Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #048 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, March 17th..... Happy St. Patrick’s Day...... Today, we talked about Hollywood..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, GABI.COM...... Go to h...ttps://www.DraftKings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.GABI.com/UNCLEJOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada visuals@benjamintelford.com Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You ready you let me know what you let me know when it's when just go like that Greetings from podcastville Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Draft Kings listen to me the biggest college basketball tournament of the year is heating up You got to get off the fucking couch and get into the tournament action. All right. Here's what I got for you this week Hey, you ready for this one? You bet four bucks on an underdog any fucking underdog if they win you're up $256 that's 64 to one odds. That's fucking insanity. You understand me, but that's draft Kings. It's fun
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Starting point is 00:03:24 Draft download the draft king sportsbook app now And tell them your uncle joey sent you you understand me now The joint is also brought to you by gabby insurance gabby g a b i We're all looking for ways to save our money, right? Especially now everybody's waiting for that small 1400 that's going to come and go like you know So let me ask you this. How'd you like a little extra 961 dollars a year in your pocket? If I could save you 961 dollars per year, what would you do? That's how much gabby customers save per year on their car and home insurance
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Starting point is 00:05:41 Happy st patty's day to everybody Let's get this party started Check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint You What's happening you bad motherfuckers happy valentine's day Half of you motherfuckers will be marching whatever getting drunk. You're probably fucking lit by now You filthy cocksuckers and I don't blame you I remember when I was younger st patty's day. I went fuck it. I used to go nuts
Starting point is 00:07:01 He you start snorting day you start snorting coke the day before on st. Henry's day You know i'm saying so by the time patty comes around you're ready for that motherfucker Thank you very much for enjoying the uh the ovon podcast Listen, man, we're gonna start zooming once a week Because this is just listen. I love talking to you guys. I love I love letting you know What's in my heart but to be honest with you? I've been feeling a lot better since I've been doing the zooms It took a lot of pressure off me Plus I got to see my friends
Starting point is 00:07:31 We've been talking on the phone. We've been just talking, you know, I've been talking with all these guys. So Now when I see him in the zoom, it's like it brings all of emotion back to you. Let's me know how much I love d.o I love that kid. I love that kid with all my heart and i'm happy he came on and i'm I'm happy I kept in touch with him and that's what we do you keep in touch with your friends The ones that matter some people don't matter they tape it off, you know Me I try to do my hardest when I see somebody doesn't have interest I lay off him, but that's the rule number one of the fucking joint You got to give a fuck about your friends and you got to check in with them not text them check in with them
Starting point is 00:08:07 How you doing? What's going on? How's mom's doing? And you know, it's it's a tough pandemic for fucking everybody I was just telling mike That my friend's dad died. Now, let me tell you something. Let me tell you the type of guy I am I've known this guy for three months three months So if you want me to tell you he's a good friend and a lie to you, but you know these people You don't even know the fucking person. So what are you so fucking, you know But he's such a great guy this guy mike. He's such a great guy He's done me so much so many good things as I've moved here
Starting point is 00:08:41 I called him the other they check on him and he goes joy. I can't talk I'm with my father in the fucking hospital, you know, I didn't think about it Then we have a mutual friend The guitar the guy who gives me guitar lessons told me that his father had covid or whatever and Well, the whole family got it and you know, just one of these fucking horror fucking stories that you read today So I checked in with him every day, you know, friday saturday, you know And then last night I got the call that his father passed I didn't want to bother him right off the bat like you don't want to jump on somebody right off the bat
Starting point is 00:09:17 So I just let him know that I was thinking about him But I gotta tell you something guys while I was doing it I got fucking teary eyed because it's like When does this shit end? I don't even notice motherfucker that well It's not like he's one of my friends from 40 years or 30 years or 20 years But at one point your empathy starts to fucking break you start looking at these people I got home before I had to do a thousand fucking things this morning I get home fucking 10 o'clock fucking
Starting point is 00:09:46 You know the computer Facebook a kid Carrying his mother in a fucking casket. I want to see that. I need those fucking memories in my life But that's what's happening today. So if it's happening to you, I'm fucking sorry Our hearts go out to you and your families man, but Back to this motherfucker. Listen guys when I told you the other day. I was fucking around heartbroken about JLo and alex. Do you really think I give a frenchman's fuck? It was a joke. You dumb fucks
Starting point is 00:10:16 I was just fucking around because most americans are at home going. Oh my god What are we gonna do about JLo and alex? What are we gonna do? She's ran through the fucking mill She's run through the mill from rappers to roller skaters to ice dancers to dancers Baseball players now everything's canceco is fucking with canceco new She's gonna run through this fucking guy, too Canceco's over there now with a swami thing reading palms like somebody gives a fuck about him Go put a fucking needle in your arm. You cock sucker It's it's it's like, you know these fucking women in la
Starting point is 00:10:51 And it's tough to describe like it's tough to describe, you know Now everybody wants to cancel bill burr the guy didn't even do nothing But they set themselves up people these motherfuckers are setting themselves up because it's like Why do you have him there? You know, he hates the whole status quo shit You know, there's a bunch of us that hated that shit from day one myself Joe Rogan bill burr That that that ain't for us. Can you listen when you if you if you're ever
Starting point is 00:11:21 Sitting there with your family during the academy or the grandmys And you're like, I wish I was there Get up and go bang your head against the wall ten times. You have no idea how bad those things are I know people who have gone in between commercial breaks. They got extras Sitting there and they have to get up. They don't let you get up. It's a fucking nightmare You see from the bottom of the bow those event things are fucking jokes They're fucking jokes amongst us. So if you're gonna call bill burr to do one of those things bill burr is gonna shit on it That's why I love bill. You can't take nothing from us. Listen, you could only cancel us if we let you cancel us
Starting point is 00:12:00 That's it You could cancel us if we let you cancel like me They want to do that thing about the girl 23 years ago. You're in no danger You're in no fucking danger. You're in no danger about canceling nothing If you're gonna cancel me you should cancel me about kidnapping the dude But you didn't you didn't give a fuck about a guy handcuffed in a trunk of a car With fucking uh handcuffs on In there fucking like momo fucking. No, you didn't care about him. You cared about some girl that nobody fucking knew
Starting point is 00:12:30 Nobody knew but that's the world we live in today. And that's what we so every comic most comics 90% of comics are walking around like what can I say? You say whatever the fuck you want to say and you let the pieces fall where the fuck they fall If they don't like it switch the fucking channel. That's it. It's that fucking simple I'm not gonna say what I want to say from my heart Because i'm scared that you're gonna cancel me go fuck yourself that ship sailed I canceled myself in fucking 19 in 2007 when I stopped snorting coke I canceled myself so
Starting point is 00:13:01 You're in no fucking danger, but it was nice talking to theo. You know, listen men me and theo Have been going through something for the last four or five years me and theo always have deep deep discussions about comedy and How it should be done or whatever and we both came to the conclusion last week Before we did the podcast we were talking on the phone like a week before that And I go now, I know what was eating away at you and I
Starting point is 00:13:32 It's that we were burnt out Number one number two we were living amongst those fucking people was straight up people. He's from New Orleans He's Louisiana from the south boy. He's not into all that fucking Hollywood bullshit. You think I'm into that Hollywood bullshit. I know exactly who the fuck I am. I'm a felon They don't want me. I don't want them. They don't want me around them I don't want them around me and they make believe like, oh, we love you No, you don't no you don't but I know that going in as long as you know what going in You're not gonna get your feelings hurt. You're not gonna get upset. You're not gonna get mad
Starting point is 00:14:06 Nothing's gonna happen to you. Bill Burr is handling everything. He does 100 right. He stuck up a Gina Carano Which he had every right that we all do because they fired her over fucking nothing over some stupid shit that they were scared She said the truth So what they're trying to do now is fucking if you say the truth if you if you feel in your heart, you're saying the truth Say it who gives a fuck if they're gonna cancel what I had to take away your little shit job What I had to just don't be a fucking jerk off about it Stand and commit. It's so funny when you first get into comedy
Starting point is 00:14:42 You write jokes and sometimes you're not ready for those jokes You write a joke that and you say it and you laugh and you go fuck It's a funny joke, but the audience isn't getting it because they could smell The non-commitment If you say a joke like Be big say it be yourself say it from your heart say it from your soul So they know when I'm on stage they know every fucking word that's coming out of me is fucking true And they know I'm taking them for a psychological ride
Starting point is 00:15:15 You know, I used to have a bit about doing coke with my cats. Jesus christ You don't know how many times I had fucking people reach out to me and go Do you really do coke with your cat? It's a joke. It's it's an it's an exaggeration of a thing. That's what makes it funny But do you think I'm I'm surprised I'm not cancelled over that Because somebody actually wrote in my wikipedia That I did coke with my cat and that the cat I mean This is how fucking the land that we live in so if you want to cancel
Starting point is 00:15:48 If you want to get cancelled you can let them cancel you I'm not going nowhere bill burr is not going nowhere As you can see the liars attacking now attack brian callan I give them all the fucking I give them all the heart in the world because Let's think let's talk about something here that I wanted to talk to you people about Just to let your head know where we came from There is no place on earth like hollywood
Starting point is 00:16:16 People will you've heard that expression sell their soul They will sell their soul male and female In hollywood you change you And here's a sad thing you don't know when you're in it You don't know when you're in it for me. It was 2004 I learned quickly. I learned during this taping of the longest yard great movie great taping I had a great time fucking doing it, but I also learned about smoke getting blown up your ass
Starting point is 00:16:52 And how people in hollywood love to blow smoke up your ass and It was one of the first times that actually allowed somebody I'm being honest with you guys. I allowed somebody a blow smoke up my ass. I actually believed it I should I should be ashamed of myself for fucking believing it But that's what you get you got a smack to the face When you believe it and you smack yourself in the fucking face because you're a fucking idiot You don't believe what these people tell you you look at them. You smile and you go, okay Great after you're on a set you see the fucking hypocrisy
Starting point is 00:17:27 and the bullshit and you just Work with it. You laugh. You smile. You yeah, sure. Right. Whatever lunch. Yeah. Have your people call my people You know, that's all bullshit. That's all bullshit. So don't believe the fucking hype a couple weeks ago This this thing came on. I don't know a lot of you guys have HBO or not So it's not fair for me to talk about this, but I'm gonna tell you what happened HBO to the fourth part miniseries. I think it's a four-part on Mia Farrow and Fucked nut Woody Allen. Okay The thing was about accusations accusations accusations accusations I made a constant a conscious decision
Starting point is 00:18:12 After the second week I looked at my wife after his over and I go, you know what that's the last time I'm watching this And my wife's like why and I go, you know why because we don't live in california no more And when I part of hollywood no more and in this world has nothing to do with me anymore This is not who I am anymore. This is not who I want to be anymore These are not the people I want to be around anymore. I made a constant fucking decision conscience conscious decision July 12th last year that I knew it was time for me to go
Starting point is 00:18:48 I I have a gift that I know when it's time to go. No, didn't they just Try to shoot didn't they just shoot a lady and take a watch off some guy's hand on In beveley fucking hills and beveley hills and it wasn't time to go. There's still people leaving in LA Living in denial or waiting it out or whatever the fuck they want to do LA ain't gonna get no better and ain't gonna get no better This is called a down spot downward spiral of california. It's a fucking shame I love the place with all my heart You know when you when you were jersey boy, you grew up thinking that someday i'm gonna go to california and
Starting point is 00:19:25 Just serve for whatever the fuck stupid dream you have when you're a fucking kid You know Yeah, you called me one day he's like i'm thinking of coming out here go for what? For what I go. We're almost done. I and I told you that I go. I told you that we're almost done It's just a matter of time sit tight Nothing's gonna happen here. I already was reading the cards. I was already done with LA 2016 I was pretty much done with LA and I was pretty much burnt out on comedy the flight home from las vegas After the netflix shooting
Starting point is 00:20:06 Was the longest one hour of my life. It was I had to have the longest Talk in the world. I have had a you know, I've had Couple long talks with myself. You have to from time to time You know what i'm saying? You either have to have a long talk with yourself or you have to smack yourself in the face from time to time, okay I don't fuck around okay. He said every once in a while you gotta have to bitch lap yourself or fucking Oh, you know
Starting point is 00:20:36 This is why I don't lift my hands to nobody because I don't I don't even I can't I can't even control them You know, if you're gonna be that stupid just smack yourself and wake yourself to fuck up, you know But I I made a conscious decision. I'm gonna get the fuck out of here and I did and I was very happy And that's all behind this but i'ma tell you before you Read any more about rapes alleges accusations
Starting point is 00:21:01 Anything like that in LA. I want you to I don't know if you saw the the the Mia Farrell versus woody, whatever but let me tell you what happened This is what I'm what I said This is it because this is what the mentality is in LA just to let you guys know Regular americans regular people overseas australia just to let you know how pathetic these people are She found out
Starting point is 00:21:32 Woody was molesting the kids whether or not this is the accusation She found out she was molesting the kid While While she knew And she approached him and she accused him she still worked on his movies Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you guys so wait a second so Joey Diaz comes to my house rapes my kid
Starting point is 00:22:05 Calls me up a week later Or I don't know what he did to him molested Grabbed him. I don't know the accusation. I had to stop watching. All I do know is I know that he found like soonies picture naked pictures at his house because they kept different Residences even though they live together They kept separate apartments So what you're telling me is that After I let's just keep it simple here. Let's just keep it simple so your head don't blow up
Starting point is 00:22:37 You know because if you believe that I gave a fuck up my jailo and alex God knows what you'll believe. I didn't know I was that good of an actor Let's pretend I molested my little brother mike's kid here I don't think mike would work for me no more I think mike would call the cops and I wouldn't blame him. He's not a rat. He's just Protecting his child and other children from getting molested from a gorilla like me I don't be the second thing I do. Yeah, I don't think mike Would take a call from me and go. I'll be up there. Monday to do the podcast for you
Starting point is 00:23:16 I forgave you about molesting my child Because that's unforgivable why I live as a matter of fact Why I come from Not north bergen not new jersey, but where I come from That's an act of I could shoot you in the fucking head and call the cops And tell the cops. I don't know what happened He molested my child and the cops are okay. We'll drop them off in the weeds for you Thank you for getting the molester off the fucking streets
Starting point is 00:23:44 But now we live in different times. You can't be doing that shit. She sold her soul. Yeah She sold her soul But it's not just me a farrow. You hear these stories constantly So you rape me and then when Brian called you you actually went to the audition to play his wife Come again. Do you understand me? So this is what runs through This is the mentality
Starting point is 00:24:13 Of hollywood They don't give a fuck. It's like the people who went to work for woody harris and listen. I'm not mad at you You got maester. You had his name woody Allen? Yeah, whatever The people that went to work for him like a lot of people who work for them in films They get heat for working from you know what I'm saying? I don't I don't judge nobody for working from I don't pay your bills. So until I pay your bills and I can judge what the fuck he's saying even then But they work for him because they need the money, you know
Starting point is 00:24:44 Knowing that he's a fucking child molester or whatever. He's been a falsely accused or properly accused or whatever You know, so think about what people will do In hollywood, that's just a mindset of hollywood when I watch me a farrow speak who I've always been a fan of You know, I loved her and rosemary's baby um She reminded me Of every actress I spoke to an la Like they all have that common thing, you know, I'm saying like they'll do certain things, but
Starting point is 00:25:16 It was very sad to me, you know, and I just told my wife. I'm not watching this no more because I like I told my wife if you found out I molested fucking mercy Would you work for me as a if I directed movies? She looked at me and said you'd be in jail You know that that's not here or there, but that's just to let you know the mentality Of where I came from You know, I it never got to me like that. I tell you to go fuck yourself and I did and Once I got off the cocaine
Starting point is 00:25:49 That's when I really saw hollywood for what it was and after that People didn't listen after the longest year and people didn't really want to work with me I'm not I'm not ashamed to tell you. I love adam adam loves me But he had a producer who didn't like me because he came up to me wanted me to do something I told him to go fuck himself Told him right to his face. I don't give a fuck. I was looking for a job when I found this one You talked to me like a man and don't fucking talk to me at all until this day me and that producer don't get along He retired. He quit. He's moved on. He's a gazillion and you know, uh, he was a good producer
Starting point is 00:26:20 I'm not here to say he was a bad producer. I think he just approached me a way that I don't like I told him what I felt That's why sometimes you see a poster the longest yard and I'm on it And then you see another post and I'm not on it. That was all his doing To break my balls at the end. He put me the last and the thing He did everything he could to break me But at the end I kicked the ass in that fucking movie. He did everything he could He did everything he could to try to die
Starting point is 00:26:47 Everything you don't understand how I still remember the day I had a shoot the scene with the fucking in the locker room with the thong on With my stomach hanging out. That was my fucking idea That was my fucking idea because I wanted it I wanted a out of respect for serrano a major league If you ever see the cuban guy in major league when the owner of the club comes in She's he's got a thong on and she smacks him in the ass I'm not saying that some hot chicks gonna smack me in the ass
Starting point is 00:27:14 But out of respect for serrano, I thought it would have been a funny scene If I just wore a jockstrap or whatever There were these two fucking You know white little college kids from paramount or whatever company is talking to adam When I went up to adam, I said, excuse me like a gentleman I had the jockstrap already in my hand. I go adam. I want to wear a jockstrap in this scene And he says to me and the two dudes are talking to adam And they're like don't let them do it adam and adam's like, whoa
Starting point is 00:27:44 What do you want to do? I go you ever see major league? I want to wear like serrano did I want to wear a fucking job, bro He's like let's give it a fucking go see right away the producers like no He's not doing it adam said let him try it Let's see how it looks when I Bro, and you know me they were like, what are you gonna do right here? And the thing I go Just put a towel up you ever see when the fighters go to weight themselves and they put a towel up
Starting point is 00:28:09 There was chicks in the room. They were fucking line directors The chick from scripty that fucking I said, I don't give a french was fucked Adam didn't give a fuck about my balls one day they fell out of my shorts like I was sitting down I was sitting on a bucket and my balls fell out of my shorts And people were talking about me. I didn't even know it like I was high I'm looking around because new mexico is gorgeous I'm just looking around at the scenery and all of a sudden adam sandler walks up to me right here the corner of my eye
Starting point is 00:28:38 And he goes joey, I don't mean to insult you but your little your punching bag is hanging out So he would call my one nut the punching bag So that's how it started. So after that he's like dog How big are your fucking balls? That's just one of them Jesus christ. He goes, I didn't know be people's balls could even be so fucking big but No, I said Listen, I don't even know how we got on this subject. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know
Starting point is 00:29:09 accusations from people that lost their souls Yeah, all these fucking people in LA. So I had to unwind from that. You could tell I'm a lot better do I'm doing a lot better Than when you first saw me and I was like this fucking mummified in front of here I'm a little bit more loose, you know, things are happening because I was beat up those last four years were fucking torture Torture the more you think about it after I talked to theo not on the podcast But before that I understood what was going on and I understood what was going on with him And I understood what was going on with me. So us two just
Starting point is 00:29:45 Psychologically fucking worked it out and we figured it out and it was great seeing him on that screen And I mean that night after we did the podcast we spoke again about What we spoke about in the podcast, you know the fun we had, you know, listen man, I'm I'm I'm very proud about a lot of things. I'm very proud that I did 880 episodes of the church I'm also very proud. I ended it and started something new and you guys are now witnessing the growth as we do it Some people couldn't take it after two episodes and they left and that's fine. I'm not mad at them To each his own. I think the first six episodes this podcast were fucking all over the place. It's been the last Maybe month month and a half
Starting point is 00:30:28 That we've been on pace and getting a grasp. Well, so I Thank you for sticking around and thank you for understanding the process it takes To have a fucking podcast and to do a podcast, you know, everybody always criticizes this one or that one I haven't something the other day that was fucking hilarious A friend of mine sent me a video It was on youtube and he goes, I want you to hear these two fucking jerk off comics See the problem see what you guys didn't know what was going on was that and leal tell you
Starting point is 00:30:59 leal tell you because lee and I talked about it all the time the routing was They were called Joe Rogan first And if they couldn't get through the rogue and they'd hit me up at the same time So if rogan raised their hand, then they would blow me off You know I'm saying so if I would say you want to come on the podcast And rogan would say no, then they would come in like fucking happy as shit. You know I'm saying Listen, here's the problem with the podcast that everybody got confused with I did when rogan started his podcast. Let's say 2010 to be conservative
Starting point is 00:31:36 2009 let's just go with 2009 I Liquid fucking that It's just sparkling water tremendous I think there's a website for it. Check it out. My girl sent it to me from the brasska colleen. I leveled all my art I told I try it. It's fucking tremendous like a carbonated water In the fucking 80s when you went on johnny karsten for you guys who watch the documentary or maybe you don't know how comedy works When you go on something you immediately blow up. What does that mean joey? We don't know what that means. Well
Starting point is 00:32:15 When Roseanne was at the store mitzvah in the original room And she liked it so much. She told her to go up in the main room And then while she was up on stage in the main room Two people from the tonight's shows saw some one person. I don't know the exact story If i'm hacking the story up, let me know. I'm just trying my fucking best and They put on the tonight show once they put you on the tonight show
Starting point is 00:32:43 if you killed and johnny karsten went like this to you You just became a half a millionaire You just got a half a million dollars worth of work You're gonna they're gonna put you in two films And every comedy club in the country is gonna watch it. That's just by johnny karsten going like this. Okay johnny karsten went off the air then it was um
Starting point is 00:33:11 The the show That was on comedy central With the guys great fucking show patrice rich vas Tough crowd it was tough crowd if you went on tough crowd you blew up then it was opien anthony You know people were dying to get on opien anthony then it was howitz stern But then it was a reputation of fucking joe rogan that if you went on joe rogan you blew up Yes and no Did it bother a guy like me that people would say something like that that would be so shallow
Starting point is 00:33:44 Yeah, because the first time I went on rogan. I was already doing comedy 18 years had already done Five or six fucking major films. I was a regular at the store I was kind of co-headlining already I was starting to headline and co-headliner. I was not a headliner I'm not gonna tell you that But I was headlining big difference in being a headliner And being a comedian that's headlining I wasn't a headliner. It took me a couple years to learn
Starting point is 00:34:17 Thank god rest in peace. Greg heraldo taught me what a real headliner was when I watched him Uh for a long time. I just you know raffi may was a true headliner joe rogan is a true headliner bill burr off the charts headliner I was a comic. I was what's considered a comics comic I performed for the back of the room. There's no money in the back of the room. It's comics comics aren't gonna pay you So that's what I was I was considered a comics comic That's when you perform for the back of the room. So for years I didn't give a fuck about the audience. I hadn't made the comics left
Starting point is 00:34:55 That's and that's great too. That's a great thing to have too when you're a comics comic That's a very good reputation to have But you're not really a real fucking full-blown National touring headliner There's two and I understood that at the time in 2008 or nine 2008 I said I'm gonna take Six months and every Thursday night. I'm gonna drive to the Irvine Improv and see who the headliner is
Starting point is 00:35:26 And the first Thursday I drove down. It was Greg Corral though. I did not know I did not I knew he was from new york. I knew he had a tv show I watched Greg Corral though. I watched patrice o'neill even though I was headlining I wanted to become a headliner I watched all the Joe Rogan was always a fucking headline that motherfucker always had a tight one a tight hour And it was a tight hour. It was a hung and it was weave. I was just out there throwing stuff Anyway, the purpose of this is for me to tell you that When I went on rogan, I never I'll tell you some secrets. I'll tell you some secrets that happened later
Starting point is 00:36:07 But when I went on rogan the first two or three years, I didn't know what was going on I just went on there with the impression to be funny I went on there to do what I love doing the best Making my friend laugh. I love making him laugh There's certain people when you make them laugh It brings a warmth to your heart When I would make that man laugh, it would fucking warm my heart so much because I knew how hard it was to make him laugh
Starting point is 00:36:39 And for him to go crazy and I knew and I know this shit That he likes for me to say like I know that When there's a room full of people he wants me to go into one of my tirades. He fuels that shit That's why Joe Rogan is one of the best Adam Sandler is one of the best because they don't put a thumb on you. They want you to be funny I'm the same way when I tell my features go out there and fuck them up make it hard for me. I don't give a fuck Go out there and fuck them up Kate
Starting point is 00:37:11 Dean Carmen Morales chelsea skidmore all of them. I told them all go out there and fuck them up Don't worry about me because when I was opening up for rogan He would pull me aside and go dawg Get your shit together Go out there and fuck them up and I would look at them and go okay And I would smack myself. I give my shit that's four left That's four fucking rights to the fucking right side in one day when I fuck up. I beat myself up enough enough
Starting point is 00:37:39 It's time to start beating yourself up cock suckers. That's it. I would go I would get fired up and I would go out there and listen I was such a bad comic at the time like I was a good comic But I was a 50 50 comic I couldn't control my destiny. I didn't know What direction I could go in? So all that being said I heard this fucking little chat between two jerk off comics
Starting point is 00:38:08 And it was about that one of them is going to austin and he didn't get invited on rogan's podcast and That he heard that the last time his friend did it nothing really happened. Well And that when the other guy did it nothing really happened. Well, you went on there and you weren't funny That's what happened You went on there and tried to be a smart guy with rogan And you weren't funny When I went on rogan's pot then I After I found out all this shit people come up and go, oh, you're so lucky
Starting point is 00:38:41 You get to go on rogan whenever you want. I go. No, I don't No, I don't ask joe. I have certain dates the last podcast of the year And fourth of july if you check all his podcasts Check I always did them in july And the last one of the year there was a reason for that There was a reason for that And every time I went on there
Starting point is 00:39:07 I had I prepared myself from that fucking morning To the time I got there because I knew I was going on and I wasn't gonna fuck around That was my secret now people go to me. Why don't you go on there a lot more? You should go on there a lot more because I'm not a stupid hole like you I go on twice a year And my fucking chances of killing are even stronger If I go eight times a year, I'm gonna bond two or three times. It's the fucking number. It's a magic number But twice my chances of bombing
Starting point is 00:39:40 Yeah, some podcasts were better than others But I always left my soul on the table on the rogan podcast The same way I did on my table the same way I did on ryan's cyclist table The same way I did on stage These motherfuckers want to go and date and then you saw it when you were there People contacted me to go on my podcast the rogan's podcast Because they thought it would change their life like this Guess what?
Starting point is 00:40:07 Nothing changes your life Like this and even if it does If you're not prepared for it, what good is it? What good is it? You got to be prepared for what's coming at you Just because you want it doesn't mean you're prepared for it. Did you ever think about that? Just because you want it Doesn't mean you're prepared for it
Starting point is 00:40:29 And how do I know this because I saw this Not a hundred times close to 500 times I saw 500 commerce come to la To fucking steal hollywood office feet and guess what happened Ditch that's what happened. They didn't put in the time. They went there with reputations. They would take a shortcut They go to montreal They would get on new faces
Starting point is 00:40:57 Get a deal And then they make a mistake they show up to the and then everybody wants to see them when they get back to la They start doing showcases But one of those nights you pop into the improv and you got a final or savage like bill burr Fucking dug stand hope rogan myself some what happens to you What happens to you? You don't know how many times I had people coming up to me at the improv going dog Can you switch with the guy in front of you?
Starting point is 00:41:25 Because he's got industry coming to see him And he doesn't want you to disrupt their set like shit like that And I and I understood i'm gonna be honest here. I understood but at the same time I felt bad for them Because if something you know how many people came to see me in 23 years Maybe 10 These motherfuckers had people coming to see them every night But when people came to see me I fucking blew up that room. I didn't give a fuck who was in front of me
Starting point is 00:41:58 I didn't give a fuck who was behind me. I didn't let none of that enter my mind because that's when you failed You know, that's when you fucking fail that's what and and you know a lot of comics They know that you have a showcase And they'll get like at this comedy store if you had a showcase for somebody They would put an asterisk next to your name And that let the other comics know you didn't have a paid spot that you had a fucking showcase So what would they do anytime you were talking to somebody they would come up over and say hello and hug you Like they really care about you. So I would introduce them to the fucking agent
Starting point is 00:42:36 That's what they do. That's what they do in california So I had to tell people don't put a star next to me when people want to come see me Because then there were comics that didn't get stage time And we'll call and say I have a showcase for a certain company. Can you put me up? There was a certain guy that was doing that all the time He got fucking nailed because they told him one night. Where's fox come produce him Go get him or you're not going up And he's like, I don't know what happened to him. Well, you're not going up, but I have a 915 spot too bad
Starting point is 00:43:07 You're not fucking going up. It's that fucking simple. Sorry charlie The best tasting tuna gets to be stark as can I'm saying it's that fucking easy But it's just crazy that An experience comic would think that one appearance On the joe rogan show would change their fucking life forever that's so between that mentality And the mere thorough mentality
Starting point is 00:43:37 next time you hear About accusations or this or that Think about what I just told you The people that think that one thing is going to change their fucking life because that exists out there Listen, I knew tiffany haddish when she was babysitting. I congratulate her for our grammy You know, I go back and forth throughout from time to time. I check up on a I still remember having a conversation outside the Last factory with her with raffi and her telling us about her growing up and whatever. I love that girl I give her all the respect
Starting point is 00:44:11 In the fucking world But look at her blow up who knew it was it was going to be a movie girls night Right girls night for women For african-american women go that girl was busting her ass for fucking years She used to go on the road with red band her own red band a dear friends You know when she blew up people felt fucking calling me like She's not worthy. Who the fuck are you to say she's not? people attacked
Starting point is 00:44:35 Her to the end. I'm so happy. She won the fucking grammy. I'm I'm sad she beat bill burr bill burr lost the grammy But he knew that going in after you insult the spanish people and the guy's piano solo. That's true Listen, you ever go to one of those things You know, you know, I was watching the blue the green the green book the green book won the academy award two years ago nick vallonga to serve his father And i'm watching these fucking fancy people, you know You ever see those people with they're all fancy and dressed up and they're clapping for some piano playing violin
Starting point is 00:45:08 And you're sitting there going I don't get it I don't get this. What what what's all this shit? What's all this glam and fake shit for like you would really go pay to see some guy like Pay a fucking bowl like I I don't fucking see it And in the movie if you watch because I watched the movie here tonight It was a very great movie He tells the guy the guy remember that's the same guy The guy that's the star in that movie the african-american dude That's whose head was starting to get square the night I took the ketamine
Starting point is 00:45:38 That's the same guy from the green book. That's why I always felt bad when I watched the green book I'm like I felt bad that his head Was tripping out that night. I was tripping out of his fucking head, but there's a part that way the african-american tells Vito Morgan's and he goes we have to talk about your last name. We have to change it It's too long. People might not be able to say it by the long Yeah, and you know there and he tells him how smart they are and he tells him
Starting point is 00:46:07 He has to watch his diction the way he speaks and he goes. What are you talking about diction? I speak great, you know, and he goes no you curse too much And you fucking they can't he goes all right. I'll tame down my cursing But then he goes another thing we have to worry about your name He goes these are cultured people. They're intelligent and all this shit You can't be talking that way But on the other side he's telling them that he had to change his name Because people wouldn't be able to say it. He told them right now. You ever watch that movie Mike?
Starting point is 00:46:34 He told them right and he goes if they were so fucking smart They could say my name If they're so fucking smart and so cultured like how culture Is that what it means to be cultured to sit there with a fucking tuxedo on To watch a three-piece band Do whatever, you know, I listen. I appreciate the instruments. I I appreciate the work You put into playing the piano I appreciate the work you put in we had the violinist on the show who did a great job
Starting point is 00:47:06 Eliza, I love it at that, you know, I appreciate all that shit, but I don't appreciate fucking people getting dressed up with tuxedos Whatever with the wife looking like she's going to a fucking wedding and you sit there and make believe Like you're enjoying this. Nobody could enjoy this. That's torture that fucking piano at the end What what what are you saying? Because I didn't watch the Grammys. I knew it was on It's fucking interrupted my queen Latifah Yeah, it interrupted my fucking equalizer because I watch 60 minutes every week. I'm a 60 minute type of motherfucker So it interrupted my fucking, you know, I saw it was coming out. I was 60 minutes got off
Starting point is 00:47:46 So it interrupted my fucking equalizer And it fucking uh, you know I didn't watch it at all. I don't know Yeah, who the fuck knows I would have told him no off the bat I want to be down there with those people puking and whatever but at the same time like I I wasn't gonna watch it. I just gave up on Grammys and Oscars that just if Ricky Gervais was hosting
Starting point is 00:48:16 I would have watched the the monologue just to see him go off and make people uncomfortable Again, even Ricky Gervais every year they make him the host and every year You know that whoever hires him has got to be giggling in the back Because he loves same people get uncomfortable the same thing the same reason why why would you hire bill burr? A guy that you know doesn't give a fuck about what the fuck you're doing here He don't give a fuck about the Grammys None of us do none of why would you hire one of us? Why would it's like hiring joe rogan? He's like go up there and tell him to fuck off
Starting point is 00:48:50 I'm not doing this shit. None of us want to do that shit So when you do hire a guy like bill burr, you know where you get yourself into I would think you know, you fucking know, he's gonna go up there with his fucking You know boston attitude I loved it. Well, I didn't see the Grammys, but I saw the next day people attacking them and right away They're yelling for cancel culture. Now you're looking to cancel fluffy For the voice of speedy gonzalez But then the song of the year was wet my pussy
Starting point is 00:49:25 Or something like that So we got we got a pick you mother fuckers got a fucking pick get your shit together You really fucking do this is getting old now guys You know and and see the book well most people don't understand like most people are living in fear from this I know a ton of comments. They're like, you know what? Fuck you I'm saying what the fuck I want to say I'm doing what the fuck I want to do and I'm saying how I want to right now listen
Starting point is 00:49:55 I got three shows left at uncle vinnies. I'm gonna take some time for myself and the family for the summer Get my head together You know fall in love with comedy again. I did write a little half a bit yesterday Yeah, I'm just thinking about something I wrote it down. So I got a couple new things. I'm gonna try What happened last week was I went to a fucking christening party before Uncle vinnies and I wasn't focused. I didn't laser. I didn't even look at my notebook I thought I would remember everything so I went down there and ate a bag of dicks
Starting point is 00:50:29 At least I'm mad enough mad enough to admit it A lot of guys would say I killed no you didn't you know, I'm the type of guy tells you how it is That night I came home I taped my set but I already knew already there was nothing to listen to Because I didn't even try out nothing new I was just up there going through old shit just trying to fucking find myself or whatever But this week I'm a little bit more ready. I got three more sets In for the month three more wednesdays
Starting point is 00:50:56 And after that I'll take a breathe and man when I come back Because you figure the soprano movie comes out September 24th I'll start itching like in august because I've been in the house for a year and a fucking half by that time So just give it time Before you could fucking successfully do something you want to love it. You don't want to feel like you're forcing it That sucks. Have you ever tried to force anything? It sucks
Starting point is 00:51:22 Whether it's making believe you into something it just It just sucks and sometimes we do it. We do it. We do it. You know, that's why people end up sick That's why people end up fat. That's why people end up because it makes you unhappy You know, they have a thing in this country where they force your hand At the age of 19 To pick a major in college And then you pick that major And you graduate
Starting point is 00:51:55 And you go out into the job market and you figure out that this is not even close to what I wanted to do You know, what about these guys are well, my father was this I'm gonna be this and then two years in You're realizing you don't do it. You don't like doing it, but you're doing it for somebody else You're gonna end up sick. You're gonna end up fucking depressed You're gonna end up miserable. You're gonna end up doing something you don't want to do One thing about me is i'm a loser by trade. I'm a loser I've come to that conclusion a long time ago, but guess what? I don't do whatever the fuck I don't want to do I've never had that's the problem. I have that's what makes me a loser
Starting point is 00:52:36 That I don't do what I don't want to do I don't want to do it. I just don't do it. That's it. And that's the way it's gonna be for me to do some I want to do it from the core of my balls When I come in here at night and I practice on that guitar You know when I first started when my game of the guitar, I was going through videos on youtube And that's how I knew that I couldn't learn online because I'd gone through a few videos and Videos it was just hard for me to learn from videos. I
Starting point is 00:53:08 My mind wasn't into it or whatever Thank you for all the people who are offering guitar lessons and videos. I love you motherfuckers and in time When this thing clears up, we will do some we will have some fucking fun. We will Do some things that are different, you know, maybe on patreon. We can do a guitar thing. I don't know, but we'll burn that bridge when we get through it But the one thing I did pick up from all those videos I watched and I gotta tell you something I watched close to without exaggeration. Maybe 50 videos on the guitar Basic guitar stuff. I picked one thing up
Starting point is 00:53:44 I picked one thing up and I love that guy. I don't know. He's a goofy looking dude He's got glasses. I wrote his name down so I could Watch the rest of his stuff as I progress Because I liked what he had to say this was a video about Being older and picking up the guitar Not being a young kid and picking up the guitar. This is for people that he goes When I was teaching people the guitar
Starting point is 00:54:12 Every one so while somebody would come in that was way older than me and I'd have to teach him And I have to change up my style, you know to teach a 50 year old or a 60 year old A 40 year old he goes because I just worked with kids But he said something that was very interesting That I've always believed in He goes Make a goal You ready for this one again. We're talking about goals
Starting point is 00:54:38 Make a goal that you're gonna play the guitar five minutes a day That's it. He goes and I don't want you to put your guitar in your case I want you to buy a stand for your guitar. It's very important that you have a stand And He goes because If you tell you if you're beginning he goes, I don't want you to practice more than five minutes
Starting point is 00:55:05 I want you to touch that guitar every day for five minutes because I know That you'll improve a lot better if you play that guitar five minutes a day Then 30 minutes one day I listened to what he said and I'm like, Jesus Christ That is brilliant and and guess what else he said he goes and It also teaches you that you're not gonna play the guitar for five minutes
Starting point is 00:55:33 You're gonna play it for 30 once you pick it up But your goal for the day is to pick it up for five fucking minutes That's it. So basically it's just pick it up pick it up Pick it up strap it on play three chords and put it down. He goes. I'd rather you do that Then not pick it up at all and guess what I do every night now My life is changed here at the house Listen, I'm like you I can't watch no more fucking TV
Starting point is 00:56:03 If I got to watch one more fucking tea nobody has made more residuals than still vests is too long They've played every so vests is too long movie. He's ever made in his life There's nights where he has four movies on at once I love so vests is too long, but I had to give him a break I saw the first Rambo 20 times during this pandemic I've seen Rambo two 80 times trust me my dick still gets hard when he shoots the The Vietnamese deal with the arrow when he blows up. I love all that type of shit I have seen you know the other night lockdown was on it was so funny the next day
Starting point is 00:56:44 A guy on patreon asked me have you ever seen the movie lockdown? Yeah, because he saw it. I'm like, oh my god. It was on last night It's about him and he goes to prison and they fix a car whatever Nobody has made more money than so vests is too long Over the top the wrestling one cliffhanger. I watched the other night at fucking Eight o'clock, you know, you you could just watch so much tv guys. You just start getting soft And during the pandemic even with my fucking thing I would do setups at night. I got I said, all right I'll start doing a hundred fucking, you know, put my knee up and just do setups and then I started reading. Thank god. I'm reading
Starting point is 00:57:26 Now I gotta pick another book because I finished the book I was reading So now I got to pick another book that I've read already and I was looking at it last night. I couldn't come to a conclusion I think I'm gonna read the Pleasant Avenue connection. Just uh, because I'm trying to get my comprehension I'm trying to get focused again. My focus is all over the place But on top of reading the fucking guitar as moved me from point Let's say in the alphabet From z is the worst that your mental state could be and a is the best that your mental state was When I got the guitar, I was probably at q
Starting point is 00:58:08 And now I'm probably at fucking g I'm getting closer to my world guys I'm getting closer to my world every day and listen. Yeah, we were there was fear involved There was the anxiety of the move There was the anxiety of whether my daughter and my wife would like it There was the anxiety of the career. There was the anxiety of the podcast There was all these different anxiety that just met and fucked me up completely And I'm not you know, I'm not ashamed to admit the fucking truth
Starting point is 00:58:39 Did I go see a therapist not really because It's against what I believe But I used my friends I used all my friends and I ran my ideas by them And I wrapped with them and anytime a friend wanted to see me And the weather was nice I fucking run to his house and I'd sit in the backyard with him And even though was eating me alive inside that I might get this covid and die
Starting point is 00:59:03 Look, we're still fucking here Knock on wood every fucking day. You know, I've gotten through this and it's been hard But the The happiest thing the thing that makes me the happiest is that you guys have seen it I'm just not telling you a story from 10 years ago. You know 10 years from now. I won't be saying I was a mess No, I've been telling you guys that we've been going through this But I'm not I haven't been doing good. I'm not doing well. I'm doing better I'm doing better. Thanks to you guys the patreon the videos
Starting point is 00:59:37 The little fucking around now the instagram now the guitar. I'm almost there I'm at g and I hope you guys are at g too. Everything helps. I've cleaned up my diet You know, the pain pills are gone. Didn't he still hurts? I get frustrated But what am I gonna do? It's only two and a half months. I'm I'm I got two more weeks And I'm out of the fucking weeds but The point I wanted to make is that I'm listen man I don't know what condition you're in what mental condition you're in how you're doing, you know
Starting point is 01:00:09 There's a light. We're seeing this light so Whatever you're going through now is the time To start getting ready. Remember we kept saying This is all gonna be over soon. This is all gonna be over soon This is all gonna be over soon and ain't gonna be over yet We still got a little bit to go but there is a light at the end of the tunnel You know last thursday I got a call that somewhere I was at
Starting point is 01:00:34 Had fucking covet somebody that tested positive for covet. I took the instant test on friday I took another test. Uh, it wasn't the rapid test. It's the one where you worked for the email I went down there friday and took another one and he told me because if you got it It won't it's not gonna go in your system if you had contact with that person On a certain night. I had contact with that person on a tuesday night. I got the call on thursday So he goes give it like five days So, you know, I don't want to give it to mike. I don't want to give it to somebody at venny's So I went again yesterday and I got the result this morning
Starting point is 01:01:08 That were fucking negative. So I feel a lot better, but I'm I'm I was tripping on this Like I said in time we'll get the vaccine Right now let it roll out let people do what we're doing. I'm not doing much It's not like I'm going to concerts right now. It's not like I'm doing comedy shows or anything I'm doing one show a week to 41 people And uh, you know, we use all the precautions we can and I gargle. I got the nose spray You know the nose steroid I used that used to be 36 a container and now it's 200 a container And they make me pay for it because it's anti-covid spray
Starting point is 01:01:47 So at the same time it's a nose steroid It's also like anti-covid something it went up. It's shot up because people are using it To avoid whatever it's my regular nose spray. I've been using it Since 2013 since I got the fucking nose job I go I go through two bottles a month And they raise the fucking prices up, but that's that's the medical system Well, that's how I got the fucking surgery I was hooked on affrin I was hooked on affrin since my cocaine fucking days and then I started jujitsu
Starting point is 01:02:24 And I couldn't breathe out of my fucking nose unless I brought affrin. I just found an affrin I was looking through one of my fucking sports bags Because we open listen I the reason why I haven't opened up. I'm very sorry to a lot of you people I love you guys to death And I know you guys like to send stuff and you offer stuff to me. It's not that I don't want it We got two sheds out there One we had to take down to put the generator in we gave it to my man frank puma cross the street And the other shed is filled to the brim
Starting point is 01:02:58 With boxes from the move Once I get those fucking boxes cleaned up Then I'll put my po box out there and you can send me whatever the fuck you want to send me I'll take whatever you got shoes weights Fucking, you know when I left la I gave away so much stuff That I never got to enjoy because I didn't even know half the shit existed I was just finding I would come back from the road
Starting point is 01:03:24 People would give me pictures look might broke two pictures over the other day Two great fucking pictures that somebody sent them a year ago and he forgot to come see me at parks or something happened I don't know guys. I got a storage shed filled with boxes Let me empty these fucking boxes and see what I got in this shit And then you could start sending me my stuff I'll put it on the podcast for you whatever the fuck you want to do But let me just clean out these fucking sheds I don't want to get another po box every time I would go to po box. It would be a carload on the way back
Starting point is 01:03:57 The trunk the trunk would be fucking in a Subaru Tremendous shit people sent me the best shit in the fucking world Protein shakes this that everybody, you know, listen, man Everybody's trying to promote their stuff and I appreciate You know, I got a lot of I got a lot of stuff that was junk too. Don't get me wrong Wallet clips and shit that was just garbage, but I like this stuff people make with their hands That's the stuff I never got rid of like like this right here My future brother-in-law steve. I loved when people drew pictures of me
Starting point is 01:04:30 And people were coming and go that is the ugliest Joe Diaz ever ever said and I go I don't give a fuck Somebody put time into that Somebody sat down And put time into that I'll put a frame on it and then sell it. I'll do something But I'm not just going to throw it away somebody put time into that I wish I could draw half as good As some of these people that have sent me aren't I wish I could draw half as well as them
Starting point is 01:04:56 That's a fucking gift all to itself. But hey, we get what they give us To me, they gave me the gift to gab and big balls I got no looks and a medium dick, but I got big balls and the gift to gab We all can't get the same shit. I can't change the light bulb. I'm half polish. I can't fucking Change oil, you know, I can't do none. It's hysterical because I swear to god I must have been on the podcast And some guy on patreon. Who's a sweetheart? We had tons of conversations before that He fucking went off on me. You have to take the pan the fucking
Starting point is 01:05:33 The whatever the fuck the vaccine How at that time in the beginning a month ago, I was a little unsure I wanted for them to roll it out to see what the fuck the results were going to be Plus they're going in fucking order, you know And You know people he's like, well, you have a celebrity status. No, I'm not a fucking celebrity. I'm a suburban house dad I'm a suburban house dad. First of all, I was never a fucking celebrity. I was a dirty comic that got lucky So I don't know why you keep using that word celebrity
Starting point is 01:06:05 You never see me as celebrity golf tournaments or celebrity bowling tournaments or celebrity nothing because I'm not a fucking celebrity And I don't want to be a fucking celebrity. I'm a fucking dirty comic. I got lucky from time to time people put me in their fucking movies That's it Well, you're a celebrity. You should fucking go down there and get I said listen stop right there I go first and you know, he was telling me he's polis But that's how a conversation grew because I like parodies. I like stuff fucking green peppers goopki. I like polish food Yeah, actually you call it goopki. It's it's it's the stuff fucking peppers. You guys got the correct Annunciation. I'm retarded. I just call it goopki. So
Starting point is 01:06:49 He says to me you gotta get any kind of like went off in a way And I was like, I can't fucking believe I got the only pollock who could put a light bulb in Telling me that I need a fucking vaccine 20 million pollocks And I got the only one that could screw in a light bulb yelling at me for fucking I don't I think he unfollowed me I think he left. I think he got pissed off. Yeah, but we were friends, you know, like we were fucking on there fucking around So if he did get upset, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, you know I respected pollocks all my life because they're the only ones that never bitched throughout this whole thing Right. Everybody makes fun of black people. It makes fun of chinese people. They get pissed
Starting point is 01:07:24 Spanish people get pissed you've never seen a parade outside of Barnes and Noble With people going take the polish books down, you know, 100 polish books how to change a light bulb They've been writing fucking polish jokes. It's just the beginning of time and these people do not give a fuck There's has not been one protest There hasn't been a parade because they don't give a fuck. They're too busy eating pierogies and drinking vodka You don't go to a polish fucking wedding. There's four fucking days You never been to a polish wedding? Oh Oh
Starting point is 01:07:58 You don't know what life is until you go to a polish wedding in buffalo. It's six fucking days. It's six or seven days They're eating drinking dancing. I forget the dance. They do with the fucking dresses Forget about it. When you want to go to a real party you go party with the pollocks. They don't fuck around jack They do not fuck around polish weddings are Sensational if you're into that stuff, I'm into fun I don't want to yet I don't want to go to a wedding and sit there and there would be banging glass And she kisses and I can't curse in front of the old fucking grandmother
Starting point is 01:08:32 Because they're gonna die and the six flower maids are a bunch of cunts anyway I don't like those weddings those weddings. You don't don't even invite me to those fucking things But if you're gonna have a fun wedding, you know jump and fucking firecrackers and people get bought, you know Hammered and nobody cares. Nobody's gonna be judgmental towards you And if you want to take your vest off and dance with your fucking shirt, you know, those are the weddings I like those uptight fucking weddings Save them for somebody to fuck else I'm so
Starting point is 01:09:03 Yeah, I'm so upset because I was looking forward to going to jailos and alex wedding I was looking forward to going to that Puerto Rican fucking wedding Like I was gonna get invited get the fuck out of here your cuban fucked Puerto Rican weddings are fun too, but I didn't give a fuck about jailo I don't give a frenchman's fuck about alex rodriguez. I mean, I loved him as a baseball player I didn't get mad at him about the steroids. What are you gonna do people gonna do what they're gonna do? But uh, yeah, I guess that I gotta get married now. So I can't believe I'm gonna miss that wedding You know, I won't be able to sit next to kim, you know
Starting point is 01:09:39 The fuck out of here. What do I give a fuck? Anyway, we had a great week. We had a great time Uh That's it. It's just another fun fucking podcast another week is gone It's march 17th the same patty's day Go out there march drink. Have a good time. Just don't get covid. I don't give a fuck what you do I mean last same patty's day got fucking Fucking cancelled. So I guess this one I'm gonna be smoking puffing eating
Starting point is 01:10:10 I haven't eaten an edible in the daytime and so Fucking long Since that day with the spray with you Tomorrow might be the fucking day I can't stop on my way home and get a corned beef You know what? I can't even fucking do an edible in the daytime no more my responsibilities are so fucking high now It's not like LA where just take it at 159 Then it'll be two and you'll be fine now. I'm not gonna take another bottle more
Starting point is 01:10:39 Happy same patty's day to all you motherfuckers. I love you. Thank you very much for watching Thank you very much for understanding what we were talking about. But again Today's podcast was basically about fucking when I saw that Mia Farrow And whatever things so before you believe any more accusations Or any more stupidity that comes out of LA and the Hollywood scene Remember what I told you Mia Farrow continued working for Woody Allen After she knew that he was molesting her children
Starting point is 01:11:14 And that's what hollywood is all about. So I'm happy to be out of that scene I'm happy. I don't live in that anymore And I'm happy. I'm not in that entanglement of bullshit anymore. I'm in new jersey now bitches The other day I went to eat with my wife Sunday These two parents Called us up and they said do you want to meet at the park? We're gonna play some baseball
Starting point is 01:11:41 It was a kind of nice day. So I went over there with mercy and my wife and Mercy had the glove I had a break in because mercy starts softball next week Thank god So she's doing this saturday We're taking her for a mini camp like me and a friend of mine because My wife was supposed to get a fucking covid shot on friday, but now they call it. They might be a problem So I already made plans for saturday to take us. I'm like, you know, because the second shot is a little fucking tougher So I made plans just a buddy of mine from north bergen is coming down
Starting point is 01:12:13 He uh played professional baseball. He got drafted. So We're gonna take it to the batting cages and just you know, I've been messing around one of this week with the glove But the glove we got a what is too small For a fucking softball. I don't even know what I was gonna say to you mother fuckers Or if it didn't even matter But the week fucking changed now. So Uh, we're gonna start playing softball that no. Oh, so I went to the fucking field And the kids played and mercy hit the fuck out of that ball
Starting point is 01:12:46 She was just having a problem catching and whatever and then about three o'clock It started getting a little cold and the wind started coming in. So one of the parents was like, anybody hungry? Me and my wife was like we could eat so She the one couple they just uh, you know, they're just a nice cup all all of them are nice That's why I spent new years eve with these these people was a bigger in a bigger setting My daughter and their their son plays together and they're great the kids great So we went to eat and As I get up I'm walking towards the door. I got my mask on
Starting point is 01:13:23 There was maybe 18 people in the restaurant and the weirdest thing happened to me like this is Some kid just came out and know what he goes. Hey How about a picture? And I looked at him I go without even fucking breaking beat I just went nope and I just kept fucking walking And the lady That was with my wife, you know, because they were all talking about the lady That was talking to my wife was next to me
Starting point is 01:13:50 and she goes Is that how people treat you? And I go no He's just a fucking jerk off That has no class his mother didn't raise him right She goes to people do that all the time. I go people come up to me and talk to me all the time Do I love it? If you're a gentleman or you're a sweetheart of a girl come up and talk to me
Starting point is 01:14:12 Come up and say hello. Listen. I I don't like your podcast, but I like young rogan I don't like your jokes, but I like your podcast I don't like your podcast, but I like it when you did a re show. I don't give a fuck If you're honest with me, you want to come up and talk to me Talk to me, you know, I'm not going to take a picture with anybody right now during covid for your health and for my health Let's just stop with the fucking pictures. Okay, not right now In fact, that's the second picture. I had to turn down since I've been in jersey Which is a sweet thing for a guy like me
Starting point is 01:14:48 You know a couple weeks ago. I was having a I went to get lunch with my wife And before I got out of the car, you know, and some kid just knocked on the glass never brushed his hair Meanwhile, I'm on the phone with my fucking agent just knocks in the glass. He's like, let's take a picture You know, get the fuck out of here. Take a fucking hike. No mask. No nothing It's covid season people losing their lives Put your fucking camera away All right, put your little fucking camera away because I'm not taking a picture with nobody
Starting point is 01:15:19 I'm I don't want to feel responsible for me giving you covid And I don't want to be on the other end of receiving and since we don't know if you have it or I have it Let's just shake hands And part ways you want to come up to me you want to say hello Say hello, you know people come up to me. Hey, man Say hello, Joe Rogan for me. Sure whatever Tell rogan to come here next time. Yeah, I'll fly him up from Boston to come eat at your restaurant in jersey
Starting point is 01:15:46 You know, you don't know you have no people you have no idea So, you know for me right now, there ain't no fucking pictures put your camera away You want to talk to me come over and talk to people do it all the time You know, I mean don't come up to me at a restaurant when I'm with my family at the table But if you see me at a park or something like that come over say hello. Hey, man, I like what you did on this I didn't like what you saw in this podcast and I'll talk with you I'm gonna tell you what happened. Remember a couple weeks ago. I did a periscope That kid no he reached out
Starting point is 01:16:18 He reached out and he apologized like a man and I said because you apologizing that made us brothers That just made us brothers Thank you for apologizing now Anything you need reach out to me on he was a patreon guy Yeah, and he got my number. He wanted a call and ask him how I treated him. I was like man First of all, I appreciate the fucking honesty That's it. You'll never hear about this again. I'll never fucking curse you He messes me on patreon like a man that he is
Starting point is 01:16:51 Because listen, if I'm your uncle, I want you to be a man the same way I'm a man I'll tell you what's going on Treat me the fucking same way and we'll be fine But don't just come up to me like hey man. How about a picture? Like he was trying to show off from front of his friends and I was like nope And he just sat there his face turned red and I just kept walking because I don't give a fuck I hate the pictures. You're from jersey in jersey. You're not supposed to be taking pictures anyway So put the fucking camera away cocksucker and that's it and that's that that's another episode of the motherfucking joint
Starting point is 01:17:23 For march 17th 2021 the light is almost there. Don't Go don't get too excited yet. There's still another shoe that's gonna drop but for now The light's almost there at the end of the tunnel pick yourself up Read a book go for a walk the weather's starting to get nice And that's it. We're almost back guys. Thank you Make your fucking plans, but keep them loose Because you never know what the other shoe's gonna drop right now
Starting point is 01:17:55 Remember what I told you I love you motherfuckers with all my heart Have a great week. I want to thank all our sponsors But now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors. Have a great weekend. Love you. Stay black All right. I want to thank you savages For listening today. I want to thank uh, nobody nobody came out. I was all confused It's just me alone Giving you motherfuckers an ear beating like a lot of that scotter guy in spanish on patreon I just give you a fucking ear beating in spanish once a week on mondays
Starting point is 01:18:26 But anyway, the joint is brought to you by gabby insurance gabby gab i We're all looking on ways to save money right now, especially now So let me ask you this. How'd you like to? How'd you like to save an extra 961 dollars a year in your pocket? That's how much gabby customers save per year on their home and car insurance before you go looking for insurance Talk to gabby. I did and I saved money. I might I had to get a car I had a lease I turned it in an LA and when I got here I had a lease a new car When I they gave me a binder on a friday. I didn't know who to come
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Starting point is 01:23:11 1809 with it, but if you're straight, let me tell you something This is the weekend to get your party started turn $4 Into $256 by downloading the draft king sportsbook app now Tell him uncle joey sent you. I want to thank draft kings. I want to thank gabby insurance. I want to thank fucking The people who shave your balls Manscaped I want to thank everybody who was part of the team this week. I love all you motherfuckers with all my heart But i'm talking to you guys. I love you guys, you know, I got your back. Thank you for watching monday
Starting point is 01:23:45 And thank you for enjoying today's podcast. I love you cocksuckers with all my heart Stay black have a good weekend and we'll see you monday morning tip top So You

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