Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - 07/29/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #101

Episode Date: July 30, 2013

Comedian Edwin San Juan calls in to discuss the backlash to his performance for the LA Sheriff. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 07/29/2013

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows, anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. Oh shit, oh motherfucking shit, it's Monday, July 29th. It's the day you've been waiting for all your motherfucking life.

Get up, shine your shoes, clean your toes, put some cream on your fucking face. It's going down today motherfuckers. This reefer is on fire today cocksuckers. Get up, say your prayer for yourself, light a candle. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. The best thing is you're in it, you're awake, you're in the fucking game. Here we go, a little car, crank that motherfucking, ooh. Oh shit, fucking tremendous, the last weekend in July, the car is moving in motherfucking

stereo. You ever see fast times at Ridgemont High? Of course I did. The part where he's wacking off in the bathroom, this is the fucking thing, when he jumps out of the pool. Fucking tremendous, that girl. What's going on, Lee motherfucking Syat? Not much, we had a great weekend.

Great weekend, fucking great time at the ice house, thanks to these crazy motherfuckers and people like when you're there. Oh they do? They feel more secure, they think that we got back up, it's good. Friday, I could tell you, Saturday I hit in the fucking green room because two minutes after getting there, you just shoved the Chibotu in my face and she like, bite. And I gotta tell you something, I gotta need the Chibotus for a couple of days, I need anything for a couple of days because of the cycle class with the fucking anxiety, so I

have to lighten it up. So Friday on the way to the ice house, I stopped and I popped some weed in the fucking Chibotu and I popped the Chibotu, it had to be 7 o'clock. I went on stage by 8.20, I was on fucking fire, do you understand me, I'm fucking fire. And the late show was amazing, I got really high on the Chibotu, I have to, I mean let me tell you something, if you came to the show I love you. It was a fucking great turn out, you know, 10 o'clock, Red Band did his show with Doug Benson and all those motherfuckers, so it was just like a dead squad festival.

You could smell reefer for fucking days. It's just one of these things that made me feel happy about, I'm very proud, so I want to thank you guys for making me and Lee feel fucking great. It was just amazing, it was just, I can't even describe it and that's the way all the weekends have been, whether I'm in fucking San Jose with you, whether I'm in fucking Salt Lake City. So I thank you, you know, the mission was done, we got all the material we needed, we're gonna lay it on the fucking, we're gonna tape a CD pretty soon, it'll be out in a couple

weeks and the special, we're working on that, so we're working on fucking things, but it's Monday, cock-suck, it's all about you, shine your shoes, get out there, stab a motherfucker. It was a good week also because of other things, Lee. You know, I got a personal life, you know what I'm saying, like we all do and sometimes things are going great career-wise and things are lacking at home, but everything's pretty good at home, my wife is happy, but you know I have the baby in the morning, so I was telling people on stage that, listen man, I'm fucked up, we're all fucked up, you know, and we have to point fingers in our society, so directly point fingers on your upbringing or your family

or your mother or your school, whatever the fuck it is, with me I've always felt very insecure about the way I was raised, how my mother gave me a lot of freedom and whatnot, but my mother had this savvy way of raising me, you know, and one of the things she did was she spoke Spanish to me in the house, but I wasn't allowed to speak Spanish outside the house. You weren't allowed to? No, she, this was America. Okay.

Okay, she wanted me to speak Spanish in the house, I didn't want to speak Spanish anymore. I was like, mom, why the fuck are we speaking Spanish? That's a fucking caveman language, and she's like, trust me, keep speaking fucking Spanish, shut your mouth. Sometimes I wouldn't react to her in Spanish, and we really heard her feelings, and then I took it up, I learned how to write it on my own, I learned how to read it on my own, just on my side, I didn't tell nobody, I was always kind of embarrassed about it, I don't know why, I was always kind of embarrassed about talking Spanish outside the house, but

my mom had a thing, but she always put the language in me, so the baby's born, and I feel that two languages is a little strong, it's good for your analytical skills to learn two languages, you want to have a think, and so I have a deal with my wife, you know, I talk to her little words in Spanish, you know, just little things, blah, blah, blah, and whether they stick or not, it really doesn't matter, there'll be our words, so when we're out in public, if something goes down, I understand the situation, and she understands it more if I say, cabmate, or whatever word that I tell her. I always play with her in the mornings when we're watching SpongeBob, and I always say

da mumbesita, that means give me a kiss in Spanish, and she just looks at me all fucking retarded, whatever, but lately she's been doing it with me, like just a couple times she'll kiss me, even when her mouth opens, she'll just come at me to tap, you know, so she didn't do it all last week, she had forgotten, Friday night, I was getting ready to jump in the shower, my wife goes, I'm putting her to sleep, give her a kiss, and I looked at her from this bathroom, my wife was like eight feet away, and I looked at her and I watched this to me, and I walked close and we made eye contact, and I go, hey honey, da mumbesita, and she did it in front of my wife, and I went, turn up the ale, she goes,

how'd you do that, I go, what, da mumbesita, she did it again, da mumbesita, da mumbesita, my wife is trying to speak Spanish, and then when I came out, I put the pacifier in my mouth, and she comes and gets it out of my mouth, and I'm like, I see the world, like a whale, you know, you put a cigarette in your mouth, and the fucking whale, the criminal takes a lot of it, so I gotta be honest with you guys, if you gave me a million dollars right now, I'd be happy, but what that little baby did on Friday night made me happier than ever, because I realized, hey, I'm not a fucking idiot, I know I'm not a fucking idiot, you know what I'm saying, like finally somebody learned something from me, and B, just the

whole thing, I never knew I had it in me altogether, you know, so for me, it's like a feather in the cap. What do you mean you didn't know you had it in you? Listen man, I would hate to be raised by me, you know what I'm saying, let's be honest, what the fuck do I have, I'm 50, what the fuck, I got a deep shirt on, and sneakers, you know, I mean what the fuck, so you guys know, so yesterday I got up, sadly we did a bunch of shit, me and my wife, we went to this friend's house, and they have a little boy, and we brought Cuban food over, and she's fucking 18 months pregnant, she's ready to

bust, she's due next week, so it was really nice to see her, and then we went here, we went shopping, I had to pay for my mailbox, then yesterday we got up, and we did the same shit, we walked around the park, and then we went for yogurt, and then anyway, we ended up, we were bought, we went to the farmers market, we got our fish for the week, you know, I go to the farmers market on Laurel Canyon there, and I get some fucking great fish, I got some halibut, and I got some scallops, and my wife put some bacon around the scallops last night for dinner, so we get halibut, and we got a couple pieces of sea bass, and salmon, you know, then I'll cook that up for lunch instead of going up, and it's pretty

good, they're pretty big pieces, so we got out of the farmers market early, we ran around, and it's funny, my uncle called me a couple weeks ago, and he goes, hey Willie Nelson's playing at the Hollywood Bowl, my uncle's 74 years old, old Cuban dude, you know, and he goes, I want to go see Willie Nelson, I've seen him every year, and I want to take Linda, his girlfriend, my uncle's 74 with a fucking girlfriend, and he had another girl over there making fucking juice yesterday, my uncle's a pimp, so I go over there yesterday, I tell my wife, you don't want to have to give him these Willie Nelson tickets, now, I lied to him, he asked me for the tickets, I didn't tell him that, I had paid for them, I told

him we got them for free, because I didn't want to embarrass him, I asked him for the money, I think it was $104 for the tickets, whatever, you know, I had problems with my uncle, you know, I love my fucking uncle, I used to come out here as a kid to California, and then after my mother died in 84, five years later I came out here, but I thought the world owed me a fucking favor, at that age, you know, you always say to me, what were you thinking, all right, 24, I was 22 years old, right, 21 years old, I thought the world owed me a living, I thought the world owed me something, I thought everybody owed me something, you know, I had that thing in the back of my head that I was special

at the world owed me a living or the world owed me, and the world, there's nothing for free except Jesus, that's all, that's all you get in this fucking world is second Jesus. There's nothing for free but Jesus. No, there's nothing for free but Jesus in this fucking world, think about it, so, okay, one thing leads to another, I come out here, he calls me out, he tells me, you know, I gotta get my life together, and I try to rob him, I go 0 for 2 and I try to rob the motherfucker, and we ended up pulling knives, guns at each other, and Danny B wins, Danny B uncool on

his cousin, had a cent for a cab for me, and they had to hide me down at Marina Del Rey for a day or some fucking resort city in a hotel room, they paid for pizza, and the next day I got to go to the airport, I gave him a jewelry or something, in fact, I got bad news for you people over the weekend, what's his name? Fuck it, it's Danny's cousin. Danny's brother. I'll think of it. Got locked up, he called a couple of times into the show, Gary, Gary Bohanon, Gary Bohanon's

last fucking bank robbery this last week, you know, the probation made him, we'll talk about that later, but me and my uncle went to war in 84, basically, the last time I saw my uncle I saw I wasn't gonna kill him, and for five or six years guys, that's all I thought about, because he had called my bluff, he had told me what I needed to hear at that age, at that age I expected a living, I thought the world owed me a fucking living, I thought I was against it, I didn't want to work, you know, I wanted a brand new car, I wanted all the things that you have to go to work for, I didn't want them, the world owed me a fucking favor, because I'm special, and he turned that around, and I didn't want to hear it,

but it fucked me up, it fucked me up so bad I used to call him from prison, and Prank called him and told him I was gonna kill him, in Spanish, and make like, faggy noises on the phone, that's how mad I was, that's not even my style, that's like getting on the internet and fucking picking on people, something like that, same thing, Prank calling, the internet going fuck you, fat man, and then, you know, whatever, I gotta block you or something, whatever the fuck, so this went on, and then 24 years, 25 years it went, 2009 I finally had my balls, and I called him, and we had a pretty great relationship, and two years ago we got into it over drugs, I told him, he kept telling me his business was going

down, I told him, listen, why don't you get some hoes in there, and some guineas, a card game, and some Armenians, and he was like, fuck you, I'm not like that, I was just teasing him, and he got all offended, so we didn't talk for about six months, my cousin put it back together for us, and it was funny, I went there yesterday, dropped off to William Nelson tickets, I go honey, it's 11 o'clock, let's just take a ride, my wife said it, she goes, we'll eat at Mimis, Mimis is where me and Duncan always go, they got the Steak and Eggs, the best Steak and Eggs in fucking California right over there, they don't even have them on the menu, that's how good the Steak and Eggs are, you have to fucking be

like fucking, let them be beating shit, you know what I'm saying, it's gotta be like Andre Hernandez from the New England Patriots, whatever the fuck, that fucking moron, so yesterday I go down to my uncles, and he sees the baby, you know, my uncle came to the hospital, he sees the baby, the first people came to the hospital, gave my wife like $200 bucks came in, and you don't expect this from my uncle, you know, my uncle's never been tied when he came, and yesterday we brought the baby down, he hadn't seen the baby, he just went fucking nuts, but while we were talking, I go, we were leaving, I go look at the baby, I look at him, and by this time the baby was loose with him, she said something

that he's family, because she did that around my wife's parents, she said that it's family, you could hear something in his voice, if you meet my uncle we don't look alike, but you could hear my mother in his voice, which then you hear me, so I could tell that she was intrigued by him, like his voice, and finally I go down on Basito, and she fucking kissed him, and he died, let me tell you how much he died people, he looked at me and he ran upstairs, because we were outside talking by that point, and he ran down, he gave the baby a hundred dollars a bill, he just, take them out to lunch, that's how fucking much he was blown away, and then he called last night, but I was already sleeping, he called

about 11, 30, 12 last night, but I was already fucking sleeping, so that's, I'm very happy that I got to rekindle this relationship with my uncle, he even tried to try to rob him, that was a bad fucking nightly, that was so fucking bad, and I tell you, I know, I broke his heart, I had broken his heart that night, I broke his fucking heart, it was terrible, I broke my own heart that night. Cause yeah, for people, it's in the last sense of testicle testaments, like you were living with him and working with him, but you were mad at him cause he like talked bad about your mom a little bit.

Oh, he was fucking, dogged me, since the time I got off the plane, he was dogged me, first he didn't pick me up at LAX, so the money I had, I had to spend on a fucking cab, I didn't know where I was going, I knew LA, but I didn't know fucking LA, and also I get to his business and it's closed, I got to sleep on the fucking street that night, and I got like 10 bucks and I walk over to this Mexican restaurant, I get there at 9 in the morning, I basically sit there for two hours, they finally come to me and they're like, dog, you gotta go, I go to his business, it's open, and the guy's like, he should be here any minute, three in the afternoon he got there, I basically threw away a fucking

day, and he walked in there like it was nothing, nobody's business, like I'm busy, I'm not here to cater to you, and that's what it was, I wanted him to cater to me, he was like, dog, you're a big fucking boy now, you better get it together, he only picks you up at the airport, you wanna come out here, I sent you the money for the plane ticket, that's enough, and he called me out, and I didn't wanna be called out, nobody wants to be called out at 21, and I fucking, but I wasn't just angry, I wasn't gonna shoot this mother fucker, this went on, and I tell you guys, I yearned for family, and I came out here in 97, I didn't talk to him till 2009, so for 12 years I lived out here, we lived miles apart, and I didn't

talk to him over how angry I was, and Marilyn Martinez, my friend, I asked her one time, I looked in the yellow page, I go, he's still here, I go, where is the spot, she goes, it's real close, you're a fucking 20 minutes from me, you get there in the daytime, and I just, I always said, you know what, if I fail at this commie shit, or I get some problems on the way out of town, I'm gonna go over and stab him, and fuck, look, we got a long lease, I at, what the fuck, I suck, you did great this weekend, you got high both, no, you only got high Saturday night, you got nice and fucking, I always know what's gonna happen too, because as soon as you give it to me, like, Di Agostino's right there, and I just

looked at him, I'm like, this is gonna be bad, because like, ah, Di Agostino's a funny motherfucker, guys. Oh, he's great, and then of course, Dom Marrera is fucking hilarious, that was, and I never know what to do, because like, I always, I don't wanna like, I don't wanna like, go in the green room most times, because it's like, it's a weird place, but like, I don't, like, especially with him, like, I saw him on Seinfeld, so I didn't like, I said hi to him, but I don't wanna get in anyone's way, but you guys, co-headlined, and I was sitting in, and I watched like, a big chunk of all of his shows, and it's like, it couldn't be a different style, like, you and him are very different, but it just, it was a, like, the crowd loved it,

like, you would think like, a crowd going to see him might not like you, or a crowd going to see you might not like him, and it was, it was just great shows. Let me tell you something, you guys always send me fucking emails and tweets that, you know, this is inspiring, or whatever, and that's great, that's all great, but I gotta tell you guys, what you do for me, you've inspired me to start doing stand-up, begin to fall in love with this thing, that's it, all these guys on Twitter, all you fuckers that listen to the podcast, that send back, give me a shout out, fuck you, no blue cheese, and all this shit, you guys inspired me to become a better stand-up, because I had to, I had to fucking elevate,

you know, I went to the, I went to the farmers market yesterday, on the way out, I seen Damon Pope, for you guys who watched Sons of Anarchy, he was the black guy on last season, they shot him in shit, he lived tigers, his daughter on fire, Damon Pope was there, his little fucking skinny black dude, I would have bitch-lapped him at the fucking farmers market, but on Sons of Anarchy, he's a bad motherfucker, but it's funny how he set a line that I never forgot on there, and it really, he goes, sometimes you gotta rise to, pain makes you rise to the occasion, it lifts you up a level in life, it makes a play, it makes kings out of players, pain, and that's what happened with me and my uncle, my friendship with him and what happened over those 25 years really turned me

into a man, they really fucking did, back and forth, me trying to rob him and then me coming in humbly and apologizing to him, I went to an audition, and on the way back on Malibu, I realized I used to go to that beach and all those rocks, I used to play as a fucking kid, and I used to play here with my uncle and I pulled the fuck over, and I said, this is a sign from God, it's time for me to bury this with my uncle, and I called him in the afternoon, he answered the phone, and I go, Theo, before you say anything, this is Coco, I just want to tell you, I'm very sorry about what I did, I slipped to you, my mother's brother, how could I rob you, you know, I was angry about my life, and he goes, man, I've been looking for you for 25 years, because I wanted to apologize to

you, so sometimes, so this is what I learned, the pain lifted me in a level, the reason why I'm here is partly because of my uncle and that conversation we had, it really did save my life, so I hate him for a long time, sometimes somebody calls you out and you get angry, but it took me 10 years to realize how correct he was and how wrong I was, that's the fog of bullshit, of machismo bullshit that we get caught up in, don't get caught up in that, because I would have made it up faster, I would have been a better person faster if I would have just dealt with it, but I didn't, it took me 10 fucking years, Lee, what the fuck, what's the music, where's Tony Bennett, it's Monday, July 29th, a beautiful fucking day alive, you're alive, to be alive, and you're alive,

get out there, I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your next Saturday, August 3rd or 2nd, Tony Bennett live at the Hollywood Bowl with Diana Ross, are you fucking kidding me or what? Listen to this fucking pimp on a Monday, come on now, this is beautiful, this is fucking beautiful, you're slowed you down, let you drink that coffee, let you roll that joint, plan out your fucking day, you gotta plot it like Columbus, what's going on Lee Sam, tell me something good brother, what's going on, you went to the girlfriend,

she made some fucking din din, oh her mommy, you had 20 pounds of Mexican food in the trunk of your car, two days in a row, she made the most amazing food, and I wanted to talk to you about that, because I hadn't, I hadn't met a girlfriend's mom in a while, like the last time I was back in Boston and it was like a year or two before I got here, I was petrified, like before I got there, for like a quick second when I was getting ready, I was like I've had a girlfriend for long enough, I don't need to go meet anybody, like I thought about canceling for a quick second, because it's scary, and it's, especially because her entire family's from Mexico, like her and her cousin are like the only ones who speak English, so like her mom doesn't

speak any English, she worked in a sweatshop for like 20 years, I was like seamstress, so I talked to her about you and your mom in North Bergen, and I was petrified and I walked in, and she had a big smile, and then she, on Saturday she cooked tacos, like them like really authentic delicious tacos, and yesterday she cooked like chicken with vegetables and rice, and couldn't have been more, like we can't really talk, and we'd talk a little bit through the daughter, but after yesterday I was okay with it, but like on the whole way down, my heart was going crazy, and like what did you think when you wanted to go meet Terry's parents, because it freaked me out, well I met Terry's parents, I was already with them, yeah like six years, oh six years okay,

because they live in Tennessee, yeah that's what I'm saying, and I didn't have a reason to go over there, but what you gotta remember is when you meet a mother, a mother will treat you how you're treating her daughter, a mother knows when the daughter's happy, you're upset, if you're making her daughter upset, a mom knows when their child is happy, so I always got along with my mother-in-law, my father-in-law was tight, he's tight, that's Terry's dad, that's the main fucking, you know, look at me, you don't want me, Brian, nobody does, nobody does, I wouldn't want me around my fucking daughter, but after, I tell you what, we talked, but after when I went over with the baby, it's changed, the father calls me now, and I call them and check in, I like her

family, listen man, if you're doing good by the girl, the mother always want to meet you, the dad, you know, it's one more guy that's banging my fucking daughter until they walk down the aisle, but hopefully this is the one, you know, so I wouldn't be nervous at all, just go down there, she loves you, they fed you, you know, you took care of her daughter, you were a gentleman, you took out to eat nice, you know, you go down there and you pick her up, you're a good guy, Lee, it's not like you're looking, I mean, you know, and she, her daughter always, the girl always said, like, she's gonna feed you like a lot, so like, I had like six tacos and like two plates of food, like, I couldn't, she laughed at me because I couldn't eat anymore, and then after that, both nights,

we went and got fucking tacos at your favorite joint, Friday and Saturday, and we ate tacos, I told the girl, we ate tacos at my trunk because we were so hungry, it was like the cold tortillas that were breaking. We ate, oh my god, I'm telling you, it was a fucking great week, we ate outside, and then me, DiAgostino, him, Jimmy Dalavalle, a bunch of his drove from the fucking ice house to the ha-ha-lanker shim and killed the fucking taco man over there, killed that motherfucker, got a hot dog. I ate the hot dog so fast, I burned my mouth, like, after I finished eating, I was like, oh shit, I burned my tongue with two bites. Yeah, they were hot the other day, the fucking hot dogs, with the bacon on them, I tell you guys, sometimes a weekend changes your

life, how you start living, like, this weekend, we're going out of town. I wanted to go see Tony Bennett, but we can't, because we have to go out of town this week, because next week, she can't go out of town, so this week, we're going to go up to one of the beach towns up north. Oh, you and Terry, okay. Yeah, we'll leave them Friday afternoon, we'll go up there, fucking get some beach, take the baby into the ocean, you know, I got to do this shit, you know, I got a couple weeks off, and this kicks up again, and it's fall, that's it guys, it's fucking July 29th, Wednesday will be the 31st, we'll be at the ice house live, and after that, it's August fucking first, after that, it dies for a month, and before you know it, it's September 11th, it's

Labor Day weekend, and I'll be in fucking New York, I'm going to DC by Ari's, Ari's going to come down, I can't wait. Oh, he's going to come by? Well, Ari's going to be down there Wednesday and Thursday, so I fly in Wednesday, so at least I can hang out with him Wednesday night, and Thursday, I'm going to go to the White House and check out Obama's wife, see, she's over there, I'm going to holler at that friend, you know what I'm saying, that's my black mama and shit, I love her, I love Ms. Obama, I'm going to go over there, I'm going to gain 50 fucking pounds and go over there and do jumping jacks with her and shit, fuck me her, little fucking kids jumping up and down, but besides that, no, it really makes a difference when you have quality time, and you know what man,

I'm so uptight, I never make fucking time like that, and I need to start making more time, I really enjoy it, you know, I put a kibosh on the book for a couple weeks, anything in a break? Yeah, until you find me the right program cook sucker. I have one, I think, I'll tell you. And then I looked, yeah, I don't know what the fuck, that's why I finally went to you, I looked, I don't know how to explain that shit, I'm fucking half retarded, but I'm just trying to start writing again, and I'm trying to, this whole month I'm not going to kick boxing because of these needles to the knee, I'm just going to work on my jiu-jitsu, and it's funny because I gotta tell you fucking guys something, I'm a hard sell, guys, I'm a fucking hard sell, listen to me, I'm a hard fucking sell,

and ever since that Manny kid at jiu-jitsu told me about shuntak, I'm fucking hooked on it, let me tell you how good the shuntak was on fucking Friday, all right? This is the shit I'm telling you from honor, I don't need, this morning I had a protein shake, the first one I've had in about three weeks, it was fucking delicious, I don't like drinking protein, that's why I could never go on one of those fucking diets, I don't mind drinking three or four protein shakes to supplement my day, but I can't do it every day, that's why I can't do it every day, I would fucking have a heart attack, you know what I'm saying? But when you don't have a fucking certain protein for a couple weeks and you have it, that's when you know how delicious it is.

All right, so let's get that out of the way, everybody knows how good the fucking chocolate shake is from honor, we all know that, but let me tell you what's been going on, so Friday, I usually go to VMAQ, Valium Jiu-Jitsu twice a week, that's who teaches me jiu-jitsu, and I go with Salami once a week up in 10 Planet Van Nuys to learn little things, like he tightens up what I learned at the jiu-jitsu school. Okay. All right, and then we roll a little bit, usually guys, I got no reason not to know, but I roll a minute and a half, and I gotta fucking get up and walk around, I see stars, but over the weeks it's gotten better and better, fucking Friday, I did like a six minute fucking roll, because I moved him to positions, I locked it in, I breathed,

then I went to the next one, and then I went to the next one, then I mounted, no he mounted me, and I swept, it was really fucking interesting that after like five minutes, I just stopped, I go, Salami, I gotta get up, because I'm gonna have a heart attack, but I gotta tell you something, it was the shroom tag, and then like Manny came to the show, you know a bunch of jiu-jitsu people at the show, Manny, well fucking, VMAQ is one of the best fucking martial arts schools I've ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been involved in, this jiu-jitsu thing I did, I was scared, shitless, guys, I haven't been that fucking scared in a long time to walk in there, that school had been there a year, and I drove by, and I heard the instructors were great, and then I joined the

kickboxing, and those guys were telling me the jiu-jitsu was great, I was petrified to walk in there, guys, I can't wait to go in there now, they're fucking great, what a great fucking environment, and then you up the 10th planet, Van Nuys, I'm gonna have him on the podcast, the following Wednesday and the afternoon, Alder, Alder has gotten that system up there, and it's fucking amazing, he's got these fundamentals, and the fundamentals of jiu-jitsu up there, he rolls with you a little bit, but he doesn't want you to roll a lot, he wants you to do techniques, and by doing the techniques over and over again, you develop a memory muscle, and you develop your cardio, and then when you get to like level two, he has you rolling, you come

in Tuesday nights, and you roll, and it's levels like a pyramid, then he wants you to do the G-class on Tuesday nights if you can, and then they have an advanced team, then they have wrestling on Sundays, so if you really want to get into a program that fulfills you from A to fucking Z, because some you gotta get experience somewhere else, like Eddie Brab was a great jiu-jitsu teacher, but he doesn't want you in there as a beginning, because he doesn't have time for you, the techniques he teaches downtown are too fucking high level, they're no geek, but with these guys, all that will take you from A to Z, and let me tell you something, nobody was more fucking scared than I was to be on my back as they sleep at me, last night, two nights ago, I woke up with the pillow

slip out from under me, and I was on my back, and the cat was on top of me, just like standing and meowing at me, and I was choking at that, just a fucking cat, he's seven fucking pounds, but yeah, so I'm always petrified at that, but I didn't get petrified, I just pulled it to the side, I got more composure now. Now you look, your eyes lit up when they showed up, they're like five or six, and they showed up Friday night, and like you guys were best friends, oh my god, he started talking about moves, you're like, well what about this, I can't get this angle on him, and oh my god, it's amazing, they're great, and they're all young kids, those kids are Tavi on Zack and the girls, they're all 20 fuckers, Zack is younger than you, he's 24, that monster

is 24, those guys could kill me, kill me, they could snap, Tavi that guy moves, he's only a wipeout, well like four fucking strikes, that kid fucking flies on the fucking floor, but I'll tell you something man, I was really scared of Jiu Jitsu, and I'm happy I did it, that's number one, number two, after that thing on Friday, I'm sold on shuntai, but I don't know what the fuck it really did, yeah, I do the epileptic on him, but that was too much of a jump in cardio, but these other things here, these tea packets, I'll tell you if you haven't seen them, go to on it, today, right now, you don't want to live without at least one dose of these, try it, because you got a little bit of everything, you get 15 packages, you get two

packages, sorry about that, I got a little burp, in the morning you get alpha brains, you got a bunch of shit they put in there, let me read it to you, you got a bunch of good little packages, it's a total primary care, you get some enhancer, whatever, I can't see these glasses on my usual ones, and then you get a night pack, and that has like the new mood, and the shuntai, in the morning you have shum immune, so you know, you bump into these nasty motherfuckers, they got a cold, boom, and there you go, so just fucking go to on it, and take a look at the shuntai, if you're having problems with your cardio, because I'm fucking 310 fucking pounds, if I could last there after three months, if I could do this in my car, and I smoked dope, you guys see me, I'm over here puffing

like a fucking dragon, so that's the fucking deal, Lee, what, Lee, what are you gonna say to me? No, no, no, we went down there, I went down there because she had a little bit of a surgery, so she can't really leave the house, and I went down there, and like the first thing we did, because we had lunch, and I took her computer, I logged into my Hulu Plus account right there, and I went, and we watched shows for hours, and it's just great, she had a regular laptop, she doesn't have a TV in her room. So wait a second, let the people know you watched The Exorcist this weekend? I did watch The Exorcist, not on Hulu Plus, but I watched it on The Exorcist. What'd you think about it? It was, like luckily, she lives down by the airport,

and there was like a guy riding a motorcycle in the alley for the entire time, there's Spanish music, so I like 95% watched it, so I had a little bit of, like if it was dark and it was nighttime, I would have freaked out, but like Linda Blair fucking, like fuck me in the pussy with the cross, and stabbing it in blood, and then her mom comes in, and she goes, look me, and like shoves her mom's face in her pussy, and I just, you hear the mom going, she hear her mom looking at it, that's fucking crazy, that's 1973, bitch, that's a psychological mind fuck that movie, it really is, every time and time I watch it for six or seven minutes, and I don't watch anymore for a thousand reasons, to being scared, to not wanting to put myself through this, and you know, it's just a

fucking mind. And yet you name your freaking cat after a character, so after every time you call your cat, you have to think about the movie. The guy, first of all, let me break some history into you, that guy that plays the priest, Jimmy, he's Jackie Gleason's son-in-law, he's Jason Patrick's father, all right, that's why I like that motherfucker, his name is Jimmy, but he's Greek, so his mother would call him Demi. Why you do this, Demi? Why you do this to me, so when we first got that kitten, Demi, Demi was crazy, Demi was brought up to the house because he fell off the roof, and he was bleeding from his nose, and his mother went over and walked away from left him there, Terry's seen that, and once the mom walks away from the kitten,

she thinks it's dying, so Terry took him up first. Two days later, I kept walking by and Harry was, Harry is a beautiful fucking cat, but he was an amazing looking kitten. I have pictures on Harry on my iPod, when you look at Harry as a kitten, you'll die. I kept walking past Harry, meowing at me, Harry meowing at me for eight hours, I was out there doing like stretching, at that time I was four hundred pounds, I didn't know what to do, and I would just stretch. I was like, this'll help me burn fat, I'll just stretch, and he kept meowing, meowing, I kept calling Terry, this kitten won't stop meowing, and she came home, we brought him up, and that's Demi's brother, Harry. Demi and Harry were fucking beautiful, but Harry was fucking beautiful, but Demi was the

crazy one, and Harry was the family one, like he is now. Harry's a great man, Demi is a fucking knucklehead, so you'd be sitting there like watching TV, and he'd just jump on you with his fucking claws out, he'd just come off line and tear off, but he was a good cat, he didn't mean harm by it, he was a great cat, so we called him princess, first, we thought he was a girl, we thought he was a girl at first, we were like princess, princess, princess, so one day she took him to the vet, and she's like, you're not gonna believe this, fucking princess is a prince, so we don't want to call him prince, so she goes, what do you want to call him, and he did something right then and that, he jumped and clung onto your arm, like he would jump off a wall and just clung him onto

your arm, and not in a bad way, he'd just want to play, so you'd look at him and go, Demi, why do this to me, what the fuck did I ever do to you, and that's, hence came the name Demi. Oh my god, but yeah, that's a crazy fucking movie, it's a fucking crazy movie, and in the end it's just that she kills the fucking cop, you know, oh shit, it's one of my favorite fucking people in the whole fucking world, Evan San Juan, what's up baby, good man, good, where you at, you're up in Seattle, yeah I'm in Seattle, we have a show Saturday night, and then we went to the Fiesta Filipino Fiesta festival, who'd you go to Fiesta, how was the Filipino Fiesta festival up there, it was good, they had this Filipino food truck, and they were making like adobo burgers,

longa nieces sandwiches, it's pretty, pretty amazing, good food. Did you throw down brother? Yeah, I threw it down, and then I threw it away in the club, in the toilet bowl. How much reefer you're smoking up there? Man, dude, since I got the plane, he was just handing me joints, it's pretty crazy. Yeah, fucking Seattle was nuts. Yeah, we're from Cali right, so we're spoiled a little bit, but it's pretty good out here. Oh, that's the Pacific Northwest, it rains, where it rains, shit's growing, and if this batch ain't good, the next batch will be better, so. Evan, we did a payaso loco slam together, payaso slam together, we've been friends since you were a fucking kid, and I gotta tell you one of my favorite fucking comics, and I respect you,

and I watch you, and I giggle, and I'm reading the fucking Twitter last Monday, and I'm reading, first we had a conversation on Monday, you picked up George, and you drove him up, and you told him to do some fucking benefit for the Sheriff's Department, and Lee, read the fucking article, this is what I read the other day, right? You read the whole article? Yeah, read the article. All right, so a gathering attended by several hundred sheriff's deputies and staff members of the LA County Sheriff's Department, when a riot, when a comedian unleashed a stand-up routine filled with racist and sexually explicit humor, people in attendance said, many in the crowd at the Sheriff's Day lunch and Wednesday, estimated to be between 600 and 700

men uniform, including Sheriff Lee Bakker, who thanked comedian Edwin Sanwan with a plaque after the off-color performance, the LA Times reported. He managed to insult every ethnic group one attendee told the newspaper requesting not to be named, there was a lot of cringing and nervous laughter, I was sitting there thinking, are you kidding me? The event was hosted by Law Enforcement Association, and was not an official Sheriff's Department event. Bakker spokesman said, Steve Whitmore told the LA Times, and the performance will be reviewed. If anyone was offended, that was not the intent, and certainly apologies are extended, Whitmore said, adding that he wasn't at the event, so he couldn't comment on the specifics of the routine.

Whitmore said he spoke to Bakker, and the Sheriff said he became concerned that people would complain, but decided to give the comedian the plaque anyway, to thank him for volunteering, to come to the luncheon, and the last thing is Bakker wants to remind, Bakker the Sheriff wants to remind everyone that this is a comedian, no one in the department would say this. What the fuck happened? Man, I don't do my stuff, you know what I mean? They told me go ahead, I had green light, whatever one, and you know, first of all, I'm not racist. People been, because of that article, people would come up to me, oh, I've heard about you, you're the racist comedian. Oh my goodness,

you know, my stuff is based on race. A lot of it's the observational stuff that I've been through, but in no way shape or form, I'm not racist. You told the brother-in-law joke, I know you said that, and they lost their fucking minds, and here's the funny fucking thing, nobody's more racist than LA police department. Fucking hilarious, Edwin. When I read this, I was like, when I read that he was looking at the performance for review, that's when I said these motherfucking people have lost their fucking mind. There's so many things going on in LA right now, and they're fucking worried about little Edwin San Juan that never has offended anybody. That's the sweetest guy in the world. This is why you gotta drive with your hands up in this fucking town.

If they thought you're racist, don't shoot me, they'll put a bazooka up my fucking ass. Well, the thing is they said that, oh yeah, we're fans of yours, we know your comedy, we want to have you at our event, and when I was there, everything was smooth, you know what I mean? And I was up there for half an hour, and if they were so offended by it, I would have been pulled off the stage in like three minutes, you know what I mean? But I went on for half an hour, I felt the tension, but after I addressed it, everything kind of eased up, and it was great. At the end of the event, I was shaking hands, taking pictures, I brought my mom there, you know, they gave me a plaque, and it was all good, but as soon as I get home, my emails are

blowing up, ABC, NBC's calling me up for interviews, it was wild man. That is fucking, oh and it's great because fucking, you just got booked on extra 11 weeks, the KKK is using you next summer for that big shebang, it's the first time they've ever used the Filipino, but they're out of white comics that hate, so fuck it. Yeah, they put me on a map, I mean like Ontario tickets, I'm at the improv next week, and the ticket sales are jumped, you know, people are like, uh, I don't know what about the LAPD, or the Sheriff's Department, but I want to see what's down on now. Hey, so you'll be at Ontario this Friday coming, the first and second? Yeah, first to the fourth, first day to Sunday. Look at fucking Edwin, shit. Yeah, right? Man, so yeah, yeah, Edwin, when I read that article,

Doug, I knew that life is fucking crazy, because you, it's amazing, it's, and then I gather there's got to be a lot of Filipino cops, right? Yeah, I mean there wasn't any there, but there was one Filipino cop out there, but you know what the Sheriff's Department is getting flagged for is because they didn't do their homework, you know? It's like, it's like a, it can't fault me, I'm just doing my stuff, I've been doing comedy for 15, 16 years, and I'm taking my act internationally, you know what I mean? All around the world throughout the United States, and I've never had problems with anything, you know? And, and so they look bad for, because they have a lot of racial issues, and a lot of, he's under scrutiny, you know, and a lot of people,

I don't know, I think they don't want, they don't want Sheriff Walker there, so they're trying to, it's political election year, you know, trying to get him out of there, so I just got caught up in all that politics. It's so weird that when, you know, I live in a couple different cities, I've been arrested in a lot of fucking places, New York, New Jersey, you know, like just, I've been arrested in, not Texas, I've been arrested in Colorado, I've been arrested in Idaho, you know, knocking wood, I've never had any problems in California, but the cops here are different than anywhere else. A week after nine, and not even a week after 9-11, maybe three days after 9-11, I got a fall, I got a $400 ticket for parking in a handicap spot, not parking in the

spot, my tire was on the line, because the first car I parked over, so everybody had a shift over, and this is how it went down, I pulled into that spot, and I got out of the car, and as I got out of the car, you know, when people come into the 7-11, I held the door for somebody, and I actually saw a cop go by and see my car, made a U-turn, and waited for me to come out and threw me a ticket, and I tried to talk to him, I said, are you fucking serious? Look at that car in the front, he goes, it doesn't matter, even if your door gets hit, I mean this guy was just, and I couldn't believe it, and that's the one night I had contact, then another night I was headed to go get coked, and I made a left turn on sunset, and this Japanese cop pulled me over, I swear to God,

they were gonna throw me in jail for not having a license, some drunk was walking across the street from coaching horses, and he goes, hey Joey Diaz, and he started talking to me, and I'm like, I'm under arrest, and the cop goes, you know this guy, and they started talking, and that's how the cop left me off, and I see him from time to time, but I remember how fucking rude he was, how rude this cop was, and I was on my best fucking behavior, I was going to get coked, I just wanted to go get a package and go home, I wasn't doing anything wrong, they didn't know what the fuck was going on, but the point of the story is that I've never had good contact with cops out here, like they're never like, I drive by Hollywood Boulevard sometimes,

I'm gonna get to 101, and you see a cop pulled over, but he's not even pulled over, his ass is sticking out, so people gotta drive around them and shit, and you see what the fuck he's doing, he's talking to a homeless dude that's laying on the floor, puke, and leave the motherfucker, they let him choke, but you pulled the fucking car in sideways like Batman, to go talk to this motherfucker, now you're scaring more white people than what you're hurting, it's fucking amazing, it's like that, and then every morning I wake up, I went and somebody else is getting shot, then I've seen that fucking video of them shooting a fucking dog, whether it's Hawthorne, it's LA police, it's all thrown in one, these cops out here are a little fucking different, bro.

Yeah, and he didn't just shoot the dog once, he laid several bullets in that dog, that's crazy, you know how many Filipinos were pissed, oh that's a good name, oh could you imagine, oh my god, now let me, what happened to that fucking cop, did he get suspended or thrown off the force or? It's under investigation. That fucking, that guy's gonna die a slow fucking cancer in his knees, Saint Lazarus is gonna fucking like Michael Vick, Saint Lazarus will throw a fucking, you know what's Catholics and me, I got that Santa Rhea shit going in there, I don't fuck with dogs at all dog, that Saint Lazarus is property, that motherfucker will get put cancer in your ankles, every time you take a step you'll

think of fucking going back to church and shit, that's just the way it pans out in the fucking world of voodoo, look at the fucking Jew over there cutting a coconut in half, what else is going on that we're saying once, so have you heard from them, are they gonna put you on comedy probation, what are they gonna do? I just been getting hit up by media really, I actually called the sheriff department and asked him if everything was all right and they were pretty much saying yeah everything's fine, you'll be okay, just one or two people that had a wild hair if they're asked for a sheriff's vodka, so they were just telling me you know it should be all good, and it's amazing, I just want to get on the air and clarify myself, let everybody know that,

you're not a racist, I'm doing my stuff, they messed up, if anything, they were asking me, do I want to apologize or what, if I apologize, me being sorry for being who I am, they fucked that, you know, they messed up, it's like it's like if they were to hire a stripper and send them to the wrong house, send a stripper to a child's party and then they're gonna get mad at a stripper, but they fucked up by sending the stripper to the wrong address, you know, just doing their job. They got fucked up for getting angry, that's what they got fucked up about, the LA police department and sheriffs and cops in general have no, they have so much on their mind to worry about some fucking young comic saying some fucking shit up on stage that doesn't affect their life at all,

shame on them Edwin, never take shame on yourself, these fucking people that they walk around with they're so so mighty, they don't even, they've got to stick so far up their fucking ass, they can't even fucking laugh at somebody, they don't even know what's real and what's fucking fake anymore, so shame on them, I get the same fucking problem Edwin, I finally put in perspective, shame on fucking you if you go out and you can't fucking laugh, I would be ashamed of myself if I ever went off, so you know how many things I've gone through that suck, you don't see me going home and writing a fucking movie or getting on the internet or writing a letter, if you're fucking fat you're fat, take it for what it is, if you're a fucking, you know, don't feel bad when you're a fucking

tremendous comedian brother, we're gonna go down to fucking, listen if you motherfuckers ain't doing none this week go see one of the best racist comics you'll ever see, fuck it if you're black Chinese bring your fucking earmuffs cock suckers, no, let me tell you something, I've worked with Edwin, how many shows have we done together for the love of fucking good, Jesus Christ, I've been doing 16 years, I've known you the whole time, I used my mentor, I looked up to you, no I love you, I love you guys to death man, so no, no, when I read this I wanted you to fucking speak your mind and tell us what fucking happened, what jokes did you do Edwin, who'd you piss off, man I ran through the gambit, because you know my whole angle was how everybody makes

fun of Asians, so you know I opened up the door for that and I made fun of myself and then I just you know let them have it from Latinos to blacks, Koreans, Indians, but I put fun in everybody equally fair, you know, and just bring out things, but that's what got me tripping was because they were saying I was being making negative comments towards Koreans and Indians, but if you listen to my said actually not just pick out things here and there you see I'm defending Asians you're defending them, yeah yeah I know how you're acting, yeah yeah you're saying this is this is now you're not here to make fun of them, you know I know fucking, I was at the last factory after they crashed the plane and people were already making Asian jokes about the pilot and shit

and I gotta tell you something, when I heard about the, I didn't even think about it that way, that's how anti-fucking racist I am, I mean I'll say chink from time to time, but I don't hate no but I eat Chinese food, I love Chinese, Bruce Lee's my fucking idol, who you kidding? I mean that didn't bother me, I'm so used to everybody making fun of Asians that it didn't bother me, but what I thought was insensitive was all those people that died on the plane, you know, they're poking humor and joking at that, but like, did you see that fucking story this dog that was carrying people out, that cute story this, did you guys see that on world news tonight, there was a story that was carrying people out, she weighed 110 pounds,

little Korean girl, was picking fucking people up, kids the whole thing, she saved a couple lives man, that was a, it's fucked up when you see those things, it's fucked up to see what, how you'll act, how people run back to get their fucking carry-on luggage and shit, you know, shit like that, you just see how people like, so you're in Ontario this weekend, what's the phone number, Ontario the Improv over there, 949, what the fuck is it down there? Oh man, I don't know. It's 626, it's Ontario Improv, I can't fucking, you know, when I'm going away this, Improv.com, I was gonna, I would tell you I was going down there on Thursday, but I'm going away this fucking weekend with my family, it's the first time we're going away with

the fucking baby and the wife, I'm home to follow. How's the newborn going? Edwin, you know how it is though, beautiful, yeah, yeah, I'm very fortunate, my wife giggles, what's the number, Lisa, you bad motherfucker, 9-0-9, 4-8-4, 54-11, so get down there, see my man, who's down there with you, when you got the tripe, you got my man Perez, this is where you got down there. George Perez coming down, doing some guest sets, I got Eli Nicholas and Aiko Tanaka. Oh shit. Yeah, we call ourselves the polite tour, because everybody's really nice on our tour, we're just opening doors for each other, you know, we're all Asian doubt. How sweet is Aiko? Oh man, she's tremendous. She really is a fuck, somebody told me they were sick one day and that they heard a knock on the

door and Aiko brought him my Japanese soup with rice, you know, like fucking some type of food, whatever, sushi, fucking Aiko's a sweetheart, you guys, that's a nice fucking show, Edwin. I wish some people go down there and see and see what the fuck is crackle lacking. Edwin, I love you and I'm proud of you and I know, you know, when I read it, I was proud of you, I just laughed my ass off because you stood your ground, that's what comedy is all about, bro. Comedy is not about doing comedy for them and you stuck with it, you heard the insecurities in the room, didn't you? You heard them. Edwin, about fucking the year I got clean, the weekend that Marilyn Martinez died, I got hired that same weekend to do two things, to do a benefit

for the police department in Hoboken on a Friday night and a benefit for my high school basketball team. The fucking Friday night I walked into this Hoboken police department where I had grown up pretty much, I know all about Hoboken, I know the people, the players down there, the whole fucking and I got up on that stage and I started doing material to cater to them. They had to be three, four hundred people in the room, they had an open bar in the back, I could see the undercover cops a little high on blow, you know, I could see who was smoking dope, it's cops and I could see the Christian ones, you could see and I went up there and I did what I thought I had to do for like six minutes. Edwin and I was dying and after six minute mark I just opened up a can of whoop ass on

these motherfuckers coke and eating pussy with coke rocks and the rest of niggas and Puerto Ricans and Spicks and Cubans and I just went off about Hoboken history and Sinatra and Jimmy Roselli, I just went off drugs and oh my god that when I went off because I didn't have him anywhere at the six minute mark, I wasn't going to go down in friends, a guy that had hired me was a kid who loved me, he's still a Hoboken police department, I could tell this kid, I grew up with his brother, me and his brother were the same age but this kid was younger than me and he always loved me and I loved him and he grabbed me as I got off that stage he goes here's the money dog, I gotta walk you through the door, I swear to god he walked me to the fucking door, he's like you gotta get out of

here now, these motherfuckers you offended everybody, he goes but I love it and some cops have given me the hands up and other ones were like writing my name down so if they ever pulled me over that fucking deal, I didn't give a fuck, fuck those motherfuckers and I love cops but you can't, you're a cop, you can't fucking judge brother, fuck these cocksuckers that one, you got me all fired up, you smoking dope that one? Constantly daily, did you smoke this morning already? Yeah, it helps my arthritis you know what I mean? That's why I love it, it cleans the arthritis and you can bang one out so hopefully I'll see you this weekend for you motherfuckers who don't know everyone's like a little brother to me please go catch them this weekend do what you need to do

Thursday, Friday, Saturday and fucking Sunday and where could they follow you Edwin? Oh I'm on Instagram, Twitter, you know Edwin San Juan, Facebook and Twitter EdwinSJ, hey can I say something real quick before I leave? You can say what the fuck you want? You know because of this all the comments that I respect have been reaching out to me like Ralph Sumanian, Jeff Garcia, Felipe, Rudy and they're all like you know real supportive and stuff and actually on the congratulatory congratulatory tip where everyone else who doesn't know about comedy is they're worried are you okay is everything all right but you know just taking something negative and flipping it positive man and just to get the comments and the feedback from from comics that I respect. Don't never be ashamed

of doing your fucking job, never get, never be ashamed of getting your dick sucked and that's what you did you got your dick sucked because they got all offended mentally so basically you got your dick sucked at an osmosis fucking level you understand me so fuck them, fuck them that's why I love you I love you that I wasn't worried about you I know you were loving it at home you were in church with your mom fucking Wednesday morning jumping up and down you let like a hundred candles you're fucking. You know it's funny we were watching the news I told my mom we're gonna be on the news and she's looking at it and she doesn't even know what's going on she's just looking at me and and seeing her on tv too because I took a picture with her and she's like

we're famous they're going to put us they're going to put us on jeopardy they're on tv they're gonna be on mama who wants to be a millionaire I'm proud of you you know I've always loved you and this is I'm proud that you stuck to your guns and that's why that's that's what Bill Hicks wanted that's with all the great ones Lenny Bruce that's what they did they stuck to their fucking guns so guess what bro you just became one of the great ones and that's why I love you that's why I wanted you on the podcast thank you thanks for having me man and always keeping me in consideration and hey the clock goes day right yes sir if I can get down there I'll try my hardest I love you I wouldn't all right call whenever the fuck you want your family here you know that whenever you want to

call and just let me know thanks so much man I love you so as we were telling you before my main man everyone called in please support this kid this kid's a fucking great kid guys great and let me tell you something LA you guys that support all these fake fucking pot smokers this is one motherfucker you got to support he showed up with a pipe one time in his arm he used to drive around with a pipe in his arm that he would take out of his sleeve there had to be 18 inches of a pipe one night he took that out in front of Ari we fucking died me and Ari go Ari wanna tell you this kid ain't fucking fake but anyway before the break we're talking about Gary Bohan and who had called the podcast three or four times you know I grew up with Gary

he ate a bag of mushrooms in front of me he was an Attica you know this is where you really have to thank people so he gets out of jail he's in jail how long was he in there? 21 years 22 years he gets out of there already he's institutionalized so what does New Jersey do they put him in a halfway house for a couple months there's no work in New Jersey so they're threatening him that they're gonna put him back in fucking jail because there's no goddamn work okay this is what you people learn this is why I don't buy into the system this is why I don't buy into fucking anything the system is always fucking against you Lee and I were having a conversation about genes and how there's certain people that it's in their genes to hold other people down it's not

their fucking fault but this isn't what we're talking about here we're talking about my friend who's not an innocent don't get me wrong Bohan is a fucking nutcase just like me nobody's innocent here so Gary goes to live with Danny B. Wins who was making giving him a job giving a stable house Danny B. Wins 20 years ago was just as crazy as I was today he's a sent man he's a father he's a great husband he's been with his wife he's very stable in his life he's got a home he offered Gary a job was paying Gary was taking care of Gary the state went in there and said that he could not live there because Danny had beer in his house even if they tested Gary all the fucking time he came back negative for alcohol it didn't matter so when he had he has a

lot of barbecues they live on a block of cul-de-sac and he goes into summer the parents all the kids get together so what you're telling me is I can't have one beer in my refrigerator the point is that Danny doesn't drink he just didn't want to live under those rules there was other things that Danny saw at the same time you know Gary was in for 21 years he wanted to get what he he wanted to get what was coming to him after 21 years but it doesn't work that way guys they'll take you five years to get everything back after 21 years only in the Sopranos do you come out and a week later you're making 50 fucking thousand dollars you understand only on tv yeah so they made him move back to New Jersey Gary gave him a fistful of money and told him to go back to New Jersey and get a job

but Gary didn't do that he moved in with some girl and he got back to drinking and smoking he had no family support he had nothing so do you understand what I'm trying to say here Gary's no innocence but the system pushed him the kids stayed out fucking what 16 months not even a fucking month so I guess last week one day they found out that he carjacked somebody and got arrested for robbing a bank and on the way out he carjacked somebody with a weapon or something Gary'll never see daylight again when I first heard I was gonna have Danny call up today but my feelings are still I'm still in shock because when you hear this type of shit it breaks your heart and again I'm mentioning this eight fucking times Gary is no innocent but if the state would let him live with

Danny wherever the fuck they were living he would have had a job a place to sleep a warm bed and maybe this could have been avoided yeah so next time you hear a fucking negative report in the news or in the fucking this or that always think that there's two sides to every fucking story and I'm telling you right now Danny would have kept Gary I feel bad for Danny I haven't even spoken to him I just read all the Twitter things and little messages he sent me I feel very bad for Danny because I know that he tried I feel bad for myself because I don't like when somebody gets thrown back in jail by the pillars of society on top of that Lee's been my friend for two years and Lee knows that he's helped me dramatically in my career he's been a dear friend and we've worked

together and we since the beginning I've always warned Lee it's not like I've warned Lee is I protected Lee from the evils of comedy you know you people at home see a comedian and there's a stage and a microphone you see him come out and he giggles and he laughs and shit like that and and on paper the career looks very glamorous but there's fucking obstacles to this career and it's not the drugs it's not the money it's not the agents it's the comedians themselves sometimes you know they they they don't like a certain comic or whatever I'm not the most popular guy in the world you know I have a good heart whatever but I always speak my mind and because I have a certain background people in their hearts never believe that you change my wife and I had a great conversation

about once she first started dating me how many comics came out of the woodwork and warned her about me really oh god she laughs her ass off and in retrospect now she saw it she goes the people that you hung out with came up to me and warned me against you because they always felt in your heart you were gonna turn on them what do those people feel like today so I've been telling Lee for years watch this guy watch this guy watch this move watch this move I live at the ice house this weekend and you know I'm headlining with Dom no big deal which is to me it's a fucking honor uh I watched down on the Rodney danger feel special you know this is what you guys have done to me you guys have I make funny jokes and maybe I make you laugh and maybe I take you out of a tough spot in

the daytime but you guys have elevated me into being on stage with Dom are ever that's what you guys have done for me you've made me step up to the pumps I never think this is a one-way fucking street but and with success comes a lot of stupidity and stupidity I'm prepared for I see a lot of dumb shit and I always tell you that these motherfuckers don't like me Joe Rogan told the world I was the funniest guy in the world so for people to get along with Joe they have to agree with them but deep down inside they could give a fuck about me and they give a fuck about Joe you know and we've both seen him I'm on a plane with Joe with alone with Joe we laugh about certain fucking morons that think I'm used to it I don't really give a fuck but you know what

I've earned my way you know I've done my fucking movies I've done my tv show on my way I've gone to acting class I've written these fucking things I've mainly have done all this shit but this weekend Lee saw a different taste of this I don't know how many comics were up there I don't know how many comics came by and they all wanted the same thing they all wanted a fucking guest set you know these are people that have thousand things going on in their lives and I never hear from them never hear from them never a fucking friendly fuck you you know only one kid I saw a wave that me and left me alone then I went and got him with Jimmy de la Valle but by that time was too late to get him on stage he's a great kid Jimmy had buses balls all the time he's an actor in

town stand up but it's so weird how I told Lee that and Lee saw it I believe you see and how after they asked and after they got no they got up and left there was no more conversation with Joey oh we're gonna go get a drink and come nobody fucking came back but it's so weird the things you see and and yeah at times I'm Jaden Lee looks at me kind of weird and he might go in his car and go fucking Joey but now you start to see it why you don't even let it go through you because you have a job to do every day yeah people gonna like you and people gonna not like you you know what fuck them and fuck them over you have a job to do every day people and along the way people's feelings are gonna get hurt because maybe you become successful maybe you get something

that they don't think you deserve it's not for them to think whether you deserve it or not you know whether or not what you did I slept in a fucking back of a fucking car for a summer you know I took shits and showers at Ralphie May's house and Josh Wolf's house you guys have heard all the fucking stories you know and yes I fucking struggled with drugs and whatever but I hung in there and this is why we're here because we hung in with something so don't ever let somebody's judgment of you or whatever again you're fucking away you got a job to do if they're gonna get their fucking feelings and you sing you say I have no you see a dog but when at the end of the week there's a thousand people I think I'm funny but I don't go on their fucking podcast you know there's

a thousand people who think I'm funny but they don't invite me to their fucking rooms so always keep that in fucking mind me I don't give a fuck about none of these cocksuckers I really don't I really don't we I just have a fucking good time I want to give a shout out to my friend Ted Kaplan that little baby boy Benjamin I want to give another to Benjamin Shack my man from San Diego I love him from San Diego that's a good fucking dude that really is he emails me every week very positive this week he came up he gave us both Starbucks cards and thank you cards thank you cards and the San Diego crew with the hot blonde that came up those fucking crazy white dudes Michael Casey Sims my man Jupiter fucking wife I don't jujitsu wife that's my girl Alex Escobar Brian

Cote Allen barrel and Joey Brooklyn I love you sexy bitch I love my girl Joey Brooklyn on Facebook that bitch is hot and shit it's one of my Irish freaks and shit don't forget this fucking Wednesday July 31st me Lisa Yat Herb Dean we're doing a live podcast up at the ice house 8 30 10 bucks to get in 10 fucking dollars on Wednesday what are you gonna do sit at home 10 fucking dollars you come out you smoke some dope in your home by 11 o'clock August 22nd to the 24th Mrs. Obama shaved that fucking monkey uncle Joey's coming in first class I'm going to DC improv and August 14th we're back at the fucking ice house another live podcast so get your shit together bitches don't forget we love you we're here we talked to me haven't said nothing all day what happened yes I have we

haven't said nothing I love what are you doing this week what's going on with the girlfriend you don't see the girlfriend doing me not I mean when I worked nights I couldn't but maybe now I couldn't if I if I wanted to it's hard it's hard but the fucking traffic but uh no everything's going I can't wait for the live podcast it's my favorite it's my favorite night of the month and now we're going to start doing more of them so two of them we've had a Saturday we might fucking we're going to Portland to do the live podcast we're going to try to bring it to you fuck I'm telling you 2014 is going to be great we're both going to start doing just how's the evening we've been killing it lately I've been eating I I was worried yeah I hadn't waited myself for a couple

weeks and I was like because I actually do try to keep good I haven't gone to like the fast food but I was worried I was like shit I'm out of the game wait and I didn't I hadn't lose weight but I stayed where I was and I was like fuck thank god so uh I gotta I gotta start doing it again but it's uh it's tough when you get off of it so I have to get back on it and what I really have to do is uh because Big Ben was telling me he lost like 90 pounds um it's I really have to start doing the working out thing even I hate it I hate it and it's it's something that I just have to do even though even though I hate it I have to listen man I've learned like I told you a lot of people reached out to me last week and emails and stuff a lot of great diets a lot of great ideas and

making notes this morning like I said I had the protein shake and some fucking fruit uh but Friday night I was fucking hungry when I do comedy and I do two shows like I don't eat it night guys I do not eat at night at all at all I eat an apple or something fucking Fridays and Saturday nights especially two shows like sometimes I force it just because the taco man is that yeah but fucking Friday night I was starving I don't know what my wife made it was a small dinner yeah like she made like two little pieces of something like rice and a vegetable and then a fish and I went out that night those two shows all that weed we were I didn't eat at the light I never ate at the ice house yeah you know the burger looked delicious and stuff I didn't I just don't eat

that and when we got to that fucking taco man I killed them for like four fucking tacos with with the pick of the gaio and the onions and the cilantro yeah and then yesterday I got to go to the YMCA so thank fucking god I got to get on that fucking lip elliptical for just 40 minutes and I stretched and I hit the bag and I did some uh hip escapes just they have this big room so I could practice some jiu-jitsu moves okay I'm terrible I'm trying to get endurance with them so you got to work you know you got to work just it's like comedy man you know I compare my martial arts training to a lot of comedy you have to do it you have to practice I compare the hip escapes and back work to writing and so we're just trying to put it together go to fucking on it hulu plus

is fucking killing my wife is in love with it they just added something and I can't remember what the fuck it is they just now when do they put new movies on there they put new movies and shows all the time but don't win the season starts for tv shows the next day for a bunch of shows they put them that's what that's what she was saying the other day so she really likes that so hulu plus let me tell you something man we get emails every other day I just got one for slipper company meat griddle things for guys listen guys if I look at shit and it don't pertain to us and I can't I don't think I'm doing something for you I love movies and television that's a certain way we could share uh our our taste so that's the reason why I push hulu fucking plus on you guys and it's not

a bad deal it's two fucking weeks two weeks gratis with the fucking code and then it's seven ninety nine a month that's a grande cappuccino on a scone all right cut it out this is seven ninety nine that's two dollars a fucking week and you can watch twenty fucking thousand television shows yeah two dollars a week tell your uncle joey don't fucking love me tell you tell me again how I don't fucking love you cock suckers do what you gotta do you get out you get some chinese food or a salad or maybe you put some beats and some fucking kale together you smoke a number you eat the girl's ass and you watch fucking hulu plus who's fucking better than you that was my favorite line from the call um no i'm not racist i mean i eat chinese food all the time yeah what the fuck

ain't racist though i can't be racist i love the fucking i love him i love this shit too much i love people too much yeah how can i be fucking raised i talk shit i don't hate no i don't have the heart to hate nobody dog i mean i feel bad for you when i mount you in jujitsu when i get on top of somebody i feel bad for them that's how hard i got come on the fuck you think you're dealing with it's monday morning get up get up write your fucking goals wash your fucking feet see what you really want to do be happy smile at motherfuckers tell somebody you don't like that you'll love them today just for today tomorrow you can tell them they suck dick but for today tell them i love you just so you feel better about yourself look at yourself in the mirror

and tell yourself i love me do something cocksucker you know what i'm saying before we go i've realized we haven't talked about it how's gray doing ever since you got about is she doing okay gray is tremendous i only got one problem with gray now you ready she won't leave the bedroom oh she won't she's there all fucking day all night sleeping every time i move she wants me to pet her but she doesn't let me hug her on my terms she likes to get close to me on her terms so this time is i hug her and she takes it off she bites my hair and she takes it off and in the middle of night i go to turn i can't turn she's right on my fucking hip oh really right on my hip so i got to like grab her and pick her up and she cries she gets his hip grazes sweetheart she's just a

bitch it's nothing good you know what am i gonna do but she loves me and i love her so what am i gonna do even my wife is like she's under the blankets that's my spot yeah i was worried about and then picture you put up with you and mercy and uh super bad the other day last week every day when we watched spongebob mercy uh super bad jumps up and dives on my leg yeah and he flips around and me and mercy rub his stomach that's that's like 10 minutes of the fucking morning every morning so it's it's always great brother it's like my man chris cornell said man and uh fell on black days you wake up to this euphoria and when they take it away it's fucking done and that's it you mother fuckers got shoutouts you got hulu you got a podcast you got my main man at when san juan

you got dates you're going to joey coco dears you go to honor through there you go to hulu plus on the banner there and click on there you got t-shirts on joey dears dot net jr was up here like a jr on the fucking podcast with his shirt company and shit cox i got i love jr he was here last week you don't call i'm gonna call him later and fucking send him a stab in that fucking that's my main black dude down in arizona sending out t-shirts and shit i love him but that's it that's all i got for you with developing a patch for the show yeah i'll find out this week my man on the mat gi company scott i'm gonna talk to him maybe him in salami could do something for me we could get nice gi's for patches for the church of what's happening now so when you're rolling on

the mat you can think of my fat fucking ass doing it and you can get inspired and get up and tackle that motherfucker that don't work a bite to the neck always does you ever bite somebody in the neck we know what when do you bite people in the neck there you go was that a fart that was a little fart it's it's only you hit something oh it's like a fish i smell the it's like a little fish milkshake fart i love you guys have a great fucking day you're gonna get a live podcast on thursday and rock your fucking socks all right lisa yeah hit it cox sucker now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet uh support this podcast and get an

extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey that's huluplus.com slash joey motherfuckers oh shit this ain't one of my favorite van hell now but this jam's a fucking savage hiddily have a great day people much love to everybody so so you can't get romantic out of subway well conductor don't like it since you wasted your time

but everybody wants i want some too everybody wants