Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #051 - BILL BURR - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Monday, March 29th..... Today, we talked to the Great BILL BURR..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.DraftKings.com and enter Promo Code: JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter Promo Code: JOEY or CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #BillBurr Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

Greetings from podcastville. It's Monday, the 29th of March. Where the fuck did this month go? It's just fucking fucking pushed right through. But no worries from the heart of New Jersey. The joint is brought to you by draft Kings 68 teams and the tournament. Only the best are still fucking lurking. The upsets have been fucking wild. If you would have took the $4 to forget about it, you would have La Lloyola over Illinois, Syracuse over West Virginia, Oregon over Iowa. Are you fucking kidding me? Listen, draft Kings Sportsbook is America's top rated sportsbook app, putting new customers in the center of action, not to mention it's fucking fun. Bet $1 on any tournament game. Are you listening

to me? If your team wins, you win $100. It's that simple. Joey, what are you talking about? I'm talking about $1 turning into $100. It's 100 to one odds. Pick any college basketball team that's still in the hunt for your shot at winning $100 and all it takes is a dollar bet. Fuck that fucking bottle of water. You fucking, I don't give you the thirst to death and you start seeing mirages. It's a lot better than what you're doing. $1, your team wins, you go to the next fucking game. There's no better way to put your college basketball knowledge to the test than when the draft Kings Sportsbook app. Download the top rated draft Kings Sportsbook app today. Right now, it's fucking Monday. Use promo code Joey

when you sign up to turn $1 into $100. If the college basketball team are your choosing, pulls off the fucking win. There's NBA, there's NHL, there's fucking poker, there's back or rock. I mean, listen, they got a fucking tremendous online casino and draft King is safe, secure and reliable. You withdraw your funds at your fucking convenience. So do me a favor. Seriously, download the top rated draft Kings Sportsbook app today. Use promo code Joey when you sign up to turn $1 into $100. If that college basketball team are your choosing, pulls off the win. Who's better than you? Nobody. That's code Joey to turn $1 into $100. Limited time only at draft Kings Sportsbook app. I got to hit you with the fine

print. You got to be 21 old to go chew bubblegum somewhere else, cocksucker, New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Colorado, new customers only restrictions apply. You got to see draft Kings.com slash sportsbook for details. Now, do you have a game problem? I hope not. It's not a fucking good problem to have. If you do call 1-800-GAMBLER. If you're in Indiana, call 1-800-9 with it. But if you're straight and you're looking to have a great fucking time, this is the time to download the draft Kings Sportsbook app right now. Use promo code Joey and turn a dollar into $100 fucking dollars. Draft Kings, promo code Joey right now, right now as we speak. The joint is also brought to you by CBD lion. Listen, I'm out of PT right now. I got a little muscle tear every

day. I put on my little CBD lion extra strength, unscented CBD, 1000 milligram cream. I'm on the gummy bears. If you want the capsules, they got 30 plus capsules, a thousand milligrams a piece, Kenny's theology tape, bat balls, listen, tinctures, gummies, CBD lion is top in their fucking field. How do I know? Because they brought me back from this fucking surgery. I'm happy. I'm stronger. My joints feel great. The Kenny's theology tape. I've used it to fucking death when I go to the gym or the PT. It's fantastic. Stop fucking kidding yourself. Go to CBD lion.com right now. Read, read on CBN, CBD, CBY, read on the benefits and how it could change how you're fucking feeling. Trust me when I'm telling you, this put my fucking knee tip top, Magoo, go to CBD lion.com

right now and press in Joey or church and get 20% off your order delivered right to your fucking house. I'm saving you money on a motherfucking Monday. That's how we do it. All right, go to CBD lion.com right now and press in church or Joey and get 20% off your order. Let's light this motherfucking candle. I hope the thing is long enough. There you go. Candles lit. It's Monday. Let's get this fucking body started, Jack. Greetings, cocksuckers. It's Monday. Thank you very much for checking in for Uncle Joey's joint. I had a great fucking weekend. I got to talk to you about something. We'll get to it Friday afternoon. I had to run around. I had to go to fucking my wife had to drive me to some

place for my leg and I had to go down to DMV and see about my license and do a bunch of fucking things. I had a great weekend. I got to see some family for dinner. My daughter ran around with the fucking dogs, you know, the usual shit Jersey living, but Friday we got back. I came downstairs. I was doing some Patreon stuff and whatnot. And my wife came downstairs and she goes, Listen, I got to go. I got to pick up mercy. The moms are getting together. We're all going down to one of the beaches. We're going to spend the afternoon. You're on your fucking own for dinner. I was like, fine, go have a good time. Knock it out. You know, I went. I had some shit to do around the house. I still had some boxes to go into. I threw some more shit out. You know, it was nice to have a

little breather from them. And at one point I went and I got to it was Friday, so I couldn't eat fucking meat. So I just went and got some Chinese food, a little shrimp and garlic sauce, some steamed rice and a drop soup. No big fucking deal. I came home and I said, you know what, nobody's home. I'm going to go in the backyard and I'm going to fucking smoke a bone back there. The sun was out. It was beautiful. There was a slight breeze. My wife got some backyard furniture finally. We got some furniture. Now we got a contract to build Mercy a fucking clubhouse and she's getting the dirt brought in to do a little garden. So we're just getting our shit together. Like I said, this is why I haven't even gotten a PO box because I'm still opening up boxes and

throwing shit out. But I was in the yard. It had to be about 730, just a beautiful fucking Jersey night. The sun was still out and I was looking at my yard and I'm like, how the fuck did I end up back here? Like it's been just a complete circle. You know, life is a circle. But the funny thing was that I was like, I can't believe this is mine that I saved up for 13 years for a down payment. It's been, I've been sober for 14 fucking years from that miserable fucking drug. It's not their fault. I snorted. Nobody put a gun to my head. I've been saving money and finally we scraped together, put, um, get our own house, you know, we financed it. It's not like I showed up here like Baccaru Banzai and just wrote a check. We pay cat. No, we financed it like anybody else. But

the point of this whole story is that look, so look at what happens when you get involved. Look at what happens when you get involved. Okay. I got involved, you know, I got a lot of emails, 20 to 32 year olds. Listen, man, as far as I'm concerned, you're fucked. Your life is fucked at that age. I know I thought my life was fucked at that age. You keep trying stuff. You move in with your family. You move back out. You got a shithead roommate. Life is a struggle. But the most important thing is that you keep fucking pushing every day, you know, and eventually you find something that's your passion and you fucking start from the bottom and you keep pushing and you get the way you want to go eventually or you quit whatever the fuck your decision is.

But you tried. That's the most important thing, you know, my game of the guitar that I know I tried. I'm still playing it. Am I looking to be in a band and start fucking Motley Crude too? No, I'm just looking to fucking play the guitar. You know, it doesn't have to be a thing, but I was just so happy that I got involved in something that I found something I love to bring me to the end of this fucking journey that I loved it. I was very fortunate. I felt in love with something, you know, when I listened, I retweeted that Joe Rogan thing a couple weeks ago and I listened to it like four times before I retweeted it and that's exactly how I felt at 25. I felt that my guidance counselor had lied to me. I felt that I had been lied to, you know,

that I was not prepared to deal with the world, which I was not at 25 and most of yous aren't. Some of yous are, I say 60% of yous are. I wasn't and 40% aren't you. We just weren't prepared for the things that were thrown at us, whether it was mentally because we were doing drugs or weaknesses, whatever, you know, but I'm very happy that I found a passion because if you get into something that you don't like and you're making money and you keep don't liking it, that's when you start getting fat. Your wife starts spitting out kids. She's not the fucking model she was. She's 400 pounds. Every time you go home, she's dipping fucking chips and onion dip, you know, your life goes to shit. You have no control over it and you fucking die. That's it. I was so self-conscious of that

when I was 25. I'm like, man, I got to find something that I like. That's the most important thing. It ain't prison. I went to prison at 25. I didn't like that motherfucker. I never went back. Did I? No. So what I'm trying to say to you is if you're in that age group, you find something and you don't know where it's going to lead you. You might start as an announcer, as a comic and end up as a fucking TV host. You never know where this journey's going to go, but if you don't try, you're never going to get there. That's, it's that simple. This takes me to the story. In 1997, I had done a spot at the store. I didn't have a fucking car. I had to walk home. I was probably staying at Stan Hope's or Josh Wolf's house or fucking whatever. Who knows where I was staying,

but the comedy store is down on the west side of Sunset and you have to walk past like the laugh factory. So I said, let me stop it. It was a Sunday night. I'll never forget this. I said, let me stop in there and see what the fuck is going on. So I stepped into the laugh factory. It wasn't my club. The owner didn't like me at the time. You know, I was new in town. He said I was more of a club back than I accepted it. I already was getting spotless to the store. I just peep my head in. God knows why. Maybe I was there to see Ralphie. Who knows? When I walked out of that bump into a kid that I had known, he was a funny fucking guy, but he seemed a little down and I talked to him a little bit and I asked him what was the problem. And he said that they had cancelled

the show he was on. He was on a superb fucking show. I forget the name of it. Doesn't really matter with a superb fucking cast. It's one of those shows that should have made eight years. Like when you look at it in hindsight, it should have been on for eight years, but something, it just slipped through the cracks. And this young man was a little, you know, like, you know, bewildered that he thought his career was over. And I remember talking to him and going, you know, bro, you're just getting started. So what? Your show went down. Look at all these people that their shows went down. Fucking, you know, Tom Rhodes and Margaret Chell and Greg Harald, though, they all kept pushing. Just, it's just a bump in the road and you keep moving.

He's like, fuck this. I'm moving back to New York. And I, he moved back to New York and I kept a loose tab on him. I always knew he was fucking funny as fuck. At the time that I think he was going to be a star where he had already been on TV. So he was well on his way. He had a lot more shit going on than I did. And over the years, I didn't see him. You know, I was doing my thing. And then one time I bumped into him on a plane and we had a fucking interesting chat and he even got me a fucking agent right before the longest shard, which I fucked up and whatever. But my point is he went back to New York. He didn't cry. He didn't, whatever. He just picked up the pieces and started all over again. And then I started seeing him on the Dave Chappelle show.

And he was killing it on there. And then, you know, I just fucking kept hearing his name. And next thing, you know, I'm working with him different nights at the store and I'm watching this powerhouse that I had seen 15 years earlier on a bad night thinking that his career was over. And now he became one of the best fucking comics there is. In my world, Doug Stanhope is the Lenny Bruce of our comedy right now. This is the situation we're in. But to me, the best comedian working today, I love Joe Rogan. I love Dave Chappelle. I love John Mulaney. I love a bunch of comics. But when I talk about pure comedy, I think the best comic working today is Bill Burr. And I got him on the show today. I hope you enjoy this interview.

Thank you for watching. Bill Burr. Hey, what's going on? How are you, my brother? I'm great. Thank you for taking the time. It's great to see you. Yeah, dude, you look happy as hell, man. Jersey was treating you right. It was time, Bill. I'm an East Coast guy, 23 years. I miss my friends in Austin. You know, I miss Joe and stuff, but it was time to fucking bring it on home. That's it. Oh, yeah. But I mean, you're also like you're still in show business. You got New York right up the street. I don't get, I get if you get a hundred million dollars going to Texas, but like, I don't know. I don't know what those other guys are doing. I want to tease them so bad

and just be like, dude, you guys are literally one argument from being out of show business. Yeah. Everybody's one argument out of being out of show business. Yeah, maybe there's some truth to that. You are. You have been fucking killing it lately. Just killing me, killing me for the last three months. You've been keeping me alive. Oh, thank you. Just little things you're saying. My wife loves you on the Disney show. And I'm like, I gotta get, you know, I actually miss you, Bill. With all my heart, I miss watching in the hallway alone and watching the other comics. And it's just been, I'm trying to think the last time we hung out, we went, we were at that Guns and Roses show at the Palladium, right? Oh my God. And the chick passed out and I kept. Oh,

I left before that. Oh, you left before the chick passed out. Yeah. They were a little late going on and my shit was I got, you know, my wife was pregnant. So I was about to have two kids. So I was just like, I had a curfew. I was 1230. I am out. I am out. I think we both left out the Pink Floyd, the wish you were here. Once I heard that part, I saw the, I saw, I think I saw like a half dozen songs, but I had just seen them outside of Paris. It was just so happened. I was, I was gigging in Europe and then me and my wife went to France or whatever. And they were, they were coming through and I got to see them. I got to see that tour. So the Palladium thing was just like a bonus. It was tremendous. But it was, it was really cool to see them on the Sunset

Strip though, you know, where they sort of, you know, at least those original guys cut their teeth back when that scene was there with Duff slash and Axel. So yeah, it was cool. It was that was the best concert I had been to. You know, I started going back to concerts about two years ago when that concert was fucking tremendous. It blew me away. I didn't know they were that good, but that's 30 years, no, bro. That's 30 years. Well, that's what more than that. More than that. 30 years, 30. Yeah, it was like 32, 33 years since they made it. So all the years they played just to be good enough to make it. Plus all of those things. I was watching a thing last night about, I was like a little documentary about the Metallica Guns N' Roses tour that they

did together, which was, you know, I would have thought that they both could have done in arenas by themselves. I mean, they still can't. It's kind of crazy. They both can still do that. And they got on tour together and they, they was just sort of talking about how like no one thought that this tour was going to work. I want to say though, that was the one where Hetfield got burned. Right. Some pyrotechnics went off at the wrong time. Just got basically hit with a flamethrower. I mean, that's just, my God. It's going hand me probably back like two weeks later. Yeah, that guy's a fucking savage Hetfield. They don't give a fuck about anything. That was a good night though. At the Palladium. I had never been there before. Like I had never been there before at all.

So for me, I just used to drive by and I would see different people, but that night was just tremendous. My wife got a kick out of it. It was seeing you was great. We're laughing. There was a girl next to me. Oh, that's right. That's right. I remember her. There was couches up there. There was couches. She was passed out before Guns N' Roses even went on, I think. Even went on. She was yelling and screaming the whole hour because guns went on like at 1030. We got there at 845. Guns was supposed to hit the stage at nine, I think, at 10. They were an hour late. And it was just, I went to see Aerosmith in 81 when they were just done, Bill. And I know you're a Boston guy. I fucking love Aerosmith. I fucking love them and they were

done. Joe Perry had left. Yeah, Jimmy, like Joe, Jimmy Crispo or something. Yeah, something I had was filling in. He had the Joe Perry project. Yes. And I went to see him open up for heart at Radio City. So I felt bad. Like I love Joe Perry. I said, let me go see fucking Aerosmith. Was that like a, like a fucking, like a little convention thing. It was like 300 people. Tyler was so fucking hammered, but there was a guy in front of me that was on heroin and he kept nodding with a cigarette. And there were chicks with those things from the fucking 80s that they would wear in the summer. A halter top. A tube top. And every time he'd fall asleep with the cigarette, I'd push him into the girls and he'd burn the girls back and the girls would turn

around and smack them. And he'd go right already. All right. And then he finally would do it again. I'd push him into the girl. He burnt that same girl, possibly nine times. And then after one of those nods, Bill Burr, he just fell to the floor and everybody started kicking him during the concert. And that was the end of him. That was it. And then somebody punched even Tyler in the face. Oh, this is one of these shows. This is how the show ended. He went, he had the microphone. He put it out to the audience to sing the scarves. Somebody grabbed the scarves. You don't put the microphone out in Jersey. You do that in Ohio where there's nice people, you know what I'm saying? And they started going back and forth. Finally, he just threw the thing and he dove

into the fucking audience and people were wailing on him. And Steven, not on the guy who grabbed the mic. Was he given a bad show or something? It was a horrible show. And what happened was somebody threw a joint at him. He took the joint, lit it and threw like flicker at somebody. And people were like, what the fuck is going on with you, Steven Tyler? So you know how they pulled them out of that? They had to get him by his neck from the stage and pull him up. And as he was going up, somebody just laid the last tour de France on him and they clocked him. He got on on the stage and he ran into the back and that was it done with mirrors. That was 81. On for that night. Nothing. Whitford had gone with the singer from Ted Nugent and they started

their own band and Joe Perry went and started his own project was wasn't that good either. To be honest with you. And I love Joe Perry. But that's that was my last fucking good concert story. You know, now I'm around the corner from Jimmy Florentine. You do know that, right? Yeah, I'm six houses away from the Joey Diaz project. We're gonna start on rhythm guitar. I just picked up the guitar too. I took my third guitar lesson last week. So I'm making changes. Yeah, my friend. I have to tell you something Jersey is good for you. This is the happiest I've ever seen the look you had that I guess all the years I knew you had that I'm in LA look. Oh, and I think it really hit me to 2016 was like I'm on a fucking Ferris wheel

that I can't get off. It's not fun anymore. It wasn't fun. The store was still fun. I love going to the store and Neil Brennan doesn't want to follow me. So he would complain to Adam every week about I'm not following Diaz and then he would come up to me, Bill Burr and say to me, Bill, he would say, and I love Neil Brennan. I'm not putting them down. He would come up to me and go, are you going to do a civilized normal set tonight? I swear to God, Bill Burr, are you going to have any snow? He told me, he goes, are you going to have any structure in your set tonight? Civilized. So I would go up to him before like Tuesdays, he hated to follow me. So he would get there like an hour before. If I was a minute late, he would jump on. He'd be so fucking happy.

But when he'd see me, he would see his head go down and I'd go up to him and I'd go, Neil, when are you going to teach me how to write? I want to write like you don't you have like a teaching style, a class that you can teach me. He never invited me down to his room, nothing, because he hated to follow me. Then he just stopped coming on Tuesdays. Yeah, but you got it. That's that's something you can't run from that. Dude, I had like, I had that. Everybody has that. I had that with, I had that with fucking Crystalia for a while. It was just like, well, Bill can follow Crystalia, right? Which all right, but it was just like, I don't want to do that work every night. Why don't I get to come in and lean on the

mic stand and come out here guns a blazing like it's fucking eight o'clock, nine o'clock Saturday night on a fucking Tuesday. And I felt myself starting to not like him. And then I immediately shut that down because I'm older and wiser to be like, no, no, no, you're getting upset because this guy's making you work. This is going to make you better. And it's great for comedy that there's a killer like this coming up. So that's one of the worst things you can do as, as a young comic is to like, I mean, you can have the anxiety and all that type of thing, but you have to face it. You have to face it. And then when you get older and there's the young bucks coming up, you have to look at that as a positive thing that's going to keep you sharp.

It's going to keep you, you know, uh, uh, you know, on point. And then also the younger guys keep you mean not young, but they keep you contemporary. It's the reason why guys like Voss and Don Myrera can still do a show in front of 20 somethings. And me at this point, I'm in my fifties. It's because you, if you stay around young comics, you know, you're still at your age, but being around them keeps you up on what's going on. You just, you just stay with like, with like your perspective. Like I went on in front of a really young crowd the other night. There's this new room out here that's sort of like the new Dublin's man. It's crazy. Like, you know, celebrities are starting to show up to it and shit. It's funny, but it was

just started off as this little parking lot show, but they did just, you know, they're paying comics and it's, it's like, you know, uh, they're getting good comics. So people coming down, words get now. So I was up there last night, uh, or two nights ago, I went up there and I was making fun of them, but also complimenting their generation about like, I understand what they're going through. You know, just, I can't imagine in my twenties, when this is what I'm supposed to get everything out before I get married and then got to act like I never did any bad shit in front of my kids. Like they, they are like quarantined during this, how difficult that fucking is and how, when what, how little is left of the American dream. It's like, I get it. There's not a lot of meat left.

I just kind of went that thing while being the old guy yelling at them for leaving their fucking scooters all over the place. So they kind of got like that sort of angry old man in the yard thing while I was complimenting, but it was one of those things by performing in front of them. They were keeping me younger as far as like where my mindset was, but like why they liked me was, I wasn't trying to act like I understood their music or those stupid ass fucking scooters or whatever the hell it is they're doing. I, I was able to relate to them while still being an old bastard and, um, I got that great. You know that thing beyond laughter where you, you're connected to them. Absolutely. Yeah. There's the funny joke. Ha, ha, ha. And then there's this, that, that, yes,

fuck. I thought it was just me. That laugh is my favorite laugh other than, uh, you know, these idiots who, who, you know, feel like your whole act should be tailored to whatever their politics are. Those people, their look of disgust when I'm on stage fills me up like Christmas, Joey. Brother, what you're doing is just, it is hilarious. And you know, comics are supposed to say what other people feel like and don't have the balls to say. That's the blueprint that I was introduced to when I started last Sunday night. You're supposed to go up there and say what you think is funny. And it's in, it's, it's like nobody owns the, uh, the medium or the art, whatever you call it, a standup comedy. It's, it's however you want to do it. It'd be like,

what they're doing or trying to do this really small group of people, because so much of the noise is people at this point be like, good, fuck, cancel culture. And they would just not do that and let these idiots make their little comments and not respond. It just sort of disappears. But like, um, I just, I always felt like what they're trying to do to comedians would be like, if you walked up to a musician and told them what chords they were supposed to play in what sequence. Look, you can, you can write a song from here to here using these chords and these notes. But if you use this chord, that means you're whatever is kind of what they're doing. Now imagine doing that to your musician and you can't even sing and you can't even play guitar. That's what they're

trying to do. It's like, you don't know what's funny. You don't know what, what I can and can't talk about. Who the fuck are you? Here's a microphone. You do five minutes and let me see if I want you to be my mentor, but I get to decide. Let me tell you something. Nobody. I don't know. Listen, you're from Boston. No, I'm not from the suburbs, whatever. Boston kids in Boston were fucking lunatics. You're from a nice family. I would say suburbs. You're not here from a nice family. You're cultured. I've seen you act. You're polite. How fucking brutal are those piano solos for guys like you and me to sit? Like when you see people in tuxedos, I was talking about on the podcast last week, people in tuxedos and they're

sitting there and they're watching some dude on a violin or like a piano solo and they're making believe like they're into it. You're not into it. You cannot be into it. You can be, but it's the scene that you shouldn't be into. But listening to a musician playing any instrument at the top of their game, I could listen to that all day long. I'm not going to sit there with ruffles on with a big fan fan myself. Right. And going, you know, like that shit. I'm still going to dress like the, yeah, I'm going to take out my lighter. Yeah. You came out and said, listen to the guitar, the piano solo, I died, whatever the fuck. I was rolling when I saw that Monday morning. I lived for that shit. People don't know that the Grammy thing. I was fucking wrote, Bill, you have just

been the thing about that. That wasn't saying that was a bad piece of music. No, hell of a fucking thing to have to go. Like that's the comedy thing. And like, we're all out here because all those babies died and we're going to raise money tonight. All right, your first community is just like, dude, what the fuck? We know why we're here. You're killing me. So it was actually, you know, in a roundabout way, I was complimenting the guy who was playing the piano because he played it so well. He created that mood so perfectly that there was nothing I could do other than address the hole that he, you know, not on purpose put me in. I was reading some of the tweets, you know, the respond like, Oh my God, what is, why is he there? Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? It's

a joke. No, but that's a decent point. Why am I there? The fact that a comedian who's totally completely tone deaf and can't even play a fucking ukulele or a kazoo, not saying a ukulele is easy to play before you fucking hipster douches get mad. Yeah, how can I be eligible to win a Grammy? I mean, they have to come up with these beautiful pieces of music that make the world dance and think about love and all that shit. And I'm up there with like shit jokes, you know, but what do they fucking expect? The producers had to hire you and go, we need a little levity in this fucking thing. Let's get Bill Burr up there to break the ice a little bit, just something. What do they expect is gonna come out of your mouth, brother? I had, I had a meltdown before I went in to go do

that thing. I get freaked out by certain things that I feel are too big. First of all, I thought I was going to be on TV. I didn't know I was on the pre internet fucking me standing in a warehouse in Burbank and not the undercard. You were on the undercard. Yeah, you are on the undercard of a fucking main card like you're on the undercard. Those fights they show after. Yeah, if the main event went too quick and like, Oh, yeah, here's some shit that happened six hours ago. Yeah, I had no idea. I went out about a Tom Ford suit blew all this fucking money. And so but I thought I was going to be on the the thing with the Daily Show guy. And I was like, so I was freaking out being like, Okay, so there's going to be because there's gonna be like 2000

people there spread out 2000 people in the fucking Staples Center. I'm gonna feel like I'm in a giant coffee house eating my balls. And the suit was supposed to be delivered. I had the wrong number. I'm trying to take my wife out to dinner. And I was just like, Oh, I don't want to fucking do this. I didn't ask to do this. I didn't even submit for this thing. I didn't submit for this. Now I got to go down there where there's fucking monkey suits. I was already freaking out and like as always, as always, I build it up like it's going to be fucking horrific and everybody's gonna hate me and I'm gonna have to go home and live with my parents again. And then I went in there and I had a fucking ball. The pre the pre Grammy show is where it's at.

I was making the camera crew laugh. The other hosts were hilarious. We were over there just having a fucking great time. And I would do it anytime they wanted. As long as it's the pre Grammy show, I don't want to be on the real one. Now, the pre one out in Burbank, that's the party. That's where it's at. You go to the fucking the real one, then you got to deal with these people who are upset that they didn't get enough nominations or they didn't get nominated. And they're sitting there sulking, even though they already sold a zillion albums, which was really disappointed. You know, I really liked the weekend. You know, this is probably gonna damage his street cred that I like him. But just to see that guy be that into that award. I know there's

other, you know, shit involved. But like at some point, you got to be like, look, dude, I'm an adult. Am I going to get upset because I'm not going to get a trophy? Like what am I in fucking Little League? You got to carry yourself with a little bit of fucking arrogance. Like, I don't need just shiny thing to sit here and validate that my shit jokes exist. It's so crazy what we feel. Like my, for me, one of the best days of my life was when I'm telling you this honestly, was when I tweeted the picture of the guy I kidnapped with me at a show, I put, you know, 30 years ago, I kidnapped them. Now we're friends. And I saw these stories that makes me feel like the cops are going to kick in the nuts. I saw the chicks back. I'm just like, okay, little less details. I'm

laughing because I saw a tweet from Bill Burr retweeted it. You retweeted that you. It's a picture of me with a guy. And I go, I had kidnapped this guy 30 years ago. And now he came to my show. I really did kidnap him and do time for it. And now he came back to my show when I saw that you retweeted that it brought fucking I was so happy that I put a smile on your face on a Monday morning. But now let's take this story. Three years later, I take it seriously. I didn't think you really kidnap them, kidnap them and went to jail. Oh, no, I kidnapped them, put them in a trunk, the whole fucking thing, Uzi machine gun, the whole Miami vice setup. Now, what kind of car did you have? You must have had an old fucking lead sled if you could get them in the car. I didn't have a

car. I drove a demo for a car company. I was a salesman. My accomplice had like a fucking Malibu or something. And we put a great kidnap car, great kidnap car. The problem is he got caught in a neighborhood driving with no headlights on. And they pulled them over and they heard in the trunk. I wasn't in the car. So they had to come looking for me the cops. But that's not what this is about. This is about that. I actually kidnapped somebody. That's one of the nine predicates. Like kidnapping is fucking serious. That's not you got at least 20 years for that. No, you supposed to but it wasn't really kidnapped. It was second degree burglary. But they charge you heavy. Because kidnapping is basically moving somebody from one room to another without consent,

their consent. So if I say to you, Bill, get in the fucking bedroom with a gun, that's already kidnapping. So I didn't know that I didn't watch law and order at that time. See, now I'm up on the fucking laws. Now I know that you can't now you say, Bill, sitting that chair in this room. No, I would not. I would. That's kidnapping, too. You know, like people don't know that you can't curse on an open line from state to state. If I call you up from California to New York and I go, Bill, fuck you. You can actually press charges on me. You can't curse on an open line on a phone. A lot of people don't know that. But regardless of that, now that we're half hour to the zoom thing, what about this? No, we we we can get thrown under the fucking jail for this. But what I'm getting back

to you at that is what that I kidnapped somebody and then three years later, you're on the phone with me asking me because they wanted to cancel me for laughing at, you know, for saying I got my dicks like 23 years ago on the Rogan podcast. And then you call me and say, Hey, can you call the dogs off or whatever was going on with our mutual friend? They were canceling me for something. I did. That's right. That was the media. I loved everybody involved in that. So yes, you did. So but the Thanksgiving dinner, settle down. We're all friends. We're all friends. Look at this spread. Let's call off the dogs. I made special stuffing. But it's so weird that so you want to cancel me for telling a story that Joe Rogan laughed about. But nobody cared

about that poor bastard in the trunk of the car. I don't understand that. I thought I never understood this. You're preaching to the choir. I never understood this. So me doing all those burglaries all those years and me robbing and doing coke and going to jail. That doesn't bother you. But me saying that I got a blowjob at the comedy store upstairs 23 years ago. What you're talking about is the narrative. The narrative. What has to happen is what you do has to be outside the narrative. If it's outside the narrative, you can pretty much do whatever you want to do. If what you do is within the narrative, did somebody just walk by a mirror on my on my trip in here? Yeah, no, no, you're okay.

If what you do, there it is again. I think your house is haunted. If what you do is within the narrative, then you have to be on the what they decided is the right side of the double line of the narrative. If you go on the other side of the street, then they will destroy your career. So the reality is, is they don't give a shit about other people. They give a shit about themselves. And because that that's where their empathy lies, they are astoundingly and ironically can be unbelievably sexist, reverse racist and everything that they are allegedly fighting. And what's so funny is they don't see it. And I could bring up some of examples that happened to me, but I don't want to drag other people into it. But there was shit where,

you know, stuff that they were going after happened to me. But because it happened to me, and I didn't fit the narrative, nobody gave a shit. And would ignore that and then talk about three minutes earlier in my act, that didn't fit the narrative and trash me and try to cancel me for that. So it's just like you guys are doing the thing I always say it's a it's a fucking buffet line. It's a buffet line. They're just walking down picking whatever fits their thing. You know, I had a friend of mine. They tried to cancel this person for an analogy for an analogy they didn't agree with. Nothing, you know, racist homophobic, whole checklist, nothing. It was an analogy that they did not agree with. So it's, it's like, you know, I just saw a thing that there

was a guy, a dad up in Canada. His, his daughter identifies as a boy, right? I don't forget how old or whatever, right? So the daughter wants to transition. The mother's cool with it. The dad isn't. So because he's publicly been speaking out against and also not referring to this person as him or whatever pronouns they want, they were talking about putting him in jail. And it's like, that's one of those things where it's like, when I look at that thing, it's like everybody involved is going through some sort of trauma and you have to have empathy for the whole thing. You gotta have empathy for that. I can't imagine being born one sex. You identify as the other. What a mind fuck that is. So you have to have empathy for that. But there's also another empathy

where it's just like, you know, like, I think there's degrees. You got to get people like this, like this is the person's dad and the way you love a child and your idea what they are. I mean, give the guy a minute to fucking process it where it's just like, you know, if I just met that person and they said, Hey, hi, I'm transitioning, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I could yeah, okay, cool, whatever. But then, you know, then there's other levels. If I worked with you for fucking five years, and all of a sudden you, Joey will become a Josephina, there's going to be a period of what what the fun is all the conversation we have and proud. How did I never see that? Wherever you are on that whole spectrum of dealing with it is what you should be allowed

to go through. I mean, the guy is not like, you know, he's just he's not there yet. And I just don't see how putting the guy in prison is going to like solve like he's going to go to jail and be like, Oh, now I'm open minded. Now I got it. Now I'm empathetic. I get it. There's something about coming in here and having to make a shank out of my toothbrush and try not get raped in the ass that I now understand this. It's like, that guy needs help. He needs counseling. So I'm confused with him. I'm also not a lawyer. I don't live in Canada. I don't see how grabbing this guy by the back of his throat, the back of his neck and throwing him into his cell. You know, it's it's, I feel like that is that is an unbelievable thing for everybody involved in

to deal with and everybody should be entitled to their emotions. And as long as they are working towards a common ground, I feel like it should be handled privately. It's like none of my fucking business. Like I certainly wouldn't chastise nor am I right now chastising anybody involved or even Canada for, I guess, putting this guy in jail. If this is even a real story, it's like, I'm just like saying that that's a that's a that's a it's a hell of a quagmire there. I got, I got to ask you a question. The real reason why I wanted to talk to you was because of your recent, I see a different Bill Burr. I see a Bill Burr. We've all grown from this. We've all changed from this. But I can see from during this time period, this pandemic,

okay, you know, everything being shut down. We've got the kidnapping, the Canada, no, the guy in the mirror, that's poor Bruce Lee, you know, he had an aspirin died. What are you gonna do? But I see your attitude. I see your attitude lately. I don't know if you're doing this. If you're aware of it, you are uncancellable. You don't give a fuck if they cancel you, just like me. But you're true. I want to sell tickets. I know you still want to sell tickets and you always will sell tickets. You're uncancellable because of the way you're holding yourself up as a man. You don't give a fuck. I give a fuck too, but we're not supposed to as comics. No, no, I don't go out and try. I'm not going to be like, I don't set out to like fucking hurt

people. I'm just trying to make you laugh. That's it. That's me too. But my thing is just like, yeah, it's just like, Joey, if you came up and criticized my act, I'm going to listen to you. You're a comedian. You know what I mean? It's just like, and here's the thing too, if these people come up to me and I was in a bad mood and I let my emotions get the best of me, and I was really trying to be malicious and hurt somebody, then I am in the wrong and I would 100 percent apologize. But you know, if you ask a comic what they meant by it's like, I was just joking around and then you try to tell me that no, you weren't, then you're basically saying that you know what I'm thinking more than I do. I mean, I get there paranoia because there's a lot of,

you know, there's people that are like, Oh no, I didn't mean it that way. There's passive aggressive thing in my heart of hearts. I'm not fucking doing that. I'm definitely like, you know, I like, you know, the deal, if I'm going up in front of a bunch of cops, I'm making fun of cops. I mean, that's just a comedy thing. I did that once. I'm doing the Grammys and oh, we just played this beautiful sad piece of music. I'm going to make fun. I mean, that's what I'm going to do. It's what I'm going to do. That's my fucking job. It's, and you're laughing because it is so ridiculous. But that guy played was a beautiful piece of music that fit this mood for me to walk on and do what I do. After what he did,

the joke is just laying there waiting to be told. And it's just a fucking joke. It's not like, I don't respect that guy. And I don't think he should have a Grammy. None of that. It's just me doing my job, which is being a fucking idiot. I wish people understood this for what it was. And they're not. And they're turning into something else. And it just, it doesn't make sense to me either. It never made sense to me. I don't, I don't even like talking about because it's so few people. It's so few people. It's so few people. And I find those types of people, ironically, are some of the most like closed off, walled off. There is only one way. There is my way. Like they're like these little dictators of thought. And they can't even handle that somebody

they don't like. And they fucking fuck up 80% of their career still wants to go to some chuckle hut and tell tickets sell, you know, whose jokes and sell some tickets, they can't handle that there's 200 people that want to go see him do it. They're trying to make those 200 people not get to go. And that's what for me, it gets like, now wait a minute, like now you're kind of you're fucking with the whole thing that's supposed to be freedom. I get that you don't want to go see him. I get or her, I get that a bunch of people don't so don't go. But this person still has a right to be like, hey, I'm going to do my little song and dance here. It's so fucked up. It's like the fact that the clan can still march. You know, but if you get in the crosshairs of these people, you can't go

tell your shit jokes in the middle of fucking nowhere is like, you still can't. But I mean, they're acting like like they're I don't know that that it's even in my situation, you literally you're literally becoming. I mean, isn't a lot of this like about abuse of power and that type of stuff. It's just like, I think you're kind of abusing your power at that point where just this the whole the whole idea of it, the whole idea, the whole thing I've got to be honest with you is it's more fascinating than frustrating. Because I it's the thing, those people that try to cancel you, I don't really I don't hate them either. I find them confusing. I find them confusing. I pray for them. I don't think that they're bad

people. I just think that there's something there's a void there. I don't know what the fuck. I always feel like if I hung out with them, you give me 15 minutes and you'd like me. And you'd also see that your perception of me is probably 180 from what you thought. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's also so much of doing stand up at least the way I do it is trying to keep people at bay and trying to keep you away from me because of the way I grew up and the time that I grew up people got in close they hurt you so you you get this walled off thing and some people get that out by playing music. Some people get that out by acting. Some people get it out writing. There's a bunch of working out all of those shit. I get it out by going on stage, finding out what bothers

you and then talking about it and getting you right to the point where you think I'm going to say something fucked up and then I don't but other people's lines are different. So they might think that I cross it whatever but it's just like I'm just fucking around. I'm just fucking around. So yeah, that's it. There's nothing. There's really nothing happening here. Nothing. What's the house of family? Oh, they're awesome. Well, my daughter's got the sniffles right now. So I gotta wear I'm in downstairs here but I gotta wear like a mask in my house to make sure you know nobody gets sick. So right now I'm just you know, I'm getting ready. I got a little gonna do some my one of my last Zoom shows. I think I'm gonna do a Zoom show

for New Zealand and Australia and so I can hit the ground running. So my axe ready, you know, I got the vaccine two days ago. Both shots. I got one suffiza. Okay, I got the first one. So I feel fine. I didn't get sick or anything. My arm was a little bit sore but I had an older brother so I grew up with the sore shoulder. I was kind of used to that. So but yeah, it doesn't like this was I got it on Friday. It's six o'clock so it's a day and a half later. You'll be fine on this one. It's the second one they say that knocks you down for 10 hours, 12 hours, whatever, you know, you just but I also feel like that that also comes comes down to how well you've been eating, how many, you know, weight weight, you know, taking your vitamins and getting your sleep.

I bet you're on the shorter end of what's going to happen. By the way, dude, I've been straight edge this whole fucking month. Which means no drinking, no drugs. No, not I was a big drug guy, but like I quit drinking in 2018. And then gradually over the year and a half, I just sort of replaced it with eating gummies. And I just sort of realized, I told this story, I took mushrooms for the first time. I heard that's what we were getting to that. Yeah. And I, you know, I had the giggles and you know, I didn't take a like crazy trip and but shit definitely looked like it was breathing. You know, the toilet looked like it was breathing the TV looked like it was getting bigger and bigger and was going to fall on me like shit like that, which was kind of you know,

it was fun. Did your wife know you were on them? Yes. And was she on them? Listen, listen, I decline to answer that on the grounds that might incriminate somebody. You got it. So I after about there was about four hour trip, about two hours in, I just had this profound sense of loneliness, exact opposite. I guess what you're supposed to feel not being loved. And yeah, I just that's what I felt lonely and not love. So I'm laying in bed, I'm looking at my wife and I'm thinking like, Jesus Christ, did I marry the wrong person? You know, which when you're married, you mean you think that every like five and I don't think every five days now it's more like once a month but back when I was more volatile, every two, three days fucking screaming yelling like it was all me,

right? But I was like, All right. Wait a minute, let me think about my kids, because that's a no brainer. I know I love my kids and I know my kids love me and I thought about them and I still felt it. Same feeling. So I was like, All right, so this isn't that this isn't this isn't them. This is me. What the fuck is this? And I just laid there thinking about it, you know, and I was like, Oh, shit, this is what I felt like growing up. And this is what I've been running from for the entire 30 years since I became an adult, you know, drinking and and and fucking getting an arguments with people and just trying to achieve shit and just just trying to just keep keeping the smoke behind me. And this was just sort of like, you got to turn around and steer

back into that and you have to do it without an altered mind, because that is not helping you. And it's affecting the people around you in a negative way. So I, you know, I went back to therapy. I was already in therapy. So now I sort of know, you know, like this, like, you know, having a glass of wine, I haven't a gummy or something like that is you I was never doing that for the right reasons. Like I had like this, like I always just been like fucking like a car that's been idling a little too high, burning through the fuel. And I've always had like this, like that's where I was because that's you had to be on your toes. I was basically in the fight or flight mindset for I don't know how many years like when I was a kid, I had like fucking alopecia.

And that happened like right through my adult year, I was losing like a compé hair somewhere because I was just my body was like just so in like this, this mindset. So now I'm sort of learning how to I read this, I started reading this book, the verbally abusive relationship. And I thought the whole time I was going to be reading it that I'd be like, oh, that's so and so. And this is so and so and that's that teacher ahead, but blah, blah, blah. And I was reading it going like, oh, shit, I do that page two. And been there before as much as but it made me feel good though that I was seeing myself in the book as is painful as it is to see that you have those elements. What I liked was I wasn't in my past anymore. You know, thinking about fucking shit that happened

to me when I was eight that like, you know, when I really had like this, this thought at one point when I was thinking about all the shit that happened to me when I kid is that my perception of it is not reality. And the people that I talked to their perception of it is not reality because it's somewhere in the middle. Because when you're a kid, like literally somebody walking up to your bicycle and taking a knife and stabbing the back tire and letting the air out that you that is your universe. That is like somebody just attacked you everything that is you your freedom your whole fucking thing. It's not till you get older. It's like it's a fucking bike, man. You know, those kids are kind, you know, whatever, go buy a new tire and a tube. It's literally this big.

But when you're a kid, it's from here to the fucking moon. So the weight that you put on adults when you're a kid is not fair to the adults. And I think that's something that a lot of people have a problem myself included getting past like, how could you not know that if you did this that that was going to affect me that way? How did I not know because I had fucking 10 kids and I was going to work every day gone, Jesus Christ, we're all going to go to college someday that I made some flippant remark or I did some stupid shit that I thought was funny. But to you was fucking devastating. So they're wrong. And I'm wrong. It's somewhere in the middle. Yeah, that was a fucking joke. And that gets back, probably to the cancel culture thing. That maybe I'm a little

wrong. And they're a little wrong when the reality is in the middle. And I don't think that the fucking solution is that someone has to be disintegrated. And then that somebody one person's perception of it is is what it is. It isn't. It's the same thing with fucking politics, these fucking people watch CNN all day, or they watch Fox News all day, and that becomes your fucking universe. And you literally lose the ability. I had a buddy mine the other day. The other day, he's one of these guys all the time is saying Bill, that's not you know, Trump isn't racist or fucking, you know, this that that thing where that guy went in and shot those those Asian women, or people at the massage bar at the spa. Yeah, I don't think it was

racially motivated. It's just like, I was just like, All right, it's just like, do you understand how funny it is that you're going to tell a race of people that you're not what they're feeling should be? Like, I always love the white guys going, Yeah, Trump isn't racist. It's just like great. So somehow all of those black people are getting their own experience wrong day to day. But you as a white person who has never been them, and had to deal with a white guy like that you that you you have the inside scoop. And I think that that all the people do that, including these so called woke people. Like it's a really I think it's an astoundingly arrogant mindset to be in to walk around. First of all, to call yourself woke. It's like shouldn't somebody from an impoverished

group be telling you that rather than you just putting those stripes on your sleeve? I I I night myself woke. Are you woke? No, nobody. No, me neither. Nobody. I don't want to be moak. Everybody if all of our if every if I always used to do this joke in my act, if all of your texts were made public tomorrow, could any of you go to work on Monday? If every thought you ever you had during the course of the day, there's no fucking way you're not getting canceled. Think about the times you've just driven down the street going, Oh, look at that chick. Look at that hot chick. And it turned out to be a dude. Or the other times you mean, Oh, look at the ass on her. And then you're like, Oh, shit, I didn't know she was that young. I'm just not alone. Done. Think about the

things like racially, how you've perceived shit. This all goes on in your fucking head. And these woke people act like they don't do that. Act like they are always just walking around. And they they every perception that they have is right. I know that's not true, because I know what they think about me. And they're wrong. And they are 100% thinking that they're in the right. It's it's a very and I'm saying this isn't a ridiculously flawed human being that it is it is a incredibly immature and not enlightened way to go through life to feel like you have all the answers in the way that you think is correct. And you should, you know, you have your belief systems and you have your gut. Okay. And you know, and you have times when

you need to protect yourself. You know, at nighttime, walking to your fucking car in a parking lot, it's pitch black out, you got to think the worst of people. You can't be walking up all the leaves are brown. That's how you end up in a trunk of a fucking Malibu, right? That's how it happened. Yeah, so. But I also think that this sort of overcorrection thing kind of had to happen because it was so it was so wrong the other way for so fucking long. And I think eventually we're going to come out of this because I think most people on the right and the left are in the middle going thinking like we need to dial this back a little bit, you know, like is with the canceling and and then on the other side, that old school, you know, one of the one of the

red flags, so to speak, when you get on the road, when you meet like a white dude, is just like when they go, there's certain red flags that people say, but white guy says, listen, I tell it like it is, I know that there's an 80% chance he's feeling me out to see if it's okay for him to drop the N word in about 10 minutes. That's been my experience on the road. I also know that when I meet women who say guys can't handle me, I know that they are an unexamined person who's a fucking asshole who is now like in their ego. Like, yeah, you know, guys can't fucking handle me. It's like, that's big in LA. A lot of women say that. Yeah, I'm too much. You know, you got to be able to handle me. It's like, wow,

I just met you and you're already trying to break down my self-esteem. That it's not that you're a jerk. It's that I can't handle you. And what they are doing is they are putting that out there and they're going to find a weak person that they can manipulate and they are going to abuse that person for the entire time that they're in that relationship. And you know, that this whole narrative out there that that's the guy doing it's because that whole verbally abusive relationship was funny. It was written a long time ago. It is written from the person. It's for women. The whole thing is like it's saying and whenever they talk about the victim, they always say she. So it was, you know, it's also because of how fucking ridiculously sexist. I imagine I didn't

live back then the way it was when it was written is written like in 1970. I think the first edition something like that. And it was undoing all of these years of these, you know, toxic relationships between men and women where guys back then could use their force, their strength, their bully and all of that type of shit and just did horrible things to women. So, you know, the old me would have got pissed and fucking not read the book, but I just said, okay, wait, this was written in the 70s. This book needed to be written. It still needs to be written. But like what happens is is now there's been this overcorrection. I feel that like they don't understand that as a woman, you can do the same thing. You can do that to a guy very easily, very easily. And and if you

combine that with the fact that guys aren't allowed to say that they need affection, they need to they need an add a boy and that they need you that got you know, for guys we grew up and that's like weak. You know what I mean? You're supposed to be like, I don't give a fuck. I don't need anybody. You know me, Joey, I don't give a fuck. You know, you got to be in that mindset. Yeah, those are the guys that are usually they get a little too many and they start crying at the bar. Those guys who don't give a fuck. Not all the time but every once in a while. Dude, if you say, dude, what's going on with you? You have the goodwill hunting moment. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. So there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on out there, Joey. So

I'm happy that you're happy, man. I miss you physically, mentally. I miss watching you on stage. I'll tell you to your face. I think that flying tiger, whatever the fuck your last special was was one of the best things I ever saw in my fucking life, the levels flying tiger, hitting, hitting hack. Yeah. The name of it doesn't matter. I think it was one of the best things I've ever seen. Oh, thank I miss you and congratulate you on all your success. Well, I already love coming back East. So the fact that I'm going to get to see you now because as much as you lived out here, we didn't I mean, I'd run into you at the store. So I'm not worried about, you know, the the Tex-Mex crew out there. I know I'm going to see all those guys.

It's crazy how the other dad was driving. And I had an efforts for family minute. Like right now I'm living efforts for family. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, Frank is based mainly on me. I'm more frank than anybody. But it's just so weird how I'm suburban dad now. Like I'm a suburban dad that does comedy. That's it. No, but that's great, dude. That's all I want to do right now. I know, but that's a great. That's a great great thing. No, you walk around, dude, if you walk around feeling filled, filled up and feeling like you have enough. Like, dude, I this I have so much shit I want to get rid of. And I just don't mean stuff emotionally from my past. I have like, you know, I got all these fucking free t-shirts

that I got a gigs and shit. That means something to me. You know, I got this t-shirt. I'll keep this one. Southpaw guitar. Right. My favorite guitar store because I play left handed. I try anyway. And it's nothing but lefty guitars. And it's in Houston, Texas, one of my favorite places to do stand up. Love it to Houston. Love it. Oh yeah, all this stuff. They know it's the first place I saw Stan Hope. The first place I saw, you know, Mitch Hedberg and all of those guys are heard about the legend of them. Then he had Bill Hicks and Sam Kinnison, all that. It's just, it's just, it's in there. There's something about Houston. It's just fucking amazing. So that's why we didn't move to Austin because I would have cheated on Houston.

That's the real truth. I don't want to. I went to Austin. I just saw too many white dreads and food trucks and tie dye shirts. They wait for fucking they wait online. I'm a Houston, Texas guy. And the traffic is terrible. I like, I go, I go all the way back with Earl Campbell to Houston. Monday night football, Earl running down, fucking Houston going crazy. I remember being a kid and going. Houston Oilers from the song Houston Oilers. Houston Oilers number one. Yeah, that and I like, I was a Cowboys guy. I like Dallas and I like Houston. Me too. I don't like Austin or whatever, but like a red flag, a red flag for me. Any city that uses the moniker, keep it weird. Portland, Oregon, Austin, yellow springs, Ohio. I'm not saying I don't like those

places. It's just like, I know that I'm going to run into a certain intolerant white person on the other spectrum. Right. Same way. I don't want to walk into a clan meeting. I don't need, I don't need like a vicious wokeness coming at me with a bunch of white people. I just, I don't want to be around. They're nauseating to be around. And they're not weird. You go there. There's a shell station. There's a city bank. Wow. It's so fucking weird. The oil companies and banks also own you. There's nothing weird here. Tideye shirts were in style 50 fucking years ago. Stop it. I love Texas, but I wanted to just, uh, I'm more of a Houston guy. And I like Dallas too. You know, I grew up a closet cowboy fan. I couldn't say nothing. I fucking hated Phil Sims,

but I loved fucking Dorset. I loved everybody down. Oh yeah. I loved everybody. Roger, stop back. Tony Dorsett, Robert, new house. Fuckin. I got a pre golden Richards, Drew, I gotta post Hollywood Henderson right there on my wall right now. I'll show it to you. Hollywood Henderson. Have you ever read his autobiography? Fuck yeah. And I tried to get him on the podcast. They're trying to sell a fucking story of his life right now. And I told them why they don't make a movie. Like people wouldn't even believe it. And even believe in this a thing too. He was Lawrence Taylor before Lawrence before Lawrence Taylor. The reason why Lawrence Taylor, I always tell you this, the reason why Lawrence Taylor

looks like he fell out of the sky was because the next, the, the, the guy between a, a dick, dick butt kiss in Lambert and all of those middle linebackers was, was, uh, Hollywood Henderson, but he messed it up on drugs. So he was a blip really quick. I mean, what that guy did, dude, he returned to 1976. He returned to fucking kickoff. They had a middle linebacker return in a kickoff. I mean, this guy was otherworldly. And from what I heard Lawrence Taylor, that was his guy. That was his guy. And you see him doing that coming up into the play, fighting off the block of some 270, 275 pound guys was the 300 pounders of the seventies, right? And making a play like that guy was like, was one of the greatest athletes of the seventies that played

football at the, at the linebacker position. He just was. And fortunately he just, you know, they didn't know anything. Dude, when cocaine first came out, doctors said it's no more addictive than caffeine. Dude, how about when he was, he didn't even know how to chop it up and he was just doing straight, raw cocaine. He had a fucking hole in his nose from one side to the other. He'd pack it with cocaine before the game and he would go out on the field. His whole face was numb. I didn't even know about this. I know I read the one book. It's in the book and then he would go in during the locker in the locker room and Tom Landry straight laced with the fedora had no idea what was going on. He'd spend the entire halftime blowing his nose and then repacking it with cocaine

as Tom was out there doing the fucking X's and O's about the second half. Dude, it was, it was, it was wild. When they beat the Denver Broncos before the game, he crushed a can of orange crush. That's what they called their defense or whatever. And I think that's the game. He ran an interception back and he fucking won the soup bowl. I mean, he was just tremendous, that guy. And they fired him for what? For, wait, they were losing and he put his finger up that they were number one. He had Drew Pearson's towel company on his, in his pants and they were losing and he picked it up and he went number one and that's why he got fired. I think that was it. But he used to hang out, he used to hang out at the comedy store.

What's that? He used to hang out at the comedy store. Yeah, man. He lived in Dallas. He played for Dallas, but he kept the condo in LA and he would get a limousine with the pointer sisters and they would smoke crack, smoke, uh, this one was free base and they would go pick up Richard at the fucking comedy store. I think he's got two books. I got, I got, I got one here somewhere. Well, he lived, he lived a number of books. I only read the one. Yeah, I got, I, there's two of them and I got one or maybe two of them here. You know what's another great one? You ever read Ken Stabler's autobiography, The Snake? No, how about this one? Son of a Vanna, Louis Tiant. Oh my God, I gotta read that. I gotta

send it to you. This is fucking, this is, you know, dog. I grew up a fucking Met Van, but when the Boston Red Sox organization, which is known for being the cheapest, flew his parents in for games five against the Cincinnati Reds. Fidel let his parents come to Fenway. You don't, in 76 or 75, 75, you didn't go to Cuba without an envelope to see Fidel and ask if his parents could come. This is a great fucking book. I'll send it to you as a favor. Thank you for doing the podcast. We used to do that, man. We used to, we used to play, we used to play pitchers poison, right? That's a game that died out, right? You didn't have enough guys to play baseball. So the pitcher, pitching mom was first base and then

anything off to one side of the field was an out, right? You just had to pull the ball. So I remember we used to do the Louis Tiant. This might look backwards like I'm a lefty, but his shit, his shit, I can still do it, right? He go like this. He come down, he do this with the thing and then he would go all the way back and then come around, all the way back. We used to do him. Dude, that's about back. We used to imitate foul shots. Like he would do an impressions when you were a kid because there was no, you know, the stuff that these kids have nowadays, man. It's just fucking amazing. Like I get why they don't leave the house. I get why they're fat. I get it too. I get it too. It's like you can't judge them. It's just like, dude, the level of temptation.

I mean, dude, the flat screen TV is a fucking movie screen. And some of them now with this 4G or whatever, you feel like you can put your hand into it. I compare it to, you have it like low riders, you know, when they put like 30 coats of paint and it starts to look like water and you feel like you could just put your hand through the hood of the car, like TVs look like that. I'm going to go outside and go play pitchers poison. Remember pickle? You want to go play pickle? I forget how to play pickle. That was you. You would just, you would just, someone would be running back and forth. You would just be practicing.

How the fuck did you play pickle? I can't even remember how to play it. Like how did the, how did the ball get into, into play? I forget. Me too. A lot of years of reefer. A lot of smoking, Bill Burr. We're almost out of here. I know. Bill, thank you. I know. You've been trying to wrap it up for 10 minutes. Well, my daughter is sick. My wife's up there handling two kids right now. That's why I was, I knew I wanted to keep it short. Don't worry. I love you, Bill. All right. Love you too, brother. I want to tell you something, man. I looked up to you for a long time. You're one of the guys I looked up to for structure and, you know,

when Neil would bust my balls, I would go, I got to watch Bill Burr because I got to get structure. I don't fucking listen to him, dude. You go up and do it the way you're supposed to do it. Do you really think I listen to Neil Brennan? I don't give a fuck about anybody says. I love you, Bill Burr. Thank you very much for taking the time and for seeing you. I'll see you when you come back. I love Neil Brennan too. I love Neil too. He's a director. He can't help it. Send them that cock suck of my love. Love you, buddy. Thank you. All right. Talk to you later. See you. I hope you enjoyed that, you bad motherfuckers. That was a nice little chat. I had forgotten all about that. We even went to see guns and roses like in December or something before the

fucking pandemic. It was great to see Bill. It's, uh, you know, I look up to him. I, like I said during the interview with him, his new attitude is tremendous. He doesn't give a fuck and that's the attitude that makes him the best comic on the, in the fucking planet. He doesn't give a fuck. You know, he goes out and he says what the fuck he says, the piano thing almost all that shit is what a comic is really all about. So if you're learning or if you're thinking of becoming a comic, yeah, there's some great comics out there to follow, but I really want you to watch what Bill Burr is doing and learn from it. It's a state of mind that you have to live through. You could tell people all you want that they can't cancel you. That's not it. It's a state of mind and how

you hold yourself and how you walk into a room and Bill's doing it. All right. He's, uh, I'm definitely looking up to him as a fucking mentor in comedy right now. But anyway, thank you for watching. I hope you're enjoying this new little fucking hybrid we're doing from time to time. It's Monday morning. Get out there, sling some dick, fucking April's on the way. That's it. That's it. We're getting vaccinated. The light is starting to come up. The shoe's going to drop, but the light at the end of the tunnel, I could see it a little bit. You know what I'm saying? And I know you guys could see the same. Thank you very much for watching. Have a fucking great week and thank you for supporting the joint motherfuckers. And now for a word from my motherfucking

sponsors, Jack, stay black. All right, you cock suckers. I want to thank my brother, Bill Burr, for coming on. Great guy, great comic. Uh, it was great seeing him and, uh, I hope you guys enjoyed him. He's one of the best in the business. But before we leave, I got to talk to you about some CBD. Listen, when it comes to CBD, it's fucking everywhere. You go to a mall. There's some old lady with glasses selling CBD. You go to a fucking gas station. The guy's got CBD. Can't speak English, but he's selling fucking CBD. Do me a favor. Go to CBDline.com right now. Take a look. Read, read, read about all the great CBD, CBN, CBYs, and how they could affect you. They have a fine line of product. Listen, read the, read their second lab results. You're gonna

fucking die. The CBD line is second to none. I've been working with them for two to three years, and I got to tell you something. They've always impressed me, but during the surgery, they really fucking impressed me. That's when I saw the strength of CBD line. So do yourself a favor right now. Go to CBDline. Just, just, just CBDline.com and just read. Read up on your options before you go buy it at some fucking gas station, what a fucking pawn shop or something shit like that. You don't even know what the fuck you're getting. It's like the yin-yang juice from the fucking 90s. Remember everybody had that fucking yang juice at the liquor stores in 7-Eleven? You don't know what the fuck you're drinking.

When you're looking for CBD, go to the best. CBDline.com. Press and code Joey or Church. I'm gonna get your 20% off delivered to your house. CBDline.com. The best. Also, the joint is also brought to you by one of my favorite things lately. I've been having a great time with it. I want a little money Saturday night. Draft King, 68 teams entered the tournament. Only the best have survived. The upsets have been fucking crazy. Loyolaville, Illinois, Oregon, over Iowa. Are you fucking kidding me? Draft King Sportsbook is America's top-rated sportsbook app, putting new customers in the center of action. You bet a dollar on any fucking tournament game and if that team wins, you win $100. Is that fucking simple? Okay, how, what do I,

what do you want me to light my fucking asshole on fire? You're gonna turn $1 into $100. That's 100 to one fucking odd. You can't beat that. You pick any college basketball team that's still in the hunt at winning $1 and you're gonna win $100 fucking dollars. All it takes is a dollar bet and your team to win their next game. There's no better way to put your college basketball in lives to the test than with Draft King Sportsbook app. Joey, you know what? College basketball ain't my thing. Okay, what about NBA, cocksucker? What about hockey? What about golf? And so much more. Let me tell you something. They got daily boost that will fucking make your head spin. They have things that make gambling fun. It's not calling that fucking jerk off on the phone with

the attitude and what's the line on Oklahoma? No. They got games. They're safe, secure, reliable. You withdraw your money, whatever the fuck you want at your convenience. So do me a favor. It's Monday. Start the week off right. You got a rabbit's foot in your fucking pocket and you're not even rubbing it, cocksucker. Download the top rated Draft King Sportsbook app right now. Use promo code Joey when you sign in to turn $1 into $100 fucking dollars. A college basketball team of your choosing pulls off the win. That's code Joey. To turn $1 into $100 for a limited time only at Draft King Sportsbook. And here's the fine print. You knew it was coming. You always listen. There's always a by the way. You got to be 21 or older. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Go

climb a tree, cocksucker. New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania only. New customers only. Restrictions apply. You got to see draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details, but download the app right now, except you got a gambling problem. You got to take care of this. I know you're gambling, you're drinking, you're banging fucking transvestites. You got to get your fucking life together. You're slipping, cocksucker. But the gambling problem, you got to take care of. Call 1-800-GAMBLER or an Indiana 1-800-9 with it, okay? If you're straight, it's time to get the fucking party started. March is here. It's almost fucking over. And I want you to make a little fucking dough in the next two or three fucking days. And April's coming next weekend. That's it. We're down. Download the

DraftKings Sportsbook app today. Use promo code JOY and turn $1 into a hundred fucking dollars, okay? I love you, cocksuckers. Have a great week. I want to thank Bill Burr. I want to thank DraftKings Sportsbook app. And I want to thank CBD Lion. But most importantly, I want to thank you, cocksuckers, for always having my back. I love you, motherfuckers. Stay black, stay healthy, and have a great week.