Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #065 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It’s Monday, May 17th..... This episode is brought to you by BluBlox & CBD Lion..... Go to https://www.BluBlox.com/JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com PROMO CODE: JOINT or CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint Produced by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on IG: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 17th of May the joint is brought to you by blue blocks i've already told you about the blue blocks amazing sleep mask i'll tell you what ever since i've been wearing my mask i've been averaging at least an extra 45 to an hour a night a good fucking solid sleep and now i'm here to tell you about their light filtering glasses they're fucking tremendous you get any style color or size plus if you go to the website the blue blocks website dot com they have a virtual try on which i think is fucking tremendous listen when i go with a sponsor i look at their website and if their website is tip top magoo that makes me lean towards them a lot more and blue blocks has an amazing website they're also like i said

here they're introducing to you right now sleep plus the red lenses for true blue and green light blocking use after sundown if you have trouble sleeping or get anxious that night these are for you then we got you clear blue light lens filter blue light during the day if you spend all day in front of the computer this is for you cut down on headaches and eye strain and finally you got the summer glow you got the yellow lenses color therapy for the winter blues clinically proven to lift your mood plus you get all the benefits of blue blocking they sent me two pair of glasses one for the computer and one for at night to watch tv and to reduce it and i'll tell you what i've been wearing them for the last 10 days and i've seen

my headaches have gone down guys i'm always on that goddamn computer you need some glasses so right now go to blue blocks dot com blue blocks is a science-based company their lenses are made under laboratory conditions you got a prescription no problem they'll make it to your specifications now that's what i'm talking about these are high quality lenses not mass produced and they come in a ton of styles so go to that website and take a look they're high quality lenses from glasses to sleep masks they've got everything you might lead for light therapy and guess what their customer service is out of this world go with them today so right now i'm telling you support blue blocks because they support the show get 20 off with code joey at blue blocks

dot com slash joey right now that's blue blocks dot com slash joey for 20 off blue blocks dot com slash joey for 20 off go with blue blocks you're going to be very impressed the joint is also brought to you by cbd lion listen i'm sick and tired of telling you about how good cbd lion is this week i switched it up again i went back to their great cbd gummies with the melatonin and i gotta tell you something i've been sleeping like a baby i rubbed the cream on my knee i when i take a bath i use the bath ball cbd lion has hemp flower they have hemp joints they got the roll on they i mean listen they got chocolate that is tremendous a dark chocolate the milk chocolate if you need cbd cbd lion or get it into your system right now go to cbd lion and read up on the

third party lab results go to cbd lion right now press and join or church and get 20 off your order right now at cbd lion let's get this party started where's this fucking lighter at boom candles lit motherfuckers let's get this show on the road hey how you doing come on in check one two welcome to uncle joey's joint so so what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's monday the 17th of may

we are fucking three quarters there and we're a month out of fucking wearing mask and putting up with bullshit anymore it's over we're out of it uh i don't know what the only thing that can happen maybe some indian guy bites you in the neck but besides that we're fucking done you know i'm saying it's all over but the shouting uh was a great week last week i had a great time uh the nfts went over great thank you very much on patreon mike week was so great friday night we had a softball game the families went out after that for fucking a big dinner you know pizza and wings and shit and then saturday we had a big fucking game down in freehold tremendous and sunday parties i mean i was looking at my schedule before not my schedule i went to the

kitchen and i was looking at their schedule which i'm part of you know i'm saying and it's really weird how you got to see the month of may like it runs straight to fucking memorial day we don't stop and then memorial day weekend there ain't no beach like everybody's like oh tomorrow's day we're going to the show we got so much shit just in the neighborhood there's a day we can't we can't even go to the one kids party i gotta go to a kids party and my wife has to go to a party and then we're gonna switch mercy around that's how busy we are here that's how fucking different life is from fucking california here i mean there's a children state this is a fucking child state this is all i'm involved in i there's some days i'm like what the fuck is

going on in my life and there's some days i'm like this is what i'm supposed to be doing when i was out on the road i wasn't dealing with this stuff i didn't really know what was going on and i'm really sorry and this is why now i'm all fucking in that this has happened you know so i'm really i'm really happy that uh we're here we did some great things this weekend she's fucking come along just fine and yours truly looking better than ever trying two weeks no reefer fucking sunday anniversary i mean you know and again you know those assholes that go to rehab and they come out and they try to make you feel bad like my life's a lot different now i feel so much energy i i'm not eating pasta anymore rice it's not about that it's not about that at all it's just about

i would love to bullshit you guys and tell you that i ran up a mountain play without wheezing and shit like that but no it's the same i feel good i'm just doing it just to give it a break so i could get high like you normal motherfuckers because i'm not normal this is not normal this shit is not normality this shit i was doing but anyway what i want to talk to you about this monday morning was what happened last week and what we do is comics and what people expect from you as a comic and what you can say as a comic anymore when i got into this i dove into this 150 percent for the first fucking six months of comedy yes i was a pussy and i didn't get on stage and i worked as a doorman i was watching i was watching i was reading there was no internet it wasn't like

there was an internet and i could fucking go on there and find out about stand up or anything i would just read i would read anything i thought stand up once a month a fucking newspaper came out about stand up out of out of san francisco john fox i forget what the newspaper was it really doesn't matter but that's the only way you had to know what was going on or unless you went to a comedy club there was really no internet so my first introduction to comedy was richard pry what comes out of that man's mouth what came out of his mouth that you didn't hear before everything everything came out of his fucking mouth and then my second introduction was george carlin who i didn't like as much as richard pry i was more of a richard pry type of guy and then once i got into

comedy more and more and more like i like david brunner and i remember freddy prince and i remember those guys they weren't my all-time favorites but once kennison came and dice came and fucking you know uh bill hicks came along i started studying them i really studied them i bought i didn't buy i rented because i didn't have the money to buy 59 for a video was a lot of money in those days i rather pay i rather spend 300 and renting it than just buy it outright for 59 fucking dollars like a normal person but i rented it every fucking other day and it ended up paying like $2,000 instead of $49 the point is i looked at everything hand many rhythms i got a notebook and i looked at hand many rhythms the way they stand i made notes for who touches the mic who

doesn't touch the mic why they don't touch the mic is there a reason are they animated with their hands when they're explaining to you who goes back and forth i i studied all that you know i studied all that and then when i was on the road i would go to libraries to kill time these are things that people don't know about me if i had a night in idaho city what the fuck is there to do when i the whole city what is studio 50 fucking four there ain't nothing to fucking do in the daytime so i would just go to a library and ask them about biographies and stuff like that and i started reading about an interesting guy named lennie bruce i told you guys years ago rogan has put it up on his podcast the book to read is ladies and gentlemen lennie bruce and

how to talk dirty and influence people and how to make friends i read all those books abby hoffman steal this book you're dealing with the wrong fucking guy here i read all those fucking books when i moved to bold i was into all that hippie shit you know abby hoffman and all that stuff that's part of the fucking game but when i started reading about lennie bruce was when my eyes really opened up to what he had gone through i don't know if you guys have any idea who lennie bruce is but lennie bruce is a comic i think from the 60s 50s 70s whatever the fuck and his big thing was he was blue and he kept getting in trouble see the only places you could perform in those days is a stand-up comic or at strip clubs or burlesque shows like when i went

to tennessee to visit my in-laws a couple years ago there's a comedy club in jackson that is fucking tremendous it's just a little cave but it used to be a burlesque place so it couldn't be in nashville because you know what i'm saying they would fucking bust you so they made it like 45 minutes 30 minutes i don't know how far jackson is outside of nashville don't what am i fucking map quest i don't know but i know that it's like a half hour something it's outside of city limits do you know what i'm saying it was like outside so it was like burlesque that owner was telling me that it was a blessed place and that lennie bruce had performed there i mean this is all you know so there was no there was no comedy clubs the first comedy club

was supposedly a funny bone out of pittsburgh that was i don't know how true it is if you guys want to research it and get back to me on it get back to me but that's the word on the street it was a guy in syracuse named bruno sherpa and there was a guy in pittsburgh there were brothers and supposedly they opened up the first guy i don't know how real this is you guys could fact check me i'm just telling you what the fuck i heard i didn't have time to fucking read up on it but this is what i read about all those years i read about lennie bruce and what he had gotten through what he had gone through for us okay like for other comics to come like he was getting arrested you know whatever and then you have jim morrison and now we're talking about music and he was doing

something completely different he took his dick out of miami and all this shit and he said shit on stage he was talking stuff on stage but those two guys let's focus on what those two guys did it's called artistic freedom for people don't know it okay it's called artistic freedom once you hit that stage there's a thing that's called artistic freedom now don't get me wrong what comes out of your mouth should be funny when you have artistic fucking freedom i mean we all fucking uh agree on that okay number two it's not what you say it's how you say remember these words for the rest of your fucking life i could tell you hey fuck you or hey fuck you they sound completely different and both of them had completely different

meanings to them that same fuck you had two different meanings to it so always remember that when you go on stage you know as comics we think of every fucking bombing i could tell you every bomb alert you know i can't tell you what i had for breakfast this morning but i could tell you through the years the bomb alerts i had i could tell you through the years the bad jokes i said and they fell through they fell down i remember through the years when i tried to be cute and be edgy that i would fall on my face because people see right through that people see right through that you guys are smarter than that as an audience that's why i said to you a couple weeks ago that i respect the audience as a comic i have always respected the audience i don't know if you

guys know what the wall is about the album the wall and i don't like this but i'm gonna tell you anyway the album the wall was about pink floyd one of my favorite bands but it was roger waters mr fucking personality himself who got agitated and somebody asked him how the audience was or something again don't quote me on this and he said these shows would be great if i could build a wall between myself and the audience that was the worst fucking thing i've ever heard come out of somebody's fucking mouth yeah i still listen to pink floyd and i love pink floyd as a whole but i'm not into roger waters because of those words because of his arrogance because of him breaking up a band because of his fucking arrogance but that's not what this podcast is about this podcast is about

the respect for the audience i have respect for you guys what does that mean that i know comics personally who don't give a fuck about the audience and in the back of my mind i have to tell myself that to win to fucking you know kick some fucking ass but in reality i very much care about my audience i care that you motherfuckers i cared that you motherfuckers got a babysitter i care that you paid 80 for fucking a dinner i cared that you took the time out to buy tickets when i tweeted so when i go up there i gotta give you the highest level of fucking respect that there is as a comic okay always remember that that this is in the back of my mind now when you pay the 25 bucks to see me do comedy there's no meet and greets involved i'm not worried about the fucking meet and greet

i'm not worried about anything i'm worried about the performance i'm about to give you when i go up on stage you know there's a joke i was working on before i took a break that people in jersey when we were kids we didn't go out to play we went out to die we didn't go out to play look at all these fucking things they're talking about class action park all that shit when i was a kid we went out to die we didn't go out to play we jumped off trees we made milk crates we put boards up we went off fucking motorcycles and if you fell and broke your neck you fell and broke your fucking neck nobody was crying nobody was fucking complaining nobody was putting the blame on everybody timmy put the break wrong no who

gives a fuck you weren't supposed to be building a fucking ramp and riding your motorcycle hold off that kz 175 the thing's gonna fucking break but my point is which i don't know what it is anymore i've gone off on a fucking tangent is that fucking you know i respect the audience that's my number one fucking priority all time whether the threes or two thousand of you i have a certain respect for the audience so i remember every bomb every bad joke every stupid racist joke that i said cuz hey i'm normal i'm like anybody else i'm not fucking racist but i have said racist things on stage to get a laugh the audience knows i'm not racist that's why they laughed because it comes back to not what you say is how you say it i'll give you a fucking particular

story about me that destroyed my insights i really like this joke and i really wanted it to work but i didn't know how else to make it work and it's about tom brady i'm a big fan of tom brady i like tom brady there's a problem i have with tom brady not really a problem it's not a problem i don't want anybody to say tom joey's got a problem with tom brady no the only the only burp i have with tom brady that i think is funny to be honest with you is that he dumped his pregnant wife to go with a brazilian chick with a tremendous ass now i'm a catholic don't get me wrong so it's tom brady you know i'm saying he's as catlike as can be but to dump a pregnant woman is something i have never even thought about in my life it's like me being 15 and that girl telling

me that her mother died at you know when she was fucking 10 i'm like what can you do what did you do for your mother to fucking die what can you do in a prior life that your mother fucking died what can you possibly fucking do i never talked to that girl again then my mother died and i felt fucking bad because what did i do in a prior fucking life but what the fuck we i don't even know so what the fuck did you do in a prior life to deserve having no fucking mother you understand me i mean i i don't understand this so when it was first presented to me my head almost fucking blew up that's the same way i did when fucking tom brady dumped that catholic girl so i wanted to write a joke about i'm like what the fuck can i say about tom brady for doing this

and i was up in buffalo one night look i even remember the city okay i remember everything don't fucking tell me i was in buffalo had to be about 2016 i was opening up for rogan and i was talking to rogan about tom brady i go fucking brady that motherfucker and then he dumped this fucking pregnant shake and i go you know the crazy thing about that shit dumping a pregnant shit that's shit that fucking spanish people and black people do that's all i said that's all i said and i even claim spanish people so it's not really racist here i even claim spanish i go that's the kind of shit spanish people and black people do and rogan said say it up on stage dog when i set it up on stage it died a slow death and guess what i never said it again i understood that to

racist fucking joke even if you even if you throw a spanish people under the bus first which you do as a wordsmith you put the spanish first so people won't get the initial shock of the black i didn't say anything else i just said black and spanish it didn't fucking work and i got off stage and i'm like that's not at this point in my life you know when if i would if it was 2008 and i was still a desperado still young in comedy yeah i would have done that fucking joke and kept working on it and tried to be cute with it but at that point 2016 i already had a daughter i had things going on i'm gonna tell that joke for what what's it gonna do for me i liked it trust me i like the fucking joke that's the problem i enjoyed i thought there was something

funny there but the audience didn't think it was funny you know i took it and i moved on with it i thought about it i wrote it out and i read it and it seemed racist to me you know guys on stage i've said a thousand things and nothing you can't say to me afterward when i get off hey joey that wasn't a good you can't because i say it with a smile on my face which is very important and the the tone in your voice is very important how you say it dog i used to have to follow ali wong at the store do you have any idea what that's like people no you don't there was two people at the store three people let's say three people at the store that when i had to follow i had to kick it into overdrive number one bill burr i mean he's the fucking greatest you when you follow

bill burr you better bring up your a's and d's whatever the fuck you better take all your vitamins magnesium fuck and everything chris delia you better fucking come with some energy with chris delia and ali wong was possibly the toughest because she's a woman okay when people go to a stand-up show all they see is dick constantly take your girlfriends to a stand-up show there's three sets of fucking dick that's what she's gonna see is three male comics 85 percent of the times every once in a while they might put a woman in there you know there's a woman comic on the schedule but now i think i'm exaggerating i say 70 percent of the times it's three dicks so a woman has to put up with an hour and a half of listening to a male's fucking perspective put a woman in the middle

now the women don't have a great time that's why i always use k quigley to open for me a chelsea skidmore a common moralist i like those women in front of me because it gives the audience it gives the women in the show something they're not going to go there and get stuck with fucking fat man joey dears for 40 minutes talking about eating your ass and spitting pubic hairs in your eyes and all that shit they could only take so much of that so you got to put a woman in there now let me tell you something if that woman is funny like kate was like climate moralist was like chelsea skidmore was you better watch them i see a lot of male comics that a woman goes up in front of them and they're like ah no problem i'm just pay attention or i'll just play

play playstation five whatever the fuck comics do when a woman goes up before me guys i watch that woman i watch her like she was naked i watch her like she was fucking naked because women are deadly up on stage if they get a cyclone going you're dead and i've seen it before i've seen bowman bacon blow people off the fucking stage years ago there was a comic there was a fucking dud comic i remember no names he's a fucking dud this guy and i remember one time i was doing shows in san diego and he was working lawyer and i stopped in lawyer to say hello to see how the show was going i wasn't looking for a guest there nothing i just stopped in i knew him i knew bowman bacon and i just wanted to say hello and he came out first and was talking to me and he goes

yeah i got these two shows fucking bowman things she's gonna headline you know and i looked at him and i sat and listened for like 10 minutes and i tried to let his ego off as lightly as i can i said dawg this is joey dears is thinking i said why don't you let her headline the first show and you headline the second show i'm giving him an out so he wouldn't need a bag of dicks up on stage because i knew bowman bacon was gonna fuck those people up and lawyer is always couples you get to learn these little nuances as you do comedy some clubs you go to and it's 60 40 it's male 60 40 females lawyer on saturday is a date club so if there's 200 people in there there's 100 women in there are you with me here so far so when i went in there i just went to talk

to him to say hello he's telling me how he's the best comic in the world that he could follow anybody and i'm trying to let him off the ledge and be smart and go because even if even if it was me even if it was joey dears i would have let bowman bacon open up the first show even though i knew i could follow her i would have let her open up the second show so she wouldn't fucking destroy me the second show because the second show they're a little drunker and the early show of parents and old people and people don't want to hear bad words and shit like that so you go to the early show 10 30 shows i'm the king of 10 30 shows that's when guys like me go on stage and i could go up there and talk about eating assholes and spitting out hemorrhoids

and whatever the fuck i talk about you know i'm just talking here i'm just talking here i mean so what you do is that's the psychology that i'll go up for the second show and rip them apart well when i pulled him aside like a man and as a friend i said to him yo let her open up the second show and you close the second show and he's like not a million years fuck uh i'm gonna she's i'm gonna follow her with no problem so guess what i did against my best wishes i got a bottle of water and i said fuck it i'm gonna miss the coke dealer at 10 30 but i'm gonna get more entertainment from watching him die a slow death i just knew it i just fucking knew it it doesn't take a genius and if you don't know it as a comic remember last week i was talking to you about

checking yourself this is part of checking yourself it's not that you're being a coward it's nothing like that in comedy is that you're trying to stack the odds in your favor that's all i'm trying to do you want to stack the odds in your favor as a comic as a human being as a car salesman as a guitar player you always want to eat do you follow me so it's like if you think aerosmith comes out with dream on when they open up where would they go where the fuck would they go they came out with dream on dream on well where we're gonna dream on the next what we going on tonight and i'm exaggerating aerosmith's got a great catalog but what i'm trying to say to you is you don't come out with your with your best fucking material so i'm sitting there that night and i

just sat there listen and look for years i always said i could make it home from la joya to la in an hour 25 people like you're lying you're lying when you're addicted to coke you're making an hour 25 i could make i could i would do a hundred from la joya to the immigration center i would slow down till 90 and then once i went through when they asked you do you have any oranges or apples i would say no i don't have any oranges or apples and they would say go on through and i would do a hundred to ervine and once i got to ervine i would slow it down to like 90 and once i saw 18 miles out of la it went back up to 100 and i would get to my fucking drug dealers house in time on this particular night i said fuck it i was gonna meet the drug dealer like a 10 i called them back

i said i'll be up there 11 30 i gotta watch this massacre he goes what are you talking about i'll tell you when i get there i sat there and i watched this fucking Beaumont bacon wipe up the floor with this kid wipe up the floor with this kid and then i did what a good comic would do like i tell Mikey don't talk watch keep your eye on that comic i wanted to see how he would react when he came off the stage that's the money right there so when he came on i went up to him bro i gotta go great set you know i knew he ate a bag of dicks i knew he you could see it on his face he was flustered he didn't know what to do and he came up to me i shook his hand and i didn't say a word and he looked at me and he goes i think you're right maybe i'll let Beaumont close the second

show i tried to tell you i tried to save you five i didn't say that to him i thought about that in the car because i'm not in business to fucking squash somebody's dreams i was just trying to work with him from the right spot here just explain to him listen bro just sometimes is a comic sometimes is a human being sometimes as anything you got to see things for what the fuck they are so with all that said like when you do dirty material or whatever i mean i love tony i have nothing against tony this is gonna blow over this will be gone in six months thank god arie released the video footage of what happened before and what after it doesn't sting that much it doesn't hurt that much it was you could just write it off to comedy cockiness you know i've had it we've all gone

through it and that's it but it's not enough to cancel somebody i mean uh i'm not gonna lie to i have a problem with people putting phones in sacks i would never in my life do that to you people when you come to one of my shows i feel that you have children i feel that you have grandparents i feel that you have families what if somebody needs you what if somebody i think you actually put the phone in a pouch and if you want to make a call or whatever you i don't know the rules to everything with the phone in the pouch i know dave chappelle does it a lot a lot of other comics are starting to do it if i go on the road now i'm gonna start to do it because i don't need somebody taking a fucking phone out when i'm doing a joke because listen

listen it's like you ever see a couple of years ago they show you how they take reviews and change them so a movie comes out let's say me and mike are movie reviewers and we write the review of the movie and we write two sentences the movie took us for a tremendous ride but it was boring as fuck what the movie people do is they erase the boring as fuck and all you see is this was a hell of a thrill ride do you follow i'm saying to you now so they take that back end off and all you see is this film was a great ride

you're not going to see this film was boring as fuck i want to shoot myself by the end you're not going to read that they eliminate that thing that's why when ari put that up a couple of my friends watched it and they all had the same result that like it doesn't seem like and don't get me wrong you know uh the word that was used as offensive have i used it i've used it you know uh maybe on stage maybe in daily life or whatever as a joke but there's no hatred here you know i think for tony it was i think if he would have gone up and said the filthy Puerto Rican i don't think it would have been as bad because of everything that's going on with asian hate so i'm not mad at tony i just think it was a bad night and i wish people you know just get over

this um you know i'm very sorry i'll apologize for tony to the asian community i don't want you to think i'm bringing light to this in any way what i'm trying to do is explain what happens when a comic goes on stage and what you could take from that and how you know it's a fucking comedy show you know we have the freedom of speech in this country that's what that makes this country special i know when you go to other fucking countries and shit like that there's things you can't talk about on stage i think harry told me like when he went to china and somewhere else they limit your stuff no no no no no no this is the united states of fucking america you could say whatever they want let me tell you something else has a comic if you come up to me and tell

me not to say something i'm gonna go up there and say it i'm gonna go up there and say it that's where the respect factor comes from that's where i gain respect as a human being for myself and for my fellow comedians i'm not talking about going up there again i'll give an example one of my favorite all-time comics bill hicks he was performing in denver and kevin Fitzgerald dr kevin Fitzgerald the vet was on was doing comedy i don't know if you guys know kevin Fitzgerald from the animal channel animal planet he had a show on there where he saved cats and shit kevin Fitzgerald i spoke about him on the church is one of the most interesting men in the world i think rogan had him on the podcast he went to vietnam he was a fucking bodyguard for

the fucking stones he was a bodyguard for fucking you know just bands and shit uh got the gi bill put himself through fucking college and became a fucking vet and then while he was a vet he did fucking comedy but let me tell you something about kevin Fitzgerald he's a mild man a dude he's got white hair he's a gentleman kevin Fitzgerald will light your motherfucking ass up and if you ever watch go look him up on youtube right now he's working on a cat or he's saving a dog's ear or something like that and you see the compassion of god don't get confused with kevin Fitzgerald kevin Fitzgerald take an eye to go and they'll send it back to you in the fucking mail with on fire kevin Fitzgerald there's no joke bro one night kevin Fitzgerald's at the fucking comedy

works in denver and he's opening up for bill hicks and he said that joke about uh he took you know he took uh there used to be a show on the commercial this is your mind this is your brain this is your brain on drugs and he did so i don't remember the joke so i'm not gonna give it any justice or by repeating it kevin went up there and said the joke when he got off he said that bill hicks his bodyguard walked over to him and told him not to do the joke again that mr hicks talks about marijuana and his and his routine so kevin Fitzgerald said i got an option i gotta make a decision here this is bill hicks the greatest comic of all fucking time one of the top fucking three in my fucking book and he just gave you a direct order to not say a fucking joke i mean

what do you do what do you think kevin Fitzgerald did he went back up there and did the joke and he he he did the joke to be honest with you from kevin's mouth kevin told me that he did the joke to fucking incite the fucking security guy because he wanted to secure hicks a security guy to say something to him he was gonna knock him the fuck out because he remembered the guy from the old days when the guy would work consciously do really mean things to kids so kevin went up there to do the joke so the guy would say something to him so kevin could rip his fucking ear off guess what happened kevin got off the stage he did the joke bill hicks walked up to him and said that's what a real comic does you just became my fucking opener you're traveling with me from now on do you understand

i'm trying to say to you you all watched fucking uh fresh out of Compton whatever the fuck the name of the movie straight out of Compton fresh out of Compton something out of Compton yeah fresh Prince out of Compton you all watched straight out of Compton uh there's a part when they go to Detroit and the cops give them a fucking earbeat and again you know i have nothing but appreciation and love for the fucking men in blue blue lives matter in my fucking world i dig the cops i was the detective today uh all weekend they spent time with the detective of my daughter's softball game his son plays so they come to the fucking games we go to their game so we went out to dinner i got nothing against cops what we talking about blue lives matter whatever the fuck uh

and i'm not even smoking pot could you imagine if i was fucking smoking pot i wouldn't remember fucking shit but in straight out of Compton the cops give them a fucking earbeat before they get on stage and they're like listen when you get up there don't if you say fuck the police we're gonna fucking they're gonna stop the show that they fucking go up there and listen no because as artists we're not gonna listen listen that's what being an artist is if not we get in line and do what everybody else did we get in line and do what everybody else did so but still that still doesn't justify what happened last week on stage but what i'm trying to say to you people is don't put too much of your mind into it because it's not even fucking worth it it's just a joke and i'm

sure tony's apologetic to the kid who he said it to and he's apologetic to the asian community it's a fucking joke guys you know we're living in a time right now where it's rough people are having a rough fucking time but if you're gonna give people that are trying to bring you entertainment a rough time for making a mistake it's not gonna work out somewhere it's not gonna work out somewhere this could this could have been with a band this could have been with a magician this could have happened with anybody anybody could have said something bad you know what i'm saying i know i go on states and times and like i said i remember everything bad that i've said in my fucking 30 year career i could tell you the cities i said a mat i could tell you how i felt afterward

and i could tell you if i'm gonna do that joke again or not and i used one particular joke for you people and i did say it on stage and how somebody didn't tape me and put it on youtube and try to fucking hang me at the cross is beyond them and it's because it's not what you say it's how you say it this is the comedy business i'm gonna say a lot of shit that you people don't agree with but i'm not a fucking physical therapy i'm not a psycho whatever i didn't go to Yale you know i'm not tom morello i'm not a double major and whatever so i keep it to the world that i know and it's stand-up comedy and humanity and how to treat people and how to fucking be with people i don't try to be something that i'm fucking not here but you can't get mad at everybody's fucking

stupid fuck you have to pick your battles you know uh am i mad at tony not at all as a brother as another comic as another i'm not disappointed in the audience i'm not disappointed in anybody it was just a bad night guys that's it that's where it fucking ends now on a brighter side let's start talking about no more jokes or whatever the fuck this week i released an nft on patreon i listen guys like i said there's been so much doom and gloom in the last 14 fucking months that if i could light myself on fire for you people to entertain you and there wouldn't be no fucking fucked up skin and i had to come out here with my fucked up eyeballs and say i had a good time entertaining you people while letting myself on fire i would if you know anything about me i would

do anything to change your mood i live to make somebody's day to look at somebody whether it's give them a dollar a smile something to get them away from whatever the fuck is pulling them down in their life that's what life is all about for me when somebody's fucking like confused you hit them with a stupid joke and you bring a smile to their face and for fucking five seconds you took them away from their miserable fucking whatever the fuck was going on you know friday i had a fucked up day i had to go to a doctor and i had a guitar lesson with rooty saw zone guess what happened i went to the fucking doctor and i was running late as it was the doctor was running an hour behind and then fucking my insurance stuff didn't fucking go through at the doctor and i had to call sag

for 45 fucking minutes i was on hold with sag and blah blah blah i got a little bit agitated my agitation was because i was blowing i was rooty was taking time out of his busy day to just work with me for 30 minutes and i couldn't make it from freehold home you know in time and then when i got downstairs in the fucking car my tire was low and you know what and at the gas station when i was filling up the tire like i was like fuck this sucks i had a text rooty but i said in a large context nothing happened he was running late that was an accident my insurance was fucked up it was a clerical accident the tire went low it's an accident it's it's something that happens that does not qualify a bad day that does not qualify a bad day my cat getting hit by a fucking

car that's a bad fucking day i love that fucking cat any of my cats you know mic's dog getting hit by a fuck that's a bad day so i also want you to think about your bad days and you guys got a toughen up your skin a little bit you know i realized that the other day i'm like this ain't a bad day this is life these are things that happen your mother dying my friends my my mic runny and his sisters and their mother dying that's a bad day that's a bad fucking year that's a bad year and it accelerates on mother's day and the fucking holidays so that's bad i'm here to change that i i i hope that when i do this podcast just to joke about the hameroid and you giggled that just took you away from stuff so for the last year for the from last july all i've been

trying to do is to get you guys out of a funkier mood something different you know i started this patreon you know we help people we give out little fucking loans we help people nobody has to ask for nothing around me the first thing we did was send out t-shirts i didn't like it i didn't like it anybody could give you a fucking t-shirt i tried to make it light blue i tried to give you a nice insignia and then you know i said fuck it for the next round of stuff i'll do mugs you know i'll do mugs that's great a coffee mug everybody needs a coffee mug right it's a mind of joey deas coffee mug you guys i think i get them in june i'll send them out to patreon but then this guy contacted me with this nft you know the florentine crime family

brother bob that's all he talks to me about his bitcoin and nfts and and i'm watching what this nft thing is you know uh i think death row did some a couple other people did some so i said it's something fucking different when they contacted me they were talking about these prices and i go no again i don't want to make them higher than the ticket price so i kept them at 25 fucking dollars and i couldn't give them to you because they came from a certain company and like i bought one i would have liked to buy ten and gave one to mike and gave one to lee and gave one to my daughter and gave one to i couldn't buy i i didn't even know how to do it it went to a different fucking wallet my wife had to pin it and save it thank god they send you an email so you have whatever the

transaction but i had to wait till the next day for bob to come over and teach me about wallets and all that fucking shit anyway the reason why i did the nft was just as something different i didn't see you knowing any other comics doing it and i wanted to bring you like a little trading card tops reached out about a year ago and they want to do a trading card thing through steve samon and i thought about them like i don't know if i want to send a little fucking card to batron they paid me ten bucks on the scent of a fucking baseball card i want to give you something that that you know and when i heard about it was investment opportunities and shit like that i said fuck it what's the worst that could happen i charged 25 bucks trust me i don't get the full 25 bucks

they had to set that thing up the company takes money and my agent takes a fucking commission then guys it's just i live my life through eight or nine different little faucets and together that's how i make my money but all those faucets don't make you much money alone they don't make you much money when i put it together with eight faucets then i could eat a fucking nice steak but alone you gotta go show you what are you doing that for you know but that's not the point i wanted you guys to have something different and i wanted you guys into 25 dollar investment i know you motherfuckers there's one guy on patreon i can't believe people are broken you're doing this no they're not no they're not nobody's even fucking working nobody's even wants to go back to work

all you motherfuckers are getting that extra 300 600 i don't know what you're getting some states of cotton at georgia a couple of states of cotton because nobody's going to fucking work but instead of blowing your money on alcohol drugs fucking weed or summer stupid shit get an nft for 25 fucking bucks i turned around people were selling for three grand two grand 12 grand some guy sent me an email joey i made some money i want to send you money i go no i don't want your money that's yours this is for the guys that signed up in the beginning and they paid $15 a month and they paid six months at 105 dollars i just made them their money back to pay joey whether they want to sign up again with me or not i don't give a fuck that night listen they did what they had to

do i made them a little money if they want to sell the cards they sell the cards if they want to keep them they keep them it's up to you i don't really give a fuck i did it so you guys could and i'm gonna do them every month on patreon i'm gonna run them every fucking month and i'm gonna keep my 25 bucks and if you guys want to buy them and sell them for fucking five thousand dollars god bless you i'm never gonna knock on your door and go you're a fucking scumbag no you paid attention you backed fucking joey up and i'm like fucking uh what's his name i make money for my partners that's the way i am that's what i do i want to make money for you guys i want to help you the way you fucking help me so when i did the NFT there was some guy uh if i don't know what they are

nobody knows what the fuck they are you want me to sit here and break down blockchain technology to you and how it works we don't have the time i do know that i know a motherfucker that put 50 000 a bitcoin account and now he's getting his dick sucked and he's jumping up and down and he's got a chick that just walks around with him to fan him so do you have a chick that fans you no do i know i think it's time to get in on the bitcoin because if not i'll just hire some chick to stand right here with a bikini and fan me all day that's fucking success you know what i'm saying any idiot can have a fucking uh tesla ha ha look at me i'm plugging in my car go fuck yourself you want to impress me show up with a fucking guy with a rickshaw dead you know what

i'm saying like i just got here from california i got a guy with a rickshaw and he's fucking dying and his feet are down to the fucking bone and show up with a chick that's fucking fangirl when i did the longest show at adam sandler hired umbrella chicks for us fuck you cocksuckers they were all strippers from albuquerque we would be on the field they would have their clothes on and shit i don't want you to think it was a fucking abstein's fucking castle this was fucking they would stand next to you because they they didn't want your son your face to get a suntan and change colors throughout the movie so they had umbrella girls when adam sandler got me an umbrella girl who's better than adam sandler nobody you understand me that's fucking style

that's class that's fucking what it's all about and any fucking asshole could take a private jet let me see you with some fucking girl just blowing a fucking like one of those fans next to you that's fucking success take that to the bank cocksuckers it's monday the 17th of the month i love you mother fuckers thank you very much for watching thank you very much for supporting if you're on patreon and you got an nft i love you mother fuckers i hope you make money i hope you sell it i hope you fucking make your friends tell you you're an asshole for buying it from joey d is and you turn around and make $1,500 good for you i love you mother fuckers we'll be back wednesday tip top magoo ready to go on my

on my 19th month back in jersey i could have had a baby by now that would have been nine months so it's nine months on wednesday i'm happy that i left and i'm happy i got to do the podcast with you guys today and talk to you mother fuckers about comedy fucking etiquette your feelings getting ruined and uh nfts and all the other bullshit in my life i love you guys have a great week and now for a mother fucking word for my sponsors all right thank you very much for listening today it was a weird type of podcast but i enjoyed these creepy ones you know what i'm saying anyway the join is brought to you by blue blocks listen a couple weeks ago i did a video with the blue blocks amazing sleep mask and every night since i've been sleeping a lot

better i haven't on my sleep apnea machine i have a little computer that tells you what amounts you're sleeping every night it gives you a summary at the end of the month weekly the whole thing ever since i've been using the blue blocks i've been averaging from 45 to an hour a night more sleep and and i go deeper deep deep deep i told you about the sleep mask they're tremendous you get any style color or size plus their website's got a virtual website that you could try on the glasses but today i'm here to talk to you about light filtering glasses first you got the sleep plus red lenses for true blue and greening light blocking you use that after sundown now if you got trouble sleeping or you get anxious at night these are for you then we got the

clear blue light lens filter blue light during the day if you spend all day in front of the computer these are for you the clear blue light lens cut down on headaches and eye strain and finally they're also hitting you with the summer glow yellow lenses color therapy for the winter blues clinically proven to lift your mood plus you get all the benefits of blue light blocking listen they sent me two pairs of glasses i love them one for the computer one to put on at night so i don't get that much stimulation before i fall asleep at night and they're tremendous their lenses are made under optic laboratory conditions and if you got a prescription there's no problem they'll they'll make it work to your specifications these lenses are high quality they're not mass

produced and they come in a ton of styles from glasses to sleep mask they got everything you might need for light therapy the service is great the customer service is great this is a company you want to do business with so do me a favor go to blue blocks right now press in joey when you order and get 20 off with the code use code joey that's blue blocks dot com slash joey for 20 off blue blocks dot com slash joey for 20 off the joint is also brought to you by cbd lion the best when it comes to cbd how do i know because they fucking got me out of this rut with this knee surgery that's how i know it reduced the pain it reduced the swelling i mean the gummies are great the cbd flowers great the bat balls are great the roll on if you need cbd this is the way to go do

me a favor go to cbd lion right now read the third party lab results read the results if you have an ailment they'll tell you what cbd and the dosage and everything to use this company is tremendous again another great website cbd lion pressing joey joint and get 20 off delivered to your house pressing i don't give a fuck what you're pressing they're a good company they know i sent you just tell them i sent you and they'll take care you're right cbd lion dot com use code joint the church whatever the fuck it is and you get 20 off your order i want to thank blue blocks i want to thank cbd lion but most importantly i want to thank you motherfuckers for being fucking savages and for supporting the church uh the church the joint i'm getting confused myself now i love

you guys have a great week and i'll see you guys tip top magoo wednesday morning i love you stay black have a great week