Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 05/20/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #81

Episode Date: May 21, 2013

George from MMA junkie calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Ting. Visit church.ting.com for a $25 service credit or device discount. Streamed live on 05/20/2013

Today's episode is brought to you by Ting. Please visit church.ting.com for a $25 service credit or devices to discount Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit Monday, May 20th you fucking savage hit it your bad self Poppa got a brand new funk party for your life. Oh shit. The church is what's happening now. Oh Shit, it's confusing. It's like a bad fucking asset trip. But here we are bitches The flying Jew the Cuban and some black people jumping up and down on Monday. Who's better than us? Yeah What's happened loa this fucking P.E. Brothers gonna work it out Virginia Beach Circuit 1991 cops are beating up black kids. You gotta love it. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive get up cocksuckers get up

Jumping jacks reefer oatmeal alpha brain. I don't give a fuck what you do Just get up. What's going on there Lisa? Yeah, you felt the animal had a crazy weekend I could just imagine. No, but let me get it out and then you can make the noise here. We go. Here. We go. Let's go it's a Someone I don't have it in front of me but one of our listeners put a video out of you talking about fear and how about how it's a good emotion to have and Like for example when we started this podcast, I didn't want to be on it I thought I was gonna do this and then you would talk and then I would never be on it

I'm that way with girls too, and I was thinking about it I've I mean I've dated girls, but it's always people who we just you kind of started dating and how that happens Like you just hang it out eventually you start dating and then online get it which I fucking hate It's fucking terrible. I have some stories about that, but uh, I As you know from joy giving me shit constantly. I have this girl that I like I like And I decided that I was gonna tell her and it fucking my heart was beating out of my fucking chest and It like it was like one of the scariest things I ever had to do And I did it and we've been friends for like six years and she said and she just broke up with someone and said we're friends

and you know, I thought I would be like Destroyed by it But like in it like I've never picked up a girl at a bar I'm always looking up with friends or people like that and I thought it would be like the most terrible thing and like immediately I was fine with it. Yeah, she is hot and if she had off your chest if she had been up if she had said yes That would have been nicer, but it's not I love your chest. I got on my chest and I also I'm like when we go out when I go out I don't talk to anybody unless I hammer and I know when I went to the bar that night

I talked to like 20 girls. I like you said that I think you said this every girl I saw I was willing to lean over to look very pretty tonight I would just walk away. I wasn't trying to hate on them and it's amazing how happy that makes people. It's just a It's like the scariest thing for me because I'm a shy guy but like the feeling I felt so like Like I feel like this is the happiest I've ever been kind of I don't have a relationship right now, but like The these friends I've been hanging out with what you've said you can't have girls who are friends, but it's fine It's like I've never had those friends where every weekend you hang out and like I finally have that and it's uh

It's it's it's really cool like People like one of the movies was I was watching or something was like don't you remember high school was so awesome I liked high school and I had some friends, but it like it like that in college wasn't the happiest time of my life And like I feel like it's I feel like it's starting to come together So yeah, it sucks that uh that she said she didn't feel the same way But like it was so because I know there's people listening who are on the same boat. It's not Like I had thought I thought about it. I never went to a girl I don't think and said I like you I have feelings for you and it was okay like it. It made me feel

Made me feel good about it. So like I It's I'm happy about it. I got it off your chest. You overcame her hurt only you took yourself out of your fucking comfort zone Yeah, we talk about this all the fucking time. I wish somebody told me about this shit when I was 20 to 29 I fucking no idea. I wouldn't have done nothing out of fucking ordinary. You know, I remember being in the seventh fucking grade. I mean Going up to a girl and asking her out is gotta be the fucking And when you get denied, you know, like it just sticks with you for the rest of your life Yeah, and again in the sixth fucking grade. I went up to this hot little Cuban girl named Dave East Rodriguez She used to hang out with this other freak called Jeanette Blascoe

They were banging little Puerto Rican bitches in Jersey and I went up to I met my lunchtime in front of Jeanette like a fucking moron that I am, you know, I had to work up my courage and sweat and fucking Think about it and I was gonna write a note and then I worked from strength at that age I said fucking my mom just tell him directly you want to do something, you know And I went up to the girl and I said I like to take care of a day You know, whatever I like you and she was like I'm flattered, you know, but I can't I'd like to be friends Embarrassed to fuck on me because every time those two girls saw me they giggled. Yeah, you know, they giggled You know I'm saying so embarrassed to fuck on me and listen, I could tell you it didn't bother me

It bothered me and not I wouldn't fucking remember that memory. Of course right now. I remember her name I still remember what she looks like. I mean, it's fucking hard, but Listen, I can never go up to a woman in a bar like you ever go out and you see creepy fucking guys in the worst It's still worst and I could never do that I rather turn the other creep around and just go up to them tell them what you need and walk the fuck away Yeah, you're never gonna be happy not but if you don't ask and don't say you're never gonna get no way Look at the worst fucking thing is dragging something out with somebody. Yeah, what the fuck? You know coming over here three in the morning. I want to help you fix your fleck

Go fuck yourself. Just tell me you want to fuck me in the ass and let's get this over with you I'm saying yeah girls like to fucking honesty, too. What do you think she didn't know? Of course you were sitting there. I seen you in front of her you all googling shit that one night She had those jeans on that bitch was banging that she's hot that little ass is on fire But you guys see the church what's happening now? It helps at every fucking different. It does But I'm not proud of you cuz you're fucking Momo. You should have tacked it when she was on the couch six weeks Hey, she felt the same way six weeks ago. It doesn't matter in the middle of night when they're all confused Don't suck your dick by mistake. They don't know it could be my goomba

It could be fucking some guy from the Boston Red Sox by mistake said you never know Well then in the morning once you give them the fucking juice of love then they're in love It's like a prince charming when they should kiss the fucking frog You don't know maybe you eat her fucking monkey the right way, but you didn't even try Lee you didn't fucking try She's right there sleeping with a phone on and you're in the other room wacking off thinking Attack that fucking monkey next time cock sucker. There's what you get Yeah, I'm gonna wait for her to break up. What the fuck she's out here two months. She's 22 She hasn't seen a dick when you're 22, you know what her pussy's she hasn't got laid now

She fucked my goomba last week and now she's okay, but you give it a month or so She's gonna start scratching and you're gonna be right there for like a savage There'd be a hundred pounds lighter your head will be nice and big by that time your balance will be all fucked up Jesus Christ you beat her pussy. You can't get up because your head's too fucking heavy You'll be banging on like a fucking midget fidget What a midget fidget whatever the fuck you call me now. They want to be called little people I don't give a fuck, you know, it's like a fact. I don't want to be called fact that I'm gonna be called heavy What the fuck sounds like a shit together sounds like a dance or something the midget fidget midget fidget cocksuck

You didn't eat her pussy man. I want to go to San Francisco. What I want how fucking stabby with the cigarette anyway I'll tell you what this last weekend was the last of the five weeks. I had on the row Because I was in the road for five weeks for a while fucking while and it was great Looking back at it. I do it again. My sleeping patterns were a little off But you know what I'm in a lot of nice nice people it started in Miami. It went to fucking Jersey I went to Phoenix. I went to fucking Austin, but I gotta tell you something Long Island this weekend was great for me to see Oh, really? It's the fucking God

That's why we had to open up a pee out of fucking respect I may even put on a Julius Irving video out of Roosevelt motherfucking Long Island to drop some knowledge on you bitches But uh, you know, it's amazing. I was having a rough fucking. I hate when this ear thing happens to me I can't hear. Oh, yeah, I have it a lot with you Well, if I fly with my nose clogged once I get on the fucking plane I go God damn it I didn't spray the spray in my nose the flow nays, okay? And with when minutes once that air comes out of the fucking tube my nose gets fucking crowded as shit So now I'm on the plane on a six-hour fucking flighter. No, I got really sick on the way from Austin

Okay, and then jumping on the Phoenix flight. That was an hour was the one that put the cherry on the fucking bubble You know you use the same suitcase Why don't you just like five of them in there because they only give you one at the fucking pharmacy? It's so pick up five. No, oh, oh, it's not. Yeah. No, they think you're making fucking speed. Shit You can't they give it to you. It's like 22 fucking papers The FBI is tapping on the shoulder speed is the last fucking thing in my mind And they think you're making speed or something like that. So you can't so once I fucking forget I bring the

Recola and I bring gum because when you chew gum, it opens it up. Fuck. No, it don't open dick up So there I am sitting there. I can't fucking here for a week, you know So now I gotta go down to the doctor and Wilshire Move from two to five and he cleans out my fucking and he gives me a prescription of these steroids But you want to shoot somebody they even tell you for five days. Don't be around my human clearly. Yeah, you want to stab people That's why I went on the road. I was happy. I was in a good mood till fucking Saturday when I'm trying to see here's my problem I don't sleep. So when you don't sleep your resistance goes low for what for everything, but you don't sleep your immune system Oh, that's what I got at night and smoke 22 joints with 22 different people

And I get 22 different sets of germs. Bam. My body's just so strong on it the fucking Shroom tech is just so fucking strong, you know the vitamin C. I packed the fucking Alphabet It's just so strong. These things are just so strong smoking dope with 85 fucking people in a weekend in these towns So what happens? I get sick. So what happened five fucking days? So what I do now is Saturday night. I get off stage. I go back to the hotel I always get my three or four hours. Yeah, it's three or four fucking hours Yeah, then two on the plane five hours with two thousand fucking people breathing filthy motherfuckers people with hats on whatever people don't watch You know those people with the scars on they think they cute it's fucking warm. My neck gets cold

How about a fucking stab with a fucking eyeball your neck gets cold your fucking pussy? So now I get this I get this text and I can't see Yeah, I look at the text and it says group text Always a bad fucking thing Yeah, I put the thing down and it goes Whatever twice. I never even knew the phone made that noise when it's Fucking iPhone Lee, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing for you people keep your pictures are out of whack I don't know what I look like Johnny fucking photographer you people I look I press and whatever happens happens

You see my eyeballs on a plane you think I could take a fucking picture every time I take a picture I'm fucking three sheets in the wind stone to the gills people like you gotta take clear pictures Go fucking mother. I'm just showing you my fucking eyeballs look like how red they are. So It's fucking Tom Segura telling me some shit I can't even read without my glasses and I put on I'm trying to fuck. I'm right there You know when you're right there You're doing right there like you already went into sleep, but you woke up a little bit and you're right there That's going off like a pinball machine

I fucking call Segura don't answer call him back or so girl get me off that fucking group text He's fucking laughing if he wasn't laughing I would have been so pissed off when he started laughing was fucking period. Oh, yeah, I was furious I was fucking fear. I'm trying to sleep cock. I don't bother. Nobody. Who do I bother Saturday afternoon? I'm fucking stoned. I just ate a half a cheap old bar. I had oatmeal. I was trying to fucking take a nap Okay, because I know if I take two or three hour nap with the three I get at night I'm okay I can get off the plane and play with my fucking wife and hang out and go eat if not I'm walking around half fucking wounded

Yeah, you only sleep three hours you do two fucking shows you talk to 400 500 fucking people So now I'm like Segura stuck get me off this group text. He's fucking laughing Yeah, so I get fucking furious then the steroid the fucking sleep I get furious and also it keeps going and it keeps going and he's like what I told him to stop I go get me to fuck off it. Well, he should have got me on everybody knows not to fucking text me And next you know Duncan text me like two times going ha ha ha. I call him up I go I'll break your fucking fingers and I just hung up on that fucking too and I called him and I was fucking furious

I'm still fucking furious. Not really. I ain't mad no more I was mad that moment because you don't understand you don't get too much fucking sleep Yeah, I know I'm finally right there and also in the phone becomes fucking Whatever, I'll teach you how to turn the sound off when you're sleeping. All right Thank you. See a lot of people don't fucking know this so my pictures. I'm sorry, but I'm no fucking photographer I hate cameras. I do it. I respect for you guys. So don't break my balls. Where's the musically? It's monday little respect for my mother denora and for all the spirits that fucking watch you cocksuckers Watch over you while you're walking around and bumping into people

You're slipping me you fucked up. Come on, but I'm proud. Thank you because I love you See now I gotta worry about you when I die. I want to be a man cocksucker. What do you mean you gotta worry about me? Thank you, Tony. See you baby. Where's the jumping jacks? Let me get three. Let me get three jumping jacks You gotta fucking wake America up. You have to do some jumping jacks. Of course my neighbors are Go let me do the fucking camera angle For somebody Will swear to be true The three of them you look tremendous. I love it. I'm proud of you. I do I uh, I uh, what's it called? Let me switch cameras. Um

I'm down a bunch of pant like I had to cut two holes in my belt and I'm down a shirt So I'm freaking excited and you're swimming. You're looking good. You've been rocking off Of course twice a day You gotta keep that home in order and you gotta save some when she's asleep next time she sleeps over you save some All right, and you come on her hand No, come on a cup of her hand So she sniffs it's in her skin and then she starts she falls a lot or you're coming her soup Put it in your little cup and get a Chinese soup and put some in there mix it in the egg drop soup

And she'll drink your little sperm your little juice sperm that goes into her genes and then Eventually she'll fall in love with you. She'll can't take that taste out of her mouth Where did I go wrong in my life that I'm talking to you? You went to college in the morning Fucking if you got to mix it in the egg drop soup See you pick egg drop because it's it's not clear like one time soup. You got to get the texture It already looks like egg. I've done that thousands of times. You whack off in the egg drop soup people love it. It's the most disgusting Shut up cock sucker. Let me tell you something. I gotta tell you something real fucking important this morning

I was talking I did something and uh water boxer Yeah put on told me to put on public enemy Black steel on the hour of chaos Okay, so they say that music is the soundtrack of life I gotta tell you what happened It was I got up at three in the fucking morning last night 305. I went to bed at like nine All right, I got up at 305 and I went to pee and I heard the baby. Yeah, right I'm gonna open the door. They're here because the egg drops it was right and this

There's my wife passed the fuck out of the bed in the in the babies room Yeah, and the baby's wide awake with the purple light on with it with a thing kick and I looked at her and my wife was She's been up since 130 Like all right So I pick her up put the pacifier in the mouth and check her no diaper I sit down with her on the computer. I put Popeye on I put Popeye the sail I put the fucking pacifier in the mouth

I got my notebook and I made notes of what I had to do the next couple days and my monday We were there for 20 25 minutes my wife walked and she's like I haven't heard her What happened? She got a bag. Oh, no, I put Popeye on She's fucking we were watching Popeye with the Aladdin man And then I gave her I gave it back to terry terry fucking tapped out. She made some Cuban coffee I gave it back to terry. We drank some coffee. We talked a little while And I put that song on black steel, you know after I saw a water box and put it on and I think Get my it was like an anxiety attack my emotions over fucking took me because that was the soundtrack when I went to prison

That was the soundtrack of my college right there. That album was fucking amazing in my when I first Let me tell you something. I can't lie to you I would sit there and go one of these yams gonna take this fucking album off between this and Bobby brown Don't be cruel. I'm gonna stab a fucking yam in here before the fucking week is over But that public enemy that song is so fucking deep that album. I don't have time to review it I didn't have time to review it. I listened to two songs Almost had a fucking heart attack because it took me right back there to fucking September of 88 when I'm in that fucking From the music does that so when you just hear it. No, no, just like bring it's like a movie. It's like Lee

It was there like I could smell it Like I could smell the fucking Rust so where were like if you had to be like one place where you like in the cell or like, where were you? It would be in the cell but in this place there weren't cells. It was bedrooms Okay, little bedrooms and you had no door And you it was army barrack. Oh sure, but you only had one bed in your room So it was your own room. You know I'm saying that was good about camp George west Because rifle you had a double bunk or triple bunk with a motherfucker. You're smelling feet ass while fucking night

Yeah, this is trust me my experience wasn't as bad, but I would sit in that fucking bed at night And the guards would walk but this was the far bunk because you worked in the kitchen So this was the far far bunk. So that was the privilege of having a far far far far far far far Uh Not bunks, but but army barracks. That was the that was the beauty of it. So he wouldn't walk it would take him an hour He would only come by once an hour. Yeah, I'm saying wherever else you had a guard by you every 10 minutes We only have one so the fucking yelms would turn on public enemy and it was great. Trust me I got that's how he introduced the public enemy going to fucking prison

So thank god I went to prison. I got introduced to public enemy and the brothers are gonna work this motherfucker Can can death squad Harlem or someone tell me if uh people are going to be offended by y'all No, they squad Harlem is Dominican. No, nobody's offended by y'all. Nobody gets offended no more. Listen to the church They know what they're gonna fucking get. I'm a fucking spick and that's just how I don't know if I can say y'all I'm with the fucking irish I'm with the fucking guineas. I'm with fucking everybody this week. I'm with the fucking jews How long have we been with the fucking jews? We've been with the jews since day one We're with everybody. We have no fucking beef here in the church. What's happening now? So so what what are you gonna do there? Well, you know what kills me about this country

What when somebody makes a big deal about well, you know and a piss like I've told you before I don't like when white people get pissed off because somebody says the word nigger But then again, I get pissed off when the jew says hitler You follow me like I get offended like what the fuck is wrong with you cock sucker using that word hitler around me You know what I'm saying? I don't like the word hitler In fact speaking of Italian people. Anyway I get the fucking new york, right? Yeah, before I got to new york, I got an email from this cool cool motherfucker. Yeah, and he says I see you're gonna be in the city

Thursday night. Oh, I'm so fucking right. I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna talk to you about this. He goes uh stop by and My restaurant come and eat something. I was like, you know what man? When was the last time I dipped into the fucking city? When I'm always such a fucking mook I call my brother george and I call timmy halloway the getaway drive on the michael's jewelry heist And I fucking call him. I said, what are you guys gonna do? You want to go to arlie lang show with me? Like yeah, go meet me at the palm on 240 west. We have a bunch in new york. I checked the website again the four of them

But let me tell you some so I went home. I went to my hotel. I'm either half a chibo chew just to get the blood going I didn't want to be just to get it. I don't want to get like lee and have my red eyes like the color lee shirt And they sent the car uh the arlie lang show. So I just said drop me off He's like, you want us to wait? No, drop me off. I want to experience the whole fucking new york thing Yeah, me and george smooth to half a dude by the side of whatever george on the other hand stopped and changed dragon in Because he's such a fucking soldier and picked up a container pork fried rice and four fucking egg rolls from chance dragon in right Pick them up with the mustard the fire fucking fortune cookie the whole thing Brought it into the city in a bag and we walked into fucking palm with the chinese food

We sat all night at the palm restaurant with the fucking thing So we get there francisco's our way the bad little spanish dude Look like michael colione and godfather to the grease bad motherfucker. You guys want wine now We're just gonna go fucking come in though here So we open up with the lobster bis george gets them ahi tuna fucking off the chain Off the chain and I got the clams casino which have not had since like 82. That's a new york city thing They don't know what the fuck clams casino on and they put bacon bits with a little all tremendous Then the fucking main course came the guy says to me francisco goes. What kind of steak you want me to he goes

They have a 18 ounce Sir one bon bon Beautiful fucking beautiful. I think it was a new york cut beautiful. I'm not good with cuts. I'm sorry anthony uh Francisco suggests put some olives on that motherfucker with some red peppers some jalapeno peppers and lobster Lee are you fucking kidding me you you call me like you call me when you're on the road But you're like the show is good. We gotta do this on the podcast you call me right after the meal. You're like dog

I just had this meal it was tremendous It was something and you know what listen man joe rogan god bless that motherfucker We go to the best joints joe rogan does not fuck around and I You know, I didn't call joe. I'm just gonna wait to see jung joe go look at there's a palm restaurant downtown Let me take you down there one night. That's how good that fucking steak was So I'm gonna go back down there I'm gonna go to the one downtown across from the staple center the night before we baptize the baby Oh, nice. Fuck. Yeah, they got the manager. So I want to give a shout out to my man

anthony fucking spinoff for having me there and my man francisco the way there's the whole palm restaurant organization You mother fuckers are throwing because I went there once before I went there when I booked something I took josh wolf and Ralphie may after lunch at the palms next to dead tanners one day This had to be six seven years. I think after the longest yard and it was delicious But I didn't forget maybe something cocaine was on my mind something Maybe it's the fucking eight pounds of cheese you've eaten shut the fuck up cocksucker Maybe you should give that fucking girl cheese, but you did you smoke dope with her?

Do you try to soften her up Lee or do you just tell her this shit? You gotta soften these broads up That's why I leave the wheelie a leak. I left you three fucking bats not for you to look at this three bats Two of them that have been started Two roaches if you smoke all that shit with her you at least get the sucker titties Remember in high school when you got a chick high she let you suck a titties Yes, and she has she has a drug test coming up and and for 99 percent of girls you're right, but And and this is probably one of the reasons i'm not that upset It's not as long as you guys, but she's like my george like shy

I could go to her and ask her to do anything. So it's You can't fuck everybody. Yeah, Lee That's the one thing about women. You can't that's what guys make a mistake. You can't fuck everybody Yeah, no matter how bad to the bone you think you are and you gotta have female friends I just when I was younger I fell into that trap. I mean I got out of it Before you put them into the friends zone you try to close them one time on the helmet If they say no, they're not into it then they become your friends. You see if they cool enough Bro, I got you know some of my best friends are fucking women. I love I just hooked up a quarry tattoo

My friend along I went to lunch. That's my girl. I love quarry tattoo. I don't know if I done She's my she's beautiful. No, but yeah, I have tons of buddies like that Let me give some shout outs real quick go for about longer. Let me tell you something How good along my man rock master jello this motherfucker showed up with canolis cookies asked me about the flying jew He fucking works hard. He brought his friends from fucking work. I loved longer. I love these people these people are fucking crazy Charles Ulrich pete new haven no fucking stop smoking cocksucker A guy with the fucking uh, whatever I broke a bong and maguire some guy brought a bong out I broke his fucking bong by mistake. I want to look at you, but I got a blister on my finger

I broke his $200 bong, but my finger hurts. I want to take the chamber off. It was on fire And I fucking dropped it like a half a fag and I broke and Shit happens. I want to give him a shout out. He knows I fucking love him Anthony Spino again my man paul connelly. I love you daddy burrito and paul powers you bad motherfucker Stay black and remember when you're believing yourself You got the love coming to you. You know, yeah, that's all I got for you today fucking but the state go to the palms Everything arty lang was that's the first time I met arty. I was blown the fuck away. He was a sweetheart The show was great. Yeah, he had me on for a fucking long time. Sure. Don't go fuck around

Yeah, no, no, but it was uh, it was cool because I know he did he used to have a radio show or something like that And he did that and uh, he was on stern for a while. I'm on the heroin and you know what I give my He's trying real hard and I love him. I love to get him on the podcast when I'm gonna call over there And see if he could call up because he knows he knows about Addiction he knows what it takes, you know, I Stand hope hates what's in there Doctor dr. Drew. Oh, yeah, you know, and it's funny. I don't miss like dr. Drew I just think the approach he took to addiction sucked dick

You know, I get a lot of emails about addiction people hear it in my voice I know what the fuck I'm talking about. It's 30 years. I've smoked crack. I got coke. I did heroin. I'm very fucking fortunately I didn't get hooked on the heroin very fortunate. I guess it was because so hooked on the coke There was no room for the fucking heroin, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but and people know man. I know how to get off it I know how to get off it. I got the fucking answer It's it's all within yourself. That's it. Yeah, it's all about you. No rehab is gonna save you No religion is gonna save you the people around you're gonna save you and you're gonna save you But you're gonna save you first

Then the people around you look at them and understand the weight you would put on them Without you or something happened to you and that makes it all that's the picture from the other way When I started thinking about what if you get a call the Tomorrow at six in the morning somebody says, you're not gonna believe this. Joey D is OD Yeah, you got a computer now You got a microphone. You know what I'm saying? You got a few shirts. How was your buddy? Yeah, I was your buddy You're gonna go but he let me down You're not gonna say you're not gonna fucking say that you're not gonna say that you love me because I let you down

At the end of the day behind closed doors, you know talk whatever you want at that funeral He was a good guy. He called me a cocksucker. You know a fat jew the flying jew But Behind closed doors, you're gonna go that motherfucker let me down the people that I dealt with on a daily basis The people that you know, I came into their life. That's the people that matter There's only six or seven of those people in your life that really fucking matter Some people may have one if you have two or three god bless you Yeah, think about those three people not those fucking jerks at the bar

You hang with when you go to a jimmy buffet concert you fucking had on Those ain't your fucking friends I'm talking about the people who look at you for something not money something There's people that you have time vested with it's not about money You make that day you fill a void in their fucking heart Look at them and that'll get you off the fucking addiction as I spark off a fucking number Give me some musically something. Let's get these motherfuckers. I'm talking about the benjamin's. They hit it Lee I want you to go to fucking watching it. I want you to go to what's her name is part

That is the best part the whole jam. Huh. It's monday motherfuckers. Get your gun Get your gun wash your dick wash your pussy get out there Work from fucking strength. You know what I'm saying? Like I said, why run down there and fuck one of them when you go walk and fuck them all Hit it Lee. What what you want to do, huh? Oh suck Lee I knew I was gonna get to that eventually Spaghetti fettuccine and veal

Over real dictionary like veto fell for it. Did you see that kick your life? No, you would do busy jumping up and down With their own condominium What I get a Ooh for the mutts for the mutts motherfuckers you ain't no mutt get up Hey, put it to the little kids part move it up to little kids. That's the best Is it like halfway through where is it a little more just move it and just play with Uncle Joe Keep going keep going go a minute Keep going minute. All right, here's three minutes

They go here That's a little kid this bitch did not rap listen to this shit uh When the bumble with the bee, huh? Throw a hex on the whole family. Yeah Oh shit, Lee, right here. This is the best line If it matter suck a dick hit it brother What's happening baby boy

How you doing? It's my main man George MMA junkie. Good morning Good morning. Thanks for having me Thank you for fucking calling Doug. I was just listening to uh All about the Benjamins when she mentions real dictionary and I told her about veto belph what's fucking kicked to the head on luke Brock ball tremendous Can you believe that that that was amazing seriously? I knew vtor had improved his Kickboxing, but you know, we've always known him as a boxer with past hands Of brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt who can you know turn that on if you need to it? But he rarely shows it but his his kickboxing has really really come alive in the last uh few years

That was fucking tremendous luke brockhold is still over there saluting himself in the fucking mirror that kick was so Yeah, and luke brockhold is a tough son. That's a tough motherfucker. Doug Yeah, you finished that guy. You definitely have to be proud of yourself You know, I'm looking at this fight this weekend and and what stuck out the most to me was Two things two components veto belph or of course, but fucking joker ray susan You know, that's another guy. Yeah, he's a beat. He keeps getting better and better champion like luke walkholders and

You know, he's no joke. He's Decorated grappler who really really improved his wrestling So now he wasn't like the type of grappler who waits for you to take him down so you can go to work He takes your ass down and then he goes to work And of course it's always beneficial to be in top position rather than on your back You know, but but aside from all that he's also become a pretty polished striker, too No, he's striking his fucking great. He's gonna i'm telling you He's these two have added a fucking tremendous new angle to i'm just suke is 185 right susan

He is yeah Vtor and the brockhold all all legitimate Challengers to anderson silva Yeah, this is uh, this is pretty intense. How you been doing beside that brother Good, but let me just add one last thing jerry if you don't mind The one thing I am concerned about is suzer and veto or veto buffer just Kind of still not wanting that anderson silva fight. I don't understand what they're waiting for That's one thing I can appreciate about chelson and and now chris wyden is they really want this guy

They they they're confident they can take them out yet. The other guys I don't know if it's a brazilian doesn't want to kick out of brazilian's ass Or brazilian doesn't want to talk crap on another brazilian or what it is But I just wish these guys would be uh wanting that a little bit more man, you know He's the one driving Phantoms and and mercedes bands and bmw's or whatever. He's the one catching millions of checks. Don't you guys want that? Listen man that anderson silva that's a complete different animal also, you know chris come on I think a lot of these guys think talk about anderson silva. They don't really know

And I mean jacka ray susan like the guy said is one of his training partners Well, I was trained with him before and veto got kicked in the fucking head So he's not willing to go down that street again You know, but in that division and that's what you need to do in the ufc. So I know that they know it's in their future They just don't want to talk no shit. Would you talk shit about it? I wouldn't call him out Well, you know, you're gonna get that your ass kicked anyway. You might as well talk shit and can uh generate pay-per-view buys You know, maybe somewhat convince yourself I don't know. I mean go down in flames, right? Yeah, I like to I like to talk and shit thing, but I don't

I don't like it because it comes back to biting the ass and you're sitting there looking like a fucking mama lucalie I'd rather go in there say he's a gentleman in the back of your mind You know what you got to do and you know what the guy's drinking weakness on you go in there and fucking attack him I gotta ask you something george. I was away from the computer for a couple days Can you break down the whole nick ds thing if you can? When Nate Diaz what happened? I don't know anything about it till last night till I got home Yeah, okay, so ufc 159 pat haley fought jim miller They had a great fight and they were both awarded the fight of the night pat haley defeated jim miller. He also submitted them

Uh, he and he got a $65,000 bonus for that and he got his half of the fight of the night another 65,000 So 130,000 all together Now what the ufc's done is now they withhold the bonuses until the tests come in and you know for for steroids for for marijuana and uh That takes a you know a few weeks and we found out last week that pat haley pissed hot for marijuana metabolites so He doesn't get his 130 thousand dollars. They gave They let jim miller keep it 65 because they're not going to penalize him. He was part of the part of the night

But brian carol a got, you know, we should take boyfriend He got the 65,000 for the submission because he was the next most impressive submission of the night But he got to his 65k now. I believe pat haley and Nate Diaz are kind of tight But what happened was sorry, I I left this part out So brian carol a gets a 65 grand our reporter, uh, the magnificent morocco catches up with brian carol a gets some common And carol a goes off a little bit on You know the mistake that pat made but just marijuana users in general and that seemed to piss off made Diaz who then went to twitter and and called them a fag and

You know said I think he said You know he didn't agree with the decision Of taking pat haley's money and then he sits up along the lines of you know, and they went to the world Biggest fag and of course the ufc has um definitely found upon its athletes You know using that word and they have that code of conduct now I think they're all familiar with it and you know, basically what he should have said was, you know They couldn't have gone to the world's biggest bitch news asshole, whatever. He just picked the wrong word Have you suspended now?

He suspended he says well, yeah, yeah 90 days, uh, 60 or 90 days he suspended Which really is no big deal because you have to kind of try and take off anyway for a fight But he got hit with a $20,000 fine, too It's a lot of reefer It's a lot of fucking reefer exactly god damn How about the joint that I cost pat haley a hundred and thirty thousand that's even more expensive And i'ma tell you something that pat haley is a fucking great kid Uh, he went to jersey and that's what it was as i'm watching the pat haley

Jim miller fight i'm thinking of myself this motherfucker didn't get the memo. He was too stone to read it You know i'm saying he he didn't get the memo He wasn't supposed to go to the jersey and beat up on jim miller and now it comes out that he just didn't fucking read it He said fuck it so What are you gonna do brother? I'm happy you called into it. What happened? He said he quit about 30 minutes. Uh, excuse me 30 days in advance. He didn't you know, he thought he'd be out by then But yeah, I think what it boils down to now joey is you know people used to say eight days two weeks three weeks

Now i'm here in a month and who knows maybe they're not being genuine with us But I think basically once you sign the dotted line, you know, you do your eight-week camp just they offer it all together Hey listen man when you You know when you find peace in this shit, it's tough to fucking that's easier said than done You know and I and I feel bad for pat haley. You fought a great fucking fight But obviously you have to respect something you're absolutely right So, uh, you know, whatever i'm not mad at him. What are you gonna do? You know, he got busted It's amazing how good the test have gotten it used to be 30 days 32 days

You know, and that's for a fat fuck for a guy that's sweating every day It should just be three or four weeks But these tests go fucking deep now They go deep I guess you can't beat them with water. You can't beat them with nothing, you know, so Uh, whatever, you know, Dana white gave an interview to somebody a while back And he said that that was the biggest concern Did he not did he not say it wasn't trt's or steroids? He said that he felt a lot of people wasn't getting high I know I'd have to if I was getting punched in the fucking head and getting my arm twisted, you know

I don't drink. Yeah. Well, he's pretty big for him. You know, he definitely wants to curb that or if not abolish it all together And as far as marijuana mark ratner, you know, one of the ufc vp's they're uh for regulatory, you know Affairs or whatever he was also in a petition to the commissioners that you know, they should Probably ban that uh, you know get rid of that testing too for for marijuana. So I know the ufc definitely Wants to take a softish stance, but for right now the rules are the rules and you know the bomb, Joey I guess is I've never really messed around too much with mary jane And uh, so I I really don't know what it's like. So maybe it's easy for me to say hey eight weeks Stop it. Maybe you can tell me because I know you're a aficionado of it

You know, how long could you go without it if you knew that it depended on 65,000 130,000 and your wins and losses, you know in the ufc between you and I At 50 I could do it at 50. I could figure something out at 23 I couldn't do it. I had no self-control I wouldn't you know, I would go like to the I would probably I know me then at that age I would probably go to the to the third day before the fight and that Friday I get high That's how dumb I fucking was

So I can't really judge one of those guys You know when you're young You think you got the world by the balls and you do but you have the world by the balls in a different situation Not that you could fucking smoke dope and pass the test Listen, man, when I was going through my shit and when I was 27 and I'm not ashamed to say this They would piss test me monday when I was in the federal probation shit, george They would piss me monday Wednesday and friday you had a call up and if your color came up you had to go down there and piss within two hours

okay So I know for a fact george that every friday night I started snorting coke early Because I figured that if I stopped early that would give me the 72 hours to beat it on monday george. I never beat a test Knowing knowing george that they were gonna piss me and I put fucking A pool cleaner in my dick. I put drain-o in my dick. I did everything to beat that fucking piss test I drank I used to drink a bottle of vinegar White distilled vinegar with cranberry juice

Two hours before the test and still fucking pissed hot Nothing works A bottle of distilled how bad i'm an addict are you at 27 at this time? I was 29. I was out of the joint You know, and I was out of the joint I had just gotten out george And who the fuck is gonna tell and all you had to do is stop like how you listen bro All you had to do in those days was go to the judge write a petition and go on going out of town to a wednesday And they let you and you could not even leave town

You could just get high in your house and not call back until wednesday and I still got high george. So Who the fuck knows when you're a young man? What does jano coming out of your dick feel like? I still got scars psychologically and physically on my helmet I can't even you know, sometimes when I pee if I get if I pee next to like open plum and my dick fucking climbs in my nutsack Got down. Yeah, that's crazy. It's fucking crazy. So I know what you know somebody like nick Diaz was going through when You're sitting there when you're a fighter or anything you're thinking to create moves And you know when you get high it's a lot easier to work out. It's a lot easier to go down there and throw some kicks and roll So who am I to judge somebody you know george?

Yeah, I got you you're looking forward to 160 this weekend Yes, the fuck I am but I am looking forward to this I am looking forward to seeing all mma junk I felt really bad george because I'm shooting that thing thursday and friday. I'm shooting late friday So I'm the type of guy if I miss the way in I say fuck the fight I stay home But because a bunch of your people coming I'm gonna fly in saturday morning and I'm gonna meet up with you motherfucker somewhere I don't have a comedy show

But at least let me show up and I'll have some shirts or something And we'll fuck around at the bar. Maybe lisa. I had a flyer and lose 800 and play poker this weekend What do you think lisa had to fly into you in go to mma junkie fucking thingy? Yeah, I'll tell you what man. We'd love to have you guys and tell me if you're free on saturday or excuse me Friday afternoon big deal man. You miss the lanes with fridays and yet another day to come out and hang out A lot of things going on So, uh, you know get your ass down on friday What is the mma junkie fucking thing schedule? Give me the whole schedule for the weekend

Break it down from friday to sunday. What's going on with you guys? Well, check this out. We're gonna start on Tuesday on Tuesday They're gonna be at least two dozen people in by Tuesday night People are gonna start coming in tonight people have already come in since last friday from new zealand But anyway, uh, you know a big dream comes in Tuesday night We're gonna go see comedian adam hunter the mma roasted guy He's also gonna be in our studio on wednesday and then on wednesday We're gonna go do an mma trivia night

We have our stat cat that's part of the show who provides a lot of stats to the show He's written up a bunch of questions. So, uh, you know a lot of junkies and and, uh Fighters are going to go to a bar with mullen's bar in vegas and we're going to do an mma trivia night And then on thursday, we're doing bowling at the red at the red rock hotel One of the stations hotels owned by by the partedas and that's going to be really really cool Again, a lot of fighters are coming up for that And and then uh, we're also going to watch a pro practice on thursday at the syndicate gym here in las vegas So it'll give the junkies a feel of what these guys go through when they game there for two hours and beat each other

As they prepare to fight Uh, friday, we got the wins. We got texas big brazil after our 1500 show We'll be by then there'll be about 75 to 100 of us by friday That's when most people start rolling in then we all go over to the wins And uh, you know watch that and then we're going to um A hip-hop concert with ll cool jay and snoop dog and a bunch of others andrew dice clay Some people are going to peel off to that and any time that we're not doing an activity We're going to sit right in front of the mma junkie radio booth inside the nano lee bay hotel

And just drink and hang out and kind of get to know each other people are bringing, you know, swag We're going to have some swag to give out so, uh, you know, I definitely invite you to cruise by if you are an mma fan And you're going to be in town Thursday, excuse me saturday, we're going to watch the fights in legassi stadium Rather than go to the fights and kind of be split up We decided to all be together and legassi stadium at the venetian as a medium-sized Theater where you can all watch it and wager on the fight So we're definitely looking forward to your predictions joey on friday so we can know where to what the parley

What's the bet on, you know, what fighters the back that's going to be a blast And then of course the closing ceremonies at the foundation room at mandalay bay that night By then, you know, everyone's kind of fucked up Fucked up. I'll be there with edibles, but I have read the whole fucking thing. I'll be there I'll be there. I can't get there friday if I could I'll be there But sadly, I'm gonna show up at the fucking vicaroo stadium. We're ever the fucking is the vigenia It's a lot. I'm the watch I could at least watch the prelims with you guys and I'll catch you guys after that

We'll fuck around and do whatever we need to do because you know, george I uh, the reason I really wanted you to call in today Was because I know how much you love these people that you work with You really love what you do george. You love mma. You love the fans I've seen you sit out there and drink with them and carry on and have a great time And uh, and I love that you do it. You've inspired me To love what I do, you know a little more so Thank you, man. Well, thank you. Yeah, you know fix the saying that and of course they love you, you know, they love you guys

Uh, they're definitely looking forward to seeing you joey and you're right It's not a job when you love what you do and we really love what we do. We love the sport So even though my job is to watch fights. I have no problem with it. I have no problem watching facebook fx fuel Uh spike tv your name is ufc tonight any show that has mma in it. I'm watching and and you know These athletes are just phenomenal people. They really are The great athletes. It's a it's a great diversity resilience uh

Americans japanese australians humans every, you know Cubans you name it mexicans Yeah, everybody can fight and there's some good ones everywhere and they all come together They all have different types of personalities. They all have different types of skills And uh, you know, they're just great people man And I feel uh, very lucky to be able to cover this and do this for a living You know, you said something in the beginning of your podcast the podcast of the call that i've i've learned a lot from mma The thing that's really helped me the last three years as a comedian

Is that every day i try to work on something? a different arsenal You know what we saw saturday night with uh vido belfo with that kick was a guy that's been around for a while And he knows that he has to change it up a little bit. He knows that his time is more valuable So when he gets in there now, he has to hit a little fucking harder, you know For luke to take that fucking kick that was a phenomenal kick if you watch i watched that kick 80 fucking times I watched it again last night I stayed up last night and watched it and taped it again last night

taped it fucking again And then taped up above all angles whatever with anderson silvers But it was amazing to kick it was text book and in life you have to keep improving every fucking day And that's what i'm learning from these guys and look at the guys that don't look at the guys that come in there with the same game plan all the time They disappear from the u.s.c. George Yeah, you know luke ruckel said it himself He said he was starting to get v tors timing down with his hand, you know v tors a great boxer But luke ruckel is a very intelligent fighter and i think he was starting to get a good beat on his footwork

His hand his timing he was getting comfortable He was starting to throw a little bit more and bam all of a sudden this kicks him So, you know, that's the beauty of mr. Marshall arts is you don't just you know You can't just get the timing of someone's hands you have to get the timing of anything else They might throw your way including a take down Take down attempt a kick a knee a flying knee a superman punch, you know and and uh, there's really a lot to look out for If the important luke ruckel just got he got caught by an excellent strike Really and i don't know too many people that would have survived that listen

He learned you know, he learned that veto he learned that from when he fought anderson To expect he didn't expect the unexpected You know if you go into these fights and you're known as a wrestling you're going with that same one leg take down You know what fucking good luck Good fucking luck the wrestler that goes in there and throws a spinning fucking flying kick one time And cat, you know, that's the guys that keep evolving And that's what I say like, uh, you know, I know that you work out I started working out leaves work and this all came from MMA once I would go to those events

I felt embarrassed walking around a heavy sack of shit Even if I was happy and I was working out I feel a little bit more confident And that's why I go to the events now and I feel fucking a lot better about myself and who the fuck knows maybe I'll go have a v8 What else judge it's very inspiring as well, you know, and I I really really love Uh mix watch a lot and even all the little components So when when I watch showtime boxing I get to watch just just boxing when I get to watch, you know, a duel wrestling me I concentrate just on wrestling Brazilian jiu-jitsu there's a lot of tournaments in town. I'll try and go and catch one of those

And it's fun. It's just great to see that there are athletes that can do it all and flow through it, you know, and uh That's just amazing to me. I grew up with just wrestling just boxing But to see these guys that can do it all I never thought it'd be it I just grew up with fucking new chucks, you know And then said eventually you got to get the stars and you got to get a fucking BB gun. You got to switch it up Well, fucking how's your family judge? How's my little brother doing with his fucking? What if questions that got suckered? He's looking forward to seeing you I gave it a shot once but I hit myself on the nut too many times

So I put those things down quickly. I don't know how some guys can get going on that Oh, I guess that means you have to sacrifice a few nut shots. No, it's not the nut shot It's it's the elbow. I'll tell you what's the worst. It's the elbow and the back of your head When you really get into practicing, you don't even do that It's the elbow and it's that new chuck when you go underneath When that little tip hits your fucking elbow, you feel it in your ankle Like it just your whole body just goes And then the back of your cranium when you go to spin around sometimes a new chuck comes up

It's in the back of the I'm like I hit I used to put copper fucking tips on the end stock We don't fuck around in jersey copper fucking tips, you know when you hit yourself with a copper You know like plumbing they put the copper to stop it. We put copper on the bottom of a broom handle Are you kidding me or what? That's old fucking school. I said putting rocks in the whiffle ball bat If I hit you you're going down like Reggie Jackson and game eight. I love you cocksucker I will see you. What's up before you go, George? Uh, that sounded cool. Can you is there a website or something on get tickets for this event or what's going?

Just show the fuck up to a mandalay bay outside the booth and start drinking sit there somebody will show up Yeah, exactly sit there somebody will show I seen it before What we're doing you can go to mma junkie.com forward slash radio That's the direct site. Yeah the direct link to our radio show and of course our website mma junkie And you can see our guest list who's going to be there. But yeah, like joey said just show the fuck up to mandalay bay You know, uh, we we're covering a lot of the expenses for some of these things the parties are coming out on on their own darn Yeah, but you know, of course some drinking will be on you, but just come out It's gonna be a great time. It's like an adult fantasy camp

You know when you were growing up and you heard about adults going You know like the Florida to play baseball with the legends same thing like that except, you know, we're not exactly gonna You know doing any mma, but we're gonna hang out. We're gonna talk twice. It's gonna be a block I'm looking forward to seeing you guys and I want to thank you guys for having me man It's been a lot. Oh, I missed you, George and I was thinking about the event and I was thinking last week I was probably getting three to four emails or facebook questions at there. Well, I see you at mma junkie And I just wanted to address it. So I thought about calling you friday morning, but I knew you were busy So i'm happy you called up man. You were fucking great. I love you, george

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Love you too, joey, and uh, I I'll see you saturday for sure. I love you, man All right, take care, buddy. Thank you, brother. Have a good week. See you. Oh, shit I hope your mother fuckers heard that if you didn't get your tickets, you don't even have to go to the fights Just fucking get up a shitty hotel for how much they cost on this side. Yeah on the weekends It's different, but there's a like the the fucking cure the imperial palace. It's 30 bucks. Come on guys That's fucking godlike. They's doing it for free. Take a fucking bus on tuesday. You get there by thursday You smoke some dope. We eat some edibles. We'll shoot some fucking h

Don't play. Don't play blackjack. You don't play blackjack. Leah. You done. That's it. You just quit. No, no, no I'll keep I'll keep going but I just Don't wait on me. You're there, but you just I played the lottery for the $600 million And what happened? You said you're gonna fly over my house and throw a bag of shit Looks like you'll be walking over there cocks like that He called me up talking about his personal plane and thinking he was fucking Elvis and he Jesus christ, uh That's fun. I looked at this is free. That's really nice of him. I looked at it's free

I thought you'd have to buy a ticket. No, no, no these guys are straight up There's a dog Like I said before and I'll say it again. It's 2013 if you don't have no customer service in your fucking life Something happened. I mean the other night that really Pissed me the fuck off. Okay, let's break it down and I'll tell you after you people hear this conversation Not you a lot of fucking people gonna be pissed off on me, but let me break something down to you. Okay Uh playing the fucking simple, you know, I grew up in the 70s and the 80s and just like you guys I was fans of people. I was fans of richard prie. I went to see him after he got burned

I went to see Sinatra, you know, I went to see a lot of people and I know what to expect from people I know what not to expect from people You know, I I shook Richard gear's hand at a club one that studio 54 I just had to meet him But I wouldn't torment him or anything like that. Yeah, okay There's a thing called the fan when I was a child when I was a kid I had a Julia serving post on my wall I loved it. He had a net shirt on his leg was picked up If I saw Julia serving I would bow, you know in fact when converse when he signed with the Sixers

And converse signed them they would have festivals and if you bought sneakers You would get two tickets to these fucking Julia serving things on Saturday mornings And you went with your basketball and he showed you drills and he showed you how to shoot and how to fucking It was just brilliant for converse paid for this shit. Wow. I was part of this deal But I was a fan and did I have a way of connecting with him? No, no, there was no websites then there was you wrote letters You you you wrote letters you found out what a dr. J fan club was You know, I was a letter writer

I used to write to Duke University to the coach build whatever I would write to dean smith And I would have them send me training programs every college has now kids don't know this You write if you're a wrestler and you send a letter to fucking Iowa state and go I want to wrestle for you. Do you have a training program? They've already got to print it up Yeah, they have that and you send that out to these kids and and you lose your mind as a kid It makes you a bigger fan of Kentucky. You know, I was a fan of coaches. Iona and fucking uh, the guy from fucking Kansas, I loved as a kid. You know, I was a fucking idiot. You know, I'm a fucking idiot. It's well known But I'm half retarded, you know, we all are but

Uh, I didn't have a way of contacting these people. Let's fast forward. This is 2013 Somebody came up to me when I was at the Palm No, the other place the hardly Langton when I was outside. He's like dog. You know what man? I gotta tell you something I'm not fucking cool with your comedy. You talk some fucking craziness But he goes I respect you because you're a man I emailed you one time and you sent me an email back about a random subject about sleep apnea something

About vitamins. He goes, you know, how many people I fucking email And never got a thing back and then he goes he goes I followed you on facebook And then I found out you were funny as fuck you go crazy on twitter and he goes I remember you had a ball sack. I mean he's been there that long the guy knew he goes, you know And he goes one time I hit you on twitter about an off-color joke and you told me to go fuck myself and just as by the I was gonna call you a fat fucking spic. I thought about what you had just done You had just communicated with me didn't matter what you said and he goes I don't know if you remember because I don't expect you if I wrote back

I loved you fat fuck and you put much love back and that's it He goes I've never tweeted you again, but you tweeted me And this is how I feel right now, man. If somebody's got a twitter page, you know, I hate the fucking word celebrity I fucking hate when people come up to me call me mr. Diaz I fucking hate that shit. Yeah, just call me joey or let's smoke a joint. Don't tell me to roll it Have it prepared. Don't show up and show me the butt like you're fucking Johnny hightimes. Have it prepared so we could smoke On the move you follow me so But if fucking even Joe Rogan hits people back the people I associate with I watch their twitter

Steven bow or Emilio, they talk to people when they can't You know, if somebody doesn't tweet you back What's the purpose of having that shit, you know, that's what people pay for now is the full experience is to have you Whatever I can't come to your house to fucking dinner every night But this is and this is how I think about it, right? Sometimes like I just write an article about celebrity who doesn't take pictures Like a comedian doesn't take pictures. Did that bother me? No, I understand It doesn't bother me, but I understand how there's some people you can't touch Yeah, the germaphobe

What's it kind of the the host of uh, America's Got Talent who like howie mandel doesn't do it, right? Right a lot of people you can't touch they have these hollywood type things and anywhere else you get smacked in the fucking mouth Yeah, like how about I smack you in the fucking mouth shake my head motherfucker But because you're you are you know, I'm a germaphobe. Yeah, how about I smack in the fucking mouth? You're paying 20 million fucking dollars whether you're a celebrity a baseball player a movie star whatever the fuck they call them You follow me. Everybody has the phobia just to let you know. They're a little oh, no I don't do that. You know, I drink a vegan fucking milk Oh, what the fuck they drink just to make you feel like a fucking momo, which they do the point of the being

You know what man if you buy a band's music or a comedian's fucking stupid fucking con CDs or my testicle test What are the fuck you're buying t-shirts from anybody your shoes or sneakers if you email that person Even if it takes a month, I hope they get back to you Because we're not fans anymore when people come up to me or you're a fan of fucking destroys me We're part of a network now. This is how easy it is. We tweet each other I tweet you the music that's on my mind. It was just so weird how that person put it to me that bothered me for like Two days, but what bothered you about it? Sounds like a school that Years ago, I didn't have a way to contact julia serving

But today if I hit julia serving on twitter Or something listen, I understand that you don't want to take a picture of me You can't come on my house to eat But this is you and the privacy of your own house you open your door you lock it takes you two minutes to write somebody back Thank you for being A follower or whatever. That's what i'm saying. Yeah, everybody should get that So you remember what he said you were mad that other people do not do not do it Like even take the time even if it takes a month you got a million

You don't fucking joe rogan gets a million emails a fucking month He's told me that he wants to do a podcast where he just answers back the emails Because he feels so fucking bad. You can't answer everything I sit there because i'm a momo for two hours. Yes, they had another 90 fucking emails And I sit there while you're fucking hanging out with the chick trying to rub her legs. I'm like, I love you I'm telling you nothing. I'm proud of you. No, I'm proud of you. Yeah, listen. I bust your balls I gotta toughen you up a little bit. That's it. See if you would have got a nookie cooking before you Would not have told you loved it. You would have just looked at her and she would have known

I didn't say I loved her. Yes, you did. No, what'd you say? What were the exact words? I'm not giving you the exact words. I think I said something like I feel you said I have something heavy on my heart Oh, fuck you say that like Chubby and put on love to love you, baby by Donna summer. I'm not putting that on love to love you, baby I don't know so let's rock this out. It's monday. What the fuck it's monday We already got Tony Bennett. We gave him fucking biggie. We gave him everything people texting they're calling Who the fuck are these people calling me fucking sick in the morning? It's because you said you don't like being these people got no respect Oh, shit. This is Lidia day

Oh, shut the fuck up. Oh, shit. That's why I didn't want to next time she comes over here. You put this song on you put a fucking thong on You just put this on from here. She'll be looking around the room. He's going for that fucking Oh, here we go. He's coming with your little thong on with your little head with your little beard. What? Do All right, hold on baby. Oh, shit. Oh, shit Lee. This is brilliantly listen to this listen to this bass She's cute Are you kidding me? There's the there's a song you're gonna take the fight to the face right here Oh, shit. Wash your pussy ladies. Wash that helmet. It's the day that they bring those condoms. It's boom boom day

It's chocolate day Oh, shit, Lee You really should watch this guys if you're listening to audio joey is quite a dancer This is happening today, baby. There's church. I'm putting your motherfuckers out there with superpowers today You're stoned. You got an alpha brand in you some cafe cabano. Your ass holds What's up, dog? What do you gotta tell me you gotta tell me something hit it what? Oh, okay. Yeah, Jesus christ. All right, so We're brought to you again by ting

Visit church.ting.com for a 25 service credit or device discount So in case you don't know ting is a mobile service that makes sense And we talked about the hot spots last week. We talked about buying used So I wanted to tell you it's a no contractor etf. It's truly and completely contract free There's no early termination fee or other bs You can there's no bundling or ride-along services Choose through extra small through double excel services levels for voice minutes messages and data Then there's no add-on charges for voicemail call rd tethering hot spot, which is fucking like 20 bucks a month everywhere else

a three-way call and call forwarding um And you can have unlimited devices in one plan So like eventually you're gonna when in like six seven ten years or whatever Your daughter's gonna need a cell phone if you had a company you could have as many services you want And I always I wanted to go on the website because uh, I like looking at electronics because I'm a nerd But uh, I was thinking about it Fucking iPhones are fucking three six hundred dollars. And then you have to pay a hundred bucks a month

ting has Three phones under a hundred dollars with our 25 dollar discount and five under 200 That's not bad So it like eventually if you want mercy to have one when she goes to school But you don't want you don't she doesn't need to have if you have kids and they don't need all the games There's the cheapest phone is 43 bucks 43 bucks you give your kids a few minutes a month. It's really fucking cool and uh And uh, there's a no-hold customer support

You can call them at eight five five ting FTW any time between 8 a.m. And 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and a real person will pick up the phone Not some fucking port of rick and india I don't know how they got to india, but that's another story It took a bus And they have excellent online support at help dot ting dot com and they have active customer uh forums and a powerful helpful ticketing system video tutorials and a startup guide and that's that's what I do people people uh

Will sometimes email me be like what do you have for for audio stuff and what do you have for this Anytime I have a question on how to use something you go to youtube people have made a video about it so they they're helping out with all these video stuff and uh, It's really it's really cool. I They give you credits on the unused service if you use less than you thought you would ting drops you down to the level you hit And uh and credit the difference on your next bill. It's really fucking cool I wish I was smart enough to have them before but trust me. I'm getting them now uh

Yeah, they have a lot of fucking cool phones And um, I don't know man. I'm just awesome. I'm lucky. We got ting because you're passionate about it You were telling me about the other on the phone. You were happy So hey listen as long as you're happy. I'm fucking happy. Thanks buddy. No. Yeah, I fucking I love electronic stuff I know you do Why don't you put it on try the camera? Look, I had a little monkey where she was on a couch. You could sit back here and Wack off on your titties and do whatever it is that you do Lee

You know, I love you. We gotta go together. You gotta get together. So what year did you get out of jail? Huh, what year did you get out of jail? 89 so you've made it 24 years almost out of jail 25 years And you're gonna go back because you're fucking jizzing on it like you're gonna have a camera and watching a girl That's the creepiest fucking thing. What are you talking about? No, you're not I'm just teasing you can't put a camera if you were a fucking house If you were kidding, you go to 7 11 and put a camera in the fucking bathroom

Taking pictures and put it into his pussies or you go to a Starbucks. This is your house. You put a camera in the living room She's out there playing with a monkey for in the morning. You're attacking If you don't think she played with a little monkey out there when you were in the bedroom fucking thinking of the cheeseburgers If you were kidding 2013 and Lucy snobbish was up there You would have had like a camera on a helicopter and you would have got sent to jail Why you gotta talk about Lucy? Why you gotta bring up thorns in my side? What if I gotta bring it up? You move down from there. I want the therapy on that. All right. I tried. I'm trying to move on

And you call me on you tell the put the love to love you baby every fucking day fucking Oh, you you love cheeseburgers and you love that girl and you can't have none of them You already tapped that on the juicing so stop stop I heard jade I heard jade fucking saturday night when she was here. I didn't eat your drink cocktail You ate snacks at the bar. I heard you eating peanuts Fucking salad bar. Hey, and then you got up when I called you you eat the eggs and baby. What bars do you go to now that have fucking peanuts? I don't know whatever like the barns of pranos We don't have those anymore. One of the fuck they had that's something you were snacking on

What'd you go after you drank that night? No, we went home Call right now. Yeah, you did. Yeah, she slept over. Yeah Oh And she went and you went in the bedroom like that fucking I had three other people here. Yeah, what three other people My two other friends. What two other friends They came. Well, Jesus Christ. So wait, wait, wait. You took her out professed your love to her and you had two other fucking No, I did that here alone, right and then we went out later Fucking Jesus Christ. Who are the two other friends the chinese girl? Yeah, and who else and her brother?

Oh Fucking relax You're a fucking piece of shit this guy And I don't pay it's not like I'm paying for this could stop. I know you're paying. I'm not this guy is a glutton for fucking Punishment this chick is finally gonna make you marry at least you're gonna beat you that you won't be allowed to do the podcast You'll be hanging out with her fucking thank god, brother. You're fucking you got the chinese chick teaching you kung fu Yeah, I can use everybody back here and your brother. What why? Listen, that's it I'm gonna move in here fucking

I'm gonna move in here on the weekends and fucking supervise you So you brought those four fucking momos over here. There's the brother banging the chinese chick. No, you guys just friends too Yes, it's not fucking 1965 anymore and you're walking around like hey Smacking him in the face and then smacking their ass. You can be friends now I'm just putting on a thong, but I'm not saying I'm not gonna go to bicycle because I'm not fucking gay I didn't say you're gay, but maybe you want to take a walk around the court I don't want to take a walk around the court. Maybe there's a chick. You're probably sitting out there with eggs throwing at him Maybe there's a chick with a big fucking Adams apple that wants to talk to you never know

You can't you really think it's like friends with jennifer aniston the other fucking dude The you hang out and everything's fucking donkey. Dory. What is wrong with you? What am I gonna do with you? You just had some of your best friends or girls So yes, I understand but then I'll come to my house with two other fucking momos Because you don't like anyone at your house you take the chick and the fucking brother with you. Yeah Oh Fucking christ, it's because you won't let people in your house. You're sitting there hold up with all those cats

Just fucking staring at the door. I love people coming over to the house But in my day, I wouldn't bring the chick over with a fucking brother and some friend I lure them over. That's why I said to you can't lure her away. Why do you get involved in the foursome four? You can't because it's fucking fun. I had a fucking great one fun. What fun. What how old are we now? We're 24 stop it. What fun did you fucking have I had fun? God what you're you eat everything. That's anything. I don't know. No, no Fun is her coming back and you rubbing her toes and you know making her a milkshake by yourself And even if nothing happens at least you hear your color

What am I supposed to say? Hey, my buddy's gonna come. No, you spoon with her before So you brought three fucking morphs to your house to sleep here and then you all went for fucking breakfast like a fucking Yeah, what am I gonna do with you? Doug? What is this? What is this? Do you think Charles Branson would have brought fucking three fucking momos home? Do you think James Cobra an armed man fucking flint? In like flint with a brought home two fucking momos. You think Sinatra with a brought home fucking two momos. Yes. No, you wouldn't have You think Bradley Cooper with a brought her fucking girlfriend her brother and the other fucking moron No, think about what I'm telling you, man. And I don't look at Bradley Cooper. It don't matter. You got a dick and you got balls

And you got heart. That's all you need. That's all you need. That's what you know, that's all you need And that's why you're looking another girl. I gotta go up to these knockouts and let's listen the prom You know why there's so many hot single fucking chicks Why because nobody is scared everybody's scared to go up to them and say hey I think you're beautiful. I want to suck your fucking pussy till the midgets come out I'll try that this weekend. You try that you do that with five fucking hot chicks One of them will give you that fucking number because I think you're cute and funny and you have to be honest And you're gonna have to have four stakes ready for all the black eyes. I have for the four other girls

You never got hit before. What's a smack to the fucking eye? At least you broke him I shocked myself at least you fucking broke him and you at least had the balls to say something to him That's why single girls are hot because nobody goes up to them and has the balls There's too many guys like me and you that don't have the balls to go up to a woman and go I finally had the balls later on but by that time who gave the fuck I was too ugly and I was on the blow anyway. You fucking little guys are shit. That's it Let's end this fucking show on the high note because lee got me down I'm in these downs as they cancel fucking green horn in 1967. You know, it's weird though. I was thinking about I like

I'm kind of I'm trying to fashion my life after drunk me. I love I'm so fucking I I'm not nervous when I'm drunk like I talk to people I find fucking fun Like I wish I could like I wish like it like I don't want to be an alcoholic But like I'm like I wish I could be more like drunk me like I'm a fun drunk Like I goof around I talk to people I'm not nervous at all And I just so next every time you drink from now on you have a goal to go up to the prettiest girl in the bar That's alone and go up to and say you look beautiful tonight What would it take for me to take you out of date and suck your fucking asshole?

Just like that. That's the exact wording. You don't have to read it off a piece of paper. I think you're like an immigrant That's even better. Tell me at least I at the director from israel and read the fucking thing So let's see who you get league. I guarantee you're gonna have the hottest chicken and all those guys You ever see a fucking dismal looking guy like myself with a hot chick You see it all the time you want to strap this that guy had balls on that day And right now he's eating that fucking twat like he owns it. You follow me Did you see that craigslist dad people sent us about the fucking guy who wants to get farted in in the face? I told you it's fucking it's the most fucking disgusting thing and he's a guy that wants to get a fart

It's let me let me just read it to you. It's fucking the most it's a fucking grossest thing Uh, let's see here. Uh, hold on. Here it is All right. I'm gonna read this to you. It says hi. I'm looking for a very open Hi, I'm looking for a very open-minded very kinky girl to fart while I lick her ass I'm into all body styles all shapes and sizes as long as you're nasty Would love to eat some nasty sweaty booty. Maybe there's some dirty girls out there who haven't showered yet And the kinky girls who down to have their asses eaten by a submissive man I host central fresno near tower. That's the most disgusting

I want to I'm looking reply back to him reply back to him telling me that we're gonna do a pay-per-view event I want to very kick you're gonna have a contest to see how many farts you and him can take to the face I want a very kinky girl to fart while I lick her ass This guy knows he's been to the other side That guy will never die 150 years old with a cavity But he'll be fucking alive while a bunch of people don't eat ass and they're walking around and he's meaning He's meaning craigslist people to fucking do that when you get down to craigslist people you have a problem I fucking I dated people of craigslist. It's fucking weird. Did you yeah online dating. I fucking it's weird and what shows up

Uh, some of the people were nice. I actually dated two of them, but like Uh, I was telling some people I had a girl who like Like right after you gave me bronchitis from smoking the hash I had a girl bite my nipple and like break the skin fucking the craziest girl and then it's like either girls That's it. She just broke your nipple. She didn't make a suckling balls No, we we had sex but like during that she fuck and then she like peed while I was in the room Which fucking freaked me out peed where in the bathroom like we went to have sex in the shower And she's like I go gotta go pee like right, uh, it's like that's a part. See that's the problem

I'm telling you I think you should put on hot pants and go to Santa Monica. See what happens You want to have a girl the first date you're gonna go do that? Yeah, I'd rather pee on me. You fucked up. I would have told her coming to the shower and pee on me like a soldier Anyone want to take my job? Anyone anyone want to take my job? It's fucking coming in soup and never girls pee on him. It's my nightmare It's monday cocks like as I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you had a great time Thank you for all the support in Long Island and Arizona and fucking uh, austin and uh

New brunswick and fucking miami. I love you cocksuckers and thank you to honor and thank you to honor coming up next It's salt lake motherfucking city Lexington, Kentucky and san jose where lisa yat will be with me those three days in the back signing autographs Selling t-shirt We're not gonna get chinese food. I can tell you that much. We're not. No. Why not? Are you coming to the soup? No, there's no fun. No, I'm not with a guy with a chick that you have a love You never did bro years ago. I was in love with this girl and I go to a house I go in a hamper take a panties out wacko and put them back in there

Hopefully she's getting pregnant through osmosis and she fall in love with me. She never got pregnant So I moved on what do you want me to fucking do? You use osmosis for every scientific thing I don't even know what osmosis is. That's the funny thing. Listen, uh, don't forget about ting But also my people are on it orbury. Uh, I got an email the other day They pushed 180 back for a few months. They're gonna add some stuff, but do not forget. Listen alpha brain. That's what I'm on today Fucking i'm back on the alpha brain because i'm home for three weeks like a train and drink water the whole fucking thing Don't forget about the hem force whether you're drinking the protein powder or the motherfucking chocolate bars

What do you got here? You got 10 grams of protein and three six seven fucking grams of fiber You do this coffee oatmeal you'll be shitting blood within fucking 22 fucking minutes while you're driving on the five north or whatever it goes Don't forget go to honor dot com put your order in I can't get you nothing on the kettle bells and the ropes but any minerals vitamins. I hooked you up I just got honor to sponsor my man adrian colorado a boxer adrian mora I hope you got your fucking vitamins and you're jumping up and down shadow boxing like a motherfucker How about some love to love your bed? What do you got for your uncle joey, brother? You got some uh Here we go. We got some food fighters for and don't forget joey ds.net for all your t-shirts

Support the podcast with a long sleeve shirt. We got hoodies. We got t-shirts and we got more shit coming up Have a great fucking week. It's a beautiful Monday to be a live dog. You can do this shit And when is testicle testaments come out? Uh the 28th of may and 29th We have a live podcast with some special guests leave fucking almost ratted this morning. I almost stabbed I didn't write anybody. What are you talking about? I love you guys. Thank you very much. Listen. Lee throw a kiss Thank you for being a man. Lee. You're a savage. Stay black. Have a good week The best the best the best of you Is someone getting the best the best the best the best of you

Are you gone and on to someone new? I needed somewhere to hang my head without your release You gave me something that I didn't have but I had no use I was too weak to give in and too strong to lose My heart is under arrest again but I break loose