Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 07/22/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #99

Episode Date: July 23, 2013

"Mr. Cheeba Chew" calls in to the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Go to Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 07/22/2013

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus let you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. Oh shit. Oh shit. Monday, July 22nd. Are you fucking kidding me? Or what? It was just February 8th. What the fuck happened? I'll tell you what happened. Here you go. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. Oh shit. It's a Monday morning. If this don't make you want to kill somebody, god damn. Hit it, Lee. Are you kidding me or what? Get your shit together. Get up. Brush your teeth. How do you feed your nutsack? It's going to be a hot one out there. You want to be prepared for war.

Listen to this motherfucker, Lee. Keep it up. Keep it up. Oh shit. I like this one. Oh, this is, this is, this is the only way to start on a Monday morning. You don't even need your helmet to put this on. You just got their fucking command off. Listen to this shit. Right there. Right there. You're stabbing the bitch. Give my money back, motherfucker. What's happening, beautiful people? Lee Syat's here to fly in June, direct him his 25th on the birthday. What happened? What happened? Talk to me. I took your guys' advice. I went down, we went down to San Diego because we, thank you very much to Hulu. They invited both of us to, like, they had a party. They have a new show,

The Awesome's coming out on Hulu and they had a show to promote it at Comic-Con or a party to promote it. So I said, why not? Let's go. I've never been to Comic-Con. I didn't, I really have to take you down next year because it's basically everyone you hate in a, in one city. But it's a, we went down. You told me you went to the Palm in New York and it was great. They had one in San Diego. Three blocks from the party. Yeah, my man in New York hooked it up. But you went over to the Palm in San Diego. What'd you eat? We had shrimp cocktail, which is the fucking most un-Jewish thing on the menu because it's 20 bucks for four pieces of shrimp. What huge. But it's the huge and the delicious. Fucking huge. They come over and normally they put horseradish in the cocktail

sauce. They come over with a big fucking bowl of it and you can put as much as you want in. Then we, I had a, the biggest steak I've ever had, a 24 ounce bone rib eye. She had like a New York strip and we both, I had a Manhattan and she had a Cosmo and it was awesome. We didn't have dessert because it was just fucking way too much food. But then we went to the hotel and it was open bar and it wasn't like open bar where they're pouring liquor. They stole off of a truck. They were pouring like gray goose and like Patron. Look the ladies shit. Then we went over to a red band, had a midnight comedy show. I met Yoshi. Yoshi's a cool dude and a bunch of other people were on and it was awesome. How was that? Was it a path down it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was at the American

Common Company, which is like a basement sort of one. And it was like a, when I was, it was like over three quarters full. It was crazy. The line was down the street. They recognized, they recognized me and red band and mostly just red band, but it was, it was awesome. Look at Lisa. Yeah, shit. And just to think seven months ago in my little office, you were like, I said, oh, maybe we can have no life. I don't know what to do. See what happens. Yeah, it was cool. Put your mind to it. You see, now you were fucking swinging. You're right. You're sitting on VIP lines. You're drinking fucking free booze. They're giving you t-shirts. Look at you. What's next for fucking Lisa? Nothing. What the fuck is next? This is all

I'm focused on. All right, as long as you're fucking focused. Well, about me, you told me you had an awesome time in Philly. Listen, let's get this shit out of the fucking way. New Jersey and Philadelphia, the same fucking place, just different locations. I grew up in Jersey, but I spent a lot of time in Philly growing up. And I tell you what, I thought about this in the plain back. I never really had a bad time in Philly. Like I was there the night Julia serving, slammed the ball against the Lakers. You know, I was there. You know, it's funny because this would really happen. I had a friend come up to me that was a slick hustler type and he goes, listen, I'm going to Glassboro State. I get you some money. He goes, if you do what I tell you,

I get you some money. We took my fucking transcripts. This is before I took my GED. This is how slick this kid was. He was like, don't worry about your GED. He ain't even going to fucking check. We did this paperwork and he got me a student loan and like a fucking free money to go to Glassboro. So you signed up for 18 credits. And then once you got your classes, you would drew them to nine credits and you kept the other money. So that's the scam I did. So I went down there. Basically, I lived with him for a month. I went to classes for six weeks and the cocaine, the gambling and the bullshit took over. But I used to roof down there. I was thinking about what was the thing down there? That was my first real roofing job. That was my first real taste at life

going, wow, I'm fucking 18. You retire when you're 65. This is it. Oh, that's hard. That'd be a hard fucking 50 years. You have no fucking idea. That was my first reality of life. Was taking the train to Philly, going down and going on two classes like Monday and Tuesday. And then you could do film work with a roofing company. And you had to put rolls, those 90 pound rolls on a machine, and press a button, and it would shoot it up the fucking ladder. But the thing would break. You had to carry those rolls up a ladder. You did eight hours of just carrying that fucking 90 pound roll up a ladder. I was strong in the bull. It wasn't even the work. It was that this is it. That was my first, that was the first time I got the taste of either I'm going to do this or I'm

going to steal and fucking sell drugs for a living and just become a gangster. I can't even imagine the first day must be not easy, but kind of easier. But like the second day, like when you wake up after doing eight hours of that, that must be the hardest day for me. It was like, I'm getting paid to work out. You know what I'm saying? So I would get like 75 bucks a day just to be a back, you know, but it was weird. I went to when I left that, I felt really bad about myself. Like I want to see a bunch of concerts in Philadelphia. I took acid. Me and Rago took fucking acid one time at time to be always teasing. They were lutes because he fell asleep. I just always had a relationship with Philadelphia. Now how? Because I know it's right next to Jersey, but like, is it your part

of Jersey? No, no, it was two, three hours from growing up, something like that. So I didn't know what to, like I had been there before with Joe and shit. Like I had never expected what I, what I saw this week and it all hit me this week. This all started by us being pretty much virtual friends. You know, it's amazing when you put the face next to the virtual friend and you realize that they're really cool, that you made the right choice as a virtual friend. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you make bad choices of virtual friends, not this weekend in Philadelphia. Everybody who came out and shook my hand said, I'm this person. Oh, fuck. You know, hot chicks came out. I forget what her name is. Cecil. Oh, you called me.

The black lesbian that came up to me and said, she wants to fart in your face and she'll wear pants. But it wasn't that. It was, I was homely. It felt like I was home when I went back to Philadelphia. Like all the people, it was hot. It was fucking hot in there. The air conditioner broke. These people were fucking soldiers. I was drinking Jager on stage. I was going through shirts. Let me tell you how much I sweat on Saturday night. That boat shirts I brought home were not even dry on Sunday morning. I had to put them in a baggie and put them in my suitcase and I saw the suitcase when I got home. There was so much moisture in my suitcase that the wheel I brought back was moist. Oh, Jesus. The heat and humidity were fucking hot, but it didn't deter me from the job. Like it was, I was

having such a great time on stage with the people in Philadelphia. And it was afterward. The best was Saturday night. We were all out there and all of a sudden it just broke out with rain before the second show. Oh, really? Like it was like a sign and it was great. I had great sets. Like cool stuff on the first show? Yeah. Yeah. And the good thing is the guy is a cool owner. He's a very open minded 20th century owner. And right away he goes, when are you going to do the podcast here? So the good news is we're going to do the podcast in Portland, September, the last week of September that Thursday night. I'm up at the helium club. We're going to do the podcast. I'm going to try to get Pat Healy, a UFC fighter, that came to the show last time on the podcast. So that's my plan. But me,

I'm bringing the little flying Jew up there in Oregon to show him the food and the culture. It's a fucking great place. I'll be up there in September. So that was my weekend. I had a great time. Virgin American was fucking great. The cheese steaks were great. Danny B and Koolo came. Danny B wins. People were talking to Danny B wins from the fucking street like your Danny B, how's your brother doing? It was amazing. The Philadelphia Godfather was there. That guys, you know, I used to work on the sports betting system. And the people were nice guys. Were they thieves? Listen, when you're in that business, they were just going 50-50. You know, so they weren't, it wasn't like they were giving half the people one side and half the people the other.

I had the pleasure of having lunch. And Danny, I've known for 35 fucking years, but I had the pleasure of having lunch with the Philly Godfather. I hung out with him the night before I gave him Chibo chews. They got all fucked up and it was a pleasure giving them to him or whatever. But I went to lunch with them and these guys really care about you guys. When you guys call them to get a pick for a gambling bet or something, they were telling me how fucked up, how much pressure it is because now you have the internet. You can say somebody sucks. And what they don't understand is that like Danny B goes like 60% seven, I don't fucking know, but this other guy that he's friends with that the Philly Godfather, he's a savage too. These guys

go after information. They pay for it. It's not like two guys sitting around like me and they're like, who do you like between New England and Cleveland? Oh, well, no. These guys go out there and they hang out. So if you're into gambling or football seasons coming, you subscribe to Danny B wins or both of them or the Godfather. I think it's like $10 a fucking month. And you get free info, free pictures, see where the money's going. You're fucking crazy. It's worth it. If I was not there banging heads still, I'd be a part of the network, 10 bucks a fucking month. Why not? You can make fucking two, $3,000. Might as well. Fuck it. Especially with like the NFL coming up. I'm excited, but that's awesome. And he was like the Philly Godfather for people who don't remember

he was involved in the Donahue thing, right? Right. So these guys are real fucking gambling. What the fuck are you people doing? You're walking around busted, trying to sharpen your knife. And I'm telling you right here, this is the way to go. It's Monday, Lee. What do you got for me in there? I got this. You're slipping, Lee. You're supposed to be fucking ready to rock on something. You showed up with a bucket of fruit today. Your mom sent you for your birthday. Yeah. Oh shit, my little jam. If you got somebody out there that passed, it's Monday. Say a little prayer, buy the candle. Make them feel good about being dead. You know what I'm saying? Lee, boom, boom, say that the fucking flying Jew is 25 years old. It's all, it's all downhill after

this, Lee. Oh, good. You know, I was thinking about my birthdays, you know, like after a while, oh my god, Lee, I had the worst fucking birthdays. Oh, really? Oh, like I looked at them like the worst birthday I think I ever had was birthday of 85 when I actually turned 22 years old. Okay. I was staying with George, who's in town, even for Comic-Con. We might put him on the podcast this week, depending on fucking Lee's schedule. Sorry. And you're lucky I love your cuffs, I had stab you with my sunglasses. And so he wasn't around. Like I was living with George, but he had a date and I went to my favorite Chinese restaurant in Fort Lee, the Enchanted Lily or the Enchanted Flower or something like that. I remember having the Szechuan beef with the steamed

rice on a Negro in a bowl of soup. And it was weird because that same birthday, that February, 1985 was when either one of the guys in Goodfellas died. You watch Goodfellas at the end and give you all the dates and stuff. I think Paulie Vario died of the other guy, but it's funny that I remember sitting in this Chinese restaurant going, wow, this is the last bad birthday I'm gonna have. Like being by myself on my birthday. I remember walking over to the city, getting a dime bag of weed and that was my fucking birthday. Like that was the type, that's the type of guy I am. But as a kid, I had great fucking birthdays. I used to go to Harlem Globetrotters and that's crazy. I had a square garden and my past two birthdays were off. I was working nights. My last birthday,

a year ago, I was thinking about it. I was at a night job I hated by myself alone. And I didn't do anything. I was at work. So I finally had a weekend birthday and it was awesome. So yeah, it's crazy how that happens. And did you do something like bake for your next birthday? Do you remember? I don't fucking know. The next birthday, my 25th birthday was 1988. So I was trying to think what I was even doing that year. I probably snored a coke, fucked my girlfriend at the time or something, went to some stupid dinner at Coco's or... Was it different after your mom passed away? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Because birthdays were big. I was trying to explain to my wife how holidays were like. Birthdays were fucking huge

in my house. And it was what she did. How she celebrated her birthday was different. It just wasn't one day. It was that week. It was a whole week? It was a whole week of, you know, planting shit and let's go get your clothes. And I would go see the Harlem Globetrotter. She would have the party on Saturday with the bands and the kids and the whole fucking thing. And she'd have food. But it was a week long. I got to be a savage for a fucking week. So yeah, everything changed after that. All my holidays changed. They were never the same. It wasn't what I was used to. It wasn't what I was accompanied to. It's really weird how you... And I still have that. And that's one thing. I never enjoyed those years of my life between the drugs and the fucking anger and the

pain I had going on. I never really enjoyed my 20s. It was just rotating, coke-fest, you know, disgust. I didn't do anything in my 20s. That was significant, you know? And that's what I think of. I got some stories, you know? I kidnapped a dude. I used to swim. I lived in Colorado. Yeah. I learned how to shoot all that stuff. But I was just very confused. At least you're on the right path at 25. Yeah, I got married at 28, 27. But I just got married for the wrong fucking reasons. Yeah. You know, I didn't get married because I fucking loved her or cared about her or had a sort of future. I got married because she was there. You know, it was instant apartment. Yeah, you said on the plane to the honeymoon, you're like, this isn't going to work out.

This isn't going to work. That fucking plane went right to the honeymoon because what I realized from the wedding to the plane was that now she was my wife. This was different. And I remember that the plane was empty and we fucked on the plane. Like in the back. Yeah, she had a garter belt on her finger and I think she gave whatever. But she was pregnant. So we really couldn't fool around that much. She was like three or four months pregnant. Okay. Right. So when we got to San Francisco, this is an embarrassing fucking story. This is how bad my life was that part of the whole marriage thing was that I got a few days off the radar for drugs. What do you mean? What it meant was that since I was going on the honeymoon,

I got a few days to clean up my drugs in the system. I was on, I was on, I was in the halfway house when I got married. I was still on parole when I got married. Oh yeah. So when I got married to me, it was an excuse. I was like, where are you going for your honeymoon? I lied about the dates. I called the hotel and I scheduled dates. I think they faxed me the information or something and they mailed it to me and then I canceled two nights. So they thought I was going to be away. It was just more days to clean up. So that's Saturday. When I was snorting coke on probation, you can only snort on Friday nights because you have 72 hours to clean up and you got to pray that you don't piss on Monday. That's not going to give you enough time. With the time I could snort.

So I snorted at the wedding a little bit. I kept it under control at the wedding, but once I got to San Francisco, I just want to, you know, I've done some terrible things, like crime wise, like stupid shit, like Rob the can of change one time from Carvel and there was for blind kids, which they're only going to get 13%. It don't fuck the matter. I still stole the can of change, you know, with seven fucking dollars or something like that. But the worst thing I've ever done morally that I did wasn't that night of my wedding, you know, no matter what, how you consider it, you know, marriage is a sacrament and it is in the Catholic religion. It's very sacrilegious and you have to respect it. And I'm crazy. You guys know I'm

fucking nuts, but I try my hardest to respect that thing. But on the plane ride, we did what we did and then we got to the hotel room in San Francisco and she went to sleep. She was pregnant. It was 10 30 at night. She went to sleep and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I got the rental car and I went looking for a friend of mine from San Francisco, a Cuban kid named Bambusi, who was like a chemical engineer in Cuba. But in San Francisco, he's a stone cold criminal. I hadn't seen him in three to four fucking years. And I went looking for him and found him in a bar and he got me an eight ball. You did wait because you didn't have a cell phone. You just went out and like, I'm going to find him. I'm going to find him. So I narrowed it down to an area

and I went to every bar on that block and sure enough, Bamb, there he was, because I knew he would. I knew where he hung out. I knew what his circle was. I found him. He got me an eight ball for like $160. Let's say I got the eight ball at 11 o'clock at night. Okay. I snorted the whole fucking thing, which is like eating two fucking chocolate cakes. You know, it's like me saying you're late. It's 11 o'clock. How many cheeseburgers do you really when you watch sports center at night? You're like, all right, I eat two. Yeah. Well, tonight you're gonna eat six of them and you're gonna make them happen by six in the morning. I snorted from 11 at night in this bar to three in the bar. And then I left the bar parked outside the hotel and I snorted in the car. I think that's

I was thinking about this. I snorted in the car drinking. I must have jerked off in the car two or three times. That's how disgusting I was. And I took an elevator upstairs to the hotel and I crawled in bed about 6.30 with my heart beating and she woke up like at eight not knowing that I was gone the whole night. Jesus. And I remember waking up all coked up still like doing the whole day. Like we had a whole day planned. We were going to Oakland to watch the A's against the Yankees. Okay. And then we were going to some some other thing and then that Monday night we went to see the Niners against the New York Giants. It was a great football. Like she she played along with me. So we went to whatever the cold stadium in San Francisco. I couldn't remember how fucking cold

it was on a Monday night in September. It was opening night and it was fucking freezing Lawrence Taylor the whole fucking thing. I mean we had it down. And then Tuesday we just drove around San Francisco and went to like Botanical Gardens and shit like that. But I didn't come back till Wednesday or Thursday didn't pee me till Friday. Okay. But I was completely clean. But how disgusting is that that's what I did. That's the reason why I got married basically to fucking get high. That was my 20s. That's what I did in my fucking 20s. It was so in my 20s I never thought I would never get high. That's why I never thought I'd make 40. That's why I never even dreamed of making 50. That was the most unique thing about this weekend. But this weekend was fucking amazing as far as

my family came down. Joan Ronnie came down. Joan Steve her brother. But here's what gets kinky. They brought their kids with them. So Joan brought both her daughters and Steve brought her two daughters and their boy Ryan. Oh cool. I've heard of through Matt who's Joan's boy that's out here. Yeah yeah okay. And it's really weird that we were eating pizza afterwards and some cheese steaks at this god awful place. But he was across from the hotel and that's the only place we were going. And I'm sitting there with Steve Ronnie and me and Steve are brothers. You know me Steve and Michael brothers. And I remember 84 with Kelly. One of my nieces was there and I remember her crib. And under her crib Steve used to hide his blow that he used to sell. And he would be out of the

house and I'd be downstairs in the basement. I'd have to go upstairs go under Kelly's crib take the coke while the baby was in the fucking crib. Jesus. And go back downstairs and then so it was very weird that I'm sitting there with my niece Kelly her sister Joan my other two nieces because we're not brothers but we are brothers those are my fucking nephews and nieces. For anyone wondering if Joan was in the documentary she was the lady at the end. Yeah she was at the end and she was at the end and you gave her a bracelet or necklace. Right from when we robbed Michael's jewelers and the whole fucking thing. But I lived with them and Joan is my sister. Joan is really really really my sister. Yeah I'm very fortunate she filled that fucking gap. Some people

never know what it is to not have families to have friends be your family. This is 40 years. So I know for them it was big because for me it was big to have them there. Yeah I never wanted Kelly and my nieces and nephews to watch me on stage talking that gibberish. I really don't. I really don't like it. I don't even like my friends from Jersey go but they were going to do it eventually. Yeah you know my niece Kelly listens to the podcast she gives a shout out to the flying Jew. Did they have my family. I did stand in front of my fucking family. That's awesome. Did you show them pictures of mercy. Yeah they always I always send them pictures and it's funny because I'm looking at Steve and there's no way me and Steve were even gonna I told Steve he came back Saturday

by himself and I pulled him aside and I go Steve and you know that was mind boggling for me last night to see the kids because if you had told me 25 years ago that we would have been doing that I would have told you you're fucking wrong. Yeah it was just so completely it was so fucking weird you know to just sit with people that you grew up with that they saw you when you're worst Steven and Joan saw me and my worst you know psychologically emotionally well not physically I was a fucking savage back then. But it's just it really is weird when you see what your life has become and where it's going and just these shows. I'm surprised because you I mean you've told me like how awesome the shows were like knowing you like it seems like it like if if you

had seen them like I'm surprised it didn't like fuck you up a like I know it did fuck you up but like not like I'm surprised like you could focus on the shows like no because you think about stuff a lot like like I'm surprised it didn't like like you were well I'll tell you what man I don't go out to eat before the shows I focus on this job at hand to me it's never it was a party after the shows but before the show it's never been a fucking party to me every time I've turned it into a party before a show I suck on stage because I'm not focused okay I take away from that focus that the the focus for me to do comedy doesn't start I used to think this is the truth I used to think that the focus for me to do comedy started a half hour before the show really doesn't anymore

it starts like four in the afternoon like I have to eat go upstairs I may go to the Y or I may go to the hotel gym and do an epileptical and get some energy out of me to calm me down yeah I go back I take a long fucking shower I bang one out in the shower I take a few hits of a joint I drink a little bit of coffee I smoke the e-cigarette I make some reminders of what I need to talk about I make some points maybe I add something to a joke maybe I take away from the joke you know these people spending money they come down they want to see what the fuck I'm talking you know they want to see it so it's completely different now yeah before when I was opening for Rogan they let me see Joe Rogan I don't give a fuck what I talk about I gotta have a joke I'm working on I throw it out there

and Joe would get pissed like Joey you gotta work on this shit in my mind I'd be working on it during a week in front of Joe's audience instead Joe's audience nothing burns me more when two comics work together and the comedian underneath actually thinks he's gonna destroy the credibility of the headliner by the way I worked with two great comics in Philadelphia this week who was it I forget their names because you know I'm half retarded but they were tremendous the feet the emcee for an emcee was amazing he had put a book out I started to read it on the plane yesterday it's called good advice or bad advice nice kids on Amazon and the feature act I forget his name also he's got a video channel on YouTube they destroyed in front of me nice I mean they destroyed

10 years ago I would have been fucking nervous and hating them they destroyed my you know confidence is being prepared you know that's all confidence is is being prepared you want to have fucking confidence you walk in there you ever take a test in grammar school yeah and you don't study a night before yeah you're fucking nervous you're falling apart from next morning I'm gonna fail yeah you're fucking but when you fucking do even if you do an hour on something it's better than not doing anything yeah 15 minutes on something before you go into it it's better than not doing anything and it's okay like I was when he said test I was I could have done a lot better in school because I if I got bored I wouldn't focus on anything so I would I would cram the night

before and I wouldn't do as well but you always said with homework you figured out like if you did it a little bit you wouldn't get left behind it's kind of like comedy like you go out like a few times a week it's not like then right before a show you're just getting over all your notes and you haven't done comedy for a week or two even if I don't do comedy anymore but I write every day I'm loose but yeah that's the one yeah I used to never I used to just show up and try to go up and be fucking Jerry Seinfeld and fucking die of death I gotta tell you something bro I really gotta tell you I am fucking blown away disgusted and just ashamed of what you told me the other day what you just reminded me I was fucking thinking about on the plane to Philadelphia I am fucking

ashamed and not of you I'm ashamed of this fucking system so your grades when college what and I know a lot of people I listen to the show or in college I just grab so your grades in college what kind of grades did you in college in high school I got like I'm starting to get really mad right now in high school I'm gonna cry I'm getting so mad because so what you're telling me is that all this time you put in college and all these interviews you go to all the work you did in college they don't even talk to you about it enough in today's world they don't even interview even to make you feel good about your college degree my job is a little weird because I work in TV right but for the most like I've never ever once in high school I got mostly B's a couple

A's a couple C's in college I did okay well in high school I did really great in phone courses but that didn't count in my GPA I got like all A's for phone courses but they don't count and in college I did okay I got mostly eight like B's a couple A's and a couple C's but it's uh I got lucky that I'm okay I can bullshit my way through a test pretty like okay in a paper okay but like my mom used to say like I could have I could have had straight A's you could have been a contender if I worked you could have been a contender if it wasn't for your face if I would if it worked four hours a night or two or whatever I could have but I wouldn't do it if I if I didn't like a subject like history or science science and math are the worst for me I just would

bullshit my way through it and if I got a C plus or B minus or something like that it's just that would I would do that that has baffled me that they don't say to you well you went to Emerson and you did this and you did that or you got a degree in this and what did you shoot while you were there that you have it just baffles me that the child because basically that's what the fuck you are at 18 is a fucking child goes to a college commits to it is very enthusiastic about you know and they go for college interview and yeah maybe like if you go to law school I guarantee they say hey uh you know uh you know you went to fucking uh whatever Cornell law did you were you part of a fucking uh least society at jew society whatever the fuck it was because you got to be

part of this shit that's what kills me that effort and and nobody celebrates but who gives a fuck what are you doing do nobody celebrates my career either you know I got a six year I went the accelerated college program of street thuggery exactly so and like I just got a job where I actually have like I'm kind not really but kind of a boss like I'm the I got a day job so now the when I used to be at night the guy during the day would tell me what to do so now I have that and it's like it's like I I prepared last night I have a notebook now I took I took some notes and I have a way because this whole show is basically now I'm organizing the entire thing and it's uh it's weird but yeah I went on the interview on Wednesday not once I mean it'd be interesting

to if I took it off of my resume if that would hurt at all because I'm sure it helps to have it on my resume right right you know going to college help and nobody says oh you went to emerson I have a I went there or my ex-professor went there or something you know just something to acknowledge it you know I am excited about one thing I'm excited that I'm fucking home for three weeks oh you're home okay oh yeah because you're in the house one week home for three weeks then I got two weeks I'm going on a little mini vacation my wife maybe the Santa Barbara so I'm just one day to get some beach wear in and ocean I gotta do something with the baby in here but it's uh I want to really get healthy again I'm looking at the pictures I'm getting fat again and even though

I'm working out the diet the the traveling is killing me you know the airport food and just the meetings I'm going to these lunches and they buy fucking but anyway honor sent me this and I was really excited about this this is a total primary care oh it's a box and what you have in here is you have everything that you need so you have two different packages it breaks up into two different packages a day package and a night package this being the night package all right okay and there you've got like new mood you've got so it's like a little paper container with all the pills you'd need right you have like new mood and you've got the other one that I take shroom tech for your immune system and the whole thing then in the daytime you have a daytime pack

you take that in the morning first you take the night time at night the daytime one has like fucking strong bone it's got like uh your alpha brain it's got your uh it just has all these little nutrients that you combine together so instead of buying a jar of everything they've already done it for you go to honor today I'm telling you every fucking you know people said a million time hey Joey where's mad flavors were I could do mad flavors will charm 80s we just want to keep you sharp I want to do business with somebody who's always rolling who's thinking of new fucking things even this week we don't know we're doing the one podcast we're doing one live next week you always got to keep advancing this this is us fucking honor is up

they're always fucking grown every three weeks they're trying to put something out there look a month ago I came here with a tea pack the fucking one energy ones these things here the the alpha brain to fly with and stuff like that they haven't even prepared them because they want to make them better for you that's what I'm talking about go to honor dot com look at this total primate care package everything is pre-measured for you no more 20 fucking jars on your coffee thing you got to bump into it you got daytime you take the night time with you you get home you eat you pop the fucking night time the new mood and you're ready to rock who's better than fucking on it yeah and because uh my my dad wasn't big enough my brother is and they have like the old people

like the blue things yeah they got to open them up a pill fuck that shit honor puts it all together for you that's the future a little package and shit with water boom who's better than you no one that's what I'm saying Lisa and let's park another number what the fuck Lee you're slipping cock sucker you got some music for yonko joey absolutely I do the fuck go over here it's a beautiful day to be alive monday july 22nd one of my all-time favorite fucking jams when I think of this song it does something to me I think you these three fucking lighters they're terrible terrible you can smell the gas and shit we'll throw it away hit it take a head it's monday brother this room ain't even smoky

did you smoke pot with no no no you didn't give her a shotgun to the eyeball because sometimes you're bloating their eyeballs a lot better than blowing in their lungs in their ears like dogs yeah i'm just an easy human she's not a cat you're holding that in you're blowing it out you're gonna need jumping jacks do a jumping jack please do that I'll change the camera for you oh innately oh shit smooth look at them do it one foot we'll hop there do a one foot louis give it a one foot what's a louis just a hop for one foot with your right foot oh shit look at them

you bad motherfucker you got a girlfriend now got a little back of kind look at you you're a dick slinging motherfucker you know what i mean that's not like a bot you always make a moose i'm trying did you sleep last night would you do that yeah i went to bed at like 11 30 i had to because i'm working all day now so i'm trying to go to bed it's nice to sleep at night like a normal fucking yeah it's weird it isn't and it's hard like i have to i'm gonna start smoking a little bit more weed and taking sleeping pills and i'll take no sleeping pills just smoke the weed and take a little chibo chew yeah no no but yeah it's cool it's i've been on nights for

too long it was like over a year yeah no no no you know what man that's always good and dandy but after a while it really does blow it it does something yeah you become nocturnal or something like you become like you feel like a fucking widow like you were saying to me like i really should have been in the pool all day but like when i'm working until four or five in the morning and then i come here and do this and even when i wasn't doing this i i wouldn't go right to bed i'd go to bed six or seven and then i'd sleep six or seven hours and then i would just kind of hang around a couple hours till i went to work so now hang around like a spider who says that line i don't know john malkovich and rounders have you ever seen rounders either did no i haven't seen

matt damon in my camera i've never even heard of rounders the fuck is wrong with you rounders this is a movie with matt damon and that cute chicken edward norton and then the professional card players whatever gets out of it for a while but the main man in that movie is john malkovich he plays a russian card guy okay that's hysterical because uh he cleans them out before he quits he the russian cleans out matt damon on john tutorial is fucking tremendous and he cleans out the russian and then years later he goes back to play the russian and then before he walks in he goes i feel like what's his name walking back into what's the guy who went the ball went between his legs oh billy buckner he goes i feel like buckner walking back into fucking whatever and he

walks in and he beats him but it's a john malkovich plays the russian fucking tremendous lindy clark sent it a bunch of shit you know we don't fuck around here dog try to tell you you know you don't watch did you you know how many people have thanked me for referring sound to the lamestan oh really you still have not watched it i wasn't here i'm i'm gonna be here next week that's your homework assignment you gotta watch it because you gotta talk about yeah how many people have fucking said thank you even though they saw it and they watched it again they were like fuck fuck when you watch that movie like fuck what what have i been watching lately really yeah that's what it feels like when you watch it's it's funny that i watched uh tell what i watched on the plane on the way there

i watched something horrible obviously i don't remember the name of it on the way back i watched the jungle unchained oh what do you think you know me i love lean on the caprio yeah that's a bad motherfucker i don't know what i thought i don't know i'm still a little you have to i didn't watch the whole thing okay you really have to like quentin because he really it's a three hour long movie he's hopefully you have to really like it because he likes uh doing a lot of uh like dialogue right right too much dialogue and it's really it's really uh gory some surprise they played on a plane but uh i mean i love virgin america but i i don't fuck around it wasn't on it wasn't they did they have the thing in no no in your seat okay because like they show like a big big black

dick and it's always looks like a effigy really yeah like they're torturing jamie fox they have him hanging upside down and he's fucking balls ass naked so i'm i'm surprised i was like that's not just playing throughout the entire play yeah they did show him upside that's when the guy's on the cut his nutsack yeah they cut that probably yeah they cut that they cut that okay yeah it was a lot it was very gory yeah you know good fucking gore though at least the bullets it looked like a real fucking bullet ain't it yeah when a bullet hits your blood comes right out of here there's shit all over the place in terms of chunk of arms comes out it's tremendous yeah i love christoff waltz the guy the guy who plays the bounty hunter that's i was telling my wife that what is the fucking

infactuation with this fucking nazi what is it with you fucking people that once you bite into these people i don't get it did you see uh did you see uh in glorious bastards i couldn't watch it oh because of the because of the subtitles i just couldn't watch it that's one that i turned to i'm not a big i'm a mensa mensa quentin tarantino fan oh i love i'm a mensa mensa yeah because that's your generation yeah i don't get it i don't get it i don't get that like i didn't like reservoir dogs okay i just didn't like them i like the second one whatever the fuck uh pulp fiction me pulp fiction i like uh that's a great fucking movie the first time i watched it i don't like because i've passed out when oma thurman gets a shot to the tit i fucking fainted in boulder

in the movie theater fainted they had to put raisin that's in my mouth and the shit that wake me up yeah and i hated the movie then i went back and seen in seattle and i really enjoyed it and everything else to me i like jackie brown a little bit that's the only one i haven't seen but everything else to me is uh you know it's nothing that i'm gonna fucking put on and go what the fuck is this look at that spinning backhand that bruce lee threw in the chinese connection yeah it's not going to be something like that it's not gonna you know i don't think i don't know it's just me fucking talking shit i really don't know he's someone you really i think you really like or you kind of don't get because i love him i saw him

fucking getting carried out of el compadre one night fucked up to the gills where his feet were rolling on the floor you know if somebody gets knocked out how they carry you out of the ring i saw them fucking carrying them out i like everything about him he's a bad and like he he doesn't even hide it no and and like i always think it's funny when he goes and does interviews with like samuel jackson or whatever he shows up in like fooboo when he's like he's trying to be goofy but uh oh shit what's happening buddy hey what's going on how are you today doing good man how are you you know me man over here waiting i need a call what's been going on what's new over at chibo chew uh you know uh same old same old lots of work going on over here uh just lost our

new cbd chew and california so stay busy with that people are loving that cbd chew yeah because i know at divine wellness they talk about and they talk about it the other one i know organic they said that more and more people are coming in and the guy and that's why i wanted you to have you call in because the guy had no organic i thought uh divine was explaining the the cbd chew can you break it down for the people at home now it's got 70 milligrams of thc correct no so the cbd chew is uh just a little bit different it's still 70 milligrams uh total cannabis plant extract but what you have in it is 50 milligrams of thc and 20 milligrams of cbd which is campanol still found in the cannabis plant but cbd has less psychoactive effects and it's more for pain

relief uh you know chronic pain we have plenty of testimonials on clients that you know for seizures and that sort of stuff so cbd is less psychoactive lots of pain relief and that's why we put it out in the market it's extremely popular right now uh and lots and lots of medicinal relief yeah yeah i popped on the other day and it was tremendous i like your products a lot brother they are they are cutting edge you know just i ate one friday night before the show and i gave a little piece to my buddy and i came on after the show and he was gone and the next morning i woke up on twitter he wrote down that somebody had mickey hit him at the bar and i called him i said there wasn't no fucking mickey it was that chibo chew that took you down he's like come on

stop it he goes i couldn't even talk i go yeah it was the chibo chew that took you down and i tell you they're sneaky and i think that's the thing about it and i think i think what makes them so popular is um you know it's small uh it's very discreet uh you know you can take a chiba chew anywhere uh at any time um you don't have to worry about uh smell smoke any of that stuff um so i think you know that's a big benefit of it but i think the one thing that people find really quick as you just said it yourself is you know how do you regulate your tolerance you know the chiba chew is so small you gotta do is take a fourth of that chiba chew wait 30 minutes and you're gonna feel the effects and i think that's uh that's a common story as well i took a little

too much uh in the next morning what happened look at lee he's sweating right now as we're talking about chibo chew aren't you dying to get a chibo chew in your lee right now i love him but joe you joey's been eating him for 30 years i've not been eating chibo chews not chibo chews but things like him so you pop two of them i i you give me a half or a quarter and 17 hours later i'm just coming down from it but we i was in san diego this weekend and ed grinn his buddy had them down there so like they love him no it's the it's the flavor of the month and the other thing about it is is you know it's an edible and edibles are different than smoking so if you haven't you know had an edible before and we all heard you know brownies and cookies and all these different ways to kind of

fuse marijuana into edibles it takes time because it absorbs in your body so you gotta give it time before you eat a little bit more because you know when you smoke it's an instant gratification some sort of deal you gotta wait 30 45 minutes before it absorbs in your system then you really start feeling it i but the other side of that is you're gonna feel it for three to six hours later you're gonna continue to feel high for more than when you smoke a joint it's 30 45 minutes maybe an hour uh then you gotta smoke again you know when you when you take an edible it may take a little bit while to activate in your system but it's also going to last a lot longer and it's a slightly different more um you know you for body high then when you're smoking you're obviously getting that

head high yeah i i never sleep i have problems sleeping and i never sleep better than on days when joe gives me a cheap at you i mean i'm i'm still high when i wake up but i'm smoking now how big is the difference between the quad dose and the deca that's the question a lot of people ask me all the time very very good question and what we have on our deca doses uh you'll see the wording really big i think it's in red uh it says caution extremely potent it is it's in a in a deca dose you have 175 milligrams of phc um in our quad dose um you know our original choose which we have sativa indica and hybrid uh those are 70 milligrams so it's a quite a big step up uh to a deca dose so if you're trying to deca dose for the first time and you never try to quad before uh yeah you might

want to take a really little piece of that because it's extremely potent it's extremely strong i i can't even handle those deca dose i'll say to maybe a half of a quad dose i'm with lee i'm in these category i can't hang with you um there is a half to a fourth of a quad dose is good for me you know regular let's say i smoke once a day um three four times a week um sort of deal but you know really high tolerance users that's what a deca dose is for 175 milligrams uh you know extremely strong it's gonna last you know like i said three to six hours for you now can you can you explain how it's made because edgar's friend had the deca dose and he ate half of it had the other half waiting and joey always jokes that it's leaking thc juices but he showed me the wrapper

the wrapper was green green after he had like he took half of it he opened it up and it was like it was like it was leaking like is it like a tootsie roll like is that kind of what it's like or like how like what is it how do you explain it yeah so um basically you know we've got our tappy base uh there's some proprietary methodology there i can't really share with you but uh it's you know so you got your chocolate tappy base uh you take your cannabis extract uh your thc oil you know you heat up your tappy and you infuse the oil into your tappy uh that cools and you cut up your your individual tappy pieces uh wrap them up and they're ready to go what what you guys are finding is anytime it warms up a little bit of that oil especially with the deca doses because it's

so packed it's the same size as a quad dose but it has 175 milligrams instead of 70 milligrams at the phc is when the tappy warms up with space in your pocket a little bit some of that oil is gonna slowly leak out um you're not leaking out very much but you're right it's so packed with tsc you're gonna see some of the juices actually leaking out of the past it's like finger banging a hippie chicken boulder you know what i'm saying like it's tremendous i love it when i open it up i take pictures of the i show my friends i show them like look at this motherfucker it's on fire it was because the aluminum foil is like silver but you could see the little pockets of the little thc juice oh my god it's what i i'm very i am uh listen i don't do drugs anymore but i i love american

ingenuity and with you people you've got it all covered you know i've known a lot of people out here that don't do any of the indicators i won't do sativa you said fuck you motherfuckers we got one for you in every color we got a sativa we got a hybrid and we got an indica can you really sense the effects of all different ones yeah absolutely um so there's sativa strain dominance there's indica strain dominance there's absolutely difference between the two you will notice the effects uh lee said it yourself i take a chibachu and i don't sleep any better than when i try one um your indicators are definitely more of an evening night time type of edible you're gonna relax at the end of the day you're

going to take an indica chibachu that's going to hit you you're going to get a little bit of a couch lock depending on how much you take and it's going to knock you out you're going to sleep you have a great sleep um something like a sativa is definitely more for um your creativity morning you're going to get a little more of that euphoria you're going to get that energy burst a lot of that has to do with the balance of thd cbd cbd obviously like i said you're going to get more concentration levels are higher you know with the higher cbd that you have in there and less psychedelic effects and so the balance of cbd and obvious strain that you have uh within your marijuana is what's going to dictate the effects and so we take our time to make sure our extract

you know are going in into you know the right strain the sativas the hybrids and the indica now what state's are you guys at right now definitely california colorado um and you may find them in washington as well so i i can't confirm or deny any of that but you'll find them in those areas for sure and dc not not dc they're still can you imagine i find a fucking chi bochu and and and obama's wise pocketbook tremendous that's what we need to get we need to send them a fucking hybrid to get a jumping up and down with the kids so we need to it i agree a hundred and i think that's the other benefit you know i think there's a real opportunity with edibles you know you talk about the legitimacy of the industry and kind of you know recreational

usage the laws being passed in colorado and you know it's a responsible way to medicate you can regulate your dosage and i can't tell you how many times we've heard from patients how life changing this medicine is for my kids smoke or i don't want to smoke or whatever the excuse is it's another opportunity to do somebody to the real healing powers of campus and there are plenty of benefits to it um that people aren't recognizing as legitimate and in this industry as it continues to move forward i think edibles are a great way to lead the charge extremely healthy way to medicate and you guys have a web page and everything i mean you guys are legit i love it we are 100% legit yes qbchoose.com you can find out all of our products depending on market we

have lots of different products we're in colorado we have a green hornet which is a gummy same same you know type of setup as our indica steva hybrids and quad dose we also have a myth and a caramel chew in the colorado market and we continue to develop and innovate new products as this industry again continues to grow and mature now will you make a stronger dose to the deca eventually you know we've considered it but to be honest with you we feel like the hundred and seven and here's the other part about it the laws in colorado now recreational usage colorado had determined from a recreational standpoint of 100 milligrams is the maximum amount of thg you can put into one edible so for colorado our 175 milligram decadotes can't be purchased on a recreational

level they're saying 10 milligrams is one dose is what they're considering you know in the colorado recreational market just we look at kind of you know the regulations that are happening what we're seeing is those high high milligram dosage aren't going to be the most responsible way to go i don't think we're going to develop anything above 175 if anything else we're going to keep things at 100 milligrams or lower just because of you know the recent possibility of of the market you don't want people to overdose you know i don't know if that's possible but it's possible it's possible it's fucking possible trust me lee has done i i think i've seen it where lee has taken too much and and that's that's like i said so i think we're gonna keep it a 175 there's the highest we'll go and

it's fuck lee he needs as much as he could get if you got a thousand milligrams you gotta send it to me fuck lee i mean nothing bad happens i just can't talk he gave me someone saying i was just like i just followed you i couldn't talk to anybody for a couple hours we ended up in a restaurant somewhere it's elegant i was in i was in san diego for comic con and there were drunk people being assholes when i was on the when i was too high i wasn't i just it was i just couldn't do anything i am i am very impressed with your products since day one you know i've uh turned millions of people on to it just because i like to say listen when you're a fat fuck you don't want to keep eating cookies and donuts and lollipops you gotta cut it out and how many calories does

your little one piece have yes and that's another benefit i mean there are just so many benefits to why chew which has been successful um one of it is you just spoke on it there are 35 calories uh in one shoe let's say that's a point leave for example lee you probably could take a fourth of a chew and feel the effect so you can say that over three days and that's 35 calories you're consuming over you know a three-day period you know just to medicate now is there because i know you said that you're giving there's some laws in like colorado where it's legal now where you can't give them as much of a high milligram but is there are there other differences because now it doesn't have to be for like medical like are you is there are there different mixes you're doing since it can be

recreational or or is it different at all or is it basically the same wherever you go um yeah every state is different and that's where it's really tricky because obviously let's let's be on it's from a federal standpoint this is still deemed illegal um you know so so every state is kind of set up different that's what we've seen you know colorado i think has been the safest territory for us because of the way the state protects the industry um to really innovate into develop products that matter uh and to do it from that standpoint and that's why we spent so much time in that market um developing products and we continue to develop products we have new products that we're continuing to develop to prepare for the whole recreational

wave that's happening out there um you know and i think what we have to kind of yield to is what sort of state regulations are happening in colorado and i think once we find what works there we have a methodology to take to other places that are going to work in a very safe you know consistent manner uh and so it's really the milligram dosage some of the packaging has to change um you know i i don't know it's not right for me exactly you know what all these regulations are for the industry but where it really comes down to especially from an edible standpoint um is the milligram dosage um in each individual edible now i i know joey probably gets questions but i'm from boston and i know they just i don't know if it's legal yet but they just

legalized medical marijuana have you started like looking at that and seeing like getting ready to open up in boston yeah and so here's the other thing about it is you what when you know to stay within your state regulations to stay within kind of that that state asylum uh so to speak to have that sort of protection everything has to be done within state lines and so you're uh you know developing your base product there of all of your product is being sourced locally so you know fear speaking if you're going to go to boston you're setting up manufacturing in boston you're not shipping anything you know across state lines in order to do manufacturing and so you know that the good and the bad of the industry right i think you know like i said from a federal

standpoint we're you know it's it's risky you know we're not going state you know cross state lives with product so in order to go from state to state um it's a process right that's crazy you're gonna live somewhere like boston uh you have to set up shop in boston develop your product there so i think that's you know it's a slow growth you know you're not gonna be nationally um i think you know we have been very successful um you know where we're at in in doing one step at a time it's kind of letting the industry unfold in front of us but you know being um you a leader in the standards from a medical standpoint you know one thing uh when i first got to this uh when i first got into this i thought that this was just a scam you know i'm a fucking scam at times so i

thought this was a scam i was like you know this is just as laws with the scam and and over the years living in LA you know i've i've had 22 edible companies they come and they go they come and they go it's it's something that you know and they're good for a month and then you've tasted deterioration and you see that they went they got now they're into doing something else and it's done and uh then a couple companies popped up and you see if they stuck around for a year then you guys came on the scene and i remember hearing about you a while ago and and then finally coming upon us with divine wellness and uh i think i went somewhere and somebody gave me one and that's the first time i went somewhere walkie or something somebody gave me one and i was fucked up but it

didn't it really showed me you guys cared with this last package that's when i got really impressed with you guys because i bumped into an army general or some shit once in and uh hollywood and he was telling me that 30 years ago he fucking hated hippies he hated people with long hair he hated marijuana he hated earrings he hated anything and i understood i understood i grew up with people like that and now here he is in this medical marijuana store because he had some type of cancer and the only way he could eat is by smoking marijuana and that now that's where he was now this guy was praising the medical marijuana and now i was sold on it i understood why people do it i forgot all about cancer and in my selfishness when i saw this new package you guys released was when

i fell in love with your company this new thing is huge and i have knee pain and i've eaten those uh the new 70 milligram ones and they're tremendous and the guy at our divine says that the the the the raves have been you know if you had the help for your fucking product especially for that one that they've been great so i'm very proud to to be associated with you guys and to eat your products i mean i know you guys really care well and i think you know you hit it on the head there um you know as we were developing you know this product in colorado uh as we continue to develop you know there are three points to our product that we hold kind of in in the company standards it's our potency our consistency uh and the discreetness of the product um it and we know we go nowhere

if somebody buys an edible for the first time tries to cheap it you uh and they don't feel the effects of it so we understand our brands on the line every time you walk into a dispensary and you see the product on a shelf and that's why we hold very high standards because you said it yourself edible companies come and they go it's an extremely risky and difficult business to be associated with the industry obviously very risky thing to do and so you know we took you know a very mature approach to if we're going to do this we're going to do it right we're going to hold to the standards of who we are we're going to make sure we're doing it for the right reasons it's a very uh you know the industry's in flux right now you know sometimes

we make a step forward sometimes the industry takes a step back um you know but from our standpoint being that consistent edible that you can't trust the brand that you know uh is a brand you can trust to be there for you um is is the standards that we put on ourselves you're a beautiful man brother uh you know me you know me i'm with tiba chew to the fucking death you guys keep doing what you're doing and we keep doing what we're doing and we'll we'll meet in the fucking middle somewhere buddy i'll see you next month you'll be back in town next month yeah i'll be back in town a couple weeks and i will come see you tell you give me a call let's do coffee all right brother let's see what we could take this all right thank you thank you very much for calling man i appreciate and we

love your product here and uh the people we deal with on the podcast that could get it legally love your product so thank you again what's the website that's uh tiba chews.com you can check out all our different products there who the hell do you think you're messing with have a great week man thank you again for calling thank you thank you thank you guys thank you you know my wildest fucking fantasies people when i was buying you know chocolate tieweed on 148th street in amsterdam and i never dreamed that in 20 years i'd be able to go into a store at 10 o'clock and buy an ounce of weed in the fucking cheap boat you and i and i and i gotta be honest with you i slowed down with the cheap boat she was just because of the anxiety she told me i had to slow

down a little bit so i've been good and i think because we uh we uh with uh andy delores was in and saying i was like and she was talking about cbd she said it's when if uh if you take too much you smoke a cbd strain and it kind of calms it down calms it down so i think the pain one what he was saying was is it 70 milligrams of thc but then they they put 20 milligrams of cbd so i bet i would assume that kind of lessens it and just focuses more on the pain in the pain no that's really great product it's a great fucking product it's amazing how i'm dealing with anxiety you know and i didn't even know what it was i've been dealing with for 20 years i got anxiety over everything and it's really weird that uh somebody sent me in let me give some shout out to you starters

some bad motherfuckers arie nuñez elai fouler chris butcher matt dorna martin grimaldi happy birthday cocksucker simon henderson and david clifford but before we uh we get this shit going you know somebody said something that they they listened to a podcast they appreciate what we do but that we don't ever talk about depression you know and uh getting down on yourself and it's really weird that i've never suffered through depression or at least i never thought i did we've all been down on ourselves jesus christ i get down on myself every fucking day and then you have to take that down and motivate yourself and grab your cock and go fuck it you know put an arrow and shoot that motherfucker you know i mean it's just something but i don't try to

cover shit and not i never went through like that feeling i've been depressed yeah we've all been depressed over things sure i've been depressed but that state of depression where you stay there and have to go talk to somebody and you can't get out of bed i've had friends that it's not even fucking funny you know you guys never even hear me goofing on it because it's not even funny to me i know what happens i have a great friend who's a comedian this guy could have been a star i'm telling you right now i wouldn't guys he was a great writer i used to copy his jokes i used to copy his format it wouldn't work for me early on he was a real comic a real mbc tonight show type guy he had this depression that he couldn't answer the phone for four fucking weeks and i never

understood it i wanted to go there and choke him yeah you don't understand it you don't understand how somebody get depressed but and that's what my problem is i don't talk about it because i don't understand so don't think that i'm an asshole guys i just don't know i've never gone through it and i hope from what i hear about it from what i hear from you guys i never get to go through it i'm gonna try to go get somebody to talk about it because there's a difference between like i've had days where i've been like sad and i've had weeks but there's a big difference between that and the people who are and it's terrible but people who can't get out of like you said you can't get out of bed or or like actually need like the medicine to get over so like it's

it's it's it's it's sad that a lot of people go through it you know i'm not gonna talk about something i gotta fake the funk i don't know about it so i don't know and i don't i've had dear friends that have gone through it and they've got a medication and they've gotten spoken to people but you know but why would you i can't just put it on fronts i don't know yeah so i'm gonna try to have one of them calls so it's nothing i'm talking about being down on yourself guys jesus fucking christ i went to prison you want to talk about being down on yourself you could be down on yourself all the fuck you want you want me to tell you something i still get down on myself four times a week i might say something wrong on a podcast or a set or something getting down on

yourself is fucking natural that's what makes you strong if you don't get down on yourself one day a week you're not honest with yourself you're not seeing your faults or what the fuck they are yeah that's getting down on yourself jesus christ show you your little fucking root you gotta get down on yourself you smell like shit your armpits your asshole you gotta get down on yourself but you grow it's like jujitsu to grow you gotta get fucked you gotta tap everyone so you gotta get choked to see oh my god that guy stuck his hand that way from now and i'll try that or whatever so don't let you know i'm down every fucking week i'm down every fucking week you just gotta it fucks with you it's it's natural that it enters your body so your feelings feel neutral you don't want your ego

to get that fucking big i always like feeling neutral i never want to think like i'm daddy because the the smack is harder later on you always want to control that ego that ego early on because later on it's a smack to the fucking mouth that you might not recover from yeah so i love it when i get down on myself it's when you get down on yourself for a couple weeks or something like that we all have bad days people that's why you get up you smoke a number you look up you give your maker a thanks for putting you on this fucking planet another goddamn day you do a couple jumping jacks you're banging out in the shower you get your pants on you'd be the best you could be and you won't get fucking depressed or you won't get down on yourself that that's my

philosophy right there i don't i don't i don't fucking know you know i know lee what but this week we're gonna be at the motherfucking nice house with doma riva friday and saturday four shows eight and ten thirty india and six five seven seven eighteen ninety four my main man diegustino and then wednesday the 30th or something like that we got a live fucking podcast with a surprise guest that's all i know and then we got two more live ones in august because that's what we're stretching to then it's september we're taking the fucking podcast to the portland origan fucking helium club on a thursday night that's how you do it it's all right flying to portland we're gonna get that strip of we're gonna eat some hot dogs and shit they got some gyros up to the

put a fucking maluk yep you eat gyros oh delicious so it's literally you just don't like hummus you like everything else oh a nice gyro with that white tatsiki sauce let me tell you what happened yesterday so yesterday i got in this virgin america and i sit there obviously i fucking got up at two and called and upgraded the first class with a buck fucking 39 you know me though i love all that shit i got ice god i stayed up till two two in the morning six hour before the flight virgin american you call uh-huh and you could buy an upgrade for 139 the first class i didn't get it the first time but i bumped up to main cabin select for like 69 bucks tremendous main cabin big that don't charge you for food i forgot what movie i watched on the way out i watched tv shows or something

because you could watch the satellite you could watch documentaries but on the way back i'm part of the elevate program i signed up because i wasn't a big virgin bug guy but when i flew with joe he joe flies virgin american yeah it's like a fucking purple airplane it's purple in first place it's purple and shit and then uh but this one this one i got up at two when i called and i got on the plane and for breakfast i had two options they had like a chicken sausage with scrambled eggs with green chilies and sour cream in the wrap yeah they don't fuck around or a yogan granola platter i chose the yogan granola fruit paddle platter because the fruit was fresh and i had mangoes on that motherfucker oh shit but the mid-flight snack was a red hummus with chips and

nutmeg and all this shit and man i was in a deep sleep and i could smell that motherfucker next to me when he goes would you like some snack and i look at him i go is that the red hummus he goes yeah go get that away from the show get that fucking shit away from me then like 10 minutes later he goes you don't like hummus like i can't stand it so we get the whole plane hummus i go it's how this fucking whole thing started because the hummus we wouldn't have fucking tsa you conch he keeps the whole plane he used to get pissed off of like one person would bring hummus it was just four people oh it's just eight seats in that first class oh okay i thought it was a whole i thought it was 300 people opening and only like three eight i gave everybody the dirty guy

i stood everybody like val kilmer and heat that's seen in the dyno in the eyeballs the motherfucker that's that's how i worked at least i you know i don't fuck around if someone gave a whole plane like let me and the kid let me tell you something there was a kid next to me 14 years old yeah as soon as the hummus came i saw him thinking about it but i just looked at him and through osmosis i made him change his fucking mind because i swear to god if he wouldn't eat in that hummus i would elbow right now today i would have been doing this podcast live on a collect call from from la county jail oh my god i fucking hate that i just can't imagine like if you want a southwest flight and they pass on hummus to them i've seen a little hummus no it wasn't 300 no but that's

something if it was yeah if there was but there was no i take the plane down the plane goes fucking down fad first bam what happened was it the fucking asian airlines no it was fucking joey dears took down the whole fucking plane i got on the plane years ago where there was a fucking family i was disgusting and they bust out like a tub of that fucking hummus and it smelled so bad but what i do is i don't even complain i just wait till i puke once you puke and they realize this motherfucker ain't fucking around it would make you puke from the cell oh it would make me puke yeah i would puke that that fucking uh Thai food makes me puke the smell of it curry like hindu food that should have made me puke and once i see a sandal with no cream on their toes i fucking

go down you know what i'm saying those fucking eight uh those little sardines never put cream on their toes you're staring at their sandals huh you look at their feet as the hummus comes i look at their feet to see if it's okay to even touch the fucking thing if they don't have no cream on their toes i don't want to do business with you you know i'm saying i put cream on your fucking feet they show up with those brown feet all fucked up fucking flaky and shit i don't need that shit they have any documentaries on this shit on hulu plus with the fuckly what the fuck would you watch on hulu this week did you even watch hulu for your birthday what'd you watch what are you laughing about what happened i could just imagine you're like let me see your feet they don't have

to see their feet they're too flaky you know for cream on those toes you gotta put fucking cream on your toes if you're fucking the hindu you gotta stop leaving the house god i don't care if you put sandals on but rub some cream spray some desinex on those motherfuckers that big fungi toes sticking over like a fucking hoof but yeah hulu plus is crazy um and i i realized i haven't mentioned this um the greatest thing about it is right now there's not many new shows coming on it's like this summer but starting in september or something august whenever the shows come on like let's say let's say you were working or let's say you you you missed a show what the next morning that shows on hulu hulu plus so you serious yeah so if you missed it you can go on there's thousands of shows

that have it um there's there's tons of shows that have the next day and it's it's it's it's probably the best thing about it i mean i i've i've told told you i love i love the daily show the daily show is always on there the next day they have family guy that's always on there they have all they have all that shit and like if you were on the plane and there was nothing you wanted they have wi-fi on plane now take out your iphone your iphone right there and the next day you could have been watching you could have been watching uh anything you missed they have like the tonight show on there they have they have hundreds and thousands of shows so if if you missed something net because let's say you let's say you do the two week free trial that you get now

and you like it and you sign up for the 799 a month after that for the whole you don't have to worry if you miss anything it's going to be on hulu plus so it's it's awesome leave you just fucking schooled me oh i'm happy what he's trying to say power to the people don't delay no what he's trying to say is this go to fucking hulu plus dot com go to joeyd's dot net order a t-shirt then go to hulu plus on the link press joey you're gonna get two weeks gratis free that's it kapoo then after that you ready for this one 799 you get two of your fucking momo coffees at starbucks at 10 bucks for 799 you get a whole fucking month of hulu plus all that stuff community saturday night live the the the old twilight zones you got it you understand me 799 you spend five dollars for

those fucking staminke coffees you drink one of them one fucking day that's what we do here at church what's happening now go to hulu plus cut this shit go to honor cut this shit if you can eat it at a boy you're gonna make a brownie go to fucking cheapo chew that's what we roll that's who we're rolling with that's what you need to do it's fucking monday what are you gonna do what do you want from me i don't know nothing i'm just trying to put the pieces together on the fucking monday motivate you cock suckers to go out there i love you people had a great time in philly next week when the ice house i'm home for three weeks i'm gonna try to fucking drop some pounds i'm trying to put it together here we gotta get some sun this week we gotta get some gel

and comb the hair up so you look like mortem is fucking bought up his college and you're gonna be the special car you're gonna be mortem of collins okay all right that's it and the next time i come win the first you name mortimer what's the last time me at a cheapo chew it's been weeks i've been i've been granting immunity on you but we gotta go back to work now let's do it okay we gotta go back to work it's time to take this back to the fucking back back back back to the back back i still can't get over them giving homies out oh i was taking the fucking plane down and stabbed them and when the whole family in my role looked at me like for approval no nobody talks don't touch the fucking hum as it's spoiled

and i had some fucking Arabs or something behind me you would have been cutting farts as soon as they opened it you would have just i blasted a fire when i got on the plane that destroyed the whole first class but then after that it was fine it was something i ate the night before i'm telling you i had some delicious food in Philadelphia delicious delicious cheese steak me i went with a buddy of mine my family came down it was great the food at the hotel i had for lunch on saturday was some of the worst food i've ever had in my life what do you have i opened up with the uh the wet salad okay that's pretty easy you shouldn't be able to fuck that up fucking horrendous they put like a liquid harmonized blue cheese i was gonna say it was a ranch

no and they put like a chocolate something on it to make it with little cherry tomatoes instead of that big tomato do you see what the tomatoes look like at the fucking palm oh they're beautiful beautiful beautiful fucking tomatoes and then i got and then they got the wings for the table which i'm not a wing guy i don't know who the fuck is teaching motherfuckers how to make wings or what's going on i might have to make an old what these motherfuckers don't know is that the girl i grew up with was from buffalo and she made a homemade wings with a homemade blue cheese with corona beer that's where i got my shit from that's why i'm so crazy but so i understand the basis i understand it's telling me she cooked it she'd fry up the wings in a fucking wok oh shit no no no no i don't

please i don't talk shit but just to talk shit and to sell people okay blue cheese is blue cheese i don't give a fuck nobody ever took time to make ranch in front of anybody ever you ever go to somebody's house and i'm like we're gonna make a vinaigrette ranch no it sucks ass it's it's it's yogurt that went bad a little blue cheese chunks with some onions and that motherfucker you put some time in blue cheese nice and then after the wings came because i'm disgusted by the wings they're like a honey glaze the blue cheese is all right i got the open steak sandwich i had never seen something so ugly in all my life it was just a bun that was sliced open with four pieces of medium well beef on it with sprouts and the onion rings were un-eatable like usually you take an onion ring

put it on the sandwich the beef sandwich yeah a couple tomatoes some lettuce you get yourself a nice fucking combination no no no no no i couldn't i had to eat the meat by itself she's throw the sprouts off so they were trying to be fancy or whatever yeah they don't fucking know nothing bothers me just stick to the fucking situation i don't be fancy all right marinate the beef and that's it that's just marinate the beef and put cream on your toes and put cream on that but i had nice breakfast nice oatmeal nice fucking fruit nice the hotel did have a nice breakfast all right it's like 1595 buffet they had eggs to order i only had one egg i had one sausage but i had the oatmeal i had the fucking nice fruit yeah gotta take care of yourself i couldn't walk around it was 105 degrees

my jeans today i smelt them this morning from friday and saturday night show both pairs i never smoked anything that bad because i didn't wear underwear i was just sweating and the ball sweat was going to top of my socks like that's how bad it was my socks smell like balls right now from my left ball and my right ball i could determine what sock i had on each fucking that's how much what's falling stinkier the right ball that's where the that's where the fucking stomach gets used to staying though i don't know what the fuck leave we gotta get out of here listen guys i love you guys we got another show this week uh like i said we're at the ice house six two six five well i don't even know the fucking number six two six five seven seven 1894 myself and

damarera that's as good as it gets the agostino leo be floating around friday and saturday night oh sure giving out autographs tying to get his dick socket and that's how it works out listen it's monday july 22nd have a great day go out there you know fucking be yourself and make it happen motherfucker stay black stay black and then now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support support this podcast and get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey peace out oh

i come 24 hours baby sometimes i'm sleeping sleeping today me baby sometimes