Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #082 | FELIPE ESPARZA | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It’s Wednesday, July 21st..... This episode is called “I Miss L.A.” and we talked with the Great, FELIPE ESPARZA! https://www.felipesworld.com https://www.Instagram.com/felipeesparzacomedian https://www.Twitter.com/funnyfelipe This episode is brought to you by The Freeze Pipe & Upstart..... Go to https://www.TheFreezePipe.com Enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.Upstart.com/JOEY Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #FelipeEsparza The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....  

What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, July the 21st. The joint is brought to you and I want to welcome to the podcast Freeze Pipe. Listen, remember for years, I've been telling you motherfuckers that when I lived in Colorado, I used to wake up in the morning and scoop fucking snow and put it in my bong. It was tremendous. And then in LA, we were putting ice cubes on the fucking bongs and people were like, what the fuck is that? I'd never seen that. Come on, guys. You know, Uncle Joey is a fucking professional. Smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs. With Freeze Pipe, you can get an

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Let's get this fucking motherfucker. He started on a beautiful Wednesday morning. It's not beautiful. It's kind of raining out. There you go. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, the 21st of fucking July. It's been a beautiful day so far.

I had to give some fucking blood this morning. You know how that goes fucking no drama. I got to be honest with you guys. No fucking drama at all. And there was no fainting. I didn't even feel the needle. I always laugh because thank God my wife goes. Thank God my fucking wife goes.

I'm sitting there. The lady was from another country. Who knows what country she was from. She was very sweet. And I told her when I go in, she goes, you're going to sit down. I go, I'm not sitting in that little fucking communist chair. You know, they have those little chairs like that. You put your lips like a school kid chair, you know, give it a fucking arm.

I'm not fucking sitting on there, you know, because I'll fucking pass out. She goes, really? I go, yeah. So I tell everybody that right away. I'm like, I'm not fucking sitting on there because I'll fucking pass out. Off the bat, I go use a kid needle. Now I'm fine. I got my earphones on.

I'm listening to fucking death, leopard, high and dry. I'm in fucking heaven. I'm thinking about 1982 and getting my dicks sucked. And, you know, you're trying to think about great thoughts, you know, and I give her the arm and all of a sudden I can't hear her. You know, she's talking to me, but I can't really fucking hear her. And I don't give a fuck. And all of a sudden I feel my wife closing my hand.

But before she closes it, she makes like a noise. And next thing you know, she puts a bunch of tissues in my hand and a bunch of tissues in this hand because I was sweating fucking profusely. In fact, I had my hand on my chest. And when I took it off, there was an imprint of my fucking hand from how much I was fucking sweating. So I love all that shit. I didn't even feel the needle go in.

I could lie to you and tell you I didn't feel it. All of a sudden I just felt the put my arm back and I'm like, oh, thank God I'm gone. I was pissed because I didn't drink enough water because they usually make you piss in the cup. I get flashbacks of the halfway house. You know, I got to go in and hide. I'm like, what am I hiding from?

Nobody's watching me. So I fucking, you know, I didn't ask me to fucking pee in a cup, which is good because I didn't have enough fucking fluid in me. You got to go to those blood tests with nothing in your stomach. And I take it, it's a nightmare not to wake up and eat. It's a fucking nightmare for a guy like me. And to put a needle in your arm and nothing in your stomach, it even makes it worse, but I fucking make it through.

I don't know how to fuck. I do it. So thank God that's over. I'm actually feeling a lot fucking better, you know, than what I was. So that's fucking great. I took a tremendous shit this morning and it wasn't like a little, I've been taking these little submarine shits for the last three weeks. I'm like, that's not my asshole.

That's somebody else's asshole. I don't take these little, they look like you yodels. You know, you've ever seen a yodel like the little chocolate things, not this morning, Jack, everything came out. You know what I'm saying? My stomach was giving me a hard time for a few days. I slowed up on the nicotine gum. I started drinking a little K.O.

Pectate and boom, I'm shitting like a fucking animal again. You understand me? Put them out in the fucking stall, but I'm a little pissed off because I found out the other day they're not going to be making Oreos in New Jersey no more. They're going to fucking outsource Oreos from Mexico. What the fuck is going on? Is Biden fucking up this much that even they took Oreos from fucking the United States and they're going to make them a Mexico now?

I mean, I got nothing against the Mexicans. I love the fucking Mexicans, but this is bullshit. Oreo is an American fucking tradition. How the fuck are you going to outsource Oreos to Mexicans? This is not good, guys. This is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm fucking talking about. Listen, I don't get pissed about fucking children at the border.

I don't know, but taking Oreos from the fucking country. Jesus Christ, how un-American is that? First it was Chevrolet, then it was this. Now it's fucking Oreos. Those Oreos are going to be fucking cocaine doubt, too. Those narcos are going to trick us and shit. They're going to sprinkle Coke in them. They're going to have a different flavor to them.

I'm not happy about this shit. I'm not happy about Oreos being made out of Mexico. Right away, you people going, oh, yeah, you're fucking racist. I'm not fuck. I love fucking Mexican people. As a matter of fact, the podcast I'm doing today is I miss LA. I do miss LA. I miss different things about LA.

When I did the podcast with Leah a couple of weeks ago, we talked about the hellish side of LA and I didn't exaggerate, you know, but there was some good in LA and I forgot to mention that, you know, I miss a lot of people and it's not the people that you think I miss. You know, you people think I miss like the stars. I don't miss those motherfuckers at all. I missed the little guys. I miss Eric Roach and my fucking gay buddy.

I haven't made friends with a gay guy here. I don't hear no more fucking in the ass stories. I had a fucking guy with a hemorrhoid stories. I don't hear none of that shit no more. My life is boring now. I need another gay guy in my life. You know what I'm saying? He's raping guys.

He's fucking making them eat hot dogs to prep them to suck dick. You know, I loved all those stories. Fucking tremendous. Eric Roach, I miss him. It was Lee's birthday yesterday. I missed that little motherfucker. You know, I miss Steve Simone. I miss Eric Rocha, who's having surgery today.

Wednesday, the 21st, my heart goes out to him. Please stop by Eric Roach's page and give him some love. I mean, he's one of my best fucking buddies of all time. I miss a lot of guys, Rodrigo. But the guy I'm going to have on the podcast today is a special fucking cat. We've been friends since I met him when they sent me to LA to do the Trials for Latino Laff Festival. Him and Marilyn Martinez were my first buddies in fucking LA.

And. He was always great to me from day one. He would yell out from the back of the room, what jokes for me to say. He wanted to hear the dirtiest fucking jokes. He took me to all the Mexican rooms in South LA. He introduced me to all the Mexicans as his brother. I mean, you know, when I cracked the Oreo cookie, it was just a fucking joke. You know, no, it's not.

I'm pissed off that Mexico's got it. But let's not even fucking discuss that right now. I'm not pissed at Mexico. They're just trying to make a decent buck. You know, he introduced me to all the Mexican fucking dudes. He showed me all the great taco places were. You know, me and this cat must have done fucking a thousand shows together. Like that's, you know, he had a room on Tuesdays and Thursdays,

Tuesdays and Wednesdays that they gave me an open invite to like it was guaranteed $40 and a burrito, $40 and a burrito back then meant more to me than anything in the world. You ask any artist when he's fucking starving, what we rather have cash or quick meal and a fucking taco to go or something. And they'll tell you the food. I mean, the experiences I had with this guy were tremendous. If I look at my 30 years of comedy, he was in those 15 of those fucking years.

You know, the guys that were the best to me, I think in comedy were Mexicans. I had Jimmy, a beta in Denver. That guy got me started. That guy got me on the HBO tour. That guy fucking gave me two gigs a week. He fucking paid my rent, Jimmy, a beta. I will forever be grateful to him. But Felipe Esparza was my fucking original OG.

I mean, I had him in George Perez and Rudy Moreno and Gilbert Esquivel. You know, Gilbert used to book the laugh factories on Monday night, Latino night. And even though the owner of the laugh factory was like, you know, they're performing in here today anymore. When I first got there, he wasn't out there on Monday nights at the laugh factory. So Gilbert would put me up on the sweetest fucking spot. Half the movies I got and half the TV shows I got were from the fucking laugh factory, Latino nights on Monday night.

And it would be me, Pablo, Felipe, Willie Barcena, Edwin San Juan, the lineups, Jeff Garcia, George Perez, the lineups were fucking deadly. Latino night on laugh factory. But even when I did my documentary, if you look at the documentary, it's executive produced by this guy you're about to see today. He's one of my tightest friends in comedy. I miss him with all my heart and I'm happy he came on the joint. We talked, it's a very, if you're looking for fucking huge laughs,

you're not going to get them. It's a, it's more of a heart to heart. Two guys just bullshitting. It's the first time I saw him in 11 months. And it's, it's a fucking pleasure, man, because I do miss him. You know, I talk a lot of shit, but I miss a lot of my old school friends from LA. Yeah, I miss Rogan.

I miss red band. I spoke to them this weekend, you know, Harry was down in Austin. So they called me. Katie's down there this week. So red band will call me again. Red band went to my favorite restaurant in Austin and took a picture and fucking called me that night and he goes, it's not what it used to be because of COVID.

They don't have the same seafood to have a limited fucking menu. He went to Papa does across in the double tree in Austin. That was my fucking spot for years. So I'm still talking to my tight buds, but this one today was extra special. We even that night after we finished the podcast, he called me back that night and we chit-chatted for another fucking 45 minutes, just about life and whatnot. I'm talking about Felipe motherfucking as far as he came to my wedding. I didn't go to his cause I had a gate gig in Chicago.

You know, he executive produced my special when he won last comic standing. He called me first from the stage and he goes, nobody fucking knows, dog. But you and I did so many shows together. I got to tell you, I won last comic standing and I remember pulling over. I was on Melrose and like Fairfax and I remember pulling over and actually like being so fucking happy for Felipe to win last comic standing. He was part of the crew, you know, he would hang with me, Ralphie. We used to do acting classes on Tuesday, our own acting classes.

I mean, you know, hard work is hard work, guys. And this guy, I give him all the respect in the world. Enjoy Felipe Esparza, motherfuckers. I'll see you back in, I don't know, 30 minutes. What up, fool? What's up, fool? How are you, my little brother of love? Shilling, man. What's up, fool? I can't call it. Just checking in with you.

I got my Lakers shirt on out of respect for Los Angeles. You know how we do a play. You know me. How you been? I've been great, man. How you been? Good, trying to put the pieces together, missing you, you know, thinking about you every time I see Narcos. Yeah, man. I see the Sena Loan, motherfuckers. I go, that's my boy, Felipe, straight out of Sena Loan.

This shit. You been down there lately? No, I haven't been down there, man, but I made one of the actors from Narcos at a movie premiere for some movie I made. You know, the cop that's playing one of the federal cops, that's actually a good cop. And he's there when they're interrogating the guy who killed Camarena. I kind of remember.

And the doctor has been he's been tortured. He's telling a Mexican cop, because you think these cops care about you guys? After this done, I'm going after your families. I was one of the best cops I met him. Yeah, that's a crazy as fucking show. I love I love the first two seasons. I love Cali, but fucking Mexico was straight up. Mexico was straight up gangster, the whole fucking Diego Luna.

Yeah, man, I just fucking love. He's a great actor. I just watched the senior night where he has to meet Pablo when Pablo kidnaps him and shit, and he tells him the hippopotamus don't like Mexicans and all that shit. It's fucking it's like De Niro and Pacino sitting down in heat. That's two fucking strong actors. What else has been happening in your life?

Not much, man, going back on tour. I have a new tour coming up. It's unmasked tour. I'm going a lot of cities, man, starting next week. You're a bad motherfucker. Let me ask you something. You were the first person to do a Spanish special, correct? English and English simultaneously on Netflix first.

You were the first one because I read something last year and I know you were pissed off. Somebody said this was the first Spanish fucking Netflix special. And you're like, fuck that. It was Felipe Jack. Don't fuck with me, baby. And I know you've been. Yes, it was me, man.

And now hopefully there'll be more so we could do a Mexican American comedy tour in a Latin country. That would fucking work in South America and all those places. It would work. It's amazing. Yes, I would like to go somewhere on tour where I don't have to do a whole hour, you know? I'd like to just do my little 25 minutes and get the hell out of there. Maybe I could go on tour in Spanish with Tom Seguro,

or Esus Trejo and hook up with Carlos Vallarta in Mexico and make it get the party started. You are doing five minutes of hosting. And just go up and down Mexico. Just make sure you don't fucking get mugged or shaken down. And, you know, it was it was really interesting to me when I saw. The Rolling Stones documentary, Ola, Ola, Ola. Have you ever seen it?

I haven't seen it. They did all the South America. And South America and Mexico are big markets for big markets, punk rock, heavy metal and comedy. Yeah. If I had my fucking passport, I'd go to South America and drop some knowledge on those Venezuelans and shit. Man, you go to you want to go to a badass punk rock concert? You go to you go to Chile, man.

Chile has the biggest punk rock convention in the whole wide world, man. Like all the bands that you that you grew up with that you might think, man, I wish I could go see them like they're playing in Peru, man. Like little moans are huge over there, man, huge. It's funny, because when I watched that documentary, there was I think it's Chile, where the stones are fucking huge. Like they have stones, clubs, you know, they they they it was just amazing. So I always thought about you when you did that tour

to maybe do fucking South America, Colombia, you know, Venezuela, Costa Rica, the whole fucking thing. That's that's just an option. Some people go to Australia, you know, you could go to fucking South America. I love to go to Australia, man. I've been dying to go to Auckland, New Zealand, man. I heard it's nice that I want to go there, man. I want to get treated.

I want to get treated by the Marys, bro. The real the other Mexicans, bro, in Europe. That's fucking the Marys are badass, bro. Like New Zealand natives, a lot of those guys who are great actors, they go to America and play Mexican parts. Like, have you seen that movie with Denzel Washington? Which one? When he goes, you were you were got to you were got to shit push, man.

When he's when he's when training day. OK. Training day when he's when that other actor, Ethan Hawke, he's he's about to get killed by the Mexican gangsters. The main one, the main leader of the of the of the Cholos. He's not even a Mexican. He's right. I know you're talking about. I know you're talking about he plays a lot of space. He even played Pablo Escobar and blow him and blow a badass movie.

Yeah, yeah, he played Pablo Escobar and fucking blow. How does it feel acting? I know you're digging it. You've been doing a lot of fucking shows and movies and whatnot. What's going on with you? I'm in a movie right now with Omar Chaparro. He's a real big a Mexican actor from Mexico, and he's a comedian actor over there with millions of fans.

And he did a movie in English called Seventh and Union. It's like it's like a rocky story, but with a Mexican in it. This kind of day laborer in the morning and he plays. He fights. He he he he fights in bars at night. Like cleanies would ruin every which way, but loose like Charles and hot times. Yes. So he's fighting, man. And I mean, I'm like his best friend at work.

So every time he's at work, I'm in the scene. I'm in a lot of scenes, man. Like when the movie was shown at the Chinese Theater, when it started, I was very surprised to see when when other credit started, then at the end, I said, and Felipe Sparza. You dig that, huh? Do you remember how we used to do mock acting classes behind my building? Yes, man, it was me, you, Cisco, Rodrigo and Rick Ramos.

How fucking crazy is that we used to go? We would get high and then Cisco will get mad because his son was there. Nobody told you to bring him, cocksucker. That's right. Cisco would bring his fucking son there. That's right. And then we're all I remember we're all doing the scene of which is the real hard.

You give us the hardest scenes to do, bro, for young actors. Like the scene you gave us was the one where. Where it was Bronx. What was it was? Fuck, can you remember? It was the movie with Al Pacino, where Al Pacino, the gangster. He's I'll lead those way. And what's the name of Johnny Depp?

He's a cop. Wow. I thought I gave you one of those. One of the Bonanno family. Oh, Donnie Brasco, Donnie Brasco. Yes, Donnie Brasco. OK. The scene where Al Pacino son, his son, Odead again. That's right.

And you were playing Al Pacino and we were playing Johnny Depp and we were taking alternating turns and you were trying to get us to take an emotion that his son is Odead for the third time already. Not the first time, first time he was sad, but this is the third time. He's still fucking sad, you were telling us. But he's angry, too. But you were trying to relate that emotion, but we were fucking high. We used to get high on Tuesdays because

yeah, I at that fucking wheat store on Tuesday would make the edibles fresh. He was a chef. Yeah, he would make chocolate and he would hook us up, just give us stuff. And I still remember the day we had to carry Rodrigo into the car. His legs were fucking his legs were dragging like Tarantino when they walked them out of El Compadre that night. They were two Mexicans who walked out quitting Tarantino and his legs were fucking dragging on the floor.

And they basically just put them in his car and closed the fucking door. I don't know what happened to Quinten after that. Maybe ended up at Harvey Weinstein's house. Who the fuck knows? He was on Rogan last week talking a bunch of fucking nonsense. Fuck him. I can't stand Quinten Tarantino. I really can't. He I hate his fucking movies look bad trying to make Bruce Lee look bad.

I fucking hate his movies. His movies are always like there's a guy like Wink Wink. It's just hollow with he and shit. If you're going to fucking tell me that that Tarantino dude didn't know about Harvey Weinstein and what he was doing. You're fucking full of shit. They all fucking knew. So I don't even I've never even watched that fucking movie about Hollywood.

I never watched the Django and Chains. I didn't I stopped watching his shit 15 fucking years ago. He got on my last nerve. So people were impressed because he was on Rogan last week. Fucking telling lies. Fuck him. He could suck David Chase's fucking dick with David Chase. Forgot Quinten Tarantino. Don't know. Kill Bill.

He stole that from fucking. What's the other guy that came after Bruce Lee? That was a savage. Sonny Chiba. Sonny Chiba. Nobody remembers Sonny fucking Chiba movies and shit. He had that one movie that was wild like fucking bad ass. But he would like die hard before die hard. Fuck. Yeah.

Sonny Chiba put out one like four or five movies. But there was one of them that was just fucking ultra violent. I got to look it up. I used to do the martial arts movie segment for National Lampoon years ago. So I had to look all those fucking movies up. She wrote me Funi and fucking Sonny Chiba. And that's where he got killed Bill from. He stole fucking all the bits from those guys.

He even put Sonny Chiba at the end of the movie as a sword maker. Right. He was a sword maker in that movie. That's right. That's right. Yeah. But Sonny Chiba first when Quinten Tarantino first introduced him like we didn't already know was in that movie True Romance, a movie that he wrote but didn't direct. It was directed by that bad motherfucker, bro. What's his name, man?

The brothers, one of them died. Really, Scott. OK. So True Romance is a Quinten Tarantino written movie. Yes. But that's a good fucking he directed it. But he cut up all of Quinten Tarantino's lines for the movie with full of full of Quintino lines. Like remember that scene where when Kristen Slater walks in to grab his Rosanna Arquez suitcase

because what's the name? Is there Gary Omen is there playing like a like a black guy that wants to be a wigger? Yeah. And he goes in there, man. He goes, how come you don't sit down? I don't sit down because I already seen this movie. It's it's a Mac with Pam Greer and Richard Pryor. You know, we saw this movie, but the original line was.

I don't want to watch this movie because it's Pam Greer and Richard Pryor. And he gets into a long, unuseful dialogue about cinematography on the cinematography was this and the movie was shot with this type of lights. You know, all that bullshit lines that Kevin Smith likes to do also, like in clerks nonsense, nonsense, they love to talk. They like to give you a movie history. I don't need a movie history. Give me good dialogue. Fuck movie history.

I don't want to know where the movie was made in the movie of being made. Just give me the fucking movie, man. Who's going to shoot who? I don't want to know that when the movie was made. There was good lighting. The sound man was the Oscar winning sound man. Fuck all that, man. Get to the dialogue. Hey, this is your day. Make my day mother fuck with clean Eastwood style.

Yeah, the least is the better. The least you say is the fucking better. I hate fucking. I got offered this mob movie that it would have taken me two years to learn my lines. It would have taken me two fucking years. The guy hit me up and he's like, he hit me up in July. It's going, it's going. Then he hit me up December 8th.

He's like, this is the week I need you in New York. I go for fucking scale, New York, December 8th in the winter. I'm moving with Val Kilmer and that's it. I'm not I'm not fucking wasting my time. I'm never going to learn this dialogue. It was I know what movie you're talking about. You do. I saw a trailer for that movie. That movie has everybody, Val Kilmer.

It has big pussy. Big pussy. It has Michael and that guy from a doogie house with the little Italian guy. It has everybody in it. Oh, Benny, Benny. I just did a thing with him in New York. We played detectives. Yeah, I saw the movies. You said no to him.

That movie has everybody in it, man. But I still don't know what it's about. Yeah, it was. Listen, when you send me a mob script and I see Gino, Tony or the name Anthony, I turn it down. I turn it right. I turn it down just by reading the first five pages because if you're still making those type of movies, they're just not fucking going to go.

The surprise of it, everything. Me too, man. Like I don't turn down movies that I'll get offered too many, but I kind of like I have one. I'm listening with one. I already shut without even looking at it like this. Like, like, I know that I know that that's not going to work. You know, right now, I know that that that type of movie

is not going to work right now when there's a page called Foods Gone Wild and they created that page on themselves. And now they're doing concerts with that type of comedy with millions of followers. And you're going to come up with this Latino movie with a message for everybody. Let me tell you, man, we're going to start stop making Mexican American films

or any Spanish film with a message at the end. We don't want a message when I watch Die Hard. There's no fucking message. You know what the message was? I should have bought more popcorn. You know what I mean? Are these movies? I should have had more fucking guns next.

Go ahead. I should have had more guns. That's what he should have had in fucking God. Yeah, we want to move with that each way. How we're going to keep shooting people. That's it. I can't remember the movie we did where the guy put a fake mustache on me. Oh, my God, could you shave? I shaved. I didn't know I had a fucking.

I couldn't grow a mustache if you fucking paid me. OK. And he fucking, yeah, he made me the sheriff with a fucking shitty mustache. That director was the biggest waste of time, Felipe. That was like that was definitely a fucking. And money, too. The money wasn't bad, right? No, he wasted money on the stuff

that we didn't need to, like, honestly, join me, you, Nick Totoro and two other people that we had to hire a stunt coordinator to do the stuff that we were doing out there. No, it was a fucking nightmare. The only good thing about that movie was our teaching of karate moves. Yes, that's right. That was terrible, terrible.

I fucking hated all that shit. The only thing that came out of that movie was David Provao. We got him high. Oh, my God. Jackie, April, we fucking turned them on to edibles and shit. He came the next day. Where do I get a marijuana card? I just talked to him about a year ago. It was like, thank God for turning me on to that shit. My life changed.

That was funny because the director made him a made him a French guy in a movie when these guys played the Italians everywhere. And then and then he got a French guy. How the fuck am I going to do a French accent? Smoke some of this. We gave him a day that we got high all day because they couldn't find Paul Rodriguez.

That's right, Paul was MIA and shit. They had to go to his house and jump the fence and get him in shit. How's he doing? Is he better now? He's doing good, man. I haven't spoken to him, but we have the same agent. And I see that he's getting back on the road. OK, yeah, because he was in the hospital for a while, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was in the hospital. Something was wrong with him. He drank bad water. He was funny. He was dehydrated. And he had just came from a rally where he was fighting for water for the farmers. And he was dehydrated. Yes, fucking tremendous.

Instead of fighting for the fucking farmers, he should have drank a glass of wine or water. I opened up. I opened up for him. Him and I, let me tell you about him and I did a show. And, you know, when I started standup comedy, the Latino comedians that were headlining were only George Lopez and Carl Mancilla and Paul Rodriguez and Pablo Francisco.

Everybody else was featuring and barely headlining, but those guys were headlining. And I remember opening up for Paul Rodriguez and Reno Calo Reno. And he called me up, you know, like busting my balls. And he he found out that I was arguing with somebody, I guess, somewhere else. Somebody told him, you know, a comedian trying to rat you out so you won't open up for somebody.

Maybe he'll take me, you know, so he called me up. He goes, what is this? You complaining about your hotel's too small? Your airplane seat was horrible. It was bad weather. And I was complaining about nothing. I was wrong with your ass. And he goes, you start complaining.

Once you see my room and he hung up. I opened for him with Mark Babbitt. Remember Mark Babbitt from the Houston. You were the first time you met Mark Babbitt. I remember because I think you might have met Willie Barcina for the first time. And he he he he kept talking about really kept talking about how you and Mark Babbitt hit it off right away.

I like Mark Babbitt, Mark Babbitt, Mark Babbitt. He was the first guy I ever sent a blank tape to like he told me to send him a tape to open up for Bobby Slayton. And I kept telling them, I ain't sending you a tape. I kept sending them rosters from the comedy store. I go, why would I send you a tape? I follow Paul Mooney every night. If you can't live with that, go fuck yourself.

He's like, listen, I really want to book you, but I need a tape. So I sent them a blank tape and he called me right away. Because your tape was tremendous. You're working with Bobby Slayton. That was the first I swear to God, I sent them a fucking blank tape till this day he probably didn't watch it. Because you ever go to a manager's office to get paid? What do they got behind a bunch of blank tapes or dust on them?

They don't look at them. I put a dust, a dust off dust on them. And then whatever year you're there, a lot of young comics that are probably famous now are there collecting dust. Look at all the fucking people we we watch blow up, Felipe. I watched you blow up. You know, I mean, we go back to 97 at the fucking brave bull with Rudy and I watched you blow up.

I remember you still calling me from the set of Last Comic telling me I fucking did it. You know, I saw you fucking blow up. Put him to shame. We want to show Tiffany Haddish blow up fucking. Tiffany was nothing. She was walking around the last three going on the road with red band. Tiffany was on my year, bro.

Tiffany had watched top 40. You know, the top 40 people that are big now that were on Last Comic 2010, season seven, they made it mainly made probably the top 20. But this was top 40. Tiffany Haddish was on my top 40. Crystal Alonso was my top 40. Little rail, bro. Little rail was top 40.

Oh, that one writer from New York, man. He's very funny. He writes for Amy Schumer. He got into a little trouble. He's so funny, man. He was top 40. Hell yeah, man. I gave him edibles in my fucking hotel room.

Who were the finalists the year you made it? I would have never thought I made it, man. But who were the finalists that year that you beat out? Or top 10, top 10. Five, the five was the top five was me. Tommy Johnigan, Mike Kaplan, Roy Woods, Jr. And Mike DeStefano, rest in peace. Wow, Mikey DeStefano.

Bro, Mike DeStefano, like he was killing it on the tour, bro. Like, like I'm glad he was third in that second place because he was like getting standing ovations with a strong company. And Tommy Johnigan couldn't follow him. So by the time he would go after after Mike, Tommy would try to do like 18 20 minutes just to get some heat going, you know, because he would leave a lot of heat behind, bro.

It was like following you, bro, when you're hot, you know, when you're hot. Come on, bro, when you do a tie 20, nobody in the world can follow you. That's how 20 is. And you even told me, Mike, if you have a high hot 15, hot 20, you're unstoppable. The rest of the 25 will come naturally. Oh, yeah, the first 18, I'll fucking knock it out of the park. I don't fuck around those comedy store sets.

They make you fucking savage. So if you're going to give me 18 minutes and you're going to fuck because I'm going to condense 48 to 18. I'm not going to shut the fuck up. I'm just going to keep coming at you till you can't take it no more. You know, that's why I hated. I hated headlining because you got to do 45 fucking long minutes. You got to space out your joke.

So I would have to write like an hour 20 to really kill on a headlining set because I want to machine gun them to death. I want to machine gun them, take a breather, step back, let them get some mail and take a sip of the drink and then go in there again. Step back at the 32 minute mark, 33 minute mark, give him another breather and then just bring it on fucking home like Pete Rose. And he all star game when he knocked that dude down. That's it. I just want to bring it to fuck home.

That's why I haven't been going on the road, because I don't have that type of material anymore. I got to start all over from fucking scratch. So I just been taking my time podcasting, fucking around, spending time with my daughter, you know, it's nice. So fucking hot here. It's starting to get humid. So I don't want to do comedy outside.

I don't want to do dick. I know what you mean. That's very important. So anybody listening here with a young comic and you're worried about it, I should get an hour. No, bro. Forget the hour. Go for the one 20 because everybody that has a tight 45, it's a tight 45. When the crowd is hot, you know, when it's packed, that's a tight 45.

Perfect. But there's going to be times when the crowd ain't going to be hot. And you're going to go through that 45 minutes in 30. Are you going to go through that one hour in 30 minutes? I've been there, man. I've been there, too. Remember that one time you came back with a sad story. What happened? I tried to do your material. They didn't want it.

I gave Freddy's. I give us a William Barca. Now they said, fuck, no, I gave Freddy's Soto. They said, fuck, you are his dad. It's crazy when you're up there. Like, you know what the thing was with the guy like guys with me and you and it pisses me off a lot because people don't get it. I hate when people go to me because I was one of those guys and it was a big mistake I made.

It's like a man. I got 45. Listen, there's a big difference between having 45 and there's a big difference between being the headliner. You know, like I took a year, I took a year where every Thursday I would go to Irvine and watch the headline. I wouldn't say hello to him. I wouldn't even let him know I was there. And the best three headliners I saw that year at Irvine

were Patrice O'Neill, Greg Geraldo and Ralphie Mac. Ralphie Mac knew how to fucking headline. He was a headliner for a long time. I remember the first time I started headlining. I wasn't a headline. I remember eating a bag of dicks, the Columbus Funny Bone for like the first three weeks of that tour.

I just ate a bag of dicks and then you put it together. You learn how to headline. You learn how to, you know, fucking be presentable. And then remember, a lot of guys don't like when they drop checks. I love when they drop checks. That's what my dick gets hard, because I got to bring them out of the fucking abyss because they just looked at the tab

and go ninety six dollars who drank the Long Island. So there's always that little lull in the audience when they get the tabs. There's a lot of comics that don't like the tabs drop while they're on stage. They want they hate it. They hate it. I like it thrown off.

It's another challenge. It's just another challenge. And now you get to run them for fucking 10 minutes. Like that's that break. I like that that thirty four minute mark when they drop those checks. Oh, that's when I start sipping water without them seeing. I slip a fucking home stretch. That's the home stretch.

Nobody even knows. I got my little edible right there. I know I'll be high by the time I get to the hotel room. And I'll just pop it without them knowing it, like making believe I'm drinking. A lot of times I just put it in the fucking water and drink the water. It just it just melts in the fucking water. And those last 12, 13 minutes, I want them to be fucking heat.

Like I told these guys, I said, you know what? You want me on the road? I'll charge you 40 bucks and I'll go out there and improvise. And it's a 50 50 show. You know, you might leave happy or you might leave depressed. I rather go out when I got a fucking good hour of what's going on with my life. And that's what I'm doing now.

I'm trying to live my life so I can come up with a new fucking hour. So when the soprano movie comes out, at least I could travel New Jersey, Pennsylvania, D.C., you know, around here. I'm not getting on no fucking planes for a while. No. I'm I'm worried you don't want to be on a plane. I was on a plane last week on American and everything was going great. I would were a flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia. And we stood in a tour Mac for two hours and 45 minutes.

It was getting hot. And yeah, the captain kept coming up with this. You know, they come up with excuses. He goes, oh, we're checking in for the bad weather in Philadelphia. Man, it's very foggy. Then an hour later, we're about to drive with a runway and Southwest took our driver our turn. Really? Southwest cut you off on the runway.

How does Southwest cut off American? Southwest is a step of both fucking way. Bro, if Southwest tries to cut in front of me, I get the fuck back. The fucking Southwest, the dog, I flew a couple of weeks ago. I had to go to California. I was so angry, bro. I had to go to California to close the weed deal. And let me tell you something, I couldn't even find a direct flight back.

Everything is connecting. They got to be bullshitting you because they're saying that there's a million travelers a day, but they don't have. Look, you had to go all the way to Atlanta to get the Philly. Yeah. So there was no direct flights to Philly or they were too expensive. There was none, none, none. So how the fuck a million people flying? You can't even get to it.

Like when I came back, I tried JetBlue from Burbank because they got a Burbank to fucking Kennedy. They shut that line down. There's no more Burbank to fucking Kennedy out of Burbank. So they were both. There was only two direct flights on JetBlue that day. Everything else was connecting. You got to go to Boston, sit for two hours until your ass grows roots

and your hemorrhoids fucking back up. And then you got to, I'm not doing it. I don't want to lose my luggage, you know, if fucking there's no employees. Last time I flew somewhere when I came back from the way there, I got my luggage quick. But when I got to Newark, I waited a fucking hour for my luggage. So I'm done with that shit. I would relax this summer, wait for it to get back to normal.

People are throwing fits on airlines. They are, man. Every day, there's an unruly guy that don't want to fucking put a mask on. You know, fuck that. I'm not going to play karate chop on a fucking plane with nobody, you know. I know, man, we were traveling. Rachel Wilson, she was sitting next to this chubby man in the middle, Midwestern man, and his mask kept, he was snoring

and his mask kept coming out when he was snoring. And his mask was full of like, it's saliva already. It was just coming off in garlic. And Rachel Wilson was trying to move seeds. They told her, no, no, they won't let you move. They won't let you do shit. So now you know what, man, it's a little wild out there right now. So I'm pretty cool.

I'm worried about you guys going out, but you're fucking you've been doing this for 30 fucking years. You're a savage, but you're a tough guy. You'll smack somebody. You got a good crew with you. You got my man, Rodrigo. You got Rizzo. You got Rachel, you know, so Rachel, Chuck Bartell.

Now we have Gabby Lamb, Lambie. OK, we got Bush Escobar, too. How's Butch doing? He's good, man. He lived in Berkeley. He raised in his son, you know, with him by himself, with his his baby mama, they take they take turns, you know. It's tough.

And I know you got your daughter now and you got your grandchild living with you. So my heart. Yeah, my daughter, my daughter is going through chemo. So I take her son in the morning, I take him to school and I bring him back. It's like being a dad again. You enjoying it? Oh, I love it, man. My son is my grandson is too.

He doesn't know how to say grandpa. He just yelled out, she shot. And you know, Joey, man, it's like. Like I took my kids to school. But I guess I was never around, you know, with their moms to hear stuff like about my son at school, you know, but man, when you have a grandson or a two year old, my son is in Montess either Montessori school, right? They care from seven to six, but I pick him up at three.

Man, every day they tell you something bad that he did. Like, you know, your son been like five kids today or your son post somebody's hair. Finally, like a month later, the teacher came up to me really sad. I thought he was going to kick him. I thought they were going to kick him out of the school already, because there we got like three warnings.

He buys someone else. This two year old is out of the school. So she tells me a little girl bid his a little girl bid your son. And I was like, oh, thank God, my son is getting better. They're biting him now. It's fucking crazy. And your little grandson lives with you. Yeah, he lives with my daughter.

They live like two blocks away. So they're really close. But we're right now we're going to tear down our garage and make him a little tiny home next door so they could come in and out of our house. Good for you. I would have to go pick him up. Yeah. You know, Philippe, and that was my thing, too. My daughter just turned eight.

We just moved back here. She's discovering a whole different fucking world. She's a different kid. You know, today she started camp. She left here with a cowboy hat this morning. I didn't even know what the fuck to say. She just gave me a kiss. I told her what's up with the hat.

She goes, it's cowboy day, whatever. You know, what am I going to do? And I want to watch her grow up. I want to be here for a few years. Locally, you know, she sat me down like two years ago, not even right before the pandemic. She's like, I don't like when you leave, you know, I left like a Valentine's Day present.

She's like, it would have been better if you would have gave it to me personally. So, you know what, man? I've been doing this. I mean, Philippe, I met you in 97 and we were out seven nights a week. Felipe, last I fucking seven nights a week. We were out eight nights a week, you know, Monday, the Laugh Factory, Tuesday. You and Willie had the room Wednesday out coyote with the twins, you know, with the fucking you always give me a burrito.

That was my dinner and Sunday potluck for the Sunday potluck. And, you know, I mean, we have been fucking fighting for our lives for years. How long have you been doing comedy in the total right now? Since 95, 27 years, 24 years, I started four years before you. So when I met you, you were in comedy for years. That's what you're telling me when I met you in 97? Yeah, when I met you in 97, I had started. I had a I really had a TV credit because Jeff Valdez had Latino night, Latino

showtime, Laugh Festival with a bunch of comics. So I did that. But at 90, my son was born in 93 for this. And I had quit comedy. So yeah, like late 93, bro, like a lot of years. Twenty seven years, but headlining and making money and having fun. I've always had fun, though, but I'm actually taking a serious 2010. Me, too.

Feeling like a headliner, 2013. Yeah, I think I started because I 2009, I got married and I was like, you know what, I'm going to give comedy a break. Maybe I'll get a job selling cars. And then the podcast world started and we started podcasting and next thing, you know, you know, tickets are selling. So we had to adjust to what was coming in. You know, I didn't think that I was ever going to go back on the road.

And like I talked to my agent. Yes, they were like, we did a hell of a fucking run. You know, we got all the way to the fucking Chicago theater and sold out two shows. We sold out two shows in New York at the theater. So it was a great run. I'll tell you what, if it's up to me, I don't want to do theaters no more. I want to go back to the brick wall. You know, the theaters were a little too rough for me.

I don't like taking that Saturday fucking plane. My back is killing me. I'm too fucking old. I like relaxing on Saturdays. So when I go back, I'm just going to go out Fridays and Saturdays for shows. Get me the fuck out of here. Abandon ship or do Wednesday nights. Like I'm thinking of doing a residency in Atlantic City

or at the Count Basie Theater, and it would just be like once a week or something. You know, I'll start doing guest sets like in August, maybe, because I'm feeling better. So I might as well fucking go for it and shit. Are you still on Super Show, whatever, on NBC, or they canceled that? They canceled Super Store after five seasons. But I mean, the last season, five episodes. They gave me a lot of episodes, bro. And we'll see what happens after that.

But speaking of shows, you're right about theaters because I've been going to Portland to do the Revolution Hall, you know? But last year, I went to Helium to do like three shows, four shows for 100 people like during the pandemic. But I'm going back and I won't be there Thursday through Sunday at Helium in like a November. So, yeah, man, I wanted to be in Portland more than one day, you know? Portland is fun.

That's a great comedy club. I got to give you that. The lady who runs Helium Portland. Is fucking tremendous. They got tater tots. They got a spicy ranch. I don't even like ranch fucking dressing. They got a red, spicy ranch dressing that they put on the tater tots.

Don't make your asshole fucking open up and down. It's fucking tremendous, you know what I'm saying? So I like Portland, but there's a lot of shit going on in Portland. So you got to be crazy. You got to be careful. You got to be careful, because I think they're only doing like six o'clock shows. You got to be in by 10 o'clock or something like that. I think I was there.

I was there, bro, when they were when they had curfews, they had to stop selling alcohol at 9 p.m. And we were at 100 people per show. It was Edwin, San Juan, Rodrigo and I and Martin Rizzo, bro. Right outside the Helium comedy club, somebody crashed an SUV and broke in there and everybody ran off with bicycles. Every night they were there, there was a fire somewhere. So we didn't really go out, bro.

We just stood in. There was a little weed shop across this people in my hotel room. And there's a weed shop right around the corner from the club. Yes, that's really good. They tell you to go over there when you get to the club. So I used to go over there by like fucking lurch weed and then hang out. Dog, I fucking set the fire alarm off at the Portland Helium. The fucking police, she was up on stage and all of a sudden you heard

they were like fucking 20,000 comics have come here and smoked dope. You're the one that sets off the fucking fire alarm. What the hell is wrong with you? I loved it. I got the reputation. Fuck them. Hell yeah, man. Gotta do something. You still going acting classes? Every acting class today for the fire with Deborah Lemon.

I go there every week, bro. Every week I go to an acting class. I know you you you stuck with it for a while and I'm really proud of you, Felipe. I gotta tell you, man, I was watching Narcos the other night. I was thinking about it. It was too late to call you the next day you called me. And then I was fucking, you know, it was 4th of July weekend. I had my daughter pools, parties, you know, and then I called you back

and I felt back as you had soldiers. I would have fucking brought you some weed, an edible something, give you a hug, you know, so next time you're in this before, give me a call during the week. Because if you call me Friday afternoon, I'm with fucking I'm surrounded by eight sets of parents and, you know, you're still smoking. Still smoking, still eating edibles, shrooming every once in a while. It's chocolate when people give them to me. Those are good. Those chocolate covered fucking.

I just ate something in New York when I shot. I shot a TV show on one of the ushers. I gave him weed and he goes, I got something for you. He gave me a little piece of chocolate covered mushrooms. I had a drive. I didn't feel it, but fuck it. I don't feel a lot of fucking things, you know what I'm saying? I'm getting too old. I ate half of one and I watched.

Clothing concerts for the first time. Who in concert? The movie Clothing Concert of the Third Kind. Never seen it before. Yeah, that's a good movie. I haven't seen it in fucking 30 years. So where's your tour start? My tour starts in a couple.

It actually starts this week at the Tempe Improv. And then we're going to hit up by Celia, Modesto, Monterey, Salinas, all kinds of places. Not some shows we don't have dates for like Chicago. No dates, but they're coming, man. Check them out at Philippusworld.com tour. But this week, I've been at the Tempe Improv. And then the following week with the Addison Improv.

So look out for those shows. Listen, man, I got to be honest with you. There's a lot of people I don't miss in LA. You know what I'm saying? Like there's a lot of people I don't miss. I don't miss none of the fucking stars. I don't miss none of the douchebags, but you're one guy I miss. You know, I talked to Rodrigo a couple of fucking days ago.

I checked in with him. I miss Steve Simone. I miss Jerry Rocha. You know, I miss the fucking our little crew. You know, Rodrigo's a good man. But most importantly, I miss you, man. I'm happy you're doing well. And I'm happy you're still in acting class.

And I'm happy you're still fucking telling these motherfuckers to suck your dick your way. You don't give a fuck. We're doing the same way for 40, 30 fucking years. What was the name of the club on Tuesday nights we used to go to? Where I would talk about the cost. No, that was flies room. Yeah, when you and we had that they cleaned out

and they turned into a car lot. All the way out there. You guys had a Tuesday and a Wednesday for a while. Walk. That was that was. Well, coyotes is Wednesday. Well, walk coyotes on Wednesday and that place was called Daily Planet on Tuesday and daily planet on Tuesday.

Southgate, Southgate. That's right. Casa Latina was Tuesdays. That was flies room where they gave you tacos. Yeah. Ernie G had the fucking Mambo room up at Universal Monday nights. Monday nights was the Mambo room and the Laugh Factory. Commerce Casino Thursday was Commerce Casino.

Listen to the fucking lineup we had gentlemen. And then you start the comedy store late night. We had commerce. And then Gilbert had a room in not Long Beach, but wherever he's from. Where's Gilbert Escobar from? This is for Wilmington. Wilmington.

He had the BFW on across the street. I literally saw the best fucking tacos. The best fucking tacos in the world for 50 cents. He would pay me 50 bucks and I would eat $50 worth of tacos at 50 fucking cents of taco. I remember I brought my drug dealer down there with me one time. Dante. Dante.

I was up on stage and while I came off, he came back with two plates of fucking tacos. He goes, man, these tacos are fantastic. I'm like, fuck it. I went and got 50 of them and we fucking tore them down. I used to call Gilbert just to book me in that room so I could get the tacos. Yeah, that was a beat.

That was the tacos. That's on PCH and Thursday, by the way, if anybody wants to know. Wow. I don't know if they're still there by now. That was 15 fucking years ago. But I loved, you know, man, the Spanish, the Mexican community opened up their fucking arms to me and it was because of you.

And I'll never forget you because of that. You turn me on to King Taco, the chorizo, mashed potato, fucking, no, no, no, no, Chicharrones. Yeah, Chicharrones. And mashed potato fucking burrito with the security guard there. It got to the point where. Burrito. Yeah.

That was a green point burrito you used to get. The green sauce on top and the cheese and big chunks of beef inside. People wonder why it got so big in the longest yard. It was because of fucking Felipe in his Mexican rooms. Every fucking night on the way back, I would stop at King Taco, man, and get a taco there and a taco to eat on the way to the fucking comedy store. That's when you know you're a fat fuck.

But even wonder why King Taco has so many security guards. They're all happy. You thought it was a bank. What about the night we almost got janked in Stockton? Oh, man, the guy told us to get in the car with him. We had money. First of all, it was a bad night. That was the day the Raiders lost to the fucking Patriots on the No Tuck rule.

So everybody at that stadium, everybody at our show was a fucking Raider fan. And these black dudes were angry, angry. And they all they all wanted to take us to the strip bar. They did. They were going to find them. They all want to give us drugs. They all want to take us everywhere. They did give us drugs.

They didn't give me coke. They gave me a fucking grandma meth and you, me and Rodrigo sat in the room with the door open and I must have smoked 80 cigarettes. I thought it was coke. It was fucking speed. My jaw was going. I was sweating. My dick went into my nut sack and shrunk and it went in.

All that was hanging was a little flap from the uncircumcision. It looked like a fucking wind flap. It was terrible. What a horrible night. I was so embarrassed in front of you guys. I can't smoke the cigarette out the cigarette. You were you were fucking up. We were watching them with me.

Familia. Yes. Morales. Yes. When the little kid walks out and he goes, pinching my eyes or whatever. Pinch a little and he's fucking naked. That was. Yeah. How many estimate estimate?

How many shows we did together? Just for fucking fun and laughs. Five hundred a thousand. Five hundred a thousand, man. We used to go up north. There was a Mexican home up north. Not only that, but you've done shows that I've done that people probably never even heard of like that room man in in in a fuck man.

Since in and La Buque, Iowa, Whitey's boat. Whitey's billiards, bro. That place is crazy dog. That was that's La Buque, Iowa is the capital of fucking Met. OK, it's the capital of fucking Met. The first show we did was great because the parents were there. But when the second show started, there was there was three hundred people in the place, but only four people sat down and there was a line

to go to the bathroom and everybody was coked up. I wasn't doing coke then. Everybody was out of here and I asked the fucking owner. I go, listen, there's only two flights out of here in the fucking morning. Because you got to connect from Iowa to Chicago and then Chicago to Iowa. There's only two flights, one at like eight in the morning and one at like eight o'clock at night. I go, if you get fucked up tonight, I'm going to miss my fucking flight

in the morning. I'm going to fucking kill you. And that motherfucker missed picking me up. I hunted him down. He came and he did a hundred all the way to the fucking airport to get me there on time. And I remember he gave me some extra money for my fucking, you know, pain and my fucking suffering. That was a hell of a room.

He contacted me years later. I'm like, you're crazy. I never saw. And, you know, for the people at home, 27 years of doing coke, I never saw anything like that in my life. I never saw a place where there was 300 people and two hundred and ninety of them were coked up. And I'm not talking coked up.

I'm talking about talking. George going, cigarettes falling. He does pay you. He does pay you at the airport. So as you get to the airport, he gave me money and he goes, I'll bring you an eight ball later. I go, I don't even do the fucking coke. What about the club that we used to go to in with the magician

and he'd give you an eight ball of coke down in Midland, Texas? Oh, shit. That wasn't named Jenkins Jenkins. Holy shit. I remember he gave us all an eight ball. Me, somebody else, and he was the host. Now I'm a fiend, guys. You know, when I did coke, I was a fiend. Do you know that this guy came up to me before the second show was over?

And he goes, do you have any coke left? I go, yeah. I go, what did you do with your eight boy? He goes, I did it already. I go, how the fuck did you do an eight ball in two shows and go out on stage? I never could do coke and go on stage. I did it one time when I first started like nine months in and I'm like, it don't work for me.

I would, it would burn a hole in my pocket. Felipe, you know what I mean? I would have that coke in my pocket. It would burn a hole in there. But I always waited till the end of the fucking show before I fucking did it. So what are you going to do? That was crazy, bro. That was that, that, that, that ball.

That was that guy. And then there was another guy that booked that show. And I'm Odessa where everybody went to prison. Yes. Midland, Texas. The dog. I did so many shows with a guy would try to, I remember one night, Marilyn Corman, she's like, the guy's looking for you.

She goes, go downstairs and get the coke and then come up to my room. He gave me a bag of coke. I remember the next day she called me. She goes, you coming to the airport? I go, are you kidding me? I didn't even finish the first bag yet. I still got the second bag to do and I had some Mexican chicken in the room. It was fucking crazy.

We lived a crazy fucking life, Felipe. But thank you for calling in today. I miss you with all my heart. Give my best to Lisa. What's up, fool? Comes out when? What's up, fool? Podcast every Wednesday, 8 p.m. live on YouTube.

This is what I'm talking about every Friday. So when you come back to these coasts, you call me, all right, brother? Give me a couple of day notice so I can come and give you a hug because I miss you and you were always very good to me. You were a dear friend and I appreciate you because of that. Same here, bro. And I'll be anybody listening.

I'll be coming to Pittsburgh improv in August. So look out for that. You know, I might be up there shooting a movie. So I'll keep you posted. Hell yeah. For Greg Garcia TV show. I love you. Thank you for fucking calling into the show.

I'll bring you some king tacos and you can eat them cold or microwave them. You got it. You got it. Fuck sucker. I love you, man. Love you too. Thank you for today, brother. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. All right, you bad motherfuckers. That was my man Felipe. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it was fucking long enough for you. Listen, man, I have, I'm getting better.

I feel better thanks to you guys. You know, like I said, I got the blood test today. I got my little stripe like Frankie five angels. Remember Godfather to Frankie five angels was fucking black thing for Clemenza. That's me. I'm wearing it. I'm wearing it for, I don't know who a lot of people who passed away this year from COVID and whatnot.

But anyway, I want to thank you guys for watching. I want to get to thank you for your support. I still don't know what's going on in fucking Cuba. Mike, me and my cousin spoke and she was out of the country. So she's like, I don't know what's going on. I'm trying to call. I'm not getting anything. So I don't know what's going on.

My heart goes out to Cuba. Still, I haven't forgotten about you. And don't forget about fucking motherfucking laughing gas. It's still alive and kicking. It's kicking. This reef is kicking. I was telling Mike that I'm up to smoking joints now. So I smoked a joint last night of it.

Like I would roll a joint and smoke it. And then, you know, it was just a half a joint, but the other night I had to smoke a half and I'm like, wait a second. I can need some, you know, like when you fill a half a tank, you're like, what am I doing? I need to fill it up to full. That was what happened here. And I had to come back in, roll another dude,

and I smoked half of that. And then last night I go, fuck it. I'm just going for the full fucking joint. But now that we got the freezer bombs, the freezer bombs and the freezer pipes, you're going to fucking love it. I love you guys with all my heart. Don't forget to stop by ice cream shop dispensary

up on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City. Stop by, say hello. They got ABX capsules. They got fucking laughing gas weed. They got everything there. You know, they got the best stuff there. I've been doing business with them for years. They're honest and their weed is fucking tremendous.

You're going to love them. Besides that, thank you for sharing a piece of your Wednesday with me. It's just an hour, but it is what the fuck it is. I'm appreciating this. I'm really having a great time doing this, and I'm happy you guys are having a great time also. Thank you very much. We'll be back Monday.

Tip top motherfucking Magoo to rock your world. And you're going to love it. That's all I got for you. Have a great weekend and stay black. Coxucka now for a word from my mother fucking sponsor, Jack. All right. Coxuckas, I want to thank you. I want to thank Felipe Sparza for coming on the show.

And I want to thank you guys for always supporting me in every fucking possible way, whether it's laughing gas, the NFTs, the Patreon. You guys are great. We're just listening to the joint. I love you guys. The joint is brought to you by Upstart. Let me ask you, like I asked you in the beginning,

are you afraid to look at your credit card statement every month? When you open it, do you hear a drum roll in your head? When you're in debt, it could feel like a never ending fucking cycle. Listen, I got into comedy in 97. I am captain fucking debt. I know all about debt and how to get out of it, but this is tremendous. Whether it's paying off your credit cards

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And now go to Upstart.com slash Joey and get out of debt today. The joint is also brought to you by holy shit, my favorite. Freeze pipe. I told you in the beginning, for years we have discussed how nice it is to put ice cubes in your bong, a little bit of snow in your bong, and smoke till you see the fucking devil. Smoking weed doesn't have to hurt your lungs at all.

With freeze pipe, you can get an icy cold hit every fucking time. It comes with a detachable chamber. You freeze beforehand. Here's how it works. The smoke passes through the frozen part and cools down the smoke as you inhale. It's like putting ice cubes in a bong, but better. The claws are made with glycerin.

It's non-toxic, freezes faster than water, and stays frozen longer, a lot fucking longer. Freeze pipe cools down the smoke by hundreds of degrees. Your throat will thank you, whether you hit a pipe, a bubbler, a bong, or a dab. They got it all. I don't have the dab here. I got the pipe, the bubbler, and the bong.

You see the pipe and the bubbler. I got the bong from Uncle Joey. You can't smoke from it. It's for me only. You can smoke from it. Freeze pipe makes it. So do me a favor. Go to freezepipe.com right now.

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So get your bong, pipe, or bubbler today. That's freezepipe.com and pressing code Joey. I'm going to save you 10% on a fucking bomb. Listen, it's fucking federal money anyway. What are you going to do with it? You might as well buy a bong and put a flag on it. You know what I'm saying? That's what a real American does.

So if you're going to go into the murky waters, do it with freeze pipe. The bubbler, the pipe, or the bong. That's freezepipe.com, use code Joey and get 10% off. I want to thank freeze pipe. I want to thank Upstart. I want to thank Manscape. I want to thank CBD Lion.

I want to thank Honda. I want to thank everybody for having our back this week. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for supporting the joint, supporting the fucking reefer, supporting the Patreon. You guys are fucking tremendous. I love you, Coxuckers. Don't forget to get your freezepipe at freezepipe.com

and don't forget to get your debt eliminated with Upstart. I love you guys. See you Monday morning. Tip top, motherfucking magoo. There you go. And don't forget laughing gas at the ice cream shop, Coxuckers. Stay black.

Have a great week. Thank you for listening.