Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 04/17/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #72

Episode Date: April 17, 2013

Dan Callandrillo, childhood friend of Joey's and basketball star/coach calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. Streamed live on 04/17/2013

in any country prison is where society sends its failures but in this country society itself is failing oh oh oh shit it's that motherfucking time April 17th a beautiful Wednesday morning to get your shit together it all starts today wash your pussy eat some oatmeal do some jumping jacks wash your dick make sure your assholes clean get out there get out there hit it leave oh shit oh shit oh shit I'm on fire any wonder why I put that little mat below your chair you fucking 18 friends on my rug already this fucking this fucking this motherfucking joint here was killing me let's do this one here what's

happening beautiful people 185 89 is the number another summer police ain't getting no double what are you fucking kidding me or what alright look at me oh shit wait a minute before I even ask them to it's all brand new damn beautiful day to be alive here the church of what's happening now thank you very much for joining us if you came out the flappers last night for the fucking benefit it was a blast it really fucked awesome that was a great that's the one thing I don't like about I like cuz I love comedy it's a lot of you guys who are great don't do shows here and if you do it's 15 minutes and

it's unannounced like this right a few hours here but the show last night was like six or seven 20 minute sets had a great comic so that's what you gotta do when you live here is go to those shows we had a fucking great time last night I'm happy they put it together I'm happy it all worked out for Christine and whatever they got a fucking bum dog they brought it home was fucked up I was thinking about it yesterday who brings home a bum fucking dog you know yeah it happens sometimes but at least they made the effort there was a nice turn out if you came out God bless you you know I don't know how much the tickets were fucking

food I was just telling Leah flappers listen these motherfuckers ain't fucking around they don't give a fuck about weight watches Pallejo Pallejo they don't give a fuck in there yeah you're saying they're like grilled cheese and bacon I didn't eat I just watched the show so I didn't I just had a little piece I had a little they make little sliders of bacon cheeseburgers chicken a little tray out okay and they had wings I'm getting sick and fucking tired of people out here making wings that's why I went on that rant that they're sick and tired at least flappers does use real blue cheese they finally got hit when they

opened up to have this blue cheese garlic mix that was a stone is fucking paradise a stone is fucking paradise but it all worked out you want to know you want to know sure but I got one cool I have a question for you before I go well I know they're not buffalo wings but they had things in Boston called like chicken drummies and they're kind of breaded and it's not like the regular wings but it's like kind of spicy kind of breaded fried wings do you like those two or no yeah we're gonna make buffalo wings let's get down look at Lee with his emerson shirt today Ralph Waldo I'm gonna stop burning shit Lee fucking

security deposit gonna get me up the ass over here these cocksuckers when he blows smoke in my face anyway if you came to flappers last night it was a great time and he probably saw one of the highest Joey Diaz's you've ever seen oh shit we need an edible on the way over there in fact I got the body of Christ today the chiba fucking chew fuck you I don't care what anyone says on Twitter the edibles he has are not edibles you eat ever what do you do with these what are you given to dead bodies no people usually split them up once a year for like the biggest and hi they've ever had a double dose this is

nothing now that you double dose you got so high you were rubbing my head if you love the show last night I'd rub your little Jewette I'm gonna go to track I want to make sure I got everything I got I haven't laughed so hard ever you know it's funny that up I was telling you guys I'm pretty much alone out here no I'm not I got Lee Lee cracked me the fuck up it's like having loops out here my dear dear friend loops it's the same way it's it's always a story it's always yes they call him no no no that was somebody else fucking snoring we caught suck fuck you fucking

sleeps all day I get home at five in the morning from work and then he wouldn't eat the other you should know you have nothing to do I gotta get on a flight that's even better you ever get on the plane fucking high on another book not that high the last time we ate this we had a meeting I got there 45 minutes early because I drove 20 minutes 20 miles an hour the entire way there fuck that edible but you're gonna do half of that today we're gonna do a third how's that a third just a little tiny bit oh he was guys he was I even threatened to throw my other car kick out of the car and fucking Glendale kick me out of the

car this Armenian body shop over the walk home you should see how high he was he couldn't he like his eyes were like not even open as he was driving home he fucking got on stage and it was fucking hilarious but the highest I've ever seen him and he was rubbing my head I'm gonna explain some to you these are the church these people that come out to the Rogan people the church of what's happening now people they expect a certain fucking type of behavior okay they can fucking go a lot after people in that room one edibles good why they went for the fucking ride last they were the only MOOC that was sitting there like

a fucking orphan in the back of the bus open this up it's the body of Christ yeah fuck yeah I'm Jewish and I'm gonna give you a little piece that's even more fucking the right no no I think there's a Jew in America that would turn them you know if I went to Israel right now and I said I got a two-strength edible they'd stop no they haven't worked with you for two years and even you have been given an edible by you that made them puke they don't bro you puked that fucking morning because you don't put nothing in your breakfast in your tummy I tell you I go put something in your fucking tummy like Captain Crunch or something I don't

give a fuck what it is because he eats this shit fucking straight with Coca-Cola and water like papayana the fucking island you can't do that shit you gotta prepare yourself you gotta eat a fruit maybe a little fuck no cheese because the cheese holds on to the fucking edible no great a hundred cheese this morning well perfect it's fucking in an edible and making a beautiful day to be alive also I got a couple emails about us doing a podcast on Monday listen when there's a tragedy or a bad situation what do you want to do sit around and fucking talk about like ABC news and make you feel worse about it and make you

feel where you're at my job Lee's job our job is to have a fucking good time it's very tough to have a good time under a tragedy or something situation but you try just because somebody dies in your family or whatever don't mean you stop dying number two people make comments to me about Joey how can you say that that you know when you go out listen one thing about me is I know how fast your life could change mm-hmm your lifeline could change in a matter of fucking seconds you know you can be at a bar having a beer the guy next year pulls a fucking gun out it's that fucking easy next thing you know you got

shot my fucking leg and you can't walk for a fucking year because you had a stupid fucking bar I see that happen yeah right you know when I was 15 you know I had the world by the balls I mean I still got the motherfucking world by the balls at 50 but when you're 15 by a little fucking protein fart there for the masses throw that chair away oh that's a good one because it came right out it bounced off the chair and came right in between the microphone right now smell your speakers you can probably smell it's coming through what was I talking about me oh about stuff life changes man life fucking changes in a

minute within a fucking minute within a minute you that's why you got to hug people that's what you got to be nice to be because you never know when they're gonna get a car get on the fucking 101 and get hit by a fucking truck and I don't mean that a bad way it could happen it could happen you know I was right there when I came home from my mother dead on the fucking floor and your life changes forever so please excuse my comments what I was saying was every time I go to a big event you got to sit there and go to yourself as somebody in here gonna pick up and fucking get a gun and shoot us or is

somebody gonna put a fucking bomber and you know it's like you always think that's not gonna happen to me yeah because in the back of my mind when we go out and that's a positive way to fucking think I think the same way but the reality of is it could happen to you and then today it can happen to you the fucking supermarket yeah you know this time I go to fucking supermarket I look at the price of fucking shrimp or something like that I look at the price of the shit they're banging out for plane tickets you know it's a no end situation and for some people it just gets squeezed like that move with Michael

Douglas when he lost it and hit the people with the bat maybe years ago no what about LA you never seen that movie he was stuck in LA traffic and he just left his car on the 10 no way home they tried to mug him and he beats up the drug dealer it's called who the fuck knows breaking loose or fucking losing or something like that you know what the fuck do you watch what do you fucking watch all your life I was bad fucking movies well for the first fucking 15 years of it yeah not not everyone can go see the fucking godfather when you're 10 and then do a hit of THC what's the difference but what what a fucking

bit what's Michael Douglas's movie I'm looking for the one it's 94 93 92 is it falling down falling fucking down where he's lives in LA and he's a nerdy fucking dude he snaps because it's true people could fucking snap anywhere and they can get pushed over the edge at the library they get pushed over the edge at Rouse they get pushed over the fucking thought the Boston Marathon who the fucking thought no nobody so people just keep your eyes out know that everything could change and just be the best that you fucking can be that's fucking it plain and simple that's what I meant to say sometimes I'm high where's

that fucking out of bully I don't know you fucking have it Jesus Christ but no it was it's been crazy so it crazy weekend my heart goes out for the people boss and they're tougher than this and they all know you know this motherfucking the people that are doing this whatever life goes on man there's always a bad fucking bunch of fucking douchebags involved and this is what happens you know sneaky motherfuckers for the love of what to kill an eight-year-old boy I mean what what the fuck are we going down to but you just have to be alert love your people every day because everything could change in a drop of

fucking that's what I'm talking about wait what the fuck are we talking about here a little back to the hotel I want to say you wiggle I want to see you do something Lee Cox sucker get up bitches April 17th if you're in Miami we're coming down Friday fucking night to fill more teeth I got two shows they just added the 1030 show ocean Donna he's coming down with Danny be on cool oh I got my friends from it's gonna be a walking testicle test with that night so fucking come on down here you go cocksuckers get that old me a lot what what oh shit should we spark another one Lee sure why not you can't walk on

one leg brother it's Wednesday tremendous that took leader we store before the fucking show last night we went over which one did we go to that no CC no no no no no organic tremendous they got the no whole PR fucking amazing guys fucking amazing go to no whole organic sign up there they got half eighths for 20 fucking dollars half eighths for 20 fucking dollars no organic divine wellness on Lancashire you can't go fucking wrong you people where do you get your edibles from for no whole organic I get these for 10 bucks a piece at no whole organic and their

double strength at divine wellness they got the full fucking strength the ones that help you see Jesus or Satan whichever one you fucking buy if you buy the black one you see Satan if you buy the white one you see Jesus oh you gave me the black one last time did fuck yeah that's why you see a devil and guess what bitch you're gonna see a devil again today if you're gonna go Las Vegas anyway no man John in Las Vegas anyway what the fucking get me talking to my foot yeah you walk out of there like it was a like a grocery bag like normal people get from the fucking like it for food you're like 18 things in there

you're like did this guy give me my eight he only gave me my eight I go in there and get 30 40 dollars they give me 25 fucking things they give me two joints couple edibles a chocolate bar you know these people good people Jay they got it runs that place got another one in Woodland Hills they're fucking good people you know I build a bond with my fucking at the reef restores I go there's a lot of muts out there they got no loyalty and they go to all these places looking for a free pipe who's gonna give me an extra tent I rather build the fucking relationship with the guy and have no beefs I got a great relation how

fast was ain't another 30 seconds 30 seconds they see me fucking the light they just start putting the best shit in their shovels a fucking year I was just laughing cuz you have the bug the most regimented schedule I've ever seen every day you go it's weed store comedy club 7-eleven for hot chocolate and a fucking e-cigarette in your back home I don't fuck around I have it listen it's so funny I was thinking about Anthony Hopkins what's a guy's name Anthony Robbins you ever go to an Anthony Robbins seminar no you know I remember being I'm working on a car dealership and they wanted to maximize potential when

I was in college so I went to two years in a row I went to those Anthony Robbins when you walk on coals and oh I'm jumping down I didn't do it I didn't do it it paid me to do it so I went for a few days I smoke some pot you know I go down and talk to the people and you learn some positive things I thought it was all bullshit but he had a couple things that he did you know it really really I understand but me I don't believe in self-help books or self-help gurus you know we live in times with iPhone I fucking know the answer to how I could get better we just don't want to accept it you know I'm saying so I used to go

to all you didn't know that Lee you know I was one of those fucking nerds you never said that yeah I wanted to be everybody's looking to get better the better than fucking cells especially when you're 21 22 that was right before them in fact I went to the last Anthony Robbins I went to I kidnapped Vella the month after with Jesus so he put me on point to kidnap fucking Vella that's why I look at it I could have gone to court and said Anthony Robbins made me do it but I got more balls than that because I claim responsibility let's get it in the fucking air before I don't like coming on this podcast especially in the morning

and getting fired up in a weird way the reason why I do the fucking podcast with Lee is to play some music and get high and talk about the goodness in the fucking day and how you're gonna go out there and make it happen for yourself I'm serious you know me and Lee do it like Lee just said as unregimented as stoned I am I am to the fucking tea I have a notebook in my house and every morning before I leave I open that notebook and it breaks the day down to me so if you call me you really say to me where are you where are you gonna be at 12 38 today once I look at that notebook I can tell you that morning

that day that's how I want my day to be yeah I have to sit between 10 and 4 so I got to go to Hollywood so I got to run a bunch of shit Ari wants to meet 11 I don't even think I can meet Ari I didn't know till I went home last night because most of my shit is on the other side of fucking LA if you don't have your day that plant you're in no fucking danger moving ahead you got to have your day fucking plant but to get something out of the way what a fuck is it a lot of things happened last week one of the things that happened was I got mad at a particular fucking podcast a lot of

people been asking me what happened the one we did with that fucking woman I'm not gonna give him any light I'm not gonna give people any fucking light on this thing and that's why I hate starting a podcast so but you guys are loyal listeners and I owe you a fucking apology for tweeting that way and I also owe you an apology because I didn't want you to see that side of me what happens in my life is this okay there's two things you got to do in your life if you want to get a fucking head this ain't me preaching I'm just telling you because I went through everything I read every fucking self-help book I went to

Anthony Robbins I made my confirmation at 28 did you know that Lee no I had more fucking problems anybody so I know what it's like that and the one thing that made my life so much smoother by 80% Lee was claiming responsibility for my actions yeah and not being such a pussy about my actions IE I didn't do it I don't do nothing okay when the cops come that's what I tell the cops but when a good friend like Lee comes up to me or a person that's striving for you and you trying to fucking chuck and jive around them people will never trust you again no I have a weird thing with people if you chuck and jive around me you want to

chuck and jive around me that's great but when it comes to business we cannot do it I agreed to do a podcast Lee and I showed up we did the podcast the podcast went up it was a very good podcast part of it because I was high to the fucking gills with Lee I got sizzled here with Lee that's why the podcast was real everything I fucking talk about these things is real and I want people understand the mind frame when you live in LA we're at the fucking bar drinking with my friends no you got to give people the illusion of that you're doing comedy you're writing jokes you're doing all this shit you know so I do

this podcast they put it up they hit me but I noticed that they were doing little things before that that were kind of weird they were sending me emails to retweet shit for Eddie Bravo and all this shit they're friends but you know what if you do your own marketing you don't need other people to fucking retweet shit for you nothing bothers me more when I go to some of these pages I see 15 fucking retweets what don't you have a fucking personality of your own don't you have anything to fucking say on your own but some people are shy or whatever no worries the podcast comes out that day on the thing I see

that they're hitting friends of mine okay like Bert Kreischer retweet this for Joe Diaz this guy retweet this for Joe Diaz right away that's a fucking no no in my book okay do your own marketing they went to then they started going to people that I'm not cool with like I'm not cool with them why would you go to them and say retweet this for fucking Joe Diaz without fucking asking me so what do I do I see if they're doing under two different Twitter handles so I contact that fucking cut that runs the podcast he contacts me back with this distant email that it's his interns that did it that he's sorry I go out that

man I come back they got a different Twitter account doing it in a different way mentioning the guy's name hey you did great on this podcast like they don't know that I don't know what a new fucking fake Twitter account looks like like they think I just fell off the fucking boat I go to bed I don't do nothing it sent him an email hey guy I come here to do the podcast Wednesday morning as I'm doing the fucking podcast I'm looking at the feed and he's going to people that I know ask him to be guests on my show that is why I got angry you don't do that to people he was going out to Jim Norton and people like

that but I'm not even that cool with I just know through comedy hello goodbye so you cannot do that to people instead of this guy sending me an email go bro I'm sorry I'm looking for guests he keeps telling me it's his fucking interns that's what I got pissed off about because claimed responsibility even till today he put up a YouTube video on Monday saying that it was his fucking interns that guy you never want to do business with a guy like that that could not claim responsibility that is a pussy that's the type of guy that'll leave you in a fucking lurch he's never gotten back to me if all he had to do was write

me an email and say dog I fucked up I really want the podcast now what does he get he has nothing can't contact Rogan can't contact me can't contact me but I'm fucking circle you're supposed to be putting up somebody from that squad podcast next week that's going down to then they tried to be fucking cute and set up two more accounts and asked me yesterday to put it back up like this guy has no fucking idea that as soon as he fucking contacted me as soon as his beef was going down I got 30 people listen to that podcast that told me the guy was a puke that got rid of his fucking partner then I got a call from

an attorney I got a two twitch from an attorney that said all they need is the fucking word to terrorize them then I got fucking twitch from gangsters in London that said to get their fucking address and then break their fucking legs so if you're listening or if you're watching if your friends of these cunts explain to them they can then get it from every fucking direction and the reason why I haven't gone after them in a real fuck because I'm a fucking old school gangster I'll shut them down twiddle way I'll shut them down smile I know fucking all I gotta do is make two fucking phone calls from money money

YouTube and who do whatever the fuck he wants for us I just don't ask him because I don't want to fucking impose on him but you understand me why fuck around why fuck around with people that could help you or just be fucking really cool to you especially after I say something to you yeah that's when it shuts down once I say something to you and I look at you like a man that's when you go oh I get one dealing with here I'll act like a fucking man no six days later this fucking cunt of a fag of a man because he's weak still puts out a YouTube video that's his fucking interns this is the guy we're dealing with that

nerdy little motherfucker this little cunty fucking girl that's who a fucking deal with here so if you know some man like that in your life or if you have that quality that you can't assume responsibility look somebody in the face and go hey guess what bro I'm a fucking sinner I fucked up shoot yourself because it ain't gonna get no better for you trust me at 28 I ended up in fucking prison if I didn't claim responsibility for my actions I wouldn't be here in front of you right now because with stand up you gotta claim responsibility eventually if not don't fucking eat you up yeah didn't you say

the judge sit wasn't gonna give you as much time but you didn't claim yeah yeah so that's that it's not only for this situation like especially at work or at school if you if if you don't like let's say you don't turn in like a paper or something if you just say oh like if we're trying to make excuses but if you if you just say like listen I was late or at work you messed up there's not really anything anyone can say after that when you just say sorry so like it doesn't have to even be for this podcast if you just take responsibility people really can't say shit after that so it's it's it's ruined me it's ruined my

relationship with people especially after like 33 once somebody can't say to me that I can't deal with it yeah listen we tell you how fucking perverse and disgusting I am whatever somebody does something bad I claim responsibility that's the type of guy I am in the back of my mind because I do you understand me because that's why I came through for a while everything that happened was me and I would always deny or there was always a reason mm-hmm there's always a reason about the way listen man our parents are watching you're not gonna get beat up no more nobody's gonna smack you the fucking man nobody's gonna punch

you nobody's gonna do nothing just come to but this isn't about coming to grips with people this is about coming to grips with yourself and being honest with yourself you know how many times I get on stage and I'm like Lee that wasn't one of my good sets of you like that was no I know I was dead if I don't put that belief in myself I'm never gonna move forward so this isn't even about the people around you it all starts with a belief in yourself to be honest with yourself and go you know what I gotta get on stage more I gotta get these things more I gotta go to the gym more I gotta be nicer to my wife I gotta do all these

things more that catches you and that's claiming responsibility and that's all I ever wanted from anybody but I don't want money I don't want friendship if you do that around me we'll always be fucking cool yeah no it's it's and that's a tough thing to do because I mean all that guy is excited about his podcast and he wants people to see it and but he the way to go that's not the way to go about it yeah there's a way to do things we're not to do things he would have been cool me from the jump if he would have said bro don't worry about it hey man do me a favor can you hit him this guy or that guy to be on your podcast I

would have said let me try for you but for you to kind of blame it on your fucking interns and then on Monday to keep blaming on your interns it does something to you it to me I'm as sensitive as they fucking come you see me big and fuck you and all this dog I cried the side of a fucking hat okay and I get very unsensitized with people it might have demented money I think you're fucking with me okay I think you're fucking with me in what way let's break it out in the fucking open you came to me about a year ago and you said dog when you put a podcast out on Fridays it goes nowhere start releasing them on

Thursday you were talking about me and Felicia beating the beast yeah I told Felicia that 50 times and she would release the thing on Saturdays so the back of my mind you're fucking with me you're fucking with me that's what you're doing to me you're really like trying to make a fucking jerk off out of me that's what you're fucking trying to do to me after we've had this conversation ten fucking times that it nothing comes out on Friday so if you're gonna release the podcast release the podcast Thursday whatever I don't give a fuck you release 1150 fucking nothing on Thursday night mm-hmm do not release

and after Friday because people don't download Saturday at 6 o'clock I would get a link that she just released it so in my mind you're fucking with me I can't say nothing takes nobody because right away you're being that you understand me yeah and that's the biggest thing why we've worked together together for so long because both of us will do it what we say when we're gonna do it do it done done do it get when you got to do something do it get over you sitting around contemplating when I got to do something the morning dog this time so fucking wiped out you know last night my biggest apologies to everybody I didn't

stick around last night up to the Rogan set I couldn't stick around I'll tell you what happens on fucking Tuesdays Lee I go for acupuncture they do the cupping they do the whole fucking thing yeah you know I drink a ton of water not only that I went to the Y yesterday then I go do comedy I get home like we're talking about our goal as comics is to drive to stay up yeah even if I'm fucking home even if I'm at home at 1115 my job is to spark a joint get a cup of coffee going and try to stay up to a three or four beings a genius writing jokes about Copernicus make him believe I'm something special which I'm fucking

not and I can't do it I'm an old fucking man I'm 50 I gotta be in fucking bed I gotta be in fucking bed I gotta get six hours if I don't get six hours before I come see you con fuckers on Mondays or Wednesdays this shit don't work I'm a fucking half of you know or I'll give you a great show and then I gotta go home and take a nap and sleep on my business hours yeah I want to be alert for I want to be writing I want to be something you know cohesive whatever the fucking word is so I suffer somewhere I used to go to the special room on Tuesday nights and they put me up last but get out I get a little bit 11 fucking 10 to 12 you

gonna go back to do a stand-up at 10 to 12 that means you're going to bet a fucking one that means you're done I gotta get up at 445 to come over here and see yeah I'm not gonna you know saying yeah I'll get away with I'm not gonna say dog I used to get away on no sleep I do a fucking half a rock I'm fucking blow and I wouldn't sleep and come down here well what's the fucking difference you know yeah but there's somewhere along the line your day suffers you're not gonna give you full attention to something you know I may have a show tonight I may want to go to kickboxing that'll be ruined because I

didn't sleep at night so that's why I leave I try to get that six seven hours from fucking prepared for you cock stuff is today if not we got fucking nothing leave you know I'm saying we got nothing cock sucker I got it what's up baby boy how do you look at you on a Vegas you're gonna bang up some fucking door you're gonna get your stomach yes up today we're gonna try you're gonna try to give you a little stomach yes up fuck yeah all right let's eat this out of all stuff fuck you in that a book I'm stuck well too well I don't care what you say you can replace me do whatever you want fuck that out of what you could do what

it's a fuck that a little listen I'll fucking tie you up and drop you off at the 1 to 70 and we got a call oh shit what's happening beautiful hey how you done how are you my friend this is my man DC in the house yeah how you doing how are your friends cuz I don't know what's happening I don't know cuz I have 934 I forgot to call a little earlier you know no you're cool man I'm happy to get I'm busy over there today no no I you know I'm with the same with my mom I kind of kind of taking a day here and there now just to kind of get my head together you know I hate it on the phone is I don't even know what to call you

Danny cuz I didn't speak to you really till a couple of weeks ago is a fucking idol of mine Danny calendar I'm serious you know I really thought about how to describe you and you know I just start with you know we have a big sports audience here and Danny played for Seaton Hall he played for the high school I attended North Bergenheim he went out to Seaton Hall he was the biggest player of the year led the nation scoring got drafted whatever but we're here and Danny you're just a great story man thanks I appreciate it you know when I was in the seventh grade I got left back and I got put in Barone's

class not Joe John's you know the Joe's and I became a basketball not me and I knew about you but I didn't know exactly and I used to go watch you and you know at one point basketball was my savior and you were my savior go watch your practice then I go try to move down at 38th Street Court or whatever you know Danny people talk all this shit I'm really sorry Danny lost his mother last week so Danny I'm I'm really happy that you got to even call you know God bless her you know you came from a family with 13 kids I mean you came from North Bergen over by 80th Street there how did you get so good basketball well

you know you know growing up when we grew up it was there was no one you know we you know I was in a four-story walk-up like everybody and you know it's just outside you know nothing everything was created outside there was nothing there was nothing for you to do inside you know a railroad apartment so I think most of the guys I grew up with which is consistently outside you know playing basketball playing sports go home eat you know where it went back in a day when they're when families sat down and had dinner when their father came home because my father was old-school Italian and then after that you were

free to do your thing so everybody was just playing consistently you know I just kind of you know I had my mentors and my idols Jackie Cologne you know Michael Corrin Spinochle and Jimmy Boylan you know these guys are legends in Hudson County and I just you know I told my kids the other day I just put my head down until I think my senior at Seton Hall then I kind of realized what I accomplished you know Danny for me it wasn't the point saw the you know go in a hash way and see Digger Phelps they're trying to recruit you or any of that it was just letting me know that I could do it which is that's the biggest

thing you could do for a person you know you weren't black you weren't six foot eight you didn't have a 92 inch vertical fucking jump you did everything you know you were six one you did everything the old fucking fashion way I mean I told you a story that you never remembered I'm in my eighth grade year my whole life was basketball all I wanted to do was start freshman year and I used to hang out with Anthony Sunsulo and he was you know he was right there in the backcourt with you one day we took our bikes to 76 three courts there by our lady Faddam of my hashways and we were playing at one in the morning three point

games it was you me and the model from Guttenberg Nikki DeLusia or Nikki DeSeglia DeSeglia we were playing and I remember going home my head almost blew up but I got to cover you that's it like you beat me three to one or something or three nothing but I got to cover you and I went home with this air of confidence this was my fucking life you know and I watched you know all your games it was just I remember taking a bus with Chuck E. McBreen and Whitey O'Donnell to fucking Brufield to watch you against Kelly Trepuka and just you know I bumped at the time behind till last year in Atlanta at a hotel he he

was doing some game he was covering the Celtics were playing some of the Atlanta Hawks obviously and I even talked to him and it's something about the Hudson County guys because I went to I played for St. Michael's CYL so I had heard all the stories about him then I had you in Northbury it was just amazing to have you Danny and I remember I reminded you about an article that had cut out about you that the big movie at the time was a basketball move Robbie Benson called one-on-one and this writer did a comparison about a guy going to a big college and getting lost and you didn't want that to happen that's why you chose

Seton Hall close to home with Bill Raftery and stuff I mean what were you thinking at all this time like you broke all these records what were you thinking about in high school well you know I just want to you know I guess you know going to grammar school playing high school high school you know I just want to go to college and then you know watching a quarry and it's been all cool they're going into the incident what tournament and then you know Jimmy Boyle and Marquette I signed with them when they won a national championship how McGuire came to my house and I was kind of done you know I was like I'm

done I'm gonna come out I was I was always a year or two ahead of myself I think that was my strength it was just like okay and when I went to college you know I my dad was dying Marquette let me out of there scholarship so to be honest which I was in a restaurant in Upton County with Maddie Pickenich my best friends and him walks this guy Bill Raftery and you know I was he was from the heart he was just pure he was genuine and for this day you know we talk every day and that's for me it was the best choice you know I had Maddie Cibelo who was a godfather to my son and in high school Raf and in college and

then when I was a college I was like I'm done I just want to go to the NBA or go to Europe and I did it you know I got played a little bit with the Rockets got cut and then I got a call to go to Italy and my first game was against Mike D'Antonio which is the funniest thing in the world and he's like who are you you know what's your Italian what you know so he actually kind of took me under his wing and guided me in Italy about you know who to talk to how to get your passport so and it's funny you know when he was the Nick coach we talked here and there now I haven't never said talk to him since he's the Laker coach but I think

with basketball you just meet people that kind of track to each other they read their great people or not and I was fortunate to always attract two really good people I mean I used to go to Kennedy school to play you know I have that league you know McKinley plays Kennedy and I would just stare at your eighth-grade picture you know you and you had Danny Rugar that was his name right Danny Rugar was the coach Larry Rugar I remember that motherfucker he was up like 90 to 10 one game against like Lincoln B because there was some grammar squatting Robert Fulton was so big they had two teams they had A and B the A

was the eighth grade B was the seventh grade Rugar was up like 90 to 10 and he was still four-core pressing in the third quarter you know these are the fucking people that we had and you were around some characters I mean I used to go watch your practices with you know who I still who I did a benefit for a few years ago Ralph Marino you know Ralph he would sit there all the practices and comes to bellow and I'd watch you guys and it was but it's weird how you your family affected me in two ways you know you let me know that I could play basketball that it was part you know I remember being the seventh grade and

watching Old Corin in the national championship against Marquette and that Saturday he drilled home 31 fucking points against Glenn Gondrzak remember that I mean yeah and just seeing that he was from Jersey City let me fucking know that Jesus Christ I could do this I went to superstar basketball camp with Hurley you know and he wanted me to go to St. Anthony's me and Whitey and Learwood Learwood was a six foot five kid from Franklin that broke his leg in the eighth grade never played basketball again and I ended we ended up going to to North Bergen but you know you let me know I can do basketball then something

else happened in your family one of your brothers got into this business you know the entertainment business and he landed a spring break and he landed a fucking huge movie with the idol break the idol maker and I remember seeing his picture on the wall at hash ways and going for the love of fucking Christ these calendillos they're everywhere like Puerto Ricans these guys can do it all they can do it fucking all these guys my brother Paul really he always hustled always worked it was a roofer you know it's a really good-looking guy I got discovered at studio 54 you know I not forget and I was there with him one

night and the next day like then I got to go into the city some agency called me I said for what he's like they want me to model I'm like model model what so he went in and then they're like look they want me to go to France so he lived in Champs-Élysées for three four years it was the top model in Europe he got discovered over there and that's how you know they were looking to do a movie on Frankie Avalon and so you know he met Peter Gallagher and Ray Schalke he was there we young and I was out there when I was filming it and he's lucky he was always humble and he's always never forgot where he came from you know after

his movie thing was over he came back and a couple kids started his own little roofing business so I did Hudson County and I teach this that you know I coach at Holy Cross and Rumson that look it doesn't matter where you from who's your mother who's your father as you committed and you work hard and you're diligent you're accountable you know it doesn't matter if you're from Hudson County or from Amit County but it takes a lot to accomplish to be at the district division one player you know you were amazing Danny I used to go to those Friday night games and I still remember playing against Hoboken your senior year

how Hoboken had this tremendous team they had this you know six for five they let Hudson County and slamming and slam dunks and you guys went down and beat them in Hoboken the old-fashioned way yeah the boys and Noah they're two D1 guys oh my god you guys went and beat them by diving and biting and fucking making free throws and you know and it was just amazing the things you did I never forgot you I never forgot your name brother and I'm really happy that you called today I always wanted to tell you that that you brought my fucking dreams to life or your family did you know I appreciate that you know it's it's a I

always try to tell it to go out be great you know I read my parents you know always go for it be the best you know how can I be how can you be the best in a four-story walk up like this kids out there that I'm gonna make it and be writers and actors and you know hopefully a president and and then the coaches I was fortunate like I try to do with kids I push them guide them love them tough love and and then that's all you need because some parents this will never be there and some parents will just you know be there too much and then some will do the right thing like my son Daniel played Brian D1 walked on

got a scholarship you know I mean it's the way it is but I think the trait that you're talking about in Hudson County maybe it's in Staten Island or Brooklyn I don't know but in Hudson County all you got to do is just talk to somebody and when they know you're from that area the conversation just gets loose in which way what do you mean because I that's happened to me but describing for these people well you know like the other day I was looking you know we're trying to do a whole thing a sport complex and down here in Mammoth County you know something I always dreamed of doing it was my goal in life is to be around kids coach kids

and you know try to help them what I learned along the way and you know I'm looking at this one place and this guy's pretty hard-nosed and he's given us a hard time and I just said to the guy look what what's the story what's your problem you know what we're considering buying something and this and that and then I said where you from I was like I'm from Jersey City I said I'm from North Bergen that was it the tone that the conversation changed oh my god and oh my god you're Dan count oh my god a quorum and I'll memory check it below and it was like but first there was a lot of tension but you know once somebody knew

hey I was from the same class things changed so it's amazing what it's done for me being from North Bergen because I never forgot it you know I'm a Cuban kid and when my mom died those kids they took me in you know Danny and then I had my heart set I'm playing freshman basketball that's all I wanted to do was just start and I didn't get along with reading and after that things went a different direction and I stopped playing I never really stopped playing I just start I didn't think some bellow like me you follow so I never gave a chance in reality I really gave up and it's something that fucks with me till

today that I didn't go after I'm sent to myself I'm five foot nine I'm Cuban I could jump but I can't run fast what the fuck am I gonna do and you know I'm saying that you look back you you know I mean I you know horrendous call me and you know people like about you and you know like I'm proud of you like everybody knows that the road's not easy for anybody and where you are in your life right now and you know I've had some success on Wall Street it doesn't matter my goal is you know are you a good person my mom just passed and she was the nicest soul on the planet you know I didn't have a dime to her but you

know what she affected so many people so I think you know as I get older money and profession whatever you do really does it means nothing I know Ben Helen real well when one of the nicest men I've ever met in my life great coach makes a lot of money beautiful family but as a person he's the kind of guy I would hang out with now I don't know I can't say that about too many other guys but Bill Raftery and Ben Helen's the nicest people in the world it's amazing what we go through in our lives and Danny I always thought about you I couldn't believe how much of an inspiration you are when I spoke to her and you know I

went to five-star basketball camp with horrendous brother on the bus with Greg horrenda we were his parents took us into 42nd Street Port Authority we went upstairs and we took the bus to five-star I mean it was my life I mean it's amazing when you dedicate yourself to something and I didn't and what I learned what I didn't do a basketball Danny I didn't stand up comedy the the failure I didn't stand basketball for not you know I took a I ran into a bump in the wall and I got off the fucking bike I made sure that didn't happen with stand-up comedy but I dove into it with the same tenacity you know

like we talked about I put that fucking basketball up in that 10-speed Danny and I take that bike from 88 Street Park to 16th Park to 16th Street to Gilmore to play with Dracula you know what you remember the kid from Union City Nunzeo yeah you know Nunzeo's brother is the kid on the office the Spanish kid on the office Nestor yeah that's Nunzeo's brother come on my mother I didn't know he was a good player yeah my mother had a bar on 29th Street Burger Line from the 50s when they came from Cuba and they used to be a hot dog stand on 30th Street right there by Chappie's florist it's the last place you could take a bus in

Union City before it hits New York City and I would play basketball down in Union City with Nunzeo they were older than I was but what they were out here and again I go to an audition some Spanish kids being addicted to me and all of a sudden he goes you Cuban I go you Cuban yeah yeah where you from Union City I'm from North Bergen fucking conversation changed and he's Nestor from the office the Spanish kid on the office that is amazing it is you know I didn't know the guy that was on but one walk Empire this year do you watch that show I don't really watch though I yeah here and there here and there I

forget what the kids name he's a popular actor he went to Union Hill to it's amazing the people that I've met out here from Union City is Joey Casaro now he's Joey with the hair out there he's on what they all drive Joey Casaro yeah little Joey his name is Joey something now famous name he's right on what they are drive you should definitely look him up and he cuts hair or something yeah he cut my well my brother Paul and my best friends his his brother Vinnie my sister dated for years and when my brother died I called Joey I went out there and he freaked out freaked out my brother used to protect him my brother protected my

brother was an airborne ranger and no one mess with Joe and when my brother died I called them I called Peter Gallo I tell you just the other day and Peter was almost crying you know they were so close and it's funny that you know you look you know who made it or whatever but Joey's never forgotten either he's very successful I think he's got like 50 salons or some some crazy out there not a man listen it's what keeps me alive is from reminding me of North Bergen it keeps me fucking going everything I do I do with North Bergen the back of my mind because I always want to succeed for them as a little

city that is you know I'm going to Miami this week for the South Beach Comedy Festival and you know who'll be there then Steve Mako the son to Joe Mako wow you know it's it's gonna be a great little time I'm going down there because half of North Bergen lives in Miami now yeah you were saying that yeah Fort Lauderdale West Palm Beach it's amazing all the people that'll pop up that you forgot about you know over the years and I'm looking forward to it that that's why I do that run because I get to see a lot of people out of their element and but I gotta tell you Danny just this whole experience talking to

you last couple weeks has really made me aware of where I came from and just you know you never gave up and I really respected and I want to thank you for being there when I was a kid and I know a lot of people who felt like that even Whitey O'Donnell we were your fucking little whatever you call it what do we call when a rock band has people who follow on yeah we will not even your entourage we were your groupies we would thank Calangelo groupies the crossover the dirty you guys are great kids you guys are great kids I always say you know I see Whitey here and there and you know he always tried to power around with us

and we gave him tough love we beat him up but you know years later I saw him his wife and I guess that they gave a door at the time and I think he was amazed because like that whole team we want to stay championship we were so close you know Matty was my best friend Louie we had like you know Italians Irish Puerto Ricans Cubans Habla Czech Habla Czechs nephew and cousins it was amazing that team Louie Cruz yeah wow and I remember you all came together because of Matty you know Matty was tough you know Matty was tough but he took me under his wing and you know he left when I I tried out I was the only freshman I

would try out velocity basketball he lasted me and then by the end of the year I was taught in Austin as a freshman he took me under his wing you know how to do this this is what these scouts are looking for and the way you look the way you dress the way you talk don't do this and then when I got to college RAF was even on a higher level the MBA is looking for this you know our future employer is gonna like you know it's gonna look at you the way you dress the way you talk it was a good learning experience for me because I was fortunate because these these these kind of mentors are right there for me so

and I like I said I still talk to rap every day which you know it's like a father to me so Danny you're a fucking savage bro and I want to thank you and I gotta run I know I want to thank you for what your family did for me and just let me know I can do it that's that's the gift your family gave to me I love you man out of you you came I love you too thank you for calling we'll be in touch brother I'll be in Jersey next week in Newark if you want to come to the show I'll be there with Rogue on a Friday night I got some other people come from Rumford so I'll give you a call all right that's great thank you

brother Mike Mike my condolences love you thank you bye I got a question for you because when we went to do the documentary we talked to Barone who was your basketball coach and for me I've always been a chubby juice so I was never good at sports but one thing my parents my mom and my dad did I always was in sports what it's what do you think sports was important in your life because I was never good at it but I feel like it taught me like how to be like how to keep working and stuff and you talked about you quit in high school but you you applied that to comedy like do you think sports was important to you

yes at that what I did what I did people was the biggest fuck the mistake of my life one of the first things my mother did with me when I was six was she threw me into karate mm-hmm and I went to karate diligently yeah me too diligently I went you know it was three four times a week I loved I love getting beat up I love getting kicked I love the jogging I loved everything the exercise we moved to Jersey I went and signed up in Gushamuru karate and Foo Jopai Kung Fu so I was going to two things at once plus at night we go to a fucking basement beat the fuck out of each other you didn't city I stayed in

that somewhere along the line like I said I got left back and I was so insecure about the left back that I focused on school grades and basketball karate that was it nothing was gonna break me pussy nothing somewhere along there I started smoking pot with the guys in the corner just as athletic type guys we were jocks but we got high a little bit of reef a little bit of Led Zeppelin never killed nobody it wasn't like we did drugs everything I devoted my life for that summer of 77 those two summers was basketball I played basketball probably 12 hours a day I figured out the fucking man and

then I ended the day with 300 fucking jump shots at night listening to the song remains the same poor Keltos who will be at the Miami shows this weekend would do that for me this is no shit when I got the freshman year and the guy shut me down I let him shut me down instead of me fucking being strong this guy can suck my dick I'm gonna get better in my sophomore year start JV or at least make JV I gave up I started doing drugs I started doing THC crystal blah blah I got the lung infection in fact somebody on Twitter sent me an article the other day that the government so sprayed Paraguay I'm

marijuana in the 80s that was what fucked up my lung what's that happen I just gave up what's my mother died in November 79 I just gave up on basketball completely I would play basketball to make money at hash ways like for a dollar a game okay play one-on-one or something so you got three dollars and I make ten bucks and get a roast beef sandwich and a soda that's how I played basketball I was still very good I could jump I just knew that wasn't gonna be cool but I made a judgment call on my own life you never do that you never say to yourself what you can do and that's why I always tell people I know you don't

want to work under commission but think if you sell cars or you sell fucking paddling or if you sell roofing and you're gonna work on the commission in those days you're gonna make ten thousand dollars you didn't give yourself a fucking ceiling over your life that was the first time I ever cut my own legs off what am I gonna go to school for I'm gonna lose her anyway I should never done that so from that experience from quitting kung fu because all I did was with Gusham Rukerati was my 15th birthday I said I'm gonna go to a tournament and I'm gonna win this tournament right after I come home I'm

gonna take first place for fighting in first place for forms I'm never gonna go back to karate I got this qualified for fighting because it was semi-contact by the head okay and I went home and took first place in the karate forms and right then I never went back to karate big fucking mistake I was a purple belt cuz you won you don't go back yeah I know cuz I was at the pussy and I run on a smoke dope it I didn't have time for everything I didn't have time to play basketball then come home eat take another bus to Union City and do karate it was just too fucking much for me yeah so I had to give up one

of them so I gave him karate to party then I gave up basketball those two lessons guess what when I was four hundred and fifteen pounds I went to a karate school I didn't go to the karate school to lose weight as much as get my discipline in my life back I wanted my life to be simple how I was when it was 15 yeah so I went back to kung fu until today I still do a martial art three times a week now it's kickboxing but I still go to something just so it could take me back to where I was when I was 15 when I was doing good things in my life the basketball taught me to not quit when I got into comedy I took me a

year to really focus on comedy because I wanted to make sure I was gonna dive into it with both hands yeah I didn't want what happened with basketball to happen with the comedy so I was gonna give up right away so I got a job as a doorman which was good and bad because it let me ask comedians questions about their lives were they married what does your wife say have you leaving for a week how was it how was the road you know when you first get the kind of people talk to you about the road you think it's this fucking mystical thing that you're on the road and you're hanging out with Bob Seagum on Jovi it's

all the same only then no it's just you you learn you know so all the things I did with basketball how I failed with basketball I applied to comedy so that would never ever happen again so if I hit a bump in the fucking road I wouldn't just run away like a little girl and cry I would stick with it mm-hmm and that's what basketball taught me to stick with it what how I fucked up with basketball was what made me stronger with comedy because I didn't give up because something bad happened because some guy said no or some guy didn't want me in his club or some agent didn't want to sign me most people would crumble under

that because I crumbled as a young adult I knew I'd never fucking crumbling it and that's that's the question yeah and I mean it's I think it's important I mean I don't I don't know what it's a little I don't know if it's a little different for girls but I know for me any kid I have isn't gonna be athletic or I'd be very surprised if they were but and I never started you talk about starting JV I never started a game a day in my life but I played I did something I did tag one day we're wrestling or baseball or water I did it until I went to high school and they had the the audiovisual stuff and I even I wrestled

until my junior year of high school but I think it's I think it's important and I don't know what you're planning on doing with your daughter it's very far in the future but I think it's it and it doesn't have to be sports but I think something that maybe that you have to go every day and in practice I think it's important for people to do so I mean hearing him talk about it he got to the pros I mean it's six foot one not the fastest guy in the world but he was a scoring machine he wasted no movement everything he did he knew the game he knew when to apply energy he knew when to apply pressure you know you can't run

for 50 fucking minutes so you know how to sit back he knew I mean he led the fucking county in scoring he led the nation in scoring in division one basketball his senior year from Seaton Hall Wow oh yeah from Seaton Hall from the Pirates of Seaton Hall and he went there with a kid Maddie Pickleich who had gone to Cincinnati and then transferred to Seaton Hall who was another pure shooter and he died about ten years ago of a heart attack and this kid you know was very hard I remember I found out about Maddie died on a ski lift I was skiing and I was in Colorado skiing and somebody on a lift said you know Maddie

Pickleich's guy and he just knew him what a fucking coincidence you just knew him yeah but you know when you play football in my hometown they always talk about how Bruins you got to be this and their hard nose and they won the states and they're very good at football but what I learned from North Bergen was watching this guy play basketball he was fucking relentless and on the streets when he played on the courts on the streets he was fucking relentless how many years older is he when you he was a senior when I was a freshman oh those guys I don't know what it is about those guys but especially

when you're a freshman in the seniors there's a bunch of guys that like it's very you're there you're very what's the word they're very important and they influence on your life yeah the rest of them were Jerkos he was when I was a freshman our freshman class was so fucking strong our freshman class was so fucking strong that the seniors paid attention to us really yeah we were fucking crazy we didn't fuck around that was a crazy freshman fucking class remember we used to have a thing called field day where every year the kids they set up amusement park that stopped when we became freshmen one of our class got

caught fucking a Hindu chicken the back yeah we were Robin beer trucks we were doing a lot of shit that those guys in fact one of the greatest stories ever was that at my house before my mother died my mother went to Florida she owned the property with my Emmy international was and she went to sell it this is maybe three weeks before she died and I had a party in my house and this Dominican kid was my brother at the time who's still around from time to time I hear he says hello they call Louis the nigger he was Dominican kid he was Dominican but he was black with an afro so they called Louis name he was a great

kid he didn't give a fuck he was from Houston Street in the city what was I talking about the party so I had a party in my house freshman football they had two senior girls that were doing the stats okay these freshmen were fucking these girls and they were both had boyfriends that were like gorillas of the varsity football team this is real this is how fucking crazy the freshman was so my friend Louis was banging Darcy had who was his blonde chick that did the stats that was fucking amazing just amazing this blonde girl she I made out with her my freshman year of sophomore year she was a dirty fucking animal but

this girl was a savage and she was one of the first girls that went for my dick and I almost had a nervous breakdown like I never had a girl go for my dick I almost had a nervous breakdown like I didn't I just came and left I didn't even take a pants off nothing so one of my friends was banging her and her boyfriend came over okay this is a true story now in my living room my my father had a seven a six foot statue of Lazarus st. Lazarus he's the dog with the two crutches he's the same with the two crutches the dogs look at his wounds he has a leprosy or whatever and the dogs look at his wool and the crutches

were removable okay okay and we're in the kitchen hanging out and all of a sudden brand and all these fucking gorillas come up and there's Eddie Borelli kids like hey man where's Darcy we're like we don't fucking know he's like I'm going upstairs and this kid Chris the red devil okay Cliside Park took one of the fucking crutches and he goes anybody crosses his line I'm busting your fucking head with the crutch we were all freshman though this guy just called out a senior he goes you fucking walk through here we'll bust your fucking skull with this fucking this crutch and these

motherfuckers were like you know what you just signed your death certificate you guys gonna have a problem but they left and I remember Borelli would fucking me after that but he couldn't fuck with me they couldn't fuck with me because the Freshman's was so fucking crazy you know this is when I started going to concerts you know my freshman yeah I hooked up with Conti and Rago and all these motherfuckers together that was all over so that's when I became a fucking lunatic when I became a freshman I mean remember I tell you the story we had the gourmet club and went to the city and we picked up booze that was freshman year

that was all freshman year the teachers had a fucking leave and shit he also had a sister Danny that was an art teacher that was very sweet you know he had 13 fucking kids both his parents were deaf this kid had to be an all-american he had to go fucking pro so it was a pleasure having a mother show today just to let you motherfuckers know how we were was that those that Zeppelin song you have you got two of them we got now which one do I play play the first one first we got to break this shit up hold on one second yesterday in the middle of everything because before you saw me I was even fucking hot oh yeah before you

saw me I was high and the middle of everything I went over to the fucking why my wife went I went first and I went to the wine the dirty on the epileptical and I hit the bag for 25 fucking minutes first thing I did when I got home was that took two of those fucking strong bones with a big glass of water after acupuncture okay the night before that I went to eight o'clock fucking kickboxing and the day before that I fucking walked around that North Hollywood Park five times and I did the Dolce run where you walk for two minutes and run for 30 seconds said to me Joey are you sore today ask me are you

sore today no no you know why because I took like four strong bones yesterday to the day before I'm at the end of this I'm at the end of the strong bone cycle so I got to get on it to send me some more don't fuck up you're a fat fuck you get joint pain your knees hurt your elbows your shoulders do me a favor go to on it get the starter package get the fucking new mood which I took two of the last nights look like a baby dog I didn't make it 15 minutes after you saw me I drank a coffee yeah I drank a cup of coffee too Jesus I went home wrote two jokes or something that had on my mind and I put that air conditioning on I

pissed I kissed the wife and I fucking left I went to sleep that's I could sleep on fucking with the music Lee Cox sucker it's a beautiful day to be alive get up there get out get out of the fucking house hit it Lee oh yeah Lee I got so excited talking to him I ain't the other one it's saving on your lucky time sucker yeah fucking good look it's Wednesday get out there I gotta go for a shot myself I'll be in Miami this week we got a live podcast oh shit yeah we got a lot of podcasts next week the 24th right 24th at the ice house call now six two six five seven seven eighteen whatever the fuckers I gotta

go for another allergy test this shit is killing me my nose is locked up yeah yeah how many more weeks are you gonna go for shots Jesus Christ you had a shock for like that you're too high I gotta turn the lens up oh shit it's a beautiful fucking day I love I love doing this but you're a good fucking dude hit it I gotta die I had to let that go for a second sorry yeah so we have that you have my Austin yeah May 2nd through the 5th I think Thursday Friday Saturday San Antonio dead squads coming up represent let me get some shoutouts my

main man Mark Redd fucking Doug Paquette James Malia I love you cocksucker Jill Himitsu giving donations on a web page I don't know what it is off the top my fucking head but contact Ed Wilson I love you Neil Samuels you're still the funniest fucking Jew online I love this guy if you're not following Neil Samuels you're fucking shooting yourself and had fucked Joe Diaz and Rogan and Ari and all these comedians if you're not fighting if you're not following this fucking Jew Neil Samuels there's something wrong with you this guy is as real as Uncle Joey he said something yesterday about a twat something that I

was rolling this guy does heroin he does they don't give a fuck this is the Jews I fucking grew up with I know one of his uncles stab fucking Jesus in the leg I know it I know it for a fact that one of his uncles was right then he said give me a fucking knife I'm gonna stab this fucking long head fuck in the thigh that's how much I love Neil Samuels he's a last of the real fucking Jews not like some people I know that cry in the car when I offer an animal pride you know what Neil Samuels would do if I gave that fucking animal yeah he don't eat the fucking whole thing what I even think what I even look at me he'd say I'm a

fucking Jew yeah and then two years later he'd be like fuck you Joe no he would not you know how many this motherfucking Lee Samuels would take that animal rubbing on his fucking head and put the yamaha over it that that motherfucking ferment under that Jesus get your shit together Lee you're slipping as a Jew that's it there's the last week your mom was entitled to forgive you Monday we're back on the fucking edibles 601 you got nowhere to go Monday night I want to hear no stop yeah capsity second the fourth second to the fourth thank you I don't want to give a shout out all the death squad

fucking chapters that are popping up you we got sons of anarchy beat fuck those motherfuckers we're gonna get tricycles and right up and down the fucking country I was just gonna say you guys should start doing the Harley you like the Hells Angels have little jackets I got when they're coming already who the fucking thinking deal with here the church with a fucking skull with a fucking cigar in his mouth if I let me who the fucking thinking I love it we kind of suck it what do you do this week if you want to Vegas gonna make some Saturday yeah and then for everyone who is hasn't listened to starting they first

I'm gonna do a juice if you want to join me I'm gonna do YouTube video with my recipe if you don't want to juice but you want to be healthy and do on its stuff we're starting May 1st so get that get everything you need for that what is your goal what is your goal of the way lost what is the end result I'd like to lose another hundred pounds but for the room for May I I want to lose 50 you're gonna shave your beard fuck that look I look you know I look like a two-year-old if I don't have a beard that's even prayer once you lose the way you say that you missed your little roommate don't you I told you yeah she's

falling in love with her oh yes you were that little ass in that titty but you didn't lock her in before I told you to lock her in she's two minutes on the road she's not too much she's a fucking Northman somewhere you're not gonna go down she got her brother the other guy fucking maneuvering the pussy watching her asshole she got fucking the black boyfriend coming in and he you can't follow that he's gonna fucking pork with that fucking black cock whoops how you gonna follow that you're a fucking little G gotta go in there eat the ass and punch her and choke her out you're not gonna want to do that I can't choke her

out yeah I'll have I'll have to call you when I need $10,000 bail what fucking bail what bail yeah you were saying that last night you gotta just walk in no girls ever called a guy the cops for sticking a dick in the mouth yes they have yes they have you're like if you do it ten times five girls will be pissed I said listen sleep on your fucking couch you like you you like if you wake her up if you run that helmet on a cheek you didn't say cheek you said put her in her mouth and then I said about cheek whatever what's the difference point of game you got it over here not gonna know you might as well just put in like a sleep at me a

fucking pillow son oh Jesus Christ Lee you're gonna smoke this he'll already smoke fucking joints I ain't an animal the fuck am I gonna do it I don't know your eyes already all the way closed are they already I gotta get a doctor my blood pressure to be 190 over 2,000 I had a protein shake this one that's why those two little farts came out a little protein a little banana in there a little peanut butter BAM BAM Lee Lee Lee Lee I love you cocksucker you're a good fucking dude thanks start next we got some shirts you want to show for my man to for you but we're not gonna do it today we're gonna get another

camera set up it's taking only about four months to do this for months it'll be ready Monday and he won't claim his months and Bill I don't know you told me yeah while he's in Vegas he's well-watched with his mother well watch it I need this shit one weekend to get more comes to visit me making a dick he came a month ago and you gotta drive him your fucking night man get together twice it's no more coming out here and they fly it on Tuesdays from now what else so we got Miami this weekend 420 yeah I'm fucking sad we got great fights Gilman Melendez on the car we got a great that's a great fucking fight so

all I'm telling you to do me a favor you got three days left in the fucking week and the week off strong maybe had a bad fucking Monday maybe had a bad Tuesday was a fuck you're the fucking man put it together so what you got no money so what your wife left you you got you you got your cock and you got you hit it with a hammer do whatever you need to make your cock with a hammer you fuck you know why did you grow up you never fucking take your dick and hit it with a little carpet the hammer what are you talking about Lee how high are you I'm not high at all this is bubbles dumb shit I've gone bullshit on that one and

if anyone on Twitter says oh yeah him a dick with a hammer you're fucking lying no one ever hit their dick with a hammer that's how you become a man no it's not 13 they did a bar mitzvah they cut your dick right no they do that when they cut your dick when you're fucking born now what I know you're 13 then I'm rubbing up and salt on no don't put kosher salt in your little cool oh nothing you just get enveloped some money yeah how much money did you get a few grand if what you do you still got it don't you no no it's gone at college that check clean your mother gave you fuck you no no check you fucking shit you want 10% of

everything I'm fine if your mother gives you a little taste you gotta give me something something 50 a bag of weed something you get an atrium to for you living like a doctor I'm getting hands we'll see what happens I love you guys I love you guys and all my heart thank you for following the first support go to joeyds.net if you need a fucking hoodie a long-sleeved shirt some t-shirts go over there talk to fucking JR he's a good man he's gonna be in Arizona with me hanging out big black motherfucker I love you JR's a good fucking dude we talked yesterday I miss him he's got he's gonna come to LA he's making moves JR's if you

want to talk about t-shirt designs for your company or whatever go to JR design again go to on it look at the fucking excuse me look at the web page anything you fucking one of that I can't get you a deal of the kettle bells or jump rope or the fucking turbo walls but any vitamins you pressing fucking just do me a favor CH you are CH in the box trust me you're gonna fucking love it they keep your emails they send your hats they do a bunch of shit for you number three go to Joey Coco Diaz.net for your tour if you live in the area I'm going to Salt Lake City this year I'm coming back to San Jose I'm going to

Philly don't fuck I'm going to Portland I'm going to Buffalo before the years I'm going to Lexington Kentucky bitches so break out the fucking cowboy hats and the bluegrass reefer you know we ain't fucking around this years when I'm trying to tell you Lisa Yats coming to San Jose and a couple other dates I will be in New Jersey next week we're fucking Rogan and that's it you bad motherfuckers I can't wait to see you savages in Miami I will be bringing a camera to take the testicle test I got Carlos Perez I got a bunch of fucking people coming down I miss you Lee the ticket was just too much though that's fine get the fucking

New York I ended up paying 700 Jesus but oh you should we won't do it today but we next time we'll have you break down airline prices for me look you're on the way to the club last night you're like all right you got it on Tuesdays you got to go and get the half-price miles I've been doing this in 20 fucking years people you know I've been flying so you fucking learn little tricks of the trade and I'm here to help you you got any questions about flying or whatever you got to buy the month in advance you got to join all the programs they're free join the programs get the miles and learn to negotiate get a sleep apnea machine get

yourself a dog walk around with one eye the goal is to get a good fucking scene on the plane and that's what the fuck I do the other thing people been complaining Joey the tickets of Miami are too high I'm not live-nation people let me break something down for you just so you people enjoy some if it was up to me if you gave me five to ten dollars to come watch me I fucking take it but I can't do that the clubs don't allow that so me I like to charge you guys $17 I know things are fucking rough 17 is fair you're like Joey when did you come up with 17 after the government after Lee takes my money my wife and

after the agent I got $10 left so $7 goes away I keep fucking 10 we make each other laugh we smoke a joint you go home happy I go home happy everybody goes home happy I don't like when they charge people $35 either I don't fucking like it I don't like when they charge over $20 for me I'm not worth more than 25 fucking to $20 fucking dollars I ain't got a lot of you we have a good time we hear some fucking stories so don't yell at me these people set a price they asked me what I want I want 17 you know when I went to take a price for this shit it was 20 and 9 to ticketmaster what do you want me to do you want me to

become fucking Pearl Jam and go to war with these people all I want to do is do a couple jokes for you people keep the fucking simple I love you guys I'm not here to rob nobody I don't want to be fucking rich and have a convertible BMW I just want to cover Lee this motherfucker eats and wants to gamble down with you know everybody wants to have a good time don't even mom gives him a check you think I see $10 anything dripped down to fucking Uncle Joey who gots I get nothing the whole fucking envelope this cocksucker anyway I love you guys from the bottom of my heart I love Lisa Yaddy's a good

guy Jill him into all you motherfuckers that contribute on Twitter and Facebook what the fuck can I say about you we got something special man let's keep it alive have a great week on it fucking Dan Calandrillo everybody today hit that shit Lee because this is what it's all about if you ain't got this if you ain't got no fucking heart and if you're not gonna claim responsibility you know what but I'm time way to shoot your fucking self hold on oh