Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 05/01/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #76

Episode Date: May 2, 2013

Rudy Sarzo, legendary bassist who has played with Ozzy Osbourne, Quiet Riot, and Whitesnake, to name a few, calls in. We were also lucky enough to have comedy legend Bobby Slayton calll in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. Streamed live on 05/01/2013

oh shit relax and take notes are you fucking kidding me it's Wednesday May 1st motherfuckers you got something to do get up write your goals do a jumping jack take a shit eat an apple do something it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive Wednesday May 1st little biggie what go brother let me see you wiggle look at Lee Wigglin you got the cam on you yeah cuz I got this camera what's coming woman I wanted to see Lee Wiggl whoa are you fucking kidding me or what fucking biggie Smalls open up the church of what's happening now May 1st Lee sciat the fucking house aka the flying

Jewish shit Uncle Joey Diaz here putting it fucking down like I said Austin bound can't wait to get down a fucking Texas game fucking 18 pounds though you know you're fucking fired up you've been giving me shit from like the second you walk in the door today slip it you didn't go in the fucking pool yesterday I called you three o'clock you sit on the fucking couch like Buddha waiting for a fucking takeout order you got to get in that pool that pool is right out there's four feet I wish I had a pool my fucking backyard I look like an x-ray it's no impact you just run back and forth I fucking I'm lazy dude I work

full-time I do this you sit and look at video with these glasses yeah that's working you gotta do jumping jacks you gotta get you tell jokes it's only you're fucking but I'm out there I'm fucking out there walking around I walk around two fucking hours yesterday pushing a fucking Krebcox sucker yeah but you said oh I just realized I'm not counting the points for the fucking 18 edibles I eat a day what do you have at least four edibles a day yeah but I don't eat like a cookie you should do no I never eat pot cookies never send me the pot cookie you chocolate bars the bang bars are fucking little regular

180 calories did you know that not much you know the 180 calories are three fucking weight watch it let's get it together I don't eat three of my one I ate a cheap boat you were yes I didn't even know where I went I did the fight walked around for two hours in the morning I did the fucking up the political by myself in the evening because I had a fucking meeting in Hollywood lesson I had to go down into aroma let me tell you so if you're on the sunset strip yeah you go to Dentana's and get a steak go to fucking aroma with the Israeli yeah it's good that fucking place let me say I've never had a bad

meal there it's oh you know it's not as bad as it used to be I don't think they sell machine guns the Israelis in the back there you go to buy a fucking grenade and get a chicken cutlet sandwich that's the Jews Jack yeah Jews don't fuck around they go in there buy a pet rock a machine gun and a fucking drip Ari had still he had the Israeli food like he really went crazy had like the hummus yeah getting sick to my fucking stomach that's a that's like coffee bean or Starbucks in Israel that's all over the place really aroma yeah delicious I brought dessert home from my wife woke her up she got up had some coffee with

me I didn't even know dessert she had the fucking dessert because I get up she takes it to work and they split it you know how girls either dessert divided by fucking 19 me I inhale one of those desserts is a fucking appetizer I was looking at the tag got a tiramisu and black forest cake I always got great desserts there you know I'm not a dessert guy though I've never really been a I'm a carvel fucking motherfucking milkshake oh shit I were I work across the street from a carvel do you in Santa Monica yeah but that place is a rip off right outside I know where you work yeah that guy is like a see what

happened with carvel was that people franchises that weren't fans of carvel okay they were they were fans of the investment there's a Derry Queen up in Northridge owned by fucking Arabs they don't know about fucking Derry Queen I got nothing against Arabs they're nice people every time I go there but they never had Derry Queen growing up so they don't know what the fuck it tastes like yeah they don't have the loop in the top oh that's the biggest thing yeah you know when you go to carvel now they don't have like they have a carvel in Phoenix okay at the airport six dollars a fucking cone I only carvel in two

places Jersey and Syracuse New York what's what why Syracuse they have a fucking badass carvel in Syracuse New York on the road like a dead-end road up there cold just in that area it's cold like the sun could be all over the city but I'm not blocking snow and there's a bunch of shit fucking I love it you go in there you get a and I was always a thin shake type of motherfucker you look oh you don't like it thick no disgusting I love it I love nice and fucking thin like milk vanilla shake a black and white I love that's my shade come on now and the sum you get yourself a little cone with a fucking baseball helmet yeah

remember that we leave what the fuck guy you know I'm saying it's fucking last night was going down to this meeting it's funny because I got to start with one of these every day just in my head it's funny because I always keep bad luck with me yeah you know a lot of people they really really really do live their lives and then they they wear whatever bad happened to them nothing bad happened to me I made something bad happen to happen you follow me mm-hmm his weed is fantastic I really like smoking weed in the morning I really haven't happened I couldn't tell you I love it you don't say there's the highest I get all fucking

I get Blitzkrieg in the morning I love it and if I was home right now I'd be drinking coffee fucking smoking with that door closed my wife has to knock on the door now you know your babies are I'm fucking in here puffing like a savage the fucking room is yellow in the morning I love it it's the beginning of the day you're happy you got a fucking plan right out your plan what you're gonna do how you're gonna do it who you're gonna see who you're gonna call bam it's fucking Wednesday next to you know you got a hundred hours in your pocket and get some shoes what the fuck you want to do a cheeseburger but it's

funny I was going to meet with these people at Rome last night on the drive down I was thinking about the nine months after I got arrested you know like when you know like when you get out of from bail you know where you stand so the arrest in Colorado right can happen so it was 88 when I got arrested and November of 88 and I got out of jail December 1st so it was the holidays and I stumbled upon the worst luck in my life like karma just flipped like my name came out in the paper where I was working they didn't want me there the old job didn't want me I had walked along Mount Colorado about two he said

my house got robbed no shit somebody stole mine and George's television or VCR I was all we fucking had you know that was it my life was gonna change so I was gonna start watching more movie then George decided he was gonna go back and it was funny how I didn't know when the sentencing was gonna be I had already my preliminary I got out December 1st okay they didn't give me a preliminary hearing is when you officially get charged okay all right and then from there you work your fucking plan you know and for me growing up with Juan and my mother and they would always get arrested for numbers I always knew

what the plan was you got to walk a straight line you got to go to bed early you got to do everything you can to turn it around the thing I did was when you get when you're in trouble with the law or anything like that I knew that the judge had to get letters sent to him and I've read a book years earlier telemarketing in the 80s now it's a different book it's probably Sunday evolved with it because I wasn't looking for it but he he made a really interesting point and they said when people die they only make 250 mass cards okay everybody knows 250 people yeah that's on an average so when you

get in trouble and you're going in front of a judge that judge has aspirations for politics so every time you send a letter to him saying hi I'm writing him behalf of Lisa yeah I grew up with Lee we used to fucking black bang chicks you know bang black chicks together whatever the fuck you want to write we should go to temple together I don't think he would ever get in trouble again he knows if he sends you to jail it's 250 people are gonna be mad 250 people are not gonna vote from the thinking gets different yeah when you're in politics everything is 250 people 250 people is an election yeah

and those in those 250 people each know 250 so so what I would do is I had everybody knows and that motherfucker letters if I would go to Ralph supermarket and I talked to the fucking lady the check out I go I'm gonna how long have I been coming here three months do me a favor send this guy a letter about character references when he got the court from my sentencing he had a fucking folder I fucked his head up like I fucked him up plus his brother was a dentist and my buddy had been good friends with that dentist okay so he went he goes I'll do it just this one time for you and he went talk to the

dentist and he goes you got to do this talk to your brother and the dentist said you're putting me in a bad position as our friendship and he goes talk trust me this kid will never get in trouble again and that's what really spawned me like I had a lot of belief then that I had just this was just a bad day when I kidnapped this guy me knowing the piece of shit tonight was this wasn't a bad day I knew exactly what the fuck I had done that day I didn't know it was an attorney to the extent it did yeah I thought me tying a guy up and taking this coke wasn't kidnapping what nobody fucking really knows it's like

you call the attorney you go hey I'm thinking of robbing this guy I'm gonna bring a machine gun with another guy with handcuffs what's the charge if I get caught yeah but I remember coming out on bail you come on a thing called bail and you're out there you go to preliminary hearing and after the preliminary hang I basically went to fucking work but guess what happens to me what just the way God works George goes back to Jersey George says he doesn't want to stay out enough because he lost his job okay and in bolder nobody makes over seven bucks now in these days so you had a steal George had a scam at the car lot my

roommate he was renting out cars and he was renting out plates the strippers oh they could drive so George was making six seven hundred on the side plus the two three hundred a man a lot that's good money once he lost that he wasn't gonna replace that money he had bills so he left so had to get a roommate what a fucking coincidence this kid's from my hometown really he's from North Bergen he had he's from a place called Guttenberg which is a little town one mile it's next to North Bergen it's really North Bergen but they call it Guttenberg if you look in whatever the world world records okay in the 70s and

80s Guttenberg was known because it has the most bars per capita in that area it had a bar every three doors okay it was one of those little towns and was it talking about yeah about your roommate and so he was my roommate so I move him with this guy you know we start talking we knew some of the same people but he was way older than me okay if I was 28 he was 48 he's alive in Jersey but this guy drove a cab he was a part-time school teacher but he was also a part-time coke dealer I didn't know this when I moved in with him you just figure it out we'd be sitting there watching TV and a guy would come and they both go into a

room and then he would walk around at night that's how I knew so I would see what area of the house he would hang out and he started he would get ounces of coke and I was robbing this guy I would buy a gram from him take three from him I mean my addiction was out of fucking control but it was so weird how I was living this fucking Lisa yeah type of life for me to con this judge I had to work it straight I was working at Hertz I was in the manager trainee program at Hertz okay which basically meant that wash cars yeah and drove cars to different locales I worked my ass off I worked ten hours at that I would get up

before 30 in the morning like I do now I was 28 years old okay even if I did coke till four at 4 30 I would get up jerk off in the shower whatever the fucking need to do to wake up and I take my bicycle to the master swimming program because I knew when I was going to prison I want to be in tip-top shape and I want to get my fighting in tip-top shape I joined this club called the butterfly club in Boulder where the guy was crazy he would make you swim and then Fridays and Saturdays you live-spart okay the guy got chased out of Boulder because they said he was like a cult leader he wanted to create a cult of

like like a cell like he was trying to put there was more to his madness his madness was insane this guy would fucking make you spar and a lot of people went up thing got hurt so a lot of people complained about them they chased a lot of Chautauqua Park this was in Boulder and I did that I learned how to fucking I lifted weights I had a punching bag I mean my life was surrounded I knew I was going to prison there was no way two ways about it the problem was how long was I gonna go to prison I was just gonna ask like if you knew like why wouldn't you just like I'm gonna have fun until I go in no I

wanted to be fucking prepared was nobody I didn't know people gonna fuck me in the ass I'm you know I gotta work out of that rut you can't okay not for a guy like me I was still snorting and I had a girlfriend but I wasn't out partying I mean I was partying in my house doing push-ups it was fucking crazy but I joined the master swimming program I would I would fucking swim Monday Wednesdays and Fridays from six to seven Lee would pull up and there'd be a mountain of snow shoveled you'd have to walk through the fucking snow with your bikini these motherfuckers didn't fuck around the pool was heated so once you

jumped in the pool the pool was warm yeah okay that's still pretty crazy but but you had to walk from the clubhouse to the pool with no fucking t-shirt on slippers on I see shit so you're out the pool is an outdoor pool then that's fucked up it's real fucked up my name was Jane she didn't fuck around this lady she was a white chick that was in the Olympics or some cute big legs she didn't fuck around but anyway the point of the story is that I never forgot that I never forgot those nine months I even wrote it out and I read it once a week what I wrote out those nine months of how I prepared to go down like you that

they told me every attorney I paid to look up bro you can pay me $300,000 they found the machine gun you're doing time you're doing something yeah you're doing 90-day minimum but you're doing something but it's weird how I prepared myself and how I never mind fucking myself I knew I was going away I just but it's a weird way of living like every morning when I wake up I was still in a good mood but I knew that this was not gonna last okay I knew I would get the call eventually you know and they kept saying July they kept saying you gonna get sentenced in June you know and I kept pushing it back I kept paying

extra money it's so weird how I lucked out with that case I lucked out with that in so many ways because somebody would go Joey how the fuck did you look I was just gonna sit here you were charged with kidnapping one and two okay let me tell you how I lucked out I had a certain amount of money for an attorney now the one thing I knew how to hide was an attorney I know how to buy time in situations when there's a victim you're buying time especially when he's a fucked up victim Kent Vella wasn't a victim he was a fucking junkie that was playing a fucking dirty game and he got backfired on him and that's what

happens when you're dirty junkie in a dirty game of cocaine you know it's not like nobody's a bad person this is what happens when you're dealing with fucking addictions at that level you do you can't fuck around they will fucking knock you to fuck out you will get robbed you go out there and stick your neck out like that so you explain to me like you you had an attorney and then right when he was about to happen like you fired him and then you're the new one I fired him and I bought six more months but the problem was that Vella got arrested first so he automatically got a public defender okay okay Vella got arrested

second he got a public defender from the victim side so you're so not the first guy your partner got a partner got arrested and then Vella got arrested and then Vella got arrested so Vella was handled by the prosecution I'm sorry there was no attorney involved so since you can't have two attorneys in the public defender's office can't represent you because that's conflict of interest they have to go outside that circle excuse me and get you a good attorney okay so the state had to pay for me a fucking badass attorney so I worked the fucking state to the last minute of the fucking decibel I got

myself a good attorney even though I saved money for an attorney in case this fucked up so I caught a break that way that saved me eighty fucking thousand dollars so the cost of me eighty and the cost of me seventeen five mm-hmm you follow me because there was things he didn't cover but things like that where I lucked out I discovered swimming or discovered working out again there were so many positives that I got from that one fucking negative and yes there was a victim involved Ken Vella was involved and I feel bad for him but no I fucking don't because when shit went down with me in 1978 not even like

right after my mother died like I got involved in a weed scam where I ended up getting robbed by some black dudes in Camden, New Jersey and they did it Lee like professionals I thought I knew it I thought I had I thought I was a bad motherfuckers these guys robbed me like professionals I've ever heard this story yeah yeah cuz I don't really remember the pictures of it was me and Dee Dee Contarone he was no fucking genius he had cut the details to this weed deal I'm like are you serious so the weed deal and came entitled like a let's just say in those days Thai weed was 1600 a pound I'm just throwing figures out there

people don't email me later and go my brother told me I don't I don't give a fuck these black dudes came to me with 800 a pound deal and they gave me weed as a sample and the weed was fucking mind-boggling so you were gonna buy it from them yes I was gonna buy it from them what I was really gonna do was go to a guy like you and that's a weed salesman and say look there's what I could get and he'd say what do you want for it and I go 900 a pound I'm gonna make 900 on the deal I'm gonna make a hundred on the deal in 1980 that was a lot of money when you're 16 so you would give me 2000 bucks and I'd make

whatever the fuck you know I'd make $400 on the drug deal you know which was fucking good yeah you know plus I sold masculine plus I ran coke so all together $400 on top of going to speak East Trouseburg Pennsylvania and picking up masculine masculine and fucking acid and speed this was another part of my game but I didn't really think about it that's why we're gonna call come in oh shit yo you said call it exactly 625 and 625 exactly that's why I fucking love you Bobby Slayton on the motherfucking line how are you sir you know first of all you know you know it's so funny because you asked me what time I get

up in the morning and I said you know ever since I had a kid 24 years ago whatever since I started doing stand-up over 30 years ago you know I'm so used to doing morning radios so you know getting up this time of day is not conducive to a life of the stand-up comic but I'm usually up 435 530 but here's my question to you Joey D why in God's name when you do a podcast which people say you know they record it they bank them you can play in any time people can listen to many times what the hell do you get up and do this this time of day for because we have a u-stream audience and I got the truth

of the matter was Bobby when I get up in the morning I put on KTLA like everybody else does they want to know where they're driving I get up at six just like you my wife has to go downtown I got KTLA on and while you're in the kitchen cooking your fucking oatmeal you hear about the third grader that got molested you hear about the kid that died I didn't hear about that can I hear about that? no no no you hear about all this shit Bobby and by by 7 o'clock you want to do a shot of fucking heroin you're like you know what I should just start the

day off wrong what I wanted to do with the church of what's happening now is smoke a little dope listen to a little music tell a few stories and get people out there to get them in the mood to go out there and stab a motherfucker now did you did you go to the Stones the other night that was my main call to you did you go to the Stones for 20 bucks the other night Neco Park you did you see no I was I was concerned that you were gonna go I didn't even know about it besides I was where was I at Minneapolis playing some strip mall in you know in Minnesota which one we had ACME or the House of Comedy actually a new

place it's a new place and it's called the New Hope Cinema Grill they have movie theaters and one of the movie theaters they took it and they took it into a comedy room and it's a great club but you know one of the most depressing malls you go to Florida of course you put the Florida your Cuban house you've gotten here but you ever you ever get to Florida you know you change your clothes and you dry off and you get rid of the raft and they're maybe about Florida they have the most depressing malls and when I say more I mean a strip mall you come to LA and you appreciate it even Hollywood you

know every mall has a yogurt place a dry cleaner a sushi place maybe a 7-11 you know you go in there you get stuff done you get some sushi you get some yogurt you could be dry cleaning but in Florida it's all a porn store a liquor store you know and then they've been a and and it's just a gun shop so it's like you know you're pouring your stuff you get it done you jack off you shoot yourself in the head you buy some vodka it's like a one-stop suicide center and that's the way this mall was it was one of those places where you cash checks for people who don't have a bank account then there was a 99 cent store then there's a

thrift store then there's a store in a business and then there was a movie theater with the comedy club so yeah fucking working Bobby how lucky you've been doing this for 30 years a business which you know a few people make a living you live nice you have a nice home you got a beautiful wife you have a daughter you've done it Bobby in a lot of fucking ways but wait a second well you know what though yeah I guess it's fine and when you bit to my house which I'm invited to you invite you over like I've invited you have about 20 times you said you come about 15 times and I think you showed up twice for the uh what was that rope at

the uh what was that great cuban dish I made rope of the year how you make a tremendous lemon chicken oh yeah obviously it's a great fucking cook when he really puts his head to it oh chili then you make me chili you made all right who knows but I don't know and that's a shut up dog anyway but yeah I'm up at five o'clock you know it's funny because I'm writing a book right now that's why I get to five o'clock in the morning before these two dogs wake up the whole other story and before my wife and kid wake up although my kids just moved out but I'm writing a book called my 35 years in showbiz hell if you can't laugh at

yourself make fun of other people my 35 years in showbiz hell and people say me why is it hell you know I got a great wife for the most part his wives go you know now you got to qualify that without his wives go and I have a nice house but you know what I'm working twice as hard for half the money and it's a young man's game Joey Diaz you know that you know you know as well as I do I'm fucking 50 you're talking to the wrong guy so I know it's tough yeah game it's not it's not it's not you and me it's it's these idiots that are comedy central who hands out specials like candy on Halloween to any idiot that

wants it you know it's brutal what are these dogs barking at you know I got a oh my god I got a pussycat dog just moved in with me that's a whole other story buddy will you shut up stop barking yeah so my daughter Natasha moved out you know she's 24 years old now and you know she joined the pussycat dogs who they're renaming and rebranding so she finally got an apartment and one of the other pussycat dogs lost their apartment so she said can we can I move in with you guys so well remember my office downstairs with my drums you know right yeah okay that now is a pussycat dog a very nice girl Paula and her dog who

you're barking in the background buddy this little gay Pomeranian marshmallow thing you know the dog to somebody's taking a liking to me and I got it you know they they call me the people of comedy I got a miniature picture how gay is that and now this other dog so they sit her fighting all day and uh see they're up now so it's 6 30 in the morning I gotta be five so I have an hour and a half piece of quiet to write my goddamn book sure that's when the only time you get right I'm in the same process I'm trying to write a fucking book myself Bobby yeah well now that you've got a baby and now that you've got that you know you

but you know what though I'm on the road a lot and even don't play some crappy clubs you know what happens when I sit on a plane and go out of my way I just take one magazine I don't bring anything to do so I kind of force myself to write the book and when you're sitting in a Hampton Inn or maybe even if it doesn't matter where I am next week if it's with government Hilton and in Pleasanton I'm playing with club Tommy Teese they put me up in a nice Hilton but you know what if I don't have a car which I don't in the middle of nowhere and if I'm too lazy to work out I get nothing to do but write my book so

you know it's coming along come along great you still got the train you still got the trainer Bobby I can't afford that anymore Scott but you know what I wanted to see the Rolling Stones next week I'm gonna go see him I couldn't even four tickets to see these guys how much are the tickets Friday night huh how much are the tickets Friday night well there's something like uh what are they the I get the crappy seats for $170 the crappy seats the good ones like six or $700 you know as much as I like that band

look if I had if I had Tom Hanks money if I put some Willis money like Joey Diaz money I'm driving a fucking Subaru brother I got a little Subaru and I'll return for the lease a friend of mine called me from Florida he says you know can you get me tickets to the Stones they said yeah I know somebody that works for the promoter but he goes let's go and I said I can't afford it he's all by the ticket have you fly me in so I cashed in miles flew my friend in we're gonna see the Stones you know so that's kind of I don't you know I hate

going out now I don't even want to see them I don't like to leave my house I don't like to go anywhere you know what it's like out there I mean you don't got it so he's out you like going out you like hanging out I'm done with that no no no no no I'm worse than you are Bobby Slane that's that's a misconception about Uncle Joey Uncle Joey don't listen you got an envelope you want me to go out and do a comedy show I'm there well for me to go to a improv or something during the week give fucking Bobby Slane I'm in bed at 9 30 if you let me

if you fucking let me I could fall asleep by 9 30 if you let me I mean that's without drinking too right no I don't drink I don't fucking drink I take two hits of the tootsie-toots and I'm in bed a fucking hour later or I eat a pot cookie I gotta I gotta leave my house tomorrow 4 45 in the fucking morning you know me I fly early I gotta fly tomorrow so I get out of the fucking I get to the airport at six I want to be out of here I want to be in my room naked watching fucking all my children at one o'clock you know me rubbing popcorn juice on my fucking something

I don't yeah yeah that's a great visual yeah no I love it you're at an age now where you know it's funny Bobby how old are you now you look great you look fucking great I'll be 58 a couple weeks fucking God and look at the stone 70 on stage it's a whole new fucking world out there Bobby Slating we could go to we'll fucking 80 if you let us yeah well I'm not sure I want to the right way things are going but yeah I think you want to see your daughter fucking rocking out the pussycats though you don't want to be there when she wins a fucking Grammy in 10 years you want to be there you know what I've kept every

receipt for me be any baby every play though of the box of crayons and when she get we she just found the record deal so you know I'm gonna say look you know daddy love we have all we're gonna we're gonna crap I bought you you know she's like a pack rat she we just clean it out of room and uh oh she has everything she saved since she was like five years old and it's amazing how much crap this kid has and thank you my wife where did she get all this shit hello I guess it was all my fault so I didn't even realize how much crap I bought a bird god but uh anything to keep them quiet on a plane

anything to shut them up on a beach for your vacation anything to keep them out of your head hey uh so tell me about this uh dvd you taping Bobby oh yeah let me tell you about that Joe what are you taping what are you taping brother so here listen this is what I'm doing I'm gonna be in Cleveland next guy you know I keep forgetting how many followers you have and then you know it's funny you totally had to do this on twitter but I keep putting some good tweets out there I think they're pretty funny a pitbull of comedy and you know I got some major radio shows you know where was I left

with Tom Bernardo really big of Minneapolis and you know I can't have been here in LA and going out and grow a lot I got like five or ten more followers then I looked at some of these guys like I said in a comedy center they got a half a million never looking Joey Diaz and what are you like a hundred thousand I'm going oh my god all I gotta do is tweet every day hey good morning cocksuckers love you both pick your nose it's a good day listen brother you're uh you're a funny guy on the natural and people gotta hear from you there's no

reason why you have social media out there you're a funny okay now you have a thousand people listen right now okay so here I want all your people take here's what I'm doing next week I'm going to uh Cleveland you ever play Cleveland absolutely uh what do you play the improv and the grog shop the grog shop yeah they do a little room over there 200 people very nice little rock venue take the fucking door you have a little cuban tropical drinks at the grog shop no no no it's a it's a great little comedy place well I played hilarities which is um

you know it's kind of cost is one of the tremendous I hear these are fucking gentlemen now oh well you know why all the good guys get screwed you know nice guys finish last only the good guy young all that shit you know that's why the Nazis lived 250 but uh so um I'm I he has a great it's not just a comedy club it's like a 500 feet comedy theater so I thought it would be a great place to tape a special you know a lot of guys are doing their own specials I didn't have the money to do my own special a lot of guys are taping them you know my friend shake your hands and put out the money he's holding to show

time and you know Louis C. K. that is on special and he put it on his website so I think you know I'm just going to take a special but I'm going to find somebody to do it so last year I guess somebody do it for me and you know the one piece of advice I give you on comics and I didn't follow my own advice at the 35 years of doing this bullshit we comment said to me how do you get better and you know you can tell guys a lot of ways you know number one of course keep writing get up on stage and if somebody you know tells you something gives you advice take it with a great assault but listen to it but the best

way and you know the ones like the joey d is to tape yourself videotape yourself and you can watch yourself and I used to watch myself and I realized I talked fast I didn't like how fast and how much I said fuck and how much I did this and I'm like anyway so I would talk about just take yourself and watch it and you'll see how good you were or how bad you were and you can be more objective so I picked a special did I work that for months or I saw it I said you know what I'm not happy with this at all I don't know why I took this material I don't know anyway just didn't come out great and I called the people that did it

and they said look Bobby for a little bit we'll do it again we'll do it again so anyway I'm going to Hilarities next week and I'm going to tape the special again and we've written it and you know it's funny Alice Cooper I do a thing where you know you know you give her the Rockwell Hall of Fame yes even though Journey and Donna Summer in there which is so well I see why Journey's in there even though they suck but uh the place is really cool I mean it's really a great testimonial to you know rock and roll and the blues and R&B and all the stuff we love so they you know it's like they have all the costumes all the

clothes all the manuscripts I mean it's just an amazing museum of stuff so I opened the show where I break I go in and I steal Alice Cooper's clothes because he was my hero in high school back in 1971-72 when I wear his clothes out of the Rockwell Hall of Fame I don't actually wear him on stage but I'm called the special no more Mr. Nice Guy because you know I've always been a big fan of Alice Cooper and uh he's actually writing the following to my book which is a big thrill for me because like I said when I was a kid when I was 15 or 16 you know you know as far as I do way before kiss way before Marilyn Manson

way before I wore this bullshit even you know I mean Ozzy Osbourne who he's so scary Alice Cooper was pretty scary you know I hate you he was out for the school was out for the fucking summer Rockwell with monsters my two favorite things he put together that was pretty cool so let me ask you this pretty cool what's the date on the fucking special you tape giving it next Saturday night not so the special is the 12th uh no no no no the 4th and 7th of these 11th the day before Mother's Day and by the way I'll be playing hilarities in Cleveland on Mother's Day what a great place to bring a mom if you want to

give her a heart attack to make sure you know if you're in the will you want to get rid of mom take her to my shop you know you're a fucking savage dog and what else is going on the house is good the dogs you're still doing your thing you're taking care of yourself I'm trying to finish this book and I'll tell you man you know you know no sucks also is writing a book now it's like putting out a CD or a DVD or getting a special on Showtime you know you and I remember when somebody had HBO special they really were special it was special

and now there's so many of them on and there's somebody and there's Comedy Central and well here's the good let's correct this there's nothing like HBO you can do your Showtime shit you get on Comedy Central but we all know HBO Trump's fucking everything you've been on HBO you've been on all those things yeah but you want to know something Showtime though well you watch stuff like Dexter and you watch uh you know nobody's got a nobody's got Showtime you gotta assume nobody's fucking got it more people got the internet than that

I'd rather you do a special and put on the internet for five bucks you'll get more bang to your buck than Showtime who the fuck watches that shit and they put out so much bad shit you don't even want to be on the same fucking neighborhood with those fucking people look at the stand-up they got on there it's garbage and you want to put your shit on there you want to bust out and be the new kid on the fucking block again you told me you know putting it out and doing it on the internet and stuff and you know the thing is though sorry I've been so bad with the social media

garbage for the last few years which I'm just really started you know doing it more because when you get a guy like Jim Gaffigan or even bigger Louis CK or Bill Burr you know when they put their stuff on this Netflix and they put their stuff on the internet they sell it on their website they got a lot of people following them even you well they got people they got Netflix knocking on the fucking door I don't have Netflix knocking on nobody's knocking on my fucking door and I know that you know I feel I'm like hey listen Bob I don't want to think I

know I've been I lived in a car for fucking eight months I snorted blow I did a lot of shit that I brought about myself but the whole time I've worked on this nobody reaches out for a special no more you go you pay three fucking UCLA students couple yardsticks you get Lisa Yat the flying the producer of the show over there with you you get a little war you tape it and you put it online for five bucks and everybody fucking profits and everybody enjoys it for five bucks but showtime you're gonna go on that's like fucking

going in a bad net you know and selling coke next to it's like trying to sell coke next to ten black guys on a fucking corner you're in no danger I gotta go to compete with those guys I'm a fucking white guy you know it's like so I'd rather you put it on somewhere I'm thinking about that I'm looking at all my off yeah fuck fucking put it on fucking Twitter five dollars the people of comedy is you're a savage you should be fucking spit slapping these motherfuckers now you got to do your thing you're as funny I watched you on HBO you're one

of my fucking idols knock it off cock fucker all right well that's what I say I need your help I'm not you know when it comes to business and promotion I you know the only time I was ever good at it was when I was in Vegas like the life had to be you know when I was in Hooters and then the Tropicana I mean I I I've just got rejuvenated it was two years there fighting well I was in Hooters you know it was like a mental patient of a casino you were there oh yeah who's going to who's going to Hooters to see me you know they built a really nice showroom for me but my god it was off the

strip and then I moved to another shithole the Tropicana and I mean I did every radio show I did promotion and that's when Twitter and Facebook was that's when Dane Cook started making my space big and I said you know it is my space shit ain't going anywhere I went Dane Cook blew up I said I'm gonna get a my space by then everybody abandoned my space I moved out to Facebook now everybody goes to Twitter you know I was the guy that got a cassette player whenever they also got iPods and I got an iPod I'm always an

I'm like an Amish guy I just got rid of my Blackberry I just got an iPhone I don't know how I lived without it I'm getting a color tv I'm getting a color tv and uh and a new photograph I'm moving up in the world well it's not what I want you to do I want you to call in from time to time and let us know what you're playing I love you with all my heart you uh you're one of my fucking idols it was uh why can't okay let me ask you this with all your technology you got there your big uh you know Joey Diaz studio there in uh Havana why don't you how come you can't call anybody for me why can't you

call out why couldn't you call me today Lisa yeah talk to him it's it's uh just it's better for people to call in because if we if you didn't pick up I mean we could call out but it's it's better for people calling on their own time you satisfied you have one of those programs if you get Verizon you you have unlimited minutes you know you don't have to be at the budget you're on no it's Skype it's Skype and we can call in from anyone it's free I just rather you call get it together I don't want to call you and bother your house maybe your wife is sleeping

unless you paint the fucking nails Bobby Slayton get it together right now she doesn't have any other room get it together I can't talk to you I'm gonna get back to my book and uh yeah man I love that you took the time to call in like I said you want my fucking idea I got nothing else to do I love you to death I love you to death you've been up there I've been shooting yeah so you're there this Friday and Saturday and next week you're at Hilarity's taping your special on the fucking Saturday the 11th yeah you know what if there's 10 people listening now do me a favor follow me on

Twitter or you just want to see if I follow him on Twitter okay this guy is one of my fucking early fucking idols don't fuck around I love this guy with all my heart he's fed me when I was hungry take fucking can't go see him shake his hand bring him a joint make sure he's you don't smoke dope do you that's the problem you gotta smoke fucking dope these people gonna come see you you gotta do a bomb hit to the face you gotta do a bunch of shit they'll do wine they'll do whatever you want to do you tell me what you need these people will bring you bazooka powder whatever

you're fucking you need all right all right I love you stay black Jewish what a nice as fucking guys in the world I love the little fucking metallic of uncle joey dog it's six something in the morning get up drink your coffee you gotta do a jumping jack too I don't want to yeah we're gonna finish this story though oh shit a little enter the fucking set kick a leak where's the reefer league you eat it look at the leak we got fucking three joints left look at this we got three joints look

oh shit I'm playing the fucking drums with the joints right now oh shit Lee oh shit it's Wednesday watch that pussy you want some of your sniffing banana banana go Lee Jesus get up let me see you jumping jack Lee here we have nothing come on Lee it's the first day of juicing it's May 1st it's the first day in life brother come on let's do a little little wiggle fuck with joy a little love jumping come on baby here we go down down down down do a little jumping jack oh shit Lisa yeah three of them I love it

you're a fucking soldier do it Lee oh shit want some reefer I just had tons of reefer what are you talking about why are you lowering the music because you gotta finish this story put the fucking music lick my balls eat my ass little Lisa yeah you little flying dude sniff my feet suck my ass I hope someone has that on a ringtone later oh shit oh shit get up motherfucker this is a beautiful day to be alive

live your fucking goals write them down do a push-up do something Austin Texas I'm ready for you motherfuckers all right so I'm gonna be the I'm gonna get this back on track so what what what what you had you had the meeting at aroma but you're thinking about your your fucking trial so what's what's the conclusion of that conclusion of what so the conclusion was that between you and me I keep that close to my heart every day because I know how fast life gets changed that's what makes me strong you know a lot of people say well you know you put

that past behind you I always do but I had to keep it close by because I know how fast your life could change because you could always go you could go back to that lifestyle if you're not a million fucking doll but that's what I'm saying I know you don't want to but I'm saying like if you didn't remember that how quickly that happened it'd be easy for you to revert back to it well and the other hand too it's to let people know that anybody can make the fucking change there was no change it just evolved I just figured it out that

comedy is fucking criminals too yeah I might as well take my criminal life over to the comedy field it wasn't to you you know what I'm saying yeah it's it's something that I always get emails from people at joeydears.com jot.net so if you have an email about your life I get these emails and people think they're stuck in their life how the fuck do you think I felt that march when I knew I was gonna do time and I had this guy Richie that was my boss in fact I talked to one of the girls from Hurtsdale she lives in Kansas we talk on Facebook

and we talk on the phone she just got divorced Carol and Carol testified on my behalf from the office I mean I had 19 people walking that court that day but nothing changed what I did but that's not the moral of the story the moral of the story is no matter where the fuck you are you can get out of the rut yeah if you ask me how I fucking did it I have no idea but it starts with belief we're talking about this shit the other day how you got to believe you got to see the fucking picture if you're gonna tell me that 20 years ago I seen myself doing a

podcast with the flying dude no I didn't see a comment but this is what happens from me getting involved yeah this is what happens with me showing up with two guns to the fucking battle instead of one I see a lot of people walking around in in comedy when I go to these anime fights they're walking around with one fucking gun in their holster they should have two and they all have their bullets out because we're playing this shit for keeps on a daily motherfucking basis so what I'm trying to tell you cock suckers to get up this is why I think

about these things because it fires me the fuck up so what so what happened last night we were just thinking about as you're driving down there just thinking about how different my life here I am driving down fucking Laurel Canyon at 8 30 at night to go with the aroma to get the best food in Hollywood I really can't believe but I thought about riding my bicycle to swim that morning feeling good you know riding my bicycle but in the back of your head knowing that B you're going to prison and C you're addicted to fucking blow

and D you're going for prison not but going to prison for a long time it's not it's not like you're going for a couple days you know what's what's long time at that time three days would have been a long time I would never imagine it would have sentenced me to four fucking years yeah you know that's the things that you never fucking imagine when you're in that courtroom you're like how and I made it like I made it I made it in there like with no fucking drama I got one two or three fights I got beat up one time I beat up the long-haired dude one time

you know this is what it's all about you know I'm saying I mean terrifying to me no it was terrifying at first until you're living through it you're there you know it's so weird how you look at the stage sometimes and you go I got to go up on that fucking stage right now and all of a sudden you walk off and it just happened just like every Wednesday I got to go for a shot I walk in there thinking the fucking worst thing ever every Wednesday and every Wednesday he's pulling the needle out I'm like that's it this is all I had to do so it's a lot harder in our mind

than what it is actually all the time yeah you know I was talking to my friend's daughter George she's in law school right now what are you here about law school that you're dead yeah they tell you you're fucking dead and she was telling me that she goes listen I got my weekend stomach she goes I got to study four or five hours a day but if you stay on top of it you got no beers yeah if you stay on that's all law school is and she goes a lot of people figured out the third year it's too fucking late you just stay on time it's a lot of reading it's a lot of fucking paperwork

you got computers now she said you can read off the computer it cuts time and half you don't have to go to library anymore you don't do shit like that that cuts time and half but it's still a commitment people so I want you to get up today and make a commitment to whatever fuck you want to do you want but you know somebody said the other day you turned 50 why don't you start playing the guitar I think I'm gonna start taking jiu-jitsu full time oh shit yeah because I want to kill this gut wanting for all I want to look like Charles Bronson the fucking mechanic it's over

you say that and then one day you're gonna come in here and be like this fucking Hindu going on top of me with a smelly feet and I walked out I have a fucking heart attack that's what's always stopped me from fucking jiu-jitsu is the feet and the fucking I'm picking the rotten ass you put that rotten ass ghee in my fucking face I have a heart attack I don't even like going to kickboxing in the morning because you gotta hit with a shot of bad breath it'll fucking kill you in the morning people don't put the odor in on what the fuck they come here straight from the

to the bed with bad breath I can't take that kind of class the two o'clock class is all right but it's just on Tuesdays and fucking Thursdays you know all right oh shit so that's what I was trying to tell people today that sometimes something bad happens you want to push forward therapists whatever the fuck they tell you sometimes it's good to keep it there because it's where you draw your strength from it's where I draw my strength I just remember that even when something bad happens something to cut anything I'm like it could be fucking worse man

yeah did you ever see the movie clerks it's one of Kevin's yeah yeah well the original yeah I was watching it the other night and there's this big monologue he does at the end how he can't change the main character because he's comfortable in his life he's like 22 he's the he's a clerk at a store and his buddy who's more of a slacker than him kind of breaks you down like you just did like yells at him like you can change you're the one who's doing it to yourself and I was watching and all I could think about was this and it's just uh like you could have very easily

gone when you knew you were going to jail just fucking snorted coke and went to Cuba or something but when I was 22 I was a clerk in a video store and I was never happier I can't lie to you I was never happy I was probably making 10 bucks an hour yeah I would never see the owner I would open it and close it do the deposits I would make deliveries I made delivery to Michael Douglas house really 1983 I set up his fucking vcr oh sure I made deliveries to fucking uh well not robin warms I seen him in the mall I saw the flying none used to rent

videos in there I saw Sydney Portier would come in and rent videos Don Johnson and his family would rent videos I worked at a video store I would have a scarf face on in the video I'd put porno on so there's people walking by did he have fucked you and and trait what was that girl that was a 16 year old porno oh fucking she was big in the 80s and I used to put her on when she stuck the octopus in her pussy Jesus whatever does uh Tracy lords does Japan yeah it was really weird I was a clerk and I cannot lie to you

I was as happy that was my job because you watch movies all day yeah I dealt with the people the company for videos was out of Denver and I ordered videos and I ordered old videos I remember putting concert videos like he came in one day he goes what happened here this is amazing I fucking this with no college guys this is a no college education I went into a store and fucking quadrupled the fucking profits really he had no selection he had nothing there so I went in there and started picking old movies for him bam you got to get

this I remember getting Pink Floyd live at Pompeii the Rocky Harrah picture show and I would push it you know I'm saying if you rent a video machine on Sundays through Thursdays it's 995 and you get two fucking videos he would lose his mind I'm losing money no you're not where's the machines yeah oh yeah the machines are out we had in those days there were a box yeah that you carried it was just a video machine with a handle and you get the two fucking videos and take them home that's crazy yeah I miss those things video stores

they're all gone oh my god and Boulder and Boulder how I started comedy was I go into the video store that was three feet three floors okay three floor video oh shit and on the top they have like just a section of comedy okay I'm going there and rent the best of Def Jam mm-hmm with uh oh my god uh billaby will build build Bellamy okay yeah and Joe Tory and I get the Rodney Dangerfield early one with him and and and Seinfeld and Lenny Clark and

Bill Hicks and Andrew Dice Clay and I'd watch it and I'd watch it so much that after a while they would they would charge me for it really like you bought this video ten times just take it and I would go home and make notes and watch their set and you know I video store was the ideal thing for me if I could inherit a video store I would have been happy as fuck I would have ran a great video store even today I would have given a competition because I would have kept something old in there I would have gave it that feeling you know when you go to a video store in

fact I'm gonna have Rick Ramos call next week okay oh yeah your buddy yeah Rick Ramos one of the best movie people you'll ever see it's funny how there's all these movie podcasts and these guys don't know dick about fucking movies Rick Ramos will eat these motherfuckers up alive you know I get emails because Gray Drake who is on Rotten Tomatoes now she does a serious radio station okay she called contacts us from time to time she contacts Rick a lot for fucking movie info Rick will fill you in about the future movies

but the past movies Rick will always all you had to do is call Rick and go Rick and he knows what's the movie to go how to fucking choose it what's the story cock stuck he didn't smoke no more weed today I gotta give some shout outs I got one more call today what the fuck what the fuck for starters I want to give a shout out to a buddy of mine that showed up to the game and the show in Jersey Gino Jacob Bell he was a he's a cop in Hoboken he's brothers cheese and all that shit I want to give him a shout out Matt Haight he lost 116

fucking pounds whatever the fuck he lost English Hendricks Stefan Lannan Yodee the Tideboxer Jamie Kenneth Rodriguez up there and fucking Rockchester uh Death Squad San Antonio all the Death Squad motherfuckers out there in the new land Eddie B Kelly Watson swiftly double I mean you know I love you motherfuckers I appreciate you guys listening and checking up with me and seeing what the fuck is going on so I love you guys have a great fucking weekend you know how we do it dog I appreciate these motherfuckers they're great

they're great I'm having a great time with Death Squad people hopefully I'll go on Alex Jones did you see that yesterday they asked Alex Jones yes they got a thousand fucking people you got to go back on Alex Jones so like I said I'm excited I've always loved going to fucking Texas yeah Houston Dallas El Paso fucking Midland fucking San Antonio I mean police now let me ask you that when I was in Vegas at the airport I met a girl from Austin and I said to her Texas is great and she looked at

me she said uh Austin isn't Texas and she's like it's like the hipster place now right right do you think it's the same or is it kind of like too too fancy for you like what do you think about it listen bro it's fucking Dallas 3d okay do you follow me I don't mind going to fucking Dallas and smelling gunpowder I don't mind going to Houston and having a great time in the fucking loop or out of the loop or what the fuck I am Austin is a very progressive place yeah it's like excellent fucking North Carolina if you go to North Carolina

people walking around with slippers talking about NASCAR you go to action they're talking about they're talking about rocket ships a lot of people either you like Austin or you don't fucking like Austin you know what if you don't like Austin go fuck your mother it's like getting high by two o'clock I like Austin I like the whole vibe I like the the open mind about it I like that they take fucking chances don't get me wrong I love Dallas and Houston that's what Texas stands for and I'm fucking happy and but the bushes are in Austin right aren't they from fucking

Austin I have no idea so that really doesn't matter what I'm trying to say is it's a cool fucking place yeah when you go there sometimes there's some places look at Denver you go to Denver they're all walking around with a picture of fucking the quarterback they got five what's his name Tebow you follow me they're all Christians you go to Boulder they're all fucking hippies they call Boulder the sleep the People's Republic of Boulder why because it's very progressive they're free will they're free minded that's fine

if you don't like fucking Boulder you don't like Austin you don't have to go keep your ass and fucking milling and smell cheese whatever the fuck you do but that's how people think and they they should be ashamed of themselves you know I mean it is it's like a progressive place you know you gotta you go to Mississippi they've got a place I think it's Tupelo or I forget what the fuck the name of it is it's a little bit more progressive and shit there's gay people you know there's people sucking dick with batman suits on

a lot of people can't fucking dig that thing and hey if you don't like it sit in the fucking suburbs and take your kid to a soccer match true yeah no I've heard great things about it it's great and you're there listen bro we live in a fucking great country we're just fucking spoiled yeah these bitches are fucking spoiled nothing bothers me more when you talk to somebody about you go to a coffee shop and there's always these people that are fucking international listen we got a beautiful fucking world here but the United States of America is the

fucking United States of America this is what all when we sneeze everybody catches a fucking cold okay when we sneeze in the United States every motherfucker catches a fucking cold but there's all these motherfuckers that you can't say nothing to that right away oh no no no you have to go to Costa Rica look you in Costa Rica could suck my fucking dick you know what I'm saying when was the last time you went to fucking long island off the coast and looked at fucking sharks we got a lot of shit going on here but we're fucking spoiled we're allowed to talk bad about these places

nothing bothers me more than that shit that we know we're promoting the fucking people should come over here on fucking vacation yeah Boston's a great goddamn place listen I went for a walk yesterday with the crib I went for a walk Monday with the baby there's reasons you know why because I'm eating in fucking Texas I'm eating I'm going to Texas to fucking eat that's why you go to Texas to get stoned and eat they want to give me 20 fucking years we're smoking pot on Saturday night outside give me the 20 fucking years

it's Texas at least don't feed me in the goddamn jail what's your favorite kind of barbecue is it brisket at ribs or what do you like I'm a brisket guy I like a little rib some beans for the audio listeners you were like angry you're like intense and then as soon as I said brisket you look smile you're like oh I love brisket we're a little fucking salt barbecue sauce on that motherfucker with some potato salad some white bread because you gotta have that white bread when you're barbecue and that one that the chick put on a porno guys dick

I always talk about it with that it's not one the brother it's just white brother right at the edges of square like a motherfucker I love that shit I love it I love it I remember just all that I remember being in Dallas at this black function one night when I walked out some motherfucker came up to me you hungry player and he gave me a pork sandwich on white with barbecue they just had a pork fucking thing outside nice just three black guys grilling that shit was so fucking yummy that's what I like about Texas but I'm gonna fucking kill it you understand me

I'm gonna go to chewy's I'm gonna get the fucking sour cream and chicken enchiladas with a swirl margarita are you kidding me you might not come back you know I don't fuck around you know I don't fuck around they got those green fucking that text mechs oh my asshole my hemorrhoids gonna be pumping oh you ever see a hemorrhoid pumping like a heart boom boom boom boom that's how this fucking Cuban hemorrhoids gonna be I haven't had a hemorrhoid nears but I'm about to get one well congratulations I'm gonna get some fucking barbecue I'm gonna send you pictures while you're up here eating

carrots and fucking kale yeah today's the first day but you're back I'm proud of you gave it a chance you went on the loose for a couple weeks my mommy was in town I'm going to Vegas with my friends and what happened nothing you could have fucking you could have been 20 pounds had lighter you could have done more jumping jacks and ran around and cut some muscle tone over the vacate you got a month off you didn't go to the gym one time not even the bag you forgot the other I see that there's a little bag gym over there I'm gonna shoot you in the night I'm watching I'm watching no I

love you I care about no one can no one can do everything all the time the perfect way 10 minutes 10 minutes of your fucking day oh no I don't mean that I mean like you like you could have been 20 pounds lighter you could have been doing jumping jacks or you can't watch 10 minutes all I want you to do is go for a little walk around the neighborhood that's all you want somebody's calling they might not you sure yeah I'm looking at it don't make me karate no yeah like every like you can't watch tv no sleeping you're 24 years only yeah you should be sleeping six hours that's it one hour hanging out the rest of the time you

should be out banging it so you work eight hours a night 10 10 so 10 and eight is what 18 you got six hours left over the fuck around you're gonna sit here in the darkness every afternoon you live in California sunlight is out one little walk around the name but you're gonna fucking kill you say what a phone call when over here where does he join how are you my friend I'm doing terrific by yourself good morning good morning I'm very happy it's an honor to have you on the phone Rudy Sarzo bass player extraordinaire and pingong de los pingones how are you buddy I'm doing great so you're on a break from tour right now

yeah I'm gonna get a little break and just have some Cuban coffee and I'm ready to break you it's ready to roll so you make Cuban coffee every morning in your house home yeah a bus tello you make cafe bus tello you got a now you make it with the old school Cuban coffee or you got like the new shit but you know well how do you make it with the sock and the whole thing oh no no no no I put it in my cappuccino maker and I make it like that or at night my wife makes it with the old-fashioned little Italian espresso you know make it and you put real sugar in there you put that cancer sugar in there I put like little you know whatever equal something like something like that I make

it with coconut milk really yeah it tastes delicious yeah I gotta tell you Rudy and uh you know my agent uh Rich and his uh Justin Justin is my agent over there yeah he didn't know that you god bless you he didn't know that and I hope I'm not embarrassing you he did not know you were 62 years old you look like you're 40 fucking five really you're beautiful you look like you're 45 after all these years of hanging with uh we just didn't even know I was 62 my god you look beautiful I was looking at your facebook stuff and I had tears in my eyes brother you're uh you're the last of the real deal Rudy so how did you get into the base you're a Cuban guy you didn't want to play the conga no I mean it was you know they if the Beatles had kind of then I would

have the you know play played kind of but oh no no you know early on everybody even including all the kids in the block you know in Miami because in the old days we didn't have gangs we had you know little rock and roll bands you know and you know all the kids in my block in the south way of the Miami everybody you know we all wanted to be the Beatles those Beatles so uh you know I picked up the base it you know chicks you know they did Paul McCartney even today so you know that was that was a no-brainer you know that's the reason why we all got into the USA because of the chicks you know uh you know you had the jocks who were like you know the big beast up you know guys were going to the gym all the time playing football at baseball but you had us you know

the rest of us who just uh who just wanted to get laid they were inside that big and big in a rock band looking easy as white to do so Rudy now you came from Cuba when you were a year old well no no I was 10 and you almost 11 yeah and described the first time you saw the fucking Beatles singing in English and you didn't even know what the fuck they were probably saying and what you felt like I knew what you know I had been in the States for about two or three years I was going to school I was in West New York and New Jersey when the Beatles in 64 when they played it that's all of it you know so now that's where I grew up I grew up in North Bergen New Jersey you were in West New York yeah I grew up in West New York till when

well you know we were part of the relocation program first my parents went to Miami then you know they relocated us to West New York and we came back in 67 to Miami so I was there for like four three four years wow that's very interesting because there was two big Cuban communities there was Miami and Union City New Jersey yeah Union City was the right Union City was the promise of embroidery and that was yeah my mom did all that stuff you know peace work yes peace work and it was funny that my father was the first Cuban committee man in Union City oh really yeah because they tried to they tried to get more Cubans to Union City my father had had a cafeteria there uh Eloque the name of it was Eloque and then the bar was called at Reluclu donde la sola son masalele

so they made him uh they made him uh a committee man to promote it so a lot of people don't know that that New Jersey people look at me and they're like bro you're Italian no you're so guanichi I'm just from an area where there was a lot of Italians you know yeah yeah yeah and uh yeah you know West New York is right next to Union City right right next to it yeah yeah so uh yeah went to um uh Memorial High and Corneum school number five and all of that yeah wow do people even know you went to Memorial I'm sorry nobody knows you went to Memorial yeah I went to Memorial High yeah and you graduated from Memorial yeah I played pointy league I played Babe Ruth league and in the Union City I mean in West New York and all of that yeah I was yeah now did you play the bass when

you were in West New York I didn't play the bass until I got back to Miami I wasn't there 67 that I picked up the actually picked up the bass I had an old guitar that from the Sears catalog that came in the mail that my brother and I used to share it was an old craftsman acoustic guitar and uh you know we just kind of like pretend it to play you know do you ever listen to Cuban music Rudy well of course you know of course I I still do today you know as a matter of fact the Cuban music that I listen to today is heavy metal because there's a huge heavy metal scene in Cuba right now and it's it's it's it's very it's about revolution because you know after the castle revolution there is right now another revolution going on in Cuba against Castro so you know the use is revolting

repelling against Castro but using music as a way to do so you know it's just incredible if you go through websites like rock in Cuba there is uh there's just I mean it's it's like about a hundred at least a hundred uh heavy metal bands in Cuba at least and these are the ones with videos you know on youtube so by the fact I mean um contact with the actually it's called it's it's it's like the band is copy and they are the first band from Cuba to actually go and play in the United States they play it at the uh South by Southwest you know that festival that goes on right in Austin yeah they they play there this you know about about a month and a half ago and they're doing they're doing shows around New York and uh they're just amazing you know they're just as good as any

other you know heavy metal band from from around the world well if you listen to that they they sing in Spanish and you know they have that and it's on Luigi if you listen to uh if you go on youtube later being out of my cousin I was telling you he's in Sinti's but he just went solo and he's got the heavy metal he's got a song called Vale his name is Echia Fanzo and he's got a song called Vale and it sounds like Lenny Kravitz oh yeah and it was amazing when I took him to Leach I took him to Cantor's and we were eating and they were singing stay away to heaven and I wanted to cry because to them it was like this thing they were telling me how they would have to listen to the music and not and they would have to hide the cassettes they had fucking cassettes it's 2015 oh yeah oh yeah my god yeah I

mean I I put in Russia in 94 right after the the iron curtain came down and I mean to play I was with Weissnick at the time that I was on stage and all these grown men you know they were carrying their bootleg deep purple and you know Weissnick records with them and crying because for the first time they could actually see us perform you know I mean right now it's pretty normal to do it Russia so matter of fact I'm going there in a couple weeks to do a tour and I spent a whole month with Dio we are touring in Russia but back in the day forget about it they would just put you in jail send you to Siberia literally you know uh I went to see I grew up in Ozzy I grew up a Black Sabbath fan and then I saw Van Halen blow him off the stage at the garden that was the end of Black Sabbath

I knew I would never come back. Oh he told me about that oh my god it was fucking amazing I remember seeing Bill Ward snorting coke off his drums I was a freshman in high school Rudy it was amazing and they broke up and I remember reading cream magazine about Ozzy and then I remember the weekend John Lennon got shot I went into the village to Bleak of Bobs in New York City and I saw the first EP of you guys it was a four-song EP or a two-song EP Mr. Crowley maybe Suicide Solution and I saw you and my fucking heart stopped and I heard it and you know the damage it did you and Randy Rhodes and I don't know if it was Tommy Aldridge was on the tour I think when I saw you guys I saw you at the Palladium April 12th yeah did you come the the first night or the second night

I think I went the first night I'm sorry yeah the first show I think I went to the first show I went to the first show and I was uh I was a senior in high school maybe it was no no I was maybe a junior and then I remember being a senior and Randy dying I remember that and it killed me then I went to see him again with the guy from Night Ranger I think yeah yeah right at the garden I think I went to see at the Meadowlands oh Meadowlands in Jersey at that time yeah we'll play the garden with Brad yeah yeah I didn't see the garden when I saw the Palladium and the Palladium for most people don't know was I seen Judas Priest there I seen Def Leppard open up for Judas Priest in 1980 I saw bands there Rudy that was amazing it was a movie theater correct yeah yeah yeah yeah

I don't see it it was yeah I mean you know and yeah as Def first Blizzard was touring it was mostly uh theaters in in major markets like New York and then we will come around and play uh more like hockey arena in the and the B markets you know like in the in the Midwest and stuff like that and then when we came around with Diary of the Mathman you know tour got bigger you know bigger bigger stages that was pretty amazing and how you met Randy in Miami or how did you guys meet no no I got came to LA just like everybody else did in the uh in the mid 70s you know trying to make it because LA and New York I mean there was no YouTube nowadays you can put a you know a video on YouTube and get discovered back in the day you have to come to LA LA in New York and New York

I went to New York first because in the mid 70s I traveled from Miami up to Utica and I was in you know in the New York metropolitan area trying to you know make connections but it was too cold too cold to survive you know to be a serving musician so I headed out west went up in Chicago got in a band played the whole Midwest circuit and then got some money together and just headed out to uh to LA and put it this way LA was the last stop because after that it's the ocean if there was anything beyond LA you know I would have kept going but you know I just stayed in LA for a few years trying to make it and during that time I played with choir riot and uh that's what I met Randy in the Randy Rose version of choir riot and we were like a you know we were

like a big fish in a small pond local you know we were like local local um local heroes but but at the time um you know the music industry was now really interested in signing rock bands they you know hard rock bands they were just interested interested in signing like new wave punk stuff like that so they you know you know we were like in our in our early 20s and mid 20s because I was the oldest guy in the band and the other guys were like early 20s I was mid 20s and and they were saying like oh you guys are playing dinosaur music you know the stuff that you're doing is it's never going to come back you know but we stuck to a gun that's what that's the only thing we knew how to do play hard rock we weren't going to turn into the knack or divo or anything like

that you know we just didn't know how to and then from there Ozzy called Ozzy called their Randy left he joined Ozzy he recorded diary and blizzard of Oz and then when they were looking for a bass player they uh Randy recommended me you know and that's how I got into band just in Randy's word of course I knew I had to you know I had to be able to play oh you had some motherfucking chops dog by that time yeah but you know it's at that time that almost seemed like secondary you know they you know you have to put things into perspective you know where Ozzy had not tour in the U.S. solo yet and this is like you know they got me like within four or five days before they actually had to start the pre-production of the tour they didn't know me from Adam you know the only one

by Randy's word that this guy was not a drunk or a drug addict and you know he was going to show up and not disappear and be and be a screw up so you know there were you know there was no tour support for the band you know for Ozzy as a matter of fact Sharon's family had to mortgage their property in order to finance the tour it wasn't like uh you know the record company uh Columbia which is now Sony uh was going to give them a whole bunch of money you know put put money into Ozzy everybody thought that Ozzy was never going to make it they thought that he's done you know he got kicked out of Black Sabbath it's over we're just doing this just to see what happened and basically that's what happened it exploded you know thanks to incredible records and and you

know had Randy Rose in the band Tommy Aldrich you know Ozzy of course you know stuff like that so yeah you know they just took me on Randy's word yeah this guy not only he can play okay but he's not gonna he's not gonna screw things up on the road you know just from that thought alone you're gonna go down as one of the greatest heavy metal basis of all time I mean that's the truth I'm not blowing smoke up your ass I say that I'm telling you yeah from the Harkill to your Heping guy you're really gonna you know when they talk about heavy metal 20 years from now 50 years from now they're gonna say fucking Rudy Sajo because from there you went back to quiet right yeah I went back to uh what's known as the metal health version of quiet right

you know what what really helped me maintain keep my head because you let me you know actually I wrote a book about all of this off the rails right all right yeah and it kind of like explains everything you know and by the time that I got the call to play with Ozzy I had a spiritual foundation which is something that I highly recommend to any musician out there you'll find whatever it is that you believe in and hang on to it because you know you make you may be hit by a shit storm a shit storm or basically everything you ever dreamed of in your life and then 10 times or 100 times more is going to happen to you so you're going to have to like really learn how to deal with it how to handle it properly because you might not be ready and I know a lot of guys

that you know we were from being starving musicians to all of a sudden you know we're like you know we're the shit you know you're like the most you know the most sought after band or musician or whatever they just don't know how to handle that you know they and in the old days you would get into this cycle of you make a record you go on tour get off tour you make another record you go back on tour and it was like you know after a while you said think you'll wait a minute there's gotta be more to life than this so a lot of the guys you know mentally they will never get off the stage you know that buzz that you get like when you perform you know they always wanted to keep that you know you they'll get off the stage and start doing some drugs or hanging

out and doing some you know whatever drinking and never lose the buzz and in life you know I find you have to balance that you really have to balance it and make that buzz that moment really special and once you get off the road off the road or off the stage find another buzz mine is my family and my spirituality and when I say spirituality you know I I'm not a preacher because I truly believe that you know spirituality or religion is something very personal nobody can make you believe on in anything you have to find out for yourself or it finds you you know and uh so that's what really helped me not not go too crazy put it this way uh I was surrounded by so much craziness and so much like when I first joined the band you know Sharon

you know she wasn't married to Ozzy yet so Sharon Arden she hoped that uh I will be like Ozzy's drinking buddy basically and because by then you know Tommy Aldrich was not going to be a drinking buddy he'd been around the block too many times to to know better and Randy Randy had just been through well playing with Ozzy for a couple of years he had been through that so there was Ozzy all by himself and you know he was just hanging out with me I went actually I hung out with him and uh you know I had to like make a decision I said you know what I was 30 years old by the time I play with Ozzy I said you know what I've been doing this and really going through a lot of shit to get to where I am right now so I have to make a decision am I going to become a a a a victim

of this lifestyle or I'm going to survive it and I decided to survive it so I really I pretty much stopped drinking during that time just to get my head together and be able to deal with things also Randy really helped me a lot he was my mentor on the road uh how to handle the situation because you know Ozzy and Sharon they could be very uh very different from anybody that you ever met so they got certain things you know little things quirks and and they play uh you know the pranksters and all of that and uh you just you know you have to learn how to how to understand where they're coming from and Randy really helped me really really helped me do that you're uh it's amazing Rudy I might be on the phone with you I'm sitting here listening to you

just thinking you know even white snake in the videos I remember seeing you like an 87 and white snake 88 I just uh you know I remember years ago in 98 I bumped into slash on Las Vegas at four in the morning I couldn't sleep you know when you go to Vegas you can't fucking sleep and I wasn't doing drugs I wasn't drinking I just went for a walk and I seen him drinking coffee and I pulled over and I said hello I was a fan and he talked to me and I asked him why Axel left the band and he said that sometimes he goes right now you're probably starving you're having a hard time making a living as a comedian he goes you got to remember this and you have to keep this so you have to remember how hard you work so when things start to blow up you don't lose control

I always remember yeah exactly exactly exactly you know it's uh it's you know I I have this this theory and it's it's it's to me it's beyond a theory because I can actually prove it so it's beyond a theory uh you know there's there's two ways of looking at at at starting you know you can either become a rock star which guys like uh to me my opinion guys like Bono and staying at Bruce Springsteen and so on you know they they used their fame and their and their fortune to get others a voice you know and then you can become a rock casualty which is the guy who I explained before it just gets you know goes on the road gets high gets off the road gets high and it becomes a vicious circle of existence and then usually you either go to rehab and find

some kind of spiritual center and then all of a sudden oh my god yeah I'm you know I'm not doing drugs I'm not doing drinking anymore hopefully they'll find that all that they die and I've known you know some people that actually passed away from from the lifestyle and then also I know some guys who you know are better human beings today because they actually so somebody somehow somebody something came into their lives that made a difference and made them realize how their blessings how blessed they are as as as human beings you know to be able to come on you know being being a rock musician you know it is everything you ever thought it was you know that it would be you know you get out there you play and you feel so wonderful because you're communicating

to people with true music which is one of the most incredible tools of communication that there is and you know you're you're you know it's it's hard on the road you know being away from the family if you happen to have a family back home you know to me that is the the hardest thing you know being away from my wife my little dog or or being away from from my folks not being able to see them sometimes I want to because they live with my auntie and uh yeah that's that's tough but you have to survive that you know it's funny as soon as I leave the house to go on the road my journey it's actually to come back home you're talking to me too I can't wait to get the fuck home yeah you know what I mean yeah I can't wait to get home yeah yeah so it's it's along the way I

really enjoy and I appreciate everything or the blessings along the way but to me that is good goal to make it back safely you know it's funny home and and enjoy life you know enjoy life at home once again I started calmly late you know I got locked up and you know I got lost along the way you know I'm Cuban and the whole thing and I got I started this late and I didn't even get the spiritual waking until I was 44 and I stopped doing drugs and I'm 50 really my wife just had a fucking baby she's 43 and I had to remember where you know it had a lot to do with me being Cuban that saved me I thought about my mother and you know she grew she raised me as I said go on awesome and she was a single mom and I got my faith back and I remember when my mom used to

teach me that no matter what's going on you're always going to be a man and when I came to LA you become submissive Rudy you become yes I'll do it or you don't tell somebody to go suck your dick because you don't want to lose the opportunity in the future and I forgot that I was a man for a couple years Rudy because I got to tell you what's on my mind Rudy you know the school of thought I'm fucking from you know how the school of thought we grew up from you know I look at these people that get bullied now and I remember getting bullied and my mother taking me to the basketball court making me fight the guy oh yeah my mom did the same thing yeah I'm from a Cuban house where no no no no you know you gotta go you can't come home now you can't come home with a smack to the head

and you know Rudy it saved me it made me believe who the fuck I am and today Rudy I do what the fuck I want to do and if I don't want to fucking do it my son la pinga I don't fucking do it yeah and uh I gotta I let me interrupt you but you just brought up something really really interesting what do you think about this whole issue about bullying because when I was a kid you know when we got bullied and my mom would say hey listen you know just go up there and you know be a man you know you know and that really helped me through life they helped me survive to deal with to deal with shit because you're gonna be bullied or as long as you're breathing you're gonna be bullied in a remain so how do you deal with it you're you're gonna be all you know complained to people

about you know this guy's or that woman is bullying me or being bullied at work or do you stand up to it Rudy I have a theory I can't believe you we talked about this you know my wife just had the baby and when I go home now I have the baby from 8 to 10 so I put cartoons on and I put Dora the explorer on and SpongeBob whatever his fucking name is and and you know what man I grew up on a fucking Popeye and Popeye you see his ass kicked he'd go home he'd spin it and he'd go back and fuck the motherfucker up you know I'm saying yeah and that's number one Dora the explorer ain't smacking nobody and SpongeBob he's a half a fucking fag so you know that's the problem I mean Rudy I wish I was being funny with you I came home one time in the neighbor called my house to see how I

wasn't my mother answered the fucking phone Rudy and I was in the shower and she told my mother what happened that the kid pushed me and the next day when I got home my mother was there with a warm up suit on and she's like come on we're going to the park bomb up a bucket and she told the kid and remember she got the kid was 17 I was 12 and she told the kid you're gonna hit my son we're gonna fight then she looked at me and in Spanish she goes hit this motherfucker in the face as hard as you can if you don't I'm gonna hit him then I'm gonna hit you he's like I want everybody gonna leave that day it was over after that that's exactly what my mom did you know what she said don't take shit from anybody you know but what kind of a generation is being

raised right now in America because I don't know if this is you know I travel around the world and I don't hear what's been used you know I go to Japan I go to South America Europe and bully is not an issue you know you fucking deal with it and now here is like what are we racing a nation of winks no it's it's it's killing me lately it's fucking killing me it's killing me because I don't understand it just makes us look that weak and there's a documentary and it's sad on some levels but in the other level you don't really think about it we were fucking Cuban kids in Jersey one of the most racist states in the fucking world you understand me I know the words speak backwards and forward and it don't bother me at all because I love those guys and you know what man I mean it's

just uh and that's why I said to you when you first saw the Beatles and you came from Cuba you were here a couple years what did it mean to you because the first time I see dick van dyke and I cry because that's how I learned to speak English yeah yeah yeah but you know I don't know I guess you know we came my family came here as Cuban refugees and you know it's you have to like be tough to survive that you know the humility was he my my folks my dad begging for a job you know that's you know if you know you he's you know after being a couple of years in the the school system the states they they thought that I could speak English so my dad would like bring me around where every time he was looking for a job in Miami or New Jersey and be his translator you know and

that was really hungry because my dad he hated being on welfare and as soon as he could get a job no matter what it was he would do it he was working in fiberglass I don't know if you know about this industry in Miami you know they used to build boats right fiberglass and you know they put you in a tank with water and a and a and a sander you know a sanding machine and and and the fiberglass will get into his pores it was back in the 60s you know there were no regulations so I'm pretty sure this is illegal now but that's where it was my dad used to come at home and he'd be itching from the fiberglass and in his arms and you know and but he was working for a living that's uh yes that's where you got your work ethic from Rudy that's why you go you're always

working if not you're doing the fantasy camp with the kids which I knew you were involved when but I didn't know to that extent yeah you know yeah it's kids and adults you know it's you know the whole fantasy camp you know it's really interesting to me because I've met a lot of really really good people in it you know people that you know just like you and me you know we had a dream of being entertainers and then they graduate from college and they have a a decision to make I might want to go and pursue my you know my career as a lawyer or a doctor or engineer or whatever and or am I going to pursue this musical music dream and a lot of times you know you know you have to make a decision and a lot of these people may thank god that they they make the decision to be you

know to to become doctors and and whatever because you know you know if everybody wasn't an entertainer in the world you'll be screwed we need doctors we need engineers we need people who are you know create new technologies people who are going to save lives and so on but nevertheless what's happened is along the way they lose their identity as musicians and and and a lot of them have very unfulfilled lives because they have this question of what if what if I would have just kept going I could have been the next blue spring steam you know and my mission is to actually uh help them reconnect with their identity ask musicians and once they do that you know they they they they become better better more fulfilled human beings because music is such an incredible

outlet just as just as being a comedian it's for you it's the arts you know so you know being a comedian being a photographer a painter a writer a musician it's all about communicating at this at the highest human level that there is do you remember pastoral music in union city which one pastoral music in union city new jersey oh you know when I was a kid I'm pretty sure I visited you know what I'm talking I'm 30 seconds I I I was around in the in the 60s yes I left yeah I left New York in 67 so I'm not sure if it was if it was around yeah it was around pastoral music is where everybody who played the garden had to go and get musical supplies and you know one on the third floor for about a year and a half I learned to play the

bass there when I was in the sixth grade seventh grade then I became a singer of a band then my voice changed and I was fucked Rudy you know how look at Michael Jackson he made it I don't know how the fuck I did his voice the voice changes it's all a really where do you eat Cuban food when you're around here in LA yeah all listed I used to be a fat little bastard when I went when I was you know when I was eating Cuban food as a kid so I stay away from it really you don't need no more yeah yeah you know I was you know back in back in the day you know your family would feed you I'm like so which was like basically a dinner right then you have the one I made in that was was basically another dinner in the middle and then you have dinner so you know you're like

three or four square meals a day and I was square I went to Miami two weeks ago and the whole time I was there I went to Port of Sagua to eat oh but oh my god in South Beach in South Beach Rudy I went there for breakfast lunch and dinner yeah yeah that's like my my my wife's favorite oh my god it's uh in 92 and not uh in 92 we lived in the on an ocean drive and like 10 to 11 right then Rock and Roll sushi was a place here yes yes yeah the there was a building and we lived right there and now for about two years all we did is hang out at Port of Sagua and hit all the discos because we were really good friends with it just about everybody that owned a modeling agency or a or a club and uh yeah it was amazing uh yeah I love Port of Sagua uh

you know there's a few a few of the old hangouts are not there anymore and you know South Beach is not what I wanted no no no no no $12 for a bottle of water Rudy you know you know and and I saw it happen as soon as you know the day that that Versace was shot man everybody just left you know all the modeling agencies and and and beat the whole modeling industry just picked up and went you know it was it was very sad Rudy I gotta tell you man it was yeah you want a pleasure you calling in today Rudy listen it's a young placen and uh it's a it's great that we have so much in common not just being Cuban but uh but so many friends no man I remember seeing you and I remember seeing you in the Kenneson fucking video

I mean how cool was that I was getting to stand up with Jimmy Schubert and uh and Alan Steen with Sam yeah Sam was a dear friend you know we used to hang out all the time uh yeah because it's uh it's uh Malika you know who became a friend and Sabrina you know that were friends of my wife we shared the same management H.K. management you know Trudy Green and uh that's how I got involved with Sam you know I got a phone call one day from Trudy Green and she said listen uh you want to come down and play on Sam Kenneson's record so you know we'll went down there and uh and recorded wild thing and I gotta tell you being around that guy was just phenomenal what a great heart what a great comedian I mean what a great human being great

friend I had so many nights so many so it was not it was crazier than any musician including Ozzy that I've ever met that's uh that's amazing and do me a favor for the people who are listening to the podcast we do great with this Rudy and they're really gonna love that you are on uh you have a book off the rails it's on your webpage RudySarzo.com right yeah yeah yeah they come to Amazon because yeah you know basically I love the point to answer the number one question I get asked around the world which is what would you like to play with Randy Rhodes you know and it took me about 300 plus pages to pick up everything that I know you know and I was reading that you took a journal of everything so everything's very accurate when you wrote the

book yeah you're writing a journal yeah you know I went from like sleeping on a floor literally sleeping on a floor to making some some dough and and my family's accountant you know in Covish in Miami say hey listen keep you know keep records of everything you do everything you do or the other places you go to so you can use that for your taxes you know for your tax reduction so I did so I kept meticulous records of everything that I did on the road for for the first couple of you know years then after that I realized you know you just you know get a credit card and keep some receipts and everything will be fine Rudy you know at a time when I was really confused in 88 is when I got locked up you know when I came out and I was confused about a lot of things but

it was guys like you that let me know as a Cuban American that I could do something with my life bro yeah you know and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart guys like you know color suntana you know with a big big inspiration you know the first time I heard the suntana record god damn we play that shit here that's one for oh my god yeah I say oh my god there's hope you know because you know I mean I know that we're running out of time no no we got nothing but time trust me we don't know you know you'll be in Cuba you you're going to get to you know a lot of a lot of rock American rock musicians don't don't don't have the background that we have you know culturally because you know we grew up with afro-cuban music you know when when the slaves

were brought to to the Caribbean as you know they were split they were either kept in the Caribbean or sent down to like you know Central America like Venezuela certain certain parts of the West Indies and and the West were shipped over to uh to the United States and the and the colonial the Spanish colonial plantation owners allowed the afro-cubans you know or the Africans to keep their instruments you know that's why we have you know african afro-cuban music you know Caribbean music and but the ones that came to the United States were taking their their their bata you know all the conga drums away from them so that was the birth of the blues you know I'm not I'm like jumping right into a point here the blues was born in the cotton fields they had no

musical instruments you know and the reason why they were taking the musical instruments away was because they feared that they would revolt and communicate from plantation to plantation you know with the percussion that that's how they communicated you know and so what I'm getting at is that whether you're a blues player or a Caribbean you know or afro-cuban player it all comes from the same place it comes from Africa it's all the same and to me Santana was the perfect nation of that he was african and he was blues he was afro-cuban he was blues and to me that is rock and roll you know that is that's the cradle lacuna where everything comes from that's fucking beautiful you broke it fucking down there's you know you know you know when I talk to you to

american musicians you know they're they're not aware of that because of course they didn't grow up with it so they don't have a reference but if you look at a punto guairo and the blues it's the same 145 changes it's exactly the same you can you can take a punto guairo and and and do a bbq style and it's the freaking same song have you ever seen uh george santana play with the funny all stars no they did it live in japan and all that even then even if you listen to that george who is you know uh carlos his younger brother and older brother malo yeah malo it's uh it's uh it's pretty fucking crazy and I grew up on the cuban stuff um like I said my mother had the bar you know tito puente would play at the bar celliak lupa topico tico who uh have one of the greatest albums of all

time I mean it's the it's the birth of uh latin whatever I don't know if you listen to listen going back to rock and going back to cuban music you've got to take out these cuban bands go to rock and cuba uh website and just like posts of all these I mean even a freak because I mean these guys are just as good as any of the of the anglo metal bands they're just incredible but you know but what's really interesting is that you know they don't have the same resources they're in cuba they're in an island I record I record it in the Bahamas and I gotta tell you I understand now why why uh reggae sounds the way it does is because your your strings your musical into the instrument with the humidity they the strings die because I'm telling you I had to

change those other strings just like twice a day to keep them from like you know to get some kind of action because they just becomes like this dead sound like boom boom boom from all the humidity so imagine trying to play rock and roll with dead strength that's it's almost like impossible you know so I really got gotta hand it over to the uh you know to my to my brothers in in cuba and you know we're carrying the flag up metal up there bro it's been a fucking honor really it's enjoy yeah you just lifted this motherfucker we gotta go yeah we gotta go to Versailles and have some maybe you know what we'll just grab rich and Justin we'll go out and give him food you know my buddy said he goes to the wine and seno and it was delicious he says he goes to Versailles

and seno and gets the roasted chicken lemon garlic whatever oh yeah yeah he says it's fucking delicious yeah yeah uh one time as a matter of fact you know jim form team yes yeah I you know he's an old friend of mine uh you know he I've known jim before that that metal show and everything uh so uh I was I was hanging out with jim and we took Ronnie james deal over to Versailles the one in internal because Ronnie lives like right up the street and Ronnie looked at the menu and he said what's where's the meat and they said I'm trying to say that he picked uh uh not one send you oh shit you know I you know and he loved it because he was he was a big meat eater you know so uh yeah okay so so Ronnie Ronnie was uh was a big fan of people in truth not Ronnie was New Jersey right

I'm sorry he was from New Jersey Ronnie Dave deal right uh courtland New York courtland New York Jesus yeah I'll take New York yeah I saw him on the Black Sabbath tour with uh listen to this Philadelphia the first tour with heaven and hell you know open for them uh Sammy Hagar and Shakin Street oh yeah down in the people were spitting at Sammy Hagar because it's Philadelphia they don't give a fuck yeah yeah you know it was it was so amazing because playing with the two seminal black Sabbath singers you know Ozzie and Ronnie you know it was just it's just amazing it's just amazing you know uh because I got to play all those songs you know with Ozzie I did all the buzzer of Ozzie and then we recorded on speaker the devil a lot of black Sabbath you know I mean

it was all black Sabbath and then with Ronnie as part of the set uh we deal used to do a lot of black Sabbath so it was a plus rainbow you know with Richie Blackmore and hit his own you know solo stuff so yeah so rainbow rising rainbow rising was a great album rainbow rainbow oh yeah all those records which is phenomenal yeah on the last tour as a matter of fact May 16 is gonna be three years they passed away it's a three two or three yeah three years and uh I gotta tell you uh you know we were uh uh he was diagnosed on November 16 I remember because it was like a couple days right before we were leaving for a tour of Europe with Dio and you know we had been rehearsing for about three weeks and he wasn't feeling good but he was singing like an angel and since he had joined

heaven and hell you know which was actually black Sabbath with a different name he uh we were not doing deals I mean I'm sorry black Sabbath material anymore in the set so we were going deep into the deal catalog and the rainbow catalog and now all the rainbow stuff was written in concert pitch you know and and uh A440 he was singing all the stuff amazing we're singing like an angel you know we're going like deep into all the stuff that he did with rainbow and uh it was just amazing to him saying all of that you know and and I gotta tell you it's just you know six months later he passed away and it was just like you know it just it changed everybody's lives you know when you when you have such a loss because you know he almost made it he almost

beat the cancer and about a couple of weeks before he passed away they changed his medication because what what he was the the therapy that he was the chemo that he was using was not really working and then all of a sudden he just took it took a turn and he passed away made May 16th you know and you know it's you know there's not a day that goes by that you know we of the deal family you know don't think about running you know you're a beautiful man brother beautiful beautiful thank you from the bottom of my heart that I'll pay so forever and I will call you and do some coffee or something in the valley yeah yeah no no what do you live oh no I live in the valley I live in the valley but uh listen before you go I just want to let people know to go to gotta go to his facebook

and look at the pictures you have a museum of beauty including your family and your dog and your mom and your dad and the keepers I love you at all my heart uh and then go you get the book autographed or not autographed read the book I ordered it yesterday I didn't have it and I'm going to order it and I really want to read through this and like I said you have a fan for life with me brother I love you at all my heart and I hope people got what I got out of this today well thank you it's been such a pleasure joy you know like you know connecting or it's always it's always so good to connect with my roots you know and you uh you always you know you have helped me through that so uh I really appreciate it love you brother have a great day yeah you know god bless you god bless you

yeah let's definitely get together I'm in the valley too you cut me chicken heads with a santero because we'll cut some chicken heads this shit okay yeah I got stories going up in Miami you know you know I'm going through like uh you know santerio parties but that's another no I have I have I'm 50 I have 43 years old about a lot they made saint when I was seven on 148th street in Broadway I'm the real fucking deal I ran from them when they were gonna break the water in the ocean oh yeah keep on my tornado that that bingo I love you buddy have a good day god bless you enjoy god bless bye bye holy shit yeah I'm gonna play I want to play some music so you can have a second to not explode and then I want to talk to you about that hold on I'm gonna play some music

real quick oh fuck oh shit oh shit little heck the Levan on Wednesday it's an extended motherfucker today roll another joint we're taking this motherfucker deep oh shit I have a great day today I'm in Austin this weekend no no no I don't want to finish yet I'm in fucking Phoenix next week I stand up live the weekend after that I'm a governor's in Long Island that point on that time take a gig get your hoodie get your t-shirt joeydeas.net you bad motherfucker JR's over there making t-shirts for you get one and beside that you know I love you motherfuckers what what Lee what you're fucking I don't want to talk to you about that because like what because it sounds weird but West New York is in New Jersey right so and we went there when we filmed

the documentary and it was probably like 10 20 minutes from where you grew up right what like what are you thinking about right now I gotta go call my buddies I'm telling that this motherfucker grew up in West New York nobody knew that nobody fucking knew this kid grew up in West New York how crazy is that and so that the Iceman the movie's coming out this week the Iceman oh yeah yeah may second I don't know if I'm gonna go see that shit fucking lies fucking lies no I'm happy call then this is the this is the podcast of my life guys Rudy Sarzo Jesus fucking Christ Bobby Slayton Jesus fucking Christ I don't know what you need to do today you know what you need to do lead the three sit-ups jumping jacks you gotta do fucking 15 and it's a beautiful day to be alive

go out there make the best of your fucking weekend Thursday Friday smoke dope eat ass stab a bitch whatever you need to do be you motherfucker you get one shot at this shit I love you cocksuckers Lee you guys gonna tell these motherfuckers I'm starting the juice fast I'm gonna start doing my youtube videos again tonight and take the scale they want to see the scale I'll do the scale the fucking stories now people calling me up saying Lee is fucking lying I'll do a vine on the scale tonight and I'll do a vine of my my recipe I did a blog yesterday on Facebook but that's it did you yeah about that but the juice here follow Lee get together with Lee will juice tell yourself the stories when I came in today he was wacking off in the living room fucking

tomatoes oh Jesus I got the tomato part of the wackle end up with what are you gonna end up with little d.o a little fucking something out of respect for fucking how about in the heat of the night something for I had a say say no all right beautiful or do you want to I wanted to play your cousin Afonso X all right you want to go vaio vaio so give me two seconds all right so joey Diaz dot net and what so you're gonna be in Austin Austin this whole weekend rocking the fucking house Thursday Friday Saturday Capitol City Comedy Club next week and stand up live with Ari Shafir the other favorite Jew and the week after that on May 16th May 15th I'm on already lying Thursday night Friday Saturday I'll be live in governors and at the brokerage in Long Island

oh shit well thanks but that was great thank you brother have a great weekend god bless you good luck with the mix it's my cousin here you go bitches vaio ex Alfonso yeah My roots, my beliefs, my roots, my past.