Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #056 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It’s Wednesday, April 14th..... Today, it’s just you and Uncle Joey..... This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter & Onnit...... Go to https://www.ZipRecruiter.com/JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com PROMO CODE: JOEY or CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

Greetings from podcastville. It's Wednesday the 14th of April. The joint is brought to you by zip recruiter Listen, good help is hard to find. You know that it's like trying to find a fucking needle in a haystack Sure, you can post your job online or at a corkboard down at the fucking coffee shop But then you got to sit there and hope the right person walks by and sees it Stop dreaming and try zip recruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com Slash Joey listen whether you have a small business or a huge business with 200 employees Zip recruiter is for you why because one click and your job gets sent to over a hundred of the top job sites And here's where it's get freaky then matching technology hooks you up with the people with the skills and experience

That you need in fact zip recruiter so affected that four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter Get a quality candidate within the first day 2.3 million businesses have already used zip recruiter. Listen, you know what zip recruiter is about time and money It saves your time and money and lets you do as a business owner What you're supposed to be doing so do me a favor right now you can try zip recruiter for free Joey What are you talking about zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter comm Slash Joey that zip recruiter comm Slash Joey try for free give it a shot take a chance Columbus did just by going to zip recruiter comm

Slash Joey save time money energy and get the right candidate for your job zip recruiter The smartest way to hire the joint is also brought to you by on it. Listen May 3rd through the 16th Honor is having this semi-annual fucking sale. This is the biggest blowout of the fucking year Alpha brain alpha brain powder shroom tech new mood protein bars Apparel they got some new stuff coming out which I got to get all that red information on all I know is Honor is the company for you anytime who got me out of the slump when I moved to Jersey alpha brain I was over here mumbling stuttering like fucking, you know

Alpha brain help you. I have one of the six-week fucking cycle. You're looking at me. I'm looking thinner It's shroom tech. That's helping me get better workout results. Why am I sleeping better new mood? I rotate that in my sleeping, you know, this is it at night Why am I losing weight cuz I'm not eating salami sandwiches. What am I eating protein bites seven grams of protein low sugar? Honor is the company for you go to their website right now Take a look at that supplements. They look at that kettlebells their club bats. Take a look at what they're seeing This is a company of health Go order alpha brain the reason why I've been with on it for ten years is because of one thing

Alpha brain that product they have a hundred percent money back guarantee and they don't want the product back if it don't work for you When somebody does that they're telling you our commitment. So go to honor calm right now Look read read about alpha brain read about shroom tech new mood They have so many great products that can help you out if you don't like pills They got the instant powder and it tastes fucking tremendous. You see I ran out of the other one So go to honor calm right now take a look at what they got pressing church or Joey and get 20 percent 10 percent 10 percent Delivered right to your fucking house. All right. Who's better than you? Nobody go to honor calm right now Let's start this motherfucking podcast. It's a Wednesday and we got a lot to fucking talk about here

candles or late cocksuckers You You Greetings cocksuckers, it's Wednesday morning. Hope you guys are doing great. No guests today You guys are fucking happy than ever Everybody complained that we want Joey no more fucking guests. I try to bring you guests. I told you this is a hybrid fucking podcast It's gonna be different every week. We're gonna come at you from different directions to keep you fucking surprised And that's it and that's that let's talk about this fuck

Can you believe this shit finally I go through a fucking vaccine and it's giving people blood clouds This is what I'm talking about people do you understand what I'm trying to say to you Why the fuck would I go up there now? I was happy down here minding my own business Nobody had COVID now I go up there now. I'm getting fucking calls that fucking Johnson and Johnson's getting blood clouds Let me tell you something. I didn't even get a fucking reaction from it I got a headache the only thing I did get was this happened to me Sunday night and it was fucking terrible I don't even know if I told you Mike. I'm sitting here. We're watching TV. My wife goes to fucking bed You know, we watch our two episodes of Cobra Kai with Mercy. We come down. I come downstairs

You know, I get my ice pack. I get the fucking tins I put it on my knees and I watch TV for a little while when I have the ice pack on and the tins I make a few fucking calls, you know, I check in with George. I check in with Leah checking with some other buddies of mine And then I watch TV for a little while and then when I get bored of TV, I practice the fucking guitar By that time I make a tea. I'll drink a sleepy time tea or I drink my kimono tea. Yeah, I drink at sleepy time What are you fucking nuts? They do have a sleepy time. It's fucking tremendous. Nappy Nunu time I drink my little sleepy time tea and I come downstairs and I play the fucking guitar for a little while and then when I feel the I go upstairs and I fucking go to sleep, right that I swear to God

That's the same story every fucking night. Some nights I pop a new mood I keep it fucking cuz listen my body gets used to everything that I fucking take So if I take trip the fan, I can only take it two nights Then I got a switch to melatonin from on it Then I got a switch to kikomo has a fucking thing a tincture that you put on your tongue I switched to that two nights a week and then Chang sent me a fucking CBD that also sleepy time that I fucking do that

I do a little CBD lion the fucking home So I got a rotate my fucking sleeping stuff every night I rotate it So I don't get used to it so my body doesn't get used to it people always say I just drink fucking melatonin That's great. I drink melatonin for one to help with the COVID on it has it and number two because it helps you get better sleep Six fucking sprays. I do 12. I'm not gonna lie I do 12 to go a little deeper into the fucking murky waters of the underworld Dog, I fucking hate getting up in the middle of night. My biggest problem is I get up in the middle night You know many times I've got in the middle of night and the last three months

Maybe five times and that was because of the knee What I would do is I would go to bed pissed off about something and then wake up at four in the morning And I was fucking god damn it and I would go down stuff. This one. I lived in LA. I would write I got myself into writing Whatever the fuck was bothering me and within two minutes you're in bed. That's it. Just write it out If you wake up in the middle night, don't turn the TV on don't get involved or something Just fucking go downstairs take out your journal start journaling a little bit and fucking you'll go back to sleep So Sunday night cuz everybody kept telling me you're gonna get reactions from the fucking shot

Well, I left Tuesday and Wednesday open last week Tuesday at 10 o'clock. I was at the gym on the fucking bike And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I'm supposed to be tired right now and severe nausea. Thank God I got my fucking relief band. Ah This motherfucker's gonna be with me forever. I got no fucking nausea So I went to the gym 20 minutes, you know, nothing went back Wednesday. I left Wednesday open to Nothing So I didn't get any fucking symptoms. So I'm like, well, but I had a little bit of a headache I've been getting a little bit of a fucking headaches. So what I did was I said fuck

I've just been taking Tylenol and I'm like fuck this headache has been lasting a little bit more than usual That's the only side effect. I could complain about now Sunday night was completely different. I did my little nappy new new tea I did my sleepy time. I didn't even do THC that night just to let you guys know where I was at that night I said tonight. I'm gonna give THC a break. I'm just gonna go with the fucking melatonin and I'll drink some sleepy time Okay, I Fucking come downstairs Now in the basement, I mean, this is why rehabbed, you know I have the fucking chair that you you go all the way back like a zombo reclining you sit there like an old man

I watch TV. I put ice on my knee. I put some tins on my knee. I watch TV Well, I've did all that shit fucking Sunday night. I'm sipping my tea between us. I probably took Five sips of the tea there was still half of it great flavor and I took the melatonin. I'm laying there And it's starting to get fucking hot in here, right? I'm like fuck I got a hooded sweatshirt on I got my t-shirt underneath regular t-shirt And I got the heat of 10 feet away from me, but I got the screen door behind me It's usually a little cold in that area. You know I'm saying but that night I'm like fuck It's unusually hot me and also I'm like fuck. I'm gonna take my sweatshirt off. I take my sweatshirt off. I'm down to a t-shirt

I'm like fuck. It's hot in here. I get up. I turn off the fucking heater. I sit back down again I don't even know what the fuck I'm watching I'm just sitting there and all sudden I start sweating Just sweating out of nowhere profusiously just fucking sweating. I'm like what the fuck is this shit And I'm like fucking also I take my t-shirt. I'm downstairs sitting there with my tits out like on that plane that time with Gabriel I'm fucking wiping my head off. I'm sweating. I tried to pick my I didn't know what the fuck to do You know, I had some water on my on the right side, you know, like a little bottle of water I had there I had my little sleepy time tea on the left. I started drinking the water

I put some on my head to cool me down and next thing, you know, I woke up. It was one in the morning I must have fucking passed out. So whatever reaction I had to the vaccine. I think it was that I wake up Monday morning Everything's fine. I go to the gym my first 20 minutes 30 minutes at the gym were a little rough By the time me and Mike did the podcast. I was okay. It went through boom fucking This morning I wake up and it's all over the fucking news That you know Jay and Jay is causing blood clots, you know me dog. I got a clinic right on fucking hand

I called the guy up. I'm going for a fucking blood test later on today He told me that, you know, because I don't have to stress the fucking not eating That's what kills me about blood tests when they tell you you can't eat in the fucking morning And then you have to go in that's when I faint So I'll go for a fucking blood test. I don't have no blood clots. I've been riding the bike every fucking day I don't take a fucking day off that goddamn bike. So If I get a blood clot, I don't know, you know me I'm on blood thinners. I take a baby aspirin every night at eight o'clock with my dinner to prepare me because it's 12 hour coverage

For your fucking heart. So can you believe this shit? I go up and get a shot that I'm fucking listen. I'm not an anti-vaxxer I'm not a fucking conspiracy theorist. I just wanted to make life easier for everybody around me I wanted to make life easier for my wife. I wanted to make life easier for my daughter for Mike Now I could go out now. I could venture out and enjoy Jersey That's why I went up then did the shot now you're telling me that the fucking shot causes blood clots So now I'm thinking like the needle didn't even hurt So now I'm thinking about going and getting a fucking Moderna one two shots of that shit and going through that again So what I'm gonna do is this I'm gonna fucking check for blood clots

I'm gonna get my blood drawn and I'm having to do an antibody test and then we'll take it from fucking there Okay, so I hope nobody worries. I've been exercising every day the whole fucking thing I guess I read this J&J thing and it's creating Some type of like a stroke effect, but let me tell you guys what happened ten years ago. Not even when I was 50 You know who I'm surrounded without Nellie. I was surrounded with a bunch of fucking Health nuts and one of them told me to fucking go on testosterone. I went to the doctor I did a blood test and my doctor's like your testosterone is fine He goes in fact, it's even better than what it should be. You're fine

But against his best wishes. I went to a testosterone doctor because my healthy buddies were like you gotta go to get testosterone You gotta get testosterone. You gotta get testosterone So I started doing a little shot of testosterone every day was all legit a doctor did it up and fucking van eyes I went to see him once a fucking week and I started putting on weight. I'm supposed to lose fucking weight. I went from three fucking 15 to three fucking 30 I'm supposed to be losing weight on testosterone. I'm the only fat fuck that's gaining weight I'm fucking testosterone even though my fucking acupuncturist told me she goes don't do that fucking testosterone You don't need it. Trust me right now. You don't fucking need it at all. I kept doing the fucking testosterone

I went to DC. I had a migraine headache for like three fucking days. I finally couldn't take it no more I went to the doctor and they told me I was creating too many fucking red blood cells So they had to drain my fucking blood. You didn't want to be around me that night. I must have fainted 18 fucking times Okay, when I looked up and saw the tube connected to me and that they were drawing blood into that fucking tube I nearly fainted so I know all about that shit. So I'm not going back for that at all. I'll go this afternoon I'll take my fucking little blood test. They'll check for blood clots They'll check for fucking to see if I get the antibodies in me because I didn't feel nothing in that fucking need Who knows what was in that fucking bottle? You know, so for me

I just want to be double safe and I just want to show you cuz a couple people checked in with me Thank you very much guys. You guys knew I did the fucking I had some nice emails people saying Because you did it you encouraged me whatever, you know, there's a lot of anti There's a lot of fucking hate going on out there I just did what was best for me and my family if I wanted to stand up in the future Whatever the fuck I don't want I have to do I don't have to worry about it cuz I'm vaccinated You know I'm saying but if it's only gonna last six months and I'm gonna have to get a boost anyway in September to go to the Premier the Sopranos and looks like that's what I'm gonna fucking do. Okay number two

I want to talk to you so about something people you motherfuckers that keep hitting me up about Sharon Osborne Let me tell you something. I don't know nothing about Sharon Osborne. I don't want to know nothing about Sharon Osborne I don't mess with Sharon Osborne. I've never met Sharon Osborne I've never met Ozzy Osborne and I keep to myself. I had an opportunity one time To meet them and I was like, let me think about it and I said, let me just pass on it for right now I love Ozzy too much and I'm scared to say the wrong thing in front of fucking Sharon And I don't want to end up fucking dead. Do you understand me when it comes to Sharon Osborne those bitches will kill you Sharon Osborne's about to go fucking off any week now. She's about to go off. I don't know they fired her on the view

You know after 10 years, she's got a lot of shit to say. I don't know Sharon Osborne. I've never met Sharon Osborne I'm sure she's a very lovely lady. I read the book the man who led Zeppelin By Peter Grant and it was the Peter Grant's biography and Peter Grant learned everything He knew from Sharon's fucking father who was a manager who was black Sabbath's original fucking manager Who robbed them and all that shit again? No disrespect to Sharon Osborne. I don't want no problems with Sharon Osborne I'm just saying what I read in the fucking books here. Okay. I'm just repeating what I read in the books here I don't want no problems with Sharon Osborne. I'm just saying that

I don't know what happened on the view. Do I look like I watch daytime TV? Why don't people keep asking me this shit? What do you think I do all day? Just sit around and watch the fucking news I hate daytime television. Every time I put the TV on in the daytime. I'm like, what the fuck is going on in my life Throughout this pandemic, I knew that if I turn the TV on the daytime, I would die I knew if I turned it on I would die So that TV doesn't even think a fucking going on till eight o'clock at night. So I've never watched the fucking view I love Cheryl Underwood. I've known Cheryl for 20 fucking years. She's a phenomenal comic I don't know if you guys knew that she was a fucking tremendous stand-up comic Cheryl is a fucking force to reckon with

So I don't know what happened. I don't know what went down I don't want to know and I don't know if so so you people that keep asking me emails If Sharon wants to come on the eyes one if Sharon wants to come on a podcast and talk about what happened You know me. I'll take it with open arms. But besides that, I don't know nothing about sharing eyes one I've never met her and I don't want her cuz I don't want to say the wrong thing and for her to fucking go off on me Or whatever. I don't need that in my life I got no problem with English people and Megan Markle and fucking Pierce Morgan and the King of Wales I got no problems with these people. I don't know these people

But I salute whatever the Italians say whatever go enjoy yourself. I don't know what the fuck I don't know a bunch of people like what do you think about Sharon? And don't ask me out in fucking public if you're gonna DM me about that DM me about me I don't even want to put Sharon Osborne on Twitter. I don't want to write No, I didn't want to write Sharon never mind. I was born. I don't want nothing to do with these people because they'll fucking sink your boat I'm scared of Sharon Osborne. If you know how women are scared of fucking Harvey Weinstein with the missing teeth like now. He's missing four teeth. He's got an ammonia They put that shit on to the lake to make you feel bad for Harvey Weinstein. He's missing four teeth

Well, now he'd get better head in fucking jail cuz you know, he's giving that in there They got that little 60 year old man. They're smacking them suck my dick Harvey Harvey's over there gumming them to death that fucking I don't know I don't know we're talking about Sharon Osborne. Oh, so we end up on Harvey Weinstein with no teeth This is what I'm saying guys. I'm back. You understand me. That's how you know. I'm back I'm survived COVID and I'm fucking Harvey survived cope. I mean, I was scared. I'm gonna get COVID Who gives a fuck when he was raping women. He wasn't worried about fucking COVID So now fucked him, but he's trying to do his fight extradition to California

I read that somewhere that they're gonna extradite. I'm what the fuck for the damage is done He's already gonna fucking die in jail. You want to extradite to California and do what give him 20 more years? They already gave him 2,000 fucking years gonna run under the cell poor fucking Harvey and all that money can't save and fuck them That's what happens fucking torture in Hollywood fucking actresses again I don't know about Sharon Osborne. So I don't know I don't know and this is what's going on But in a brighter note, I do want to talk to you About what's going on in my life. This isn't gonna be a big time fucking podcast today. You know, I Love doing what I do and I love I

Love talking to a lot of you guys You know, you guys know it There's a lot of years that have relationships with me on the internet We've never met and we have great conversations whether on it's on Facebook Whether it's on patreon whether it's on Twitter, you know, you guys Go back and forth to me. I read your messages, you know, I Read your stuff whenever you post that a family member or something I always say prayers or candles lit just to give you a gleam of hope, you know

I believe that people deserve, you know, hope, you know When when somebody paused when somebody puts something stupid on Facebook, that's one thing But there's people that actually are honest on Facebook and they they write what their real feelings are on fucking Facebook And some people, you know, say stupid shit to them when somebody has the balls to Not DM you but to put on there. I'm having a rough day today. My father's dying It's not for people to go, you know, fuck you or whatever and I've seen it on Facebook Even if I don't know that person I'll stop and just go. Hey man, prayers lit or just something just something to let them know

To let them believe it, you know, because I've been there. I know what it's like This last year or two, whatever We've all experienced some form of death and it never you never fucking Think about it until it hits your backyard But with everything that's been going on, there's been a thousand fucking deaths and all of us Had heard a story of somebody or or something You know, and it's finally hit me over here, you know When I got off the plane, I I feel that me moving here

Was meant to be, you know, I'm very happy about my decision. I have no regrets at all Whatever happened happened great 23 years. It's on to the next chapter of my life Whether we do stand up, whether we do movies, whether we get into theater, whatever the fuck I do I don't give a fuck. I'm happy My family's happy. My wife is happy. My daughter's happy, but Things have happened in my camp too that I don't put on Facebook, you know, I just tell you guys at the podcast you guys are my fucking psychiatrist You guys lift me up, you know, that's why I lift you up or I try to lift you up. Whatever you're down

Uh in 1981, listen, man, I've had 20 fucking moms I don't know about you guys. I've had 20 moms Most people have like a mom a grandma And then like a friend's mom or a mother-in-law I've had 20 fucking moms from Marion Balzano to Anna Benda To Joan runny to to to mitzsche short to fucking My godmother, you know, I've had so many women strong women That have been in my fucking life, you know, I'm saying I I'm very fucking fortunate about that

you know In life, you never really get to say goodbye to somebody It sucks It sucks that You I never got a chance to say goodbye to Ralph Yeah, I never got a chance to say goodbye to Brody But you live with that and then you make your own peace and you mourn and Life goes through with that. Well this week

I had to do what You guys have been doing for the last year and that's putting somebody down, you know, I didn't have to put somebody down at all Um when I got back here, you know, I was really happy about My plan was to come back here and Thank Anna Benda And Joan runny for taking me in when I was younger Anna Benda took me in in 1979 And then I had a problem at the house my behavior

And I you know, I had to leave and I had to find a different place to live I didn't know what I was going to do in my life and the runnies took me in The benders of the runnies are two great families in boulder boulder in north bergen North bergen has had a ton of great families when I was growing up the de lorenzo's the benders the runnies The tizios the the askalices. I mean there were so many big time families That helped me out the lebranos, you know, they all fucking missus lebrano's a mom to me, you know But in 1981 it was a different cocoa And mrs. Runny took me in mr. Mrs. Bob runny took me in his name was robert and her name was jone

Joe josephine Joan is my sister her daughter and they had four boys and I considered them all my my brothers when they took me in They took me in an april 21st of 1981 And it's april 12th of night of 2021 That's 40 years that they've been in my life and i'm fucking proud You know for all you people who think that uh, yeah, I was a criminal and all that stuff But I was still a human being and I never forgot the people who took care of me. It was very important for me To not forget about these people. I didn't want them to

Think that their love towards me was in vain. Do you know what i'm saying? Like you never want like when a comic helps you Like if you're a young comic and an older comic helps you You want to do well to make them proud of you. So later on in the career They'll say to you, you know what you could go up to them and go Thank you like the way I do on podcasts with different comics that have helped me over the years Whether it's Joe or Whether it's greg fit Simmons or whether it's theo

A ton of comics have looked out for me, you know what i'm saying? So in life a lot of a lot of women looked out for me when I was growing up And I'll never forget the runnies coming to me and going. Hey, we talked to our mom and dad. It's okay You could move in with us. I'm going What the fuck, you know How do people open up their houses to a stranger? I knew mrs. Runny She was the crossing guard at the high school and I always said good morning to her. I was always polite to her And he had two years later. I'm gonna move in with it. You know I'm saying I'm like

Thank god. I was always nice and sweet. She remembered me and whatnot But You know as soon as I got back. Yeah, I got back august 19th and September 5th her son Mike His wife passed away And there was a party and we all went down to that saturday and we saw Mike I went to the wake, you know the whole fucking deal and they're my family. I mean they are my family No matter how you cut it

And then since they were in toms river, they're close to me mrs. Runny I've been down there a couple times to see her say hello I brought us some Italian cookies, you know, I ordered those tins for christmas and I brought us some of those I've gone to I've gone down there a couple times now She's old You know, she's been sick for years, you know, she's had a cancer For like 10 years, so she's had it under control and I went to Easter I took I went down there with my wife my daughter

We went down there for the early half of Easter like for an hour just to sit with them Mike came down Steve came down with some of the boys were there and I go down there and I and we ate some sandwiches We got some fucking great Italian sandwiches and we ate them when I went down there Easter Sunday I don't know. Check your calendar. I don't know what day Easter Sunday fell on but it was she was in great shape We were talking We were having a great time talking about this and that and this and that and All of a sudden I got a call Maybe yeah four weeks ago. I got a call maybe

Three days after Easter that she's having a hard time, you know I said if there's anything I could do blah blah blah. They just called me to tell me they rushed to the hospital and then Then when she came home, we went back down there And she had just come from bingo that day and she was doing fine. She went to bingo. She didn't play bingo She was just counting the numbers or helping people. I don't know what she was doing down there. She's a big bingo chick She's retired. That's what you do when you retire You play bingo in those small communities. So I went down there again and then about a week ago. I got a call that

they put her in the fucking hospital again and that uh The cancer is all over her body and that they're giving her a little time and that uh You know, we're all gonna go down there and meet they're gonna put her in the hospice. She wants to die at home So they're gonna put her at home, you know When I got that call, you know, I called like I called Joan my sister. I called my brother Mike, you know

I was a little bit emotional. You guys know me. I got emotional about that shit But then I put it in perspective. I go, you know what? There's no reason for me to get emotional I'm gonna go down there and talk to her That's it. How many fucking chances Do you have to go talk to somebody and tell them how you feel? Not a lot, especially before they punched the ticket. Not a lot, you know So I went down there. I didn't know Saturday my daughter had a softball game And after the softball game, we hung out with some parents and I had a fucking, you know

I had to say goodbye because I had to go down there had to meet Mike and you know Bobby and fucking Ricky and And Mike's daughters were down there. So I just want to go down there for Mike, you know, for me I wanted to see Mike also. They've all been vaccinated. You couldn't go in the house unless you were vaccinated You had to wear a mask, you know, I got down there Saturday. I uh Saw Mike, you know, I hugged him and shit, you know And then I went inside And I saw her and I got to tell you guys

Fucking cancer is no fucking joke You know, Easter was four weeks ago Last time I saw it was two weeks ago In those two weeks I don't know what the fuck happened But it just ran through a fucking body So I went inside with Mike first and we sat with her and talked and she was in and out You know, not really hearing you

You know, I covered her feet I grabbed her hands and then I went back outside Because I wanted to go back inside with her. I just wanted to be alone with her So I went outside with Mike I sat him down I had an edible for him in the car. So I gave it to him And then I went inside and I had my chance with her And I sat next to her the dog was on the floor. I pet the dog

And her hand was holding on to the railing because they got her in like a medical bed So I held on to her hand and I told her that uh I was a lost kid in 1981 I had nothing going on. I didn't know what the fuck to expect You know, when somebody invites to live with them and you're a kid, you're like, well I guess it's time to get raped with time to get molested, you know This is what the Boy Scouts is for to prep you for the shit. I didn't know what the fuck to think, you know, but listen, they were

They treated me like they treated all five of those fucking boys You know, they treated I went right into the house and I fit right into that fucking house And they looked after me, you know, I lived there for a whole summer They never asked me for a dime Finally in september mr. Runny said either You go back to school or you get a job. I don't care what you do But you either gotta go to school and get free rent or

You have a job and pay rent so I quit school my senior year, you know, I didn't see any sense in going back so, uh You know, I paid him rent and I ended up staying there till I ended up living there for about 18 months at them until I robbed the jewelry store and I didn't leave that In a bad way. I left that because I didn't want the cops harassing them. Mrs. Runny Now she wasn't a crossing guard no more

She had become a sheriff So I didn't want to put in a position for her to have to fucking arrest me So she she was a Hudson County sheriff. So I'm like, fuck No, yeah, I'm living with a cop, you know, she's probably gonna get the report and she's gonna have to be, you know in a fucking In a conjure, you know, whatever you call it in the fucking Because what the fuck I got this guy living with me. I can't arrest him. So I didn't want that to happen So I ended up going to Sarasota, Florida

I wrote to my hand written letter before I left and I put it on that bed. I put Two weeks of rent in there, you know, because that's the type of guy I am And I fucking went to Florida and I didn't call him for the six weeks. I was in Florida But when I came back I went over there. We laughed about it and here we are 40 years later I wasn't there for when bobby runny died the father I don't know where I was. I think I was doing time And jones husband died and he was a dear friend of mine and I wasn't there

For when he died, but I'm happy That I'm here for mrs. Runny. I'm really happy I went down and out the whole time That I was talking to I told her I was a lost kid Thank you Thank you for treating me like a mother. Thank you for giving me a mother's love, you know I told all the things I was supposed to I apologized to her For causing ruckus in the house, you know, I tried to even loosen it up

Mr. Runny when he was alive his mother died And I went out that night and got drunk and he had a suit hanging up next to the chair Or ironed and steamed to wear to the funeral and I decided to drink vodka and orange juices that night So I'm sitting in his chat. Also, I just started heaving puke and I puked on his suit And they were pissing me for two days. So I even apologized to her for that. I'm I'm sorry for puking I'm mr. Runny suit the week of his mother's funeral, you know, I'm sorry for all the craziness But I love you. I told everything she squeezed my hand a little bit She didn't say much her lips were just quivering

And she squeezed my hands a little bit and And that was it. I was good to go. I got I got to say goodbye. I got to thank her for what she had done I walked out. I hugged Mike We talked a little more, you know, they sparked a number I had a drive so I didn't want to smoke So I didn't smoke And then the weirdest fucking thing happened. I said, all right, I got to say goodbye to mom Not throughout the whole time I was in there. We had like a little eight minute chat

She didn't fucking say nothing. She was just quivering whatever And I know she was hearing my words. She just you know, I could tell when she squeezed my hands that she Was telling me thank you for saying those things to me, but she hadn't said nothing So as we were leaving I hugged Mike. I hugged. Let me go say goodbye to mom I don't know if I'm gonna have time Thursday or Friday. I'm gonna try to go back there again I don't want to say that that was the last time I'm gonna see her, you know I'm gonna try to go down there again this weekend, you know, people coming every day, you know The only rule is we gotta wear a double mask

But uh I'm happy I got to say goodbye to her but when I went back inside I said mom, I'm probably gonna come back and see you You know, if you need something tell bobby let him call me. I'll leave bobby my number Just remember I love you and all this and I don't know where she goes. I love you too She uttered the words and then she fell back to sleep I fucking walked out of there just Blown the fuck away, you know, I had to show my strength

For the boys like I had a walk out of there and show like nothing like nothing happened They didn't ask what happened. I didn't say nothing is between me and mrs. Runny I walked out. I hugged them. I talked to them for a little while And then I got my car and drove home and I gotta tell you guys I mean for me, I lost my parents and I was 16. I don't have to sweat anymore You know That was a loss for me. That was a loss me the other day and I had to think about something. This is fucking interesting as fuck because

What would you rather do? find your mom Like I did on the floor And not be able to say goodbye to her Or see your mom die slowly and suffer It's it's just a horrible fucking situation for us as men and women that You know, we have to do this to our parents. I mean, I think it's fucking Terrible listen, my mom went away. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her

She gave me a couple clues some things that I hold on till today You know, I got a chance to say goodbye to Marilyn Martinez And right there from her death bed. She told me that God didn't want me to do coke and I bought into it and I never did coke again You know, I was very happy that I got to say goodbye to Marilyn And I got to be honest here. I really really really Wanted to apologize to mrs. Benda before she passed she passed I sent flowers. Hopefully I'll get the strength

Someday in the boss to knock on their door and apologize to the kids I talked to the one brother was still tight But I'm happy I had the opportunity To go down to mrs. Runny on saturday and if you guys know anything about me and the runny family, you know that It meant the world to me guys it meant the world to me to be able And for her to say that she loved me at the end after our conversation That was as good as it gets in my fucking world guys. So I

Understand you now when you guys hit me on patreon and when you guys hit me on instagram or hit me on fucking facebook and Tell me the light of prayer that your parents are going down or a sister or a brother Well, now I'm part of a fucking club, you know, I lost the sister-in-law You know during all this who I was very tight with Who helped me a ton with fucking comedy in the very beginning? And now I'm gonna lose the lady who took me in In 1981, but you know what? I fucking went down there

with honor you know and I'm happy I came back and I'm happy that I became the man that I am today, you know, I got problems and shit we all do but I I became a man Whatever you guys may think of what the definition of a man is is I'm really happy about that has

made my fucking week And I'll go down there again, you know, I'm prepared. I'm prepared for a funeral now I'm prepared for awake Because I got to say what I wanted to say, you know When I get the call that something happens to her, I'm sure I'll be a little upset, you know, but I'll keep it together because I got to be strong for the family. I got to be strong for the boys I got to show them, you know, Mike is a mess. He already lost his wife

This so he's gonna lose a wife and a mom within a fucking year I wouldn't even want to fucking be him. I wouldn't even Want to know what that fucking feels like, but it's a part of life We all got to deal with it and now I got to deal with it. I'm happy. I got you guys so we could laugh We could keep doing this fucking shit all the time and uh I get this off my chest. This makes life a lot fucking easier for me to do this on a fucking podcast because My whole goal with the church and the joint was to never talk down to you guys It was always to let you know that we all put our pants on one another at a time

I just became a fucking comedian and I got lucky. I'm not better than you. I'm not better anybody We were all the fucking same. I was a criminal till fucking 20 fucking years ago but You're never too big to fucking apologize. You're never too big to Say thank you You're never too big to let people know what they've done for you, you know I let people know what they've done for me. I thank them, you know, I thank them And I let them know its sincerity

And authenticity that I mean it from the bottom of my heart you know and uh That's it man You know when I went to see Marilyn and and I went to I didn't know was the last time I was gonna see you We had a little talk back and forth and she said that to me and in my world between us I took that as a direct message from god. Look, I stopped doing fucking blow And look where I am 13 years late. I got a fucking life. I got a kid. I got a wife And everything is all right, you know, I'm not able to do stand-up right now

I don't know how I feel about stand-up But when that comes back and I'm ready I'll be ready you'll see me out there You know, I'm getting all these offers and shit like that for stand-up and this is what you guys don't understand It takes six months For me to write an hour. I would love to lie to you guys and tell you Ha ha ha ha, you know, I can write an hour and three months and perform it. No, it doesn't No, no, if you guys want me to go out, let me know I'd love to go out. You know what? I'm 58. I could charge

40 dollars And go out there and do an improvised fucking set And not give a fuck where the pieces fall and tell you motherfuckers to go fuck yourself Any of you guys have known that have seen me tour In the last 10 fucking years every time you saw me My pride was that I showed up with new material I showed up at least 30 to 40 minutes of new fucking material I didn't give you the same shit over and over again

And I'm very proud of that when I was a stand-up. I took that very fucking seriously I didn't I didn't go to the same areas every eight months Tell you with the same jokes to make money. I could have done that I could have came to your club twice in a year and milked you and it could have been over with right now I'm 58 years old. I could just set up a fucking tour tomorrow For 40 $50 tickets Have you guys come down? I go up then talk shit for an hour I could talk shit for fucking an hour every day

Are you guys gonna be happy with me? Not really. You're gonna leave that going fuck Joe Rogan says this guy's a fucking savage. We just saw half a fag up there. We just saw some fucking Wounded deer up there. That's why I'm not doing stand-up. I don't want to take your fucking money for me to take your money to do that That's not fair, but I could do that. I could set up a world tour if you like I could go to Dayton. I go to fucking Columbus. I go to Chicago. I go whatever the fuck you want I don't have to work on anything and I could just come charge you 40 bucks You guys will pay a seven dollar ticket charge because I don't care about you And I'll just go up there and eat shit and not do anything after that

I could do that too. If you want me to do that. I could do that. That's not what I'm gonna fucking do I'm not going out Till I work out till I'm ready to go and I know I have 50 to an hour That you guys are gonna be proud to see you guys are gonna be proud to take a picture of me afterward You're gonna be proud on top of that. I don't want to go out and sit in between fucking the room in the shows Why go to a show if I can't see you motherfuckers? We haven't seen each other now in fucking a year since the pandemic And however long before that before I've been to your town. I think the last couple dates I did were

Vegas Tempe Atlanta San Francisco I did in december with dean After the new years, I think I did New york city in december So you guys haven't seen me in a while and I did miami for thanksgiving and something before that date Before that I have you haven't seen me

But anytime I did a fucking show the only place I felt I really fucking ate a bag of dicks There's only one city That I think I ate a bag of dick and that's New Orleans When I did it with steve simone in 2019 june 7th in 2019 That was not a good fucking show. I don't know what happened to me. I could name the shows I got them written down in a fucking notebook. How about that for you because you guys know I journal everything So after I get off stage, I will put Fucking columbus ohio show one show two show three show four show five and I will write how I did

There's ton. You know when I did a weekend in the comedy club. There would always be one show Where I would just go off the deep end Just on purpose because guys kept coming people would buy tickets for two nights And I would go why are you doing that? You're gonna see the same fucking material that fucking kills me as a comic I would hate for you to come see me and go. You know what we came to see this motherfucker 18 months ago And he's talking about the same shit. This is a bust out So I always always wrote my set list out when I was let's say I'm in columbus fucking

May of 2021 I will I won't write out the whole joke list, but I will write the jokes, you know gay bob Sucking my dick with ice cubes in your mouth, you know, like I'll I'll give you the bullet points So I know exactly when I come back to your town What not to touch on you understand me that's what professional does who did I learn it from uncle joey? Nobody else told me that I just knew I didn't want you To pay 25 bucks if you always notice I kept my tickets low I'm not in business to rip nobody off. I'm a thief by nature

But you guys I pampered I never fucking charged over 25 bucks 30 Maybe in a club because the club was like oh you could get away with 30 But if I charged 30, I knew I had a fucking smoke and fucking now It's 25 for fucking me for the shows and 20 for workouts. That's fucking fair You know what I'm working on if you want to give 20 bucks, that's nothing 20 bucks is nothing I'll go up there. I'll still give you a great show You you're not gonna know what you're gonna get before I go on the road. I'd rather have a fucking solid hour So when you guys see me you're happy. I'm not gonna go on the road to a half fucking audience

It's not worth the aggravation So when my leg heals up and I'm ready to fucking feel good again between you and I Besides writing the book with Erica We talked today and we talked yesterday and we talked monday. We talked we try to talk four days a week We're trying to speed up this fucking book to get it out there to you. It's gonna take a while It's not gonna. Just like, you know, you just don't get a feather with some fucking ink and write a book out like this You know, we talk every fucking day and we make notes and at night I make little fucking notes

And I send them to her and at least we know what the fuck we're doing You know, I'm trying to write I've written. I'm not gonna lie to you I have written a couple of little jokes just little ones maybe four They're not gonna knock your fucking socks off. They're not gonna blow you out of the water But you gotta start somewhere And you know why I've written those jokes. I've been writing them because I think of them as I'm playing the guitar Dude, I tell you

So do you understand me for you to create You have to be entertained. We go back to that frame of thought I am entertaining myself with the guitar and while I am playing the guitar I have a notebook next to me and I write little things It's because I'm goofing on myself Why I'm playing the guitar while I'm playing the guitar. I'm like I am the worst guitar player in the fucking world I know the beginning of back in black I'm working on a little bit of nutshell which sounds horrible on the fucking amp

And I'm working on a little bit of brains too by By green day Then and then that's a motherfucker. I gotta stretch the pinky I gotta do this one in a power core. I don't know nothing and like I told the teacher say listen My fingers have been practiced. You know, I'm not a pink no more my fingers I haven't finger banked anybody in years You know when you have to stick your finger a little monkey and then you have to work that pinky with the asshole the whole fucking thing Yeah, I've been out of that fucking circuit for 20 fucking years. You know, I haven't fingered nobody

I got a wife now. I don't need to finger people. So, you know I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to my wife What I'm trying to say is when you got a wife, you don't need to finger people You know I'm saying you just go right to the heart of the matter So my fingering is off is what I'm trying to say like when I was fucking 30 and shit I was fingering chicks to finger Louis with the pinky draw You know I'm saying that's tremendous Because you're fingering them and you got that little pinky in their muffler whether you go sideways or whatever

We shouldn't be discussing this but what I'm trying to say is my fingers are out of the fucking Out of yeah, whatever the fuck So so Mike got me the little fucking thing and I've been working on that but still It's a dexterity on my fingers even if a brain stew It's like the fucking it's the it's three five so it's five And seven and then a pinky two Oh my god

And then I got to go up to three and five They get wider as you go up and then two and three And then one and three and then I go back to the E. Yeah, right, which is damn it Right, so what the fuck you think you're dealing with you guys think uncle Joey is not doing this fucking homework I'm doing my homework bitches I'm just just work with me when I'm ready. I will pick this guitar up and play for you guys I promise you the first people to see me play the guitar will be patreon And the next will be you motherfuckers. Okay, I promise you with all my heart

But I've been working on it and I have been having a great fucking time So I want to thank Mike. I want to thank a lot of you motherfuckers who have been So encouraging with the guitar if I knew so many guitar people follow me I would have done a guitar patreon like five bucks People exchange shit. Let's have a fucking good time Videos I just got to figure out a way to send fucking videos on there I mean you guys are great and uh a lot of you guys have offered me help offered me services and classes for free

I love you motherfuckers for it. Mike as often. Let me do this. This is what happened with jujitsu I took too much in and in the end. I didn't know shit Let me learn the basics from my teacher. Let me get this shit down You know, I love doing it. I mean, there's no I didn't know I was gonna fall in love with it. Like I've been doing like I could tell when I don't play the guitar that day Yeah, like I could tell like I could tell now Like what the fuck something's not right. So

You know, like I played the other night when my daughter was here my dinner My daughter was goofing at me. She's like that don't sound like the song you were looking to play dad I was playing acdc back in black and she's like It's like back in great dad. It's not back in black. You know what I'm saying? It's like fuck you my daughter's goofing on me I don't need this shit in my life But hey, you gotta have a sense of humor and uh, at least I'm having a great time So thank you for all the people for your encouragement, you know, I've had a couple people That said go fuck yourself. You suck on the guitar

You know go kill yourself or all that shit, but all they saw was the cocksucker blues Yeah, but that that doesn't know they didn't even see cocksucker blues. They just Hate, you know, they just hate, you know, you have no right to pick up the guitar How you gonna put the guitar over your stomach? You know, erby's always got some fucking mark and for you motherfuckers who haven't noticed uncle joey Has been losing a little fucking weight if you haven't noticed There's one of the sweatshirts left over from the original fucking load when I made the t-shirts They sent a bunch of sweatshirts. So I might as well wear something great today

I didn't want to come out here with a blue little fucking t-shirt on again To wish you a happy monday. It's wednesday bitch. The sky is great. Now. It's a beautiful day outside in fucking jersey But hey, I wanted to check in with you guys and tell you look I have guests now. I'm fucking trying guys. I'm trying to go outside the normal It's not like I've called k quickly again And george perez again and the same people have had on the church and tried to shove them down your throat I've gone out through a different Fucking series of people

Just to let you know that we're trying here. This is called our hybrid podcast Sometimes i'm gonna come on Sometimes i'm gonna come on with a guest and sometimes it's just gonna be a fucking zoom. How's that to you cuck suckers? I don't know. We're gonna do it as we feel as it comes along But it's not like i'm bringing you fucking I'm trying to bring you new blood guys You know for me to show up with the same people out on the church over and over again Would just be a disaster. I'm trying to fucking make this podcast

Fucking work. Thank you for the people for all the encouragement on the podcast on the joint You know that we're trying we're just trying something different You know i'm saying a lot of people don't like this guest a lot of people got mad at this guest a lot of people got mad at this guest guys This is free. I'm just trying to fucking do something To make your day go by a little easier. You don't make this rough on everybody So enjoy what you get today. You got your uncle joey. I was missing you guys More than you were missing me. I saw some of the comments you people like how come you gotta have a guest all the time Okay, then

That uncle joey'll make a comeback and say hello to you motherfuckers person. What do you don't think I miss you motherfuckers? Sure, I miss you motherfuckers. I got a big week. I got she's got softball game on saturday She's got fucking batting practice tonight the batting cages, you know, I got a couple things going on I got an nft card Coming out pretty fucking soon We're working on that for patreon. I don't know if you guys like art The nft things. Yeah the nft card crypto the crypto art. Yeah Yeah, they're gonna show me i'm gonna show you a nice picture

And i'm gonna have those for you motherfuckers. Maybe for 20 bucks. We'll sell them keep them light and uh, so we're working on that We're working on a couple things and then we're working on Me not getting a blood clot and fucking dying here. So You know now, I don't know. Yeah, so I'll let you guys know on monday What they said about the antibody test Uh, see if I got any blood clots, but I think I'm all right. I've been riding the fucking bike every day I I fucking started walking to strengthen the knees So I go to a a ball field every day and I fucking walk around a few times

And I get a little vitamin D. I wanted to switch it up a little bit now the weather's nice But uh, that's it. That's that man. I'm happy that you guys got a chance to watch on wednesday I'm happy you guys are enjoying what we're doing here what we're trying to do And uh keep coming back and keep hanging out with us, man. You know, I love you motherfuckers With all my heart whether it's patreon facebook twitter Instagram, I got you motherfuckers every week, you know, like I said in the beginning of this I put my pants on one leg at a time Just like you motherfuckers and I'm just trying to push along. I hope you enjoy what we're doing here

We're trying our artist and uh The world's in a shit place right now The more smiles the better man. So I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week. Thank you for watching this week And we'll be back on monday I don't know if we're gonna have a guest. I'll fucking surprise you cocksuckers. All right Stay black. Have a great week and here's for a word from my motherfucking sponsors. Love you Thank you very much for listening to the podcast today. Yes, you had your uncle joey for your fucking time today No guest. I know half a year is a happy no more complaining

But before I go I gotta talk to you about two products number one on it The best when it comes to health you understand me alpha brain shroom tech new mood I love all three of them the protein bites the alpha brain powder I mean they have stuff that you don't even know but you gotta go there and read the mct oil They have a coconut almond protein ball that is fucking tremendous But it all starts at you going on it. They're gonna have this semi annual sale May 3rd through the 16th of may they can slash in prices Get ready to drop a fucking load on on it. This is your chance right now

To work with a company to get the best products available to you alpha brain new tropics fucking tremendous 100 percent money got back guarantee and they don't want the product when a company does that That's who I want to do business with so do me a favor go to honet.com right now Read take a look at what shroom tech has they have smaller containers big content Whatever you need they got they're putting stuff in powder now So you can put it in your water and just shake it up and work out with it I mean honnets doing great things, but it all starts with you go to honet.com right now Read you like something start with the alpha brain

Press in church and get 10% off delivered right to your fucking house. Okay The join is also brought to you by zip recruiter. I love zip recruiter You know why because let them play matchmakers. You don't have to read through a thousand applications You know how hard it is to find a good employee. It's like finding it's like looking for a needle in the haystack but guess what zip recruiter will find it in fact zip recruiter is so effective That four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day 2.3 million businesses have already used zip recruiter. What are you waiting on?

Yeah, you can post your job online on a cork board at a coffee shop or some shit But then you just got to sit there and hope the right person walks by and what are the chances Stop dreaming smack yourself in the face and try zip recruiter for free as zip recruiter.com Slash joey. Why because they do the work for you one click and your job gets sent to over 100 of the top job sites And here's where it gets crazy They're matching technology hooks you up with the people with the right skills and experience that you need Get quality candidates fast. Let them look for it In fact zip recruiter is that effective that four out of five employees will get a quality candidate within the first day

You understand what i'm trying to say to you. So right now today You can try zip recruiter for your business, whether it's small or large at zip recruiter.com slash joey Again that zip recruiter.com slash joey try it for free just by going to zip recruiter.com slash joey Save time money and energy zip recruiter the smartest way to hire I want to thank all you guys this week on it Zip recruiter cbd lion who's having their 420 sale. Don't forget to click on their link next tuesday They're gonna blow your mind I want to thank everybody who supported us. I want to thank

My man alessandro who was on monday Go give it a watch and that tick cocksuckers. Have a great weekend Uncle joey loves you and we'll be back monday morning tip top magoo I love you cocksucker. Stay black. Have a good weekend