Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 04/24/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #74

Episode Date: April 25, 2013

Joey's cousin Julio Rodriguez calls into the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at check out. Streamed live on 04/24/2013

Oh mother fucking shit Wednesday April 24th 2013. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive let Tupac tell you what hit it Lee tremendous tremendous and then miss parking for you are you fucking kidding me put that on listen at Are you kidding me I'm not gonna stand through my rear view are you fucking kidding me that's the only fucking way to do it it's to stare at that motherfucker review and tell it suck my dick that's behind me motherfucker it's a whole new day it's Wednesday cocksucker what feel that motherfucking heartbeat that's not something in your chest that's your fucking soul go out there and take it you fucking dirty cocksuckers it's Wednesday what's up Lee say at

you bad motherfucker not much man fucking flying Jew today looking good with his green shirt you know what that spells cash motherfucker that's what every Jew should have a green fucking shirt on with a green hat with a fucking green ring with the money sign on it that's a real Jew when I start my Jewish chapter my fucking religion fuck yarmulkes you got away a big ring with cash on it that's the way we do it Jews you got to sue somebody every day you got to take a slip and a fall from time to time science motherfuckers what's happened not much you were so quiet when you came in to know all of a sudden you got me all fucking pissed off this morning you know browning you need that chicks pussy lesson she slept on the couch again wait for you to tear

her up she knows I'm telling you she knows I'm coaching you she knows I'm in your corner I'm like your Mickey eat a fucking monkey she sleeps over her legs open you I'm inside watching the boys they felt again I'll fucking kill you she came away after the Celtics came in probably taped it and fucking watched it and analyzed it no she fucking she has a boyfriend I'm up he's coming in today he's leaving Monday you could have gave her a stab before the boyfriend the boyfriend would have been tasting your little Jew dick in there instead now you got when you chase my goombas fucking ass you know what's happening beautiful people how are you already high that's it it's high it's six in the morning how high you are high

what am I fucking Chinese high I'm fucking high what do you want me to tell you that's the way you're supposed to start a beautiful fucking day to be alive had a great set last night the laugh at your time wherever cut some people off on the way down a little candy you know me that's it not the same shit went to acupuncture yesterday forgot to put my fucking alarm on this morning oh shit you know that acupuncture sleep tonight acupuncture that night I fucking sleep hard if you could do it more often what do you do it more than once a week really seemed because you seem to like you seem to get relaxed by it and stuff you know I like her I've been born for fucking five years six years now steady every Tuesday six fucking years you

know before low she's moved four times she broke her ankle she got sick and I've you know I love it I love the whole so if you had millions of dollars you wouldn't like have her move into like a wing of your house and just do it every morning fuck yes stick needles in my dick my fucking eyeballs you imagine we would actually punch a five in the morning I'd be a fucking savage I'd be throwing darts from my window blowing my fucking from my window throwing Chinese darts in them you follow I'm not as bad as you but I don't like needles I don't think I could do it no listen I still fucking cringe every time every fucking time I still cringe she stuck a needle in my neck yesterday I could feel in my tongue oh geez I'm a family story where because

I hated needles and I used to have to tell them that my doctor when I was ready for it and one time she didn't listen to me and then they just went for it and I swaggered her hand and she stabbed herself in the fucking hand with this arrange because I don't like needles dog yeah I used to they used to have to hold me down it's reef is tremendous to his the PR PO I think it is this fucking great weed I was telling you got PR from no organic 10 bucks a gram 26 27% THC you let this motherfucker dry to a brittle tremendous so why do you let it dry I've always wanted that because you would have it set up in like your dad when you have it wet you can't really smoke in the paper doesn't cook too good it's wet you got to keep whiting it when it's dry you cut it

with a scissor and you just chunk that motherfucker up into a paper so you're smoking chunks you're not smoking buds you're smoking dry chunks you burn right through that fucking thing the smoke I love it oh shitty I'm always worried about the fucking smoke detector in here but we'll shoot that motherfucker waiting I don't have a smoke detector in my house smoke detectors area but they don't detect this much smoke oh yeah luckily we've been okay with it but oh yeah fuck yeah it's a beautiful day Lee who gives a fuck we got a nettle for us a little anti Dolores 100 milligram I'm gonna eat 80 90% you're gonna eat 10% yeah we'll see that's how we do it Lee we're poor we're fucking the church what's happening now if you don't set an example for these fucking

young kids today eat a nettle how they gonna act how you gonna fucking act how you gonna act when your rims don't fucking I ain't clean I didn't know eating an edible at 6 in the morning was bleeding an example it's a daily requirement if you're gonna be in the church what's happening now with that you know whatever I don't give a fuck it's a state of mind Lee somebody asked me they're like a 14 year old kid hit me on the email and said what does God mean and what is it I don't fucking know and I thought about it that's what means you give light to the person next to you mean by that lights bro you make somebody's fucking day once a day that's it that's it you just make somebody you blow somebody's mind by saying hello maybe opening up a door that's it

yeah well I was thinking about that yesterday because we talked about it a little bit like a while ago but I was thinking about it and I talked to two people every day I talked to you and I talked to my dad every day and it's a it's a weird thing because like I don't like I have people who I could call my best friends and we go months without talking and it's just it's weird like I heard I you were on the guest tonight Bart you on his podcast and he was talking about how his wife called him for on the road and Julie I think Joey just drove by and looked at the house and it's just it's a weird thing about you that I was thinking about that yesterday like because you called me and I was like I've talked to two people every day it's my dad and it's Joey Diaz

a fucking 50 year old Cuban comedian why have a friend if you're not gonna have a friend yeah nothing bothers me mom somebody goes they call and I have these certain friends that do that shit they call you you know you call them to say hello and they're like crying and you're like what's what's the problem did you hear about Joe he died Joe who Joe whatever and then you're like when was the last time you fucking talked to Joe yeah I see them two years ago we did some blow together that's not your friend that's some fucking acquaintance you make and you're just crying to make fucking drama upon the situation I can't stand that shit yeah I've had people die and I've seen the fakes come in and you sit there you're like what the fuck is you know you see it you see it

fucking come listen when it's not the guy that's crying at the funeral my buddy Jimmy Burke would die two weeks ago on Easter and I'll tell you what man I call his fucking number every day really yeah I call his number and his wife disconnected it and I want to walk to Jersey and stab but but I can't because that's her prerogative but you don't really feel your love for somebody at the time it's once they're gone and they make your world that much lighter like I look at certain things and certain people in certain situations and I say to myself once that's over I know that I'm one day closer to dying because I can't imagine not having that personal that situation in my life I can't imagine having a life without super bad really

for Harry at this point in my life I can't imagine I'm 50 but I've regressed into being like a child again I can't imagine having a life without my cats I was thinking about this morning when I was making fucking coffee you know how they're up they're fucking up before they're gonna be out and you're picking them up and they're what put me in a good moodly yeah a lot of people don't know nobody wakes up in a fucking good mood nobody wants to wake up what the fuck wants to wake up you know I'm saying especially us in our situation at 430 it's very easy for me to turn over and call you go Lee ain't doing it today yeah you know I make a commitment you make a commitment once I get to once I pee and I wash my hands I brush my teeth and I walk

into the kitchen there's always one or two of them that's torture and you want to kick them and as you go to kick them you look at them and you go how can I kick something that's giving me love how can I kick something that's rubbing up against my fucking leg when you just get out like what the fuck do you want and you pick them up and right there is when my day begins soon as I pick up that first cat and I rub them and I'm pushing the coffee in and putting the fucking little coffee cup in the thing yeah right there as soon as I kiss him that's my day I'm a new fucking man I just did the most positive fucking thing in the world I gave love first thing out of bed nobody has that opportunity a lot of people have that opportunity and even

if I had a dog I bend over pick up the dog give him a kiss rub his tummy no matter how fucking mad I am about what the fuck I gotta I gotta get up yeah I got this little mother fuck was trying to give me love and here I am hiding in the bedroom I don't want to fucking get up you fucking not gonna get up yeah right there I won right there I won for the day no matter what else happens the rest of the day I got a flat somebody dies somebody gets hit by a car I don't get to roll they don't want to me hire me at that club no matter what I started the day in a fucking positive I bent over picked up that cat you know how many times Harry sits on the fucking cat food every day you know you know that's your favorite Harry that motherfucker sits on the

gallon of tank food every day and meows at me in the morning and this time and he don't meow he see he didn't meow for the first three or four years of his life he just started me out in the valley that shit's in the valley ever since we moved to the valley he meows now like real you know if he's hungry he'll fucking break your balls but he sits on top of the fucking cat food let me tell you something we don't think that cat is that intelligent that he doesn't know that's the cat food yeah I know why he sits there because I pick him up he gets all tight and shit he holds my fucking things and his eyes get but he looks at me he knows I love him and I kiss him a thousand time I tell him I love him you filthy motherfucker and then I put him down he does this little thing

and then I feed him he gets purposely on the thing so he's higher than everybody else so I could pick him up and hug him in the morning really I've already won dog my day has started and then my wife comes out and she's smiling the baby's smiling you know you can't fucking lose yeah you know and that's why I tell people sometimes it's so important to have an animal not because you clean little boxes or because it's easier to pick up girls at the park or it's a conversation piece because an animal will change your life in those little ways that's something that they don't sell you a pickup yeah that's something they don't sell you have a fucking commercial that it's so fucking positive to have a pet so that's why I'm what the fuck was

the question I'm high let's say let's eat this fucking edible out of respect oh Jesus what the fuck it's what do you got to do I got nothing you got a podcast I ate 30 tonight that's that's 14 hours away look at the body of Christ compels you look look at the size of this animal right I'm gonna give you huge all right and I'm gonna give you this much right there look at look how much I ate ladies and gentlemen ah god damn it tough as a fucking hell how you gonna have 100 milligram pop it won't be walking around with like it's a it's some chicks fucking panty if I don't make it tonight people you know why how many people listen to this podcast right now with these fucking edible for breakfast

yeah they'd like to do it once and after four time is doing with you like oh shit the stuff Joey eats aren't you told the story last time but how you sweat for four straight hours I don't know how he's delete them listen you gotta have a bad experience with something from time to time to make it more enjoyable on the other hand you know I'm saying so no big deal just a bump in the road if I were to crash the plane if I would have been Denzel then you know then Denzel can't crash a plane in a movie or something he uh he land he like was drunk but he flipped it over and landed it safely I didn't even see that it was sully sully yeah yeah oh yeah it was a white sully you could tell his name is sully I motherfuckers always drinking I get up in the morning he eats an

edible and drinks just to fucking make it to the shower yeah it's weird I uh I like weed more than I like drinking but like edibles for some reason take it to a different level different level and the alcohol for me takes it to a different level Lee you know why I don't drink why I don't like the taste and I'm a pussy you know what I'm saying but you want me to tell you what the biggest reason why I don't drink because I might lose control really you think so always I might in my mind it's not me it's the deep deep deep deep joint in my fucking brain that won't let me go past that now let me ask I'm gonna ask this and it's not I'm not asking him to judge you way but you smoke a lot of fucking weed and you eat edibles all day yeah you don't think like some

people would consider that like losing control of weed absolutely okay so what so you just see the difference between weed and alcohol like you rather lose control of weed calm me down the weed makes me want to read a book okay the weed makes me want to write a joke the weed makes me want to go to the gym okay the weed makes me want to sit down and spend time at home makes me think maybe wants to go eat with my wife you know the weed don't make me lose them what does drinking make you want you can't go to the gym you're not socially acceptable look them way through alcohol your fucking breath you can't you know I don't get it okay I never understood alcohol to the sense and yeah by this point in my life I'm a little bit more my tolerance yeah it's higher than most

people but I live in California I had my drug of choice is marijuana and it's always been the other shit I did was stupidity if I knew now what I knew then I would have smoked pot the whole fucking time and not worried about nothing else but we make detours in life and that's why you live life through your fucking review mirror you look at it and you get stronger and you're fucking that's it that's it you know I would never I never understood I have a friend right now and she's in fucked up she's no help yeah she's turning 40 tomorrow she can't stop fucking drinking she calls me whenever she's fucking drinking and I made the mistake on sunday atonement Monday night she called me I was driving back from the live factory okay and I told her and she

goes when are you in the live factory again as I was saying god damn it Tuesday I realized I can't take this girl anywhere you know the broad jody okay I can't take her anywhere even though she's one of my closest friends in the world she cares about me and gives me all the love in the world I can't take him away because as soon as she has that first alcohol her whole fucking head changes she's not the same no more and she has to stop but I can't tell her who the fuck am I to tell her you're following me yeah I say people saying tell me not to go to Vegas who the fuck am I to tell you that so he's gotta go feel his fucking lumps who would have told me something at 24 nobody 24 that's when I got in trouble with kidnapping the guy you know so nobody would tell me shit I had

to learn from myself and so we she called me twice yesterday because you see her every time she shows up it's a fucking melodrama remember at that fucking comic book place yeah she was an ape man and she tries to hide the alcoholism but she can't nothing in front of me because there's all she has to do is talk and I know she's drank that day oh really because even if she gets up at eight and has a three drinks and goes back to bed at 12 and sleeps it off I could tell really yeah because I know her head I know how calm she really is she's embarrassed after time so when she walked in and started that fight with that poor fucking gay kid off the bat right there I decided she can't come to any other thing that I do this is not the first time this is not the first time a couple weeks

ago she showed up with a storyteller show and drove me fucking crazy was talking to me about shit at 10 o'clock at night you don't talk to people only in the morning shut the fuck up but she called me last night and I was like I'm not answering this fucking phone call she's not showing up at all because I only had an eight minute set it's a five minute talk with the law with uh whatever his name is and you're on my rara okay that's it you've never seen this show no you do eight minutes then he comes up and he interviews you for five fucking minutes oh cool and follow chris katan really chris katan was dead that's crazy dying I've heard that name for a while dying slow death that's what he's doing stand up dying a slow death trying he's been going on the road

lately but he's trying he went up I think he has like a writer and that always sucks yeah that always sucks unless you're writing and you can put everything together like he gives you a tag and you give him a call back or something and he puts it together you know that always fucking sucks so that's a weird thing about stand up that it's like the only thing where you kind of have to do it yourself or it feels kind of weird no but a lot of people hire writers but even if I were to hire a writer he would have to be a dear friend and know you he'd have to be a dear friend and know you that much that he could say hey I thought about a joke about you and your wife and kid I thought about a joke about you and acupuncture and then he could help you you know when chris rock would do

his specials mm-hmm the genius the ones that you know if we have bigger and blacker yeah he would get together with chris uh with jenny richard jenny okay nick topolo and louis ck jesus and let's say they would give him 250 000 he would take 150 000 and chop it up he'd give nick 50 it's louis ck 50 and richard jenny 50 okay and he'd go listen here's the deal you're each going to write 15 fucking minutes and i'm gonna write 15 minutes and together we're gonna put together the strongest special in the fucking world and you could credit yourself that you wrote so you would see him at the store on a monday night but he had come from the improv in the lab factory and some mondays it would show up at louis ck some mondays it would show up at richard jenny and some mondays he would

show up at nick topolo that's genius because you get three different fucking flavors and you're set so if you watch those old chris rock specials you could see nick topolo's humor you could see the control of richard jenny and you could see the outlandishness of louis ck's act all in one i'm not saying chris rock is a joke to you by no means but it's always helped but you have to have people that you came up with the only people that could write for me like that is something like josh wolf abroady okay you know josh wolf would be the perfect writer for me because he knows me twice he and josh wolf would call me and say bro i wrote this joke i can't i don't have the balls to say it on stage you do take it and it's a brilliant

fucking joke but you get yourself into a situation i've done one joke that somebody has given me and it ended up that somebody now said that he wrote it now i had a war and i had to spin the guy's face at the fucking improv then i had to do a movie with the guy and his body guy was there was fucking classic so that's why i don't like it i rather come up with the thought and the idea myself you know people pay for your point of view on something yeah not for somebody else's but that's how good and tight him and his friends were that when they do a special boom it would all be fucking together how good was that billy corgan called the other day oh that was great he was great listen to the podcast yesterday he blew my mind you know there's nothing better to talk to somebody who's

informative i'm not that informative maybe about three different disgusting subjects that you don't want to know about but uh it's it's real i i really get impressed when somebody knows their turf yeah adam richman from man versus food yeah knows his turf like the back of his fucking hand he knows new york to the dot to the dot you could say to him yeah i'm looking for a stationary store but i'm also hungry for chinese food give me a minute he'll go i know exactly where you're gonna go you're gonna go to 138 or 83rd street the same nick there's a chinese restaurant right next to there's a kinkos go all the kinkos and go get an egg roll while you're fucking wait you're following me there's people that know then they know the sports history they know the restaurant history

know the history of the city he was not knowledgeable about miami i've always had like i said i've always had a sore spot in my heart from miami i remember being a kid and waking up in the morning and smelling the cut of the grass and how the humidity smelled in the morning was completely different than new york city yeah i wasn't a concrete jungle and here i'm gonna fucking swamp with alligators two blocks away smelling this morning do it's always been every time i smell it i gotta tear my because i think about redolpho and i think about my cousins and i think about the life i had then you know i was fucking nothing it was simple there was no drugs in my life you rode your bike you fell down you put some fucking tincture on your knee and you were back the next day waiting for the

mother fucking ice cream manly what what are we gonna say he ready for smoking another joint what do you want to do i already feel this edible kicking in but no it was uh it was cool for me to listen to him because he's he's not he's like mid 30s i think he said and it's uh he's fucking jewish he's a jew you gotta love that shit i love those miami jews those miami jews are topping that dog they got the fucking stamp from the man mya lansky yeah you know that's that's the shit right there now a lot of germans down there lea i want to talk to you got a little fucking pissed off last time i ain't got nothing to get to a lot of fucking germans working behind counters and shit jews must be starting to get it she probably i don't like did you get anybody

get to watch uh inside comedy with uh god damn robert schimmel no if you get a chance watch inside comedy on showtime with robert schimmel or go on hulu and get the episode with robert schimmel it really about he's a jewish guy he's practicing in the holocaust there were holocaust survivors and he tells us start by doing a set and his father came up to him afterward he goes you know i always want to be a stand-up comic how these jews would listen to bill cosby and and uh you know richard prier and they were you know you had to go upstairs and they would robert schimmel grew up on that yeah and he deep down inside his father wanted to be a stand-up so after he shot his first hbl special he went up to him he goes you know i always want to be a stand-up comic i never told

nobody that but i was an ashwitz and i married your mother and all this shit and then somewhere along the line i lost it he goes tonight i relived it what a fucking beautiful special i was a big robert schimmel fan but i became a bigger fan you know he never hear me i was telling somebody one day that when people come up to me they call me they go uh you know i've been writing and then you go up on stage you do a dirty joke yeah you know writing your dears ain't no fucking writer you know when i talk about jews or whatever it don't that don't make me a writer i don't like when somebody does a dirty joke but i like to see somebody working clean i fucking love it when i see somebody working clean and he's getting callbacks and he's fucking you know just doing material i

love all that shit okay and uh in a way it's a shame to me to do dirty material really to the fuck i am yeah you know what are you gonna do you want me to be somebody i'm not and it's never gonna sell people gonna see right through me i want you to know what's in my heart in my soul but he was saying that people always say to him they look down on dirty comics they always say they picked the easy way and he goes fuck you it's the fucking hardware and that's how i feel anybody can go up there and be clean and i like clean comedy this is what i'm trying to say to you people but man when you go up there and be dirty in front of people that don't expect that you sell it that's a whole different situation i got an interesting call the other day from a manager

when we were talking she goes you know when you were doing the storyteller show i was watching you on stage how people weren't buying you but you didn't give a fuck your commitment was all that mattered after three more seconds they were buying into you okay and by the end of your set they were all joey dears fans you ever you ever have people i said you i'm scared of commitment you know in any aspect of life nothing's gonna really happen unless you fucking commit yeah exactly nothing you know even us we did this we fucking commit uh so you gotta commit this is the most important fucking thing i forget about that every day how nothing happens until i fucking make it happen you follow me you gotta commit Lee yeah like that brownie it's hitting me already

it's hitting me too i can feel the tingles up and down my spine i'm about a little musically oh sure uh here we go let's do this one what what are you looking at me where for i love this shit okay i love allison chain this one here destroys me get up cocksuckers shoot that everyone allison chains we got the reefer we got the orange juice we got the alpha brain we got the jumping up and down today it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive oh shit oh shit oh i want to be inside down in a home and you're gonna be down in a fucking hall without

it oh yeah i'm already looking at you looking sharp leaves a little green shirt on the bill is a little tight damn were you walking around with the shorts on the chick was here last night yeah why don't you put a robe on i'll have to be a jew you gotta be a jew put a robe on with nice fluffy sandals i don't have to manicure your toes i looked at your toes when was the last time you cut those fucking past week you got nice toes to look at my toes five or five six more years you're gonna have fun guy told like me you gotta cut that shit with a bolt a bolt cut it what do you get that fun guy tone that nail grows over the fucking toe it's yellow but when you get a nail cutter and you stick it in then you pull some of that loose stuff on you roll into a ball and

sniff it fucking tremendous you have no idea you just want to spend all day just smelling different things like you why not that's why it's all about you have fun i was sniffing some ear wax this morning myself and shit you ever sniff some fucking ear wax i probably have when you sniffed ear wax why not it's on your finger what are you gonna do what are you gonna do put it on the cat we can't do that i'm a cat like you gotta look out for these motherfuckers listen i'm gonna tell you something i can't tell you motherfuckers enough as you guys know you know we're making shit happen over here so people call us from time to time and they're like hey joey can you do this and i read the fucking deals like when i saw when we fucking had the strawberries sherry's berries

with stoners you know anybody who fucking has food for us a strawberry dipped in chocolate i gotta pass it on to you flowers i gotta pass it on to you because i like flowers myself but i really like on it and i'm the you know they do what they fucking do and they keep getting better and better with its kettle bells whether it's these fucking uh they have hemp force bars now they make them fucking protein bars you know what i haven't tasted it but i call joey he says they taste fucking better in the fucking milkshake so i called on it and i had them send me like fucking 10 of them you know me oh sure but you know if you go to on it now they got the coconut all the sweet in your coffee with they got all these fucking things on it go to on it dot com

look at the web page the best thing you could do that they have none of the best scam you could do if you want to put the shroom tag and the alpha brain and the fucking coconut butter together is to go and look at the different packages they got you save fucking hundreds you save hundreds if you want to go that route you can get like strong bone with alpha brain and maybe some hemp fucking protein i don't know 99 dollars or something like that go to fucking on it take a look at what they got the kettle bells the fucking ropes if you don't want to get none of that stuff at least put some good shit in your fucking body i mean i don't blame you you go to fucking whatever and get some ropes and hang yourself you off your grandmother's fucking ledger pull yourself up there

do whatever the fuck it is you gotta do but at least if you're gonna hang yourself do without for brain you follow me you know i'm fucking with you what i want you to do is give it a shot go to on it dot com read the fucking packages see what they got available to you where your shortcomings are if you're a fat fuck try the strong bone it works for me i went to kickboxing yesterday was three people which meant he jumped in which meant everybody had a fucking do 95 kicks and jump he wanted me doing flying fucking knees i'm 300 pounds there's no fucking knee it's a it's a centrifugal force coming at you so you know what i was sore i knew i was going to be sore i got home last night i drank a fucking bunch of water after acupuncture and i went yesterday

morning attend the morning to kickboxing i usually go at night but this whole week i got fucking action at eight o'clock i like the eight i can even go at six which is packed i can't get no parking because they're fixing magnolia okay if i go at eight there's parking and that forces me to do something late at night before it sucks for me to work out at night guys sucks for you guys that work all day and then go home and eat and go to work out i fucking applaud you motherfuckers you guys that go to 8 30 at night jujitsu i fucking love you guys if i start an army you'd be the fucking first one in it nothing bothers me more than working out at night that late yeah but now since i have the baby in the mornings first thing i do i go home and make

a few notes i eat a little breakfast with my wife once she leaves to work i put the fucking kid in a stroller and i'm out of there and i try to get a mile or two in the morning if i can do that that at least tames me down you follow me get a few thoughts she falls asleep she gets a little sunshine change the loser here have you brought a boombox and put it in the bottom so you like blast lead zeppelin as you're walking down the street no she gets out the house you don't need when we go out it's for refuge not because i want to no man i'm getting there in the past to get the fuck out of the house yeah this big day one yeah you're you you like being you're not really you're not like a real big crowd person but you also don't stay in the house that often which is

kind of interesting no is that because is that because since like when your mother passed away you had to move from house to house and you probably couldn't stay there all the time when i was a kid there's nothing good happening at the house i watch tv like everybody else i watch those i try to watch as little tv as i can yeah this you know you somebody call me oh you you get the fucking best of all worlds you know i love to sit there and watch tv all day i love to watch three other ones see them sound there what's up baby well it's happening brother how's everything everything's good here how's the weather in jersey man finally i think it's starting to break so starting to get a little bit of water was freezing yesterday that's what i already said my buddy moved to brookman

he said it was fucking freezing the last two nights well last two nights probably like 30 36 man i'll be there this weekend how cold is it gonna be i think it's gonna be pretty good man uh he's coming out from california yeah a lot of people coming back for the fucking fights i'm going to the fights i think uh joe called the other day he goes hey uh i can't get you know tickets for the fight because henzo's going with john ralo right i think i'm sitting with those savages with henzo john ralo and their girlfriends and uh well one of ralo's students from kinetica or something's coming down so that's what i'm yeah yeah i'm looking forward to it how you doing papa there's hulio redriguez on the phone

you know guys as much as fucking family what do i know you're 40 years for sure now yeah yeah you know and a lot of people you know i was telling hulio yesterday we were talking hulio grew up uh we grew up together he taught me how to play hoops he's Puerto Rican for all you motherfuckers i always goof on the fifth of the month to get the Puerto Rican see i got the power to goof on Puerto Ricans because we're fucking cubans cubans Puerto Rican same shit a different smell but i grew up with my man i slept at his fucking house and uh what's up papa what's going on in your world man everything's going well i'm gonna really go to mexico for this reality tv show for fighting so you know we'll see what's going on down there in mexico

so what what is the show you're doing i'm doing do well they got this mma it's going to be uh an american team of fighters i've got some mexican team of fighters that uh you have seen mexico type deal you know a hundred thousand dollar grand prize for the winner so you know i'm going to be the head coach of the american team got some fighters from greg jackson's camp uh my constantinos camp sometimes from the rhino fighting so some good good decent talent we hope the Mexican guys bring it uh but we get down there how'd you get involved with this actually by my attorney who's also my student heard about it submitted by me when i got in now how long have you been involved with marshal artulio oh marshal art since i was eight years old that's what 40 years now now where did

you go at first because when i knew you you were involved with it and i was involved with i was going to uh wane norland on new york avenue you were going to kevin so was i kevin norland i went to kevin nor on uh in union city uh gushin ru karate that's where i started in jersey yeah yeah you had to go to karate keeter urban was our grandmaster yeah yeah is wane norlander still around was that his name wane norland or kevin norland it was kevin norlander yeah he's a tattoo artist pretty hot tattoo artist now in chicago so he's you know the last time he was doing pretty well i haven't seen him in like three four years but you know i think he's doing pretty well he's doing murals you know he's a very artistic and then i used to go to food job pie coming full on top of the bottom

of the barrel yeah see fool paul visio yep see fool paul visio and we used to there was to be a bunch of us that from union city that used to go to a basement on new york avenue on like 20 second street we beat the fuck out of each other and then we go back yeah yeah then we go back to my mother's house or my mother's bar and drink sodas at the bar and shouldn't that was our big we were all there's a good time back then yeah man it's a pretty soft button in great times you know we were talking yesterday how we grew up in the numbers business oh man you know hot house you wouldn't you wanted to an office to be about ten phone set up ten guys taking numbers all day oh and we had a we we both had another official uncle that would take us into the city on sunday

on saturdays and we'd have to meet you and your brother guillot god bless his soul and and we uh we'd go into the buildings and we we'd have to run errands and go pick up money i'm gonna be like fucking ten and having nine hundred dollars in my pocket and thinking to myself somebody's gonna fucking kill me in the brunt but nobody would touch us because they knew who the fuck were with you know he rehired me again i mean that family took great care of me as a child he rehired me again after my mother died you know for a little while i used to just go to harlem and on 118th i'm lexington oh it was 116th around there by la macgetta right on the corner in that basement little store there was never you know it was a candy store but there was never no candy

there was never no candy there was a book of dreams because if you had a dream about a a horse you could look at this book and it would tell you what number it was and uh i mean we grew up in a weird thing but i still remember living in your house for you because what happened was i used to be scared of sleeping in my house because there were spirits in the fucking house right so ever told me i'd go live with her so i would go to my mother's and this is probably the sixth grade i mean i was fucking young six yeah it was when i first got thrown out of sacred heart school for boys with jamey eggsart and those guys this was yeah so this was uh we used to play ball we used to go to st michael's monastery and just take basketball all day

hang out playing that hard all that kind of good stuff we used to do yeah it's okay and i ended up playing for st michael's uh c y o which is steve richardy with all those motherfuckers with the kid from the green bay packers but uh frankie winters i mean that was uh yeah frankie mcgovern was michael sueham and paul sebation yeah oh my god we uh how you stop you know what let me tell you something i mean we're really related in a lot of ways and it's so weird that we were tight and then we both became teenagers you're a little older and then i went to north bergen you went to emerson or whatever the fuck you went union hill and then my mother died and then uh we lost contact and then you started hooking around my stepdad described my stepdad

to the i always try to on the duncan charso podcast and different stories i've tried to describe one to these people in your best description how can you describe one man original gangsta i really don't need to say much more he was as much as was he was a good guy he was just he could fit in a bad bad dude you don't want to mess with him you don't want to fuck with him at all you know i remember after my mother died i lived with a family and he was a cop bobby bender north bergen and this had to be 1980 who maybe you remember the story something happened to one on uh 52nd street or 57th street had two kids try to attack him and he was at this time he was

50 something years old one was old when my mother died he was 50 something years old and suppose he somebody attacked him he took the gun from somebody he shot the one guy or something do you remember what they were talking about i know he had the prom in new york with the body in the car when he took him a little ink and tunnel but i know as a kid when i was eight at a santeria party in 148th street i seen him shoot this guy named yiko in the fucking leg for just talking to him i seen him bro he warned the guy and he just shot him in the fucking leg and that's when i realized the strength of that i fell in love with him after that that was my stepfather to the end you know i tell people when i used to see spirits at night he would come upstairs to the attic and

give me a gun with a silencer on it he was crazy he was for sure it was crazy i remember the story but i don't know the background to the story i think somebody somebody knew he was a little tipsy somebody tried to mug him and he popped one of the dudes that try to mug him i think the kid was like 17 years old 18 but he popped him i don't think he killed the kid and then the other guy something happened because he bobby bender woke me up in the middle of night he goes they got your father down at the police station asked him questions or something like that uh we were talking about uh santeria how we grew up around santeria especially with our godmother eve god bless her so i didn't know she was dead like i said last time i was home i went over there and

talked to her and you can see she was a little standoffish because eve had a certain thing that she could see your aura you know and i love her children and stuff uh i mean it's just amazing wow she's man she was probably one of the toughest being a woman probably one of the toughest men i know because she didn't take shit from nobody but in reality she was she was a very gifted uh you know a spiritual person i've seen it do you know i didn't believe in santeria for a long time when i was a kid and i seen her do some shit that after that i believed in that there was something there when you had a conversation with her when you see her spirit come down after that you believe that there was something out there like that's why there's something out there she was money

she was fucking money and leash in the room with me is the producer lisa at the flying juice say hello julio hey julio it's lee you guys met when we were in jersey i met you a couple years ago when you were doing the documentary in jersey yeah yeah yeah and uh it's funny that we were talking about another guy that was family to me also because we had i brought this guy up the other day in the conversation with billy corbin we were talking about miami the brutality of the murders what had happened when the cubans got there and i told him the story about the guy we knew thought he who was andres garcia and he had a brother mochi that was a drug deal in miami but he had done it for years with no problem and often the refugees came over in 79 and they fucking killed him they ran over him

with a car they ran over his fucking head with a car with some shit but i think i think about that guy tati from time to time i told you a story yesterday that when i was about 10 or 11 i used to have this skinny girl friend nicky and he saw one day one day he gave me a fucking little container and it had cocaine in it and i go what the fuck is this he goes listen next time that skinny chick comes over put this in a pussy and eat a pussy i was like 11 and i put it in my drawer and i saved it there for like a year and one day my mom comes and she's like is this true that he gave you something and i go yeah she's like give me what he fucking gave you how long have you had it for i had that coke for a year and a little capsule that sounds like tati tati was a bad man i don't

i couldn't even tell you how many bodies he's got it was uh you know man i try to tell people the experiences we had growing up and some of them i put under a carpet but other ones and even your brother look at your brother he's not with us anymore you know and you and i both know that something helped us because we're not supposed to be here you know for sure i'm not supposed to be here i was telling you uh last night that one of the last times i seen you when you were a cop at that time i walked into the spot it was june 30th 1985 and i just got somebody from a settlement i did one of those uh suits where you sue somebody with the jews and i had to leave because they were going to kill me and i knew this i knew that i had the doors closing in and i went and i saw this girl

regina guard and she pulled me aside and she goes these people you robbed who were big time in north bergen they know you did it and they know who you did it with and they're gonna come looking for you and then i bumped into you and you said hey bro you should be leaving this town because somebody is looking to fucking kill you or something like that i couldn't believe you said it to me because i had known you all those years as a kid you know right and uh you know you're your family so i gotta give you a heads up you know i just can't uh not see nothing you hang out and then you know that'd be on me you know i wouldn't want you to hurt it's funny because when you told me you were angry with me in a way like it was like i had done something that somebody had came

to you with or something and you were angry or and i never forget that i was very hurt by it you know i i didn't know what i had done because we had grown up together we were kids right well i'm not yeah i'm still not gonna let nobody get at you you know i might have been pissed off at you or whatever for whatever it may have been i really don't remember but you know anytime i've come out there i call you do whatever you know and you're always there for me so you know i'm always here for you man thank you bro and uh you know i'm proud of you like you know we grew up in unisity but i see you working at the high school in north bergen and uh i know you do security at the high school and i know that you know your main focus and all the pictures i watch as you working with

kids and helping our kids and man you know what that's my instant too like right now if i could i quit doing comedy i wish i could inherit like ten million dollars so i could fucking go work at the center and just help kids and just talk to kids man helping kids is a great thing brother i mean you know if i can turn one one life around hey you know our service to others you know right here on earth i mean i you know i teach people how to kick each other's ass and stuff like that choke people out but you know if having a one kid off the street and just train with me and make his life a little bit more productive or better i did my thing you know what are you doing this weekend you're gonna be around yeah i'm gonna try and see you on saturday but sunday i'll be i'll be leaving

for not yet in mexico for the tv show so the reality show well what i'm gonna do is this i fly in thursday or friday morning i don't know if i have tickets for the comedy show but i'll see you sadly may be a chance dragging in i'll meet you for lunch like at 12 30 i have no idea i think maybe i i should open it with higgin machado i know higgin machado is going to be here i gotta attend the seminar with higgin marco santhos daniel wacy so we'll be doing a seminar in uh burro brazil jiu-jitsu and paul dwell new jersey brother i love you ma'am now where's your school at where's your thing going at well i have a school in uh wate new jersey called white tiger and mma and i have a school in west york new jersey called black belt academy nothing in north bergen

mcdonald hudson county i know west york's hudson county bro you forgot oh west new york i thought you said westfield i'm sorry no west new york i'm like what the fuck is he doing on westfield open up another school in town which will be my main headquarters and i'm going to try and have all my students come there or you know at least instructors from other schools come train with me instead of me do all this traveling you know well brother say hello to north bergen i love you to death and thank you for calling and taking the time i want to have you on again and we'll see you outside and we'll have a drink together all right brother much love stay black and beautiful all right bye thank you pop it's funny because i didn't really want to go on

a lot of protestants this morning with this guy okay i really want to scare people off that much we're gonna work him in little by little uh you know he the lady that we talked about is the lady who broke that dish when that undercover cop was bothering my mother for a long time your centauria godmother yeah this is this is and we were talking about it yesterday just talking to him makes me want to cry really yeah because i knew him on that other side of my life i knew him when my life was easy when i was a kid i knew him when my mother had a bar when we go to my mother's want to have soda his brother was a tough motherfucker and uh his brother took beat me up a few times and taught me you know he taught me bro you know that's the way and my mother knew that the kid

had smacked me around a little bit his brother was the original street kid like hey you know those kids you're seeing movies they're dirty but they go home at night they got like 55 bucks and they put money away because the mother's sick that was guillo guillo ran that house when he was 11 or 12 wow i'm telling you this from experience the mother was always kind of sick she had a boyfriend that had beat her sometime fucking guillo almost threw the kid out the window guillo didn't take shit guillo was one of the best things that happened to me at that age i was a little soft and he grabbed me and he fucking taught like they said he used to take me to the monastery to play basketball i was in north bergen i was a white kid from north bergen this monastery with these Puerto

rican they jumped through the fucking air and they drove and they had beads and 11 and shit you know so i'm happy that you know and i was angry with him for a long time julio because i thought he had turned on me or my stepfather he knew my stepfather wanted to shoot me these guys knew man they were i tell you i'd tell you like a brother if i were tomorrow is the 30 anniversary that i left north bergen new jersey the first time oh shit and it's tomorrow with jimmy burkle who died on east to sunday so tomorrow's gonna be a hard day for me i'm gonna be fucking we'll buy it's whatever but it was 30 days but 30 years ago yesterday i found out i could do anything because i left north bergen i'm just leaving north bergen just leaving you know those people from boston that they'll never

leave yeah you go back and they get old and they tell you about the neighborhood and the supermarket how they added a meat counting down you know and you're supposed to fucking jump out of your skin that's it so yeah well listening to the story i explain why you were mad because it sounded to me like you did you a favor the truth of the matter is um my mother knew their mother and everybody was friends and when my mother died and see him so the next time i see him he was working for my stepfather he was helping my stepfather with different things he was no he was a cop okay and uh i had fucked over my stepfather and his nephew with coke not my stepfather my stepfather wasn't involved in drugs me and him were the different war he had all these problems at

time and he wanted me to sign a paper that there was no will in life and meanwhile i'm walking the fucking streets broke so i told him i said you give me fucking money why ain't signing shit yeah and he came to me like well i'll buy you a car but you gotta make the payments that's not buying me a car that's putting a down payment down i need money i wanted to get ahead and meanwhile if i would have taken that money i would have blown it in three days i'm blown wasted my life yeah you know so i got mad at him for helping me and that so now i go to this bar i got money in my pocket first this girl tells me i'm not kidding you this fucking girl now this was when i left in April nobody had told me to leave i knew shit was gonna go down okay but i came back a year later and

stuck around for another year and that time they were gonna kill me at that time i got a lot of fucking people's nerves i had gavi lang mad at me i had some fucking italian guys mad at me i had nine guys mad at me i had nine the guys somebody's gonna put a bullet in me one night somebody's gonna walk into a bar they're gonna see me in union city in west new york having a beer excuse me they're gonna call whoever the fuck they're they know and they're gonna go guess who's at the bar and we're walking you know i'm from north bergen but we're walking there's like a suburb yeah it's like if i went to cova city to drink okay you know i'm saying like we i can't drink in hollywood people looking for me let's go to fucking compton and have a drink well here i am in a bar with a

bunch of brothers listening to the oj's and next you know one black guy walks in that knows that somebody's looking for him yeah he owes you 800 fucking that dude dog is here let me cap this motherfucker and the 800s off to my tab shit like that these people are fucking crazy so i always knew in 85 in fact i wasn't living in north bergen i left north bergen in december of 84 i was hiding out in creskill new jersey but i kept getting closer and closer by this time i was in fort lee new jersey which is a smack to their faces and i would and i knew what buses to take and i knew angles to take and what to stay off of but they knew i was around okay so they were looking they knew eventually when you're looking for somebody don't look for them they're gonna have

to come back and one of their friends is gonna ratchet out eventually you're gonna have to come back yeah so they all knew that time was on their side so i started coming around like in may to fuck with them once i knew i was getting the 18 grand from the settlement i started making a little appearances in north bergen i started doing some credit card shit and selling it and now people fucking knew this kid's still around we thought he was in colorado because by me going to colorado it made them think that i was somewhere else when they were looking for me okay but all of a sudden hell breaks loose i do this bad shit living in creskill hiding i fucking come out and i call my buddy because there was this bitch that i fucking i hated her and her fucking husband i hated them

her and her boyfriend there were drug dealers i hated them so i figured that even though i had the money from the settlement and even though i had money in my pocket from doing the gas stations whatever the fuck i was doing because in 85 i was doing a thousand things on my own i was gonna rob this bitch to add insult to injury okay so i called two of my buddies we got in a fucking car we went down there i had a gun my other body and the other buddy went up one of my buddies went up and me and my other buddy stayed looking down he climbed in that's the story i tell about the cat uh attacking him that's that story okay so he got attacked by the cat we didn't kill the cat and then we just took the jewelry in the blow we got in the car and we left when we did that it was 10 in the morning

the building was nobody could see us where he trust me i had done this a thousand times in my life i knew there was nobody out there was no recession then everybody was working nobody was home and i wasn't a part of the building when nobody could see me and even if somebody would see me the way i was looking the way i was acting i was acting like i was walking a dog uh so there was a little thing in there so you couldn't tell even if they just drove by for a minute go what's this guy doing i'd be in the bushes right there walking a dog there was a little parkway there okay nobody showed up it took us eight minutes to do this burglary we got in the fucking car we went up to the pawn shop sold it chopped it up took the blow and you know these guys are my goombas we

celebrated but this was done like in april after about two or three weeks we heard nothing so i didn't know so by may i didn't hear nothing so they thought it was a write off they wrote it off i get this money i go into this barn union city called the spot on 22nd all the way down there this cool little funky the bartender was my buddy mike ask leases uncle okay so i went with george mike ask this is june 30th and 1985 i walk into this bar with money in my pocket thinking i owe the world i know i'm getting on a fucking plane sunday morning i already knew it's saturday 11 o'clock but i know tomorrow i'm on a plane and they're not going to kill me tonight there's no way i'm getting killed tonight i had a piece on me you know the other two guys didn't even know i was carrying

a gun i was i was putting them in a bad position by being with them but at this time my life night in 1985 i was 23 i didn't care about the people around me as much as i care about them now i was a little bit crazier i just thought if i was with mike nobody would shoot me because his father knew a lot of people okay so i walk into this fucking thing and i see this girl she comes over to me regina gordon who i'd known for years who's my ass and she pulls me aside she goes what were you thinking when you're around those people and it was like you pulling me aside i tried to play that stupid game like what are you talking about she's like you're gonna fuck with me now they know it's you they know it's you in fact this is where you were with bap and bap you were mike ronnie and

glenn connie and that's when it ended i knew she had me like oh who told you this and she goes they did they knew somebody had a camera somebody fucking saw you something happened so don't be surprised if you see the fucking husband with a gun so right there i go come on seriously she goes yeah and they know people in the police force in north bergen so north bergen police could pull you over and hand you to them or give you a beating for them so you got a fucking problem so this is sunday night 11 o'clock i'm paranoid as is i'm smoking pot i'm not doing coke to you then i'm not drinking then okay i'm probably drinking soda at the bar now i walk back to the bar with this bad news in my ear and i look over to the other side of bar and who do i see but who you and the police

uniform talking to another cop that's my cousin i grew up with this motherfucker i walk over i give him a hug he kind of gives me like a straight up hug i mean also he says to me hey you know people looking to fucking kill you right and he was dead serious and i'm trying to giggle like bro you would he's like i'm telling you people are looking to fucking kill you at that time i had destroyed west new york with fronts and give me an ounce of blow i'll be back in 10 minutes you know my mother all these people got together and said this guy's got a minute an example out i didn't know was going to be my stepfather i knew my godfather was after me like a motherfucker the guy in the motorcycle the guy in the motorcycle he was relentless he was relentless so i knew eventually

something was going to go down okay you know so that night once they told me i told my friends we got to get the fuck out of here and i never went back for six fucking years okay but uh just why why were you so upset at him because it i mean i know you grew up together but it seems like he did you saw it because in my heart i felt he had crossed over to the enemy for out for helping your step dad out yeah okay that's what i thought in my in my heart that's how my insecure had worked that's a big thing you you have a it took me 27 years to get over it really yeah so you just recently then yeah holy shit so that's we talked earlier about you with friends and it's uh loyalties a big thing to you

and then you know from jersey you know what mean from jersey means you're loyal and you're stupid and you're loyal you know you're stupid and you're loyal when you watch all those jersey videos anything was stupid we're not fucking five beta cap is but our stupidity means it takes over our loyalty i don't mean people from jersey you're stupid what i'm saying is we're so loyal it's stupid that's what i mean to say it's so we're so loyal we're so fucking loyal even though we see those idiots on that uh shore what is it what's the show jersey sure jersey sure show we still claim to be from jersey well the people would bail they're going from philadelphia i'm from fucking pennsylvania you know i'm saying i mean other people would bail yeah i'm proud to be from

fucking jersey i'm proud to have sanatum my fucking bloodline i'm proud to have queen latifa and opp i'm proud to have heisman proud to have you know michael corin and dan calandrillo but our loyalty is all you fucking have sometimes you have to be loyal to the people that give you light how the fuck can't you not how the fuck can't you not be loyal to people who give you light you know who gives you light you know who's out there chucking and fucking jiving you know i'm saying when people give you light you gotta give them everything you fucking got in this world you're gonna get me all fired up now yeah a little fucking well a little music for these motherfuckers on friday what is it wednesday friday i don't even fucking know no more it's

wednesday get up april 24 it's a beautiful day to be alive motherfucker where's the music league i'm waiting for you to finish talking hit it fuck me talking who gives a shit nobody listens to this shit i love this jam ever since i listened to this jam my daughter that day in my arms i'm like god i'm still alive motherfucker even though we're whipping posts oh shit crack that leak oh shit wiggle for your uncle joey lee and where's the setup today to push it this is a jumping jack do a jumping jack okay well you're doing do a jumping out of looking really talk oh stop it hit it lee oh shit we're almost on the island get up watch that pussy it's a beautiful motherfucking day

my money here you go lee now she's with one of my good times but she's drinking in some cross time oh shit break out the yamadas it's a joey fucking wednesday time to a whipping ball are you kidding me or what dropping it are you fucking kidding me or what turn that shit off i might have to go home and shoot some fucking chinese heroin you think chris brown could sound that fucking sincere not one fucking motherfucker today could sound that sincere in this fucking music like that jesus christ jesus christ is right we got time to fucking around that's what this podcast does makes you look through all

the fucking bullshit and let's that dude was fucking oh lord i feel like i'm dying are you kidding me or what he was feeling at league that's pretty intense for a white guy to say bro i'm telling you these motherfuckers weren't even white they were supernatural white they ate one of the bread with macaroni and cheese in the middle and i loved it with dirty feet they didn't give a fuck about showers but look what they fucking produced it doesn't matter that's what they fucking came up with these guys clay got the backwards hat the two earrings and the fucking warm-up suit and they can't sing for shit if it's not an organ fucking helping you some bullshit guy writing for you that was pure six eight guys white heroin booze the almond bro you fucking nuts get up do some heroin

do something if you're just gonna lay there and watch fucking tv you cocksuckers what's up i gotta give a shout out to them emotional you know what i'm saying i'm emotional today i want to give a shout out to my main man hey zoosa girl he's been juicing he lost 140 fucking pounds congrats buddy you don't think he cried i don't feel good i can't do no he's fucking you were sitting here last night i heard eating fucking mcdonald's cocksucker and the rogers uh death squad new jersey death squad grand rapid death squad Harlem death squad as a motherfucking hoe i love you cocksuckers keep doing what you're doing spreading the word giving light pick up a fucking piece of paper you know i'm saying that's what death squad's all about and matthew brothers north carolina death

squad cool motherfuckers jason fucking motherfucking kason and that's it dog don't forget you know uh i think i coffee to a bullet perfect tremendous i got a bag of it i never opened i forgot i had that putting the thing i got all those little cups with that new machine finally had my wife on sunday i go look at this fucking bag of shitty so she said told me how to teach you the thing and put it wow that's good that's why i'm fired up today probably good googly moogly put that coffee on that fucking list too mix them with some alpha brain jerk off on the chick's face and smoke you'll be fucking off and running motherfuckers that's quite a recipe what the you gotta get it together you've been slipping with me that fucking edible you didn't send you

didn't send the fucking guy that the cd it took your month to get the camera going you went to vegas you almost had a blue some of your i heard you almost had a blow believing guy in the airport to get home you better get your shit together so i'm gonna go to sleep now you ain't going to sleep it's over we're gonna go up and do jump do a jumping jack for the people that fuck you i can one jump and jack one jump exactly you know the deal i'll do it no you gotta do it right now you want me to do it first i'll do a jump in your face piss me the fuck off i do like 15 of these motherfuckers with the people downstairs guys do a jumping jack for the daily i don't want to hear no shit come on you gotta do a jumping

jack i just did a jumping jack didn't i no and i ate 90 more percent of that brownie than you did so i don't want to hear it 90 more over stab you with this fucking e-cigarette the fucking jugular look at the look at this fucking mult you gotta do a jumping jack you gotta see it look at these giggling this shit you gotta do more jumping jacksley okay how are you by the end of the month you're gonna be doing 80 jumping jacks here i could do 80 jumping jack you couldn't fucking do 80 jump your ankle would break how much would you give me to do 80 what's that do you mean 10 10 000 i'll do 80 i'll let the chalk fart in your face only 60 let me tell you something i'm picking up uh

burt creischer at 745 and we're going up and doing this live podcast tonight this is one of lee's fucking inventions tonight won't get back creisher you and him are always good together so lee runs this fucking shit for you people don't know he's a creative fucking force here so we're doing a live podcast that uh it's gonna be like a death squad festival tonight at the ice house i don't give a fuck where you at tonight come from all points south north get in your fucking car right now so as you hear this hang up the fucking phone put it in your pot put it in your ipod get in the fucking car and head i'm telling you there's a little bit i got an email this morning some guy showing up with eight pounds a week oh he's just gonna light up joints outside

the fucking lot we're gonna get fucking it's gonna be like a wood stock for reefer tonight make sure you're there two shows 830 i'm in the small room 1030 rogan tom segura uh burt creischer jesus fucking joseph and mary on the drums john lenon's coming everybody's showing the fuck up make sure you're there where else am i going i'm even going to uh texas oh oh shit i'm gonna tell you so i'm going to texas you know my ass wasn't gonna smell like after two days between chewies and the fucking barbecue in austin you have no idea you have no idea i'm gonna get that over his chicken i'm gonna get everything in fucking chewies i'll be down there from the second of may to the fifth of may there's only five shows don't fuck around

then the following week me and the other jew my best friend fucking jew arish afir we're gonna be stand up live in phoenix get your tickets online listen people it's gonna be a great fucking sum i'm going to grand rapids michigan oh shit fucking august 15th that week with a super when the ufc is in boston okay i told you that they all you bam i'm going to dock i think it's dr grins i can't wait to go to fucking michigan listen to some good radio see some real fucking dirty white women mission got the best dirty white women i think jenny freeman had jew pussy i think you said that about every fucking state what's that whatever state you're going to they got the dirtiest white woman i love them i love them i love dirty white women with freckles

and a little dirt on their heels freckles their ass all smells like gunpowder it's a party league you're following me i don't follow you i don't want to smell like i'm here this morning the girls on the couch she left leading do nothing again he folded at the fucking scene that's why i'm mad at this guy i gotta straighten you the fuck out i'm not gonna fucking i had a girl a girl do you know i feel like i feel like that guy and fucking good fellas when you help the kid when he's bleeding and all of a sudden i look at you and i go nine fucking towels to help that guy that's what i feel like every time i see you why i gotta keep grinding your foot you're slipping i had a girl cheat on me i'm not gonna i the girl's great i'm not gonna cheat on you uh girl uh when i was

in the black one no which one oh one before a couple one before that you don't want to cheat on why because you don't need ass you don't want to finger bang it was good i don't want i don't want to go with a one-eater ass you don't want to rub their feet with bang gay you don't want to stick a needle in their heel you know you don't want to grab them by the hair and tell them the fucking who's the 18th president you were oh we were having coffee and you were trying to break that down for me you got a fucking i can't i pulling a girl's hair punching them in the face making them puke up their own like swallow your jizz punch them so they puke up and then swallow it again it would be fucking i would freak out i can't punch a girl in the face i just had a punch

in the face no it's a karate chop in the neck fucking quads in the fucking throat why do you pick them up through the hoof in that monkey what's the problem here leah what we gotta do because i don't want to lick a girl's asshole why i just want to stay away from the asshole there's so much else i could do me either you lick it or you don't or somebody else will or you're gonna be given away you're fucking every three years you're gonna be given away a new computer because some chicks are gonna go least cute i like him but he won't fucking stick his elbow in my ass he won't punish that fucking monkey you know you gotta get it together i ain't gonna talk about this no more because you just disappoint me you're gonna end up in McDonald's at the drive-through window

i haven't been a one fucking McDonald's fuck you cocksucker somebody go through my trash somebody said no bro i know you're a professional either you probably throw it away and burn it you're like a fucking like oj's fucking suit you know what i'm saying you probably pull over burn it clean all the fibers in your car make sure there's no fucking swap packages from McDonald's and shit i guarantee there's a ketchup in your car from McDonald's from the old days no you just keep it there to sniff it just to sniff it like a like when you finger a woman and you're fucking don't wash your hands that's what you do you little nasty motherfucker don't you ought to keep a ketchup packing i'd keep like a wrapper from the cheeseburger i know that that's what you just you just gave

yourself up i know there's a wrapper from a cheeseburger hidden under the seat and there was your driving on the 405 sometimes and you feel depressed about yourself you smell that wrapper and you're like should i crash the car into the fucking gate right now and take out all these Arabs i fucking leave what the fuck no what am i talking about i have no idea why do you get me out of this shit i tell you don't give me edibles in the morning what do you do you encourage me let me tell you what really happened with this edit what happened all right so i had to do some shit oh i went to kick marks i got home i took my wife to lunch we had to make some missions i had to go to church to get the back i had to do a thousand things just to my

wife and i stopped at the weed store and i got one of those chibo chews okay the whole fucking dose four i popped out about three o'clock by eight i was on fire i went down to the whatever i came back and i was looking for this thing i got one of these two the owner said take one of these take one of these i couldn't find it lee and for the life of me i kept thinking that i ate it already that's it i gotta go to the therapy you know i'm saying i'm eating edibles and i'm forgetting i'm eating edibles and i couldn't fucking find that i was pissed last night pissed furious pissed couldn't fucking find it i said all right that's it and this morning as i was leaving i looked over and there was on the floor laying there like the point all the bullets at the at the fucking train

station i picked up more the fuck up i go lee is going down bitches as soon as i seen it that's all i thought about lee was going down jesus christ what's going on from boston what are you hearing brother oh everyone's doing great they're opening a boilston uh street up today uh like the area um but all uh i hope everyone in the midwest is okay do you see that this morning fucking st louis is like underwater like the midwest what happened like the mississippi river is rising because of like the the snow is not all right oh yeah colorado got another foot two days ago she's in like i turned on cnn just because i want to see stuff about the boston thing and it's like st louis is like underwater and it's fucking i gotta call my buddy joey boom boom falado make

sure he's doing okay it's always something lately every fuck what happens to koreans they went away no they're probably gonna do it now since we're not paying attention to them no that's what they want they're not paying attention to now there's no nowhere to go you know the fuck you but we're so we got enough problems here i know i know you're gonna tell me you know what's with the questions but every time something like this happens there's always the conspiracy theorists like the government didn't in there they're putting these kids up i think these these guys did it it seems like they did but like whenever the conspiracy theories come up you like have a thought the second one like could the government do it i know the government does shady shit but stuff like this i mean do you

think that you like they're fucking faking it listen i don't know what to think anymore yeah i feel bad for the eight-year-old child i feel bad for the people that still in the hospital a week later i feel bad for the people from boston that's where my focus is you know when this shit happens i could sit there with you and read what's on twitter that the two kids and listen i don't give a fuck what the government does when it involves young lives that's what it destroys us as human beings you're destroying things yeah i hope in my heart i hope in my heart this isn't some government conspiracy is sometimes something yeah i hope in everything that i believe in you know everything that i believe in i hope that this is just people being assholes that's it people losing control

that's it yeah you know so that's where my focus is you know nobody needs to bury an eight-year-old child no it's terrible nobody nobody nobody needs to bury 24 children in a fucking grandma school and teachers that's absurd that's the beginning of life for us once you break that down what's next i can't go to school because my kid's gonna get shot yeah i can't feel you know i can't even go to a fucking race now so as an american brother you know this is the best fucking country in the world always will always has been we'll figure it out you know but now like i told my last week and people fucking tormented me like that well what do you want from me you want i'm a realist i i went to bed one night i woke up in the middle of the night i found my mother on the floor

in her own purple you know at 14 could you ever believe that something like that could happen no no i didn't i didn't you know i told the story about colleen mains that i dated this girl and i would ask her where's your mother one day she said my mother died i thought it was the creepiest thing in the world she was being raised by her sisters and her mother and her father what the mother had passed i'm sorry and and i gotta tell you something i broke up with her because i didn't even like the feeling of that how that felt that creepiness yeah that creepiness and not having a mother i didn't want to be around me and look two years later my mother died so when something like that happens who the fuck am i to tell you about life how will i know one

thing about life i gotta give you a hug when i leave here because i can get my car make a you turn and get hit by a fucking silo missile yeah that's the truth that's all i tell people this has been a fucked up year there's been that movie theater thing the the new town connecticut now this it's like it seems like it's happening more often now so you're gonna tell me that now every time you go somewhere you're not gonna look around and be more cautious whether it's cosco whether it's a baseball game whether it's these motherfuckers you know and god you know god bless the people that go through this i would never want to go through this in a lifetime can you imagine being on a fucking race the bomb goes off yeah just to have some fun a fucking race an american race

fucking people getting together and running what's next they're gonna bomb fucking the one with the you know i don't even want to get into it because some of you missed missing true this wrong i don't want to but what's next yeah it's fucking airport or no they really did a fucking airport what's next a park a baseball game a u of c event a movie another movie what the fuck is next yeah it's uh it's crazy it's uh and connor hewn the guy our buddy who called and he wrote he wrote to me on twitter yesterday he must be listening to a backlog he said like you have to uh really follow your instincts and there was a guy on your gut yeah i seen that i spoke to him yesterday he's a good fucking dude come here man he's a good fucking dude he's a great guy there's a uh like one of the

guys who helps uh identify the people in boston he like made eye contact with the guy when he put his bag down and two minutes later the bomb went off like it's always it always feels weird if you're gonna like raise your hand and be like this seems where he left his bag here and you never want to do it but now you when you go anywhere you're gonna have to you have to look you have to look you have to be alert no more fucking around and you have to pay attention what i've been saying since day one you know i was taught that you have to fucking pay attention you got to walk around and keep your fucking eyes open what the fuck are you hearing about pay the fucking attention look around and see what the fuck's going on when i get out of my car i'm looking the fuck around i'm

looking at things nobody else is looking at i'm looking at why is that guy walking like that why is that guy standing there i look at all this shit and i could go in a fucking bomb today or get shot today but pay the fucking attention around to your surroundings and you know it could be anybody it could be fucking anybody you can't blame on arabs no more or nothing it could be fucking everybody anybody a white dude it could be fucking anybody you know and this has been going on for years but you're absolutely right i mean i still remember the oklahoma city mob yeah you know you were a young fucking guy right 94 yeah ten six six you know i mean i still remember sitting there with fucking and crying you know sitting there and crying that's feeling empathy you know for

fucking american kid whatever it's a it's a it's a it's a it's senseless so my heart goes out to the people of boston hang in there you bad motherfuckers fucking the homer arrow smith and riko petticelli and fucking the boston redsox 1975 team i love lewis tionton and everything that boston fucking andre tippet i've been with you motherfuckers since the beginning i love you motherfuckers so hang in there cocksuckers i get emotional shit let's do this league play some motherfucking music i'll see you cocksuckers at the ice house tonight i'll see you in texas or i'll see you in arizona keep your fucking eyes open pay attention tackle a motherfucker because that's all we got we got ourselves our loyalty and our fucking balls take it do you bad motherfucking

enjoy you and if you're a jew act like one leave the house with a lighter oh shit oh shit i've been lied to i don't know why now she's with one of my good friends drinking in some cross time sometimes i feel like i've been tied to the limit tied to the limit lord i feel like i'm dying