Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #062 - TOM SEGURA | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It’s Wednesday, May 5th..... Today we talk to the Great TOM SEGURA! This episode is brought to you by BluBlox.com & Lucy.co...... Go to https://www.BluBlox.com/JOEY Go to https://www.Lucy.Co Promo Code: JOEY And don’t forget..... The Mind of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TomSegura Produced by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on IG/Twitter www.instagram.com/onebyonepodcast www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Oh Oh What's happening you bad motherfuckers it's wednesday Synco to fucking my oh, and I haven't seen a mexican yet. You know i'm saying it's fucking crazy I haven't seen no mexicans jumping up and down nothing. I saw three mexicans across the street Mowing the lawn. They didn't look too fucking happy. So it's not synco to my oh And then mother fucking world. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, it's a great day to be here Great week have been fucking taking care of myself. Uh, I lost more weight

I'm happy you enjoyed the fucking michael jackson tea video You motherfuckers went off the other night. That was one of the best teas I ever made In all my life. I slept fucking 10 hours if you didn't notice I didn't post till fucking 10 30 in the morning And uh, it fucking I slept and I didn't fall asleep for like an hour you that night I played the guitar for a while and I felt the effects coming over me and I'm like fuck I am high as fuck and I uh I went fucking for it

Last night I tamed it down, but something really weird happened yesterday I did not smoke pot all motherfucking day That's the first time I have not smoked pot In months No, I have not I haven't smoked pot today either. So that's the That's the big thing. I have not smoked pot But I did those fucking addables the other night for the tea capsules and the whole thing Yep, three capsules and the whole fucking thing

but it was uh It was very fucking tremendous man. It was a great night and I do that You know, I switch it up every night because I love my fucking sleep. I don't want to Fuck around. So that's what puts me to fucking sleep. That's what I do. That's what helps me fucking see the devil That's what I do. So I felt great. I'm happy you guys enjoyed the little video I want to talk to you guys about something today that maybe you've been thinking about or you haven't been thinking about It's over That's it

We lost 15 months of our fucking life Over covid. Have you thought about that? Has this hit you yet? I mean july 1st everything opens up in three states No capacity do what the fuck you want to So that's it It's over. That was it 15 fucking months. I mean it was A rough 15 months. I mean i'm happy

Listen, I always said even in last april if you listen to the old churches. I said that A lot of people This was going to give a lot of people a lot of time to think Lives are going to change careers are going to change Obviously, I didn't know I was talking about me You know, I mean from the no drinking espressos to the no smoking weed to the You know to the anxiety medication. I mean I have gave up All my you know, I was telling my wife that one of my big biggest fucking fears

Was moving here and just eating hamburger deluxe Just eating hamburger deluxe is like a hamburger deluxe here in jersey a cheeseburger deluxe Is a cheeseburger with fries with gravy and mozzarella cheese on it So I thought I was going to be eating three or four those a fucking week at night pizza Carvel well look at this so far since I've been here. I've lost close to 35 fucking pounds And this is since the beginning of the fucking surgery since I just applied myself But this isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how our lives changed

What I mean, listen a lot of negatives happened in your life during this pandemic I understand a lot of negatives happened in my life also But think about all the positive things that came from this That you know You do your best work in my world. I do my best work when I have a gun to my head And if this pandemic wasn't a gun to your head, I don't know what was working from home Zooming, you know on the computer all fucking day Whatever your life changed completely, you know social distancing your desk

You can't breathe on people's necks. Casinos will close. I mean listen, I there was a point where fucking I felt so bad for the Genery gamblers. I felt so bad because I know what it is To have a habit. I know what it is to have a vice and to need it every day I felt so bad when ought you couldn't bet on nothing but fucking bodies dying. That's all you could bet on There was one point where that was all you were betting on how many people gonna die on FaceTime today It was the saddest fucking thing in the world. But guess what? We pushed through it. We're here We're stronger because of it. I know a lot of years Are not in the place you want to be in your life personally. This took over your fucking life, but

Party look a listen for me. It changed my life completely It let me know What I wanted to do what I didn't want to do and what I couldn't handle or handle anymore And let me know I was burnt out and let me know this is the best thing that could happen Because now at least you know where the fuck you stand, you know, my agents They don't call me every day like they used to because I'm not going on the road So I don't need them no more all of a sudden, you know, you know Where you stand in this life when a pandemic hits. That's the best part about this

It was like I told Delia after you know, the whole thing went down I go at least You know where you stand with other comics with your friends With bookers and everything like that. That's the best thing about life sometimes is knowing where the fuck you stand And I know where the fuck I stand, you know, I'm happier I see my daughter. She's fucking happy as fuck. My wife has her own friends It's not people that want to be her friend because she's married to me and then at the end of the fucking dinner They whip out a script or they tell you they want to fucking come on the podcast or something

No, the desperation Is gone from my life guys. I don't even want to do half the shit You know, I break everything down guys. I'm an overthinker You know, I don't really focus on a lot of things but I look at them and I go, hmm That's interesting a couple weeks ago when I had those two auditions Listen, I had a migraine for four fucking days I didn't know if it was the johnson johnson shot. I didn't know if I had covid

I didn't know if I had a blood clot. I went for a blood test. I did a bunch of shit You know what that fucking migraine headache was from those two fucking auditions I did not want to put them on tape But I went ahead and I did what I had to do and then I I remember saying that last line And the headache went away. I don't want to be a part of that no more. It's so fucking for right now For right now for today I am fucking as happy as I could be because

I'm living the life that I've been wanting to for a long Fucking time for years. I told my agents listen. We got a lighting up on the road a little bit You know, I got a daughter. I want to be home more. I could not figure out how to get off this fucking Carousel. I mean when I spoke to alley wong a few weeks ago She said the same thing We were on a carousel that we could not get off of all of us were in life Maybe you were in a bad relationship. You know, whatever the fuck you were doing Maybe you did a bunch of drugs during the pandemic and you got clean. You started going to meetings

I have a couple guys on patreon that I referred meetings to because the pandemic was listen to pandemic fucked me up Fucked me up completely. I've never been a listen I do a job that is one of the toughest jobs in the world One of the fucking hardest things of life if you look it up People what people are scared of the most is debt and fear of public speaking I do something that a lot of people can't do for a living. I don't listen guys I don't have a lot of fear about a lot of things. I'm scared of needles. I'm scared of shit like that But mostly I'm pretty fucking good

You let me think about something like the surgery you let me think about something for a couple weeks I get pusified and then I go look at you. What are you a fucking pussy? You got to get it together. You fucked You need this fucking knee surgery or you need this blood test or you need this covid fucking shot I do what I have to do. I'm not scared of anything this fucking You know when you started watching the news in the beginning and they weren't really telling you Everything it kind of fucked me up a little bit. You saw it. You saw it in the podcasting You saw it when I first started the joint and because of the joint and because of patreon And because of the little things I was doing I've gotten better and better and better and more confident

And here we are today. Am I confident enough to do stand up again? I'm not in the fucking mood to get on the stage I'm not in the mood to take fucking pictures. I'm not in the mood to get the ear beaten afterward I'm just not in the fucking mood. I'll be strictly honest with you motherfuckers I'm getting into this fucking girl softball I'm getting into Here's the first time it's like going fishing you ever go fishing. It's not about fucking catching fish It's about sitting on a lake getting some sun

And just being with nature It's just sitting outside and just listening to the fucking natural sound the fucking nature And just going wow, you know, how lucky am I to be able to do this To come here and sit. It's the same thing when I go to girl softball I'm watching her But at the same time I'm sitting there in the fucking bleach is uncomfortable

Nothing to lay back on, you know And you're like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? I'm making a little girl's fucking day And last time I checked that's what my whole life is about is every day You got to make somebody's day you put a little smile on their face Doesn't mean you have to give them money. It doesn't mean you have to fucking eat their ass I'm talking about just maybe a hello Just a smile. Maybe just a wink of acknowledgement opening up a door for somebody Maybe one of your buddies needs some help fucking

Financially it's about that for me. It's always been about that for me because I'll tell you what every day somebody makes my fucking debt At one point I go wow, that was the nicest thing through a message Or maybe through a fucking gesture or something. I'm always Getting a great You know people are always one, you know today. I went to the gym And I was doing a move And one of the guys said to me joey will work better if you pulled it this way and keep it low Tight, you know, he didn't have to do that. He didn't have to do that

He goes your elbow sticking out make it a little tighter So when you pull it hit your lat directly, he didn't need to do that He came over said to me. Did I tell him to fuck off? No, I go, let me try it like that I go, oh, I see what you're saying. I do feel the stretch now. You know, he made my fucking day That's it. Did he give me money? Did he give me a fucking cheeseburger? Did he have to give me a joint? Did he have to give me weed? No None of those things He just did a gesture and that's what I've been doing throughout this whole thing. It's just a gesture

Sometimes it does okay Sometimes it backfires, but you know what you feel better for doing it And that's all that fucking matters, especially now, but you know what it's over This pandemic is over. That's it. It's time to move on. It's time to fucking get on with our fucking lives. It's time to you know make fucking Grief, you know, somebody you lost somebody doing this. It's time to really work on it It's just time. We'll let let loose. It's it's I went to the shore last Wednesday

I think me and my wife are going again later on today. You know, we just we're doing more things I'm happier and I'm a different person stand up when I'm ready. It's always going to be there It's always going to be there when I'm ready It'll be there Chappelle took off for years musicians take off for fucking years And now people want to agree to give me grief because I want to take some time off when I know it's time I'll be ready to fucking rock between you and me guys. I've I've been writing a few jokes Are they fucking Lenny Bruce? No, I'm not writing. No fucking nothing brilliant. But at least

I'm putting my pen on the fucking paper. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? So all I'm asking from you is just to try that's it. I'm trying at least I'm playing the guitar I'm trying to be a dad. I'm working out. I'm fucking walking I've put walking therapy into my fucking regimen now to make this knee tougher because the muscle is kind of fucking torn And I'm just getting through it, you know, my leg hurts, but you don't hear me bitch about it I'm not I'm paying pills. I work at what I got. I still go to the gym. I fucking did I am infatuated with my weight watch action points I don't know if you guys know anything about weight watches. You get

41 points a day to eat And then you get 44 If you go over those 41 as a reserve And then you have 61 points That you have to exercise You're like Joey, how do you exercise? So if you ride the bike for a half hour It's four points You get four points and I don't put it in

The phone will read google walk Will fucking put it in so right off the bat when I go in there write the bike for 30 minutes That's four to five fucking points I leave my phone in my hooded sweatshirt while I work out because I'm walking So I'll pull out six points out of there if you work out with weights for 45 minutes It's about 11 to 13 fucking points So every week I have to get to 61 points for years. I've been hitting 61 63

62 every fucking week the last three weeks. I've been hitting fucking 70 71 74 I think last week was 74 and I didn't work out On saturday and sunday. I did who gots I walked so I got like four points one day and I got like four points the other I was done with my points from lifting on fucking friday So I've been infatuated with my fucking action points lately You know, you got to ride the bike and then I go for a fucking walk So if I could pull down eight points or walking plus the 12 to 15 from lifting weights

Who you think you're dealing with joy bananas? I'm looking good. I'm looking smooth I'm putting cbd lion cream on my face to get away the fucking Scars from my fucking youth to me picking my face and scratching myself It's a whole different life guys. So I'm very happy that this pandemic happened I'm very happy that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I mean Maybe I'm speaking too soon. I don't want to have to be like rogan I have to come back and fucking retrace my fucking words and say that, you know, this shit in india is not good So I don't know. I'm not telling you not to get back to me. I'm not saying none of that shit

What I'm saying is that there's a light at the end of the fucking tunnel right now Whether it backfires it doesn't backfire. I don't know they're opening everything up july 1st So we're ready to go tip top magoo and I congratulate you guys I congratulate you guys for going through this We've exchanged emails. We've changed tweets over this. I knew a lot of you guys had A lot of struggles during this uh Time frame, but hey So far it's over. There's a fucking end if you want to go to work

There's plenty of fucking work out there Ain't nobody going back because they're getting the big fucking 900 from unemployment. I ain't stupid. Wow If you're giving me 900 and you want me to go back for a small nickel go fuck yourself I'm not going back to work. I'm staying at home watching daytime television playing with my fucking chickens I ain't mad at you. I wouldn't go back But eventually you're gonna have to go back and eventually you're gonna have to pay that back There's gonna be a lot of buy the ways After this that we're not expecting so get ready for the motherfucking buy the ways by the way

We have a fucking guest today whether you like it or not I love this guy and uh, we had a great chat because just because I'm not living la Doesn't mean I don't miss my fucking friends. I miss them with all my heart. I try to keep in touch with him every week to just I went back and forth with birth today And this gentleman that I just fucking is on the podcast today. I just went back and forth with him I checked up on him. So right now I bring you tom sagora. Thank you for watching Tommy buns

Hey, what's up, buddy? What's happening you bad motherfucker? You're looking beautiful Thanks, buddy. What's happening? How are you chilling dog getting ready to move? It's crazy when there's the move So I move out of this house on sunday And uh, and then we go to a hotel here for a week's we got to do some more work in town Then we go to florida for a week and visit family and then we fly to austin So i'll be in i'll be in a new house may 10th May 10th that one sold

This one's not sold yet I'm putting it on the market like after we get out because they're gonna They have to do paint and stage it and everything but you know, it'll it'll be on sale in a couple weeks You look good. How you feeling? I feel great, man. I feel great therapy. What are you doing any therapy anything nothing Not really anymore. I mean, I have my workout like regimen that I go through But I don't I don't have to do really pt unless I want to are there weird lines in here in the back behind you

Let me see if I like you don't see weird lines in the screen. No Oh, okay. You look beautiful. All right. Okay. You miss bird Um, you know, I always miss bird. I know you miss bird. Huh? He's I miss all you guys I miss i miss not seeing you around but I mean Yeah, I think bird's having a good time. I think it's gonna be a really really funny movie I think You know, we spoke a few weeks ago and I talked to him on the phone and He's like i'm not drinking i'm trying to add him i'm like that motherfucker

That is so not true. Oh my god. He's like, I'm not drinking the daytime Just a glass of wine I'm like You he looked good, you know, he looked a world looking good. I mean, uh, yes, and he he did Because you know leading up to leaving he was working out a lot It was funny because he's like i'm working out like six days a week and he goes I haven't I haven't not only not lost weight. I've gained weight And I was like how but then you just know that he the way he eats and drinks

It's like there's no he eats good But people don't understand is that you eat well But you have no idea how much sugar there is in alcohol Yeah, you have no idea until you get off alcohol And then like now I don't drink I haven't drank in years not because i'm an a a I just don't drink I don't like the taste of it But there's a little pizza parlor around the corner And I go in there for meatballs and sausage, you know, my wife, it's great

Right like tonight after softball that she's playing softball will go there Yeah, and I always do a sangria I always do a six-hour sangria Fucking it's this big, but it's six weight watcher points. Oh, yeah, man. Just for a little fucking glass. So there's guys like him Like he's that so like a lot of times whenever I'm like fat and I'm trying to lose weight People always like they don't know but they'll be like she's cut back on your drinking And I'm like, yeah, I don't drink man. I mean, I'm not totally sober, but I don't regularly drink and they're like, oh and I go that

mentality would work For like a bird like birds the kind of guy that if he was like, I'm not drinking for a month He'll lose like 15 20 pounds Anybody will if you stop drinking if you drink that much if you drink that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you guys all forget That my mother was a fucking functioning alcoholic Yeah, and I saw her lose weight and put on weight You know, she opened up with a heineken with tomato juice That's how it started. Who does that? Yeah, that's savagery. You know in the morning

But why a heineken in tomato juice that was like her appetizer And then she's high functioning. She's running a business. Yeah, she's running a business. She's thinking she's numbers, but I saw What a functioning does but I saw when she When she closed the bar She just ballooned up Really that walking back and forth behind the bar was her fucking exercise Yeah, you know eight ten hours a fucking night behind the bar. Yeah, one she stopped She ballooned up. She ended up in the hospital and they told her to stop drinking

So I am like right now during this whole pandemic I got a couple confessions to make to you. So we moved into this house. September 1st Right The first couple weeks, it was rough. I think I had like a mild heart attack august 21st after I got here from anxiety just confusion frustration yeah, and uh I moved into the house and you know, we we got into the community the whole thing And one afternoon without thinking, you know, I started popping edibles in the afternoon, you know

30 year 100 year like I usually did like my normal days in la work Yeah, you know and We went out to dinner with a family like a bunch of families with kids And I started nodding on the table like fucking one of the kids was like, are you okay? Uncle Joey and I'm like, yeah, I'm fine and my wife said something to me. She's like, you got to cut it out now We're in a new fucking community And I started thinking about it before I started the podcast. I'm like I want the podcast to be different. I don't want to you know, you got to come back different

Yeah, so I'm not going to smoke on the podcast. So that was rule number one. Do you know It is 130 145 here and I have not smoked yet today No, okay. All right. Good man. Can you fucking believe that? No, I have to my wife told me that that night. She's like Joey, you know, you you're your own man, but You were fucking high as fuck at dinner at the table. Yeah, so I stopped edibles completely got off him Did like a 45 day cleanse. No, no drinking nothing, you know, I kept whatever

I just wanted to get my tolerance down Yeah, it was too out of control. I mean when I got when I had the surgery Those five milligrams oxycodons and I don't even eat oxycodon, but they don't do nothing to me Nothing nothing the five little fives didn't do dick to me So I cleaned up my whole life. I turned the edibles around and now you know what I use the edibles for to sleep That's the best. So I you're coming on team tom, dude. That's what I do. That's what you do. I do it at that's what I do Man, I eat edibles. Huh? What time do you pop them? So if it's if I'm doing it right ideally

I would like to do it like 90 minutes before I want to go to sleep Perfect. That's that's the perfect time because then you feel it you get the buzz And you're like and if it's a you know, if it's the right doses, you're like, oh, yeah You're watching something you start to fade out go to bed. I actually I don't like taking it Too close to when I go to bed because then I'm like, I'm gonna it's it messes it up I like it. So if I want to go to bed like at 11, you know, I'll try to take it like 9 30 I start my process at 9 30 Yeah to sleep if I want to go to sleep at 11 30 12

What does joey d has need what doses do you do for going to sleep? Okay, so I experiment, you know me I experiment with everything I have you have to experiment with yourself. So At 9 o'clock once my daughter goes upstairs. I come right down And I spray melatonin in my throat From on it. I spray like 12 fucking spray And then at 10 I come back down here and I'll take kikomo The tincture that two milligrams thc, but like five milligram cbn And I'll do like

Five blasts under my tongue like tinctures now cbd lion has CBD cubes with melatonin in it Really so now I could add that to the arsenal of sleep So by by 10 o'clock I got melatonin in me and the tincture and then at a quarter to 11 I go upstairs because Miami vice starts at 11 I go upstairs and I fucking make my kikomo tea Some nights I throw four capsules in there like those the ones I gave you Yeah, like I'll go fucking 500 milligrams

Drink it come down watch 10 minutes of Miami vice Then I'll practice the guitar Okay, I'll practice the guitar. I'll do all my songs And by the time I get to like fucking Uh crazy train Um, I could feel the edibles creeping up on me I put the guitar back in the room. I put the pick in the drawer And I walk right upstairs

And it's not be fucking new new time. Nobody knows dick And I sleep like a baby. I sleep till 8 15 Wow till my daughter kisses me to tell me she's leaving I get up with her I throw some water on my face and I got a cup of coffee. I talked to her for like 10 minutes And then it's off to school and that's when my day starts Nice I go to the gym Two to three times a week. I box once a week here

Um, it's been all about health and mental health since I've been back here I had I had to get my mental back in touch that la the last Two years in la were a little fucking rocky man, you know For many ways many ways nothing bad. I just I don't think I was a healthy Uh, mental wise it was a lot of shit going on with me I think there's a I think it's not just you I think that I mean I understand that but I think that You know this city is a it's a weird place, man

and and you You kind of see that it's kind of a it's a strange it's a strange business that we're in like that that that's a it's not The best thing to be in la and in this business for like You know Good mental health. I mean it it really can wear on you. It does wear on you. It wears on you. It wears on me I'm not proud to admit it, but I'll admit it. You know, it was just uh, I think 2016 was my break point

Uh-huh after that. I just became I was like numb, you know, I needed Edibles just a function in my day, I needed All this shit just a function, you know, and then the pandemic came And I started eating those fucking anxiety pills. I had had them stopped up for 12 years I think I took like three of them I would take them on the road to sleep if I wanted to sleep good And once the pandemic came I would wake up with fucking, you know, my anxiety stopped when I woke up from the surgery

January 9th, I woke up and I'm like, wow It disappeared because I had anxiety about my heart. I had anxiety about my knee moving here Before the fucking surgery. They did every test they could, you know, like they did everything Every heart test every test. So I'm clear. So I'm good So when I woke up, I lost like 50% of the Anxiety then over the last couple months. I've been getting better and better I was struggling on stage. Tom. Tom, how long do you know me? I was struggling Struggling to go up there and say the words

So I feel like you were feeling anxious about that too Yeah, once I cut that out of my life stand up Anxiety 20% went away Wow, and once I got the covid shot I'm good now I'm still not jumping up and down hanging out with people Yeah, but I'm good. I have my moments I go to the gym. I make sure both doors are open

You know, I wear my mask. That's all you could do. That's all you could do, you know, I'm the lightest I've been and maybe 15 years Wow, that's great. Yeah, I weighed myself today. I'm 18 pounds away from my goal Congrats my first goal, you know and uh A lot of people were inspired by you when I had bird on a couple weeks ago He told me That what happened to you really wore on him like you were in good shape. You were healthy And I think a lot of people saw that fall and we all said fuck it. We're getting strong

you know Yeah, man, I mean it definitely, you know, it was more mentally and emotionally taxing than a lot of people like a lot of people were like You broke your arm. Like what's the big deal? I'm like, yeah, it didn't really Effect me that way. I didn't feel like I just fell and broke my arm, you know I mean like it was it was much more like I went through like an emotional period in recovery You do like, you know, oh, yeah, man and like people that have been injured understand it all the therapists understand it But a lot of people just go like, what are you talking about? I'm like, I don't know how to explain it to you, man

but it was a very Mentally and emotionally taxing time and I didn't expect it I mean, I didn't expect to get injured and then I didn't expect it to affect me in that way And you know, like you feel a lot of things like one of the things that stood out to me was like Day one in the hospital. I felt like tremendous gratitude like overwhelming I don't mean when you're like, well, I'm grateful for my like I felt like overwhelming gratitude that That I was in the position I was in that my friend like Burt was with me And I I felt like so much gratitude that he was my friend

And the whole thing was like this it's this overwhelming experience and like I don't know how to really Describe it to people but you know If you're fucking around playing basketball and you think you're having fun and then all of a sudden You feel like you got shot like that feel like I got shot, man Like my fucking patellar tendon rips in half and then I land on my arm and snap Like all of a sudden your whole world is upside down I mean

It's it's one of those things where it's like it's one of those Life experiences where I know this will be like at this moment where 20 years from now you could ask me about it And I'll be like Man, that was a day that I felt like Made a huge impact on my life, you know, it's like it reminds me I was telling someone I go You know when I was 19, I OD'd and I was in a coma and it was like it was really wild experience and You know, it's a fresh in my mind like it doesn't it's 20 years more than 20 years ago

But it changed the way that I was living my life at the time. I was a freshman in college I was doing the things that a lot of people were doing Which you're a freshman in college you're experimenting with drugs and I was and I was like slowly escalating right And as I was escalating you have something real crazy happen Which is like an od and you're in and you're in the in a coma and you're in icu It makes you kind of go like what the fuck am I doing right and it changed me like I ended up Never doing a hard drug again because it's traumatic and so

For this thing it's a totally different thing obviously, but it just kind of affects you In a way where you're like, oh man, like I didn't realize I was just vulnerable, you know, I mean like Why would I think that I'm going to go to jump and my fucking body's going to break in half? Like you don't think that, you know, and then Yeah, then you feel like this weird gratitude stuff and then I mean, I don't know man I was just in this recovery center and people are taking care of you. I was talking to a A therapist about it. I'm like, I don't know why this is so Emotional for me and she's like well

you know, this is kind of like It's kind of like being a baby again When you're when you're totally vulnerable as an adult and I was like trying I was like what she goes well You're an adult But you need someone to help you with everything Right now like when you're when you're fresh in there like you can't sit up on your own You can't eat on your own horrible. You can't do anything horrible And people are taking care of you and all of a sudden you go

Oh, like like people are taking care of me and it kind of feels like it sounds weird, right? But it feels like you're a baby And then these are all like your mummies and daddies and it just fucked it fucking It sat with me man. It fucking did and then I go I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to Even though I was you know, I was working out five days a week when I got hurt I mean, I was 30 pounds heavier than I am now But I wasn't like sitting around doing nothing, you know, but I go like oh, I can't fuck around At that weight anymore. That's what I told myself. I was like you got to get

leaner And stronger because look look what can happen, you know, so I've just taken it seriously since I left there, you know I eat clean I work out and I just fucking I don't want to fucking break shit again, man. Tom I refuse to watch The video for a few weeks And I gotta be honest with you when I watched it between me and you and people watching

Yeah, I tear it up Really? I tear it. Yeah, you might you know, it it's Like I just thought about the pandemic and what you were going through and I thought about your wife and your kids and Yeah, then I saw the fucking you called me the one day we were talking on FaceTime and you were with the therapist and yeah with the pt. I'm watching you and the pt was helping me out Telling me stuff. It's it's just so weird I I got my surgery January 8th and I had to sit in that fucking chair You know, I mean

It's an eternity you wake up. You're sitting in a chair. You try not to watch tv Yeah, you know, you don't watch tv. You just sit there. You read You do what you can and I remember that after about a month I said today is that I'm going to the gym I went in there, you know, once the stitches once they pulled the fucking Metal things out whatever those things were that kept going ding ding ding When they were hitting the thing and I was like about the faint And I went to the gym and I'm doing my thing and there's

135 pounds just sitting on the bench press You know a bar with two 30 45 pound plates Yeah, and the whole time I'm just doing like, you know, maintenance shit I'm you know doing the fucking battle ropes. I'm doing fucking pull-ups. I'm trying And I go let me go over and see if I can still bench press one 45 Because I used to do that like nothing when I was a kid, you know So I walk over to it. I fucking get on the bench takes me like two minutes with the knee I got a sit and I crawl

And I go to pick up the fucking thing and I go I thought about your video Really? I thought about the video and I go no not today With my luck and what the world is doing and after I saw the tom video This thing is going to go down like a rocket ship The train is on the other side of the room It's going to slide down and it's like one of those things where I just talked to joey last night What happened? You didn't hear what happened the fucking weights fell on his fucking neck The way the world is right now. You can't take a fucking chance. I don't want to take a chance

I got a bike there. I got a beautiful mountain bike every day. I look at that thing I go I'm gonna go for a ride in a but I'm like not really not yet the legs I could go down to the stationary bike at the gym Now I finally this last week. I got in the big boy bike And I'm doing that but I I just I stopped taking chances after I saw you I was like the world is crooked Because you had a knee replacement too. Yes. Do you uh, do you check out floors now? Like when you walk and you see like a motherfucker

And I'm at the third month mark and I refuse to go anywhere because I can't shoot you Man, I can't run and shoot So if I can't run and shoot I can't You see a wet spot on the floor and you're like, oh, shit Like I'll fucking like hug a wall like I'm not fucking walking near that. Oh my god I walk like I walk like Herman Munster. I take like two little steps. My knees are straight I'm fucking it is A nightmare it really is a fucking nightmare what it does to you

You know and I had an accident like once you have an accident with the surgery Like we all think we're ready like one day when did comedy And they brought me up on stage and without even thinking I picked up my right leg to get on stage And that just ripped my it muscle I got on the stage and I felt my whole body rattle Like I was about to pass out. I had a pain pill in my pocket. I'm like, I don't want to take a pain pill in front of them I mean, what the fuck do you do and I proceeded to do the comedy and I could feel the leg the bone That's how much pressure like it just the whole leg

Uh two weeks later. I went to the doctor and they told me I ripped the fucking it thing And you know and I was like I done everything I could do Fuck it. How's the wife? Good, man. Tell her I miss I miss telling the dirty stories and shit watching the glasses get fucked up and She misses you we fucking we're like we're really Let we're you know, I've been here almost 20 years and she's been here basically her whole life And we're both like ready to go. It's it's like it's we're excited man. So she's um You know, I never thought that I could get her out of here

Because I would I would routinely go like Hey, would you ever live in she's like are you are you great? Like she would just tell me like no Like we're not moving Like and you know if your wife's like there's no way I'm doing this you're like, all right so That would come up all the time and she would always shoot it down and then It shifted where she became the driving force

She was like I couldn't believe it. We're talking about like a lifelong resident here But now she's fired up man, and she's like she's doing the road. So she's happy to be doing stand-up again You know, we're obviously podcasting all the time But she is ready to go. What is her motivator? What what what did she see? I think she saw That LA Really changed especially in this last year like this city list I I don't know if you remember this or not

But I've always been the LA advocate like when you travel and people talk shit I'd be like fuck you then don't come to LA like I liked LA I always have And in this last year, I'm like, you know, this city has gone to shit man. So It's just something that I've seen it's it you can't deny it You can't act like it's not happening if you live here You just see it like it's it's gotten dirty. There's fucking trash everywhere. There's a homeless epidemic It is not

Like when people go I live in this city and there's home it is that there's an epidemic happening here, man Where it's not being addressed. It's just growing And this it's been poorly managed and dealt with and at a certain point you go And a part of this is the pandemic till you're like Wait, why am I like do I have to live here? Because we always thought we had to live here Like we're comedians, which you part of you is like, oh, you can live anywhere be a comedian And then you're like i'm a podcaster you can live anywhere be a podcaster and then you know, we all kind of jump in and out of

TV film stuff, but you're like man, it's not the main thing I do and I don't know like I can still do it. I can still get on a plane if I need to to go somewhere I love the idea, you know For me most of my life is touring and it's like I would much rather tour from the middle of the country than what I've been doing which is flying out of the southwest corner of the country Every fucking makes a big difference No more four hour flights. It's two you're two three and a half two and a half hours from anywhere right now from

Austin the great airport You're right in the middle of the country, you know, I for me My wife started pushing this campaign in 2016 In 2016 we went we came to jersey for the holidays And my wife was like, I don't know what you're waiting for to pull the fucking trigger Yeah, I went to wildland hills. I looked at three houses like in 2015 and I was like No to all three of them. I don't want to I knew in 2015

I didn't want to buy I'm like, I'm not looking to buy to spend $900,000 on a house that's worth $450,000 Yeah So that was very good that I was smart enough to see that I came here in 2016 were there and on the way home at the airport. She goes, I don't know why we're even going back And then it was two years of just And I think after I shot the Netflix special with Christina. Yeah, that whole experience Fuck me up, bro. Really?

I didn't like it. I didn't like how it went down I didn't think that it was uh, you know 2000 stages in vegas and we're doing another fucking pool Yeah, you know and then Strange the fucking the wall came crashing down. I didn't like what you know, I just didn't I didn't train right for it. Nothing that I did was right on that whole situation That plane ride home was a deep deep Fucking thought process for me

Yeah, and I said, I don't know what or how I'm gonna get the fuck out of here But it was just all downhill after that You know, I was I look at those old podcasts and I my everything has changed about me my face my train of thought You know, I just kept going into a deeper deeper emotional hole And I was fueling it with the edibles and then the pandemic hit And it was the fucking footballs and it was just you know, no alcohol. No, no nothing bad But basically during the pandemic from ape from april to june

I basically did edibles to pass out at night Yeah, and I would destroy the kitchen the kitchens were destroyed in the morning as my wife would tell me It was just a rough time and then Once july 12th came and they announced there was no school My daughter was struggling. I'm not ashamed to say that those four months at home Killed her. She's a fucking social butterfly. Yeah, so they fucking killed her and uh When I saw that there was no school the whole year. I was like we're out of here That was that was the pushing point for me was I think you made the right choice, man

Yeah, no, I know from my From my health my family my daughter. We made the right choice You know, uh tv and film you could do anywhere now There's something about this year too because I haven't left yet Where basically you're like, oh because you you see things stripped down like everything's stripped down You can see things kind of more clearly. So it's like The basically what I enjoy is

Pulling into my house You know, I mean like I like my house Physically, I like the neighborhood and I like seeing my family And I'm like, oh, but like when I once I leave like when I pull out onto the street here Immediately, I'm like, ah shit. Like, you know, I mean like I'm kind of aggravated. Why? But it's just like the the surroundings the chaos like I just go it's too much There's like there's I don't I'm not enjoying Driving to my office to do like it's not it's not enjoyable. Then I go like

I feel like I live in like a mad max kind of world and I go I don't What's the upside? like for me to staying here like what what's the Where's what's my explanation for why I live here and why I like living here like I live here because I've lived here But to continue living here. I'm like, I don't know man. I just don't feel like I don't feel like it does anything for me. You know, I mean like it's like there's a there's a point where you go like What what's the excitement? Where's the You know, like what's the thrill and I wasn't doing anything for me either at the end

Yeah, at the end it was we would just repeat play Go to lax come back It was a fucking repeat and play zone, you know, yeah And I do feel that thrill and when I was in I've been in austin like 10 times In the last couple months Man, I really dig the city. I I love the house. I got I I don't know. I'm excited like it's it's fun to feel excited about where you're gonna live and I I feel like I don't know. I feel like it's it's the right move for me, man. I'm really I'm excited about it

When you went down at austin Is welcoming you motherfuckers in oh, yeah, like they're They're uh, ecstatic about this, you know and the people there are different man Like they you know, there's great people everywhere. So I don't like the blanket generalization that like but still Most people Are like that like they're they're just friendlier. They you know, they they say hi No one says hi in la people don't know that but there there is no like good morning Or like how's it going? That's a very weird thing to adapt to like when I got here. I was like, oh people don't do that

They don't say like how you doing your people be like what like la is not a how you do in kind of place dog I went from jersey to colorado where people tell you good morning Yeah, the first month I would go home every day and tell my roommates. What is everybody fucking gay in this town? I had a guy just say good morning to me wanted to suck my dick I thought people wanted to suck my dick and rape me and shit because they were saying good morning to me I'm from new york where nobody fucking says nothing to you Yeah, let me make eye contact and colorado then people actually not just just say good morning but stop

And want to talk to you. I'm 19. I'm like, I don't want to talk to you No, I don't fucking know you. So how long have you been here? None of your fucking business Keep fucking walking. What's the question? What are you a private investigator? Like I swear to god, you know, what part of jersey who cares? You don't know where it is anyway You know what I'm saying? What are you asking me for? You don't know what the fucking is anyway Just keep walking. I mean I was that shell shock as a kid When I got to california, I thought people were very nice. Listen, I For me to look at you and tell you I don't miss living there. It's a complete lie. I miss certain things

Yeah, there were certain things. I really do miss about california For my family's future. There was nothing there Right, there was nothing there, you know, I had Two or three years left at the store maybe And then you're a fucking old fucking dinosaur down there amongst a bunch of young kids You look like a fucking jerk off, you know And I didn't want to do that. I I'm having a great time taking time off from comedy

Tom sagura this started from in 91 for me That's a long time, you know, right now 30 years ago. I was working at a door as a door man at a comedy club That's wild You know Chappelle's been doing it. Yeah. Chappelle's been doing it longer When I started writing jokes in 93 Chappelle was already a star with Robin Hood men and tights So but Chappelle took a bunch of years off

Yeah, you know, he took a big chunk off in the middle there, you know, that's a nobody and then he came back stronger than ever That's what I'm trying to do. That's what I'm trying to explain to people that For me every night I looked at the clock at a quarter to eight And I go do I want to get dressed and go to one of the local comedy clubs and see russle peter's was here Sam trippley's been here There's been 10 comics that are my friends that have come through here. I have not gone to see one of them For me, I had to pull myself away from comedy Yeah, like I had to just pull myself away from stand-up podcasting. I love doing I love talking to you motherfuckers

At first it was a little hard trying to pull the bill burr By yourself. That's a fucking nightmare podcast. Fuck that man. But I'm starting to get better at it. I like it Just pick a subject Ramp for 45 minutes and you know talk to the people connect with them Let them know what you're going through and get the fuck out of that. I didn't want to smoke dope anymore I didn't want to cross come across as an old edible fucking guy I look at some of those old podcasts with a t-shirt on They were just disgusting

They were disgusting when we moved out of that office that fucking carpet Was just drug induced Yeah, I'm sure you all you had to do is all you had to do is walk in there and sit for five minutes And the drugs would rise off the carpet. Everything was in there. My mahogany juice Fucking thc Ketamine we did everything but coke in that fucking thing. Yeah, every drug was done. No, no heroin either I mean, but it was acid acid on the sugarcone Hash under a glass, you know, I have a new hour that i'm working out right now and um

A big chunk is uh, I have a big bit about you and me in miami. That's that's like a A big bit in the new hour That was I didn't sleep that night Fuck I didn't sleep at all that night. You took fucking like a thousand milligrams, bro I kept popping them You know, this is what i'm talking about. I was maniac. I was Fucking out of control But you know what the funny thing is though, this is the funny thing and I talk about this sometimes

About you is that people that are around you like me other comedians We don't think like we go. Holy shit. That's a lot But we don't realize that you're fucked up. You know, I mean like We're like, oh, I guess he just is fine. Like I had to ask you one time I was like, do you not get fucked up and you're like, I just had three panic attacks And I was like, oh, okay, because I was like you seem like it's not affecting you and you're like, oh, no It's totally fucked up. I was like, oh, okay, but your tolerance was just my tolerance was so it was getting to the point where I would eat like

100 milligram capsule and I would be high for two hours And then I give a capsule to you and you'd call me After a four hour flight Six hours later, you're still fucking high and I'm like something's not right Yeah, man, you had me fucked up. I'm not kidding you. I took a pill from you

on a 12 30 12 15 No earlier. Are you doing earlier? I took it like before your 10 o'clock show. It's like 9 30 I took that pill. I was fucked. I was completely out of my mind For let's say 16 18 hours, but I was still high That night the following night and the next morning I was like hung over. So I was pretty much fucked up for like 30 hours You know and you were like You were on 10 times the amount

Josh full 78 two of them one night And he was driving back from sandy and he goes he was gonna do the show in San Diego and drive back He said he went to his room and he goes I'm just gonna lay down on this bed For two minutes and get my composure before I get in the car He said he woke up the next morning In that position like he was dead with his arms up He goes he just opened his eyes and he looked down. He had his sneakers on The light was on

The tv was on you know what we never talked about we never talked about this When I came to see you so I did my show and I came to see you I drove across town after and I go to your show I had Mike Cronin who's another comedian with me And you had told us, you know, these are 10s and so I took mine And then I go, you know, he's with me. He's a comic. I go can I give Mike one you're like, yeah, so Mike you want one he goes. Yeah, so he took it

Now for whatever reason for our own body composition I get fucked up Like pretty quickly like within Within two hours. I know that I'm completely fucked and you and I We leave and when I leave Mike's not he's not fucked up So he goes I thought he goes I just thought Tom you were just such a lightweight because I was like I can't believe he's fucked up. It didn't you know, you know edibles like sometimes they hit people at a different time, right?

So when I left I also remember thinking like I can't believe I'm this fucked up and Mike Is like sober. He's like fine. So you and I leave when we get on our flight to go home I'm fucked up, you know for the next whatever like two days Well after that, I finally call Mike and I go, uh Hey, man. Yeah, I mean so did that not affect you? He goes, dude He goes you guys left and I go out Tom's such a lightweight I go back to the hotel and he goes It starts to hit me

I end up sleeping on the bathroom floor next to the toilet Telling myself not to jump off the building Because I kept hearing at something saying you need to jump off the balcony And I go what? He goes, dude, I thought I was gonna kill myself And I I was like holy shit and he goes then I I wake up the next morning like you said I wake up in the bathroom on the floor sleeping on the marble floor

He goes I get in the car and I have to drive. He's in Miami. He has to drive to his parents place in Tampa He goes, I'm fucked up The whole way the whole drive and when I get there It's evening. My parents are having dinner. So I sit down for dinner and he goes I have dinner with them and I can't really talk I'm still like just too fucked up So then I go to my room and he goes and my mom texts me is everything. Okay, you're not you're not you don't seem like yourself So it fucked him up for like two days, too. It just started like two hours later

So think about that. It was if it was fucking people up for two days Yeah, it was fucking me up for two hours. That's crazy. That's just that's not that's not normal No, that's not normal. I'm and I know we all were like joey's not normal and I'm ashamed and and you know So I gave you the edible You called me at lunchtime and I could tell there was a little anger in your voice Oh, yeah, and then that night rogan calls me and he's like Would you do the tom dog? And he's the one he's like this shit's gotta end. I'm getting too many complaints about you

People are freaking out. He goes you gotta stop and then we started laughing together Like as he was telling me the story he was like he can't do that to tom. He's your brother I go he was fine. I go was a fucking 10 milligrams. He's like it's not 10 It's a hundred there were 200s But my my take from that night My the best part of that night was after I got off stage I'm fired up You know when you go you got to imagine when you go on stage

All that shit disappears from my world You fucking I'll say this you fucking murdered now you understand Murdered now think about that think about What I had in my body and what I went on stage and did It disappears when I go on stage Is wild it disappears. I had a I was in such an animal mode as a stand-up that I had to tame myself back sometimes And the only way I knew by doing it was by taking 600 milligrams

You gotta remember one thing And this is my secret and I'm giving it to the world now. I think I told it before Before I would leave for the comedy store I Do four cups of Cuban coffee Four Cuban expressos you're not gonna stop that I would do one of those at 815

A four show up ready to go. I'm showing up ready to rip your fucking head off I'm showing up on the when you drink that much espresso when you have that much caffeine in your system Cuban style With no no sugar. I won't put sugar in it. I just drink it like that strong You're on or you're already teetering On blowing up your anxiety Yeah, when you drink that strength of coffee At one shot like that. You're already teetering At that anxiety level. So while I'm driving down the hill to the comedy store my head's already fucking flying

I'm fucking flying. So I would have to take an edible to tame the animal down 400 milligrams You know, I I just became you know for me to Do that on stage. I got to do that all day Yeah, I got to be at that rpm all day revving When I get up the fucking seven in the morning and there's my dick is in my hand and I'm pissing I'm already thinking about that spot tonight

And who's gonna follow me and who I'm following and you know what I need to do to make that You know, I was telling people the other day on here. I got a bunch of emails from people gotta go back on the road I got no material. I can't even think of fucking material right now If you want I'll go out there Pop two edibles and just go up there and be silly and charge you 40 bucks I'll rip you motherfucker. You forgot these people forget. I'm a natural thief I'm a thief from the jump If you want me to go out there and just talk shit on stage for an hour, I'll talk about the Bay of Pigs

That's what I do When I'm in a tight spot with the when I was a kid whenever the cops would fucking fuck with me I'd talk about the Bay of Pigs and the cops would go like what you just Like this guy's on the floor and you're talking about the Bay of Pigs and the atrocities they did in Cuba and Kennedy's and shit I'll just go off on that shit for an hour if you want I want to be on stage and I want to be the best I could be Tom Just like when you're on stage I saw that you do that when you go out you put tickets on

Working out with tom that means don't expect dick Yeah, when you give me 20 dollars, don't expect dick. You're gonna get the whole point is like Yeah, you're gonna get my mind You're gonna get pieces of my mind and me working on the material when I ask you for 25 I'm at 80 percent When I ask you for 30 you better crazy glue your fucking toupee Because I'm in business to blow that motherfucker off of you show up with What's his name from good fellas? What's mori?

That motherfucker by that duct tape on that wig because I'm gonna blow it out. That's what I go on stage to do I don't go on stage to be mediocre. Who wants to be mediocre? I want to go on stage and fuck you up From the beginning to the end. I want you to feel something I either want you to hate me or love me at the end. That's feel even if you hate me. You're feeling something I did my job. Yeah, I did my job Totally true So, you know, that's where I'm at. That that's where the fuck I'm at

So that's why I was at that at that level now I'm so interesting to hear you like kind of reflect on this because I've never I never Knew any of this insight about your approach or like What, you know, what the edibles were doing and balancing it out with the like the the caffeine and like I I just never assumed it. I just figured you were just a guy that likes to get high, you know, I mean No, but there's actually more there's more to it. No, I listen man. I was raised Catholic I was raised to be a nerd One day I went off the beaten path when I was 12 or 13

And I smoked pot and I realized that it was the answer to all the problems I had my anxiety my insecurities It it elevated me a little bit and I enjoyed what it did to me. I really liked the ride. I didn't like alcohol Cocaine was a pain thing. My main thing always was rifa Since the age of I think I committed to marijuana at 16 without alcohol Yeah, like I think I thought when you drank with rifa you ruined it So, yeah, yeah, I loved weed. I loved weed

Until this one point like I stopped I smoked In college, I would say pretty much every day And then I got here and it was the same and we would do just bong rips like in our apartment and then I remember one day I can't like specify the exact incident, but I remember having like a tremendous anxiety episode And it really put me off Well, what ended up happening was like I just didn't smoke for a while

But then the next time I smoked my tolerance Had gone down so far That it was like another anxiety episode. So I kind of avoided it. You know, I mean like for a while like in my late 20s early 30. I mean, I would do it like sporadically, but I just felt like so anxious every time I smoked and now I haven't really smoked In a long time But I keep doing the mild edibles because it kind of gives me that buzz that I like

And that it helps me with going to sleep But it's not too strong where I feel fully fucking panicked, you know, I'll tell you what I've been working with lately Because I experiment, you know me. I'm a fucking scientist. Yeah, of course. So what I've been doing about a week ago My peep sent me a tincture. It's a thousand milligrams in this bottle Do you know I was putting half the bottle in my fucking tea some nights But I thought about something, you know, Felicia Michaels has Crohn disease Okay, and she had a doctor that was a stomach doctor. What do you call those oncologists or whatever? No, that's a gastroenterology gastro. So I can't even say the word. I'm not even gonna bother

So I was talking to him her her one night And we were talking about smoking reefer and she goes she gave up eight years ago For two reasons she longs And she's a runner You know, she didn't want to And I go, so what do you do to get high and she goes I got the best high in the world and she gave me a tincture she put it with club soda And

She goes you're gonna get fucked up after about two hours. I'm like this lady's retarded I knew this shit wasn't gonna work and I gotta tell you something about three hours later. It hit me like a fucking ton of bricks So I've been taking that same thing and instead of wasting it in the tea I put it under my tongue uh-huh And brother within the hour It's nappy noo noo time In a big motherfucking way. That's why I don't wake up at night no more. I use these glasses to sleep

these uh goggles these Blue blocks goggles. Yeah, you put them behind your head and it blacks out everything. I have been sleeping like a baby For the last month. I You know for years, I didn't Whenever I would gain weight. I knew it was because I'm not sleeping Yeah, monday's wednesdays. I was doing that podcast Thursday I was getting up at four to go to fucking a city and friday

I was doing radio in that city at four in the morning five six You know, you're off your fucking schedule. I would even if I drink water. I would gain five pounds that weekend Yeah, and I would fucking bang my head and go. I didn't eat dessert. I didn't do this. I didn't do that Dude, do you know that the biggest weight gain that I probably went through? was when I started featuring nationally like Like traveling to feature week after week because my I like you I wouldn't sleep You're making no money. So you're like stressed out and you're you're still doing like You know, they make you still do like press and all this shit and like I would gain like 30 pounds in a year

That was it. That was what I was doing if you don't fucking sleep For a guy like me. It just fucks up a ton of things, but You look good, man. Yeah. Yeah, dog. I've been working on this. This is something When I go back on the road, I'm gonna be ready in more ways than one. I want to be awesome Mentally strong yourself now Get ready for it. So when are you in austin officially may 10th May 10th officially, yeah And what's the rest of the year look like for you?

I mean right now I'm I'm I'm going back to you know, I'm doing clubs I'm doing spanish and english shows right now and stand up bunch of podcasts and then Depending on how the next like Six weeks shapes out. I'm either going to announce a tour In the fall that I was I've been planning for a while Um, you know, depending on like vaccine pandemic status We're I think we're going to announce it because things are starting to open up. So Things are really opening up now and now

With this case out of the way This this was a big plus, you know, however you want to look at it. Yeah Whatever was going on in minneapolis, you know that moved on so I think we're good to go. I think that uh, we're good to go You know, you got to wear your bulletproof vest You got to wear your bulletproof fucking suit with your helmet just in case somebody shoots, but Listen, you got to live your life. No matter what's going on out there the pandemic definitely Fucked a lot of people up and fucked me up. I'm not

Ashamed to admit it, but we're here today. We're looking good. We're moving forward And that's all that matters. I'm going to come to austin in september Uh coming over I'm coming over. I already made plans with burt I talked to him before he went to fucking. How much were you drinking Serbia? What are they drinking in Serbia right now? I mean, well, he's he's FaceTime me twice with huge glasses of wine So I think he's drinking wine I love you at all my heart. Thank you very much for uh doing this I miss you at all my heart. I never meant to dose you

Even though, uh, I apologize to you. I got you back with this bit. Don't you worry about it? Okay, and then uh I just want to remind you of the trip we took that time and we were in the fucking Eugene oregon airport and the fucking people are coming up to us and you and me are freaking out that was And I still remember what we were talking about the racist rant I went on that day about fucking Nobody I ever know I remember doing rogan and I and I was just after that weekend I was telling the story I go he said he goes say it I go I can't say it and he goes because we're on mic He goes say I go there's no way I can repeat this

And I'll say what it was today I saw a little chinese girl with like a six foot six black dude And I'm like, what is he doing to the pussy? I mean, what the fuck damage he's destroying the whole yin dynasty Like he's setting back the ming dynasty 2000 years with that big black dick I think about that conversation all the time This last week, you know every morning you wake up You open up social media and the other day I made the mistake like I usually go on yahoo first then hotmail I'll have a system

Then twitter and then you warm yourself up for facebook because that's the worst The other day I did the whole system and I'm like, what am I gonna see on twitter as somebody got shot I click up and it's a white chick sucking a dick That had to be 19 inches and it went crooked like it was like a fucking sign She's munching on that dick and I'm like, you know, your life is fucked up at 7 30 in the morning when you wake up You open up twitter and a chicks got 18 inches of black. I mean this dick was You also talked about you said, you know that james winston fucked that chick, you know that You know that she couldn't stop coming back for that cocoa butter and like you went on

about james winston I don't even know the fuck james winston is He was uh, he was a quarterback. He was uh, he was florida state's quarterback at the time And he was in the news because some girl accused him of some like sexual thing and you were like she wanted that You were saying crazy shit, man, and I was so high. I was like shut up Shut the fuck up. Now, you know why I don't eat edibles anymore Yeah, my best of your family my best to you and your beautiful wife my best of your kids Thanks, and I'll see you in september and austin, bro. Yeah send my best to your family too, buddy

I love you. I want to show you one thing Yeah The cabin oh the cabin. Yeah, we've heard. Yeah, I got it filled with fucking reefer Nice What the fuck I love you. You're so joey ds, man. Oh, please. I'm still the same guy. You know what this is here Keef everybody thinks joey. What the fuck is this? You got to think full of pills This is kief to make fucking the best brownies in the world When I make them I'll send them to you down in austin. You'll see the devil

You're coming to the house, man. I love you. Have a great week. All right, buddy. You too. Stay black All right, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed that little interview with tom sagura, you know, it is what it is Uh, we're zooming for a few new weeks. We got a couple fucking surprises coming up for you by the way my patreon. I don't know what's going on with patreon I've been hearing across the board As of today the fucking messaging something is off With the messages. It doesn't let me greet people I'm patreon when you sign up. Uh, I hope patreon is taking care of the problem

and uh Tomorrow I have a call with the nft people Uh, so I'll know more about the nfts to incorporate them in patreon And that's it. You bad motherfuckers. I got no dates. I got no worries. I got no problems all I got is uh love for you motherfuckers and uh I'm grateful to have you guys. I'm grateful that you still watch And I'm grateful that this whole fucking thing is over and we can't get our lives back to work

at in time I'll bump into one of you motherfuckers along the line And uh, say hello, maybe hopefully, you know, I was watching major league the other night And I'm like boy, do I miss fucking cleveland, man. I really miss cleveland. So Uh, trust me. This will be over for me quicker than what it is. I'm one of those motherfuckers That one day I wake up and I go today is the fucking day and I attack it But anyway, thank you guys very much. Happy sinko to my I don't get too fucked up Have a great weekend and we'll be back monday morning

Tip top motherfucking magoo now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors jack All right, I want to thank you guys for listening to tom sagura Some of you is fucking bail. Some of you is listening. Whatever. I don't care. Guess what the only thing I cared about is I showed the fuck up. That's the most important thing I love you for showing up also, but let's get this party started. The joint is brought to you by blue blocks I've already told you about blue blocks amazing sleep mass And now I'm here to tell you about their light filtering glasses. They're fucking tremendous You get any style color or size plus

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