Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #048 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT
Episode Date: March 17, 2021Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, March 17th..... Happy St. Patrick’s Day...... Today, we talked about Hollywood..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, GABI.COM...... Go to h...ttps://www.DraftKings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.GABI.com/UNCLEJOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada visuals@benjamintelford.com Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals Â
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Happy st patty's day to everybody
Let's get this party started
Check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint
You
What's happening you bad motherfuckers happy valentine's day
Half of you motherfuckers will be marching whatever getting drunk. You're probably fucking lit by now
You filthy cocksuckers and I don't blame you
I remember when I was younger st patty's day. I went fuck it. I used to go nuts
He you start snorting day you start snorting coke the day before on st. Henry's day
You know i'm saying so by the time patty comes around you're ready for that motherfucker
Thank you very much for enjoying the uh the ovon podcast
Listen, man, we're gonna start zooming once a week
Because this is just listen. I love talking to you guys. I love I love letting you know
What's in my heart but to be honest with you? I've been feeling a lot better since I've been doing the zooms
It took a lot of pressure off me
Plus I got to see my friends
We've been talking on the phone. We've been just talking, you know, I've been talking with all these guys. So
Now when I see him in the zoom, it's like it brings all of emotion back to you. Let's me know how much I love d.o
I love that kid. I love that kid with all my heart and i'm happy he came on and i'm
I'm happy I kept in touch with him and that's what we do you keep in touch with your friends
The ones that matter some people don't matter they tape it off, you know
Me I try to do my hardest when I see somebody doesn't have interest
I lay off him, but that's the rule number one of the fucking joint
You got to give a fuck about your friends and you got to check in with them not text them check in with them
How you doing? What's going on? How's mom's doing? And you know, it's it's a tough pandemic for fucking everybody
I was just telling mike
That my friend's dad died. Now, let me tell you something. Let me tell you the type of guy I am
I've known this guy for three months three months
So if you want me to tell you he's a good friend and a lie to you, but you know these people
You don't even know the fucking person. So what are you so fucking, you know
But he's such a great guy this guy mike. He's such a great guy
He's done me so much so many good things as I've moved here
I called him the other they check on him and he goes joy. I can't talk
I'm with my father in the fucking hospital, you know, I didn't think about it
Then we have a mutual friend
The guitar the guy who gives me guitar lessons told me that his father had covid or whatever and
Well, the whole family got it and you know, just one of these fucking horror fucking stories that you read today
So I checked in with him every day, you know, friday saturday, you know
And then last night I got the call that his father passed
I didn't want to bother him right off the bat like you don't want to jump on somebody right off the bat
So I just let him know that I was thinking about him
But I gotta tell you something guys while I was doing it
I got fucking teary eyed because it's like
When does this shit end? I don't even notice motherfucker that well
It's not like he's one of my friends from 40 years or 30 years or 20 years
But at one point your empathy starts to fucking break you start looking at these people
I got home before I had to do a thousand fucking things this morning
I get home fucking 10 o'clock fucking
You know
the computer
Facebook a kid
Carrying his mother in a fucking casket. I want to see that. I need those fucking memories in my life
But that's what's happening today. So if it's happening to you, I'm fucking sorry
Our hearts go out to you and your families man, but
Back to this motherfucker. Listen guys when I told you the other day. I was fucking around heartbroken about
JLo and alex. Do you really think I give a frenchman's fuck? It was a joke. You dumb fucks
I was just fucking around because most americans are at home going. Oh my god
What are we gonna do about JLo and alex? What are we gonna do? She's ran through the fucking mill
She's run through the mill from rappers to roller skaters to ice dancers to dancers
Baseball players now everything's canceco is fucking with canceco new
She's gonna run through this fucking guy, too
Canceco's over there now with a swami thing reading palms like somebody gives a fuck about him
Go put a fucking needle in your arm. You cock sucker
It's it's it's like, you know these fucking women in la
And it's tough to describe like it's tough to describe, you know
Now everybody wants to cancel bill burr the guy didn't even do nothing
But they set themselves up people these motherfuckers are setting themselves up because it's like
Why do you have him there?
You know, he hates the whole status quo shit
You know, there's a bunch of us that hated that shit from day one myself
Joe Rogan bill burr
That that that ain't for us. Can you listen when you if you if you're ever
Sitting there with your family during the academy or the grandmys
And you're like, I wish I was there
Get up and go bang your head against the wall ten times. You have no idea how bad those things are
I know people who have gone in between commercial breaks. They got extras
Sitting there and they have to get up. They don't let you get up. It's a fucking nightmare
You see from the bottom of the bow those event things are fucking jokes
They're fucking jokes amongst us. So if you're gonna call bill burr to do one of those things bill burr is gonna shit on it
That's why I love bill. You can't take nothing from us. Listen, you could only cancel us if we let you cancel us
That's it
You could cancel us if we let you cancel like me
They want to do that thing about the girl 23 years ago. You're in no danger
You're in no fucking danger. You're in no danger about canceling nothing
If you're gonna cancel me you should cancel me about kidnapping the dude
But you didn't you didn't give a fuck about a guy handcuffed in a trunk of a car
With fucking uh handcuffs on
In there fucking like momo fucking. No, you didn't care about him. You cared about some girl that nobody fucking knew
Nobody knew but that's the world we live in today. And that's what we so every comic most comics
90% of comics are walking around like what can I say?
You say whatever the fuck you want to say and you let the pieces fall where the fuck they fall
If they don't like it switch the fucking channel. That's it. It's that fucking simple
I'm not gonna say what I want to say from my heart
Because i'm scared that you're gonna cancel me go fuck yourself that ship sailed
I canceled myself in fucking 19 in 2007 when I stopped snorting coke
I canceled myself so
You're in no fucking danger, but it was nice talking to theo. You know, listen men me and theo
Have been going through something for the last four or five years
me and theo
always have deep deep
discussions about comedy and
How it should be done or whatever and we both came to the conclusion last week
Before we did the podcast we were talking on the phone like a week before that
And I go now, I know what was eating away at you and I
It's that we were burnt out
Number one number two we were living amongst those fucking people was straight up people. He's from New Orleans
He's Louisiana from the south boy. He's not into all that fucking
Hollywood bullshit. You think I'm into that Hollywood bullshit. I know exactly who the fuck I am. I'm a felon
They don't want me. I don't want them. They don't want me around them
I don't want them around me and they make believe like, oh, we love you
No, you don't no you don't but I know that going in as long as you know what going in
You're not gonna get your feelings hurt. You're not gonna get upset. You're not gonna get mad
Nothing's gonna happen to you. Bill Burr is handling everything. He does
100 right. He stuck up a Gina Carano
Which he had every right that we all do because they fired her over fucking nothing over some stupid shit that they were scared
She said the truth
So what they're trying to do now is fucking if you say the truth if you if you feel in your heart, you're saying the truth
Say it who gives a fuck if they're gonna cancel what I had to take away your little shit job
What I had to just don't be a fucking jerk off about it
Stand and commit. It's so funny when you first get into comedy
You write jokes and sometimes you're not ready for those jokes
You write a joke that and you say it and you laugh and you go fuck
It's a funny joke, but the audience isn't getting it because they could smell
The non-commitment
If you say a joke like
Be big say it be yourself say it from your heart say it from your soul
So they know when I'm on stage they know every fucking word that's coming out of me is fucking true
And they know I'm taking them for a psychological ride
You know, I used to have a bit about doing coke with my cats. Jesus christ
You don't know how many times I had fucking people reach out to me and go
Do you really do coke with your cat?
It's a joke. It's it's an it's an exaggeration of a thing. That's what makes it funny
But do you think I'm I'm surprised I'm not cancelled over that
Because somebody actually wrote in my wikipedia
That I did coke with my cat and that the cat I mean
This is how fucking the land that we live in so if you want to cancel
If you want to get cancelled you can let them cancel you I'm not going nowhere bill burr is not going nowhere
As you can see the liars attacking now attack brian callan
I give them all the fucking I give them all the heart in the world because
Let's think let's talk about something here that I wanted to talk to you people about
Just to let your head know where we came from
There is no place
on earth
like hollywood
People will you've heard that expression sell their soul
They will sell their soul male and female
In hollywood you change you
And here's a sad thing you don't know when you're in it
You don't know when you're in it for me. It was 2004
I learned quickly. I learned during this taping of the longest yard great movie great taping
I had a great time fucking doing it, but
I also learned about smoke getting blown up your ass
And how people in hollywood love to blow smoke up your ass and
It was one of the first times that actually allowed somebody
I'm being honest with you guys. I allowed somebody a blow smoke up my ass. I actually believed it
I should I should be ashamed of myself for fucking believing it
But that's what you get you got a smack to the face
When you believe it and you smack yourself in the fucking face because you're a fucking idiot
You don't believe what these people tell you you look at them. You smile and you go, okay
Great after you're on a set you see the fucking hypocrisy
and the bullshit and you just
Work with it. You laugh. You smile. You yeah, sure. Right. Whatever lunch. Yeah. Have your people call my people
You know, that's all bullshit. That's all bullshit. So don't believe the fucking hype a couple weeks ago
This this thing came on. I don't know a lot of you guys have HBO or not
So it's not fair for me to talk about this, but I'm gonna tell you what happened
HBO to the fourth part miniseries. I think it's a four-part on Mia Farrow and
Fucked nut Woody Allen. Okay
The thing was about accusations accusations accusations accusations I made a constant a conscious decision
After the second week
I looked at my wife after his over and I go, you know what that's the last time I'm watching this
And my wife's like why and I go, you know why because we don't live in california no more
And when I part of hollywood no more and in this world has nothing to do with me anymore
This is not who I am anymore. This is not who I want to be anymore
These are not the people I want to be around anymore. I made a constant fucking decision conscience
conscious decision
July 12th last year that I knew it was time for me to go
I I have a gift that I know when it's time to go. No, didn't they just
Try to shoot didn't they just shoot a lady and take a watch off some guy's hand on
In beveley fucking hills and beveley hills and it wasn't time to go. There's still people leaving in LA
Living in denial or waiting it out or whatever the fuck they want to do
LA ain't gonna get no better and ain't gonna get no better
This is called a down spot downward spiral of california. It's a fucking shame
I love the place with all my heart
You know when you when you were jersey boy, you grew up thinking that someday i'm gonna go to california and
Just serve for whatever the fuck stupid dream you have when you're a fucking kid
You know
Yeah, you called me one day he's like i'm thinking of coming out here go for what?
For what I go. We're almost done. I and I told you that I go. I told you that we're almost done
It's just a matter of time sit tight
Nothing's gonna happen here. I already was reading the cards. I was already done with LA 2016
I was pretty much done with LA and I was pretty much burnt out on comedy the flight home from las vegas
After the netflix shooting
Was the longest one hour of my life. It was I had to have the longest
Talk in the world. I have had a you know, I've had
Couple long talks with myself. You have to from time to time
You know what i'm saying? You either have to have a long talk with yourself or you have to smack yourself in the face
from time to time, okay
I don't fuck around okay. He said every once in a while you gotta have to bitch lap yourself
or fucking
Oh, you know
This is why I don't lift my hands to nobody because I don't I don't even I can't I can't even control them
You know, if you're gonna be that stupid just smack yourself and wake yourself to fuck up, you know
But I I made a conscious decision. I'm gonna get the fuck out of here and I did and I was very happy
And that's all behind this
but i'ma tell you before you
Read any more about rapes
alleges
accusations
Anything like that in LA. I want you to I don't know if you saw the
the
the
Mia Farrell versus woody, whatever but let me tell you what happened
This is what I'm what I said
This is it because this is what the mentality is in LA just to let you guys know
Regular americans regular people overseas australia just to let you know how pathetic these people are
She found out
Woody was molesting the kids whether or not this is the accusation
She found out she was molesting the kid
While
While she knew
And she approached him and she accused him she still worked on his movies
Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you guys so wait a second so
Joey Diaz comes to my house
rapes my kid
Calls me up a week later
Or I don't know what he did to him molested
Grabbed him. I don't know the accusation. I had to stop watching. All I do know is
I know that he found like soonies picture naked pictures at his house because they kept different
Residences even though they live together
They kept separate apartments
So what you're telling me is that
After I let's just keep it simple here. Let's just keep it simple so your head don't blow up
You know because if you believe that I gave a fuck up my jailo and alex
God knows what you'll believe. I didn't know I was that good of an actor
Let's pretend I molested my little brother mike's kid here
I don't think mike would work for me no more
I think mike would call the cops and I wouldn't blame him. He's not a rat. He's just
Protecting his child and other children from getting molested from a gorilla like me
I don't be the second thing I do. Yeah, I don't think mike
Would take a call from me and go. I'll be up there. Monday to do the podcast for you
I forgave you about molesting my child
Because that's unforgivable why I live as a matter of fact
Why I come from
Not north bergen not new jersey, but where I come from
That's an act of I could shoot you in the fucking head and call the cops
And tell the cops. I don't know what happened
He molested my child and the cops are okay. We'll drop them off in the weeds for you
Thank you for getting the molester off the fucking streets
But now we live in different times. You can't be doing that shit. She sold her soul. Yeah
She sold her soul
But it's not just me a farrow. You hear these stories constantly
So you rape me and then when
Brian called you you actually went to the audition
to play his wife
Come again. Do you understand me? So this is what runs through
This is the mentality
Of hollywood
They don't give a fuck. It's like the people who went to work for woody harris and listen. I'm not mad at you
You got maester. You had his name woody Allen?
Yeah, whatever
The people that went to work for him like a lot of people who work for them in films
They get heat for working from you know what I'm saying? I don't I don't judge nobody for working from
I don't pay your bills. So until I pay your bills and I can judge what the fuck he's saying even then
But they work for him because they need the money, you know
Knowing that he's a fucking child molester or whatever. He's been a falsely accused or properly accused or whatever
You know, so think about what people will do
In hollywood, that's just a mindset of hollywood when I watch me a farrow speak who I've always been a fan of
You know, I loved her and rosemary's baby
um
She reminded me
Of every actress I spoke to an la
Like they all have that common thing, you know, I'm saying like they'll do certain things, but
It was very sad to me, you know, and I just told my wife. I'm not watching this no more because
I like I told my wife if you found out I molested fucking mercy
Would you work for me as a if I directed movies? She looked at me and said you'd be in jail
You know that that's not here or there, but that's just to let you know the mentality
Of where I came from
You know, I it never got to me like that. I tell you to go fuck yourself and I did
and
Once I got off the cocaine
That's when I really saw hollywood for what it was and after that
People didn't listen after the longest year and people didn't really want to work with me
I'm not I'm not ashamed to tell you. I love adam adam loves me
But he had a producer who didn't like me because he came up to me wanted me to do something
I told him to go fuck himself
Told him right to his face. I don't give a fuck. I was looking for a job when I found this one
You talked to me like a man and don't fucking talk to me at all until this day me and that producer don't get along
He retired. He quit. He's moved on. He's a gazillion and you know, uh, he was a good producer
I'm not here to say he was a bad producer. I think he just approached me a way that I don't like
I told him what I felt
That's why sometimes you see a poster the longest yard and I'm on it
And then you see another post and I'm not on it. That was all his doing
To break my balls at the end. He put me the last and the thing
He did everything he could to break me
But at the end I kicked the ass in that fucking movie. He did everything he could
He did everything he could to try to die
Everything you don't understand how I still remember the day
I had a shoot the scene with the fucking in the locker room with the thong on
With my stomach hanging out. That was my fucking idea
That was my fucking idea because I wanted it
I wanted a out of respect for serrano a major league
If you ever see the cuban guy in major league when the owner of the club comes in
She's he's got a thong on and she smacks him in the ass
I'm not saying that some hot chicks gonna smack me in the ass
But out of respect for serrano, I thought it would have been a funny scene
If I just wore a jockstrap or whatever
There were these two fucking
You know white little college kids from paramount or whatever company is talking to adam
When I went up to adam, I said, excuse me like a gentleman
I had the jockstrap already in my hand. I go adam. I want to wear a jockstrap in this scene
And he says to me and the two dudes are talking to adam
And they're like don't let them do it adam and adam's like, whoa
What do you want to do? I go you ever see major league?
I want to wear like serrano did I want to wear a fucking job, bro
He's like let's give it a fucking go see right away the producers like no
He's not doing it adam said let him try it
Let's see how it looks when I
Bro, and you know me they were like, what are you gonna do right here?
And the thing I go
Just put a towel up you ever see when the fighters go to weight themselves and they put a towel up
There was chicks in the room. They were fucking line directors
The chick from scripty that fucking
I said, I don't give a french was fucked
Adam didn't give a fuck about my balls one day they fell out of my shorts like I was sitting down
I was sitting on a bucket and my balls fell out of my shorts
And people were talking about me. I didn't even know it like I was high
I'm looking around because new mexico is gorgeous
I'm just looking around at the scenery and all of a sudden adam sandler walks up to me right here the corner of my eye
And he goes joey, I don't mean to insult you but your little your punching bag is hanging out
So he would call my one nut the punching bag
So that's how it started. So after that he's like dog
How big are your fucking balls? That's just one of them
Jesus christ. He goes, I didn't know be people's balls could even be so fucking big
but
No, I said
Listen, I don't even know how we got on this subject. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know
accusations from people that lost their souls
Yeah, all these fucking people in LA. So I had to unwind from that. You could tell I'm a lot better do I'm doing a lot better
Than when you first saw me and I was like this fucking mummified in front of here
I'm a little bit more loose, you know, things are happening because I was beat up those last four years were fucking
torture
Torture the more you think about it after I talked to theo not on the podcast
But before that I understood what was going on and I understood what was going on with him
And I understood what was going on with me. So us two just
Psychologically fucking worked it out and we figured it out and it was great seeing him on that screen
And I mean that night after we did the podcast we spoke again about
What we spoke about in the podcast, you know the fun we had, you know, listen man, I'm I'm
I'm very proud about a lot of things. I'm very proud that I did 880 episodes of the church
I'm also very proud. I ended it and started something new and you guys are now witnessing the growth as we do it
Some people couldn't take it after two episodes and they left and that's fine. I'm not mad at them
To each his own. I think the first six episodes this podcast were fucking all over the place. It's been the last
Maybe month month and a half
That we've been on pace and getting a grasp. Well, so I
Thank you for sticking around and thank you for understanding the process it takes
To have a fucking podcast and to do a podcast, you know, everybody always criticizes this one or that one
I haven't something the other day that was fucking hilarious
A friend of mine sent me a video
It was on youtube and he goes, I want you to hear these two fucking jerk off comics
See the problem see what you guys didn't know what was going on was that
and leal tell you
leal tell you because lee and I talked about it all the time the routing was
They were called Joe Rogan first
And if they couldn't get through the rogue and they'd hit me up at the same time
So if rogan raised their hand, then they would blow me off
You know I'm saying so if I would say you want to come on the podcast
And rogan would say no, then they would come in like fucking happy as shit. You know I'm saying
Listen, here's the problem with the podcast that everybody got confused with
I did when rogan started his podcast. Let's say 2010 to be conservative
2009 let's just go with 2009
I
Liquid fucking that
It's just sparkling water tremendous
I think there's a website for it. Check it out. My girl sent it to me from the brasska colleen. I leveled all my art
I told I try it. It's fucking tremendous like a carbonated water
In the fucking 80s when you went on johnny karsten for you guys who watch the documentary or maybe you don't know how comedy works
When you go on something you immediately blow up. What does that mean joey? We don't know what that means. Well
When
Roseanne was at the store mitzvah in the original room
And she liked it so much. She told her to go up in the main room
And then while she was up on stage in the main room
Two people from the tonight's shows saw some one person. I don't know the exact story
If i'm hacking the story up, let me know. I'm just trying my fucking best and
They put on the tonight show
once they put you on the tonight show
if you killed
and
johnny karsten went like this to you
You just became a half a millionaire
You just got a half a million dollars worth of work
You're gonna they're gonna put you in two films
And every comedy club in the country is gonna watch it. That's just by johnny karsten going like this. Okay
johnny karsten went off the air then it was um
The the show
That was on comedy central
With the guys great fucking show patrice rich vas
Tough crowd it was tough crowd if you went on tough crowd you blew up then it was opien anthony
You know people were dying to get on opien anthony then it was howitz stern
But then it was a reputation of fucking joe rogan that if you went on joe rogan you blew up
Yes and no
Did it bother a guy like me that people would say something like that that would be so shallow
Yeah, because the first time I went on rogan. I was already doing comedy 18 years had already done
Five or six fucking major films. I was a regular at the store
I was kind of co-headlining already
I was starting to headline and co-headliner. I was not a headliner
I'm not gonna tell you that
But I was headlining big difference in being a headliner
And being a comedian that's headlining
I wasn't a headliner. It took me a couple years to learn
Thank god rest in peace. Greg heraldo taught me what a real headliner was when I watched him
Uh for a long time. I just you know raffi may was a true headliner joe rogan is a true headliner
bill burr off the charts headliner
I was a comic. I was what's considered a comics comic
I performed for the back of the room. There's no money in the back of the room. It's comics comics aren't gonna pay you
So that's what I was I was considered a comics comic
That's when you perform for the back of the room. So for years
I didn't give a fuck about the audience. I hadn't made the comics left
That's and that's great too. That's a great thing to have too when you're a comics comic
That's a very good reputation to have
But you're not really a real fucking full-blown
National touring headliner
There's two and I understood that at the time
in 2008 or nine
2008 I said I'm gonna take
Six months and every Thursday night. I'm gonna drive to the Irvine Improv and see who the headliner is
And the first Thursday I drove down. It was Greg Corral though. I did not know
I did not I knew he was from new york. I knew he had a tv show
I watched Greg Corral though. I watched patrice o'neill even though I was headlining
I wanted to become a headliner
I watched all the Joe Rogan was always a fucking headline that motherfucker always had a tight one a tight hour
And it was a tight hour. It was a hung and it was weave. I was just out there throwing stuff
Anyway, the purpose of this is for me to tell you that
When I went on rogan, I never I'll tell you some secrets. I'll tell you some secrets that happened later
But when I went on rogan the first two or three years, I didn't know what was going on
I just went on there with the impression to be funny
I went on there to do what I love doing the best
Making my friend laugh. I love making him laugh
There's certain people when you make them laugh
It brings a warmth to your heart
When I would make that man laugh, it would fucking warm my heart so much because
I knew how hard it was to make him laugh
And for him to go crazy and I knew and I know this shit
That he likes for me to say like I know that
When there's a room full of people he wants me to go into one of my tirades. He fuels that shit
That's why Joe Rogan is one of the best
Adam Sandler is one of the best because they don't put a thumb on you. They want you to be funny
I'm the same way when I tell my features go out there and fuck them up make it hard for me. I don't give a fuck
Go out there and fuck them up
Kate
Dean
Carmen Morales chelsea skidmore all of them. I told them all go out there and fuck them up
Don't worry about me because when I was opening up for rogan
He would pull me aside and go dawg
Get your shit together
Go out there and fuck them up and I would look at them and go okay
And I would smack myself. I give my shit that's four left
That's four fucking rights to the fucking right side in one day when I fuck up. I beat myself up enough enough
It's time to start beating yourself up cock suckers. That's it. I would go
I would get fired up and I would go out there and listen
I was such a bad comic at the time like I was a good comic
But I was a 50 50 comic
I couldn't control my destiny. I didn't know
What direction I could go in?
So all that being said
I heard this fucking little chat between two jerk off comics
And it was about that one of them is going to austin and he didn't get invited on rogan's podcast and
That he heard that the last time his friend did it nothing really happened. Well
And that when the other guy did it nothing really happened. Well, you went on there and you weren't funny
That's what happened
You went on there and tried to be a smart guy with rogan
And you weren't funny
When I went on rogan's pot then I
After I found out all this shit people come up and go, oh, you're so lucky
You get to go on rogan whenever you want. I go. No, I don't
No, I don't ask joe. I have certain dates the last
podcast of the year
And fourth of july if you check all his podcasts
Check I always did them in july
And the last one of the year there was a reason for that
There was a reason for that
And every time I went on there
I had I prepared myself from that fucking morning
To the time I got there because I knew I was going on and I wasn't gonna fuck around
That was my secret now people go to me. Why don't you go on there a lot more?
You should go on there a lot more because I'm not a stupid hole like you
I go on twice a year
And my fucking chances of killing are even stronger
If I go eight times a year, I'm gonna bond two or three times. It's the fucking number. It's a magic number
But twice my chances of bombing
Yeah, some podcasts were better than others
But I always left my soul on the table on the rogan podcast
The same way I did on my table the same way I did on ryan's cyclist table
The same way I did on stage
These motherfuckers want to go and date and then you saw it when you were there
People contacted me to go on my podcast the rogan's podcast
Because they thought it would change their life like this
Guess what?
Nothing changes your life
Like this and even if it does
If you're not prepared for it, what good is it?
What good is it?
You got to be prepared for what's coming at you
Just because you want it doesn't mean you're prepared for it. Did you ever think about that?
Just because you want it
Doesn't mean you're prepared for it
And how do I know this because I saw this
Not a hundred times close to 500 times
I saw 500 commerce
come to la
To fucking steal hollywood office feet and guess what happened
Ditch that's what happened. They didn't put in the time. They went there with reputations. They would take a shortcut
They go to montreal
They would get on new faces
Get a deal
And then they make a mistake they show up to the and then everybody wants to see them when they get back to la
They start doing showcases
But one of those nights you pop into the improv and you got a final or savage like bill burr
Fucking dug stand hope rogan myself some what happens to you
What happens to you?
You don't know how many times I had people coming up to me at the improv going dog
Can you switch with the guy in front of you?
Because he's got industry coming to see him
And he doesn't want you to disrupt their set like shit like that
And I and I understood i'm gonna be honest here. I understood but at the same time I felt bad for them
Because if something you know how many people came to see me in 23 years
Maybe 10
These motherfuckers had people coming to see them every night
But when people came to see me
I fucking blew up that room. I didn't give a fuck who was in front of me
I didn't give a fuck who was behind me. I didn't let none of that enter my mind because that's when you failed
You know, that's when you fucking fail that's what and and you know a lot of comics
They know that you have a showcase
And they'll get like at this comedy store if you had a showcase for somebody
They would put an asterisk next to your name
And that let the other comics know you didn't have a paid spot that you had a fucking showcase
So what would they do anytime you were talking to somebody they would come up over and say hello and hug you
Like they really care about you. So I would introduce them to the fucking agent
That's what they do. That's what they do in california
So I had to tell people don't put a star next to me when people want to come see me
Because then there were comics that didn't get stage time
And we'll call and say I have a showcase for a certain company. Can you put me up?
There was a certain guy that was doing that all the time
He got fucking nailed because they told him one night. Where's fox come produce him
Go get him or you're not going up
And he's like, I don't know what happened to him. Well, you're not going up, but I have a 915 spot too bad
You're not fucking going up. It's that fucking simple. Sorry charlie
The best tasting tuna gets to be stark as can I'm saying it's that fucking easy
But it's just crazy that
An experience comic would think that one appearance
On the joe rogan show would change their fucking life forever
that's
so between that mentality
And the mere thorough mentality
next time you hear
About accusations or this or that
Think about what I just told you
The people that think that one thing is going to change their fucking life because that exists out there
Listen, I knew tiffany haddish when she was babysitting. I congratulate her for our grammy
You know, I go back and forth throughout from time to time. I check up on a I still remember having a conversation outside the
Last factory with her with raffi and her telling us about her growing up and whatever. I love that girl
I give her all the respect
In the fucking world
But look at her blow up who knew it was it was going to be a movie girls night
Right girls night for women
For african-american women go that girl was busting her ass for fucking years
She used to go on the road with red band her own red band a dear friends
You know when she blew up people felt fucking calling me like
She's not worthy. Who the fuck are you to say she's not?
people attacked
Her to the end. I'm so happy. She won the fucking grammy. I'm
I'm sad she beat bill burr bill burr lost the grammy
But he knew that going in after you insult the spanish people and the guy's piano solo. That's true
Listen, you ever go to one of those things
You know, you know, I was watching the blue the green the green book the green book won the academy award two years ago
nick vallonga to serve his father
And i'm watching these fucking fancy people, you know
You ever see those people with they're all fancy and dressed up and they're clapping for some piano playing violin
And you're sitting there going I don't get it
I don't get this. What what what's all this shit? What's all this glam and fake shit for like you would really go pay to see some guy like
Pay a fucking bowl like I I don't fucking see it
And in the movie if you watch because I watched the movie here tonight
It was a very great movie
He tells the guy the guy remember that's the same guy
The guy that's the star in that movie the african-american dude
That's whose head was starting to get square the night I took the ketamine
That's the same guy from the green book. That's why I always felt bad when I watched the green book
I'm like I felt bad that his head
Was tripping out that night. I was tripping out of his fucking head, but
there's a part that way
the african-american tells
Vito Morgan's and he goes we have to talk about your last name. We have to change it
It's too long. People might not be able to say it by the long
Yeah, and you know there and he tells him how smart they are and he tells him
He has to watch his diction the way he speaks and he goes. What are you talking about diction?
I speak great, you know, and he goes no you curse too much
And you fucking they can't he goes all right. I'll tame down my cursing
But then he goes another thing we have to worry about your name
He goes these are cultured people. They're intelligent and all this shit
You can't be talking that way
But on the other side he's telling them that he had to change his name
Because people wouldn't be able to say it. He told them right now. You ever watch that movie Mike?
He told them right and he goes if they were so fucking smart
They could say my name
If they're so fucking smart and so cultured like how culture
Is that what it means to be cultured to sit there with a fucking tuxedo on
To watch a three-piece band
Do whatever, you know, I listen. I appreciate the instruments. I I appreciate the work
You put into playing the piano
I appreciate the work you put in we had the violinist on the show who did a great job
Eliza, I love it at that, you know, I appreciate all that shit, but
I don't appreciate fucking people getting dressed up with tuxedos
Whatever with the wife looking like she's going to a fucking wedding and you sit there and make believe
Like you're enjoying this. Nobody could enjoy this. That's torture that fucking piano at the end
What what what are you saying? Because I didn't watch the Grammys. I knew it was on
It's fucking interrupted my queen Latifah
Yeah, it interrupted my fucking equalizer because I watch 60 minutes every week. I'm a 60 minute type of motherfucker
So it interrupted my fucking, you know, I saw it was coming out. I was 60 minutes got off
So it interrupted my fucking equalizer
And it fucking uh, you know
I didn't watch it at all. I don't know
Yeah, who the fuck knows I would have told him no off the bat
I want to be down there with those people
puking and whatever but at the same time like
I
I wasn't gonna watch it. I just gave up on Grammys and Oscars that just if Ricky Gervais was hosting
I would have watched the the monologue just to see him go off and make people uncomfortable
Again, even Ricky Gervais every year they make him the host and every year
You know that whoever hires him has got to be giggling in the back
Because he loves same people get uncomfortable the same thing the same reason why why would you hire bill burr?
A guy that you know doesn't give a fuck about what the fuck you're doing here
He don't give a fuck about the Grammys
None of us do none of why would you hire one of us?
Why would it's like hiring joe rogan? He's like go up there and tell him to fuck off
I'm not doing this shit. None of us want to do that shit
So when you do hire a guy like bill burr, you know where you get yourself into
I would think you know, you fucking know, he's gonna go up there with his fucking
You know boston attitude
I loved it. Well, I didn't see the Grammys, but I saw the next day people attacking them and right away
They're yelling for cancel culture. Now you're looking to cancel fluffy
For the voice of speedy gonzalez
But then the song of the year was wet my pussy
Or something like that
So we got we got a pick you mother fuckers got a fucking pick get your shit together
You really fucking do this is getting old now guys
You know and and see the book well most people don't understand like most people are living in fear from this
I know a ton of comments. They're like, you know what?
Fuck you
I'm saying what the fuck I want to say
I'm doing what the fuck I want to do and I'm saying how I want to right now listen
I got three shows left at uncle vinnies. I'm gonna take some time for myself and the family for the summer
Get my head together
You know fall in love with comedy again. I did write a little half a bit yesterday
Yeah, I'm just thinking about something I wrote it down. So I got a couple new things. I'm gonna try
What happened last week was I went to a fucking christening
party before
Uncle vinnies and I wasn't focused. I didn't laser. I didn't even look at my notebook
I thought I would remember everything so I went down there and ate a bag of dicks
At least I'm mad enough mad enough to admit it
A lot of guys would say I killed no you didn't you know, I'm the type of guy tells you how it is
That night I came home
I taped my set but I already knew already there was nothing to listen to
Because I didn't even try out nothing new
I was just up there going through old shit just trying to fucking find myself or whatever
But this week I'm a little bit more ready. I got three more sets
In for the month three more wednesdays
And after that I'll take a breathe and
man when I come back
Because you figure the soprano movie comes out September 24th
I'll start itching like in august because I've been in the house for a year and a fucking half by that time
So just give it time
Before you could fucking successfully do something you want to love it. You don't want to feel like you're forcing it
That sucks. Have you ever tried to force anything?
It sucks
Whether it's making believe you into something it just
It just sucks and sometimes we do it. We do it. We do it. You know, that's why people end up sick
That's why people end up fat. That's why people end up because it makes you unhappy
You know, they have a thing in this country where they force your hand
At the age of 19
To pick a major in college
And then you pick that major
And you graduate
And you go out into the job market and you figure out that this is not even close to what I wanted to do
You know, what about these guys are well, my father was this I'm gonna be this and then two years in
You're realizing you don't do it. You don't like doing it, but you're doing it for somebody else
You're gonna end up sick. You're gonna end up fucking depressed
You're gonna end up miserable. You're gonna end up doing something you don't want to do
One thing about me is i'm a loser by trade. I'm a loser
I've come to that conclusion a long time ago, but guess what? I don't do whatever the fuck I don't want to do
I've never had that's the problem. I have that's what makes me a loser
That I don't do what I don't want to do
I don't want to do it. I just don't do it. That's it. And that's the way it's gonna be for me to do some
I want to do it from the core of my balls
When I come in here at night and I practice on that guitar
You know when I first started when my game of the guitar, I was going through videos on youtube
And that's how I knew that I couldn't learn online
because I'd gone through a few videos and
Videos it was just hard for me to learn from videos. I
My mind wasn't into it or whatever
Thank you for all the people who are offering guitar lessons and videos. I love you motherfuckers and in time
When this thing clears up, we will do some we will have some fucking fun. We will
Do some things that are different, you know, maybe on patreon. We can do a guitar thing. I don't know, but we'll burn that bridge
when we get through it
But the one thing I did pick up from all those videos I watched and I gotta tell you something
I watched close to without exaggeration. Maybe 50 videos on the guitar
Basic guitar stuff. I picked one thing up
I picked one thing up and I love that guy. I don't know. He's a goofy looking dude
He's got glasses. I wrote his name down so I could
Watch the rest of his stuff as I progress
Because I liked what he had to say
this was a video about
Being older and picking up the guitar
Not being a young kid and picking up the guitar. This is for people that he goes
When I was teaching people the guitar
Every one so while somebody would come in that was way older than me and I'd have to teach him
And I have to change up my style, you know to teach a 50 year old or a 60 year old
A 40 year old he goes because I just worked with kids
But he said something that was very interesting
That I've always believed in
He goes
Make a goal
You ready for this one again. We're talking about goals
Make a goal that you're gonna play the guitar
five minutes a day
That's it. He goes and
I don't want you to put your guitar in your case
I want you to buy a stand for your guitar. It's very important that you have a stand
And
He goes because
If you tell you if you're beginning he goes, I don't want you to practice more than five minutes
I want you to touch that guitar every day for five minutes because I know
That you'll improve a lot better if you play that guitar
five minutes a day
Then 30 minutes one day
I listened to what he said and I'm like, Jesus Christ
That is brilliant and and guess what else he said he goes
and
It also teaches you that you're not gonna play the guitar for five minutes
You're gonna play it for 30 once you pick it up
But your goal for the day is to pick it up for five fucking minutes
That's it. So basically it's just pick it up pick it up
Pick it up strap it on play three chords and put it down. He goes. I'd rather you do that
Then not pick it up at all and guess what I do every night now
My life is changed here at the house
Listen, I'm like you
I can't watch no more fucking TV
If I got to watch one more fucking tea nobody has made more residuals than still vests is too long
They've played every so vests is too long movie. He's ever made in his life
There's nights where he has four movies on at once
I love so vests is too long, but I had to give him a break
I saw the first Rambo 20 times during this pandemic
I've seen Rambo two 80 times trust me my dick still gets hard when he shoots the
The Vietnamese deal with the arrow when he blows up. I love all that type of shit
I have seen you know the other night lockdown was on it was so funny the next day
A guy on patreon asked me have you ever seen the movie lockdown?
Yeah, because he saw it. I'm like, oh my god. It was on last night
It's about him and he goes to prison and they fix a car whatever
Nobody has made more money than so vests is too long
Over the top the wrestling one cliffhanger. I watched the other night at fucking
Eight o'clock, you know, you you could just watch so much tv guys. You just start getting soft
And during the pandemic even with my fucking thing I would do setups at night. I got I said, all right
I'll start doing a hundred fucking, you know, put my knee up and just do setups and then I started reading. Thank god. I'm reading
Now I gotta pick another book because I finished the book I was reading
So now I got to pick another book that I've read already and I was looking at it last night. I couldn't come to a conclusion
I think I'm gonna read the Pleasant Avenue connection. Just uh, because I'm trying to get my comprehension
I'm trying to get focused again. My focus is all over the place
But on top of reading the fucking guitar as moved me from point
Let's say in the alphabet
From z is the worst that your mental state could be and a is the best that your mental state was
When I got the guitar, I was probably at q
And now I'm probably at fucking g
I'm getting closer to my world guys
I'm getting closer to my world every day and listen. Yeah, we were there was fear involved
There was the anxiety of the move
There was the anxiety of whether my daughter and my wife would like it
There was the anxiety of the career. There was the anxiety of the podcast
There was all these different anxiety that just met and fucked me up completely
And I'm not you know, I'm not ashamed to admit the fucking truth
Did I go see a therapist not really because
It's against what I believe
But I used my friends
I used all my friends and I ran my ideas by them
And I wrapped with them and anytime a friend wanted to see me
And the weather was nice
I fucking run to his house and I'd sit in the backyard with him
And even though was eating me alive inside that I might get this covid and die
Look, we're still fucking here
Knock on wood every fucking day. You know, I've gotten through this and it's been hard
But the
The happiest thing the thing that makes me the happiest is that you guys have seen it
I'm just not telling you a story from 10 years ago. You know 10 years from now. I won't be saying I was a mess
No, I've been telling you guys that we've been going through this
But I'm not I haven't been doing good. I'm not doing well. I'm doing better
I'm doing better. Thanks to you guys the patreon the videos
The little fucking around now the instagram now the guitar. I'm almost there
I'm at g and I hope you guys are at g too. Everything helps. I've cleaned up my diet
You know, the pain pills are gone. Didn't he still hurts? I get frustrated
But what am I gonna do? It's only two and a half months. I'm I'm I got two more weeks
And I'm out of the fucking weeds
but
The point I wanted to make is that I'm listen man
I don't know what condition you're in what mental condition you're in how you're doing, you know
There's a light. We're seeing this light
so
Whatever you're going through now is the time
To start getting ready. Remember we kept saying
This is all gonna be over soon. This is all gonna be over soon
This is all gonna be over soon and ain't gonna be over yet
We still got a little bit to go but there is a light at the end of the tunnel
You know last thursday I got a call that somewhere I was at
Had fucking covet somebody that tested positive for covet. I took the instant test on friday
I took another test. Uh, it wasn't the rapid test. It's the one where you worked for the email
I went down there friday and took another one and he told me because if you got it
It won't it's not gonna go in your system if you had contact with that person
On a certain night. I had contact with that person on a tuesday night. I got the call on thursday
So he goes give it like five days
So, you know, I don't want to give it to mike. I don't want to give it to somebody at venny's
So I went again yesterday and I got the result this morning
That were fucking negative. So I feel a lot better, but I'm I'm I was tripping on this
Like I said in time we'll get the vaccine
Right now let it roll out let people do what we're doing. I'm not doing much
It's not like I'm going to concerts right now. It's not like I'm doing comedy shows or anything
I'm doing one show a week to 41 people
And uh, you know, we use all the precautions we can and I gargle. I got the nose spray
You know the nose steroid I used that used to be 36 a container and now it's 200 a container
And they make me pay for it because it's anti-covid spray
So at the same time it's a nose steroid
It's also like anti-covid something it went up. It's shot up because people are using it
To avoid whatever it's my regular nose spray. I've been using it
Since 2013 since I got the fucking nose job
I go I go through two bottles a month
And they raise the fucking prices up, but that's that's the medical system
Well, that's how I got the fucking surgery I was hooked on affrin
I was hooked on affrin since my cocaine fucking days and then I started jujitsu
And I couldn't breathe out of my fucking nose unless I brought affrin. I just found an affrin
I was looking through one of my fucking sports bags
Because we open listen I the reason why I haven't opened up. I'm very sorry to a lot of you people
I love you guys to death
And I know you guys like to send stuff and you offer stuff to me. It's not that I don't want it
We got two sheds out there
One we had to take down to put the generator in we gave it to my man frank puma cross the street
And the other shed is filled to the brim
With boxes from the move
Once I get those fucking boxes cleaned up
Then I'll put my po box out there and you can send me whatever the fuck you want to send me
I'll take whatever you got shoes
weights
Fucking, you know when I left la I gave away so much stuff
That I never got to enjoy because I didn't even know half the shit existed
I was just finding I would come back from the road
People would give me pictures look might broke two pictures over the other day
Two great fucking pictures that somebody sent them a year ago and he forgot to come see me at parks or something happened
I don't know guys. I got a storage shed filled with boxes
Let me empty these fucking boxes and see what I got in this shit
And then you could start sending me my stuff
I'll put it on the podcast for you whatever the fuck you want to do
But let me just clean out these fucking sheds
I don't want to get another po box every time I would go to po box. It would be a carload on the way back
The trunk the trunk would be fucking in a Subaru
Tremendous shit people sent me the best shit in the fucking world
Protein shakes this that everybody, you know, listen, man
Everybody's trying to promote their stuff and I appreciate
You know, I got a lot of I got a lot of stuff that was junk too. Don't get me wrong
Wallet clips and shit that was just garbage, but I like this stuff people make with their hands
That's the stuff I never got rid of like like this right here
My future brother-in-law steve. I loved when people drew pictures of me
And people were coming and go that is the ugliest Joe Diaz ever ever said and I go I don't give a fuck
Somebody put time into that
Somebody sat down
And put time into that
I'll put a frame on it and then sell it. I'll do something
But I'm not just going to throw it away somebody put time into that
I wish I could draw half as good
As some of these people that have sent me aren't I wish I could draw half as well as them
That's a fucking gift all to itself. But hey, we get what they give us
To me, they gave me the gift to gab and big balls
I got no looks and a medium dick, but I got big balls and the gift to gab
We all can't get the same shit. I can't change the light bulb. I'm half polish. I can't fucking
Change oil, you know, I can't do none. It's hysterical because I swear to god
I must have been on the podcast
And some guy on patreon. Who's a sweetheart? We had tons of conversations before that
He fucking went off on me. You have to take the pan the fucking
The whatever the fuck the vaccine
How at that time in the beginning a month ago, I was a little unsure
I wanted for them to roll it out to see what the fuck the results were going to be
Plus they're going in fucking order, you know
And
You know people he's like, well, you have a celebrity status. No, I'm not a fucking celebrity. I'm a suburban house dad
I'm a suburban house dad. First of all, I was never a fucking celebrity. I was a dirty comic that got lucky
So I don't know why you keep using that word celebrity
You never see me as celebrity golf tournaments or celebrity bowling tournaments or celebrity nothing because I'm not a fucking celebrity
And I don't want to be a fucking celebrity. I'm a fucking dirty comic. I got lucky from time to time people put me in their fucking movies
That's it
Well, you're a celebrity. You should fucking go down there and get I said listen stop right there
I go first and you know, he was telling me he's polis
But that's how a conversation grew because I like parodies. I like stuff fucking green peppers goopki. I like polish food
Yeah, actually you call it goopki. It's it's it's the stuff fucking peppers. You guys got the correct
Annunciation. I'm retarded. I just call it goopki. So
He says to me you gotta get any kind of like went off in a way
And I was like, I can't fucking believe I got the only pollock who could put a light bulb in
Telling me that I need a fucking vaccine 20 million pollocks
And I got the only one that could screw in a light bulb yelling at me for fucking I don't I think he unfollowed me
I think he left. I think he got pissed off. Yeah, but we were friends, you know, like we were fucking on there fucking around
So if he did get upset, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, you know
I respected pollocks all my life because they're the only ones that never bitched throughout this whole thing
Right. Everybody makes fun of black people. It makes fun of chinese people. They get pissed
Spanish people get pissed you've never seen a parade outside of Barnes and Noble
With people going take the polish books down, you know, 100 polish books how to change a light bulb
They've been writing fucking polish jokes. It's just the beginning of time and these people do not give a fuck
There's has not been one protest
There hasn't been a parade because they don't give a fuck. They're too busy eating pierogies and drinking vodka
You don't go to a polish fucking wedding. There's four fucking days
You never been to a polish wedding? Oh
Oh
You don't know what life is until you go to a polish wedding in buffalo. It's six fucking days. It's six or seven days
They're eating drinking dancing. I forget the dance. They do with the fucking dresses
Forget about it. When you want to go to a real party you go party with the pollocks. They don't fuck around jack
They do not fuck around polish weddings are
Sensational if you're into that stuff, I'm into fun
I don't want to yet
I don't want to go to a wedding and sit there and there would be banging glass
And she kisses and I can't curse in front of the old fucking grandmother
Because they're gonna die and the six flower maids are a bunch of cunts anyway
I don't like those weddings those weddings. You don't don't even invite me to those fucking things
But if you're gonna have a fun wedding, you know jump and fucking firecrackers and people get bought, you know
Hammered and nobody cares. Nobody's gonna be judgmental towards you
And if you want to take your vest off and dance with your fucking shirt, you know, those are the weddings
I like those uptight fucking weddings
Save them for somebody to fuck else
I'm so
Yeah, I'm so upset because I was looking forward to going to jailos and alex wedding
I was looking forward to going to that Puerto Rican fucking wedding
Like I was gonna get invited get the fuck out of here your cuban fucked
Puerto Rican weddings are fun too, but I didn't give a fuck about jailo
I don't give a frenchman's fuck about alex rodriguez. I mean, I loved him as a baseball player
I didn't get mad at him about the steroids. What are you gonna do people gonna do what they're gonna do?
But uh, yeah, I guess that I gotta get married now. So I can't believe I'm gonna miss that wedding
You know, I won't be able to sit next to kim, you know
The fuck out of here. What do I give a fuck?
Anyway, we had a great week. We had a great time
Uh
That's it. It's just another fun fucking podcast another week is gone
It's march 17th the same patty's day
Go out there march drink. Have a good time. Just don't get covid. I don't give a fuck what you do
I mean last same patty's day got fucking
Fucking cancelled. So I guess this one I'm gonna be smoking puffing eating
I haven't eaten an edible in the daytime and so
Fucking long
Since that day with the spray with you
Tomorrow might be the fucking day
I can't stop on my way home and get a corned beef
You know what? I can't even fucking do an edible in the daytime no more my responsibilities are so fucking high now
It's not like LA where just take it at 159
Then it'll be two and you'll be fine now. I'm not gonna take another bottle more
Happy same patty's day to all you motherfuckers. I love you. Thank you very much for watching
Thank you very much for understanding what we were talking about. But again
Today's podcast was basically about fucking when I saw that Mia Farrow
And whatever things so before you believe any more accusations
Or any more stupidity that comes out of LA and the Hollywood scene
Remember what I told you
Mia Farrow continued working for Woody Allen
After she knew that he was molesting her children
And that's what hollywood is all about. So
I'm happy to be out of that scene
I'm happy. I don't live in that anymore
And I'm happy. I'm not in that entanglement of bullshit anymore. I'm in new jersey now bitches
The other day I went to eat with my wife
Sunday
These two parents
Called us up and they said do you want to meet at the park? We're gonna play some baseball
It was a kind of nice day. So I went over there with mercy and my wife and
Mercy had the glove I had a break in because mercy starts softball next week
Thank god
So she's doing this saturday
We're taking her for a mini camp like me and a friend of mine because
My wife was supposed to get a fucking covid shot on friday, but now they call it. They might be a problem
So I already made plans for saturday to take us. I'm like, you know, because the second shot is a little fucking tougher
So I made plans just a buddy of mine from north bergen is coming down
He uh played professional baseball. He got drafted. So
We're gonna take it to the batting cages and just you know, I've been messing around one of this week with the glove
But the glove we got a what is too small
For a fucking softball. I don't even know what I was gonna say to you mother fuckers
Or if it didn't even matter
But the week fucking changed now. So
Uh, we're gonna start playing softball that no. Oh, so I went to the fucking field
And the kids played and mercy hit the fuck out of that ball
She was just having a problem catching and whatever and then about three o'clock
It started getting a little cold and the wind started coming in. So one of the parents was like, anybody hungry?
Me and my wife was like we could eat so
She the one couple they just uh, you know, they're just a nice cup all all of them are nice
That's why I spent new years eve with these these people was a bigger in a bigger setting
My daughter and their their son plays together and they're great the kids great
So we went to eat and
As I get up I'm walking towards the door. I got my mask on
There was maybe 18 people in the restaurant and the weirdest thing happened to me like this is
Some kid just came out and know what he goes. Hey
How about a picture?
And I looked at him I go without even fucking breaking beat
I just went nope and I just kept fucking walking
And the lady
That was with my wife, you know, because they were all talking about the lady
That was talking to my wife was next to me
and she goes
Is that how people treat you?
And I go no
He's just a fucking jerk off
That has no class his mother didn't raise him right
She goes to people do that all the time. I go people come up to me and talk to me all the time
Do I love it?
If you're a gentleman or you're a sweetheart of a girl come up and talk to me
Come up and say hello. Listen. I I don't like your podcast, but I like young rogan
I don't like your jokes, but I like your podcast
I don't like your podcast, but I like it when you did a re show. I don't give a fuck
If you're honest with me, you want to come up and talk to me
Talk to me, you know, I'm not going to take a picture with anybody right now during covid for your health and for my health
Let's just stop with the fucking pictures. Okay, not right now
In fact, that's the second picture. I had to turn down since I've been in jersey
Which is a sweet thing for a guy like me
You know a couple weeks ago. I was having a I went to get lunch with my wife
And before I got out of the car, you know, and some kid just knocked on the glass
never brushed his hair
Meanwhile, I'm on the phone with my fucking agent just knocks in the glass. He's like, let's take a picture
You know, get the fuck out of here. Take a fucking hike. No mask. No nothing
It's covid season people losing their lives
Put your fucking camera away
All right, put your little fucking camera away because I'm not taking a picture with nobody
I'm I don't want to feel responsible for me giving you covid
And I don't want to be on the other end of receiving and since we don't know if you have it or I have it
Let's just shake hands
And part ways you want to come up to me you want to say hello
Say hello, you know people come up to me. Hey, man
Say hello, Joe Rogan for me. Sure
whatever
Tell rogan to come here next time. Yeah, I'll fly him up from Boston to come eat at your restaurant in jersey
You know, you don't know you have no people you have no idea
So, you know for me right now, there ain't no fucking pictures put your camera away
You want to talk to me come over and talk to people do it all the time
You know, I mean don't come up to me at a restaurant when I'm with my family at the table
But if you see me at a park or something like that come over say hello. Hey, man, I like what you did on this
I didn't like what you saw in this podcast and I'll talk with you
I'm gonna tell you what happened. Remember a couple weeks ago. I did a periscope
That kid no he reached out
He reached out and he apologized like a man and I said because you apologizing that made us brothers
That just made us brothers
Thank you for apologizing now
Anything you need reach out to me on he was a patreon guy
Yeah, and he got my number. He wanted a call and ask him how I treated him. I was like man
First of all, I appreciate the fucking honesty
That's it. You'll never hear about this again. I'll never fucking curse you
He messes me on patreon like a man that he is
Because listen, if I'm your uncle, I want you to be a man the same way I'm a man
I'll tell you what's going on
Treat me the fucking same way and we'll be fine
But don't just come up to me like hey man. How about a picture?
Like he was trying to show off from front of his friends and I was like nope
And he just sat there his face turned red and I just kept walking because I don't give a fuck
I hate the pictures. You're from jersey in jersey. You're not supposed to be taking pictures anyway
So put the fucking camera away cocksucker and that's it and that's that that's another episode of the motherfucking joint
For march 17th
2021 the light is almost there. Don't
Go don't get too excited yet. There's still another shoe that's gonna drop but for now
The light's almost there at the end of the tunnel pick yourself up
Read a book go for a walk the weather's starting to get nice
And that's it. We're almost back guys. Thank you
Make your fucking plans, but keep them loose
Because you never know what the other shoe's gonna drop right now
Remember what I told you I love you motherfuckers with all my heart
Have a great week. I want to thank all our sponsors
But now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors. Have a great weekend. Love you. Stay black
All right. I want to thank you savages
For listening today. I want to thank uh, nobody nobody came out. I was all confused
It's just me alone
Giving you motherfuckers an ear beating like a lot of that scotter guy in spanish on patreon
I just give you a fucking ear beating in spanish once a week on mondays
But anyway, the joint is brought to you by gabby insurance gabby gab i
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Manscaped I want to thank everybody who was part of the team this week. I love all you motherfuckers with all my heart
But i'm talking to you guys. I love you guys, you know, I got your back. Thank you for watching monday
And thank you for enjoying today's podcast. I love you cocksuckers with all my heart
Stay black have a good weekend and we'll see you monday morning tip
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You