Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 06/17/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #89

Episode Date: June 18, 2013

Matt "The Immortal" Brown calls in to talk about his battles with substance abuse and how he got to where he is now. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 06/17/2013

This episode is brought to you by Hulu+, with Hulu+, you get total control to watch thousands of shows wherever you want and whenever you want, binge on full seasons and watch your favorite current shows like Community, South Park, SNL and more. Right now our listeners get an extended free trial of Hulu+, by going to HuluPlus.com slash Joey, that's HuluPlus.com slash Joey and it doesn't matter if it's uppercase or lowercase now guys, so get ready to brock. You believe this shit? Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh motherfucking shit, it's Monday motherfuckers, get up, it's a beautiful day to be alive. God gave you another day, open your eyes, look around and go god damn, it feels good to be a motherfucking gangster. Gonna get up, gonna wash my balls, gonna cut my fingernails and put some shiny polish on it to toughen them up, so if I finger bang somebody, I finger bang them with authority. Are you saying you get manicures? I don't get manicures.

Shut the fuck up, I'm dropping knowledge on these motherfuckers early on to let them know what type of day it is here today. We got AC DC going back to 70s, fucking nine, one of the greatest stories, albums of all time. Hit it, leave. Oh shit. Break out the reefer, kill the bitch next door, we're getting down motherfuckers. It's a church, hit it, leave.

Are you kidding me or what? That's Bond Scott right there. You understand me, he was like 90. The rest of the band was like 20. This motherfucker. You could kill them musically, I'm too fucking excited, how you guys doing? It's kinda hard to sound tough when you're like, paint your nails motherfucker. I paint your nails, you put that clear stuff on it and it strengthens you so when you're

fucking you can take a bullet, a knife to the fingernail, you can fucking poke somebody in the eye, you gotta cut your cuticles, you gotta fucking file your little fucking things so your hands look nice though, you know what I'm saying, you gotta fucking look nice. Your feet are fucked up, I got that fucking turtle shell on my big toe, that fungi toe. You gotta cut it with a fucking bolt cutter. What's that, what's a turtle shell? I got hit in the toe with a dumbbell 20 fucking years ago and it's green and it's never gone away. And I gotta cut it, it grows downwards like a dinosaur's foot, it's a fucking nightmare.

I gotta put a tape on when I go to kickboxing, it's embarrassing, boogers are fucked. It's the asshole in the dick that matters, washed them fucking things, it's gonna be 2000 today, you're gonna be walking around, shit's bouncing, the maple syrup's coming out of the sides. What's today's date, the 17th? Sure, let's go with that. No, it's the 17th you fuck, now that people know it, people better be alive. Get up, wash your pussies, wash your dick. They're for reals out there, hope you had a great weekend, hope you had a happy father's day.

I had an alright father's day, I lost a fucking cat Wednesday. Yeah, you were saying that. It breaks my fucking heart. And it was one of your like, oh I like all your cats, but like, she like, all of them kind of play and Gray was kind of like, she kind of just sat there and like kind of watched and like slept and she was like, she was like, like me and kind of like, you just kind of sits back, kind of like watches. Gray's a fucking dirty bitch, don't believe it. Gray likes to, Gray would hide outside of the, we have a cat litter box in the fireplace with a curtain

so we could see him, and Gray would hide outside the curtain and attack cats when they stopped shit. So when they come out, she chased him. Can you imagine somebody chasing out of your bathroom? Your ass is just going back to form. You know what I'm saying? Like he just took a shit. You just get your clothes on, you wash your hands. You open your bathroom door and there's somebody there to chase you.

So that's what she would do. But what happened was, I got her like two years ago. The lady downstairs gave it to me, she was not a door cat. For the first six months, she would fuck around by the door. She stopped one day, she goes, where am I going to go? I'm meeting like a fucking soldier. I get shrimp. I get treats.

I get fucking catnip. He brushes me. She was the one, the reason why I'm really missing Gray is because she's the one that slept with me at night. And she slept in the chair across from me. And as soon as I fucking turned, you could hear him. And she'd jump over and make me rubber and her tail would get hard and I'd scratch her back. Then she'd drop and roll on her back and then I'd scratch her stomach. She'd bite my hand and take the fuck off.

You know what I'm saying? Like she would attack my hand. She would shoot with my sleep apnea mask. What she would do to my hand and she would watch it. She would jump on it and try to pound it. So the other night, I don't know what the fuck's going on. I hear all this stuff. Well, first of all, we got a backtrack to Tuesday night.

I went out to do comedy Tuesday night. I come back and I got two fucking transvestites that live across the street. They're not like committed, like in the daytime they're men, but at night they put a wig on. So that makes them a chick. So in the daytime he's Big Mike and at night he's Monica. Have you seen this with these people? No, man. Yeah, dog.

They live right across the street. I never heard the Big Mike and then Monica. Yeah, Big Mike in the daytime at night. She's fucking Monica. So I come home to you and the boyfriend is worthless. He's fucking worthless. At least Monica has a car and has a job and does shit or had a job at Target and they fired it. They found out she was Big Mike.

You know, whatever the fuck happened, it's not my business. But I can't believe Big Mike doesn't get the right kind of guy. Huh? Can't believe Big Mike doesn't attract the right kind of man. No, all the guys are stiff. He's the blonde. Okay. So every time he changes, I don't fucking get it.

I don't mind if you're gay. I don't mind if you want to dress up but commit. They're under construction. They're always knocking on my door, selling printers. They try to sell me a fucking camera. They're really creepy, motherf- You see, gay guys are always on top of it. They're always on top of shit.

They go to the gym. These two are fucking two gay lops. That's what they are. Two fucking mutt momos. What's a lop? A lop. A fucking guy that sits around on a fucking day like a mook and he gets fat heavy and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

The fucking lops. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's what you hear when they walk. That's the fucking song you hear. You know, did you see about the diners? What the fuck are you talking about diners for? It's 2013. Get out of the fucking house.

The one guy comes, anyway, I get home, he's at a flash play. Fucking ten o'clock at night. They're out there with flash. These two gay guys don't have fucking jobs, but they're out there looking for a skunk. Like a skunk family, like a baby fucking skunk family. So I just walked past them and I had those two morons. I had two morons, three, four down. The guy that's a rider that looks like Festa and his fucking creepy wife.

They were down there walking fucking past and they were all out there looking for the skunk family. Really? Fucking a skunk family? To put them in a box that said eggs on it. Didn't even have like the vet on it, a cage with a piece of cheese. Had fucking eggs on it. I don't say nothing.

I go upstairs and I mind my fucking business. The next night I'm ready to get to fucking Salt Lake City, which I'll talk about later. Tremendous. Those people are fucking crazy. And I hear this commotion outside, so I go to my daughter's, I note from the landlord about some shit. I read that and that's when she got out. Right there was when she got out.

And you're usually good about like closing the door. Really fucking good. And that's what I don't understand. So I went back to the computer. I was doing some writing. I said, fuck it. I gotta go anyway and get gas and get some more weed. And a Chee Boat Chew for the flight.

Yeah. I go to the gas station. I go, I get the Chee Boat Chew. As I'm walking out the door, Monaco, AKA Big Mike, is walking up my stairs and he goes your cat just went off the fucking off the stairs. And I go, what cat? No, I don't have a cat here. And I go, what are you guys doing?

And they're out there. They got the skunk fucking calling. I go, listen. So I go out there and I look at this and I go back inside and discuss it. When I come back out eight minutes later, they're still fucking out there. And I go, listen, do me a favor. They left the box. They left the box.

And when the skunk came out of the fucking bushes, he was going to go into that box. Now I guess who's going to walk into that fucking box at four in the morning and stone to the gills? Moi. So I looked at both of those fucking homo sapiens. I said, listen, get the fucking box and move it. All right. You guys can't leave that shit there because I'm going to get sprayed in the morning.

I'm going to be fucking pissed. Take the fucking box out of there. So they take the fucking box. I go back to sleep. Whatever the fuck happened. I got up at four in the morning and right there is when I noticed that Gray was gone because she couldn't come into bed with me. Geez.

So I jump in the shower. I run out. I go, Gray, Gray, Gray. No Gray. I gave him treats. Gray always comes out for treats. He's gone. So listen, that was Wednesday night.

She disappeared one time for three days when she lived downstairs. The way she left, Gray loved me and I loved Gray. You know what I'm saying? She loved. She liked the house. She was outside for six years fighting for a fucking life. She got attacked by a raccoon or something and they made her go in. They stitched her up and for her to go back out again, I don't understand what happened.

So in my heart, I know she's not coming back. You don't think she was just hanging out outside and didn't expect you to close the door? Fucking five days, Lee. So you're telling me Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday night she's been gone. That's five nights. She ain't coming back that fucking cat. I'm sad. I like Gray.

How the fuck do you think I feel? No, yeah, exactly. I think I feel like I got high yesterday and I went to the car. I was taking my daughter swimming. I took the baby swimming with goggles on. She was like a fucking flying German. I come downstairs yesterday afternoon with the fucking, with a diaper bag and whatever shit you got to take to a pool.

Yeah. And my wife came down. No two fucking transvestites are outside checking out garbage that somebody else put out there like rags and shit like that. Yeah. And if I would have had any balls, I would have hit them with the fucking car. But I didn't. I didn't say none.

I said, hello. But as I pulled away, I got so mad. The old Joe Diaz, it just, I got, I got started to get madder and madder and madder and madder and that I didn't run them over with the fucking car. Jesus. That's at what? You know, I remember when I was 16, I did what the fuck I did and I didn't give a fuck. There was no repercussions.

So I could do crazy shit and not give a fuck. But I did what I wanted to do and I wouldn't have to leave and get a headache later on. It's when I don't say something. It kills you. It's when I don't say something and I live in hell because if I say something on my scumbag and if I don't say something, I live in fucking hell. And I could only live in hell for a little while before I fucking go crazy. Like it just, it just, it just goes off.

Yeah. And I'm 50 years old and it's never changed. Over the years, I've taken it all in longer. Like the situation I had before with the thing, with the fucking podcast. You know, when I wake up on Friday morning at six o'clock, it's a beautiful day to be alive. And that podcast ain't up. My blood pressure goes from zero to fucking 60. Every minute after that, my blood pressure goes even higher.

Yeah. Until I fucking say something. Then when I snap, people go, no, you're not a good person or you're fucking crazy. So I win. I lose no matter what. Like, you know, that's why. If something bothers me, I have to address it. There's some people that could let it go inside of you and fester.

If I fester it, I will take a fucking bat and break your fucking neck. So yesterday I saw him. I got in a car, dog. And by the time I got to Burbank, I wanted to take that car and throw it in the fucking. By the time I got to the pool, my wife didn't know this. My wife said something to me later on. By the time I sat down at the pool, I went into an anxiety blackout. Out of anger?

Out of anger. Out of anger. And I felt like it all hit me. The cat had disappeared and wasn't coming back. So it was just one big ball roll. So you think they scared Gray away? Well, listen, I could do two things. I could go take the two fucking transvestites and bang the ads.

And I could blame it on them. I could blame it on myself and not checking the door. Because like you said, I was always very good about it. Yeah. I'm not the type to get that. That's the problem with a lot of people. People would love to blame it on those two fucking transgenders, whatever the fuck they are, which doesn't piss me off at all.

I was friends with them for years. They have animals themselves. So I know they feel bad. But the blame should be on me for not checking myself. This is what happens when you get high. This is what happens when you're in a fucking stone every night. Just that all Gray needed was that little hesitation. And that's what I tell people.

That cat could have been anything, Lee. That could have been somebody sneaking up on me. That could have been me leaving my wallet on top of the car. This is what I talk about life. You always got to stay on top of your shit. Yeah. And sometimes you think you got it under control, but you fucking don't. We never do.

That's why I always do the same shit every fucking daily. So when I get on the car and I'm on the 405, I go fuck. I left the fucking plug to the phone. How many times you leave the charger? See, I travel. How many charges I fucking leave behind? Millions. Millions.

When I break out of the system. I have a system when I pack. I have a system in the hotel room when I pack. When I break out of that system because the phone rings. Yeah. You get a thought. Everything goes fucking kaput. Like I said, I have two ways of thought.

And this is for people at home. Listen to what I'm saying to you. We have our automatic thing in life. There's always this brother blame on somebody else. Yeah. But at the bottom line, it feels a lot easier just to put it on yourself. Live with it. Move on and learn from it.

Something that took me fucking years. You know how I learned about Lee? By getting thrown in prison. Really? Yeah. That's why I never claimed responsibility. Now I claim responsibility for the Kennedys. Who shot the Kennedys?

I did. I was eight months old, but I shot him. Because it makes me feel better about me. If something bad happens in my life now, it's my fault. Because I didn't control it. Things are going to happen in your fucking life. You're going to wake up. There's going to be a flat.

There's going to be a guy across the street when they fucking shoot you. Who the fuck knows in your life? It's the things you can control to let down that drama. The shit that bothers you. I have social anxiety lately. Fuck Lee. I smoke a joint. I go on.

I'm really going to shot. You know what I'm saying? With all these shootings, I'm waiting to get shot now. Are you really? Yeah. Like in the back of my mind, you know how I feel about myself? So in the back of my mind, I go out and I'm sitting at a coffee shop. I drink my coffee.

We got to go. We got to go before fucking Lee Henry Oswald shows up. Whatever his name was. You literally lived in, before you left Jersey for the last time, you had like 18 people looking for you ready to kill you. You still walked around, went to the same bar. They give a fuck. Didn't give a fuck.

Here you're like at a coffee shop in Burbank and you're like, it's too much. It's fucking too much. How about a little music? A little wannabe around. It's Monday. We got somebody who passed, who's gone. Give them some love today, motherfuckers. Light a candle, think about them.

Something good. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody. Oh shit. What's up, Lee Lee? I'm going to smoke some dope. You're going to sit there like a fucking mook. You already smoked two joints, by the way. Sure.

Oh wait, so before we get into this, did Marcy like swimming? Did she like swimming with you? She fucking dug it. She had goggles on. I'm telling my mother, my wife, my wife got a goggles. And she went in there and I took her from side to side, so I got to go this morning and sign her up. Oh really?

You can do this a lot? Yeah, I'm going to do this once a week. Did you have like the arm things on? I'm not allowed to bring fucking things on unless they're applied by the U.S. Coast Guard. What kind of fucking shit is that? They can't put arm? Nothing. My wife bought her like a frog with a fucking shade on it.

She looks like Johnny Depp and fucking Pirates of the Caribbean. It's got like a little thing and the wind could blow her across the pool. And they gave her an ancient day on the fifth night. Are you serious? Yeah, because people drowned. Hey, it was a public pool. You know, and it was funny because a lot of people came like, hey man, I listened to a podcast couple of crazy Armenian kids.

This one white, nerdy kid came over and he was pale. He jumped on the pool. He's like, Joey Dears, what's happening baby? So he goes, what are you doing here? You know, it's so fucking weird. Guys, listen. I couldn't live my life in seclusion. I could never ever.

Or do I want to? This is why when I first came out here ten years ago, what I wanted to do in my life and what I end up with is two different things. But it's what I wanted to do. Listen, man, I'm stone 90% of the time. You know what I'm saying? And that's a light estimate? That's a light estimate.

The last thing I needed is somebody to take a picture. I don't know how those fucking people live. But you got to imagine it's got to be a huge trade-off. Is it worth the money and not being able to go to something that you fucking love like simple? Really, Lee, I got to send you to Rouse to get me a fucking hot dog. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Does it happen to you a lot?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was just thinking about that yesterday. I was just thinking about that yesterday that somebody asked me what I was doing there. And I go, something with my family. And the kid goes, you know, there's a public pool. There's nicer pools. I go, I learned in the shit. I don't know why people assume, I think because they see you on TV in the movies that you're rich.

People ask me all the time, so is Joey's house a mansion? And I'm like, no. They're like, you must live in the hills. No, and I couldn't. You wouldn't like it? No. No. I could live in a gated place.

It's kind of nice, but I don't like all that pizzazz. I never liked that. I've never liked that. And listen, it's nice to have a pool in your backyard. Yeah, it'd be nice. It's very nice to have a pool in your backyard. Felicia has a great fucking pool in her backyard, but, you know, I don't have that money. You don't have.

But even if I did, I want my kid to see the same thing as I saw when I came from Cuba. Even though my mom had money when I came from Cuba, what the fuck do you think? I learned to swim the back of 205 West 88th Street. I had to go to the Bronx at a boys' club. You know, my mother had that dry cleaner in the Bronx. I would join the fucking city leagues in the Bronx. And my mom would just take me with her to work and drop me off in the Bronx. And then I'd get a ride into the city later on.

But I would become, I was bought at a fucking boys' club in the late 60s. Well, you had to do the president's fitness program. You'd be fucking do the president's fitness program. Jumping jacks and pushing and climbing a fucking bar when I couldn't climb the bar. So I never got the patch. You know how there's never to get the fucking patch? You know what that does to you? That must be terrible.

Terrible. You're still thinking about anything? I can do everything else, but I couldn't do the pull-ups. So it killed me. Fucking killed me. But the point is, I went to Jones Beach. You know, they took us to shitty fucking beaches, Coney Island. We went to a bunch of fucking places.

I forget where they took us. They didn't take us in Jersey. But you know, when I was in the Bronx up there in those days, I was a young kid. My mom had Geetus. That's when my father died. My mom had big Geetus. And I was in the public school with fucking black kids jumping up and down fucking water. And I loved it.

And all the little Puerto Rican kids, a bunch of dirty Irish kids, I fucking loved it. I fucking loved it. So yesterday, I'm swimming. I'm thinking of those times being a kid with fucking, I remember I was in the Bronx with this kid Jasper Williams. I've talked about it. I can't even forget this black little motherfucker. He used to take me to my house.

He was like my brother. And I don't know how I lost contact with him. Because I don't try to lose contact with kids like that. I can't take it all the last time. I saw him. But I was so fortunate. I didn't know how to speak English. I knew fucking nothing.

And listen, I didn't get left back to the seventh grade because I was stupid. I fell in love with a chick over a pussy. A lot of the kids, the Cuban kids, I grew up and all got left back because they couldn't speak the language. Yeah. They were over at nine or eight. And they got left back automatically. They didn't give a fucking those days.

And it's so weird how these kids in those early days, they adjusted me right off the bat. They told me exactly what I needed to know. Who's fucking better than me, Lisa? Yeah. That's awesome. Who the fuck, Lisa? How was your weekend, buddy? It was great.

Oh, well. Fucking Denver. Your piece of shit. I knew we were going. You got me to believe it. I can't believe I took this long to talk about it. You called me up until Saturday morning when I was leaving work and I fucking at that point and I was like, fuck it.

You scared me Friday night. Because I said I would do it. I said I would do it. Check Twitter. Fucking I said I would do it. Because, Lee, you were a nice fucking kid. Friday night. I was going to put you on the point.

I was going to take you on the magic list. You weren't going to take me anywhere. And Lee, let me tell you something. I ate fucking $800 on plane tickets. If I would have came with you today. You wouldn't eat $2 on plane tickets. Today, Lee, today, you would have came back and packed your stuff. No, I wouldn't have.

You can't talk to me now. Lee, I know you. You get sick. You got sick on the way to college. You would need $8 in gas. And San Diego on the car ride to San Diego because you got sick. Yeah, because I didn't get sick. It was just.

How many times? Listen, you know what he said to me Saturday morning? That he went to college for four years. I didn't say four years. He said he graduated from college. This is not what he expected. And right there, I knew he cracked Friday night. Dude, guys, look at my Twitter.

The picture that Connor sent is a picture from online at a random website. In big yellow words. There's this copy written. If somebody wanted to go to Denver to get ass a lick, a lick and ass, we'd get ass a lick. He wouldn't think when I called. I didn't think into it. It's big across the asshole.

I was like, what fly? No, she didn't. Does she have an AIDS test? I mean, it was something guys that you should have heard. He was cracking on his own. I wasn't cracking. I wasn't even smoking dope with him. I wasn't even smoking the Lee.

You're a nice, nice kid. You know what? Let's leave it that way. No, we're going to leave it that way. Because I know you're going to have. You fucking call your own bluff. Saturday morning, he was still saying to me, you know, I went to college for four years.

Right there. I knew. I knew that. Listen, as soon as we got off the plane, taking that high altitude, you know what high altitude does? It does nothing. It does nothing. You fucking mom.

If you had spent $70 on an 18 layover stop, you wouldn't have taken that flight. I would have taken him to fucking Boulder. That girl would have come in. He would not have done shit. We smoked hash at the house one time. His face got so red. My wife had to give him a can of soda and put ice cubes on his head because he was fucking ready to pass out.

That girl's asshole with a tattoo. As soon as she would have pulled her pants down with that pussy and dominated him, he would have had a heart attack. You wouldn't have done shit. And then you would have called your mom or your dad. They would have sent you a plane ticket. Joey brought me here. Look what you did to me.

If my mom knew I was going to get on a plane to Denver to get my face farted on, she'd have me back and she wouldn't let me out of the house. That's my point. That's my point. But I was still going to go check Twitter. I wrote that I was ready to go. You wrote it. You wrote it.

You wrote it. You sent it to me. What am I going to do with my life? What's going to happen? What am I going to... I mean, guys, it was... He didn't have shit on him. I wish I would have taped it because you guys were going to leave.

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm looking at the picture. It's copyrighted. It is. It's infringement. No, it's infringement. I just said he got it offline off of a random fucking website. Your piece of shit.

And what happened this weekend? The two dates didn't pan out and they checked on the couch. Nothing. What two dates? 19. The father. What happened? You're not going for these fucking girls.

I am. I am going for them. No, you're not. You got to go for these fucking girls. I am going for it. You're playing with them and then you don't show them the helmet. And that's why they disappear because they want to see that you dick. You know what they want to be fine?

I'm not showing everybody on my couch. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's the weirdest fucking... You're going to send me to jail. I get things. Come here. Let's smoke this number. People like to make you happy.

So they can say, oh, he's crazy and go join. And then I get these little DMs at like four in the morning. Don't listen to him. He's crazy. We're scared of him. This poor guy, you have no idea. If I were to take him into the magical mystery tour of death, this poor guy today would not... This podcast would not be happening.

Trust me, I'm talking to you. I would have called. I would have knocked on the door this morning and said, go away. Go away. Leave the key. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm never talking to you again. The girl farted in my face. She sucked my dick. I mentioned he kept asking me if she had herpes. I probably do see herpes. A thousand fucking times.

She had herpes, gonorrhea. How do you know? Why would you judge a woman with a tattoo on her ass? Because she has barbed wire around her asshole. That doesn't mean that maybe she's into fucking fences or shows. Yeah, she's into fences. Maybe she's into fucking Pamela Anderson, that movie. Who knows?

What are you talking about? Fucking weirdo. You know, you got to loosen up. You looked at the picture and he fucking analyzed it. I didn't analyze it. It's a big fucking huge, huge yellow letters. Copyright. You don't want to lick nobody's ass.

I don't. You don't want to fucking 20 years and not get a call me and go, I should listen to you. No, I feel like- You're fucking like one of these Hasidic Jews with a sheet with a home. No, I'm not. Why are you fucking with her? You don't want to lick a monkey. You don't want to come on her neck.

No, I like that. You don't want to come on a woman's neck? No. I'm not because I didn't want to. Why would you come on her neck? Because maybe she has a sore. I don't fucking know. It's just something.

Something. Did you ever come on a chick's face? No. No, you didn't. Because you're scared. You'd be too polite. That's it. What do you got there?

What are you making? Aluminum floor pipes? No, I fucking- It's been sitting there because you had to wrap up the rest of the edible like a week ago. You ready for an edible to that? Fuck you. Fuck you. I love you, Lee.

I would never want you to go into bad war. Like when I was a kid and I went to those peep shows and I sucked that black tit, it affected me for life. You don't need this. My favorite one is the pregnant hooker when you were getting off the bus or whatever, the pregnant black hooker. You just shared a PCP with her or something. My god, we went and bought PCP and got fucked up. And there was no on it in those days.

There was no like fucking alpha brand to get your shit together. So you were fucking done on your own, man. It was amazing. It was just, you know, you're a nice kid, Lee. You don't want to eat an asshole, I understand. This chick would have taken you to, you know, I said to him on the phone at one point, Lee, what are you going to do when this chick shoves the tongue up your ass? No, what?

You could have heard him. There was nothing about him? Did you hear him? Did you hear him? Look at him. Look at him. He couldn't take it. No one wants a chick to shove their tongue up their bottom?

No. When they got a little pink in your ass and they're sucking your pipe and they're licking your little fucking taint, that's a party. No, that sounds like a terrible party. So you understand what I'm saying? No, I never want to be invited to a party. Do you hear what I got to deal with? So there you have it, people.

How does it go from me smelling my fart to looking up the asshole? No one wants to look up the asshole. Next weekend, we're going to be in San Jose. Ladies, come on, just take them into the club. Three years, you just got to take them. You ever see the movie Almost Famous and they take that little fucking skinny kid with six chicks and just de-virginize them? I'm not a virgin.

That's what you got to do. Yes, you are. You're just as good as a virgin. Fuck, because I don't want a chick looking in my asshole. You shove a chick's ass when you're pumping it? No. Thank you. I don't want a chick on my fingers.

I don't want a chick on my fingers. I wanted to fucking ask you to throw you to the car because you banged it three years ago and then you didn't want to give her a stab in the right way. I don't want to see you throw you to the car. Kelly. She's fucking 18 guys but she won't even lick your fucking nut sack. You didn't pull her hair. No.

You didn't call her a dirty hole. She's 20. What do you think they want to do? You think they want flowers? You think this is a dinosaur? No, but there's a space between flowers and pulling a random girl sitting on your car just here calling them a whore. You've known for eight years.

You already gave her a stabbing. If you would have just jumped on her and got her into side control and put that leg over on her mouth and gave her a stabbing. You're so romantic. What do you want? Duck, what do you think she's doing right now? You think she's going through a romance? No.

She's getting fucked like an animal. You could have done the same thing. You're a savage. Someone's sitting on your couch and you're just going to pull her hair. You fucking whore. What do you expect? She loved it. Take me.

She waited for fucking Magumba for three weeks. Where's Magumba today? He's back in fucking Boston, lying on white chicks. Three months she was on that couch. She's 22. You know what's going on inside the little monkey? What? What do you do?

You just put a robe on with your dick hanging out. Like fucking the guy from Playboy. I can't put a robe on until I'm like 40. Sure. You put a robe on. Do you have a robe? Yeah. I got two robes.

I got a thin one and a winter one. That's why I smoke pot in my fucking robe with slippers and everything. I just started wearing them. Do you have the one with pockets? I got pockets. I always forget my cigarette in there or join. I left my wallet in there one day. I forgot.

What do you have a wallet? What are you going to buy? What are you going to buy? Sometimes you pay for a plane ticket. My wife calls me. I put the thing in my pocket and I take it off to take a shower to unveil. The next thing you know is what happens. That's great.

Well, something cool happened to me last night. What happened? You drove to Northridge? Yeah, but fuck you. Yes. All right. What happened? On the way home, my car was dirty.

I washed out one of the gas stations that had like the standalone ones. And when I got out to wipe it down afterwards, this guy was at a bus stop with his girlfriend. It was like midnight. He had a suitcase with him. He goes, hey man, I run a detailing thing. And he had a briefcase full of headlight stuff and he had like a huge overpacked suitcase with every cleaning supply you could have wanted. At the bus stop.

At the bus stop. He came up. At midnight. He helped me do a couple things. He said he ran out of business cards and he had a index card with his Facebook on it and his phone number. And you know what, man? I just thought of like, because you talk about it like you should not have a job.

This guy is at a bus stop at midnight with his stuff. So that means he was out all day trying to do it with his girlfriend. And he comes up and he lets me use some stuff for free. He has a van that he goes and he brings it. He comes to your house out here. And I just wanted to give him a shout out. It's Eric's car wash. If you go to Eric's detailing on Facebook, it's him.

Eric with a K. He doesn't even know my name. I didn't say I would do this, but it was just, I thought it was cool that he was like out there just trying to make a buck. At fucking midnight. And Van Nye is where all the hook is on. That's a soldier. So yeah, it was just, I thought of you when I saw it.

I was like, oh that's pretty cool. Did you give him a couple bucks? Yeah. How much did you give him? I gave him two bucks. Two bucks? Well, he didn't clean my car. You didn't give him a fin?

No. You could have made his day. You followed me two bucks. It was just action. I'll finish what I made his day. I just, I just read it out. Our biggest fucking listeners in LA. I got an email from a kid the other day.

Yeah. He wrote his name. His name is Jeff Lovett. He said he met me over 10 years ago after a gig. And I started thinking about it. And he came up to me and started talking about something. And he asked me for money. And I remember, I don't really give a lot of street people.

I'll give him a couple bucks. This guy gave like a 22. And he said that I told him to get his life together or something. But instead he went and shot Harold. He took him three years to get his life together. And then one day he was watching TV's. My name is Earl. And he saw me.

And he waited. And then he went on IMDB. It's a great fucking email. Do I remember this kind of shit? Yeah. Because I know in the back of my mind, when I go out sometimes, there's a lot of people out there like I was out there just trying to wheel and deal and scam. And I understand that.

But there's a lot of people you see the pain in their face sometimes. And sometimes just give them the fucking five bucks. Just give them the 10. Just give them the 20. Because you're making their day. How many times people make your fucking day? Exactly. People make my fucking day all the time.

You know, it's amazing. How about the guy that sent us this fucking sweatshirt? Yeah. Those cool ass sweatshirts. Those guys are fucking vet. You know, and these are the things that make my dick hard. This guy's a fucking vet. Okay.

When I lived in Boulder, all I did was run into vets that cried. This is clothing made by vets with pockets for cell phones and iPhones. And wallets. Yeah. Explosives and triggers and devices. This is a real fucking vet. What's the guy's name there? Because I didn't write it down with a fucking jerk off.

I have his Twitter. But let's see. Yeah. Let's see. His name is Jamie Isaguire. I think it's Isaguire. And it's a, if you go, it's Twitter. Y-A-Z-S-F-I.

Yeah. We always have cool motherfuckers in our lives. And, you know, even my boy from, even Tafoya with his clothing line. I mean, we just have some fucking cool motherfuckers that are around to cool sweatshirt. So we're like, hey, let's talk about one thing. Let's talk about fucking Utah and wise guys. How do you call me? Like, after the show?

It's just crazy. Well, my fucking agent called me. He's like, you're going to Salt Lake City. I'm like, what kind of fucking deal did this lunatic cut? Where's he sending me? And then I went on the website and saw all these people going. And then Felipe went and Felipe loved it. Felipe fucking loved it the two days.

As soon as you get off the plane, it's fucking beautiful. Is it really? It really is beautiful. It's close to the mountains, right? Isn't it? Yeah, you're right up there. And I got the elliptical when I fucking did my thing too when I was there. And I ate good at the cheesecake.

I got a salad. But a salad at the cheesecake factory is like a salad at fucking California's pizza kitchen. Yeah, they're like fried chicken. You can just put fucking soup in it. You can taste the sugar. You know, you can taste the fucking. I was thinking about that. I was thinking about that time I was yelling at you.

I'm like, because I had the Chinese chicken salad. Oh, see, that's just as bad as the one I wanted. No, no, no. But this I told him not to put like the rice in it and all that shit. And it was still fucking sweet and fuck. So yeah, cock suckers. I hate that shit. But I will tell you one thing, man.

I'm getting a lot of thanks from people for turning them on to Hulu Plus. And I'll tell you what, I feel good about it. Lee, a lot of people contact us for dumb shit. A lot of people really do. And we'll turn down the money just because what's the use? Yeah, I used to get mad at you at the beginning. I'm like, I can use the money. What's the fucking use?

I don't want to. I'm not going to sell that to people. This Hulu is fucking good. I'm going to tell you who's really digging it. It's my wife. My wife digs it because that's what she's been wanting to do for years. She believes in that streaming and all that stuff. And she's up a lot with the kids.

Yeah, man. She likes it. So you know what? Thank you for talking me into it. Thank you for the Hulu people because it's a great product. I tell you, if you're not fucking going to the box and putting Joey in, don't matter. Put capitals now with a big dick at the end. You get two free weeks and then you sign in for sale.

Even Rizzo. Even my friend Martin Rizzo called me. He's a friend. He goes, I listened to the podcast and I went on and did it. So I appreciate you guys going out anyway. And you don't have to sign up at the end if you don't want to. No. But it's like we were looking at it today.

They have a monk on there. They have a bunch of other shows. They have Smackdown. They have Arthur. Have you shown Mercy Arthur? I used to love that when I was a kid. No. Arthur the artwork.

No. And then they have Third Rock from the Sun, which I think is hilarious. But this fucking Utah, I was blown the goddamn away. The audiences, the people, cool motherfuckers, hugs, reefer, pot cookies, pipes. I got a pipe that's made out of walnut. Tremendous. Fucking tremendous. But as a comic, you would think, or as an outside person, you would think because of how religious it is, they wouldn't be cool with it.

Well, there's Mormon, then there's regular people. A lot of people aren't Mormon. That's why a lot of people in the country do not understand that not everybody's walking around with an anti fucking coffee shirt on. You know what I'm saying? Fuck Starbucks shirt on. It's just, it's a religion. You have to respect it. And that's the way it goes.

I don't know much about it to put it down or to praise it. So I'll just keep my fucking mind shut. What's the difference or just there's normal people, there's people who dig you everywhere? There's normal people. Listen, I'm sure a couple Mormons were there. You know, it's not what they believe in. You know, I used to do comedy. I started in the Pacific Midwest, you know, but I did a lot of comedy in Montana and Wyoming.

A lot of places you walk into and I'll tell you, there's a lot of Mormons that come here. Watch the language. I do what I do. You know what I'm saying? I'll tell you what else I did this weekend. What did you do? 715 Mass. Oh, you're going again?

I went yesterday. Do you like it? I don't know. I like it. I've got a lot of you people. What's weird? It's long. You know what?

I was sitting there yesterday thinking about kids. It's 40 fucking an hour, hour 15. And it's very nice. Listen, going to church is a very community type thing. You go in there next door, they give away donuts and cookies and coffee after the thing. You get to talk to people and whatnot. I like all that. I like when you promote the community because that's what strengthens a country.

Before you have a country that's strong, you have to strengthen communities. That's where it starts. In communities, it starts in five blocks fucking at a time. If five fucking blocks could get together at a time, this country, you can't do nothing to us. You can't do dick to us. But we have our prejudices. We have the way we live.

We have so many freedoms that it fucks us up in a way. You know what I'm saying? We have so many fucking freedoms that in a way it fucks you up. Especially now. What do you mean by that? Listen, man, I believe in a little community getting together. When I was a kid, everything was your block. Everything was your block.

You didn't leave your fucking block. Then when you found out there was ten kids on the block next to yours, you went over there and you crossed. You had two things to do. You fought them or you played with them and you became a team now. And then the kids from the third block came together. So now you became a community. Now on the 4th of July, we go to Lisa Yad's house and we all leave.

Everybody knows about everybody. You're following me, which is good and bad. But in a way, I could call you up and say, Lee, I'm in an audition. Mercy is playing with Susie at your house. Do you mind if I leave with her for 15 more minutes? Fuck no, Joey. They're having a great time. You follow them and everybody helped each other.

That's how you raise a child. It takes a village to raise a child. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes I'm gone. My goal right now is in a couple of years to get a little going, get the podcast going, sell merchandise and start a program where everybody decides to live with Mercy. Their fathers come out once a week. Not everybody works all fucking day.

Not every mother works all day. Yeah. And one parent, three parents could go out there and guard a block. So it could go out. I don't want fucking kids looking at computers. The reason why people come to the show and go, Joey, I never mugged a hooker and took a wig is because they were fucking on the internet. I need kids out there getting sun, getting dirty.

I'm with you until the hooker part. What hooker? No, the kids got to get dirty. Yeah. You got to get dirty again. I look around in the daytime. I don't see fucking kids. I see kids going, coming from school on the skateboard, pushing.

I don't see kids out there playing phone. Yeah. I don't see kids playing fucking two hand touch. You know, the other day though, I did go by the skate park with Mercy and I seen a bunch of kids skating, smoking dope. You know what the thing is, man? Like, even in my town, which was a little more... You wanted on this or you're going to sit there like fucking...

Yeah, give me one second. Two to one comment. But it cost 160 bucks per kid to do a sport each season at my school. That's across the country. They took arts. I didn't know that. They took art out of the curriculum, the music program. Yeah.

Out of the curriculum to school. So now if you want to change your kid out to school. So I was even thinking of taking a fucking art class just to learn. I don't know fucking art. I never painted a fucking picture. I painted it like a heart with a straw, you know. Oh shit. It's Monday, cock suck.

Julie, do a jumping jack. You're up. There you go. Get that blood going, you bad motherfucker. You got undies on it. You hear the balls hitting your legs. You're going commando. Why am I going to wear undies for fucking an hour?

I know you had undies on when that chick was standing on the couch, cock sucker. Right or wrong. You couldn't go out there with an undie and open up your leg and a ball pops out. You know what? So you get a thinking. I was doing my laundry on Friday because I thought I had to go to Denver. And I had no clean underwear, which I hate. So I went commando.

I don't know how you do that that often. I don't like it. It's terrible. I don't know how you do that constantly. The truth was I don't like it either. We all wear underwear as a kid, but when my mom died and I had to make decisions, it was either underwear or cocaine. What would you pick?

I could live with jeans with no fucking- You just decided to not buy underwear? I just stopped buying underwear. It's an expression you don't fucking need. I could save time on laundry. You know what I'm saying? That's one less piece of fucking laundry. You're more with you than I am.

It's not being a Jew. It's that you learn to live without. I was a spoiled mama's boy and all of a sudden the lights got cut off and I got to live a certain way and you pick what's important and what's not. It's like when people say to me- Yeah, but you chose coke already. It's like you. It's like you got to go to me.

Hey, come on. Let's go eat lunch. And all of a sudden you're driving and you see a sign and you go, oh my god. Chinese food. Let's pull over. It looks good. And I'll tell you no. Because I know a place I haven't gone over 10 years where it's solid, plus it's 449,

to eat for fucking- for lunch. And it's Chinese people and you're not going to bleed out of your fucking asshole. I went to this place and the food was horrible. Who told you to go there? There's a place up the corner that's been solid for 20 years, but you want to be Christopher Columbus without a fucking reference. Go fuck yourself. Or they go on Yelp and they believe some fucking white guy that likes fucking miracle whip.

You follow me? You're going to hang out with somebody who eats fucking miracle whip? You're going to believe him that to me this good at this fucking place? Oh my god, we had miracle whip. Are you fucking kidding me? So fuck you and Yelp, cock sucker. A family member tells you it's solid. It's fucking solid.

People know what the fuck I like. I have a friend that knows we've been together for 40 years. He's that close to me. He knows what kind of movies I'm going to fucking date. You think he's got the balls to call me and go, let's see, hang over three. Fuck no. Because he fucking knows Papa don't play that shit. My favorite part is fuck Yelp.

Yelp is great. Yelp is great for some things, not for fucking a restaurant review. Some people eat some people. Would you take a Yelp review on a fucking restaurant? Yes. The guy eats fucking Swanson's TV dinners. If you go to some guy's refrigerator and there's three Swanson fucking meatloaf dinners. He said you go to his French restaurant.

The cuisine is fantastic. Would you take his fucking opinion? You're eating fucking meatloaf cocksucker that belongs to Swanson. You know your assholes don't look like worse from that. No, no, no. Stop right there. I'm going to tell you when Lee popped. When I cracked Lee.

That didn't pop anyway. When I told Lee that the chick stopped shitting for two days. Because the chick was going to stop shitting on Thursday night. So Friday and Saturday she wouldn't have shit. So by Sunday she would have been farting until I went to heat. You know if you don't take a shit for two or three days and you keep eating. We're going to see if we're going to meet you. The plan was in the morning we're going to meet at 10.

There was no plan. Shut up. There was a fucking plan. But you cracked. I can't tell you this. I didn't crack anyway. The plan was to bring you over there in the morning when she got up. We were going to give her a bunch of coffee and oatmeal.

And by the time you got there the fart that would come out of her ass is going to be throwing heat. That first fart. And we're going to put nail polish on her ass. I was going to say. To tighten it. And vinegar juice to tighten it. So when she farted it looked like her ass blew up. I told him that.

He nearly started crying. No I didn't. Yes he did. Yes he did. Yes he did. No. I don't know if I want to do this. I'm quitting.

I'm not right there. I remember going to the hotel room going. You know what? I love Lee too much. What do you call him? Stop these lies. What's happening Mr. Brown? What is that, bro?

How are you buddy? Thank you very much for calling. I know you got a busy schedule training for this fight. But always a pleasure. What's going on in your world Tarzan? Same old man just waking up and taking care of the kids. Same thing I do every day man. How many children do you have?

I got twin boys. Two and a half years old. Oh my God. You got your hand. I got a five month old baby girl. My hands are full. But you. Wow.

And what time do you go training? I train twice a day. And you go like in the afternoon and back at night? Usually morning and late afternoon or the evening. But you know my schedule is a girl when I need to go. You know what I mean? All right. I do.

And how long do you have the boys till? What time do you have them till? Well my wife stays at home. But you know I like being up and spending my time with her. Yeah I have her. Right now when I finish this I have her till eleven. My wife went back to work and I said fuck it. You know the lady comes over.

She'd come over at nine. I said you know when I put her in the carriage I take her for a walk and I think and I write jokes and it's great to spend time with her. I've always been a big fan of yours. After the last fight with Jordan I knew I had to get you on. I just didn't know how to get a hold of you. And look you were right on Twitter like a fucking savage that you are. And now you've got a big fight against Thiago.

You're on a five fucking fight winning streak. Talk to me. How are you feeling? I feel good man. You know I'm just trying. You know there's been a you know with this win streak and everything man. You know life has been changing a lot. You know me so I'm just trying to take everything and try and just you know keep my head straight

on my shoulders and you know keep my eyes on the prize man. That's what it's all about. You know I'm not really trying to you know fall into all the hype of all this shit and not trying to you know get too comfortable with my situation. And you know that's the hardest part. You know like it's easy to become real complacent in this situation. You know being within Cubans man like that helped me a lot with that situation. You know what I mean.

Because you know that you know they're not complacent. You know what I mean. And it's a different world. You know what I mean. So you know you learn a lot about yourself. You know going through a going through a thing like that. So that helped that a lot and you know and just you know reminding myself all the time where I come from things like that.

You know what I mean. Just keep me on a straight path man straight towards where I'm where I'm trying to get to. Matt I gotta tell you something. You know I first saw you on The Ultimate Fighter and they talked about your story. How you are on drugs and you almost died from heroin one night and look where you are now. I truly believe in my heart because I've been there. I went to prison Matt and that you will get a title shot and be a world champion just because if you keep what you went through in mind.

Because at one time you and I both know you were fucking dead. Right. You were fucking dead. You woke up and you probably had a tube in your arm and I never woke up in a hospital. I woke up in a fucking whole tub with blood coming out of my nose and it's the same fucking difference. And I see where I am now and it's amazing. I see what you're doing and the great thing. I didn't even know about the twins.

This adds to what's going on in your life. Were you ever scared Matt? We talk a lot about fear on this fucking show. Because everybody's got it and nobody knows how to fucking deal with it. Everybody's got it and you know some people drink. Were you ever scared? Scared it in the ring? No no no.

Just when you woke up like what was gonna what were you thinking that morning when you woke up in that hospital bed? About your life? Man it wasn't necessarily like fear at that time. I was more afraid of like you know facing people you know what I mean. Like you know I was really naive at that time in my life and I think you know I just like didn't even really give a shit if I died. But then you know like at once I realized like what had happened. Like I was scared you know like people are gonna find out you know what I mean. Like my mom you know what I mean and my dad you know just my family more or anything you know.

You don't really think about like what that's gonna do to them until it happens you know what I mean. I was just so naive you know what I mean. I mean even like after it happened like I was still just ultra naive. But you know what I mean I just didn't think about you know what I was doing. And then but after you know it happened I realized like God man if you know if I would have actually died you know. You know my mom would you know would have to deep end I think you know and my family would have actually missed me. You know even though you know we were having our issues and stuff but you know it was my fault because I was on drugs we was having our issues and stuff. You know they still love me you know I mean so.

It's amazing I got locked up and I could handle it. I didn't give a fuck Matt Brown I could handle it. I could have scrapped it now I was book making in the joint. But I would see when people come to visit me to look on their faces. And that's what made me turn my life around to look on people's faces who care about you and what you do to them is horrible what they go through at work because you stay in this fucking hole. And they got to go to work and live their lives and you know in the back of their mind you're there you're doing you're putting. So I understand what you're coming from it's beautiful when you start thinking about the people around you that's what makes you clean up. Is when you know my.

That's exactly what it was you know I mean as a good way to put it you know because it's all about. You know if I didn't have you know if there's nothing to live for you know it's easy to sit there and just get shit faced all day and whatever. But then when your family comes around and you realize they really do care about your stuff. You know then you actually have something to live for. And then you got into MMA. Yeah that was a huge part you know that was a gigantic part you know the original first couple of times I fought. You know I was all fucked up man. I was all coked up and you know probably drunk and you know who knows what I was on you know definitely definitely coked up.

I remember doing that the first couple of times and you know and then finally one day man I went to a fight. You know I was all coked up and man I got my fucking ass beat. Dude he was going it was his last amateur fight before he went pro boxing. And his kid just beat the living piss out of me. And that was the first time that I ever lost enough. And I mean I lost in street fights you know I mean you know I ain't one of them fuckers I got never lost in street fights. You know I mean I lost man. You know that ain't always fair you know I mean people whoop my ass in the street a couple of times.

But in front of my friends and a crowd of people you know in a fair fight and I got my ass beat like that. That's when I was like man you know I might have to get into a gym and start working on this. And then I went to a gym got my ass beat even worse and I realized I had these people in a gym that are fighting serious. These guys you know they ain't out there getting fucked up like I am every night. And I love this sport so much that it just woke me up and I was like man the only way that I can do this is by getting straight. And I enjoyed it so much too that after work or you know whatever was going on in the evening. I didn't even care to go hang out with my other buddies and go get fucked up no more. I was very content at being at gym sweating my balls off.

Give me something to live for give me some ambition in life. And I said to myself I'm going to do this. You know whether it straightens me up or you know whether I make it big or whatever I don't care what happens. I'm going to come to this gym every fucking day from now on. And it worked out for me. And then the UFC came calling you got into the ultimate fighter. Mm-hmm. I actually went to the trial to get on the ultimate fighter.

I just moved to New York City and was working as a personal trainer man had a fucking great job. And I was only in New York City for like two or three months and they were having the tryouts over in Newark New Jersey. And I didn't even expect to get on. You know I didn't have a great record MMA. Didn't have a big name or nothing. I had no real you know anticipation of getting on the show. I just went over there just try out just took day off work and went over there. They called me a couple weeks later.

And man I'll shit in my pants like damn they actually called me actually woman. So moved back to Ohio got back to 100% training and the rest is history bro. And then you got into the league as an ultimate fighter which is fucking a gift and a half. You won a couple you lost a couple. You got better and better and look what you're doing now. I mean it's just now you're fighting Tiago and I tell you man after the Jordan fight I think you're right there. You're a fucking savage. Yeah man you know it's all about for me it's all about consistency you know.

I lost a few fights but you know I never wavered for my consistency. I always stayed straight on that path and you know I never let it get me down. You know that's why you know part of the story you know behind my nickname a lot of people know. But what it really means to me is like no matter what you do to me you know I must be back in your face. You know you can beat me down you can do whatever I can lose the next 10 fights. I'm still going to be training my balls off. I'm still going to be you know I'm still going to get in that ring and I'm still getting somebody's face. You know it's not going to slow me down.

And to me man that's a good way to live life you know I mean. Fuck yeah. No matter what happens. Fuck yeah. And then I watch you on the pre-fight thing and I see you hanging out with fucking Cubans. And at first I'm like what the fuck is this kid doing. I wish he would have talked to me and stuff this is not good for you. But it changed you they're fucking great people those Cubans aren't they.

Oh yeah they're amazing people man I was so surprised. And man you know what I'll tell you what man when I first hang out with them. Man I was I was actually a little bit depressed man. I went there these guys go the number one team of wrestlers the guys that are number one you know live. So the number two guys don't get air conditioning the number one guys get the top four and they get air conditioning. So I see these number one guys they ain't got a damn shower. We'll go down five flights of stairs get a five gallon bucket of water carry it up to the bathroom to get a little cup and rinse off. That's how we take a fucking shower.

You're talking about the number you're talking about bronze medalists gold medalists world champions. And these motherfuckers are taking a shower with a five gallon bucket. Yeah I mean so at first man I was like man this is fucking sad like you know I was really depressed. But once I got to know the guys a little bit man they're so happy you know I mean they're just such good people. Now I was like I wasn't even depressed anymore you know I mean even though the shitty conditions there in the horrible conditions. They show you they're happy with what they got. Yeah they're happy with what they have and here we're fucking pissed if our fucking screen on our iPhone gets broken. Exactly right.

I get pissed off. You know I mean my fucking they shorted me on my vegetables at a fucking restaurant. You know what I mean. Or the fucking steak is overcooked or something. These sons of bitches are. Yeah man they're lucky to get a fucking. Well they don't get rid me. You know what I mean.

So yeah man they're lucky to get a fucking fourth meal on a day you know. Let me ask you this now. How was the training of the boxing was world class for you down there. The boxing was beyond world class man. You know the. You know the best Cuban man they don't get to get out of Cuba you know. You know they stay in there and. Any.

Any real boxer type man Cubans are by far the best. I got to experience them and them guys. I never seen boxing like that in my life and I sparred with good pros. You know some pretty fairly high level pros. You have a box with you know probably thousands of people right. I never seen anything like it in my life. The first kid I went with that was a 18 year old kid world champion. At first I was I mean it's fucking 18 I'm just man this guy you know what I mean.

Fuck dude. He danced around me like a like I never seen in my life man. Dance around fucking like a butterfly and sting me like a fucking bee man. It was fucking crazy you know. And how was the communication for you. What's that. How was the communication. Well my trainer was with me.

Okay. Yeah and you know he was he was able to translate you know he's half Cuban and he speaks Spanish fluently so he was able to translate. But you know them guys you know I was around them for like a month. So they would learn a little bit of English. I was trying to learn Spanish the whole time. I want to go back sometime and I want to learn Spanish better so I can communicate a little better. The one woman we stayed with she my friend's wife you know we stayed with him and his wife

and his wife spoke in was pretty good. So the communication was all right actually you know I mean but at first it was kind of weird you know because I you know there wasn't no way for them to come up to me and say hey you know you know we're happy that you're here or this and that so it ended up so first you know I mean I'm like he's my fuckers don't even like me you know I mean but you know after a week or so man I mean some of the coolest people I ever met in this whole world. Well listen man and now you got Thiago Alves and it's a fox fight correct. It will be okay so they got foxes I guess either owns a speed channel or is buying a speed channel

and they're going to convert it to what they're going to call Fox Sports One. Okay and it's going to be the first so it's going to be USC on Fox Sports One. Beautiful look at you and shit. Moving up and it's in Boston August 16th right? 17th. 17th. Matt man you know like I said I was a fan about a year and a half ago two years ago I got an elevator one night after one of the fights and you were on there by yourself and I couldn't believe how tall you were

and I got scared and I just looked straight ahead. I wouldn't even say nothing. I'm like man I told Rogan the next day man I see Matt Brown he ain't fucking around. We were fucking dying the next day. He's big. Holy shit. That's just a funny man. If I would have recognized you another better man I probably would have been nervous myself.

No I listen I'm a fan man and if you listen to that thing when I went off on MMA Junkie about you against Jordan Meehan before the fight because you know they always a guy wins one fight and they blow him up like you know fucking what do you think that Matt Brown's a pushover? That's what they made it seem like this guy was only going to Ambulia and he was a good fighter and he did what he did but you just went fucking bananas that fight and I knew it and I'm a fan man I really am a fan and I'm fucking happy you called and listen a lot of things on this podcast you were born to be on. We talk about fear and we talk about having nothing one day and being there and you're there man

you should be very fucking proud of yourself. Yeah man you know I try not to really think about too much you mean like I don't want to be proud of myself I mean I'm happy with what I've done but this is just the beginning of the world you know what I mean this is just scratching the surface of the opportunities in this world you know what I mean. You know I think again like if you start getting proud of yourself you know that's when you start getting to a place that's when you become content and that's not me you know I'm going to keep pushing and I'm going to go further and further you know there's possibilities out there and I want to keep on it. I want to be happy with where I'm at and then you know plateau out be stuck where I'm at

or keep moving on you know even beyond you know the UFC and everything you know you know I want to get that title and I want to give it as far as I can with it. I'm not going to call it a title shot you know I'm going to tell them you know I ain't calling it a title shot I'm not going in there to take a shot I'm going in there to take it you know and that's how I live my life you know anything I do you know Master Yoda said the best you know you know he said do or do not never try so I stopped trying that shit you know man I just do it now that's exactly you know how I live my life now. I love you buddy thank you very much for calling and good luck I'll be fucking cheering for you and I'd love to have you back on after you win man.

I'm down in time man I enjoy it much. And I'll see you in Columbus for sure I look to buy you lunch and go out and fuck around a little bit and hear some war stories you're a savage. Yeah you sound like a plane brother. Thank you very much man I love you Matt Brown good luck alright and the flying Jews here he's going to go see you and he's going to Boston I think so. Yeah I'm from Boston so I'm going to be there. I hate the flying Jews.

That's alright. I love it. I was looking at his record it's interesting he lost four out of five before this fight went streak and it was interesting listening to him talk about not stopping and he also you and I were talking about it the other night after the fight a couple things A fighters don't fight as much as they used to and B that they get complacent so it's like it's cool to hear like he went to Cuba which no one would have to go to like he went to get better at something and then it's interesting he does a lot better when he felt like he fought in November for the win streak

he fought in February April and June of 2012 that's once every two months then he fought in December April and now he's going to fight in August so like he fights every two three months tops and it's just you don't see that that much anymore. Man he's a tough fucking kid and just his story just ODing on H and then putting your life together that's what we talk about here guys. Don't be scared of dick who gives a fuck what happened yesterday it's what's going to happen today and what's got to happen fucking tomorrow that matters because a fuck. So what? I ODed a bunch of times I never went to the hospital or nothing.

You didn't OD? Yes I fucking did. Uncook? I ODed one time on fucking Valium's in Beaumont, Texas. Oh yeah you're not. One night one night when I was about 17 or 18 I kind of passed out of the party at Joe Lucci's house I fucking ate like three kway ludes because in those days sometimes people were making kway ludes in their basements after a while so every once in a while you got one pill that was bad but the one after that had double dose.

That was a good one? That's the fucking heavy duty one that's the one they gave me and next to you know I'm passing the fuck out. I ODed. Is that what ODed? I don't even really under like I know it means overdose but I just don't I don't know like when I think OD I think it means like you like are shaking and you do weird stuff in your phone from the mouth. I've never been with somebody who ODed like that. Like I've seen people phone. I've never seen people OD like that.

I've never had to drop somebody off at the hospital thank God or you know I've heard stories of people partying having a good time and all of a sudden a chick starts fucking you know palpitating whatever the fuck they do on the floor. Jesus. I don't know I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah. I'd leave you there. I wouldn't know what to do. I'd run out that fucking door and go call the doctors.

I don't know. Would you take the adrenaline needle and shove it in their heart? Listen. Pull fiction. If you have an adrenaline needle at your heart at your house I don't want to hang out with you. I really fucking don't. You didn't keep them when you were doing coke all that time? What's that?

You didn't keep an adrenaline? Oh yeah yeah. I got ten of them at the fucking house. No. All I had was hot water and a cell phone and whatever the fuck a beeper. No. That's why I sit here sometimes and you got to wonder. Like I never wanted Terry to pick me up off the floor.

Can you imagine walking on tea one morning and I'm on your fucking floor? I stayed over here and I got a package and watched TV and brought beers over. You know how bad of a way to start the day is like that? Yeah. And I was going there. There's no way. You think so? Yeah.

Yeah. When do you think it would have happened? I would have been gone by now. I would have died like two years ago if I wouldn't stop. Jesus. You can't keep smoking those. I would have had a stroke. Something.

I would have been all crooked. Something would have fucking happened. You know, just the blood pressure was too high to wait. The cigarettes, the eating. Something. The sleep apnea. Something. You know, I'm falling asleep on a chair.

Now with the baby sitting up, I'm falling asleep on planes. And you couldn't do that before? No. I would have a hard time getting up on a plane and losing my breath on a plane. It was a couple of times I looked at the story. It's like you better take this motherfucker down. I can't breathe. But why?

You know, it's bad enough to be fat. Yeah. But then to be fat and fly and sit in the back and that belt don't fit around you. That's why I looked at that stuff before that happened. Yeah. Once the belt don't fit around you, you got to get the extension. You know, after she shows the thing, if she shows you got to tap her open, let me get the fucking extension.

Once to that point in your life, you're going to fucking die any fucking day. So, like you never said coke in that. It was all weight stuff. You didn't think it was going to be a coke? Listen, you're eating bad. You're smoking cigarettes. You got to sleep at me. You're not taking care of yourself.

You're not sleeping. And now to add a fucking cherry on that Sunday of bad health, you're going to do blow. And not just two bumps, but a gram and a half to push your heart to the extreme. And then right back down and then go to sleep for three hours and do it all over again. Every time you don't fucking sleep, you get fat. You got to fucking sleep. Right there is bad for you. So I didn't know.

I didn't fucking know, guys. You don't know this shit when you're fucking out there partying and doing drugs. You don't fucking worry about taking care of yourself and taking vitamins and all that shit. You know what I'm saying? Did we go through two bottles of weed today? No, that was old shit. Let me give you some shout outs, two bottles of fucking weed. I got Mikey Dolan.

I got my man, Dan Mason, helping me out with that fucking idiot last night, the douchebag. My man, Dominic Salas over in Utah. I love you, cock. I'll see you next time. Trevor Brooks, the monkey. Jeff Lovitt, Nick Nelson, Stefan Eshelman. Kyle, Stefan Eshelman is a fucking easy long time. I can't get rid of him.

He's like fucking herpes, but he's a good man. He drops a lot of good knowledge on me. Kyle Diney, Scottish Paulie and Jason Pagg. I fucking love you. I fucking love you. Don't forget this week we're in Louisville, motherfucking Kentucky, and next week I'm at San Jose, in probably the Flying Jew. Hopefully some chick will hit me up this week.

Leave him alone. He's doting that and let me know that you're coming to what show and if you're going to fart in Lee's face, I'm taking you to the green room and bringing the mad flavor camera and you're farting Lee's face right on his hands. Leave him alone. He has too many emails to answer. Bring edible, bring Godzilla cookies. Bring it all, bitch.

I got one of Edgar Ruiz. He's coming up to a bunch of shows. He's turning 25 today, so happy birthday, Edgar. Happy birthday, Edgar. He's coming to the shows. He lives in LA, yeah. So what show is he coming to? No, he came to some of the events.

What the fuck are you talking about, cock sucker? What are you talking about? You're going to swim today? Sure, yeah. What's your day look like today? What are you going to do? I got work at six, so I'm going to... How's that working out for you?

It's all right. The show is going to end in like two weeks, so when I get back from San Jose, I might have to find a new gig. See? Right now, you would have been coming home. Right now, you would have been home editing the fucking thing with the fart in the face. Putting it up on YouTube. Strip club.

There was no way. There was nothing. There was nothing going to happen. No, tonsure's going to happen. If you had bought me a bus ticket, a ferry ticket, a ticket to ride one of the rides outside of the grocery store, you would have made me get on it. There's no way. I made a mistake.

There's no way you were going to eat tickets. I made a mistake. There's no way. I made a mistake. I know that you would have started crying. I would not have started crying. Conor Heaton, don't fuck around. He hasn't been on Twitter.

Where are you, Conor? He hasn't been on Twitter. He's been busy. He's got a new job, but he told me, we would have taken you into the fuck. You would have fucked up in front of Conor Heaton. No, I wouldn't. Conor Heaton's an old cowboy. I know.

I was ready to do it. You were going to tie you up. Both of you have disappeared. Tie some fucking maple syrup on you and leave you up in fucking Chautauqua Park, cocksucker. You do that. It's all over. Lions will get you. Can you imagine we would have tied you up with maple syrup?

You corner the fucking cob in your pocket. Keep dancing, cocksucker. I can't wait. I can't wait to tape when the chick comes up and I was going to fart in your face and San Jose and your face turns fucking red and you start, fuck, fuck, fuck, I hate you. I hate my life. Fuck you. I ain't going to college for four years.

I'm going to quit. I'm going to go work for Felicia. I'm going to do that. I can't wait. I'm going to have this on tape so people see what I got to deal with in my fucking life. So people see the anguish and the pain I have in my fucking life. What do you have to deal with? You're lucky I didn't have fucking Matt Brown helicopter over here from Columbus and throw

a beat on you, cocksucker. You're lucky I love you. Have you been getting any on it products? I got to send some to this jiu-jitsu kid in fucking Connecticut. But I'll tell you what, man, some fucking moron yesterday said to me, hey, Joey, sure you're working out or whatever. It supplements you. I'm on testosterone sypinate which fattens you to fuck up and retains a bunch of fucking

water. The other test is the shit that lubricates your joints, okay? Let me tell you something. When I go to that stupid jiu-jitsu class, when I go to kickboxing fucking class, I have orthotics in my feet. I don't want them no more because I lost a lot of weight because I would get bursalis in my fucking heels and it's a nightmare to take that needle to the fucking heels. So I always took that stuff for your joints to glue, sypinate, fucking mix, whatever.

Now I take the fish caps. I do as much as I can because I can't take the, but I also take the fucking strong bone. I get no pain. So before you open up your mountain go, well, it's a testosterone that's helping you. No, it's fucking not. It's the fucking stuff I take from my fucking goddamn joints. I'm a fat fuck. My knees should be gone.

I have a little fucking right knee problem, left knee problem, but I got surgery on and I still got it. But, you know, you're an old fat fuck. I played hoops. I used to run across George Washington Bridge and knees are going to fucking hurt, man. I know people who are too different who are getting knee surgery. What do you call them? Knee replacements.

I'm still right there because I take care of my, I grease those. I fucking stretch every day. I try to stretch. I try to stretch every fucking day. I think I was thinking about going to yoga today from 1145 to one. Why not? Why not? I got to get my shit together.

And besides that, that's it people. What the fuck do you want? It's Monday morning. I hope you got a good lesson today, man. You do heroin, you fucking OD, whatever happens to you, your life ain't fucking over, man. You still got the world by the fucking balls. Go out there and grab it. It's Monday.

Who gives a fuck what anybody says? Who gives a fuck? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Sit there. Tell him. Cock sucker. Don't sit there.

My main man JR called me. I know you Joey, it's summertime. We don't not nail fucking hoodies. We don't need no hoodies. Go to joeydeas.net. Check out the tour schedule. We'll be coming to your town. Whether it's Dr. Grins, whether it's fucking Portland, whether it's fucking, we're coming.

Chicago. Everywhere. San Francisco. Nashville. We're coming. So just keep your shirt on. I can only be at one place at one time. I got my main man Lisa out here.

Flying Julio. What else is going on? Cock sucker. What do you got to say? How many dates you got this week? I have a date Sunday. When do you predict to have sex? I mean, give me a date.

Let the viewers. You can't plan sex. You can't plan it. I don't know. Hopefully soon. Are you going to attack one of these freaks soon? Yes. Are you going to take them out to dinner and come home with a handshake and talk about the

iPad? What am I going to do with you? I don't know. What am I going to do with you? I was an ugly kid growing up at your age. I was ugly. I couldn't get no fucking pussy. You're a handsome motherfucker.

I want you to stop. I have a date Sunday. Sunday. Next Sunday. No. Sunday. This Sunday. Yes.

Yeah. Next Sunday. That's eight days of work. I work Monday through Friday at night. What do you want me to do? There's no lunch dates, but no. You're fucking sleeping. A lunch date?

That's the biggest friend date in the world. This lunch date. You have to come over here and you make a little pasta and cock. You give a little pasta and a little cock. You invite her over. You light some candles. You make a little modinata. What a great first date.

You give a little stop. You want to come over at 2 p.m. Have some little pasta and some cac. Cock. Yeah. What the fuck? Come over. Every woman wants a stab in that lunch time.

They go back to work. They're happy. They file. They go on the computer. They call people. They read People Magazine. What the fuck? Women like all this crazy.

That's so fucking funny. You got to put cock on the menu. Little pasta and cock. It's every day. I see you got a little blue shirt on. I just came back from a date. No, I didn't. I've been on one date.

What do you meet these people? Christian Mangle? No. I meet them on... You go to a Jew website? No. I don't got no... Why don't you go to a Jew website?

Because they're the years to pay for it. I don't want to date Jews. How much? How much? I have no idea. So go put the $3. Maybe there's a nice Jewish cheque. That's more than three bucks.

I don't like Jewish girls. I don't want two Jewish chicks who likes you. Who have said to me, Lisa, attract a fucking dude. These Jewish girls are... I've never dated one. Why not? Why don't you try? I think they just remind you of your mother.

Go on Jewandmingle.com. Jewandmingle? Whatever. Maybe they had to go fucking Yarmulke Shopping together. I don't fucking know. I'm going to Yarmulke Shopping with someone. But they don't pick out a Yarmulke for that man? I have no idea.

I don't think so. Can you imagine how many of your little Jew freaks pick a Yarmulke for your smoking? Shit. Oh, I saw that Asian girl by the Ha Ha the other night. She left. She was doing laps or something because I went over to say hi to Di Agostino because that's where I parked. And as I was walking in my car, she was doing laps.

She was cute. You like small ones. She was really tiny. I feel like you could pick her up and like... How was she? Was she okay? I don't think so. I mean, she was doing laps around in the block.

I told you they were all fucking hookers up there. Me and Lee met. That's when he was happy as shit when he found out he didn't have to go to Denver. I was pissed off. I had pants. Okay. You make me for a hot dog. So I called him about 11.30.

I went looking for Gray Saturday night for a little while. So before I went looking for Gray, I called Lee. I go meet me over at 12.15 because if I don't find Gray, at least I'll be happy when over that motherfucker cooked up a hot dog for Lee. Oh. He should have seen Lee. He made a nice taco for Lee. I had four tacos.

Yeah. I love those hot dogs. I love how he slept like a fucking baby, you understand me? I can imagine. I love those tacos over there. He makes a good taco. Yeah. You even had the hot dogs recently?

No, no. The tacos aren't much better for you. You get carnitas tacos. Sure. I love it when you speak Spanish. Why do you like it? It's funny because you call everyone primo. Gotta call them primo.

Everyone's primo. Dog, if you don't call them primo, they got nothing, right? You ever see me at a restaurant who gets most of bread? Who gets the most of bread? Me because I call them busboy fucking primo. That means family. Well, you're over there saying excuse me. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, if I, if I call the Spanish guy primo, he probably would look at me like I'm an idiot. Nah, he'll say look at this motherfucker. Took Spanish 101 to high school. That's a motherfucker I wanna deal with. I'll, I'll, like, that was the second time I'd gone. And both times you always beat his wife. His wife is always getting more supplies. You were there before the team cooked.

Fuck yeah. I don't go to the mingle. I go to eat fast and get the fuck out of there. That's my little christenmingle.com. So I went to church this weekend. I went to Utah this fucking weekend. with my daughter. I had a nice time. I got to see you and bust your balls. Went to get some tacos. That's what a weekend's all about. That's a good weekend. Seeing family. Now this

week Louisville, San Jose, then Vegas or Rogan, then I'm home for a week, then it's the fucking Philadelphia bitches. My birthday weekend. Well, here we go. It's birthday weekend. What are you gonna do? I have no plans yet. You're gonna take one of these fucking Christian mingle chicks and stab her and drop her off at the 170. No, I'm not gonna stab her. What happened with the Chinese chick that actually bring the Chinese chick this weekend? Oh, her mother friend. Yeah, she loves that. Well, she lives with her. Yeah. So you got to see her last night too? Yeah. What? She invited me over and I went over, watched a couple movies. It was fun. I'm sorry, I have friends asshole for no reason just angry at friendship now. No, I'm not angry at nobody. I'm

always coming pairs. That's why you never gonna give a girl stabbing that shows up. I'm not giving either of them a stabbing anyways. Why are you hanging out with them? Because I like hanging out with them. I have a date Sunday. And what happened? I have one Sunday. A week and we're gonna do all week. Who are you gonna? I have work. How many times can you beat that little dick to death? That motherfucker is tapping out. He's got bandages on his head. He's fucked up. How many times you work off a date? Once. That's it. Sometimes it's twice if I have trouble falling asleep. What else? What else do you want to do? It's better than sleeping out. And do you get a hot and sticky? How long do you go for? Is it like a workout? Why are you asking me these questions?

Do you smell your hand after? I don't smell my hand, but it's kind of, I am picky about what I watch. You're like, I can't do it just sitting there thinking about it. I don't know why I'm telling you. This is on the internet now forever. You see what I deal with people. You see this? You talk about you porn too, but I can't do it like the video quality shitty and I have to like like the girl. I have to, I have to be like into her. Black girls, do you like a white girls? What do you look at? Both. The Asian girls. Yeah, I like Asian girls. That fucking Asian girl. Tell these people how cute she was and I think she was a hooker. You think so? Because she was like kind of proper looking. You think she was a hooker? No, proper looking. That chick will get four or five hundred in the

fucking New York City street. She was cute. She was young. We were right there. You and I both seen it. And what was your pickup line? Do you remember? You want a hot dog? Excuse me. There was no pickup line. She was beautiful. You got to ask if you want to talk about it with other people. It wasn't a pickup line. It was like, come on, we got to fucking talk with us. Talk to us. You're walking around naked. You were fucking naked. You see all the shorts she had on? Yeah. With the heels. She was tremendous with those little sexy glasses. What would you have done to her? I like Asian girls. Would you have taken a little yin-yang fart to the face? No, I don't want to take a fart to the face. Why is it the only sexual thing

you want me to do that and lick my own giz? So if you're licking her monkey, would you flip her over on her stomach and attack the muffler and just lick it a couple of times? No, I'll flip her over, but why can't I just leave that area to itself? Would you sniff to just out of curiosity? I'm not curious. Get a little sniff on her. And what if it smelled like shit? Then you enjoy. You sniff it. I'm not going to enjoy that. How bad can it be? It could be bad. Have you ever smelled an egg roll? It doesn't smell good. Lee, you got to get it together. All right. Put the herpes in the fucking thing. By the end of the year, we're going to get your sexually transmitted disease. I don't want one. You need one. I don't need one. Don't think you'll be loose. You're not loose.

Once you get one, then you'll pass your hump, then you'll eat ass and stick fingers, rub armpits. With who? Who's going to want to do the fuck? I don't know. You got to go on the property. You go on these christianmingle.com. I don't. I'm already on. You got to go on putafreak.com. Put all the Jews looking for freaks.com. That's called Craigslist. Did you do a jumping jacks? Yeah. You already forgot. I did it 20 minutes ago. Let me see you do it. I'm going to do one with you. I'm going to jump in there. Then we got to go. I got shit to do. You know, shit. You're going to watch SpongeBob. I don't know. I'm going to jump in there. Yesterday. I'm swimming. You know, sometimes you fucking swim. I realize you do this shit.

I was in there for like 45 minutes. I can't get it. I came home. That's it. I'm the people downstairs. I'm going to flip them out. Listen. I feel good today from this podcast. This Matt Brown's a fucking savage. I love to hear stories like that. You never hear shit like that. No more. That's a real motherfucking American. Follow him. I'm Matthew Brown. Become a fan. Do what the fuck you need to do. Learn from him. That I fucking was motivated. He inspired me this morning. Yeah. His Twitter is I am the immortal. The immortal, bad motherfucker. And beside that, it's Monday. It's the 17th. You got to do what the fuck you got to do. I love you guys. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for being a part of this. You're going to

sit there like a fucking look. What do you mean? What do you want me to just interrupt you? Sure. You got to hold these motherfucking. I'm going to hold you guys. So that now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus and start watching your favorite hit shows right now. Go to our homepage, joeyds.net and click the Hulu Plus banner for your extended free trial or go to huluplus.com slash Joey. It doesn't matter now. They want you to do uppercase or lowercase. Again, the banner at joeyds.net or go to huluplus.com slash Joey. And that's it. Another fun, full fucking day. Remember, I love you cocksuckers with all my heart. Seriously, man. I love that you listen. I love that you love the flying Jew. And we have a good time here.

There's just us. We're just family doing shit, smoking a few numbers. And you go off on your fucking day and you make things happen. I love you guys. What music you have for me? Do you want to tell you about my football? Just blow my fucking mind. Oh, look at me. Little pigs, three different ones. Kick that motherfucker away. Go out there. Shave. Look sharp. Look people in the eye today. Tell them to suck your dick if you don't like what pays their eye for you. Tell them, suck my dick. I worked too hard for this shit. Hopefully you can take it from me. Go out there. Stab them, motherfucker. It's Monday. Oh, shit. How

stoned are you? Are you all right? I'm pretty stoned. Joe Himitsu. Get well and believe. I love you cocksucker. Do your thing. It's a big week this week. You got two weeks and it's the 4th of July. You're going to sleep around with a bunch of fat bucks and eat hot dogs. So get your two weeks done. Get in there. Slink some dick. It's Pink Floyd bitches. Where's the other one? You had the other one, fuck. Put the other one. Get me on the side. It's Michael Jackson's day. Michael Jackson will be dead fucking like eight years this week. No, he's not. How long has he been dead for? Two, three, two, three, four. I don't know. Oh, shit. I don't think we've ever switched songs before like then. Oh, shit. Let's see you do the thriller. I don't know the fucking

I don't know. You know it. You know it. You were slinging dick and giving up public over this point of time. You know it's cocksucker. I know you're one of those guys that dance for this 3rd grade thing. Yeah, let me see. Come on. Let me see this. Get up. Come on. I don't know it. I don't know it. I remember the video, but show the people. I don't know it. Come on. Do the fucking song. I was probably not even alive. Do the zombie for the people. You gotta get up. I'm not getting up. You gotta do the zombie. You gotta get up. Have a good day. Stay black. Love you.