Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 05/08/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #78

Episode Date: May 9, 2013

Eddie Bravo, musician and Founder of Tenth Planet Jiu Jitsu calls in this morning.

oh shit oh shit oh shit are you kidding me or what Wednesday May 8th today you've been fucking waiting for all your goddamn life is today get up and call for your couple jumping jacks some reefer whatever you ready for the fucking day they mean business out there that's why I got to park on see a place we ain't fucking around but my ambitions just arrived get your fucking bike motorcycle get your tricycle I don't give a fuck what you do today today's your lucky day is the best day your fucking life trust me I got my main man Lee over here sparking numbers look oh shit Jesus Christ what happened to pop was about to drop oh shit his ambitions is a rider

oh shit a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive and the best thing about this you're in this fucking world get up cocked suck the glee you didn't put shorts I ain't gonna do jumping jacks with no shorts I can do jumping just checking I just checking here because I want no fucking problems may night whether it's May 8th Wednesday what's going on today something's going on you came in I get home from work at like 3 34 in the morning he gets mad because I'm not fucking writing jokes doing push-ups you can't do this 24 hours I'm not on below you can't I walk you at 840 seconds why weren't you doing dumbbell curls I come in people you're sitting on the fucking couch like a mumbo his face yeah because I've been up all day sitting there for three hours

he got home at 3 30 he's been sitting there you could have taken a nap for a night we could have taken a shower no because then then I won't see it for the fucking presentable you could have greased your hairdo back who am I being presentable for you know what I'm saying you haven't taken a shower since eight in the morning yesterday your balls got a smell like fucking little Arizona you know what I'm saying I don't know what I deserve this in my whole life what I'm trying to say to you is anything better than sitting there watching the fucking ESPN that's what I gotta know it's not not you're watching the ESPN for the morning about fucking basketball I got nothing to do with you you know you know I'm saying you don't gamble or you did gamble when you came back

on the fucking bus with a with they with a Las Vegas Los Angeles a bus that 800 killed you didn't you couldn't fucking sleep for like a week your Jew blood yeah I could see it in your face you you all discombobulate you went off the juicer you went to mcdonald's I didn't go to mcdonald's every day he called me I heard you were jumping up and down with Mexicans and mcdonald's having 18 cheeseburgers I haven't been to mcdonald's don't be lying to me because I'm meeting one of my good sources said you're mcdonald's you weren't able to fucking disguise on you have no sources you sit at home and you talk to super bad that's your source super bad fucking no it's funny I've had super bad now I haven't had him but he's been in my life now for six

fucking years and you could tell like super bad's my fucking little buddy it's it's it's what are you doing you like these fucking things yeah you I don't know I'm sorry I'm sorry my stove isn't a good letter you've been smoking for 30 years like this one for your uncle that one was fucked up anyway like this one for your uncle Joe I talk to the people all right you're slipping everything's good though it's fucking Wednesday you got the week I had a good day yesterday I went to acupuncture I fucking rolled a little bit yesterday learning some shit you know it's just a typical fucking Wednesday we got a great great guest today we got music we got refill we got everything you need to make this day the fucking best day of your life I don't

even know what happened in the news and I don't want to know yes I tried I took my wife out to dinner last night she got on about five so I didn't watch barba fuck not barba walters the other one Diane Sawyer that's my girl I think you know I caught the tail end and then nothing nothing was fucking going on so I don't even know what's going on the world fucking the Koreans they shut the fuck up you know they finally went to Mount Fuji at some fucking restaurant nobody remembers Mount Fuji Mount Fuji was the original uh what do you call that shit the original uh many honours when I was a fucking kid Mount Fuji was this shit they served you they didn't give a fuck if you would tend those Japanese people served you do you know that Lee what when I was a fucking kid

mm-hmm when you're just like this joint is tremendous it's a mix of like nine different explosive reefers we're really good I'm gonna be so stoned I've lit like 18 joints for you I think that's what you just wanted me to do we thought we had a before next next week because my buddy told me that he drinks kale shakes too he's on a juicing thing and he just figured out how to put the reef my dolce you're done good well what happened when you were a kid not that's why I'm sitting here I'm seeing I'm seeing fucking stars right now because all that fucking hoffing and puffing with the joints you just went yesterday yeah I made laps I did 10 I do

I can do like they're in back so five of those and uh I can do uh a length that and I like I have to take a look at 30 second bike you got a little goggles no I don't want the chlorine going in your eyes that's what they do that they but that's how they invented the fucking chlorine to fuck with jew's eyes so you can't see how much money they got in the bank I still got it even on a Wednesday morning at 6 a.m with no fucking lighter Jesus Christ no but yeah it's I've been liking that's uh I'm very proud of you Lee I'm adding that to my thing I am sorry I this new job is been tough so but I'm the joint of you at the new one yeah yeah but I don't I will see what happens but um I uh I haven't done a youtube video yet I'm gonna start I'm doing it before I go to work today

that's what you could have been doing for two fucking hours you see I'm saying Lee you can't bullshit me you think like I come in here I pick on you I don't pick on you I have not seen a video I know there's 90 people hit me up with Lee's video the video there'll be one before I go to work today but I've I'm adding it starting from yesterday I'm doing 30 straight days of the juice and I'm gonna do 30 straight days of working out you can't do 30 straight because then you'll rip shit you gotta give me a fucking reconsideration to rest I don't want you killing yourself this is what you're fucking problem I'm not gonna hurt anything in the pool let's say this is one day to fucking rest your joints you just started this thing I don't want you to throw your back up

and you you can't do it God forbid you can't do it I can't do the podcast I can't sit there if I called you from a hospital and to do I couldn't do the podcast you'd come over to the hospital room and drag you the fuck out of there and beat you to death until you could do the fucking podcast that's how much I love you exactly so you got no time to bleed you got no time to bleed in this life you got no time for none of that shit you don't even give fuck if you get shot you're like Denzel and man on fire he got shot and he was in the pool fucking doing laps remember yeah that's you if I shoot you tomorrow you ain't going to hospital none you're gonna break into a pharmacy and steal a fucking syringe oh I can never do that that's the fucking cage I don't fucking that's

the entire reason I don't want to get diabetes because I can never get myself shot and this is why we got to take care of this shit because the juicing will help you but the exercise builds insulin the insulin fights the fucking diabetes or something like that I ain't a doctor I'm gonna see I'm gonna see Dr. Steve tomorrow in Arizona he used to talk to me about that that's very important right now you're in good you don't need that shit so you gotta get you gotta get that dick going this is a you know 24 you end up on those jelly belly dudes that shakes when you walk you ever see those dudes they all shake they got a Starbucks with coffee and sugar in it and they're fucking walking down shaking doing that fucking heavy shake get your shit together

cocksucker jelly belly yeah jelly fucking belly you know the fuck or raggedy wriggity out listening to all you hear is jump jump jump jump those dudes that died last week whatever the fuck oh crisscross you used to sing to that didn't you know when you were a little kid you used to dance like 94 I think I was like I was sick so I was a little bit too young but yeah I mean I heard it but yeah don't be lying to me because everything's good in your world you everything you have no idea little commitments become big commitments bro you're fucking savage a couple days in the pool it's good for your mind it cleans you out you got something to talk about in the podcast yesterday I ran out of air I almost drowned trust me it's fucking beautiful yeah who is the best

I was talking to this person at work yesterday and she said she used to swim and she could do 60 full laps like back and forth in a row without stopping oh it's amazing holy shit I can I can I can do one but listen you gotta start somewhere and that's the most important thing or the church or what's happening now or death squad you got we're taking you out of your fucking comfort zone yeah once a day that's it something you would not do you think I like one of your jitsu yesterday with fucking people putting faces and feet all over me and people sweating no but you gotta go into fucking out of your comfort zone to grow every once in a while you want to grow why live on this fucking earth if you can't move forward if you can't fucking grow every day I'm not telling

you gotta be Jacqueline by the Lord knows I'm no fucking Jacqueline but yes that worked out I walked around my daughter for an hour and a half and a fucking will you email no one what you watched her with your daughter I'm watching you cut something you're sending fucking secrets to the rush into the Cubans or something walked around my daughter and you're burning she you're getting some sun that's all I've ever asked you you think I come here and I break your balls man I'm not here to break your balls I can't watch yeah you're turning into Bo Jackson dude I saw that 30 for 30 yesterday where he played football and baseball you're doing kickboxing jiu-jitsu everything I'm fucking walking I do the elliptical I did a ham four shake this morning from on it I fuck you

know it's the little things I went to that pop at those last week in the in the I'll get anybody from Austin to email you first thing you do when you go to pop at those is you ask for the fucking bread to dip your uh your gumbo or your lobster bis I ate there but I didn't eat the bread you know what you got to cut deals with yourself it's a little fucking deal you know what tonight I'll smoke three joints but I'm not gonna drink up tomorrow another drink two joints tomorrow I drink two margaritas but I won't smoke reef and I won't eat you know we got a fucking that's all I say to you yeah just told me you should have you could have done a video but I need those videos to be more alert those beginning videos you look like you wouldn't inspire me to juice hi

my name is Lee I'm not trying to inspire anybody yes you fucking are you letting people know that fucking leave boom boom say that the little Jew from fucking Boston did it and how they do it because he's joined he's getting a bunch of people and you're juicing you man used to sit there like you were Jesus in the hole yeah because I've been eating for a week this is way it's day four got sucked up let's see you do this podcast on a week without food but look I that's not what I want to do I never committed to that okay if I committed to that then I just jump up and fucking down you and jump I would come in here and go this sucks dick or I would smile and go

you know we're pushing ahead we're making it happen here I'm Lisa I have to find fucking juice I was I didn't do that I wasn't like that yo look oh look at those fucking videos shoot yourself from the side like a fucking mo mo like I'm what the like fucking angle is this but you got to shoot straight up why would you shoot from the fucking side you're a film student you shoot hi you're looking like they tied you up and they made you fucking drink juice I want you alert you got to make these videos inspire these motherfuckers you got to be like the national anthem what that's what the national anthem fucking does to you you think that they play to fucking make you sit there like Jesus it's a shit day to be a fucking american fuck no

they play fucking bazookas and bulldogs and fucking every time I hear national anthem I got to hear a fucking gun so somebody getting shot like falling down that's what you want to fucking hear that's what they should do at football game instead of these guys going to the fucking chair and wasting takes fucking shoot them on the football bam bam as you're playing the fucking thing Whitney Houston uh well everybody's getting fucking down with some musically hit me with some fucking music I'm excited I was trying to find this uh the star spangled banner again well fucking find it don't don't don't you know listen to this shit this is what I'm saying to you it's a beautiful fucking thing to be an american

I haven't heard no fucking what is this league the sound garden what happened to the national anthem okay like no no no no kick this this is a jam here sound guard second fucking out bad motor finger one of my all-time favorites you do a hit of acid you put this fucking out mom see how far you get holy shit but like the third song on the first hour I think it's a rusty cage then it's this it's a tremendous fucking side but just listen to this listen to this and his lyrics on this people fucking Chris Cornell he if he didn't lose his voice it would have been fucking scarier for you cocksucker listen to this shit this is pulling your hair right now you got some mushrooms in here some reefer a couple fucking bazookas listen to this it hasn't stopped there you go hit it with

what are you fucking nuts if you got that number roll it it's your fucking day today oh shit this is better than national anthem when you hear this shit right now you're just stabbing them motherfucker hit it listen to this shit this guy's going to war right here you're on your fucking horse you're going you're staring at me in your Jesus Christ pose you don't want to be my slave are you fucking nuts Lee here we go Lee kick that like I need to be say are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me Lee no this is a fucking backbone is stabbing somebody right there I love it so if you're in the mood to stab

somebody put the fucking iphone on ipod whatever put this song on and go out there it's a beautiful song jesus fucking christ pose 1991 sound gun bad fucking motor finger on people always ask me joey you want a fucking album to work out write comedy get put in your fucking car cut off asians like an asian you put this fucking you put this bad motor finger on god damn what else is on that album Lee let's find out what the fuck Lee you're sitting there like a mama lucalie what the every time I type something who you who you email him you know wacking off lately you're getting pale in the face you gotta stop wacking off you gotta stop if you're gonna juice if you're gonna juice you gotta stop with the stomach kid you can't take the stomach and juice out of your helmet when

you stop I'll stop I haven't been wacking yeah right I swear to god I don't whack off your home for all that all those hours you know oh yeah I don't believe it first of all if I'm gonna whack off I'm not gonna whack off at home what do you mean you're not gonna whack off at home because it's boring you gotta put a tuxedo on and go somewhere and whack what are you talking about you're eating shakes me I don't fucking know what he bought Lee I got two and a half joints in me plus the one I did at the house plus the two edibles from last night you know I ain't got time for this meanwhile you're on the couch watching the sports center them talking about the fag fucking basketball playing I was gonna change but he's good boy whatever his fucking name is oh my god now they won't

shut the fuck up about it oh no of course not unfucking blame what they all needed some hemp force to push that hemp out of their fucking assholes what do we got Lee here we go we got a rusty cage outshined oh shit slaves and bulldozers god damn Jesus christ pose the face pollution somewhere searching with my good eye closed room with a thousand years wide that's a classic mine right i'm telling you they're fucking around holy water and this is when they were doing h they were eating fucking rotten pussy down on outcide beaches and sound god was making it happen though jeez they're up in queen n and so fucking funny i'm such a pussy league why because i didn't shoot harrowing up in queen n man i don't think that makes you a pussy it's a pussy that's a pussy

but especially who with the credentials i'm trying to you know i'm saying if general shows up he's got he did heroin he got vd he ate some chick with chlamydia you gotta have certain metals who's the general the general this is some dude this is a fucking general that's that's the fucking stars he deserves the hero like he did this he saved the cat from a fire you know he did heroin with fucking deep purple whatever you gotta have some fucking credentials could you imagine if i would have done like a line of heroin with alice and change i wouldn't even talk to you exactly i think i think you have all the credentials that you can have and still be alive i'd be backhanded you like get out of my face you know i'm saying i did heroin with fucking alice and chains good

heroin's scary i've seen like i've seen videos and stuff and like they just the way they nod out that's too much that's a party what do you mean that's a party that's up you do a little line of heroin you put a little black Sabbath when i forget about just know you wake up you're right back where you started from but even better i'm telling you you take a fucking kid you all right i used to do it all the time i love a little wine and heroin i just never shot intravenously jesus like in my toenails or something like that i wouldn't have fun guy on my toenail this podcast does not support the views by joey Diaz take a fucking you know you're telling people go do heroin i didn't say nothing i just said when i was you know when i did it i enjoyed it this is how i i liked

it you know i went on uh whatever warrior poll podcast they talk about mind hallucinating experiences yeah and i want to fucking talk about some on this one what's the problem here it's fucking heroin dude that's that's a whatever it's a whatever but first of all you can't even fucking get it most places so what do you mean you can't get it it's not what you know how hard it is to get h unless you're in that circle i have no idea nobody's ever come up to me and said hey bro you want to buy some mages it's so weird how society makes you think that these drugs are around the corner you have to be in that loop in all those years that i was doing blow it's like people i've go to somebody's house and they go hey i got no blow you want to do some heroin no because one is the other they reach

something different to each fucking person yeah so blow people blow people heroin people heroin people meth people meth people i wouldn't i would know where they'll get blow right now if you sit to me get me fucking two kilos of blow i know exactly where to go and that lack of a number to call not that i see him all the time but i know that he would open a door for me yeah well a few people open up a door for me if you ask me about heroin let's take me a month i'm gonna find out i think you'd have if you ask me about ecstasy and take me two fucking months if you ask me about heroin you know speed i'd never bumped into meth people so so no so drug dealers are like maybe they have weed and coke but they don't have like it's not like they're a store

they don't have everything a lot of guys that i dealt with didn't like the good ones the good do i listen i dealt with people like in vegas as a guy in vegas that used to deliver right to my room and he'd give you half eight balls eight balls quarter-mounted if you bought a half-eighth he'd sell you a knockout package which was like two vikings a couple volumes so he had downs and he had coke okay but he never had like heroin and coke jesus you know he never had nothing like that so i'm telling you the truth right now it would take me you know an hour to get you a package but it would take me two days to get your heroin that's crazy i'm i'm thank god i never unless my buddy bonehead was alive who's bonehead bonehead was the one that sent me the heroin

out here in the mail i was gonna say you your your idea in one of the in the drugs uh testicle testaments he said that you wanted to get off and cook by doing heroin like once a week i was doing it i didn't i did that for a summer that that first summer that i met remember i was just telling you super bad whenever i look at super bad and i look i think deep about super bad it makes me think because super bad was a cat that i really saved my life off the blow in a very uh i'm on guard way uh last night i got up and i put ice on my knee okay so i took some whatever two of those pills strong will okay no no two of those uh it's really don't say strong bone does that because people always email me i got a pain in my ankle if i buy a strong bone with the pain

go away no it won't okay no it won't if no it won't i don't want to promote that i want to promote it for healthy if you're working out before it gets to that pain the strong bone to help you set everything up and give you the calcium and the fucking energy that you need was i told him about cocksuck you know about about about the summer with the super bad summer with super bad so those cats lived outside out of all the cats they stayed out there the longest by the time they were out there they had different denominations by the time that that uh litter came yeah the previous letters had made little homes for them everything was in order so those cats stayed out there a lot longer than they should have you know i'm saying so they were born like in april yeah

and by fucking june the four of them were out there rocking and i remember i went to nashville with my wife and i came that's all i worried about nashville those three four little fucking cats and when i got back those four little kittens were still there four days later with the mother mama and something happened and but i used to see those cats and that was the summer i was doing heroin i tell you what i was doing i had learned the form uh uh whatever the fuck it is it's like kung fu but it's something different it's not tai chi it's the other one and uh my buddy jason or bc knew a couple forms okay and and i would do the forms in the morning and i would play with the cats outside in the sun i was four hundred and fifteen pounds i wasn't smoking cigarettes then

uh and i would do these forms eighteen hands of whatever it was just to get me rested it's like a tai chi it's a very slow kung fu it's i learned it through him through campo okay he taught it to me it's it's uh i forget what the fuck it is gung something doesn't really matter chi gung okay it was a chi gung form it was eighteen hands of peace eighteen hands of something and i would do it every morning in the sunlight because of the backyard where we lived in hollywood the sun was fucking perfect and it had this cocoon lead that was the weirdest thing it could be a hundred degrees out of hollywood and it had this thing in the backyard because what we basically had was two buildings connected and there was a little thing in the middle where there was flowers and people could sit

out there yeah then to the left this building was very cool in hollywood it was there so long that they made a barbecue pit and you can just come down at night and barbecue steaks and sit outside oh shit okay and then the other side there was a laundry room which went with stairs downstairs and in front of that there was these trees lee it could be a hundred degrees out but you were going to this foliage in your backyard and there was like an air conditioning cocoon okay it was very cool in there it was amazing so you'd be doing these forms out there out there with the cats busting my fucking balls now do a lot of people take in stray cats i've never because i mean i never had cats but like it seems like i've never heard of people taking in stray cats listen man there's

an ass for every fucking seat sometimes you're driving down the street and just something you see a cat or sometimes you live in a neighborhood where there's a cat that just showed up one day they started scratching your fucking door and you start feeding it and feeding it and feeding it being a good Samaritan and one day there's a possum in the neighborhood or a fucking raccoon and you let the cat in and now the cat becomes your animal now like there's that one where you live now who's cool i thought was gonna be cool like it was rubbing up against my legs right but then like as i went to leave it like swatted at my right that's the neighbor's cat he's half retarded he's a great he's a beautiful cat yeah but he's half retarded but like it was you and it's action

have you ever had one like you brought in and like you had to like let back out no no no i've been very fortunate with my cats it hasn't been like uh that lady's kid that lady's very cool on the corner yeah that's her cat okay she's had him since he was a kid but that cat i seen him one day i found him on the street and i knocked in that door like eight in the morning when your cat's outside because i know him i forget what his fucking name is barbecue i don't know what the fucking name is the owner came out the guy who lives in the house and he picked him up and he was asking me where i saw him i go he comes out through that back window he pushes the screen and and in the middle of that the cat fucking scratched him that it opened up right in front of me like he was right in front of

him like he had to go inside and fucking that cat's crazy that cat and one night i came home when he was in front of my house i thought it was gray okay and i started parent petting him yeah and the motherfucker started parent uh whatever hissing oh making that noise yeah and i'm like this ain't my fucking gray fuck this bitch and then he did something else to me he got in between my legs one day yeah he laid down he make believe he was cool and then he turns into a fucking battle of ghosts he's got claws and shit so i almost punched him in the stomach and now i don't fuck with that cock suck at all i see him on the corners and i walk the other way i got good cats on my block too that's a satin i got biggie and his and his buddy bw he's black and white so they call him bw yeah

they're fucking huge and another black shark uh they call him smoky they all live in a house uh they're they're a gay couple fucking really cool gay couple and i think that the lady in the back works at the vet and they have three cats in front of the house whenever i walk the baby in the carriage i see him in front of there and i come over and the fucking biggie comes right over and smoky who's been over there for two years and he used to tell me to go fuck myself yesterday he was two feet from me in fact when i picked up my wife yesterday after then i told my wife i go had a great day smoky was two days two fucking feet from me so yeah so i pet whatever and have a good time because the last time i asked you she you said she was a little bit too young

still what is mercy like interacting with the cats at all yeah super bad oh really super bad puts his head on her leg and she'll rub it and pull it and smack it but she's been really cool with him she's been really cool that's funny two or three cats that react to us so that's hilarious so you're going to uh arizona tomorrow they got me talking about cats on this fucking podcast i'm sorry you know i'm all excited this morning you slowed me up i got emotional i'm going to arizona tomorrow with ari shuffia this is a great little room stand-up live i did the gay broglacias tv show that's where that was that was the film it's a fucking huge room it's got 600 fucking seats you know if we sell 200 300 i'm fucking happy you know they'll be happy it's a thursday night gig

i'm going out of there then my nephew's coming to spend the week with me oh cool from fresno this is his last week in college and it breaks my heart because he's a football player uh from my hometown from north bergen i got the t-shirt on for the north bergen high oh shit yeah that's what this is north bergen alumni shirt and it's uh this kid isn't my nephew he's somebody that i was raised in their homes i wasn't even tight with his mother i was really tight with his uncles okay but brother tight like his uncle did a lot for me growing up like he used to let me watch let him in with him at night we used to feed me i'm real tight with his uncle but he has an aunt he comes from a family that's like the brady ones they have three boys and three girls okay one of the girls had him but his

aunt was also two of his aunts were also very fucking tight with me and when i was growing up you know in life people do things for you then they hold it against you later on in life they'll say well that motherfucker slept on my couch or whatever these people never fucking said that but the girl janine is the one that should really be because when i was in my deepest cocaine fucking haze when i was eating on the garbage cans and living with two t-shirts yeah this was the winter of 84 when i was just a mess you know i write about it sometimes i don't know what happened to me but that december i was a mess and i would sleep till like five in the afternoon on somebody's floor somebody's basement i would just sleep till they got home from work wow and i would get up and

i'd wait till it got dark and i'd be hungry and i need to go to hashways with two dollars and i'd get they gave me like a special for two dollars or i'd go to janine's house jennifer's house and i would go around the back and she would bring me her father's clothes and i would take a shower when i would put on my jeans but with that t-shirt and she'd get me like a spare hooded sweatshirt and she'd feed me give me like a sandwich and she never told nobody now there's people in life that maybe she was getting high at the time maybe she wasn't junkie janine's never touched a fucking truck i don't think she drinks oh really but she's got two kids a husband and i told the younger sister i go whenever you see janine tell her this is what she did for me i go none of you

motherfuckers ever knew did you she goes we never heard those stories i go janine wouldn't wrap me out i used to call her warflower she never fucking ratted me out about those stories i used to sleep on the downtown bed that's crazy we'll finish this in a second what's happening baby how you doing dog i don't i cannot believe you're a fucking awake i'm of course i'm not gonna flake on you did you go back to sleep or did you take a little nap and uh wake up no i woke up around around six or something and then right when you text me i was kind of like in a half a day's and i just stayed up what time did you go to bed am i on the podcast right now yeah yeah we're just talking here what the fuck oh okay i didn't okay uh uh what was the question what time did you go to bed uh one

o'clock you're a bad motherfucker any problem on the line ladies and gentlemen my brother my fucking master the man of the hour what's going on little brother man just listening to your show how is your diary oh no no we're just talking about an 80 uh and when after i met you i got in really bad shape in 2007 and my friend was sending me heroin and i would do it on mondays and i wouldn't do coke the whole fucking week and by the end of the summer i had an idea i was in a contact 60 minutes and go i got it if you do heroin you won't do coke and i came to my senses and the fucking rest everything you know you know how that goes eddie bravo how was class last night eddie class was awesome man it was great i had that the 10th plan of vista boys coming up from uh

north san diego they make an hour and a half drive every tuesday i love Tuesday night stuff so it was a good class every night's a good class and you do classes four nights a week downtown this is your new location yeah downtown la at the tap out training center it's a beautiful place that i've been there for maybe six months now i love it i love everyone there i love the management the owner it's uh it's awesome and i take the monday to thursday nights at 8 30 so if you're worried about traffic there's no traffic going up so uh i got guys coming like i said from san diego from cemiballi from anilogue valley uh from thousand oaks you could i got people coming from everywhere because uh you know it's right there centrally located down we got some coast

that makes it come up every week so wherever you're at that downtown la is centrally located in my classes there's no traffic at 8 30 so i don't mean when you get out of there 10 30 there's even less traffic so i love it i'm gonna be seeing sure but look i'm coming from deep in the valley and i drive i make that drive six times a week and what time do you leave your house at eight eight o'clock that's what i usually call you eight o'clock and check in with you because i know you're driving yeah eight o'clock i'm on my way to class and what time do you make it thereby uh eight twenty eight twenty five that's pretty fucking good yeah now it's really funny uh when we were coming up you know when we were all we all studied bruce lee and whatever and it's so weird

that uh he became friends with steve mcqueen and people who got to meet steve mcqueen would tell you that you know he would wipe his ass with fucking movie stardom he would wipe his ass he would give everything for him he wanted to be bruce lee and bruce lee who was this bad ass motherfucker would give up everything to be steve mcqueen and get international stardom and it's so weird that i think the same with you sometimes that i would give up everything to be as good as a jujitsu as you are without training do you know what i'm saying yeah like yeah you're i watch your videos i watch you marcello you know i watch the the renner boys the the gracey but you're a fucking star and i was telling somebody about this

and we were talking about your predecessor you know the guy who you learned from which is john jack mcchato and they said he's a great teacher but the person also said but ellie bravo is a better fucking teacher you know and i and i what did you take from john jack at that makes you such a great teacher uh well first of all john jack is uh imagined i don't think i'm a better teacher than him i i've learned so much from him i mean i can't even tell you it would take me two hours to explain all the stuff i learned from him he's awesome and and the greatest thing about john jack is it was it was kind of obvious uh early on that i was i was taking an unorthodox path in jujitsu you know because it was the ufc that got me into jujitsu jujitsu

didn't get me into the ufc so i was a ufc fanatic i was when i first saw i saw ufc too i was just i was obsessed with the ufc and jujitsu was a way for me to be involved was like wow i don't want to be in a cage at fight but jujitsu is it's sort of like uh ufc so it was a way for me to participate it was awesome because now i grew up a big football fan and i love playing uh street football and and black football and shit like that but uh anyways so uh when i real quick as as a white belt and a blue belt i saw that the gi was a problem in the ufc i saw that in the beginning you know uh no one knew how to fight on the ground so uh bad g habits really didn't come into play but after a while when people learned to defend jujitsu and everyone started training jujitsu

the gi became a big problem so right away as a white belt blue belt and purple belt i started a question the gi and and uh it's it's purpose uh in MMA so um but john jack never never discouraged my uh my uh me analyzing the gi and breaking down the state of jujitsu and all that kind of stuff he never ever ever steered me away from my path he just guided me along and very few instructors on the planet whatever do that most instructors want everyone to learn exactly what they're doing and and think like them and and but now john jack and i'm not just saying that he never ever question and i had the president of brazilian jujitsu call him up to calm me down about being vocal about uh being um you know i thought the gi was the problem in MMA the gi was a big

problem in the ufc and when i opened up my first school i didn't teach with the gi uh for jujitsu i wanted to bring jujitsu back in the ufc so i thought i'm gonna do my part and teach without the gi and make my gi as MMA ready as possible and uh um and john jack he never ever sat me down and said listen you can't say this or listen you can't say that you should be doing this and you should be doing that he never did any of that he just sat there and just watched me like it was like i was his experiment this whole time you know it was it was almost like that and he had a big influence on the rubber guard as well um as i was putting it together putting the pieces together he was there to say hey try this or try that even though he wasn't even flexible and he really

couldn't play rubber guard because his knees are just not he's just not flexible enough and he had very sensitive knees getting knee surgery and stuff uh but he was uh very instrumental and helped me put it all together and you know and he is uh the first uh no gi god in abu dhabi you know back when abu dhabi first busted out um it was a bunch it was a no gi tournament it was in the middle east and it was all the best grappers in the world but they got together they had all the best gi champions all these legends and all the the legendary wrestlers and ufc wrestlers and what you had with a bunch of boring matches of jiu-jitsu guys who didn't know how to set sweeps and submissions up without the beads very well and you had wrestlers who didn't need handles colors

and chokes they were they were the best at controlling bodies without clothes oh not without clothes without handles without keys but they didn't know how to pass the card they didn't know how to submit so you had a bunch of stalemates most of the matches were really boring early abu dhabi very boring gi guys just do not know how to move no gi in a technical way uh without punches and then the wrestlers they didn't know how to pass the card finished but they can control the shit out of you install you out and that's what happened the match after match it was boring but then john jock shows up his first ufc or his first abu dhabi which is a dcc and he submits everybody he submitted everybody and took the gold all of a sudden a star is born

he basically saved abu dhabi it just it looked like garbage until john jock showed up and the reason he showed up and what year was that eddie that was 98 i think hey eddie it's lee when did you start jiu-jitsu i thought you had been doing doing jiu-jitsu for like forever is it it sounds like it's new i started jiu-jitsu well i mean i don't know there's 19 years ago new i started it 94 okay so so when so you're doing music and other stuff before then oh yeah yeah i was producing music on you know on on boxes and shit when i was 10 i was making music my whole childhood and all through my teens i was playing drums and speed metal bands big big metal head into the german thrash scene all through my teenage teenage years

is writing satanic lyrics uh and then um moved to hollywood made the big move in 91 when i when i was 21 i thought i was gonna get serious moved to hollywood from orange county to really get a chance about music and i started i wanted to stay in shape uh so i wasn't i wouldn't be a fat rock star i was really concerned about that i look at inbay mom's team he got fat and all these guys were looking like shit i don't want to be that guy you know and i got into martial arts i was a big boosy fan and got into uh i couldn't find anything boosy around where i worked so i joined a karate gym i was doing karate for about a year because it's right next to my work and then that's when i saw uxc2 and after i saw uxc2 quit karate and started to look for some jiu-jitsu and uh i

got the same time i found jiu-jitsu well well when i put what i found jiu-jitsu was just two damn expensive actually found jiu-jitsu and it was too expensive so then the next choice was um uh jikundo and uh i wanted to do something boosy so i joined that that cast magda institute in the valley off of fida i did that for a little bit and then i got some better ships at the strip club made some more money then i went back to jiu-jitsu and started training jiu-jitsu i did jiu-jitsu and a jikundo for uh two and a half years together and then i finally quit jiu-jitsu all together and uh i just did jiu-jitsu full time because i've been training one day a week jiu-jitsu in the beginning because that's all i could afford 80 bucks a week and then tuesday i

would do that on friday and tuesday and thursday i would do jikundo it was it was i'm saying jikundo just so i can keep it simple jikundo and other stuff too a lot of filipino martial arts kali screema and a sea lot uh basically the damning in a sado system which included some boosy stuff he was boosy's best friend back in the day he was a game of death he was an asian guy that he fought with the men chucks but anyways um i was doing i was doing jiu-jitsu friday tuesday and thursday uh thursday's i was doing uh jikundo and what ended up happening is i'd be training for like a year and a half like this and there was guys that just started training but they were doing jiu-jitsu five days a week so i was doing one once a week so within like two or

three months they would catch me and it would be really embarrassing i could do that been training three months would tap me only because ever trained five six days a week and they just caught up with me really quick and it became embarrassing so i had to make that choice to uh quit jikundo and it wasn't even nearly as fun as jiu-jitsu jiu-jitsu was so much fun i would never miss my friday i could have one hour of sleep totally hung over feel like shit but you weren't taking jiu-jitsu i would drag i might drag my ass to the gym and i'd i'd sleep afterwards you're not going to take that friday away away from me there was nothing that was going to take that friday away from me but when it came to jikundo man i could have a little i could be driving a class

yeah if i just coughed once i'd go you know what i shouldn't be training make a u-turn go back home i was looking for reasons to cannot go to jikundo just like punching the hand punching the bag it wasn't real sparring or anything it's not it's not that fun but jiu-jitsu you spar 100% from day one and uh back then you did at least and it was just so much fun i could wait i would be hysterical trying to i would run red lights and when i would get there to class i would be i would always be running a little bit late because i drove a long way it was so much traffic and i had work so i'd always get there like 20 minutes late and while class is on i'm in the dressing room going nuts changing with hysterical like i couldn't change fast enough and i had real long hair back

at the time i went down to my waist so uh um it took me forever to tie that motherfucker up in the ponytail and wrap it up and put a bandana on top and then oh man and then i was hysterical i just so i had to quit jikundo and do jiu-jitsu four days a week and from that point on i just became an obsession a great way to stay in shape and once you quit jikundo you started going to jiu-jitsu five nights a week four nights monday wednesday friday and saturday and that was john jack in the beginning for you well in the beginning yeah it was john jack from the very beginning it was very beginning yeah wow that's amazing you got your black belt from john jack recently or how long ago after abu dhabi it was right after i i competed in abu dhabi in 2003 so it's been 10 years

10 years so it took you 10 years to get your your jiu-jitsu black belt it took me 10 years and immediately i opened up 10 planets we're actually having our 10 year anniversary 10th planet 10 year anniversary may 31st may 31st it's friday everyone's welcome at that bardo on vine about a block north of hollywood boulevard it's called bardo friday 10 o'clock two o'clock we're gonna have a promotion ceremony we're gonna have all the moons all my schools from southern california they're giving out promotions and uh and you're even gonna go up there and do a little set absolutely absolutely i'm gonna come down thank you very much for that i appreciate that oh please this is uh your family eddie out of all the people i run with in LA i mean the other day

lee with flying jiu over here was saying that he talks to his father every day he talks to me every day and i talk to eddie every day at one point a day i call eddie i check in see what's happening i yell at him about something he sits there yeah i tell him about the fuck a 10th planet harford is doing this shit you know because i watch your schools i love what you do you know it's it's really it's like a fucking passion of mine to watch what you do and the whole thing and i giggle i go on your web page i make sure everything's in in tuna and i can't yell at you no more so i just don't but i love everything that you do you know i'm saying uh another thing that we have in common that's you know you talk to people any problem when they bullshit you everybody

wants to sound you know especially in different in this area everything's fucking amazing if i hear one more person tell me fucking amazing i'm gonna stab them i'm gonna fucking light their eyeball with this joint but we're fathers eddie and we hung out eight years ago when we weren't fathers and we know how crazy we are and now we're fathers and we talk to each other like we're fathers when we talk to each other now there's no more craziness it's what is your boy doing is one of my daughter doing what's mercy doing what's they doing and that's it yeah we used to talk about the indians showing up and how you embarrassed joe and took his car in germany and we talk about all this craziness we talk about you know the night when you brought the the black chicks into the vip

area you left them there with me and joe and joe know that's the day he decided to shave his head was that night when he left us it was all over he was steaming and we and we called each other the next morning and we fucking how and now we don't even how no more we're like what's going on over i'm over here babysitting boy he just took a big shit and i'm over here watching her turn you know and uh it's just fucking hysterical how life changes now you know we were always talking about what you did uh i was in austin last week and i was like man is there a phogo to chile in austin i was just thinking in the drive in i felt like eating meat and i'm like yeah and i went to that phogo to chile with eddie and i was thinking about that night we started drinking at the phogo

to chile and that's the night you went into the hotel room and it wasn't your hotel room and they chased you and you fell and hurt your knees yeah oh my god can you fucking bullet this the shit i think about on the road when i'm sitting there in a cab driving i'm like when was the last time i was in austin let me think it was me you alex jones aubrey right it was a bunch of us yeah and we went and your fucking indian started early and we went into the show and then i lost you that was that was one of the craziest weekends of all time we we hung out with alex jones we did show uh that's one of the indian episodes man the indian came out big in austin where i ended up uh i don't i i they threw me in a cab they sent me to the wrong hotel i'm i'm in standing in line

at the wrong hotel and that's when i woke up i don't i don't remember the cab right there i just woke up looking at this hotel clerk just standing right in front of her and i woke up right there where am i i was in the wrong hotel never gonna call the cops on them to go out of what i said but she's it was a black shit she goes um i'm gonna call the cops right now and that woke me up and that the cops you know those cold words is like when you're under hypnosis and they say a word and you wake up the cops that woke me up i looked around and i thought oh my god where am i and i slowly just walked out like nothing i just walked out and as soon as i walked out i thought maybe she already called the cops i started running full clip and i'm slow as fuck but i was running as

fast as i could turn the corner i had boots on that had no traction and i slipped and fucking scraped my knee up and i woke up the next morning and i'm in my hotel i don't even know how i got there i don't even my knees are all bloody and i'm laying there it's nine o'clock in the morning i got my clothes on still my pants are up like how the fuck did i get home i had no idea and then you're telling me and joe the story and i got joe for an hour on the plane i thought joey he's blacking out what's next he's blacking out joe who gives a fuck he's having a good time he's having a good time that's all that matters who gives a fuck if he blacks out he's having a good time i blacked out a thousand times i had a great time i you probably told that black team

you know tickle her asshole with an indian feather and she's like fuck you i'm calling the police you indian motherfucker but it's just so weird that we talk now and it's what is that that was like when i wrote down my window and my car i'm sitting in my car the cops pulled me over and made me pull off my window tent on the side so the inside of my window is all sticky and when i it's so embarrassing when i pull up to the gym and um i gotta roll down the window to get that parking ticket and if anybody's walking around and it sounds like a pterodactyl just got shot out of the fucking sky when i hear it here's a lot hold on i don't know what that fucking was i think i had a chicken in the truck

so you're you're out in the fucking car talking to me yeah i don't get reception in my house too good oh okay okay i tell you when the clock is important calls i gotta make i gotta drive down the street fuck a tnt fuck you hey listen man this fucking sprint phone i got i got the new iphone i had a sprint kept sending me emails you're a trap value customer you're a value customer and then i see red band tape joe one night on stage and i saw what the camera does it's fucking amazing so i uh i went to laurel canyon there they have a they the old phone the old sprint phone was on cold water and they closed it down and they got the laurel canyon i went over there i got my phone and i've had this phone two months somebody told me the iphone's are great

just don't drop them they're like the iphone's the best thing in the fucking world just don't drop it that's when it starts fucking up do you know that for the first time in 10 years 18 uh i'm with sprint i can fucking call you from under the pool do you know i'm saying i can my phone rings in the fucking air anyway it's been fucking up lately my fucking sprint has been fucking up lately i'm kind of upset now how is it fucking up it's dropping calls people that i used to talk to all the time the fucking phone is dropping during conversations i think there's fucking obama shit yeah you get used to that share yeah but this is sprint this ain't at&t with at&t it's an occupational hazard it's like being black and getting arrested because you're standing out in

the corner all fucking night you're black and you're on a fucking corner you're gonna get arrested it's at&t why people keep buying at&t is beyond fucking me i've been on sprint you know many times i talk to i know somebody's on at&t when i talk to them at&t when i talk to somebody on the phone i can tell whether they're on at&t that's how bad it sounds well that's the secondary thing that's like three fucking minutes in but who gives a fuck about at&t i got to master any bravo on the fucking phone what's next for 10 planet brother talk to me here uh like i said the 10 planet anniversary party that's immediate then uh uh you got headquarters everywhere now you got headquarters in germany fucking uh connecticut you know you're like dog shit yeah you know what i'm going to

australia i'm going to be at 10 planet melbourne uh may 25th and at kms in sydney with farry uh he's a great guy he's hosting that seminar he hosted my seminar about eight months ago and i was also at 10 planet melbourne so may 25th may 26th get on the knee b room forum and get some more info on that yeah i'm going to be in mexico city uh june 22nd i think uh 10 planet mexico city also june 15th denny picocos first 10 planet black belt he's going against justin raider in a super fight at the midwest submission challenge that's in in st louis so june 15th there's a submission only tournament everyone's welcome it's it's it's a tournament like you know like naga grapplers quest except it's submission only and the super fight of that event like i said denny picopos my first

black belt against justin raider at the 20 minute match no points no advantages submission only so watch out for that kid now what's going on with that new league you're working on the the punches then when you get to the floor there's no punches yeah oh yeah combat jiu jitsu is happening may 19th uh at the club no kia it's on the university of mma show that's an amateur show they have the best amateur show in california university of mma we have two combat jiu jitsu matches happening on that card and combat jiu jitsu is uh you could look at it as super tame mma because there's only strikes on the ground standing it's just wrestling or you could look at it as extreme jiu jitsu because to jiu jitsu guys that seems extreme

because you could punch in there you know right in the face punched ahead when you're on the ground since one guy's on the ground you could start punching standing it's just wrestling so look at it you know like i said it's tame mma super safe mma or extreme jiu jitsu you know it's for guys that are uh on their way the grapplers that want to do mma but they want to take some baby steps and this is the perfect sport the perfect arena to make sure you want to get in the game you know try it first with strikes on the ground then later try it with strike standing a strike standing if you get in there too soon and you could take a shit right to the head and act it just changes shit all together so um all you grapplers out there you look at it do mma i suggest you get into

combat jiu jitsu it's coming jesus fucking christ eddie yes oh i thought something happened eddie uh no no i gotta ask you one more question that's uh i forgot what the fuck it was then you dropped a goddamn phone eddie oh i know i know what i had to tell you eddie you know whenever i travel i gotta be honest with you whenever i travel uh you know people come up to me and they go great that you came to town and i get the people that say where's the flying jiu but i always get one tenth planet t-shirt at all my comedy shows and i always get one or two guys that come up to me at the end of the night and they ask me how you are uh are you are you very serious you know they always want to know about eddie and they're fucked up in my head because uh why did the fuck why did the fuck what

you're at because they all take something from you from different avenues you know like this guy came in and he said the book was the best thing that ever happened to him about three months a guy came in and he had taken all the pictures from the dvd i did with you my stomach hanging and he made me sign all of them and he said that his jiu jitsu game was fucking shitty until he watched your dvd and he learned so much from your dvd at home that he went able to go to his little school and put beatings on people you know and that's really weird that people take something from you on every level people see me on stage or they hear me with you they read about your technique and i've read your book i've looked at i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i get all fucking confused i

know the chapters that other things you have in there about your life and whatnot but these guys all take something from you and that's uh that's pretty fucking remarkable those are these are the things i don't say to you you know so you're doing god's work man with your little fucking dvds and your books and your uh naburi forum you know there's a lot of people that don't have 10 planet there's a lot of people that have green belts oh i'm sorry blue belts teaching at that they're learning from a blue belt at a ymca in tennessee do you know what i'm saying yeah it's it's pretty crazy it's fucking crazy yeah it's hard to wrap my brain around it sometimes i actually have to remind myself how crazy it is and and uh i i you know every day i'm reminding myself how lucky

i am and i try to get into that appreciation zone or you think about it enough and and you just it's like meditation you just you you can't you can't uh overlook how lucky you are all of us we're all lucky we're all superstars you know compared to people that live in liberia and or and fucking guatemala you know we're all rock stars we are that's the reality and you gotta you gotta remind yourself how lucky you are every goddamn day man and it's it's crazy how we are our our uh audiences they they uh cross over all the time i mean you know uh throughout the 10th planet the history of 10th planet you've been right there man everyone knows that mean you are our boys you know everyone knows you've been in my in my dvd you um you know uh so many of those

10th planet cushions that we did and you know your comedy and 10th planet jiu-jitsu are intertwined forever man at every show uh you go to there's going to be some 10th planet people there for sure and every every every seminar that i do there's joey karate fans there's joey koko every seminar everybody knows you have my my seminars everybody they're all fans of yours so uh you know obviously you got way more fans than i do but um there's always going to be a double 10th planet fans at your shows no matter what always oh but i know how they come up to me and how they they're like uh you know you walk in presents your days you know eddie bravo it says on this page in the book or this video it's just it's just great to see what you've done man and uh

i'm proud of you and it's really great to call you my little brother you're a fucking savage yeah man i appreciate every day all man i'm like good now a ticket's on sale for this on may 31st what are we doing eddie no no everything you just show up you just show up that's it just show the fuck up we're gonna have guys from 10th planet burbank 10th planet van eyes 10th planet vista 10th planet riverside 10th planet corona uh the phoenix boys are gonna show up i'll see them tomorrow night john bantello and the boys i'll see them at my show tomorrow night yes yes yeah uh yeah john but tail okay he's head instructor at 10th planet phoenix he'll be at your show yep he'll be at the show tomorrow night so see this is what i'm talking about they emailed me last week already and said

10th planet was in the house they're bringing bazookas weapons shin guards mouthpieces they're bringing everything with them yeah my my people love love you man they they love everything about everyone misses them 10 planet cushions you know maybe one day it's we'll do one more just uh just for old time sakes i love doing those those 10 planet cushions man your your reviews of the ufc uh no one even comes close you got all these new ufc shows popping up on fuel all this shit like i can't believe they overlooked and haven't noticed what you were you've been doing with them ufc reviews if there was a show if there was a 10 planet cushion on fuel oh man that would be the highest rated ufc review show ever you break all records well look at what's going on now

dana has it i can't believe dana hasn't seen that yet i love dana white more than anybody dana white thinks chao sun is the new white hope you know the new white hope is fucking roi roi fucking with his little stomach whatever his name is no roi nelson is the next nobody fucking knows what they have dog for for years he kept thinking it was chao sunning chao sun is going to bring white people back you know roi nelson's bringing white people back and real white people white fat people that been in the corner eating cheese all their fucking lies that's who he's bringing out so you never know dog you never know who the fuck uh you know i'm hopefully i'll be on fuel someday tell him these mother calling duncan kim i love you eddie bravo thank you for

calling i know it's early for you hopefully i'll see you today thank you for having me man hey also i wanted to let people know that i just started my own web web or a podcast as well it's called eddie bravo radio you can get it's on itunes it's on stitcher uh if you got three hour you know each episode is about three hours so if you need time to kill you got long a long drive to work or you're at work and you could listen to the headphones it's a great time killer eddie bravo radio thank you very much love you buddy of the wife and the kid of kiss thank you stay black he's a great fucking guy yeah i'm lucky to have him around man uh he is a fucking alley rory nelson's the great white hope i love him to death that's it anybody

could show up with a fucking six pack and save you let me see a fat guy walk up with a fucking beard and knock motherfuckers out oh shit so before the break we're talking about how this girl janine had taken care of me all these well it wasn't a year or so we were just friends i was friends with her family but i would go to her house and she'd fucking bring me sandwiches in the backyard i'd eat and she wouldn't wrap me out yeah so uh you know a couple years later the older sister has a kid she had two boys one's vincent and one's nicolas and uh i was driving once i was driving my friend's fish truck yeah it smelled like ass and i was and i saw them walking in the snow and i pulled over nicolas was two and vincent was like maybe four and and she was walking with

a bag and her car got stuck and they had to walk home and i gave him a ride home and i became tight with that i would stay with the brother whenever i would go to jersey and do much comedy shows the brother lived on the 34th floor of the building and i would sleep on his balcony jesus you know he would let me sleep on the balcony at night so uh this family is tight with me this kid graduated high school a year ago and got a full fledged scholarship for football to arkansas oh cool but his grades so happened with his grades they didn't do the paperwork in time the grades so they made him come out and transfer to a college a small whatever junior college and then uh he was gonna play football for the college but the coach left to a bigger college

so now he has to transfer to either riverside or school in brooklyn who's got a great yuko team so it's really weird that when i first came to colorado i was alone lee i was fucking alone in bold and uh snowmass village it was at that time when i first moved to colorado was a town called besoft colorado it's underneath and i lived in a place called holland hills colorado it was a resort like on the right hand side as you go into glenwood springs okay and we lived in there one of the guys that lived with us and one of our roommates had a sister and a brother-in-law in california and she would always come over to bring her brother food and would always say you know if you guys you're always walking with my house and the guys always go yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and one day

she came on to bring him food and she goes koko if you want my husband really got a kick out of east from virginia and i went over there and i became friends with the uncle and uh with the husband it was funny that every friday after work she would pick me up take me to i take a shower yeah she would pick me up we'd smoke pot i was 19 or 20 and uh she was probably 32 or 33 or 35 they didn't have any kids and i'd smoke pot with her and then she'd pick me up and she'd take me over and they lived in a trailer and then he'd smoke cigars and we'd watch men movies rambo any charles bronson he was alone in this city i didn't know anybody and they made me feel at home you know and they would cook for me and i didn't know i didn't know when this dick was going to come

out i thought they were going to tie me up make me suck a pussy or something but they were just night fucking good americans they were good fucking white people she was from california she was a hippie chick with freckles really cute yeah and he was uh from virginia bus driver from virginia that had been in the service and now he was a bus mechanic he was very good with the with so one night we're watching scarface and we're talking about guns and i go look at that fucking gun it's whatever bubba bubba at that time i knew guns and he goes you like guns and we closed the fucking door and he pulled this couch over and he picked up the fucking metal thing that he had and then that thing this motherfucker had machine guns bazookas explosives bombs grenades he was like

an ex fucking paramilitary fucking nut and these are the people you meet in colorado the short story they were friends of mine till uh i moved and i would meet them on the weekends and after we after he became after i was 18 i was confused i was lost i was 19 i was confused i was lost but i knew one thing i was angry yeah you know i was really fucking angry at the time i thought i wanted to be a hit man so on friday nights i go to his house we wake up early saturday we go to a bullet place and he's shoot he teach me how to shoot roll make little bombs he taught me a lot of shit jeez that's crazy every fucking week and our big plan was to rob the bank and ask him christmas day on snowmobiles we're gonna get two guys from jersey really yeah he taught me

about electronics he taught me about alarm systems he just taught me but it wasn't about him teaching me to be a fucking savage it wasn't about her cooking it wasn't about her doing any of this stuff it wasn't about these people and my relationship is what they had done for me i was alone in fucking colorado and they made me feel you know they made me feel so he's been out here in fresno for two or three months we talk on the phone every day of being my nephew every day i yell at him yeah because i can tell he's a fucking you know coco i'm fucking bored out here what the fuck these people and i gotta say hey listen you ain't here for a fucking social life for god fucker you're here to hit the fucking books you know so last night he called me and i'm like

what's this fucking noise and he goes i'm gonna start bucks because the wi-fi and i do them don't work and i gotta do this last paper of the year so i beat the kid up a little bit you know he grew up without a dad having a mother the dad broke up young so he's been raised by the grandfather and the kid uh you know i gotta push him a little bit but i always think about what fred and joy did for me i was alone man i was fucking alone and i hated going out to bars yeah and i didn't want to do blow and these people didn't do blow they didn't drink they smoked dope he smokes the guards they ate she would make a big fucking thing i was on you or you know i just had a big chocolate cake for me and you can't you can't forgive that you can't forget that no so what i

want to do for my nephew this weekend he's gonna come in uh friday he's taking the train to burbank so friday we're gonna go work out you know uh he doesn't get high he doesn't eat edibles nothing you know i gotta go tell him a story yeah i gotta tell him a few stories because some shit happened with his family that he doesn't know about he didn't i don't really think he knows what his family did for me growing up yeah he doesn't really understand what his uncle is my main his uncle went for the longest yard premiere with me his uncle's one of those guys that always believed in me no matter what was going on his uncle always said fuck you motherfucker this is cocoa he's gonna fuck it up or he you know so it's a chance for me to give back you know so

he's gonna come over friday saturday i'm taking him to the ha ha and to universal city to do a spot and then uh when they go get the hotdog man oh shit so you're more than invited and then uh sunday he's taking the train back on monday he's going back to new york because uh he's gonna it said he's done with school okay but at least i get to see him i feel bad that he couldn't come over a lot more you know the two months he was here but i was always on the road and stuff plus it's a three hour drive the way he is so uh why why is this getting you so emotional because i get a chance to give back i get a chance to do for somebody what society did for me without asking for it i didn't ask for it i didn't ask for those people to be nice to me to me

yeah they had no reason to be nice to me i wasn't uh you know i wasn't mr a fucking all american but these people didn't give a fuck obviously i i uh i feel the void in their heart and obviously they feel the void in my fucking heart so you learn you learn about life these are the things that you don't know about when you're 24 you don't know why they're happening you don't know why they're happening you're like why is this guy being nice to me why is this guy opening up his home to me you know they're gonna fuck me in the ass am i gonna wake up with a roofie with naked pictures looking at the dog's balls so and you know like i tell people in my life a lot of bad shit could have happened and it didn't you know am i lucky am i better than somebody else no i just

you know god deals cards at you what you do with those cards is up to fucking you it's a beautiful mother fucker wednesday to be alive we had any bravo on the podcast i came and woke this fucking cock sucker up let me give some shout outs to some beautiful motherfuckers here uh minnow out gomez i love you death squad everywhere you bad motherfuckers from hollum the death squad michigan grand rapids i see what you motherfuckers are doing uh andy hersh your bad motherfucking daniel canooly daniel canooly christin is a new listener i love you spit shine tommy thank you for following bobby slayton tony loquasto chris morgan you motherfuckers make this podcast by listen what do you got planned for the weekend cock licker this weekend uh got a buddy's birthday

and uh that's it what are you doing you know eat some pussy this week and finally a chick dump fucking magumba so now you got a chance now you got no more fucking stories you understand but what happened with roe she's gone no she's still there you still talk to roe yeah you still send the naked pictures of yourself no i'm no naked pictures you piece of shit you fucking cock sucker will send bad to sailor anti juby so hopefully we'll give me an et and you and this broad we're gonna be a pussy i don't know by the end of the month that we think we're gonna tear this shit up this chick got a banging body people banging this chick is cute 22 her skin is still soft the toes don't smell a rass old it doesn't even have the brown around the rim it's still

fucking fresh like with the with the rap it still smells like skin jesus christ i don't know man it's uh it's a tough thing it's i'm i'm a shy guy and it's uh shy she's still live on your couch yeah oh yeah it was flying in there with a cape on where you look at you dick out that doesn't work for everybody like i like i would pass out if i tried to like you who'd come over like europe european dick on their face yet and i'm just like i'm not gonna like what is this last day of the fucking juice um and end of may may 31st so when are we eating edible together for the people oh you're gonna eat an edible for the live podcast may 29th so i don't want to hear no story so forget that shit let me tell you what's cracking you got stand up live tomorrow

on thursday may 9th then we got governors in long island the 17th and the 18th then we got testicle testament five is coming out may 28th bitches on itunes pre-order now a da 99 word on the street is this is a fucking good one then we're gonna put all five of them together and we're gonna take this on the fucking road me and lisa yad is the road manager you better not fucking slip because i'll fire you and i'll fucking replace you with a fucking white person thinking good and then uh i got fucking uh live podcasts is at the ice house may 29 10 bucks to get in i'm gonna give you two great guests i really got lined up i ain't telling you dick tickets are available six two six five seven seven eighteen ninety four i don't know what to tell you motherfucker

this was a great week and i hope you guys got something out of this week uh i know we're doing fucking great things together on the podcast we're gonna have men's shave club i just told ting to suck my dick then i want to pay no bodies motherfuckers want to spray ting fuck you take my cock cock sucker what's up with you what else is going on so i want to report on monday about you and this bro where we're at by this weekend you should at least be fingering i don't want no fucking stories cock suck enough is enough you're juicing doing all this shit for what for what for that for you for love not for love but yeah you're in love with this bro you're gonna get with a stomach you want to laugh you want to pour a little stomach and juice on her ass and

make her forget all about magoomba and you only get one shot to make her forget about magoomba you gotta eat that monkey you gotta spank you gotta spit in her mouth you gotta do all nasty things you got coming to ride balls you know look at me you're already the face cock sucker spit in her mouth you're gonna spit in the chicks mouth no then you spit make out what are you you're gonna have to know that shit what's the matter with you what's the matter with you oh everyone everyone at the live podcast wants to make you laugh wants to like make you happy so they'd always take your side no girl wants to get to spit in her mouth that's gross i talked to a girl the other night i was looking for chubby jew to spit in her mouth no i called you but

you were at work that night no you weren't yes any girl who wants to get to spit in her mouth is not a girl i want to hang out with it's fucking disgusting you better get your shit together like i said go to joey coco no joe go to joeydears.net joeydears.net get your fucking hoodie so you can wear it by yourself in the summer and sweat your balls off get the look glee get it together get the get the get the national anthem out get the national anthem out that's it i'm pissed off all right because we gotta wake these motherfuckers up it's over uh uh what else go to joeydears.net we got t-shirts there if you buy two go fuck your mother all those t-shirts they're on there go knock yourself out besides i love you guys do something for me this week all right do a

couple jump you didn't do no jumping jacksley yeah i needed you all right i'll do it right now you know me don't fucking threaten me wait wait let me see if this is a good version of the uh let's find out i have no idea what are we doing? what is this? that's the one right there that's the one that's the one get up put your hand over your heart realize where the love's coming from you filthy motherfuckers it's the united states of america where the baddest mother fuckers out there we're the koreans this week bitch making fucking guaylo cookie somewhere that's how we do it get up do a bleed do a jumping jack i swear to god i'll fuck force feed you this fucking weed right now with chopstick's cotton suck that this is what it's all about we're forgetting about how important this

fucking song is if you got a fucking problem you got a fucking problem with something put this fucking song on and get back to me you fucking douchebags i'm sick and tired of hearing your shit i'm unemployed we're back houses they're getting built all right prostitution's up eight fucking percent people are using their credit cards the fucking loans are down the people of my fucking homes again interest loans are down the fucking biggest the lowest interest percentage of my house and i don't know how many fucking years so for your obama haters and rodney and get your shit together stop blaming everything on everybody the fuck else maybe it's got to do with you it's a beautiful day to be alive get up fucking hug your fucking wife fucking

shoot a loan to her ass and become a fucking american and stop your whining i love you that was like a jewish keyword thing you're like the interest rate is down the credit card duties is up you're like it's like that's right so get it together get up and stop worrying about the shit you can't control you control what the fuck you do today it starts today may get out there cut off a fucking asian and have a great day i love you come suckers joey gillard is my main man lisa i have to find you that's all i got for you today yeah beat down brother check it out i'm about to go down take your hand and sit there as you

talk down a little city chilling in the north bay it lives to say my boys don't play fool yorkers side and you know how the song goes in the back sipping purple chongos don't look for trouble but it always seems to find us for the grip and panty sipping and the seats are right behind us quick laugh one blow ko hit the road to the next episode in the saga of a few fellas i wasn't here i guess i better tell you it's Friday night i got a brand new kit on i've had the heat for me to get back on hit the coach and come to pick up ml a west back to the hotel