Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 04/22/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #73

Episode Date: April 23, 2013

Director of amazing documentaries, including Cocaine Cowboys, Square Grouper, Broke, and The U, Billy Corben calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at check out for a discount. Streamed live on 04/22/2013

oh shit oh shit Monday April 22nd 420 could suck my dick we already got the party started going here get up cops up is oh shit really Monday got something play the music let the music roll it's Monday get the evils out get the devil out get everything out of your fucking house it's Monday it's a brand new week you're gonna quit smoking you're gonna eat you're gonna quit fucking taking any ass this week you're gonna quit all the things that get your fucking way reefer jumping jacks and the church of what's happening now oh shit black Sabbath sabotage 19 fucking something who gives

a fuck here we go won't you help me mr. Jesus oh forget it what the fuck what's happening Lisa at the church of what's happening now Monday morning April 22nd beautiful motherfucking day to be alive get up have your oatmeal do some jumping jelly you do some jumping jacks yet no all right one of the deal on before the fucking day it's great to be back fucking Monday I love Mondays man I fucking love it you got a brand-new lease on life no matter what happens you got fucked up your girlfriend dumped you blah blah blah blah blah ble you're back and that's all that fucking matters it's Monday what are you giggling about

where's the reefer blah blah blah bleep who gets up well it's a new fucking week so if you had a bad week last week sweeping under a fucking car this history that's it tell you what do you undo that's a good point but fucking cry all week what about but fuck it let's do this I had a bad week last week no you didn't get a good year look at your fucking malukia okay why is it always a good week but you were Miami it's always a good week if you're six days above any fucking day that you wake up on the other side that fucking dirt it's a good fucking day all right true how was your week I went to Vegas you

were gonna be fucking yeah I learned I learned an $800 lesson Jimmy the Jew and still a Jimmy the Greek Jimmy the Jew you like that one I did you you jinx me cuz you call me see don't come home broke and I was I was like only down like a hundred blame me yeah and then I and then fucking did you do any sports back yeah yeah I did no I did I did I killed that no I actually came I came on head sports betting cuz I did what was that killed you it was blackjack cuz I every day I would go I would take a hundred but I'll take a hundred bucks and I would turn into like 200 300 every day I would always yeah I'd always end up

on top and I'd go have lunch and I come back and every day I lost money after lunch I don't know what it was lunch was a fucking jinx you probably went to McDonald's a burger fuck you then all McDonald's on the strip sure they do in hotels in some hotels have McDonald's no I didn't go to Mandalay Bay as a McDonald's no I stayed in the Venetian piece of places did you stay in the village no I didn't stay I gambled there I didn't stay there so as your dream of a professional gamble done or you're gonna get better and go back and get back on your fucking horse you really don't like losing money that puts you in a

fucking oh when you lose a hand of black I'm not Jewish and when I lose anything like that drives me fucking crazy the hands don't bother me it's like because and I it runs in my family to have an addiction to gambling and it's just when I keep going into my ball and keep throwing at hundreds and that's what killed me but it made me feel better because I paid a hundred bucks to get an earlier fight out and no one's leaving Vegas at 8 8 30 on Friday night so the only guy behind me and security I just looked at him I said you lose all your money too he's like I lost seven grand I said I feel better and he said

you want to go get a drink I said yep so we went to the bar it was full of people like us we all got drunk and talked about the Boston thing and it was a good lesson to learn like I'm not gonna fucking be homeless or anything but like I it fucking it kicked me in the pants for a couple days so does your gambling dream over with or was just a detour that's my question cuz I don't want you to give up on your dream it's not a dream I just I it was kind of it was a laziness the thing I was like if I could gamble and then just do this with you I wouldn't have to work so now I have to keep working it's called a mind

fuck yeah so it wasn't you because I was thinking about when you get back on the horse now listen like anything else on my gambling what other fuck you want to do a roof but you know it sucks but when you get to gambling I always tell people like if you sold coke for a living or you sold weed and you made let's say 3,000 a week it wouldn't hurt you as much to lose 2,000 or listen doesn't hurt me as much as to lose it and you have to get up and actually work for your money yeah I don't know how the fucking people work for their money and get up and want to give it to a bookmaker legit people that's when it kills me

housewise father's people who are coaches you know and make you know the bell fucking belly scale minimum how you gamble I tried gambling yeah Leon as a kid and I fucking didn't like it and that's what I didn't like paying a motherfucking on a Thursday didn't fucking like it didn't even work for me and in Vegas you have to pay them before right when you make the bet you know until you don't get the chance to wait no it's it's it's really rough and you know I God bless you people every we say we make money we do this God bless you you know I know a lot of communities don't make money and then we'll make

money on the other side as a comic even just doing sets a long time I first got to people say you don't make no money in LA I made money I made money to snorkel yeah that's you know and speaking of that you're in Miami I was in Miami not snorkel I know that the comedy festival I had a great time I want to thank everybody who came out they put us in the back of the fucking Jack Lee Gleason theater but it was still cool it meant something to me to perform in Miami you know let's face it my second home growing up was Miami yeah it's a shame of the events that happened with my family and whatnot down there and how

that always fucked me up because that's what always what happened to my uncle down there my slash godfather always fucked me for the rest of my life because I couldn't imagine going to prisoners this age right now prison is built for guys that are young to you fuck up like what you did last weekend like in other societies if you lose 800 you go to jail for fucking you smack you around a little bit and I didn't want to go to jail at a late age I always fucking despised that I don't know how the fuck these mafia dons live the full life I think it should be opposite I think you should live your life when

you're young and then when you're old you with your grandchildren you your head's turning white you fucking doing different things you know yeah it's so weird how when we had Calandrilla on I've been thinking about Danny all weekend and I tell you he was always an old soul you know he always I don't remember Danny being out drinking or parties when I was in and that's what made you're a little more to him that he had control a lot of young kids don't have control I was watching the movie the other day and the girl said something about the murder whoever did this was older and the guy said why he goes because he was

controlled he had more of his and I was the same way I knew how to I didn't like fucking paying them yeah I don't like pain and that's why one of the things you always want a vice at an 18 from seeing people at my mother's bar I always knew people gonna have a vice and I knew I was gonna have a vice so when I was gambling losing money I said if I'm gonna lose money I'm gonna take this money and snort coke instead yeah that was the math I did my head you know it listeningly whatever you want to do I support you a lot of people came up to me and said how the fuck did you let them go down there what's the matter with

you and I'm like hey at 24 who the fuck was gonna tell me what the fuck I was and was not gonna do I didn't listen to people 24 I didn't listen to people when they talked to me nevermind advice yeah I thought I had the world by the balls I know you're not that type of person that you think you have the world by the balls you just wanted to try it if you came home with 800 you wouldn't have me oh yeah so I mean it just didn't work they clean you out it's just it's fucking traumatizing yeah and it's just you start doing stupid things and I knew I was cuz I talked to a professional gambler the last time I was there he

said don't ever you have to have like a hundred times your minimum bet really to do do well in blackjack so I went from the $15 table and the where I lost it was I went first to the $25 table just to try it cuz like and then right when I was down to like 300 bucks I was fucking and I went to the high limit table went to $50 and I was just like just give me one black chip and the first hand I got it was a 10 well I put a hundred down I got that I took the last hundred all bill out of my wallet double down and I won I turned that 204 I played until I got 500 and then I should have left but I just kept playing

and then fucking went it when it went gone like you're not supposed to make hundred dollar bets if you can't make a thousand hundred dollar bets so but it's it's alright it's a listen man the more you know somebody wrote me yesterday said Joey I'm 20 I'm 20 something and I want advice on my life to put me on the right track I want you know you tell stories and 19 I don't have any of these fucking stories you have to live a little bit you have to take a chance yeah you know even if you fail that's the fucking story when I tell you guys stories I'll tell you guys stories of becoming president of the United States

fucking 20 chicks I tell you stupid fucking stories about me about robbing somebody I tell you stories about being a fucking loser you know that's why I tell you stories about being a loser but even while I was being a loser I was doing it graciously I was getting a story out of the fucking you know not too many people could tell you that you know they mugged somebody and got beat up who the fuck's gonna tell you something like that you know Chris Gaynor one of my friends from high school play freshman basketball together he's a cop in Miami he came to the show Saturday night you know I love Chris Gaynor Chris

Gaynor's a fucking nut and he called we talked we spoke on Sunday or Saturday like the next day and I thanked him for coming he was telling me how to leave because the girl he was with got really drunk and he goes it's so funny how some of the people in the audience like these stories have to a fucking crazy and he looked at somebody goes you know this is 90% craziness 10% is him being funny about it but the stories are real yeah you know these stories you have to live you have to get up in the morning and go fuck it today I could take my bicycle fuck it I'm gonna take the bus you know even if you could afford the car

even if you drive every day sometimes you gotta do shit out of the norm to really get a taste of fucking life yeah you know when I went to that hooker house when I was 18 and 40 club I didn't want to go I got stuck with somebody else's fucking car but I took the chance I went against what I believe in dog I get in a fucking comfort zone like everybody else I'm a biggest pussy in the world we all get on a comfort zone and we don't want to do dick it took me fucking three years to get on the elliptical really is I've been going to the YMCA looking at people sweating dying what all over the place it takes

fucking years yeah to all fucking losers what the fuck it's just getting out there and doing something against the grain I go to acupuncture because it's against my fucking grain I like hanging out with people that don't get high like you because it's against my fucking grain plus I could talk to you that I'm gonna start eating edibles fucking when I'm bringing on today you should have seen I mean I don't want to I'll fucking stay you can't say that shit to me wait tell the story about you on the plane I'm on fucking Wednesday night but I don't need to know that that's got nothing to do with the fucking

price eggs yes it does I don't know I fucking don't try to give me these edibles and you were sweating for six straight hours I wouldn't wish it on my enemy you put a picture up and you're like this is a this is a bang bar and then she but you and he called me the next day and you're like dude I sweat for four straight hours I took I took my shirt off I did I drink 20 waters and let me tell you people a story and again not to sound like a fucking jerk off I don't want you to say well look at Joey's dropping no no all those years of flying with Rogan and going to the UFC I didn't know Ari did you told me that you

get mileage so every month I get these letters from Delta and the United and I would click them erase them and one day Ari's like why you're racing that those are your mileage reports I go what do you talk about my mileage so he goes you call fucking delting you tell him you got 50,000 miles and they'll give you a plane ticket this reef is tremendous listen listen to this listen to this motherfucker die in flame like a lobster that's how we do it here on the church what's happening now so I fucking I get my mouse from Delta like before the New Orleans movie okay and I called Delta and

I go yo what's going on I got these miles I don't want to go these four hours anything after three hours dog I'm a fat fuck I ain't gonna lie to you my shoulders get banged up okay from the back so I always get these miles like I call them like when I get first class they give me first class then they move the ticket so I had a first class ticket left over so I got the week in Miami nobody wants to fly for six hours and coaching Expedia in the back I don't mind if I'm going Arizona something close by Expedia with Oregon yeah in the back handcuffed looking around the room they give you a little container with cheese and crackers from

fucking 1920 so I got the first class ticket to Delta on the way down on the way down it was in the corner but it was a cheap ticket I had to switch them I'm not gonna lie to you people they put me on the fucking MOOC plan they gave me a red eye which I fucking hate yeah and on the way back they gave me a connecting flight to Atlanta so it's like moving up and then I still gonna go 18 hours across 10 I left I left Miami at 6 30 I wouldn't get to LA till 12 30 that's nine hours on a fucking flight or something like that right yeah well yeah cuz the time difference yeah 3 30 I wouldn't get to LA till 12 that means

I'd be fucking around with up Delta for nine hours I said fuck that shit when I got to the end by James so before I went to the I had the babysitter I went to the Epileptical yeah and I ate something I ate like a chuchu bar whatever Chiba bar yeah I'm kind of still fucked up in this joint this is tremendous reef of people one of the best refills here I've been smoking comes from no whole organic the PR OG whatever the house blend is sensational and I think it's 26 or 27% THC if you get a minute on Burbank Boulevard no organic it's $10 a gram 20 for a half-eighth I'm telling you right now look at this fucking

thing look at these buds you fucking look it sounds like I'm fingering some butter your finger a chick let me do an honor apartment stick a finger up your ass oh I like this leak some music I want to be around cocksucker oh shit 616 in the motherfucking morning 916 if you're on the East Coast banging it out this morning like a motherfucker little Tony Bennett here you go I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart look at a pill bottle I should fucking know how many years I've been listening to this fucking song it's a beautiful channel it's Monday morning wash your pussies in

your ass holes you don't what happens if you get kidnapped you're gonna have a stinky fucking pussy don't eat that shit and they pay ransom they fuck even the kidnappers want to stab because your ass knows they shit take a shower wash your feet get out there get your cereal couple jump leave let me see a couple of jumping jacks get these people to move yeah one jumping jack you know you got a friend told them playing story I have to win but I need a jumping jack come on get people excited one jumping jack just do one jumping jack and people do a fucking jumping jack they gotta get up you just juiced just one jumping jack

Funko Joe let's see this shit look at me the tooth like a savage I love it fucking Lee I love you cocksucker no dadables for you on Wednesday cuz you gotta do a jumping jack every show fits all right what we what we talking about here your flight to the flight so I get the fucking doubt the first off if you gonna fly to Miami they warn you before you go into Miami they just coach is shocking usually doubt the flies out of terminal five this thing the terminal six with nothing but fucking Spanish people with those people going to points Miami and South Columbia it's a terminals yellow they got guys selling

fruit in there they got a fucking mambo band it's hysterical it's just Spanish people fucking Spanish music all the restaurants are Spanish theme it's fucking crazy you go over there and I went I get on the plane I'm fine that's what I was taking pictures with my iPhone Johnny bananas and it hit me right there doing one of the pictures I'm like I'm pretty fucked up but this fucking camera where I put the camera away and the guy sitting next to me is no tough guy I can see had hung out on Santa Monica at some point in his life someone on the line he dressed up like a girl and took it up yes but I didn't give a fuck he was

a nice guy we talked how are you good what's going on it's a beautiful night yeah it's great we're on a red eye fucking thing was easy the other people on the plane nobody had a kid you know so all of a sudden she goes I'm gonna turn the lights off in the cabin because people want to go to sleep I put my little iPad on whatever fuck is on you I got a lot of your iPod I got my little Led Zeppelin the song is the same in the middle of fucking Moby Dick dog I just start sweating fuesiously I mean just wet and that's coming out of me I got the air on now you supposed to sit back I'm sitting straight up so the air

could hit me I think tightening my back put me in an extra fucking burning calorie situation I mean Lee I started sweating and sweating I'm looking at my collar how it's wet from here to here but not just wet it's like a puddle you go yeah that's how it was wet from the THC sweat no more and I'm a luffy a fucking sweat no luffy and I'm sweating my armpits as well I got the other I'm not stinking but finally I'm looking at this fucking iPhone an hour had passed and I'm sweating so I'm just sitting back closing my eyes now I'm starting to get really fucking high what I ate was the chibachu and a bang bar but I split

the bang bar in two I got the full effect of the sometimes I just eat all four squares of the gorilla this time I broke it in two and I got the the fucking the patrol the patrol I got the first I got high on the first batch then the second batch just pushed me off the fucking ledge so I must have been sitting under a heater the air was blowing out but I could feel warmth and next thing you know there's like 233 in the morning I'm looking around I haven't slept everybody's passed the fuck out I just took my shirt off just took my shirt off in first class and put the blanket up like my stomach and just sat there fucking

students went by I covered myself and I took a little gala wall that's how fucking high stop giggling come back embarrassing me that's how fucking I just love the image of you with your shirt off that's the second time I've had to take my shirt off on a fucking flight because of THC products wasn't like the last one on like a Southwest flight you were like facing some old women that's in the old days that's like ten years ago when we all flew with me Felipe Martin Moreno we all flew to Chicago and in those days every like Southwest had three places on the plane where you sat opposite each other yeah but this time

was way worse this time was four hours a constant sweating chest hairs all fucking wet I just love you like you're probably listening to like black Sabbath and blasting pounding water and you're holding the blanket up the phone first of all let's be honest with the people at home I took the earphones off after the first oh my god the music was taking me to somewhere I didn't need to be music and sweating and shit no just staring at the scene sitting on the fuckness and in one deep way all you staring at the fucking wall there was no movie that was not I don't know if there was a movie didn't that I was sweating

fucking horrible horrible I don't know how people do it you know what am I gonna tell you am I gonna tell you I'm not gonna let it bullshitting this is why I don't eat your I'm I know I'm about to have like a nervous breakdown from edibles like I'm about to paint and that's how I'm gonna quit I can feel already I can feel it this morning the residuals yeah cuz you had one yesterday freaking five o'clock when we're hanging out and I had the THC water the fucking the vitamin water that when you got home they got THC vitamin water it's just vitamins and straight up hundred and something fucking milligrams and you're

surprised why you fall asleep at ten o'clock at night I wanted to but last night I wanted to listen man one of the biggest mistakes I made as a as a young man was not to sleep as much as I was supposed to the fuck me up look at my face like a 90 fucking to I could look like Tom Jones but should happen should happen Lee yes most of us joining and make me smoke it over the morphine and fucking a seven by seven fucking lot here to the new camera and what's walking around barefoot while you're Sarah McLaughlin there together put your shoes on come what are you supposed to like you invite people over you got no

shoes on looking like fucking Jesus you're killing me a Jewish you know I'm saying let's give a shout out to some fucking savages out there it's Monday Lee where's the fucking music a Sam Puente Giancarlo de Tomo Jade Pittsburgh Bushero happy birthday cocksucker tell the kids the sniffy and nut sack Joe van X-men Jade Sackett for the diet Travis from fucking I don't even know what the from Travis from I don't fucking know he wanted me to teach people how to roll a joint cuz I'm a roll beautiful fucking joints and cron Jeremy in though I love you cocksuckers live podcast Wednesday night at the motherfucking ice

house Joe Rogan show in tennis a double-duty fucking death squad night get your tickets now cocksucker what else what else no I'm excited for Wednesday because you didn't you were I mean you were excited but I've been but I've been fucking you to do a live one since like we started no it was one of the questions just do it's in front of you and I we finally got one and it went well so you're now you're I think now you're excited why you bother me yeah that's always excited I'm excited it's a beautiful fucking day dog we got the world by the balls if you're young if you're old yet I'm 50 I'm fucking

excited I can't imagine being fucking 26 or 31 I'd be out there fucking stabbing motherfuckers can you imagine me I'm fucking 50 guys get your shit together all right I got fucking nothing but heat coming at you cock a little sweet leave something leave a little fucking ice cube today's a good something leave okay oh shit oh shit here we go mother fuckers I'm 50 thank god you're not I'm 50 I got no money in the bank you know I got no pension you motherfuckers got parents you live at home with mom and papa they make you pancakes like Denny's get it together get up wash your fucking nuts read a book write a fucking here we go

for the people just listening he's so high he said here you go and then he started looking up at the ceiling and pretending he was a bird like you know what's happening I finally got a call from the chick I want to dig up hooked it up for later oh fuck I even fucked up the Larry's I'm stoned but it's Monday cock suckers you know who's the guy who sings sweet Caroline what's his name the guy he came back to Boston and I don't know who it was because of the delay or something but he didn't know the words the sweet Caroline would you I told you to stop with sweet Caroline put fucking ice cube on what I didn't do he's a good thing to be alive he went by himself to sing it he didn't know the fucking word we

this is your sweet Caroline last week why are you staring at the joint part I love it like MJ today is a good day smoke some refill I just did by the way you got a fucking you're the worst you know that how am I the worst I don't want to hear that shit oh I love it oh shit let me see wiggle wiggle for the camera a little bit oh shit who's tried to pass me saw the police oh shit shake them up shake them up cocksucker make that protein shake get some fruit get some oatmeal wash your ass it's Monday hit it leave what the fuck Lee you killed this fucking joint killed it

I don't know what you did look at you I killed the dog you fucking mopped it what the fuck I'm never inviting you to a weed party ever again great good give a fuck got a good quality I had a good time in Miami stayed at the uh stayed at a couple weird hotel the Dorchester was tremendous I really had a good time with the Dorchester's like these all the hotels had like in 1920 and they just put a new wall up and scrubbed the floor it's amazing and they banged out a douche three a thousand a night it's fucking amazing yeah you call me like guess how much the water was twelve fucking dollars at the srs hotel at the bar twelve dollars for a bottle of 44 to park your fucking car overnight that's that for you people maybe you were crying about

a five dollar fucking valet you're really you really are Cuban you call me like guess how much the valet was your mother would have died your mother would have died because you were saying last week you went somewhere there's five fucking dollars let me tell you something I went to port of saguaro like a motherfucker that's the best port of saguaro okay oh I had to pick a deal the fucking criollo pick a deal with white rice black beans god damn and then I went back that same night with my buddies from paradise point and I got the Cuban steak with the raw onions with the rice black beans god you went to buy some one day oh shit fuck yeah then the next day I had this fucking Chinese salad lettuce cabbage I farted like a sabbath I farted on stage at the county

festival I thought my asshole was on fire like my pants are the nighted that's how hot the fart was you ever had one of those hot hot like that that's how it just I didn't know what I didn't know if my pants were on fire the audience was about to crack up like when we lit little bobby cow on fire have you ever had one of those farts like you do here on stage you look you shit your pants on stage no I'll fart if it's a loud fart like sometimes I'll fart and if it's not loud and it smells real bad I'll blame it on the audience like somebody in the audience yeah somebody in the front row you farted you nasty motherfuckers now I put them all at war one of the sometimes they have an explosion and I just stop them you understand me just stop them go hold on

shh bam and blow it out and they just died nobody's ever farted on stage that's uh you know whatever you're gonna shit your pants some people got class some people don't me I got no class never went to class I don't want to fucking have class I just want to be a motherfucking pimp like myself that's it it's fucking Monday what else you want to do you want to be a fakey and you know we don't fart you haven't fucking been with a chicken she don't fart it drives me crazy I want to hear you fart I want to be see you be human yeah I want to smell your shit I want to smell I want to go in the bathroom and know that you ate carrots for lunch yesterday oh this is like the conversation made yesterday you just try to gross me out believe you are I gotta tell you after our conversation

yesterday I had doubts about you I don't know I thought I was gonna have to drive you over the Santa Monica with some shorts on and flip up okay and make you dance with the boys and I thought about you and I figured out what it was I mean you're just young you know you've been living with mom at the house I'm a bus job it's my job to get you fucking going give me going you should have heard you on the phone with your uncle yesterday well he's on surgery you don't know it's going great I mean what the fuck you think uncles want to hear about everything you gotta tell him all this night tied up some chick last week and I stabbed that's what uncle's with dirty uncle she'd have a heart attack he don't have a heart attack you know I was telling Lee how I was thinking about

this after I left like we were talking about girls when they give you a blow job and they squeeze your nuts and some of them like they toss your salad eat your ass and stick a tongue in your fucking prostate and massage your fucking prostate you should have seen Lee's face he nearly died but let me tell you who's just as much of a prude as Lee is I am I'm even a bigger fucking prude I was thinking of my and I was thinking about leafism one night I was at my friend's house I must have been about 15 my mother was still alive early 15 late 14 and I wanted my dick to get sucked but I didn't want to check to suck it like that's I took that if a girl sucked your dick it was disgusting okay but there was this girl at my friend's house that she had sucked everybody's dick

and I was flirting with her a little bit and then she wanted to make out with me and while she was making out with me I was having a nervous breakdown thinking of all the dicks she sucked while we were kissing I went home and I put peroxide in my mouth spit it out and then I put listerine in my mouth it was on fire I almost had to go to the fucking dentist for two fucking days it was like putting that stuff I put on my dick to beat the blood test that's how prudish I was didn't let her suck my dick I didn't get my dick sucked I was out of high school Jesus like I didn't really get a good legitimate blow job it was at Louis Donato's massage parlor he got one of the chicks to suck all our dicks like a couple chicks I didn't lay down the massage bed he just did

us a fucking favor I was about 18 and 19 but that's how much of a prude I was but I was telling you that and this is a sad fucking statement the best and the most pussy I got was when I got left back in the seventh grade to freshman year that was when I got like all this weird pussy thrown at me that was young in high school I was telling him this morning I remember I was the finger bang this junior and she had so much hair in the pussy I didn't even know what the pussy of my hand would get caught in the fucking ass it was a talent delicious delicious it smelled like fucking garlic bread I like when that little monk has that wing to it so it was so weird how I was prudish I was very prudish but I thought I was good in bed I would eat your pussy and suck

your tits and suck your neck and that was it and I wouldn't let a girl suck my pipe and then I graduated high school and I moved to Colorado and I was I didn't I wasn't getting no pussy when I graduated high school I would get my yearly stabbing or two broads but not like guys that I ran with that we're getting chicks every fucking weekend I'd pick the victim up here and yeah yeah we could all pick a victim up if you throw enough spaghetti on the wall you're bumping to a chick though confused girl so I moved to Colorado and I was 19 yeah and the neighbor girl was delicious she was 29 or 30 and they were standing and she was from Milwaukee and she worked at a wine shop and she had a sister named Tina and they were both Italian like old school time yeah Tina

with sunbathe and you could see the pussy on her head through her bikini uh things like the yeah would come out of the sides like she was bald like when you're bald but you let your head grow that way that's how much hair she had on her fucking monkey and I had a little affair like a summer long affair with a 29 year old and Lee everything I was prudish against she flipped it like she's the girl that turned me on that's what I'm saying you know I think there's a difference between being prudish I mean like you gotta make a puke and then no fucking with your butt she also she goes you got a lot of endurance and you you you're a big strong guy but you're not fucking me right she goes you're gonna go through a thousand lives because they're all gonna leave

that's what it got she goes you gotta do certain shit pull my hand I wouldn't pull her hair I remember it took me fucking three weeks to pull her hair and she's like no I want you to pull my hand like fucking and then finally she pulled my hand I almost punched it and she was like I'm gonna fucking pull my hair like that and I didn't I couldn't believe it and she wanted me to smack her and fucking pick up her legs and through rip her clothes off and I would I could never rip a fucking girl's clothes off I used to rip her bra off then she'd make me tie her up and shit and fucking fuck her and take my dick out like she broke it down for me like you have to torment me if not chicks ain't gonna call again they want a guy to fucking torment them and run them in bed

and I'm telling you this yesterday he's looking at me like I remember her saying to me like listen when I was 19 or 20 I had an idea what I was my limitations were gonna be in bed and what I wasn't what I wasn't gonna do just for the things I had heard growing up that's happened in bed one thing I was never gonna have happened was a chick put two fingers up her ass or a dildo or whatever I'm 50 fucking years old nobody's put a dildo in my ass but I have had a couple fingers on my little puke walk and I'll tell you why it's not bad if the chick does it correctly again that girl there we got a call coming in there you go I'll finish this part too all right what's up baby top of the morning to you top of the morning to you on the line is

fucking director extorting there tremendous kid all around my man billy corbin what's happening baby I've never been described as fucking director before that that was an outstanding introduction you never been what never been described as fucking director tremendous tremendous dog cocaine it's funny because you meet people like we were supposed to we were supposed to meet on the rogan podcast you got caught up doing something I didn't get to meet you and all of a sudden we meet last weekend in Miami and it's like we've known each other for 15 fucking years dude you bailed me out on on rogan is what happened if you remember correctly you bailed me out I sold rogan out not intentionally but I was shooting in in uh in hollywood on this new project we have

listen to me I'm so hollywood all of a sudden um the only hollywood I've ever known my life is hollywood florida right with the old people getting sun and all of a sudden I'm shooting a a documentary in a in a studio in hollywood California and I never get out there and Joe said you know when you get out there call me and you'll come on the podcast so I'm out there he books me on the podcast and of course what is it like you know three four o'clock in the afternoon and I gotta drive to Pasadena right because that's convenient so so I realized there's no way I can make it because we're interviewing these really incredibly spectacular cool and famous people on this documentary all of whom are more important than I am and are more important in my podcast

schedule and I totally screw up and I'm blowing up Joe's phone texting him I'm like I can't make it I can't make it and I'm so sorry and uh you always looked at that was like the highlight of my trip was going to be you know on the show with Joe and he gets it so late that he's all ready to go you know he blasted out on twitter that he's got this podcast that I'm coming on the show and he discovers I can't make it and you managed to I don't know how you did it but you're a morning person so you're up all the time right yeah no and it's not even that like one thing I understand about life and living out here most people cannot deal with is that your life changes by the minute especially when your job you know you're working with artists

or talent as they call them and you're on their fucking schedule and these motherfuckers at that range of talent they could show up anywhere from 20 minutes late to three hours late and it's acceptable out of here me I fucking wrap everything up I put 15 minutes and tell you to go suck my dick but people do that but I've always been a fan what's that well we we do docs usually in the world of of athletes um or or in this case hip hop and that's a whole other schedule unto itself now you grew up in Miami you're all the way Miami boy all the way I was born actually in a place called Fort Myers Florida okay which is now famous for being called the Dunk City because it's it's where Florida Gulf Coast Gulf Coastal University is where it's all of a sudden had a had a contender

this year in the NCAA tournament and so now people know it is Dunk City we used to call it meth city because that's pretty much what it's known for um other than uh other than now a basketball team but I was born there and my my grandfather was involved in building a one of the first like you know suburban subdivisions there like a planned community and one of the first things they did and I'm now like one two years old literally but one of the first things they did was they they paved a grid so all that was out there before they broke ground on the first house was out against perfectly yet he's perfectly paved roads no stop sign in the middle of the swamp just this beautiful grid of streets and corners and intersections and so what he told me they used

to do is they would go out in the morning to a building site when they started to develop the uh the property and they'd find airplanes abandoned on these stretches of road because there was just this beautiful straightaway of paved road with nobody around or no lights or no anything no patrol no police no nothing so drug smugglers used to use these roads as uh landing pads and that was sort of my first exposure to to what was actually going on in florida when i was growing up and then when i was about two three years old my family moved to miami and i and i've been here that was 1980 81 and i've been here ever since my god my god and i finally got i not only did i finally get to meet you in miami which is a beautiful thing

but i have a feeling you know there's probably a lot of people out there i mean obviously everybody listening knows you but i don't know if they've all seen you live and i got the privilege to see that happen this past weekend at the south beach comedy festival and it was a thing of beauty i told you this already but i want to say it you know on the record that you know watching you work it was like it was like watching a great jazz musician jam or watching a visual artist paint a masterpiece you don't go up there until jokes not that i don't i love and admire all stand-up comics anybody with the balls and the talent to get up there and put it all on the line in front of a a group of people who are judging you and deciding whether or not you're funny or talented it takes a lot of

balls and i admire that a hundred percent from anybody in the game but you're not one of these guys who just gets up and tells jokes which in of itself is a hard thing you get up and tell stories or a raccoon tour and and and the the comedy comes from the storytelling and i just i don't know i loved watching you work and i think anybody who hasn't seen you live has got to go somewhere and and watch you do your thing as soon as possible because it's it's really it's really incredible and just and and just my girlfriend was listening to the the bit about when you start the bit about your cat and everything gets so melancholy and quiet in the theater i mean just just the risk of that and just the the balls that it takes to say okay i'm gonna now fashion you know 15 minutes of

my actor however long it is around you know my cat who passed who we had to put down and passed away it's just i don't know it for me it was like watching an artist at work and it was hilarious obviously but still very touching and very moving and i i don't know i was really taken with the whole show and i and i thank you for coming down to uh to miami beach and entertaining us all man listen for starters you blew my mind with that because for starters i'm stoned and i can't handle that type of shit when i'm straight and you're telling me this but thank you very much how'd you do at the cannabis cup this weekend you know i didn't go i didn't go i came home and i just that's in denver and uh but i'm trust me i've been stoned ever since i landed i was stoned the whole time

man somebody gave me a piece i thought maybe you were in competition with your new strain uh uh what's it called caligula juice caligula juice no i'm not your new strain somebody gave me a hash in miami i mean it was a great experience but i tell you i gotta i gotta point this out i i looked at you know i watched cocaine cowboys i got the mark roberts book who was a fucking interesting guy told you and your girlfriend that reading the first three chapters of my mark i related he was in jersey he lost his parents and he had somebody that took him on the wrong side of the tracks like cover his back while he was on the road so i related a lot to mark uh john john roberts i'm sorry i'm like i said i'm fine but it's so weird that when i looked at the films

you had worked on you have uh you walk on a very tight line which i fucking love in a director while i was down there on the radio i do the spiel about directors so they don't have any more balls they all learn the same shit in fucking uh directing school and they think because they shoot the guy flicking his his ash on the thing that's avant garde and that's what people want to see know people want to see the fucking truth and that's what you did with cocaine cowboys you know forget cocaine cowboys just the documentary the 30 30 on the u of n i was blown the fuck away i knew what was going on and you left shit out you left the fucking shit that you couldn't fucking say out but you walk such a fine line with it and that's what art is about that's why i don't like

soft art i want your shit to push something i want to go to bed and go you know what fuck billy you know i have an idea for cocaine cow he missed this or i missed this in my act and that's what i love about you with your films man that is fucking amazing a few things to say about it the first thing is i think you're right about as you put a directing school you know film school trains auctuers which essentially means i don't like to borrow that line um the vincent price said in it auto premises laura from 1944 the class he said he said i don't know a lot about anything but i know a little about everything and while that's kind of helpful in this world of you know technology and you know being able to to shoot a little bit and to edit a little bit and to

upload to the internet a little bit while while that's helpful it still doesn't necessarily create the most well-rounded or educated or uh artistically inclined uh kind of director and i think you're right people look for the tricks or the shortcuts and our company we need our company raconteur uh phonetically r-a-k-o-n-t-u-r because you know it's a french word that means one who tells stories with skill and that's what we wanted to do we didn't care what the format was whether it was a a feature documentary or a short film or a podcast or whatever it is we just wanted to to tell stories and mostly we were committed to nonfiction because as you well know uh with your extraordinary life truth is always stranger than fiction and and if you can just tell people a story

that is what i mean that's literally the oldest art form is storytelling and that is what people would gather around the fire to hear that's what people would paint on the side of fucking caves i mean it was all about storytelling that's what art was that's what performance was that's what visual art uh was and and to us that that is the that is the the form of art that will endure forever no matter how the technology changes no matter how the world changes around us people want to hear stories true or or fiction you're a beautiful man you caught me rolling but no no but even with cocaine cowboys like when i first watched that here i am you know off coke uh four years i didn't really give a fuck about it anymore i knew what i had bought

into 30 years ago and i'm watching your documentary eddie bravo dear friend the big fan of your documentary calls me and tells me how i gotta watch this and i'm watching this and i do remember the dayland shit you know and i didn't know i didn't know who that woman ever was i didn't know who she was and just to watch you guys talk about this and i'm sitting there i knew all about miami from like i said i was telling uh lili lili the flying jew my co-host and producer how you know i watched uh i used to go to miami as a young kid so for me going home this last weekend it means a little more than me going to miami i just don't let it out i'm sentimental the whole time because i could have ended up living in miami later on when my when my mom passed so

here you come how do you how do you feel out of curiosity when you come to miami today i mean it's changed so much right since your childhood i mean how do you feel coming your in terms of seriously seeing the new skyline and everything and and how it's changed there's two sides of my story one i like what as a as a cuban american i like what they've done down there when i used to go down there as a kid it gave me pride that i was cuban that they had put together this beautiful little city this is what it was before 1980 it was a community of cuban people my mom didn't like it because she said that she didn't want to hear the cubans crying about what had happened she wanted a new life me i like that i still like going down to kaya ocho and seeing

the old cuban guys playing dominoes it's become like little idly now in a sense but the thing is still there you know on the other side of the coin i'm always excited to go to miami but i tell you what i have pain in those words billy because like i told you yesterday i had a godfather who i love dearly dearly dearly uh and he you know raised me a little bit till i was about 10 or 11 you know i would spend summers with him and uh then he ended up getting locked up for something he had done 10 years earlier so it was a big lesson to me in life i never wanted to get locked up at a later age and when he came out he basically lost everything but he lost himself and i remember when uh the hurricane in 91 what was it or 91 andrew andrew i contacted him after being embarrassed and uh

because he found that i was doing drugs and shit and he told me never to call him again and i remember doing andrew i contacted him and he was living in a fucking trailer and i hung up the phone and bawled for hours because i remember the home he had he was like your grandfather he took communities of alligators and swamp you know broke him down with a fucking caterpillar and then built five houses on a block once he would build the five houses he'd sell them and we'd move into another a new subdivision you know so that's what miami offers me i don't let the last time i performed their kids showed up the daughter jackwell and who my mother baptized and then he's gina this time i didn't make real contact with them and i

think it was because of the pain i still have that's what i have when i go to miami reminds me of a painful time like if that guy was still alive i would have probably spent the weekend at his house even though he would have probably been 80 by now well i i think that's really the the the interesting impact of of and the legacy of drugs uh in this country is that it not only ruined lives from the standpoint of addicts and now by the way i mean when when cocaine with that was at its peak we had about two deaths a week in miami dade county from cocaine now we're seeing as many as seven deaths a day from oxy and that really affects you know young people and and uh and and people who are getting hooked on a drug that they're not getting into for for party purposes or recreational

purposes but because they're addicted to these terrible drugs and and you see people's lives not only get ruined by that but you know we did a documentary called square grouper the godfathers of ganja which is kind of an unofficial prequel to cocaine cowboys it's about you know the the more jimmy buffett laid back priority pot hauling uh smuggling days of miami of the 70s when shit wasn't so real you know like it got with the columbians in the 80s but but what you saw was lives and families american families being destroyed by the prohibition of marijuana you know that's in that's in a way what you're also talking about is that you know what when when your godfather went away um that was really the destruction in a way or the breakdown

of of above an important element of your family and i think that's really where america's got to look at itself in the mirror uh and and and start talking seriously about how we are how we are free and how we protect ourselves and and and what's really important about how we fill our jails uh what for at at great expense not only to the taxpayers as far as the uh the economic impact of the of of the prison system but what we're doing what we do to the american family and what we do to uh you know these millions of people that we lock up who for victimless crimes for nonviolent offenses over uh weed or or or some drugs that that recreational users that that essentially responsible consenting adults are voluntarily purchasing and putting into their

into their bodies i mean it's it's a it's a scary it's a scary thing when i think when i go back through you know just recent past and and my lifetime i mean three decades at plus uh and and and you see just the lives that have been destroyed not just by drug use but by prohibition by the families that have been that have been torn apart for no reason over over what and and and for what and i think that's i think that's uh you know along with this you know the gay rights issue that's going on right now these are sort of the contemporary civil rights issues of our time right now i think that's what it is are we gonna start treating people fairly unjustly in a system that are that our forefathers had had designed and intended or are we gonna say fuck it and continue

to put our heads in the sand and start seizing people's properties and and liberties and freedom over some weed yeah what i think i think we're the real crossroads in this country about that because it's it's demographic i think the way people think about this kind of stuff and and i think we're getting to a point where you know people are uh are dying off literally of a generation that have these archaic beliefs that are literally like it's like neanderthal thinking like we're just gonna lock everybody up it's like for what poison ivy is more dangerous than weed you know how are we gonna how are we gonna continue to destroy people's lives in this country over this and i think we're i think we're almost there i hope we're almost there you know i loved

about you that you weren't opposed or as a director if they if they show you you know if i saw a picture of who i thought directed cocaine cowboys i i pictured a white dude with earrings and tattoos and fucking spiked hair and he hung out with three black dudes who were thugs and you know and here you walk in this uh very intelligent mild-mannered jewish-american kid that i love to death and i look at you and i go what gave you the balls and the permission to shoot cocaine cowboys what inspired you what made you say i got to get this fucking story out there because people have to know it well same thing with the you it was my childhood uh that's what it was uh it was my story it was a story did you ever do blow billy what is it have you ever done blow i had never

even taken a hit off a joint god fucking bless you i'm drug-free this is what i'm saying why would a guy i you know i'm saying when if i expected the guy from cocaine cowboys coming sniffling yeah like uh yeah i'm sorry i'm 35 minutes late but you showed up uh you know you're up early you do the work what made you go after such a fucking controversial subject like i said it's it's this it's the story of my community it it explains so much from from my childhood and memories that i have of miami growing up that that uh i had questions about as a kid that your parents just can't answer when the answer is drugs and drug money to every to every question that you have about the mysteries of growing up in miami in the 1980s and and so as a kid uh in miami um i was aware of things

but not on the level obviously that i'm aware of now uh having asked questions having done the research having worked on the movies uh but i remember my most distinct memory is money when i say money i mean wealth i mean we were in a you know middle-class neighborhood in north miami beach uh single-family homes uh hard-working people um but in the 80s in miami everybody had a little bit more everybody had just a little bit more money you'd walk around or ride your bike around this neighborhood and you would see in front of these modest homes there'd be a Porsche there or there'd be someone working on building a second story on to the house everybody had a little extra cash and so they were they were spending it in some way they were reinvesting

it actually in in in the community and these weren't people who are in the drug business mind you but these this was definitely the trickle-down effect of the drug economy in miami because you had people who were uh real estate uh developers or car dealers or they sold wine you know they were grocers uh or they worked at luxury hotels as managers or bartenders or or bell hops and everybody had a little bit extra cash and i i heard a story the girl who cuts my hair um the woman who cuts my hair she she's been cutting hair for decades down here and she said to remember back in the 80s you know how you get your hair cut and and on your way out the door you kiss her goodbye and you put your tip and you know you put the tip in her pocket you know so

she would get home at the end of the night and she'd empty her pocket with pockets with all the tips in it and she would find a little baggie of white powder and she said she was so naive at first she had to ask her friend she was what the hell is this like you know what that is that's worth more than gold that's better than a tip in in cash but that's what miami was like miami was a town that was just was just pumping and the wheels were going round on this cocaine economy on the wheel we had tourism which is the number one legitimate industry down a miami date that was generating you know a billions of dollars a year but cocaine was generating billions more than what tourism was generating in in the 1980s so this was a very real cash oriented

undeclared income economy that i remember i recognized everywhere around me i didn't know what it meant because i was in single digits at that time but later on in life it was like well well what is this all about and then you watch cocaine cowboys and you see all of that horrible local news footage you know of the just the murder and the mayhem and that was the shit that i grew up watching i mean i remember sitting at the kitchen table at you know five o'clock in the afternoon on a weeknight which is the worst you know when mom's steaming the vegetable you know making dinner and you're sitting there doing your homework you're like oh shit it's another god damn weeknight i gotta go to school again tomorrow and and i just remember that feeling

in my stomach and what it smelled like and what it looked like and there was this little tv we had a small tv in the corner of the kitchen that my mom would have on the local news and that was those were the sights and sounds and images that i grew up with dead bodies on the streets you know i mean 25 percent of the corpses in the date county medical examiner's office had automatic bullet fire wounds in them i mean that was the level of carnage and warfare that was going on on the streets here in miami you could really liken it to uh chicago today um were you know for oakland uh today or really even little hady uh and parts of miami to this to this day but it was a daily occurrence that you would see multiple uh corpses with multiple gunshot wounds often from

automatic gunfire and right away everybody knew what that was and everybody kind of shrugged it off as just oh yeah another drug gang another drug war and uh when we put it all together in the movie i'll never forget this we we obtained literally dozens of hours of local news footage from you know for practically a decade in miami and i remember watching it all together because it's one thing when you're watching it one night at a time consuming it as a kid you know in real time you don't quite put it together you don't synthesize it so with the movie we're going to synthesize this and and and put it into some historical perspective and i'm watching this footage and it's just you know hour after hour of of of blood and carnage and drug wars and and

i'll never forget i called my mother up this is while we're working on on cooking cowboys in like 2005 or so i called my mother up and i said what the fuck were you thinking raising children here in miami in that time period and she kind of kind of chuckled and and said well there was a certain disconnect uh from what was going on and and and uh uh that in terms of the drug wars and and the neighborhood we were in uh and that's the thing about miami that people don't realize is there's a misconception that miami is a melting pot and we're not a melting pot at all i liken us much more to a tv dinner where sometimes the peas fall over into the mashed potatoes but for the most part we are highly compartmentalized so there is the the jewish neighborhood the

the Haitian neighborhood the even on the beach you have a venezuela neighborhood a brazilian neighborhood an argentinian neighborhood everybody separate of cuban communities all all around but everybody's really separated here and and and feels this disconnect with what's going on elsewhere in the community and that's really unhealthy uh because especially today i mean in the last four years we've had about 99 kids under the age of 18 who have died uh uh it had been shot and killed and that's like a new town connecticut massacre every single year for four straight years and that's happening mostly in the inner city and african american uh communities in miami and you go outside those neighborhoods and people don't care

and people don't seem to realize that that whatever's going on in miami reflects on all of us and reflects on everybody just like the cocaine wars people people didn't go oh well that's only happening in mainland or that's only happening in little hirvana or that nobody outside of miami compartmentalizes like that they they hear anything palm beach or south and they just say miami it's going on in miami and that's what gives us but you know this dangerous kind of reputation which sometimes works in our favor and other times i think reflects really badly on on you know the level of responsibility and corruption and safety general safety i think of of tourists and and citizens here and and and it's tough to get people to care about that because

we have really what do they say they say uh los angeles is the place you go when you want to be somebody new york's where you go where you when you are somebody and miami's where you go when you want to be somebody else so that kind of mentality really informs us uh down here we have a transient population with no institutional memory very little indigenous uh industry outside of what's the next hustle you know we sell sunshine down here we sell a dream it's not really anything real you know it's it's it's a lot like la in that way we sell uh you know we we just sell a dream we sell sunshine and and uh it's not enough to say that we're a real a real place or a real city um even though i think it's turning into that now it's starting to become a little bit

more legitimized but i think that's only true in in recent years not not in decades past to take this back for a minute billy uh you know i used to go to miami from probably 70 on and i really have to tell you this and i know you heard this during cocaine cowboys and you know when you're uh investigating on what happened you know when i tell people now the cocaine surge that came into this country is much like what i'm watching now in la with the medical marijuana how you know there's putting two stores next to each other now on the same block but what people have to Miami was a beautiful place billy billy yeah i loved going as a child that we would go to the castaways and there was a string of beaches and you jump the fences and

went from pool to pool and you cross the street and went to the new port and across the street from that were all these boats as a kid for me i lived on 205 west 88th street and i lived in north bergen new jersey had come down there and i got to tell you something after 76 of some was when uh it was whenever the eagles released one of these nights was my last summer down there and i went back years later like maybe 82 i went back with some friends to go down there to go to the beach and i'll never forget beside the sea what happened to south miami it wasn't just a cocaine billy it was also the pack of cubans that came in in 79 you know uh scarface said they released 125 000 and a percentage of them those people that came in eight in 79 that was a different

breed of human being i don't know what came in the on the fucking raps and i don't know what comes in on a daily i'm telling you what came in 79 i remember a specific story of a guy i had grown up with his name was andres garcia andres garcia ended up dying in a prison because he shot up uh the galaxy towers and there was two children in there he was one of those guys that set up those fake drug deals way before 84 he was doing this shit in the late 70s my mother was tight with him and he had a brother poopy who had come up from cuba in that 79 thing and he had come up uh no he came up before that and he had become a millionaire in miami selling coke but he also had an air condition refrigeration guy and i guess he hired uh i guess he hired his nephews when they came from

cuba so the brother andres was living by me and his younger brother poopy was in miami well when the nephews came they found that the guy was a millionaire not only did they shoot him they ran over his fucking body with a car they lit him on fire i mean these people this was a different breed of violence add the fucking columbia add the fucking cocaine to that animalism because i remember running with those at that time i was as distant as a cuban as could ever be my mother had been dead four years i was living with italians i was running with italians north bergen had a couple of the cuban kids but i wasn't in contact with them it wasn't till 85 that i went to san francisco where i met a bunch of cubans up there there was a small cuban community and they

were selling drugs and they were fucking they put h into the word hustle these guys were amazing they were dark skin cubans i had never seen that these were darker than fucking black people in atlanta and mempers i mean these were black fucking cubans and they were savages i gotta be honest with you my people were savages well 1980 itself was absolutely devastating devastating and then the country has to this is 32 years ago this was a complete different animal well you had a heart i think from april to october i think is when the mario boat lift occurred you had about 125 000 people uh that came over many of them just freedom loving folks hardworking folks who wanted to escape uh you know the horrendous conditions of the island and then you have

that as many as 25 percent maybe more maybe less were these hardened cold calculating criminals and not just like people that had i don't know you know shoplifted no no no this was from bodega this was the and where they had come from they had come from a prison called immoral they had come from these prisons where it makes like the worst like attica look like a fucking daycare some of these prisons do you know they had to walk around naked in some of these prisons right with a whole dangerous of course they're fucking and i remember my mother hooked up with a guy that was my stepfather in reality was my father to me this guy was the most dangerous cunning man i had ever met in my life but he was in a cuban prison for years from being a young ego he was part of

an abaqua uh a little cuban uh secret long charming community they don't eat pussy you know they slice your ass with a razor there's still a little amount of them left in uh miami but not the old g's are gone you know at least you know what happened was immediately the mario letos as they call them uh gravitated towards miami beach because ocean drive looked a lot like havana you know it had that vibe you know you chill out on the on the broad walk by the seawall or you'd be you know be by the beach so it had that same vibe so immediately all these mario letos started showing up in miami beach which was mostly a community of old jewish retirees many of whom were holocaust survivors living in these horrendous efficiencies you know for 125 bucks a week on a

fixed income from social security they would go to the to the shopping uh the center of the um the market and they would deliberately bruise the fruit so they could go to the manager and ask for a discount on the bruised fruit like this is what was going on in miami beach it's very much like people remember from from scarface from the ocean drive scene and the next thing you know you have these mario letos come in and suddenly vicious violent crimes this is robberies rapes and murders practically quadruple in one year from you know from 80 to 81 to 82 you're talking about the most horrible crimes not just you know petty crime but i'm talking about literally elderly jewish women who survived Auschwitz being raped and left for dead in alleyways of what we now

know is south beach you know one of the hottest destinations and and and tourist uh traps in this is what was going on there you had flop houses uh that the police would show up to they'd be called to show up to seven eight nine times a day where they would come in and two mario letos got into a fight one guy stabbed the other and the police would show up then 45 minutes after the police left they'd get another call another guy got stabbed and killed i heard a story that never made any of the cocaine cowboys movies but from a guy who was working as a as an er doctor at jackson memorial at the time i believe was the only trauma center in south florida so that's where all the you know that the gunshot wounds and and and the victims would go and he had a mario

leto come in uh in late 1980 early 81 and the guy had been shot a single gunshot wound and he said to the to the guy in the er he said my god man if this bullet had hit you literally centimeter or so uh further up you would have died instantly and and then the next day the guy was gone from the hospital and that night another mario leto comes in shot in exactly the spot where this er doctor told the other guy that he would die instantly if he was shot there so it was his belief that the mario leto who who he had treated the day before and saved that this guy went out in retaliation and shot his his uh you know the guy who had shot him in exactly the spot that the doctor had essentially recommended in an effort to cause instant death and this is just this was

just part for the course this was just a typical night i mean if you were a lawyer or a homicide detective or a medical examiner or an emergency room doctor or nurse miami was ground zero you could not get any better on the job training in those line in that line of those lines of work um then then you could in in uh in miami florida and and you know what happened was is that in the 1960s late 50s early 60s the president had signed an order that said that the purposes we all know cia is supposed to operate internationally and the fbi is because the domestic you know federal police department in those days so you know we didn't have homeland security and all that stuff so the president signed an order that declared miami foreign soil for the president cia

operation and now it's spot on stuff i'm losing you i'm losing you are you moving around i didn't i thought you it sounds like you're moving around oh yeah i'm always moving around should i stop yeah stop moving around yeah it was great you were going on a they signed an order in 1950 yeah it declared the president declared miami foreign soil for the purpose of cia operations and that's what justified you know operation mongoose all of the uh training camps out in the everglades and on elliott key uh that jm wave jm wave was the largest uh cia station outside of langley it was located by by what is now zoom miami used to be metro zoo what they call the university of miami south campus that was cia's largest base outside of langley and the cia in

miami miami dade county was called just date or metro date in those days they were the number one employer in the county nobody no organization or company employed more people in dade county in the sixties than the cia did and they owned everything your front front businesses store fronts anything you can imagine that people were employed quote unquote unofficially or officially by and the cia was training cubans to go back into cuba as we know what resulted really in the disastrous bay of pigs invasion but the cia was miami dade miami dade was the the cia uh through the 1960s and then what you had happened was uh after uh john f kennedy's assassination you started to have that that program those programs wind down and then you had a lot of

uh cubans who were out of work who had been trained by the cia in myriad skills uh none of which were really helpful in the job force unless you wanted to become wallah a drug smuggler so a lot of the cubans who had been trained by the cia moved immediately into marijuana smuggling initially because they had boats they were trained in in in night operations in all sorts of cloak and dagger type stuff to go in and out of cuba uh under the cover of night uh to infiltrate uh to set up uh you know to liaise with the rebels and set up various uh kinds of operations that that that ultimately led to uh to the bay of pigs and so these guys become marijuana smugglers and marijuana gives away to to cocaine of course because if you're going to take that kind of risk

uh you might as well uh profit uh from it because you know the marijuana was not nearly smuggling it was not nearly as profitable as uh as cocaine was at that time just based on supply demand of course the size of the product the weight of the product the the cost uh uh of the product i mean you had uh at that time what the columbians realized is that they were trading off to the cubans the cubans would were the the transportation guys who are smuggling it in and out of columbia and bringing it to miami and you could get a kilo of cocaine in columbia in late 70s early 80s for about five thousand dollars uh you know standing in a in a marina or in a uh a some dirt road pseudo uh landing strip in in in columbia but the problem was

is that not the problem or the thing was is once you got that kilo to miami it was worth fifty thousand dollars how much the same kilo that was five grand in columbia was fifty grand over here so the plummet alone holy shit what are we what are we doing we need to get to the transportation business we'll pay uh some third party uh some independent contractor like monkey monday for example for cocaine cowboys we'll pay these guys you know a thousand dollars fifteen hundred two grand a kilo to smuggle it over here and turn it over to our guys that we put there on the ground which is basically like fedex or ups or dhl delivering from you know apple in china to apples retail stores in america that they set up all over the place and that's what the columbians that the columbians

oh opened and operated a multi-billion dollar court international corporation with with uh retail or why should they wholesale outlets all over america and florida was the major uh the major point of entry obviously because for the most part you could get away with uh with anything you want to know they say the great thing about miami is it's so close to the united states so they were able to function in miami as an offshoot of south america really of you know cuba north or or or columbia north and and they were able to to really while the dea was distracted with marijuana and heroin they were able to build an infrastructure for a multi-billion dollar as i said multinational corporation based on a product that was 100 against against the law

it's really a remarkable unbelievable we talked about that yesterday made a point of that that you were like they did all this but it was illegal yeah i mean imagine you're a businessman you've created your product you know you've got this great invention where you think that you know people are going to love this invention because it's it's widgets whatever the hell you it's an ipod an ipad whatever it is but your challenge as a great you know because you know you can have all the great ideas you want if you can't market it effectively if you can't distribute it effectively get it into the right stores get into the hands of the of the taste makers who will uh who will basically encourage other people to say well shit if i want to be cool i got to have an ipod if i

want to be cool i got to have a widget i got to do cocaine because that's all the cool kids ask lee lastly we leased the producer of the podcast and i was telling him i did the joke on the last podcast about how one of the one of the testicle testaments on how cocaine back then was sunglasses to those uh lebron james glasses today that's it was it was something that you've never saw before everything was two dollars like i told you yesterday weed was a nickel bag thc crystal was ten dollars uh heroin was five dollars nickel bags were five dollars all of a sudden this drug cocaine came and no fucking sample no nothing it was a hundred a gram and it made you feel and look doing it like i'm not being a kid and but here's where you're correct

billy here's the beauty of it you're talking about homes and how this affected homes and families somebody put a bullet and my my mom had that bar from 1964 on in 1966 my dad died remember my dad was a cuban committee man the first cuban committee man and you didn't say in new jersey i.e. he was selling heroin with the jews on the lower east side he got that heroin money and opened up a cuban sandwich place in 55 at the time those people those politicians decided that when you came into miami there was a big billboard that said unit city new jersey number one in embroidery so the cubans that didn't stay in miami went to unit city and it became this big cuban community of embroideries and then from uh seven street

in unit city to 48th street it was a cuban neighborhood you name it they had even the movie theater was fucking cuban seen it don't he uh the movies were in spanish with english subtitles fucking tremendous 1970 billy here's what the cubans had put together in unit city my mother sold the cafe and opened up a bar after my dad passed uh from snorting the fucking heroin in 66 and he was a cuban committee man uh they didn't sign his death certificate he left a prudential policy for me which i never collected because the death certificate was never signed the the guy in unit city they put him in a cask and they shipped him back to cuban to fucking bury him before the word got out uh my mother opened up you know she kept the bar open

and she shut it because uh like you know later on the 70s cubans started to come up to violent ones with the coke after my mother's bar closed she needed a way to make a different income and i remember i would go to the basement we had a garage and then there was a stairway down the basement in our house where there was like a little bar and i would do karate down there and there was a boiler room and in the boiler room next thing you know started appearing those bean sacks you know those coffee sacks coffee bean the big ones and i would look at them and they'd be weed so for about six months there was always weed and i knew the guy that would come over with his wife and they'd open up the garage and they'd close it and they'd do whatever they'd

do and i'd be upstairs making believe counting my chops because i would take that weed and sell it at wholesale prices so every time the guy came my mom would come up to me a week later and go did you were you downstairs no why weren't you you sure no and then she'd fucking scratch her head and one day she finally told me the weed this guy's leaving always leaves here light you don't smoke weed i'm like come on i don't do drugs i'm a jock but that weed like in the summer of 79 was in existence no more now that weed had become cocaine right i would go downstairs and it was just bales of coke bales of coke and one day i finally yeah finally in october 79 i took some i was petrified of it finally i took some and i brought it to high school and i did it at one

of the parties and again my mother came upstairs and said did you touch that fucking coke no i didn't but that's what happened the weed went away it became it disappeared coke took over who the fucks and i put a a bail of coke that you're gonna make a certain profit on to a little envelope of coke which i'm gonna make the same fucking profit well it just made good business sense i mean it really was just a natural evolution of the business and of course uh you know what happened did uh did uh uh disco come first and then the drugs or did the drug trends uh change uh and then the music changed but that's what also what happened is that the music the music changed and drug trends are are cyclical you kind of have decades that are defined by certain drug trends you know

you have the psychedelics of of the uh of the sixties moving into to the more heroin age and and marijuana age of the seventies the cocaine of the eighties the nineties it kind of came around again to the sixties uh drugs i remember being in school you know kids were doing mushrooms and acid and then of course ecstasy uh uh came up in the uh you know it was completely popularized and in the nineties and then i just think it's interesting of course marijuana is a bit of a perennial you know that marijuana is always it's a mainstay it's it's always a trend but but financially in terms of where the business goes that there is a cyclical trend to to drugs that i find really compelling you know we did a seventies marijuana documentary with square

grouper we did the eighties cocaine documentary with with cocaine cowboys and we did this nineties ecstasy doc about the limelight uh i just saw that you know i used to go to the limelight did you the the church in chelsea the church in chelsea i used to go there i went to a uh xm i didn't know you did the limelight i just watched it with the guy with the fucking ipad yeah i did that one yeah that's a great fucking thing too and and studio how studio cleaned up and it became all those clubs and you know the underground and i used to always go to the other one too webster hall you know i used to go to something i mean it wasn't my but you know what's crazy i thought about the limelight i did think about copping there it was really easy to

cop there and in those days i was into ludes and the fucking bull i didn't know you did limelight too you cuckuck i did yes it's been on showtime uh yeah i've been watching it's been it was on yesterday and in the afternoon it was on yesterday and uh yeah we really was on yeah because square grouper was on that was a big uh a big day for me on showtime yesterday for 421 well then i watched fucking square grouper listen billy i'ma tell you something man uh i've been involved in podcasts in three years and you blew my mind today you're one of the best guests i've been around the only thing is there's not enough fucking time for you i need you for six hours we got to do like a u-stream billy fucking with it with cameras and we'll charge five bucks like a pay-per-view event

you're uh you're knowledgeable intelligent and just a pleasure to fucking be around i want to do something with you man i got a thousand stories i want to bring to life i like to shoot a special with you and we could shoot it in miami or jersey or whatever i mean uh the flying jew my man is here for you you're a fucking genius i see that but how old do you know i'm four how old 34 you're uh you're a young man man you got the world by the balls and you got a sense of danger and that's that's what you're selling miami sell sunshine you sell fucking danger you bring danger into people's lives just for one hour you know you know how straight you know how strong that is that you make me ship bricks for one fucking hour what kind of bricks the lucrative kind of bricks

now do me a favor email me the the uh the movie about the frat and i can have you back on i want to talk about that with uh absolutely you gotta just mention it raw deal just mention it to me mention it to people what it's about absolutely it's called raw deal a question of consent that was our first movie we were 22 years old we were the youngest filmmakers in the history of sun dance in those days uh and it was about the alleged rape of a stripper at a fraternity house at the university of florida in gainsville and the entire night's events this was in the spring of 99 semester it was all caught on videotape by not one but two frat boys with video cameras and the videotape footage wound up in the public record and we use it in the movie to reconstruct

the evening's events you hear from the stripper from the frat boys and then you see the video footage and what makes it so compelling is that you've got reasonable people who watch the video and watch the documentary and they disagree passionately about whether or not that the sexual activity that that you witness in the movie is consensual or not i mean you'll literally split the audience in half or half the people say that was a rape and the other half of the people go bullshit that was consensual sex and everybody's watching the same the same footage it's a really i think you know it's it's obviously our least known movie of all the other stuff the u and broke and and cocaine cow you did broke too yeah for espn 30 for 30 yeah you're fucking brilliant

you're fucking brilliant thank you you're fucking brilliant like i said i got your numbers and stuff i will be contacting you i i appreciate your hour brother you're a genius but people should check us out we're a cocaine cowboys dot com that makes it nice and easy to remember okay and how do you gotta email me that thing ideas brothers at hotmail.com i need that fucking uh movie i'll go out to netflix i'll get it i just want to know where i could get that one about the about the frappe boy absolutely i'm gonna i'm gonna send it to you all right i love you at all my heart billy was a pleasure and thank you for being a guest and you fucking opened up a lot of eyes you're as intelligent as they fucking come with shit that i want to hear not shit that's made up and dropping

knowledge like somebody's like your cigarettes over there you're a badass jew well thank you you know i'm a big fan of yours i'll come on anytime okay thank you very much for your time i'll call you later on thank you brother thank holy fuck that was great and we didn't even the next time we have my wife to have him talk about the you because you still talk about the like ones a week oh shit this is what i'm talking about this is uh and that guy walks around like nothing i you i'd expect that fucking guy to walk around with his dick out of his pants he's as humble as can be and this is what makes me love people and there's no attitude if that guy was walking around in holly would he be completely different the thing he's done is he lives somewhere the fuck else yeah which

is the smartest can be that was uh that was great i did the shout out listen lately i've been on this fucking uh whatever taff you know i lost three pounds last week that's amazing man i've been on the uh elliptical uh taff i mean i did it last monday i went to kickbox and only once last week but i ellipticized in miami friday yeah yeah yeah i went to ellipticize yeah fuck yeah you don't fuck around i ellipticized miami friday and then i took saturday off because i flew but i went back yesterday yeah i went monday and i went wednesday and i kickboxed on tuesday so i did really well last week and i'll tell you what guys i got no pains and you know why that is strong but strong bone i'm telling you i'm still fucking three hundred and three pounds but fucking strong bone

is bailing me to fuck out so and i've been walking them all like now i got the baby till 11 did i tell you motherfucker is that i gotta go back i got the baby till 11 every day so i'm out of town and i want that i want that bond the three hour bond i want it so what i do is i put her in a fucking crib i smoke a number and i just go for a fucking walk and i walk all around with it i go to the next center i watch the kids play basketball i fucking love it i bring a bottle i bring a couple diapers so instead of you know a lot of people want to put that kid try to do something i'm not going to do that i'm going to sit with her and play with her if i have her so i decided to make her as part of my workout routine so i'm going to walk around with her the fucking crib in the afternoon that's

what i did all last week a couple people beat that me and gave me the finger i love so anyway please go to honet.com i fly a lot you don't see me coughing or sick anymore i got allergies but what are you gonna do honor can't cure that shit get yourself some honor strong bone get yourself some honor the immune fucking guys i can't talk great about enough about their products i'm back on the alpha brain too why the fuck not i don't like doing it every day like that i take bunches so i opened up a new thing last week and i'm sharpen a fucking tack i've had a hard on every day it's a beautiful thing i'm gonna start the t plus i want to see how the testosterone is go to honet.com pick out three or four fucking things do a sample package put church in the box

below we get credit you get credit you get emails you get special fucking discounts shit like that go to honet.com today just read up on it just go to honor just read up on what they got to offer you'll find something on there for you i can't give you a break on the kettle bells or the fucking ropes to hang yourself but i can give you a break on the fucking vitamins and the supplements all right go to honet.com this wednesday at the fucking ice house eight o'clock myself lisa at salubatz is going to be our guest on the podcast for special guests we're gonna do a live fucking podcast eight o'clock ten o'clock joe rogan's doing a show it's going to be fucking a festival of dead squad uh what else what else i'm in jersey the following week i'm in austin

texas may second through the fucking fifth at the cap city comedy club i can't fucking wait and may ninth i'm at stand-up live get your shit together arizona i don't know what else to fucking tell you i'm fired to fuck up today lisa at one of you start juicing again me first look at you you're looking like fucking pluto with your fucking beard con sucker next thing they're gonna strangle papa and shit it's a beautiful day to be alive get out there live your fucking dream with this guy billy corbett's better than you he just has idea he read he fucking paid attention pay attention shine your fucking shoes go out there look motherfuckers in the eye don't be like that fucking cunt brian look motherfuckers in the eye and be a fucking man because that's the

start of you changing your life people send me joy are you taking your life you inspire me you don't spy you don't inspire you become a fucking man stand up for something don't get a tattoo because the girl got a tattoo like a fucking half a fruit gate be a fucking man live on your own terms grab your fucking cock like this like i put that like this like a fucking savage grab that fucking helmet and realize why god put that fucking cock between your legs you know i'm saying get up there get out there try something new hit me leave we gotta get going thank you to honor thank you to billy thank you the least fucking sciat thank you to led zeppelin thank you to black Sabbath thank you the fuck you giggle about knock something you're so fucking stoned to the gills

are you fucking kidding me have a great day me i can't forget you me I'll take you when you're kind Oh, yeah I love you