Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 04/03/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #68

Episode Date: April 4, 2013

Famed guest Danny B calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Streamed live on 04/03/2013.

oh shit oh shit Wednesday April the third the year is 2013 little fucking sober for you that's the ones a fucking lie cuz I'm over here smoking dope like I invented it oh she kick a leak oh here you go motherfuckers get up drink that coffee that oatmeal there's an apple there that's waiting lonely as a motherfucker eat that and get out there this other spark this next joint right off this fucking other one we're gonna caddy check this motherfucker oh shit it's a beautiful day to be alive the Lord put you on this planet get up go out there fucking stab somebody do something the church who tell you to turn the music

off church of what's happening now Lisa at aka the flying Jew looking beautiful look at this emerson shirt I haven't worn this since I was a freshman there so exciting can't believe we forgot a lighter today that is kind of impressive though lighting a joint off another joint I can never do that because you want to we blow cock sucker that's what I was a we blow I went until it became Boy Scouts I was there for like a year and I got a little creepy so I stopped what do you mean creepy so we tried them I never understood and I'm sure most of them are nice but it's just like people who like are doing that

stuff and and like not all of them but some of like I got some weird vibes from like some of like the like the guys they'll teach girl softball seems kind of weird to me a little bit so I mean I'm sure 95% of them are fine but just stuff like that kind of creep me out a little bit you can always tell they do get a little too into it yeah that's what I don't like that shit they got that look like they never really got older like just a thing they look like what Benjamin Buttons yeah pervert fuck you in the ass in a button it's Wednesday it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive get up there we had a very

interesting Monday night it's funny cuz sometimes me and Lee hang and it's fucking hysterical cuz I show Lee you know what I see why I have the fucking thing on my mind fucking stone already I like it and as usual this podcast is always sponsored by Anna and I even call sponsored in my buddies I like Aubrey I like the products that they fucking sell I like how I feel the fucking new mood excuse me I like that the alpha brain I like the strong bone if you're a fat fuck and I like the hemp protein this morning I made a banana shake with the chocolate and protein I must have been good little milk fuck I'm bum bum

I'm off I ain't farting it's clean I'm ready to go I really don't like eat when I get over here I gotta leave here the house by 5 30 20 to 6 I don't have time to make eggs I'm not that hungry yeah I'm not that hungry when I get up you have the same problem yeah I have to smoke 52 bong hits and you know I think it's cuz you I mean for me like I when you get up and you go that's I've never been hungry so when I wake up and go to work I don't get hungry until like lunch oh no no I gotta eat something on the path when I was a kid I could get up and do that and I found that's not really good for you it's awful for you so I usually

try to get up and before I leave the house I put something in because if I start driving mm-hmm and get car sick and my blood sugar goes low it's gonna be out of a fucking day oh yeah I've been put something I've been having breakfast every day like a my good girl who's been staying with me said it looks like a like a magazine like I had like scrambled eggs toast and an apple and I have been trying to do that and I don't know I've been I haven't you look good you're taking care of yourself you're being a better friend to yourself that's a beautiful thing when you're 24 I didn't do that yeah I'm trying you gotta do

you're looking sharp let me see Wiggle Funko join me with no music oh shit you gotta wiggle with no music anyways you should have the music just playing in your fucking head speaking of music in your head we went out Monday night it's hysterical it's hysterical there was a couple things that fucked me up about that night to number one we went to the happy endings to go do comedy and I got down and waited for a long time I had a spot somewhere else I had to leave but it was funny how we sat there Lee and I got a salad and I was drinking that cuckoo we got a little make his mark Lee likes the whiskey I do and we're

watching this karaoke and that was creepy that was fucking creepy that was my first time seeing karaoke and I didn't even like look at them like I like I was sitting with my back to the stage area and I was just looking at you because you like with every person who came up up until the two girls who sang that Kesha song like your face just like when like when like blank and you just sort of shaking your head I never saw something that like that in my life but the click that came down I dance some skinny guy that you could tell was a fucking mortal on like that the warm dope with these jeans and these white

shoes that were fucking beat up and a t-shirt and a white vest mish made out of mink and he and he had like his his like a George Michael beard like everything was perfect I can't stand those fucking guys and he was in that karaoke scene and you know what that's not fucking chicks I'll have a little chicken chicken with a dresser and they're wasting their time with these karaoke guys who are fucking goofy retards get away they're up there singing bad music and me and Lee there was one chick that sang a song it was so fucking bad it was so bad she looked like the mother and Carrie like creepy lady like

that yeah and even the guy she was with kept looking at the football like the basketball game look at it he kept it was it's something that but this was a Hollywood karaoke guys so I'm very sorry let's blend this down for you if you go to Michigan and I go to fucking Grand Rapids and there's a karaoke it's regular Kinfolk just saying and having a good time yeah you ever just do that go fucking sign up you know I started comedy and karaoke comedy and karaoke when I was starting came hand-in-hand because I started in Boulder and there wasn't a lot of carry there was a lot of stand-up okay I would go to karaoke and have to

sing a song and then the next one take the mic and start doing material and the guy would get pissed and throw me out of there and I did that in Jersey I did that in Colorado I did that in Seattle I did that in New Jersey oh sure not we'll go to karaoke and take over a karaoke show that's hilarious so when you go to those places they do it for fun people we drink we fucking smoke a two to roots we smoke a fucking bang a blast and we go get three beers and we sing I will love you by Whitney Houston we get fucked up these people were singing it with the hopes that there was somebody in the audience to discover them yeah like that

creepy girl was doing that Christina Aguilar thing where they would go up and down with the words that it didn't need to do it was fucking it was fucking atrocious but the story of the night that night that really fucked with me was the bartender oh yeah you told me when I walked in there we went upstairs checked in walked back downstairs and this is a very interesting story walked back downstairs and we sat at the bar and I went to look around the bar and some girls like Joey and I go what the fuck cat I had seen her and she was a beautiful girl yeah that I was friends with as a stand-up comic in Chicago 10

years ago when I used to work this club on the south side oh I didn't know you matter there you know meet her out here so we became friends at Friday and Saturday after that you did comedy at this place you sat around the back and you drank with the waitresses and the bar staff and a couple people let to stay I get a grandma blow and talk to that girl didn't do blow nothing I'm just saying yeah and I would talk to them then go back to my hotel room look out windows or whatever the fuck I would do but what was very interesting was her and I became friends she wanted to act listen guys I was 40 fucking two all

fucked up and she was 20 something at the time I wouldn't hit on it we would go to lunch at stake and shake right we'd get like if I was shaking we'd talk about acting and what she did then one day she bust out a movie with Mariah Carey's boyfriend Nick Cannon yeah Nick Cannon and in the movie she has to kiss Nick Cannon okay so what we had spoken about like we would meet and talk about like make notes listen man as a stand-up comic you move here and you're a stand-up comic and that's great you learn how to cover the spread as a stand-up comic somebody once told me to get into acting class so I went to a Vanna Chubbock acting

class which is one of the premier acting classes it's where the black chick went before she won the Oscar Halle Berry Halle Berry and the tall white chick went before she won the Oscar tall one that's really hot right now that did a skit dancing on the ground on the Oscars she played in that movie with Marky Wahlberg where they robbed the fucking guy real pretty who's the woman Thurman or Charlize Theron or Charlize Theron all right so Charlize Theron thank Theron and the black chick thank the Vanna Chubbock okay and Thursday night's class is the heavy-duty class that's where you go with his agents there you

have to work yourself up to that class so you take a beginner class and they move you to intermediate class and the master class is Wednesday Thursday Thursday being the premier class okay you know you go there and see models in there supermodels you see the guy from Sex in the City on Thursday night and they let you do scenes but you know what it really doesn't matter because I'm no motherfucker in the morning class it's working anyway you follow me yeah so that was what they trained you certainly but that's not what we're talking about here today so I meet this girl and we're talking I go listen when

you go to LA go to Vanna Chubbock she specializes in women and you're like Joey why because she breaks a woman down she makes you get naked in front of the class and do a scene you know the people you've never known before it's fucking creepy Jesus but that if she makes you she makes a woman get out of skin get out of herself okay so that's why those women are tougher than fucking now so I told her she does this movie kisses Nick Cannon is an extra in the fucking movie and one of the young producers is blowing smoke up her head she needs to move out here she needs to live in Hollywood she doesn't need acting

class she needs $2,000 headshots and let's check with selling real estate and she was a waitress in Chicago okay she moves out here she calls me up on there that's when I used to I used to hang out in front of that gym when we were the other night okay Justin Fortes gym I mean it there there used to be a cafe right next door I take her to the cafe we're sitting there and she's fucking insulting me she goes you know I talked to my producer friend on that on that movie yeah and he said that you were wrong but I shouldn't go to an acting class and I'm like what and see see I go you've never done anything before yeah you

know you've never done anything at least when you're a comedian you've done shit you've been on sets you've seen what happened this chicks like I'm not gonna be an extra and I'm not going to acting class and you know me I don't give a fuck what you do yeah like you know I think you're doing it wrong out here she goes you're doing it wrong she goes me and this guy worked out a plan where I don't have to do acting classes she goes it's more about networking networking going to clubs and talking to people having this photographer had shot me and all this shit I'm looking at her going wow okay you know if you don't

think if you don't think I'm fucking wrong you know and I never saw her again she was moving into an apartment on bullshit Boulevard that you had a rent like as a community okay and you had a share like the gym and something else but you also had a share a theater so if you were in a movie your friends could come over and scream the film you know I'm saying like this is how crazy this girl got and for people who don't know Wilshire Boulevard is one of the fanciest like Boulevard yeah and it was like you know when you move out here guys when you first move out here what can your rent be I mean what's a one bedroom

or a two bedroom you share with somebody or it's like 500 if you share an apartment yeah this guy talk this dummy into laying down 2200 bucks now there's two types of women in this town there's no there's two types of guy if I'm gonna fuck you I'm gonna tell you yes and I like your fucking pussy we're gonna know before you fly out even shit but then these dudes that come out here as your friend and you know at the end they just want to fuck you yeah you know just say it get out of the way I kept saying are you fucking this guy she's like no he hasn't even tried he's a sweetheart well sure enough you know and

you don't know what to do that's why you don't get involved with those guys ladies because if you fuck them you're wrong and if you don't fuck them you're fucking wrong you damn if you do damn if you don't yeah and these guys will tell you whatever you're beautiful you're gonna make it out here but they just gonna blow fucking smoke out your ass you know I looked at this girl as a young fucking girl after that day I got up went back to the gym I never thought I know more yeah like I was like here we go you know cuz I've lived through a million of those I live a million people who've come in with a fucking

credit card and a smile and they have all the answers and they fucking blast off with me it's always been hard work and staying on base the other day I watched Moneyball and the most important thing about your life after a certain age in your career is staying on base you're on first base for a while but at least you're on fucking base yeah and you're threatening to steal and you get the second there's nothing like not having anything going on in this town yeah there's people have nothing going on it's a mind-fucked because they depend on this guy or they wrote a script between three guys listen 10 years

ago I fucked up I should have wrote a script for television that would have been on television right now because people don't write for me but I didn't and that's not the point the point is that four years ago I decided that I wasn't gonna wait on anybody for help anymore yeah the agents weren't gonna help me nobody's gonna help me I had to write my own material I had to get up in the morning and email people and a lot of people don't like my style of business but I don't give a fuck a lot of casting there's been about two casting people in the last 15 years of contacting me and said you're not supposed

to contact me as an actor and I replied my job is to end your job yeah you know I'm saying my job is to end your job I knew right now if I had to look for 50 fucking people for a TV show and look through breakdowns and all this shit but you came to me with three people to save me I would appreciate that yeah it must be kind of like cuz uh I go I mean mine is a little weird I work for a few months and I have to look for a new job it must be kind of weird like you work maybe for a day or two and you can't even you can kind of go look for a job but when you're so your agent is supposed to be the one doing it so

you're just kind of sitting around waiting right so your agent you call your agent on Tuesday or Monday and ask him what's going on he'll say oh there's a part coming on on this there's a part coming out in the community there's a part on this for you that's fine and fucking dead I decided to do it a different way I got what's called the breakdowns the breakdowns the same thing the agents get which is a hand job of what's going on in this town see fifth when I moved here the breakdowns were the bible there were 200 pages a day Jesus and that was just for theatrical and then those breakdowns you had ads you had you know education

for actors you had stuff that was going on so it wasn't all breakdowns so the breakdowns are basically this Lee's doing a movie the adventure to the flying he's going to be the lead but he needs a co-star then he needs the characters in the movie they'll say Lee Syat 28 to 32 a chubby little Jewish guy you know whatever recurring role whatever the fuck it says and then they send you in the agency's that calls up and says I have a guy that fits that send me his headshot and then they call you the fucking that's the traditional way and then you go to producers I figured out a different way with tv you never know with tv it's every three days that they're looking for a role so you can't stand it but for

a film I would get the breakdown okay I would get the role that I wanted let's say it was a mafia movie okay all right let's break it down to the longest yard I was just gonna say that yeah okay let's break it down to the longest yard I get the call for the longest and the longest yard isn't really that fair because the longest yard was a lead okay so let me tell you what I'm trying what I'm trying to do here I picked a role that's big and I pick a role that's small that's really me at the time okay I pick a role that's a little big even go to a fucking steakhouse there's a 12-ounce steak there's a 20-ounce steak the 12-ounce steak you've had 15 times it's comfortable but tonight you're gonna eat the 20-ounce steak for some reason or another but you got to have it

there yeah the thought of you having it there so what I would do is take the breakdowns take two roles and I'm right for one big and one small and get the sides from an agent call different agent friend of mine that was a lit department somewhere and say hey do you have the script for the flying juke the out auto biography he'll email it to me and then I'll read the roles and then what I would do is take the pages out of the script that has his roles and I would bring that scene to life by myself so I would call you up Lee and put the camera in front of you and you'd put it on me and I'd do the scene yeah and then after that I'd say hi my name is Joey Coco Diaz and I put an audition tape together and I found that way the fuck you lured and I sent you the tape overnight

that's a hustle move yeah that's a move that only you could put together somebody told me about it and I did it a lot of people wouldn't do that but that's how I got the longest yard and that's how I got spider-man 2 and that's how I got the other one I fucking with Denzel that's how you get these movies my job is to end your job of searching yeah so that's what I do because otherwise you're sitting around a coffee bean and just waiting for somebody else to make a move I want to know what the fuck's going on you know a lot of times yeah it's great to do spots at the improv or the live factory or fucking it's great or the comedy store me I go down to the Mexican rooms in the black rooms why because I want to have my heartbeat on the pulse of what the fuck's really

going on okay I want to know what's going on I don't want to just dabble in I want to know what the fuck's really going on if you're gonna do this if you're gonna be a plumber you want to know what the fuck's going on if you want to be a scientist you gotta know what the fuck's going on I don't candy coat my comedy I go to hell hose yeah that's a week because Monday I mean you knew the guy and it was it was nice of you to be there but in reality you didn't have it's not like you it's like it's like an open mic it seemed like or something it's practice yeah it's practice it's going up against different fucking faces when you record it back you gotta go up against different defenses and call audible audible is when you make the decision there they make a big

deal about oh my god that guy just calling audible oh my god you're supposed to call fucking audible every day in your fucking life you've been playing it for 30 years driving down the fucking street you see a dead fucking car two miles up as you're looking you see a bunch of idiots sitting there you're gonna fucking hook that left and get the fuck out of there to make your life easier that's an audible you just made a fucking choice you follow me a lot of people all my crowd you did an audible what what's wrong with you we do audibles it's a decision it's a decision that the line of fucking scrimmage which is a decision that the liner do a fucking die you gotta make the call you can't call mommy you can't call daddy you can't call uncle joe you

gotta make the decision and that's what that is that's why i go to those rooms so i can face different fucking type of people you know when i go to a mexican room on thursday night at 10 o'clock i have for those people i'm blown they're walking in and out i gotta work for my fucking company yeah you think they have music and lights and you come up dancing and shit no it's a pool table behind you you follow me so you have to make it a lot of people refuse to go down there the comedy store is a very hard place to do comedy not everybody goes to the comedy store you even noticed that oh yeah of course and it's people go to the improv of the laugh factory the comedy store is very fucking dark so a lot of people won't go to the fucking comedy store it's just dark in there

your some of your spots are always late you know i went through something where i had a boss that was a shitty boss awful i wanted to quit every day but every since i went to new jobs bosses don't seem as bad so i've heard that about the comedy store that you might it might suck and you might be making no money or whatever but when you go to the improv you're ready for it's like it doesn't scare you you're ready you know i i always say to myself that nobody could fucking scare me because i don't count me in buffalo and have time to save the game that's as tough as your life's gonna get tell you how tough your life's gonna get today cocksucker i'm gonna show you people something because what we do here in the church what's happening i'll keep you on trends and what's

cracking like it we've introduced you to banana bread vapor pens well i'll sleep well i'll fucking bang bars across the country this is the hottest thing going right now chibo chews okay i was hoping you were too high and forgot i didn't fucking forget cocksuck i never forget i'm like a blinkin you see that these are called chibo chews i don't know how many milligrams you have people but these are double dose for the whole thing so i'm gonna give you the wing you guys all gonna judge i'm gonna give you i'm gonna eat the other one and a half no because that's how i fucking roll all right that's how i fucking roll this is how strong these chiba chews are can you see them booyah it's a fucking uh it's a chibo chews it looks like

one of those now and later things are starburst a couple of years before we get creative if i puke again i swear to god bro come on who takes care of me cocksucker you say that and then you call four hours later laughing your head off you're crazy and i'm sitting in the corner trying not to because you think about it you gotta go out and move you're fucking you gotta go out and get some sun how i don't know how you move with that stuff i have to you fucking move i jump in bed and i hope for the best music on you're gonna sit there like a fucking mama look at the age two it's wednesday play some fucking music for these people while i'm rolling this this is like getting into a 14 year old's fucking under women you in the eighth grade you try to bang your neighbor

gonna go through the vault of fucking debt to get to her panties but this is charming look at this it's a fucking tootsie roll oh shit this all this is it's a tootsie roll that's all that is look i'm gonna cut a little tiny piece for lee because this is how your brother loves you look all right look at that look what i'm eating and look what lee's getting look at that all right i'm gonna throw some music on hurry up oh yeah little barry motherfucking white look at fully i want no shit no i'm gonna have eat eat eat i'm fucking back a little look i eat the whole thing i'll fucking kill you eat it don't go away listen will you if you don't eat the whole time we'll make you the pieces pop it come on it's more of us we ain't gonna do it again god damn it come on we are sad

look come on oh that's the shit right there oh shit put down a lot of fun for joy come on come on do it it's wednesday this motherfucker big black fat with a ponytail and still busting out so i'm just slinging dick oh shit take that leave a little wiggle fun for joy yeah i'll do it he'll do it because he's 500 pounds leave your ass or suck your toe you don't give a fuck it's wednesday get up wash that helmet wash that helmet soldier come on lee what are you looking at he's stressing out blast that motherfucker lee very white i've got to keep you please get up motherfucker we got one more chibot you left will we eat it no life we'll tell you please you gotta go strike the southern bone first too all right please delete the music i'll

just talk all the music and fuck with these people it's wednesday cocksucker i got my main man danny count drill a calling calling he's a kid that uh i watched uh sizzle mother fucking basketball nets went on to be a top leading scorer the nation at seton hall he was one of my idols growing up into his brother and uh if you guys have been paying attention thank god to my main man john arena who uh told he also read personal found listened to uh tim donahy on the fucking podcast when he was talking about the favoritism in his book well if anybody who knows who's alive about the lake again with kobe you know that shit i got danny bianculo calling on the later on the half spot i want to give some shout out to some bad motherfuckers to pursue a podcast death

squad nashville for helping me out this weekend chris arnell and the mma diehard you know i got all you motherfuckers brice i got fucking as a hensworth you know i got i got everybody i love you motherfuckers all i want is the best for you cocksuckers that's it i don't know what the fuck this is what i got to deal with he went to i forgot the light this morning i got here early shit went down and i forgot the fucking light up and we got three joints to smoke the show don't add till these fucking bazookas go down we're gonna size this monster here then my fake cigarettes i don't know what i can't even be international this morning i should have stopped and bought one but i didn't i was fucking early i can't even be an international like making believe i've been to

europe and all this shit the fucking fuse but hey what are you gonna do it's wednesday i'm gonna be a national at zany's uh saturday night eleven fifteen i'm just dropping in i'm staying close by what you do with your mouth this whole my dreams i'll make a habit of put lighting joints off my nose where's the musically he was just about to throw heat and where you going you gotta smoke some of this that i've had enough two two joints and that thing i don't want i'm gonna sleep for the rest of the day what two joints let's just take another joint it's the second joint so you you're fucking me up you're making you you had me there i don't think i don't think if i was doing three i thought i rolled two when there was one here so we were talking about that bartender

hollywood living here listen the most important thing about living here that i seem to do don't ask me how because i had horrible years in 2008 and 2007 2009 was but i still shot movies and television shows and i still did stand i still stayed relevant i still stayed in the game you know when i walked in there that night and i sat down and seen her bartend i was crushed and happy at the same time well were you happy were you like kind of like felt like you were not i like proved it proved your heart yourself right i was happy because i proved her wrong you know here she is fucking bartending you just became a statistic and the fiance is an aspiring filmmaker and he's a fucking bartender so he could suck my dick it's like you know listen man i had a job here for

three fucking months and once i quit the fucking job i went for it yeah that's it you come here to get a little job for the world i'm not talking about you i'm talking about these actors that no i'm not saying and the reason why they have the job is a fucking safety net i don't like a fucking job when you're trying to do something it's like people get a commissioned job you get a commissioned job because you don't want a ceiling over your fucking income you want to be able to say you don't want today joey i feel like making five fucking thousand dollars and i'm not gonna go home till i make five fucking thousand dollars yeah a lot of people settle for a job that pays by the island it's got great benefits every once in a while you gotta walk on a fucking type of you're

living with your mother you got nothing to fucking lose get a commissioned job learn how to sell from your fucking stomach learn how to go wow i fucked around monday through thursday if i want to get paid today i gotta sell something somebody's gotta pay for me to get up this morning and go to work now when you said when you were when you send out when you uh contact the casting directors you had a couple of them that didn't like it are are there more people that that appreciated it than didn't like it yes there's more people that didn't tell me directly but i could see that they still call me in they still call me in for different projects john papsadara the chick who books uh it's always sunny in philadelphia and sons of anarchy windy or branch put me along this yard

i mean laura johnson who the other day some guy called me we're talking about laura johnson and coffee do you put me in five fucking television shows when you five projects you put me like in three movies or a tv show yeah and because you were saying something the other day i don't think we were talking we were talking kind of about it but not this uh time was you said uh if they cast the wrong person it looks bad for the actor but it also looks bad for the casting director because they they they fucked up so if you send them in and they they take a chance on you and you do a good job why are they gonna spend 10 hours looking at people they know what i'm gonna do my job is to end your job it's funny even with stand-up comedy you know what my so you know my formula was to

book myself as a stand-up comedy five six years ago what i would call a comedy club owners and say hello and when they would ask me do you want a week here i would go no i'm just calling you to check in with you it would drive them crazy because at that time i didn't really want to go on the road i was making money here doing whatever my fuck i had okay you know i don't know it's just i'm very proud that i came out here and i did something every year so i wouldn't have to get a day job and if you ask me what i did i don't know what i did you know i just know that i paid fucking attention yeah you have to pay attention at every fucking job you have doing this podcast makes me a way better stand-up comic did you know that way it makes me a way better person to

stand up comic when i was walking down the stairs this morning it was 5 32 in the morning and i'm going to do a podcast with a friend of mine who doesn't mind but we don't get a check at the end of the week for this no and we did this in the beginning and a lot of people don't take this kind of chance in the country a lot of people say i wouldn't do that i can't do that unless i'm working and by doing something like this for three or four months and taking a knock and eating a subway sandwich instead when you want to stay you it's like putting money in the bank and you get the revenue later it's like punching in for something that you get paid on later and i've always admired that about people there's a lot of people who refuse to do that and they're stuck in

their fucking simple ways yeah because it's it's scary i mean it's definitely fucking scary i was supposed to start a job last week and i i i got a different offer and i i i was i felt weird about the other thing and now i have to take a month off and i'm losing a few thousand bucks because i'm not working for a month but at a certain point you have to you have to make a decision about being happy in the place and you don't want to just take everything that's offered to you we're kind of like we were talking about those comedy clubs because when you turn them down they're like oh shit he can turn it down you turn it down he can turn it down you know that there's there has to be there has to be a day that you have to with me i had to forget i was a comedian

that horn mentality and i become joey dears again who i was again i always had the hustling desire like listen i got up in the morning if i find out about something you call me and go hey lisa yand is doing the movie joe rogan is doing the movie i'll call the casting director and find that i'll find out who's doing what and then from there we get the side then from there we work that motherfucker oh there's a role for me how are we gonna work this let's see who the producers are let's see if i'm at every fucking angle when i did spider man too i met this black kid on the thing good friend of mine jason we still talk well jason calls me when then he goes hey bro i'm in my office for the longest yard and your pictures on the wall we're gonna get to work together again

i ended up doing like three films with jason at that position the point being that you keep working with the same people and you make relationships and they'll refer you yeah this is big time but it's a small town but you gotta do something every day staying on base when i say that people gotta stay on base and stay irrelevant in life itself is justifying your existence if you justify your existence every fucking morning you get up you have a plan i'm gonna do this time i'll drop this off you know last night i worked i i know my day's complete when i go to that kick boxing thing because i'm 50 years old yeah i'm not 20 when i go at 8 30 and i have uh when i wake up i look at my notebook every morning you know the first thing you see is this right one hour per

day i try to write two or three hours a day but my minimum is one hour so i write seven hours for the fucking week yeah you know let me ask you something this is a small town and if people don't like you they can hurt you sometimes do you ever feel because we talk about a lot how you don't play with bullshitting you don't like hang out with people do you feel sometimes like if you weren't so uh regimented like if you if you didn't like yellow people do you think you would have been further along yes if i would have shut my mountain been passive absolutely but there's two sides like we're living in seattle there was a booker up there i got in trouble and she didn't like me after i got in trouble me and that girl carol i used to date the stripper left on the

piece of shit the gum and her ass and all that she and i got into a fucking argument one time they put me in jail for fucking harassment outside in her building we were living together so some women it took it like it was a domestic violence thing or whatever so these women called each other like what the fuck happened with joey and there's one woman decided to raise her fucking hand okay okay so she called me one day she's like i don't like what happened i don't like what i'm hearing i go listen i went to dinner with you and your husband you know me there's just a misunderstanding this is fucking seattle she was like okay and she held it against this girl booked like 60 fucking rooms all around washington she wasn't booking me

okay so i had two decisions i could sit in my house and cry like a fucking bitch and not say she booked me or i would call her three times a week and go hi you have a room tonight and whatever and she'd go yes i do and i go do you mind if i do a guest spot seven minutes you don't have to pay me and i can hear it in her voice like she's fucking hate it but she knew i knew the headliner and she knew the headliner had okay that she had no choice but to hire me for free yeah and people would say why do you do that a she don't like me so i wanted to hear my voice rule number three you're out of war fucking if you if you're fucking opponent is of a fucking caloric nature agitate that motherfucker number two i went down and proved my point that even though she

didn't like me it didn't wasn't going to stop me from doing my set because so what she didn't pay me i was still punching it at the fucking clock and i was still getting better at what i was supposed to be doing yeah so i beat her in more ways than one in my mind because she didn't have to pay me in her mind but i was going down to get better at what i do yeah and at the end i'm here and she's still in fucking seattle with an umbrella right now looking at her fucking window thinking about whether she'd go get a coffee or not do you understand me that's the difference she used to have 10 clients in 50 fucking rooms she don't have that no more she has nothing now she has one event a year or something like that and she's old and fucking wrinkly but i'm here with you guys

because no doesn't mean no i'll find the fucking way to go around yeah you know i know people don't hire me because i'll say hey that trail is too small or hey there's no not enough food on that tab i'm a fucking union member you know what my dues are a year i gotta pay two times i gotta pay dues a year then at the end of the year i gotta give another point in the fucking half to the union if i gotta pay those fucking dues and i'm doing a union job when i show up your shit better be fucking tight too yeah for years i went to these jobs i didn't say nothing because you don't say nothing but then when i stopped doing blow i realized before i was an actor or a comedian or i'm a fucking man and you have to treat me like a man because a lot of people here take shit

because of the job also yeah a lot of these people will fucking take shit because of the job also so if you if you just keep letting people putting shit on your pile and shit on you they're gonna keep piling on you it builds up like that's that's i left a couple jobs because i felt like when when you you start out you're you let things happen because you're just happy to have the job and the more and more you do that it's harder it's harder and harder to be like no now you're not gonna do it and you gotta live with yourself yeah i watched uh there's the guy who did the fan um trailer uh he does all the he does all like the joey Diaz videos mischief maker he did a great documentary about uh about uh patrice o'neill and i watched that it was like

45 minutes it was just found footage and i watched the whole thing and people talk about that with him like he was on the office and and he did stuff he did like a pre toss point no show and it's uh it's i always respect the people that don't deal with the bullshit listen man i have a job to do and i'm good at it and i've gotten better at it over the years i know a lot of stand-ups who don't have my acting resume they might have three fucking specials on comedy central but they don't have my acting resume which means i could act i'm seventy fucking five the guy bumping the y is 72 and works all the fucking time seventy fucking two yeah and he works all the fucking time okay so you could work here my my goal here is to keep working

and to keep getting better at what the fuck i do has nothing to do with anything else getting involved put like i took a job one day and a pilot okay for an after job and it was two nights okay a hundred fucking dollars a night hundred dollars a night when you move here you think about money and hanging out with these bitches and being on the beach in your house and here a pilot a television pilot is paying you a hundred dollars a night people because this is with the side of it you don't fucking know and for people who don't realize and the pa the person gets coffee on like small tv shows makes about 150 a day okay so this is a pilot for television this 12 years ago when i got here this same role would pay you 25 fucking thousand dollars this is 2004 no 2005 2006 okay the

sopranos are in their prime time this guy writes a pilot about a pizza place okay okay great role i mean it was perfect for me i think it's still on youtube i don't even know if it is or whatever it was a pilot i get there the first night first off you work from 11 to fucking five in the fucking morning really really so i'm getting a hundred bucks but now you're knocking me out of tomorrow's business loop if i have an audition in 11 i can't go because i was here with you all night for a hundred fucking bucks and listen i know a bunch of people who work a day for a hundred bucks i'm not knocking you i'm saying in this business with the expectations you have and what they make these motherfuckers are paying you a hundred bucks yeah so i forgot my fucking point oh so the second

night i get there and the table that was that had water on it before and had a piece of a package of i've swear to god so that you're supposed to have a table with food on it this place had a bowl with apples and a few bananas that had been touched by the same hindu with seven fucking 11 they had uh uh what do you call that shit papa uh uh english muffins okay with a toaster and i don't even think they had water they had like diet so they ran out of soda something Jesus i know this is i don't say fucking nothing at this time i'm doing blow people okay i'm doing blow i the only thing i said that night was how long we're gonna be there like you're gonna you can shoot out at one and we're gonna pay you cash that was the happiest i ever

was because i was going right to the drug dealer's house and again i took that money went to the drug dealer's house that's not the point the second night i came back on the set and what's going on that same table was packed with food looked like the fucking Taj Mahal brother bananas apples chili home cooked soup crackers bread i fucking said i start doing my signs at about two i get hungry i walk over to the table and this is white dude with glasses i go how you doing how you doing he goes what how's this job treating yourself i go pretty good i go look at the fucking spread tonight you know he goes yeah yeah i made sure that i go you produce he goes no no i work for after oh shit he goes i check check out all these little jobs he goes how was it last night i

go it wasn't like this he goes this is why i come to these things and he gave me his car and he goes any fucking time you go to a movie and he broke it down to me what should be on that fucking table okay he broke it down to me leigh i'm gonna tell you people he broke it down to me the job ended i went home the show didn't get picked up i moved on with my fucking life you know the other day a dear friend of ours called me who i love dearly and asked me if i could do a project for him whatever and i wanted to do it ten years ago i would have done it as a as a friend for him but now i can't do these things because i've been smacked in the face so much with these small fucking projects a lot of people come to you and say hey i got this movie i got this tv show

i'm gonna do this then a week later after you shoot they go do you have any friends at cbs and you're like no you just made me get up on a sunday to spend time away from my fucking wife for eight hours to come do your shit because you told me you had a friend that could sell this now you're fucking telling me calling me asking me those are the motherfuckers i can't deal with yeah then next thing you know you're on youtube that's it so you shot this thing to go on youtube that was your fucking answer is it the phone i can't i can't do this i said forget it so i got a call i'd done a table read for a movie called boiling maker about and i was telling the fucking story about uh they ate me and that gets run over by taken over by two bank robbers two bank robbers do a

heist and they go in there cops are looking for them and they go in there and they hold up the fucking meeting and they submit slap a few people then they get arrested so i did the table read the people really liked me the movie had jack mcgee in it from the fighter and okay jack mcgee and it had the guy from uh the other guy from uh deer hunter we had some names and it was great shooting but it started this is the movie when i stopped doing below so this movie to me i have a lot of meaning in this movie because i gave up cocaine for this fucking movie because an a a movie the guy who wrote it was an a a god the executive producer was an a a guy everybody was a a so i couldn't go in there were white rings around my nose saying i had allergies and that was the one that you said

where you had to be there all day because it was ensemble so you were like every scene every fucking scene and you shot for 18 days straight with anybody who works oh you shot like for 22 days straight anybody who knows after seven fucking days you want to shoot yourself of doing anything especially when you have an addiction and you want to be out of there out of that but this movie helped my addiction because i was there yeah i was there you know so i take this fucking job and the movie starts on a thursday movie starts on a wednesday guys okay i'm asking you as americans as people so knowing this i pay two two and a half percent a year and then i pay another five percent or whatever the fuck i pay i make a big paint like ten percent of what i make i send

in january that gets split in two and then december i get a bill every year for a point and a half from whatever i make to pay for my dues jesus okay so now this movie is not scale when i talk to you people about scale most movies are 695 what the fuck it is i don't know now about six years ago sag or eight or nine years ago sag had a strike or something they put together this new movie package you don't have to pay motherfucker six fifty six no more you can pay him four fifty eight two fifty eight or a hundred dollars flat or fifty dollars there's ultra ultra low budget jesus christ okay and listen guys if it's a great script there's been a thousand great movies the last 15 years there have been a hundred-dollar day movies all right you can tell that they're a little

fucked up but it's a hundred-dollar day movie okay not everything is fucking perfect all right so the movie starts on a wednesday i'm getting off this blow okay you know i'm really fucking fat i'm four hundred and fifteen pounds then i'm getting off the blow i'm hungry i go in there that wednesday there's no food a couple bananas a couple fucking pears some toast that's it and it's not like you can go and grab a sandwich this is off the 170 you have to you have to be on set which so you're not right which you're not being a diva you need food because you know you know what ghostwriter you know what ghostwriter is i'm just watching a bad movie ghostwriter oh yeah this is the road where you think you know in la the big roads of the 405 the 101 the 10 and the

what else 175 no no it was the 175 another 170 and five but the 170 is like hell have you ever taken the 170 oh yeah you still think you're gonna die you really do it's the only road that you're like is this fucking california it looks like paterson new jersey if i was gonna kill somebody that's a joke i do i would take them up there and just drop in the weeks nobody would find when you take a bitch up to 170 she knows she's dying okay that's where we shot okay up to one fucking 70 i've never been up to 170 so already i'm like what the fuck is this shit this ain't hollywood this ain't fucking nothing this ain't nothing like i ain't never seen this is industrial fucking park california so i get we get sherman way you make a fucking left yeah and it's in this

little set stage since there was one scene in the movie was an a thing we shot in the same fucking room that's what's good you don't have to make you have to turn around and that's what sucked about you always ready to shoot there was no go back we got a set lining they already had the lighting set we would just shoot so thursday i get there there's no fucking food again friday i get there they put a little bit of food but there's no food and they're sending us out to lunch at this time of my life i had never seen this this is what you were saying before a sag movie will not send you out to lunch what if you slip on a fucking banana peel yeah so they want you there in contact the only movie i had ever gotten off the set to do was spider-man 2 because

they let you go to the commissary yeah and that's still and that's in the studio but that's still in the studio a lot it's not you have to get in your car that's the only movie i've ever done that they really let you stray away for lunch beside that and you don't want to stray away no you're working on a film this is what you fucking went to acting class for this is what you thought about high school you don't want to go no way because now you get pissed off by the server are you trying to think about your lines yeah you want to sit in your room relax you bring a book where you bring a half of two two notes you smoke that do we eat the other fucking piece yeah no you can have it oh no so because this is going down this ship is going down it's going down so uh

fucking friday mediocre food saturday mediocre food i'm steaming i'm not saying them because they're paying me a hundred i gotta go spend 20 for lunch league oh they didn't pay for your lunch no no and i'm like what the fuck i would no trailer no trailer to sit in you gotta sit outside in the sun i thought they would have paid you for your lunch no i had to take my wardrobe home every day and wear it every day and wash it myself and iron it make it look like it was a fucking Puerto rican production but i like the script i like the people and i wanted to do something different plus i was trying to get off the blow yeah so they make me shoot on sunday uh-oh which guys just doesn't work for uncle joey john the seventh day god made the black Sabbath that's it even the

fucking jews no the jews take saturday yeah john goodman doesn't roll on shabbos and you know shoot on sunday yeah he doesn't roll on shabbos it's the line from the from the big old basket yeah no no no i don't there's some things you have to take care of yourself look you want to work for three hours in the morning on the sunday nine to twelve i mean i'm fucking all in but when you tell me you gotta work six in the morning to six at nine on sunday whatever let's take a chance and that's what you want to roll that's what you want to roll i get there at six a.m. on the sunday people there's not a stitch of fucking food on the table nothing nothing i don't say nothing there's like cereal and some metals i don't say nothing we go to lunch and at lunch the

actors are taking me on the side going joey what the fuck is going on now the actors are starting to get pissed this is a true story i'm telling you i'm sitting there going what the fuck now i'm getting worked up this is this is the reverse carlos messia that was done to me so i get worked up and at lunch i go you know if there's nothing there for lunch today i gotta say something so lunch i go out there and they're like lunch on sunday and i get to check i go excuse me you're the fucking food chick and she goes yeah i go i'm not trying to be disrespectful where's the food come on where's the food they're like oh we've been making a list i go since fucking wednesday since wednesday you've been making a list and then one of the producers pops out he goes what's the

problem i don't know the problem is there's no fucking food i go you know you're not supposed to send this out you fucking know this i got all the fucking actors at piss the guy goes well nobody i said no no because they told me and i'm sitting here going i'm a fat fuck and there's not even a banana there's no meal there's nothing you mother fuckers better go get some shit i'm getting the fuck out of here and i'll come back tomorrow when you guys get something yeah for the next 20 days those people didn't talk to me and oh and let me correct the the food chick yeah was the director's fiance of course so i was fucked no matter what all i stuck up for what was coming to me yeah i pay a lot of fucking money every year and they say union you got to get your shit together all i said

was what was coming to me lee lee they treated me like i had the hiv you understand they treated me like i had the fucking hiv they wouldn't talk to me i mean and even the actors jack mcgee i still see because he lives in the studio city yeah and jack mcgee is a real friend the giant like he's a real a a guy and he'll invite me to his house for little meetings and shit i like men jeff you see jack mcgee in movies that's a really good guy jack talked to me but jack is from the brux so jack even pulled me aside was like dog thank you but you fucking went off on it i had to go off i had to fucking tell him what the fuck you know but in this town seeing life when you pull somebody aside i don't have to tell you that yeah and it's the answer you give me if you're like nah since wednesday

you're blowing smoke up man you you would put this list together till some guy like me came and told you that you put it together yeah before after comes and i hate what the the actor did this has happened a few times in my life where everyone talks and oh they're all pissed off and everyone's gonna walk out and then you say something and then they're all high oh we didn't we don't care we don't mind look at joe rogan at the comedy store look at joe rogan at the fucking comedy store goes to bat against this guy ba ba ba ba all the comments yay yay yay come friday night nobody walked out because mitzi said if you walk out you're not gonna get spots no more yeah and now you want me to talk to you what the fuck is there to talk about when you had an opportunity to get my back you

didn't get my fucking back yeah i'm gonna talk to you five years now i'm gonna forget that motherfuckers i mean never forget i'll forgive you but i'm gonna forget you ain't gonna go into war with you no more you won't walk around what am i gonna walk around with you for yeah if something happens you're gonna turn you back i mean what i can't do because i'm not gonna get spot what comedy stores the only fucking place we get on stage there's gotta be somewhere in this art where you keep what's yours alive and for years the blow i was doing was to fucking depress that feeling it was a fact i wasn't living my life i was living oh well don't accept once i fucking took control of who the fuck i was then people nobody fucking talks to me very seldom people like me on the set or

whatever they know get them on and get them off don't mind that get them on and get them off paying my fucking money i had a great time in New Orleans you know last year i got knee surgery okay i got a call after i do a knee surgery for the dog that say whatever these fucking thieves these guys me want to pay your fucking residual another hundred dollar a day movie i'm taking falls those hundred dollar movies yeah the christmas ones i do a hundred fucking dollar day movies with dean king jeez like and i was just gonna ask you so i love my allergies do you think um movies like that they're probably somewhere they have us they make money they get paid for television they pack the money they don't give me a hundred that's what i was gonna say oh they don't pay that much

anymore yes they do they don't pay you wouldn't be fucking doing them the producers take them yeah you wouldn't be doing so they stop paying residuals i gotta call sag like sag call me one time sag was like hey dog you get residuals from that movie i go i don't have gotten shit they're gonna email you something sign and send it back it's a fucking report against them the second movie didn't colorado the whole fucking cast and crew wrote them up you know you work for these criminals so they call me i said listen guys i just had knee surgery i'd rather not do it they're like no this will be easy i said listen it's never easy with you motherfucker it's always i always gotta chase a dog or run after a cat or do something which i don't mind i don't mind playing those roles i i've enjoyed

doing it but after a while you're like a hundred fucking bucks a day six days is 600 fucking bucks i'm chasing cats i'm jumping off fucking buildings again i pay union i don't want somebody to say well joey you sound like a fucking diva fuck no when you go to work and you get eight eight dollars now 100 hours a day you but you don't have to pay you don't have to pay i gotta fucking pay and this is the only union that they don't stick up for you guys and even product or agent yet they take 10% they take 10 but i don't mind them listen in my world no but that's what i'm saying so for a hundred dollar a day movie that's 90 you're making oh i see what you're saying and then taxes and then part of that yeah so that you're making like 75 fuck yeah so i think and then you're wearing

your own clothes and your gas and your fucking gas yeah you know i get these calls i gotta call yeah what you know you know play a guy a heavy in the strip club how much all right a hundred and nine i got it you know what then you get there and it's not they shoot it's a it's a night shoot because they don't have the money to buy the location so they gotta get in there when the mexicans clean the fucking building you gotta fucking shoot opposite where the mexican chick is clean so what is what is this strip club clothes from two to fucking six from two to seven so i gotta shoot between two to seven for again a hundred ten dollars goes to the fucking agent you know taxes gas and my wardrobe i just shot a fucking you're breaking even guys i just shot

a feature film that you guys will see on showtime in cinemax for 15 hours a day so ask me fucking again it's like me telling you people i'm gonna pay you ten dollars an hour and before the fucking day starts i'm taking seven thirty five from me yeah after taxes what do you got left and that's in every industry we're getting raped across the fucking board this isn't only me but you have to figure out how to make it work for you if you're gonna fucking yell and you say something uh in on the podcast and in comedy say if you someone has to pay you to get up and justify you waking up that day and leaving the house because if you're gonna clear 50 bucks you might as well stay home and watch a lot in order and fucking like it's not worth your time i ain't managing i ain't fucking

managing i ain't how can i you how can you be mad at somebody who goes you know when joey listened they wanted me to go down there and do this at that point that's when you live your dream yeah that's when you live your dream you want to be a fucking garbage man you drive around and pick up chairs and refurbish them and resell them whatever the fuck because they're not gonna pay you anyway you might as well start from scratch yeah this is what we do this is what i've been telling you motherfuckers since day one it's like it's funny how i became a comedian i became a comedian because i didn't want to work days that's one of the prerequisites that i became i'm becoming a comedian for me really yeah i didn't want to work days who the fuck wants to work days i want to be

off would you want to be off on a day like today oh yeah it's a fucking beautiful day to be alive can you imagine i have to go to work today but i like working at night because what goes on at night nothing i love working that what what what do you got for me what music you have for me here you go what nothing the guy didn't call i knew he wasn't gonna call oh shit oh shit it's wednesday motherfuckers make it happen the church or what's happening now grab that fucking cop it's going down bitches a little wiggle for bajoyan everyone listening should be wiggling too when we wake up oh shit it's time for the chimo chew this is the end of the gut we're going deep wednesday finish i can't dance for another two five five five five five oh shit

wait you went on this chimo no i can already feel the first one yes i can this is don't be bullshitting i want you to stop for a month and then have one of those and see what happens i can't see what i'm not fucking let my eyes are badly oh really oh i went to the doctor that i can't even fucking tell you i think i got a lot of cold with this fucking reefer don't work it's at the fucking reef gonna get lasik or something like that well i don't know i don't know what it's my left eye or something hell is oh here we go let's get fucked up today yeah the woman who plays m in uh the 007 she she had to retire because she like she had to have someone read her sides to her she just can't see anymore that's pretty it's uh how old is she i have no

off to look it up but she at least has to be in 70 or 80 or something like that she has to be let's see um but yeah i mean that stuff if i eat there's something dialy and you're still unwrapping it oh yeah well what are you gonna do it's half wrapped when you a chick is half naked you're not gonna eat her fucking little judy dench is uh let's see here she was born oh and 34 so that's we open your mouth i'm gonna throw like a slick a fucking seal she's like 79 or something um so yeah so you're going to tennessee you're gonna go to zany's and then you have uh the south beach comedy festival what else you're doing anything else i'm going to austin texas oh shit i'm gonna get some barbecue in it down there i'm gonna get

everything oh shit i'm gonna get chewy's i'm gonna get fucking barbecue at some fucking barbecue joint i forget the name but not the gate the other one is it the salt look i see that on all the tv shows oh there's a couple of that's it's a commercial probably you know but once they put them on tv by the time you see it that's it it's all over it's like going to fucking pigs i went oh where we go last week to the casino in san diego oh yeah and they had a pinks and they go really they got a pinks down here i looked there was three people waiting on like people just like the way down line at pinks they're like half russian half fucking i don't know what the fuck they are don't they i've never been there don't ever go i heard it's awful i don't really break my heart if i find

out you go there i love hot dogs but i just i heard there one yesterday oh really oh i love hot dogs and uh the ones that rouse brother do you steam them or put them on the pan i like them in the pan a little bit i put them on the pan and i cut up a fucking white onion real small okay because i had eight i had 10 points left last night okay after uh lunch and uh breakfast so i like my uh one thing i did this week was i ate at home that's a huge i tell you my wife was killing me with the eat now don't kill me once we were doing one meal but it kills you that one meal sometimes five days a week saying that fucking kills you money wise calories wise we don't go to fucking expensive places but still if you're spending 20 bucks yeah it's like 22 28 we go like big tonys who's healthy

is shit big tonys is my favorite fucking health place right there on the riverside is it one of those like burger stands or something no it's a little corner mexican place oh okay it's where they got a singer from the ghoul uh what's his name uh the food fighters go the food fight what the fucking what are you doing you went like you know the guy you know i'm a little fucking strong way you go find your uncle joey for uh uh that's where he goes and my friend jerry laroka we saw the other day turned me on to where he goes you gotta go in there like right now they got a they got a great oatmeal thing i mean it's a mexican place but they catered they have a fruit basket god damn with this juice on it with raspberries mangos and pineapples and cantaloupe it's delicious i think

four bucks five bucks they have a very fucking healthy uh uh on fridays and saturdays they have salmon or ahi ahi over a bed of lettuce nice like spinach i mean league fade bucks you sit there and go no it's fresh fish they get a fucking every friday and saturday but during the week they have the special chicken salad oh you told me about this it's a bed of lettuce with two grilled mexican seasoned chicken guys yeah which is not that boring shit you're like i'm eating fucking chicken again the chicken's juicy they do it on the grill and when you bite into it it's got like spinach with 11 vinaigrette they make right there league forget about it and that's forget about it i wouldn't i wouldn't play through weeks bro but like what you've been saying i haven't i haven't

eaten out at all since i've been off the juice thing i no i hadn't that's not true the first day i did have the the grilled chicken over the rice and i had that salad the fucking thing that was horrendous no it wasn't bad but i like a nice salad it was like a nice salad bro but the big thing i've noticed is and i've been eating well i have full meals but it's uh did you shit yet oh yeah i i just sort of fucked it and blow your ass whole lot oh yeah did you did it hurt for a minute no no it didn't hurt i was excited because i was nervous i'm gonna go get uh some my dad told me uh i need to get like probiotics probiotics now there's two there's like the yogurt he won oh yeah if you go to rouse on the juice stand okay there's one that tastes like juice a little vitaminy okay

when i had the surgery whenever i take my antibiotics or the thing i drink it by the fucking gallon yeah it's not bad my wife got me the yogurt he won i don't like the yogurt i don't like yogurt at all no you know that's right you like it what about fucking my buddy with the cottage cheese i still think about it he's called the cheese and tuna finally cottage cheese and tuna you know how fucking i love joint lina i fucking love that mom oh yeah he's a great guy but i mean what the fuck i don't know that made me doubt him now what the fucking cottage i mean if you're gonna throw mayonnaise in it and instead of mayonnaise we'll know that's i'm saying instead of frog mayonnaise if you can get past it with the cottage cheese and if you can i i couldn't do it

but i mean if you can get cottage cheese is always taking like a taste like straight up fucking ass yeah just looking at it looks like fucking yeast infection drool or something like that coming out of a little bit chunks and shit you will see a little mucky with chunks of cheese no what the that's what that's what comes from doing this stuff that you always tell me i do i've never seen chunks of cottage cheese coming out of a pussy and i'm proud of that lee it's a joke all right no i know you've seen you've seen lee you want to help you jump no i don't want lee why not what do you got to do all fucking we gotta like drop somewhere i gotta learn how to take care of your cats i got a pack for tomorrow i got shit to do in Vegas a lot of them go out right after i feed your

feed your cats Thursday night you'll even yeah i'm driving back sunday you better be nice to my fucking cats i love your cat no perversions it's funny i but i the baby is three months old and and it's it's a lot of work yeah it's a lot of focus and it's funny that i i hate to say this because you'll be able to take it from me the wrong way i haven't given the cats as much as attention as i was giving them and this system without my wife for a couple of days put me back in the rotation with them i take care of my cats people and you guys like and if you have if i would have had dogs i would have the same thing if i have parrots i don't like people who get animals and treat them at 80 to 90 percent i always wanted my my cats are very sweet

yeah they're very sweet because i was always extra sweet to them and very kind to them i love those animals with all my heart whether they were dogs chihuahuas i love all i call dogs before i left this when i seen my girls walking the pit the pit mix with the little oh yeah those ladies have the dogs i love those dogs i love those i loved animals but your cats were like the first guys that i've liked and it's not one cat it's nine cats that are cool they're fucking it's it's something that i can't tell you what you get from an animal if you're having a hard time in your life and sometimes an animal will keep you decent sometimes an animal will even bring you back your character to a degree because there's so many things you don't have to clean

out a cat with a box are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me but you do it because you know that it's for them you know and they follow you i've gotten you know every every day of my house at one there's treats okay one o'clock in the dark when i walk in that you know there's treats you know i used to let them out i would open the door in the front you've seen them on the balcony they walk on the balcony you know i had them just like kids you have to have the most important thing they say when kids is a schedule yeah you know thursdays i give them catnip you know during the week i give them treats sometimes on the weekend i give them catnip to drive crazy and it's funny when on days when you're not there or now that terry's gone for a little bit

he said they act out a little bit oh it's a fucking nightmare it's like they they act like gorillas without their mother in that house they're like little fucking gorillas they have tormented me and it's funny how i'm not ashamed to say this i don't even like leaving them like these next three days when i leave me i'll be heartbroken yeah because if there's an earthquake something happens to one of these cats i might as well hang myself because that was the commitment i made when i picked up these cats oh and and to be honest with you if it was anyone else that asked me to feed their cats and i had this thing i probably would have said no but i'm leaving later because i know you you you've like your wife has gone home for like christmas and you're like i can't

go the cats can't go so like i for people who i know it's important to like you're like you can't i can't go i don't want you don't understand if something was to happen like i said you're not supposed to go on a fucking vacation when you have those little animals and yeah you get people to watch and whatever i know my cats i know their movements i've been i've been around them for years i know their tendencies i have to put certain cats dishes in certain places yes and i can't just like take a dish and like okay this is they'll eat like each case each dish as it for a certain cat in a certain place and it's uh fidel is gonna be fucking crazy tomorrow because he doesn't he he likes to uh eat like every five or six hours there's cats that eat all day like super bad as

tiny as he is eats all fucking day nip picks out that shit all fucking day so but it's funny how when i wake up at two to pee i can tell you who's awake really when i if you get a camera on me right as i go to the back and go joey who's walking around i'll tell you who's walking around and i guarantee i'll get two out of three right i could tell you who's on the couch i could tell you who's behind the couch i could tell you who's in the room my wife i could tell you who's in the fucking room with me that's how much i know these cats i could tell you who's gonna be up on a certain day really because right now they're sleeping there's no action in the house but there's one guy that today is his day to walk around who's day is it today's thursday it's sissy day

today's thursday it's Wednesday today's uh lulu that means lulu will be sniffing when i come in a little thing they'll take a watch and she takes like a little watch and she walks around so i know their tendencies i know that they're used to me being there every two or three hours yeah for even 25 minutes sometimes i come in take a piss check the computer feed them give them like love giggle with them you know check the fucking uh the backyard take the garbage out sometimes i just run through on that type of level yeah so yeah people looking at me like what the fuck joy i'm gay no it's funny what the fuck is the truth if you're gonna get an animal you gotta go 100% of that don't get the fucking animal that's one thing i miss about going to do the podcast there

is because i you would you would be getting ready in the morning and stuff and i'd be playing like that i'd have to go see harry i'd go see fiddle and it'd be like 20 minutes just patting them and like i miss it and they're happy to see you they're very happy i wanted them to be lovable i never wanted them to be standoffish you know super bad i see super bad do things they're fucking amazing they're amazing for super bad for super bad they're amazing because he couldn't not get that way from me he couldn't not get that uh when i first brought super bad out super bad fucking hated terry really but he hated the fuck out of me super bad is a black and white one that was part of four he was he had four in his litter three of them were sigmes super bad came out black and white

because a female cat can get pregnant from two three different cats at the same time are you serious yeah they both fucked her the same night they both fucked that my cat mama not it wasn't my cat she lived on the fucking street she was a dirty whore but she's the mother you know six of my cats yeah so uh it was two cats that fucked her and the black and white one got a pregnant only had one and the sigmes samurai had three okay so uh super bad so one for people who don't know whose brother was sick and what is one of the main reasons you got off blow well off blow but even when we captured super bad super bad was always 20 feet from me super bad didn't like human contact where uh d r demi juni dj lulu and and evie light contact at that age okay at the fucking

four month age they were tiny but when i come out dj would come over and then the two girls would come over super bad would never come over that's why i said really super bad will fuck you too and then when he would stray dj out i'd say you know what i'm gonna stab this fucking cat one day and so when i had to bring dj up when i had to bring dj upstairs and uh when i had to bring dj upstairs that he was sick super bad was just a sec i still remember my wife trying to carry super bad how he was weak yeah and he was still hissing oh really he didn't like human contact he can't remember going this fucking cat i didn't believe it that night coming back dj was dying but super bad was in horrible shape and every time i go in the back to the check on them while i was

petting dj super bad would hiss at me really like let me fucking die get the fuck out of your type this is basically don't fucking touch me but i would force myself let me rub his side i kept rubbing his side and praying it was rubbing his side and praying and especially after dj died that next morning i got up and i'm like you're not gonna die and i said i'll never do blow again but you're not gonna fucking die i said three days i was gonna stab the cat myself four days you know my anxiety levels were high and i rubbed him and it went from me rubbing him and he'd be going every like three minutes he'd go like he'd try to hiss at me yeah to me to go away it went from that to him starting to purr i watched the transition and then i kept rubbing him i would go

in and come back and rub him so he stopped hissing all together it was just a ball of purr yeah and it's weird because lulu and evie are more a little i mean with you they're probably fine with me those are like really the only two cats are like cool with me yeah evie are still bite you that uh that glitter stayed outside a little longer okay i left them outside for there was seven eight months old by the time i brought them up they were still they were getting into that as they they seen the father killed other cats they had been in a couple wars there was raccoons back there they had seen everything so fucking then the first people that took evie the first girl that took evie and lulu had a big old cat and didn't like those two kids so they had to keep in the

bathroom for two weeks three weeks crying because the cat wouldn't let them out in the regular house they called my wife and said we're gonna bring him back to uh whatever where my wife took the cats to the fucking other play pet go okay and then we went down there and took the cats back we said what we'll take the cats back okay and we'll find the home that we found love with them we just kept them yeah but that's super bad i remember that night that they were usually hissing at you he stopped after that he would purr and i know we want him over and today when i see him come out and put his nose in your leg and he flops on you you ever see him do that yeah he puts his nose in his leg and he just flops on you and he'll do it over and over bad if you move he'll flop on

you bad so is is he dimmy's brother too dimmy and um no he's just a girl's brother and you can see that they're tight they sleep together till this day i'm happy i brought all three of them okay they sleep together they hang together they eat together they play together he attacks the sister the sister sticks up for him this morning when i was feeding him i was making the protein shake and i was watching because i made the protein shake first and i was watching because i was pulling out the fucking ingredients and they thought i was going to feed him and dimmy the older ones six to the front with the older ones lulu will run and knock him over like pen she's such a fat little chubby girl that she'll just bump into all of them and then she'll turn around look at him and bump him again

on the way back but she's an earbiter ooh she'll stop at dimmy and look at dimmy and went out and watched and i'll watch her watch me like is he what oh so she can bite his fucking ear if you look at evz it's flap one's bigger than the other one and we think that in the womb she was just biting fucking evz if you look at evz yeah well it's sticking up and the other one's kind of tiny that's because that's hysterical it's fucking hysterical i can't believe we're talking about fucking cats on the podcast about fucking death cock sucked is the church or what's happened i'm out of refill leave no i got one we got one call coming in oh shit what's happening you talked to me my man and what's going on oh shit there he is the one and only that's me

listen i gotta stop by saying forgive me koko for i have sinned it's been a little over two months since i've been to your church so you gotta forgive me well no no no the reason why you're on today is one i gotta make these guys some money if you're gonna do it do it now let's start this story from the beginning this is my brother dany b he's got one of the best fucking uh he's one of the best handicappers out there for the three main sports i've known dany 30 fucking years he calls me a couple weeks ago a couple months ago and says he's gonna hook up with tim donahy the referee that was in bed with fucking johnny bananas and betting games and winning and uh at first you were like he's very quiet you know he doesn't whatever and believe it or not i bought the book i ordered

the book and i read it we had him back on and i liked the book i find him very interesting and we all read the chapter about where favoritism where you know uh they want certain teams to play on some cash cows and a couple people even hit me up on twitter and said it was bullshit me knowing the truth i always knew that didn't take a fucking genius and last week tell us the story what happens well you know what of course tim's story is compelling as you know you read the book a lot of people don't know until they fucking read the book they want to judge somebody you know call him a criminal but read the book and it gives you some resolve but obviously a couple of days ago this uh pat 12 uh official at rush you know got involved in the scandal himself so tim's been

all over the damn radio from mad dog radio to mic and mic in the morning uh you know tim's uh tim's very knowledgeable guy cocoa you know uh we grew up on the streets gambling was part of our lifestyle we did it when i started when i was 12 i know you were with karma and i was with my crew so we've seen a lot of shit but no tim's definitely anybody out there that's listening read the book getting involved with him give him a call man i'm telling you this guy's a cash cow you know and he said it that was it you know call me brian is going to make the fucking playoffs year after year they're in it now they're four games above 500 i knew that i knew that when i heard shacks say during the all-star break the lakers are not going to make the playoffs i'm like

you fucking cocksucker in fact last night they covered right did they cover last night you know what yeah they won't dig you know what fucking the lakers don't make the playoffs it's bad for tv it's bad for tv it's all about tv and that's what tim talks about a lot it gets a business stern he's a smart shoe he knows what he's doing he's made a lot of money for the league he's hated you know this mark cuban too you know timson touched with cuban this is pretty cool shit you know when this story broke this referee ed rush at the time he was the head of the league's official back in the day cuban's a billionaire young kid in the league they hated him they had an out for him and you know when the story broke you know tim talks to uh bondage uh cuban rather

and cuban was like tim stick it to this guy the way he stuck it to me you know a lot of people wouldn't believe it but the fact that matters tim's still in touch with a lot of these guys it's just dirty business man i wish i knew what i know now 30 years ago when i was out there getting fucked up making ten thousand dollars and losing it to the english brothers the burglitos all those fucking crazy men no this is good this is good shit and i'm excited to be involved in it maybe that pain a bookie what a disgusting fucking feeling oh it was horrible especially when you had to borrow from pete is a paid paul so coped it you know we did a lot of shit to survive there coax and like i said everybody's proud of where where you are right now it was a rough battle but

you know did you even think you'd be alive at 50 years old no no i was telling me the other day i got two kids i'm still here making money it's beautiful you know jim burkle died this week jimmy burkle died no no he finally yeah the best one on all four of them he finally died on sunday he was 53 he died on his birthday and i told uh lee the flunk jeweler jimmy burkle was a good man good man listen man i'm at joe mary's i'm robbing i'm down 40 grand on the street you knew it and i knew it that one of those cubans was gonna put a bullet in my head remember you took me to see the one of them malagamba and he said he was gonna take me to my stepfather to get some money from my stepfather i just tried to rob niko on 57th street he owned the flower shop it was a high

level bookmaker for the battles i tried to rob him my hand got caught in the fence i was staying in fernie masasudo's basement i had just given all my best friends a bad dose of sleeping pills when i robbed the epileptic fucking janitor remember i gave it to jaymo and greg knowing you would nobody talk to me oh i know i remember and they fucking they're white weights so that really fucked them up oh i gave them epileptic pills i thought they were fucking baby quailudes and i gave them more epileptic pills i used to rob the janitor at joe mary's i remember it all what was the fucking the bomb is uh uh lila lila lila lila lila sweetheart darling sweetheart you do too much cocaine you look fucked up lila would give you remember her fucking vodka sure she killed

herself she killed us do you remember her white rub do you remember how our valkyrie's juices they were white that you you just fucking have a lot to you know yeah we left up i don't know how you know who's that kid they didn't the kid shoot himself right across the the street in the park that one time and survived put a 45 to his chest what the fuck there was so many stories about i know i know coke i'm like i said i'm just excited to be around so i don't know don't go nowhere we gotta talk about this joe mary's just to let these motherfuckers know you're talking about the guy that shot himself oh my god i'm trying to think about this shit he put the fuck in any page and then his nickname was you know shot in the park instead of shot in the dog by abby

he used to say and he and he survived it his name was egg something ah and he'd be he'd seen something when he survived it was shot in the shot in the park what about who was the remember the old guy that used to what was the old johnny reed who used to hang out at the midtown lounge and he would throw on reed remember he was on that guy didn't we pick on him we abused him no no no no this is a guy that jumped out of a dumpster no he jumped out of the building in north bergen but he landed a construction dumpster he lived and he and everybody tortured him so he used to hang out at the midtown lounge and throw punches in the air and have conversations with him yeah yeah that fucking weirdo yeah remember we locked him in the bathroom at the midtown one time i put

my dick on the chair and showed it to him i go johnny looked at me the turtle that you showed him the turtle that and he went he went wow he went dude tell me that tell me that fucking bathroom it was like you know what was that joke when you can fit a million jews in a vokes wagon how many of us can fit in that little fucking bathroom and snot that bathroom was the size of uh you know we had 20 people in there and it seemed like they were still room for more you know that was fucking because we had some fun though honestly we looked back it's 30 years ago you know i guess i started really peaking with the party in like 83 84 85 86 and we've seen a lot of shit had a lot of laughs daniel i'm still thinking about the janitor danny you gotta remember this poor janitor

cleaned the high school he would come every friday to joan barry's and this all started by me pick pocketing his pill today out of his jacket pocket and i would take the valium's out of there he had 30 10 milligram valium's every friday what was the name of the janitor at the high school that he they had a bunch of they had the one guy's eye they had the one guy's eye that looked up they called them eagle eye they had benny in the jet the old guy that died benny he used to used to give him blackberry brandy in the winter time but this guy was a quiet dude so i remember one night i went to mug him and i went to the people and he didn't bring the valium's and they caught him walking by grasshopper and larry mcneil me and somebody else threw a beat on him on friday like next time

bring the fucking valium's cop sucker larry wasn't his name john i know we had black hair gary's sitting in scratching his chin trying to figure it out no gary was too fucking young gary was 10 no gary listen gary's too gary was fucking seven years old snort and coke gary was doing it when we started what are you supposed to do i know but he didn't go to joe marry's then is what i'm trying to say that he was he did too we used to sneak him in that he'd be in the outside in the alley with gary's seen more gary's memory is ridiculous i mean he can remember people's pager's numbers from 1985 you'll give him nick delusia ask him nick delusia's number he knows it you ask him carlos opasta's number he's got it down let me ask you something right now in the

background did he try to rob nick delusia he let the suitcase behind yeah well yeah that was my put him on that that was my fault i put him on that you robbed the wrong fucking suitcase yeah no him and his boy speed they break into delusia there's like a hundred thousand cash uh tons of fucking pre-rock crack there's a there's a briefcase it's it's a score it's a score so what does gary do he takes 40 off the off the fucking kitchen table and a couple of buds of weed and that's what he left behind but then again when he robbed tgi friday's in the early 90s he grabbed four thousand dollars they left about him the next day they said tgi friday's robbed burglary's 56 000 behind so gary so yeah hey i robbed the hest i robbed that one hest gas station and i got it for like

12 grand me and the stutterer and look we left and we left 80 grand in the fucking safe and exotic coins so you know people fuck up sometimes it happens yeah i know right listen it's so good to have gary here you know i got my boys i got my wife i'm happy but besides that it's good to have somebody to talk to you know and uh it's fun he's doing good after time he's upside down doing push-ups or pull-ups so you know he's a fucking savage he's got the fucking you know the inside mentality now let me answer something danie b how hot is tony donahee and what kind of action do you have for these fucking cocksuckers this weekend well he's we got final four correct what's that but we still got final four this weekend fine you know what i'll tell

you who i like you know tim tim's car it tim strength is not in college he's okay he's an mba guy uh me personally i'd like louisville to win it all i don't know if they cover the 10th point spread this weekend but i'd like to see them play i think syracuse moves forward to play louisville monday and i think louisville is the better team out there i think syracuse beats uh michigan it's a small favorite uh michigan's minus two but i don't know about tim what is that his father's pretty damn good in college he spent 30 years but he's just fuck never look you don't hang up on me no listen here no no no we don't you're hanging up on me with the fuck no no we love you but anyway i know you don't but listen no uh he's on a pair his record's all documented on his website so i'm not just throwing

out you know fictitious numbers actually he's on a roll last night he had the lake is but let me tell you something now he's human he'll he'll lose two or three in a row and you can't get discouraged and that's where you fuckers go wrong because he's a referee you gotta remember he was betting with a whistle in his mouth and he still didn't win every game but if you stick by his side and you got money at the end of the year you got geetus because even if you go fucking even if you go seven out of ten you still got fucking what four or five net winners which makes you fucking cash and mumbo at the end of the week you want to get your dick sucked you want to go backstage at the eagles you need to get your dick sucked you need to get some fucking geetus call Danny Bianculo

get ten down here on the fucking line right now and get some fucking winners you're gonna go two for two this weekend at least two grand at least that's four fucking grand you don't need dicks your fucking wife has to suck for you to get four fucking grand tell him Danny Bianculo tell him language terrible what am i gonna do it's wednesday you gotta motivate the fucking troops you know obama's talking about things are bad how you're gonna make money i'm giving you the fucking answer i got him on the line right now i know you're right people here's the door here's the thing people bitch about their life it's like i understand well get up and do something about it coax you know what i'm saying opportunity's knocking let me to fuck in and pick up the phone

pick up the phone go down and put the gun away go see Danny let him fucking wave the gun and big slap take the rope off your fucking neck and get off the bridge it's not so bad it's not bad what are you gonna do they're gonna hit you what are you gonna do you oh you want to hear coax i'll be talking over each other but listen i get some real fucking desperate people call me i have to walk them walk okay listen take the rope off your neck there's always tomorrow these people are suicidal i get these weird fucking calls you know bizarre shit you know some of these guys are really some guys are great but i get some real weirdos that come back but they're like coke things it's like i just picture them eating another bag of just don't you have anything then

you don't have nothing on the lake again tonight it's these guys are worse than drug addicts i remember i remember they're disgusting you know because here's the deal with cocaine and alcohol coax it takes time before you kill yourself your liver destroys eventually whatever bad bag of blow you're done but the gambler they can wipe themselves out in a matter of two and a half hours the course of a ballgame everything they have saved could be gone so they're worse than any other addict out there hey Danny i'm uh i'm i'm going to vegas this weekend and i'm not i don't need to give pics away for free but first of all i've done a little bit of sports gambling and i'll win one but i'll lose three like if you were going to vegas what would you what would you

look for like on a line like how would you do it if you if it was you well depends on what sport you're looking at like baseball stresses me out too much i like that like baseball to the fucking three or four hour game and i i don't i mean i don't like it don't watch it though you see that's the problem we you know people it's boring it's a long sport don't watch the fucking thing you know just place the bat look for the final score that's my advice but going in there this weekend you know i would definitely i'd like like i said saturday i don't know don't know if louisville's going to cover the 10 10 and a half i think that they they definitely win but i would if you're going to bet a particular game out there and now today's only wednesday we're talking saturday

shit happens just take the fucking number on saturday and call Danny direct uh so go to wednesday's direct yeah well you know what that's what people like even when you're buying these fucking pics are online in the morning they're posted at six o'clock seven o'clock a.m. tip off is nine o'clock eastern whatever tentacle lot of shit transpires it happens so what's that pile lot of shit fucking happens that's why people who you know shut the fuck up call me that's fucking Friday after the weigh in you gotta you know the best information usually comes an hour two hours before a game starts but some of your shopping players like the philadelphia godfather the philly godfather he's been on your show those guys move five minutes before a game

i like to move forward but they're bringing in the steam they're moving hundreds hundreds of thousands of dollars for for and there is a betting syndicate people say there is a betting syndicate it's a group of successful betters that pull their money together and then they have a count room they make so much fucking money i've been in the places there's fucking counting money it's like that's what they do they count fucking money there's big money in sports betting if you do it right that's the whole thing if most people don't have a fucking clue they can't pick their wife out of a photo lineup if janet jackson 94 you know what i'm saying yeah you're cool well you know we went through a lot we grew up we we did everything the shit that he talked about every

fucking every time on the church what's happening now he's telling you the truth the guy that old the fuck the guy that old joe mary's name was george and he was a loan shark he was a loan he was a big time loan shark and then he got so big that he would write he got to the point where he would write you a check and you would have to go to the bank and cash it but the guy at the bank already knew you were coming that's how big this guy was because he wanted and i used to go to him for loans every other day for some reason this guy liked me he kept giving me five for 750 for 75 a week or 10 weeks jaymo jaymo funded it jaymo funded many pounds of read off of george's money and you know who else nick the pizzeria guy yes pizzeria yes the best was a big he liked

to post money for fucking uh little operations he wasn't stupid he had all these kids eating his meatball parmesan sandwiches and juicing them out sure you can have a sandwich today for 10 grand on monday but you know the fucking thing is hey we survived it you know mr askly say he is not doing too well did you hear that yeah i talked to his nephew i talked to very junior vini is at uh at uh fresno and he's going to transfer the riverside to play jukko and he's going to transfer out of there and i become like an uncle to him i talk to him every day about one o'clock he calls me little vini that susan's boy is that vini sun is that vini sun vini because there's a lot of a lot of asklesians hey d d i got to cut you off and call you back

in two minutes i love you two minutes okay i'll talk to you thanks for having me bye bye he has he has to call back we were getting another call you want me to call back no no no no switch over i can't switch over he hung up he hung up he's he's gone the other guy was calling he hung up you had a fucking say something to get him started you fuck we had the other guy miscalculate what time is it at seven thirty yeah he miscalculated he thought it was ten thirty all right we got a podcast what are you gonna do what am i gonna fucking do lee not it's here we go here we go sorry i hung up again probably mis miscalculate the call you see what happened yeah sorry it's a bad fucking day it's a great day to be alive i'm

stoned lee yeah i shouldn't eat in that fucking chocolate i just saw the devil and i was sitting looking at you i'm like who's that is that lisa i had over there beautiful fucking day to be alive i hope you got something out of today we got something we got stoned to the gills and now we're ready to go out there as you guys know saturday night i'm in nashville 1115 show tickets are 10 bucks just come on down you know what that means that means just come on down you know what you expect who gots we hang out we smoke a number and we all get home maybe there's a cheese burger place open or something like that saturday i need this cocksuckers miami cut the fucking shit i need to go down there and pre-buy these tickets if nothing gonna fucking have me here by

myself on 420 smoking numbers working by myself where else would you rather be on 420 here or down there with you fucking savages 419 you got to go to the south beach comedy festival dot com priority your fucking tickets 20 bucks friday night eight o'clock april 19th don't fuck around you want the dates i'm coming to utah i'm coming to austin texas you got to go to joey dears dot net that's where you'll find the motherfucking hoodies that's where you'll find the commemorative podcast t-shirt and that's where you'll find all the late breaking fucking info over here at the church of what's happened by lee you're fucked up yeah i fucking made me smoke and they gave me the edible look like baribas you have this fucking beard and everything so what are we down how many

pounds uh i i was down to 66 when i finished juicing i've gained between six and ten pounds i'm up to like 50 55 now when do you go to vegas tomorrow and what are your plans in vegas you have a plan of what you're gonna eat what you're bringing with you the one thing i'm eating that you think is ridiculous is the uh the strong bully this fuck but other than that i'm gonna be healthy that i've been there before it's fucking amazing i don't care what you say it's fucking delicious but uh this is what you're risking everything for i'm not risking everything one strong bully i'm fucking i'm i've stayed good i haven't eaten out i haven't i've been i've been eating healthy every day so i deserve a motherfucking strong bully and then what's your mom coming

next friday and then what are you gonna do when she's here where you're taking her to eat what's that uh we're going to that um garlic place you told me about and i'll figure out some other places to be like going to sushi or something so i'll figure out some places all right i'm watching what's going on with the personal train that was gonna come over make you run the this thing you're gonna start running this week what no no no one's coming all right i do need to with my time off i i do need to be doing more of that but i haven't they still got the gym here in the building yeah where is it it's down looks right let's go down there right now let's see what you got i i'm gonna go over bed now bed you're a jerk you ain't going to fucking sleep we gotta go meet these people

got things to do that's what i said before you gave me the fucking and i still gotta you get open your mouth i'ma throw this in there like a fucking seal and that's it people i love you very much whoa what are you releasing the vini-kerno one for me i put it up last night all right because i get tortured i don't need to be i put it up i told i told you guys i i put it up i said i put it up all night so i'm like uh whatever sent me fucking those things on facebook i don't know i don't know what i'm doing no it's that's every monday's up tuesdays is up i'll put today's up tonight i do it when i say i'm gonna do it i don't like eating these things and doing these podcasts and get stoned i go to a different direction you don't like it i told you last night

i didn't want to do it when you call now you were the one that yeah it'll be fun you're fucked oh jesus christ you got music for me what do you want to do you want to do another barry white song no no i don't want no barry white what else do you want to do and we groove is in the heart i'm gonna stay here now with you we're gonna order some food do some jumping jacks have you done jumping jack tonight no next week we're gonna put the camera in so you can see from this angle yeah i'm okay and we're gonna at least gonna do jumping jacks in the morning and sit up some fucking burpees what was the last time you did a burpee what's a burpee you know a fucking thing where you go down kick your legs and go right back up oh like you do a jumping jack go down do a push-up yeah okay

we'll do one of each for this table you're gonna be a fucking superhero you look like jack well ain't in heat and shit all right oh shit all right you know i love you cocksuckers the animal hit me too hard what am i gonna do i'm gonna go home and talk to those cats do i told you nah see it was all your fucking four cocksucker i love you guys with all my heart have a great weekend oh before i forget do me a fucking favor right go to the doctor if you need to i'm 50 i go to the doctor every three weeks just to talk to the fucking guys take a look at my eyes i swear to god i just go to talk to shit yeah sometimes i just get out and talk to him just take a look at me to make sure everything's all right so do me a favor go to the doctor get home whatever listen you start by

walking down the corner and walking back that's where it all starts right there and that's what everything in your life bend over pick up a paper but you know what it's wednesday do me a favor get it started get out there you see a chick you like talk to her either ass do something don't sit there like this fucking league look at him he lost all this weight he's looking like sanatria in 58 and he's walking around all shy and shit i'm like lord of vegas at three guys you're gonna sleep in the same room i don't know you're making me suspect me what am i supposed to do i i can't i can't roll like mad flavor and go and go to the four seasons i don't fucking go to the four seasons the same you know i don't want to whatever with the u.s he takes us or something like that yeah i don't

go no fucking poor things we think you're dealing with you have a tab you say you're with the fucking cashier or something would you fucking stop there's no fucking tab no way i gotta my money's just as green as yours when i went to vegas when you go to vegas where else are you gonna stay you gotta stay at one of those fucking places you go online it's like 160 or something right yeah what are you paying i don't know my friends wanted to stay at the piloto for some reason but it'll be absolutely fine i think you're gonna you guys gonna chase each other because you don't drink i drink no i'll drink none of this gamble you know this this trip is a little suspect i always you got a picture of these fucking guys on facebook i don't have i don't have a

picture of my wallet i'm older with you yeah they're like 30 31 you are lead just tell me the truth that that's what's going on what you're going to vegas to dance for two weeks no i worked with them at the movie theater they're gonna put a big dot they're gonna put a little skirt on you and shoot those little bone arrows with the stick them to me in the forehead you little dirty fucking bastard if i was doing that i wouldn't be driving to vegas well why else would you go i'd be a private jet if i'm gonna if i'm gonna dance in a little skirt i gotta i gotta go in class now if they're gonna dance in the skirt you're gonna stop there a little stop eating that's what i'm saying i'm driving in a fucking car leah well you busted my balls i don't know i mean

i'm sorry you better get it together go to honet.com for all your products the kettlebell is pretty fucking cool the joey d's kettlebell but it don't exist i was gonna say is that real fucking pounds i talked to uh the guy the other day we were laughing our asses off but anyway do me a favor have a great week the vini curtain live podcast is up listen to it tell us what you think if you think we should keep doing it right or wrong if you want to email me whatever love hate joeyd's.net it's all there lisa yats on twitter at lisa yats i'm at mad flavor my head i'm never getting this fucking high again in the morning you understand me i'm fucked up but i like it leah hit me with some fucking music a little groove is in the heart get these people going it's fucking wednesday

i'll tell you something i'm happy to be a jeweler you still