoke pots So she just wanted me to blow the smoke at her and she fucking

Would give me money go get chinese food and we watch good fellas every fucking night every fucking night And if I did comedy I'd come home early and we'd do the same shit over and over again chinese food good fellas and she'd make me blow pot smoke at her but she always pushed from my comedy And she told me something once about One of my jokes and I stopped doing a joke But my sister-in-law and my sister-in-law died I just came downstairs and I wrote about and I wrote about our relationship

How we became friends What she had done for me What she had what I had done for her And what she would have told me in that casket As creepy as this sounds when a person is in a casket and you're looking at them in a wake You're thinking about your times with them like with her they have like a screen like a LED screen and they have like pictures of the family and they showed a picture of us the borgata By a slot machine and my fucking heart stopped and you know, it was me and her

I had a relationship with my brother and I had my relationship with my sister-in-law and I loved her to death So I came up with the conclusion the same way I'm on my mother how I came up With my mother how I came up With dom and ike and anthony and I do this with everybody maryland, you know You know, maryland martinez died in 2007. I stopped snorting coke maybe a week after that you know And In september maryland died november like third or november first or something rick ramo's birthday, but

In september she had something in the house They were like a little party to get together you could tell she had a couple days left. She wasn't gonna live And then we were having a conversation and she was telling me that if she ever lived she wouldn't do dirty comedy anymore And in the conversation she said she looked at me and she goes enjoy you have to stop doing cocaine And I took it like as a message from god like, you know, me dog. I look for messages I was like, why would me and maryland be having a conversation about comedy And all of a sudden She just comes out and says I have to stop doing cocaine. Well, I'll tell you guys a week later

I stopped doing cocaine and here we are 13 fucking years later So what I decided to do was every time somebody dies That's close to me. I think of What they wanted for me Okay What did they want for that person? You know, I want the best for mike. I want mike to Grow up and be a man. He is a man. He's got two kids. He's supporting him. He's keeping a roof over his house

He's not a convicted felon. He's a gentleman. He brought my wife And daughter valentine's day presents. I mean the kid's a great kid He's living the life that I would want him to live He doesn't snort glue. He's on time, you know You think of that person and you go, what would that person would have wanted me to what What extraordinary thing would that person want from me? You know, I stopped snorting coke. The pain must have gone away. You know, my daughter the pain must have gone away You know, whatever all these things

The pain just doesn't go away. You have to cut a deal with that pain and stick by that fucking deal In my mother's case I had a girlfriend. I was living with her For four or five years I wasn't giving her 100 percent of joe Diaz. I was giving her 50 percent of joe Diaz because Jo Diaz's soul belonged to comedy And I said

That's it. This has to stop. I have to give this girl 100 percent of joey Diaz Are we not going to have a relationship? I also have to live the life that my want my mother wanted me to be All my mother wanted out of me. She didn't want me to be a lord I mean listen, my mother wanted me to My mother wanted me to go to the army To go to college and then go fight in a war. She wanted me to actually shoot people for this country That's how much she loved america

But the most the things she said to me 10 days before she died one night is I just want you to grow up and be a man And what does a man mean that you go out fucking everything or you get your dick sucked everything I know that You adhere to your responsibilities as a man Before the podcast started mike. He was here. I got a call From my agent who I love dearly And I told him about something I'm making a move, you know, I have to make another move in a different direction And he was really cool with it and I told mike. This is how we do it. We have to deal

With people like this because if you don't then you got nothing You have to be straight with people. That's what a man does. You have to pay your debts. That's what a man does You have to fucking open up a door, you know, you have to do what a man does So for me to make my mom's death easier And dawg, I did not figure this out at 20 That's why I had a rough 20 Why to have a rough 30 because I didn't figure this out I didn't figure this out till I was 43 years old and then I quit coke at 44

I want I wanted to grow up to be the man my mother wanted me to be I stopped doing coke and I became the man my mother wanted me to be I own a home. I have a daughter. I have a wife I have a great relationship with my wife She could even my wife calls me spider, right from good fellas. You know that, right? My wife thinks I'm an idiot. So she calls me spider spider, right? So We people don't know that's my other nickname is spider from good fellas. Yeah, please we have a great relationship I am very lucky. I treat her like a man. You know, she's going away this weekend

Uh with my daughter. They're going skiing and shit. I can't obviously what am I gonna ski one leg? You know, she was upset like she came to me and she's like, I don't I don't want to go Because it's your birthday. We're gonna have a great week and I'm like Fuck you I'm 58 years old. I've had my share of fucking birthdays. My birthday's Friday We'll get a Carbell cake. We'll go to uncle Vinnie's Not them. I'll come back. I'll hang out with you guys and then you guys could leave Saturday morning She goes, yeah, well, that's when we were going to leave anyway. I go so on. What's the big deal?

Why do you feel guilty About leaking Saturday and she goes, well, I wanted it to be a whole weekend. I was going to make your pineapple upside down cake I'm like, do I need a pineapple upside down cake? We're just going to make a carbell cake on Friday We have a tradition at the house. We eat a carbell cake. Why would I want about you know? So I said go and she was like, are you serious? I'm like go. That's what a man does I it's not about me. It's about that little girl. Why'd we move here? You think we moved here for me to be on Broadway tap dancing with Fred Astaire? No We moved here so my little girl could be a normal little fucking girl

So Friday Saturday her I think four moms and one dad only one dad is going One dad is going with like like fucking 12 kids and they they're renting some fucking Thing. Yeah, no, they got they got they got I'm thinking my wife got a My wife got a sweet for her and one of the other moms But yeah, that's what a man does I'm living a family. I have a family now. I have a life You know, okay. Yeah, I don't do comedy every night no more, but now I'm enjoying this part of it So when somebody passes

Your easiest path to mourning And I fucking hate myself for this Is right out This is everything I know it's getting old, but this is everything and it's just three or four sentences and I swear to god the pain goes away When I first did it the pain went right away. Just acknowledging that I did I remember going into that living room. We lived in a one bedroom room You know, and I remember sitting on the couch going

I just lost Oh wait, and then I then then you write letters to them Then I wrote a letter to my mother. So it's like a three process. It's like a two three process thing You say a prayer You write out the person Whatever your aunt you ever have one of those aunts Then you go to the house. They always give you three bucks And they always say, oh, I can't wait to see you want to play or whatever

You don't want to do a play. You know what? Go to a local theater group and do one play just in the name of your aunt One play and once the play's over don't do it again. I'm just using a play as an example I forgot today's ash Wednesday. Anyway, fuck I gotta go get my ashes later on in fact, we'll do it here I'll do my own ash Wednesday I gotta find out what I'm gonna give up for lent this year. I always give up something I gotta go for something for lent But no, that's that's everybody's morning right now, man

And my heart goes out to you and your families and you can make this hard Or you can make this real easy Alcohol does help. I'm not gonna lie to you, you know, but It's just a fucking band-aid and it'll haunt you For fucking ever it'll haunt you You know the way the Brody and whatever on me. I didn't go to Brody's Send off. I didn't I don't do those things because I don't Do well in those

I want to deal with it internally because that's the only way to deal with it, but you saw it. You saw I still have to I'm a loser But I've already written out Like I wrote out what Brody wanted out of me You know, I know what Brody would tell me Out of his fucking death bed That doesn't take be positive, you know, the whole fucking thing, you know I'm sorry, but guys, this is the only way I could deal with this shit

You know, so uh For him, I try to keep him more positive, you know for Brody every day When I wake up, I have a little picture of my look at him. I go I gotta be positive think strong, you know Yes I know he'd want me to be a great comic I know that he would smack me in the face if I told him I was retiring Yeah, he would hit me in the face. Get the fuck out of here, you know With Ralphie, I knew it

what he was gonna tell me because Ralphie loved when I killed Ralphie loved it Ralphie and Joe Rogan loved when I go up there and would not just go off But go off Like they didn't Ralphie and Joe Rogan didn't want me to have a good set They wanted me to go off. They want to see people walk They want to see people fainting and they want to see women crying. That's what they want out of you

That's what they wanted. That's what I went for where Ralphie Ralphie would tell me Player when you go up there and do that shit that shit he got If you want it you got it, you know, I mean it's You got to remember guys that Ralphie And I were you know People always fucking when you're on Rogan, it's always so good when Ralphie's on your show listen friendship You know, there's no reason why two bears in a cave is so good They're great friends

They've known each other for years. They live and they breathe for one another When you have two people who breathe for one another doing a podcast And they're both funny. You got yourself a fucking problem When I would do a podcast with Ralphie, we would fucking die laughing before during and after the fucking podcast You know, whether it was the one with berkreicher when he fell to his dollhouse his shit Or it was Just look at the yellow you look at the yellow and all that shit

I mean we laughed our ass off, you know the the the strong of the bond The better your podcast you're gonna get who are the best two podcasters. I did podcasts with Ralphie And Joe Rogan the best I listen to the one Ralphie won the other night when he went off on russians In the beginning like why are you going off on russians? And he told me later on that night Because the guy that sold him a tire was russian and he beat him and you know, raffie always had his fucking things But I talked to the smash brothers cori and chad

I reached out to them last night and told them, you know tomorrows the day and I had verified what year he died. I don't even know when he died 2017 So it's time for me to start doing some paperwork It's time for me to eventually erase this fucking number, you know One of my biggest guilt from la was that I was leaving

Ralphie spirit there I mean he's buried in arkansas We got him the fucking tombstone. I'm all good But some part of me still Feels guilty that I didn't bring his spirit back when I don't even know If that's right, but Mike, you're probably right. He probably is right there right there. I had some weed missing That fat fuck probably stole it You know when you have

I think one of the best things about comedy isn't the traveling Isn't the money Performing is one of the top things for me And but the top thing is the friendships that you make through comedy like It's different than a regular friendship and for him and I it was I can't tell you how much he helped me. I mean, I can't tell you how I like Mike. I love Mike. I know Mike lives in jersey somewhere

I don't give a fuck where he lives. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't give a fuck where he lives I know he's in jersey. I know he's a jersey guy and I love him either way Ralphie loved me so much He's like player. I'm coming to that north bergen I'm like, sure you are. He's like, I'm coming to north bergen I'm gonna wait till you're there and I'm gonna come and get you Probably 19 I met Ralphie Maybe 97

And by 99 Ralphie came to north bergen I was in north bergen And Ralphie came to jersey. This was way before Ralphie blew up Okay, Ralphie nobody knew who Ralphie was just the people when he used to in texas It was me and Ralphie living in that building with that fucking crew of people God bless their soul Gavin Celine rest in peace Jody

Stacey, I mean we had a great fucking building my man ricky crews kicking ass down in miami We had a great fucking crew. We were a family and me and Ralphie sat there and we wrote So many fucking jokes together. There's a special Ralphies with a yellow leather jacket Watch that listen to that special And tell me that that's not him and me writing together. There's a couple of his specials It was just me and him ginning and I never Made him fucking write it on there that I wrote. I don't give a fuck He's my brother the guy fed me when I needed when I fucking needed food

You know, he gave me money when he became a superstar. He fucking supported me that guy When everybody else was giving me chocolates. He was giving me stacks of $100 bills You know when I got surgery with my one shoulder. I couldn't work one month He came right over and gave me cash This wasn't about that stuff. I would never I've never even repeated this About the specials. It was just me and him like just talking and writing shit And he would say let me let me take that take it. I don't give a fuck. What am I a fucking What do I give a sign felt? I don't give a fuck take it. I don't give a fuck

But one of the best stories I remember about me and Ralphie If there's one story that I love about me and Ralphie was I'll tell you this. I'll make it quick Uh There used to be a club called spellbinders in houston, texas In the the late 90s mid 90s whenever Ralphie got into comedy You had the uh comedy that the one family owned outside

There was three comedy clubs There was the last stop the last spot There was Spellbinders And then there was martin danny martinez's room. There was four rooms Ralphie cut his teeth on danny martinez's room Everybody else called him fat and shit danny was

His mentor, you know, danny was also very good to me. I think danny's gone now rest in peace But Ralphie would go to spellbinders from time to time This is a true story I guess he went The owner of the danny one day and he's like, hey, I'm gonna go to spellbinders and danny's feelings got hurt You know club owners usually do they get hurt. They're like, you know, you fucking but you can't get hurt. It's just a business Ralphie went over the spellbinders 20 minutes into his set. He fell to the stage You can't fucking write this. Okay, you can't fucking write this at all

so I never knew about it You know after we became friends like after like maybe three months somebody said to him In front of me and he turned fucking pale He was embarrassed because he knew I wouldn't let it go. Okay He knew I wasn't gonna let it go So, you know

The lady who booked the place her name was either Lynn Carnes or kim karnes. Who's the act? Who's the singer? Kim kim karnes or something like that. Lynn kin Anyway, it doesn't really I think her name was lin karn. I think Don't fact check me on this. This is 30 years of reefer, you know 40 more like fucking 45 years of so He went through the stage and then he sued him

Which made it worse so He wasn't allowed to play the club. So I I didn't know I go to houston, you know with rogan and I go, let me call spellbinders and see if I can do like a guest spot. Maybe I could work in there, you know The last stop was a great club I was working there as a feature But if I could come down here and put a couple feature weeks together I could stay in houston, you know, you got bowman. You got new allines. You got all that shit down there, you know

So, uh I called the lady from spellbinders and I'm like, hey, my name is joey dears I like to do a guest spot and she's like you can't this weekend But next time you're in town, you're more than welcome to stop by And that process is when I found out about Ralphie may So I I You know somebody said something to him

I was doing something. He didn't think I heard it, but I heard it So again, I didn't tell him it was like when lee got the hand job In vegas from the chinese fucking hand job place And larry told me right away. I didn't tell me right away I gave lee like six weeks the same thing I did to Ralphie. I didn't Tell Ralphie. I knew that he fell through the stage right away. I gave him like six weeks, you know And one day we're talking about comedy cloak and I'm like, tell me about spellbinders And he just he just looked at me like

What do you know? And I'm like, did you really fall down this stage of spellbinders? He's like jesus fucking christ people start rumors. There was a little hole and It kept it wasn't just me. It was it was a hole that kept cracking and then Ralphie you went through the fucking stage So he's like, yeah, it was a long time ago and blah blah blah, but then he sued her That's how he bought the forerunner and all that shit. So Uh, you know kim karms or lynn karns didn't want to hear A word of Ralphie man like nothing

So That's it. You know what? I don't need to work Spellbinders, you know, I was gonna now I was gonna work the lab stop a lot more He gave me a week of bobby slating. So I would call her every day I would get somebody to call her every day and go. Hi, my name is mike Uh, I'd like to do a guest set Ralphie may referred me and you would hear the crack in her I would call her in front of Ralphie. I would I would be Ralphie and then he go, what are you doing? I'm calling spellbinding to see if they give me a weekend. He go put that fucking phone down. I go, no, no, no watch

Highland, my name is pete patello Ralphie may referred me. Can you and she just hang up on me Because so many people were doing it to her like Referring them from Ralphie may that she knew it was a fucking prank or some type and that was the end of that. So Yes, you had a change of no they closed down in fact they sold they closed down and then the improv Moved into spellbinding is now they moved out across the street into a bigger location But it's been four years brother, and I fucking miss you. I miss you I miss you a lot and I learned a lot from you

There's no two people that I learned more about this business than you and Joe Rogan You both had two different styles But you did it your way like fucking Sinatra and that's why I love you uh Ralphie taught me things that He knew things about comedy I never even thought of knowing Ralphie was a real comic He knew little things that would make your fucking head blew up

And he taught him all to me. He showed me his bag of tricks and I got a bag of trick. That's what it is It's just trickery. It's just like fucking being a magician Ralphie had tricks and He was that way ahead of the fucking game He would tell me about those tricks and That's why I'm the comic I am today. It was because of Ralphie man Joe Rogan, man But the Ralphie You know, I got upset in the beginning of the podcast and whatnot

I've warned them as much as I can in the way that I've written about them like I didn't make the mistake I made with my mother and other people who passed like with Brody and Ralphie I've done it right. I've written about them. I've gotten it out of my system I'm still not at the point to get them out of my phone That takes time. That's maybe one more year. Give me one more year. Maybe next year I'll take it out of my iPhone, but Morning is rough guys. It's not something that happens overnight

You know, I once described it if you watch the documentary When you lose a loved one or you lose your mother for me, this is the simplest way I could put it It's like eating food with no salt on it the rest of your life I've still got a life. I'm very happy. I have a daughter. I have a wife. I have great friends I have a dear community But my mother's not in my world And that's fucking rough. That's rough. She never got to see all this. I'm not crying. I'm not complaining

But it's rough And I know a lot of years have gone through this without a mother and aunt and uncle or grandfather Grabbed a notebook two things What would they say to me in their death bed? What would they want from me? What great quality would they want me to put out there of mine? Think about it. You know With Ralphie, he always told me you're the best storyteller player You got you go, he would tell me not even to go on stage and tell jokes. He goes, you're wasting your time

Just go up there and tell stories Just go up there and tell stories and I wouldn't listen to him Ari fucking put that thing together. I listen to him watch those things. That's because of Ralphie Ralphie and Ari that that that's that's what it basically is So all this shit that you see online all this shit that you read among That had nothing to do with me My friends were solid My comedy community was solid rogan josh wolf

Ralphie may you know, we were solid over there stanhope There was a time when that was the neighborhood Vista These are streets. I'm calling that going a row Was josh wolf Gardner Was Ralphie may Sierra bonita

Was nick the polo and mitch headberg and curson was dug stanhope Those were four la blocks next to each other What education is better than that to have those four as fucking neighbors How lucky was I? And I did something that a lot of people don't do I took advantage I took advantage of that. I asked questions I never stopped asking questions even though What's with the questions? You know what I mean comedy stuff, you know like just

Talking rapping That was all we did was talk comedy. There wasn't sports. It wasn't girls. It wasn't about blowjobs All we did was the art of comedy. That was what those guys I don't never forget one day. Doug stanhope called me up and he's like, yo, man I don't know what's going on But fucking I came home and Ralphie was making out with my mother And I caught him and now he ran away. I can't he sped off with his car So i'm like, what are you talking about and I get in my fucking car and I fly over to Ralph

To Doug stan hopes and there's Ralphie and Doug stan hopes mom laughing at me. They were playing the prank on me They they said that Ralphie took off with stan hopes mother So stan hope didn't know what to do stan hope fucked me in the ass That's why stan hope was trying to fuck with me. He's like, I don't know what to do I caught Ralphie making out with my mother and fucking when I when I uh confronted them They both ran off Ralphie was there with me when fucking Doug stan hopes mother Doug stan hopes mother used to save cats that were all missing something an ear and eye a leg

So one time we were all over there And missus stan hope had one of the cats died and she put a towel down With a shrine with a cat the dead cat With the with the dead cat on the on the towel and like candles like awake and all the cats Sat around looking at That cat and me and Ralphie are like look at those cats They're probably looking at each other going. Hey, I could use that ear. No, I could use that tail. Hey I could use that fucking tooth because every one of her cats was missing something an arm a leg

So this is the This is the you know guys When I go deep, you know, this is why I can never have depression I won't let myself come with depression. No matter how sad I get sometimes no matter how Much I beat myself up No matter because I'm fucking rough on myself No matter how bad I'm feeling about something when I think of these stories or Ralphie. I just think of Ralphie

I just think of Ralphie And I'll laugh just if the just the dollhouse Cracks me up never mind the Doug Stanhope's mother never mind the The fucking when he fell on Gardner and I'm trying to pick him up when I couldn't and I told him that I couldn't pick him up Because the cops are gonna come they were gonna think I was mugging him and he had to get him by himself Because there we are the middle of the street in front of the fire department and I'm tugging on one arm I can't pick him up. He's four fucking five hundred fucking pounds, you know

Whenever I get down, I'm on a plane. Something's not going my way I think about Ralphie I think about Brody You know, I don't ever want to forget about Brody. I don't want to forget about Ralphie You know, I don't know when Brody's birthday is. I know Brody died around February. I think I don't remember either. I think I was going because I I found out about Brody when I got on a plane

When I went to sit down, Steve Simone called me. That was a long fucking hour flight and I had to perform that night So I threw my performance out Out of respect for Brody Stevens that night But back to the topic we were talking about forget about Brody And forget about Ralphie rest their souls. I love you both. Happy birthday and heaven Ralphie Uh, I know you people are going through a lot

And I know that you people Either know someone Or I've lost a dear relative or whatever and you're moving through life like nothing happened And you think you're okay That's okay, but something happened And you have to address it at some point in your life. If not, it will come back to haunt you I'm not talking about that aunt that lived in Connecticut that you hardly seen

I want you to have empathy for her and I want you to pray for her and light a candle for her. Yeah I'm talking about those people that are really special in their in your life That when they go you're left fucking lost You're just left there lost. You don't know how to fuck the feel. I answer those messages every fucking day You know, some kid hit me up yesterday Again very anonymous. I'm not here to talk about names A guy on patreon said he lost his mother last week And he goes now I want to thank you for every single word you've ever fucking said

And it just destroyed me It destroyed me because that's what I'm here for guys I'm not here to fucking make you laugh I'm not here to fucking have a snot fucking out of my nose I'm here so you guys can learn from me from the mistakes I made Don't do this shit All the dumb shit I did growing up and stuff. It was fun while it lasted But I want you guys to learn to do it the right way and not to put up with the shit

I put up with you don't have to put up with this shit If you if you're not a junkie like I was You're a comic like like like Jim Florentine or your decent fucking person and nobody's gonna give you shit You have to stick up for yourself Ralphie, you know This is why I do this podcast not because I'm better than you or any of that shit Because you could learn from me You could learn from my fucking mistakes and one of the biggest mistakes I made Was not mourning my mom right it turned me into a fucking junkie and it took

The grace of god For me to understand mourning and that's what made this process a lot easier When Mike called me he said we're starting this up october 1st I had already written out my mourning was I prepared I wasn't prepared But eternally I was getting that I was working towards it and here we are today. We're at like 87 percent right now I'm at like 87 percent if I tell you something I don't want you to get excited about it. I'm excited about it

I actually got excited last night about doing stand-up this weekend So don't believe Joe Diaz. He doesn't know if he's in the fucking retire What are you listening to that fucking idiot for? What are you listening to me for? It's the truth. Nobody knows what the fuck's gonna go on right now as of last sunday I felt so shitty Or monday or even last week because I haven't been on stage guys That's why I feel shitty. I figured it out. I have not been on stage since january 4th

So this weekend last night I was making some tea and I'm like I'm pretty fucking excited I get to try out One new joke. I got one joke. I got confidence on So if you're expecting a bunch of new jokes, don't come on friday because I got one new bit I got confidence in all the other stuff I've written I don't have the confidence relief band or alpha brain has you know, I'm saying on it I don't have that type of confidence to tell you you could get your money back because

I don't know But we're gonna try our best I'll tell a couple stories We'll tell a ralfi may story or something And uh, we'll pull it through but I am excited this weekend about doing stand-up that makes me fucking excited Then I'm excited about doing stand-up. I'm sorry about my cousin. That's not that came out last week You know and I felt them there for a minute But I didn't want to dig in front of you because then you're like joy was digging for fucking snot on the podcast

What type of fucking american is he? And then I had to eat it. Yeah, because I'm not letting that go At the other sometimes I'll just put under the table like a piece of gum And save it for later, but then the snot gets too hard And you got to you know jump into it a little bit and I got new teeth I don't want no problems. You know what I'm saying? I want I want to save my teeth I don't want to have to go back to fucking la and see the fucking dentist again But with that in mind listen, man, I'm sorry about any of the losses

in your life and The bottle and drugs Is not the fucking answer to mourning It's a paper. It's a pen It's devotion it's Going back To square one what that person wanted for you

Your father wants something special for you. Your mother wants something special for you Your sister saw you dance one day by yourself in the shower And she thinks you're a great dancer. You should be a dancer. You're like nah, you know what I'm saying So when somebody dies those are the questions you have to ask yourself What would they say to me in the casket? What would they thank me for? And What

Is the person They would want me to become Like i'm not saying change. I'm saying that tighten one of your angles Something that you're doing isn't tight just tighten it up a little bit. Joy you're cursing too much Joy you're doing this, you know, and that's what it is just try to Become what that person thought You could be

You know, I never thought I would end up here But my mother thought I could I never thought I could grow up to be a fucking man. I was a fucking punk little fag But I grew up to be a man. So If somebody believes it, there's a reason Follow it and become that person for them and the morning process will be tip-top magoo You know, I cried because of Ralphie because I haven't worn Ralphie

But I could talk about my mother all day long And I won't fucking cry or get upset. I could talk all day long about ante basano And not cry and get upset. I could talk about domic speciale I could talk about a lot of people that I've lost and not get upset Ralphie and brody is still four years Brody's probably two years, right? Brody's probably two years. Yeah, and I'm not even he'll be like maybe 10 years for me to Mourn those guys. This was an easy morn the la morn it got easier When I saw the smile on my daughter's face

When I saw my daughter saying this has been the best day of my life. I got white castle today Okay, if white castle makes you better and if that's the best day of your life, fuck it LA is dead And that's it for the podcast. I got no dates All I have is uh, February 19th And 20th this week at vinnies, which is sold out The 24th at vinnies, which is next wednesday and then all of wednesday's at vinnies In march and then we'll decide from there

What we're gonna fucking do but from the excitement I had last night About getting on stage friday Who the fuck knows who the fuck knows? Listen guys, I love you guys I want to thank all our sponsors for the week, but most importantly I want to thank you guys for having my back every week For watching We keep growing we're getting better every week and we're getting stronger and it's because of you. Thank you very much

Thank you for putting up with the snot and not report me to the authorities Thank you for not spreading false rumors that joey's back on coke Just thank you. Thank you for being you guys. I love you guys patreon 3 5 and 10 bucks And i'm around twitter Facebook, you know i'm around mad flavor. Stay black. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great weekend All right, I want to thank you savages on a beautiful wednesday morning For uh checking in and enjoying the podcast wasn't the podcast you really wanted to hear today

It was a tough one on me too, but that's what life is all about Is dealing with things before we leave. Listen. I got to talk to you about something A lot of people going through a lot of things Stress, you know things are going on You lose your focus if you want your focus back it starts with alpha brain. I love alpha brain memory and focus Back a couple days. You have some colored dreams You do a cycle and you just do try it one time

You're gonna be hooked like I am and if you don't like pills they got the powder and it's delicious You just open it up. I think it has three different flavors. Tremendous. You got the protein puffs You got the melatonin spray. They got a peanut butter chocolate protein bar seven grams of protein just like an egg Tremendous, what do you think I eat at night when I'm when I'm sitting there and I want to snack That's exactly what I eat a little protein bar peanut butter cup go to honor.com right now unbelievable unbelievable unbelievable If you don't like alpha brain They're not only gonna not they're not only gonna not send you your money back

You're gonna get your money back, but you can keep the product Again, like relief band when you do when when you do a statement like that You're telling me you believe in your product 150 percent. That's why I trust honor That's why I go with the shroom tech immune and the shroom tech sport and the protein puffs and go to honor.com right now Pressing church and get 10 percent off Delivered right to your crib on it the smarter way to go The joint is also brought to you by relief band like I told you in the beginning You know a third of americans suffer from nausea

A third of americans suffer from nausea. I don't know what to do. I'm not really that type I only get nauseated when I see a couple things But I'll tell you what that's why I'm excited about my new partner Relief band relief band is the number one fda cleared anti nausea risk band that has been clinically proven to relieve And prevent nausea and vomiting the product is 100 drug free It doesn't make you drowsy and has zero zero side effects This is the kind of stuff this band you can only get out of the hospital patient But now it's available to everybody that means you and how it works is this let me tell you something

You don't even need to be clinically proven. It got proven by me like I told you in the beginning. I went to pt One day I forgot to put it on I figured I don't need it today On the way back sure enough. I puked all and I puked twice Twice that day. So I don't like puking. You don't like puking. Nobody likes nausea It helps with recuperation. It helps with c-sickness. It helps with everything This is an amazing band. It blocks the signal from your brain Sending to your stomach telling you that you're sick. That's science

Like my man Thomas Dobie was telling you in 1980. Anyway, relief band is the only over the counter wearable band that has been used in hospitals and oncology clinics to treat nausea and vomiting like I told you guys This works. How do I know because I just had surgery and I haven't taken it off in five weeks It's going to be six weeks on friday my birthday also. So anyway Ensure nausea never is the reason to miss out on life's important moments right now relief band has an exclusive offer Just for uncle joey's joint listeners. You ready? You go to reliefband.com use promo code joey and you'll receive 20% off Plus free shipping and no questions asked 30 day money back guarantee. So head over to relief band r e l i e f

b a n d dot com and use promo code joey For 20% off and get some relief. All right I want to thank you guys. I want to thank relief band And I want to thank honnet I want to thank Draft kings. I want to thank cbd lion I want to thank stamps anybody who sponsors us. We love you. We got your back Thank you for having our back and you guys at home. We love you. Listen. Have a great week

Uh, I love you guys. Thank you for all the birthday wishes and I'll see you guys monday morning Tip top magoo ready to fucking go. I love you cocksuckers You