Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #070 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It’s Wednesday, June 2nd..... This episode is brought to you by CBDLion & ONNIT..... Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter PROMO Code: JOEY or CHURCH Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter PROMO CODE: JOEY or CHURCH And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Co-Hosted & Produced by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on: Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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And that's a Wednesday morning. What the fuck am I saying on a Wednesday morning? Hey, how you doing? Come on in. Yeah, Joey's in the back. Check one, two. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers?

It's Wednesday, June the fucking second, a new month, a new set of rules and a new set of priorities. I want to talk to you about something today now that this we're winding down and everything is fucking opening up. There's another problem looming. There are a lot of people. A lot of people know about it. A lot of people don't know a lot about a lot of people going through it.

During the fucking pandemic, you know, we got shut in and if you used to drink at five, five, 30 after work, I'm sure that your drinking schedule shifted a little bit, you know, you were home. Nobody was there to watch you. You could do a shot at one, which is very innocent. I'm not judging anybody, you know, uh, that was also the same came true with people who do a list of drugs, you know, whether it's snort and coke or smoke and reefer, you know, didn't have nowhere to go.

Things got a little early and then what did they do? They started giving you extra money during the pandemic. So now you had this extra fucking money and now I'm hearing across the country that rehabs are fucking packed like people are fucking going to rehabs left and fucking right because they lost control over the pandemic. Now let's be as honest as we can here in Frank as we can. If anybody lost control over the pandemic in the beginning, it was me. I fucking lost my mind.

I mean, it's just between the fear I'd never experienced this before and you're sitting there watching TV and they're showing you freezes full of people dying and you don't know what the fuck's going on. So, you know, some people got affected by it. Some people didn't for me. I turned to what I knew best was marijuana and edibles and I started taking my anxiety medication and, you know, I knew because I was doing all these things.

I go, let me at least not drink. I mean, during the pandemic, uh, while I was in LA, I probably had one shot at Rogan's before we left the last podcast I did with him. But I think Spotify did put up and did keep who gives a fuck if they didn't. And then, uh, I also, once I got here, I drank a white claw, Jimmy's one Sunday and realized fucking vodka kills me. And then one night I went out and whenever I go out with my wife and mercy another family, I always should just be normal because everybody's

got a cocktail or a beer. I try to get a sangria one five ounce sangria, six weight, watch your points. Nobody gets their fucking feelings hurt. You know, so, but one night I drank an old fashioned after it and that put me over the top and I realized that whiskey is no longer can no longer be in Joey Diaz's, uh, life whiskey and Joey Diaz. I mean, hard liquor and Joey Diaz just don't agree no more.

So I went, uh, you know, I didn't have a drinking problem, but I knew that when I fucking got here, my smoking, when I first landed and was staying in the summer set, my smoking, I was putting down. It had to be 10 joints a fucking day. And I don't know how many milligrams or vetables a day, you know, and I had to take a long, hard look at myself and I did what I had to do. And here we are. But sobriety is something that it's fucking hard, man.

It's really fucking hard. And I got introduced to sobriety the first time in 85. I got introduced to AA, you know, I don't, I don't know if there was an NA back then. Don't quote me or whatever. I don't know. I went to AA teacher, my Mr. Teranova who first helped me out when I was homeless, you know, he didn't

force me, but he kind of did. He said, these meetings will be good for you. And I, and I'll tell you, I went to a couple of meetings and they are eye awakening. You know, these were like hardcore New Jersey AA meetings, people insulting people, people telling people shut the fuck up. You're not a real out. He I'm a real out.

He when I drink, I don't even use ice cubes, you know, shit like that. Like it was fucking like I would go and then I would tell him, bring me because I need to see more of this shit, you know, and I would go then. I never shared. I never told anything. I never raised my hand. I didn't really, um, you know, I just watched, you know, and then time moved on and I forgot all about AA and, you know, I got myself arrested

and all this shit and then I moved to Colorado and, you know, the drugs were free there and I kept going at it and then I got locked up. And when I got locked up, they had a meetings in the prison. If you have ever been in prison, uh, you will do anything like Bible study. If you're a Greek Orthodox, you'll show even though you're not Greek Orthodox, anything to get you out of that fucking cell. Do you know what I'm saying? So I would go to any religious meetings.

I would go to any group therapy meetings and I would also go to AA and I wouldn't share. I would just sit there, listen to the stories, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Once I got out, when you get into a halfway house, part of the fucking treatment is to go to AA meetings and I fucking hate it. I'm not going to lie to nobody. I'm not putting anybody down here. I'm just letting you know how I felt when I was 25 years old.

They would force me to go to them and I would sit there and go, what the fuck? This was Boulder, Colorado, where everybody was like, well, you know, I went off the rails on wine coolers, shut the fuck up. I'm over here doing an ounce of blow and eating pills and drinking fucking fat tie and, and you're over here cause you drink wine coolers. It was just, I always felt like weird and then I ended up getting into more trouble and they threw me into a fucking outpatient rehab, which I felt at the time was a complete waste.

I didn't like the methods of therapy. It was like they were picking a scab to upset you and I didn't like that either. You know, but the, when you're in that halfway house, you have to be fucking sober and towards the end, you know, I tried to do it as legit as I could. You know, I wasn't snorting coke. Yes. I was smoking pot, just rolling up a thin joint and I would just take like two hits off it and turn it off and it wouldn't go over the THC level of

my body when I would piss. So that's what I did. And that's how I maintained until I got out of the program and you know, listen, when I was doing all that shit, the only person I was hurting was myself because I wasn't doing the program right, you know, and you know, the cocaine flowed, I got into comedy and that's what this is all about. You know, once you get into fucking comedy, there's nobody watching you. You know, when you do one nighters, they just feed you the fucking drinks.

What do you think they sell at a bar coloring books, drugs, coke, pills, reefer, you know, whatever the fuck gasoline powder. I don't fucking know, but there's nothing good at a bar at the ton of clock at night. You know, if you notice a lot of comics are in recovery, a lot of comics or somewhere in their career, they know they can't get ahead unless they quit doing what they're doing. IE Ron White just recently got sober.

You know, I know Bill Bertha doesn't drink. I know Dean doesn't drink. I know a lot of guys who started out in the business and but one day you're like, I got to make a choice between my career or alcohol because or drugs. If I keep going in this direction, it's going to ruin my fucking career. And that's what happens to most people in the last six months without mentioning names on my Patreon. I have sent three people to AA.

If they want to write something on Patreon or go to Twitter and write something that I sent them, you know, they were like, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. And I got it from Rich Voss because I hang out with rich and I talk to rich and I know that deep into the pandemic rich. I would meet him for lunch and he would tell me that he would do Zoom meetings for AA. So I told all these people, anybody who contacted me over the pandemic,

whether on Patreon or Facebook or Twitter or on Instagram, I told them all the same thing. I go, you got to hit a meeting and people were like, why am I meeting? Why not rehab? You know, man. Again, this is one man's opinion who has been a fucking criminal and a fucking drug addict all his fucking life. I think rehab sometimes it's a force.

It what I mean, it's a force. It's a force that's making you go in there. I think that 80% of people that go to rehab don't want to really get clean. They just go to rehab because they have to because of a DUI or something happened or whatever. 20% of those people are people that woke up one morning and said, fuck, I can't suck 12 dicks anymore. I need to go to a fucking rehab.

You know, I can't put myself in this position and they go in there and they give it a New York fucking try. But you know, you know what the statistics are? Not fucking bueno, not fucking bueno. You know, over the years when I got out of prison, I accepted that I was going to keep doing cocaine. I got sick and tired of quitting. You know, you just get sick and tired.

I'm like, there's the last time I'm snorting coke. I'll never do this again. I'm going to be a better man two days later. You're back in the bag. I mean, it's a broken fucking record and I'll raise my hand. I was the king of it. So I just said, this is not going to work. You know, I'll just try to do everything in moderation and then

when it comes to cocaine, there's no moderation because you don't stop until you're fucking broke, you know. So for a guy like me, I know all about getting clean, what you're feeling, what you're not feeling. And I knew one thing for me. I knew that November 8 2007 when I stopped doing cocaine. The first thing that happens when you get sober is you think about and you look at yourself and you judge yourself and you say to

yourself, there's no way I could do a day without cocaine. There's no way I'm going to make it through that wedding without a drink. There's no way I can make it through a day of work without smoking pot. When you think about getting sober, there's no way you see it happening in your mind and that's where you lose. That's where you lose when you don't see it happening is where you lose.

How do I know you're looking at it? I tried to quit 80,000 fucking times, but you don't really want to. You don't really want to you. You just lying to yourself. You're just guessing yourself to death and I'm the king of doing that. I could yes myself to death for fucking years and that's why I did blow for 27 fucking years and the last seven.

Trust me. Every time I did a line, it was hard. The last seven years from 2000 to 2007. I was just snorting out of snorting. I didn't want to snort, but I had no other. I had no other options. It was. I can't describe to you what a dark place I went into in 2006 and

2007. I went into the darkest place I've ever been in my life and then I added heroin to the fucking mix and that summer of 2007. I don't even fucking remember that summer. I don't even fucking remember it, you know, but when I decided not to snort coke, I took unconsciously unconsciously and consciously. I'm not going to.

I took what I had learned over the years from AA and NA and applied it to me in my journaling. Did I go to a few meetings? I'm not going to lie to you. I went to a few meetings in California. I went to a few meetings and how I think I went to like maybe one meeting in Hollywood and maybe two in the Valley and I didn't think that they would help me.

I didn't think that they would have the impact on me of me journaling. Listen, guys, let's face it. You have to think about who you are. I'm a standup comic. That means I have the balls to go up in front of a brick wall with a microphone by myself in front of strangers. I was an only child.

I love to snort coke by myself. I love to smoke pop by myself. I'm the type of guy I like to eat by myself. I like to do shit by myself. I enjoy myself. Do you know what I'm saying? So the whole group thing. I think that's why it didn't work out for me.

It wasn't because, you know, I didn't want to be a friend of Johns or whatever. No, that's not the fact. I didn't think the group thing would work for me, but I think it works for 70 to 80% of people. When you really think about it and apply the steps. I have probably in my life right now. I got to tell you, I have 10 people who are lifelong.

And a or a a people, you know, and I don't mean to put Rich Voss's life on, you know, but I talked to him a lot and I see his passion for it. You know, I have another dear friend that I was by no since the sixth grade, which is spoke last week. I checked in with him because I knew he had to go to rehab in January. You know, he relapsed after, you know, this pandemic was

rough on people. He was home all alone. He's got no wife, no fucking kid. You know, he's my age. His job made him fucking sit at the house and do the work. So he eventually relapsed. He caught himself. He put himself in a voluntary detox.

He went to a rehab for two weeks and he signed himself out and got into the program and he's doing great. He said something to me last week that was fucking interesting. He said that God is a gentleman that if you invite God into your life, he'll come in, but he's a gentleman. He'll never fucking mingle unless you invite him. At first I wanted to hang up on him. I thought he was crazy.

But then listen, I'm the type of guy that I don't care what you need to do to get there. I don't care what you need to do. If you need to drink 22 fucking alpha brains a day when I got off cocaine, alpha brain really helped me. I went on alpha brain. I remember telling Rogan one night the alpha brain is really helping me now that I'm not on cocaine.

He looked at me like, are you fucking crazy? It's the truth. It really helped me when I first got off cocaine. My mind was missing something. Something was not right with my mind. It wasn't firing and that's how I got introduced to alpha brain through Marcus and the whole thing. And that's how I fell in love with it.

And that's why I don't tell this to a lot of people is the first time I've disclosed this. But when I quit, when I quit cocaine, my brain was fucking shot and one day we were on the road and Rogan had a couple fucking shroom texts alpha brains and I took a couple alpha brains and I went home and I'm like, this makes me feel a lot better since I got off the coke and I went on an alpha brain for like six fucking months until I felt fucking normal again.

I mean, this is what you need to do. I don't care what you do to get there. Now for me, my whole thing. Listen, I watched my Godfather smoke for years when I was a little fucking kid from the age of four to fucking seven. I saw my Godfather roll, smoke a joint, go to a movie. We go get a slice of pizza. He giggle.

I did this with him. Us in this room. It's a harmless fucking vice. Marijuana is a harmless fucking vice. You've never seen nobody tell you that they killed a people when they were smoking weed or whatever. I get it. So when I quit cocaine, I considered myself sober because

I wasn't on the drug. See weed didn't make me go kidnap Ken Vella. Drinking alcohol didn't make me kidnap Ken Vella. I kidnap Ken Vella because I wanted to but I was also not under the influence of cocaine. I was under the hammer of cocaine. I wasn't I at the time of the kidnapping. I love to tell you I was high and that's why I took the

machine gun out and that's what made me kidnap. No, it didn't. No, I love to tell you that I love to, you know, sell you that story, but I kidnapped him because I was under the hammer of cocaine not under the influence. Two different fucking things. So I learned a very important lesson. So to me getting sober meant getting off the drug that put

me behind bars. Once I beat that, I thought I had a beat and I was doing well with it. You know, again, do I think the edit? I think the edibles are harmless fucking vice until they start affecting your life. What do I mean by that? If you don't go to work, anything that fucking makes you

fuck up, then it's not a harmless vice anymore. But you pop in an edible 11 o'clock at night to watch a movie with your girlfriend. I can't get mad at you. I don't care if you have a glass or why I don't I don't really give a fuck, but you're still not fucking sober. You know, and something about that always bothered me. It really did.

It really fucking did. And then things started happening. That made me get more and more upset with it. Couple years ago, I watched a 30 for 30 with Chris Herron. He's a basketball player play for the Celtics local boy out of Boston, you know, somewhere out of that. I don't want to, you know, like when I told Bill Burry, you're out of Boston.

He's like, nah, I'm 30 miles. No, I don't want to piss nobody off. He played for the Celtics. So he's from the Boston area. I watched this 30 for 30. I watched him tell a story about having a basketball uniform on warming up with the Celtics and not having any vikings or a pill, a certain pill.

Don't purchase that Viking. Don't quote me on this, but he said that he went outside on the street to the corner with his Celtic uniform on to meet the dude outside to give him the pills because he couldn't play without the pills. That is the most addicting story I've ever heard in my life. And it's the most addicting story because I lived through those stories.

I went through those stories. I got a thousand of them. I don't remember them right now, but I did stupid things like that, that you wake up the next day and go, I'll never tell nobody that story. But I did that for blow like I, you know, I got on my hands and knees and looked around the toilet bowl because I thought there was a little rock on the floor.

I mean, this is the shit that you look at years later and go. I don't even want that in my mind anymore. The things I did, I remember flushing an ounce of Coke because I kept seeing cars stop by my window. I was on the third floor of a hotel and I was looking out the window and the cars would stop. So I went and dumped an ounce of Coke. And when I went downstairs, I realized it was an ATM machine.

People kept pulling up to take cash out and I dumped an ounce of fucking coke out. You know, I got a thousand of these embarrassing stories. You ever say something and you fucking think about it 10 years later and go, I can't believe I said that in that room. Well, I got about a thousand of those fucking stories when I was on cocaine, you know, you know, ruin the holidays, ruin people's nights.

You know, I still remember being in like Clark, Tennessee or something, one of those West Virginia towns and driving an hour following a guy with another comic that was innocent, a guy like Mike or Lee that don't know anything about anything. They just want to be comedians and I'm making them drive and make them drive me a gunpoint. I asked them for a ride and I paid them for gas to follow some fucking redneck to a trailer for me to get fucking cranked

to get high. I got a thousand of these fucking stories. So I knew exactly what Chris Herron was talking about when he said that that gave me shit. But for me, I was a basketball player. You know, I quit basketball after I was a freshman because I my feelings got hurt and I didn't want to do it anymore. But I know it is to I wanted to be a professional basketball

player when he said that I'm like, so here I am in the Boston Garden, the fucking this is like, you know, where basketball was invented with red or back. I'm on the fucking reds. I'm on the Boston Celtic team. I'm fucking starting. But before my fucking game, I can't play because I don't have a Viking or a Perkins set or Quay loaded me.

So I'm going to go out into the street with my fucking uniform on and meet a dealer that that was just too much for me to comprehend. So I reached out to him. I donated to his fucking charity, which I do ever since that and he came on the podcast while I'm fucking taught. This is the piece of shit that I am. Okay, this is when I started getting mad.

He's on the podcast drop in knowledge about sobriety. We had a call in. He's dropping knowledge about sobriety and what he was feeling and the second chances wife gave him and all this shit. And I'm loving all this stuff because this is the stuff I fucking live for. And within that, I'll never forget that's, you know, and I'm embarrassed about this.

Somewhere in that night when I was listening with the headphones on, I still remember taking a hit off the joint and putting the joint down and going, what did I just do? This guy is telling me a story about redemption and all this fucking drug use and that's fucking horrible. He's trying to help people. And he, he has a rehab and his whole family is involved in this.

And here I am on the other end of the phone smoking a fucking joint. What type of fucking that was one episode that I regretted of all time on the church. That should have been a drug free episode and we should have done like 10 free drug free episodes out of respect for fucking Chris, but I didn't. I didn't realize what I had done to like a week later.

I'm like, I can't believe I was smoking pot. Well, I was talking on the phone to Chris Heron, a guy who's saving fucking people on a daily basis, but me, the dumb fucking pothead I am. I can't realize that this just wasn't even fucking right. You don't know how bad I felt about that podcast. I should have taken it down, but I left it up and I'm still embarrassed about it, but it was things like that that led us

to what we're going to talk about today. You know, that was one story that I was very ashamed of that and it was like couple days later. I'm like, I'm on the phone with Chris Heron and I'm smoking fucking dope. What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck kind of person? You know, when I got off that fucking plane when I moved here,

I'll never forget going on YouTube one day to listen to music one night or something and I saw like an old church and I'm like, who is that guy? Who is that fat dude with a fucking t shirt on with bags under his eyes and his eyes are fucking closed. He's a grown a fucking 50 year old man acting like a fucking two year old. I was ashamed.

I'm ashamed at times. I'm not gonna fucking lie to you, but it's who the fuck I am. I'm a fucking pothead. What do you want from me? It's who the fuck I am. So yeah, part of me was mad at what I had done and this podcast that I was promoting, but part of me was like, that's who the fuck I am.

I shouldn't be ashamed of who the fuck I am, but then I got an email a couple months later and they were not really cute on me, but they were kind of checking me. They were checking me in a he didn't check me in a gentlemanly way, but he checked me and he said that, you know, I was glamorizing weed that a lot of people might be taking this wrong. Kids might be taking this wrong.

And I don't know if I told him to fuck off or whatever comment I made. You know, I just said, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I thought about it. I thought about it. I thought about it. I was like, this guy's right. You know, and I'm not trying to glamorize it.

I'm just showing you the weed that we were getting in California at the time. That's it. I was just helping some friends of mine that have great weed and I want you to get the great same great weed to wasn't like I was glamorizing and or whatever. We were too stupid. We were caught up and we were just getting high and it fucking

happens, you know, but then we moved back here and I started looking at my life and I started seeing, you know, we always think we're doing the right thing until we take a close look. You got to take a close look and I've been taught. I've been mentioning this the last four or five podcasts and you have to check yourself from time to time. I took a close look and I realized there was a lot of fucking holes in my game, a lot of holes, more than usual, more than

what I fucking thought. I didn't think I was perfect, but I didn't think I was that bad a shape either. And I started cleaning up my game little by little, just little things. There were things I did that I didn't even know I was doing like the coffee thing. I didn't even know I was doing my body didn't need anymore.

So I didn't know I was doing it and then I just started little by little. You know, I don't feel like smoking at eight in the morning. I'll smoke after breakfast. You know, I don't want to go to the gym smelling like weed. Those people are in potheds at the gym. I'll smoke after the gym. Then I got to the point where I would run in and go right to

the pipe and hit it and then just run my whole day off smoking fucking reefer and another joint at time. And let's be honest with you. I was getting high the first time if that if that look at the amount of edibles I had to eat to get high on that show. If we ate, you know, three things. I really ate six plus whatever I ate all fucking day, you know, whatever I was eating all day.

You have no idea what was bumping into what weed store. I was going to who I was going to see to do a podcast. They had a bag of mushrooms. They had this. They had that. I was surrounded by it still no excuse, no excuse. I was taking those mushrooms. I was eating them.

I was giving them away to my friends. You know, I was like a fucking drug peddler myself. I was giving shit away. People would give me shit that I couldn't use and I was giving them away fucking. I would go to shows people give me pills pills that I wouldn't take. I would give those away.

It was a fucking constant, whatever. And I'm like, what the fuck is all this? So whatever a month ago, you know, I just saw that my weed intake was getting lower and lower and lower. Even I had the surgery. I'm in the house and I'm bored to death. But with all the pain pills and the other medication, I'm like, I don't want to fucking smoke is I'm feeling like shit

enough with these fucking oxy cottons make you feel bad enough and the weed wasn't doing anything to me. So I'm like, you know what? I'm destroying my lungs. I'm smoking 15 fucking times a day. After a while, I put away the fucking. I went and bought a pipe. My agent sent me a pipe.

So I had two pipes. I was fucking smoking. You know, I was smoking that pipe 20 times a fucking day. Nothing was happening. So I said, you know what? Let's see. Let's just work this backwards. So I started taking times when I would smoke.

I have a thing you have to smoke by two o'clock to go fuck your mother for the last 33 days. I've been fucking my mother because I haven't been smoking. So, you know, I smoke. I would smoke at one and then I smoke at four, but then, you know, then I would smoke like a seven, but I would smoke downstairs a 20 time. Sometimes I would go in her back.

Sometimes I've come down. She's not stupid. My little daughter, when she comes downstairs and she smells it, she won't say nothing. But she smells it. So all those little fucking things. I know a lot of people like Joey. She's going to find out about it anyway.

Yeah, but now when she's eight, she doesn't deserve to find out about it when she's eight little down the line. When she's 12, she can handle that shit. You know, nobody can handle. Listen, I hate to say this to you, but I've always repeated this. This is one of my favorite lines of all time. I saw my hero getting high.

One of my chances of getting high. My hero was my mother. My other hero, my dad died from drugs. So when your heroes get high, what are your chances of getting fucking high? Huh? Yeah. So I don't want her to smell that yet.

Not yet. Not right now. She's too innocent. She's too young and she's too, you know, I don't want her to think that her dad will. This is my medicine. What are you fucking talking about medicine? I don't, I can't know.

So I rather not. So what happened over the last couple of fucking weeks was that I just saw myself not smoking, not smoking. And the other thing was the COVID. I was scared to smoke because I thought it would go into my fucking lungs and every time I'd smoke my lungs are burns. I'm like, fuck, I'm getting COVID. I wasn't getting COVID.

I never got COVID. I got the fucking vaccine. I was fine. But all those things and I just don't think my body needed anymore. So I quit smoking 30 days ago. All right. No big deal.

Not quit because I wanted to don't quote me on that. I just wanted to give it a breather. All right. So it went on with that. I gave it a little breather. The first week went by. I didn't bitch. I didn't yell.

I didn't scream. There is no real ability. I didn't lose sleep. The second week perfect better than the first week. Didn't lose sleep. Didn't curse didn't get no real ability. The third week. I can't lie to you one night.

I went off last week a week before I went off on my wife upstairs. I didn't go off. I just mentioned a couple of things to her, but I was in front of mercy and mercy got upset and I go, you know what? This is probably me tripping from the reefer. Let me go downstairs and get my head together. My wife came down a little while later.

I apologized and she goes. I don't think it was the reefer. She goes, I think you were just having a bad day because I told her, I'm sorry. If I went off before, I think it was the reefer. I already, I immediately went to the reefer. She was like, no, because I've seen how you've been reacting in the last couple of weeks.

You've been fine. It's not the reefer. What else is going on with him? I go, yeah, I got this other thing. And she goes, that's what's bothering you. Take care of it. That was it. So I haven't been irritable about it.

It's not that I had a call like, you know, and I do believe in the sponsor. I, let me tell you something. When I got into AA in 89, when I got out, I had a chick sponsor first. She was a dipshit. She really was. She was too dipping for me.

But then I got another sponsor. I got a guy and he was very, very good. I forget what his name was. I stayed clean with him for about six months. I mean clean. He had a good system. You know, call me every day. He wanted you to call him every day.

Call me every day at 10. Let me know how you're feeling. Let me know if you think you want to use today. I mean, he was a very good sponsor. If you get high, he didn't fucking like a one time I relapsed on reefer. He didn't beat me up. He took me out to lunch and he told me it was going to be a

struggle and to keep going to meetings and keep working the fourth step. And you know, the steps are great. You know, the first step is give your life to somebody else. Listen. I did it with comedy. I do it with everything. You can't control everything.

You have to put your life into somebody else's hands and that's where faith comes in. If you're looking to get clean, you got to have a little bit of fucking faith. Listen, pick a God. I don't give a fucking God what what you think. And if you don't believe in God, just say there's a higher power out there.

I don't give a fuck out. If you don't like God, if you don't want to hang out with Buddha, if you're not a Buddhist, if you're not, it doesn't matter to me. It's giving your life to put in somebody else's hands. That's the beginning of it. The fourth step is taking a moral inventory, which I do every day when I general.

That's what I've been doing for the last 29 fucking years. It's taken a moral inventory pretty much in a way. It's just done on a daily basis. A moral inventory of what the fuck is going on with me. I do it every day. Sometimes I do it in the morning. Lately I've been doing it at night and I'm getting more from it because I'm reflecting on my day and what I learned

that day. So all these things help towards your sobriety, but something else happened on the way to the dance for two weeks. For three weeks, I sat here every day and I was telling people I'm clean. I'm clean. I haven't taken anxiety pills since they took the guitar lesson from Rudy Sars on that day.

It was too fucking intense. It was too intense for me and you know, I'm not smoking. So I'm clean, but then I was like, wait a second. I'm taking that fucking tea at night and I'm putting those fucking edibles in there too. And I said, all right, let me do this. Let me do this. Let me not put the edibles in the tea and just drink the tea.

So I did that for a week. I would just take the tea with the magnesium. A couple CBDs with fucking melatonin. He slept good still out like a fucking baby out like a baby. But guess what? Something was eating away at me. There was still two milligrams of THC in the tea. And five milligrams of CBD.

Now to some people, you're like, Joe, that's nothing. But to me, it was something. So Saturday night, I said, fuck it. I'm not drinking the tea anymore. I'm going to give the tea a break. I needed to give it a break anyway because of my body was getting too used to it. You what I usually do is just not drink it.

What I started doing now was drink a celestial seasonings makes a great, they make great fucking teas. If you need to wake up and you don't like coffee, drink lemon zinger, that'll put you in a different fucking world. I've been on the lemon zinger since 1985. I've been on lemon zinger. If you go upstairs to my tea, there's two boxes upstairs, lemon zinger.

I love lemon zinger. It's been like a month since I last drank one. But once a month, I'll do a fucking lemon zinger. And the other one I like is their sleepy time tea. Let me tell you something. You put two of those things, two bags and a cup of fucking coffee, rocker by baby on the tree top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock whatever the fuck

the lyrics are. I don't know. I haven't sang rock on my baby in a long fucking time. But, uh, yeah, so I've been taking sleepy time to magnesium tablets. I turned the TV off at 11. I practiced the guitar. Once I feel a little fucking tired from the magnesium, I go

upstairs and that's it. So it's been three fucking days. So guess what? Cocksuckers. I am completely sober now for three days. Don't get carried away. It's Wednesday. I'm going to drink my tea tonight.

That's it. I just want to let you motherfuckers know that Joey Diaz could look you motherfuckers in the eye and tell you that I was sober for 72 hours. Go fuck yourselves. All he is. I did it. I fucking did it because I'll tell you what I was also, I

used to train with a girl in Boulder and she was a big time a type of check. I'm talking about like if she had pain, she would take some completely different. If she had a cold, she wouldn't take a lot of the stuff most people would take because they had. I mean, she was that anal. It had little things of opiates or whatever.

She was fucking insane about it. And I looked at it. I thought about a beautiful girl. Beautiful. It looked like Mariah Carey stunk terribly though. She was a natural chick. Didn't shave her armpits. Didn't want to lure them under her pits and shit.

She stunk terribly, but she was a dear friend of mine. Gorgeous. But she was such an AA and a chick that there wasn't much she was allowed to do. Like if she went for she had a toothache, she would have to take some completely different. She couldn't take aspens or pain pills. When she went to the dentist, she wasn't allowed to get put

out her fear of fucking relapse was so fucking strong that I mean, I respected her for it and now I'm looking at it. But again, I don't ever want to be that sober. Like I don't, I don't, I don't ever want to be that sober. I want to be able to do what the fuck I want to do and I want you to be able to do what the fuck you want to do. What does that mean? If you go to a bar one night and there's a girl there and

you have a cocktail and the girl says, do you want to line a coke? And if you want to do a line of coke, you could do it and drive home or take an Uber home and the next day you wake up and go to work and then you don't do coke for eight months. You know, that's your life. I'm not here to tell you what's fun. That's what I, you know, for me, listen, I was a type of guy

that I wouldn't go out of the house if I didn't have cocaine. That's what ruined me forever. That ruined my life forever. You know, I was a type of guy that I wouldn't go to a movie unless I could smoke a joint. I'm not going to go to a movie unless I could smoke a drone. I can't watch that movie unless you smoke a joint. I was always one of those assholes.

When I tell you that I cannot go out and have a drink unless I had a pocket of coke on me unless I had $50 worth of cocaine in my pocket. There was no way you were getting me out to a bar to have a drink. It was a waste of fucking time. Were you wasting my time for? I'm going to go talk to people with no coke.

I mean, that's why it took me so long to quit coke because I thought that my social wouldn't be even the toughest thing was I thought I wouldn't be funny anymore. That was really killing me. What does fucking cocaine have to do with and then I would realize that when I would do coke the night before and I would get on stage, I would do horribly because my heart and my soul weren't connected to the fucking material.

So you're always scared of what's going to happen. If I stopped doing this, I remember when I went off the anxiety pills. I just went online. You know, when Duff McKagan told me, he goes, I had a little problem. I went on tour one year because Duff is spotless clean. And he said he went on tour one year.

I think we're fellow revolver and he was having some problems sleeping and he started eating the footballs like I did and he goes, you just can't quit because you'll have a stroke. You got to taper off him. So I went online. I learned how to taper off him and now they're done as needed. And let me tell you something.

If I feel anxiety attack coming now, I'll breathe that motherfucker out. Everything I do has been to help me with my anxiety attacks. The walking, the no coffee, the fucking sleeping, right? I mean everything. I mean the coffee, the fucking edibles in the daytime. My anxiety has dropped by 90 fucking percent. I think I still have 10% anxiety to me like the other

I was going to a restaurant with a buddy of mine. My neighbor Frank called me because you want to go get a pot row sandwich? Absolutely. And as I was going to meet him, I had a little bit of anxiety. I came up and I told my wife, I go, why do I have anxiety? I'm going to get a sandwich with my dear friend across the

street and his son and she goes, I don't know. I go, I know and the anxiety went away and that was it. Usually I would run downstairs and take a fucking pill of football and then get in the car. No, I'm not doing that no more. I'm learning how to cope with all this stuff. Listen, I want to smoke pot. You have no idea how badly I wanted to smoke pot the last

two days and my world 30 days is enough. That's enough of a fucking sentence. Okay. I'm up to 33 fucking days right now. I'm not smoke pot, but I will tell you something. I don't think I'm ready. I don't think my tolerance has gone down. I don't think so because two weeks ago, three weeks ago,

you guys saw what I was putting in those fucking teas. No, you're not ready yet. Trust me. Trust me. So I think I'm going to give it to the mid month. I'll roll the joint. I'll make a video. I'll smoke it.

We'll all look at each other. We'll see how we're doing and then we'll reevaluate. How's that seem? We'll just smoke. We'll look you tell me if my eyes are red enough. If my eyes get red enough and I get goofy and I start drooling with two cameras, Joe's Joe Diaz and out of space. Then we'll fucking continue to fucking smoke.

But if not, we'll just do that. And what I think I'm going to do is I'm going to roll the joint, take a hit off it. And when I say whatever, we'll turn that into an NFT for fucking June. That's what we'll do. It's that fucking easy. I tell you, motherfuckers, I'm an idea man.

Didn't I tell you that? But I cannot believe till this day that I have been sober for 72 fucking hours. No drugs. Only thing I've been taken is my blood pressure medication, baby aspirin, my nose steroid, Listerine, my nose cleaner for the snots. You don't want no snots getting up there.

I'm not allowed to use Afrin or Afrix, whatever the fucking shit is ever since I had the nose surgery. So I am fucking sober for the last 72 hours. No THC. No CBD. I put some ice on my knee. I don't know if that counts to being fucking sober. What's in the ice?

That's it. That's it. So I don't know if you guys have ever been proud of me. I hope you're proud of me for being sober for 72 fucking hours and being clean off smoking reefer for 33 days. Trust me, this is not going to continue. I am not letting my fucking animal savages down. I'm just taking a little breather.

So everything sounds a little better. The guitar, TV, my life, the soundtrack of my life, everything will work a lot better. So I'm not quitting. I'm not proud of this. I am proud about the sober. I can at least say that I was sober for 72 hours in the middle of all this fucking thing with all this shit going on, but

nothing's going on. We're about to open up fucking things. So it's great. I was going to have a guest today, but it's the first podcast of the month and I said, fucking, I'd rather come on here with you. I want to talk to you guys about sobriety because I know a lot of you guys either know somebody or having a problem

with somebody that's having a problem. You're not having a problem with somebody, but you know somebody who's kind of slipping. Listen, nobody could afford a fucking rehab right now. This is very easy. Go to a few meetings. Just go to three meetings. Do me the favor three meetings.

They might work for you. They might not work for you. If they don't work for you, that's fine. Then we'll find an alternate fucking solution. The notebook is always great. That fourth step, you know, I don't know where to buy an AA book or where to buy an NA book. I think you could find them on Amazon or something, but the

fourth step, which is taking a moral inventory of your life. I mean, that shit's strong and that shit's powerful and that shit's fucking real. Maybe you just want to take a breather like I did. Maybe there's a party of life. You know, I don't know a lot about other pills. You know, what to do with oxy cotton. I know that, you know, oxycodone is a fucking cotton.

The fucking $40 and after a while you can't pay $40 after a while, you just dip down the heroin or whatever the fuck that is for $7 bags. I don't know, but listen, man, it all starts with a fucking meeting. Everybody there is very nice. Nobody's gonna fucking judge you and so what if they did? We put ourselves in this position by being fucking junkies.

Now we got to get ourselves out of that position and become functioning members of fucking society. That's what this is all about. Do I want to be a functioning member of society? Just saying that makes me sound like I have a fag. But it's, it's, it's at the end of the day, we have to do it. We have to do it for our friends, for our families, for our kids, for the people around us.

You know, I never in my life thought that I would get off cocaine. I could guys, I could look you's all in the eye and tell you when I do a show. I never saw it coming. I never saw it coming. Never did I imagine that I could ever live a life without clawing and stealing and thinking about it.

You know, a wise man once told me in one of those group therapy homes, you know, when I was locked up in one of those group therapy sessions, this guy was an older. If I was 25, he was maybe my age. Now I was an older African American guy and he said something that always stuck with me and I hope this helps you as much as it helped me. He goes, think about all the energy and effort.

You put into getting that bag of weed or that six pack of alcohol or that bag of coke. You know, for me, you got to go to the bank, take the 40 out, you have $58 in the bank. You don't have 60. So you got to take 40 out because you got to leave 18 in there, not to close your account. Now you got to find somebody to borrow $20 from you.

Everybody knows you're a fucking junkie and nobody's gonna lend you $20 unless you like stab yourself or flatten your own tire or do something stupid. You know, then you got to fucking get that now after you borrow the $20 now you got to call the fucking coke dealer and now the coke dealer tells you he took his girlfriend out for their anniversary because it was their four year anniversary.

You're a fucking coke dealer. You mutt. You're not supposed to have anniversaries. You're supposed to be sitting at home waiting for me to fucking call you with my addicted fucking personality and then he tells you he can't be there till 10. So now you're waiting and you're like, fuck him. I'm going to call somebody else.

So you start making other calls and you call a friend of yours and after it's all said and done. You just wasted four hours of fucking time. Trying to get that bag of fucking dope and now you're killing another eight hours of your fucking mind. Once you get the fucking powder. So for a guy like me, I was averaging at least I was thrown away nine hours of fucking day on cocaine between

thinking about it and all this shit. Let me ask you guys a question. When did you fucking hear about me 2010 2011 2012 2013? Yes, it was five years after I quit cocaine. Is that a coincidence or what the fuck do you think that is? You think I just showed up on the fucking weeds like Jesus? No, I had been at it for fucking years, but it took me quit and cocaine to put a hundred percent effort into what

I really fucking loved, which was doing fucking comedy and making you guys laugh. And that's why I ended up a fucking savage of a comic. It was the comedy store and it was my door, my wife's love and it was everything. But the bottom line was I freed up my mind to do what I really wanted to do, which was do comedy, be a good husband, be a good person and be a good friend.

So if you can learn anything from today's motherfucking podcast is to just do this step by step. I'm not expecting you nothing happens overnight and anybody that tells you the fucking bullshit artist, I'm telling you, just start taking the steps to clean your life up. You're going to feel a lot better and the success that you want is right in front of your fucking hands. Everything I wanted, I got after I got off the fucking cocaine.

That was the damage drug. You know, I'm not staying off the pot. I'm telling you right now, I'm smoking pot tonight. I'm drinking that tea. I will post a picture of it tonight just to prove it to you. I'm only doing this sober shit for 72 hours. Don't expect me to do this sober shit for fucking ever. I want to be a misfit.

I don't want to be completely sober. When it's time for me to complete, be sober. I'll be fucking sober when I'm an angel up in heaven with little fucking wings flapping behind me. I look like one of those fucking chubby little fucking whatever the fucking the cupids, whatever the fuck you call it. Anyway, I'm happy you watch today. I hope you learn something and I'm happy that I stayed sober

for 72 fucking hours completely sober. I feel great. Look at my eyeballs. They look great. The veins are disappearing. I noticed that I did a quail one night. I busted like a vein up here. I got smiles.

It's got so red that the veins just pop vessels up here and I could tell I was looking at my eyes the other in the mirror. I'm like, hey, some of those fucking vessels disappeared since I stopped smoking reefer. So this is agree with me. If you're mad at me because I quit, what can I tell you? I'm quitting for my health. You know, I was watching an Ethan Supley video the other day.

You know, and the same thing was with me. Listen, Hollywood loves fat people. Not for a leading role. You're not going to fucking, you know, fucking lead a movie if you're 500 pounds, but they love fat people. I could tell you three fucking people who booked like hell when they were fat fucks me Eric. I forget his last name.

If you're watched the movie blade, the fat guy, he goes to visit the guy that's like a blob in the bed. Blade goes to talk to him. Eric Williams or something was a comic from the comedy store. You got to see him now. It looks like a fucking skeleton. He's like a brown belt and jiu-jitsu. He lost all the weight and Ethan Supley and myself.

I kept booking when I was 500 pounds for 18. I booked whatever I wanted because you're the fat guy and you could fall into that. Watch that movie. The original football nights. What the fuck is that called that movie? They did the is there's a fat kid in that movie. The original Texas nights or football nights or whatever.

They made this movie about 20 years ago with the kid from whatever Creek was in it. The main guy's dude from Sun's Aonarchy. Yeah. The fat kid in that movie. He was on fire. He did the first Taco Bell commercial with me with the dog. He did that movie Friday Night Lights.

That's what it's called Friday Night Lights. The fact in that movie had surgery done to do the doctor told him he was getting too fat and he had the lap replacement and he lost 200 pounds and guess what? He never booked another role again. I don't know if he committed suicide or he recently died or something. That's what happens when you lose that weight because Hollywood

likes you a certain way. If you're fat, they want you to always be the fat guy. That's it. You're the fat guy and you'll work forever. But Ethan Suple even said he goes, I gave up Hollywood roles for my health. For me, I gave up. You know, everything for my fucking health.

So I gave up everything to be a better comic. I gave up, you know, a ton of shit to be where I am today. Nothing is just going to be given to you and I understand drugs are great. I'm not going to argue with you. I fucking love doing them. You know, me, I'm not going to sit here and tell you, I love doing a hit of acid or whatever.

But if you want to grow, you got to get off and I think that this pandemic fucked a lot of people up enough as it is. And if you're one of those people, listen, just put your life in God's hands, hit a meeting journal and find what works for you. I don't care that listen people. If you don't do it this way, you're not going to get clean. Listen, I stayed clean from cocaine for 13 close to 14 years.

It's November. I didn't do anything special. I just wrote in that journal and I looked at my wife every day and I said, I don't want her to find me on the floor dead. Pick something, pick a reason, go for it and get your life together. I love you guys with all my fucking heart. Thank you for watching today, Wednesday, June 2nd.

I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning tip top motherfucking a goo. I will not be sober on Monday. I promise you that. I don't know if I'll be high on smoking, but I will be high on on the tea for the night before. I love you cocksuckers. Have a great day.

Stay black. We'll see you on Monday morning. All right. I want to thank you motherfuckers today for watching the podcast and talking about sobriety. I love talking about sobriety. I can't believe I've done this for 72 hours, but it'll be over quick.

Don't worry about nothing. Don't clap. Don't worry about nothing. I just want to thank the sponsors this week. Our sponsors are today, June 2nd, Wednesday. The sponsors are CBD lion. Listen, when it comes to CBD lion, when it comes to CBD, I'm a CBD lion type of guy.

Why? Because they've been there for me with me for years. I didn't know how good the product definitely was. I had surgery last January. That's when this product really showed me what the fuck it was between the bath ball, the cream, the roll on the tape. If you could see, I have no tape left. That's because I used it all on my knee and it worked.

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I mean, they're all great. Anything you get from CBD lion is 100% fucking solid and they're my people and I love them to death. So go to CBD lion.com right now. Read, look, purchase if there's something you want pressing code Joey church joint and get 20% off delivered right to your fucking house. You're going to love CBD lion.

This is not some fucking guy in a liquor store or some guy in a gas station selling you CBD lion. This is a real fucking company who puts love into everything they do. I trust CBD lion and so will you. The joint is also brought to you by on it. Listen to me. Been working with them for 10 fucking years, 11 years.

Tremendous on it. You understand me and I've been using their product even longer than that. I believe in alpha brain and if you listen to this podcast, I told you why I believe in shroom tech. I love the protein bar. I love the melatonin spray. You spray right under your tongue.

You sleep like a fucking baby that makes you sober to the melatonin. There's no drugs in there either. Do me a favor. Go to on it.com right now. Take a look at their website. Take a look at the something that they have start with alpha brain.

If you don't like alpha brain, if you're not thinking clear with them 30 days, call on it. Let them know. You don't even have to return the pills. Don't return the money. You could keep the fucking pills. That's how good on it is. That's why I believe in alpha brain.

That's why I believe in this company. So do me a favor. Go to on it.com right now. Take a look at what they got pressing code church or Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your fucking house. And trust me, once you try the alpha brain, you won't go back. I want to thank on it. I want to thank CBD line.

I want to thank zip recruiter. I want to thank blue shoe. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers for listening, supporting and always having my back on the patreon side. We got NFTs coming mid month. So if you're still into those, get on patreon and see if you get yourself one.

But beside that, have a great weekend. I love you motherfuckers and stay black. We'll be back Monday morning ready to rock your fucking world. I got a little fucking magic candle here. I love you cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.