Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 05/22/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #82

Episode Date: May 23, 2013

Vinny Curto, from the first live episode, calls in to talk about the kickstarter for his upcoming documentary, Search CURTO on Kickstarter to find the page. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Please visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 05/22/2013.

Alright this episode brought to you by hulu plus with hulu plus you get total control to watch thousands of shows Whatever you want, whatever the hell you want You could binge on full seasons and watch your favorite current shows like community South Park SNL and more right now my listeners can get an extended free trial of hulu plus by going to hulu plus Dot-com slash Joey. That's hulu plus Dot-com slash Joey go there right now. Let's get this fucking hulu party started bitches Oh Shit oh

Shit They'll be hiding in this trip. What are you fucking nuts or what? Wednesday, May 20 something. I don't know what the fucking 23rd second. I think 20 seconds. Yeah, get down motherfucker I got the who won't get fooled again. That's the fucking mantra for the day. Don't get fooled again Tell the suck your dick before you buy a McDonald's and get your shit together bitches That flavor here with his little brother the flying Jew the flying drama the lover of debt The mad lover from Jerusalem Lee boom boom say at

What's up? What's up, baby? Look at you losing more. You're looking less fucking like skinny as the microphone He like a microphone with a big fucking head at the top. That's the one thing what we're gonna do about big heads It's never going to lose a thousand fucking pounds all this surgery all these fucking people looking like Kardashians stepfather and fucking they can't do nothing with the human head No, it's bigger between their head and the ears. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do my head's always been huge I can't help it Let me tell you something is reefing. Yeah from No, organic. They got the two batches the Colombian gold. Yeah, oh, oh

Yeah, that's a fucking beautiful day the start of Wednesday That's a fucking protein powder on it at work again on it hem plus on it strong bone on it fucking half a brain I don't get on it cocksucker. You just hit your pants. There's no way you get my pants I was just a long extended disco version Part of love you follow me. Hope it's a beautiful day to be alive get up eat your fruit do some jumping jacks Eat reefer coffee get ready. It's a fucking beautiful day to be alive. It's yours to fucking keep what's going on with you Please tell me something what happened last night. You went to work. No, it's You we you've talked about it a lot and what I it's made me think about it

You've you've done a lot of you call them a hundred dollar-day movies, right? Yeah and I've only been here two and a half years But I know where I've gotten been lucky and worked on some pretty good shows and work with you But I've also worked for some pretty shit. Yeah, we all do and I'm just done with it. It's just When there's so many people here, there's people who are trying to spend the least amount of money and make the most and I mean you I'm for people out there who have shitty jobs you you can't really stay you have to It looks bad on you if you because if you don't do a bad job if you do a bad job because the company

It makes you look bad and it's stressful and I'm starting a new job next week, which I'm happy about But it's just it stressed me out and the reason I wanted to talk to you about it is The first thought in my mind was I wanted to get that jack because of the jack-in-the-box across the street from my work I wanted that order. I used I told you about guys about in the YouTube videos and it uh It like it took all my like it it sounds stupid But uh, but do you ever like stress eat cuz like that's I feel like two hours at all I could think about and I didn't do it Which is new for me, but I mean you you must stress eat fuck. I mean you get stressed out. I don't know

I don't know. You don't do it. I don't know if I get when I get stressed. I can't fucking eat You know, it's okay. It's like it's dressed out affects my fucking soul I got this dog. So I can't eat till later on it gives me hodja. I want cheeseburgers Especially don't eat jack-in-the-box. I didn't know I didn't I think a jack-in-the-box Let me tell you what I think about what I think about people cooking food with like lesions in their fingers Shit like this thing on my chin. Well, it's it's the bottom milk. It's a pot of milk. I cut the fucking chin again You know, that's what I think about people sneezing on that commercial with the fucking dentist Sneezes in the guy's mouth. That's why I think I think a jack-in-the-box

They get they pay like 452 an hour and you got like the bottom of the fucking end job Don't eat there. No, I know I didn't but it's just my wife Fishing chips from jack-in-the-box. Yeah for the cat for the cat the finish you like that finish like the fish Okay, it was fucking it wasn't fish. Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't Cat but I don't know who the fuck know who knows What else are you gonna quit this job? What is your last day Friday? Fuck that? So yeah, so Friday, you got a couple weeks off. No couple couple we do live fucking podcast Wednesday, yeah, and we move on with our lives. Yeah, gonna do it. You gotta get a fucking job and settle in put your feet in there

And I put this moving around Man of a thousand references. Do you pretty soon? They're not gonna hide you gonna have to go back to that lady You need to ask no, she's they called me this week and I told you she's got a crush on you No, she doesn't she's 50 years old. That's right She's gonna rub that fucking head put that vagina in your head. That's better than Rogan You have you look like fucking Elvis Presley in two months. You have no idea how many things I got I can't eat egg drop soup now because of you So this guy don't eat egg drop soup. You want to go to jack-in-the-box. They don't have fucking egg drop soup

But jack-in-the-box. Yeah, no, they probably do no they don't fucking people, you know, it's funny because I thought about You I always think about This show and I think about the people we mail me and I think about the whole fucking week in general and blah blah blah I'm blah blah blah And I was thinking about when I was 15. Yeah, I was 15. I walked into Freshmen or 14 and walked into my freshman fucking Algebra class and it was a girl named Lisa that had the prettiest fucking face in the world. Her ass was big Mm-hmm, you know, she was on the borderline of being you know a big girl whatever and I fell in love with it

She had a fucking a pussy through the jeans was tremendous I just remember the fucking clogs. She used to have clogs Yeah, with little with a little gem in the middle that were brown clogs and she wear the blue jeans and her shirt And she had mediocre boobs when her face could stop Bird shit in midair. It was beautiful. It was just fucking beautiful and I fell in love with I had this secret crush and then I was dating other girls and slinging dick or whatever the fuck being a half a fruitcake and It's fucked up story. Yeah

It taught me a lot at that age, you know, I was really in love with them boom my mother died I made out with her like a month before my mother died Mm-hmm, and I grabbed her tear the something and I was in love and then my mother died She came to the funeral and stuff and it was like I was I had this secret love affair with her in my mind Yeah, and I was scared to tell her, you know, so I would keep it We talked on the phone about general things, but I was really in love with it and this went on and One night we got into an argument We would always talk for six months and then not talk for six months

Yeah, and we got into an argument at Joe Marry's we were still in high school We're like Junies in high school going to bar Fucking in a bar already right like ten of us and her and I had a couple cocktails on this And something that we got into an argument and she goes you got to remember I would never fuck you Jesus, you're just not my fucking type. I'm like you the other night. It killed me inside I never said no nobody cried and it just fucked with me a little bit, you know Yeah, of course and then it became what everything else becomes in my life, you know like you can't do this You're fucked now. I'm gonna fuck you

Now I'm gonna fuck you now you proved me wrong a I'm in love with you and be now I'm gonna fuck you yeah, and it started my pursuit started her junior year and Going into senior year. I quit school to load trucks. Mm-hmm, but I wouldn't have to be at work till 9 o'clock at night at 10 o'clock at night So in high school I would go out for a few hours and then go load trucks all night and one Monday night I went out and she was drinking vodka and It was starting to get cold. Yeah, it was like November of 81 It was starting to get cold and she was drinking vodka with

Ice tea in those days ice tea didn't come in a bottle. It came in a milk container, but you could buy 16 ounces Okay, you know you could vodka tea Jesus Christ, so I was telling Greg Fitzsimmons that they used to be this pizza ball and my and by the high school next I showed you Across some hash-rays Nick's you and he would always my friend would always buy a nice tea you do He was go Nick you suck Nick would go fucking not so he would call me every evening across the street. Go vanilla You fucking Jew you suck and when you go what do you want from me that ice tea is a nickel cheaper across the street He was Catholic. He wasn't even fucking Jewish. So the funny thing about this is we were out there one day and something happened

I said something the pizza place she was in the pizza place with her girlfriends But her iced tea and a vodka outside. Okay, so they froze up the dice tea. Okay So I said something to when I went outside in front of my friends and this bitch came out with a vodka with a iced tea thing and threw it at me Like over her cup. Yeah, I'm through it at me And she started walking with her girlfriend She was drunk about something and she was tripping on some hate drunk girls and she started walking and I fucking picked up the ice tea And I chased and I went behind and poured the the fucking frozen ice tea on the head Icicles hitting the head and we didn't talk. Yeah, and I thought it was over. I didn't give a fuck. Yeah in the back of my mind

I'm still gonna fuck this bitch I just got to figure out a fucking way and even at that age I figured it out. I said, you know what? I'm gonna avoid this girl. I started avoiding that big high school parties I wouldn't go to them. I'd snort coke with my friends instead. I go on a Harlem. I would avoid them. Yeah, she started asking We didn't talk and then one February My birthday I went out because we would celebrate like six birthdays in a row when I was in high school We went out and we walked into the bar. I remember so everybody was so coked up. They bought an ice cream cake They just fucking melted. This is a nice cool

It just fucking melted like nobody fucking touched the cake because everybody was coked up Yeah, that's how embarrassing these stories are when I tell you people how much of a loser I was and Something happened some guy walked home and tried to make out with her So I got the call the next morning. Hey, you got to talk to that guy And then she called out of the blue and she wished me a happy birthday and that was my Time yeah, I had to make every word out of my mouth count. I was gonna fuck this girl No matter what was gonna go down. I didn't know how I was gonna do it I was in love with her I was gonna do it and I just played the handoff right I

Avoid her even because I went back to school Yeah, I tried to get my high school diploma. I avoid it because I would leave school like at 12 30 One day she called me and she started asking me questions. I'm like, I got this fucking girl And she did blow I didn't smoke pop But we all did blow that we were going to the clubs in the city like studio or the fun house We would all go out on Saturday night. I Wasn't a big go out in those days to those clubs I would I would stay at Joe Marry's cuz I knew I went into the city and shit. It was it sucked

Yeah, you know, I hear it Joe Marry's my neighborhood bar. I'm stuck there. I could get a fucking rocker coke I could borrow money if I need I get free drinks. You go in the bathroom You can blank yourself into fucking Palookaville at a studio and all these clubs got to go to bathroom people watching your $20 a drink 20 to get in your fucking high school. Yeah, oh This fucking So Something happened. I started seeing them more and more like talking to her And I had her I just didn't know when and one day like in May like around the senior prom

Yeah, I didn't take her nothing. She asked me she goes when are we gonna do this really? Yeah, it was fucking crazy And then I played it off. I was scared. Yeah, you know, I'm a little scared cunt Sorry to use that word before fucking lunchtime. I'm a little scared bitch. I tried to avoid it once she put it on my lap Yeah, and she's like, what do you want to do? I? Was like, I don't want to Tell you later, and then I had it and I started robbing. I graduated high school and me and my buddies went on a fucking Thieve and tear. Yeah, they're 82 or 83. Yeah, 82 summer. We just started stealing. So every night we get six seven fucking grams of toot When those days we used to buy coke there and he came in a bottle

Okay from my high school teacher mr. McGrath the camel breath Because he used to smoke camel cigarettes there So he used to have these fucking vials and the grand was in there perfectly We go to his house and buy four or five of those fucking things And I would always talk to her at five or six and she'd tell me where she was gonna be. Okay. I just wouldn't fucking show That's how much of a scared little fucking girl. I was back then dog. Jesus Christ I was robbing houses and shit, but the girl I was in love with that was ready to put it on me I don't know what she was gonna put on me. I know she's a little monkey on me after she said those words

I played it off like I didn't want to hear about it no more That's how fucked up fear works now now I was in my lap and I was still fearful of getting it right there This is what I always for those two years She's all I thought about when I was with other girls That's all I thought about when I was dancing or having a great time I would look around if she wasn't there go fuck and now for the first time this girl was about to drop love on me Yeah, and I chickened out like a little fucking pussy dog. Oh shit And one night I was definitely supposed to meet her and I died got fucked up

Passed out they had to carry me home. That's how much fear I had That I was supposed to meet her at a bar and by 9 o'clock. I was gone. Yeah, I couldn't even handle the success I just started drinking doing fucking coke eating fucking gorilla biscuits and by 9 o'clock the next morning I woke up and my friends were like dog you fucking got fucked up early and one one night She left with another guy. Yeah, she got so pissed at me some guy walked the home And I think they made out of some so once I heard that I was like, that's it. I gotta get back to fucking business so I bumped into her in a club and

I wasn't snorting that night It was a happy hour because those days Tuesdays you went to McSawley's No, you went to Chalely's in Jersey City. It was two for once You got an Alabama slammer and a mug of Heineken for a dollar You still know your weekly schedule 30 years later 30 fucking years ago dog I don't fuck around Wednesdays was ladies night at some club Thursdays with something else. I mean it was fucking tremendous week because we had a yeah We had a steal but we also had a budget we were stealing but we also had a budget, you know, and I remember like I

Met her out. I gave her the coke. I said hold on to it You know, I had like an April that I was selling at the time. This is my summer in high school My first summer at high school. It's like a week. I'm already selling blow. I was doomed to fucking lose I give her the blow For something and I go meet up tomorrow and then that night I took her to this place the Fort Lee called Piccolissimo Right fucking pansies. Oh, I was a bad motherfucker even back to the lobster fried Diablo. I'm on Monday nights It was 1495 during the week was like 20 to 50 at that when you're in high school 20 to 50 Fucking take you for a loop. Yeah, chicken sandwich from from from Burger King is 99 cents here

I am eating lobster fra but dog I can never describe lobster fra Diablo to people from this place and I've ordered a thousand times after this and it was never Like this, but I used to go there so much for a lobster fra. They knew it. I would walk into I was so crazy This was a fancy fucking Italian restaurants and people playing fucking them You know the violin violin and I'd walk in and the way they would see me and I go lobster fra That's how fucking crazy I was even back then they would go Relax, and I would just look at the I would just keep saying lots to fly Lobster fra that's how much of retarded I was back then and they would sit me down

They put a bib on you. Yeah, they put a bib on lobster. Yeah a blopster bib and they would come with a fucking dish of pasta And the round the dish was clams and on top of the clams were fucking mussels and on top of the mussels was shrimp big Motherfucking shrimp not like Louisiana oil spill shit. They give you an hour fucking rice And then on the top a fucking lobster that would choke you and the lobster would have a shell on top But it was already cut for you. Yeah I was on the tremendous and they would clean the claws on they'd have the claws on this fucking dish And you would show up for $18 for fucking $14 and you'd show up But they got the fish rather Hudson this shit you'd walk around with fucking no wonder I'm crazy

I think you can shit ink and you'll blood and you'll shit And you just mixed it to fuck up guys you took the clams out of the thing You started manging with a loaf of fucking bread. I don't forget they brought my friend. This was the real deal They brought my friend, but we leave like $50 tips. So they had a fuck with us. Yeah, my friend said if you go to leave Peek-a-leek someone don't fuck with those fucking people And you know what I met the owner 20 years fucking lately lives in Florida now I met the owner in Fort Lee, New Jersey. I told me like man, you're absolutely right So I took this chick to pick a leasy mode with the coke. She was saving for me that Thursday night. Yeah

This is like on a Thursday night this romance start. This is fucking true story. I'm dropping. I never even told the story I'm testicle test. I haven't heard it. This is a painful fucking story for uncle Joey I'm dropping on you on a Wednesday one of it. That's how I fucking roll Lee if I'm saying something I can't show up with one fucking gun So that Thursday I went to lobster for Diablo, okay, and we had like a gram and a half of fucking blood when I had some cash In my pocket, I don't know what I had robbed that weekend Went to lobster for Diablo when I killed her at the lobster for Diablo place The violin guy came over I gave him a fucking 10

She was in fucking all so we get in her car Yeah, and we drove to Enga Edgewater and they used to be a boat there Called like though it was a movie theater there and there was a boat that you got on there They did a disgusting and we would go there and smoke pot and do coke from time to time and you can hear the rats Would scrape on your car. Why would you go there because you could smell coke there and the cops wouldn't fuck with you Even the cops are scared of going to Edgewater. Okay, there was a movie theater there. I saw like Splash there and I Saw a lot of fucking good movies that saw Ghostbusters there a lot of little fucking great movies I saw at that movie there was like a two movie theater

But the boat was called the Binghamton the Binghamton and you went there to eat the food was like cafeteria food But you know you were on the boat. Yeah, that was the whole mistake the boat didn't fucking go no way You were just on the boat So we're back there and next you know we're swapping spit. We got a bottle of wine. I'm chopping up the fucking coat We started swapping spit and it was she just broke down She goes I've been a lover you for two years when you don't call me it drives me crazy. I would just stop talking to her Fucking I ain't talking to you no more bitch And I just put that last I didn't stop talking was all fucking that was Hitler type manipulation

I was you know, I was just torturing because I knew I knew I had nothing to lose. Yeah, I had nothing to lose I hadn't gotten on from I didn't know if I was gonna and at that time I wasn't looking for her for love I was looking for her water saved me. I was looking for a girl to fucking save me. I didn't have a mother I was on there. I was half a fucking criminal. I was confused. I was looking for a girl to go You know what? I'm gonna get an apartment move in with me drive me to work. Okay? That's what I was looking for. I was trying to play like a butler to some fucking rich chick or something stupid like that That's the mind fuck I had in my mind. So That Thursday night we go to this fucking behind this boat with swapping spit

We're doing blow I took a panties off right there and I ate her pussy But I put a coke rock and a pussy right there dog Opening fucking day. No drama Lee. No nothing. I rubbed a little pussy a coke on her clutch You didn't know what was going on. I remember I was eating and she was banging the top of the fucking hood Cuz her head was stacking out of the class. I had her legs up. I was even in the front seat like a soldier. I Have this image of you thinking it's like you're like the scene the club scene and good fellas And you're just in there screaming frah frah and like they're pissed off at you, but I can't I would yell frah frah And they would lose them like you have some class

You can't be a speck all your life I Can't believe you went to someplace to get a party I love for a date cuz that from people who don't know that shit is spicy I'm telling your dog. I used to fucking kill it back there. She's a straight a little monkey on Thursday I left the day went back to the bar and greeted everybody like nothing happened, but she knew Okay Friday night went to another part. We went out and I forget what we went that night We're back to our house me stinky my buddy stinky because he used to date her friend Teja Teja Romano big fat piano from time

How romantic you you her and stinky so we went over there nothing happened And that's Saturday. Yeah, I went to a party my man Steve of Willows house was called the fucking podcast Yeah, and there was a fight and one of the fights. I was selling coke and I cut it so much There wasn't even coke no more Yeah, and I was selling to these fucking dummies from downtown and I remember the one kid's name Mike came up He's like cocoa this coke ain't coke. I want my money back I just gave him his fucking money back cuz I want to deal with this jerk off and the girl was there Lisa And my buddy Roger whose brother I went to eat with Wednesday Thursday night at the palm

Okay, brother Timmy because Timmy and Roger Timmy was the getaway driver the Michaels jewelry heist Fucking Roger and me got into a misunderstanding Okay, one of my best friends in life Got into a fucking argument about something and he pushed me I pushed him and one of the times he went to push me I grabbed the fence and my hands went through the fence I got a little poke in my hand I didn't faint or nothing because my girl was there Lisa had no option, but they're not fake And this is what I tell you Lee I took her we left her and I left in her car went back to a house

We were watching TV we started swapping spit I think I ate a person who started talking about having sex. She says she couldn't have until she got married but buh-buh-buh And I was like fucking depressed, you know cuz in my mind I was gonna fuck this girl Yeah, I just knew it it was gonna take time we got into an argument. I said, you know, I don't need this shit And I walked out of half And she lived on 69th Street. Okay, and I was living on 85th Street that a couple avenues No, it just wasn't a straight shot

I walked the avenues like an hour walk when I get to my house When I made the turn I was living with the runnies when I make the turn on to the block a car was parked right there She was waiting for me. Yeah, she goes, let's do it when I got in the car. She drove me to her house We had sex for a minute and a half whatever the fuck it took me to come That was it. We didn't sleep. So we slept a few hours. I got up. I got lunchtime went home. I Talked to her maybe four days later We argued about something and then we went back and forth a little bit. Yeah, but I knew right there that I just it was really weird It was like a

We were like in limbo and then I robbed the jewelry store. So I had to leave Do you regret it? Do you regret sleeping with her? Well is the deal she never copped to it to nobody like I never told nobody growing up Okay, we were on this circle and I never wanted to tell anybody but she never really copped to it She really never copped to it like and then years later like a year later She started dating a good dear friend of mine and she was telling people I can't believe he took my virginity So it kind of hurt me for a long time. I didn't know. Yeah, what the deal was she wasn't proud of what happened or whatever It was the way and I seen her one day buying coke at my friend's house

Yeah, before I was living with him and he came over and we said hello to each other and then I got accused of robbing a house You want to hit it is sure you do some jumping jacks. Yeah, I got accused of robbing a house Yeah, that was a friend of hers and I called her to do a plane ticket for me Me and Glen Conte stinky. We're gonna go to fucking some Hawaii is something I called her up And she put me on hold and she got back on the phone. She goes listen. I prefer not to ever talking to you again If you don't mind, don't call this number again And that was it. That was the end of it That's crazy, but I remember the pain I went through those two years. I was in love with him

I was in fucking love with him. And that's why I say to you look at today. It doesn't fucking matter She won't talk to me. Not that I give a fuck. I don't really want to talk to a one girl came over to me About three years ago another really good friend that I went to Grammar school with and shit. Yeah, and she came over me took me aside one night She goes, you know when I was in Florida, I talked to Lisa She goes she goes she you guys she told me you guys hooked up But I didn't know for sure what she meant by that that left that that but it's really weird until today She can never admit that we did what we did. Yeah, you know, she never coughed to her first

That's crazy. That's uh That's a weird thing, but those relationships are weird. I have an ex like that who we don't talk for months And uh, it's always fights and it's uh, it's people you have the most in common with I think um Nothing common with it. I mean, I was fucking 30 years ago. Who the fuck knew, you know I didn't you know my interests were then stealing and doing fucking drugs. I mean, you know, unless she's Bonnie and fucking Clyde What interest does she you know what I'm saying? I mean, those are my fucking interests right there Hit it Lee. Let me get some music for you. Can't suck it. It's Wednesday morning. Get the fuck up. You

Eat some oatmeal do a few jumping jacks push-ups Crunches whatever the fucking takes get your blood going think about what you gotta do write your goals for the fuck I was waiting for your first fucking talking. You're talking so much. I can't hit me Oh, it's that Wednesday a little biggie Smalls the anthem respect motherfuckers Please don't leave me here smoking on myself. I just smoked so much No It's Wednesday. I don't want you going back to sleep and going on do jumpers I haven't slept yet. I haven't slept yet. I haven't slept yet. I slept yesterday. No, I didn't

What all day yesterday hit motley. Let me see you do a jumping jackman. Come on, baby. It's Wednesday 1970 Can't use that excuse every day. It's Tuesday. It's thursday. It's Toyota song I Hit it Lee. He's bad motherfucker. I wish I'm the Harry yet. So I can get my Hit it Lee. Let me see you do a wiggle real quick. Wait, wait, let me turn the camera first Wednesday dog, you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying It's fucking craziness. It's Wednesday. It's a beautiful day to be alive

I gotta go for my weekly shot today. I gotta meet my uncle. You're still doing that Fuck yeah, I gotta go for I work for acupuncture. Yes, they she killed me. You know, I get carried away sometimes So I got a new schedule when I'm in town I go to kickboxing or jiu-jitsu and when I'm out of town I get on the Epileptical when I'm at the hotels because every hotel has one was a political machine. So that's my new workout Whatever else they got to do the bike. I do sit-ups. I do push-ups a couple jumping jacks So I go to this place Monday night to movie tie america. I go down there

I took my ass before I went I don't take those pre-workout things They make my heart be too much And I already got an edible in me Who needs a fucking energy pill when I got a sativa chibo chew in my fucking lung capacity So so I go to this thing and I'm having a great time. I jump I did two rounds of jumping rope Which I always mix it up because of my leg So I do like one round one three minutes of jumping rope and then I hit the Short bag for three minutes. Okay, I do whatever he teaches us

Then we do three rounds of mitts three rounds of tie pads then we do three rounds of sparring. Oh, no I want fucking nuts that way. I did two rounds of fucking jump rope I did an extra fucking round of sit-ups and then I ended up staying to spar longer Like after everybody left me and this girl and this one guy was doing round robins And we just kept fucking around. You know, so I left there at 9 40 Feeling good about myself. Yeah, woke up at three in the morning to take a piss that night and he skipped one of the things He did. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. I was out of my my back hurt My knee was stiff

So I got up yesterday my knee was really stiff to the point where I couldn't even ride on the computer with my leg Like that I had to stretch it out I had to sit sideways like something was wrong with my fucking back Yeah So it was perfect because I had to go to dr. Amy yesterday anyway So I had to put some fucking needles in there. She lays it that motherfucker Jesus I got home. Yes, that puts a mice on that drink a ton of water and I was gonna go cake box I was gonna do a couple things last night

I went to bed at 9 30 like a soldier 9 30 my first pencil was at 3 o'clock I woke up to look around to see what was crackle lacking. I went back to bed I got up at 4 19 on the dot You like go through like a whole lifespan in the day like you wake up your 18 and by the time you go to bed You're like 78 go to bed at 9 30 at night What else am I gonna do? You want me to go out and look for fucking trouble for 50 years? I went out and look for fucking trouble do nothing good came from it. What good came from me? Every time I come here you come here when I'm like at 24 fucking years old

Yeah, but I just got home from work. I can't watch an hour of sports center. You could have been at 9 30 Bro, I would be at a diner eating fucking a fruit bowl with abroad before I'd be watching sports center You're not smoking dope. You're not you're sitting there like a bumpy I get home from I gave you a bag of dope this fucking big like not you give me four joints and I want to smoke because I would bet a million dollars. You never went to a diner in jersey and got a fruit bowl No, well, I live in Jersey. I didn't say that You live in california they got fruit balls in jersey. You asked for a fruit ball from a greek Don't break it over your fucking head

Fruit ball you're even coming here for a cheeseburger deluxe. You go fuck your mother You understand me, you know a cheeseburger deluxe is is it the sauce and the lentils and pickles and tomatoes? It's a fucking cheeseburger made by a greek Cut his fingernails and like 18 fucking years. So he's got the seasoning right in his fucking fingers. You know what I'm saying? And he puts that burger together a nice toasted bun. Everything is perfect But that's not what makes the cheeseburger mother fucking deluxe from the east coast. It's not the cheeseburger No, it's not the cheese or the fucking first off. They don't put the burger They only give you the burger on the bottom

They give you the bun on the bottom with a burger on top of that with the cheese Then on the side of that Is the the bun they leave it to you And then on the side they put three fresh tomatoes red like a motherfucker. Yeah, not these you go to the tomatoes Yeah, these are fucking radioactive red motherfuckers This reef is tremendous. I can tell Mm-hmm. This is better than one a day fucking vitamins. Fuck one a day smoke some of this shit from Noho organics. So then

They give you a half a fun. They give you a whole thin sliced raw onion Yeah with three fucking tomatoes with lettuce and a bun. Yeah your choice what you want to put on there You got mustard spicy mustard the german muscle on the table plus you got your fucking ketchup Nice then next to it. They put steak fries the best with mozzarella cheese on these motherfuckers They don't put cheese on them. Yes. They do. Yes. They do. I'm trying to tell you This is i'm trying that if you came to me and said joey fucked the juicer I went to the greeks last night and he said cheese burger. I said give me a hug Because if you understand me the worst what i'm talking about value here. If you're gonna go sink the ship

Don't waste your fucking tears on burger king. I'm a girl. If you're gonna go go If you're gonna walk on ice, you might as well fucking dance. Wait, when I go to these coasts i'm acting I'm counting points and i'm fucking Fuck you. I'm eating like a savage. That's hilarious. We gotta call company Who's this Vinnie who What's up, beautiful? What's up, buddy? How you do you sound fucking great? I thought you I fell asleep last night

So I didn't know if you called back or not. I was fucking tired Vinnie Bring you and me both Vinnie. Let me tell you some the reason why I wanted you to call real quick today You've done beauty and the beast You did the live podcast you called into this one before You've put together quite a fan base on the show and through debt squad They felt your fucking pain. You know what i'm saying? Yeah, really my honor. It's my honor to be a guest on your show No, no, no, fuck the honor you have put you have put so much entertainment

Into the people that listen to the podcast everything we do these people fucking you've killed them with the podcast With your honesty and your stories Uh, you never looked for nothing the other day I went across your you called me about two weeks going to tell me about your kickstarter page And you know what Vinnie bro? I'm like you I fucking forget shit, bro And i'm sorry, you know, sometimes your mind is wandering and all of a sudden Uh, somebody from the podcast emailed it to me and said hey get Vinnie on to talk about this and I go you're fucking right So I called you talk about this kickstarter program you got brother

It's to raise money to do the documentary on my life And they're they're raising money for the finishing touch You know for the the sound the mix and all that other stuff They don't have enough money So it was it was one of the kickstarter to see if people can make some donations They think the cause is good enough To get finished so we can finish the the project And this documentary what does it talk about what you've told us on the podcast and the live podcast

A lot a lot of most of the stuff I told you on the podcast, you know, and it's talked about my life. It's talked about my life You know, and it began to me on it and uh Forget some people, you know people inquiring some film people and what they're also But all the all the all they were doing was just inquiring So I just keep I just keep pushing to get this documentary that you know, you know, I watched the the video that you put on the uh Kickstarter page and it's funny that one of the biggest fucking topics You know, Vinny, I come on here and I talk about robbing people and fistfight when I was a kid and growing up in Jersey And the topic that twist fucking people around is when I talk about fear, you know

When you're out there and you're a thief, howie Sometimes you're not scared, but with little things you get scared of If it's to meet a girl or if it's to do something good for yourself You don't want to move forward, you know, and one of the things that you caught me when I watched the fucking video 10 times Vinny, by the way, which when you talk about fear and getting molested by your father and how you fought the fuck back I mean it was powerful Yeah It's probably it's gonna help a lot of kids. You know, I mean there's a lot of kids out there

There's some of the same problem, but nobody speaks up. Nobody says nothing You know, so I you know, so I I'm a voice for them and and uh They believe it. They happen. They happen to hear something like me speaking out Believe me. I know I'm one of those kids Now let me ask you this Vinny. How old were you when you went at your father? When I went at him. Yeah, when you told him no more Yeah, I was oh, I probably stopped when I was like I think 18 17

Wow No, it's powerful Vinny I'd never heard nobody tell a story like that before I heard people say, you know, they got molested and moved on with their life But you actually accused him and confronted him, which is fucking that he was your father. So I did I mean my dad my dad to me was was god My dad to me was everything and I blocked all the bad You know, I blocked all the bad and all I looked at it was good I finally couldn't take him to war. You mean if I fight the world champion, right?

I uh, he was one of his rage one of his moves and Try to corner me anything and I and I went I went to room The hotel and I was praying they would bother me and And finally I looked up to God. I said, I just gotta stop I turned around open the door I picked him up off the floor two minutes here. I said, you ever bother me again? I'll kill you Astral astral astral

I stuck my finger in his face because that was my name. My name was the kid I was he used to call me asshole. He called me Vinny. I wouldn't answer him. It's funny It's funny, but But it's also very painful inside for me Well, that's you know, brother. You have to turn it to funny. So it's not that painful. I do the same thing That's why we become comedians. What's going on with you beside the the Kickstarter thing I know you always got shit cooking cbs mbc fucking movies

Martians I got a tv series that you know Uh, I believe I believe showtime is it I I don't want I don't want to quote myself as well But my partner I think it's showtime. It's a series called turtle, you know, and uh, and uh, It's very interesting It's it's it's about my life. It's about all the all my ask for all the Famous people that I know what everything else from Frank Sinatra of services long to you name it and

All my all my climate to the title three times fight in the world title three times Just the people I've met where I've been all my all my wives Get my children and it's a very interesting story You're a bad motherfucker What do you got going on today, mr. Kerlo? What are you doing today? What do you got going on today? What are you gonna do? Where you gonna go?

Well, you know, I was looking forward to make sure I set this on your podcast If the people were so nice to me the last time we spoke I believe it could be sponsored. I want to make sure the the new was going on and maybe follow me and uh We can be one big happy family. You know what I mean? Listen like I told you You know a lot of people listen to this podcast if we each donate a fucking dollar A dollar which we all have a dollar. I don't ask you motherfuckers for dick. I sit here. I rub my feet I whack off on camera. I show you pictures. I take it in new york. We got very fucking Kerlo I need a dollar a dollar from you eats the fucking kickstart

We're gonna put this picture together for this fucking guy. This guy's a savage. He's giving us countless hours Whatever you can donate would be very very well appreciated and help us get the documentary done Which will which will in turn help a lot of kids all over the world So what happened between what happened between you and andrew dice clay? How come people keep telling me to ask you what happened between you and dice clay? Well, thanks. I always felt like you know, thanks for the Unreal nasty comic He would say some some terrific terrific things to young ladies in the audience and their boyfriends wouldn't like it too much

They'd be waiting for them after the show and uh, and uh, he's always I always say They treat call pretty And uh, and uh, finally, you know, finally, you know, I always I stood up. I stood in front of guns at canons and what I'm You know, every you know, I I expected I am asked one piece of paper and he made a fool out of me You know, I asked an introducing to this this producer and he had a guy posed as this producer And I know I know the guy Well, he had posed as the producer thinking I'm such I'm an idiot when he was doing

I was doing that something was going forth sailing You know, I wanted to meet the producer again some kind poses the producer I was your man, so he came to the comic school He goes hey turtle, what's going on? I said, it's not for you. Stay away from me I helped you all the time. I stood in front of guns with certain people for you I think they introduced some foamy to me actually just what do you want? How do you get paid liquid cash in my door? I said, what did they do with brick? Hey, he's another brick. Boom. I smacked him right in the mouth when he went flying

Right there. You know, everybody rushes. We are and we all fall around, right? And that I started what it was about poppy tree, went and grabbed food by hand I jumped up and I kicked him in the ass to chase him down the street. If the bad boy, he was like a little girl He ran out, he ran out on the street, we were speaking like a little girl The fucking Vinnie Curd. I didn't know. People keep emailing me saying ass Vinnie what happened with Dice I thought it was a nice story. I didn't know you kicked his fucking ass I don't mean to sound rough here, but I got big slides all the way up the street He was like, you know, I mean the bad boy's harmony is really a little bitch. He's my language

That's a fucking, that's a fucking hit He was running up the street down, he was running down the street, I kicked him in the ass The last thing I know when I kicked him and I couldn't catch him, I kicked him in the ass, he was flying You're a crazy fuck. So what are you going to do today? Are you going to train the boys today? The girls? What are you going to do? All the kids, I got all the kids from the neighborhood, they come from all over I told them I wanted one of my greatest thrills when I get a parent I get them every other week and they come to me, well how much you charge them? That's the problem. They're looking at me, I put a big zero on my finger

And they look at me, they're so shocked, I don't know how much they charge me But nothing, they just make sure the kid chews up And where's the gym at? My gym is on, what's the street, Bob here? Well, excuse me, Wheeler and Hubbard So if you listen to this and you're a kid and you're lost, go up there and see Vinny He'll fucking straighten you out He's got to throw some jabs

My gym is open, my gym is open to everybody, I don't turn nobody away So if you're getting bullied, whatever the fuck is going on in your life If you're getting bullied, some kids taking your fucking lunchbox, go see Vinny Within a month you'll learn how to fucking walk with your lunchbox open and your dick out I love you, cocksucker I'll see you next week, alright, let's do coffee I love you, thank you Vinny, Kickstarter

Alright brother If each give a dollar a fucking piece you can help this kid out I'm on the page now, there's a picture of him in Stallone, right as you open it It's like a fucking movie post No, this is guys, a dollar, a dollar I don't know what I'm gonna give, when I go home I'm gonna give him a hundred Whatever the fuck he wants, this is a dollar How many fucking jokes and nights that he put on the fucking podcast with Felicia

He made us sit there, I thought he was gonna whip out a gun and shoot us both You have no idea what he's giving us over the fucking He's opened our eyes to a lot of shit And listen, all we gotta do is fucking What he's got, that's what he's got on one side of his brain We don't even know what's on the other side So do me a favor, a dollar a piece from all of you I don't ask you motherfuckers for nothing

Nothing, you know why? Cause I love you Lee, kick it, let me tell you something At the beginning I told you about Hulu, here it is Use Hulu Plus and Unconnected TVs, Game Console Blu-ray players, Roku, Apple TV, PC Or watch them anywhere on your smartphone or tablet Tell them we break it down cause you're the tech guy Well, I've been saying this before today

I love Hulu Plus is my favorite This is why they fucking called you Cause you said it one time and they contacted you They took a fucking month to get us back and talk to them So, when you said devices Listen to what they have, the Wii U, Apple TV, the Xbox, PlayStation, Roku Wii, all the iPhones, iPads You can do it on your Android, the Windows 8, the Kindle

Nintendo 3DS You can do it on, if you have Samsung, Vizio, Sony, LG TVs You can do it on there, if it's internet connected It's fucking awesome So, you like watching TV Absolutely, now I can go on there and watch anything you said Almost, they have like 300 pages If you go to their Hulu Plus' website

Go through joeides.net, the banner They have pages and pages of TV shows, movies They have like over 100 episodes of Law and Order SVU They have Squarepants for your daughter They have like over 150 episodes of Family Guy you can watch And you can watch it anywhere It's not like it's, because for me, a nerdy guy Why signed up? I'm done, I'm taking this shit with me

I'm done, I wanna see what it's like Exactly, but if a nerdy guy has regular Law and Order I don't know about that, I know they have Law and Order SVU I'll have to check for regular Law and Order And what about movies? They have Miramax, they have a specific collection I'll look it up, the names of it But the quality is great, it's all HD

It's not like when we used to stream TV stolen from China That you could barely see, it's so pixelated It's so fucking awesome, I'll look at the movies right now But it's, I mean, I had it months ago So, I think it's amazing No, my sister, I told her, she said she had it already It's amazing, but you don't have to have cable, right? No, no, that's what she was saying

All you have to have is internet, all you have to have is internet connection And you save on that, so if you go to this Hulu Plus What do you type in the box? Just Joey, I believe, and it's lowercase, not uppercase So, is Joey you believe or Joey for sure? Just Joey Just Joey in the case Yep, it's Joey

Joey uppercase Lowercase Lowercase, you got me confused, upside bridge, down the bridge I'm like, I'm the George Washington Bridge, where's the cops got suckin' And if you go to HuluPlus.com forward slash Joey, you can do it there Alright, see, you took care of the fucking people Don't forget, go there, pressin' Joey, get your, what do you get for free? You get an extended free trial

I don't show up with nothin', I show up with fuck Look, some musically Hit it Where's the reefer? You have all the Alright Jesus Christ What, Lee?

What? What is this shit? This is the music you wanted Oh Jesus Christ, Lee, you're starting off with it That's the end of the show This is the, the other one, the fuck What? That's the, are we ending this show?

I ask you, you didn't say we wanted to end it on that one That's called the end Why the fuck? How am I supposed to know? This kid, no more reefer, edibles only for you It's called the end Jesus Christ Oh shit

Little Donna Summer, we had this for Lee This is out of respect for Lee If you whack off to this, Lee, yeah? No A little feather in your ass I'm gonna crack off the porn, I don't put it on a song What porn do you put on? What kind of porn?

You go to U-Porn with the rest of these wackas I like red tube, it's better quality Red tube is better quality Hit it, Lee I can't, I can't do it if it's on good quality I usually like your dancing This one's kind of freaking me out You're doing it real slow

Can you believe I gotta put up with this shit? You're doing it real slow What the fuck? What if you checked my slides with your asshole with a tongue? Real slow, like What would you do? Would you say you're doing it real slow? No It wouldn't get that far

You're such a little fucker You wouldn't let a girl lick your asshole Please And blow bubbles in it with a fucking straw I don't give a fuck I want a girl to fill him up with club soda And put the fucking straw in my asshole and blow it in there I don't give a fuck

That's when the party starts Hit it, Lee Oh shit It's Wednesday, motherfuckers This is what it's all about You gotta party, you gotta get down I already had my oatmeal this morning, I had a protein shake That's why I cut that far when I first got it

It was stuck in the long fucking tube What, Lee, what? I can't even For a girl to, for me to let a girl do that Can you believe this? There's have to be like a trap door that I would never have to look at her again The farther that you just laid And you're gonna let a girl lick your asshole

There's no way your assholes been clean since the day you were born Listen, this asshole was This morning I took the scrubba dub dub And I put the coconut stuff and I fucking did everything I cleaned around Once I took that mirror and looked at my asshole that time You didn't take a mirror and look at your asshole Yes, I did about three years ago

Just to see what it looked like back there It was disgusting So I knew that I seen only particles And that floated to the back So you get that bluffa You get the little bluffa And you clean out around the rim of your fucking butt It's still there, that fart

No, that fart was clean, that was clean No, it wasn't Now, the other day, let me tell you what did happen Because I eat on-it products every day Whether it's the strong bone from my knees and my shoulders I either go with the fucking The head protein powder I did this morning Sometimes I don't get gas

Sometimes it does give me gas The other day, I had some hand forts fucking I tell you what, these protein bars, I love them to death I left like 10 of them here I got like 2,000 of them at the house I eat one every day, 10 grams of protein When I'm walking the baby around town It was what I take with me

I don't have time, but let me tell you something The other day I farted in kickboxing class on the way in When I left an hour and a half later I could still smell the fucking fart And I kept blaming it on my gloves You know how your gloves get sweaty inside They smell like a fucking dead body That's how it smelt in the air

It was one of those plunging farts And it was stuck in my training shorts Like it burned a hole I wear underwear with the fucking thing And even when I got home I smelt my underwear where I farted through It was like a coffee stain You could fucking smell it

I love all that nasty shit It's Wednesday, cocksuckers Get up, Vinnie Curdall It's funny because I'm one of the only movies that I really understood fear about Like when I used to steal And shit like this This is what I was thinking about

Because somebody made a YouTube video About fear and it's pretty amazing What they did with it It's like a motivational type thing And I didn't say it as a motivational I was just going on a stupid rant About what I lived through And my bro, I am so scared of everything

Like what? Like just Like always going on stage But little things Like in the mornings when I'm writing I have this fear that I'm not Like I don't Like God, I have so many fucking fears lately

That it's just And it's starting to come back They don't give me anxiety What do they do? They just make me freeze For about 10 minutes And think about what my next move is About my day

You know, I've always had little fears But not like this again lately You freeze? Like to me Like it seems like you're always like Grab your balls Just go forward Well, here's the fucking deal

Before what makes us scared Is thinking about the situation That's what overpowers us You add some refit to that fucking power That adds to the fear That's what will push you right into Fucking anxiety attack That's why your father ate the whole cookie

Because it enhances the fear that you have So I smoke every day And in a way It's put so much fear in me That once I just go Fuck it, I'm gonna do it It's done Like the fear is gone

So the weed has helped me Medicate the fear At the same time it fuels it Yeah And again, one of the only directors That's ever showed me fear And hit it on the head And you ask him

How did you know about this? Or the person who spoke to you about this Was before Al Pacino shoots Salazzo with the godfather That was one of the greatest scenes of all time Not because he shoots a guy at a pizza place Whatever you get turned down by But because he thought about it

If you're scared about anything Put on that fucking scene What did I put in? You want to play it? Sure, play it It's the Salazzo scene Just play Michael Corleone Kill Salazzo

Okay And it's a beautiful scene Because he knows he's got to kill him You're going to kill somebody, people You sit at the table You order your fucking dinner Sorry, I didn't spray my flow nays this morning When you get up

The cop that you're eating dinner with Searches you You go to the bathroom You put your hand behind the stall And there's a piece You pull the fucking pizza You put it in your hand Because the guy told you

Come out with your fucking gun in your hand Blasted I mean, it's a beautiful fucking movie And he comes out But before he goes in He combs his hair a little bit And he thinks he hears the trains coming That train

The noises that the train's screeching That's the fear that you hear Because you go deaf Before you do a badass fucking movie in your life When I was fucking burglarized And taking motherfuckers down I would go deaf For a minute and a half

I would fucking go deaf Deathly Until I was in a car Or before I was running I would go deaf Until I realized I caught my fucking senses play it Did you find it?

Yeah, I got it So they're sitting around the table Should I skip forward? Let's see what he says The pouring wine Skip forward Fuck this Just how you

You You know What happened between me and your father Was the business And I have a big respect for your father He has a big respect for your father It was about business Think forward

Because your father thinks in antique ways I don't want to understand That I am a man of honor You tell me What the fuck Skip forward I know I think that

What I want He's bad to the bone It's Al Pacino The studio didn't even want Al Pacino The studio didn't want fucking Marlon Brando No more attempts on my father's life What guarantees can I give you Mike?

I am the hunted one I missed my chance You think too much of me, kid I'm not that clever All I want is a truce I have to go to the bathroom Bang Is that alright?

That's another way for me to go Kill him mother fucker They're checking him for a gun right now I've pressed him He's clean Go right to the bathroom He looking for the gun? Yeah, he's leaving the stall right now

But he's got the gun where? Does he comb his hair? Does he do all that shit? So he's going to the stall And it's one of the old timey bathrooms Where they have the stringy pull down It's in the top of the box right up there And he can't find it

He reaches up Can't find it Back to the table He's walking back to the table As far as he can pose himself You see the fear This is why you're fucking a bad mother fucking actor He finally found the gun

Listen to fear building now You think about your life You think about what you're fucking about to do You look to the mirror Yeah, he covers his head He composes his hair There you go people You hear the train

That's fear That's natural fucking fear Fear building Unfucking blame Right now He's just looking at the guy going He can't even hear He's not even looking at him

He's not even looking at him He's just fucking thinking about I'm gonna kill this mother fucker You hear that train again mother fucker That's a directive So take your hangover threes And all your fucking kiddie movies And go fuck yourself

This is a real fucking movie There you go Right in the head There you go Joke on the spaghetti the old guy Shut him in the throat and then the head And the old guy does this like a weird face There you go dog

That's what you do with fear That's your fear today Wednesday, May 22nd What are you gonna do You're gonna lay there like a fucking mutt You don't have Fuck it Get up

Take that fucking piece in your head Weed in the Godfather Since Joey up Huh? Since you up Oh that part right there Is the whole fucking Movie's about

It's about somebody stepping up in your life That's it He had no choice There was no thinking Somebody went after his father He had to get up He did that in a matter of two days There was no planning

There was no fucking sitting there And going to the drawing board I mean it's a beautiful scene That he's sitting around with everybody before that It's a great scene And he tells him this And they all laugh at his face His brothers everybody laughs at his face

He goes why can't I do him Shoot a police captain And all of them start laughing at his fucking face Like ha ha ha ha You old fucking whatever What do you think It's like the army You can shoot somebody from a thousand miles away

You gotta step up to him and shoot him And head all over that feisty Ivy League suit And whatever the fuck son he says to him That's an amazing Everybody laughs at his fucking face Guys this is a movie What I'm trying to do

My point is It's the same thing in fucking society You have an idea People laughing at your fucking face And they gotta fucking get up And kick him in the fucking cunt In the words of Doug Stano You're not gonna fucking sit there

And take this abuse from fucking people We didn't even do shout outs league We didn't do shout outs We didn't even do dick today league What the fuck you been all day I gotta give a shout out to my main man Konstantin Rain a.k.a. the fucking Grim Reaper

We got my man Lauren Rosenkirk Mitch Martin Ben Loki TV Joey Rookland I love you to death James Smearton Kevin Newcomb

Daniel Hennessy Allie Grace Jefferson Humbaugh Go fuck yourself How you like them fucking apples I'm like can I do one One more For a shout out for one of our buddies

Yeah Augustino was on TV last night I know when I fucking was home And I fell asleep The Augustino's Vodabot And speaking of that The TV show is on Hulu Really?

Yeah What's the name of the show He didn't post that It's a comedy It's NUVO N-U-V-O It's stand up NUVO There it is

S-T-A-N-D-U-P You know I like the Augustino's Vodabot He was good cause I'll tell you what Uh Uh He had the party last night Down the block from the house

Yeah he invited me in At the Greek place whatever You know what Like he called me Like at six and he goes It starts at ten thirty Listen at ten thirty I knew I wasn't gonna be on my fiftieth dream

Like I said I like to go to bed early Before I do the show So I come in here fresh And be crazy And jump up and fucking down What Lee What

What What is it cocksucker Oh nothing I'm looking at ya So what are your plans What are you and the girl doing this weekend Break my fucking heart again Tell the people at home

What plans you made with Ashley What are you gonna do You're gonna have a barbecue All these fucking half of homos They're gonna come over here Jesus Christ I can't tell you nothing You're gonna play fucking friends over here Yes

Nobody's getting nothing Just tell us And come over to my house alone And bring a bikini And hang up on it It's none Now you gotta turn the psychological on Now you gotta turn the psychological on

You got nothing to lose Now you're in the friend zone You shouldn't be alone I've been in the friend zone You shouldn't stay alone I've come to terms with it Yeah she's great And if she wanted to

Yeah But I mean It's weird I was thinking about it the other night Because we talked about it for Fucking 20 minutes Which I love But uh

It's That's what an asshole has to do Like that You know I don't want to Go to the asshole If you're looking at a clip Real good You bite into it

You hear the asshole go Just like that You don't bite into it Not bite into it with your teeth But with your lips You gum it like you ate it You just bite that fucking noodle And you hear it

Just like that You gotta get it together Lee What am I gonna do with you What I'm friends Oh here we go Did you just hear that people Ugh We're friends

I have other girls I'm not friends With you Like who? Like you mind your business Who? I can't tell your names Because every name I tell you You give them a shout out every week

Well I'm trying to get you fucking Some fucking Monkey here You're sitting there beating off You don't even whack off When she sleeps so You don't smell the blanket or nothing She puts it between her legs

I've seen her sleep I don't know I'm not gonna smell someone's blanket This fucking guy What am I gonna do What are you gonna do What are you gonna do You're gonna sign a bar

And drink wine No we're hanging out here What are you gonna do You're gonna watch Hulu Plus Yeah of course we are And drink on the products Have you given her an alpha brain? No

You've given her an alpha brain Those are for me I like those You got chicks got a horny Give them an alpha No they don't get a horny Alpha brain Open it up And put it in a fucking soup

And see what happens Jesus Don't you make climate child for me You in soup man I'm never having soup anywhere near you What no Hannibal like to use soup You gotta use soup I've never seen that movie

I hate scary movies So let's back this up Cause I'll fucking I'll hit you with this table And the camera I'll turn the camera off and kill you So you've never seen sounds of the lambs Fuck no

See this is the problem I have ladies and gentlemen I'm gonna end this podcast on that If Lee's not here on Monday Listen I don't know what happened to him I take no responsibility Look at this I read that book I want to see happy movies

I read that book Yeah I made a mistake and read the book And fell in love with the book by mistake How do you fall in love with that book Cause it's fucking amazing And when someone I think I read it when I was locked up maybe

And it just There was a couple of books I read by mistake The first book I read when I was locked up was Kujo The second book I read Jesus Christ Yeah the second book I read when I was locked up Why you never read Kujo either Fuck no

I saw it it was funny though You saw it Yeah it was good It was funny In who? The movie in Stephen King Oh fuck yeah So uh

Uh They all float down here Kujo and the second book I read The third one was the story about Russ Perot Okay You know I forget the name of that book But like the third one I forget

I read Silence of the Lambs And I was blown The fuck away Blown the fuck away You don't mind scary movies I don't like that feeling It's not That's not a scary movie

That's suspense It's in between suspense And some chick getting stabbed in the lung When the fucking When the boyfriend is swimming in the pond When he should be back by the fireplace Tying her up Rubbing her feet with gasoline

And giving her the high hard one On the fucking Saturday night High hard one Yeah he's over there He's over there He's in the fucking lake with his dumb buddies Fishing or something like that And the poor girl's there by herself

No that's stupid scary That's scary movie It's Hannibal Lecter Hannibal Silence of the Lambs is suspenseful They were first done by what's his name What's the dudes that did Miami Vice Let me look

Michael Mann First did fucking that movie first The dragon about whatever When the people Manhunter It was manhunter And that's when they introduced Hannibal Lecter Okay

He did manhunter He did When he lived in Chicago He did thief And he did something fucking else He did manhunter Then there he did manhunter The director

Yeah Michael Mann Okay What movie did he do Manhunter It's Jonathan Demi Right That's the director Of what

Silence of the Lambs Right Jonathan Demi I'm not talking What I'm talking about the other one Now you confused me What else was I looking for

Jonathan Demi directed Silence of the Lambs Okay But who was the director I said before that Michael Mann Michael Mann What did he direct

Let me look for him Mindhunter Please help me people on Twitter Mind whatever And that was the first time They introduced Hannibal Lecter He was in jail already 1984

Okay in 1983 he did the Keep Thief Manhunter Manhunter Read Manhunter Manhunter's with the guy From CSI Miami

Okay That's the star of the movie What's his name William Peterson Who the fuck do you think Your people think you're dealing With cocksockers So who played Hannibal Lecter

And that was the first time I think Because there's a book And I can't remember the book Now people The one about the fuck Brian Cox But I forget

Who played the book What was it based on The book Let's see Thomas Harris wrote it Right Fuck Let me find out what

Buck was based on So Thomas Harris wrote that And then Thomas Harris Wrote Silence to the fucking lambs I think I think I'm almost positive I think

This is all my prison years So don't fucking quote me On this shit You gotta That's your homework assignment This weekend He wrote Red Dragon Red Dragon

So Manhunter is based on Red Dragon After Red Dragon Silence to the lambs Who the fuck Do you think You're dealing with people You wanna read a fucking book

Read Read Red What is it Red Dragon And then go right into Silence to the lambs Did you read Both of them

Hannibal Rising Hannibal And Black Sunday After that It became bullshit Okay I like Just read Red Dragon

And then Read fucking Silence to the lambs And then But you You watch the Silence to the lambs This weekend Fuck you

You watch his name Play And he based it off Daffy Duck That's how good of an actor He fucking is I'm just giving you knowledge If you wanna fuck around Whenever Silence to the Lambs

Is on My wife always watches it What's the girl's name In the movie Let me look That's a classic fucking movie Dog Dog

No, no, no You gotta watch it There are a couple scenes In that Jody Foster Jody Foster Okay Named

What about there's a guy That's in a bunch of shows He plays The fucking villain Okay And he gets women He gets chunky women Puts them in a hole

And starves them Leads You gotta watch this shit And he starves And then he kills them And then he uses their skin To make a skirt So they just hunting this guy

It's not a horror movie Leads It's not like people It sounds like it They're getting their skin So you're catching this guy Your heart's beating Not because you're getting

Fucked in the ass at the pool And getting stabbed in the throat At the same time Your heart's beating Because they're looking for Bill But Bill is a fucking Transvestite Whatever

And there's a scene He puts his dick In between his legs And he puts a wig on And makeup Like he's got a pussy Dog That's your homework assignment

But when he throws The fucking oil Into the fat chick's hole And then like into the hole Where he got the fat chick And his dog falls in there And she says I'll kill you

Bro, these are scenes That are brilliant This is brilliant Fucking filmmaking Brilliant fucking filmmaking So then you watch And then Hannibal Is with the chick

The chick I like Just regular Hannibal Because after that Jody Foster said I'm not doing that one That one was a little weird I read that book And it was a little men's a month

So, you know how we do it But that's it, dawg That's all I got fucking off of you today You gotta get it together I have it, chicken That sounds terrible No, you're watching The Silence of the Lambs

This weekend with Jody Foster You're gonna enjoy You're gonna thank me You're gonna go, Joey I'll never watch The fucking finale Of The Office again Stupid

That was a great finale It was a great finale That's what the problem Was with the fucking America It wrapped everything up So nice It was a great finale It was a great finale

Don't forget May 28th The release of Testicle Testament 5 The last one Then we're putting all five of them together Taking the show on the road Oh, shit With the finale

Lee gets farted in the face No, I don't May 28th We got the live The fucking podcast On the 29th With two tremendous fucking guests I'm not even gonna tell you

Wait till you get there $10, 626, 577, 1894 Like I told you as always, bro My main people on it I love them with all my heart They're trying to save America One fat fuck at a time Okay, get the strong bone

If you don't believe Get the strong bone Walk an extra mile a day Take the strong bone As directed And get back to me after 30 days Uncle Joey, don't fuck around Go on it

And press what in the box Church Just what I'm saying Lee Syat always on top of it Go order these goddamn fucking And force bars It's vanilla chai flavor You're gonna love them

Worst thing that could happen Cut a fart and kickbox them People still love you Don't give a fuck You're trying What do you got going on, Lee? Tell me something good I can't wait for the podcast

And for people who might not live Still in 1965 Then you can go to the Ice House's website And get tickets for that Who calls anymore to buy tickets? 1960 Wait till I get you guys What's gonna happen?

Nothing's gonna happen Because you don't know What any of these buttons do What buttons? What buttons? Any of them Keep it up Everybody's a fucking shit

Alright, I gotta get out of here Before I leave now The show's over Don't forget to sign up for your free trial Of Hulu Plus And start watching your favorite hit shows Today Oi, tada

Go to your home Go to our home Go to our show homepage JoeyDs.net And click into the Hulu Plus banner JoeyDs.net Not only has t-shirts and hoodies And my tour dates

It also has Hulu Plus banner For your extended free trial So put in HuluPlus.com Slash Joey Again, click the Hulu Plus banner On JoeyCocoDs.net Or go to

HuluPlus.com Slash Joey And when they put it in the box And they put Joey But if you go to If you go to HuluPlus.com Slash Joey

You don't have to put anything Anything, there you go That's how we fucking do it Have a great weekend We love you Stay Black RIP Ray Manzarek The end

Who's better than us? I don't know See you Monday Bye This is the end Beautiful friend This is the end My own

This is the end My own This is the end This is the end This is the end My only friend The end Of our elaborate plans

The end Of everything that stands The end No say to your surprise The end I'll never look Into your eyes Again

Can you picture What will be So limitless and free Desperately in need Of some Strangers have Been on Desperately