Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #081 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Monday, July 19th..... This episode is called “VIVA CUBA”…. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped & CBD Lion..... Go to https://www.Manscaped.com Enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter PROMO Code: JOEY or CHURCH Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein | @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 19th of July the joint is brought to you by my favorite manscaped summer is here and your uncle joey's getting in the pool in fact i might get in the pool today anyway manscape is great and i'll tell you why i like them because your balls will be fucking fresh and clean and they don't stink like fucking ten dead fucking cubans and just i could fucking go on forever while of manscape you gotta trim you gotta take care of your fucking helmet women see that shit at the pool your nut pops out you know how many times my nut has popped out at the pool you want it to be shaving you want that punching bag to look good that's where manscape comes in and manscape just revealed their fourth generation performance

package they got the first new and improved lawnmower 4.0 trimmer listen i give you a bunch of marketing shit but listen the bottom line is the skin safe technology it's designed to protect your fucking nuts and your dick bag even my long balls don't get caught in these fucking gears and the blades are sharp enough to cut through fucking white hairs like butter you set the length of your trim from one to four and if you're old school to fuck it they even put a fucking light on it so you could fucking do it at night in the dark by yourself before you give her a stab in the closet if you're into the closet i don't give a fuck and they got a travel lock on it so you throw this in your weekend bag and you're set for any fucking situation do me a favor what i'm

going to do for you today is get 20 off and free worldwide shipping by going to manscape.com slash joey we're going to throw in the whole fucking package because you don't stop at the nuts we gotta get the weed wacker to trim up your nose and ears with 9 000 rpm motors listen i got boogers coming out at me since the fucking 80s with this fucking weed wacker but get the whole package the crop reviver the crop preserver get the fucking undies they send you get the bag get the whole thing it starts today 20 off and free worldwide shipping by going to manscape.com slash joey again that's 20 off and free worldwide shipping by going to manscape.com slash joey no more stinky heads get your dick to be a fucking model beautiful with manscape the joint is also brought to you by

c b d lion i fucking love it especially now i went to the pool the other day i got a little sun burnt it was kind of itchy at night guess what i put some c b d lion on it the extra strength the fucking cream tremendous no more fucking itchy it went away you see i'm saying c b d lion comes in a variety whether you want to smoke the hemp flower the gummy bears the tablets i mean we got it all for you we can you could smoke it you could fucking bathe in it with the back balls you could rub it on you however you want cbd lines got you covered go to cbd line read the third party lab results and get back to me cocksucker and that's it hold on let me light this fucking thing right here for you and let's get this thing going right now

what's happening you bad mother fuckers it's monday the 19th of july it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive holy fuck first off i want to thank you guys for supporting me on the laughing gas fucking tremendous they had a great day i'm california i want to thank ziki and i want to thank the ice cream shop for making it possible for me to have my own weed i wish i would have had it five fucking years ago i got to tell you it's great fucking reefer and i'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass no pun intended but it is fucking pretty good goddamn reefer you know i have had the joy of getting i've been getting high again at night fucking right after i drink that fucking kikamote i fucking go outside and i i roll a joint and i

smoke half of it and i was telling joe from ice cream shop that i pretty much come close to passing out because in the mornings i think about like what the fuck happened last night all right i played the guitar i watched whatever but it's like oh shit i talked to lee last night oh shit i talked to lazaro last night that's my uncle so you know it's been great so uh i'm i'm happy i took the break i needed it you know i was telling mike that i wasn't getting high throughout the day anymore i i want to you know tell you that i was chasing a dragon all day i was getting high in the morning then the rest of the day was just fucking you know yeah i'm high and no you're not fucking high no you're not fucking high so it was great and now i don't do that shit all day and at night

i get fucking blasted just a half a number i put the fucking number out i bring it in i got a little hide in the spot and every night at 11 o'clock i'm outside smoking my little half a number and uh thank god thank god i did it my teeth are better you know you're old when your teeth are starting to turn gray that's when you know you're fucking old but i'm all right the stitches are starting to come out it's great every 10 minutes you spit out a fucking piece of a yarn or whatever the fuck they put the dispensable whatever the fuck they call it disposable stitches but at least the infection is going away and uh i gotta go back on the 26th it was a fucking nightmare all right thinking about it afterward what he did to my mouth last monday he put the

cocaine on my mouth right let take the i told him i'll give me the best whatever you got the noriega shit the fucking uh pablo eskibasta he put it on my gums and i tell you you're supposed to wait like 10 or 15 minutes i go away i put the earphones on i'm listening to ecdc power rage the next thing you know i open my eyes and he's coming at me with a fuck i'm like whoa i go okay it's starting already i figured the thing was fucking dried fuck no he was like an octopus this motherfucker had needles in every fucking hand and he was popping them everywhere but nothing nothing hits you like a needle in the roof of your fucking mouth that was the most uncomfortable thing i've ever gone through fucking in my life i mean i'd rather get fucked in the ass at this point than put a

fucking needle in the top the roof of your fucking mouth that was i was just sitting there like when does this fucking end so i'm gonna tell him when i go back on the 26th listen guy it's a week from today i'm gonna tell him listen you gotta relax on me that shit gave me fucking like nightmares it was like watching the exorcist when you attend i fucking couldn't sleep for like two fucking nights i was supposed to give blood since wednesday last week i finally went this morning thank fucking god because i haven't given the blood the fucking need all the needles he gave me on fucking monday just fucked my dream up i was like i was like fucking for like two fucking days after that so i got to talk to this fucking dentist but anyway

the main topic today that everybody want to hear from me about was on cuba name of this episode is viva fucking cuba you understand me now i don't have an opinion on what's going on in cuba right now i'm still trying to get the picture from my relatives and whatnot of what's really going on and what got the fucking cubans going but what do you expect 62 fucking years no food i think they ran out of vaccines they got nothing nothing down there so i'm gonna tell you my story with cuba and then you make up your own fucking decision on where i fucking stand okay i was born in avana cuba 1963 if you ask me what i remember from cuba nothing i remember my dad holding me and we're looking at a beach whether it was vada i don't know what beach it was i'd love to tell

you but i don't and they're both dead so i remember seeing a picture my mother had a picture in her picture things of a house in cuba with a car in front of it and me my mom and my dad were holding hands that's the only fucking picture of me that i don't even know what the fuck the picture is in the garbage or something now i have no idea we migrated to fucking new jersey migrated to new york whatever the fuck new york city new jersey my dad died when i was three we lived in union city then from there we moved to new york all my life when i was a kid my mom did a good job of me erasing me but she did have hatred not she did dislike not it bothered her she had hatred for the castro regime hatred hatred everybody around my mother had hatred but they were first

generation pre-revolutionary people so they were there they felt it if you ever you know what i'll do is hopefully either this week or next week i'll get rudy and we'll do a fucking zoom and rudy like i've had countless lunches with rudy we used to go to a cuban spot in burbank corportos countless conversations with rudy his fucking hate for cuba and the castro regime a fucking unbelievable rudy sozzo is the sweetest man i have ever met in my life i mean and i tell you this with confidence and sincerity i love rudy sozzo and we became friends through podcasting and mutual friends and we started doing lunches and i got to tell you something he had never said a negative word about anybody or any situation at all he even likes the osborns you

know Sharon i mean he's a great guy like that he has nothing bad to say about anybody but i will tell you something about rudy his hatred for cuba runs fucking deep he refuses to go back he refuses to be a part of anything he said that there's a heavy metal contingency growing in cuba there's a lot of like young heavy metalers and he wishes he could reach out to them and help him but he can't that's the same type of people i grew up with they had a fucking hatred for cuba now that was me growing up my mother died in november of 79 so my mother missed the mariel harbour thing by a fucking content like it was like a fucking pussy hair if she would have lasted three more months she would have seen cuba open up and when that happened you know it was

a sigh of relief a lot of people came over a lot of not not the right people came over a lot of people that were in jail and whatnot and they came up here and created havoc but i remember mariel and i remember talking to those people and i remember being in san francisco in 85 and meeting a whole new set of cubans and they were all from mariel i was part of a little click there i was i would i would sell drugs with them whatever travelers checks i was the only one in new england so i would talk to them a lot that was when my mother died in 79 i was i everything cuban i pushed it away like the food i was like i'm not gonna eat unless my mom makes it that's how much pain i was in after my mom died but in 85 i started eating cuban food again like an 83 my

boycott lasted like four years let's not fucking get carried away here my boycott ended when i came back from colorado in february of 84 i missed cuban food and i started eating it again but i didn't have real contact with cubans again in 84 i had contact with my uncle i had contact with my god father we didn't really talk about the cuban situation it was until 85 when i got to san francisco that i learned what communism really was what was going on in cuba how you know you had to fucking stand every sunday you had to go to downtown cuba don't quote me on this where you had to go down there and stand for 10 hours and people would be watching you and fidel would talk like address the country on sundays or something like that and you had a fucking stand

fucking pay attention and clap and people were watching you if you didn't clap that meant you weren't paying attention and that you were daydreaming they fucking throw you in jail they'd pull you out of there they'd pull you out of the fucking circle you know i mean if you don't uh you know they don't tell you you guys remember when i had yoel romero with rogan you don't tell them you want to play baseball they tell you what you're gonna play from what how you built you know what what sizes you are how big you are what you know what your parents do they they decide on that for you you don't tell them like i want to be a musician no you're gonna be an engineer what yeah you're gonna be an outer space engineer holy fuck half those guys i was selling drugs with on

the corner all all have like big time positions in cuba they were all fucking like big things in cuba but the cuban government stripped them of everything when they left they came here with the shit on their fucking back that's it you know the cubans that i grew up with had all escaped cuba before they they got their money taken in their homes and all this shit taken from them so for me i don't i didn't really understand the full spectrum of it till 1985 till i talked to those cubans and they were telling me like if you don't go to work one day you fucking get put in jail you know shit like that like i i was like what the fuck i didn't know that was what communism was i was too busy getting high and fucking living i had no fucking idea

so that made me start thinking then i moved to boulder and when i moved to boulder was where i met like a cuban professor at the university of colorado and he was like he taught like history or something and when i found out he was cuban i i reached out to him you know i went to his class and we spoke a little bit and we would get coffee whatever and he would talk to me about the politics and how the because his his perspective was the pros and cons of communism like he had pros and cons he was like a son of a revolutionary that's like my parents and he was like wait a second they were a little extreme he goes i'm looking at the pros and cons the pros are it's a great medical system a free education uh you know there's so many little things that

you say why i wish they did that in the united states but no matter what they give you they can't give you freedom which is the main thing that we need so what are we talking about here if you don't give me freedom to think or freedom to express myself or to think on my own i don't want to be an engineer i want to play the fucking guitar let my head grow long and stop cutting my fingernails and shit how about that that's what i want to fucking do so just that thing right there that bothers me a little bit i didn't have after you know and through boulder and whatnot i didn't really have that cuban thing going i did have a friend in boulder named danie febles and madeline febles i'm still tight with them i talked to danie this week on facebook uh

they were born in cuba and they still had family going back and forth in fact their mom was spending half a year in fucking cuba you know she liked it that much i don't think she liked the communism side of it that much but she liked the island you know and she would just go back for six months and visit and mix in with the people and then come back and zip the fuck out of there i don't think they really like cuban americans they don't like cuban americans so my that whole cuban thing was gone from my life until 2009 in 2009 i went to an audition in malibu and i saw this landing like a rock in the ocean the way it looked and i go wait a second on the way to the audition i saw it and i go fuck i've been here before and on the when i got to

the audition i started thinking how i was there before was i there with terry was i there with another friend i go oh my god i used to go there with my uncle when i was a kid in 73 72 74 i would fly to california for a week stay with my uncle and then he would take me to disney land and see world and we would go to malibu and have lunch and he'd show me all different places but i still remember us going there like fishing one day like we brought fishing rods and he'd had a break from work and we went there to go fishing so on the way back i actually pulled over on that rock and i actually called my uncle after not talking to him for 25 years i didn't talk to my uncle from 1984 to 2009 almost to the date of the 24 year 25 years it was like 24 and three quarter months

i just dialed his number and he answered it and i told him that i was sorry for what i had done in 1984 and that i had changed i lived in california now and i started hooking up with my uncle and we started doing lunches once a week and through my uncle he reconnected me with my sister which was fucking great you know so me and my sister opened up communication like in 2010 and we didn't speak from my 1979 to 2010 we didn't know how to communicate with one another we didn't know what was going on the family i blacked out from the family after that situation from my uncle i knew he was going to tell my family what i did and i was embarrassed you know so he actually told my family in cuba what i did my situation they weren't mad at me they knew i was young that i

had made a mistake and when i hooked up with my uncle he pushed me towards my sister i started talking to my sister right away started sending her money we would talk every 10 days life was great you know we i was planning on figuring out how to get down there to see them and then a short time after that while i was talking to my sister on the phone from cuba one day i got a call from the improv i look at my phone i go why is the improv calling me i'm a comedy store guy it's the fucking improv and i love the improv and i love the hollywood improv it's the hollywood improv and when i answered the phone it was like four in the afternoon and it was one of the managers from the improv and they're like listen i don't mean to bother you but your

family's here and i go what it's four in the afternoon what are you talking about and they're like your family's here family i got no family and they're like hold on and they put a girl on the phone and she's like coco i'm emi alfonso i'm your fucking cousin i'm tete tete's daughter i'm your you know your cousin blah blah blah we're here me my brother my father my stepmother we're all in california we came to record now i'm in burbank and we saw your name at the improv on the thing so we pulled over and they gave us your number do you have a show tonight and i'm like absolutely i have to show at the comedy store let's go out to dinner and they go no no we're gonna do dinner but we'll meet you at the comedy store then we'll get together after that i

was like fine so my cousin my male cousin my uncle my aunt and my uncle from la came to the improv and then we went to cantors on fairfax afterward and we just talked we talked from like maybe 10 30 to maybe 2 30 in the morning 3 in the morning like i was out late with them and we were just talking i think i cried three times while i was at the table because they were telling me how they grew up like they were musicians and uh their father was a musician tinta is a musician he's got a band called something with santeria something and they do like soul music it's great they they're great they do their own thing the male cousin eckey does like rock with a fucking heavy metal tune and you know he's got the long dreads and shit and emi alfonso

was the female she's the next jade she's the one that went through south through southwest and did all the stuff but they were telling me horror shows like they became musicians because my uncle became a musician and my aunt their sister rosita my mother's sister rosita rosita is the sister that my mother was getting raped when my mother walked up and stabbed the guy so rosita has always felt a certain guilt about my mother so while i was talking to my sister i would also i also started calling my aunt rosita and i would get her perspective but the perspective from my cousin is about q by the time they were telling me like the first time their hair led zeppelin for like that they lost their minds they came in a cassette they couldn't

put the cassette in their house they had a buried cassette in the fucking front yard under a tree bury it really good because if you got found having a fucking led zeppelin cassette or a beetle's cassette or a fucking ac dc cassette they throw you in jail it's anti fucking it's against the law so think about your freedoms real quick here you can't listen you can listen to the music they approve you can't listen to music from the outside fucking world so just there alone like just that alone and yes over the years the only reason why ekki and emmy became musicians informed the band is because how deep my aunt and my sister are into the government okay so think about what i'm telling you right now so that makes them fucking communist like my uncle went in 79 he

went to a park and he was arguing with some guy about baseball and some other guy said that he heard my uncle say that fidel was a faggot holy shit they threw him in jail and he went in front of the fucking judge and the judge said we'll sentence him next week but it's going to be in the fucking 20 to 30 year range two days later my aunt actually walked into the jail told one of the guards to open the door and they let my uncle out of fucking jail it was because of a political you know greg fitz simons is going to go to cuba last april during the pandemic i think yeah during the pandemic he was supposed to go to cuba with his son for a graduation present my aunt was actually going to pick him up at the fucking airport pick him up and take him to like my uncle's

fucking uh my cousin's bar and in a van and the fucking whole thing the pandemic ruined it i had fucking greg tightened up with my aunt my aunt was going to do everything for him my aunt's got that type of juice in cuba the killer for me was i had spoken to my sister from 2010 and now it was about 2016 i became tight with my sister and i talked to my sister a lot and one day i said fuck it i know exactly what i'm gonna do i called her up one day the same way i had been doing i was like on a program with i think i would call every tuesday or something like at a certain time and i would send money once a month you know in the beginning of the month let me put it this way when my mother was alive i know my mother was sending money

and they were getting like i don't know maybe 80 percent of the money now when i send money they get like 20 percent so if i send my sister 500 bucks she gets like 100 of that the government takes the rest so you guys know what's going on because a lot of you is like what's going on let me tell you what the fuck is going on this is what's going on so i love my sister guys i fucking love my sister just the thought of me having a sister growing up gave me something to live for like i have a sister that i'm gonna see someday was i tight with her as a kid until my mother died we spoke whenever my mother called cuba which was three times a fucking week if i was around my mom would go home come here say hello to your sister and i would say to my you talk to

my sister about whatever you know my sister if i'm 58 my sister is 63 you know so she was always older you know when my mother died obviously i didn't my mother had her her number and her fucking head nothing was written my mom didn't have a phone book so that was the reason why i didn't call my sister but i always thought about my sister and i always said to myself how would i act if i had my sister living here in the house so that was why like my mom always taught me to be cool with women like my mom had so many women around her i learned to be cool with women but i got cooler when i realized i had a sister so when something was going on with a girl i would go whoa how would i feel if that was my sister so it made me a better fucking man in a way and then i had a

daughter and it even helped me more but knowing that i had a sister at least gave me something to work around and i tell you this because what i'm about to tell you is gonna fuck you up so i love my sister one day i'm getting ready to call and i figured out what i'm gonna do i go i'm gonna call my sister i've saved some money i'm gonna invite her and her husband to fly to new jersey i'm gonna fly to new jersey with my wife and my daughter i'm gonna meet them in jersey pick them up in new work take them to the best hotel i can in the city and then give them like a fucking tour give them a tour where my mother's bar was where we lived in new york city where we lived in north bergen take it to the cemetery you know

take it to eat introduce it to my wife introduce it to my daughter you know that was the plan so i was all enthusiastic you know when you were you're fucking into you know when you wake up and you're like yeah today is the day like i was all psyched and i had finally put this fucking plan in my head and i called my sister and i go magali can i talk to you and she's like what's going on i go listen my sister's buck wild she's like my mom she would always answer the phone and call me a faggot and shit oh yeah maricón que te pasa you know she'd always say shit to me so my sister's wild so i call up i'm like what's going on she's like what's going on you're fucking queer whatever the fuck she calls me and i'm like nothing i gotta talk to you about something i go listen i've been

thinking i talked to my wife and i got the green light listen how about we start looking at plane ticket prices and we fly to new work and i show you like i told you guys take you to the bar take it to the cemetery give you the fucking denora tour take it to the Bronx show you her book making operation take it to Harlem show you the book making operate just all the spots take it 113th to where's the rider lived you know just i was gonna give it a fucking tour i'm nothing i'm no fucking tour guide trust me if you come to jersey don't call me and say oh well take me i don't know nothing i know the city i know what i know you know i'm saying like what i know about me i know so i could have given her a great tour i don't know nothing like if you come to new york city

tell me where do you go i don't fucking know go see the statue i don't know i don't know where the fuck to take it i just know what i know so i was gonna take her all around you know when you're excited and you're fucking fired up and you're like oh my god i came up with a great idea and the idea just went flat like when i asked her the line just went beep and i'm like migali and she's like yeah and i'm like so what do you think is that a great idea and she's like listen it's not gonna happen she goes i'm too old i'm too set in my ways and my husband can't do that that's not even allowed he would lose his job and his and his pension and all this other shit and i'm like are you fucking serious so it kind of broke my heart

because for the last six years i had been talking to her and it was hard talking to my sister's hard guys and i'm gonna tell you why because she sounds like my mother one and two i've worked really hard to lift the pain of my mother off me i worked really hard when i opened up the line of communication with her she flipped my mother on me she flipped it in a way she didn't know she was doing it she did nothing wrong my sister what she was doing was telling me what she had gone through you know like i didn't go through anything like i you know like she's like well at least you got to spend time with her i go so did you till you were fucking six or seven and then when my mom wanted to come back you didn't want to come back to the united states

with a young age you wanted to finish the school year that's the only reason why my mom left that my mom was going back and forth to cuba like people go to fucking san diego from la you know like we go down the shore in jersey we you could just go back and forth in 63 64 65 after that things tightened up things tightened up a lot the other thing about my sister that i i didn't like was the day my mother died the week my mother died i had a pride i had to look for shit i'm not listen i was a good burglar but i hate going through your shit you know what i am like i don't like going through people's shit it's not my i've been with my wife for 20 years i never go through her shit her drawers her drawers don't touch my shit i'm one of those guys i won't go

through your shit i don't believe in that i don't like reading your diary i don't like none of that shit so i never went through my mom's shit until the day she died i had to look for shit i found this fucking letter from cuba that was dated like august of 79 that was one of the worst things i had ever read in my life and it was all towards my mother and it was like three letters from three different family members a grandmother my sister and one of her brothers it was the worst thing i had ever read in my life because it was all bullshit i knew one thing for sure about my mother my mother was very generous very generous and every fucking week whenever she'd hit the horses or she'd have a great week at the bar i would go with her personally to fucking western

union personally personally she would make a stop at western union and fucking go in her tit and take out a water fucking cash and send it to her mom and my sister personally i know this for a fact i can't tell you how many western union receipts my mother had and i can't tell you how many times i went to western union for to send money what happened was when my mother lost a bar in 78 her income went down she took her savings and she was living and investing all for savings which was nothing she spent money you know if the Mets played that was it she bet the fucking Mets but she would send envelopes of money to cuba and i i'm telling you it was good money she was sending down there they wrote these fucking letters that my mother was a piece of shit

that the united states fuck you i mean the letter was horrible i basically took the letter i rip it up i ripped it up and i just dealt with my mother's death i'm not gonna read this shit no more i'm not gonna talk to these fucking people no more and i'm not gonna so i asked my sister about those letters like a year into our relationship i go hey man i gotta ask you a question i read a letter that you sent my mother in 1979 talking about hate and fucked you and everything she goes no let me tell you what happened i go you know what the fuck happened that was a horrible letter and she goes listen what happened was in those days the government was sitting us down and they were in the mid 70s from the mid 70s to the point that the mariel fucking opening in 1980 whatever the

late 79 he goes my sister was telling me that the fidel regime was making them write hate mail like it was fucking and i i remember talking to rudy about this and rudy was like yeah like there's so many things fidel castro did down there there's so many fucking creepy things he did down there but there was a point where he was brainwashing them to tell everybody like scientology like to tell everybody in the united states they suck you don't want nothing from them fuck them you know keep a united front cuban americans are no good so this is what was going on at the time so you know when i talked to my sister that day and she told me she couldn't make the trip or whatever i go you know for the last six years every time i talk to you

i get off the phone with you and i gotta have fucking two cocktails not even drink that's how bad i feel every time i talk to my sister i was made to feel fucking guilty because i lived because i existed you know she had no idea what i went through like one day waking up and your mother's dead you find the dead on the floor and then a month later you gotta move him with your friends and then a month later you hooked on fucking coke and then a month later i was you know i was just finding it for myself people always ask me well in that time you never thought of calling your family in cuba for what what were they gonna do for me they were in cuba i was alone in judge what was i gonna pack up move to fucking cuba they couldn't fucking help me

they were poorer than i was so that was my you know everybody was like well you lost contact yeah i lost contact with everybody nobody wanted to talk to me i was a fucking kid even my godfather there was people that were just you know that's just the way life is and i understood it i didn't get mad i mean that that's the way life is but i'm fucking cuban so i feel so when i got off the phone with my sister that day but we had it was not a sub disagreement there was no yelling there was no cursing there was no screaming but obviously my feelings were fucking hurt i'm up here trying you're bitching that you don't have a fucking i would have gave it whatever she wanted i would have gave her just so she wouldn't feel the way she did but her communism roots wouldn't let her fucking

do it so that's why for the last week when you people have been hitting me up asking me about cuba or what the fuck's going on i had to say something on this podcast to tell you what my feelings are about cuba and my feelings about cuba is this plain and fucking simple i called my uncle twice this week at night so i could come on this podcast and at least be a little knowledgeable with you about what's going on and he was telling me that what happened is what's going on that the fucking levee broke you ever hear that song by led zeppelin when the levee breaks got no place to stay the levee broke you know you get sick and tired of getting sick and tired there's no food there's no vaccines there's no this there's no that that's it you know you're looking through a lens

of how people are living and you're fucking on an island stuck with three eggs a month that's what they get they get like three eggs a month uh half a pound of fucking coffee you get like fucking four pieces of bread and that's what you got to live off a fucking month that's the reality is the fucking cuba right there so it's just a million people that uh you know now fucking covid's really gonna spread now the government's tightening up on them they've gotten venezuela involved and as well in double agents around the streets telling people asking people questions and they take them and they beat them up it's it's a fucking nightmare that's scary and everybody's waiting for the u.s. government to fucking uh you know the mayor of miami let's bomb

fucking cuba you can't bomb fucking cuba if you bomb cuba we'll start a fucking war i mean you don't think this frazzles me that 90 miles away think about that 90 miles away is a fucking enemy and we've had that there for fucking 62 fucking years right there right down the block right down the block if you live in la it's closer for you it's closer than san diego san diego is 100 miles away from la fucking avana is 90 miles away from miami give or take a few fucking miles people swim it that's how close to this we have an enemy uh a fucking just this thing did you ever think about it we just have this thing just lay in there 90 miles away from us you watch the fucking weather map you see it and they'll talk to you about

Haiti they'll talk to you about fucking the couscous whatever the island is uh kyoko skokas you know they'll talk to you about the dominican republic and port urico but nobody gives a fuck about you it's right there they don't tell you the weather but we try to hide it as much as we can you know the hurricane is going through cuba right now we don't stop and see pictures of cuba nobody cares now listen they're a communist fucking country we have to care there are enemy and they're 90 fucking miles away now there's a flip to this coin that's a joe deers flip because you have to think about this too look at all the people that are involved in this sos thing if you go on social media you got everybody fucking sending out sos for cuba and i love it and i'm with you but do me

a favor when those people come over here because that's the only way we're also gonna go mexico port urico fucking no you want to come to the major leagues you want to come to the united states so the next time you people are fucking you know fucking cubans this this remember when they come here i don't want to hear you fucking crying all right this sword's got two edges to it so when they come here when they get here in about a year when this thing blows up like my because that's what's gonna happen there's only three fucking scenarios i see us bombing fucking cuba right us going to war with fuck well there's two scenarios i see the united states saving cuba which the other scenario i don't i don't see that happening joe biden has enough trouble walking up

and down the stairs without fucking thinking about cuba you know i don't see kamala harris fucking thinking about cuba you know i mean even black lives matted supported the cuban government so obviously they don't know their fucking history because what the fuck what the fuck it was a slave fucking played did you not watch armistad fucking cuba was a fucking slave transport place the reason i am how i am is because i'm half a fucking slave i have slave blooded me i have an african blood me i did the 23 and me i ain't fucking i did it i did it i see what's in my fucking blood you know if you any of yous watch you know the celia crew story on netflix her skin was too dark to enter a talent talent contest did you know that did you guys even fucking know that that celia almost did

not become celia because her skin was too fucking dark that there is no place ever as racist as cuba is and if you guys got a problem with that if you want me to prove it to you i'll have my uncle call into the we'll do a fucking i don't think he knows how to zoom my uncle but i have him do a call and he'll tell you how he went to matanzas in 1944 to play baseball and they told him to get the fuck out of here that he was too fucking dark to play baseball and they made a dog piss on until this day he's like that's the luckiest thing that ever happened to me that dog piss on me the luck it brought me he thought it was a lucky day but in reality if you talk to him you could feel the pain my uncle's dark skinned even though my mom and you know we're like fucking cats every

generation you come back a different the reason why they call me cocoa isn't because i did tons of coke it was a name given to me by my father because my skin was so white it was like the inside of a fucking coconut so i don't know how the fuck you guys came up with that fucking theory that you're gonna back the cuban government because they've been great that no they have not been great to african-americans as a matter of fucking fact i'm gonna tell you what a lady said to me one time in 1985 in fort lee new jersey this panamanian woman told me one time she goes you know why that's going on in cuba that's a punishment from god that's a punishment from god she goes let me tell you something for years she goes i went to cuba as a young girl it was disgusting she goes

it was it was worst in harvey weinstein worst in epstein's fucking mansion it was horrible they were fucking animals they were fucking young girls you know 20 years ago when all those americans started going to cuba and all those canadiens you know why they go to cuba right in men's group because they go down there to fuck 15 year old girls and 16 year old prostitutes you guys know that right i hope you do know that that when you see a men's group going down to cuba it's the fuck 16 year old hookers they're hot to trot and they're down there on their malekong and they're selling that ass to fucking ten dollars fucking usa these old fucking white perverts go down there and get their helmets polished by 16 year old fucking girls it's been a

den of fucking disgust for years you know that story i always tell you guys about the superman read that fucking story read that go online and look up the superman at cuba read the full 45 minute fucking story and how planes would pack up just to go see that guy's big dick fucking rape some chick that's what you paid for to see some chick that didn't want a big fucking dick in a you know that's what you paid for so that's what cuba was about so she goes what cuba is serving right now is a punishment from god for how fucking crazy that player i mean she said she was there like a 1940 1950 and it was just a fucking people were fucking chickens and animals and it was like you know like 42nd Street was for me as a kid you went and saw the

hookers and fucking sex world and all that shit that's what cuba was yes it was a beautiful island and yes there was tons of Italians down there and casinos and all that stuff but read books like Havana nocturn read you know there was a little book i found on cuba i don't know what the fuck happened through over the years was my favorite fucking book i ever read on cuba that was about jose marty and the slaves and you know it just gave you it showed you the corruption the level of corruption you know when fidel came in there fidel came in there as a savior the people brought him in there they wanted fidel because batista was such a fucking horrible dictator horrible that just like i told you as a kid i grew up with martin peres and up to the fucking sixth grade

martin peres was my friend and one day he just disappeared into the witness relocation because his dad was batista's driver and cubans were hunting down to shoot him right in fucking union city in in north bergen they were going to kill him in north bergen that's how deep the hatred was for the batista regime so think about it it's like having a girlfriend that fucking fucks your brother fucks your dad takes your stuff cheats on you with everybody you hate her and also you welcome another lady into your life that seems great comes on to you fucking great everything's great in the beginning and after the honeymoon you get zapped that you're a fucking socialist or whatever a communist how would you fucking feel that's exactly what castrol did to them so they've

been getting beat up down there for close to 90 fucking years they've been getting beat up down there so eventually the scene fucking breaks the people you see on the streets are younger generations of people who have been there since they were getting fucking beat up cubans got no rules you know when you hear about crimes of war and all this stuff done by all these must must be oscillates and all these fucking people they blame columbus for crimes of war you gotta start looking at cuba for that shit they're doing some horrible things down there so i hope that eventually somebody fucking helps him but the only thing i see to get back to that that scenario i see this ending up as mariel i see this i see 300 boats going down there and diaz whatever his name is canal

just saying listen if you don't like it fucking leave and all the miami people who have family down there and loved ones that they want to leave or just have to shoot down there and go get them and i don't think they're gonna give them up that easy either i think it's gonna be a fucking you know so that's what i see from this result i don't know if this is gonna be what's gonna happen i don't have a fucking a crystal ball in front of me i'm just telling you that i don't see our government bail in cuba i don't see it at all there's a couple people raising their hand i mean the mayor of miami just said this bomb my just bomb cuba that's great but how many innocent people over there you know let's get those people out of there and then we could bomb those commie bastards or

whatever the fuck i mean i i don't know that's the only answer i got for you guys that that that's it that's my opinion on fucking cuba that's it i wish i had more for you i wish i could offer more you know i'm just telling you my story the things that i've heard the people i rub shoulders with their feelings toward and my feelings towards it it's a communist fucking place my family has been torn apart by it you know i don't have a majority of my family because in reality they're communists when i you know i've seen my cousins and my uncles maybe four other times in california i spent i think uh thanksgiving 2018 with them in uh studio city we're there for hours when i see my family from cuba we get along we hug we eat we have a great time but we never

talk politics it's not like i'm asking them about their situation they're not asking me about mine we're just family whatever they do they do it's got nothing to do with me i wish them luck i love my cousins i love emmy and i love eckey i don't care if that commie bastards it's just it's the way it is you know i'm saying i love them i overlooked that it's like if they were a junkie you know when i was a junkie people i love for me even though i was a junkie i feel the same way with them so i hope you guys understand where i'm coming from and you guys accept what i'm telling you the only way this is gonna end is by us going to pick up our loved ones and i know that like llamas the ufc fighter and whatever we want to talk if anybody wants to do a a talk or zoom or whatever i'm willing

to do it you know with anybody cuban just to help you guys understand that we i don't know i don't know what the fuck to think but i see this going out the way mariel did that's my fucking story before we leave i want to talk to you about something again i want to talk thank you for the support on laughing gas ziki and the ice cream shop but i also want to talk to you about friday friday was a special day for me not because of the laughing gas it was also a special day for me because of my 30 years in comedy and even though i'm not doing comedy at the present time it doesn't mean that i did comedy 29 and a half years it meant that i did the work i'm i was very proud on friday i was a little sad that i wasn't doing stand-up that night you know i don't want

to do it right now it's not in my fucking forecast uh i'd much rather just be a dad right now i enjoy doing the podcast i enjoy doing the patreon stand-up i got a little problem with right now you know between the pandemic and all that stuff i could blame it on that but between you and me i just don't feel like doing it and i've accepted it already for a couple weeks i had a problem with it why wouldn't i love something that i did for 30 years but i came to grips with it i spoke to somebody you know i spoke to a therapist i'm still talking to her i talked to her again tomorrow at 9 30 in the fucking morning and uh i'm okay with it i'm fine i'm happy doing what i'm doing and one night when i look at the clock and i'm like tonight's tonight i'm gonna do stand-up

you you mother fuckers will be the first to know but 30 is doing stand-up holy fuck and i'll tell you what it really wasn't 30 years of stand-up it was 30 years for me to get my shit together that's what this whole thing has been you know friday i got up friday morning i'd you know i go to the gym i write my journal like it was like three pages of journaling friday because it was so much to comprehend and to understand this wasn't about me becoming a star this wasn't about me being in movies this wasn't about me this had nothing to do with the 30 last years have been joey dears is getting this shit together too that's all this was it was a start from 1963 i lived from 1963 to 1991 lost i had it together till i was 16 my mother passed and i became a fucking uh you

know a drug addict and i was lost you know comedy helped me find my way back it taught me who i was it taught me what i could do it taught me that i wasn't scared of hard work i wasn't scared of what anybody fucking thought or whatever whatever negativity you had if you don't want to clap you don't have to clap you know it's a hard thing being a fucking comic not everybody could do it it's very tough your skin has to be tough and i did it i conquered all my fears and i moved forward regardless of what the fuck was going on and i'm very proud of that the last 30 years and guess what it ended with me coming back to new jersey getting the dignity back getting my pride back to being able to come back here and hold my head high that's what the last 30 years was about

and i'm very proud of this you know i'm gonna call my book agent on monday and talk to him and try to tell him that what i want for this book is the last 30 years this is what the mean potatoes is anything else is the story of my mother and we're just writing to fucking you know to be a big book like my jimmy page book i don't want to do that i'd rather just focus on the 30 years of comedy what i learned what i did what i didn't do and the struggles to let people know that it was fucking great and i wouldn't have changed anything if i could change one thing about the last 30 years would be two things i don't care about the junk i don't care about the coke listen it took me to where i am today it made me the man i am today but there was two things

now i forgot what the fucking two things well this is what happens uh there was two fucking things i wish that i hadn't beaten myself up like i did don't beat yourself up enjoy the ride you're gonna have good nights and bad nights in this and the beginning there's a lot of fucking bad nights you know yesterday a couple guys hit me up on you know online hey man congratulations on the 30 i've been in it for seven congratulations on the 30 i've been in it for four you know i've been in it for two a couple guys hit me up like that and it meant the world to me because it brought me back for a minute seven what was i doing that seven years you know oh shit i was at the store four years what was i doing oh shit i was just about to go on the road

you know two years oh i wasn't doing dick i was just doing like you know eight spots a month and snorting coke and telling girls i'm a comic but i really wasn't a comic i was just a fucking open mic mutt you know there was two things that i took away from this one i wish i wouldn't beat myself up as as much i really beat myself up i got to the point where i hated myself and the coke you know when you look at my face and i have all these scars it's scarring it's it's me picking it's like somebody fucking slicing at their skin i hated who the fuck i was when i was doing that shit but all that aside i was don't beat yourself up whether you're gonna become a comic whether you're gonna become a guitar player a fucking a band leader an artist whatever the

fuck you want to do in that world a don't beat yourself up do not beat yourself up it's not worth it you're gonna get to your destination obviously you're beating yourself up because you love what you do and you don't want to fuck up don't beat yourself up you're gonna get to that destination if you're thinking like that that you're beating yourself up that means you love something there's nothing wrong with loving something just don't beat yourself up and number two i wish i was a little bit more patient in the beginning i think my first 10 years i was very impatient and again if you love something that much you're gonna get to that destination don't worry about it you're gonna get there it's just gonna take some time i was a little impatient

not in the sense of being a pig or whatever i think i was more impatient and wanting to get there you're gonna get there you're gonna get there when the time is right you're gonna get there it's like taking a bus from Penn Station or Port Authority to North Carolina sometimes the bus takes eight hours sometimes it takes 10 and a half hours you know what you're gonna get there be patient don't beat yourself up stay true to yourself and anything that you choose in this life will be fucking phenomenal listen this thing this fucking microphone and this bricks on a wall they saved my life they let me know i could do something for years i searched i wanted to be a mason i wanted to work at the stock market i want to be an estimate i

wanted to be a fucking economic major i didn't want to do shit i didn't want to do shit i wanted to crack jokes smoke pot in front of a fucking brick wall and have fucking people boo me or clap that's it that's how easy it is there was nothing else to it i didn't think about movies i didn't think about tv shows i didn't think about podcasts i went into this with all my heart and i'm happy i'm very happy that i became the man that i became before my mom died a week before she died she told me i just want you to grow up to be a man i don't care how you do it i don't care what you do if you're a fucking janitor be the best janitor on the force and that's exactly what i did i was the best that i could be for the time i did it for how long i could do it i'm very proud of that

so i'm happy that you guys still follow me i'm happy that i still have your support and i'm happy that you're having a good time and you're enjoying your life and you're still enjoying what i got to say because it's from the heart and it's always been from the fucking heart so i appreciate you motherfuckers thank you for supporting me thank you for asking me about q but thank you for letting me tell my story and thank you for the last 30 years i hope the next 30 years are fucking great also in comedy i love you motherfuckers thank you for watching i'll be back wednesday tip top magoo patreon still alive the album of the week laughing gas we got plenty of it it's limited right now the big fucking push is going to be in august that's when the new growth

comes out it's going to be stronger and better than what it is now so i appreciate you motherfuckers at all my heart thank you and now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors jack all right you bad motherfuckers thank you very much for listening to viva kuba today kuba libre whatever the fuck i told you was called in the beginning who the fuck knows anymore the join is brought to you by cbd line today the best when it comes to cbd i've been with them for about two to three years and they always fucking surprised the fuck out of me they're that good whether it's the gummy bears they got these new gunny gummy bears or melatonin and them fucking tremendous they got the hemp flower they got the capsules they got the roll on they got the extra strength cream they got bat balls what the cbd

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fucking knee manscape is the best no more stinky hairs with manscape again manscape.com slash joey and i'm gonna get you 20 percent off and free worldwide shipping i want to thank cbd lion i want to thank manscaped but i want to thank you guys for having my back on a monday morning i love you motherfuckers have a great week and i'll see you wednesday it's all over the shouting cocksuckers go live your life oh